Help! My Mother Is Evil!
[ 8 July 2009 ]
Tricky, tricky, tricky.
Here’s the thing: your mother is not perfect. She knows it, & you definitely know it! The biggest thing to remember about dealing with your mother — & every person you meet, actually — is that everything she says to you has been run through her internal filter. Her internal filter has been affected by her childhood, the things her parents said to her, the things she has tried to do & succeeded at, the things she has tried to do & failed at, her own personal belief systems & how happy she is with her own life.
It’s very possible that this is your mother’s way of showing you how much she loves you — by trying to prevent you from getting hurt. Of course, it’s not an awesome way of showing you, but she is doing the best she can with the knowledge she has. All parents can really do is try to improve on how their parents treated them. Look at her parents & the way they treated her: you might find a whole lot of light bulbs go off in your mind, & you’ll have a greater understanding of why she is the way she is.
There could be a bunch of reasons why she doesn’t support you in your adoration of this boy. Realistically, I think most parents don’t really ever want their kids to date. It brings up a whole lot of issues, like talking about sex & birth control, dealing with potential broken hearts, & even just facing the dreaded reality that their child isn’t a child any more! She might also have a problem with organised religion (a lot of people do), or she might be worried that your involvement with the church will cause huge chasms in your relationship with her.
When the people who are supposed to support us — like parents, teachers, friends — fail to be encouraging or positive, it can really hurt. After all, if they don’t have faith in us, what hope do we possibly have of being successful? Well, actually, you don’t need your parents’ blessing to do anything. It’s nice to have it, but it’s not compulsory, & when they don’t step up to the plate with love & inspiration, we can choose to react one of two ways. You can either decide that they’re probably right, & not try… or you can stick to your guns & go for it. Rally some people around you who do have faith in you, & start taking big strides towards your goal. Success is the best revenge, after all!
One thing I’ve learned is that support & encouragement can come from the most unusual places. Just because you & your mother are related to one another, that doesn’t mean you necessarily have each other’s best interests at heart, or know how to communicate with each other.
It’s not at all unusual for you to be able to relate better with someone who isn’t part of your immediate family. I know a lot of people whose families were so beastly that they don’t talk to them at all any more, & so have gathered around them people they respect who act as mentors or role models. Similarly, a lot of my friends regard their closest friends as their chosen family, & have very little to do with their mother, father, siblings, etc.
I totally relate to you checking out the church to see what it’s all about. When I was in my early teens, I also flirted with a bunch of religions or belief systems — Christianity, Paganism, Buddhism — because I was trying to work out who I was & what I believed in. They all had their appeal & things I liked about each, but eventually I realised it wasn’t really my thing, & so I went on my way. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you learning as much as you can about something which interests you; I think all religions & belief systems have valuable things to teach us. Just take it at your own pace, & do what feels right to you. (By the way, I think it goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: you don’t need your mother’s permission to believe in God or obtain a new belief system!)
Being a teenager really SUCKS sometimes, & it’s hard enough to grow up & be sparkling with self-love even if you have the most wonderful parents in the world. When mothers & fathers join in on the hate brigade, it’s no wonder that so many teenagers go completely nuts. We all have a tough time living at home, which is why so many of us leave the first chance we get! (I moved out of home one day while my parents were on holiday in Europe!) I’m sure every nonpareil reading has horror stories galore about the trials & tribulations of being a teenager! The great news is that you only have two more years until you’re free to get out of there & do your own thing. You survived 16 of them, so another two shouldn’t be the end of the world!
Above all, please don’t let your mother’s own personal insecurities affect the rest of YOUR life!
Big kisses & lots of blessings for everything you choose to do.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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Oh Gala this is just what I needed!
My friend is facing similar problems right now with her family and I was thinking about what advice I could give her!
Thank you!
Good advice, and good luck to the letter writer!! She sounds really sweet. I can kind of relate—my parents are generally pretty supportive, but they (my mother especially) flipped out a bit when I told them I’ll be heading to East Africa in a few months, followed by some traveling through the Middle East…I guess it’s all about balancing the knowlegde that they (probably) want the best for you but that you are the only one who really knows what you want to get out of life.
Dear K and, as always, the incomparable Gala…
Great advice, may I also throw my two cents in?
