How To Throw A Tea-Party
[ 25 January 2007 ]
The first step is to get excited about the prospect of your tea party! (Some books that may aid this process are “Let’s Have A Tea Party” by Emilie Barnes & “I’m A Little Teapot” by Iza Trapani.)
Guest list
In these days of debauchery, you might find it tough to think of people who would gain sufficient enjoyment from something like a tea-party. It’s a sad reality of these Wii-obsessed times. Here’s a secret: if you make a big enough deal out of anything, people will get excited about it. Make invitations, & make ‘em good — use a typewriter, make it like a ransom note, send them out on the back of homemade postcards, fold the invitation up as a miniature fortune-teller & slip it into their bag (or somewhere where they’ll find it). You get the picture. Ten people is a good number for a tea-party, but it’s entirely up to you.
Location, location, location (ad nauseam)
Where you hold your shindig will probably depend on the season. A house is always a good place to hold a tea-party, just because it’s so easy, & of course it doesn’t need to be inside, you could have it on a balcony or in the garden. Otherwise, in summer, a tea party could be held in a treehouse, a conservatory, a beach, a park (particularly one with swings & a lot of trees to climb), by a large body of water or in a forest if you want to get really rustic. In winter, you’ll probably want to retreat to the warmth of a house, which may seem dull but hush, since you won’t have to lug huge amounts of crockery into the middle of nowhere.
Utensils & Decoration
I think that when throwing a tea-party, it is very important for the whole affair to have a demented old lady feel. The best way to do this is have a lot of mis-matched items. This is NOT “shabby chic“ (which is basically something cultivated by bored housewives), it’s more a natural eccentricity. If this description has you stumped, think about your weirdest Aunt’s kitchen & take it from there. The whole point is that you’re not trying too hard. So, anyway, you will need things like teacups, saucers, strange elaborate teaspoons, little forks & knives (for cake, cheese, etc.) & sugar-bowls at the very least. You’ll also probably require lots of tea, cream, sugar, milk (full cream, low-fat, soy), cupcakes, cookies, crackers & such. You can go completely nutty from here & present an old cookie-jar full of colourful gumballs if you like, I would encourage you to aim for excess!
You should also dress up the area you’re going to be “partying” in. Think about things like tablecloths, napkins, candles, huge arrangements of flowers & doilies if you want to be really kitsch. You can provide extra amusement for your guests with fortune cookies, balloons, seating placards & a bottle of tequila hidden nearby.
Music
This will really depend on the sort of guests you have, but music definitely sets the tone so you should take care with it. I am a huge fan of the Marie Antoinette soundtrack & think it would make for a great tea-party, but you will have your own ideas no doubt. Anyway, I am the kind of girl who would probably end up busting out some Notorious B.I.G., so take what I say about music with a grain of salt!
Activi-teas (ho ho)
In ye olden days, tea party guests often went exploring the craggy mountains & dense forests that were undoubtedly nearby. However, nowadays it’s more likely that your local scenic attractions are your neighbourhood’s newest teenage mother & a shopping mall that stretches as far as the eye can see. In such dire situations, it can be beneficial to all involved if your company engages in simple activities. Like, um, talking! Or dancing. Try not to chat about what’s on television, since this is an official bore. You can also have a go at some birthday party classics, such as pass the parcel or musical chairs, but if these games are simply too, too childish, then feel free to discuss existentialism in hushed tones, with your Serious Face on.
Enjoy! Lewis Carroll’s birthday is on the 27th of January, this Saturday, so there’s never been a better time to throw a tea-party. Send pictures!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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I just loved reading this. There aren’t enough tea parties these days, in my opinion. I always intend to have one, but never get one organised. I must remedy this. Viva la téa!
Bravo! Love your post! The world needs more tea parties – funky ones, proper ones, impromptu or elaborate ones – whatever, just get out the china! Thank you for adding this subject to your blog.
i loved seeing this in the latest news letter, as a really want to have a tea party for my birthday this year!
love the tips, & i’ll definently put your wisdom to good use!
La La La! Love the website!
Totally an inspiration for my birthday party!
truely inspiring!
i am having a “Mad Hatter” style tea party for my big 18! and this has very much helped! thank you!!
you think of everything don’t you?
I thought yesterday, oooh I want to hve a mad hatters tea party for my next birthday in may. So i may grab some ideas . . . thanks!!
Same! I’m having a mad hatter tea party =)..I too love love love the marie antionette soundtrack and am borrowing a few of the songs for my party (the whole psychedelic feel man)
seems like a great book, and theme, to write a little article on? A little like the marie antionette one.
Go on, gala.
love&peace
xo
Ah, Gala, I know I can always count on you for this kind of advice! I’m having an autumn tea party for my birthday and this has given me some most excellent ideas.
Love this!! Two of my friends and I are throwing a con-joined tea party this weekend :) Thanks for the extra ideas!
hi
i started organizing a easter tea party for my church couple of years and i agree with you, your advice is exactly in the button and i will look for more advice on this and maybe other subjects
I am having a tea party for my 21st birthday! A fairy tea party no less.
Since I live in Britain and have been drinking legally since 18 I decided that a tea party would be much more fun then getting royally sloshed and not remembering a thing.
Plus since it is a tea party for fairies I get to wear the most amazing dress :D
Hey Mr.Teabagger Patriot here’s Why Your So Angry!
Hey you. You there in the Glenn Beck T-shirt headed off to the Tea Party Patriot rally.
Stop shouting for a moment, please, I want to explain to you why you’re so very angry.
You should be angry. You’re getting screwed.
