He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...
[ 23 September 2009 ]
I recently received this email & thought, who better to answer it than all of YOU? You constantly boggle me with your insights, depth, wisdom & compassion, so do you want to give it a shot?!
“My boyfriend for nearly three and a half years has told me that he is no longer sure of his feelings towards me. We have been fighting a bit over the last two months and I put it down to being busy and tiredness, as it is that time of year for us. However, when I asked him if he still loved me, he said he wasn’t sure how he felt and suggested we needed a weekend away together to see how we are and if we fight. We are not living together and work opposite hours, which is difficult, as finding time to see each other can be hard. I have this horrible feeling inside as if we have already broken up. I know we haven’t, but the feeling is hard to shake off. The room we have booked away is lovely with spa bath and king size bed. Should I go into the trip putting what has been said at the back of my mind and enjoy myself and leave the arguing at home? Or is there a better approach, because how do you have a romantic weekend when you know your boyfriend isn’t sure of his feelings towards you?
What advice would you give to this girl?
Here’s what I think.
Yes, you should put the arguments, problems & difficulty to the back of your mind. If you want to scrap it out, you might as well save your money & stay at home! It sounds like the two of you have things to work out, sure, but if you can try to put that aside & just work on enjoying one another’s company, you will have a much better base on which to build.
Put another way: it makes sense to remind yourselves how much you like each other before you decide to dive into repairing whatever needs to be fixed. Otherwise, it’s easy to forget how good it can be when you’re together, & you may feel less inclined to work on it!
People feel unsure of their feelings on all kinds of things all the time, it’s just rare that one person will be brave enough to admit it. If all the two of you have been doing is argue, it’s not surprising that he is uncertain how he feels about you. But the fact that he suggested the two of you go away together is HUGE. From what I can see, it means that deep down, he still loves you, & you are important enough to him that he wants to either fix things or be sure before the two of you potentially make a huge mistake. Don’t take this lightly — it’s like you’ve been given a Golden Ticket. Take it & run with it. Make the most of it.
Spend time together without the television on, lie around & eat & do all those things couples do. Try to rediscover what brought you together in the first place. Talk about where you met, laugh about your first date, & discuss things you want to do in the future.
You might end up talking about some of the problems you’re having, & weird as it might sound, doing that in a hotel room is probably one of the best places you could open a dialogue, because it’s totally neutral territory for both of you. But if you don’t, it’s not the end of the world.
It’s important to remember that your “issues” or whatever will be waiting for you when you get home. Life continues to be the same regardless of whether you’ve been away on holiday or not. But hopefully you will have unearthed what brought you together in the first place, & you will have rekindled some of the spark that made you fall in love in the beginning, & it will give you the collective strength you need to fix whatever is broken.
Et maintenant, nonpareils? What would you do if you were in this girl’s situation?
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Sounds like he wants to give it a shot…if that’s what she wants too, then this is a good sign.
I fully agree with Gala, he cares about you and the relationship enough to try and fix it you should take this opportunity. Buy some skittles and have fun :)
It sounds like he’s being reasonable, but I wouldn’t oblige to the weekend getaway just yet. Can’t you work out your feelings closer to home? If you’re not sexually active AND waiting until marriage, you could be just asking for one big problem.
If you are sexually active and well in love, I would say go for it.
- Vanessa
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Hey there.
A weekend away is a great idea and seeing as it was his suggestion it sounds like he wants to make things work or at least have the space to figure out his mind set (with you there). Take a step back from everything in your life when you go away. Enjoy your time, specially with this person you’ve spent the last 3 and a bit years with. Also, maybe he is feeling a little unsure of his feelings about you but maybe about life in general as well. Everyone has times in their life when things just dont seem to feel right, we all need reminders of why our life is wonderful and that our future, every second that passes, is important and its all we have so we must make the most of it.
Leave any stress at home. I find stress is not helpful to any resolve no matter how huge or small the issue is. Take this time to relax and maybe while he figures out whats going on in his life you can too. make sure its a balanced weekend.
Gala is right in saying talk about how you first met and how you fell in love that should make you both remember why you are okay with diffucult time tables and that your love is worth it.
I really hope things go well for you and your man, however it ends, specially keep in mind how amazing you are, your unique qualities and quirks that make you who you are and how much your life is worth everything you put into it.
Love, Jade
I also agree with Gala. The fact that he suggested this weekend getaway shows that he still cares and wants to work things out.
