How To Be A Leader
[ 9 July 2008 ]
When you think of a leader, who springs to mind? The CEO of your company? John F. Kennedy? The woman who heads up your book-club? Your friend who always organise your group’s social activities? All of these people lead others in some way or another. That’s the thing: leadership comes in many different forms.
Even if the idea of growing up to be a corporate big-wig is the sort of thing which has you waking up in a cold sweat, sometimes a leadership role is one you will have to assume unexpectedly, at the last moment. You never know when you’ll be asked to step up to the plate, & for this reason, having a few core leadership skills will always serve you magnificently.
So, what are the essential elements of leadership? What skills & assets do you need in order to steer a group of people in one direction or the other?
Have a vision
If a vision is difficult for you to come up with, at the very least you need to have a set of ideals or beliefs that are important to you. When you look at great leaders from history — Martin Luther King Jr, Gandhi, Winston Churchill — you realise that one thing they all had in common was a very strong devotion to a specific cause.
You will need to have something similar. It doesn’t matter what your vision is. It could be about constructing a Utopian society, introducing a new form of recycling, devotion to real sex education in schools, free cupcakes for everyone on Fridays or compulsory comfort tests for stiletto manufacturers. Really, it’s up to you. The only “rule” as such is that you have to believe in it. It has to be real to you. It has to be something that you think is worth fighting for.
Don’t worry if you don’t know how to make your vision come to life. The human brain is a marvellous thing, capable of solving incredibly complicated problems while we, its humble owners, sleep peacefully. You’ll get there. The first step, & it’s a critical one, is just to have a vision.
“Absolute identity with one’s cause is the first and great condition of successful leadership.” — Woodrow Wilson
Be prepared to make tough decisions
Being a leader means the onus is on you. As a leader, you’re the person who has to make the difficult choices — there is no one else to shift the blame to. You’re at the top of the chain of command, so you can’t make excuses or wriggle out of responsibility, no matter how much you may want to!
Sometimes that means you have to fire or demote a friend, start saying “no” when “yes” would be much easier, or set out a new moral code. People don’t always take kindly to the person making these decisions. That can be unpleasant — no one wants to be disliked. Unfortunately, sometimes to make steps in the right direction, you have to be the bad guy.
Being a leader often means saying or doing what is unpopular — & sometimes, carving out your own path alone until you find other people who agree with you. This can sometimes seem like a heavy burden, & it can certainly be hard work, but ultimately it is what is needed to implement real change.
“The art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It is very easy to say yes.” — Tony Blair
Set an example
Let me put this to you plainly. If you tell everyone else that they should live the life of their dreams, but in secret all you really do is sit on your couch eating potato chips, you’re not setting a good example! It’s important to be inspiring, & the best way to do that is to practice what you preach! After all, if it isn’t good enough for you, why would your intended audience bother?
You need to be a living, breathing embodiment of your ideals. The idea is to hold yourself up as a shining light, so that you can show others the way. That’s just it: it’s not enough to tell people what they should be doing, you need to actually show them, so they have someone to look to. Even your most ardent followers will fall off the wagon sometimes — & if all they have to do to get re-inspired is observe you, you’re making everyone’s lives easier.
Another reason that setting an example is important is that it will help gain you respect from your intended audience.
There are many ways that you can help generate respect for yourself, aside from making sure that you walk the walk as well as talking the talk. When you are establishing yourself as a leader, it’s important to act with integrity. You will have to decide what that means for you, because everyone, & everyone’s situations, are entirely different. Sometimes that means being transparent. Sometimes it means saying no (see above!) to someone who would like you to compromise your ideals. You will have to make your own decisions about this, but if you’re not sure, consider whether you’d want it splashed across the front page of the newspaper. Then act accordingly!
“We can’t drive our SUVs & eat as much as we want & keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times… & then just expect that other countries are going to say OK. That’s not leadership. That’s not going to happen.” — Barack Obama
Understand people
Having empathy for other people & the skills to communicate with them are two extremely important assets in any kind of leadership role. After all, usually as a leader, you are speaking for people — giving a voice to people who have none, or at least, no way to get heard. In order to do that, of course you need to get to know them!
There’s a reason why politicians go on the campaign trail. You have to get out & mix & mingle with the people so that they feel like you actually care about them. After all, who are you going to feel more positively about? Some chump in an office miles away, twiddling his thumbs, or a guy you’ve spoken to, who has kissed your baby & wished you well? The pure number of photographs of politicians smooching newborn children should give you the answer!
If you feel like you’re not that great with people — if, for example, you mostly just find them pretty irritating, or you’re not so hot at making pleasant chit-chat — you might like to work on that. Your local bookstore is an excellent resource. Pick up copies of How To Win Friends & Influence People & Please Understand Me, then take them home & devour them eagerly. You will learn a lot about other people’s personal psychology through these books, & if you’re hungry for more, take a peek at this.
