Books You Should Read: Pronoia Is The Antidote For Paranoia
[ 17 March 2010, 11:05 ]
Books you should read: Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.
Why?
Other than the fact that this is one of very few books I have bought twice (my other copy is in New Zealand & I needed to get my fingers all over it again!), this is the opener.
The Experiment
OBJECTIVE: To explore the secrets of becoming a wildly disciplined, fiercely tender, ironically sincere, scrupulously curious, aggressively sensitive, blasphemously reverent, lyrically logical, lustfully compassionate Master of Rowdy Bliss.
DEFINITION: Pronoia is the antidote for paranoia. It’s the understanding that the universe is fundamentally friendly. It’s a mode of training your senses & intellect so you’re able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.
HYPOTHESES: Evil is boring. Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair is lazy. Joy is fascinating. Love is an act of heroic genius. Pleasure is your birthright. Receptivity is a superpower.
PROCEDURE: Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement & illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Join the conspiracy to shower all of creation with blessings.
GUIDING QUESTION: “The secret of life,” said sculptor Henry Moore to poet Donald Hall, “is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for your whole life. & the most important thing is — it must be something you cannot possibly do.” What is that task for you?
UNDIGNIFIED MEDITATIONS TO KEEP YOU HONEST: Brag about what you can’t do & don’t have. Confess profound secrets to people who aren’t particularly interested. Pray for the success of your enemies while you’re making love. Change your name every day for a thousand days.
MYTHIC ROLE MODELS: Prometheus & Pronoia. In Greek mythology, Pronoia was the consort of Prometheus, the divine rebel who pilfered a glowing coal from his fellow gods so that he could slip the gift of fire to humans.
TOP-SECRET ALLIES: Sacred janitors, benevolent pranksters, apathy debunkers, lyrical logicians, ethical outlaws, aspiring masters of curiosity, homeless millionaires, humble megalomaniacs, hedonistic midwives, lunatic saints, sly optimists, mystical scientists, dissident bodhisattvas, macho feminists, & socialist libertarians who possess inside information about the big bang.
DAILY PRACTICE: Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, & soften your heart — even as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections.
POSSIBLE REWARDS: You will be able to claim the rewards promised you at the beginning of time — not just any old beauty, wisdom, goodness, love, freedom, & justice, but rather: exhilarating beauty that incites you to be true to yourself; crazy wisdom that immunizes you against the temptation to believe your ideals are ultimate truths; outrageous goodness that inspires you to experiment with irrepressible empathy; generous freedom that keeps you alert for opportunities to share your wealth; insurrectionary love that endlessly transforms you; & a lust for justice that’s leavened with a knack for comedy, keeping you honest as you work humbly to liberate everyone in the world from ignorance & suffering.
USAGE NOTE: We employ the adjectival form “pronoiac” rather than “pronoid”. That way, it rhymes with “aphrodisiac” & resonates with “paradisiacal” instead of being conditioned by “paranoid”.
DISCLAIMER: Material in this book may be too intense & controversial for some readers. It contains graphic scenes of peace, love, joy, passion, reverence, splendor, & understanding. You will not find any references to harsh, buzzing fluorescent lights in a cheap hotel room where a heroin dealer plots to get revenge against the authorities at his old high school by releasing sarin gas into the teachers’ lounge.
There are no reports of Nazi skinheads obsessed with re-creating the 14th-century Tartars’ war strategy of catapulting plague-ridden corpses into an enemy’s citadel. Completely absent from these pages are any stories about a psychotic CEO of a Fortune 500 company who has intentionally disfigured his face to elude the CIA, which wants to arrest him for the treasonous sale of his company’s nanotech weapons technology to the Chinese.
You should therefore proceed with caution if you are a jaded hipster who is suspicious of feeling healthy & happy. Ask yourself: “Am I ready to stop equating cynicism with insight? Do I dare take the risk that exposing myself to uplifting entertainment might dull my intelligence?” If you doubt your ability to handle relaxing breakthroughs, you should close the book now.
This book needs to be on your bookshelf, beside your bed, on your coffee table & slid under couch cushions for safe-keeping. Other than Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia, you can read (much) more of Rob Brezny’s work at Free Will Astrology.
(I am thinking of doing more regular book recommendations & reviews — let me know if you’re into it!)
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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Happy Phagwah from New York!
[ 15 March 2010, 09:55 ]
Last Sunday, Chloe, Krysti & I made our way out to Ozone Park in Queens to celebrate Holi (होली)!
What is Holi? It’s a spring festival celebrated by Hindus, Buddhists & Sikhs. While it’s primarily celebrated in India, Nepal & Sri Lanka, it also goes on in places where there are large communities of Hindus, Buddhists or Sikhs.
Holi is a festival of radiance (Teja) in the universe. During this festival, different waves of radiance traverse the universe, thereby creating various colours that nourish and complement the function of respective elements in the atmosphere. (Wikipedia)
Holi lasts 16 days & is celebrated on the last full moon of winter, usually at the end of February or start of March. It’s a way of marking the beginning of spring. The major part of Holi consists of people throwing coloured powder (Gulal) at one another! Everyone carries brightly coloured powder in pouches & small jars, fill super soakers with purple dye & brandish bottles of baby powder. The bright colours are said to signify life, energy & joy. Traditionally, Āyurvedic medicinal herbs like Neem & Bilva were used to colour the powder, which helped ward off colds & flu!
Primarily, Phagwah is a commemoration of the triumph of good over evil. It is traced back to the tradition of the demon king Hiranyakasyapu who tried to kill his own son, the prince named Prahlad, but Lord Vishnu’s blessings saved the boy each time. Eventually, Hiranyakasyapu’s sister Holika (from whose name the word ‘Holi’ derives) attempted to kill the boy by taking him along into fire. Holika who herself was immune to burning. The fire burned down Holika to ashes and Prahlad came out, safe and sound.
Phagwah is also associated with other religious traditions. For example, it is associated with the opening of god Siva’s third eye and the consequent end of Kamadeva, the god of erotic love. Also related to Phagwah is the story of Dhundhi, the invincible ogress who teased the children in the kingdom of Prithu. She was made to flee the kingdom by the shouts, noise, and pranks of the kingdom’s mischievous kids. In addition, Holi is also associated with the tradition of the eternal love of Krishna and Radha. (The Bustle of Phagwah)
I don’t remember when I first heard about Holi, but I do remember seeing photos of it years ago, & knew it was something I had to do! Experiencing Holi in India is something I definitely have to do before I die, so when I found out that Holi was celebrated in New York, I didn’t have to be told twice! I immediately told Chloe & we made plans to go.
In Queens, New York, a parade — which contains floats & groups of drummers — snakes its way along the street, before ending up at a park where everyone goes crazy slinging coloured powder about! Not content to just stand on the side of the road & watch, we snuck under a barricade to join the revelers!
While traditionally people wear white to Holi, most people were just wearing jeans & hoodies. I wore a full-length white dress from Forever 21, a purple sweater from Gap & a jacket from H&M.
There is no better way to cast off the grey of winter than literally covering yourself in bright colours. It was an incredible experience, almost transcendent — I felt as if I was soaking up beauty & joy & optimism, absorbing it through my skin.
We had such an amazing time. Everyone was so friendly & welcoming & sweet. We got lots of hugs & so many people gave us huge smiles before smearing a stripe of magenta, royal blue, deep purple or lime green across our faces! People were going ballistic throwing baby powder all over one another — it was like a perpetual dust storm in front of us. Families walked around together, their faces stained purple with dye.
I haven’t done something which made me feel so alive in such a long time. Everyone looked so beautiful covered in colour, & I felt beautiful too. When I got back to Manhattan, I walked from the West Village to the East Village, bedaubed with pink, purple, orange, blue, purple & green, beaming at people who didn’t know what to think! I didn’t want to wash it off… My normally white hair still has some pastel staining & I love it.