I’ve never personally been in a situation like this but this is what I think I would do.
I think that the moment someone begins to question their feelings or motives towards a relationship, that’s the sign that you need to delve deep and find out the deeper reasons for why you’re in that relationship.
This definitely isn’t a sign that you should break up with him or vice versa but rather a sign that you need to assess the relationship and the destination it’s heading to and how fast you’re driving there. He does want to make this work with you – this is signaled by him initially telling you that he’s questioned his feelings which would be a big step for him to do. He also initiated the getting away, which does mean he wants to work at this and spend quality time with you. I agree with Gala – take the weekend and run with it.
I think you should definitely either initiate or become involved in a conversation about his feelings vs yours, etc but not straight away. Spend some time together first. Do what Gala said, watch tv and be all coupley! Feed each other fondue! But it’s an issue that has come up and I don’t think you shouldn’t just brush it aside and leave it at the back of your mind – you need to fix it. If you just leave it, you may begin to question your own feelings and it may subconsciously affect you later on in the relationship. He’s made the first step by addressing the issue now you need to work out where it’s come from and where it’s going.
I hope this helped! Good luck!
xx
I totally agree with Gala – I’ve been in a situation much like this… My partner of 2 years and I had gotten into a funk, and both weren’t sure of our feelings towards each other. Unfortunately, when we tried to fix our problems, we both realised we’d both grown up, and grown apart, and as much as we still loved each other, it wasn’t the same kind of love as it used to be, and we split. We’re still good friends though, and everything is fine between us.
I think the fact he suggested a weekend away is huge, and does show that he must still love you deeply, because it shows that he has the initiative to actually make a move to sort out whatever the problem is. Put aside whatever ill feelings you have, leave all your other problems and stresses at home, go for the weekend away, enjoy yourself, and try to recapture what brought you two together in the first place.
The fact that you both live apart and work opposite hours has probably put a bit of strain on the relationship, so this is a wonderful time to spend more time together, talk deeply about everything – the good things like why you care about each other, your first date, what you really appreciate about each other, and what you both see for the future, and talk about the bad things, like why there has been a strain put on the relationship, why you’re both in this funk, and what you can both do to work it all out.
I hope everything goes well for you, my dear, but I think you’re both going to be fine whatever the outcome. Let us all know how it goes!
Oh my God! Two years ago, this could literally have been me writing this email. I had the exact same experience and came out of it a great deal wiser.
My boyfriend and i had an incredible relationship. However, at about the three and a bit year mark, we had a few problems. we started fighting a bit about inane things, and a few times we had some serious disagreements. Basically, before this point we had never really fought. After a few years together, when things started to get serious, normal tiffs and conflict became a huge deal for us, and we didn’t know how to handle it.
I always thought that if a relationship was right, that you would never have any doubts, and there would be no fights, and you would automatically understand everything your partner was feeling and anticipate their every need. This is not the case. People in love do fight, and you can’t expect your lover to understand your feelings without making them known.
I began to doubt whether I was really in love with him anymore, and he felt the same. We went away together for a weekend to a beautiful hotel where we had stayed when our relationship was new. It was wonderful, and we had a great time together, but as Gala said, when we came home, there was still a lot of baggage waiting for us.
These problems went on for a while, and a month or so later my boyfriend broke up with me. I was heartbroken, not only because the relationship ended, but because i missed him like crazy. Some friends tried to cheer me up, but I honestly felt as though a piece of me had been cut out. I had never met another person who understood me as well as what he did. He was so generous and kind, and gorgeous and romantic. When i was with him, i felt like i could be myself completely.
After a month apart, we ran into one another by chance. We caught up for a chat and wound up spending the night together, talking and crying, kissing and sleeping in eachother’s arms. He had missed me as much as i missed him, and we realised that we had something really special, and that it was worth putting in the effort to salvage it.
I don’t think our break-up was a mistake. It gave us a lot of perspective and allowed us some time to re-evaluate. It’s taken a while, but once we sat down and began talking about our fears and the things we weren’t happy with in our relationship, most of them were pretty similar. It took a bit of practice, but now we are closer than ever, and are able to talk out and solve our problems early before they snowball. We have settled a lot of our doubts and are happier than ever.
