iCiNG Stories: Awkward Dates
[ 1 March 2009 ]
The recent iCiNG Stories about love was such a great success that I thought we should do it again. This time, though, I want to hear about the worst, most hilarious, crazy dates you’ve ever been on.
I haven’t been on a lot of “dates”, being new to America & all that business. New Zealanders don’t really date! I wrote about the weirdest one I’ve ever had, though, in part one of my interview, which I’ll repost here for your reading pleasure!
I met a guy at a fancy party — we were the only people with visible tattoos there, so he made a beeline for me. We started talking & flirting & he was really cute, he was black with sleeve tattoos & stretched ears (why is that SO CUTE on a guy?) & a fetish for high-end luggage (oh, who knows), & he asked me for my number. I gave it to him because I was so caught off-guard, & didn’t actually expect to hear from him. He called me the next day & asked me to go out with him, & after much deliberating, said yes. (I thought, even if this is a total disaster, at least it will be interesting.)
I caught a taxi to his friend’s place where they were having a party. I get there & he is pretty boozed. He tells me he is a personal trainer & insists — INSISTS — that I touch his stomach. It is impressive. I ask him how many sit-ups he does a day. He says 200. One of his friends — another personal trainer — says, “Oh, you’re from New Zealand? How long have you been in America? Your English is pretty good!” I look at him, dumb-founded, & ask him what language he thinks we speak in NZ. He has no idea. I am afraid.
The party was wrapping up so a bunch of us went to catch another cab to some other party. It turned out to be me, him & about four other guys — too many people to fit in one cab. They will usually only take 4 passengers. They were all personal trainers — so weird, so not my thing — so you know, they weren’t small, squishable guys. Their plan was that we would flag a cab & get in & I would sit on someone’s lap or something. About five cabs were like “NO I’m not taking all of you at once”, but eventually we got some guy who just wanted the fare & let us in. The guy I was there with wanted to see the sports results on the touch-screen thing, so he was pressing the screen, but kind of pounding it, not really touching it. The taxi driver got pissed off, & was like, “STOP THAT”, so the guy I was with apologised. But then… he punched the wall between us & the driver REALLY hard! I don’t know why! The driver went nuts & was like, “GET OUT OF MY CAB”, so we got out, grudgingly.
So we’re all walking up the road to try & find another cab, & then we realise that my guy (I don’t remember his name, oops) isn’t with us. We turn around & see him crouching down behind the cab, & as it goes to pull away, he PUNCHES the back of the cab REALLY HARD! & the driver slams on the brakes, & my guy (oh how embarrassing) jumps up & yells, “RUN!” His hand is bleeding & has bits of glass in it, I’m wearing heels & trying to walk quickly, the driver is yelling bloody murder & saying he’s going to call the cops. So this ridiculous motley crew that is our group basically takes a bunch of crazy side alleys & we can hear the taxi driver yelling after us, but eventually we lost him. Phew.
My crazy date is trying to hold my hand but I’m so not into it because a) he is crazy & b) he is bleeding, so I talk to one of his more sane friends. We eventually get to a club in Chelsea which is packed out, & they are playing bad music. We dance, a bit, but I’m really just thinking about how I want to leave. Crazy boy has finally gone to wash his hand & I am not as leery of him as I was but I still think he is nuts & am totally not interested. He is flirting with me & telling me how hot I am & I’m laughing nervously, like, “Haha, yeeeeeah…” He kisses me & I say something like, “Hey, you’re cool but I’ve got to go”. I leave. He texts & calls me a lot. I never respond.
I saw him about a month later on an opposite subway platform, & hid behind a pillar. Awesome.
Okay, your turn! Bring on the most horrifyingly ridiculous encounters you’ve had! Astound us!
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I met up with one guy after a drunken hook up. We went to a bar, and it turned out he had forgotten his ID and they wouldn’t serve me either so we had to sit and drink pints of coke. Also he couldn’t look me in the eye and spent the entire time stammering to the ceiling. At the end I went to give him a peck on the cheek, he moved, and I ended up kissing his ear. Awful, but also kinda fun :) Yours made me LOL gala. xxxx
Oh, Gala. I can sympathize with you, although admittedly the story was pretty funny, in a sadistic sort of manner.
Instead of describing the very few “dates” I’ve ever had, I’ll a very old story… Back in days of middle school, where the kids who liked each other held hands and called each other cute. Wahoo (You know the story is going to be horrible now)! Ultimately, the date was hijacked by several nosey friends, and the boy’s grandfather. I am completely and utterly, one hundred percent serious. Kiddie!Amour dumped the boy a week later.
Aw, young love.
A few years ago a boy who I had a big crush on, and I, eventually, after 100s of emails, went on a date together. After bickering for an hour or so trying to chose which movie to see he won and we went to see Star Wars. However to my delight when we got there it wasn’t showing, but Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was. We bought tickets then went to my favourite cafe, just round the corner to grab a bite before the show. Inside he said he didn’t really want anything, so I ordered apple pie and custard. We chatted and everything was lovely, until we left to go to the cinema.
Inside we were queuing for popcorn when he said “Do you really think we should have a medium? I mean you did just eat that cake.” I laughed it off and said we’d be fine. We paid for the popcorn and the server told us that we could pick up our bag round the corner on the way into the screen. When we got there I realised there was no-one checking which bag you took so I grabbed an extra large one. The boy’s face went white but I laughed it off.
At the end of the film he said he was bored and we should go home. We sat on a wall waiting for my bus to come when he said “I didn’t think anyone could eat that much popcorn in one sitting.” then pointed out he’d had two handfuls.
I didn’t call him after that.
Me and a guy were just meeting up for coffee, but he was hungry, so we went to this Little Italy restaurant. The thing was, it was only five o’clock and we were nearly the only ones there. The restaurant was really embarrassing, with cheapo Italian pop music playing in the background. Once we had finished, we asked the waiter for the bill, and he started singing the theme tune to the TV show that we have in the UK, The Bill. I laughed nervously, but my guy had no idea what was going on— he was from Canada and didn’t know what The Bill was! I am never going back to that restaurant.
That has to be one of the greatest disastrous dating stories I’ve ever heard.
He was hiding behind a pillar! Mwa ha ha, that’s hilarious!
Years ago, my friend Sara thought it would be a great idea to set me up with her husband’s friends. Sara’s mom overheard who they were planning on setting me up whith and said “Oh NO! You’re not setting Ashley up with that boy! He’s trouble Ashley, don’t do it!”
Being the rebel, of course I said yes.
Flash forward to the date:
I’m driving in my little yellow car to pick him up, and see him standing on the corner. I stop to pick him up.
Physically, he wasn’t quite my cup of tea. But I thought “looks aren’t everything,” and struck up some conversation.
I ask him, “so, have you ever driven?”
In which he replies, “No, I’ve never had my lisence, if thats what you mean. I bought a new truck through a private deal (with no lisence), but then got really drunk after owning it for three days and smashed it into a pole. I’m now restricted for driving for five years as a result.”
“Okay,” I thought. Everyone makes mistakes, right?
Flash forward to the movie theater:
We walk in, and try to decide what movie to see. Well, I’d like to see something smart and dramatic…and he on the other hand wants to see one of those parody films…in fact, it was “Date Movie” that we ended up settling on.
While we’re waiting for the film to start, he stops off at the “NY Fries” stand, and gets the biggest, nastiest poutine he can purchase (BTW, poutine is fries with cheese curds and gravy). After watching him eat the massive bucket of nasty, we settle into our seats.
The movie begins. The movie is awful. It’s crude humour that I dispise, and he is laughing SO HARD at the dumbest jokes. He smells like poutine. He’s obnoxious. I have to go pee. I need to escape for a few minutes.
I get up to leave. As I walk past him….
HE SMACKS MY ASS.
My finger flies into his face, “DON’T YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN.”
I proceed to the bathroom…and then reluctantly wandered back into the theater. The date seems to be draggin on forever, kind of like the awful movie we were watching.
I rejoyced when the movie was over, and dropped him off at home. Every day of the next week, I recieved a phone call from him, all of which I never answered.
Needless to say, when Sara’s mom heard about the date, I got a emphatic, “Well sweet pea, I told you he was trouble!”
PS- When I went to the bathroom, I totally should have ditched him right there!!
Cheers Everyone :)
Oh gosh, I don’t think anything could beat your disastrous date story, Gala!
The worst date (out of the few) that I’ve been on was about a year and a half ago. The guy (who I worked with at the time, though rarely saw because our shifts were different) must have decided to crush on me on a whim one day. He followed me around nearly the entire day at work, and then finally tried to ask me to a movie. I said I wasn’t sure if I could go, but finally decided to say yes — I wasn’t really attracted to him, but I’m of the “give the guy at least one chance” school of thought.
The couple of days leading up to our date, he commented wildly on at least half of my facebook photos. The day of, he called early in the afternoon “just to see how I was doing,” with long, awkward silences. A half hour before I was set to leave, he called and told me he didn’t have a car and hadn’t checked to see what movies were playing, and asked if it was okay if I just walked to his dorm to watch a movie. I did, and after we both awkwardly ordered chinese food, we sat down — not in a lounge area, as I had assumed, but in his room. I had almost NO experience with dating or “relationships” at that point, so I didn’t even think to object.
So after he convinces me to choose a sickeningly sweet romantic comedy, we sit down and he starts going on and on about our age difference and how weird it was (turns out he was eight years older than me, and yes, still an undergraduate in college, living in a dorm with no car and one barely-considered-part-time job. I was 19). He tells me tons of TMI details about his ex-girlfriends, including his most recent one, and how much he misses having sex. He talks about his dream to be “a DJ,” shoots down my choice of major (music), and pulls up my facebook profile on his computer, delighting that I’m listed as “agnostic” and ranting about how stupid anyone who follows a religion is, apparently expecting me to agree. At this point I’m trying to devise some way to leave, while at the same time panicking over the fact that I’m clearly not ready for “dating” yet, if this is how it normally goes. Unfortunately for me, he throws an arm around me, mentions how “serendipitous” it is that his family might be moving to a town near where I live, and proceeds to attack my face with his mouth. Embarrassingly, I’d had (and still have, sigh,) little to no experience with kissing, which is a fact he mentions loudly when he pulls away — “Wow, you’re really bad at this,” — before trying to pull me into his lap and attacking my throat.
After a few minutes of just not moving due to shock, I finally find the voice to announce that I have to leave for “an appointment I’d forgotten about.” He pouts and says, “but I don’t want you to go.” Nearly gagging, I insist, and suffer through his insisted walk back to my own dorm with me.
Later, I set my facebook profile strictly to private!
So easy…it was a guy I met in high school while working some silly food service job. He came in all of the time to get bagels and coffee and, after lots of over-the-counter flirtation, asked me out. I was actually pretty excited about it since he was really cute but dinner consisted of him talking about himself for an hour and a half, slurping up pad thai, making awkward jokes to our poor, confused waiter, and telling me within the first 30 minutes that he could see us together down the road and that his parents would really like him to date a girl who wanted to be doctor (my career dream at the time). Strange. Also, at some point during the night he tried to kiss me in the movie theatre and when I turned my head away, he took it as a sign that I wanted him to kiss my neck. I didn’t. After fending off tongue molestation for the remainder of the movie, I surreptitiously set a ring-tone alarm on my phone and answered it pretending that I had an emergency at home. Unfortunately, the fact that he saw me less than an hour later that night as I met up with a friend to share my horror story over coffee did not help my case. He continued to come in for coffee and bagels over the next few months and glared at me every time.
I once met up with a bloke for drinks before heading to a club where each of us knew friends would be. All was going well until he got hideously drunk; I could handle him repeatedly ‘breakdancing’ (read: squirming around in the middle of a packed dancefloor. Not even trying to be funny, he genuinely thought it was impressive.) but drew the line when I went to the bar and got back to find him kissing another girl.
I spent the rest of the night with my friends, but as two of us were about to get into a taxi home we saw the date guy semi-conscious sitting on the edge of the pavement, abandoned by his friends. We decided to play good samaritan and let him share our taxi, figuring things couldn’t get much worse. The night ended with him pulling a handful of change from his pocket and throwing it in my best friend’s face.
He texted the next day asking if we could go out again. Needless to say, I said no. As you can imagine, since that day I’ve lived in regret at letting go of such a wonderful catch..
Wow, you guys. Just, wow.
my sophomore year of high school i briefly dated this scummy senior boy who had a secret comic book (notably spiderman) infatuation. i had a field trip the day of our “first date”, and on the bus ride back he called me. I was sitting across from his giant burly sister who grabs my phone and starts telling him how gross and pathetic he is and that he has STDs galore.. (I should have listened to her but oh well)
I meet him at the dumpster at school. My friend Justine hides behind a car taking pictures of us walk away…which he NEVER finds out about, thank god. My friend Dan who secretly was in love with me and hated my boyfriend sees us walk by the track meeting. (I ditched him that day to hang out with said boyfriend) He gives us the finger and walks away, which my friend hiding behind the car also takes a picture of.
Me and boyfriend walk across the street to tennis match, where boyfriend’s friend is moaning on the sidelines, and starts talking to me about how fucking hot the girls look with their tight skirts. after a half hour of that….we get into some kid’s car and go to this other kid’s house? The same kid who liked the tennis girls starts wincing and rubbing his crotch, then starts complaining about razor burn on his balls. He runs into the bathroom. Me and my boyfriend sit on the floor in the hallway. Friend comes out of bathroom, straddles me, then (thankfully his pants are on) puts his package RIGHT UP to my face, then does it to my boyfriend. Other friends start talking about their dicks and how one of them whipped it out at a party or something….then they play a recording of my boyfriend drunk, talking about me.
