Acceptance
[ 22 March 2007 ]
No makeup, eep!
Tell us something about yourself which has taken you years to accept or like.
For me, it’s my nose. My father has a pretty big nose, but at least his is straight. Mine is kind of bumpy & crazy-looking! I think I did something to it as a kid. When I was about seven & somersaulting on my bed, I remember cracking it against the wall.
It has taken me YEARS to accept it. For a long time, I wanted a nosejob more than anything else in the world. I feel better about it these days, but still, sometimes I cringe when I see photos of me from the side.
Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala 
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The scar/dimple I have from an accident on my cheek – it only shows when I smile, but it makes me look uneven. Other people think it’s cute, but I have never liked it. However, I accept it. I have been to plastic suregons 3 times since I was about 8 (when it happened) and the last time was last year, and he still didn’t think it would be fixable. I don’t understand how they can grow people new noses on their foreheads, but they can’t fix my bloody cheek.
Anyway, I am okay with it because I have to be. The reason I dislike it so much is because it is not natural, it’s from an accident. But…it’s not so bad.
my hips! I used to struggle with the shape of my lower body especially since they appeared to me to be huge! I also have quite a little waist which seemed to emphasise them even more. What made it worse for me as a teenager was seeing my Mum who had slim hips and and a long lean ‘perfect body’ and I couldnt understand why mine wasn’t like that. However, just over the last year or so I have come to quite like the way the shape I have. I think joining a gym has made me alot more accepting and confident about my body.
Gosh you’re gorgeous!
Mine would be everything. I never liked any of my features (my nose was too small, my eyes didn’t crease enough, etc.). But recently, it probably would be my weight. I had an eating disorder for a bit and got even smaller than before (I was skinny to begin with). However, once I started eating again I kept at a constant weight. Then I binged and gained. Now, I just try to accept who I am. So far, it’s been alright.
i agree with carmen.
i too had an eating disorder – they theatened me with hospitalization. now i’m back up to a healthy weight but i don’t think i’ll ever be happy with how much i weigh. i mean, i KNOW that i’m skinny, but i don’t FEEL or BELEIVE that i’m skinny.
i find it’s hard to accept myself now.
every day is a struggle but everyday is also one more day that i’ve been “okay” with myself.
just life, i suppose.
good luck with everything, carmen.
Francheska — Good for you. It’s quite strange the way that just feeling like you’re doing something about whatever it is you dislike can help.
Carmen — Thanks, I look really tired though!
Eating disorders are such a strange thing. The whole thing is rarely, if ever, actually about what you weigh, I think that’s just what you end up focussing on. Super-happy, well-adjusted people don’t have eating disorders, you know?
Also the internet has totally changed the way they are treated — now it almost seems like having anorexia or bulimia is like being part of a secret club full of cool people. So, so damaging.
I also think that people read about anorexia diagnosis & how most people who have it are “young, upper-middle class, intelligent girls” & there is a sense of belonging, which just perpetuates the whole thing… You will still be young, upper-middle class & intelligent if you eat dinner! The whole thing makes me so sad.
My breasts! I remember being in middle school, + being jelous of all the girls who already had them. I comforted myself, thinking “they will get here one day.” Well, now I am 18 and still wearing a 34A. However, I accepted them into my slender self, and now I think having bigger ones would just be an inconvenience! (Not to be down on you big breasted ladies, I just mean it wouldn’t work for me personally)
However, bra shopping does tend to get annoying. :(
i had a mustache for the longest time and kids used to tease me about it, it was aweful, because even though it wasn’t that visible it was all i saw when i looked in the mirror. since i have dark hair, you can see hair on my stomache and back and i used to despise it. it took years for me to get over all this, get the courage to wax my lip and accept the rest of my body fuzz because getting rid of all of it would be a pain and its just who i am and truly it doesn’t make me any less beautiful.
My forehead!!! UGGH! It’s massive! haha… such a silly thing to be obsessed with.
I guess my obsession with it was accentuated by catty girls who once they found out what you were insecure about would pick on it… nasty nasty nasty.
