Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of... Flattery?
[ 25 March 2008 ]
“I was just wondering if you would by any chance consider writing an article about people copying you/how you would deal with that? I have a friend who’s recently started copying my music tastes, saying my favourite movies are her favourite movies and the way I speak (stupid little things like saying ‘spiffy’ a lot which I do), and the way I dress to some extent. I know I should just ignore it but it’s really irritating me that she’s basically appropriating my identity. I don’t really know what to do, and I’d feel terribly awkward confronting her about it. Maybe you could please give me some advice?”
Oh honey, I’ve been there. In fact, I’ve been there with what seems like alarming regularity. You meet someone & you get along like a house on fire, but as time goes by, you can’t help but feel like something is… wrong, somehow. They love the same music & authors as you do, you have matching opinions on all kinds of issues & you’re both obsessed with the same cafe (& the barista — oh, the barista!).
One day, someone says something to you about your budding friendship, & something clicks. You start to realise that this person they are now is not who they were when you met them. In fact, if you cast your mind back a few months, you become cognizant of the fact that once they dressed completely differently, had friends who didn’t appeal to you at all & you seemingly had nothing in common. Is it just coincidence that you’re now both listening to the same albums & quoting the same movies & wearing scarves in that one particular way?
No. It isn’t. You have just become the victim of what I like to call a Personality Chaser (P.C.). Dun dun dun dunnnnnnn!
At first you might be a bit flattered, but that quickly turns to anger & a bad taste in your mouth. It’s so weird to think that maybe they’re totally different to who they are pretending to be, & for what? Your friendship? Sure, you’re cool, but not worth changing an entire personality for. What kind of person would do such a thing?
Well, a pretty normal person, actually. It’s easy to jump to the conclusion that your friend must be insecure or messed up, but really if you look a little closer at the situation, & move your anger out of the way, you can see what’s really going on.
Basically, people want to be liked. That is a universal truth. Even those people who are all bravado & crow about how they don’t care what other people think… they still want to be liked by at least a few.
You will usually run into P.C.s in your teens or early 20s, but not really much later than that. It just doesn’t seem to happen as much. So, couple a need to be liked with young, inexperienced people who haven’t seen much of the world, & it almost starts to seem unusual that this kind of thing doesn’t happen more often!
As a teenager or “young adult”, it’s normal to try lots of new things to work out what suits you & what doesn’t. How else do you ever find out? So, people experiment with sex & drugs, as well as other little things — music, clothing, interests, types of books, different friends, attitudes, make-up, hairstyles, studies, careers. So if you’re not quite sure where you’re heading, & you meet someone cool who seems to have it together, it’s pretty normal to borrow things from their life & see if you can make it work for you, too.
If you’re trying to change your behaviour for the better, I often recommend looking at your role models & thinking, ‘What would _____ do?’ It can be extremely useful to take cues from other people, because it breaks us out of our old patterns & moves us forward. It helps us to become the person we would like to be.
Of course, there is a difference between borrowing small bits here & there & snatching their entire personality. In fact, I used to know someone who, whenever he made a new friend, would change his whole way of life. What he listened to, how he dressed, who he hung out with — & this happened every six months or so. It was uncanny, & more than a little bit creepy! This is not recommended.
I’m sorry this is happening to you, because I know how frustrating it can be. It almost feels like a betrayal sometimes — you thought you knew them, & now it’s like they’re just your shadow. It’s tempting to just cut them off, tell them to stick it, go & rip off someone else. But it’s not very useful.
She is probably not even aware that she is doing it.
Your friend loves you. She thinks the sun shines from your posterior. She is probably a good person, just a bit confused or lost. Kind of like a sheep. She has been looking to you for guidance, so why not help her out?
Light a path for her. Focus on her positive attributes, & tell her what they are. Tell her all the time. Remind her how brilliant she is, & she will start to realise that she doesn’t need to pretend to be someone else. Be compassionate.