We leave, and go to pizza place. At pizza place me, boyfriend, and 6 of boyfriend’s friends meet up with their only female friend, who has a secret crush on my boyfriend so HATES me. She gives me evil death glares all night. We then go to Spiderman 3. Boyfriend is freaking out. Sit through movie….then he leaves with his friends….I wait ALONE for my dad to pick me up….
that was our last date.
Nothing like agreeing to go to a high school dance with a bunch of friends, only to find out that one of them thinks that you’re on a date with them, right?
It was Homecoming or something during my Senior year and for some reason 2 of my other female friends and I wanted to go to the homecoming dance. One of our guy friends (our group was large and had fairly equal amounts of boys and girls) decided that he also wanted to go so one of us, probably me with my big mouth, decided that we should all go together and hang out. The night of the dance I throw on the only dress I own and a pair of heels. The guy’s mom is supposed to be picking all of us girls up before the dance and taking us all there together.
He shows up at my house wearing jeans underneath the dress/robe half of a cheap wizard costume from Halloween. Which, in all honesty, really isn’t that strange coming from this guy. The strange part is that he hands me a corsage and insists that I wear it. Apparently he made it in his floral arranging class. We get in the car and his mom tells me that the other girls are getting rides from their parents so we’re just going to go back and hang out at their house for a while before heading to the dance. After arriving at their house (which I have been to before for birthday parties and what not) she introduces me to their dogs and shows me random pictures of the guy.
Before we leave for the dance his parents insist that we take a picture together. I’m mortified, but end up doing it just so we can leave. We get to the school, had in our tickets and I make a beeline for the girls that we were supposed to be going there with. I explain what happened and they all giggle and tell me they’re sorry. We spend about half an hour hanging out in front of the school before going into the dance, we take one official picture together (I tried to convince the girls to pose weirdly with me, but in the end I was the only one doing it) and then we spent the rest of the evening trying to avoid the guy and each other.
I’m very thankful he didn’t insist on dancing with or kissing me.
Not really a date, but mortifying none the less.
At a school disco when I was about 14 I had my eye on a hawtie in the year bellow. The only problem was he was with his other friend- much less hawt.
As I was dancing a making out with the hawtie, his friend is dancing behind me and as I turn around he kisses me also. I am a bit tipsy and in a rebellious mood and think ‘what the hell’ and go with it.
The next day my friends and I are shopping in town and I see the less hot guy and unfortunately he spots me. I try to hide but it doesn’t work. He comes and says Hi, there is an awkward silence and then he asks….
“Did I finger you last night? Coz this morning I woke up and my finger smelt like fish”
WTF!!!!?????????/
I said “No, ewww!” and promptly left.
Ewww. Still it makes me feel sick.
xxx
The only awkward date that i remember was.. when i was already on my third date with a guy and i was getting bored with him.
We didn’t hit it off with topic conversation, totally different interests. He was a terrible kisser i kept thinking where is your tongue?. I thought mmh ok so i gave it a try (3 times!) its time to move on..
We went to a movie and ended the night at my house for drinks because all the cafe’s were already closed. I still lived at my parents back then. So we were just small talking about nothing when i glanced at the clock to see that his train would probably be due soon so i changed the topic to us, to how we were just no match to each other and that i thought it was best to end contact.
He just turned white and stared at me and then all of the sudden he started sobbing and saying that he will never have a girlfriend. I felt really awkward, i just didn’t know what to do so i guess i kinda looked at him flabbergasted.. I mean we were not even an item right so its technically not breaking up?! But then he got one of the pillows on the couch and started burying his head in it and cry more. At this point i was in some shock unable to move i guess.. and then my mom came downstairs, oh my god. She looked at me, at the situation and decided it was just best to turn around and go back up again. Then he looked up from the pillow, red eyes, snot coming out of his nose. And he ask me why i’m not crying…
Hmm yeah i sort of try to pat him on the back but from a good distance then i point to the clock that its really time for him to walk to the station and i just usher him out of the house.
I heared later from a friend that he got lost on the way to the station.
My mom still warns ever boyfriend that i bring home that i make boys cry.
btw is it just me but i find the word awkward, awkward?
Whilst working for a recruitment consultancy aged 17, I was asked out by an ex soldier – so I went on a date with him to the local pub. He was beefy, a skin head and totally not the kind of guy I usually go for (think skinny, lanky, floppy/spiky hair) so when he tried to kiss me, quite forcefully – I ducked. He then walked off and we never saw each other again. That was weird.
ALSO – a guy kept creeping his hand towards me when we were on the sofa watching a film. It really fucking freaked me out because I’d just met him – so I confronted him and he said he was just too shy to hold my hand.
This isn’t really that bad compared to some of the other stories, but I’ll contribute anyway. I was in year 11 and I had a big crush on a friend of a friend. I was ecstatic when he asked me to the movies! It was going really well, we met up and had lunch first then went to the cinemas to pick a movie. Not much was on, but I’d heard great reviews of “The Notebook” so I figured that would be an okay choice. WRONG.
I’ve never cried so much through a movie in my life. During the ending I was crying so hard, he got really awkward and kept asking if I was okay. When we got out, I looked at him and saw that his eyes were slightly red, and stupidly I pointed this out to him. A word of warning: never shoot down a guy’s ego after a chick flick. He started ranting about how that was the worst movie he’d ever seen and couldn’t understand why I was so upset. He then told me I looked silly with mascara all over my face. I told him I was a sentimental girl and that if he didn’t like that then we shouldn’t bother with another date.
We didn’t.
Back in high school, a guy from one of my classes asked me to go to a halloween party with him. I thought he was cute in a nerdy kind of way and I said yes.
It was a costume party, of course, so I dressed up as Leeloo from The Fifth Element (a costume that got me a ridiculous amount of attention at this particular party). He told me to meet him at school, so I did, only to realize it was a party for the drama class, which I was in and had already been invited to, but I didn’t really make the connection that it was the same party.
So, I’m surrounded by tons of incredibly loud and obnoxious people at their wildest since they’re all together at the party. About half way through, we’re sitting behind the stage and he’s blowing bubbles in my face (one of the party favors was apparently, bubbles). When I asked him what he is doing, he tells me that he’s “seducing” me. Oh. Yeah. Hot. How did I not realize how seductive that is?
Anyway, he asked me to be his girlfriend that night and I told him I’d have to think about it and then he went in for a kiss and while I thought it would be a goodnight peck, he thought we were going to start making out, which resulted in a really horrible and awkward kiss.
I felt bad for him because he was just this awkward geeky guy who didn’t have experience with girls, but eventually he drove me crazy. He texted and called me constantly and told everyone at school that he was in love with me. He waited at my locker and outside all my classes. He would leave me notes with horrible song lyrics in them and ask my friends where I was constantly.
Eventually I had to just tell him I wasn’t interested and asked if he could please stop following me around. He was crushed and I felt bad, but it was the only way.
I have a guy friend with a really funny story about how much work it is for a guy to hold a girl’s hand for the first time at a movie!
My most awkward date was with the man I’m now engaged to. It wasn’t that weird, I just had to always kickstart the conversation because he was tired – he’d spent the previous night at a friend’s house comforting him about his own girl troubles. He was also really shy because unbeknownst to me this was his first date ever and he was kind of old for it. He walked me to the bus stop and kind of just… stood there, so when my bus came I tried to hug him goodbye, and he gave me this really mechanical hug that made me think he didn’t really want to be touching me. I thought he was never going to call me again, and I wondered if I really wanted him to. He ended up writing me a really elaborate apology email and asked me out again, and I’m not sure why but I went. Needless to say we’ve warmed to each other since :-P
Oh I think I take the cake with this one.
I’d exchanged numbers with a girl I’d met while on the job, waiting tables. She had a unique style and danced with reckless abandon, so I was terribly intrigued. We met at a small cafe in union square the next day and played the getting-to-know-you game over coffee and pastries.
We were both pretty flirty so the topic of conversation – before long – became sex. Anal sex. Something I had very little experience with, and none at all if success is a requisite for considering something experience…haha. When I mentioned this, she gave me a sly little look and said something suggestive about how I should not give up so easily.
Here’s where it gets funny though. Another thing that comes out during this highly sexual flirty talk was the fact that she loves going to strip clubs and always gets so much attention from dancers, even once having exchanged numbers with and – almost – taken one home. I generally prefer to tell girls about my bisexuality up front to avoid awkward situations later, so I saw this as a smooth way to work it into the conversation.
Boy was I surprised when the next thing to come out of her mouth was a rant about how bi guys are generally “not right in the head,” and “gay but not willing to admit it” or something of the sort. In my mind the date ended right then and there, but we had ordered food so I figured I’d ride it out and just not speak to her again.
It gets even better though :) I probably said something to the effect of how i’m figuring myself out just as much as the next guy but I’m not confused about my attraction to women. Obviously she saw this as a challenge, because in the middle of dinner – completely out of nowhere – she suggests that we go in the park and have sex.
I finish chewing, and just as casually as you please tell her “it’s too cold outside.” I guess she wasn’t used to hearing no or something, because she looked completely shocked that i’d refused. She asks me if i’m serious, totally not willing to believe that any (normal) guy wouldn’t jump at the chance. At that point I decided to completely flip her whole deal around – I tell her it’s not like I’m actually refusing to have sex with her…that she’s not really offering and that I don’t take kindly to being tested…aka “you are see through and your games are not amusing.” She admits that that was indeed what she was trying to do.
When we finish eating, I walk her to the train and send her on her way. She called me later that night, and again the next day, if I’m not mistaken. I was really confused by the whole thing, having assumed that her rant was a sure sign of her lack of interest. Maybe she didn’t call because she was interested, though – maybe she just called to apologize for being an idiot.
Once, after being single for many months, I met an East Coast girl who was traveling in NZ for a year. She wasn’t really my type physically, but she had nice eyes, and seemed intelligent, and we had enough in common to hang out, especially given that I was seriously in need of some female companionship. So… I invited her to the gardens to check out a summer concert, introduced her to a few of my friends, and everything was going fine, until I noticed she had gotten rather tipsy from a single glass of wine. Strange, I thought, but no worries. After a second glass she started slurring and lolling around, and screeching incoherencies in her nasally New York accent. My friends gave me funny looks, and subtly but very quickly left us to it. Some people were passing round spliffs. She had a puff, and completely lost it. She lay on the ground arms and legs outstretched, saying the same thing repeatedly over and over again (I can’t remember what it was). It was still early, and I didn’t want to leave, but I offered to walk her home. Every step of the way, she complained about her feet being sore and it being too far to go (it’s fucking Wellington, everyone walks everywhere), but then, a block or so from her house, we passed the D.VICE store, and she stopped complaining and started ranting about vibrators, dildos, and sex toys, how awesome they were, etc etc… I’m sure, lonely and desperate as we both probably were, that things could have gotten much worse at this point. But to me there is nothing more unattractive than wasted, incoherent, stumblingness. I tried to be as gracious as I could, despite how much she was pissing me off, so I just smiled, gave her a hug, and left her at her front door.
ok i would have to say my worst date was i went grocery shopping with this guy who kinda had this vibe for me and he bought, among other things, some fruit punch.
we went back to his house to unload the groceries and we made a lil picnic and took it outside. he got some of his fruit punch. i hate fruit punch so in my head i’m thinking i won’t kiss him after. he tried to kiss me and i explain why i wouldn’t so he went in and brushed his teeth. so sweet right?
yeah it was sweet until halfway through the kiss he BURPED IN MY MOUTH.
and then he tried to suck in his burp air like he could reverse the action of burping in my mouth.
i pull back with the most horrified look on my face and he pretends nothing disgusting has just transpired. we tried to be cool but i found out later he had a temper and, not saying this in a ha ha way, but i didn’t want to end up in a violent relationship. after he cursed me out for me asking him to repay me for $11 that he had borrowed i promptly drove my lil honda into the sunset.
thank the lord.
What do New Zealanders do instead of date? Like, to get into relationships, that is. Cultural education time!
My story isn’t exactly a date (and it has nothing on your story, Gala!) but it is pretty terrible.
I went on my first date when I was fifteen, with a boy from my freshman English class. He asked me out via telephone, and we agreed to meet at a local movie theater the next night.
I put on my cutest red sweater and jeans and met him out- we bought tickets to a drama and went to grab Starbucks before the movie started. Everything went smoothly, save a few awkward silences between us. We got seats in the very back of the theater and the movie began with him holding my hand.
Now, here is where I have to admit the reason as to why this date is an awful one: I had never been kissed. Not up until that night, although I had been trying to get someone to pucker up for ages. The date turns sour because of that information:
I was pretty sure that this boy was going to kiss me, and behold! as the music swelled, I received my first kiss in the dark movie. I thought it was wonderful.
After the movie, we walked out; everything was perfect and shy and sweet. Trying to be cutesy, I said, “I’m sorry I’m not so experienced with kissing. That was my first kiss ever.”
He turned to me and dropped my hand. He thought about it for a minute, and then said, “We’ll work on it.”
Not so bad, but how awful is that to say after your first kiss?! I dumped him a month later when he gave me a Chia Pet for Hanukkah.
A few months later, I had my “second” kiss; turns out he was the bad kisser, not me!