Have you ever been to a Holi celebration? Would you like to go?
Photos (except for the last one) by (who else?) Chloe Rice.
Extras For Experts:
Angel wrote about her Holi obsession here!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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video Add Gala on Twitter!Latest ChinaShop Pieces!
[ 6 March 2010, 14:15 ]
Here’s a sampling of what I got up to during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week!
My Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week highlight was, without a doubt, the Betsey Johnson show, and I’m sure I wasn’t alone. Betsey’s shows aren’t just a moving catalog of latest looks — they’re a full-blown party, with a kicking soundtrack, attitude-laden models and a vivacious atmosphere. The crowd simmers excitedly, the models are laughing with one another and practicing dance-steps, and balloons litter the backstage area… Read more!
Fashion Institute of Technology’s Tokyo Fashion Festa: A Fashion Show of Rarely Seen Lolita, Gothic Lolita, and Tokyo Girls’ Styles marked the last show of my New York Fashion Week experience. Designed as preview of FIT’s upcoming exhibition, Japan Fashion Now, it was a mix of short film, live fashion & musical performances which caused me to turn to my companion and say, “I feel really… foreign!” Read more!
Spring is on its way — not that you would know it on the East Coast — and so is Alice In Wonderland, Tim Burton’s latest masterpiece. While it may just seem like a simple movie release, it definitely isn’t. It’s going to be a key influence throughout the year in the world of fashion. We’re already seeing allusions to Wonderland style, from cropped White Rabbit-esque jackets to fob watches and super-feminine, tulle skirts. Believe me when I say that you’ll be seeing a lot more of this surreal and psychedelic-but-demure aesthetic!
So when I saw Girly Girl Shoes‘ latest releases — a collection of crystal-embellished ballet flats in bright candy colors as well as some daring metallic heels, I knew they were perfectly on-trend. I had a quick chat with Nicole Woo, the designer of Girly Girl Shoes, to see where she gets her inspiration, who she designs for, and what’s next… Read more!
Christopher Bailey is a man of vision. He spoke about creating the atmosphere of a fashion show, & how every small detail mattered — from the attendees to who you were seated next to, & even the lighting & the scent of the room. He said that he wanted people to walk out of the show with a certain feeling & emotion. It’s so fantastic to see fashion designers return to theatrical shows, after years of minimalism & simplicity on the runway. Everyone loves a good performance! Read more!
Combining pop art sensibilities with graffiti culture, Mr. Brainwash’s relentless riffing on celebrity culture is at once familiar and colorful. He recasts Angelina Jolie as Marilyn Monroe, smothers a 7′ can of spray-paint with Louis Vuitton’s famous monogram, and recreates Jimi Hendrix on a canvas covered in crushed records. At the back of the room, almost hidden in the dark, was a classic NYC cab sealed inside life-sized Matchbox packaging.
If Andy Warhol and Banksy were able to mate — and had been willing to do so — Mr. Brainwash is the likely result… Read more!
It’s the most wonderful time of the yeeeeear… February is the month that fashionistas love and dread. Fashion week menacingly dominates the psyche. From Paris to New York and London to Milan, the selection of shows is staggering. Style aficiandos stumble through airports, sleepwalk through shows, subsist mostly on champagne and do their best to report what they’ve seen. Glamorous though it may seem, the reality is far from it.
Here’s my guide to surviving fashion week with style, grace and God willing, a little sleep… Read more!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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[ 3 March 2010, 10:27 ]
Stop buying & reading magazines or websites which talk about weight or speculate as to which celebrity has an eating disorder. It doesn’t matter whether the comments are “Dude she needs a cheeseburger” or “Ugh if I looked like that I wouldn’t leave the house”, IT AIN’T HELPING! All it does is foster judgment of ourselves & others, neither of which EVER lead to anything positive! Evaluating other people’s bodies is so dangerous & destructive! Let’s learn to stop doing it. Let’s help one another stop doing it. Let’s learn to see the beauty in other people instead.
Learn to use your body in a new way. Take a sex course or trapeze lessons. Wake yourself up to the myriad of ways in which you can surprise yourself…
Take a life drawing class. (Dr Sketchy’s Anti Art School is my favourite!) You’ll develop an appreciation for different types of bodies, which might just make you love your own a little bit more.
Throw away your scales. For real. Why do you need them? Baby, you don’t.
Make posters for your house which say, “I am a beautiful person & I have a gorgeous body”. Thanks so much, @JennaKarl!
Look at yourself naked in the mirror — often. Even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Look in the mirror & say out loud that you love yourself, or give yourself compliments — even if it makes you feel stupid or embarrassed. Trust me, that will change! You just have to do it often!
Tell your friends, & even complete strangers, how beautiful they are. Everyone wants to hear it & we so seldom do!
Start to view food as fuel as opposed to some kind of enemy. Get educated about what you’re eating. Learn about additives & high-fructose corn syrup & find out what you are really putting into your body. More importantly, learn what it does to your body — from the physical to the psychological effects. Knowledge is power!
“Your bit about how you think of food as pure fuel for your body, wow. I’ve always been overweight. My whole family is into the fatty southern cooking and all… Well I’m now doing much better about how I eat and what I put into my body, I feel so energized.” — C.M.
Drink more water! As well as being amazing for your skin & your insides, we often think we’re hungry when we’re actually really dehydrated. If you’re a compulsive snacker, making the switch to water can make a huge difference.
Whenever you have a negative thought about your body, run these four questions through your mind:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without that thought?
Byron Katie developed this powerful set of questions — you can learn more about them & her technique here! (I only just found out about it & am really excited to get into it some more!)
Realise that wanting to look like a Hollywood starlet is a very narrow & Western ideal. Hollywood is not everything, & that version of “beauty” isn’t beautiful to a lot of cultures. Don’t be afraid to be different! Breaking the mold is how you get things done…
Move your body… regularly. No matter how unfit you think you are. I had my first session with a personal trainer last week, & the amount of exercise I did before having to go to the bathroom to dry retch was laughable. As embarrassed as I was — & trust me, I was mortified — I took it as a sign that THE TIME HAS COME. I’m 26 & my body thinks I’m 70. When I went back a couple of days later, I had a great time! Seriously, if I can do this, you can too. I am the least athletic person ever. (It was compulsory to do sport at my school, so I formed a croquet team. That is how not-athletic I am.) Turn a corner. Make a promise to yourself that you will give your body what it needs, not just what it thinks it wants! You are worth it!
Learn to accept yourself as you are. Your nose, the crinkle in your forehead, the curve of your belly, your long toes, all of these things make up the person you are. They add to your juiciness & uniqueness! This is who you are! No amount of self-loathing, worry or doubt will change those things. Love the one you’re with!
Pick one part of your body at a time to focus & love on. Start with something easy, then make it more challenging for yourself. Take a photo of that area & learn to love it. (Thanks, @TulpaBlack!) Draw love hearts on it (either the photo or the body part, whichever you prefer!). Tell it you love it. “Crazy curly ringlets, I love you!” “Bumpy bodacious booty, you make my heart soar!” Make it funny, make it ridiculous, do whatever you gotta do but pour all the love you have into it.
When you find yourself thinking negatively about a part of you, strive to see the good in it. Even if the amount of good versus the amount of “bad” is tiny — amplify the positive. Blow it up huge. Think about that instead. Soon, the love will run rampant & sweep the sadness up in a big hug.
@miss__lizzi says you should research the time in which your body shape was most admired! Her era was the 1920s. When was yours?
“...I love every dimple, roll, nook and cellulite cranny. I am fat and I love the way I look. Even in the harsh lighting of my room. The only tragedy here is that I didn’t try doing this sooner. And that my camera is too low quality to capture exactly how cute that swimsuit is.”
