Oh My God, I Think I'm Ready To Date Again...

[ 11 August 2008 ]

Hmmm...
Illustration by Rita_Lee.

This morning, I received the following email…

“I’ve recently come out of a six year relationship. I fell out of love with my partner & things just fizzled. I feel like I’m almost ready to start dating again. However, my partner was the only man I’d ever slept with & before him, I’d never really had a serious boyfriend. I know things will be different & I’m excited about the prospect of meeting someone new, of flirting, of great first dates & even bad ones! But I’m also petrified. Getting back out there is going to be tough so I was wondering if you had any advice on getting back on the horse…”

Congratulations on deciding to “get back on the horse”! My sweet, you are in for an exciting time. Frustrating, challenging, perplexing? Well, of course, it can be that, too! But mostly, it’s exciting, fun & interesting — so get ready!

How do you know you’re actually ready to start seeing other people? Sometimes we think we are, but we’re wrong (or just delusional). Here are a few signs you might not be ready to take the plunge just yet.

<3 You’re still involved in your ex’s life
Let’s face it, you’re not going to be able to really move forward & commit yourself to someone else if you’re still attached to your ex — especially if you think there’s a chance you might still get back together. If you’re still having lunches, calling, emailing, reading all their online output & hanging on to their belongings, you need to let that stuff go.

<3 You’re still bitter
If you’re still going around telling everyone what a terrible boyfriend/father/artist/lay your ex was, then you need some time to chill the hell out before you get involved with someone else. Firstly, any prospective lovers will smell that stuff a mile away, & RUN! Secondly, if you’re still encumbered with that kind of baggage, you are obviously not ready to move on. You’ll just bring it with you to your next relationship, effectively poisoning it. Not cool, & not fair to your new lover victim!

<3 You refuse to accept responsibility for the break-up
What is it they say? That “it takes two to tango”? Amen, baby. Your ex may have been a hideous wildebeest, but even if they were, that doesn’t mean the relationship was doomed. Why, some people love hideous wildebeests! While it’s not usually a 50/50 blame split, it shows maturity to be able to say that for your part, you could have done this or that, communicated your needs more clearly or been more tolerant.

<3 Your mind is all messed up
Before you start searching for a new beau or belle, I think it’s important to take stock of your old relationships. This doesn’t mean obsess or fixate, but just run them through your mind & see if you can uncover any negative patterns. Maybe you always date guys with a substance abuse problem, girls who are cold to you or transsexuals who always steal your mascara (hey, it could happen!). I believe that knowledge is power, so if you are aware of your own patterns, you can start to break them. (My suggestions for breaking them would be EFT & therapy.) Otherwise, you’re pretty much trapped by your own subconscious, which is no fun for anyone!

<3 You want a new relationship for the wrong reasons
...Including getting revenge on your ex, shutting up your parents or friends who keep asking if you’ve “met anyone nice yet”, you’re depressed & just want to be loved, or you’re looking for a distraction.

(Here are some more questions to check how you feel about your last relationship.)

Dive on in!
Photo by Let’s Explode.

Okay, so assuming that you can strike all those unfortunate situations from your list, it’s time to dive back into the dating pool! Come on in, the water’s fine…

<3 Work out what you want
You don’t have to write a blueprint for the perfect man, & in fact, the less rigid you make your wishlist, the better — & the easier it is to fulfil. But you do need to have some kind of handle on what you’re looking for. Do you want a friend to kiss? A mother for your children? Someone to go to dinner with? A warm person in your bed? If you don’t know the answer, it’s likely that you’ll just spin in circles, attracting the wrong kind of people & confusing everyone you come in contact with.

Instead of writing the recipe for the perfect man (“6 foot 2, big blue eyes, owns his own business, no parents, private jet, a PhD from Oxford, no emotional baggage & a Maserati”), you might like to write down some important attributes of a desirable lover. These could be things like a sense of humour, an active lifestyle, being self-motivated, respectful, etc. Rank them in order of most to least important, & then keep it around. Look at it every so often. It’ll keep you on track!

