Putting On The Ritz
[ 7 January 2008 ]
[Guest article by Audrey]
“It seems all the fun, all the accessories and all the real joy in dressing and clothes belongs to women… I only have 2 outfits that I actually enjoy wearing, rather than just feel comfortable in. Too often I am tempted to give in and just go for a T-shirt and pants, or just a plain button up shirt and pants. How do I not look boring, but not look over the top?”
The eternal struggle. When a guy finally admits that he cares about his appearance (and be honest — we ALL actually do, so you guys should just stop pretending), he treads a fine line with very limited support on what to do about it. It’s great to accept the fact you’re beyond the ‘this is my t-shirt, these are my khakis’ guy, but it’s a balancing act — try too little, and you’ll blend in with all the other Neanderthals. Try too hard, and you’re the reincarnation of Liberace and you may not be hitting your target demographic… if you catch my drift.
My basic view of the fashion world is that it essentially follows what I call the ‘Two Pendulums’ idea. You basically have two groups. The first is the mainstream fashion community who dictate to the masses what is in fashion and what to buy. Your general gossipy trash magazines, prime-time TV shows and carbon copy chain-stores cover this area and the general population lap it up and it’s what’s generally accepted as ‘The Norm’. The safe side of fashion. You can look hip and trendy for the current times, but it’s the same stuff everyone is wearing. That’s why it’s a trend.
The second group is the ‘alternative’ or more fashion-forward community who usually operate 1-2 seasons ahead of the times. Despite a strong belief that it’s the mainstream, big companies who dictate the next big thing, it’s in fact these people who are the pioneers. Think of your more specific, artsy fashion magazines, the up-and-coming designers, the looks straight off the runway that most people wouldn’t even dare to attempt. That’s them. In fact, the fact you’re reading this probably means you’re part of it. Very DIY, embracing the art of good thrift-store shopping, looking to very specific style icons for very specific reasons.
So each group is a pendulum swinging back and forth, only they’re in polar opposites to each other. The fashion forward group are often elitists who turn their nose up at anything accepted by the mainstream and (whether they admit it or not) they strive to intentionally go the other way. They adopt new fashions, or recycled ideas because ‘nobody else is doing it any more’ and they want to be the first, cutting edge, cool kids who stand out and started it. Slowly though, mainstream circles will adopt it, mass-produce it and make it their own, slowly swinging the mainstream towards the alternative style, despite looking in horror at the fashion when it first was being worn on the street. Suddenly your alternative fashion has become the mainstream and the fashionistas swing immediately away from what was once theirs and we’re back to the beginning, ready to start again.
I think skinny-leg jeans is the most obvious demonstration of this phenomena in recent times. I remember when I first wore them, everyone was still in baggy skater jeans and I got a lot of strange looks and quite insulting comments about them. These days you can pick up a pair anywhere, and they’re pretty much a staple of every label, every store, every range and every person’s wardrobe. Now people are getting sick of them, and demand is slowly creeping in for some different fits. Give it five years and we’ll all be back in the baggies.
But this is where the problem lies. As men’s fashion is becoming a more socially acceptable canvas for a guy to show his personality and creativity, things are getting too crazy and too over the top to the point where it’s just ludicrous and frankly, ironic. And as labels and vintage stores cotton on to this phenomenon, fashionistas are spending a fortune trying to look like they just rolled out of bed and picked up whatever they found on the floor. And suddenly, everyone once again looks the same.
I can totally empathise with not wanting to look boring. A lot of people can. The problem is that it’s all to easy to get completely caught up in the ‘trying not to look like everyone else’, that you end up trying TOO hard. Lord knows I’ve been guilty of that in the past. It’s such a frivolous game, trying to outdo each other and outshine each other, until it gets to the point where people forget to talk to each other and make friends because everyone just stands around like peacocks, preening themselves and putting on a show. All the time sizing each other up based entirely on appearance, judging others for their lack of the next big thing, and masking respect and admiration behind jealous taunts and elitist snobbery.
So how do you stay ahead of the game without actually PLAYING the game? Here are my tips.
Turn your head off
The first thing to do if you want to find your own style is to stop worrying about what people think. Obvious, I know, but the really important second step of this that most people forget is that you need to not worry about not worrying about what people are thinking. Make sense? Yeah, I thought so.
There’s a difference between coming up with a look and style that works for you and is your own, compared with dressing up for what others expect of you. If you want to push boundaries, that’s great. Seriously, we need more guys like you and I’ll be your friend if you drop me a line to say hello. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and in the right way. Your style should be a natural extension of your personality and yourself. And natural extensions should come naturally. So let yourself go and get into it! To hell with everyone else.
Embrace it!