Stop focusing on perfection — & this includes what you look like & what you ate today. You are human, which means you are complicated & not a robot! Perfection is unattainable & totally maddening. Learn to accept & be loving of yourself NO MATTER WHAT.
If you need it, get help. You’re not the first person to have a problem with food or body issues, believe me! Additionally, make no mistake about it, IF YOU HAVE AN EATING DISORDER IT CAN BE BEATEN. I am living proof of this. Please believe me, please don’t think you are the only exception to the rule. I am going to be writing more about this tomorrow so sit tight!
Learning to love our bodies & our looks is an ongoing process. It’s like that Pantene commercial: “It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen!” You just have to keep the faith & keep on truckin’!
The world is so big. Big enough that we can have 30,000,000 different types of beauty, & they are ALL cool & ALL valid & ALL fabulous!
Celebrate your body! No matter what you think of it, it is still sexy as hell! It is still beautiful! Learn it! Live it!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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the playgirls guide to radical self love Add Gala on Twitter!Empty Bellies Do Not Beget Genius
[ 1 March 2010, 08:13 ]
This is a subject I am very, very passionate about. If you were expecting to be coddled on the subject, you’re out of luck. This is tough love, because we need it.
As women, we feel so much pressure to look a particular way. This isn’t news. But what IS news is that I think the wave has broken. People are starting to push back. From Coco Rocha & Doutzen Kroes speaking out publicly about the size of models to Jessica Simpson’s upcoming series The Price Of Beauty (coming to VH1 on March 15th), women in positions of power or influence — & women who are often looked up to as body or beauty ideals — are finding a voice. A voice which says, “ENOUGH!”
As Kathleen Hanna would say, “We’re not gonna prove nothing, nothing, sitting around, watching each other starve”.
What does it mean to starve yourself? What does it mean to go hungry by choice? Does it make you strong? (‘Look how much willpower I have!’) Does it make you different? Does it make you special?
Nope.
A hungry girl is an ineffectual girl. A hungry girl is a girl sapped of energy, strength, life-force. A hungry girl can’t achieve anything, fix anything, come up with a bold, brave solution. Choosing to go hungry is a way of subjugating your own strength, your own power. It is a way of making yourself small & useless. It is asking someone else to take care of you. It is about giving up, giving in.
You know what, though? No one actually wants you to be like this. Any man worth his salt wants a woman who is a worthy adversary, someone who is his equal, strong & proud, someone who will tell him to pipe down when he needs it, & someone who can support him with unwavering personal strength & unconditional love. Women don’t want you to be like this. We want you to love yourself, feel beautiful, achieve AMAZING things & rock the world. We want you to inspire us & show us what you’re made of. We want you to be a rad role model, a beacon of light, a shocking wake-up call.
Anyone who encourages you to go hungry, to buy a size down because “you’ll fit into them one day”, who tells you “you would be beautiful if…”, IS YOUR ENEMY. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was thinking the other day that the women I know & love are so much more motivated, goal-driven & focused than the majority of men I know, & I am so proud of them. They are so frigging brave & determined. They are not all divinely in love with their bodies 100% of the time, but they know their strengths & they do their best. They can see their own beauty & they celebrate it. When we go out together, we taste each others’ meals. We laugh & drink & we don’t talk about diets. & guess what? That food they’re putting into their body is what fuels them to be so creative, brilliant & fabulous.
Empty bellies do not beget genius.
Something horrible like 60% of six year old girls feel “overweight”. THIS IS CRAZY. Where do they get this from? Magazines, television, mothers who talk about how “fat” they feel, who complain about not fitting into their jeans, who serve themselves much smaller portions than the rest of the family. Okay, time to get over it. Time to move on. Scary secret: no one cares what you look like! NO ONE CARES! IT DOESN’T MATTER! Stop wasting your brainpower on something so trivial & stupid. Because it IS stupid, no matter which way you slice it! Do something meaningful with your life! Do something which surprises people, empowers other women, shakes belief systems! Nothing could be less important than worrying about what size clothing you wear!
Being hungry & sad is not sexy. It’s not cool. It’s not dramatic or mysterious. It’s a way of putting your life on hold. It’s procrastination. It’s you not wanting to prove yourself in any real way. It’s you being afraid of growing up & taking risks. It’s you putting off the important stuff.
“I always felt that anorexia was the form of breakdown most readily available to adolescent girls.” — Kate Beckinsale
Eating disorders are not a choice but HOW YOU DEAL WITH THEM IS. You can choose for it to dominate & completely ruin your life, or you can decide to take control, LOVE YOURSELF & live the amazing life which is waiting for you.
I know that’s scary. Trust me, I do. Especially when you feel like your entire life, personality & all your behaviour has been constructed around this ugly thing. If you remove that rotten core, what’s left? Who are you?
You are you, but amplified. You are you, pure & distilled. You are you, but happy. You are you, confident & brave & strong & risk-taking & amazing. You are you, beautiful & incredible with a will of iron. With beliefs you’d die for & integrity & quirks & brilliant insights. You are you, but BETTER. You’re not losing anything — only getting back to who you REALLY are. It’s a re-ignition of your childlike wonder, your fascination, curiousity, acceptance & flawless love.
God, you have no idea how much better life is when your head isn’t full of numbers & a fixation with toothpick thighs. I swear, you can’t even begin to fathom it. The world, & all of us in it, are waiting for you to join us! This is such an incredible, beautiful, wonderful place & you can’t see it when you’re hidden behind a veil of fear & insecurity & nervousness.
You REALLY CAN do ANYTHING YOU WANT, but having an eating disorder is like taking a crowbar to your own kneecaps. It’s debilitating & it shatters your world view. I want you to get on the roller coaster! I want your brain to fire on all cylinders! I want you to do something that makes me feel so proud to say you are someone I know! We all do!
You’ve heard it before, but it’s how you feel on the inside which counts. That is what will really dictate your luck, success & happiness, & I promise you that the way you look on the outside has absolutely nothing to do with the way you feel. How you treat yourself, the amount of exercise you get, what you put into your body — that determines how you feel, definitely. But if you think that starving or vomiting your way to being skinny is actually going to make you happier, you couldn’t be more wrong. All an eating disorder indicates is massive self-disgust & self-hatred on a catastrophic level. Feeling that way can manifest itself a variety of ways, from self-mutilation to drug abuse to bulimia, but regardless of the method, the madness stays the same.
& how do you improve the way you feel inside? ...You guessed it.
I’m going to be writing more about how to love your body all week. Ready to take a little trip down TRULY Radical Self Love Lane? I am… Take my hand. Let’s do it.
P.S. The winner of the Jimmyjane prize pack giveaway was SHANNON, comment #350! Congratulations & thanks to everyone for participating!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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the playgirls guide to radical self love Add Gala on Twitter!100 Ways You Can Start Loving Yourself Right Now
[ 14 February 2010, 15:08 ]
Radical Self Love is a big topic. Kind of daunting, actually. If you want to delve into it, where do you begin? Here are some ideas. To you from me, Pinky Lee!
Make lists of reasons why you love yourself…
& write down (or keep mental lists) of the compliments other people give you. We’re so quick to believe people when they say nasty, unkind or “brutally honest” (ahem, cruel) things to or about us, & we discard all the times we’re told how amazing, beautiful or intelligent we are. Usually this is because our sense of self-doubt is stronger than our self-love. If you can build up the love side of things, this will begin to change.
Reach out to others…
...& do it regularly. When we don’t talk to people about how we’re feeling, or don’t have anyone to bounce ideas around with, it can be easy to feel lost, confused & out of touch. It also makes it easier for depression & sadness to nibble at our toes. Being reminded that the world is bigger than our bubble can inspire & uplift us.
Think of a way you could make your life easier — then do it.
This could be anything from hiring an assistant to buying a better computer or just learning to say “no” more often. Whatever it is, make it a priority. Do some research on how to make it happen, & then get going!