She is growing, as you are. You’re just in different places. You’re not better than her, you just have a bit more experience. So help her. Introduce her to new things, & new people. Show her what you know about the world. Try to open her eyes beyond what she sees at the moment, which is just you. Recommend avant garde movies & strange, mind-expanding books for her to digest.
It’s almost like having a child, in a way. They mimic you at first because it’s all they know, but as they go through life, they grow into their own person. It’s a beautiful thing.
If you can only change the way you approach the situation, it will enhance both your lives.
Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala 
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I had this problem in high school…this girl started dressing like me and copied my handwriting (I have very distinct writing) and it was a little weird. We weren’t really good friends to begin with, so it was easy to avoid her.
I’ve been on BOTH ends of that situation, so I can understand how the ‘victim’ and the copy-cat feel. Neither one is a fun place to be, but I do agree that it’s something you grow out of.
Really, this was just a fantastic article, so well written and positive I had to say something. Thank you :).
I still have this problem and its been going on for about 2 years.
This girl is my bestfriend and i love her to death…but its really become a problem when every outfit i step out in magically appears in her closet the next week.
She even wants the same phone as me.
I’ve taken her shopping and brought her stuff so she can develop her own style.
I just try and ignore it more now.
I couldnt let this get in the way of our friendship.
I’ve been on the copying side unintentionally. It wasn’t until my “friend” told me to bug off and that I was creeping her out…I seriously didn’t even realize what I was doing! I wish now that she could have at least been a little nicer to me when she slammed me….oh well! that was years ago and now I have lots of adorable freshmen to care for!!
P.S. Where is Audrey?
Mm, I’ve had this problem, back in the day. And I agree with the advice. My now best friend was like this in earlier high school years, and although we were good friends, it really irked me. Eventually I made a couple of lighthearted comments, and she sort of got the point, and it all worked out in the end. We still like some of the same things, and she likes to share things, be a bit the same, but it’s easy to embrace that now, because we’re both different people.
Plus, she’s a sweetheart.
Excellent article!
xx
This article’s really interesting! I’ve never had someone outright copy me, or vice versa, but I’ve definitely noticed how my friends and I pick up odd little habits from each other, without even meaning to. Nothing major, just phrases and gestures, but still, it’s fun to look at my friends and see all of our different personality quirks reflected in everyone else. I do know how it feels to want to be a copy-cat though, not too long ago I was so insecure with who I was (or was becoming) that I would see someone I admired and think, “Well maybe if I acted like him/her I’d be better off…”
Thankfully I outgrew it! ;D
Elise — We have parted ways & he is in the process of putting together a blog for blokes! I’ll let y’all know when it’s live… !
Oh, I totally get how imitation would be annoying. Like, if someone likes the exact same bands as me, I feel too normal, haha.
Luckily, most of my friends now are completely different to me, so I haven’t had to worry about it a lot.
I do think that people who copy others generally only do so as a teenager, though.
On a side note, “spiffy” is quite possibly the greatest word ever invented, hee!
I love the take on this all too common situation, especially the part where you say to focus on their best (and unique!) traits.
Like Britas, I’ve been on both ends of this situation. It’s similar to what happens (sometimes) when you first enter a relationship with someone; you like them so much, you’re terrified of somehow being seen as a “failure” in their eyes, so you adopt their ideals or ways.
Maybe failure sounds harsh, but that’s just my opinion.
Oh, and another idea to keep a Mini-Me at bay is help them get involved in things THEY like doing. If they’re interested in sports, encourage them to join a team or club. Etc, etc. It’ll keep them busy and grow in a new direction.
GREAT article! In high school I was inadverdently copying one of my best friends. I was kind of aware of it, and it really bothered me, since I didn’t want to have to borrow anything from anyone, and I didn’t want to annoy her either. Eventually I realised that what I liked about her wasn’t her clothing style or writing style, but her independence. Now I have a style of my own, which I love and guard fiercely.
The copycat is probably admiring some trait from the original that they can’t quite identify, so in searching for it, they end up copying the whole body without realising that what they want is the soul.
