Expiration Dating
[ 2 October 2008 ]
“I’ve recently met a German foreign exchange student, and we really connect. I like him, but I’m afraid of getting involved since he’s going back to Germany in June, which means I’ll probably never see him again. Help?”
I think a lot of us get locked up in that concept that if we experience true love, it will last forever, which isn’t necessarily true. We also often feel that the way our life has been up until this point is the way it will always be — which isn’t necessarily true either.
So, what could happen if you did get involved? You might be wildly incompatible. But you might fall in love. He could drive you crazy, but he could also open your mind to a whole new way of living that you’d never even considered before. He might ignite within you a love of German culture, which then leads your life in an entirely different direction. Through him you might discover the most inspiring, ideal mentor. He might teach you what real, unconditional love is all about. You could be so perfect together that you end up getting married one day. You could go to Germany on an exchange yourself — you might even end up living there. It’s possible that you could learn more from loving him for a short time than you would if there was no expiry date. The relationship could change you in fabulous, untold ways.
One of the great things about relationships is that they present us with a fabulous opportunity to grow beyond ourselves, often in a way that wouldn’t be triggered if we were just coasting along alone. By connecting honestly with a person, & getting to know them, their circumstances, family & friends, we can learn so much about the world — & consequently, about who we are & who we want to be. It’s one of the best catalysts for change that I know.
I believe that people come into our lives for a reason, & we can learn something from all of them if we’re open to it. What is your fine German friend here to teach you? Only time will tell.
What I’m really saying is that when it comes to love, no matter how scary it may seem, it’s always worth taking the risk. Avoid a future of “What if?”. Take the risk & see if you can…
How about you? Do you think a relationship’s only worth it if you can see a definite future, or do you just allow yourself to fall in love without thinking of likely consequences? Have you ever taken a gamble on love that turned out to be one of the most positive experiences of your life? What would you do in this situation?
Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala 
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So true, Gala :)
By the way: I love the “Love him” Image. So romantic..
I was once involved with someone who I knew things would never eventuate with – and although it was tragic and caused lots of emotional turmoil at the time, ultimately I wouldn’t be who I am today without having known his love. He certainly broadened my mind, awoke in me things I never knew were there, taught me much and showed me so many amazing things. I don’t regret it, I never could, even though it didn’t end particularly well. I totally agree with everything you said about everyone being in your life for a reason. Now, I am in a relationship with a big, beautiful future and I love it – and who knows if I would be here if I hadn’t met & experienced everyone I have?
Well put, and thanks as usual, Gala!
xx
Only recently i have quit my (yes h&m) job and traveled in a hurry to Paris to declare my love to a boy i just dated for only 4 weeks. It was scary and my heart was beating so fast but it was worth to just take the leap. We connect, we are sparkling stars together. Afther Paris we hitchhiked through France and later even Spain. Good adventures and he is currently living with me under one roof, wich is weird because i’m miss independcy and i was screaming over all the roofs in the city that i would never live together with a boy, ahum yes. I have no regrets of the decisions i made. So it sucks that i’m out of work but it gives me time to think ahead of the future. I know he will be travelling another continent pretty soon and i know i will be by his side. I don’t know what will happen in the future but i’m happy to just take things gamble and see where we get. Sometimes you just have to let it be _
I started dating a gentleman when I was back in America on a two month lay-over … totally expecting it to amount to nothing and just be a bit of fun before I took off again. We ended up running away to New Zealand together, seeing Oz and Fiji before bundling home to the U.S. nearly two years later. It hasn’t always been easy (moving in together in a foreign country after having known each other for two months = hard) but my life wouldn’t be nearly as exciting if I hadn’t taken the chance on him.
haha… this is so funny.
last year i went on a date with a man 8 years younger, from germany, just moved to town three weeks prior and was only staying 6 months. honestly i didn’t think it would last… but the next 371 days of my life have been wonderful. we fell in love almost immediately, and he moved in like two weeks later…
and as you know, i moved to germany six months ago, it’s been one of the best experiences of my life. every day i’m happy to have this man as my partner.
the thing is with relationships, is if it’s meant to be you can’t f*ck it up no matter how hard you may try. and if it isn’t meant to be then… there’s nothing you can do to keep it together. so why not give it a try?
Oh, I´m an expert in this topic!!! Long love story shorted, 5 years ago I met the most georgeous, funny, smart, charismatic person that I had met in my whole life, that very night I knew I was in love. The problem? I´m mexican, and he is swedish. Now we leave together in Sweden.
I think when it comes to love, in all shapes, colors and distances, we don´t have to think to much, and we truly have to follow our heart. I mean, is love, if you think it too much you lose.
If you really feel something strong for him, and he does too, you are going to find a way to make it work, believe me. I heard many stories of girls, and boys, who meet foreigners, and it doesn´t work out because they didn´t have money to travel, or to make phone calls, when it is true all of that is bulls**t. When the love is there, I repeat, you’ll make it work.
Follow your heart!!!!
My last relationship started on an internet site, we chatted for months before finally meeting when he moved to the area at which I’m living as he was going to uni there.
Before meeting he said to me the relationship would only last whilst he was at uni which I agreed to as I was thinking we haven’t officially met, we might not last those two years or when the time is up we might not bare to be apart as anything could happen so I went for it.