Change the way you think about food.
So many of us get trapped into thinking that food is “good” or “bad” & there is no in-between. Associating a word like “good” or “bad” with a type of food doesn’t help us, it doesn’t mean anything, it just makes us feel guilty or like we should be “doing better”. What has helped me is to think of food as pure fuel for my body, & considering how it will make me feel or how much energy it will give me. I know that my body (& my brain) work better when I feed myself with fresh raw vegetables & lots of water & fruit, & that I feel sluggish & useless when I eat heaping forkfuls of pasta. If you can think about food that way, there’s less guilt, & you feel more informed & aware.
Stretch in the mornings.
It gets the blood moving, it fires up your brain & it gives you a few moments to just be still & grounded before the day begins.
Really listen to people when they are speaking.
Look at them, make eye contact & be present. They’ll feel good that you care enough to properly engage them, & you’ll feel great in return.
Have media black-out days.
The concept of doing this terrifies me but I know it needs to happen. Stay away from your computer, phone & television for an entire day. Those of us are who technology addicts will FREAK out at this idea but that’s an even bigger sign that we should try it. So many of us use technology to distract ourselves & keep our minds busy, when we would be far better served by just sitting still & learning to be comfortable alone.
Have that “awkward” conversation.
You’ve been holding it in too long. Bite the bullet, take a deep breath, & tell the truth. Be gentle but honest. No one can predict how they’ll react, but it doesn’t really matter. The time has come. Say it, & move on.
Read through the results when you search Tumblr for “love yourself”...
& be proud at the way this generation — YOUR GENERATION — is shaping up. You are part of this. This is your movement.
Ask for help.
Whatever you’re going through, someone else has been through before, & come out the other side. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel — don’t be afraid to ask someone for advice or help. It could make a huge difference.
Know that you are good enough ALL THE TIME.
Yes, you are.
Find a mantra & hold it close.
My new favourite is courtesy of Emily. Om Namah Shivaya, roughly translated, means “Greetings to She Who I am Becoming” &/or “With great respect, I honor my heart”. So beautiful!
Print out Sark’s picture & stick it in your Radical Self Love Bible.
No further explanation needed!
Do your very, very best to stop judging people.
Wayne Dyer said, “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.” Those critical voices inside of you get a great work-out when you let them loose on someone else, & it’s like training for the grand event — that of judging yourself. If you don’t exercise those voices, they’ll eventually disappear altogether, making you a much happier person.
Explore your sexuality.
If you don’t know a lot about what makes you tick, decide that it’s time to FIND OUT! Then, once you know, COMMUNICATE IT! Don’t be afraid to tell your lover what you really want, what you wish they’d do or make suggestions. If they’re threatened by the fact that you are in tune with your sexuality, THEY’RE NOT WORTH IT! As Jay-Z would say, “On to the next one!“ Unlocking your real desires is powerful & potent & important. Don’t downplay it & don’t accept anything less.
Express love in as many ways as you can.
Tell your friends you ADORE them, say thank you & mean it, flash your biggest & most sincere smile at strangers on the street, hug people for longer than normal. The more love you give out, the more it builds inside of you & the more you’ll get back — I pinky promise.
Wear sequins.
They’re a wonderful mood booster. If you’re too conservative to wear them, buy sequinned knickers & wear them secretly!
Take a bubblebath wearing a tiara.
Embrace the unknown.
Not everything needs to be planned to the last minute detail! Mystery is wonderful & invigorating. It is the zest of life.
Clean out your closet.
In addition to getting rid of old junk, cleaning out closets or cupboards is therapeutic because at the same time, you’re clearing space in your life for new, better things.
Increase the amount of spinach you eat.
It’s like a miracle food. It’s so good for you & makes you feel amazing! Throw it in a smoothie (you won’t even taste it), use it as the base instead of lettuce in a salad or just snack on baby spinach fresh out of the bag. Yum!
Forget about your “to do” list & just BE.
That’s when you’ll have the most fun, make the best breakthroughs & experience the most amazing adventures. Life is much more exciting & wonderful when you throw caution to the wind & do something ridiculous.
Make a little extra effort every day.
Your definition of “effort” could be wearing a bow on your head, brightly coloured socks or even just taking the time to sit down with a book every night before bed. Just pick something that you know will make you feel good, & then do it.
Listen to new types of music & dance!
Country? Bollywood? Rap? Seek it out & enjoy it with your whole body.
Treat yourself to new knickers.
It’s almost a sure-fire way of feeling sexier & more delighted. Getting 5 pairs of cute knickers for $25 at Victoria’s Secret is one of the great joys in life, I think!
Change your alarm clock to something which makes you smile.
For a long time, I had Flight Of The Conchords’ Foux De Fa Fa as my wake-up call. It was a wonderful way to wake up. “...Boeuf!”
Be good to your body.
You probably know what that means for you. So what are you waiting for?
Know that you deserve love…
From yourself & from everyone else.
Throw away your scales.
Or, if they were expensive & maybe something you need around, hide them. Put them in the back of your closet, into storage or inside a suitcase. Just don’t look at them. I haven’t weighed myself since 2006 & it hasn’t impacted my life negatively at all — in fact, I feel more free than ever. I don’t care how much I weigh, I just go by how I feel & how my clothing fits. You might like to give it a shot!
Be vibrant & colourful.
If not in dress, then in word & deed. The world has enough grey! Be the antidote!
Do something you’ve been afraid to do.
@ifyouneedtime tweeted, “Happy Valentine’s Day to me: 10 canvases, new acrylics, and texture building mix for the paint! 5+ yrs since I’ve painted. #radicalselflove” It’s never too late to do what you really want to do. Don’t let other people’s opinions or fear or criticism stop you from being as wonderful as you can be.
Read self hatred: beneath sugar-coated criticism + self improvement.
Self-criticism is not “love”, and it is certainly not indifferent. It’s a form of hatred. And when I name that, when I see it for what it is (raw and uncomfortable and saddening…) when I refuse to sugar-coat self criticism, judgment, agitation, and constantly trying to improve myself, then I’m one quantum leap closer to freedom. Out of the swamp. Grounded in love…
Start thinking of Valentine’s Day as a day for YOU.
A day to bask in the brilliance of you. A day to celebrate making it this far. A day to totally GET OFF on how rad you are. Treat yourself, luxuriate, have a bath which leaves you soft & wrinkly. Have a long nap & dream. Own it, make it yours. Then do the same next year, & the next, & the next…
Recognise that you are a miracle.
Eat dark chocolate.
As @kitty_polaca would say, FEED YOUR CURVES! Plus, dark chocolate is one of the healthiest foods you can eat! Truth!
Stop worrying about other people’s opinions.
It doesn’t matter whether it is the opinion of a stranger or your husband, sometimes we let what other people think determine how we live our life… & it’s ridiculous. Ultimately, their thoughts on what we do & how we do it are irrelevant — all that matters is that it sits well with you.
Nourish yourself.
Get still & listen to what your body is telling you it really needs.
Play the drums.
If you don’t have a drum-kit (& few of us do) or know of a drumming circle near you, chopsticks & a couple of boxes will totally do the trick! Shut the door, close your eyes, & start drumming. It makes for great therapy.
Find amazing new icons & role models.
Read up & get inspired to live your life out loud.
Get more sunshine.
It really will make you feel so good. In addition to strengthening your immune system, muscles & bones, Vitamin D also stimulates the pineal gland, which is the part of the brain responsible for producing happy feelings. Yum!
Stop trying to “fit in”.
It’s just conformity, which is the most boring thing ever! So WHAT if people stare at you? So WHAT if some people don’t get it? IT DOESN’T MATTER! Do your damn thing & be proud!
Recognise that life is only ever what you make it.
So why not make it magical, wonderful, beautiful & strange?
