Call An End To...
[ 27 November 2007 ]
Some things can only go on for so long. If you’re up for the challenge, why not consider cutting the following from your life?
Fishing for compliments
Constantly putting yourself down in public in the hope that someone will help lift you up again is not cool. Learn to love yourself enough that you don’t need other people to bolster your ego. The problem with low self-esteem — well, one of the problems — is that it doesn’t matter what amount of positive reinforcement you receive from other people, you will still feel bad about yourself. You’ll believe the bad stuff, of course, but not the good stuff. So don’t go there. If you think you’re a lazy scoundrel, keep it to yourself, & then make a commitment to learning to love & appreciate yourself.
Talking badly about your friends
Really. Give it a rest. Be true & sincere — either someone is your friend or they’re not. If you’re constantly bothered by someone & you feel the need to gossip about them to all & sundry, end the friendship & move on. It’s unfair to your “friend” & it’s a total waste of your time. It is small-minded & petty. Wouldn’t you rather be making plans for your future or achieving your goals than whining about how Jessica is treating her boyfriend?
Pulling the finger
If you have not yet curbed this addiction, then now is the time. Pulling the finger or flipping the bird or whatever you like to call it is about the least effective thing in the world. It doesn’t make you feel better, it just gives one finger more air exposure. Hooray for you! It’s silly, so stop it. & if you are one of those people who pulls the finger in photographs, you ought to be ashamed of yourself! Doing that is totally lame & uncouth & smacks of unresolved teenage rebellion. Put it behind you & move into your future with grace & style!
That job you hate
Why are you torturing yourself? Stop it! Now! No one — regardless of circumstances — has to do anything they loathe. For everyone except trust fund kids & retirees, work is a major part of life. Most of us spend a minimum of 8 hours a day at work, which is a huge chunk of your day! If you despise getting out of bed in the morning & going to your job, that unhappiness will begin to permeate everything you do. It will poison your relationships & your ambitions & your joie de vivre. It’s not worth it. Take some steps in the right direction. Tart up your CV. Start investigating jobs you might like to do. Make a promise to yourself that you will do something to improve the situation. Life is too short to commit to something you hate.
Obsessing over your size
Our society might put a premium on being skinny, but being skinny is no fun if you’re weak, pissed off & miserable — which is what you will be if you’re not naturally meant to be that size. It is so much better to learn to accept your shape & take care of yourself. You will feel amazing if you’re confident about your body — which is something you will always have over anyone with an eating disorder or food hang-up. NO ONE’S BODY IS PERFECT! Stop beating yourself up over it, please. If not now, when? Eat lots of greens, drink lots of water, get lots of exercise, & watch your happiness soar.
Comparing yourself to others
I really think one major shortcut to happiness is to entirely cease comparing ourselves to other people. Really, what’s the point? You are not them & they are not you, & unless science gets all Freaky Friday on us, this will never be the case. Stop wasting your time & considering how much whiter someone else’s teeth are, or how much more money someone else is making. It is totally irrelevant to you & your life! Concentrate on yourself instead!
Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala
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Fantastic tips for steps toward happiness, Gala pudding. I hope that someday, everyone will just walk with confidence and appreciate everyone.
...Fat chance, but it warms me to know there’s you, at least!
xoxo.
I find it odd and sad that all of the above doesn’t go without saying.
Also, I’m really happy that the previous commenter called you a pudding! You’re a pudding! Squee!
here here gala!
You’re so awesome Gala. I really mean it. You have helped me SO MUCH during this year (it has been sucky, mainly because of college). I just can’t thank you enough :)!
This article is obviously great, you’re so damn right…
Love ya
Miss Elle — Life is all about making little steps that make us happier, I think. & we all need reminders sometimes!
Natalie — Me too, but I am okay with being a happiness crusader! Hee hee.
fran — Aw, big kisses darling moon!
All of these things seem like they are just teenage problems, but they aren’t, I think mostly because people never move on. Great post! It makes me think about how I’ve been making a huge list of things I need to change personally.
Anyways great post!
I’ve never understood why people talk bad about their friends. You get to CHOOSE your friends, so if you don’t like them, they shouldn’t be your friends. It seems simple enough…
When I first read it I thought by saying ‘pulling the finger’ you meant that fart-joke thing. But now I understand!
Batopus — Haha, so did my boyfriend ;>
Well said, Miss Gala! I was in one of those situations the other day with this girl who complained about her best friend for about 15 minutes straight. My friend asked her, “If she’s your best friend, why are you calling her a whore?” and she replied with, “I never said she was a whore, she just dresses like a whore!” It was quite uncomfortable, no one really knew what to say!
pulling the finger, and swearing. no one thinks youre a badass. really.
I know I really need to think about the last couple. I still can’t deal with my size, at a 12.
I think we should add to that list “Complaining about your workmates”.
Over the last few days the whole atmosphere at work has been horrible because of people having “personality clashes” and then bitching about it to other people, and then other people becoming involved and the whole thing being blown out of proportion. Eh. Everyone just needs to get over themselves.