We lasted right up until the expiry date & the split was devastating to both of us, still is raw for me so I have distanced myself from him but I wouldn’t be without the experience at all. To be honest I would have done anything to have kept it going but he was younger than me so it scared him to have us make that sort of commitment for either of us to move to be closer to each other.
Currently in low contact til things settle a bit but who knows what the future holds, we had something good, if it’s to be nothing more at least I experienced something that I’ll never forget & will cherish for what it was!
I so agree – looking to far ahead of anything ruins everything. Don’t way up to what ifs.. just jump in & go with your heart.
..2 years ago I met my british boyfriend in a sydney backpackers bar… theres been ups & downs, heartache & huge life altering decisions… but I’m richer for the experiences… and I’m happy with how my life has so far turned out not at all how I expected/planned.
ps: love is almost always inconveniant <3
i feel the same way
theres a boy that i have a crush on and he has a crush on me but hes freaking cause im moving next year
like
calm down
I met a British guy when I was 16, and we made it work for 3 years (mostly with me flying there and back). We only broke up because he pretty much thought I was cheating on him at every step (note: wildly insecure) and then he got possessive and had to know what I was doing every 5 seconds – and he also couldn’t be there for me when I lost both my parents in 2006.
So, that ended, and now I’m with a lovely boy who still lives halfway across Australia (and who I realise, after the relationship mentioned above, has made me fall head over heels like I never thought possible), but it just goes to show, you can have a great time for a while and then totally change direction.
You’ll never know without giving it a chance though.
I started dating someone last year in October, which for me was a HUGE gamble because my dad was dying a a brain tumor. I was in no shape to have my heart shattered even further then what it already was, and I had NO IDEA how long he was going to stick around, if he would run away screaming the 27th time I cried, how he was going to react to my family situation…
Our one-year anniversary is the 18th.
I definitely agree. I used to date a wonderful guy, and I stupidly broke up with him because we both had different ideas of where we wanted to end up in the future. Now, doing a complete 180, I’m dating a guy who lives in London and goes to school in NYC (I’m 4 hours away in upstate), and we’re just taking it a day at a time, seeing where things go. I wouldn’t give this up for the world.
My mom and some of my closest friends told me that I should not bother getting my hopes up because man I’m in love with lives in another country. They said you’ll drift apart, since you see each other so rarely or he’ll find someone who is there for him, since I’m far away.
Well I followed my heart and now we have been together for almost half year. We text or use free internet phone Skype (really thankful for that, it helps to save money) or visit each other (once in two months isn’t much but it’s the best days we’ll spend together).
I’m so happy that I listened my heart because I found love that I never thought to find. He makes me so happy.
Aw, such cute stories! I forgot to mention in my article that love tends to come looking for you at the precise moment you decide you’re not interested, haha. It’s just the way life is… Keeps things exciting!
It’s far better to give love a chance than to let fear rule your heart and you have regrets.
To echo many of the others here, if you are truly in love and compatible then you will find a way. The world is so small nowadays that distance should never be the issue if you both want to be together.
I mentioned on here before that my husband and I met on a 3 day business trip. We lived on other ends of the country at the time. But we fell in love, he proposed with only being around each other for less than 2 actual weeks and it took 9 months for us to be in the same city.
Over 12 years later where still together and have moved to several different cities and states.
Don’t second guess yourself before you even start.
Luv
Poochie
I’m going through this exact situation right now – I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months, and we’ve always known that it wouldn’t be forever (he’s an atheist, I’m a Christian). Although we’ve totally fallen in love with each other, we’re both at a point where we realize that it’s not quite working. We want to say together because we love being together, and bring out great things in each other, but our contrasting beliefs and lifestyles are problematic. We’re just going to wait and see how it goes, and if it feels right to end things, we will. But for now I’m just enjoying it – I never thought I’d fall in love with him, but he’s wonderful. Sometimes love can come and go in unexpected ways. :)
My current boy and I got together (definitely at the precise moment I decided I wasn’t interested – and he was (still is!) my best friend, band mate and housemate!) at the beginning of last year, and although we’re still together now, our relationship has a tangible “expiry date”.
I’m moving to Melbourne next year and he’s not coming with me.
We decided that it was worth being together for this amount of time, because at least we’d have had that together. Leaving him is going to be so difficult, but I know that doing so is something I have to do for myself, despite the fact that I love him so much.
hi gala and girls,
i met a guy back in april on the net, via flickr, and we fell for each other, and turns out he lives in america, i am from australia.
anyway i was in a bad relationship at the time and i left my relationship for the reasons above, that it was bad, but also during that time i fell for this guy in a way that was more than friendship.. and now, in 23 days, i fly to america to meet him and spend 3 months with him.
i dont know what will happen or if it will turn out to be true love, or just a good friendship, but i couldnt NOT do it, because that wouldnt be living, would it?
i spent 4 and a half years hanging on to a relationship which was destined to end, and although the guy and i are still friends, it definitely had its expiry date, long ago, and i am sad i didnt end it earlier, as some people, though they love one another, should not be together.
good luck to the girl with the german boy. i say go for it and see what happens. dont be scared, and dont be sad or feel like it was a waste if it doesnt turn out the way you once thought.
i know i dont regret anything i have done, or am about to do.
d x
How timely!! I’m moving to New Zealand in five weeks, and just this past Sunday went on a first date with a really lovely guy who I’d met the weekend before. Ive spent the last million years single, and NOW Ive met someone? Yikes! It’s exciting, and very difficult to not get carried away, but who knows what may come of this. Already we’re talking of him coming down to visit me next Spring.