I think that you should go away and try to enjoy it. Don’t be constantly “checking” yourself to see if you are having a good time. just go with the flow and have a good think about it afterwards. It might also be a good idea to take some time apart. See how you feel and whether you think the relationship is worth saving, and whether you think it is possible to salvage it. If you do, try to write a letter to yourself outlining the things you are unhappy or unsure about, and be prepared to have some heart-to-heart chats with your lover. Don’t lose hope, it is possible to rebuild your relationship, but only if it is what you both truly want. And if you do really want it, it’s worth trying.
just take a chance and don’t be afraid. Leap and a net will appear.
I have literally just experienced this!
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and lived together for six months. For the past month we were arguing about absolutely everything and resulting to being really immature.
I was having second thoughts about the relationship and wasn’t sure if I still loved him at all, so we stayed awake one night and talked about EVERYTHING.
He couldn’t raise his voice and he had to sit down so he couldn’t be intimidating (he’s much taller than me) and I would try not to cry (I do it at the drop of a hat, kind of embarrassing!).
We realised between us, we had the worries of him losing his job, his credit card debt, having recently moved house, family worries for me, my impending birthday party, his temporary job doing night shift so we never saw each other, and me hating my current job… plus he wasn’t feeling like a man because I was paying for everything.
So… we decided to go away last weekend. We packed our best outfits and champagne and we got really dressed up and as soon as we left home, and those distractions, it felt like everything was perfect again!
We didn’t talk about money or work or family all weekend. It turned out the hotel room was tiny and falling apart and the view was terrible, but the beach was perfect we laughed about it and had so much fun lazing around together.
This week we have been inseperable again and have made a plan to deal with everything.
He said he loves me more than ever and now I feel the same! Last night we ate pizza in bed and read Cosmo together and he set his alarm ten minutes early so we could cuddle.
Complete advocate of the trip away!
He wants to work on this relationship! If he had given up already he would have suggested that you two spend the weekend apart. He is trying and he is being honest. Definitely go to the weekend get away.
A fight will follow you anywhere…I remember bickering about something stupid with my new husband while on our honeymoon in Paris!
I think you need to make a personal decision whether you want this relationship to continue or not. If you think it is nearing an end and not worth it then call it off. But if you personally are dedicated, no matter what you think he might think, then go on the getaway and show him how good things can be and remind him of why he loves you. Avoid all argument and spoil him and youself. Make it the best time ever. If he still ends things after that then at least you went out with a bang and it’s his loss anyway.
Good Luck xx
Going on a couples vacation is only forcing you to try to stop fighting. You’re going to end up swallowing your problems and instincts because neither of you will want to ruin a good vacation.
A day at the spa can’t cover up whatever is problematic between you two. Problems don’t magically go away because of a weekend together.
By all means, take the trip. But use it as a time to calm down, reflect on what truly matters, and sort out your feelings and if the problems lie within him, yourself, or in your relationship.
Stick to his idea, see how it goes. And then when you get back home take a day off to think through what had happened. If it was good, and the love is still there. Anything can happen. And if its bad, and there’s no more feelings. There’s nothing to regret, as you just gain a better understanding of yourself and how the world goes round.
Love as much as you can, and regret none of it.
Then you know you did your best.
Have confidence. Things will fall down into place soon. Hope you’re blissful :)
Go for it! What could it hurt, in the end? If everything really is hanging by a thread it’s worth taking the leap.
Mixing metaphors aside, I was there not too long ago – only I was the one with the unsure feelings. On the absolute verge of a breakup and after barely having spoken for around 3 months, I went to see my boyfriend in a play he was doing. Absolutely in his element and far removed from all of the issues we had been going back and forth on, it all made sense. I almost cried sitting in the audience all by myself, but, you know… if you’re trying to get your boyfriend back it’s best if your mascara stays put, no? Anyway… after that we spent the weekend together… and then the next 3 years (now 6.5 years total, for scale).
Someone to whom you have given so much of your life is always worth a second chance. Step back from the issues and try your very hardest to actually see him for who he really is. This is what my Mom told be 3 or so years ago and she was 100% right (as always). With so many issues flying around it’s easy to associate them with him, but he isn’t just those issues. Neither are you.
I hope that both of you can see one another exactly as you did when you first got together and (would it be wrong to assume) fell in love. That’s a total cheese-fest, but those two people are still in there, they’ve just been smudged by schedules and arguments. Do it for them.
Go, Have fun. If you already feel as though your relationship is over then what have you got to loose?