Pretty easy one –
I was only a high school freshman at the time, and I had been dating this sophomore for about 6 weeks. He was my first boyfriend, and since I assumed I wasn’t his first girlfriend, I figured it would make sense that he would take the lead a bit. This was apparently not correct, since after six weeks he hadn’t so much as kissed me, and we had stopped talking about anything at all, and it was all awkward silence.
So it was Valentine’s Day, and I severely did NOT want to go on our Valentine’s date, which was to an Italian restaurant near school. Since I was only 14, my mom had to take me, and the entire way there I actually cried to my mom, begging her to say I couldn’t go, or to ground me. She refused, and so I went in, dreading the silence.
To my extreme guilt, he greeted me with an adorable Build-A-Bear holding roses, and a card with lyrics inside he told me he wrote, but they were actually Blink-182 “Going Away to College” lyrics. We indeed ate in silence, and broke up about 5 days later.
A few weeks later, at a school-run Battle of the Bands he sang a very nasty song he wrote about me, after publicly ‘dedicating it to me,’ which included the lyrics ‘hey kayla, sorry the condom broke, can’t afford to pay for an abortion.’ I walked up onto stage and slapped him in the middle of the song.
When I was an undergrad, after a night of too much alcohol, I met a guy who was an aspiring stand-up comedian and he asked me on a proper dinner-and-a-movie date for the next night.
Well, I think the alcohol shaped my view of him quite a bit! I was excited for the date, but once he showed up the next evening I realized he was not nearly as cute as I remembered. Oh well, I told myself, looks aren’t everything. He’s funny!
I hopped into his car and there was an awkward silence the entire drive to the movie theater. Occasionally I’d try to talk, but the conversation never picked up. Apparently without alcohol the funny comedian was at a loss for words!
He decided that we should see Magnolia—a 3 hour movie. I didn’t mind. We sat down and almost immediately I noticed him staring at me. It was very uncomfortable. I felt as if I couldn’t move a muscle because he was watching me instead of the film—for three hours!
After the movie he ADMITTED that he had stared at me. He said, “You never moved once! For three hours! I’ve never seen someone sit so still!” I didn’t bother to point out that I was sitting still because he made me feel uncomfortable.
Next came the “dinner” part of our date. He went to a fairly cheap family restaurant, but I didn’t really mind. We ordered some food. Next thing I know, he’s approaching the waitress. HE CANCELED HIS ORDER.
So I was the only one who got food. He sat and watched me eat it. I felt uncomfortable and at this point was angry.
I knew I was never going on a date with this guy again, so I decided to stop feeling uncomfortable or even caring that he wasn’t staring like crazy but not talking. I ordered ice cream and sat there eating dessert in front of him too! He paid, and when we left I said I had to get back. I never answered his calls.
Oh, I forgot to mention that he did talk at least one other time during the date—to tell me that one of his distant family members invented the Christmas tree. What?! I thought it was a joke, but he was serious.
There was a guy that kept asking me out, and I hesitantly said yes, even though I wasn’t too interested. Big mistake. We went out to eat and I don’t force my vegetarianism on anyone, but I was a bit put off by the amount of meat he took in at one dinner. Not only did I end up paying for his far more expensive meal, but when we went to hang out with a few mutual friends afterwards, he insisted I sit on his lap, which was weird, since I had been trying to put distance between us the whole date. Then, when I finally sat NEXT to him, he tells a very awkward joke and puts his hand on my upper thigh. I had to physically remove his hand and say out loud, “We are NOT a thing, and even if we were, that’s NOT okay.” He felt a bit embarrassed, but even if we were with people we both know, I was through.
Secret Revelation: I haven’t been on another date since, due to an intense fear of dudes with hands.
May the heavens match me with an amputee!
Gala,
What the HELL were you thinking – getting into a cab with 5 huge guys ?
Oh My God , please be careful !!
bwaahahaha! I remember you telling me about that story like it was yesterday.
I should be packing for Paris Fashion Week now, but have a quick story to add here.
One time in college, there was this girl in my U.S. History class who always sat in front of me. She was a real cutie. After weeks of furtively glancing at her, I finally decided to take a risk and ask for her number.
We wound up meeting at a park for a date. Took a walk. Went through the woods. You know, it was romantic.
The next day I’m at home in my living room and the phone rings. It’s her and she’s calling me from work. She’s like, “can you come and visit me?” She had a job at retail store everyone that reads this site has bought from. Anyhow, my reply was, “I don’t think that would go over well with your manager” and she said, “my manager always has guests over, it’s no problem.” I managed to change the subject and just before we hung up the phone, she asked again, “can you stop by and visit?”
Argh, I caved. Went to her store. As I walked in, there was a police officer at the desk. Instantly, I sensed something was wrong. So I pretended to look at the merchandise….and not a second later felt a tap on my shoulder, “excuse me sir, we are going to have to ask you to leave the premise” said the officer. “Why, did someone complain about me?”
“yes” was his reply.
WTF??? After calling security the next day, I found out that she had filed a formal complaint against me for “stalking”. Can you believe that? And a few months later, I found out that she had been accused of stalking one of her former professors in college and apparently had a problem with “stalking” herself.
Strange days indeed.
LOL at Shelby :)
“I haven’t been on another date since, due to an intense fear of dudes with hands. May the heavens match me with an amputee!“
V-FRO ... I normally don’t comment but DEAR GOD ... that is horrendous!!!!
Though I’ve been on many boring, mediocre dates, there is one that most certainly takes the cake while being neither. It was last summer, and I was rebounding- hard. While visiting one of my friends for lunch, some of his coworkers were hanging out on his porch, griping about work and life. One of these guys, while not exactly my type, wasn’t bad looking, and generally seemed to be the quiet, shy type- rather unassuming and kind of meek, really. We talked a bit about books, but, since I was leaving, I told him to let me know if he wanted to catch a game or a movie or something sometime.
Lo and behold, he did.
So, we got dinner, and it became immediately clear that he thought it was a date. Generally, I try to get to know someone before I’d consider it a date, but enthusiasm is flattering, right? So I was like, ah, fuck, let’s roll with it. Over the course of dinner, I find that
1) He has recently quit his job as a waiter, so
2) his only source of income is from babysitting, and his life’s goal is to be a pediatrician,
3) yet, he’s not even on a medical school path, and was still technically a sophomore in (community, not that I’m knocking it, but the med schools here demand better) college, despite being 22
4) He lives in his mother’s basement,
5) He actually considers the babies he takes care of to be a part of his social life, because he doesn’t really have one. This will come in again later.
Ok, ok, so things aren’t looking good, but people find themselves in all sorts of bad situations, right? Don’t be so harsh on the poor fella. You can at least see if he’s worth being friends with. So, when it comes to seeing a movie, (his suggestion) I suggest that we watch one at my place, since it’s not like he had spare cash. My place was like a block away, only romantic comedies were out, and I wouldn’t have to sit next to him. Only in retrospect does the error of my invitation stick out.
So, I queue up some Shaun of the Dead, and firmly park myself at one end of the couch. Slowly, ever so slowly, he scoots towards me. As Simon Pegg skids over the car hood to bash in the brains of yet another zombie, he leans in close and goes:
“May I kiss you?”
First off, he talked through the movie, which is annoying, and even more annoying was his horrible machine gun weasel laugh, which would occur generally about 30 seconds after something amusing happened. Or out of the blue, even. After about 30 minutes of “Hey look, there are zombies in this film look they are running look they are now in a car look they are stopping at the shop and buying ice cream HAHAHAHAHAHAH!” I was ready to swallow my pride. Also, I hadn’t made out with anyone in a while, and so:
“Uh, sure, I guess?” I replied, desperately hoping this would make him shut up. It worked, but only because he promptly stuck his tongue straight down my throat and didn’t move. At all. After I managed to shove him off me (it was a bit like doing a push-up, where the floor really likes you), I informed him that was way too much tongue. So he goes in again, and there was yet another failed attempt. At this point, talking wasn’t really so bad.
“Uh, um, so, what are you uh, thinking?” I queried.
“I love my lips.” He responded.
“What the hell?” I asked. Hell. Good description of what came next.
He sang. Remember how I said his social interactions mainly consisted of two year olds? Yeah, he thought singing this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1FGaCNN1aw) was appropriate. Complete with jazz hands. He made it through two and half verses before he realized I had recoiled on the couch.
“Please leave.”
“What?”
“Please leave my house.”
“But the moment-”
“The moment didn’t have a chance. You killed it. It was a moment abortion. I would appreciate it if you left.”
He did. And my roommate asked me later where her Listerine disappeared to.
So this isn’t awkward or terrible and wasn’t actually a date but I once had this very interesting kiss. I was going out with this kinda punk guy who was really cute and I really liked. So we had this talent show thing at my school (don’t ask I go to an odd school) and he and his friend did a Noise performance. I had heard of the plan before and was unsure if I was going to enjoy it but it ended up being quite the experience. It was actually pretty funny because his friend and they played in back of the audience instead of on the stage and the audience was really confused and there were no lights or anything. His friend was dressed in a mass of furrs and a scary wolf mask and was playing guitar and distorting the sound while the guy I was dating was dressed in studs nails bullets leather a boxing glove skinny jeans and “corpse paint” on his face. He was banging some animal bone on some percussion instrument. So basically they looked pretty damn scary. After the show him, his friends, one of my friends, and i all stayed on the front of the lawn (which is kind of sloped downwards). We are all in a circle listening to his friend (who looks like one of the cavemen from a geico commercial) play his guitar and sing in his not so lovely voice. My boyfriend and I end up spooning with our heads pointing down the hill. He kept on kissing my neck but I was sick and told him so but he said he didn’t care (and we kissed maybe 3 times while I was sick when we while we went out and he never got sick, amazing). So I end up kissing this guy while he is still wearing corpse paint (he took off his boxer glove with the nails sticking out because it looked pretty vicious) and his sash of bullets. It was probably the scariest kiss I’ve ever had although it was pretty exciting for some reason. Needless to say I did not open my eyes at all in its duration haha. I also went home with black corpse paint smudged across my lips (a bit embarassing but hopefully nobody noticed). So not awkward or anything but interesting to say the least.
Wow… these are some crazy stories! Here’s mine:
December 23; Christmas at my boyfriend’s grandparents’ house (the first real boyfriend I’d ever had) with his entire family. This was the first time I’d officially met any of his family save for his brother.
Everything seemed to be going well. We started opening gifts; one of the loudest and most insane experiences of my entire life! Everyone tore in at once and YELLED at the top of their lungs… I’m not sure I ever got around to thanking people for what they gave me, just because I couldn’t shout to them above the noise!
Just as things were winding down, my boyfriend jumps off the couch with a look of panic. All of the kids were rushed to the basement. I sit there, utterly confused, when I finally see what had happened: their 92-year-old great-grandmother had passed out!
All of the men kick into heroics mode. My boyfriend’s mom gets out of the way. His aunt starts freaking out and crying. I try to stay out of the way, but I end up holding her hand until the ambulance arrives and the great-grandmother is wheeled out on a stretcher.
My boyfriend’s dad, who had just taken heavy painkillers (he’d had a botched back surgery a few years previous and had to constantly be medicated for the pain) and wasn’t supposed to be driving, but ended up driving my boyfriend and I across town to the hospital, where the rest of the family met us soon after. We ended up sitting in the lobby for a while before his dad took us home.
Maybe I should mention that this was before we’d even been on a real date?
I don’t really have any bad date stories. However, I have been on not one but three dates that I did not realize were dates at the onset. The best was when I was sixteen, and this kid I’d met at THE RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL invited me to “hang out” via instant messenger. Just as I was heading out to meet him, I checked my email to find a message about how he was really looking forward to… I don’t remember how exactly he phrased it but it kind of implied we were going on a date. But then, it was just an implication, and I was supposed to be meeting him in a minute, so I blew it off.
When we met up, he suggested grabbing a bite to eat, and still not thinking it was a big deal, I obliged. I don’t remember much about the dinner except that his line of questioning was rather strange. We weren’t talking about the ironies and misgivings of every day life like you do with, well, people you’re not trying to woo. Instead, he was telling me very detailed things about his family and asking about my dating history and… generally discussing things you’d discuss with a potential partner. It clicked pretty fast, and I frantically looked for any excuse to get out of it – because frankly, I wasn’t having that much fun to begin with. Luckily, as we were leaving the restaurant, we ran into some friends of mine who teased me about hooking up with a mutual friend the night before. Ordinarily, I would think this was tacky, but nothing says, “Back off!” like hearing about someone else’s hook up. Eventually, he took the hint and went home where he wrote THREE nasty emails telling me what a terrible person I am and how I crushed him and that I think I’m seriously hot shit but I can just go fuck myself and on and on and on. Then he sent an apology about overreacting and not meaning those things and blahblahblah… which was followed by another (slightly less) nasty email. Needless to say, I blocked his email and screen name. Thank goodness I had the good sense to never give him my phone number.
... I guess that was a bad date story. I don’t really date, so I forget I even have stories to pick from!
@Kayla I’ve had a few female friends of mine (from overseas) become rather bothered when they’ve realized that most New Zealanders get together at parties. Usually by kissing a friend and usually with alcohol. I’ve only been able to offer hazy advice for what to do about guys.
I feel so sorry for some of you. Good luck! May it never happen again.
Oh well, mine isn’t that bad at all compared to some of these!
