Being Okay With Who You Are
[ 27 November 2007 ]
The most difficult lesson I’ve had to learn is also the most simple, cliché rule — to be okay with who you are. Now, this is a lesson that I could probably write a whole ten page thing about, but I won’t. We’ll just skim the surface of the topic.
It’s a big thing to accept the fact that you’ll never be able to please everybody. Even as incredible and amazing as someone is, there’s still a billion other people in the world that think otherwise. Look at Justin Timberlake — he just played sold out shows over here in Australia, but I can list off over a dozen people right now who I know think he’s a tool. My point is that are so many different people, with different lives, and different tastes, and different ideas — you’ll never ever EVER please them all. More importantly though — you don’t have to. When it comes down to it, there’s only one person who really has to be okay with you, and that’s you.
I get challenged a lot by people because of the way I am, the way I act and the way I live life. It comes as no surprise – I’m a heterosexual male with his own hair straightener, knowledge of things a straight guy really shouldn’t know, the confidence to attack an empty dancefloor single-handedly, and over a dozen pairs of shoes — all of which get worn regularly. I can’t tell you a thing about any football positions, but I can give you tips on ironing a shirt when you don’t have an iron, or what colours to pick to make a girl really notice your best features. You can see what people would probably think.
But for so long I tried to hide that side of my personality, to act like a “proper guy”, but the fact of the matter is that I’d much rather have someone not talk to me or to be judged by a stranger than having to act a certain way that isn’t me, just to earn their respect. If you have to work at it like that, then the people really aren’t worth it. Sure, I’ll get heckled by groups of closed minded macho guys or looked at strangely when I’m excited by a catalogue or search the racks for that last size 8 that I just know my female friend in the changing rooms could totally pull off — but the fact is I really couldn’t care less what they think. These people are in my life for probably five minutes at the ultimate max. I’m the only one who’s with me for my whole life.
The sooner you stop trying to walk to the beat of someone’s drum, and start dancing to your own rhythm, the happier you’ll be. And frankly, to hell with everyone else! They’ll deal with it.
Keep in mind though, part of knowing yourself is knowing where you draw the line and being comfortable with that. There’s a billion things I wish I could have or ways I could be, but I know that’s just not on the cards or realistic. In that way, I think it’s important to be able to admire someone’s abilities, or things that they have, and being happy for them without getting into some sort of jealous shame spiral. Comparing yourself to others isn’t going to accomplish anything. Try and identify the difference between comparing yourself to someone (bad bad bad idea) and admiring someone and finding inspiration in them (good good good idea!). You should never stop learning, and you should never stop trying to make yourself a better person.
It’s important to have goals. Even if they’re completely out there, wild and crazy — at least it’s something to shoot for. You could want to see the world, or invent some sort of supercar, or find the best cheesecake in all the land. If you always have something that you want to accomplish, then it’ll stop you from treading water anywhere.
It’s all about working out what it is that makes you happy, and just going for it. Of course we all have to do things we don’t like, but if it’s all part of some incredible plan for happiness, it’s not so bad. I don’t like getting up and going into an office all day, but elements of my job make me so incredibly happy because I’m interested and passionate about it — so it really doesn’t feel like work half the time.
Things happen for reasons, people come and go. You just have to think to yourself — what is it you want to sit back and remember when you’re older? Create memories you’ll want to have. Get out there and live.
Audrey xoxo
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Gosh Audrey, you are such a brilliant writer! Can I marry you xoxoxo!
i agree with iwannabher…except about the marriage part. You made so much sense. I really liked your last line about creating memories you’ll want to have. That is a very important message I think people should think about.
One of my friends once (accidently and stupidly) made the comment that “Memories are a thing you don’t forget”. As logically stupid that sounds he was right. If your not going to forget your memories then why would you want to remember living like somebody else!!
:D
xx
Keep it real Audrey…as i lived by in highschool…
“Be who you are and who you want to be, not who you think they’d prefer” – Kitty
Great writing Audrey!
I think the sooner all men embrace fashion and their own sense of self, the better.