I recently noticed that my roommate has started buying the exact same clothes as me – down to the same bra and panties! I don’t buy typical college-kid brand-name clothing, either, so it’s very obvious. Gala, your advice sounds great – only issue is that I rather dislike my roommate, and that seems like a lot of effort on her part. I think I’d rather just let her copy my clothes for awhile until she gets her own life. =P
It’s so easy to happen really – I know I pick up habits very easily, and I didn’t know I wanted a pet snake until I played with my friend’s python while visiting. I’ve never been so extreme as to copy everything though. I think a small amount of immitation is an awesome way to discover new things. (like snakes…so so so want one).
But I do have a few friends friend who are simmilar to this story – even now then tend to latch on to my own things – it clearly stems from insecurity. I don’t mind so much, though it is annoying when they breeze in and take something you’ve been working your arse off for. It makes me very aware of how i define myself with essentially trivial things and makes me apreciate all the unique things about me no one can copy. All I really do is encorage them to try new things on their own.This sounds just like one of my best friends!!! She used to copy little things my mother friends and I said, get her hair cut just after me, buy a jacket she saw me wearing etc etc etc…
I think it comes down to insecurity, this friend was always worried about what people thought of her.
She got over it though, we are still best friends =]
i would be flattered if that ever happened to me…for probably about five minutes :-\
i agree with meg though—sometimes it is an awesome way to discover things you otherwise wouldn’t have gotten into. i mean, if i had a friend who didn’t like any of the same authors or bands as me and i told her some of the ones i liked, i wouldn’t be mad if she decided next week that one of them was her new favorite. that’s just petty. how else are you supposed to discover new things? i’ve always had a terrible time finding new music and usually check out what my friends like based on the fact that i trust their good judgment (and they like to make me mix cds!).
wow, this really puts it into perspective. i was always super resentful of the people who did this to me but now i realize they were more than just pathetic personality thieves. i kind of want to call them up and say sorry for giving them the boot..
I’ve been on both sides of the fence. One of my current best friends realized I was copying her and she told me and we had a huge argument but then I stopped and we came back to square 1 and we are super friends again. And once with another friend, she was just copying everything about me, to the point that she started to be totally annoying and also started like shunning me from everything. WE parted ways and I haven’t seen her ever since. I like who I am, I don’t want to copy anyone else.
Great article, I love the way you put both sides of the coin. Strangly, this has never happened to me (putting away cases that happened when I was 7): I’ve always try to be original (like when I was a teen and hated “girly” colors! xD), and, I had only one best (girl)friend, and I didn’t feel she was copying me or whatever. But this is totally normal…I mean, when you’re young your identity is a very strange thing and when you see something you like…you take it!
I hope that the girl who wrote this letter fix her problem in a good way :)
(ps: one of the good things of having best (male friends) is that they don’t copy you, at least not in the way girls do. but you can fall for them..xD)
i agree with everyone who comments about unintentional copy-catting…when you spend a lot of time with someone, you just pick up their habits, mannerisms and speech patterns. as for style, those of us without style are forever doomed to copy.
wow this helps so much! this happened to me last year, and me and my best friend stopped talking because of it! she even became friends with my friends, just because they were my friends. now we talk and such, but its not the same and im not sure it ever will be, but this definitely helped me understand why she did what she did. thank you:))
Whe I was like, seven, I wanted to BE my best friend. I remember being so jealous that she had such great taste, I adopted her favorite color (purple) aquired a similar plaid shirt and short set, named my stuffed animals the same names, hehe.
