Stylish Wedding Attire For Men
[ 29 January 2008 ]
[Guest post by Audrey]
“Help! I’ve been invited to a wedding and I have no idea what to wear!”
This is a situation that many males in the world face every day. The problem is a two-pronged attack, too: not only are there are so many rules, regulations and other things to take into consideration when choosing what to wear, but the consequences for a poor outfit choice can be pretty severe. Also, it’s pretty obvious when you’ve made a fashion faux pas at someone’s wedding because it’ll seem like everyone but you in attendance has understood some sort of secret code and has turned up in uniform, leaving you as the proverbial sore thumb.
Even worse is that attitudes towards the ceremony (and even weddings in general) have changed a lot over the past decade or so. Back in my parents’ heyday, I’m sure my dad had one or two cheap suits stashed at the back of his closet for the safe option if anyone happened to tie the knot. These days you’ve got to put a little more effort in unless you’re going to play the role of the inconsiderate male friend. But just keep in mind, a lot of brides have attractive single bridesmaid friends and other guests — so why wouldn’t you want to be looking like the strapping young buck that you are? Of course, you should be looking your best at all times though, right?
I must admit, even I’ve been known to panic at the thought of planning a wedding outfit. What’s worse is that the rules of wedding attire and etiquette change as you get older. I’ve personally just reached that age where friends of mine are getting hitched, so the last wedding I attended was actually the first time that I was the guest, not just a friend-of-the-family’s son. So of course I was equal parts nervous and excited at the prospect of my outfit being my choice and decision for a change, instead of having my parent’s disapproving looks when I try and head out the door. Of course, it was interesting to have the bride tell me at the reception “I saw you from the altar! You look so amazing today! Thankyou!”
So, you’re invited to a wedding. How are you supposed to know what the so-called dress code is for a wedding you’ve been asked to attend? And how do you plan yourself accordingly? Well okay, let’s get you sorted out.
Know your bride and groom
Okay, it’s time to get your Sherlock Holmes on. Check out the wedding invitation. Believe it or not, there’s a possibility that the dress code is written right there — and once you know that, you’re halfway there. Black tie, casual, semi-formal, formal. These are the sorts of words you’re looking for, and this will help you decipher their meanings.
If there’s no dress code listed, there’ll still be ways for you to suss it out. Maybe there’s a theme to the wedding invitation and envelope. If the invitation has fancy writing or intricate calligraphy, it’s quite a formal affair you’re heading off to. A fun invitation with a colourful photo of the happy couple means it’ll be a little more casual. There’s a lot of little hints you can find on the invite which may solve all your problems.
If all else fails and you’re still confused, just think — if you’ve been invited to someone’s wedding, it means either you or your partner are important to the bride and groom. So chances are that you see them or talk to them regularly and they wouldn’t think twice about you picking up the phone and calling them. So you should do just that! Send an SMS or an e-mail. Break out the carrier pigeons if you’re technologically impaired. Just swallow your man-pride and get in contact with them or their family and ask them straight out what sort of dress code it is. You won’t look stupid, I promise. If anything, it shows them you have an active interest in them and their special day. And that makes you a great friend.
Know your wedding
It’s important to realise that a wedding doesn’t just mean sitting in a stifling church, listening to an old priest drone on before all the women in the place tear up and the groom finally may kiss the bride. Beach weddings, backyard weddings, shotgun weddings with Elvis in Las Vegas… Modern weddings have become a celebration of a couple and their love for each other, and people are getting really creative at personalising their special day. And once you know the dress code, it’s up to you to dress appropriately for it.
Above are three outfits: one for a beach wedding, one for a more conservative wedding and the third for a really casual wedding (which is actually the outfit I wore to my friend’s wedding where she spotted me during the service). Each of the outfits above are suitable for a guest at a modern wedding, but they’re also distinctly different.
Obviously outfit #2 would be disastrous for a beach wedding. While everyone is out up to their knees in a beautiful tropical ocean with floating lotus flowers all around, you’ll be sitting on the shore because you can’t get your new fancy shoes wet. Outfit #1 is the obvious choice, of course. But you must admit that linen pants and Havianas aren’t common wedding attire.