What about deal-breakers? Is there anything that you absolutely will not tolerate, like meat-eating, bad spelling, an active dislike of cats or picking their toenails in bed?! If there is, you need to be aware of it so that if it’s something you encounter, you can avoid it or go the other way! Trust me, it will make your life easier, & much more relaxing!

<3 Cast a wide net
The key to finding yourself someone smoochable is the same as the key to finding friends — you have to leave your house & meet people! Sorry, it’s unavoidable! Even if you first start talking online, there comes a time where you have to close your laptop & get face to face. So stop stalling, get out there & be charming!

Where have I met my lovers? All over the place, but mostly they are introduced to me by mutual friends. It makes sense to get involved with the people who are friends with your friends — you already have something in common & you’re probably like-minded. If you’re newly single, it’s possible that you haven’t been going out with your other single friends as much recently. That’s good news though, because it probably means they have a whole new social circle you haven’t been introduced to yet!

Other than flicking through your friend’s friends, you can also try online dating (OK Cupid is a goodie), speed dating (how efficient!), blind dating, the casual encounters section of Craigslist, joining a group or club, taking a class, walking your dog in busy places, picking up girls in the supermarket, spending lots of time in cafés looking mysterious, flirting with your workmates (caution: only for the experienced!), placing a personals ad in the newspaper, trawling Flickr for good-lookin’ folks, going out dancing, making new friends at gigs & shows, taking up a new sport or just smiling at everyone you see!

<3 Stay open-minded
First impressions are lasting, but don’t vote someone off the island if they don’t live up to your impeccable standards in the first five minutes. You’re not perfect, & they don’t have to be either. If you meet someone who is amazing but not very stylish, or who is very kind but not a genius, relax! Just because all your other lovers were stylish rocket scientists, this new person doesn’t have to be. & didn’t your other relationships end for a reason, anyway? Maybe something completely different is what you need!

My point is, try new things. Go out with someone with tattoos, start seeing an accountant, or seek out someone who is unusual in some other way. Try someone from another country or religion. Stop dating models & start dating mechanics. You never know! People are usually pretty delightful if you’ll just give them the opportunity to show it!

<3 Look for friends first
Similar to the way new lovers will be able to sniff your bitter underbelly if you’re not over your break-up, people can smell desperation too — & it’s very unattractive. People don’t want to get involved with the needy, it’s just a drag, & then of course it begs the question, “Are you with me because you like me or just because you can’t bear to be alone?”. If you go out with the intention of making friends, that way you’ll be pleasantly surprised when you end up getting involved with one of them — rather than constantly searching in vain for the perfect lover. (You can never have too many friends, anyway!)

<3 Get comfortable with yourself
One of the things I’ve noticed is that new love interests tend to come along when you’re not actually looking for it. You’re happy & living your life, feeling busy & fulfilled, when all of a sudden, you’re blind-sided by some gorgeous creature & everything changes. Of course, this kind of information is no good to anyone who is desperate to find someone to fall in love with, but my advice would be to pare back the desperation a bit! Get comfortable with yourself. Learn to enjoy spending time alone. Don’t let it freak you out — let me tell you a secret. Ultimately, you are all you have. Forever & ever, amen. So you better learn to love yourself, or it’s going to be a rocky road!

Aw!
Photo by Emoemolay.

So you’ve found someone who cranks your handle (ooh la la!) — now what?

<3 Don’t play games
Anyone who is worth their salt doesn’t — & will be put off if you do. It’s lame & manipulative & disingenuous. That means, if you say you’ll call someone, then do it! Don’t wait the prescribed three days or think that if you actually do what you say you’ll do, that it means you’re desperate. Would you really want to be involved with someone who was only interested in you if you played “hard to get”, anyway? What would that say about their own personal psychology? Think about it, toots!

<3 Be proactive
Even today, lots of girls sit around waiting for a guy to make the first move. That’s ridiculous. You are just as capable of grabbing someone & dragging them to a dark corner for a smooch as they are! So stop waiting around for that saucy man to drop a hint, & drop some of your own!

