I Have A Crush On A Guy I've Never Met!
[ 14 April 2008 ]
“I saw an interview with a man (not a celeb, just a random guy) in a magazine and I find him sooo attractive (I’m a love-at-first-sight kinda girl). The interview says he lives in the city very close to my village & is single. I googled, of course, and somewhere on the internet I found his email address but apart from that nothing important I think. I don’t think I can use it, it might be weird, no? But if I find his address, are there things I can do without looking like a stalker? Maybe drop a little note in his mailbox or something? Or should I just let it pass? I don’t know, I don’t have a lot of confidence when it comes to guys and he is 25 while I’m 19 so I don’t want look like a little girl…”
That’s so cute & awesome, & I think you should definitely approach him. After all, what is life without courage? But having said that, there are some definite tips to keep you from crossing over into scary stalker territory.
My first piece of advice would be to make contact via email. The reason for this is that it’s much less threatening. If he thinks you might have been lurking outside his house, well, that’s enough to make even the bolshiest brute feel a bit uncomfortable! Email, on the other hand, is much less intrusive, & at this point, you don’t really want to encroach on his personal space.
The other thing I’d say is that you should play it cool. Even though you may feel like you’re head over heels for him, take a moment to chill out. To make sure you don’t say the wrong thing, play a game of role reversal & then adjust your behaviour accordingly. Imagine receiving an email from someone who has seen you in a magazine & thinks you’re the cutest girl on the planet. You might be okay with him saying that, but if he started to get all, “I believe in love at first sight” & “So, I did some searching online & I noticed your house has a blue roof”, you might freak out a bit! Odds are good that you wouldn’t reply to him, & that his email would make good lunch-time gossip fodder for you & your girlfriends. He might even get a nickname, like, “The Email Freak”.
As someone who gets a lot of email all the time, some of which manages to successfully communicate a message & some which just doesn’t, I can tell you this much. The best emails are complimentary but not obnoxiously so, assume an easygoing rapport, & extend an offer of some sort. Here’s an example of an email that has all those elements, tailored to your situation.
Hi Karl, [1]
How’s it going? [2]
I’m writing to you because [3] I recently saw an interview with you in Slug magazine & something about you really appealed to me! Probably because of your clever answers! Oh — let’s just say it. The fact that you are devilishly handsome didn’t hurt, either! [4]
My name is Coco & I live in Taihape. [5] So, hello! I’m currently studying architecture at Moonman University, which I love. [6] I’m an occasional yoga instructor & eternal book-worm. (I just read a great book on nutrition by Marion Nestle, [7] it was so interesting, all about genetically modified food & the psychology of supermarkets. Sounds dull but it was actually amazing!) [8]
Anyway, I hope this email hasn’t weirded you out too much, I just thought you seemed cool & wanted to say hi. [9] It’d be great to get you know you better, so if you have a moment, drop me a line! [10]
Hope the rest of your week is fantastic! [11]
Coco. [12]
Email Decoder!
1. Say hello casually. “My sweet hunk of man-meat, Karl” would be a bit much.
2. Assume rapport — i.e., act as if you already know him.
3. Explain why you’re writing to him. Otherwise he might be all, “Who’s this crazy nut?” & rush through what you’ve written to try & find out why he’s got an email from you.
4. Use humour & be honest.
5. Introduce yourself but don’t be too stuffy about it.
6. Give some information about who you are — not too much, just enough to prove you’re not a serial killer.
7. Back up what you’ve told him with a bit of additional info. Make it something broad — for example, everyone has an opinion on food since everyone eats, so it’d be really easy for him to grab that topic & run with it.
8. If you think that the example you’ve used might sound a bit boring, you can always say you know it sounds boring but isn’t. It’s kind of a good fall-back position.
9. Nice & casual. It shows that you realise you’re doing an odd thing, but that you’re obviously not nuts.
10. Again, really casual. You’re not desperate for a reply, you obviously have a life, but if he’s keen, you’ve extended an invitation.