The thing is, I never really liked her style. I have to agree with sora, I was jealous of her independence. I’m glad it happened when we were seven, because she didn’t care then. ;)
Theres someone that I kind of style-suck now, and I recognise that I do, so I have banned myself from looking at the music she likes. It’s scary. But I think it’s okay, because we are very distant aquaintances and she dosn’t have to know. I’ve got it under control. : )
Occassionally the people who are trying to be all original and getting mad about the copying, ‘the copied’, are subconciously forcing their friend to adopt their behaviour patterns and style. Sometimes people rigidly determined to be different and original (a lot of people in their early teens!) have really huge personalities that can be kind of overwhelming. That coupled with people unintentionally copying, picking up new things they’re exposed to, can become a weird co-dependence thing, until one or both parties move on to something else in terms of style and lexicon, hopefully without some huge confrontation and drama.
Eeeks — Yeah, people with very strong domineering personalities sometimes subconsciously bully people into doing what they say/do. But I think that sort of thing tends to resolve itself as you get older.
Although it is annoying to find that you’re being copied, it feels great at the same time.
I’ve only known really great and wonderful people ever get these kinds of problems. Great and wonderful as in someone who really knows what they want in life and typically end up a leader in life (on their own or for other people).
It just happens that some of their followers will end up wanting to be tied to that person a little more.
I usually dont’ mind it until someone starts to take credit for things I have done. Then the sleeves get rolled up and the gloves come off (haha kidding).
Dearest Gala,
What an insitefull girl you are.
This advice is awsome.
You have such a wise head on your shoulders it’s frightening.
Your most ardent fan,
Janet
I have a friend who is fiercley protective of what she thinks of as her ‘things’.
She introduced me to a band which i came to really like, when i told her this she reacted strongly (and unexpectedly!! I thought she’d be pleased I liked them so much)saying that i ‘stole them’.
Its happened a few times with trends or music and even people. Often I have come to the same conclusion as she has independantly. I didn’t think this was at all unusual as we have similar tastes (obviously) but am now worried about being seen as a copy-cat.
If i like a new trend but she gets there first i feel like i shouldn’t go there for fear of ‘stealing her thing’.
Its an odd situation, but this definately gave me some insight.
Hopefully so does copycatting! Problems solved :)
I think we all copy each other to some extent. I discovered a lot of music through friends. I have discovered a lot of shopping destinations from friends. I guess it’d be a different story if I didn’t discover anything for myself though. I think the great thing about friendship is that you give and take and share experiences. But if you’re constantly TAKING and not giving anything back or sharing… the other person is gonna get a little bit irritated. It’s only natural. I think that if you can achieve a balance, copying another’s style can be okay… as long as you mix it in with your own style and maybe even add your own flavour!
For example, I like your style Gala, and I think it’d be okay if I wore the same pair of leggings you have and mixed them in with my own unique style, but I think it’d be a bit freaky if I dyed my hair blue and copied every single one of your outfits… lol.
I got an American Apparel double u neck dress and now all my friends are trying to buy one. Sigh.
A friend and I who were very similar to begin with, once hung out together so much we began to morph into one another. It wasn’t until people started saying they couldnt tell one of us from the other that we noticed it too.
Some of your best advice yet, Gala! Nicely said.
This comment was so good I’m copying it, haha:
“It makes me very aware of how i define myself with essentially trivial things and makes me appreciate all the unique things about me no one can copy.”
Alas I too have suffered this. I had a friend who I thought had so much in common with me and that we got along really well. Then she found someone else to copy and began to change. Then she found another person and changed again. Needless to say, everybody cottoned on to her game pretty quickly. I still don’t know who she really is. I don’t think she does either.
i think it’s really common that the copying goes on on both sides in a friendship. you might not notice your’re copying too, because all you see is how your friend all of a sudden fight you over the same dress, when in fact you all of a sudden have a crush on zooey deschanel, just like that friend of yours. we take a bit here and a bit there, get influenced by the people we hang out with, that’s just the way it is. to get angry and feel robbed is just a waste of energy. my advice would be to discover things together with your friend, and to take a look in their record collection to see if there’s something of theirs you’ve missed out on.
One of the best quotes i ever found was “copy people only long to enough to realise what it is they do that you like then do your own version”.