<3 Go Dutch
As awesome as it is when someone offers to buy you dinner or pay for you to go to a movie, after all you can start to feel a sense of obligation… & do you really want to feel like you should sleep with someone just because they bought you a meal? You can avoid all this awkwardness by offering to pay your own way. If they’re being all chivalrous & “No no no, allow me!” as they plonk down their platinum Visa card, throw some bills on top. Most people are pretty happy to accept money from others, but they feel like they shouldn’t because it’s not the done thing — or whatever. Side-step that nonsense & buy your own meal. If nothing else, it proves that you’re independent & awesome & not looking for someone to prop you up financially! (All the women who’re independent, throw your hands up at meeee! ...You’re so Beyonce right now.) Later on, you can buy one another meals & whatnot, but at the beginning, going Dutch is easiest.

<3 Communicate honestly
You’ve heard it a gazillion times, but it’s still true & it’s still important — & when I say communicate, I don’t just mean the words which fall from your mouth. Your behaviour has to be in accordance with what you say, or you’ll be the Monarch of Mixed Messages & no one wants to visit that kingdom. You need to tell the truth & not only that, you need to open up & tell them things they don’t ask to hear. Like, for example, what your expectations for the relationship are. Is this just a casual thing or something more? If you say it’s casual but then act like it isn’t, what are they going to think? Who knows?! Be straight up. If the relationship doesn’t seem to be working, say something! If you want more orgasms, talk about it! If you think you’re falling in love, spill the beans! Don’t let your fear of being vulnerable hold you back from something real.

<3 Be interested in them
Don’t make it all about you, because if you do, they’ll get bored. Relationships require a bit of give & take, & it’s important to remember that the vast majority of people operate from the position of “What’s in it for me?”. If there’s nothing in it for them, other than grief & paying for your expensive tastes, they’ll walk. If you don’t want that to happen, try to make it worth their time to be there! Most people just want to be appreciated, so if you have to feign an interest in their model cars or collection of belly-button lint, then do so! Let them talk. Smile sweetly. They’ll love you for it.

Dating can be strange & rife with dysfunctional personalities, bad table manners & terrifying anecdotes… but nothing compares to the sweetness of a first kiss or the glee of holding hands with someone who makes you smile.

Good luck!

Extra For Experts:
<3 How To Ask A Girl Out & Stop Hanging Out from The Art Of Manliness. (Yes, really!)
<3 Coming soon… First date etiquette! Watch this space!


Love letters & feather headdresses,

<3
<3 Tags: , ,
<3 Add Gala on Twitter!

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Comment

  1. great article! going to people’s housewarming parties are always a great way to meet people, they always end up attracting a wide range of people!
    and I love the one at the Art of Manliness too!

    <3 Ali · Aug 11, 11:46 PM · #
  2. I fully support going through your friend’s friend lists on facebook.
    If they get on with them, chances are you will too.
    Just try not to sound creepy!

    <3 katie · Aug 11, 11:50 PM · #
  3. “Your mind is still all messed up” That made me spit my tea out laughing. Funny to read, but so, so true. All of your advice was, as usual, dead on. You are so beyond your years it’s amazing. I’m totally jealous in an inspiring sort of way. =)

    <3 Rachel · Aug 11, 11:57 PM · #
  4. katie — Haha, that is an awesome idea. Oh, internet, we love you so!

    <3 Gala · Aug 11, 11:58 PM · #
  5. Gala, you are wonderful. I love your positive, honest take on relationships (and am tickled by your suggestion of looking up hotties on Flickr).

    <3 rachel · Aug 12, 12:04 AM · #
  6. I’m looking forward to seeing your “First date etiquette” article.

    <3 Valentina · Aug 12, 12:04 AM · #
  7. It’s so true that new relationships come when you aren’t looking for them… not that you should stop looking for them, but all my good relationships have come out of the blue so to speak, while all my bad relationships have come when I activate my ‘eligible guy’ radar and go on a man hunt!