It’s surprising how one comment can have such an effect on someone’s self-esteem.
I guess with age I’ve sort of got over it… plus having a fringe helps! :P
the thing i always have to work to accept is my nose. like gala i feel uncomfortable with its shape. i go through days where i just don’t like how it sits on my face and sometimes i think it makes me look like a bird, it’s too hooked, bumpy, etc.
but the good thing is, my confidence in my nose is slowly getting better. reassurance from others helps a LOT!
oh and gala… i’m ebbonnie’s sister :D and you are very pretty in real life as well as photos! (we saw you in myers on sunday and i was excited).
I love your nose!
This all sounds a bit weird, but I tend to be attracted to people with an exotic or odd look about them, for some reason. And my face is not particularly exotic. I would like a strange/large/defining nose, and some people have described mine as being “perfect” or “quintessential”. It feels very generic to me. But things could obviously be worse, and Ive come to accept that I can work with what I have and embrace individuality through makeup, dress and many other outlets.
I have come to love my beauty mark, as well. It is naturally exactly where a monroe piercing would be, and I think it actually enhances my look.
Enough rambling!
oh, where to start?
my nose, obvisouly, (seems to be the theme of the day!) I always hated it, but then I saw Lost In Translation and was like “wha, hey! scarlet johansan has my nose!!” and I’ve kinda been happy with it ever since.. I always wanted to look like audrey hepburn (well who doesnt) but I look as far from her as possible. I’ve come to accept that, hey, if I looked like audrey, I wouldnt be unique!
another (oh gosh, I’m terrible) would be my many scars that have accumulated over time and tears. they wont go away, and I’m very embarrased by them, one because of what they mean but also cause they’re uuuugly! I came to accept them last summer when I decided to think of them as battle scars! it makes them so much more exciting. (however I still try my best to cover them up, as they seem to make people uncomfortable.)
ooo Anna-Rose me too!! My grandmother used to tell me I had a large forehead. And I also got hassled by kids at school once they latched onto my insecurity about it. So I now have a fringe and cannot think of anything lovelier!! So my being ashamed of my forehead has led to my love affair with fringes :) – I think everyone should have one haha!
And lastly (without wanting to sound condescending to anyone)I think alot of acceptance of one’s self comes with age. I am only 24 but I am 100% happier with myself now than I was even as recent as last year.
I’m always wanting to loose 5 kgs! But I run and go to the gym and doing pump classes at Les Mills is the best thing ever, I feel heaps better bout my ass ;)
I think if you want to change something badly enough you should find a way to do it, a close friend has gone through a major jaw operation & she looks and feels mint. Gala your nose really makes your face. Do you remember dirty dancing, the main chic got a nose job & then she didn’t get any more acting work cos no one recognised her!
being a homosexual male in a small closeminded redneck town…....
and being raised in the church. being taught it was wrong….its taken me a long time…
i love your nose, too!
i think there’s a myriad of things i struggle to accept, but mainly my stomach. I cannot stand the fact that i have a smiley belly button, no matter how thin i am. I covet flat tight tummies & mine is rotund.
i was just writing something about acceptance today, and came across a fat acceptance video i actually liked. I think its worthwhile to watch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA
i usually get annoyed by the fat people who create forums – frequently, i’ve seen it as a justification of an unhealthy lifestyle as opposed to an acceptance & trying to figure out what is healthiest for them. I think in this video, Joy Nash does a good job of pointing out that although we need to accept ourselves, that eating disorders & stuffing our faces isn’t good, either.
Look at that skin! OMG... Are you sure you are not wearing any makeup?
i have accepted that i will never be thin. sure i could lose a few kg’s, but im never ever going to be under a size 14.
sadly my family cant accept this fact, and manage to bring up my looks everytime i see them.
Hmmmmm. My appearance in total, really. Now I’m trying to get the hang of using it, dressing to it. My nose is bumpy, my eyes are deep-set, my mouth is small, my cheeks are dimply… I kind of like all those, though, they’re part of my me. The one thing that does bother me is my forehead… something about it is slightly too… narrow? Or… not always, but when my hair sits a certain way… hats are good.
