Last Thursday, we put our beloved 14 year old pitbull, Hank Williams, to sleep. That morning, we went for a walk as a family — Mike, Hank, Dolly, and me — as the autumn leaves were starting to fall. We brought them home and gave Hank an extra-big meal. We cried, and cried, and cried some more. I covered his big head in as many lipstick kisses as I could, told him I loved him, and apologised for getting teardrops on his head. That was the last time I saw him.

This post is almost impossible to write. We have been crying every day, and taking Dolly everywhere with us. The house feels too quiet. I miss him so much: just little things like hearing him walk around, his sighs, the way he would snuggle up to me, and how he followed Mike like a shadow.

Hank brought our family together. Mike told me last night that Hank picked me: that he had never seen Hank take to anyone the way he took to me. Once we moved in together, Mike would go to work, and Hank and I would sit together on the couch all day, working. I was always cuddling him and kissing him. And it was Hank that found Dolly, too: the three of us were on a walk when we walked past Dolly in a crate on the street. Hank instantly accepted her, and we knew we had to bring her into our family.

I can’t really say anything else right now. The pain is so massive. If you’ve ever loved and lost, I know you’re right there with me.

This is back when Hank and I first met. I didn’t really have my own space to work, so we would hang out on the couch all day. It’s tricky to type with a pitbull’s head in your lap, but I loved every minute of it.

Always comfortable.

These photos are making me bawl. I would give anything to be able to do this to him one more time.

I think this was our first Thanksgiving. Mike made a pie out of the leftover turkey… And of course, Hank was an attentive audience.

Even though he already had his own set of ears, Hank was amazingly patient and understanding whenever I tried to add anything extra.

Hank’s kisses were my favourite kisses.

I loved his little smoosh face.

When we brought Dolly home for the first time, we were a little worried about how they’d get on. We needn’t have been concerned. 90% of the time, they looked like this.

Or like this.

Walking the dogs through Tompkins Square Park on my birthday.

His head was so big it fit a human-sized helmet! I loved him in his little hoodie. What a babe.

Give a pitbull some rope and he’ll be happy for hours.

A Hank and Dolly pile-up, otherwise known as, exactly where I always want to be.

I’m trying my best not to be an emotional wreck. But it’s really fucking hard. There is an enormous piece of my heart missing, and I know it can never be replaced.

I hope that he is in a good place now, full of rope to chew on, and naps to take. I hope he knows how loved he is. I hope he knew he was my baby, and will be forever. I love him so, so much.

Ever,

Here are a few posts featuring Hank: Happy Birthday Hank Williams, And Introducing Dolly Darling! Puppy Love And Bunny Hops: 10 Reasons Why You Should Adopt A Rescue Animal Snow Storm!