Great advice! I’m from Texas & I fell in love (when I wasn’t looking to) with a Dutch guy few years ago. We traveled back & forth a whole bunch of times (spending about 6 months of each year together in one place or another). I moved to Holland in August. I never thought I’d live here (of all places, it wasn’t even on my radar), but I do & it’s fantastic to be in the same country without an end date in sight. Sometimes the extra effort is worth it…
In 2003 I met a British guy who was international staff at the camp I worked at. We knew he was going home in a matter of months, but we fell crazy in love. He went home in September but was back to visit in January, and then I went to see him in March. Then he came back to camp for the summer, except this time when he went home, I went with him. I took a year off from school and worked in London! it was an amazing experience for me, and I had someone to experience it with. those 6 months I spent there changed my life and have made me who I am today. We broke up about 5 months after I went home because the distance was too hard. I miss him like crazy! He still is and will always will be one of my best friends. I don’t regret a single chance I took on him because that whole relationship taught me so much!
When i met my boyfriend for the first time i thought we’d just end up being friends, but thats it, a month later i found out he’d be moving 4 hours away (which is hard when your still going to school, since the only time we could possibly see each other would be the weekends)
but i didnt let this bother me, and our relationship grew stronger and stronger, our one year is coming up in less then two weeks, and we’re both so happy, so yeah sometimes you have to do scary things, but in the end, if you’re both happy then you know it was the right choice to make
Oh this is the first time I actually leave a comment although I daily come to check your blog. I had to comment this time cause thats pretty much all my relationships are about.
Two years ago I spent one exchange year in Germany and started dating a guy seriously five months before Id leave, that was when I met this other guy on a music festival, for whom I fell right away, he was so incredibly lovable I left the other one for him, even if he lived in another city and it would be hard to see him again, we couldnt stop talking to each other and I travelled south to his city and stayed a few days in his apartment. I had to come back to Brazil and though we knew it wouldnt work out for us we couldnt stop talking to each other. It ended up we moved on with our lives, but even that way, we had a huge story, it was the first time I was actually in love and would never trade it for anything.
So this year it happened again, I met a guy from Sweden in Sao Paulo, he was backpacking Latin America, I told him if he was ever in South Brazil he could come and stay at my place and Id show him around, he not just decided he would visit it but he decided to come back home with me two days later. He came to stay 4 days and stayed 15, though he still didnt want to leave, and well me neither! He left and we spent the whole time sending each other emails, letters and calling. And now hes coming back to spend the (our southamerican) Summer at my place and Im trying to save money to go to Denmark and Sweden next June.
For me not just these relationships I had (and others) were super worth it but I ended up learning so much. It is also amazing to see how men from other cultures are and act, it is so much different from brazilian men. And I was also always constantly learning other languages, habits, customs and all, which Im crazy about. Plus Im by far the best student on my Geography classes! haha
Love
I really appreciate the comment you made about true love not necessarily lasting forever. So many of us are stuck on ‘happily ever after’. Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean it wasn’t true, or beautiful or meant to be at the time it was there for. I needed to be reminded of that today. Thanks Gala and ladies.
Gala you must be psychic, you always post articles right when I need the advice they give!
A guy I’ve been really close friends with for years but am not attracted to just sent me a message on facebook to say that I’m his ideal girl. I know we’re perfect for each other personality-wise but I’m not sure whether it would work.
Gala’s advice has never led me astray before and I guess looks fade in time. It’s so hard to connect with people this way even in person that I think I might just tell him how I feel and try the long-distance thing…
I’d say go for it!
I met my boyfriend 5 1/2years ago while we were both backpacking through the USA. We stated at the beginning we didn’t want a relationship, but after our paths kept crossing i decided to see where it went.
you never know where it will end up, or how it will change you – and you’ll definitely learn so much by giving it ago.
goodluck with it! xxx
“i feel the same way
theres a boy that i have a crush on and he has a crush on me but hes freaking cause im moving next year
like
calm down”
Lora, you’re amazing.
I agree with you…people affect and change the course of your life in amazing ways. Even if they hurt you, you can gain something from knowing them (even if it’s just a tougher skin).
I’m at that point right now where…I’m with a man and he’s hurt me a lot. However I let myself fall in love with him, and I know he loves me. Do I let go of him and learn from our relationship? Or do I continue in a relationship that hurts, just because I’m not ready to say goodbye?
I know this wasn’t really the point of your post, but it just got me thinking. People are in your life for phases (some for long phases, others short). I wonder, too, if it’s possible to choose when your life path diverges from another’s. It’s getting pretty hard to love him.
Dollface — If you’re with someone who has repeatedly intentionally hurt you, or who is just careless with your feelings, it might be time to move on. You’re worth more than that! There are people everywhere who would fall all over themselves to treat you like the most precious thing in the world. Don’t stay with someone who isn’t worth your time!
I’ve dated a guy knowing that we had 4 months together. And it was the most wonderful 4 months I’ve ever had. I had to move abroad and haven’t seen him since. I don’t really believe in soul mates but if there is someone out there that is the most compatible to me, it’s definitely him. Although 4 months didn’t exactly give us time to fully unleash our flaws at each other, nonetheless, he was perfect for me. 5 years have passed, and because of him I am a better person, I believe. I was not able to get over him for roughly 3 years and in that 3 years period I got in touch with myself. Discovered a lot I didn’t even know about myself. And he’s the reason why I’m clean :) I miss him but I do not regret ever meeting him. I would still rather have met him & ‘lost’ him than never having met him at all.
