How To Have A Freak-Out-Free Birthday
[ 12 February 2008 ]
Birthdays are supposed to be the happiest day of the year — the one where you celebrate your life with your closest friends & have an amazing time. But sometimes, they just don’t go as planned. Lots of people loathe their birthday, & refuse to do anything but watch re-runs of Friends all day. Others find themselves filled with a nameless dread, while some people resort to getting drunk, high, having a bad one-night stand or spending most of the day in tears.
The thing is, birthdays can be scary. It’s almost unavoidable that it is the time where we look back on our live & what we’ve done. If you feel like your life is going nowhere, then looking back at it can be a terrifying wake-up call. On the other hand, if perfectionism is your plight, it can be easy to feel like you’re doing enough & not living up to your own expectations. & it’s not like this is just something that happens to us common folk — Ashley Olsen said in a Marie Claire interview last year that she cried on every birthday except her 21st.
So, how can you avoid a dismal birthday?
Get away from it all
Fleeing normal life might sound extreme, but it’s actually an amazing way to spend your birthday. First of all, you’ll be so far removed from your day to day life that your normal worries won’t be with you. Secondly, you’ll have a great story to tell! & thirdly, being away from daily life provides you with wonderful opportunities to reflect & grow — meaning you can come back with renewed purpose & enthusiasm.
The only limit to what you do on your birthday is your imagination, so think big & make plans. After all, if you can’t indulge yourself on your birthday, when can you?
Go to Sweden & watch the Northern Lights, take a bikini boot camp in Brazil, eat violet jam with your croissant in the garden at Jardins Secrets, stay at the Hotel Rivington for the best views in New York, go on a holistic retreat at the Omega Institute or just climb a bloody great mountain. Whatever you do, make sure it’s something that really appeals to you — & do your research before you go!
Spread your birthday out
Sometimes the pressure of having the best ever time on one day is a bit too much. What if you wake up with a huge pimple, or you can’t get dressed? One simple solution is to re-jig things slightly so that you have a birthday week. Organise it in advance & have a week of decadence! You might like a massage on Monday, a huge box of cupcakes on Tuesday, reflexology on Wednesday, quality time at your favourite art gallery on Thursday, drinks with your best friends on Friday, a garden soiree on Saturday & a shopping spree on Sunday. That being said, it doesn’t have to be super-complex (or expensive). You can simplify it — have a different Lush bath product every day, dinner with friends every night, or just take a week off work & do whatever takes your fancy. You deserve it, baby!
Adopt a new tradition
A cake & a party can seem a bit boring sometimes. Borrow from other cultures & start a new way of doing things! There is a huge list of them here. I especially like the Brazilian tradition of pulling on the earlobe for as many years as you’ve been alive! Mad cute! The Canadian tradition of greasing the nose with butter is pretty amazing, too!
Celebrate in an unusual way
You don’t have to go out to dinner or get boozed if you don’t want to! Why not go ice-skating, vintage shopping or surfing? How about spending the day in the garden with your favourite books, a pair of sunglasses & a tall cold drink? Why not take a trapeze lesson? Why don’t you round up all your friends for a game of croquet? How about baking all day with your best friend, or going to see a tarot reader? Feel free to do something weird & uncharacteristic. Anything in the name of celebration!
Don’t keep it a secret!
So many people don’t want anyone to know that it’s their birthday, & then they feel miserable & rejected when no one wishes them “Happy Birthday” or appears with a cake. My friend Jo says, “Don’t keep it secret. If no-one knows, how can they treat you like a princess on the day?” I couldn’t agree more!
Make an effort
Even if you don’t want to see anyone on your birthday, don’t just lie in bed feeling sad or distraught! Have a long shower or bath, go & get a massage, eat a tasty lunch, watch a movie & have dessert instead of dinner. Get dressed up & take some birthday self portraits. Go to the beach. Do yoga until you collapse. Just do something that brings you joy!
Extra For Experts:
How Bollywood celebrities celebrate their birthdays!
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen’s 21st birthday party.
Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala
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Birthday week!! By gad woman, you’re a genius. Why a measly day when I can make the entire WEEK about me?? Hee.
I LOOOOVE birthdays!
It’s my birthday on Friday! I think a birthday week is a great idea. Any excuse to celebrate is good with me!
Yay! Thanks for writing this, Gala!
I’m 21 in twelve days, and well…no more than four people have come to my birthday parties since I was young enough for my mum to do the inviting. I’m hoping that all changes this year.
I’m lucky in that my birthday is handily adjacent to Guy Fawkes, so there’s always a fireworks party in there somewhere. I love taking the day off work or even just making time for a special lunch date; working little indulgences in there however I can.
Age is just a number, baby – I love getting more experienced and wisdom-filled. The laugh lines are my souvenirs of the good times!
My best birthday ever was the last one, when I accompanied my man to Wellington for (his) black-tie work do. The whole weekend was just about ME. It was magic.
