Size Vanity
[ 18 September 2007 ]
So many people are desperate to slim down. They will do anything to fit into a smaller size of clothing, including take diet pills, starve themselves, take laxatives, or deny themselves sustenance. All in the hope that they will become smaller, crawling their way down the sizes. People get upset over buying a bigger size, or when companies call their small “medium”.
Size doesn’t mean anything. Being an 0, an 8 or an 18 is irrelevant — especially in this day & age, where so many companies assign “sizes” based on vanity & consumer feedback. Regardless, the number on the clothing you wear doesn’t say anything about you. Being small doesn’t mean you’re healthy, & being large doesn’t mean you’re lazy. Or the opposite.
Why would you base your self-worth on what multinational companies tell you, anyway?
What really matters is how you feel in your body. How happy you are, how active you are, how much pleasure you feel when you go out dressed up. How accepting you are of yourself. Having twig-like legs or a bigger booty doesn’t change who you are.
Learning to love the way you look — & the way you are — is an incredible short cut to happiness, & is worth spending some time on! Start today, okay?
Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala 
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I always worry about what i look like, and I really wish I wouldn’t, cause it’s such a waste of time and energy. I always think that beautiful, skinny people are happy, healthy and successful. And that’s not always true. It’s something I need to remind myself of daily. So thankyou Gala for another inspirational message!
i’m slowly starting to like my body but i HATE going shopping and it’s so hard to find stuff that fits properly all over! you know like it fits somewhere but not somewhere else!
i wish i could make all my own clothes but unfortunately i SUCK at sewing!
x
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA
I find this to be a really good video to show people when their size vanity starts rearing its ugly head. I don’t agree with all of her points and I’m far from “fat” (and I still cringe when using that word!), but her attitude is infectious and overall, it carries a great message: love yourself!
I remember you linked to Joy’s video a while back, and I watched it then and felt ashamed for obsessing about how I looked… but honestly, I think you’re right when you say that loving yourself is the most important thing (along with your health); I find that confidence is by far the most attractive quality – people who are confident tend to be happy and secure about themselves, and that’s definitely something worth aiming for.
A lot of the time, my own self-worth is based on what I believe other people think about me – which when you think about it, it’s completely nuts! Not only is it speculation about what other people might be saying, but it’s not for a second factoring in how I feel about myself – how I feel about my actions, my decisions or anything like that! Fortunately I’ve started taking proactive steps towards my goals – to be healthy & to feel beautiful about myself.
Hopefully people read this post & are inspired to realise that no matter what, they deserve to feel happy.
xox
Miss Green
I’m so glad that you’ve noticed the insanity in all this.
Today a fourteen year old girl emailed me about a diet she was trying: drinking nothing but lemon juice with cayenne pepper and maple syrup for 2 weeks, apparently it’s meant to make you feel “amazing” and “energized”.
This is vastly unhealthy, especially for a TALL teenage girl whose weight will jump up and down until she gets a little older. She’s a size 12, a medium size. I felt sick when I read that message…. there’s something wrong with women and teenagers alike when it comes to body image these days.
Thanks as always for having such a positive message, my dear.
xx
i really wish i could love my body . i’m 1.67 cm tall and weigh 65 kg and feel like the ultimate fatty ever . i totally hate everything abt my body , but i can’t bring myself to loose weight and keep it off , because my parents always bully me and make me feel bad about my shape . it’s quite bad actually . i thought abt telling someone abt it , or getting proffessional help , but i don’t think i’m worth it .
anyways i like your site a lot. you seem to have a very pretty and carefree life .
i wish you all the best.
I totally agree with what Sarah said. For the past 5 years or so I’ve been right around 100lbs and I’m 5’5 in height, so most people will consider me small but it doesn’t make me happy. Although I’m hardly ever concerned with my weight I still am not very happy with my life right now. I guarantee size does not equal happiness, though for some I imagine it might make them happy for a short period of time, it’s still not real and what should really matter.