Or words to that effect. Also like one of the first posters said, often what you are copying is at first glance material thigns, but really it’ll be the confidence the person has to carry off things, independance, ect. Really well put together article, also if somebody does copy you it more often than not forces you off your bum to do something with it yourself!
I just had a friend doing the same thing. And she got obsessive and it honestly started to scare me. I had to end up asking her nicely to back off and she took that the wrong way and now “hates” me.
It also happens when you’re kids! I remember when I was about 8 or 9, I had a fight with me friend about colours, she liked yellow first and I copied her. haha
This reminded me of a particular psychological experiment I read about a while ago. Subjects were being interviewed and their gestures and body language were (unknowingly) recorded on tape. When they were interviewed by friendly, complimentary interviewers the subjects would mimic the interviewer’s body language. Interviewer scratches his chin, subject scratches her chin. Interviewer leans on her elbow, subject leans on his elbow, etc. When the subjects had an aggressive, critical interviewer, the subjects did not mirror the interviewer’s gestures or body language. It was concluded that the subjects wanted to be liked by the friendly interviewers because the subjects liked them, and subconsciously were mimicking the friendly interviewers to accomplish this. Hoping for common ground and solidarity I guess!
So, yes, definitely be thankful that you’re liked enough for people to want you to like them back.
oh my gosh! im going through the exact same thing at the moment!! All my other friends noticed it first and then i slowly began to realise how similar she was to me…and it scared the hell out of me!
I had a friend who copied me and it was really hard to deal with. She never used to spend any money on clothes or wear make-up and then suddenly she has almost my exact wardrobe and even had her hair cut the same as me (I’m very experimental style wise with my hair and hers had been down to her waist for years!!) I took her shopping and tried to help her develop the clothes she already had into a style, yet she didn’t want to listen, she just kept asking to borrow my clothes etc. In the end I spoke to her about it, I was nice about it and said about how my clothes are an extension of my personality so maybe we could work on finding out a bit more about what hers might actually be. She ended up hating me, she went around all our friends making up horrible rumours about me and said that I ‘stole’ all her friends. She hasn’t spoken to me for 2 years and as much as I’d like to mend the friendship I think that what she did was a complete over reaction to the situation.
I really feel for you, it’s so hard to know what to do, I thought I did it in a tactful way, but apparently not!!
Sunshine & Sparkles
xxxx
Great article, and a refreshingly optimistic way of thinking about it!
It’s funny to see, especially on this particular article, that there are some comments which seem to have ‘imitated’ your writing style, Gala.
Things such as “Hee!” or finishing comments with phrases similar to “Super-love & cupcakes” aren’t very common, but I’ve seen a lot in the comments on this blog.
But hey; it’s better than a string of lols. :]
Whow! Just when it’s happening to me!
I have a very close friend we talk about everything under the sun and hangout very often. Only lately did I realise this friend of mine loves critizing others (in any sense). It’s funny how, I also realised, never once did she compliment ANY of my new outfits despite how bloody close we are. Not at ALL! Instead she loves to jokingly/sarcastically say things like “Eww, what is that?” or “Yuck, I hate (whatever I was wearing)” or anything between those lines. Only to find her buying the SAME/SIMILAR outfit later on and proudly strutting around like nobody’s business.
It’s really getting on my nerves and I don’t know how to deal with it!
Excellent advice, Gala! I have been on both sides of this; both the copying someone else and being copied. The period I went through where I copied others (and not just one person; I was one of those odd PC-ers who took “one from column B, two from column A”... lol!), I realize now I was trying to find my true self. Having gone through that process, waking up and realizing one day I had to like what I like, do what I wanted, etc., has made me all the more grateful and satisfied with being my own self. :) lol! I really think it is a maturity issue; especially among those of us that have issues coping at first with the pressures of the adult world post-highschool.