Get out everything that you’ve been holding onto.
Record it to your voicemail, draw it, write it down, just get it out of you somehow. Then destroy it, & let it go.
Write a letter to yourself as a child.
This can be an amazing exercise in forgiveness & pure, unadultered self love.
Run away.
Spend some time by yourself or with a close friend. Escape the usual. Go somewhere you’ve never been, spend some time, soak it up. It will shake up your vision of what the world is like & give you a fresh new perspective on things.
Keep your Radical Self Love totem on you at all times & start telling people about it.
Scary? Maybe. Do it anyway. Tell people what it is, why you’re wearing it, what it means to you & why they should try Radical Self Love too… !
Be brave.
Take a deep breath & just go for it.
Talk to strangers.
Even though your mother told you not to! You never know who you’ll meet or what genius they might impart.
Respect yourself 100%...
& don’t accept anything less from anyone else.
Make the most of every opportunity.
Even when you’re tired, afraid or nervous. If you hold back every time you don’t feel amazing, you’ll miss out on so much of life. Make the commitment to living boldly. Always remember: Fortes fortuna adiuvat. Fortune favours the brave.
Appreciate the people in your life.
Because everyone has a choice as to whether they want to be in your life or not! If you don’t show them how much they mean to you, they might not stick around, & it’s a hard lesson to learn. Be good to them. Let them know how much you value them all the time. You cannot be too loving!
Work on your Radical Self Love Bible all the time.
Even after the month is over. Radical Self Love is not just a one-month project! It is a life-long adventure! In your Bible, you can chart your progress, dive deeper into your own weirdness, explore your contradictions & embrace your own unique form of madness. Put in anything that you think is relevant. Journal your thoughts, chart your moods, make dream sheets (also called vision boards, just on a smaller scale), write affirmations, take note of powerful sayings & compose love letters to yourself. Keep it with you at all times & work on it when you’re waiting for the bus. Ask yourself questions & take time answering them. Re-answer them every week. See how things change. Channel powerful women until you feel like you are one too. Nothing is forbidden, everything is allowed. BE YOU!
Dress up for yourself.
Wear things which make you happy! Don’t dress to “attract a mate” or to impress your peer group, wear things that you like. Make yourself happy!
Really take time for yourself.
If you’re constantly scrambling around, bouncing from work to social engagement & back again, it’s inevitable that you’re going to feel exhausted & worn out. Taking some time for yourself is so valuable & something that a lot of us forget about. Wake up half an hour earlier & do some yoga or sun salutations, even sit in a comfortable chair & do some deep breathing — anything to get you grounded & centred for the day. It makes a huge, huge difference to your quality of life.
Think about this every day: “The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” (Ayn Rand)
Thanks, Chris Guillebeau.
Set yourself enormous goals.
Goals which scare you, goals which cause a lump in your throat. AIM HIGH! Most people aim for mediocrity, & that’s exactly what they get. Don’t you deserve better?
Don’t allow yourself to rest on your laurels.
So you’ve made a name for yourself? Congratulations, that’s wonderful! Now try something new. Being the best is boring! Get into another industry, start something from the ground up. Don’t just do the same thing over & over again. Challenge yourself! It’s so much fun.
Be your own superhero.
Make magic every day.
It’s worth the small amount of extra effort to cultivate a more beautiful life.
Don’t live your life online.
...‘Cause as much as we love our computers, it only represents such a small part of what life is all about! Getting out into the streets, parks, mountains or oceans is so healthy & so vital. Unplug, do something different. Surprise yourself!
Volunteer.
Pick something which is important to you & see what you can do to help. Can you offer time, money, your voice or influence? So many people would really, really, really appreciate your help & attention.
Dance in public.
It’s very liberating if you’ve never done it before! & even if you HAVE... Dance in the library or something! Cause a scene. Make people smile. Totally worth it.
Be your own best friend.
As opposed to your own worst enemy…
Support other women.
No matter WHAT you may think of their choices or behaviour. It’s so easy to be jealous of one another or act like crazy people but ultimately it does no good. Seriously, swallow it down. We need each other, now more than ever!
Don’t patronise places that treat you poorly.
It only makes you feel bad about yourself! Give your money to the people who do a good job & who appreciate your business.
Don’t settle for things just because “it’s always been this way”.
Maybe it used to be that way, or maybe it is that way for other people, but NOT FOR YOU! Eff the status quo! Don’t compromise on things which are important to you!
Be good to your temple.
You only get one — might as well lavish it with love!
Be impeccable with your word.
This is from Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements. “Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.” If you say you’ll do something, do it. Don’t speak badly of other people. Use your words to uplift & spread love. Be honest & kind with the things you say.
Do “the right thing”, even when you’d get away with it, even when no one is watching.
It’s all about integrity, baby!
Treat other people with respect at all times.
Everybody, no matter their situation, deserves it.
Be compassionate.
Sometimes it’s hard to understand other people, or see where they’re coming from, but if you make a commitment to being compassionate, you will start to get a deeper understanding of human nature. It will make you much more peaceful, ‘cause when you can see where people are coming from, it’s hard to be mad!
Watch Eve Ensler.
...& write this down.
“You have to give to the world the thing that you want the most, in order to fix the broken parts inside you.” Eve Ensler, you are so good.
Operate on your own agenda.
Do you want to look a certain way, or does society want you to? Do you really want to have a social life that looks like this, or is it just what you think is expected? Don’t allow any industry or societal standard to bully you. You are who you are, & it’s worth hanging onto.
Innovate.
Try new things. Shake up your routine. See what works.
Evaluate your life & ruthlessly cut out the things which aren’t working.
...While at the same time keeping this in mind:
“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.” Thanks, Wayne Dyer.
Come up with your own definition of spirituality.
It doesn’t have to be religious or woo-woo in any way, it can just be a way of reconnecting yourself to the present moment. Some people do this by dancing, others by meditating. Whatever it is, make time for it in your life, & make it a priority.
Share your dreams.
Do not be afraid. When you share a dream with someone who loves you, you open yourself up to new ideas, new contacts & sometimes an extra pair of hands to pitch in! Be brave.
Reinvent yourself as an expression of pure love.
Spend time with people who do good things.
It will reinstate your faith in the human race & remind you of the inherent goodness in people. Much more uplifting than hanging out with pessimists!
Take action.
Channel Clint Eastwood.
& I quote: “Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power.”
Incorporate meditative ritual into your life.
I think the word “meditation” puts a lot of people off, & it doesn’t need to. My idea of meditation is just focusing on nothing or clearing your mind. Walking meditation is rad — you walk out the door & keep going, letting all thoughts go as soon as they float into your consciousness. Don’t judge or beat yourself up if your mind is screaming for attention the first few times you do it, it’s totally normal. The pay-off — real clarity of mind — is amazing & worth going for.
Be inclusive.
Invite your friends places. Include everyone in the conversation. Ask people you don’t know so well about themselves. Make people feel like you want them there. The love & appreciation they’ll beam back at you will make you feel wonderful!
Think about what you want the theme of your life to be.
Is it an epic love story or a grand adventure? Or is the theme something more simple, & able to be summed up with a single word? “Discovery” or “freedom”? How can you bring that theme into your everyday life?
Think about how you can encourage other people to love themselves too.
When we carry the torch of radical self love, we become ambassadors for it, & are infused with the energy & ability to pass it on to other people. We can do this just by being ourselves — a living example — but there are specific ways in which we can help other people love themselves too. Think about your unique talents & strengths. How can you carry out the self love buzz?
Celebrate the ways in which you have grown & changed.
Growth is good, change is wonderful, evolution is fantastic. It’s proof that we’re on a path, that we’re going somewhere, that we’re living out our story to its full potential. Bake yourself a cake or somethin’!
Embrace your power.