Commit, commit, commit! And then, commit some more. Having style and being a fashion-savvy boy is a lifestyle, not a costume party. It’s not a summer camp for the weekend. Anyone can go buy a $600 outfit and look stellar on a Saturday night and the ‘it’ club of the month, but it’s all just lights and mirrors if you’re just some dude in a fancy, expensive coat. And trust me, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb if you take this approach.
Extend your personal style quest to look to all parts of your life. In fact, your outfit should be the last thing that comes out of the whole exercise. Buy some snazzy pyjamas (I am, as always, fanatical about Peter Alexander sleepwear). Sell that bomb of a car and get that vintage bicycle you’ve said for the past five years you’d get one day. Move out of your parents’ house and get a nice apartment; cover the walls with artwork you like and photos and postcards from friends. Tweak some personal touches into your work uniform. Hang out at the places you wish you could — because frankly, you can!
If you live your life the way you want, everything else will fall into place — style included. Change the things about yourself and have the confidence in yourself to live the life you want.
And remember — change is easier than you think.
Get inspired
Imitation is the most basic form of flattery. We all know that. There’s nothing strange about admiring another guy’s style. Or shoes. Or haircut. Obviously, it gets a little weird and stalkerish if you go over-the-top about someone else, and you and your stylish buddy Tim end up looking like Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger in that ‘Twins’ movie, wearing the matching outfits. But there’s nothing wrong about taking a cue from someone else, and making that particular aspect that you admire your own.
I have a scrapbook of tearings and clippings from magazines and a file full of images on my laptop. I know, it may be a bit severe for you, cos I’m pretty much invested in this whole idea. But maybe a project like this will get your brain working a bit. If I have a magazine and I like a fabric or a print or an item or an outfit in a shoot, I take it out and put it in my folder. This goes for other areas too: films, friends, anything. I’m obsessed with the Jude Law version of ‘Alfie’ mainly because of his incredible suits and will be using this as a basis when I eventually get fitted for my own. The wardrobe stylist for the movie took his inspiration from the Beatles’ movies. They got their inspiration from somewhere else. You can see how it snowballs on and on.
Inspiration can come from a range of places, so make sure you’re switched on and receptive to it. I’m a firm believer that a guy’s personality and who he is isn’t from one solitary thing — it’s a product of every person, situation, day, action, month, season, experience, year, let-down, highlight and second that has led up to where he has now. Therefore, his style should be too.
Know your shape, size and self
This follows as a warning to my last point — it’s important to know the difference between adopting an idea and flat-out ripping something off. I had a so-called friend in a band once who liked my style and aesthetic so much that he decided to play a show decked out in what could only be described as a Me Costume. He took all my little ‘things’ and copied them to a tee. The problem was, he wasn’t built like me, he didn’t move like me, he didn’t act like me — he wasn’t me. And so he just didn’t pull it off. In fact, he looked uncomfortable, awkward and just plain silly.
Just because you like a certain look, you need to accept the fact that throwing on that outfit you saw on that hot model in the magazine or on the mannequin in the store window won’t change your body shape completely. The trick is to ADAPT the style to suit your shape and self. Slim cut jeans aren’t for everybody for example, but you can still substitute something more flattering for your shape into the mix instead. Suddenly, that outfit you admired on someone else is perfect for you. Make sure you try things on, get sized, ask for help. It’s what the store clerks, fitting rooms and mirrors are all there for.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
It’s fine to pledge allegiance to a particular designer or store, to admire a particular social scene for their unique style, or to have that one signature piece that becomes known amongst your friends as your ‘thing’. Just promise me you’ll try to mix it up a bit, okay?
To be completely decked out in one brand is dangerous, and should only be reserved for professional athletes who are getting paid to endorse said products. I admit, I have my key brands I love to bits and swear by (and I’m happy to give specific tips if you want them), but you’ll never catch me wearing their items head-to-toe. You don’t want to end up looking like a walking advertisement!
Besides, you need to understand that all designers and all brands have specific strengths and weaknesses. Manufacturers almost always specialise in a specific garment or garment type, so it’s practically impossible to find a supplier or brand who can perfectly put together an amazing pair of denim jeans, and have the same machines and know-how to knock up a great cotton shirt and leather jacket to match. A season or line by a designer may have some great pieces which do go together, but just tread really carefully with branded merchandise.
Gala’s recently pointed out that adopting a social scene’s entire specific look is a bad move too — and I totally agree with her, to the point that I’m now reiterating it to you guys now to make sure you know it too. Instead of ‘dressing up’ as a 50’s greaser, identify what it is about that specific look that you admire, and adapt those things into your own style. You won’t look like you’re heading to a costume party, and you’ll have made it your own, far better look.