I read every response so far and there is some true genius in these comments. You all have made me realize a couple things today, and i’m soso thankful. (my anxious heart will sleep much more sound tonight!)
“if it’s meant to be you can’t f*ck it up no matter how hard you may try.” -lady coveted
Gala- you are amazing. Not that i don’t love your outfit pictures, but please continue to post more of this kind of wisdom. It’s worth so much!
I met my boyfriend on the internet about 4.5 years ago, and we’ve been together for 3 years. He’s from California and I live in Scotland. Last year I took an exchange to a uni in California, and we were still about 250 miles apart but for those first 2 years it gave us a huge reason to stay together.
Meeting him really made me grow up and get my life in gear— I left school a year early and went to uni because he made me realise that I could. After all this time I’ve grown a lot with his encouragement, I know more about American politics than anyone I know, I had an amazing year studying abroad with a pre-existing network of friends and family behind me (to name but a few things). It gives my life a whole new dimension and although the long distance is tough as hell, it’s SO worth it.
Don’t think of it as an expiration date. You can’t let tomorrow ruin today, and you never know what might happen. Even if nothing comes of the relationship, don’t deny yourself the fun! Good luck :)
I had a bit of a different experience (but I guess with the same kind of ‘troubles’) — I met a guy and fell in love with him. However he is 12 years older than me. After much talking, he thought it wasn’t worth the risk – the age difference was just too big. Either of us was going to end up hurt, we’d break up eventually, etc. I persisted though, and a month or so later we did end up dating. We’ve been together for nearly a year now :)
Ah I know what you mean, I was just working in the states for 3 months and met this guy who is totally lovely and funny and everything, but seemed wrong for me (firstly he was a lot older than me and had just come out of a serious relationship). Also I have had a couple of bad experiences in the past that have kind of made me afraid of dating (consequence of which I have been single for a number of years). I knew that I was going home in a couple of months and resolved to do nothing, but we were so attracted to each other that we went for it anyway.
It was the best three months that I have had in a long time (also because the job I was doing was AMAZING) and when I left we agreed to keep talking. A couple of months later we do still talk occasionally, but I know that nothing else will ever come of our relationship than just being mates, but that is fine! Apart from a fantastic (and funny) new friend, what I really gained is the realisation that not all relationships are bad and that I am worth someone’s time and love.
So take the risk! Even if it isn’t forever, but you are realistic and accept that it might just be for the moment, you can have a lot of fun and let yourself be ready for the next good thing on the horizon!
I had a “before sunrise” experience with my german, and despite the ache in my heart and tendency to think no one else will measure ever up, I don’t regret the experience a bit. So even if we never see each other again, (or even if we do!), I seem to have internalized a part of him and am changed for the better because of the experience.
I have a tendency to dive into relationships without caring, but then I get involved so much. I think that if you step back from yourself you can see what direction it is going in, and if its bad to just cut it off. But putting an expiration date on a relationship is not so positive either, and I try not to do that. Right now I would love to have a fling with someone from another country, but all the exchange students at my school are underclassmen. The sophomore from Hong Kong keeps staring at me though :).
Tully beat me to mentioning “Before Sunrise” but that’s the sentiment I wanted to express. I think it’s always worth the plunge, but you do have to deal with the consequences. A broken heart is nothing to be scoffed at, but knowing love, or simply wild, short-lived passion, is better to have experienced.
When I was 18yrs old I fell head over heels in love with an Australian man who was backpacking through Europe. This November we will be celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary. Life is too short to let love pass you by because of impracticalities.
“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is sign on as its accomplice.” —Tom Robbins (Still Life with Woodpecker)
i tried this before and had my heart broken :( it was the long distance i guess, he couldn’t handle it. i was fine with it though. but just because that didn’t work doesn’t mean future long distance relationships can’t! i won’t give up!
Gala, stop this now you’re scaring me. :S
Think this is probably a sign that I should spend more time with my cute German exchange student (what are the chances?!) xxx
I don’t know about long distance— but then again, I’m not interested in a relationship at this point in my life. I would say go for it and try it if you feel there is something there, we shouldn’t let people who could help us grow pass us by.
amypalko – That story was adorable.
Gala, you are so right on. Our relationships shape our lives more deeply and organically than our own best laid plans. And hesitating to enter into a relationship with someone just because your time together seems finite is, frankly, a bit cowardly. As you said, opening yourself to the possibility that a relationship could transform your goals and alter your path allows you to ride the waves that the universe sends you. Why couldn’t you end up in Germany? Why wouldn’t he change his plans and stay here? And with all of the technological connections available, couldn’t there be a middle-ground until you’re sure that moving countries is the best plan?
Even short relationships teach us about ourselves: What we want and don’t want, who we are, how we mesh with other personalities. Exploring other people is the best way to learn about yourself.
I started dating a very cool, honest, articulate guy in California even though I knew that I would be moving back East in a few months and that we had religious differences. We had a good time hiking and chatting and cooking and he opened my mind to a lot of things. When it was time for me to leave, he drove me to the airport. He died in a swimming accident two weeks later. I do not regret a millisecond of the time I spent with him.
You never know how much time you have- live it up!