This was about two weeks into my senior year, and I hadn’t had a boyfriend since i had moved to my home in Iowa (it had been about a year and a half). My friends were very concerned about this so they had been trying to set me up for some time. Well, i was walking one of my friends to her apartment during my lunch break when she tells me about the cousin of her boyfriend. Now she is extolling this boy, saying how nice and cute he is, how he’s the #1 motorcross champion of the midwest, etcetera. Now she didnt know this, but i had a huge crush on her boyfriend, because he was asain and could breakdance. (and boy am i into breakdancing asians.) So once he told me how amazing this cousin was, i agreed to the blind date.
Oh, dear Lord it was the worst experience of my life. I expected us to go to a movie or dinner or something. I expected him to be good looking and sporty and asain. I got nothing that I expected.
After waiting an hour for him, I meet the boy. I must explain. His name was Jed. Jed Seamen. He had a jewfro and a monotone and he was large. Not fat, really, just large in general. And he had the worst combination of a country accent and a monotone that i had ever heard. And he was growing a moustace. I am small, and rather afraid of moustachioed men. He asked where I wanted to go. I said I didn’t care. We sat in his pickup truck in front of my friend’s apartment for twenty minutes while he stroked his moustace and said “uhhhhhhh”. I suggested the park. That suggestion excited him, because he had a frisbee in the back of his truck.
We went to the park, in silence. He was stroking his moustace the whole time. We played frisbee…for over an hour. We talked about life, well i talked. Whenever the conversation drifted to him all i got were “Uhhhh, i dunno”‘s. After I couldnt stand playing frisbee any longer we sat on the swings. I asked him about music, and what he wanted to study at college. He said that his favorite band was Brand New—my third favorite band of all time. (I am obsessed with music) When i excitedly asked him what he favorite song was his reply was “Oh… you know…i dont know…sometime i’ll just be hanging out with Shane (my friends boyfriend) and a song will come on…and i’ll be like dude i like this song…and he’ll be like yeah thats by Brand New..and i’ll be like cool man…and like…yeah” And he then told me that he didnt want to go to college and he thought that all his motorcross winnings would let him get by not working for at least 5 years, and he had no plans past that. When i told him i wanted to be a foregien correspondant, he lashed out in a rant about how he hate forigen languages and anyone that didnt speak english was stupid. And foriengers were stupid and probably terrorists. I looked at him wide-eyed and scared now because his rant had worked him up. He started off in space for a good few minutes and then ran to the mulch next to the merry-go-round, layed down in it and began thrashing around, throwing mulch up in the air and then at me, and explaining how this was his favorite park activity as a child.
I pretended to get very ill and begged him to take me home. I had him drop me off at the beggining of my street so he wouldnt know what house i lived in. Somehow he got my number and called me and texted me several times a day for two and a half weeks.
Whenever i hear the name Jed, I want to puke. Those Bush’s baked beans commercials just aren’t the same anymore….
Agh, these are awful, yet so intriguing…
I’ll offer a few snippets:
Summer before high school, I went on a date with a guy, we hooked up at a movie, he was awful and I avoided it all night after that…turns out I was his first kiss and didn’t know. I was also his first date. Explains why he showed me card tricks on the train ride home. Needless to say the night was ended with a hug.
Oh and now he lies about how far he goes with girls. Go figure.
Sophomore year, me and this kid were texting for a while so one day hes like, lets hang out tonight! So I’m like yeah I haven’t eaten yet, let’s go downtown. So we end up going to a sit down restaurant (his suggestion…I thought we’d get something casual like pizza) and try and order cheap food, but they tell us theres a 20 dollar limit on sit down eating, even though theres like no one else in the place….anyways, we take it to go and have to find somewhere to sit and eat. We end up eating in this empty rec room awkwardly on couches and he doesn’t even eat his because his “stomach isn’t doing so well” (which would be overlooked on a normal date but with an awkward gross kid is just ew) and proceeds to make farting/raspberry noises with his mouth randomly…(nervous habit??) He’s in my history class and I see him almost every other day…fml.
Junior year, me and this boy I knew from camp a while ago that were online best friends decided to finally hang out as more than friends. He picks me up from campus, but I have to sneak since I’m not allowed and don’t have car permission. He makes it super hard by driving into the stupidest places like driveways. Then we drive to a secluded area, park, he asks if I want to smoke (we had before so it wasn’t to weird at first), I say no, and he smokes a bowl alone (?). We try to pick a movie to watch and he suggests Zack and Miri Make a Porno, which he says is “almost like porn!” enthusiastically (???). Then, we hook up in the back seat and he ends up not moving, staring into my eyes and awkwardly rubbing my leg for about 5 minutes straight (?!?!???!). We stopped really talking after that.
Oh and I also hooked up with a freshman when…I wasn’t a freshman. He led with his tongue.
I sure know how to pick em huh?
Some of these stories make me glad that I never did the whole ‘dating’ thing, but they sort of make me wish I had, at the same time. Maybe then I’d have a funny story to share, too!
My ‘bad date’ experiance actually happened with a guy I had been dating for a year. It was our one year anniversary and he thought he’d try and do something special. (note this was while I was still in grade school) Anyways, so he shows up at my house in this bright green tiny, tiny, tiny little car that he borrowed from a friend. I’m 5’2” and I felt like a gist in this car but I liked green, so he thought it was clever. For some reason his parents told him that he couldn’t drive this friend’s car, so when we get to the resturant he parks in this scummy back alley trying to hide this bright green car. I was wearing heels and was generally dressed nice, so a back alley was not the greatest place for my outfit. From that point we’re forced to walk to the resturant where his mom arrives and starts yelling at him and demanding that he takes the car back to the friend. It was a wierd angry exchange, and eventually we just continued onto the resturant ignoring the angry mother. We get to the resturant and he had pre-ordered our food. My meal looked delicious but he overlooked the fact that I’m allergic to tomatoes and my meal was cooked with tomatoes without me knowing this. It wasn’t long before I was horriably sick and wanting to go home, I was ready to throw up from food allergies. So we leave the resturant and find out the CAR IS GONE! greeeat, so we start walking across town to get back to his house, (it was about a mile from the resturant) with me feeling extremely weak and sick and angry that he couldn’t have thought things through enough to prevent this. I was now sick, tired, and my feet were killing me! It was a very silent walk home. We get back and I decide I’m going home, date is over. It was terrible in every way possible…Needless to say that relationship didn’t last much longer after that day.
I went on a date about 2 years ago and he is a great guy and in fact i am with him still after 2 years
But anyway on to the date
We had been together or sort of seeing each other for week and we went on a double date with my friend and her boyfriend and my other friend was the there tagging along.
Well my friend and her boyfriend “joe” we’ll call him that…they had been together 2 months and were already “in love” and had done everything under the sun togehter if you get what i mean….
So me and my boyfriend wouldn’t hold hand and we were real awkward but all “joe” did all night was call us names cause he weren’t all over each other…like they were….he was pressuring us to pretty much have public sex…we ended up leaving because he ended up harassing us
So in the end it wasn’t the guy i was dating that was bad it was just the date in general cause “joe” is a jerk
I am still disappointed that i ever went on a date with this boy, and then to follow it up with another stupid mistake he was my boyfriend for 3 months and a random hook up a few months later. bad bad bad bad. bad bad bad.
anyhow the story: I started talking online to this guy I went to high school with, he was in the marines. He had been really dumb in high school but i said “hey people change and it would be way too awkward at this point to cancel this date…” (why). He’s totally not my type look-wise or even lifestyle-wise. He has a really negative attitude which i somehow didn’t pick up on, and is just angry at the world…
So the day comes around and he comes to pick me up and he has this ridiculous little car nissan 350z. penis car. We drive 40 minutes to another city to get chipotle (i really love it) and then we drive back to his house to hang out before the movie. i take out my buritto and start eating it and he doesn’t eat and i ask “why aren’t you eating?” and he tells me “oh i dont like chipotle.” and i’m thinking “why did you drive all the way there instead of just saying you didn’t like it?”
the whole time we’re hanging out he talks about himself a lot not too much but close. he tells me all this great stuff like how much money he makes and how his car is all paid off and how he is made of gold… which all turns out to be a lie. i have a perfect memory, almost everything he told me on this first date he contradicted over the next few months. the best parts were when i’d point out to him what he’d told me and he’d just say he never said that.
so we’re watching a movie and it’s really not that bad it’s a little awkward because he keeps asking me if i’m cold and trying to make me take a blanket. seriously i dont want a blanket.
We drive to the movie, The pursuit of happyness, my suggestion again. i get the feeling that he doesn’t want to do this either but like the chipotle he just doesn’t say anything. and i am thinking hey free movie ticket i’ll see what i want.
So half way through the movie i’m really emotional, i’m close to crying and he says “what time does starbucks close?” and i tell him. and he’s like “oh well if we wait till the movie’s over we can’t go there” so he just gets up in the middle of the movie and drives to starbucks and back! i should have just walked out, i dont live that far from the theatre. i could have atleast switched seats so i could avoid him… lol
he drove me home i got out of the car. and walked inside. somehow later he convinced me that i was perfect for him and needed to be his girlfriend and i fell for it…
hi i’m amelia and i’m an asshole-addict….
Reading through these is so amusing! Of course, I feel really bad for some of you, but man, some of these make fantastic stories.
My first “real” date was when I was 16, going to prom. A friend of mine invited me—we would chat, but we were not super close or anything. (Let’s set the scene: I homeschool, he lives in a different town, and I don’t know anybody at his school. I have to catch a ride with a family friend going to that town because I don’t have my license yet and my parents are working. I get ready alone, and am staying at my aunt’s for the weekend.)
I was fairly certain we had been clear on the “going as just friends thing”, but apparently we ended up on different pages with that. So we go to dinner, after the mandatory awkward pictures—I mean, awkward: him standing a foot away from me with his hands in his pocket, me trying to at least make the photo look semi-normal— and his friends are kind of cool, but they ignore us for the most part.
The dance was set at a local aquarium. It was weird. Very, very weird. We wandered around for a while, me trying to stall the inevitable slowdancing, and hung out with his cute, charming, and funny friend (everything I wish my date had been!). There were a lot of fish there, which doesn’t really set the scene for a romantic time.
Eventually we got up and danced (swing dancing, which was fun until I realized he didn’t really know how), and then slow-danced. As a homeschooler, I don’t always have those stereotypical teenage moments, but this was straight out of a highschool movie; the gap in between us, his hands (sweaty. I could feel them through my dress.) on my hips, and the both of us looking anywhere but at each other.
Midway through the last dance, after having heard three times how much he appreciated my coming, he invited me to the next year’s prom! I kind of blinked, and said, “That’s a ways away…um…maybe.” And then, finally, it was over. He dropped me off at my aunt’s, got out of the truck, and I realized he was planning on kissing me. Trying not to be too obvious (he’s a sweet guy, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings), I thanked him and half-dashed inside.
I thought it was over & in the past then, but a couple days later I got an email from him, in which he confessed his love to me. Poor guy. I told him we should just be friends, but we really hardly talked after that.
(Yikes, that got a little long.) Anyway, that was my most awkward date. ^^
this one isn’t a date but it’s just strange.
i was really sick for about a month my freshman year of college my roommate and i were both convinced we had mono and i had pink eye as well.
i got a message from a boy i had english class with, and we often ate lunch together after class. i didn’t really think of him as a friend nor as someone i didn’t like, i was just hungry. lol
anyhow he suggested that i meet him at a school program and i was like no i dont think so. but he talked me into it. let me explain to you how nasty i was, i had mono, pink eye, wore my crappiest sweatpants and i didn’t have any clean underwear so i wasn’t wearing any. I coughed and sneezed on everything, completely listless, eye pussing.
somehow this kid ends up going back to my dorm with me, i’m thinking it’s not that late… he’ll go home. we watch a movie and i was lying down in bed, because i’m SICK. so he starts cuddling with me. the whole time all the people who live on my floor file in and out of my room. and i’m SO embarassed.
so after the movie is over and he was like is it cool if i sleep here. and i let him. and then we started making out, i just wanted to make out with someone so sue me.
It ended up that he got mono too and pink eye but i didn’t see him at all over break but sometimes we chatted online. It didn’t occur to me that he had a crush on me untill i said “i’m sorry you got sick” and he told me it was worth it. and i was like OMG i can’t go back to school ever again.
I’ve barely talked to him since. Two years later why my (now ex)boyfriend moved into the honors dorm i went up with him. One of the girls on the floor started talking to me and I didn’t remember her and she introduces herself as “Lauren, remember, you almost dated my friend Greg.” and i was like “oh yea” then i shut the door.
Oh geez.
The first date my boy and I went on, we went to see the Libertine.
Which…within the first 10 minutes turned out to be rather awkward. We bolted. Laughed about the awkwardness…
and wandered into Date Movie. O_O
We still laugh about that. And always contemplate grabbing the Libertine when we’re at Blockbuster, because we haven’t seen anything past the first 10 minutes.
Good news: We’re about to celebrate 3 years together in 2 weeks! :D
Hi! Never commented before but I wanted to say I love your site. It helps me procrastinate when I should be working.
Mine’s not so much a worst date story but it was definitely awkward and a bit odd. I met a guy over the internet (which is bad, but not always bad, but I’ll explain that later), back before MySpace became really popular and before Facebook was even around. Someone at the college I went to had a website where students could connect with each other through profiles, message boards, etc., and this one guy found me on there. I was 19 at the time and he was a transfer student maybe three years older than me. I hadn’t had any male attention in a while (not in the dirty way, you pervs!), so I was immediately flattered that anyone was hitting on me at all. We agreed to meet up one night, and he came over to my dorm room. I noticed that he brought a bag with him and it turned out to be clothing and books for class the next day, even though through IM conversations I never gave him permission to stay over in my room. He sort of just took it upon himself to make the night a sleepover.