Start dressing in a way which makes you feel sexy & confident…
As opposed to just following what’s in style. Not all silhouettes suit all people. There are definitely styles that are best for individual body types. Once you know what works for you, make the most of it! Few things make you feel better than knowing that you look great.
Love everyone.
Even when they hurt you, even when they don’t get it, even when they don’t listen & even when they behave badly. When you love, miracles happen.
Listen to Leonard Cohen.
“Ring the bells that still can ring, forget your perfect offering, there’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” (Thank you, Nadia.)
Get more sleep.
Most of us don’t get anywhere near enough hours of rest, & it can seriously impair our bodies & emotional states. Just go to bed a little bit earlier — you’ll feel so much better.
Look at this photo of Madonna. (NSFW!)
Be inspired. That is radical self love in action!
Apologise.
“While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing.” (Buddy Hackett) Don’t allow problems or misunderstandings to fester. Don’t walk around angry, stewing in your juices. Just apologise so everyone can move on.
Take yourself on dates.
Get dressed up & go to the library, eat a delicious lunch next to the river, ride your bike around the city & make the best dinner you possibly can. I’ve said it before & I will say it again, you deserve your love much more than anyone else does.
Don’t take yourself too seriously!
It never leads to anything good, haha. If you can laugh at yourself, you’re well on your way.
Forgive yourself.
It’s all in the past. Time to move on, babe.
Just love yourself.
No matter the circumstances. You are always good enough, you always deserve it & you are always beautiful, despite what you might think or believe. Just love yourself.
Leave a comment with your best tip for RADICAL SELF LOVE.
Yes please!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [111] Tags: inspiration,
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the playgirls guide to radical self love Add Gala on Twitter!The Playgirl's Guide To Radical Self-Love
[ 1 February 2010, 09:14 ]
Valentine’s Day is in two weeks. (Eeeeep!) Alternately loathed & lauded (usually depending on which side of the relationship fence you’re on!), for many of us, it’s a day that doesn’t fit quite right.
Yes, you can curse everyone you’ve ever crushed on. You can threaten to burn down Hallmark’s hallowed halls. You can have an anti-Valentine’s Day party with your best friends & stuff yourself with heart-shaped chocolates, but I don’t think any of these options really deals with how we feel! It just keeps us from defenestration or drinking a bottle of red wine before passing out in the front of the television. For one night, anyway!
Distractions have their place but when they are never-ending, eventually they stop working…
As fun as it can be to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, go shopping or wear false eyelashes, life won’t really start to bloom until we’re comfortable with who we are. This is true every day, but becomes even poignant on Valentine’s Day, typically a celebration of someone else being in love with us.
So many of us are looking for someone else to fill a space, love & approve of us or take away our loneliness.
But whose love & approval is most important? Someone else’s? Or your own?
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love & affection than you are yourself, & that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.”
(Buddha)
It’s easy to forget. We get so caught up chasing boys or deliberately not responding to them (à la The Rules), working long hours & Tweeting frantically that we neglect ourselves. We spend so much money on cosmetics that we forget that our inside is what’s most important. We try so hard to snare the perfect lover when we should focus on simply being love.
We think that loving ourselves will just come later, naturally — & it may. But what if it doesn’t come along until you’re 50? Or 80? What if it never does? We think, “I’ll love myself when I have a baby”, or, “I’ll love myself when I get a better job”. But what about the meantime? Should you just suffer in silence until that mythical moment? What if having a baby or getting a promotion doesn’t make you love yourself?
That’s why I have decided to declare February the month of…
I say, it’s time to romance yourself. It’s time for the greatest love affair you will ever know. It’s time for a personal revolution. I say, you deserve to be your own darling! Get enchanted! Bewitch yourself! I say, if not now, when?
Let’s get busy adoring ourselves.
Once upon a time, I ran this thing called the iCiNG Transformation Challenge. The idea was to pick something you wanted to change, & then every day I sent out motivating tips, quotes & pictures via email. It was a huge success. I always remember one nonpareil writing to tell me that she used the power of the iTC to get off drugs. The reason these things work is because we are all in it together. We decide to jump in & support one another. We commit to moving forward positively, & we start walking in the same direction.
This time the task is more focused. Self-love is so important, & our lives really are vastly improved if we can just manage to love ourselves more.
It’s something we’re told to do all the time — love yourself, love yourself, love yourself — but how? Where are you supposed to begin? What tools do you need, if any? & how do you know if you’re on the right track?
I’m delighted to announce that from now until the 28th of the month, in addition to your regular content, I’ll be dishing out tips on how to really truly madly deeply fall in love with yourself! Topics will range far & wide. Girl love, body image, masturbation, jealousy, honoring & respecting yourself, positive self-talk, being assertive, manifesting your own dream girl persona & self-marriage are all up for grabs! Homework will be assigned (though it is totally optional, of course!), & I’ll be asking you to participate by sending in photos, stories & spreading the word!
I have a ton of goodies lined up already, but to make it totally useful & tailored to you, I want to know what you’d really love to hear about! What have you battled with most in your quest for radical self-love? Do you have trouble with your body image? Don’t know how to develop more confidence? Find it tricky to speak your mind? Whatever it is, let us know, & I’ll do my very best to create content around it!
If you want to take part, you can steal this HTML code & post it on your blog, Facebook page, etc.! It would be a good thing to post if you take any of the homework & do it on your own site! Plus it will help encourage your friends to take part!
It would be fantastic if you used #radicalselflove as a tag when you’re talking about the challenge on Twitter, too! That way we can all find each other…
You can find all the posts on this subject by clicking The Playgirl’s Guide To Radical Self-Love!
God, I’m so excited! I think this is going to be so amazing & I can’t wait to hear where you’re at & follow your progress throughout the month! Are you ready?! I am!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [246] Tags: how to,
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the playgirls guide to radical self love Add Gala on Twitter!Cherry On Top
[ 31 January 2010, 12:33 ]
A little inspiration for your Sunday… Especially for those of us with things to do around the house!
Photos of Kastyn Reid by Pamela Hanson for Vanity Fair.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [41] Tags: aesthetic,
cherry on top,
inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!50 Ways To Put The Light Back In Your Heart
[ 25 January 2010, 06:24 ]
I love that phrase — “putting the light back in your heart” — which was emailed to me by a nonpareil asking me how she could do just that. Her boyfriend recently broke her heart & so she is looking for ways to make herself feel better. I’m sure she’s not the only one who needs it, either! Whether you have the winter blues, are hard up for cash or just feel a little out of step with yourself at the moment, we could all use some ideas to cheer us up!
Why do we feel like this? Sometimes it’s because we’re too busy looking inward, & forget to think about the world around us. Other times it’s because we’re dwelling on what we wish we had, as opposed to appreciating the many things we do have. Sometimes it’s just a case of boredom & malaise, but whatever the source of our unhappiness, there are lots of ways we can fix it!
Here are some of my thoughts. I asked my nonpareils on Twitter about their favourite ways to get happy too, & mixed them all together. I’d love to hear what you have to add!
“We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.”
(Carlos Castaneda)
Write yourself a recipe for a perfect day, & then make it happen.
Sometimes you really need to take time for yourself, & when you do, it should be as good as you can make it. We all have different ideas of what constitutes the ideal day, but it might be something like… Watch the Virgin Suicides while eating strawberry pancakes; take a long bath & re-read your favourite book; lie on the floor & wriggle around; eat ice-cream in bed & watch reality television; talk to your best friend on the telephone; have a long, blissful sleep. Whatever it is, put aside some time & make it real.
Watch the Shiba Inu puppy cam.
Real, live puppies! Wriggling on webcam for your viewing pleasure! Surely an unbeatable combination. Nothing can be that bad when the world is so full of cute!
Call a friend & reminisce over the good old days.
