Being Okay With Who You Are

[ 26 November 2007 ]

The most difficult lesson I’ve had to learn is also the most simple, cliché rule — to be okay with who you are. Now, this is a lesson that I could probably write a whole ten page thing about, but I won’t. We’ll just skim the surface of the topic.

It’s a big thing to accept the fact that you’ll never be able to please everybody. Even as incredible and amazing as someone is, there’s still a billion other people in the world that think otherwise. Look at Justin Timberlake — he just played sold out shows over here in Australia, but I can list off over a dozen people right now who I know think he’s a tool. My point is that are so many different people, with different lives, and different tastes, and different ideas — you’ll never ever EVER please them all. More importantly though — you don’t have to. When it comes down to it, there’s only one person who really has to be okay with you, and that’s you.

I get challenged a lot by people because of the way I am, the way I act and the way I live life. It comes as no surprise – I’m a heterosexual male with his own hair straightener, knowledge of things a straight guy really shouldn’t know, the confidence to attack an empty dancefloor single-handedly, and over a dozen pairs of shoes — all of which get worn regularly. I can’t tell you a thing about any football positions, but I can give you tips on ironing a shirt when you don’t have an iron, or what colours to pick to make a girl really notice your best features. You can see what people would probably think.

But for so long I tried to hide that side of my personality, to act like a “proper guy”, but the fact of the matter is that I’d much rather have someone not talk to me or to be judged by a stranger than having to act a certain way that isn’t me, just to earn their respect. If you have to work at it like that, then the people really aren’t worth it. Sure, I’ll get heckled by groups of closed minded macho guys or looked at strangely when I’m excited by a catalogue or search the racks for that last size 8 that I just know my female friend in the changing rooms could totally pull off — but the fact is I really couldn’t care less what they think. These people are in my life for probably five minutes at the ultimate max. I’m the only one who’s with me for my whole life.

The sooner you stop trying to walk to the beat of someone’s drum, and start dancing to your own rhythm, the happier you’ll be. And frankly, to hell with everyone else! They’ll deal with it.

Keep in mind though, part of knowing yourself is knowing where you draw the line and being comfortable with that. There’s a billion things I wish I could have or ways I could be, but I know that’s just not on the cards or realistic. In that way, I think it’s important to be able to admire someone’s abilities, or things that they have, and being happy for them without getting into some sort of jealous shame spiral. Comparing yourself to others isn’t going to accomplish anything. Try and identify the difference between comparing yourself to someone (bad bad bad idea) and admiring someone and finding inspiration in them (good good good idea!). You should never stop learning, and you should never stop trying to make yourself a better person.

It’s important to have goals. Even if they’re completely out there, wild and crazy — at least it’s something to shoot for. You could want to see the world, or invent some sort of supercar, or find the best cheesecake in all the land. If you always have something that you want to accomplish, then it’ll stop you from treading water anywhere.

It’s all about working out what it is that makes you happy, and just going for it. Of course we all have to do things we don’t like, but if it’s all part of some incredible plan for happiness, it’s not so bad. I don’t like getting up and going into an office all day, but elements of my job make me so incredibly happy because I’m interested and passionate about it — so it really doesn’t feel like work half the time.

Things happen for reasons, people come and go. You just have to think to yourself — what is it you want to sit back and remember when you’re older? Create memories you’ll want to have. Get out there and live.

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Tags: life, monsieur