My point is that you may have to think outside the square in order to make the best choice. And make sure you’re well informed before the actual event to make sure that you’re dressed and prepared accordingly.
Know your outfit and know yourself
God is in the details, as they say. Likewise, your outfit’s not going to do you any justice if you don’t pay attention to all the little things. Whether it’s a formal, casual, black tie or nudist wedding (believe it or not, they do exist), a wedding is an important event. You’ll want to be clean and tidy and a nice-smelling, lovely, charming man. So while most of this goes without saying, I’m still going to say it anyway. Just in case you forgot.
Shine your shoes. Iron your shirt. Clean and cut your nails. Get a haircut. Have a shave. Clean yourself. Wear deodorant and aftershave… And don’t skimp on the clean socks and underpants.
Be sure to invest in something new — whether it be the tie or some cufflinks, some new shoes or comfy new socks. A wedding is always a great excuse to splurge on something for yourself too. It’s a celebration after all!
Audrey xoxo
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Thanks Audrey!
My boy has to go to my Mum’s wedding in a few months and I don’t want to go all scary controlling girlfriend on him and pick him out an outfit and demand he wear it, so I’ll send this to him. Don’t worry, I’ll intervene should he choose to wear lime green jandals (it’s a beach wedding).
Audrey, I love your columns so much! Even though I’m a girl, maybe I should start dressing like a man.
must..show…to…father…
He HAS these clothes. I should know..I bought it for him..and he wears them!
Just at the wrong occasion.
AUDREY I LOVE YOU.
I used to work at a Banquet center and I wish every male guest at every wedding was required to read this. It’s so annoying to see a nice classy dressy wedding with one guest in a hawaiian shirt and jeans. He usually gets the drunkest too. Good advice!
Sheila — Theoretical guest in the Hawaiian shirt probably gets the most boozed to try to bury the shame of being the worst-dressed!
beach wedding with lotuses floating in the water!!
That’s it. That’s how I’m getting married. Thank God Sri Lanka has gorgeous beaches.
Cheers Audrey!
I’ve got a spate of weddings to attend over the next few months, and you’ve given me another shove towards the waistcoat I was thinking of getting.. any ideas on what i should go for?
I’ve been told to make sure i get the length right, but I’m more worried about girth.. I’m not exactly overweight, but I’m a tad cuddly around the middle and am wondering how to make the waistcoat work.. It looks like skinnyman’s territory to me.
These outfits are lovely.
Perfect for any fashionable, good looking man :)
Nice post Gala.
xo.
i really disagree with your choices only #2 is even semi-appropriate for a wedding [#1 & #3 should only be worn if the wedding is outrageously casual]. a simple suit & tie is the best & most fail-proof option. ripped jeans [jeans in general actually], flip-flops, or hoodies should never ever be worn to a wedding [unless the bride & groom are getting married in their every day clothes]. in my opinion it’s down right disrespectful to the bride & groom who probably spent way too much money to throw the what will probably be the most importnat and memorable party of their life. the best advice out of this whole article is: “And make sure you’re well informed before the actual event to make sure that you’re dressed and prepared accordingly.” i think that should be the number one most important rule for wedding attire.
Trev – waistcoats aren’t necessarily skinnyman territory. In fact, wearing a waistcoat under a suit jacket (if done properly) can actually hide the ‘cuddly middle’ quite effectively. Especially if you’re in a situation where you’ll want to undo or take of the jacket to stay comfortable.
You’re spot on though – girth is an important but often overlooked part of really rocking a waistcoat. It’s tricky, as if they’re worn loose they look fine at the front back goes all billowy out back. If you get it to slim, it’ll just look like a man-corset. Tricky. So I say get thee with haste to a formal menswear store, ask to speak with an experienced salesman and get professionally fitted. It’s better than trying to get lucky with an off-the-rack waistcoat, and definitely worth the effort.
Erin-Lynne – I can see your point. Outfit #2 would be the safest option. But as you so rightly pointed out – it’s about being informed and preparing accordingly. Weddings aren’t all shirt-and-tie events. You’d be surprised how many couples are indeed opting for less of a wedding and more of ‘celebration of love’ type thing, and thats where something like outfit #3 can work. It certainly did at the last wedding I went to.
i’m loving the pink tie!
gala, do you think you could do a post on inspirational songs? i’d love to hear what everyone’s listening to..i need some new music!