There’s something wonderful about doing this. All the ridiculous happenings, strange people you’ve encountered over the years & inside jokes come spilling down the phone line, leaving you both laughing & breathless. As well as remembering the funniest bits of your past, it gives you a new appreciation of where you are today, & how far you’ve both come.
Have a snugglefest.
Anyone & anything is fair game, from cats & dogs to boyfriends, stuffed animals or cashmere throws. Just hunker down & get cozy! Stay warm & have a daydream.
Clean your room like a wild banshee — then sit down & admire your work.
Cleaning up or tidying with loud music playing is pretty fun (are my Virgo roots showing?!), but it’s even better to flop down on your bed, exhausted, & delight in how good everything looks.
Load up one of your favourite music videos on Youtube & then try to learn the choreography.
You’ll be passed out with delirious laughter before long, I swear!
Plan a holiday.
Even if your bank account wouldn’t even begin to cover a holiday right now, you can always plan one in your head! Think about where you’d like to go & what you’d like to do. Camelback riding across a majestic desert? A tour of all the waterparks in America? 5 blissed-out days lying on your back beside a huge turquoise swimming pool? Whatever floats your boat, do some research, & start to make it real — even if you won’t take the actual holiday for years.
Spend quality time with a puppy.
If you don’t have one, ask if you can go see a friend who has one. A few minutes of chasing each other around, playing tug-of-war with a chewed-up piece of rope & some vigorous tail-wagging will have you feeling like new in no time. Plus, they’re so adorable before they grow into their oversized feet!
Experience a sunset.
Don’t just glance at it from your window — really experience it! Sit on a balcony or rooftop, take a blanket & a hot drink if you need to, & watch the colours in the sky change as the sun disappears. It’s a beautiful show put on by the universe every night, it’s 100% free & even better, you are always invited!
Get dressed up & go out!
Call a friend & organise an outing. It doesn’t have to be anything grand (unless you want it to be!), but just getting out of the house will make you feel so much better. Wear bright pink lipstick to the movies or wear heels & eat hamburgers. It’s a great way to get out a puddle of stagnant energy.
Do yoga.
Even if you feel too exhausted to get through an entire session, just a few minutes will help bring you back to your centre & get you grounded again. If yoga isn’t your thing, try taking a few deep breaths. Concentrate on it as you do it. Go slowly. Breathe all the way into your stomach. Try to make the length of your inhale the same length as your exhale. As well as being a proven way to beat anxiety attacks, this is also a wonderful way to fall asleep if you’re having trouble — it works for me every time. You can read more about your best breath here.
Write.
It really is good for you, even if you don’t think you’re any good or don’t have any ideas. A great place to start is by writing, “Hi. I don’t really have anything to say.” Then just let yourself go. Allow yourself to vent, to dream, to be someone else. If you have a rad old typewriter, this is the perfect time to use it.
Go through your iTunes & organise the songs by the number of times played. Then listen to the songs you’ve never played before.
Every time I do this, I discover absolute gems. Right now, in fact, I’m listening to Knonam, who I had somehow never heard before, & it’s great! Alternatively, play all your favourite songs! Loud!
Eat chocolate.
...Because it’s proven to make you feel good. Especially the dark stuff.
Jump on a trampoline.
As well as being fun & boosting your energy, it also helps to increase the circulation of your lymph system, circulates more oxygen throughout your body, slows down aging, helps prevent cardiovascular disease & provides roughly a billion other amazing health benefits. It really does help to elevate a bad mood, too.
Sign up for OKCupid.
I have a soft spot for OKCupid, as it has given me hours of entertainment & is, in fact, how I met The Dish! You can take tests, find compatible matches & even meet people if you want to get reeeeeally wild! Ha!
Escape.
Get on your bicycle, grab the car-keys or catch a bus & go somewhere else. When you get there, spend some time walking around & looking at things. The travelling time will be good for your head, too. This is something Alain de Botton has written about — travelling helps to clear your head & reset your perspectives in a way nothing else can.
Swing.
There are few things I enjoy more than leaning back in a swing, kicking my legs up & flying back & forth!
Play dress-up.
Rummage through the back of your closet & see what wonderful things have been stuffed back there & forgotten. Put on a pair of heels & see what new outfits you can come up with. It is absolutely true that wearing an outfit you feel good in boosts your confidence & level of happiness!
Do something good for somebody else.
Help Haiti, give blood, volunteer at an animal shelter, deliver meals on wheels, help at a soup kitchen, donate old clothing, spend time at a women’s shelter, get involved in your community or even just help your parents out. It’s one of the absolute best ways to get your mind off your own problems & open you up to what is really going on in the world.
Spend time in a used bookstore.
One of my favourite places! There’s nothing better than walking out with a stack of great books for less than $10!
Remove negative influences — no matter how small.
Fire your negative friend or most annoying client. Stop reading the magazines which make you feel bad about yourself. Ban yourself from checking your ex-boyfriend’s blog. Block the phone number of the person who only ever calls you to complain. You cannot imagine how much better you’ll feel!
Draw moustaches on the faces in magazines!
Hahaha. Thanks @CaitHagar!
Buy something fabulous & cheap.
I recently bought a this Swarovski crystal ring for less than $10 from Eternal Sparkles on eBay — major bling for minor cash. It’s cute & it makes me smile. Sometimes, retail therapy really does work!
Pucker up!
Yes — kiss someone! Kissing causes the chemicals in your brain to change. It drops your levels of cortisol, which is a stress hormone, & increases the levels of oxytocin, which makes you feel good & gives you a feeling of connection.
Eat ice-cream & watch trashy television.
It sounds silly & overly simplistic but it really does work — at least for me! A tub of Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked & some rubbish lined up makes for a great mental holiday. My favourite trashy fare? Paris Hilton’s My New BFF, Girls Next Door, Sex & The City, Entourage, Secret Diary Of A Call Girl, Skins, Top Model, Greek, Daisy Of Love, The Rachel Zoe Project, Say Yes To The Dress or Buffy. Perfect.
Stay overnight at your best friend’s place.
How long has it been since you had a same-sex sleepover? Too long I bet. There’s nothing better than a night of conversation, laughter & silliness with someone you adore.
Make yourself a super-healthy meal.
The feeling of accomplishment & knowledge that you’ve done something good for yourself is an almost unbeatable combination!
Concoct a special hot chocolate.
Add cinnamon, whipped cream, nutmeg, chili powder, candy canes, marshmallow… Make something special & delicious. Even better, make a huge Thermos & take it to work or school to share!
Go skating.
Flying around a rink at high speed with blades or wheels strapped to your feet is so much fun… & a big bruise on your booty can only be seen as a badge of bravery (& testament to how much fun you had)!
Slice up your fashion magazines & make a style collage.
From a candy pink pair of stilettos to a girl sitting in a gilded birdcage, take your favourite looks & mash them all together. Pin it up next to your wardrobe as extra inspiration when you get dressed in the morning, & let it serve as a reminder to try new things!
Watch a documentary about someone incredible.
If Lagerfeld Confidential, I’m Going To Tell You A Secret, Valentino: The Last Emperor or This Is It don’t inspire you to live life to the fullest, take control of your future & start changing things, nothing will!
Go wig shopping.
Take a friend & rock that wig parlour! You’ll both emerge with smiles on your faces, & hopefully a Marie Antoinette-inspired coif in your shopping bag!
Have a raucous karaoke session.
Drag someone along with you, hire a private room, & have a sing-off! Also, ask if your favourite karaoke place has a happy hour. A lot of them have lunchtime specials to get the punters in when it’s usually quiet. One of the best ways to spend your lunchbreak, for sure.
Pay someone to touch you.
Sounds weird, I know! But what I’m actually talking about is getting a massage, reflexology or even a really good pedicure. Sometimes having someone else touch you & take care of you is just what you need.
Start a new project.