If you don’t go you will fight more, about why your not going and break up sooner rather than later. There is much more to gain from going and seeing how it will work out.
If worse comes to worse and you break up on the trip then go out and have some single girl time. You have the weekend off and an endless supply of touristy things at your disposal.
I totally agree with gala. I’ve been through this situation, where my ex (after two years) told me that he wasn’t sure about his feelings any more. I, however, broke up with HIM because of his silent attitude when he said it, as if he was expecting me to do something about it. This showed me that he didn’t want to fight, so I let him go.
However, with you, your boyfriend seems to want to make a real effort. Do not underestimate him suggesting this weekend away, it’s pretty huge!
Go and have fun, this might all work out for the best.
Love, Lune.
I definitely think you should try the weekend away: you’ve dedicated 3 and 1/2 years of your life to this guy, so what’ve you got to lose?
I’ve been in a situation almost identical to this before and I definitely think that a weekend away is an excellent idea. It gives you a break from the monotonous routine relationships can sometimes lead to and gives you plenty of time for you and your boyfriend to sit down and talk about how you’re feeling.
Try not to get your hopes up too much. If your boyfriend feels like he may not have as stronger feelings for you as he once did, the weekend is probably not going to be as happy and romantic as it would have been when you two were going through a better patch in your relationship.
If I where you I wouldn’t go away with him. to me it sounds like he just wants to weigh up his options. Keeping you as a girlfriend until he decides if he wants to be single. I hate men who do this drag you down and make you feel like you need them in your life. When infact your life is better without him!
I would say
Don’t try and ignore issues which are important to you, or things he does that hurt you, just because you’re going on a weekend holiday together. There’s no point trying to manufacture a magical weekend together if you’re just suppressing hurt/anger/fear that will just come out again when you’re back home.
Use the time to observe how he behaves when he’s not tired and stressed and working opposite hours. Does he seem close to you again, now that there’s nothing else weighing on him? Is he making an effort to enjoy your time together? Or does he seem like he’s grown apart from you, even when he’s not distracted by everyday life?
This will help you figure out if you think you still have enough chemistry to make things work again at home.
The biggest part of the battle is willingness. Clearly he’s willing to work on things, which means he doesn’t want to lose you. He’s confused. It sounds like he doesn’t want to hurt you & he’s being honest. Lucky you!
That said, it’s really hard to go away together for a weekend when you know it’s a “test.” He wants to see how things are & if you fight…it will be hard to put that out of your mind.
In my experience, if you treat something like it’s going to make or break your relationship, it will probably end up breaking it. Go into this weekend with a positive attitude knowing he’s willing to work on your relationship.
I hope things work out for you both, but if they don’t, realize that there’s someone even better out there for you & at least this guy was honest & thoughtful enough not to waste your time any longer.
Good luck!
I, like many of you, have also been in this situation. In fact, I have been in this situation for a while now. The only thing difference I see is that everybody elses boyfriend is making an effort. My boyfriend never offers to help out with anything (especially thr cleaning), then yells at me when I say I wish he would do this or that. Other times, he yells at me until I cry and/ tells me I ruined the day or something. He also blames me for almost everything that goes wrong. The only reason I put up with how badly I get treated is because somewhere, deep down, is that boy that I fell in love with 3 yeas ago. I just hope he hasn’t been lost.
Oh sweetie, I’m sorry things are in limbo with your boyfriend. Three and a half years is a long time to be with someone and you are grappling with some major life choices. Not to say that if things are broken you shouldn’t walk away, but I bet there is a very strong bond between you two, something worth fighting for. Don’t prematurely lose hope. If he is a genuine person, then he must care for you deeply to tell you about his doubts. Don’t hold it against him just to protect yourself from pain or rejection. It would have been easier for him to not face the problem head on, to just let things fade. Instead, I think it’s encouraging that you both still care deeply about the relationship.
So, I think, go into the weekend with an open mind (although don’t ignore you intuition if it doesn’t feel right anymore), and try to remember all the things that made you fall in love before strains of work and life weakened your bond.
My husband and I actually went through a very difficult period about 4 years before we were married. We did break up for about 7 months. It got to the point were I felt like the relationship was making me act in ways that I didn’t respect—I was mean, held grudges and was assuming the worse of his intentions. Since it had deteriorated so much, I knew I had to move on, spend time focusing on developing myself professionally and emotionally, and give myself a chance to heal. Afterward, I realized that I still thought the world of him and we slowly became friends again and it later grew into love.