It’s true about not keeping your birthday a secret. For some reason I always do and then I say how few people remembered. I think I’ll start by putting my birthday on Facebook. I know I’m good at remembering dates and numbers, but most people aren’t, so I need to give them a little bit of help. Although, I pretty much treat birthdays as just another day, but I like the idea of celebrating it in an unusual way and taking work off!! :-) Thanks for this article, it was pretty much what I needed to hear in order to make my birthdays great!
I’m turning 18 on the 17th! I’m SO glad you wrote this, my brother’s been going crazy about planning a big party (we have the same birthday…we’re not twins :P), and I can’t stand parties, I just want to relax. Now I have some fun ideas so I can really enjoy my birthday weekend, thanks! :D
My birthday was yesterday actually, and I spent it making homemade pasta (making the noodles too!), pudding pie and smoking orange flavored hookah.
I also had the obligatory party Saturday with a pinata and helium tank with balloons and enough helium to make people sound funny :) It was a bizzarro dress up party and I gave a cyber ninja sword (it seemed to call to me at Party City) to the winner of the best-dressed contest.
Wish I would’ve known about the new traditions though, that’s really cute.
nothing wrong with friends re-runs ;)
unfortunatly, my last couple birthdays have fallen on sundays when all my friends are working, so we usually go out a day or two before. when i am home we celebrate my birthday with a fondue dinner even though it is in august, haha!
i love my birthday, but my room mate loves hers even more, haha. every year we have a pre-party and then go to the casino. it’s a ton of fun and all our old friends get together and go, even if we all just have 20 dollars and never ever go any other time during the year. this next year she’s turning 21 and i’m told it’s going to be a three day party…woo hoo! everyone treats her birthday like an actual holiday and it’s totally amazing. she starts counting down days to it at around day 50 :)
For the past two years I’ve been having a whole week of birthday celebrations, because there are just too many things to do and people to see in one day.
The only problem is that people don’t remember when my birthday actually is, they just know it is the second week of January!
this article is amazing! makes my brain feel all fuzzy. xx
i smoke bongs on my birthday
Dear Gala!
Amazing article :)
I turned on 19 last year and I got really depressed because my teen years are coming to and end, because I’m becoming an adult, because I’m getting old, because of songs like “sweet little sixteen” or “I saw her standing there” (the girl on this song is 17).... It was a pain.
Oh and I would like to add that I’m brazilian and I never ever heard of this pulling on the earlobe tradition lol
Hugs
Hee, I once had a teacher who did the earlobe pulling thing whenever someone in our class had a birthday. We used to dread our birthdays! Pretty sure someone could sue her for in nowadays, but it was still funny.
Oh Gala,I’m the ones who hates birthdays x.x’‘
I always get sad,and because my birthday is on the vactions,i never can make a party with all of my friends =S
Mine was last month,and was a sad day,maybe if this article have came earlier would help me =P
And as I am a brazilian girl I have to disagree with you!The tradition of pulling on the earlobe for as many years as you’ve been alive is not cute,my grandma used to do this when I was a kid,and wasn’t funny at all @.@
And here there’s another not cute tradition ,the one of throwing eggs on the head of the person who is in your birthday,and sometimes flour too O.o
Throwing in a suggestion for a spanking fun birthday celebration: A theme party!
Whether it is a sweet garden soiree or a wild night out, guests could dress up as anything, from Jane Austen’s characters to roles from iconic black-and-white films!
I would love to see “Your Favourite Classical Music Composer”. Imagine the curly wigs and the frilly shirts! Or even “What Do You Think I Look Like In The Mornings?” just for the hell of it! :P
Themes are only limited by your own imagination! Enjoy! :)
today (feb. 12) is my birthday and i’ve drawn it out for as long as i can… try to spend a little time alone, shop a little too much and eat some favorite foods!
How funny! I just turned 38 yesterday (12 Feb). It was a lovely, lovely day…until this evening at just after midnight, when I had my first full-blown perimenopausal night sweat.
Irony, thy name is NOT Alanis.
Happy birthday to EVERYBODY who’s having one this month! I can attest that it really, truly does only get better the older you get (well, aside from the whole night-sweat thing). Enjoy your birthdays and your own personal New Years!
what fantastic timing! i turn 21 on the 22nd- that’s 9 days away!!!! – and i’ve been having a lot of trouble working out what to do.
birthday week sounds good….
xoxo
my 21st birthday is coming up in just under a month and i always stress out lots. i spend too much time trying to make sure it’s good for everyone else and forget to have fun myself.
i’ve decided that i wont be having that this year. i’m going to get my best mate and boy to do most of the organising (i’ll provide the day/guest-list/theme).
currently contemplating a zoo themed party seeing as i aspire to become a zookeeper and just finished work experience there. everyone dressed as animal of their choice (the weirder the better ie. pangolin), we hire out animal specimins from the perth museum and i wear the ugliest safari suit i can find.
otherwise i could get the longest table i can find and do the cliched alice in wonderland theme just so i can yell “change places!” at regular intervals
now contemplating stretching my birthday out. it’s on a monday and my party would be on the weekend…diferent activity with a different group ever night?