It really annoys me about the way that exercise and food are viewed. Food should be seen as fuel for your body, you cannot run you car on nothing, so therefore you can run your body on it either. I love going to fresh food shops like little fruit and vegie shops and delis and buying all the things that I love that I know that are good for me. I always love doing little dinners for my friends/housemates or cooking breakfast for people on the weekends.
Same with exercise. I love to play soccor with my friends and go to dance classes. I like swimming and then chilling in the spa afterwards. Make it fun. Make it something to look forward to and that you want to do. Its boring just running on the treadmill! Its also an awesome way to catch up with friends! If you do things that make you feel good and happy your more likely to feel good about yourself
Goodluck x
I so needed to hear this, today. Thanks, Gala!
Last week I went out shopping for jeans and discovered that somehow, without gaining any weight (and in fact probably losing a little), I’ve gone up from a size 8 to a size 10. Which really got me worked up and feeling like I’m too fat all of a sudden (again, all my other clothes fit just fine, and I’ve been eating much healthier lately!).
Duh. It’s a number on a piece of fabric. Who cares? Why should I let it dictate my self-worth?
Adorably – you are one inch taller than me and you weigh a kg more – you are not fat! I’m not fat, I’m no stick either and I find it really hard to stay the size I feel comfortable being (about 9 and a half stone or 60kg) because I love my food! But something I find really good if I’ve put on a bit of weight is, during the week, not eating anything or having any alcoholic drinks after 7.30 pm – it’s hard at first because I love to snack and drink wine but it’s worth it, after two days I wake up with a bit of a flatter stomach and I’m actually hungry when I have breakfast, plus you don’t have to count calories or change what you normally eat so it doesn’t feel like you’re dieting, which never works! Your parents should encourage you and support you not bully you, and you ARE worth it! Xxx
I only sort of agree. There is a difference between wanting to be healthier and thinner and having an eating disorder, obviously, but the truth is that being obese and overweight is unhealthy and will put you at much higher risk for all sorts of health problems including heart disease, diabetes, strokes, cancer, etc… not to mention it could knock many years off your life. I understand promoting self-confidence and a positive body image, especially to a younger group of girls that have a distorted view of their bodies, but it’s good to be realistic as well.
Obsessing and fretting over your appearance is counterproductive but it is possible to take a more proactive approach. Last year I lost nearly 20lbs (the weight I put on in college) by using myfooddiary.com and taking up biking. I look and feel a million times better. Of course I don’t judge that by what clothing size I wear since I agree that number can be arbitrary a lot of the time.
One thing I find very interesting is the way sizes have changed from over the decades. I was looking at some old sewing patterns and in the 1970’s I would’ve been a size 12-14, whereas now I’m a 6-8. So is the sizing really all that unflattering or are we as a whole just a lot bigger (I know our food portions sure are)? I also notice that when I shop at mainstream big box stores like Target I have to buy a smaller size than normal.
Your post has a lot of merit, but also seems to be ignoring the more difficult dillemas of the subject.
I mean, sure, its great to say that the size doesn’t matter, and what matters is how you feel about your body. But the way you feel about your body is still influenced greatly by what “multi-millionare” companies decide.
How am I supposed to feel satisfied with my body when everywhere around me: magazines, books, television, movies, on the news, in commercials, billboard ads… I see these beautiful men with amazing bodies? How am I supposed to feel comfortable with my clothes when I see how much better they look on the models?
I hope that it’s okay that I’m commenting twice. I just felt I had to reply to some of these other comments!
Multimillion dollar companies and mass advertising does not make anyone unhappy!! Only you can allow yourself to become upset by these things. I read Vogue, Teen Vogue, Bust… dozens of fashion magazines regularly and I live in a metropolitan city with plenty of adverts and a strong fashion community. I’m not put down by the fact that I’m a size 14 to models’ 0’s and 2’s. That is their job! My life is to enjoy the life I’m living and to persue my interest, which includes clothes and fashion.
If people aren’t comfortable with the role models they’re presented with, find others.