I’m still kind of hesitant about responding to this post, just because the things that used to bother me still do – it feels like things haven’t changed at all. But I mean… I guess I haven’t accepted it because I’m trying to view it as something that I can change… I think that’s a positive thing? I mean my best friend tells me to think that I’m beautiful no matter what, but a) I’m not sure if I can do that at all (I don’t have a very friendly relationship with myself) and b) I worry that if I do become complacent and ‘accept’ myself, that I’ll lose motivation to change my body (which i need to do, if not for my emotional benefits then for my health benefits)
wow that was long.
but yeah, I mean personally speaking there are other factors; I have depresssion, so obviously I feel negative about everything regarding myself – but I’ve also had depression for almost 2 years now, so I’m very aware of it, and work really hard to go in the opposite direction… but I can’t seem to make myself think positively about myself. It’s hard… but I’m not ready to give up yet.
love you lots for everything you do hun
xox
mine’s my nose too. it’s not that bad, it just doesn’t go. all my other features are quite petite and cute but my nose is big & awkward. i think i’d still probably have surgery if it was safe & free, but until that day, i can make do :)
x
it’s not a ‘pshycial’ thing per se, but i had a very defined lisp when i was a kid (on a similar note: who the hell decided that ‘lisp’ was the correct word for it? it has an ‘s’ in it! argh)
ahem. anyway.
it still kicks around when i’m tired/talking fast/for the hell of it, and people seem to think i like them telling me i have one. or that i sound ‘cute’, or ask if i have braces.
and i used to be so nervous about public speaking because of it, and now i just suck it up and deal with it, because it’s stubborn and refusing to go anywhere no matter what. so nyeh.
yeah this was an essay.
:)
Back in the day – my hang-ups were my glasses, my weight (I was a fattie until about 15/16 yrs) and my big stick out ears….
I’m now arguably quite skinny (YAY!!!!!!), have some hot Gucci glasses that I adore plus now use my ears as love handles in the throws of passion!!!!!!!!! Its funny that certain things we used to hate work well for us in the future!!!
AHAHAH! Robin, you crack me up.
I’m really glad that so many of you have come to the party & are willing to write about your experiences. It’s not easy to admit to other people what we don’t like about ourselves, for fear that they will exploit it or that somehow talking about it makes it more real. It’s awesome to read your responses though, I can sense this really beautiful acceptance of self & moving forward which is so powerful. We’re all our own best weapon, & the more we like ourselves, the more effective we can be.
Do I sound like an after-school special?!
You sound like my shrink!!! =oD
Glad I help to inject some humour into your days my darling!!! HUGGLES
xoxo
I can relate ,I have always had a “thing” with my nose.I am older now and see how my nose makes me less generic and more original and so does yours:>
Peace
You’re self-acceptance and self-love makes you all the more beautiful, and makes me want to find that self-love too!
I’ve always felt the exact same way about my nose. That’s the one thing I’ve had a hard time embracing about myself (as well as my very petite nature but oh well). I also did some damage to it as a kid, well really, i got hit in the face with a huge ball and now have a deviated septum, which causes some nasty sinus infections, and bad photos from the side as well due to the crooked-ness. But I have learned to live with it because it is me and has never stopped anyone from seeing the real me, which is good. I would however like to get it fixed so I can stop having sinus infections and migraines. I don’t mind it necessarily being big or having a bump, but it’s the fact that it appears crooked from some angles that I hate. Seeing you proudly display a photo of your nose and how you’ve learned to embrace it really gives me some courage. Good post!
I used to have problems with my nose, I felt that it was too big, for a really long time I was trying to get surgery but my father said he wouldn’t pay for it because he thought I didn’t need it. Now that I can pay for it myself I think I don’t need it anymore…I think it will change everything that I am, and I like who I am right now :) You have to love yourself for who you are… Also I have a little bit of stick out ears that I didn’t like soo much but I hide them with my hair. Nodbody is perfect _
Mae Jane — Aw, I’m sorry to hear about your migraines & infections. Acceptance is one thing, but when something is actually causing you physical pain, I’m a pretty strong advocate of doing whatever is necessary to make your life easier. I hope things go well for you :> & I love your website, it’s super-cute!