I was too happy about having a pseudo-boyfriend at the time to really care, but I should have known he was a skeeve. A bunch of my friends kept telling me about how this guy was talking to all of the girls on the website and saying a bunch of lewd, disgusting things to them about hooking up, but I happily ignored them. Should have listened.
The weird/awkward thing was a sort of “date” that we went on (probably our only one). He was really into the hardcore scene in a neighboring city, so we took a trip up there to see a band with which he claimed to be friends. All the while before we arrived, he kept going on about how he knew them from when he went to school with them, telling me about previous shows they’d played and how he knew the origins of their band name, like he was there for it or something. He kept insisting that he was friends with them, or maybe just with one of the band members. I don’t remember. We sat through a couple of other bands’ (long) sets, and finally this band he “knew” came out and played a bunch of horrid bits of noise and screaming that lasted for about a minute each. Their set couldn’t have been longer than ten minutes. In addition to being terrible, we’d driven an hour to see them. Ouch.
After they had thankfully vacated the stage, I saw the band members walking around the crowd. I nudged my pseudo-date and asked him if he would introduce me to his friends. He kept saying “No,” or, “Yeah, maybe later.” The whole time we were there I didn’t once see him acknowledge anyone else there, or vice versa. At the time I thought it was me, but I’m pretty sure this guy was just delusional and thought he had “friends” in a band.
Anyway, I dumped him because he was starting to creep me out, and finally came to the conclusion that I would rather trust my friends than some loser I’d met two weeks prior. (Duh!)
Oh yeah, about that website? I met my current boyfriend through there, as well. Unlike creep-o, however, he has real friends. He and I have known each other for five years and our two year anniversary is coming up later this month! See! Not entirely bad after all!
Moral of the story: Only trust people with tangible friends.
My most awkward date was with a guy who had the personality of a piece of tofu. I’m a pretty outgoing/talkative/playful kind of person, and I like someone who can at least hold a conversation about SOMETHING. The entire date literally went like this, though:
Ali: So, what’s your major?
Dude: Engineering.
A: Oh that’s cool, what kind?
D: shrug
A: Can’t decide, huh? I’m having that problem with anthropology, there’s so many cool subfields I want to do. What do you do for fun? I’m new in town.
D: shrug Not much, I study mostly.
A: That’s cool. I spend most of my time studying for math class. I guess you don’t have much of a problem with math because you’e an engineer, right?
D: shrug
A: How’s your dinner?
D: shrug
A: Do you wanna go anywhere after this?
D: shrug you decide.
A: any preferences on movies?
D: shrug
A: ...
D: ...
A: ...
D: ...
etc.
He also had short man syndrome. It was a blind date, so we didn’t know how the other looked, and he was dismayed to come in and find this 5’9 amazon towering over his whiny 5’7 butt and made this fact very clear to me over the course of the date. I finally said ‘welp, been nice talking to you’, paid for my dinner, and left.
Fortunately I’m now seeing this lovely guy who has a fantastic sense of humor and is my favorite type of boy; gruff and tough on the outside, but secretly a big ole softie who likes cuddling with his girl and playing with puppies. he makes me melt
These are hilarious stories! I haven’t had any specific bad “dates” but I have had some awkward experiences that are sort of like dates….
A couple of weekends ago I was out on the town and ended up catching up with an old work friend (who’s name is conicidentally the same as my ex’s who I also met in the same workplace)...both very, very, drunk which ended up in some very, very, drunk pashes! Anyway he was a gentleman and told me how wonderful and beautiful I am (which rarely happens because I avoid those situations and soppiness-yuck, I am not very good at being gracious about it!) and we ended up sharing a back to our respective houses. While i was texting my friend to let her know I got home safely, I got a text from the boy saying that he had a great night, I am a great chick and to message him if I wanted to catch up. So I sent the obligatory “thanks it was a fun night, good to see you, would be great to catch up sometime”.. he replied saying to let him know when was good to catch up because “u are so worth it and I could see myself being with you”... I replied to say I am free whenever and tried to push the ball into his court… he replied “thats great I will definitely want to catch up with u, I think ur such a sweet girl and can’t resist your beautiful smile xoxo”... By this stage I was pretty much over the soppy messages and actually made a vomit sound out loud!
Anyway fast forward a few days later, my friend convinces me to send a “casual” message to see how he is going and he quickly replies and there are a few friendly texts back and forth… then a couple of nights later I wake up and check my phone aboout 2.30am and there is a text from him… all it said was “love you”. WHAT THE HELL. I kissed him a weekago and haven’t seen him since and he is professing love already! slight freak out… next day think I will hear from him confessing to being a drunken idiot, but don’t, so I text him to see what his game is, in the form of a discreet“how’s your weekend going?” way and he says he has been lazy cos he was so drunk last night, and I replied “yep, though so due to the text you sent me” and in his next reply he still doesn’t mention anything about being a drunken idiot!
Anyway that all happened a couple of days ago and since then he has invited me to see him, but I suggested maybe we should have a coffee in the city just incase I need to do a quick bolter! I think he is harmless and I am relatively new to this dating thing… ahhh the fun of lustiness!
Swedes don’t really date, so I don’t have any disastrous date stories. I do, however, have a couple of disastrous would-be date stories.
I used to frequent an online forum for metalheads. For natural reasons, there weren’t a lot of people there of the female persuasion and the few of us there stood out. I had broken up with my ex during the past semester and I was about to fly back to Sweden to visit my parents over the Christmas holidays. I was also going to visit the young man who was not only my ex, but my best friend, the love of my life and my now husband, but that part I hadn’t mentioned on the forum.
So, I get home to Sweden, hook up with the love of my life who has realised he can’t live without me and will go against all of his reservations against long-distance relationships, and I am sitting on my computer when someone sends me a message on ICQ. It’s a guy from the forum, who lives nearby where my parents live. I know who he is on the forum, because he repulses me with his lewdness, childishness and massive porn obsession, but I have never once addressed him directly. He wants to meet up while I’m in Sweden. Like. A lot. A whole lot. A very whole lot. Because… he LOVES me. He’s in head over heels in love with me. Oh. I have a boyfriend? Uh… maybe we can still be friends? (We never WERE friends! No!)
not really a date story since like in new zealand we don’t really date in australia but meet people through groups of friends either out or at parties and hang out that way.
a couple of years ago i had a trashy party where we played “goon of fortune” just for a laugh. it involves attaching a bag of “goon” (boxed wine) to a hills hoist clothes line and spinning it around, and whoever it stops at has to drink. my boss at the time came for some reason even though he never socialised with anyone from work (i later hound out it was cuz he liked me). after drinking wayyy too much he vomitted all through the yard. we were so drunk that everyone left to go out without me. i put my boss to bed on the couch and then he started to confess his lurve. after a pash (post-vomit, EW!) i passed out on top of him snoring and farting!
pure class!
Eurgh, just after Christmas I was going to a record fair, hopefully with a friend of mine, but I didn’t have a chance to get in touch with her. This guy who really liked me decided that because I’d mentioned the record fair to him that it was an invitation for him to come with me. He turned up late, holding a Christmas present which I didn’t open straight away because I would have probably appeared really unappreaciative. He then asks me if I’ll be his girlfriend, so I blurt out a rushed ‘Yes’ because I felt bad because he bought me a present and I bought him nothing. After insisting I hold his hand, dragging me around the whole town centre and saying how this is ‘the best Christmas ever’, he then wants a cup of tea from a stall, and the song ‘Everlasting Love’ is playing. CRINGE. When he leaves the bus he tries to kiss me on the lips and I just shudder and smile to him as he walks off then roll my eyes when he leaves. The whole experience was traumatising!
We haven’t really spoken much since.
In Germany, we don’t really date, either….so I don’t have a dating story for you but a weird story after all.
In 2005, I went to the Philippines with my parents because they were visiting a seminar there. The seminar was in English and so I had to translate from English to German for all the German speaking people there. The filipino guys were all over me, telling me how beautiful I was etc. etc. But I didn’t really pay a lot of attention to it because 1. I was pretty sure that they told this every European girl and 2. I had a boyfriend back home! There was this one filipino guy named Nanz who was working there and we got along pretty well. The last night before our departure, there was a big party with all kinds of games and karaoke. Filipinos love karaoke, they’re addicted to it. So after my parents had left the party, I still stayed there a little bit, talking to everyone who was left. Most Asians don’t handle alcohol too well and poor Nanz was already pretty drunk after two beers.
I was sitting on a chair, listening to everyone singing karaoke, when Nanz suddenly grabbed the MICROPHONE, chose a song and started to sing. As soon as the song started, he turned, looked at me and walked toward me. He got down on one knee, grabbed my hand….and sang to ME! The song he chose was Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton….and I was too terrified to pull back my hand! Seriously, his eyes were SPARKLING...it was like a romantic movie, but I just didn’t want to be part of it. After he was done singing, everyone in the room started applauding, seemingly happy for us young lovers (aaah!). “Okay, I really need to go home now!” I said…wanting do run off. “I’ll walk you home” he said. I agreed because I didn’t want to hurt him. As soon as we had left the building, he put his arm around me…I tried to shake it off, but man, he was holding on tight, so I just said “You know, Nanz….I have a BOYFRIEND back home”, thinking this would drive him away. But no! He just replied “That is okay. I know we belong together. Our love will overcome that.”
Uhm….excuse me? I was glad when we finally reached our apartment. I just wanted to say goodnight and then he suddenly closed his eyes and pursed his lips. I just stared at this weird image for 5 seconds and decided to hug him goodbye which apparently signalled to him “Kiss my neck” Urgh! The next day we left early and I kind of hid all day and tried to avoid him. Weird!
I’ve never been on an actual date but this is the biggest Dating Disaster I’ve had.
Okay, when I was 17 I got drunk at a party and had a fumble with this guy. It was regrettable but 17 year olds do silly things. Anyway, the next day the guy seems to think we’re a couple and no amount of ‘subtle’ hints that I want him anywhere near me seem to work. He somehow got hold of my number and called me every day. I answer maybe 1/5 calls. A week or so later he turns up at a play I’m sound engineering for. After the play we all go to the pub to celebrate and he tags along. Next thing I know his PARENTS show up to take him home! But not before he tells me he loves me!! (Seriously, I spend a week ignoring you and you love me!?) This dragged on for another month or so until I hit on the bright idea that since he thinks we’re a couple, I should ‘break up’ with him. Which I did when he turned up to ANOTHER one of my plays. In the interval. I guess I was pretty mean to him but he brought it on himself with his craziness and I was a flighty 17 year old. After the ‘break-up’ he continued to call me every day for 3 months, despite me not answering a single call.
Met a guy online..he decided he wanted to visit me in Sydney from Melbourne (couple of hours flight) within 2 weeks of meeting. I was trying hard to get over a relationship which ended due to external forces although we both were still in love with each other at the time of break-up so I thought what the hell, why not? We had enough things in common, he was a budding film director, so I thought this could be fun!
15 min before I’m due to pick him up at like 7 in the morning, he msgs to say he’s stuck in Melbourne – missed his flight…I call his bluff ..rightly. So date starts out playfully – I am the perfect host showing Sydney off in its full glory. After 6 hours I’m getting bored – we’re talking but the date’s not stimulating enough for me to devote my whole day – I’m a busy gal! we’re a short ferry ride away from town, I decide to be a good host and at least take him back to town before giving him the good news and leave him to fend on his own – he’s due to fly out in the afternoon. So we pass some more time waiting for the ferry and once we’re back in town and sitting down, he asks “What next?” And so I tell him “sorry I don’t think it’s working out – u can catch the train or cab back to the airport”. He tells me understands, I don’t have to apologise but he thought we were having a great time and he wasn’t gonna tell me till we got to the airport but he really liked me a lot but I’ve decided so it’s ok but can I at least take him to the airport when his flight is as I had promised. So I can’t find a way to get out – I feel bad that he’s flown all the way. So anyway I drop him off (early without him realising ..lol). What happens next makes it the most memorable – he sends me a link the next day with a video up on youtube of our day together (yes, he had been filming and I had questioned what happened if we didn’t end up together)! Full music and everything showing the changing moods and happily he ends on a good note showing life goes on!!
I flew halfway around the world for a boy who bought me a macdonalds soft serve when i suggested we go out for desert.
Okay, this isn’t really an awkward date story, but it is a cringingly awkward love disaster story.
When I started university in Wellington, I was living in a flat with my boyfriend (now fiance) and our good friend S from high school. S was fairly socially awkward, but he was a generally okay guy as long as you told him whatever chores to do etc. So we all lived in harmony, and when our lease expired on that flat after 12 months, we moved into a larger flat along with my best friend. My fiance and I had our own room, we’ve been dating since we were sixteen and we’re now 22 so this is a long-term thing (and S has seen that we’re together since high school).
Fast-forward about 8 to 10 months. We’ve all just decided that our flat is awesome and finding new flats is hard, so we’ll stay until April of the next year. Around this point, however, living with S became increasingly difficult. He was moody and depressed, moping about how he would never get a girlfriend. Well, duh. You’re overweight, unkempt, failing all your classes and you NEVER WASH. It was gross. My fiance tried to have gentle chats about the importance of smelling not-rank, but apparently S “doesn’t care”. Whatever. Ew. During this time, though, I tried to be sympathetic and lend a kind ear to his plight, or give honest advice on his emotional situation.