Keep it simple!
This brings us back to the pendulum. There was a time that standing out in a crowd and being the ultimate fashionista meant doing something crazy, kooky, unexpected and downright insane. Make-up on boys, skinny jeans, different coloured hair, arms crammed full of rubbish, slogan tees, Chuck Taylor sneakers, piercings… Now, that’s become the mainstream. You can pick up everything listed above at your local department store, and for every ‘different’ looking guy walking down the street, there’s a whole army of clones following close behind.
Therefore the pendulum swings back to clean cut, simple things. While everyone is trying the crazy stuff to grab everyone’s attention and outdo each other, it’s the simple, well dressed guy who’ll be getting the girls. And trust me, you’ll get to a point in life where keeping up with the trends just isn’t worth it any more. Instead, stop thinking of your clothes as expendable fashions that you’ll wear this summer and throw away — invest in some good quality clothes, some good labels and items which will last you a while. You can tweak simple outfits a variety of ways to make them fit into a current fashion.
For now, you want to look respectable, with just the slightest touch of attitude and cool. A complete lack of effort. A simple tee and jean combination can actually make you stand out in a good way – you just have to modernise it with a good cut, size and print on your tee, and make sure you stick with a good wash and colour for your jeans. Dress it up with a good fitting collared shirt (shoulder seams in line with your shoulders, body length and fit suitable to your build). Check out those magazines and look at bands and celebrities you like for ideas on your hair, and get to a stylist — NOT a $10 shopping mall barber.
Pay attention to the details. Accessories are huge for guys right now. Again, look around and take cues from people who you think are rocking their own look. Adapt and make it your own. Try wearing a chain with a couple of charms, a coloured or patterned belt, or a cool watch. Even the way you wear your clothes can be touched up — roll up your shirt sleeves, or undo an extra button at the top. Experiment with a new fit of jean or bite the bullet and try on that slim fitting shirt. I’ve always said that most guys aren’t bad dressers, they just can’t be bothered finding stuff that fits them. You need to trust me — fit is so important.
All of these can make a plain outfit stand out without being too garish. Standing out with crazy ideas and a kooky outfit is just fish in a barrel. It’s too easy. So ask yourself — are you standing out for the sake of standing out? Are you just going against the grain just as your own point of protest? That’s not the reason to do it. Wear what you want and what you think is good. Style is more than just the clothes you’re currently covered in. It’s about how you wear it, how you carry yourself, your comfort and belief in yourself, your beliefs and your outlook on life. Streamline that all into one singular thought in your head, and everything else will come naturally.
Audrey xoxo
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Love it! Even though I’m a girl and this is a guy’s point of view, I can definitely relate to and draw inspiration from a lot of what you wrote. Especially the whole “trying to outdo each other and outshine each other, until it gets to the point where people forget to talk to each other and make friends because everyone just stands around like peacocks, preening themselves and putting on a show. All the time sizing each other up based entirely on appearance, judging others for their lack of the next big thing, and masking respect and admiration behind jealous taunts and elitist snobbery” thing. I’ve been there before…
Audrey you are awesome!! Really great tips – and I love a guy in a charm necklace and coloured belt. Totally hot. Yay!
it’s so true what you said about everyone caring about their appearance. even the ‘i don’t care’ look is just that – a look with its own implications and snobbery.
what i am saying is it racks me off when people say it is shallow to care about the aesthetic side of things.
I love this statement: “Extend your personal style quest to look to all parts of your life”. I think in the past I naively thought that the beginning & end of the concept of ‘style’ was the clothes on your back but it’s SO much more than that. It’s your aesthetic (& outlook) as a whole e.g. the spaces around you (your bedroom, your house, your desk…), where & how you travel the world, the things you own & the interests you have or activities you like to partake in… & the list goes on. :)
Yes yes yes and yes. Lately I’ve been wanting to start going for a more classy simple put together look, and i just waited until i found things that i loved and fit good and everything just started falling into place. All of my clothes look amazing and my style is just how i like it. You just got to let your look find you, make sure your comfortable in what you’re wearing both inside and out.
great article, audrey! i’m totally a girl but this was definitely helpful for me too! well done. :)
Great article! Even if it was written by a guy, for guys, I still thought it had a ton of great tips in it and it was just as relevant to me as Gala’s articles.
Gala and Audrey, you make a great writing partnership!
The first thing I see is a picture of Jude Law! Yaay! FANTASTIC article, this could definitely be used by everyone who wants to develop their own aesthetic. I especially love the tip about ‘extending personal style to all areas of life’. So true – if I wear manky pjyamas I’m never going to feel very glamourous in the morning! Thanks Audrey!