I’m really surprised! Out of the three sample outfits, all of them are outrageously casual. #2 is saved only by having a vest. Although they sound like more fun, beach weddings and casual weddings are by no means as popular as formal, in-church weddings. In the States, anyway. Or am I mistaken?
But on the topic of formalwear, will you be posting anything on the proper ways to wear a suit? Like proper length, cut, fit, etc. I think a lot of guys (even girls!) would profit from that advice.
Sora – 1 and 3 were quite casual-esque I know, but I’m finding a definite swing towards more casual weddings from people I talk to about this sort of thing. I guess I was trying to cover all bases with the sample outfits – one casual, one dressed up, one specialised. I could’ve added a shirt, tie, suit combination but I figure most guys would have THAT under control at least? I’m just trying to open their minds a little. My main point is to do some homework and plan your outfit accordingly, not ‘pick from just these three ideas’. I will, however, look into the suiting guide for you. x
sora — I think there are vast differences when it comes to style in the antipodes versus the States. But I also think Audrey was pretty clear that people have options these days, that was his point, rather than the prescriptive “you must wear a suit” thing.
Anyway, I wrote an article on suits when the site started. http://galadarling.com/advice/difficult-boys-dressing-them-for-occasions-how-to-buy-a-suit
For a suiting guide regarding most of the important fitting guidelines I think that http://men.style.com/gq/fashion/gqrules/intro will give you what you need Sora. There are also some other, more specific, guides on the GQ website such as how to wear khaki suits and how to fit more complicated body types. Audrey may have some things to add, but I think that should serve as a good starter. :)
maybe sora is right, that weddings in states are different. because every wedding i’ve ever been to has been in a church & quite formal.
Erin Lynne – You’re right, most weddings over here are also your regular, formal weddings in which case a suit (or outfit #2 if you’d like to amp it up a little) would suffice. I’m assuming every guy can throw on a suit himself for these occasions. It’s genetic.
This article though is for those occasions that aren’t your regular. And I think they’re popping up more and more these days, in a lot of areas. As cultures and religions are becoming more varied the concept of a wedding isn’t as traditional anymore.
And so now all the guys out there can be mindful that a wedding invite doesn’t mean you hire a tux and turn up. Sure, he MIGHT end up doing that. But at least he’s now open minded and prepared.
x
Thanks guys! The links and the additional input were very helpful. It brings up a good fact – there are already lots of suiting guides out there as well. It was a good idea for Audrey to post about other options for a wedding. :)
Hey Audrey – I’ve been away, and I read your article (I think all outfits are extremely stylish, and I especially love the second one), BUT I didn’t read the comments until Gala mentioned the controversy in ‘Cupcake’. So anyway, how interesting! Church weddings in my experience (in NZ) are the exception – I’m struggling to remember attending more than two, myself. Suits are definitely a safe and classy option, but often must be horribly hot in summer. It’s great to get some fresh new ideas for fresh modern weddings – not that I have ANY at all lined up (I think I used up all my wedding-invite allowance last year!).
Great article! We will be attending a wedding in a few months and I will definitely forward this on…
I’m in California, and I have to offer my input to contrast the few others from the states. Out of all of the weddings I’ve attended (In CA and FL), I’ve never been to one in a church, or one that has been a tuxedo type of event. Maybe it is because I live in a blue state, but to me, couples are focusing on spending their “wedding money” on their honeymoon traveling the world and gaining invaluable experience rather than setting up a huge formal event just to say “I do” and get some papers saying that their love is “official”.
Even in my situation, when my boyfriend and I do the deed (we’ve been together 6 years so we’ve had plenty of time to discuss), we are having a very casual, very cheap wedding, and in lieu of gifts, want our guests to contribute to our travel fund. In my area/circle of friends/weddings I’ve attended, this is standard.
Also, out of the three outfits you’ve posted, #1 is the most common I’ve encountered!
Just wanted to add my 2cents. :-)
Malinda – Thanks for the validation! I was worried maybe I was off with this one. It’s interesting how you point out ‘wedding money’ is getting spent elsewhere. I hadn’t really taken that thought into consideration. x
Do you know where I could buy outfit #2??