This turned out to be the wrong thing to do, when three or four days before Christmas, with my partner already away on holiday with his family and my best friend out with her boyfriend or something, I was hanging out the washing when he decided to declare his feelings for me. Um… My response was a deer-in-the-headlights look, followed by the answer, “Guess WHAT? Fiance and I are engaged! Isn’t that AWESOME?”
Yeah. Awkward as fuck, especially when I mentioned it to partner a few days later in an oh-god-you’ll-never-guess-what-happened kind of way, and he said sadly, “Oh god, I did tell him not to say anything.” Yeah, S had gone to my fiance weeks before declaring his love to me, to tell him (his best friend) that he had feelings for his girlfriend of five years!
And the worst thing was that S then told all of our mutual friends of our engagement before I got a chance to, since I was waiting to tell our families over Christmas before telling the friends. Dumb. And living in that flat until April was fairly hard.
I was 19 and a fellow student at the college one day keep telling me that she could set me up on a date with this guy she knew who was “really nice and cool”. I was hestitant but agreed after she kept bringing it up through the course of the day.
Fast forward to the date….I met him downtown and he was wearing denim overalls…no shirt…and flip flops. He was covered in horribly bad, black, tattoos. Now, I don’t mind tattoos but none of his contained a single straight line and most involved “death” and “skulls” in their design. One even was a bad rendering of a devil skullf-fucking a skull wearing a black lipstick pout.
He also had just shaved his head to a mowhawk and had used a regular razor to “get down to skin” on both sides of his head. This meant he had tons of knicks and tiny scabs on both sides of his head where he had used the razor.
I was already “not feeling” this date but decided…what the hell…I have time to kill.
He says he is broke…surprise surpise…so takes me to a small sandwich shop where he tries to scam a free meal for me out of the owner. He fails and gets us “Free water. So cool because it is free!” I was so not impressed.
Then he starts talking about his 3 year old son, his bitch of an ex wife, and how she left him when he was in jail. Yes, you read that right “in jail”.
he tells me he was set up by someone so was in jail for three years, that he hopes the “fucker dies”, hoeps his “fucking cunt of a ex wife dies”, and meets with his parole officer on the very day we had our date downtown so “it worked out nice that we planned the date that day.”
He then tels me how “fucking cool” his tattoos are and how he “got them all in jail”. Yep, the shitty tattoos were jail tattoos! He boasts that he now knows how to tattoo himslef and wants to totally cover his body with them…himself. I mention they are not possessing a single straight line and he says, “Yeah well, it’s hard to hold still when you are tattooing yourself but hat makes them unique”. Right.
After finishing our water….he decided we should go BABY CLOTHES SHOPPING for his son. Remind you, he was broke and couldn’t pay for anything on the date. I had only enough money to take the bus back home and stop off to buy myself dinner on the walk from the bus stop.
We walk around one of the department stores as he starts holding up baby clothes and saying, “How about this one?” I would shrug because I had no interest in baby clothes and it was dawning on me he expected ME to buy baby clothing for HIS son!
He started talking about his bitch of an ex.wife again and how she won’t let him see his son often because he was in jail so he “hopes the cunt gets killed”. He then made an off-hand commet about how I would make a great mother and he liked babies…maybe we should practice making one. Compelete with leering wink. I instantly went “Time to bail” in my head.
I quickly said I had to leave and head home…he looked annoyed and said he would walk me to my bus. I declined because I didnt want him to know which bus I took incase he was to try and track me down in the future….I had already planned to never speak to or see him again.
I fast walked out of the store with him trailing and then rounded the corner outside quickly and thought I ditched him. I made it to the bus stop right when the bus was starting to get ready to pull away and ran on.
As I sat down I saw him (having went to the bus station to look for me)scanning the parked buses windows looking for me….and hoped he didn’t see me when the bus pulled away past him as he stood really close to the curb and scanned the slightly darkend bus I windows of the bus I was on.
He called me the next day. I was non-communicative and he put his 3 year old son on the phone to talk to me. I said not a word to his son. He got back on the phone with me and asked if we could go out again and “bump some uglies”. I told him, “No thanks” and hung up. He tried to call back and I told my mum (I still lived at home) to tell this guy I was not home if he ever caled back again.
The kicker was the woman who set us up stopped talking to me because I was “mean to her nice friend” and told everyone in the class we shared I was a “hideous bitch” who lead “her friend on and then dumped him”.
Can I just say that I have a date tonight and now I am really nervous!!!
At least if it goes terribly I’ll have somewhere to write about it – wish me luck!
Story #2-Awkward almost-date: halfway thru my journey halfway across the world to meet a guy in a country outside his own, he msgs to say he lost his passport so he’ll buy me a return ticket from our pre-arranged meeting country to his own country. Then I lose contact till I land in the pre-arranged meeting point with no onward ticket, to find out he’s in hospital with a back injury – fortunately not too serious. So I decide to enjoy myself anyhow and successfully fend off requests every night from guys eager to come back to my hotel room.
I’m still giving him a chance to make amends!
The single worst date of my life was a double date with my best friend and the guy she was besotted with, and me and that guy’s best friend.
It was a blind date on our part, and the most awkward experience of my entire life.
We went for drinks, and all he spoke about was how he loves boxing, and how he’s gonna be a professional one day, I mean, he hardly looked the boxing type either.
And he bought me a drink, and before I had a chance to finish it, he’d bought me another, by the end of the date he got pretty annoyed that I wasn’t drinking fast enough.
My best friend also had to spend the entire night trying to stop him grabbing her hand or touching her, and he, in contrast, didn’t even buy her a drink.
It was truly a horrendous night, and in the end, me and my friend had to literally run away from them.
We saw them a few months ago in a restaurant and they just stared at us the entire night, with evil stares and rolling their eyes at us, at us ! Haha.
They’ve gone to Uni now so hopefully that’ll be the last we have to see of them.
Brie. You win. ;-)
Oh Brie, darling, you definitley win, hands down! You poor thing!
The only offering I have, isn’t really the worse date I’ve been on, but… As a shy 16 year old, it was possibly the most awkward, and… The embarassment of it haunted me for so long afterwards.
When I was 16, I went to a gig for a friends band I hadn’t seen play before. I ended up having quite a lovely make out session with the guitarist afterwards, and we swapped numbers.
I started work experience the monday after and a girl who had witnessed my tongue-fest, and knew the band informed me that he was telling everyone we were a couple. I thought this was totally adorable, and I really liked him, so I got all excited about it.
He suprised me the second day of work experience by showing up unnanounced, and asked if I’d go to his band practise later. I hadn’t been feeling well all day, but because I liked him so much, I called my mum in my lunch break and asked her if I could go, and I of course squealed with delight when she said I could.
So, I was picked up after work, and we drove to his band practise – which was in this tiny little shed in a friends backyard. They had a heater on, and with them thrashing about and rocking out to their music it got quite overheated in there… I went to stand up and get some fresh air, but when I got to my feet, I felt a sudden rush of dizzyness, and nausea, and then everything went fuzzy, and I could feel myself falling… I could also feel that on the way down I managed to smack my head into the cymbal and bass drum. I was helped to my feet by gorgeous date, and the bassist, his cousin, who held on to me while I regained my bearings, and then, I involunatarily threw up on the bassist…
I cut short their ultra important band practise, threw up on someone, nearly broke someones drum kit, and then managed to smack my head on the car door when I was getting out, but… The next day, I still got a very loving message from my date asking to see me again.
We ended up being together for quite some time afterwards, and he was my first love. :) Still didn’t make it any less embarassing though.
xxx
Once again – from Australia, so no real ‘dating’... BUT!
A guy who used to work near me used to come into the cafe where I worked every day and buy a cup of coffee. After a long time of this he started making idle conversation with me. He was very sweet and shy. One day I asked him if I had seen him arrive on a motorbike that morning, and he said yes – then asked if I would like to go for a ride on it. I had never been on a motorbike before so the idea was pretty exciting for me and I agreed, even though I wasn’t really interested in him romantically. He took me for a spin around the block the following day, which was fun and we had a laugh. Then he asked if he could take me for a proper ride sometime, and I said ok.
So one day we drove down to Bondi beach (which was about half an hour ride from where I lived). We went to a cafe for coffee but he didn’t have any, only water. I kept saying ‘are you sure you don’t want a coffee?’ He admitted that in truth, he hated coffee and never drank it. He only came in to buy it from me every day to see me. Cute. A bit weird, but sweet I guess. He was just so, so shy. But very nice and seemed keen on me, and I had VERY low self-esteem back then so I was a bit of a cow, leading people on and the such. I enjoyed the attention. Anyway later when we were saying goodbye, he asked if we could kiss (yep, he asked. I know this stuff is really cute but it’s kind of a turn-off sometimes…) so I kissed him. It was horrible. Afterwards he asked me how it was and I said it was ok. Then he admitted it was his first proper kiss. I felt awful. He was 28 so it was a bit weird but he had had a weird life that I can’t really go into here. But still, I knew his first kiss should not have been with me, who didn’t like him that much and was just stroking my own pathetic ego. I felt so so bad, and he kept asking me how it was and if he was any good, and then going “it was terrible wasn’t it. I am really bad at it.” And I had to keep reassuring him. What was I going to say!? ‘Yes it was disgusting, you may have put me off kissing for life’?! I had to lie. I felt so so bad the whole time, and went home and burst into tears.
The guy tried to ask me out again and again and kiss me and so on, and still came into the cafe and bought coffee although I ended up convincing him to buy a milkshake or something instead after a while. I tried to let him down gently but it was probably more deluding him and leading him on. I only really shook him when I moved countries to London, and we haven’t really communicated since. I still feel awful when I think about that kiss. !
Awww, my worst date wasn’t that bad at all… it was the first date with my boyfriend. We met up a bit early for tea and decided to go hang out on the beach for a bit. I was in quite a skimpy dress and I live in the north of scotland, so needless to say, I was freezing. I mentioned the cold a couple of times and shuffled towards him in the hope that he’d put his arm around me. No such luck. Mentioned being scared of the dogs going past. Still nothing!
So we went to this nice italian place, and he didn’t look at me for the entire evening, and we didn’t talk much either. Then when I left, it turned out my parents had been calling me but there’d been no signal in the resteraunt and they were furious that I hadn’t picked up. So I was standing there, freezing, with my folks yelling down the phone (which was embarassing because he’s five years older than me and doesn’t have any such parental restrictions) and he STILL wasn’t looking at me. So we had a really awkward hug and went our seperate ways.
We met again two days later and both relaxed a bit more and had a really good time… we were inseperable for the rest of his visit to Scotland and are still together seven months later
(and he says the reason he never looked at me was cos he thought I was too hot for him and would never be interested, and so he was too shy too. Awwwwww :) )
Ugh. I shuddered just thinking about it. :)
So, in my early twenties, I tried this place called Drip Cafe in NYC. I’m not sure if it’s still in business, but it was a coffee house that had binders of profiles, and you could connect with people you liked and set up dates with them at Drip. Kind of like a blind date service, right? So, I saw a profile I liked and made the connection. There was no picture…
OK, so for starters, he was much older than he said he was. He was a cellist who LOVED his cello. LOVED it. Like, it sat next to me on the date. He was also a Mama’s Boy who started every sentence with “My mother always says…” His mother and the cello. That’s all he knew how to talk about. He was also in a tuxedo, and had thick black hair that was pommaded within an inch of it’s life in a ridiculous Little Rascals side part. He had a whiny voice, and he wouldn’t. Stop. Talking. I don’t think I got in three whole words.
After about an hour of excruciating boredom, he and I and his cello left the cafe. As he hailed a cab, HE said to ME “I don’t think this is going to work out. No hard feelings, OK?” I nearly laughed in his face.
Oh man, so many!
Okay this one is a little graphic.
So I’m on this date with a kid I’d already been on four or five dates with, and we went back to his house to hook up. Midway through having…intercourse with this guy, he stops. He stops MOVING. I’m shaking him and yelling and I swear to God I thought there was something wrong with him, and just as I’m about to start screaming my head off for help this really big and loud snore comes out of him. He fell asleep!
I mean, he’s on top of me, we’re like…connected to each other and he’s snoring away.
We never went out again.
well…i don’t have a horrible date, but i did have a horrible hook-up back my freshman year of college. i brought a guy back to my room who my friend had known. we were both very drunk and he called me n00b while we were having sex. at least twenty times. after he left, i walked to my friend’s dorm room and said, “i hate you. why did you let me bring him home?! he was AWFUL.” the next day i didn’t remember telling her i hated her (which i mostly meant in a joking manner anyway), but she avoided me for WEEKS before i finally found out what i had said and why she was upset :(
stupid kid.
i am not and was not a n00b. who says that?!?
My really bad date was for New Years Eve of 2000. I had met this guy I kid you not his name was/is Mark Anthony. Anyway he asked me out for New Years Eve. I get dressed up and did not eat anything for dinner assuming he was taking me out to dinner wrong he takes me to a bar and orders me a drink. When I ask him what we are doing for dinner he does not respond and I tell him I am rather hungry.
He takes me back to his apartment complex where we crash (unknown to me) a persons party. I honestly thought he knew these people. I do get food and start to have a better time it was not until he starts to get drunker and flirting with me more (he assumed that he would get laid that night ha I do not think so after only going on two dates this being our second and last). I try to call a cab to just get away plus I had found out that we had crashed these peoples party how embarrassing!