Love to see more of your words mate, keep it up!
hahaha I got thrown for a loop thinking it was gala writing and reading “I’m a heterosexual male”. Audrey, I love love love this article! Keep coming back and writing ya’hear?
P.s. do you have a blog?
audrey + gala = amazing.
i am in strange position right now (living with a very nice person but needing to leave to be myself but sharing so many things as in cats and computers and an amazing apartment) and i needed this. i think that until i CAN move out, i am making a promise to myself to work on myself, make myself strong…
Tht’s an awesome article, on a day where I was feeling a bit iffy because of what others had said.
I hope I can take in the advice to be as confident as you seem to be =]
aw man, you’re all kinds of win and cute! i wish i could hug you in real life:)
This is so GOOD, Audrey! I especially love this bit:
“Try and identify the difference between comparing yourself to someone (bad bad bad idea) and admiring someone and finding inspiration in them (good good good idea!). You should never stop learning, and you should never stop trying to make yourself a better person.”
Indeed.
An ace bit of writing Sir! Every once in awhile people need to be reminded of these things. As rachel radness! said you and Gala make a great team.
thanks audrey! wish i met more enlightened guys like you.
I am in dire need of being reminded to love myself and stop comparing myself to others, at least right now in my life. So, thank you for this. Every little bit helps.
<3 it.
A wonderfully uplifting post, Audrey! While I was reading it, I was reminded of a poem by Sophie Hannah called ‘If People Disapprove Of You’, which you can read here: http://lorry.org/Docs/Poems/Other/disapprove.html
It starts:
Make being disapproved of your hobby.
Make being disapproved of your aim.
Devise new ways of scoring points
In the Being Disapproved Of Game.
Anyway, thanks again for the great read :-)
this is definatly the kind of thing i needed to read today. thankyou.
great article your so right about the macho guys heckling you, they are only there for 5 minutes.
that is a wonderful inspiring article!
This is extremely excellent. Can we be friends please?
thank you for sharing your story, audrey.
having lived in 3 different countries all with such different cultures, i’ve come to realise that it is really unfortunate how immature and close-minded some people can be in the western culture. people think that guys should be macho and if you know too many “girly” things, you’re “so gay”. which i think is nonsense because in ancient times, men drew eyeliner and waxed their bodies anyway.
i wish you’d go to japan someday, audrey. you’ll fit right in with the coolest guys there, and no one would be calling you names.
yay for you!
I loved this article! I think that you should form your own Gala-style website, but aimed primarily towards males.
Great article Audrey – I wish I could borrow my boyf’s hair straightner!!
I love this post!
Wonderful Article :) ...This is something a lot of people need to work on. I am curious about one thing though, how do you iron a shirt if you haven’t got an iron?
Amazing,
thankyou xx
good job, very uplifting.
my turn to share my favourite relevant quote from the delightful Dr.Seuss!:
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”
peace, love &mungbeans for everybody,
keep rockin audrey
xxoo
aaagh i didnt mean to post that three times?? not sure how that happened? gala can you delete them? dont want to hog the commenting space..
x
Like we say in french it puts some “baume au coeur” to read about people who understand life! Thanks and Bravo!!
iwannabher – wow, i must say i’m flattered. maybe buy me coffee first. it’s only polite. heh.
unzipped kitty – your friend was right. and unfortunately, bad memories have a habit of sticking around. so i think it’s best to just try and keep all your memories good.
zombella – i’ll lead the resistance! haha.
tripped and fell – no, no need to worry. we are definitely separate people. i don’t have my own blog, but i think i’ll be writing here for a while and helping gala out!
rachel rad – glad i can be of some help. sometimes, as awesome as something and someone is, you need to be selfish and take care of yourself. things work out in the end.
jinxiie-x – if you don’t have confidence, just fake the confidence! you’ll probably find the reaction everyone gives you for ACTING confident will give you confidence. but then, it’ll probably turn out you weren’t acting anyway. if that makes sense?
nico – i love the term “all kinds of win and cool”. i’m totally stealing it from you. i’m happy for hugs but be warned, i’m like 6 foot 5 or something. you can hug my waist?