11. End on a positive note. People usually only remember the last thing they heard, so be sure to end well.
12. Don’t sign it “Love & smooches on your perfectly toned stomach”, tempting though it may be! Be cool!
Be yourself, & write it as if he’s already a friend of yours. This will help cancel out a lot of the awkwardness. Don’t be afraid to let your personality shine through either, but as this is someone you’ve never met before, it’s probably better to play it a little bit more conservative than you normally would.
Best of luck! We all have our fingers crossed for you!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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Cuuuuuute! & hey, we all know how to send secret crush emails to you now, don’t we?
Hi Gala
How’s it going?
...
;)
I like the name of the magazine! & I luuurve the name Coco. I don’t like Taihape though. ;D
Felicity — Haha! I wondered whether that would come back to haunt me… didn’t think it would happen so soon ;D ! & I don’t think I’ve even been to Taihape… gumboots, right? North Island or South?
as someone that used to get A LOT of stalkerish emails, i would have liked it if people wanting to get to know me sent me ones like that.
i still have the super crazy ones saved, just incase i need them for future reference, and also to laugh at.
North Island! & yup, gumboot capital of the world baby!
Taihape, why the heck that even came into your mind I don’t know. The only thing that Taihape has going for it is that it is the last decent place to stop and get something to eat when you’re heading north before Taupo.
I do think your international audience will find the name very strange indeed, just normal to us kiwis though.
perfect advice, and just what i needed for what was going through my mind at the moment!
thanks Gala!
i hope the inspiration for the name ‘coco’ came from that ‘flight of the conchords’ episode! “ono i didn’t!” ;D
This is kind of crazy and time-wise, right-on, as I recently received an email from a young professor inquiring about me. I’d say it was a personal email as he invited me to talk to him about non-class related things and sounded a bit flirty. But, it was worded so casually I was unsure as to whether or not it was bordering creepy or odd. Thanks for the ‘email decoder’ as I now realize what his intentions may have been…
Okay, secretly I wouldn’t mind if he was crushing on me as I am crushing back (he’s only 6-7 yrs. older!). But now, after a bit of email rapport, it has stopped, and I’m not sure if I should seek him out or drop it entirely. Oh woe. I am also not a vulnerable, naive college girl, so no need to worry! Perhaps there should be an article on this dilemma? Boss-employee, teacher-student relationships, etc…
sarah — Huh, how did you manage that? Were you a Suicidegirl or something? ;D
Kerryn — It was a secret wink to my NZ nonpareils!
annaloren — Naw, it was way more a Chanel, Coco Chanel/Karl Lagerfeld kind of thing :>
Tilly — Ah, well, maybe he is having an ethics crisis. In fact, I would bet money that that’s what’s going on. Does that sound right to you?
Gala
I love that you are on the other side of the world from me. It lets me read your morning posts before I go to bed (or right when I wake up!)
This is such a fun post. What an exciting time for the young lady. I love a good flirtation!
Luv
Poochie
This is such great advice, and your sample email is super adorable and simultaneously really helpful for any email you want to send to someone new. Excellent footnotes, professors across the world rejoice at your scholarship!
gala – nope not there, but a few networking sites, livejournal and the likes.
one day i put up a photo of me drinking a shot or something at my sisters birthday party. it was my first drink of the night, so it wasnt like i was passed out in a ditch somewhere.
I got the most insane email
“How are you babe..
sighs, When were you drinking..
This is how i feel about drinking..
I’m very opposed to drinking. It’s not something I will do, and it’s not something I want people I care about to do. My dad, grandfather, two of my cousins, and my favorite uncle died from alcohol, plus my best friend was hit by a drunk driver.
Well you can if you want to..but you’ll do it without me around.
I thought you were different.”
I was like okay, what? do i even know you?
Gala, this is great, so clever and useful and sensible. I would also urge the crusher to manage her expectations – it might work, it might be a disaster, you might end up adoring bro&sis-style friends. Don’t start naming your children just yet!
(I have to admit I am totally distracted by Taihape’s cutest residents, yoga-instructor Coco [FOTC 4 eva!] and the devilishly handsome Karl. The Central North Island has all the babes!)