I’m in the nose club too, sort of. There’s nothing wrong with it, but other people seem to think it’s the unfortunate flaw on an otherwise attractive face. One of the first things my biological father did was apologize for the nose. But I like it because it makes my look imperious. :P
Instead, I hate how my pale skin stretches and scars easily, and how my complexion looks horrble 65% of the time. I haven’t found a way to stop being cranky about it. :(
Plus, needing toric contact lenses sucks. $-(
I dislike quite a lot (ie pretty much all) of myself, but I reserve special loathing for my skin and how icky my complexion is too. Argh!
Gala your skin is gorgeous! Tell us your secrets!!!!!!!!!!!!
I do quite like my ears though! :)
oof. i am 22 years old, and i went through a phase where i wasnt worried about this…. in gradeschool i hated my nose, it was very much like yours, only perhaps a bit bigger/lumpier. i dont mind that so much now… the thing is tho… im completely and totally flat chested. in highschool i tried not to worry about it thinking maybe they would grow later. they didnt. im now a senior in college, and i cant even fill an a-cup. i buy my bras in the little girls section, they are not sexy. they dont come in a wide range of colors. i cant buy dresses, or shirts, because I am five feet ten inches tall, and a size two, but my shoulders and hips are broad and i cant ever fill the top of anything. i have the hips/shoulders/body of a 25 year old woman with the breasts of an eleven year old. i feel awkward.
I, too, dislike my nose. It’s quite large and has a bump. I got teased in school and all that. Now that I’m older, I have considered surgeries, but I have also begun to accept it. Plus, reading all of these comments about other people (and you!) accepting their noses really makes me feel better. Besides, my mom has the exact same nose, and I for that reason, I kind of don’t want to change it.
I know I already posted – but I just wanted to say that I like my nose because we french canadians are notorious for having large noses! ..and I love my heritage! so why would I want to change it? :>)
woohoo! i love how the comments on this post have turned into a big-nosed-girls-club. i too have a ‘high’ (as they say in japan) nose, with a decided lack of symmetry. and a bump. (i hit myself in the face with my knee trying to do a trampoline flip when i was a kid!)
it does mean that i actually look better with glasses than without, which has made me happier about being blind as a bat. it has also led to the extremely vain practice of only liking to be photographed from my ‘good side’. my right profile has a much smaller nose than my left!
this is such an interesting read…
when I was younger it was my breasts, they’re small…When I was in high school i cried myself to sleep after being teased for my flat chest during the day. Difficult times. I quite like them now though, in a bitter sweet kind of way.
these days i’m quite happy with myself but negative thoughts come sneaking up on me now and then, most frequently I feel that my tummy is too big and I imagine that people think I’m pregnant, although nobody has ever commented on it.
i’ve always always always HATED my thighs. well, since i was old enough to know that i had them. in 5th grade (when one is supposed to be oblivious to such things) some of the “mean boys” in my class called me THUNDER THIGHS...then proceeded to chant the theme song from Thunder Cats (Hooooooooooo).
ever since then i’ve been self conscious about sitting down (ya know, cause your thighs smush out). i have propped my legs up on something ever since so they don’t appear so very wide when seated.
i DO NOT wear shorts, and i do everything in my power to mask that “area”.
i wish i could just accept my “flaws” for what they are, and come to the realization that i am built the way i’m built. small waist – wide hits….baby makin machine (jk).
When I was younger, boys used to tease me abuot my skin. I had been prone to breakouts ever since 5th grade, but 6th/7th grade were probably the worst times. I had boys asked me if I had “chicken pox” and probably worse. I really can’t remember because I’ve sort of blocked it out.
I’ve come to the conclusion I’m just not meant to have that perfect skin (like you, wow I’m jealous!) and I’m okay with that. I’ve been told many times I’m pretty and I have a boyfriend who loves me, clear complexion or not!