    <3 Song · Aug 12, 12:17 AM · #
  8. haha great article!!

    i find u get alot more attention from the opposite sex if u go it solo rather with a pack of equally hot girls at the night club.

    you would be surprised to find how many hot tradies find themselves tweaking their necks to get a glimpse of you when you’re getting a few groceries on a Sunday night all dolled up.

    just the other day i was surprised to see the number of cute young gardeners at the park when i was having a picnic date with my pooch!

    <3 Brooke · Aug 12, 12:27 AM · #
  9. I met my husband through my circle of friends, it was definitely unexpected! It was so nice to develop a friendship first, I highly recommend it!

    <3 Natalie · Aug 12, 12:30 AM · #
  10. Um, did I write that letter?

    All signs point to me being ready to get out there! Thanks for the great advice, Gala.

    <3 Sarah · Aug 12, 12:31 AM · #
  11. Oh, so much goodness here, Gala! It’s absolutely true that relationships come when you’re most comfortable with yourself and, often, with being single. I met one of my boyfriends three weeks before I left town for school; I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend, but just as you said it, he walked in the room and that was it.

    And I agree – never play games! They’re not fun! Those kinds of games just make things messy — there’s no need for the mess and the drama. Dating and relationships are about finding someone who makes you happy and who you want to make happy, and drama isn’t the way to achieve that at all for either of you.

    <3 Jeanne · Aug 12, 12:42 AM · #
  12. Carpe diem! Rebounds are pretty much cruel to everyone involved, but life is meant to be lived.

    <3 Annie Spandex · Aug 12, 12:47 AM · #
  13. Natalie — Being friends first is essential, I think! Otherwise there’s really nothing to base a relationship on… Which sucks!

    Jeanne — Your last paragraph is right on the button. Amen, cutie!

    <3 Gala · Aug 12, 12:50 AM · #
  14. very cute article Gala. I adore the first illustration too!

    <3 Bridget · Aug 12, 01:04 AM · #
  15. Wonderful Gala, you’ve reaffirmed a lot of my own beliefs about relationships, as well as my actions & behaviour & thought patterns right now.

    I’ve been split for 6 months from my ex of 6yrs & am currently testing the long-distance waters with an amazing fella who’s in a similar boat to me…

    I’m trying really hard to keep a cool head about everything.. it’s easier said than done, but being happy in myself & confident of my happiness in my life is the best way to let him realise that I am totally worth it. ;)

    Thanks again! xx

    <3 kat · Aug 12, 01:25 AM · #
  16. You are, as always, quite right. After a very messy 1st partnership, I didn’t think I’d ever quite get it together. But once my head was in the right place, and even though I didn’t know what I wanted in a man, I knew what I DIDN’T want; and having been through it all before I recognized the warning signs. That helped me steer clear of some potential disasters, even though they were very sexy disasters. Now, nine years down the track with the same man, everything is still peachy keen. :)

    <3 Super Kawaii Mama · Aug 12, 01:38 AM · #
  17. ❤ Hey kitten! ❤

    This is my favourite of your articles for a while, you’ve really hit it, especially all the points at the start about being ‘not’ ready to date, It reminds me of all my friends who have this bad habit of not getting over their ex’s.

    As for working out who you want to date, my therapist has this great exercise:

    ❤ Keep a notepad and pen by your bed and each day for 10 days on waking write down ten points that you would like your future partner to have.
    ❤ Do it as soon as you open your eyes, don’t think about it just write it from the top of your head and never look at the previous days list.
    ❤ On the tenth day you will have the list of who you’re ‘really’ looking for.

    Also this is so weird, I just clicked on ‘OK Cupid’ and apparently I’m already a member and I have NO recollection of signing up, it must have been years ago, I’m going to take this as a sign to have a browse/perve/stalk.!

    ❤ L.O.V.E XOX

    <3 Loulou! · Aug 12, 02:57 AM · #
  18. Friends first friends first friends first! Oh so important. Especially, because, if you were friends first and lovers second chances are you’ll be friends after you’ve finished being friendly in a naughty way. I’m probably stating the bleedin’ obvious here, but it’s v. important.