I agree that size shouldn’t affect yourself as a person, but saying that is often used as an excuse to be unhealthy. Which is bad. BAD.
Also, [Yes Gala I know it’s your job to reply to people but I NEED to say this!], Burke, what’s to say your body ISN’T amazing JUST because it’s not the same as the models you see?
Hear, hear. It’s difficult when so many people are talking about how hideous and grossly fat someone who is the same size or slightly smaller than you is (i.e. Britney Spears).
Ugh, she’s not “fat”, I’m not “fat”, eff off!
I’m so glad you’ve posted about this, Gala, because, as I’ve said in a previous comment, it is a topic close to my heart. I am so conscious of the media messages that my daughter is getting, despite my efforts to the contrary, and I can see them having a detrimental effect. She asked me not too long ago if I thought she was fat because her tummy stuck out. Like most small girls, her posture means that she throws her tummy out, she hasn’t developed a waist and she doesn’t have a defined, ideal, feminine shape – and why should she? She’s nine! I am so concerned that my reassurances, and my concerted efforts to encourage the retention of her self esteem, will be undermined by these negative, homogenising images propagated in our media. Sorry, I’m ranting now! I’ll go, but before I do, I want to thank you, Gala, for your celebratory approach to life as a woman in the 21st century. It truly is very much appreciated!
:) good on you gala
its much easier to accept who you are and be happy.
Sarah — Mmmm, it really is a waste of time & energy! There are a lot of thin people doing terrible things to themselves in the quest for a tiny waist, & it catches up with you later!
tasj — I don’t know what your body is like but you might find that things look better if you use shaper underwear beneath your clothing! Another option is to have your clothing tailored. It adds a little bit to the price but it is absolutely worth it!
Alex — I love that video, I posted it a few months ago :> & I agree that the “love yourself” message is one of the most important!
Miss Green — Yes, confident people are always more appealing than insecure ones! Getting rid of your thoughts of what “other people think” of you is a good call, because it’s so pointless. You’ll never really know & how does it actually affect your life, anyway? It doesn’t. There are so many people — like Madonna or Diana Vreeland — who I’m sure have shit talked about them all the time, but it doesn’t stop them from doing what they want to do. I think it’s a valuable lesson. & if you can’t get rid of those thoughts, just use EFT & they vanish in a moment!
kitten — That is so depressing! I hope you wrote back encouraging her to be herself rather than to sustain that diet. I don’t like the word diet, to me it is synonymous with ‘fail’ or ‘pain’. They just don’t work.
adorably — I think 65kg is about average for a woman, in New Zealand anyway. But I know how you feel, it doesn’t matter whether you are officially ‘under’ or ‘over’ weight, it’s all about your personal perception. Some of the most underweight girls feel more upset at their size than ‘average’ girls. It’s just the way it goes. It just further reinforces my point that your size doesn’t mean anything or change you, & that accepting yourself is the way to go. I would suggest using EFT, seriously, it is a life-saver. Being unhappy with your body can make you feel suicidal sometimes. If your parents are giving you trouble, talk to them about it, or find someone else to speak to. You deserve to be happy, everyone does! Good luck sweetheart.
Hanna Leigh — I think it’s sad that people get sucked into all the advertising of thin people having a good time, ugh, happiness is so size-irrelevant! I hope you start to feel better about your life soon, though!
Christy — You have a fabulous attitude! I am currently on the path of making exercise fun. It has been a long road, I used to loathe sport at school (& being forced to do boring things in cold weather) so it has taken me a long time to realise that exercise is important & can be REALLY fun! I am going cheerleading today, hahah!
the opoponax — I am so happy for you :D I hope you can maintain that stance!
janine — Well, being overweight can be just as bad for you as being underweight, it’s just that being thin is endorsed & being fat is not. The thing is, some people are always going to be tiny & some people are always going to be big, & as long as people make an effort to be healthy, you can’t expect anything more. Plus, it’s their life, you know? Not your (or my, or our) responsibility. My point is really that I think if we all accepted ourselves, we would be much happier. Acceptance leads to self-esteem which leads to respecting your body which naturally flows on to eating well, exercising, not smoking or binge drinking or a smack habit, etc.!