nadine – thanks, glad you approve. :)
traveller – thanks to you too!
anura – if all i accomplish is showing you that there ARE normal guys out there and make you hunt them down and find them, i’d be happy. trust me, there are great guys out there. not only that but there are plenty of GOOD guys out there as well who just need a little bit of a nudge to come out of their shell. maybe they’ll read this and realise it’s okay to be themselves too.
meg – you are awesome, lovely, wonderful and interesting. dont let anyone tell you otherwise. in fact, send them to me, i’ll kick them in the shins.
char –
char – < 3 you. baha.
amypalko – awwwesome poem!
anna – you’re more than welcome. don’t just read it though, absorrrrrrb it! promise? good.
katrina – macho guys are funny. especially when they’re in a big group of BOYS and i mostly associate with girls. you do the math.
bluebird – yes. yes we can. i just added you on myspace. friends friends friends!
gilda – I wish i’d go to japan some day! i spent 12 hours in narita on the way over to LA a few years ago but didn’t get to see ANYTHING!
sherry – i should! but i’m not sure gala’s gonna be that keen to get rid of me now!
ams – check, he might have one hidden away somewhere. haha.
laiba – the trick is to give the shirt a good shake, hang it on a hanger making sure it’s hung properly, then hang it up in the bathroom while you have a shower, or in the kitchen next to your kettle when you boil it. steam makes the shirt fabric drop, essentially giving it some sort of pseudo-iron. don’t get me wrong, it’s not as perfect as a crisp, pressed shirt and I don’t reccomend you do this before a job interview. but when you’re travelling or in a HUGE rush in the morning, it can sometimes work.
cookie – dr seuss is a lot smarter than people give him credit for, huh?
catarina – yay! french! all i can say is french is ‘omlette with cheese’ and ‘white coffee please’. how pathetic that i spent a week in paris and that’s all i managed to remember!
I think you’ve brought up something really important, Audrey. We’re all different, and as clichéd as it is, that’s what makes us…well, us! It’s why we’re not a collection of mindless drones, we’re extremely individual and inherently unique. The media puts a lot of pressure on women to look and dress a certain way and due to the repercussions this can have, like eating disorders, I believe we’re now more aware of this. However, I think that the pressures guys face are less discussed and perhaps still considered ‘normal’. So, it’s nice to see a post about such things. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
xox Lauren
6 foot 5? and stylish? Audrey, you are so my hero! you need to come here and teach workshops for all the men I know /nods/
seriously though, this article was a fantastic way to start my week off – thanks for the reminder!
...The sooner you stop trying to walk to the beat of someone’s drum, and start dancing to your own rhythm, the happier you’ll be…
so true.
/waltzes off to work/
Good for you, Audrey. It’s always good to hear about someone who accepts who they are and is proud of it, and your words are really encouraging to me.
Wow. A wonderful article to read on a very rainy, post – Thanksgiving Day morning. Thanks for the words of encouragement … I think so many people forget to live for themselves – yes, even me! So easy to fall into the trap of ‘well, I HAVE to do this or else’ that we forget WE have to live with ourselves after all the MUST-DOS are done … Okay, I haven’t had a full cup of coffee yet – so not making any sense whatsoever!
Just – thanks!
Welcome! You’re awesomeness =)
“If you always have something that you want to accomplish, then it’ll stop you from treading water anywhere.”
SO TRUE. Thank you Audrey, you just made my day. :D
Hey Audrey, you sound like a way uber cool guy! I really like this post, it made my day. :D Thank you for the encouraging words and reminding me to stay true to myself. I must say I am often guilty of trying to please too many people and do tend to worry about what they think of me, but after a while, it’s only me that suffers in the end because I still am not good enough for them. Have a great week, can’t wait for the next article! :D
You are fabulous Audrey! Thanks for having the courage to just be yourself, and please know that it is very inspiring. :)
“Of course we all have to do things we don’t like, but if it’s all part of some incredible plan for happiness, it’s not so bad.”