(I’ve got to tell you: I really appreciate that you made a point to say not to look down on this gal who is copying; taking a “holier than thou” approach is never good!! Yay for good karma! ;)
I’ve had the same thing happen to me as well. It was with my roommate, and I wish I had something like this to tell me how to go through the situation. I think the worst part was that she kept trying to get the same clothes as me (sometimes in the same size), even though she’s bigger than I am and some stuff that I could wear didn’t look good on her at all. But I did learn- it’s never a good idea to let it all get bottled up, because I ended up blowing up at her and we really haven’t been as close since.
Ive had this happen to me since my little sister poped out of the womb! Ever since we were little kids she has always followed me around and done what I have done. She wants to dye her hair purple like mine. Have the same piercings as me. She listens to dance music while nobody is listening and as soon as someone is near she switches it to my music.
It used to really really annoy me as a kid, and my mum used always tell me it was because she idolised me, but it never made me feel any better.
I once read that nobody has their own personality. That we adapt bits and parts of other people we come across that we think are socially sucessful and that we like. This is why things that your friends do can subconciously rub off onto you, like the way someone stands and words that they say.
I’ve had this happen before. More than once. It’s definitely unpleasant on the receiving end.
And i knew a girl whose personality was like a sponge, she soaked by everyones personalities and interests. She wanted everyone to like her, so just agreed with us on everything, which makes it hard to have a conversation!
i find it very intrusive having someone try to be you, it feels like you cant express yourself for fear they will steal that too.
It’s particularly weird when the copycat is your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend and not a friend. Sort of amusing actually.
Argh! So many of my friends do this! I tie my scarf in a way pretty much different to most other people and lately I’ve seen loads of my friends are doing it too! I also have a dyed brown fringe (the rest of my hair is blonde) and now my friends all seem to be dying bits of their hair too – it’s infuriating. Luckily I have a song that I deliberately play very loudly whenever I’m near someone that’s copying me…
“I’ve got the style and you can’t cheat it
Stop! Don’t copy me!
I’ve got the style and you can’t beat it
Stop! Don’t copy me!
I’ve got the style and you can’t cheat it
Stop! Don’t copy me!
I’ve got the style and you can’t beat it
Stop! Don’t copy me me me!
Like your busby, guess you saw the same on me,
Get out you want to pay me a royalty.
You can laugh but it looks much better on me,
What can one do? I’m always years too early”
(Part of the song ‘Don’t Copy Me’ by Robots in Disguise)
Great advice Gala. Definitely take the higher road, that way once they do figure out who they are, they’ll still want to be around you, just hopefully not in every aspect f your life.
wow. my former bestie was like this.
she probably still is…just copying someone else. since she can’t stalk my myspace anymore to find out things about me!
anytime i bought something new, she’d buy something oddly similar, yet hers was always better. go figure.
This is such a typical problem!
you can set things straight things with her, try to ignore her, or try getting some space.
The whole copycatting thing can be very frustrating and you certainly feel like you need air.
I would try to get some air and some space.
Bon chance cherie!
Infinite x’s & o’s…
I tend to be really possesive about “my things”, like the friend described in Bunny’s post. A close friend of mine is also a lot more outgoing — so if I start on a project, like drawing a comic strip or something, she’ll start her own and show it to everyone. She’ll get lots of compliments on her great idea and I’ll feel resentful. I know it’s petty — I guess I’m the insecure one in this case. So it can go both ways!
Anyway, great article :)
i had a friend like that before, it wasn’t eerie, but awfully irritating. i still have some friends like her, but not as extreme.
i was quite a vixen when i confronted my friend, and i whole-heartedly regret it. i wish i was there to help her shape herself into someone fantastic, instead of putting her down and treating her like a dirty rag.
after that debacle, our friendship hasn’t altered much, she definitely took my discourteous comments and stopped copying me, but not in a good way. she found all these odd new interests, and quirky friends, it’s just plain weird, and it didn’t seem like her at all.
but anyway, i’ve come to accept who she is today, and i’m here to support all her new aspirations and interests, alongside broadening her horizon to new and exciting things.
superb article gala. ;)
kaitey – YES! excellent song :D
people copy me a lot. it sort of annoys me (actually it annoys me quite a lot) but i try my hardest to take it in a positive light.
i don’t always succeed, but damnit, i try :3
I think that sometimes I somewhat ‘copy’ my friends just to avoid conflict. I would never outright copy their outfit but their style definately influences mine a little.