Thankyou so much!!! you’re bluntness is what I needed tonight. I’m going to really start working on not swearing. And I’m proud to say that I’m beginning to love my size 6 body complete with it’s curvy hips and large fundiment.
Lovins Rach
Great article Gala! You made me think about what I have been doing lately, and there are a couple things on that list I need to stop. I seriously love reading your articles before I go to bed or even better when I get up-they are a great start to my day. You are mad inspirational! ((hugs))
Great list!!!! I think we can all take something from it. I have been having some self-esteem issues lately but you will be happy to know I have started using EFT now and then.
Another thing I need to add to my list of things to stop doing is obsessing about money!
This is a wikkid article and at the moment i have been taking baby steps to loving my post-baby body! And the first was accepting my size and TRYING THINGS ON in stores before i bought my old size out of habit… and im accesorising like crazy..XD so yes i love my new curvacious size! (aus 14) tho that doesnt mean im not trying to be healthy lol…a healthy inside leads to a healthy outside
xx another grrreat article!! xx
Awesome article – yay! :-D
Excellent article
This is exactly what I’m trying to teach some of my younger friends who think it’s okay to backstab and sink to other people’s levels lol.
great article gala,
im happy with my life but i can help but to compare myself to others, you are one hundred percent correct that we need to stop obsessing over ourselves and what other people are doing and just move on.
im going to start using EFT on this issue! thanks for that article too!
xx katrina.
All of your points are excellent, as usual, Gala. The first one, however, really strikes a chord with me. It is so true that the bad comments stick with you longer than the good, and I’m now trying to actively counter this with a compliment book. Whenever I receive a compliment, I note it in my book, so when my esteem has taken a bit of a battering, I can flick through the pages, and affirm the positive. It has had the effect that I now notice compliments much more, and I no longer negate them with some cutting, self-degrading quip. Anyway, thank you for another great post, Gala. Reading your blog always starts my morning on such a high!
hi gala, don’t know why but i think my previous attempts at commenting here didn’t get through. i was saying thanks, especially for the last point. i was doing that just minutes before i read this. i should stop doing that. i’d feel a whole lot happier!
This is such a brilliant and true list that I may stick it up on my Wall of Positive, Encouraging and True Things! :D Dear Gala, you always write with such heart and genuine desire to see people making the most of their lives. Recently I’ve been trying to challenge my eating disorder and the thoughts that go along with it. I’ve come to the realisation that I value mental health more than being thin, and that I can’t develop self-esteem and self-confidence by starving myself.
amypalko- I do that too, and it really does help.
I have been stuck in such a depressed rut all week, which has literally been a terrifying mix of wishing I was THAT perfectly groomed, thin, dressed-in-designer and fantastically organised person; having absolutely no appetite and wishing everything was a bit thinner; and wondering what to do with my life. I JUST did EFT (which I don’t actually believe in but find fun to do nevertheless) on loving and appreciating myself. Thank you Gala!
Wise words, sorta sounds like attitude of every girl in my school… Ah well. I just did EFT too! I actually feel alot better.
The whole size thing is a bit of a double-edged sword; yes, doing those things will make one skinnier – but will that make one happier, for real? Maybe simply buying clothes in a bigger size & sometimes having to not give two damns about them being the most hyper-up-to-trends (since “youth trend” clothes normally never go up further than 12/14/42, depending on your whereabouts), though actually just fitting better & making you look better when you don’t feel like you’re the stuffing inside a sausage skin. It’s a start, anyway. The key words are “confidence”, “loving” & “yourself”. Losing weight takes time, there are no miracle cures; usually it isn’t really worth it beating yourself up over the number on the scales, unless a doctor tells you to. Usually they’re not worth listening to either! Only your heart is!
& as far as fart jokes go, I’m all for them! ^.~
Fantastic advice Gala!
Bravo, Gala! You always have the best posts, you know that? I totally agree with all of these, especially the ones about flipping the bird (sooo bad taste!), being happy with your natural shape and not putting yourself down so much. ♥♥♥
I agree with all except for the one about flipping the finger. I almost NEVER do it and I certainly never do it for the hell of it. But sometimes it really does the trick and gets your point across.
For example:
I was walking down the street last summer and was crossing the street when some jackass in a car yelled something utterly disgusting and vulgar at me. I glared at him but didn’t stop and he actually inched his car towards me, threatening to run me over. At this point, I slammed my fists down onto the hood of his car and then flipped him a hearty bird. He stopped. And looked really really confused. He so wasn’t expecting that kind of response…
All brilliant advice as usual, Gala!
Alas it’s always hard to stop habits born out of low self-esteem, but always worth the struggle too.
ahh… what a lovely post… thanks for bringing more light!
:)
Definitely a very lovely and insightful post. If you don’t mind, I’m going to print it and stick it on my bedroom mirror. ;)