I end up calling a friend to please come by and pick me up I explained to him that I could not get a cab and really needed to leave. I felt bad because my friend was already at a party of his own oops. He came by and picked me up thankfully and took me to his party where I ended up having a better time before midnight came.
go to sorrymom.com its so funny
In New Zealand you just hang out until he is comfortable/brave enough to make a pass and, based on the success of which, you either become ‘a bitch’ (when you brand him with a big fat fist of fail) or you’re his property, his girlfriend and totally handcuffed (should you indulge him in a moment of madness – or pity).
I sound really jaded.
Worst date? I was seventeen, working as a PA. On a business call I got chatting to a funny, engaging man. He joked and flirted, I returned the favour – it makes a workday far more interesting. He mentioned that he had a motorbike – I LOVE motorbikes. Love doesn’t even cover it. I am obsessed with motorbikes. He invites me to get a coffee with him after work and I foolishly agree.
Waiting at the agreed-upon coffee shop a REALLY OLD MAN turns up. No walking stick, but seriously, he looked older than my dad. I was 17! Unfortunately, at 17, I did not have the confidence or presence of mind to politely excuse myself and RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!! No, I got on the damn bike with him – the bike WAS pretty epic. He rode me to some scenic outlook and proceeded to kiss me (which despite my best efforts were difficult to avoid, sitting on a motorcycle), to tell me he could ‘teach me about the art lovemaking’ and request that I spend the night. Desperately changing the subject, a further line of questioning leads me to discover that I go to school with HIS DAUGHTER. She is in the year below me. I asked to be taken home.
Pulling up out side my door he pulls a business card from his pocket. On the reverse it says “I saw you across the bar and couldn’t take my eyes off you. Call me”... or some skeezy, nasty BS in a similar vein – a pre-written pick-up card. I couldn’t believe it. He trys to kiss me again, then begs me not to tell his daughter about the whole thing.
I didn’t tell his daughter.
“but I’m so not into it because a) he is crazy & b) he is bleeding” – Gala your story was so funny!
So my worst date was with this really socially awkward guy. He owed me a drink from our 1st date (cos he seemed too shy to go to the bar and I was thirsty so I got them!) so on our 2nd date we’re walking to the bar and he mentions that he owes me a drink. So I go up to the bar, and he’s standing a good metre back from the empty bar. I order, and go ‘do you you want anything’ as a hint to say ‘come closer to the bar and order and pay’. He goes ‘oh yeah…’ and orders a really girly drink, then the bar lady goes ‘are these together?’ and I look at him and he goes ‘oh…did you want me to pay?’ so I go ‘no its fine’ and pay for my drink only.
So then we sit down and chat, and I complain about how the flat above me had a party til 3am and then the builders next door started at 7 so I hardly got any sleep. And he goes ‘oh yeah I didn’t wanna say anything but I had noticed…you can really see it around your eyes, you look really tired’. And I’d put on loads of concealer over my eyebags and thought I’d done a pretty good job! I don’t even think he knew that was a bit insulting, he just had no idea how to act around women.
Haha, oh. wow. Sounds like quite the adventure!
Not a date but a SUPER AWKWARD MOMENT! WITNESSED!
Friend’s birthday party. She was turning 15. She lives out in the country, so she has a huge yard… And it’s summer. We decide to play sardines. Basically, if you don’t know what that is, a small group hides and the other groups try and find them. When they find them, they hide with them until everyone finds them. Simple, no?
Well, I was in the group hiding first. We hid in this thicket of trees and really tall grass. There were bugs but they weren’t bothering us.
My friend and her boyfriend were looking together because he didn’t know anyone else at the party. Then… they decided to take a break from looking for people.
THEY STARTED MAKING OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TREES WE WERE HIDING BEHIND! They were noisy and sloppy and DISGUSTING while the three of us who are like her good friends SIT IN AGONY. We were all crouching in the deep grass which was super itchy, and the bugs started buzzing IN OUR EARS, but we couldn’t move because we’d lose the game, plus embarrass our friend.
FINALLY they left and they ended up being the last ones to find us. My friend was horrified but I was just… really weirded by it. I mean… how awkward!
Serendipitous timing, as my worst date happened to be last night.
So I met this guy last Friday at a dance party sort of thing. He was really awkward and couldn’t dance, but it was in a kind of adorable and endearing way so when he danced with me all night long, I didn’t mind. He asks for my number and called me up earlier this week to go for coffee Friday (two days ago.) We did, and while he is really awkward and shy in a weird way, he was nice and funny and cute enough. After we’ve sat for about an hour and a half, getting along really well, he walks me to my car, gives me a hug and asks if we can ‘go on a real date sometime.’ I’m a little surprised, since that seems to be a weird thing to ask (and also, it’s seven thirty on a Friday night….if he wants to go out why don’t we just go then?) but I say sure and got a text the next day asking me to meet him on Sunday. We go to the downtown area with lots of shops, and have a pretty good time poking into shops and stuff but its freezing and raining so we decide to leave. This whole time, he hasn’t touched me at all except for when dancing the week before and his awkward goodbye hugs. So when he asks if we can pull over somewhere and ‘make out a little bit’ I’m kind of surprised, but also relieved that he’s actually going to make a move. I haven’t even taken off my seatbelt when he ATTACKS me with his mouth. But this isn’t a regular sort of kiss. . . his mouth is tight and contracted together around his tongue that is darting every which way and it’s disgusting, I almost want to vomit. After a few seconds he pulls away and apologizes, saying he knows he’s a bad kisser. He looks so awkward I feel bad for him, so I try to lead by example and we keep kissing for a little bit, but I can’t last for long it’s awful. Then he moves from my mouth to my neck, which is a definite relief but it seems like he’s trying to give me a hickey and it’s a little painful so I pull away. So now he goes for under my shirt, and things are feeling alright for once as this distraction seems to have relaxed his awful kissing a bit, until he kills the moment by giving me a really bizarre look and the comment- “You have a really nice feeling boob.” um…. ok? So he says “Do you think this should progress further?” How? “Um. . . . “ longest pause ever. “A blowjob?” I’m a little shocked- this boy couldn’t even hold my hand half an hour ago, and now he wants a bj? I tell him I feel like that’s getting a little ahead of ourselves, so he says “Ok I’ll take you home then.” And we drive away!
By the way, this entire exchange happened in the space of THREE minutes.
And when he dropped me at home, he tried to kiss me goodbye. He didn’t try to make out, yet somehow his awkward tongue was in the kiss anyway. It took several showers for me to feel clean from that disgusting hookup.
I was in Paris, having an afternoon drink, and some guy had managed to cohere me into dinner later. He looked pretty ambiguous age-wise, and I had already agreed to a date when his daughter turned up. His daughter was not young either, and I had to assume I was closer in age to her than him.
So I went out to dinner with him, which was pretty disastrous. He stared a lot and said very little. Really he was just mega creepy, and I got the feeling he was looking for an easy one-night-stand. The one thing I did get out of him, was that he used to work as a tutor at the university I was studying at. Clearly not a young guy.
He was very intent on me so I lied about where I was staying and what I was doing. I made excuses to leave straight after dinner. He was so hard to shake off I actually took two wrong trains so he wouldn’t know where I was living.
My most awkward dates have mostly been unwitting dates. :) I’m rather new to the dating scene, mostly by choice, but here goes my most awkward dating experience…
My freshman year of college, I became really good friends with a guy in my physics lab group, J. He’s a very funny, outgoing guy, and we got along well. He’d been talking about introducing me to his group of dorm friends, since he thought I’d get along really well with them, so I thought nothing of it when he asked me if I’d like to go to the Science Museum on Saturday. I figured it’s an outing with those friends of him, so I agreed.
Well, the week goes by, and on Friday, the two of us are hanging out and randomly go to help stuff envelopes in the admissions office, since we’re both helpful types like that. I’d asked him earlier who else was going (from the group of friends), and he’d looked surprised and awkwardly said he didn’t know yet. Around this time, he throws out his arms and loudly informs me (I’m fairly sure because he was nervous, poor soul) that he’d really only intended to invite me. Right about when, the alarm bells started going off.
So the date itself was sadly awkward. We went to lunch in my favorite cheap Thai restaurant right across the street from the restaurant. Normally, the two of us banter like crazy, but I was feeling really awkward, since I’d had NO idea he liked me before, and he was really nervous. We ended up resorting to an Alphabet Conversation, where we’d alternate saying something that began with the next letter of the alphabet. Towards the end of the meal, he got up and did a song and dance (which he does a lot; we’re both fond of musicals, him a bit more than I am), to enthusiastic applause from the only other diners in the cafe, a pair of middle-aged old ladies. I was already embarrassed by his performance, and my embarrassment was made worse by one of the ladies winking at me and going, “he’s a keeper! It’s up to you whether you keep him or not…”
Oh man. So we went to the museum, which was at least interesting enough that I was able to keep up some bit of conversation with him. We went back to campus afterward, and he hugs me good-bye and asks if he can see me again. My attempt to be suave and go, “sure, you’ll see me lots in class” gets cut off by his wisely anticipating this response, and clarifies that he means in date-like situations. I can’t remember my response, but I pretty much ran away.
I agonized over this for a while, but ended up sending him an e-mail later that night thanking him for the date and apologizing. I explained that I hadn’t realized it was a date when I agreed and that I really saw him as no more than a friend (I’m very much a first-impressions person: either I’m attracted or I’m not!). He wrote me back thanking me for being straightforward and saying he’d get over it on his own, but I still felt horribly embarrassed and guilty. I ended up skipping physics class for two weeks to avoid him, so that he and my other friend thought I’d dropped.
Haha, in retrospect, it was funny, but at the time it was so awkward! We’re now very good friends again; I did end up meeting his group of friends, and they became my best group of friends in college. So, in the end, things turned out well. :)
So I went out on a limb and went out with this totally redneck guy (nothing wrong with being redneck…except this guy happened to be really moronic and liked to hunt, which I am not into).
He picked me up in his car…and drove me to a trailer park to “sight see”. As we drove around, he decided to plow through a snow bank…and got stuck!! We’re trying as hard as we can to get out and finally a guy comes out of a trailer and offers to take us to Walmart to get a chain to pull the car out with.
After the “Good Samaritan” finally pulls the car out from the snow bank, we head to the redneck guy’s place. Which happens to be on FIRE. He runs into his house, even though the firefighters tell him not to…to get his UFC trophies. I kid you not. He didn’t care about his cat, or anything else. Also, finding out he was a UFC fighter was kind of weird to me…I’m not really into boxing or other violent sports.
Then, he spends the next 2 hours talking to the firefighters while I’m standing there shivering in the snow.
Great date, eh?? Believe me, we didn’t go out again.
okay. here goes.
my supposed friend at the time set me up with this boy ben. Assuming we would get along because we are both vegetarians and into hardcore music.
naturally i’m intrigued. so we all hangout one night. he seems normal enough so i agree to go to a concert with him the next night.
At work the day of the date i decided i wasn’t really feeling it and told him via text that i wasn’t feeling up to the concert and we can hangout if he wanted to but I WASNT FEELING WELL.. assuming it would get the message across.
nope.
my friend also forgot to mention that he thinks he’s french and speaks in a french accent at all times. but he has a speech impediment, so its impossible to understand him.
so he comes over and we started watching monty python and the holy grail [which i still can’t watch to this day].. about a half an hour into the movie he forcefully tried to make out. completely weirded out i went up to the kitchen to get a drink..
when i got back to my room i found him wrapped up in a quilt on the floor. i quickly discovered he was NAKED... yes NAKED under the blanket. I told him to get dressed or i’ll beat his face and ran back upstairs… mind you this happened around 10pm.
SO i sat across the room from him and watched the movie in silence, and then he just wouldn’t leave. After it was over, he asked if he could spend the night.. AWKWARD.. and i said no. he then proceded to stay until 2am and when he was finally leaving..
he told me he was in love with me.
he proceeded call me often.
i ignored him.
my worst date also happened to be my first kiss…i was 14ish and went iceskating with the boy and every time i sat down on the steps he would join me and try to make out with me like his tongue was trying to force its way down my asophogus. to make it worse i had my period at the time (awkward enough when u are still that young) and he was trying to actually get his hands down my pants to finger me in public at this iceskating rink while at the same time his tongue was most of the way down my throat. i had to actually skate the ENTIRE time to prevent him from doing that…thankfully my kisses with boys since then have much improved!