The better your understanding of people, the easier you will find it to grasp their motivations & desires, which in turn will make it easier to work out how to get them to do what you want! Sneaky, huh?! It will also give you a much better picture of what you’re trying to achieve. Because it’s not just you, it’s you & your army. You need to incorporate them into your vision, & if you’re not a “people person”, you may find this hard to do.
Of course, theoretical knowledge is no good without actually putting it into practice. Make an effort to translate what you’ve learned into real-world experience. You might like to journal your experiences — you’ll find this a very valuable way of charting your growth, as well as learning what works & what doesn’t!
“The best leaders are always asking, “What should we do? Where should we be headed?” It’s a great way to communicate trust. People who make great leaders — the kind of leaders who, if they leave a company, others will jump ship to follow — are those who say, “Tell me what’s on your mind. Give me whatever you’ve got.” They’re open to learning, and they’re always looking for ways to learn. They never think they know everything there is to know. And they’re right.” (Do You Have What It Takes To Be A Great Leader? Fortune.)
Persevere
One of the reasons for having a strong vision — aside from the fact that it helps you steer in one direction or another — is that it will keep you going, even when times are tricky. If your vision is weak or non-existent, as soon as you hit a bump, you might just be tempted to retire to your boudoir & watch The Wizard Of Oz 23 times in a row while eating cheese out of a can (or something equally horrific).
Perseverance is an incredibly important quality for a leader. You need to have more tenacity, gumption & vim than anyone else on your team. If you give up, what do you think your supporters will do? (Yeah, you can probably guess.) You need to be prepared to keep pushing, even when the road ahead looks hard, & challenges start to appear in the distance — which will happen, make no mistake about it.
I mean, Martin Luther King Jr’s famous ‘I Have A Dream’ speech didn’t go, “Let freedom ring… & if not, no biggie”! There is a reason for this!
Another great quality many leaders have is that they welcome obstacles. It is often said that leaders are made by the way they deal with problems. While obstacles can make us groan & roll our eyes, it can help to view the overcoming of said obstacle as a huge step forward. Not to mention, the success of kicking your obstacle’s ass will give you further grit, determination & excitement to boot the next one to the curb!
Honestly, though, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. That’s what makes you so brilliant, baby!
“Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable… Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, & struggle; the tireless exertions & passionate concern of dedicated individuals.” — Martin Luther King Jr.
“If you’re trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I’ve had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around & give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” — Michael Jordan
Be positive
How many leaders do you know that eventually hit a wall, throw up their hands & yell for mercy? That’s right — in the words of Scribe, a New Zealand rapper, “not many, if any”.
A real leader keeps their chin up even when the outlook is a bit misty — or downright stormy. While that might sound tricky, it really comes from their own very strong beliefs that they are doing what is right, & what is necessary. Crusading for bulldog clips in a range of pastel colours is the sort of thing you could probably let slide, but working for justice, racial equality, truth, love or beauty? Pshhhaw. If it means anything to you, you’re not just going to give up on it.
This is not to say that great leaders are never defeated, because sometimes things don’t go to plan. But the point is that they get back up again & keep fighting!
“There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.” — W. Clement Stone
So, how can you practice leadership? It’s easier than you might think. All of the attributes of being a leader, as listed above, are things you can start implementing in your life, even if you are a hermit in a cave. Make an effort to be positive. Have a vision for yourself. Start to welcome challenges & congratulate yourself when you overcome them. Leader or no, all of these things will set you up for massive success.
The next thing you might like to try is volunteering yourself for small leadership roles. Put your hand up for the position of captain of your club, offer to lead a project at work, start organising social events for you & your friends, boss your boyfriend around in bed! (Blush!) Taking charge in these small ways will challenge you while simultaneously helping to build up your confidence in your own abilities.
It might seem like a long way from there to Napoleon, but the more you practice your leadership skills, the closer you’ll get. Silly hat entirely optional, of course!
Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala
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gala thanks again for yet another inspiring article!
I just got promoted to a management role at work (without actually being asked….) and the one thing I find hard is telling people they have done a bad job of something. I hate having to say to someone “that’s not good enough, please do it again” even when I know it’s because my staff did a lackluster job in the first place.
I’m thinking maybe I should read the How to make friends and influence people book – I mean it’s been a best seller since it was written (in 1937!) so it’s gotta be good.
In the meantime, please can people be nice to their leaders/managers? We are people too :) I find myself having to take more and more hot baths with bath oil and glitter just to de stress in the evenings!