Burke — Whether you allow this stuff to influence you is a choice. Of course, it is hard to shirk the messages flying at you from every direction, but it is up to you. I suggest using EFT to deal with it ;>
Anna Rose — She’s not remotely fat, she’s just not a svelte little girl anymore. Which you would expect, having had two children!!!
amypalko — Try getting your daughter to use EFT while she tells you about how she is worried about getting fat. I promise you, it will work. I know I recommend it all the time but there’s a reason for that — because it works! It’s foolproof!
MJ — It sure is! xx
Megan — Your partner sounds awesome! Good for you, darling!
Gala… love your work poppet! Me… well, I’m a size 16. But I work in a labour-intensive job for 60+ hours a week and have a very muscular frame. Sure, I still have a pot belly and a chumbly bum, but I couldn’t do what I do if I didn’t have a strong, healthy body. I’ve recently started a healthy eating plan but the main aim there is to fuel my body correctly… give myself energy, and improve my health (30th bday is knocking on my door! Eep!) I’m not gonna lie and say being a “plus size” doesn’t make things more difficult when it comes to fashion (Vintage tends to come in smaller sizes. Sob!) but with role models like Marilyn Monroe & Dita Von Teese, I’ve never felt ashamed of having curves. Love your body ladies, it’s the only one you get! ;)
Kx
“Learning to love the way you look — & the way you are — is an incredible short cut to happiness, & is worth spending some time on! Start today, okay?”
Oh brava, brava!
I am going to take this and show it to my psychologist (yeah, and I have a hairdresser and a vet, too. But the latter is for my cat, OK?) and I think she will crown you genius!!!
This site is such a source of positiveness (umm, positivity doesn’t sound as cupcakey…), creativity, joy and even friendship, miss gala. I love it.
miss jenny
You seem to know what has been going through my mind lately!! almost 2 weeks ago I woke upp, looked at myself in my mirror and simply thought: I love myself, finally I am okay :)
I´m 15 and some of the girls I know are OBSESED whit how they look, it´s sad the way tjey are badly influenced by the media.
I am what you call thin, I used to be thinner since I have gained 4 pounds since last year, I am quite proud of those 4 pounds, I have never felt better in my whole life, my health has improved a lot in the past months, since I am finally in my target weight (I know most people don´t look forward to gaining weight, but sometimes I do)
We shouldn´t compare ourselves to other people or to label sizes; we should simply love ourselves.
I’ve always been very happy about my body (I won’t wear a bikini anytime soon but I’ll survive). I’m happy with the way I look and with the way my clothes fit me. Of course there are sometimes when I don’t feel as comfortable but that is just normal, I really think that society and the media totally overrate thin, skinny, I think the wrd is skeletical bodies and that sends wrong messages to other girls that are not as comfortable wth themselves. I’m really happy that I have a great support system form my friends and my family that I don’t have to be starving myself in order to be OK with myself.
65kg is the average size of women in NZ? I wonder where they live, I’m guessing not Auckland! Everything you said is spot on. A month ago I had hit rock bottom about the way I viewed myself. A good friend really helped me out there, and it was like I shed this negativity, I stopped trying to cover up the things about my body I wasn’t happy with, my legs, my arms. Amazing things happened. My ultimate goal is to get that feeling everyday. Like Lauryn Hill said “get free”. xo Deva
Great comments !
I work for WeightWatchers and I love to see people come in with low self esteem and leave with great self esteem by gaining knowledge about how to eat think and move …once you have the right knowledge about nutrition and excercise and the way you think then the rest will fall into place …its not about how you look but they way you feel …and its so simple .
Being Obese is unhealthy and will lead to all sorts of bad things but being in you BMI and eating great , opens up so many doors !!!!
Skinny does not equal healty !!!