In matters of love you never KNOW, so you might as well follow your feelings and your gut instinct. I was in a similar situation when I met my boyfriend and everyone was telling me that it wouldn’t last and that I would get hurt. For sure, it’s not particularly easy embarking on such a relationship, both parties don’t want to get hurt or hurt each other, so it can get a bit complicated. But if your feelings are strong, all that goes out of the window, anyway. I agree with Gala, give it a try if it feels right for you. I did and now we’ve been together for 6 years. But even if it doesn’t work out, wouldn’t you always wonder how it would have been if you didn’t follow your heart?
When I first met my first boyfriend in high school, I only ever expected to be with him for a few months at most. That was 5 1/2 years ago. It happens. Go with it.
‘love tends to come looking for you at the precise moment you decide you’re not interested’ – SO TRUE.
i was reluctant to start dating my boyfriend because he’s going to university next september. but i am, and so far i haven’t regretted it at all.
i’m still holding myself back though, i spose. i’m terrified of falling in love with him :(
hum… been there done that…tree times:P
i dont know why but i have this “magnet” with guys that are from diferent places. My frist love was a german guy, and oh boy! i love him sooo much, i truly think that i was in love, but he had to leave to germany (we dated when i was in highschool) so my heart was broken… really broken, after several months i met this awesome canadian guy that showed me that i could love again, i knew he was going back to canada, but i took the risk, because after all, that’s what love is about… without love life is sooo freaking dull. When he returned to canada, i was so sad… but still i knew that life gave me the chance of loving someone again. After 3 years i met this guy from mexico city (i live in another mexican city) and i felt in love again:P its hard because its a long distance thing, but somehow it works (and thank god for cheap airplane tickets). One thing is for sure… we dont own our future, you never know whats going to happen the next day, so enjoy today, fall in love :P
i think this was my question!
anyways, as for the lovely german boy, he moved back to germany, and i miss him a lot, but life goes on.
we never got “involved” seriously, but it was nice while it lasted, something casual and fun to help me through a pretty tough time.
thanks for answering my question!
I think every person we meet in life is there for us to learn from. You should take the opportunities that present themselves because even if it seems like they might end up hurting you, they will only help you grow in the long term. Or at least that’s the philosophy that I try to live by :)
I was an exchange student last year in the Basque Country & ended up having the most wonderful time with a boy from Barcelona. We both knew we’d go back home in July & neither of us had the intention of dealing with a long-distance relationship, so we just — never talked of the future. We kissed & laughed & danced half-drunkenly outside his apartment building & stayed up too late & woke up too early, had a grand time & talked of everything under the sun, but didn’t worry much about anything else. When the school-year ended I traveled for a while & ended my trip with a few days with him in Barcelona. & then I took the plane & crossed the Atlantic.
& it was brilliant. It taught me to be tolerant about all the unimportant things lovers do to one another unintentionnally — because why nag when you have so little time? & I learned to love myself just a bit more, & laugh just a bit louder, & live just a bit more colourfully. I don’t really believe in forever, with anyone, but I do think people can change your life in unexpected ways, & why close yourself off to that possibility?
Besides, stories that have to end before things get drab are ones you’ll always remember fondly! ;)
My now-husband and I met in an online role-playing game when he was in Germany and I was in Australia. 15 hours apart, and with a modem that kept dropping my connection every couple of minutes, we still managed to fall in love. Was it smart? Probably not – my schoolwork suffered for the timezone difference, and so did my sleeping patterns!
But four months later he flew to Australia to meet me, and a year and four months after THAT, we were married. We’ve now been married for just about 1.5 years and I am so glad that we both took the chance to love.
When I was 16 years old and still living in Germany I had Pen pals in Iceland, Mauritius, Brazil, British Columbia and Alaska. The girl from Mauritius invited me to come visit her, but I never made it (lack of money). I did meet the girl living in Anchorage, Alaska when I emigrated to Canada and paddled down the Yukon in 1981. I finally married a lovely girl from the Philippines and we are celebrating our 25th anniversary this year! I always looked for love in far away places and it worked out well for me.
Kevin www.dating-site-advisor.com
When I was 16 years old and still living in Germany I had Pen pals in Iceland, Mauritius, Brazil, British Columbia and Alaska. The girl from Mauritius invited me to come visit her, but I never made it (lack of money). I did meet the girl living in Anchorage, Alaska when I emigrated to Canada and paddled down the Yukon in 1981. I finally married a lovely girl from the Philippines and we are celebrating our 25th anniversary this year! I always looked for love in far away places and it worked out well for me.
Kevin www.dating-site-advisor.com
When I was 16 years old and still living in Germany I had Pen pals in Iceland, Mauritius, Brazil, British Columbia and Alaska. The girl from Mauritius invited me to come visit her, but I never made it (lack of money). I did meet the girl living in Anchorage, Alaska when I emigrated to Canada and paddled down the Yukon in 1981. I finally married a lovely girl from the Philippines and we are celebrating our 25th anniversary this year! I always looked for love in far away places and it worked out well for me.
Kevin http://www.dating-site-advisor.com
You know, I made a friend like that this summer. She rocked my world for two months then went off to grad school.
100% totally worth the experience. This person changed my life in a matter of weeks and I will always remember her fondly.