I recently read a book about BPD (or Borderline Personality Disorder) and am about 99% convinced that this is what my mom has and why it affected my childhood in the way it did. While I heard all sorts of excuses for my mom’s behavior when I was growing up, everything from, “She doesn’t really mean it.” to “You know she’s crazy.” to “She’s just jealous.” this was finally an explanation that made sense. Growing up was like living in a minefield. I was never sure what I was going to get when I got home; the sweet caring mother who had made cookies or the one who would rage at me for three hours for not appreciating or listening to her. This is not to air dirty laundry per se, but K – I just want to send you hugs. You are not crazy or anything horrible that your mom says you are. You’re a lovely human being, and your letter to Gala shows that.
Remember, you deserve love and to be cared for. It took me til my mid-20s to believe that. One of the best therapies is selective re-parenting/new authority figures so don’t be afraid to look for new answers. hugs!
Gala, that was wonderful advice! I am always impressed reading this site, but this time you have really outdone yourself.
As a fellow teenager, I can relate. Luckily, I have a pretty good relationship with my parents, but even so. I WOULD like to throw my tuppence in.
1. You deserve love and respect like anyone else in the world. Your parents may not give this to you. However, I know you will find friends or a significant other that WILL love and respect you and you will deserve it when you get it
2. Like Gala said, you are 16. 2 more years, baby, 2 more years!
3. Dan’s mother sounds really nice and helpful. If it’s not to weird (and I don’t know everything about the situation) I bet she would be a great one to go to with life’s little problems. And if you see her at church every sunday, why not?
4. Good luck! I (and I bet lots of other people) send you a big hug.
Quality prose from the one who knows – Gala.
mmm my friends family is like this to his younger sister. i don’t understand how they can be so unaware of the way they treat her.
As always, awesome advice Gala! ;)
Just to throw in my 2C, if your parents (or anyone else) say you can’t do something, by all means go for it anyways, but don’t get stuck in a rut like I did, feeling that now that they’ve said I can’t do it, I MUST! HAVE TO! prove them wrong. I made myself quite miserable for a while doing that.
Also super props for the little part about creating your own family. Blood ties don’t take into account compatability and how well you relate to one another, and though I have a relatively good home life, I simply can’t open up or relate to any one in my family, and I’m sure it’s this way for many, if not most, other people. I consider my close friends to be just as much ‘family’ as my blood relatives because I can relate and depend on them. To me, being a ‘family’ is just as much about those qualities as about lineage, and if anyone can’t find them in blood there’s absolutely nothing wrong with looking for them elsewhere. C:
What lovely advice, Gala. When I was growing up my mother and I had more of a house-mate relationship than anything, so I can’t completely relate with everything K is going through, but I’ve definitely watched my friends go through similar issues. My mom has always been emotionally supportive of me, but there have been times where I wish she would’ve put her foot down rather than just listening to what I have to say and then telling me to follow my heart. I think that the best thing you can do is find support from other people (though it’s always good to reciprocate, keep in mind that your friend group isn’t filled with mini therapists), and block out all of the mean things that your mom says to you. You know you’re better than that, and that you can do anything, and that’s what really matters!
I have similar issues with my father. I have one piece of advice from my boyfriend to pass on, that relates to what Gala said. “Parents are people too”. Like Gala said, we need to take a step back and see that parents are people first, dealing with thier own issues that have nothing to do with us, and sometimes they act with thier own issues in mind, and not ours. They have thier own experiences that shape the way they see the world, and we can’t let this affect our version of reality too. They don’t know us, they don’t know what we’re capable of. Only you know what you can accopmlish in life, and you can’t let someone convince you differently. Best of luck!!
Great advice, Gala.
I had to deal with a lot of “mom issues” as a teen as well – she has a lot of mental & emotional problems that made her project a lot of that negativity onto me.
Like Gala said, while it’s wonderful to have parental support & while everyone CERTAINLY deserves it, reality is reality and not all parents are going to be perfect you can’t let their crap get in the way of your happiness.
(Okay, and the design nerd in me needs to know what font that is in the letter.. “Dear Gala” + “K” !!!! XO)
First of all, BIG HUGS to K, I think that’s the first step.
I think that you’re reaching a point in your life that we all eventually come to. We eventually realize, despite our previous beliefs, that our parents are not perfect, and that we no longer need to take their opinions as law. I agree with Gala when she says that having their blessings is great, but in the end, it’s your life.