If the love is still there, then give it a chance. Work schedules will change, life has a way of adjusting, but finding someone you love and who loves you back is a very precious thing.
I believe this is what people mean when they say that relationships take work. My parents have been happily married for 26 years this year, and I know that is because they understand the work it takes to stay that way. Best of luck!
It sounds like he is suggesting the weekend away to see if you still fight even when there are no external pressures – such as working opposite hours and stressing over whether you’re going to be able to spend time together.
I think that sounds like a good experiment. By removing the pressures which you believe to be the problem – tiredness, busyness – then that puts you in a position to rediscover each other. So, yeah, I agree with Gala.
When it comes to leading busy lives and having a relationship, I think a lot of the stress from that comes from having expectations of each other and expecting each to adhere to certain relationship ‘rules’. If you relax the expectations of the relationship and accept that you may not get to see each other as much as you’d like, then perhaps you’ll enjoy the time you do get to spend together more, rather than resenting the fact that it’s not as much as you’d like.
I would go. You clearly love him and want to make it work, and he wants to see if it will. Try not to build up any expectations of the weekend, such as that it’s already over or that you ‘ought’ to enjoy yourself because that’s the point. Let it unfold as it does. Remember that you’re awesome and totally worthy of whatever you want out of life.
Oh, and take full advantage of the spa bath! Hope you have a good time,
xx
I’m sorry, but I find it a bit immature to want to book a romantic getaway to figure out his feelings toward you. I think he should either approach this situation head on – being as open and honest as possible with you, or take some time to be alone and do some soul-searching.
I say wait to go to the spa. Why pretend that everything’s OK when it isn’t? I’m sorry that you’re in this situation. It sounds very hard. Good luck! :)
Personally, I couldn’t think of a more toruous ordeal than spending the weekend with someone I love and having to worry about everything I say, think or feel… wondering if he’s going to dump me when we get back home because I said the ‘wrong’ thing.
Trust what you know: 1. A few months ago, without all the busyness and stress, you weren’t really fighting that much, 2. You love him and are willing to sort any issues out.
Then talk to him. Let him know that you care for him, and that perhaps being removed from a stressful environment wouldn’t necessarily mean that everything would magically change when you got back. Suggest that you try and get through any issues on a day off at home, not during a romantic get away. Be prepared to give him some space, most people realise how much they love the other person when they’re not around. Once you’ve worked out any issues, and decided that you both still want to be together then go on a weekend away.
Instead of a weekend away being a test of your relationship, why not make it a sign that you both believe that love is still in the air.
I would not want to try to make things work with someone who questioned their feelings about me. I am not wishy-washy. You love, or you don’t. It is a big world and relationships end and begin. I say you take a break. Also, if you feel as if you have already broken up, you have. Gut feelings are go….remember that there is no such thing as a sure thing.
Thats just what i think.
You mention that the two of you have been fighting a lot recently, and I think that is key. It isn’t that he’s unsure of his feelings for you out of nowhere. He might be unsure if he wants to be in a relationship that is constantly negative.
I say go away for the weekend! The only reason you wouldn’t is because of your fears, and at this point I think your fears could become a self-fulfilling prophecy and ruin the relationship.
He probably just wants things to be relaxed and fun and is unsure because they aren’t. You are having fear because of his uncertainty (which you clearly sensed), so you’re wanting to delve into it and analyze it, etc., which will probably only cause more stress and uncertainty on his part.
Set your worries aside and have a fun-filled weekend!
in the relationship i’m in now i’ve been through something very simiar. i could have written this letter 2½ months ago. i stayed, i fought, i loved. we’re still together and i think we have a solid relationship again. even though this has been the most dramatic relationship i’ve been in it’s also the best so far and i decided i wanted to give it a go and so far i’m not sorry. i think you have to go with your gut feeling on this, it’s a frustrating answer but it’s the only one as i see it. no one can tell you what you feel and how much effort you’re willing to put into the relationship. either you want to fight until the end or you feel you’d be better off alone. it’s horrible being told the one you’re with might not be that interested anymore, and it might feel as if you’re forced to be an underdog, but it’s all up to how you react to it, what your goals are and how much you’re willing to gamble. all my best and sympathy. xo
if you take time apart, the absence will make your and his feelings clear.