What an eye-opening article, Gala! I have a different perspective in that I always had the ‘husband&kids’ dream, and always believed in ‘forever’. I knew what I wanted and found it and worked at it, and I am really happy about that. However, all these stories from other people are so cuuute! :D
I am still on the young side (17) and I have recently fallen for a guy that lives far away. We started talking online several years ago when we met through a mutual friend, he lives in Canada and i live in Atlanta, GA. We never kept in close touch until about 2 months ago when I talked to him and suggested we talk on the phone because I had missed his friendship. That night we talked on the phone for almost 6 hours, I got no sleep and the moment we disconnected I had to shower and leave for school. At first I thought it was silly that I was starting to like him, because it was impractical and unrealistic. He just started college in Canada, and I am getting ready to go to college, the circumstances are not likely to change for years. However, we talk every night, we webcam, text, use skype, and I am constantly thinking about him. I can’t go a day without talking to him, and more and more I feel like I am falling in love with him. For a long time I thought it was silly but when an opportunity presented itself here in atlanta to have a boyfriend I turned the offer down for fear of losing what I had with my Canadian boy. I have realized that even though we do live far apart and never see each other, a connection is a connection and I cannot turn my back on the guy who has made me feel more alive than ever before!
I totally agree. “Sieze the date” is such a cliche but so true! The pain of heartache is well worth the ecstacy of love.
Gala – I totally agree that love finds you when you stop looking! I’m with my current boyfriend of two years, but when we actually got together I’d only met him once a few weeks before, through a friend. I was fed up with relationships, guys, crushes and everything to do with love after some huge failures with guys. I thought I’d just have a fling, as he (my now boyfriend) didn’t seem all that interested. I’m still pleasantly surprised we lasted longer than the party we got together at! I think it’s got a lot to do with not going ahead and planning, or expecting, any sort of future together. I think that if you put a use-by date on a relationship – he’s moving back to his country, you’re moving away etc – it really cheapens it and you begin to believe it could never work beyond that time.
I’m thankful he only lives a half hour away, rather than half a world away! There are some absolutely gorgeous stories on here that show love can last over the vast distances which most people see as barriers.
Oh! My God! He’s come to you, you can’t just turn away because you “only” have nine months!
My first real serious love, I dated him for… 5 months? We split due to circumstances beyond our control (dead relatives have the tendency to put a damper on things), but I don’t regret a single second. You have SO MUCH time to be with this boy. I think it gives you a real opportunity to live in the present.
My current boyfriend, I have been seeing for about 7 months, + it’s the longest relationship I’ve ever been in (I tend to have a pretty short expiration date… I know when I don’t want something anymore). It also feels like I’ve known him for years, because we get on so well.
Really, really! Go for it! We’re all rooting for you. And you’ll just kick yourself if you let it go by, I promise.
I love you all, seriously. You are just brilliant and so optimistic!
It scares me how relevant your articles are sometimes Gala! I have just begun dating a beautiful American boy who is finishing up his masters degree at the end of the year at my Australian university( I am a mere first year!) and whilst all the initial feelings of excitement and possibility are there, of course underneath the surface the realisation that it may be short is definitely there. However we are both trying our hardest to live in the present moment, enjoy the now, because everything that is unravelling is exactly how it is meant to plan out.
This article makes so much sense, it’s incredible. After several failed flings, I’ve finally accepted that the best kind of love is the low with absolutely no expectations. If you go in with and open heart and an open mind, you generally find that your relationship grows effortlessly, because you do not already have a preconceived notion of how the relationship should flow in your mind.
with your past two articles in particular, i am reminded of why i come to this site. your writting is so inspirational/ motivating/ etc. it really brightens my day/ makes me look forward to tomorrow/ etc. Thank you!
I guess when I enter a relationship, I expect it to last. I’ve always been afraid to get hurt, so I’m very careful, but as proved recently, no matter how careful you are.. it doesn’t do anything. I think it made it worse.
I really like your entry Gala because it made me consider a new perspective of past relationships and future relationships. Maybe a more positive one? It doesn’t matter how long it is, what matters is what it has done or will do to develop yourself as a person. My past relationship really hit me hard and I went through really dark times, but when I look back now I realise I’ve learnt a lot about myself and people around me.
Thank-you for the article
i am actually going through this situation right now. for the last year, ive been dating a wonderful guy who was my friend before we began dating. we discussed the fact that he wont stay in texas forever, and hes quitting his job to go on a 6 month hike up the appalachian trail in march. its been brought up several times that he probably wont be coming back to texas, so where does that leave us? was i offended when he decided on this journey? yes. would i be an idiot to not let him go? yes. id rather take the risk of learning what he has to teach me and sacrifice him having a change of heart while on his journey, than lose the opportunity to get to know him on another level. and honestly, ive never experienced a relationship as open, stress-free and honest as he and i have. its truly amazing, and i cant wait to see what the future holds. if we stay together and we move away together after his hike. cool. if we break up after his hike and he still leaves. cool. he truly is an amazing man, and i wouldnt ask for anything less.
Thanks for the article, Gala! What an interesting read :)
In the article situation, it would totally make sense to be hands-off and not get too involved. Except there’s 9 months about to work something out. I think that’s enough time to get something working that lasts [if it does! and if it doesn’t, it’d be a good short-term relationship. we live and learn and move on].
Personally, I place a lot on relationship potential. That doesn’t mean I don’t take chances, but everyone ALWAYS has goals in mind, no matter how short (getting out of bed) or long-term (marriage!) they are.