Hope that things work out for you K!
this was a really good read, gala. it’s nice to be able to give yourself permission to disregard your parents’ advice, as well-meaning as it may (or may not!) be. sometimes our parents’ words are gold…and sometimes it’s just better to trust yourself. don’t let poorly-expressed or misdirected “guidance” compromise your own self-worth & happiness. (you’re the one paying for it in the end!) hang in there, k. ♥
Wow, that sounds a lot like what I had when I was 16. It’s so strange to look back on those years, because I’ve changed so much, and grown a lot because of those rough moments with my parents.
For me, the best “revenge” was really to prove them wrong. I moved out at 17 to go to college, and years later, my parents admitted that they had expected me to run back home crying to them. Well, I didn’t, and it feels great to live alone. Sometimes what we need is to be with people who don’t have any preconceived ideas about us, in order for us to grow, you know?
Best of luck to K, you’ll make it!
nice article.
i just write my mom with “she’s crazy” and take what she says with a grain of salt. she still trys to tell me how to do things and im married with two kids of my own and live two states away from her!
Good luck K.
oh, this sounds like something i could have written as a teenager. i had horribly abusive and unsupportive parents who made me want to end my life many times. great advice gala — it is so important to remember that it is your parents’ issues causing them to lash out and hurt you. sometimes it’s best for our own well-being to stop hoping for love and support from our parents, because some parents are just incapable of giving it (like my own). there’s nothing wrong with getting support elsewhere, whether it’s from church, community, friends, a boyfriend, or someone else’s family! emotional support is so important when it comes to growing up into a strong, healthy adult. best of luck to K. things will get better, i promise!
Gala, Darling, you did such an excellent job of responding to this letter. Over on my site, I often get emails from readers wanting my advice on how to tackle a specific problem and sometimes it’s not always easy to offer good, clear advice, but I think you’ve done a marvelous job here. And you’ve summed it up nicely by noting that being a teenager — no matter what kind of parents you have — is really hard. It gets better though! :)
This is some excellent advice. Miss K, I don’t know you, but I certainly support your efforts in becoming a doctor and finding a church you agree with! I’m not into the church thing, but a buddy of mine happens to be an active member of the LDS, his entire family is, and he’s actually on a mission right now far across the country he and I live in. Perhaps your mother is afraid the boy you like will go on a mission and it will break your heart? Regardless, I wish you tons of happiness, Miss K. Have faith in yourself, dear girl, and all will be well!
Honey, Im 22 and my mother STILL acts like Hitler reincarnated. But I realized that even though she is harsh she is trying to protect and encourage me but just goes about it the wrong way. But I found that her put downs and lack of support just made me strive harder to do the things I wanted to do and it made the success all the more sweeter. I agree with Gala that it usually has something to do with the way their parents treated them, my grandma – God rest her soul – used to give me the same grief, if not worse. All you need is one person to believe in you, more importantly though you need to believe in yourself, then you can do whatever you set your mind to.
I’m always struck by Gala’s loving advice. She is right right right. You, K, deserve all the love in the world.
Dear gala and everyone who’s added a comment,
I love you! Im bawling my eyes out right now in happiness, I like knowing I’m not the only one going/has gone through this because it hurts :( thankyou for your advice and Gala, you’ve truelly changed my life. Please, if anyone wants to, email me?kristaalyshax@hiptop.com.au
I’m really grateful to be so blessed with all of you-it’s made my day. Xx
oh gala,
people who can call you friends must be really lucky!
felice
My best friend totally has similar issues. I love your advice, Gala
Aargh, what a tough situation. As I read through the initial letter, though, my ‘mother-alarm-bells’ were ringing! A different religion, a new boy – these things could be either a blessing or a curse, and the first mum-instinct is always to try and protect the child, even if it’s not the ‘best’ thing to do. Being a teenager is tough – being a parent can be, too!
As a civilised human being I can be tolerant and accepting of a wide range of people and their choices, but with my own children, my standards are much much higher. Parents want the best for their kids. Parents LOVE their kids (SO MUCH!). Parents had complete responsibility for their kids for years when they were little. Letting go is emotionally challenging – but crucial! Although K’s mum’s behaviour is clearly hurtful and unhelpful, I wouldn’t go so far as to say she’s “evil”.