Yes, he still cares, and he wants to do the right thing, as do you. The fighting obviously hurts both of you. Go on the weekend trip, and try to talk about what’s been burdening your relationship lately. Maybe there are some things you need to air out in a peaceful environment. At the end of your weekend, you’ll feel more confident in your own feelings, and you might gain some insight into his. Don’t ignore your gut feeling. Tell him how you feel and why, and hopefully the two of you will reach the conclusion that is best for both of you. Good luck!
I would spend some time thinking in the time leading up to your trip about where the problems in your relationship lie. be honest with yourself & your role in it. think of how to present these problems honestly & fairly, in a way that won’t set him on edge. put these out of mind & focus on enjoying your trip until an opportunity arises to have a deeper discussion. In my experience, if the talk is successful you’ll be brought closer & have en even more amazing night.
it used to happen a lot with my (now ex-) bf and me, but it might have been diferent. it actually took me more than 1 month to realize what had been happening.
and i agree with gala, take it lightly, go and be in a neutral place to talk, it wil probably show up if it was rly ment to be discussed at that time, if not, u can always talk back at home. good luck
My friends and I have spent a lot of time wondering about the actions of men – generally, my conclusion has been that they get confused. A lot.
I definitely agree with Gala, not only because her advice is sound in trying to mend your relationship in a neutral space, but also because this gives you some time to get away and focus on your relationship as one thing in your life instead of pushing it to the side because of work and other issues. With that ability, maybe he can clear up some of his confusions and really figure out where his feelings are. I think he took the mature step in offering up this weekend together rather than internalizing his feelings with no room to talk. I’ve met a few guys that take that approach every time and it never changes anything.
Overall, even if your relationship doesn’t return immediately to its former grace and passion, at least this weekend will give you some time to focus on yourselves and cherish what you have at the moment. I have faith that you’ll work it out in the small moments – especially when you’re not looking.
Hi!
I just want to say that I understand what you’re going through! This happened to me with my boyfriend of a year and a half. The last two months we were together he kept telling me that he wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore. I still loved him a lot and I didn’t know how to handle the fact.
The last two months of our relationship had arguments and fights like we had never had before. I didn’t know how to handle it exactly.
The relationship ended because he had moved on without me and I was devastated.
I think that things would have gone a lot better if I had started thinking about what he said earlier. You should really think about how he has been acting towards you and if you feel that the relationship has any momentum any more.
You should also look at your OWN feelings. I thought I loved him when he said that, but now I realize that I might have just forced myself to love him because I was afraid of losing what I had.
I think that going away together just isn’t going to do anything. In my opinion, when you come back it could just go back to the rocky way that it was.
I think you need to sit and talk withOUT yelling, about what the problem is, and about your relationship’s future. Know that if things end with you alone, it won’t be forever!
GOOD LUCK!
I believe that a weekend away is a great way to cut out other interuptions and distractions and just spend time one on one talking and having fun. It’s so so so normal to have fights and stages of move fighting then normal. My fiance and I have been through many of these patches throughout different stages of the relationship and we always got through it. It took patience and understanding and love, but I’m so glad that we pushed through it. Our relationship only grew stronger through those times.
I know that when my fiance and I go away (even when things are fine) that we always just feel that much more closer and happier after those weekends and it re-inforces how much we love each other. It is important to spend quality time together and what better way then a weekend getaway. It is definately a good way to clear your head and re-realise the things that made you fall in love in the first place.
Good luck and I hope it works out for you.
I’m in a 4 year relationship now and there have been times when I’ve thought “is he REALLY the guy for me?”. I’m sure he’s had his moments too.
It’s normal and it’s actually a healthy sign that you’re conscious in the relationship as opposed to just going with the flow.
I’m going to give you advice that is going to seem a bit weird. I think in relationships sometimes we forget we are 2 individual people deciding to share a life together as opposed to 2 halves of 1 whole except that the 2 halves don’t quite seem to agree on how things should be.
So take a step back from the “relationship” and see him and enjoy him as an individual. Notice and appreciate all the things he does for you. Remember who you are as an individual. Flirt with him as if he was a cute stranger at a bar who caught your eye. Just have fun and then after you have reminded yourselves enough that your relationship is more than your issues, you are ready to discuss them.
great advice. Just make sure that you aren’t walking on hot coals the whole time. this shouldn’t be a test for you. it should be for u two together :)