Second you on that How to Win Friends book. I always thought I wasn’t one for self-help books, but Dale Carnegie is somethin’ else!
Fantastic article Gala, and really inspiring. I was recently elected as Chair of a committee in my Student Union, and I think I’ll write your main points out and stick ‘em on my bulletin board to help me do a good job!
Song: Good luck with your new position at work!
well said Mademoiselle Leader-ette!
Thirding the “How to Make Friends and Influence People” love. I found it randomly on my mum’s bookshelves and read through it in one sitting. The next day everone noticed something different about me that they couldn’t quite put their finger on, and ever since the words of wisdom in that book have helped me immensely.
Good advice for leadership, Gala. Only wish they’d taught us that in highschool instead of navigation or cell biology! :P
very good, very inspiring article.
Thanks for, as always, an encouraging and insightful article. I only have one bone to pick- your picture is of Chairman Mao, who actually epitomises BAD leadership. He was an authoritarian communist dictator who killed, tortured and mutilated his opposition (he killed more people than Hitler), and his decisions tended to the disastrous – for example, he told the peasants of China to kill the swallows that were eating the crops, only to have all the produce eaten by locusts so millions upon millions starved. I like that the iCiNG’s message is apolitical, even in legislatorially turbulent times like these, but I think that there are plenty of far better leaders to illustrate an article by the wonderful Gala Darling – JFK, the Dalai Lama, Vaclav Havel, George Washington, and of course, Churchill, who made lovely pitbull faces besides. Cheers and keep writing! Alix.
Song — It can be hard when you’re first thrust into a leadership role, because you go from being friends/equals with your workmates to being… well, the person who has to tell them what to do. Can be tough. I’m pleased to hear that you are taking good care of yourself, though. Keep it up!
Alix d’Laire — I chose the picture because it is awesome & kitschy. It was too cute & colourful not to use. I love old military propaganda stuff, I think it is fascinating. & I think it goes without saying that I’m not into Chairman Mao!
All sound advice! My main leadership role right now is as band leader in my little coffee shop band, and even THAT can become taxing! Like Song, I have a tough time giving criticism, even when it’s constructive. Bleh.
Gala, do you think that certain people are “born leaders” and others – although they may be momentarily thrust into leadership roles – will never successfully lead? I DO believe that we can do anything we set our minds to, but I’ve found that a natural inclination is essential for effective leadership. Otherwise, it’s forced, and no one is comfortable or confident. What say you?
Haha, this is excellent! :D
I’m naturally bossy but I’m quite nice about it apprently so my firends don’t mind! :P
I think this is a really good explanation, you have such a gift!
Also I’d like to add this will be my last comment until about Tuesday maybe becaus eI’m jet setting off to Ireland! (Well ,when I say jet setting the flight’s less than an hour!) But I think they have a computer so if I can I’ll be on and if I see a leprechaun/pot of gold/ four leaf clover I’ll let you know!
Vixxie.
What another splendid article and, as spookily always, right at the time when I needed to read it!
Song; Don’t worry it gets much easier to tell people what they’re doing wrong and it sounds like you’ve been dropped in at the deep end with no chance to practise, I hope your company have given you a payrise! You will find ways around saying uncomfortable things and different ways of dealing with different people, also the fact you are getting stressed means you care about your job which is cool! :)
Xxx
Wonderful article, but I think that isn’t Mao at all. It looks like Kim Il Sung, the father of Kim Jung Il, looking at the womens’ traditional clothing in the artwork and some of the Hangul writing.
Sal — Some people have a natural capacity for leadership & are drawn towards it, definitely. But I don’t think that is essential to be a competent leader. It’s useful, certainly, but not essential. Anyone can cultivate the skills necessary to lead a bunch of people, it just takes time & practice! The more you do it, the more comfortable you will feel. You may never really love it or relish it, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be effective!
Vixxie — Have a fabulous time! xx
Howard — Haha. I am now officially past caring.
Your posts always seem to be really relevant to what’s going on in my life at the time. As you may remember from some of my previous comments, I’m newer in town and haven’t made any friends.
Usually Meetup.com is the way to meet people, but, unfortunately, this town is too small and they don’t have any meetups. I’ve been playing around with the idea of starting a monthly movie group, but I really don’t want to be a leader. Maybe I should just suck it up, though? Life’s too short to worry about it so much.
i JUST started my first, real job today in which i have to sell a product to clients, and while its a temporary job and i’m not crazy about the way i need to sell, this is very welcome indeed!
LOL, I’m reminded of Machiavelli’s The Prince. ;D
Thank you for posting this, Gala. I was just thinking about starting a debate team at my school. :]
impresive.
you do like researching & you do it great! muah.
Hi Gala,
I’m new here and love your website.