Thank you for saying that. Everyone has told me to quit aspiring to so much and just suck it up and like my life now. If there is one thing Gala has taught me, it’s that I am worth more than settling and that it’s okay for every aspect of my life to be an art that I must perfect.
I’ve spent so much of my time devising who precisely I want to be, and I have six months to go before I can become it. I get criticized a lot because I’m kind of hovering in limbo until next June (when my lease runs out… and when I can move across the country and leave everything behind) not getting any closer to the way I want to live (other than depicting it in great detail on my walls in sticky notes and papers taped) and not really placing any value on the people in my life. I view everything I live with now as a temporary situation that I can get out of once my lease runs out.
It’s probably not a very good thing that I’m not much like what I want to be yet, but I’m really a meticulous perfectionist of a person and I have to make sure everything I want to be is really exactly what I want before I assimilate it.
“Theres nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their “discomfort” like a favorite shirt.” -jhonen vasquez
“we will live our lives so well death shall tremble to take us”. -bukowski
ps, thank you for being 6’5. :) we could hug and i would be hugging your
shoulders.buh wuh huh, apparently putting dashes around something strikes it out.
i meant shoulders. haha.
AHH! This is brilliant! And and and! Useful for showing my image-concious peers…
PEEYES: Care to explain how to iron a shirt without an iron?
I like the Dr Zeuss quote! I have a problem with self editing. I say somethings without thinking if they make any sense or are appropriate….a lot of my friends like it, they tend to however remember things that I say and bring them up at a later date (for example I once was quoted as saying “I am such a nerd, even I’d bash myself up”)...but strangers….not so much…I think I freak them out because I just get so excited and hyper and I want to tell them everything and ask them everything but then again I meet one of my best friends by going up to him and saying “Your so pretty, I just want to look at you all day long!”
You are awesome. This is a brilliant post and it made me very happy!
Do you have any more tips for helping to develop the confidence to really be comfortable with yourself – I would love to be okay with myself like you. I try but I always seem to end up back at the same old place again.
Its not so much that I act like someone I am not. Its just that there is a whole bunch more I could be…
jenny x
i absolutely love when you do posts like this, it reminds me to stop worrying so much (same with your previous post; they’re grand). i (and i’m sure a lot of other people, as evidenced) get so wrapped up in the western-culture type thinking of trying to be a preconceived ideal that it often takes reminders like this to sit back and realize that i have plenty of valuable attributes, both physically and personality-wise, that i should appreciate and be happy for.
(i put sticky notes on my mirrors too, for both my boyfriend and i. they say things like “shush, you’re lovely!”)
Wow. This article practically screams inspiration, colour, and personality. Your work is amazing. I loved this piece, and have bookmarked it. I agreed with everything you said; especially:
“These people are in my life for probably five minutes at the ultimate max. I’m the only one who’s with me for my whole life.
The sooner you stop trying to walk to the beat of someone’s drum, and start dancing to your own rhythm, the happier you’ll be. And frankly, to hell with everyone else! They’ll deal with it.”
So true. I am definitely going to keep your advice in mind when living my life. I spend far too much time worrying what everyone else is thinking about me and to be honest, I think everyone worries about this; it’s called being human. I stand there in the school corridor worrying about other people and they are too bothered about themselves to look at other people and pick out their flaws.
“Things happen for reasons, people come and go. You just have to think to yourself — what is it you want to sit back and remember when you’re older? Create memories you’ll want to have. Get out there and live.”
One of the best things I have ever read. Hope to see more of your writing on this blog, or have you got your own blog too?
God Bless!!
Alex xxxxx
Proper guys, schmoper guys. The day the macho stereotype dies out, the world will be a much better place. Thank you for your contribution!
Audrey I love you!!!
You remind me a lot of my nest friend, we like to go shopping together and he doesn’t care about what people say. We have a lot of fun together.
What you said about being yourself is soo true, you have to live a whole lifetime with yourself better ive it happily with who you are.
I learned from a very young age to not even attempt to fit in with my family because they would suffocate who I really am. We’re on REALLY goos terms now but at first it was very difficult.