I went on a trip to Montreal with a guy I had been dating a couple times a week for a couple months. We went on walks holding hands, took tons of pictures, had nice meals, and shared lots of kisses. On our last night there we decided to go check out a nice jazz bar and then head out to a club to go dancing. He always liked me to think he was really into fashion so I was surprised when he was going to wear the same t-shirt and white sneakers out to the jazz bar because it was all he had brought even though he knew I had brought a new nice dress and heels. Anyway, we headed down there and had too many glasses of wine. My ability to play hard to get seemed to dissolve with the liquor and and I ended up telling him I had called off going on a date with another guy because I wasn’t really into seeing anyone else right now. To this he replied, “oh, well, maybe you should make that date again when we get back home…” He then got awkward and distant yet still wanted to go to the club so I had to do tequila shots and ditch him to dance sexily on stage with some random girls. The 5 hour drive home the next day wasn’t so great…
The Anime Freak
When I was fifteen I went to school with a boy named Adrian. I was going through an anime phase at the time, and when he found out I watched Inuyasha he took to following me and trying to sit next to me at Mass and everything. He was kind of cute, and despite his obsessiveness I sort of liked him. So, I agreed to go to dinner and a play with him. As soon as I got in the car he turned on the CD player and Japanese techno started blasting out of the speakers. No joke. It was one of those girls who sounds about five years old, wailing out something in Japanese. Adrian told me what it was, like I was supposed to know the band or something. I just smiled and nodded: “Yeah, yeah, I love them”. So we listened to J-pop the whole way to the restaurant, a little sandwich place. When we got out of the car he grabbed a leather-bound binder from the backseat and tucked it under his arm. I asked what it was, and he said, “You’ll see” with this big smile on his face. And boy did I. As soon as we sat down he opened it up. It was his entire collection of anime drawings. They weren’t terrible, but half of them were of topless women with swords and purple hair and stuff like that. I recognized a few as anime characters, but most of them were apparently characters in his own manga. So I spent all of dinner looking at his collection of naked women. Finally we finished and headed to the theatre. It was a production of Macbeth which a lot of our friends were in, so I enjoyed it a lot. That is, except when he was trying to put his hand on my knee. I didn’t want to start a commotion in the theatre, so I let him. When the play ended we got back in his car and turned on the J-pop and drove home. When we got to my house, he reached over and kissed my cheek and said, in this husky voice, “Has anyone ever told you you look just liked Kagome?” (Kagome is a heroine of an anime show which we both watched). I don’t think I’ve ever hurried inside faster in my entire life.
Adrian and I stayed friends, but he caught the vibe and never asked me out again. The next year he moved to Georgia. Last I heard of him he was actively gay, with a boyfriend.
He’s actually the second boyfriend of mine who ended up gay. I guess that’s the risk one takes when they date actors. But my boyfriend now, despite being an amazing singer and dancer, has already flat-out told me he isn’t gay. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t lie.
I’m going to read everyone else’s because surprisingly I’ve had no awkward dates. I don’t know why, but I haven’t. I’ve just had dates that I forget because they were uneventful and dates that I remember because too much happened (good stuff though).
Ohmigod, some of these are so funny! I’m glad you can look back on them and laugh. V-FRO – OMG, that’s just… gah!
Ok, mine then… Not strictly a date, as it’s NZ and all. I find it most mortifying because I was so into the guy at first, but by the end of my tale, ladies, you’ll understand why I totally was NOT. It gets a bit explicit in places, and for that I apologise.
There was this guy I worked with who I had my eye on, coz I thought he was quite a hottie. I was his TA at Uni so I didn’t want to take any action because of the whole Student/TA thing. I knew there was quite an age gap too, but I still thought he was hot.
We occassionally flirted a bit at work, but nothing came of it. One night at work after the Uni semester was over for the year everyone from work was going out for a drink. So we all went out and had a few drinks and the dude starts flirting with me, which I think is great. We go to a few more bars and have a few more drinks and we all decide to go somewhere we can dance. While all my workmates are dancing I notice that he seems to be getting progressively closer to me and all up in my personal space – not that I minded.
A few of my work friends had noticed and pulled me aside to say “Hey, Dude seems to be getting pretty friendly… I talked to him and he said he really likes you but didn’t think you were interested”.
At this point I was pleasantly surprised and feeling optimistic about the evening. Some more dancing later, and he starts putting his hand on my waist, or trying to hold my hand. I left the dance floor to sit down and grab a drink, and sits beside. We start talking and the dude starts kissing me, which is nice… until the moment is interrupted by my workmates’ pointing and laughing.
Embarrassed, I ask the dude if he’d like to get out of here, intending to go get a drink somewhere quieter. We leave, but he’s determined to go back to his place because he’s broke. I’m hesitant because I know I don’t want to sleep with the guy just yet, but I figure I would crash at his place with nothing going on. I tell him this on the way to his place. #1 I should have just gone home.
So, his bedroom… is a pigsty to say the least. Dirty clothes and unwashed dishes all over the floor. There are huge posters of naked chicks on the walls. He has a cat’s litter box in his room – and it smelled as though it hadn’t been changed in a week. #2 I should have gone home.
I’m disgusted, but I’m tired, and I tell myself “Well he’s a student, what did you expect?”.
We go to bed, and I tell him flat out again I’m not going to sleep with him tonight. Regardless, we make out and a bit of heavy petting ensues, before I persuade him to try and get some sleep. I start to doze off, but I am woken up during the night FOUR times by him trying to dry hump my hip. Each time I wake up I am greeted with the smell of dirty litter box. By this time I am really tired, annoyed, and really just wanted to go to sleep, so I went home, right?
Wrong. Home was a 30 min cab ride away, so I figured if I gave him a helping hand with his frustration he’d leave me alone and go to sleep. He finished all over my stomach, and then wiped it off with his spank rag. Thoroughly repulsed and pretty angry, the next words out of my mouth were “Hey, mind if I take a shower?”
So I take a shower (no soap and a damp smelly towel, by the way), and while I’m getting dressed this dude is telling me about his mum and his dad and the farm they own, and how he loves hanging out there in the summer… yeah, back on the farm where he shoots stray cats for sport!
He seemed totally oblivious to that fact that I was fuming and disgusted and SO not into him anymore. I fled then, but not before he tried to convince me to stay and come back to bed (Ew!).
When I got home I had another shower, and used a lot of soap.
For a few days he sent me text messages saying how much he missed me, but when I never accepted any of his offers to meet up, he got the message. Working with him was totally awkward, not leastly because everyone was gossipping about us, but he left that job soon after to head back to Cat Shootin’ on the farm for the summer.
I was relieved to not have to see him again.
Except he ended up in another class I was TAing the following year. :(
We avoided each other the whole semester.
I don’t know this wasn’t a date as such but…I was a in homeless food cafe… munching down when i spotted a guy, i think id seen him before somewhere,he stood out from all the other mostly old, pissed junkies.
he was also munching away, making polite conversation with the hobo’s, i noted how polite i thought he was but kept my head down and left.
AS i was waliking out of “cafe” i heard someone shouting, turned around it was the boy…i was a bit perplexed and after much stammering he asked me what my name was…and what my plans were as i tryed to keep a straight face – i couldn’t believe i was getting asked out at the homeless food handout cafe – (actully, you get asked out there all the time, but usually from ageing pissheads) Also, the more the boy talked the more i realised he WAS Travis Burkenstock, 0ffa clueless. In looks, clothes and manninsrussm.
I was mostly amused and explaned i wasnt doing much as i Avoiding my best friend (who i’d been recently getting off with and things were getting a bit weird) So i was Intrigued enough not to go home but to turn left and go on a bimble with Travis. Almost ameditly i felt i’d made the wrong diciencion, I cant remember what he talked about but he talked alot as my eyes were scanning for escape routes. What was worse, this 90’s skateboard kid who was probably stoned offa his face couldnt make a desicson and didnt even have a plan, so i proposed abit of Skip Diving as the meal at the hand out place had been the usual gross slop and i was still a tad bit peckish. I wasnt really listening as he was talking just looking through a bin for something to eat to no availe, I think i just ignoring him from most of the time we went for a walk at night round the shoping center he pointed stuff out but i still wasnt listening.
and then…i noticed a shop lit up in the night and full of people..,geeky people! playing some sort of lame and amsing world of war craft thing with little modles and mesuring things!!! It was AMASING and my face lit up and I didnt know what else to do but ring up the only person who’d love it as much as i did, who was the person i was avoiding.
I was getting abit annoyed with Travis Burkenstock who i asked if he was stoned or retarded could he just go away but he didnt, he relieved somethings about himself he got stoned alot…he said he was 19 but i think he was lying.
My friend came and was as astouned at the geeks as i was and we cordilly got off with each other to ward of travis. who at the point was following me around wining and shouting aboiut how he wanted to get to know me more.
We decided to cohost a rave in his house. I wore Hello Kitty underpants over brightly colored tights, with pink legwarmers & some gold shoes I bought for $1.50 in a thrift store. They had $100 all over them. I looked fly. He hadn’t been home in two days, and smelled like sweat. He invited his two best friends from high school, who wore earth tones & jeans & sat on the couch with their friend & threw me dirty looks. Getting dirty looks when you’re not wearing pants is ego-breaking. It was right after Valentine’s Day. He gave me a box of chocolate. I hadn’t eaten all day, so even though I hate chocolate, I ate it. Then he told me that there was a fourth of mushrooms in the chocolate. I thought it tasted strange.
The night continued. I avoiding bitchy friends. The two friends I had invited disappeared as soon as they realized I was tripping. I ran into an old friend from high school & was unable to catch up with her because of the manner in which her face was bulging. I ended the night freaking out on the floor of the bathroom, which was covered with grapefruit rinds. I later found out that one of the girls I brought with me had eaten all the grapefruit that was in the bathroom & so contributed to my mental anguish.
Good times, totes.
Stay cool
Well that “ boy” at work i wrote about a few months ago was so intriguing because he wouldn’t tell me anything
sigh its such a good story and my computer will not let me post it.
anyways he’s 27
which is okay with me
i’m 19
we’ll never have anything between us but everytime we high five i get butterflies.
I was 16 and I’d already been on a couple of dates with this guy who I’d met through mutual friends and I did quite like him – we had a lot of common and he seemed lovely. We were only young and had done anything sexual together before, but we were messing around at my house. He did a bit of groping, so I dutifully reciprocated but after the lightest of touches…he came.
Ok, fine, whatever, didn’t bother me really. Quite a compliment in fact. But he ran to the toilets to sort himself out, all in a fluster. Later, when I asked him when we should meet up again, he was vague. The next time I spoke to him, he broke it off. I was saddened, but not gutted.
Fast forward about six months. I’m talking to a new female friend about boyfriends and mention this guy. It turns out that she went to the same school as him and they were good friends. Suddenly a shadow crosses her face – “I remember him mentioning an Emily. He told everyone that he had to dump her because she was a nymphomaniac”.....WHAT?! And I later found out he’d told all our mutual friends this too! That’s certainly not the kind of reputation a 16 year-old wants. What an arse! Anyway, what kind of boy wouldn’t want a gorgeous nymphomaniac girlfriend ;)
I am 4’11’‘, he was 6’4’‘, we watched a movie on our second date and had gone too long without having a first kiss to make it not awkward, he (or i, i suppose) could have done it at any point during the movie, but he decides to do it while we are standing, this is not physically possible, he leans almost in half, and comes at me with his toungue, i push him of with a yelp. then had to drive him home, that was my first kiss.
Well this wasn’t really a date, it was just a fun outing my boyfriend and I decided on.
We wanted to go and see Dead or Alive (the game movie) at the cinemas because a) I am a huge fan of the games and I wanted to see the movie even though it was going to be crap and b) we knew the cinema would be empty so we would be able to make out there and be all teenagey.
So we go into the cinema and choose a quiet corner. Of course, we are the only ones there so we make-out for a little while, and then this rickety little old lady ambles into the (huge!) theatre and sits one seat away from us.
So my boy and I try to make her go away by making out some more and grossing her out but it doesn’t work so we decided to move. Then she left halfway through the movie and this middle-aged lady came and sat down in the theatre about 20 mins before the film ended.
Needless to say, our plan of being silly naughty teenagers was foiled by the old lady – but we will be celebrating 3yrs in April so it doesn’t matter :)
These are great!
Here’s mine:
I’m hanging out with a guy I’ve become friends with, in my car. We go to pick up his car which was in the shop. We’ve known each other only a few weeks at this point. We get out of my car and into his, parked. He leans over to kiss me, and immediately sticks his pointy little tongue in my mouth making movements reminiscent of what I imagine it might be like to kiss a snake. Then he says, “I love you.” I immediately left the car, went home, stomped up the stairs, and wanted to die.
OK, so the punchline is that then we had a 3 year relationship. It’s now over and we are not friends.
Word to the wise, go with your gut! That feeling that you are wanting to die, that is your hint!
I just recently went on my first date … at 18. I am thoroughly surprised to say it wasn’t awkward at all…right up until he dropped me off at my house where my best friend decided to make it “memorable” by setting up this whole scene Marvin Gay and condoms included!
I honestly thought she might have scared him away but he asked me out again that very night!
Ahahah oh god bonnie’s story ahahaha
I’ve had a few akward dates. I’m the type of person who can’t say no so in the end i went out with this guy for 6 months which was just a long string of akward dates but at the time i didn’t know.
The most akward ever date was with this guy who i had been talking to on the internet for about 6 months. He was a bit full on saying that he loved me but we hadn’t even met but he was quite funny if not a little lonely. He lived about 200miles away so when he told me he was coming down near me for the weekend and wanted to meet up i thought why not.
So the date was at this car and motorbike convention which totally wasn’t my thing. I met up with him at a place but couldn’t find him. I’d seen pictures of him from his facebook and he’s deen pictures from mine. I was 17 at the time. All of a sudden this really small guy comes walking up to me he looked about 14! and it was him :S
As I had made it there i thought i would just go along with it … i thought to myself i’ll make up some ecuse in like an hour. I kind of felt sorry for him. He took me back to his caravan where his dad was outside and it was really strange. It started raining and his dad went off somewhere and we sat in this old small caravan and he put a film on.
All of a sudden he starts trying to kiss me and undo my belt! I’d never kissed anywhere before and was totally freaked out so I made some excuse that I had to go because my mum had fallen ill but he wouldn’t leave me alone. My phone wouldn’t stop ringing and he wouldn’t leave my facebook alone so in the end i blocked him and had an argument with him. He was such a pycho for such a small boy!
I’ve never met anyone from the internet since!