    <3 nana · Aug 12, 03:12 AM · #
  19. i think that not only should you think of what you want and need in a partner, you should think about what you can bring to the table. if you carry a lot of emotional baggage, try to work out that first even if it’s not relatiponship oriented. it’s so easy to attract the wrong people when you’re sad or lost in life.

    and something that i learned the hard way (over and over again actually) is that when you meet someone you think you might fancy, take a good look at their friends and see if there is someone in that crowd who look more like the person on your “what i want and need in a relationship”-paper. to start going out with someone and then find out you should have chosen their best friend is not only frustrating, it gets really messy if you later do get involved with this other person. it might sound obvious to all of you, but i had to learn it the hard way. so please set your standards high when it comes to personality, chances are that you might settle for less without knowing it and then one day you wake up and realize you blew your chances with that quiet boy in the corner.

    <3 stina · Aug 12, 03:27 AM · #
  20. lovely article!

    i love the list idea, when i was searching for the ‘right’ boyfriend, i made a list of my perfect mate… and then forgot about it, a year later, i was cleaning out my apartment getting ready for my move, and i found it… turns out my boyfriend has ALL the qualities
    i had on my list!

    during my single years, i think the best advice i got was, ‘whatever i’m looking for in someone else, already exists inside me’ it really took the pressure off finding someone else to ‘complete’ my life, and helped me to search from within.

    <3 lady coveted · Aug 12, 03:38 AM · #
  21. This is a fantastic article. It’s really reinforced what I already kinda knew, that what I actually need are lots of new friends. I’ve been single for 7 months and my ex and I are still heavily involved. Though neither of us have wanted to get back together, because we get on so so well as friends (way better than when we were going out), but when he met someone new recently it really messed me up for a while! I’ve got over it now and am genuinely happy for him, but I’m kind of jealous that he has found someone when I haven’t.

    So I need to take your advice, go out more, make friends and not jump into bed with the first boy that shows an interest (not that that happens often IRL). Thanks Gala :)

    <3 Fleur · Aug 12, 03:49 AM · #
  22. Loulou! — Your therapist sounds like a total champion. How blessed are you?!

    stina — Ouch! & such good advice — thank you for sharing it :>

    lady coveted — That’s a fabulous point! Yes, whatever we’re looking for is already within us. I think that trap of looking for someone to “complete” us is a big one for a lot of people… Bravo!

    Fleur — Yeah, staying friendly with an ex can get ugly for exactly that reason! It’s awesome that you’ve been able to deal with your jealousy though, that speaks volumes about you! Good luck finding someone cute to smooch!

    <3 Gala · Aug 12, 03:59 AM · #
  23. fantastic article! i’m sure this will help many peeps out there!

    i found that i stumbled into my relationship without the intention of actively seeking it. my best advice would be to go out, enjoy yourself, have no expectations and it’ll just happen when you least expect it!

    <3 kaz · Aug 12, 04:29 AM · #
  24. Love this and it’s brilliant advice :-)

    <3 Rachael · Aug 12, 04:36 AM · #
  25. You’re still bitter

    Hahah, this reminds me a boy I dated last year; we are normally both lovely, charming, well-balanced people but at the time we were just out of long-term relationships and in need of some serious venting. So we vented through each other. Mutual bitching is not the best basis for an enduring relationship, not at all.

    <3 Áine · Aug 12, 04:46 AM · #
  26. Good advice for myself right now coming out of a year & a half relationshippy.

    Sometimes it’s so hard to know what you want though! Especially when there are more than one love interests buzzing about! Ahhhh!

    Gala how is your little NY intern doing? I would love an article on her! xo

    <3 kitten` · Aug 12, 06:00 AM · #
  27. thanks for the advice and positivity gala.
    7 months out of a relationship for me and i know i’m not ready yet. the thought of me getting over it and moving on is daunting, but i’m looking forward to the day i can be excited again.