My friend lives on a farm and works everyday
feeding horses sheep ect, and she is on the larger side peole tease he all the time >:| I yell at them because she was telling me that she was starving herself (Not good when you have to feed horses sheep ect)
I think her size is awesome, I asked people why did they tease her and the said some very nasty things back witch had nothing to do with the fact that she was “fat”
so I think that anyone who tells anyone that they are fat are brainless twits.
your all the right size for you as I am for me
oh yeah laxatives DONT work because they are made to replace what they take.
I agree with you. I’m quite thin, not in a sick way but thin anyway… But I always feel the pressure to get thinner and thinner because even if it’s unhealthy, it is “in”.
I’m starting to love and accept myself just the way I am, with the help of your advice, of course… and I find myself wearing things I wouldn’t dream of wearing some months ago and actually feeling that people like me the way I am.
I seem to be a different size in nearly every store I try to shop in, so I definitely get it when you say “Being an 0, an 8 or an 18 is irrelevant — especially in this day & age, where so many companies assign “sizes” based on vanity & consumer feedback.” It’s true!!! My usual strategy is to just grab a bunch of different sizes in the same range that I think I am, and ignore the numbers on the tags completely and just buy what looks the most fabulous on! :) I cut out most of my tags anyways, unless they contain super important washing information or something. Who cares about the numbers.
I’m 37. I used to be a size 6 (8 for those of you in the UK) and am now a 14 (16, ditto).
When I was a 6, I hated my body. I thought I was fat, out of shape, unattractive. The only time I was remotely happy was when I was starving during my last term in nursing school and was down to a size 4 (6 UK). You could see all of my ribs.
Well, by Frog, that time is over. I now deadlift 55 kg and leg press 55—sixty times. I can do 60 bicep curls with 7 kg and 60 tricep curls with 10 kg. I can run an eight-minute mile (call it a kilometer and a half, plus a bit), and do that for three miles at a stretch.
And, by American standards, I’m “fat”.
Strangely, I love myself more than I ever have before in my life. You, Gala, had a lot to do with that: the first thing I ever read here was “Love yourself now. Forgive yourself now.” and I did!
A lot of this had to do with getting rid of a guy who had even more serious body issues than I do. A lot of it had to do with realizing that I can take care of myself without being stick-thin. Most of it, though, came from giving up—not on myself, but on the impossible standards that we’re fed every day by the media.
True story: The last time I was at the gyno, the nurse started giving me hell about my weight (81 kg at 160 cm). I shut her up simply by shrugging the little paper vest off. When she saw the muscles on my back, she said, “Uh…never mind about your weight. I can see why you’re not worried.”
I am very fortunate to have a body that can do things. As long as I’m alive, I intend to do things, and size be damned.
People who truly live are beautiful, no matter their size.
hey, i just wanted to chime in with an anecdote i carry with me any time i am going to buy clothes, or am feeling fat bc of the size on the tag in my jeans:
my mother is really small, 4’11, and shes by no means skinny. she has a friend who is a little taller than her, but is much larger. one day, my mom tried on an item of this woman’s clothing, which was too big, and then looked at the size- which was 2 sizes SMALLER than my moms size.
so she said to her friend, ‘thats so weird, you wear a smaller size than me, but this is so big on me!’ and her friend said, ‘thats because i buy really expensive clothes!’.
i thought, thats a bit crazy, but then i went and bought jeans at old navy, where i have been, for some time now, a 14. they have revamped their jeans line, and this time, i was a 16. i was kind of miffed, but not too much. it was just bizarre.
but then i went over to urban outfitters, a store which had always had clothes that were too small for me, and everything i tried on- tops, jeans, dresses, blouses, hoodies- fit perfectly. in their skirts and trousers, im a 12.
of course, they are also WAY more expensive than old navy. a little bell went off in my head, and even though i have known for some time that sizes are bs, i thought, f it, bought a bunch of super cute stuff at urban, and went home and tried on different outfits till i was beat! (which is the best part about shopping)
I love when you post blogs like this because it makes me put everything in perspective and realize that I am a perfectly fine size and that I just need to accept and love myself :)