I liked your article today, even if it is not relevant to me. However, I would love nothing more than to see you pen a piece on motivation. I’m having a hard time finding my place in this world and what I need to get where I am going. I guess it’s a lack of motivation?
Anyway, food for thought.
-Sarah x.
Sarah — http://galadarling.com/article/motivation ! Good luck!
Scribe!! Ye-ah!
I love this article. My own training is as a co-operative team leader, with the emphasis on reaching consensus (thank you, Playcentre!). One of the most important things I’ve learnt is that people need to be heard; they need to feel listened to. Even if they’re not working towards your vision in any helpful way, they need to have their viewpoint acknowledged – and their emotions! The feelings are real. It’s useful to avoid saying ‘Yes, but . . “ No one likes to hear that.
(Off-topic postscript: I don’t think it’s Mao – wrong face/hair/clothes. Mao in a tie?)
I love it when you recommend books! I just purchased How to Win Friends and Influence People. :D
This article is very well placed! At the end of this year, my history teachers gifted me a copy of Madam Secretary, first woman US Secretary of State Madeleine Albright’s memoir, and it has inspired me to… well, to become another woman secretary of state! A goal too lofty? Not for a non-pareil! Gala, I’ll remember you for an adviser on all things fantastic if I get the position!
Hi darling! (and I mean that as in the word, I’m not calling you by your surname!) I came on your webbie before getting ready for my job interview, hoping to find something positive that’ll have me in good spirits during the interview, et voila!
Thanks gorgeous!
(en francais? Merci beaucoup ma belle!)
Did you know? Right after I read this article I LEAPT up and had the most productive four hours I’ve hand in a week! Mwah mwah mwah! I cannot get over you lately!
Fantastic! Finally something that will keep me going through the workweek…
You can buy cheese that comes in cans? :P
Goodie! thanks:) great scribe reference too. woo!
There’s a line in “South” (Ernest Shackleton’s journal of the Endurance journey) about the loneliness of leadership: you’re not only making tough decisions, but you’re sometimes not in a position to discuss them with the team beforehand: just gotta get on and do it, never mind consensus.
I read South right at a time when I was moving into a senior exec role, and this post is timely too! A good kick up the ol’ patootie when I needed it!
(and the fashion tips are excellent too – I’m such a dud! – love the tip about spiky hair poking out from a headscarf – it’s so me, but I never would have thought of it on my own…)
Ahh Gala!! This is just what i needed! i love it when you write articles like this – you really get through to me. I don’t have much else to say except simply “THANK YOU!!”.
Beautiful timing Gala!
I’ve been kind of [massively] nervous about my position as section leader this year.
We had to go to this whole big clinic thing especially made for band leadership positions and they told us pretty much the same things.
Still though, it’s nice hearing it from you. You’re one of my favourite examples of a leader, with your ability to lead us without fail.
Thank for this. It just further strengthens my resolve to be an amazing section leader.
;]
Gala, i just recently came across ur website and i have been engrossed on ur articles ever since! Ur amazing! anyway this is the first comment im posting and i just wanted to say thank you, im 19 and have been put in various leadership positions in school and out of school and my goal in life is to become an extremely influential politician to help OTHERS, yup a politician whos not selfish or corrupt, and this article just helped reiterate to me, what i want to do and how im to become a good leader when attaining my dream. Thankyou :)
“Even your most ardent followers will fall off the wagon sometimes — & if all they have to do to get re-inspired is observe you, you’re making everyone’s lives easier.”
You inspire me Gala! This was right on time in my life as I gave up on myself for a bit and need to get back out there. Thanks SO much again, if you are ever in Hollywood drop me a line and I’ll take you around!
this is a wonderful post, there was a lot of care put into breaking this down!
You Rule Gala
-Bleu
I’ve just been thrust into a leadership role, myself. In our church, the 12-17 year old girls are put into an organization called Young Women (creative, no?). From there, we’re divided into three groups. Beehives (12-13), Mia Maids (14-15), and Laurels (16-17). Each group has a presidency that decides on activities, as well as making sure that everyone is okay and happy. The Laurels presidency, as the oldest, are in charge of everyone else. Guess who just became Laurels president?
My main problem is coming up with activities. Everything has been done before, and I have no idea how to make it interesting! Any ideas?
This is my first visit. I discovered your blog because I saw your name on NxE’s Fifty Most Influential ‘Female’ Bloggers. Congratulations!
The article is inspiring. It will enable me to better focus on what are the key factors. Thanks for sharing.
Elina: Open you mind and believe that you will find fresh activities; this is how can unleash your creativity.
As a first time CEO (a great adventure), this is a great post – very simple and useful advice :)
Nice one!
Great article! You amaze each and every day.