Amelie is my favourite movie ever. I felt so inspired after I watched it for the first time.
I think this is just really brilliant advice for even talking to people you’ve just met, or for sending cover letters to laid-back sorts of places! Thanks uberly much.
I wish someone would send ME a random email.
All I ever get are bill notifications from Telstra and people asking me to complete surveys for money.
Maybe I’ll go email someone then maybe I’ll get a reply!
P.s. What is um…Tiahape..Taipahe..Taihape…:/ and how do you pronounce it?
I like the name Coco. This was really good. I have a total CRUSH on a waiter, so I went everyday for nearly three months (even if he wasn’t there, the coffee is really good), until my friend wrote a note explaining that I was totally keen for him one night (when we were both really drunk) and signed it in my name! So I haven’t returned lol. But still, I ADORE him sooo much! He’s the most good looking boy I’ve ever seen and can’t speak a sentence in English because he’s Italian, which I find HOT~!
Amelia – it’s pronounced tie-happy. :D
As someone who’s sent exactly this sort of email … and is now married to the recipient … I say “go for it!”. I went to a book talk a few years back, and totally fell for the author. To sum up, I spent my next day at work telling my coworkers all about the “dreamy” author. Meanwhile, I’d spent 1-1/2 hours listening to him tell stories from his book, and he didn’t know me from Jane! So I sent him a quick, non-intimidating email telling him how much I enjoyed his talk and would like to get to know him … and yahoo it worked!! #1 groupie turned wife!
when i read the title of today’s icing it reminded me of a song by ‘another sunny day’ – i’m in love with a girl who doesn’t know i exist is the name of the song, so it’s pretty emo :) cute huh?
Gala, any way we can get updates about this sweet story? —the one with our fellow non-pareil, not Karl & Coco. ;)
This is too cute! I wish I was ballsy enough to try something like this out, but alas…I’m a total wimp when it comes to romance! My friend actually told me Amelie reminds him of me after he saw the movie, so maybe I’ll be better one day. I give my good vibes to the girl who goes for it with her crush!
Amelia — Taihape is a teeny little town in New Zealand. It’s known for its gumboots, though I don’t really know why! Actually… Taihape!
Alexander Five Glint — Oh, you HAVE to go back! Let us know what happens!
Mrs. Jackson — Well done that woman! It’s awesome to see proof that this kind of thing works!
Annie — I hope so! Fingers crossed that the letter-writer keeps us posted on what happens! (I have high hopes!)
Oh, Gala, have you really read Marion Nestle? I just bought What to Eat, and I am currently doing a senior research project on sustainable agriculture. It is totally my THING. I want to help develop urban gardens after I graduate in May.
I just had to say something, because now my favorite blogger has made a reference to my ultimate passion! Thanks!
Also, excellent letter. I just might use the general format for trying to arrange some informational meetings in the near future…
Sarah — YES! I love Marion Nestle! What To Eat is the only book of hers I’ve read, though it totally rocked my world… it was amazing! xx
irmak – Aww, funny you should mention “I’m In Love With A Girl Who Doesn’t Know I Exist”! Harvey of Another Sunny Day is a friend of mine & yes indeed that song is totally ridiculously over the top wimpy indiepop boy secret crushing galore!
Ahahaha. That is so cute.
I once had a huge crush on a male flute player (I know, right?) for the one day that I knew him. But I never saw him again. * wistful sigh *
Anyway, totally go for it.
xx
P.S. Contrary to popular belief, there apparently exist total babe male flute players.
Aw this is just so cleverly written! With an example email and everything.. I haven’t been on iCiNG for what feels like ages and it’s so lovely and awesome to catch up on all the delicious articles!
(And I also love the use of the Amelie picture – if only she’d sent him an email rather than the treasure-hunt type thing all over the city..)
I immediately thought of Amelie when I read the title in the feed reader…sigh. Love that movie.