Lately, looking at everyone else’s relationships (and they are EXTREMELY varied in terms of length and depth), relationships seem less like a “fun” thing and more like a serious working effort. I guess I’m sort of pessimistic about it. “Seeing where it goes”, if you want it to last, will eventually lead to some serious discussions and possibly tough decisions.
Flings just aren’t my thing, though. I guess that’s why I haven’t actually HAD a relationship (and I’m 22. go ahead, laugh). X(
i met this guy that i was instantly attracted to, who lived so far away. i had made a personal pact against long distance relationships, but once he left, i couldn’t stop thinking about him.
We stayed together for four years and i have never loved anyone so much.
we split up at the beginning of the year, but over the last few months we have seen more and more of eachother and it looks like we will probably get back together.
always give love a chance. even if you think it might not work, or it goes against a personal rule, i would give it a shot. you never know.
and if it doesn’t work, at least you won’t be left wondering
Hi Gala! I’m a long-time fan, first-time reviewer beause I just haven’t had anything much to contribute til now. xD
I totally agree with the ‘Take a risk’ idea. My situation’s a little different to the one above, but it’s still the long distance thing. I fell head-over-heels for my lover after we met online (not through a dating site though, lol), despite the fact there was a good 1,000km separating us. It took 6 months to orchestrate a meeting, but it was the most amazing week of my life and very much worth the wait. _
We’re both still in high school, so we’re only able to see each other face-to-face in the holidays… but even if it’s a very emotionally-wearing situation sometimes, I totally support long distance relationships – as long as both parties are willing to try and make it work. Since we’re planning our future after school together, it really makes me try my hardest because I’ve got something I really want to work towards.
And yeah, absolutely amazing article Gala! As always!! xx
~Hikki
This is my situation exactly. I’ve been dating a boy from norway who is living in my country for a year on studentexchange. i love him a lot. but he is leaving to go home in 2.5 months. We click so well. i won’t see him for nearly a year after that, being as i’m going to go on student exchange to norway in 2010.
He broke up with me to save the heartache some. He said if we broke up now it will hurt less than if we broke up later… unfortunatly its just hurting me continueslly being as i have no chance of getting over him while he is still here and i see him all the time.
I don’t think he loves me as much as i love him though… someone always has to fall harder than the other… i fell soooooooo hard.
I’ve just moved from California to Virginia as a sort of a stop-over before I move to England, and I didn’t expect to meet anyone while I was here, but I’ve met a sweet boy who I’ll be leaving soon. And I’m sad to see it end but I know we’ll always stay friends and I’ll always have fond memories of him, and that’s better than never having known him… so, go for it.
I have been struggling to communicate this concept myself on my own blog. This article has summed it up beautifully, thank you.
Relationships do not always need need to equate to happily ever after, sometimes it is okay to have a relationship that is fun with a person that you are emotionally involved with, a person you may love but are not necessarily be ‘in love’ with.
Life is a mix of good and bad every day, no day is ‘perfect’. My philosophy is that you must take some risks in life, be willing to hurt, if you are not open to the pain of hurt, how can you be open to the joy of love?
hi gala! i have been checking your site daily since i happily discovered it 2 weeks ago.
7 years into my relationship with my boyfriend who i really thought i was going to marry, i met someone else (online gasp). i didn’t even realize that i didn’t love my bf anymore till the other guy came along…because when the day came that i had to choose, i easily chose the other guy.
we just celebrated our 2nd anniversary this august, and every year just keeps getting better!
and did i forget to mention that it’s a long distance relationship? i am in manila and he is in honolulu, and we have been going out on international dates. :)
So true! And I’m glad you mentioned the non-romantic things that can come of being open to seemingly terminal relationships!
I went on a year abroad in the US, and only one other student from my uni was going to the same place as me. From never meeting him and knowing only that he had a foreign sounding name, I figured we probably wouldn’t have much in common, but oh well cos I could just get on with making the best of the US experience.
Well he turned out to be my closest friend there, and together we bonded immensely not only with each other and the american students, but also with the dozen other exchange guys from around the world. Eventually he and I annoyed each other and bickered in such an intimate way it had to be love..and we’ve been together for two years now! :D Also we now have these amazing friends from all over the world, which not only opens our eyes to different cultures and attitudes, but also means we have unlimited excuses for getting away and visiting them all!
Sex and the city much?
My last boyfriend and I had been together for 3.5years when we broke up in a rather horrible fashion when he walked out for someone else. Even though this was totally horrible, I don’t regret having moved halfway accross the world to live with him for our first year together (he moved to canada 3months after we started dating and I followed 3months later) and then moved to his home state when we returned to Aus. If I hadn’t of done that then I would never have made some wonderful friends and done some wonderful things. It’s been bittersweet, but whether things work or not something good always will come from it.
nicola, thank you for posting your story, i am about to meet a guy i met on the internet over in america, as i noted above in my post, and i am from australia… and i just really right now needed to hear your positive story!
xo
It looks like a lot of people really connect to this idea.
It’s funny how impeccable your timing is.
A few months ago, I met this really amazing girl and had a whirlwind 5 weeks or so that we spent together. I was in awe, but she had to move across the country for an internship. For a long time I held up the hope that she’d move back to New York when it was over, but that possibility never came to be and she stayed out west.
Just recently, I’m coming to terms with closure, and the fact that many things just aren’t meant to be forever or for long-term.