The English “birthday bumps” tradition is true (among boys, at least, and usually milked for maximum pain factor), but I’ve never heard of fortune telling cakes. Maybe it’s a mix up with the charms some people put in Christmas pudding? Either way, it sounds like a tradition begging to be started…
in about a month i’ll turn 30…and this time i’ll have a special present – a one-week-holiday birthday – i can’t wait for having it… great post gala…
hee. i turned 19 this year and had a total freak-out over it (OH MY GOD I’M NOT EIGHTEEN ANYMORE THAT MEANS I’M TECHNICALLY AN ADULT OH GOD, et cetera) and barely told anyone (which i got yelled at for afterwards!) for all i am loud and attention-seeking, i hate parties that are about me! eeeek. perhaps my 20th will be the year i finally splash out! xxx
I love this post because I had 4 bad birthdays in a row. My last awesome one was my 20th. I’ll be turning 25 this year (in May) and I’m already planning to get out of town with my boyfriend, our best friend & his boyfriend. We’re going to a quaint renovated travel motel about 6 hrs from home (in Grand Coulee, Washington). We’re going to take a scenic drive around the countryside. And go to a supposedly-famous record store called Hot Poop! At some point, my boyfriend is going to get me a limo ride because I’ve never been in one =) I’m very excited to have a HAPPY birthday this year, and reading this post just re-enforces my intent to do so!
I love this article!normally my birthdays are really quiet and boring and i feel quite depressed afterwards i guess it’s that feeling of something ending.but i love these ideas especially the simple approach ones.
I’d love to know what you’ve personally got up to on your previous b’days gala!
Oh Gala, thank you so much for this article. The last three out of four birthdays of mine have been terrible, and I haven’t been looking forward to my 20th at all (in another two months!) But this article is perking me up. My boyfriend has been bugging me about celebrating my birthday this year, and maybe this time I will! I’d love to go ice skating or throw myself a party… who knows? Maybe this year’ll be different!
I am Canadian and I have never heard of this greasing the nose tradition! I must ask around and see if I’m just a poor deprived child or what!
You had posted some photos of your mum’s birthday that were awesome… I wonder what your own favorite birthday was?
i turn 21 on the 22nd too! im having a big tropical party that i have put so much effort into this saturday night and then hopefully going to the beach for my actual birthday weekend.
and breathe lol. i need to learn how to punctuate.
I love birthdays!!
For the last 3 years I’ve hosted a “small” birthday festival in my honour called KIRST-A-PALOOZA.
New Zealand – Birthday claps. After the birthday cake is lit, the happy birthday song is sung loudly and often out of tune and then the person birthday person receives a clap for each year they have been alive and then one for good luck. – that made me LOL for real
awesome work Gala, just got the email newsletter, and whaddya know, it’s my birthday today.
great article – and i’m having a FABULOUS day!
xoxox
a few birthdays ago, i decided that my partner and i would stay on the wellesly boat on the wellington waterfront.
turns out we were the only ones staying the night, so we had the boat to ourselves. we went across the road to woolsworths and the warehouse to get supplies.
we spent the night eating birthday cake and watching charlie and the chocolate factory.
it was the best birthday ever.
my birthday always sucks and i try try try to make it better each year and it never works so i appreciate this post. my b’day falls on 27/12 so everyone’s festive spirit is well and truely spent to give much to me and not to appear so diva like – it’s not like i’m deliberaltely requestng energy but – xmas time for me is ever so sad and nostalgic anyway so hate the time or year my birthday is. not only that it is v v v v expensive to flee the country at that time of year and HARD to space things out my way as it is a time of year where not only does everyone have their own agenda but also everyone else is usually riding through their own emotions! anyway, i always say i will celebrate it at another time (like say, edie sedgwick’s birthday or on my conception (27/03) or 6 months opposite (27/06) but i never do and so end up tear stained every year on 27/12 :(
but you now what … it felt good to let that all out, thanks gala! ps. you are awesome x o x
It was my birthday on Wednesday (the 13th) and I was very miserable because I was broke and weighed down by bills, had no gifts because of the lack of money and I discovered the night before that I had a bladder infection.
When I got to uni, a couple friends had gotten me presents and took me to lunch, and although it wasn’t much it made the day so much more lovely because I felt very special.
After uni, my mum came around and took me to dinner, her shout.
So, after thinking that my birthday would be miserable and horrible, it turned out quite nice, despite being ill :)
oh, I have never cried on any of my birthdays except my 21st!that one was really lousy, I totally had that ‘youth slipping away’ feeling! I love the week-long-party idea, it’s just amazing!unfortunately my b-day falls usually in the midst of final exams, so i never really have much time to treat myself or anything, but i guess a nice bath or some yummy freshly cooked dinner every night can be a good start!
and, we pull earlobes in italy too!I tough it was our tradition!:)
It’s my birthday today (the 16th) I went to a party last night and everyone sung me happy birthday at midnight.
Bonjour Gala,
I turn 40 (egads!) on March 1st and still haven’t the foggiest notion about what to do. This gives me a few ideas.
Merci.