    <3 Leanne · Aug 12, 06:04 AM · #
  28. I’m wondering whether any of you other gorgeous non-pareils can help me with my dilemma… I was in a serious relationship that ended in November last year and I feel that I’m over him and ready to move on and find a happy, fulfilling relationship. However, those of you who follow the message boards on here may remember that my mother has been diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer, and while she’s starting on chemo within about a fortnight we aren’t going to know her prognosis until they’ve finished the first six rounds (about five-six months from now)... my question is:
    With all this over my head, how do I date? Do I date at all? I’m finding all of this hard to deal with, is it cruel to expect someone else to deal with it too? If I’m dating a guy, when should I be telling him what’s going on at home?
    All advice loved and appreciated

    <3 Scribbles · Aug 12, 07:06 AM · #
  29. I’ve only recently discovered your site and I absolutely love it. I’m sure you hear it all the time, but your blog/site is very honest and refreshing. I looked at your EFT post too, I’m looking forward to giving it a go. Thanks for providing such a huge range of advice and support. Love Liv/e iBS. xoxo

    <3 Liv/e in Both Senses · Aug 12, 07:13 AM · #
  30. Ooo, I just wrote ’50 things to do on a date’, how very apt. I haven’t had a relationship for two years and like the reader, I’m totally ready to look for boys. I think it’s half the fun of finding ‘the one’ (of them) :P

    <3 Ivy · Aug 12, 07:45 AM · #
  31. So much good advice! My ex-roomie became a total dating fiend, if only I’d had this to shake her up a bit. Hearing about people’s game-playing gets pretty painful. The best advice I can give you already touched upon: be honest. If they don’t like you for you, it’s never going to become an intimate relationship.

    I especially love the last piece of advice as my bf and are always happy to listen to one another’s fascinating-darling-(but-i-couldn’t-care-less) stories; but really, even if it’s not my cup of tea I just love to hear his enthusiasm, it’s adorable.

    <3 Nicola · Aug 12, 07:52 AM · #
  32. Scribbles – I think if you’re in the early stages of dating someone, it’s not fair for them to have to completely handle your issues. I mean, would you be able to handle it if he was in a similar situation? I think letting them know about your mum isn’t about a certain time frame, just let that come out when it flows in a conversation.
    Also, I think if you have to ask us if you should be dating right now, then you’re not 100% ready yet. I’m sure there will be a time when you’ll feel 100% certain.
    Good luck to you and your family, toots. Sending you big big love!

    <3 Ivy · Aug 12, 07:55 AM · #
  33. great advise!
    however, you still may have to be involved with your ex on some level if you have children with them; so in that case you wouldn’t be able to cut all ties.

    i think the bottom line is: can you “date” yourself and love yourself fully first?

    ;-)

    <3 emily · Aug 12, 08:18 AM · #
  34. oh Gala, I love this article!
    Mostly cause I put myself through this whole process and am back out there!
    I’m glad that the things that you have said are things that I have done for myself and have learned.
    and it’s totally true you have to get out there somehow! i met the boy I’m in a sorta relationship with on YouTube! How Crazy huh? we started a project at the beginning of this year with 9 other people as a way to make friends and he and i hit it off right away! :)
    it’s really interesting how love interests come into your life.
    oh and I made this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTpG6j…
    that has to do with my ‘self’ journey. :)

    <3 Caitlin · Aug 12, 08:35 AM · #
  35. This article is amazing.

    Feigning interest in someone’s hobbies is playing a game. Just something to think about.

    <3 Lou · Aug 12, 08:55 AM · #
  36. Great, comprehensive advice! I especially agree about girls making the first move. I saw my boyfriend of a year at a party and walked over to him and asked his name. Eventually he got my number, and the rest is history!

    I believe in making your own destiny ;-)

    <3 Dollface · Aug 12, 09:00 AM · #
  37. All of my BEST boyfriends came at a time where I was so so so so desperate that I eventually just gave up (if that makes sense), or when I was genuinely so happy that I didn’t care if I had a boyfriend or not.

    The one I have is the best so far and we got together at a time where I was happy and comfortable, and busy with my art student/full-time job life.