I think one of the things that is equally important to realize is that even if you know that a person might be leaving, even if you know that you may never see them again, it’s still worth the risk and worth the possible heartache. There’s something to be said for beautiful memories and for sharing that point in your life with someone else, even if there’s no chance for it to last, it’s still all worthwhile.
I fell in love with a boy at a veeeery young age. There were alot of risks involved with being with him… but I knew you just can’t think like ‘ but what if we break up?’ I ended up moving to Australia with him when I was 16 for 6 months. I grew up alot. We broke up but you’re right… love makes you grow up and evolve so much!
And now I have new love!!! :)
well, i’ve been in this situation – with a dutch exchange student. it eventually ended, after a couple of years and a lot of transnational flights(!!). i had the same doubts when i started seeing him, but even now – i do not regret a single thing.
i say: leap.
Hi there..This is the first time I have come across your blog..and i think its awesome! This is the type of blog Im needing right now..a blog that talks about life. Your post really touched closed to home for me. Im in a relationship of 3 years and my boyfriend is leaving for good soon when the whole time I thought that we had a wonderful future ahead of us but things change. Right now things are rather emotional for me because we are going to be breaking up and there is a very good chance that I will never see him again. I dont and will never regret going into this relationship because i would never be the person i am today and he is the person tht taught me how to love. that is a something that you cant forget about it. it stays with you forever. keep rocking the good work!
Ah, I loved this post. I’m about ready to take a chance with someone I like as well.
I suppose this could also be considered “expiration dating”, since he’s a senior (and I am not) and he is going to be graduating in May.
It’s all really strange circumstances of how I like him and all that, and he really doesn’t even know me aside from the fact that I sent him a message and told him I think he’s cute…but my friend is going to tell him tomorrow that I like him.
And hopefully HE knows how to take a chance.
I met my now-husband when I was an exchange student in Canada. Although we were only friends while I was there, we kept in touch and nearly 4 years later he proposed! He moved to Australia, we got married, and 7 years later we have just had our first child together.
Definitely take the chance with this guy. You never know quite where it might lead – it could just be a great (or not-so-great) short-term relationship, he could end up being the love of your life, or you could just end up as friends. At the very least it means you’ll know someone in Europe to stay with when you go travelling!
I wish I had read this before I lost my chances.
Although In doing so I learned myself. Thanks for reminding me again. I plan to plunge into the dark hallway in hope that the door at the ends leads to a place even more beautiful than what I already have.
Now.. for that opportunity…
“Every connection has the potential to change your life.” I’m really loving these stories.. they are about love and hope and life. I myself have had a long-distance romance that took my breath away with someone I met while traveling in Italy and who lives in Italy (I’m in the U.S.), and even if it lasted less time than I wanted it to, I will never regret it happening. Although I am hurting over the reason it ended… he met someone else who lives where he does, and we no longer are in contact, when we were together I considered moving there with him when he asked me, and I may have done it because I didn’t want to ask “what if?” years down on the road, wondering about the road not taken. The choice has been made for me, however, but this experience showed me what it means to live life and how every day in your life and every person and circumstance, big or small, you come across has an amazing potential to change your life in unexpected ways. At the end, in most cases, you will most likely regret things you didn’t do more than ones you did do. Best of luck and happiness to all of you! :)
Wow, I’ve loved all of these stories. You guys are all so inspiring.
So….my story:
I’d been through a really hard time last December and it’d be pretty accurate to say I was rather depressed. I’d been struggling with depression, ocd and other things for around 3 years. At the end of that month I met a girl online ( gasp! really not as bad as it sounds) and we got talking. From the first time we spoke I knew I really liked her and almost straight away we began talking very regularly; we, for want of a better word, clicked. We had a lot in common and had so much to talk about. I found myself talking to her about all sorts, from movies and music to life and myself. She did the same.
Over the next few months we talked pretty much every day and became extremely good friends. She recommended a story to me and we both read it; there were some shocking similarities between our relationship and personalities and the ones in the story. One day not long after, she wrote me a letter and told me some things that were hard for her to say, some problems she’d been having, things she’d been dealing with and the way she felt about me. When I first realised what I felt for her, I was absolutely terrified. It was so impractical, unlikely, inconvenient and I was so, so scared. So when she told me she felt the same without me even mentioning anything to her, I was shocked.
A few days later we acknowledged the way we felt towards each other and decided that we had to give it a go, because although it wasn’t practical or an ideal situation and despite the fact it was scary, neither of us could ignore the way we felt or risk losing something amazing.
It’s now almost five months later and although it may not sound like a very long time, I’ve changed so much. We both have. Through her friendship from the months before and everything else in our relationship since, she’s helped me so much, with everything I was struggling with. She’s incredible and although it’s a huge cliche, I love her with everything that I am and more than I thought I could love anyone. It’s so, so hard being away from her (different countries of the uk) and at times, it’s very diificult to deal with but I’m so unbelievably grateful that I have her and I know I would never ever give up what we have.
I’m planning on moving to be closer to her and if all goes well, I’ll be moving around the middle of next year.
♥
2 and 1/2 months ago, I met a man 7 years my senior and hit things off immediately. In 6 months he’ll be finishing school and making a huge decision about where to move his life. Meanwhile, I’m firmly planted at a college in Boston and have no idea if I’ll be able to make the leap and leave with him.
However, at this very moment he’s lying in bed next to me. And no matter what happens between us, I will never ever regret any of it.