I know its silly but for the sake of going along, I would rather have someone else choose the theatre, and chose the music or the restaurant because the truth of the matter is I am NOT selective whereas if I have to chose and everyone else hates it that is NOT fun for me. I like my friends to be happy, If I will be happy ANYWHERE then why should i choose. On my birthday or something I’ll go along with the ‘it’s your choice’. But other than that I’m not really an opinionated person and I have no need to be ‘different’ in most ways. I am more likely to highlight my difference now that I care a litttttle less about what people think. like bring on the Brad Paisley Baby, YES I like country music, most people I know, aren’t really into it so…
I think the life cloning thing really bugged me though. I like having distinct and seperate worlds of friends, sometimes they touch each other but I don’t like having any one person around me ALL the time. I’m an adult now and the whole inseperable best friend gig, is something that gets old. I don’t have that anymore but I did for a while an it drove me crazy. Its nice to be loved but I am single for a reason, I like a variety of people and not all of them like each other. Feelings like this make me think I’m never going to be suited to marriage (at least not the joint at the hip style marriage) I just love my independance far too much. But thats about independance not about copying me I’d just giggle if someone decided to dress like me because I am just not that cool ;)
Great advice Gala! I’m always amazed by your sheer sensibility in matters like this. I see your Mum was impressed with your sensibility as well! As I started reading the article I was thinking, “Heh: I’be telling the friend that they’re copying me and I hate it!!”. But you say, “uh uh… you start pointing out and celebrating the differences!”. Alrighty :)
BTW: When I first saw the picture/image that is at the top of this article I thought it was one of those 3-D thingies that you have to find a picture inside… lol… Ok: I’m sick with some virus at the mo’ but that ‘aint half weird!
Incidentally (can’t use BTW twice lol) we still do the copying thing as we get older. We just get better at hiding the fact that we’re mimicing someone lol… :) We got more resources (money) and places (normally a house – not just one’s bedroom) to hide things in!!!
Totally irrelevant, but was wondering – does Audrey still post here??
xxx
lovely article, thanks a bunch gala!
i especially liked this bit:
‘Focus on her positive attributes, & tell her what they are. Tell her all the time. Remind her how brilliant she is’
FRETS BECAUSE TILT ISNT UP YET
This is a great article.
I too have had someone copy my style of clothing, music, ect. Only in my case, once she had copied me she would share it all with her other friends making her look like she were the one who made it all up or was really passionate about it.
Then, after awhile we sort of drifted (with changing schools and making other friends) but she still copied my things through msn, myspace and just seeing me around locally (considering we live in the same little town)
Its the worst when you don’t particually like the person who is doing it.
I agree that it is very annoying. But you do get over it after awhile.
Once again, excellant article. =]
xo
I’ve experienced that too…it was scaring the hell out of me because i thought i’ll be losing myself!!
some people i know – some not even close to me – started, i hate to say it, copying me. It really irked me!!
even now, when i say something, the person would say it and he/she would take the credit. it’s really aggravating.
so, in a few months i closed myself.
well, I’m better now. There is one thing that they can’t copy from me…and that is…what is trully me!!
how confusing.
this really hits close to home because i have a half sister who is 8 years younger than me and it has been going on heavier and heavier for the past several years. i don’t think i could fit all my issues with it in this text box. its gotten so bad that i have at times (somewhat jokingly) thought about writing a will where i leave everything to her and then kill myself, writing a note that says “here, just go ahead and pick up right where i left off”... that’s very dramatic but i don’t know what to do b/c i feel like i am crazy and my family doesn’t understand so i don’t bother talking about it with them anymore. it got worse when i found thru my flickr stats that she was linking my flickr pics on live journal and it lead me to find her journal, which opened up a whole new can of worms (because she takes thoughts i have shared in her presence and writes them out as her own and ends with, “please someone tell me i am not the only person who has ever felt this way” – ummm, you’re not? because i do too? ... i feel guilty for reading it but hey, its on the flippin’ internet, its public for cripes sakes! i haven’t told her i found it yet because we have such a phony relationship, no real sisterhood whatsoever, and we don’t talk anymore unless its completely veiled by fake niceness. i don’t get it, she should be my freaking best friend considering she rips everything i do off!