I wish I had known all of this back when I was a foolish tween, and I sent an email to a singer-songwriter who kissed me on the cheek when I asked I was taking a picture of us together. I’m sure I came across really creepy because I kept saying how I was thinking about him and how dreamy I thought he was. Haha, and you could say, “Oh, he might have thought it was kind of cute since you were 12 and not have thought you were a total freak!” but no. . . really, I don’t think he could have known I was 12 (photographic evidence: http://i25.tinypic.com/2dhfdpz.jpg). He just thought I was a stalker if he read it. I still hope sometimes that he never did.
I’ll stop reliving my embarrassment now.
But I, too, hope we get updates! Definitely email him using those guidelines and see what happens. :)
I just discover your blog, and I think it’s really great ! Happy to see that you enjoy french culture !
Great advice! I would just add that maybe you should speak a little more about the interview, and why you liked his answers. I don’t know what he was interviewed about, but it’s probably something that interested you already, so say it! Shared interests are the best way to start a relationship, friendly or otherwise.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
Gala this is so funny!
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤I woke up this morning with the realisation that I definitely have a crush on my neighbour, then I open up my laptop and you have written this.. hehee
Craziness, I juuuust (re)watched Amelie last night! The story is cute but highly unlikely, since most guys are not dreamers, so thanks for the advice! I do agree and hope that we are updated on this as well! :D
My goodness Gala this is fantastic, and you are fantastic :)
I used the email technique to introduce myself to someone that I not only didn’t know, but had never seen. And it led to us dating briefly. :)
That’s exactly the kind of email my now-fiancé should have sent me when he spotted me at his friend’s band’s gig and then, being too shy to approach me, got my email address from the band’s forum. Instead, his email was all about his band and didn’t mention anything personal at all. I thought he had spammed all the forum members with this and not just me, and had absolutely no interest in his band, but replied to him anyway in the hope that he’d introduce me to the totally hot singer of the other band XD But now, almost six years later, we’re very happy together and will be getting married next year, so I guess he must’ve done something right!
Good luck to the letter writer! Let us know how it goes :)
amazing advice. i want to know how this ends! xD
Funnily enough, I just mustered up the courage to talk to my crush the other day. I passed him a note with “DYSENTERY” written on it during Spanish class, and we went from there. The thing is, I’m a sophomore and he’s graduating and going to New York for college. I suck for waiting too long. :(
EXACTLY what I was thinking, Kate.
Except, I’m in the sender’s position – I’m totally going to use this tmeplate to send to the hot guys i meet in bands that I e-mail within the week to make sure they remember me. this is cute, conversatipon-inspiring, and COMPLETELY creep proof.
Thanks, love!
Awesome advice – I wish I’d had it back in summer camp during crushes :3
In a similar vein, tonight I tell him I love him. Hopefully he’s still there in the morning…
Oh, I wish you had written this a year ago! I needed to read it so badly! As it is, I wrote my secret-stranger-crush a letter and dropped it in his campus mailbox. I gave my name and email address and stuff, but I never got a reply. I fear that I was utterly creepy ;_;
Oh well! Next time I’ll do it right. Thank you for this great advice!
G’day Taihape!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Always a classic.
Anonymous crushes… partly fun and partly torturous! But I do love Amélie… that is such a good example of a crush on an unknown. And who wouldn’t want to go on a treasure hunt around the city to be led to her door? haha
Great advice!
I STILL have a crush on the boy who once dropped me a random email in much the same way you’ve suggested!
We became great friends (bonding over a mutual love of the same music and rainy day train rides), and while life and (other) loves have seen us go in separate directions, I still look back on those years with a smile on my face.
Never underestimate the power of the unexpected email!
When ever I hear him on the radio now, I break out in a smile!
Megan — Normally I’d agree with you, but he’s not a public figure, just some random guy. There’d be no way of ever knowing where he might be!
Hmm, initially I thought that this sort of email would be a completely stalker-y bad idea. On more than one occasion, my bank teller or cellular phone salesman has “googled” me and contacted me, and I never responded because I was so creeped out… and I am also not a public figure. Actually, one cellular phone salesman memorized my number and texted me for the next two weeks. I should have reported him!
Moving on. This guy is putting himself in the public eye by giving an interview in a magazine, so it is a different situation. I say go for it, because the worst thing that can happen is that he doesn’t respond. Just make sure you send it only once!