Gala you’re the best
It’s so weird, I was just thinking about how much it hurts when my mum makes me feel small and stupid and then you post this up G!
I guess in a way it’s because our mums might even be jealous- of our youth and the fact we must have more oppertunities than they did when they were our age.
Just remember Eleanor Rossevelt’s famous words ‘No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them’.
x
I had to darkly chuckle to myself when reading this, because I am the other direction. My family is Mormon/LDS and I have grown up in the church, but am now unhappy with it and am trying to break away. My parents hate that. They believe I will go to hell; and that it is all their fault.
Gala’s advice still works in both directions. I am so glad for her sound advice, and that it applies to many people, not just this one situation. You do not need other’s approval to do what makes you happy. It makes it easier, but you don’t NEED it.
I recommend the Bill of Assertive Rights taraswish.blogspot.com/2009/06… that my schema therapy psychologist recommended to me a couple of months ago. Just read through it and think on how your life veiw or her’s is different, but that we all are entitled to these rights.
What great advice Gala! I teach high school and I know a lot of students struggle with the same issues. I’ll be sure to pass this advice on. Keep up the good work!
fantastic advice; I used to have mega issues with my mum, to the extent that my dad didn’t want to visit his sick mother because he was afraid of what we’d do to each other while he was away. I was fourteen. Ha. Now I’m twenty and I realize that my mum loves me fiercely and a lot of the friction we had was a direct result of her wanting the best for me ( I was a supreme brat) and now, I wish I’d listened more and saved myself a ton of angst. What I wish I knew then was to take a step back, breathe deeply and try to see the situation as clearly, honestly and objectively as you can. Like my Note From The Universe told me the other day;
Actually, Cha, everyone is reasonable.
They just have their own reasons.
And usually it’s worth trying to learn what they are to maximize chances of a full-blown, 60’s style, psychedelic lovefest. Which is always a good thing.
:D
Hi,
Some great advice here. I just wanted to re-iterate though that the “Parents are just people too” argument should not serve to be an excuse for bad behaviour.
I tried to understand for years and years why my mother was so mean to us and why she made such bad choices. I explored the idea of her having mental health issues and tried to be understanding of HER. Unfortunately, I never really found out what her issue is and eventually I had to make a choice whether or not I wanted this negativity in my life.
I chose not to allow it any more, which means we no longer have a relationship. Although its sad not to have a mother in my life, thats what I needed to do to put my life back together.
Im not suggesting, K, that you dont work on having a good relationship with your mum if you can. What Im saying (through my long winded story!) is that its also HER choice to decide how she approaches her relationship with you and if she chooses not to change anything about that, then she must also deal with the consequences. She is an adult with the ability to change her behaviour and beliefs also.
K,
I completely feel for you – it sucks to be in a situation where the people who are supposed to love and support you unconditionally don’t live up to expectations. Just remember, your mum can say hurtful things to you, but only you can choose to believe them! Anyway, if you listen to Gala’s advice you can’t really go wrong. She’s given you some great stuff.
I really hope things get better for you, because you do deserve it.
I can tell you from personal experience that the crazy doesn’t stop even when you’re in your 20s or 30s and already independent :P
Aww K hugs. I can so relate. Gala’s right – it’s their way of showing love, but it’s so clumsy and filtered and self-centered that it doesn’t really take note of what we need. Some parents get that we’re different people, some don’t. My parents are quite negative too and it can be so challenging and draining!
What I’ve found to be helpful is to have other people around me that will give me the positivity I need. Someone whose stuff doesn’t clash with my stuff (tm Havi of the Fluent Self). And it’s all stuff really.
big big hugs you’ll make it through!!
@ Penny.
That sounds like my Mum. For years I thought things along the lines of it being ‘Borderline Personality Disorder’ or whatever. She was literally an insane demon woman one minute and then super nice uber-Mum the next.
Turns out it was just menopause.
Hey Gala, great advice
K, I know how you feel. Recently, I finished a degree I hated, quit my high paying job, shaved my head, went travelling around Africa and Asia by myself for 2 months, and am now on the way to becoming a professional photographer. Almost all of this was done without any support from my folks. At the end of the day, I surrounded myself with an excellent boyfriend and wonderful supportive friends who believe in me. Your family is who you make it.
Hang in there girl! You’ll come out the other side an amazing, strong human being
Much love xoxoox
I know it’s hard but imagine life without them.