ooops sorry for hijacking this comment box with my issues! i just don’t understand why getting all that off my chest still doesn’t make me feel better :-(
i have a friend who i tend to copy.
i think she’s really cool and fun. and i don’t mean to copy her but it’s hard not to.
we already like the same type of music we always have. and it seems like she wants other people to like her music anyhow. lol
but when i met her i thought her clothes were super interesting and i started dressing like her. she always wears lots of patterns and skirts. and had band t-shirts.
and i just had boring tee’s and jeans and i thought i was really boring.
i borrowed lots of her clothes lol i’d wear whole outfits that were all her clothes.
i even did my hair like her.
i think she loves it honestly. she helped me with my hair and helped me make outfits. lol
but maybe we just understand each other?
aww this happened to me with my old roommate :( we shared a lot of clothes and stuff at first, but then she started buying the same stuff as I did….like, I’d go shopping and come back with a couple shirts…next week she’d have the same ones, sometimes different colours sometimes not. also, she jacked my haircut, hairband obsession, earring fetish, shoes, everything….none of which she was remotely interested in before!
it was really absurd & she was very transperant about it. Once I saw her in the morning and when I got home from work that evening she had changed her clothes, and was wearing the EXACT THING i had on in the morning!!! yeah she’s kinda nuts, but thankfully she has found someone else to “inspire” her now.
yes, this seems to happen to me alot. one friend, i stopped talking to her altogether for two years after she began copying my mannerisms, ways of dressing, and such. but we are now friends again, she has gotten over trying to be me. well, almost. there’ll be moments where she’ll ask to try on my sneakers (14k supra perf’s) and says she just wants to see how they look/fit on her because she might want to buy them.
another friend of mine that i have just started getting close with, is starting this and its super frustrating. like i said with my shoes above, she never tried to get them on her own feet, but she bought a pair of shiny silver yet not quite as cool as mine, apparently. she’s sooo pretty and its such a shame that she is trying to be someone else.In the past I’ve had to deal with friends attempting to adopt too much of my personal style as well. You suggested a few tactics that I have used, and a few that I’ll be sure to try if I ever find myself in that situation again.
I’d like to take this time to praise your intelligence. You have no idea how many times I sit in awe of you and the fantastic advice you give to other people. This is one of the many reasons why I love you and your website.
Long live Gala Darling.
this happens to me a lot (actually, i searched for this post in the archives because it just happened again!)—i’m not a teenager anymore (24)and the problem now is that this really dear friend is not copying my clothes or hairdo or fave bands, but my career decisions—-it’s really awkward because i know she’s just looking to find her own way and probably, since i’m so enthusiastic about my new job (which i’ve been working my ass off to get in the first place by the way) she now would like to get one like mine…even though in the beginnig she didn’t care…it’s a bit annoying but once you uderstand the reasons that may be behind it it’s more ‘understandable’..so once again: gala, you’re the wisest!
PS does it even make sense to comment on old posts??mmm..
I read this a few weeks ago and remembered doing this a bit in high school, but nothing huge, I just wanted friends. But recently my best friend of 10 years has started doing this, mainly with clothing and now to cap it off she has dyed her hair the same – I have a purple fringe, she made hers pink – and people have always commented a little bit, but now I don’t even want to be seen with her. But she never use to be like this, its only recently I have no idea what to do other then cut her off, I just can’t be nice about it because when I’m around her I feel like shit… maybe its time to move on…