I so want to hear how this ends!
Really useful to know. I’ll do something like this in the future, I’ve never done anything like it.
Infinite x’s & o’s…
my bf of two and a bit years who i’m still utterly enamoured with sent me an email via myspace when he came across me randomly. he saw that we had a friend in common (not that i knew her very well) and asked for her advice in courting me and the result was a quirky and non-threatening email that i happily replied to as a then single girl
just located it, this was written when he was 18/19:
Heylo
So I added you. You know it.
And now I’m messaging you.
‘Cos ‘cos ‘cos you seem mightily interesting, and I’d like tooo chat to you some time…
Hmmm… I ought to end this message quickly so I don’t end up blithering and blabbering you and giving you cause to reach for the “delete friend” button… that is if you’ve accepted my add… Which you should, I think.
You could always add me to msn…
my address is *****
That would be tres bien
-*****
X
aww.. from there we emailed back and forth, then msn, then phone calls, then met in real life. to be honest i didn’t like him that much at first. was wierded out at the whole first date and meeting stranger off the net thing. but i gave him a second chance and here we are now. we first kissed to changes by bowie. such indie kids…
so my advice? can you find his myspace/facebook etc? then it wont seem like you’ve been searching for him but chanced upon his profile instead. but if you can’t, try it anyway. hopefully he’s the kind of person who’ll appreciate it (and is single)
great advice, great advice, Gala.
I love the whole flow of that sample email! I once met a guy who I could have fallen head over heels for and I would so be using that if I had his email…
Gala,
This is such a great piece of information!
I know it will help so many people!
But i must share a funny story with you!!!
My current boyfriend and i met online, thanks to a mutual friend.
He sent me an email saying something along the lines of…
“Hey, i’m not a stalker, i don’t know where you live (yet haha) but i was the guy standing beside ‘MR X’ when you were talking to him on MSN and i saw your display picture, and well i KNOW i’m going to sound like a blubbering fool, but you’re gorgeous, and your funny and have an awesome personality…um..can i talk to you?”“
The email was so funny and cute i had to laugh and say yes he may talk to me.
I didn’t think anything was going to come out of it,
but a month later, the same mutual friend had a small gethering, and i was invited.
I didn’t know it then but the “email boy” was invited also.
when i got to the party, This shy but rather georgous boy came up to me and complimented my outfit and then introduced himself.
It was email boy!
he was so shy and nervous i gave him a hug, and then we got together that night.
We have been together about a year now,
and are getting married soon :)
Just goes to show that by taking a chance, i found the love of my life!!
(and just for the record i don’t call him email boy anymore. i’m NOT giving out their names online.)
Hey,
um i had this guy i like and i asked him out.
but he sed no and i asked him why.
and he sed he liked this other grl and i cried all day :(
i wish that he asked me out :(
thankyou for reading
Hey I need some advice. I kind of have the same thing going on, but there’s this boy that I like that is 2 years older then me. I have his email because my friend gave it to me, but he’s not a celebrity, so it would not be normal for me to send him an email. He knows I exist, but he haven’t talked for a very long time. I really like him, but I’m very shy around guys that I like. We barely see each other, but I know from a reliable source that he will be visiting tomorrow. What should I say to him?? Should I ever email him? I just don’t know what to do, and I don’t want him to forget me.
Okay, I’m having a dilemma too. There’s this guy that I’ve had a bit of a crush on for quite some time, definitely. I hope this doesn’t sound too stalker-ish, but I found out his name through a tag through an acquaintance’s photo on Facebook. I can’t exactly ask her to introduce me, and I’m in a pretty big college, so the chance of running into him at a good occasion (sports or party?) is rare. He has an email and an sn on his Facebook, but I haven’t dared to contact him online. I wouldn’t know what to say!!
today me and my cousin were on three way call with her x wesley and he’s really funny and i kinda like him but he lives in virginia and so does my cousin but i live in mississippi and i don’t know if he has a yahoo or facebook and i really wanna go out with him but i don’t know how to really get him to like me. HELP!!!!!! Plzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!