From a female “outsider’s” point of view, exactly the “limitations” of men’s fashion are fascinating to me. Yes, the guys don’t have that much accessory choices and not many choices when it comes to categories of clothing, basically pants/shorts, shirts/tees/pullovers, jackets. BUT: what they have is often really great and because there is so little to distract, the details are what matters. Men’s fashion has been fairly consistent in it’s basic “look” the last 100 years and the guys nowadays are able to profit from a 100 years’ worth of experience on the side of producers. How cool is that?
So, like Audrey says, it should be so cool to learn what suits your shape (and your colouring) and then tweak the details! How long do you wear your pants? What kind of shoes are you wearing? What kind of knot do you use to tie your necktie – a slim or broad one? What kind of watch are you wearing (leather strap, steel, sports, round or square face, none at all)? How about some great socks in your favourite colour (or even with stripes) to break up a conservative/basic look (look at the British Gents wearing maroon socks with their navy double-breasted suits). How about wearing a tee/shirt/tie/scarf that complements and really brings out your eyes? (VERY effective, that.) How about wearing french cuffs instead of buttoned ones (so jealous here, just try to find a women’s shirt with french cuffs and you’re bound to go crazy – or broke). How about wearing/combining a bit more daring colours and patterns?
Well, to come to end with this novel, I think since the basic masculine look is often just that, basic, it is so much more interesting to see HOW a look is achieved and not really WHAT someone is wearing. And thus, if a guy makes a bit of an effort it immediately shows and surely won’t go unnoticed.
Audrey, the world needs lots more guys like you! Your writing is so inspirational- any plans to write a book? xoxo
You know…Rob at Threadbangers.com is very stylish in my opinion he puts old t-shirt designs on the back of collard shirts and such,
i think that sewing is one of the greatest turn on’s in the world boy or girl.
-B
You know…Rob at Threadbangers.com is very stylish in my opinion he puts old t-shirt designs on the back of collard shirts and such,
i think that sewing is one of the greatest turn on’s in the world boy or girl.
-B
although i’m a girl, i thought this was totally inspiring and well-written. thanks, audrey! (:
oh I love this article. I completly agree with turning off sometimes I have to get somes opinon on buying something atleast 3 times before I get it and I wish sometimes that I could just do my idea insteed of anaylising it.
its all really strange because I can design and make something I feel is awesome, I just dont feel I can wear it.
Fantastic article and really rings true.
I love reading fashion blogs and magazines to get inspiration and tips on where I should look to find what I love, but I find the “mainstream” magazines, like Cosmopolitan and Eve, available here in Britain to be bland and unexciting, not to mention full of fad diet and celebrity gossip that repulses me more than entices me. Any style magazines that you or Gala enjoy and would recommend that may be available in England?
Thank you for this wonderful Jude Law pic I hadn´t had in my collection ^^
Hi Audrey – Really enjoyed reading your article. I’ve been a bit susceptible to the jeans and t-shirt in the past, particular of late being on a strict student budget. However this year promises to me more abundant and I hope to really experiment and play with my look to find what suits me.
Luckily I’ve never really been one to pay attention to what’s in, but I’m sure I can do better than my current wardrobe (you should ask Gala about the t-shirt I kept wearing when I visited her and Si… hah!).
Two words: Michael Caine
Great post Audrey. There are few fashion posts for men – by men. And by the way, in the pic you look a lot like that Jude Law guy.
Catherine – thanks for the compliment. But that IS Jude Law! Its a still from ‘Alfie’. Hehe.
Nana – Caine’s movie is just as fantastic, but Jude Law’s suits, the Vespa and the fact he’s in NYC all make me weak at the knees!
Joel – I want to steal your tee! Haha.
Sparrowgirl – check out my Xmas Gift Guide for ideas on magazines for guys. For girls, I suggest checking out Nylon and Frankie. For general aesthetic, Inside Out magazine is phenominal!
Nia – a book! I don’t think I’m quite at that point yet!
Eva – you are awesome!
OMG – Sorry – I didn’t realise. I didn’t even realise Alfie had been remade. Is it out already?
Hi Audrey, I love this article! I made sure I showed it to my brother. hehe
CatherineL – yeah, it’s been out a while. Slightly different, but very well updated. Some people aren’t keen on it, but it’s my second all time favourite movie.
Hi Gala,
We are going to the RSPCA Paws for celebration Ball next month (with my Loveonaleash Puppy purses to be donated as prizes) the theme is BLACK TIE WITH TRIBUTE TO YOUR FAVOURITE MUSICAL – any ideas of what to wear ??
I hope you are having a wonderful time over there, when do you come home ? For some reason I am not getting the newsletters anymore and I miss them ?
Lots of love
Donna xx