Kisses.
Hi Audrey! I think the addition of your articles to iCiNg is wonderful! You are insightful, smart, & positive! Congratulations! I like reading your posts and thanks Gala for sharing the treasure!!! You have a great style AND attitude! [it’s rare to see people who have BOTH- its often either or :) ]
Gala- you are like a person who has found treasures from a pirate map & instead of keeping it all for herself, she chose to share it with everyone. Not just talking about Audrey but also your tips, either on style, make up, clothes, or just life in general. You are so wonderful, I swear, I’ll have to get my ass to Melbourne some time in my life to meet you before it’s all over [meeting you is now one of the things I have to do before I die, and I think it just got bumped up over visiting Tokyo NYC London AND going on a cruise on a Cunard ship :))))) If ever you come to Canada tell me!!!!!!!!!!
I love this man! Can I marry him? Pleaaaaaaaaase :[
thanks for this amazing, encouraging post!! definitely bookmarking to read again as I need to. ;)
Can I get your tips for ironing a shirt without an iron please, oh please!?
great article. =] and i wish i had a guy friend like you!
and also, i’m kinda confused here. i thought gala posted here…...?
Audrey, if Pinup_Girl is marrying you, than do you have a twin brother?
Rock on. You are my life.
IzAlice Blue — You sweet thing. So much love to you! I’ll be in NYC next year, maybe you can come down for a shopping trip!
Fashion Femme — Audrey is my male correspondent! He is my counter-balance :>
& all of you kids asking about ironing without an iron — read up in the comments!
Gala I loooves Audrey …keep him writing at least one article a week he is a great addition, plus it means more posts for me to read. My best guy friend is very similar to Audrey …I so wish there were more guys like this out this…
this seriously couldn’t have come at a better time, what the fuck! it’s almost creepy :) thanks for that
Audrey, this is amazing!
Seriously, you could start your own blog. :)
I love you Audrey!
I wish more men were less afraid of what people think of them. An individual looking man is far more interesting and eye-catching than just another clone.
Being OK with who you are is great once it happens. I now dress exactly ho I want to and if my friends are embarrassed by what I wear then its their problem not mine.
You are adorable.
Brilliant! i agreed with everything you said and hung on every word! keep up the great work!! love ya xxoo
Thankyou EVERYONE. x
Thanks Audrey for bringing me the last size 8 top on the rack and also convincing me to buy the super rad black sundress. hehe
Im so proud of you
xx
Monsieur, you seem utterly marvelous, and I wish that I knew you.
Something that stuck out to me in this article was “the confidence to attack an empty dancefloor single-handedly”. You see, I love to dance. Once, when I was little and at a street festival, nobody was dancing to this great, wild music that was playing, so I began to dance all by myself. Soon, the whole crowd joined in. If I dance in public now, I often feel like I need someone to dance with so that I have an excuse for being goofy. Thanks to this article, I may begin to shimmy whenever I hear music, regardless if there’s anyone to twirl with me or not. Thank you so much for this, and stay fabulous!
we need more people like you! :)
Ek! Audrey you are so right. Its hard to but I will stop comparing myself to others and be more confident. Now I’ll be enchanted with me. Oh and its amazing that you are great with clothing. My boyfriend is as well and I love it! Lets be friends!!!
xoxo love love
You have reminded me of some important things. You are okay who you are and I can live with it. I know you can. And I’m okay with me. That is what makes the life we have been given quite a nice thing!
Thanks for the article Audrey and Gala.
Though, I have to ask, is this ever a ‘bad’ thing? I have always been self-assured and I have never tried to be somebody that I am not. Most of the time, I don’t even feel peer pressure. This has always been fine, but lately I seem to have been losing friends. It’s not because I am some way-out confidant individual, it’s just that I have not moulded to fit in with them. I think that perhaps I am so ‘me’ that I did not even consider that I needed to/could have changed myself to make the friendships work. Obviously, it is not a good idea to change yourself to impress others and I continue to encourage you all to be yourselves. I just wanted to express how I feel at the other end of the spectrum.