For me it’s my nose too. I don’t have a bump but it sticks out too much at the tip, and it looks awful from the side. I cringe when I see photos of me in profile, too. But knowing that Douglas Adams, my favourite author, had a big conk like me & make fun of himself for it makes me feel almost proud to have it in a weird way :D
We are the crazy-nose-havers! high five
GAH i think your nose gives you character, and not in the “trying to say nice things” way. i think that distinct features make faces more memorable and more beautiful, and it makes me despise my button nose an proportioned lips!!
for me, i have always hated my tiny little boobies and always wanted a boob job. i’m 20 and still a 34A (like Beth!), but now i don’t really mind. us little girls can get away with a lot more than bigger girls. i also think it’s way sexier being comfortable in your own skin, rather than having voluptuous “lady lumps.”
aww thanks hun! you’re a sweetheart :D
This is so interesting! At some point I think I have felt most of these things – big nose, bad skin, big hips, small breasts, everybody’s got one or the other and nobody’s happy with what they’ve got.
But they’re right about getting used to it as you age, I’m pretty happy with my body now (had a friend come bra shopping with me finally and solved one of those for sure). Going to the gym and being healthy helps a lot with accepting your body as well.
Right now my issue is my terrible glasses. They are too small for my face and make me look very weird. I am super self conscious when wearing them. But I can fix that!
And Gala, darling, have you ever seen the Triplets of Belleville? Somehow your pictures seem very French to me. In a good and unusual way, of course. I would love to have a beaky French looking aristocratic nose like that. I got the super wide peasant nose and I’m terrified that it will end up hooked and red like my dad’s is. I am noticing it on my older sister already (the hooked-ness, not the redness). Meh, and I thought I was so accepting. Guess that didn’t last more than a paragraph.
My breasts. Not that they’re small—they’re too big. I wear a 36DD now; bras became a necessary part of my wardrobe when I was only 9 or 10. I vividly remember kids of both genders at school teasing me about my chest. By the time I was 13 I was up to a D cup, and I was determined to have surgical reduction. But most doctors (quite sensibly) refuse to perform the procedure that young. So instead I tried baggy shirts, too-tight sports bras, all kinds of things to reduce my size.
Now I feel like I’ve accepted my breasts and decided to just work with and around them. It’s still a huge pain to find tops and dresses that fit properly, and I do very much envy small-chested girls who can do without heavy-duty underwire and reinforced straps. But my breasts don’t feel like such a burden to me anymore.
Wow, what an interesting conversation!
I haven’t really come to accept anything with time…I still hate my short torso and barrel ribcage and lack of defined waist.
However, I have come to appreciate things about myself that I didn’t really think about before. Despite hating my short torso, I love my long legs and feel good about showing them off. I also have really thick mostly-straight hair that I really appreciate and love. Lots of time at the gym has yet to give me the flat, firm belly I’m longing after, but my arms are quite toned, which I love.
Although it’s not always easy, I try really hard to just appreciate the parts of my body that I like and try to buy clothes that give me the illusion of a waist…
Yeah I know this is an older article and all, but I’ve been reading back through them all from the bottom on up, and just had to say…
I totally feel you with the nose thing :|
I can’t stand my nose.
The bridge is really wide, and it’s kinda.. a hook nose, actually.
A little bulbous, at certain angles, too..
It takes an absolute CERTAIN angle to get it to look okay in pictures!
One of my eyebrows…got scarred when I was very little…and now it looks all crooked no matter WHAT!
No amount of shaping, using eyebrow pencil, etc., ever gets it to look good. The best I can do is cover it with a stray lock of hair, or my scarf pulled down a little. I always tilt my face a little in pictures to hide it!~
My thick calves and ankle and big nose always make me feel unfeminine… and getting boy parts in school plays did not help matters! But I am learning to like my nose and muscular body, especially since it means I never have to worry about flabby arms. Thanks to everyone who posted about noses, it made me feel better! :)
My belly and my nose, at least I can work on the belly but my nose. Then again I think I’m beautiful inside and out because my flaws make me beautiful.
i’m really slow but where did you get that necklace!? i want, i want!!!
Erika England — A friend of mine made it for me from a Trevor Brown illustration!