A life without your mother is very awful.
It is so hard to read about other people’s mothers. I left mine six months ago and have never been happier.
Wonderful, WONDERFUL advice. I wish I’d known your first point when I was 16, I would have understood my mother so much better had I simply taken a look at HER mother. My grandmother, though sweet when I knew her, emotionally abused my mother horridly as a teenager. Insecurities trickle down, unless you check them. Also, my mum got burned by the spirit of the 60’s, thus I had to remember that her wanting to raise me as ultra-conservative was as much a product of her own fears as a conviction. She saw her old free-spirit in me. She wanted to protect me from the heartache of a drug problem and a husband who made her get an abortion and then left her for another man :P
I love my mother, she is a wonderful person. But I had to come to the realization that as far as being a creative person, pursuing my art, writing about the subjects I enjoy, she probably won’t ever understand. We may never be super-close again, not until I finally have babies anyway, which won’t be for a long time :PTiara- I agree with most of what you’re saying, except that calling someone “Fat” is not someone’s “way of showing love”. I think we should be really clear about that.
When someone speaks to you in an abusive manner, its actually not about YOU at all. And its not about love either.
I think Gala manages to explain this really well in her response
Great article. I was recently thinking about this subject too and what advice to give out. Some people just dont have that support and love from parents and it has negative affect…just have to learn how to build yourself up when others wont.
Firstly, best wishes to the letter writer and good on you, Gala, for your response!!♥♥
Other commenters have articluated this but I think that at age 16 (and beyond! :)) I think it’s important to not only take responsibility for your own happiness and aim to honour your own values in the choices you make (by working out what your adult values are and by comitting to them, you will now only insipre yourself but those around you…), but to also value your parents for the people they are (ie. individuals who make mistakes!; hard to see, sometimes i know!!)and to (begin to??) view them through adult eyes.
Also, in times of despair with our parents (especially mothers!!!) it seems helpful to, no matter how seemingly difficult, give thanks for all that they have given us from birth until now; making sure we are warm, well fed, properly looked after, read us stories, held us when we are sad (or just because), taken us to school, given us baths etc. etc. and generally tried to keep us safe/ give us the best…
Penny – You’re totally right! I had one of those difficult mothers, too, and it wasn’t until my entire family ended up in counseling the year I turned 17 that I had any outside authoritative opinion tell me that my mother likely had BPD or bipolar disorder (read: my mother really was hard on me, and I wasn’t crazy for thinking so).
K – Regardless of the specifics of why your mother has been so hard on you, Gala is right that it is way more important to understand that it is not your fault and that you totally can become the person you are without her support. When my counselor told me her professional opinion of my mother’s mental health, all it did was give me reasons to feel sorry for my situation. It wasn’t until I started spending time away from the family and receiving positive influence from proper role models that I truly understood. It might sound easier said than done right now, but you’ll be a total survivor on your way to doing great things for yourself before you know it! Promise.
K – One last thing, sweetie, that I wish I had known just a few years earlier in high school is that you should never, ever be afraid to ask someone to remind you of all the reasons why they love you. Surround yourself with people who love to tell you that you are beautiful, that you are doing the right thing, that you are mature, that you have a fighter’s spirit, that you are clever (admirably so!), and that sometimes they catch themselves wishing they could someday be just like you. Because you are all of these wonderful things and more. And you deserve to know as many people as possible who tell you this until you believe it SO MUCH that it stops hurting when anybody else ever says otherwise – people who will continue to tell you this until the end of TIME. Okay? Okay.
Hi K.
I just want you to know my mum’s like that too. Growing up I think we really look up to our mothers, they’re beautiful, wise, everything we want to be. Well I really did. But it’s easy to dismiss adults as ‘all grown up’ and having all the answers.
I’m 18 this year and I really started to clash with my mum mid last year. I was suddenly developing into a person with my own set of values, views, dreams and friends and I think that really scared her. She likes to swaddle babies, puppies and kids and suddenly I was this independent social daughter she’d never seen before. I’ve always been ambitious about what I want to achieve but up to last year that was just getting good grades. But I discovered I really wanted to be a vet. She disagreed. She wanted me to be a doctor. She tried a whole range of ways to try and turn me around. Using guilt, other people even our close relationship to try and turn me around. And it really hurt ALOT. More than losing a close friend or anything I’ve ever experiences. Because it’s your mum right? I thought if she doesn’t support me than it doesn’t matter who does.I’d get pretty upset. We’d have a huge argument every fortnight with both of us in tears. But most of all the sarcastic comments really cut deep. I felt that she didn’t respect me for who I was or who I was going to be.