I think you know that. But you don’t seem to know that it doesn’t have to be that way. You can stop it. You can stop it easily because the system that’s screwing you over can only keep screwing you over if you keep demanding that it do so.
So stop demanding that. Stop helping the system screw you over.
Look, you can go back to yelling at me in a minute, but just read this first.
1. Get out your pay stub.
Or, if you have direct deposit — you really should get direct deposit, it saves a lot of time and money (I point this out because, honestly, I’m trying to help you here, even though you don’t make that easy Mr. Angry Screamy Guy) — then take out that little paper receipt they give you when your pay gets directly deposited.
2. Notice that your net pay is lower than your gross pay. This is because some of your wages are withheld every pay period.
3. Notice that only some of this money that was withheld went to pay taxes. (I know, I know — yeearrrgh! me hates taxes! — but just try to stick with me for just a second here.)
4. Notice that some of the money that was withheld didn’t go to taxes, but to your health insurance company.
5. Now go get a pay stub from last year around this time, from January of 2009.
6. Notice that the amount of your pay withheld for taxes in your current paycheck is less than the amount that was withheld a year ago.
That’s because of President Barack Obama’s economic stimulus plan, which included more than $200 billion in tax cuts, including the one you’re holding right there in your hand, the tax cut that’s now staring you in the face. Republicans all voted against that tax cut. And then they told you to get angry about the stimulus plan. They didn’t explain, however, why you were supposed to get angry about getting a tax cut. Why would you be? Wouldn’t it make more sense to get angry at the people who voted against that Obama tax cut?
But taxes aren’t the really important thing here. The really important thing starts with the next point.
7. Notice that the amount of your pay withheld to pay for your health insurance is more than it was last year.
8. Notice that the amount of your pay withheld to pay for your health insurance is a lot more than it was last year.
I won’t ask you to dig up old paychecks from 2008 and 2007, but this has been going on for a long time. Every year, the amount of your paycheck withheld to pay for your health insurance goes up. A lot.
9. Notice the one figure there on your two pay stubs that hasn’t changed: Your wage. The raise you didn’t get this year went to pay for that big increase in the cost of your health insurance.
10. Here’s where I need you to start doing a better job of putting two and two together. If you didn’t get a raise last year because the cost of your health insurance went up by a lot, and the cost of your health insurance is going to go up by a lot again this year, what do you think that means for any chance you might have of getting a raise this year?
11. Did you figure it out? That’s right. The increasing cost of health insurance means you won’t get a raise this year. Or next year. Or the year after that. The increasing cost of health insurance means you will never get a raise again.
That’s what I meant when I said you really should be angry. That’s what I meant when I said you’re getting screwed.
OK, we’re almost done. Just a few more points, I promise.
12. The only hope you have of ever seeing another pay raise is if Congress passes health care reform. Without health care reform, the increasing cost of your health insurance will swallow this year’s raise. And next year’s raise. And pretty soon it won’t stop with just your raise. Without health care reform, the increasing cost of your health insurance will start making your pay go down.
13. I wish I could tell you that this was just a worst-case scenario, that this was only something that might, maybe happen, but that wouldn’t be true. Without health care reform, this is what will happen. We know this because this is what is happening now. It has been happening for the past 10 years. In 2008, employers spent on average 25 percent more per employee than they did in 2001, but wages on average did not increase during those years. The price of milk went up. The price of gas went up. But wages did not. All of the money that would have gone to higher wages went to pay the higher and higher and higher cost of health insurance. And unless Congress passes health care reform, that will not change.
Well, it will change in the sense that it will keep getting worse, but it won’t get better. Unless the problem gets fixed, the problem won’t be fixed. That’s kind of what “problem” and “fixed” mean.
14. Sadly for any chance you have of ever seeing a raise again, it looks like Congress may not pass health care reform. It looks like they won’t do that because they’re scared of angry voters who are demanding that they oppose health care reform, angry voters who demand that Congress not do anything that would keep the cost of health insurance from going up and up and up. Angry voters like you.
15. Do you see the point here? You are angrily, loudly demanding that Congress make sure that you never, ever get another pay raise as long as you live. Because of you and because of your angry demands, you and your family and your kids are going to have to get by with less this year than last year. And next year you’re going to have to get by with even less. And if you keep angrily demanding that no one must ever fix this problem, then you’re going to have to figure out how to get by on less and less every year for the rest of your life.
16. So please, for your own sake, for your family’s sake and the sake of your children, stop. Stop demanding that problems not get fixed. Stop demanding that you keep getting screwed. Stay angry — you should be angry — but start directing that anger toward the system that’s screwing you over and taking money out of your pocket. Start directing that anger toward fixing problems instead of toward making sure they never get fixed. Instead of demanding that Congress oppose health care reform so that you never, ever, get another pay raise, start demanding that they pass health care reform, as soon as possible. Because until they do, you’re just going to keep on getting screwed.
And it’s going to be that much worse knowing that you brought this on yourself — that you demanded it.
Thanks for your time.
P.S. — I didn’t mention this because I’m trying here to be as patient with you as I can, but you might also want to keep in mind that in addition to screwing over yourself and screwing over your family and screwing over your own children by demanding that Congress oppose health care reform so that you will never, ever see another pay raise, by doing that you’re also demanding that I never, ever see another pay raise, which means that you’re also screwing over me, and my family, and my children. Not to mention the millions of poor and uninsured and uninsureable people I didn’t even mention above because they don’t seem to matter at all to you. And for that, let me just say the only appropriate thing that can be said to someone so determined to do direct, tangible harm to the welfare of my family: Why do you hate Americans?