    <3 Kerri · Aug 12, 09:24 AM · #
  38. Oh Gala, I went through a terrible unforeseen breakup and cross-country move in the span of 72 hours…and then within a week or so had one of the world’s most fabulous men show up at my front door (literally). It’s funny how life works, and how the silly cliche of “When you’re least expecting it…” is true. Also interesting that one can manage to work out most of your listed points in the span of less than a month! Time flies when you’re having fun…

    <3 Shauna · Aug 12, 02:18 PM · #
  39. I agree totally with staying open-minded!

    I was in a theatre company with this guy for a couple of years and never even considered the option of fancying him because he was completely different to me and what I thought I looked for in a partner. Also, I was happily ready to go off to university (boyfriend-less). It wasn’t until my friend planted a seed of interest in my brain that I thought of him as anything more than a casual acquaintance.
    Turns out he’s a bit fabulous, totally gorgeous, and this Friday we’ll have been together for 3 years, despite a lot of odds being stacked against us, and he’s the best friend I could ever ask for.

    It completely taught me to never assume you can judge a person and their character and how well you can get on with someone until you really know them!

    <3 Em · Aug 12, 02:31 PM · #
  40. Scribbles — I think if you meet the right guy, you should let him know what’s going on, but don’t make a big song & dance of it. Obviously what’s happening with your mother is going to affect the way you feel & behave, so I think it’s fair to say as much, but yeah, you probably need to be prepared that some people aren’t going to want to take on that responsibility. Also, if you’re not sure you’re ready to date… you’re probably not :> You may not need the additional stress right now! xx

    Lou — I disagree! No one is ever going to be interested in everything their lover is, but if you don’t listen to them at all or at least try to take an interest in what they’re into, they’re going to feel pretty alone or uncared for… I don’t think that’s game playing, because it’s not like you’re going to pretend to be the world’s biggest fan of aerial photography — it’s just being supportive!

    <3 Gala · Aug 12, 03:01 PM · #
  41. Great tips! Loving your site as always. Very uplifting.

    www.shinylittlethings.com

    <3 Julie · Aug 12, 03:03 PM · #
  42. Thanks for the advise… I know in terms of getting over exes etc I’m totally ready, but maybe I need to just passively date right now – be open to the possibility of dating but wait until some exceptional specimen of a human being comes along… what’s meant to be will be, right?

    <3 Scribbles · Aug 12, 04:42 PM · #
  43. I loved this article! perfect timing — Saturday I had my first date with a new person for the first time in a couple of years. I look forward to your next piece on the subject.

    <3 Cassidy · Aug 12, 04:57 PM · #
  44. Gala, you’re right. I see what you mean – you can be supportive without actually feigning interest. Here’s to not playing games!

    <3 Lou · Aug 12, 06:01 PM · #
  45. After I got out of a crappy relationship I spent one year not dating, AT ALL. It was the best thing I could have done for ME. Shifting my attention from boys to my growth as a human being allowed me to focus on what was really important in life. All I can say is don’t settle because you think nothing better will come along. Have high standards and recognize red flags.

    <3 PHobbs · Aug 12, 07:13 PM · #
  46. gala this is by far one of my favourite articles youve ever written1
    i smiled the whole way though,
    thankyou!
    xxx

    <3 chelsea · Aug 15, 09:31 PM · #
  47. I can’t believe I just read this yesterday, and I was totally agreeing with “when you don’t look for love it finds you”...and then today one of my friends said he likes me.

    Like, THE DAY AFTER I READ THIS. I mean, I read it when it came out, but I felt like I needed to hear it yesterday.

    Life is silly sometimes. All these curveballs.

    <3 cdazzle · Oct 2, 06:26 PM · #
  48. Great article. I really appreciate you share your experiences about the perhaps most difficult thing in life.
    Phobbs I totally agree with you. In the beginning it is always hard, but after a while you learn to enjoy yourself, your new freedom. I just can recommend to accept the new situation and not to waste time with revenge or thinking about the bad things the ex have done to you. It´s normal that the ex will be in your mind, but keep the relationship as a beautiful expierence in your life.

    <3 Billigflüge · Oct 22, 09:59 AM · #