Well a year on and I’m still here! I still have my dreams, my aspirations and she’s accepted it now. It doesn’t mean she likes it but she tries. I didn’t give up because I love my mum dearly and I want to have her in my life but I also know I only have one life- this is it! I know I have the skills and experience to do what I want to do and be successful on my own terms.
I told her what I needed as a friend and a daughter. Truth from the heart. Again and again. It made me all feel all bare and fragile telling her but I’m glad I did it.
I wish you luck darling. Dan sounds like a great guy. But in the end you have to make the decision yourself but whatever you choose I promise you will come out more infinitely beautiful and sparkly and you have my best wishes and support.
XOXO
Christine
My dad has been pretty similar. He’s said some pretty hurtful things, behaved prety appallingly. But eventually, you learn to let it go. Realise what Gala said about them talking to you through their own filters and life experience (be that good or bad). And you just learn to accept them as they are. And then it doesn’t really effect you. You just carry on and keep looking forward and focusing on the things you want.
It’s hard to learn that your parents will be wrong, right, completely insane/absurd etc. But once you do, it puts the ball in your court and gets you off your ass doing what you love.
Best of luck. x
Amazing advice as always :)
It really broke my heart reading this. :’(
As a teenager, there is conflict with every single kid and their parent/s, guaranteed!
And with not only your Mum but every other human being you will ever encounter, you will eventually stumble across a difference of opinion; may it be religious, social, political, etc.
In your quest of self-discovery I wish you luck, remember to keep your views and opinions true to yourself. When it all comes down to it, we’re all different; and that is something to be embraced.
I envy the fact that you have found a religion you enjoy, I have many different friends from many different backgrounds and religions, and respect them and their faith all individually.
To possess faith can be such a beautiful thing.. A friend of mine went abroad and helped children in Cambodia (which was organized through her church group)!
With an open mind alone, you can accomplish anything you desire. :)
Good luck, stay strong xx
I can really sympathise with this girl. Recently, I’ve been flirting with the idea of NOT going to university. My mum freaked out when I told her this, saying things such as “you absolutely HAVE to go to university”.
What I really needed was a conversation with my dad, who for the first time in my 18 years of living turned round and said the right thing “Emily, it’s YOUR life and I want you to do what makes YOU happy and if not going to university is what you want, don’t go” :)
Be wary of an organised religion seeming to have all the answers. It may be that it looks so attractive because things are so difficult with your mother at home. Approach committment to any church with caution. Do your research, talk to people who were part of the church but are no longer and ask them why they left. Seek support for yourself through a variety of structures: friends, school, counsellors, family friends etc. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Good luck!
Omigosh! This is exactly what I wanted to read. I had a huge fight with my mom last night and can’t figure out why we’re having issues and it’s so frustrating. Thanks for writing this.
K,
A lot of converts run into trouble and issues with non-LDS family members sometimes. There are a lot of crazy (and extremely untrue) rumors about the LDS church floating around, and what’s worse – people believe them! I’ve had friends who were converts to the church and their families practically shunned them for joining because they thought it was some kind of crazy cult (it’s not, it’s a Christian religion just like Lutheran or Methodist are Christian religions with the same roots in Christianity but a different twist on the system), but I’ve also had other friends who, by living their lives according to the church’s standards, set an example for their friends and families. Sometimes families will see that it’s not harmful and that the church can be a great and uplifting source of happiness for it’s members, and occasionally they won’t but the important thing is you feel faithful and positive about your choices. If this guy is the guy for you, he could be yours for eternity (and not just “til death do you part”). Because family is such an important part of the LDS church, I get how much you must be struggling with the troubles you’re experiencing with your mother’s lack of understanding, but you can really only do your best to live your life well and set a good example for your friends, family, and your future husband and children!
thanks so much for writing this! it’s really good advice & just what i needed.
while i have an amazing mother, she also tends to put me down. a LOT. & it often ruins my whole day. i’m sooo sick of it. i’ll definitely keep this article in mind :)