I don’t think I am the only person who really enjoys beginning a new project. Everything is so full of promise & you can take it in any direction you like. It’s all creativity & experimentation all the time. What could be better?!
Get organised for the next week.
Work out what needs to be done, & get a head-start. Do your grocery shopping & laundry, plan social engagements, work out what you’re going to have for lunch. When you feel on top of your daily life, you feel more in control of everything else.
Learn to do something you’ve always wanted to.
From whistling with two fingers to learning how to talk dirty to working out if you’re a shaman or not, you can learn anything you like! The internet is a treasure-trove of information just waiting to be discovered, so don’t be shy! Get researching!
Sing, loudly!
In public, out of tune, at the gym, wherever! If you feel like singing, you should just do it! Don’t be embarrassed & don’t allow the looks other people may shoot you stop you from doing what you want! I think singing in the morning should be an essential part of everyone’s day…
Garden.
As in, the verb. The doing word! Talk to your plants, water them, re-pot them. Buy a new one. Or even go to a park & lie down on the grass. Getting up close with flowers & plants makes people feel good, which is why gardening is such a popular hobby.
Go swimming.
Bonus points for skinny dipping or swimming in the grotto at the Playboy Mansion. (Have any of you ever done this?!)
Make something.
There’s something about making a tangible object that is so satisfying. I am convinced that just moving your hands & using your brain in a different way is extremely good for your mental health. Bedazzle your cellphone, knit a sparkly scarf or make a little monster for a friend! It will shift the way you think & make you smile.
Draw pictures of all your friends & then post them out.
Even if it doesn’t come out very well, your friend will still be completely delighted to receive it. Who doesn’t want a picture of themselves drawn by someone who loves them?!
Research & read about the life of someone who improved the world in some way.
You’ll find out that everyone goes through hardships at one point or another. Nobody’s life is perfect, & if it was, how bored would we all be?! People have been through much more horrific things than you will ever experience, & still managed to triumph. Never lose hope.
Print pictures of you & your best friends, & put them all over your house.
There’s nothing better than reflecting on good times & smiling at goofy photos.
Invite a friend over for dinner.
It doesn’t have to be fancy. Even if you only eat fish & chips while sitting on the floor together, it’s still good company, it’s still a shared experience, & it’s good for the soul.
Read the best of Craigslist.
No explanation required.
Write a list of all the good things in your life.
Usually when we feel bad, it’s because we’re thinking about the things we don’t have as opposed to the plethora of things we do have. If you have a computer & can read this, you are already so much better off than most people in this world. Recalling everything you have to be grateful for is a foolproof way of improving your mood… which is why I do it every Thursday!
Dye your hair!
“I don’t know how to tell you this… But your hair looks like an easter egg!” Put a semi-permanent colour through your tresses. It’s inexpensive & won’t last long, which makes it a super-fun & easy way to change your appearance — at least for now!
Watch travel documentaries.
This is one of my favourite things to do, especially when it’s a documentary about India! It’s so easy to forget that life outside our own neighbourhood can be so fabulously different. A good travel documentary will amaze you, surprise you & remind you that there is a whole world out there just aching to be explored by you.
What’s your #1 favourite foolproof way of making yourself feel better when nothing seems to be going right? Tell us!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [121] Tags: advice,
how to,
inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Naughty Girls On Notice
[ 22 January 2010, 10:52 ]
Photo by Ellen Von Unwerth; Bettie Page by Irving Klaw.
Even now & again I get a comment from someone who wishes iCiNG was different — or they wish I was different. They miss the good old days (when I lived in Melbourne). They miss my old style (when I couldn’t afford a new pair of shoes). They want me to be who I used to be — or someone I never was.
Things have changed, & I say, hallelujah! Hooray! How awful it would be to stay the same forever!
People, style, taste & art changes with time. Change is good! Change should be welcomed & encouraged. Change brings new ideas & opportunities, fresh ways of thinking & wonderfully different approaches.
I have been doing this for over three years. Three years! I’ve written more than 1,000 articles for iCiNG & in that time, I have covered all kinds of things, from relationships to self-improvement, personal style to interior design, & the truth is that what appears here is always dependent on me & my interests at any particular time. I don’t want to re-write my old articles, wear my old outfits or re-live my old life over & over again. That is not fun for me — & that’s why I have an archive!
This blog is a piece of me, & everything I choose to discuss is something I truly care about or feel inspired by. I love your contributions & I adore getting article ideas or suggestions from you, but I will not do something just because someone thinks I should. I would never tell someone how to live their life or what kind of art they should produce! I expect the same courtesy from you.
What is iCiNG? It is a collection of things to make you think; to inspire & uplift you. iCiNG encourages you to be your best self — whatever that may be. It is about exploring who you are & want you want. It is about being accepted & loved, & getting excited about who we are & who we are becoming. All of those things can be facilitated in a variety of ways — & I love to switch it up!
If you have a genuine concern about me or the direction of my blog, you are most welcome to email me. You are ALWAYS welcome to email me! I love to hear from you & I try to reply to everyone. My email address is easy to find. But scrapping it out in the comments is just plain bad manners. It’s very hungry tiger (the first definition, not the second!). It degrades everyone’s experience & it will not be tolerated.
Constructive criticism is always welcome but nasty comments are not, & will be deleted! No one should be subjected to someone else’s bad mood — not me, & not the 30,000 other people who drop by every day! It’s not that difficult to be charming!
I don’t like writing this stuff because 99.9% of you are WONDERFUL! But you naughty girls know who you are! So pull your socks up!
Photo by Ellen Von Unwerth.
Alright, now that some of you have been disciplined (insert whip-cracking noises here), know that I love you very much! Have an incredible weekend — do something frivolous & be sure to wear lots of lip gloss while you do it!
P.S. Comments are turned off on this post — ‘cause this is just how it is! xo
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Tags: life Add Gala on Twitter!Mystic Medusa 2010 Horoscopes
[ 11 January 2010, 09:28 ]
If you’ve been reading iCiNG for any real length of time, you should know by now that my favourite site on the entire web is Mystic Medusa. It is seriously the best, & always the first one I check. Additionally, Mystic has been really good to me, sends me signed copies of her books & puts up with me constantly emailing her links about weird astrology-related products that I find in my incessant browsing! (Like constellation cuffs & zodiac panties!)
We were having a little chitter-chat the other day when she asked if I’d like to post her 2010 forecasts. Would I ever! These are meant for subscribers only (so keep it on the hush!), & mega-delicious. She writes these for In Style magazine; pretty fancy, huh?
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! Mystic has this excellent subscriber service called Daily Mystic, where every morning she emails you about what the planets are doing, what you can expect from the day & what kind of action to take. I have been a subscriber for ages & think it is totally brill. She’s offering a super-special price to nonpareils for a 6 month subscription. Details at the bottom of the post!
Here are Mystic Medusa’s predictions for what magic is heading your way in two-thousand-&-amen!
Style: Always the Alpha-Girl, you’re about to reinvent yourself yet again. An innovative new era starts in June. For the first time in 80 years, rad planet Uranus will be in Aries. Let your look lead the way via a make-over. Scheme for a mid-year relaunch: Honed bod from mega-fitness, scarlet, diamonds, tan, clean, eco, sporty & a sci-fi style scent concocted with ground-breaking technology. Nothing naff, chintzy nor old-school and the same with accessories.
Happiness: June to September sees you blissing out with Jupiter, the luckiest planet of all. Anticipate peak experiences as you assert yourself more stylishly. You’re soul-mining until March 11, as Mars Retrograde hypes spiritual life. Yoga, retreats & spa hols do brilliant work. Your professional life needs to be approached as a non-stop transformational junket. You’re incapable of stagnation there and things screw up fast if you try to go it in slo-mo.
Love: After April, you’re compelled to set better relationship boundaries. An uncertain phase lingering since October 2009 ends in July and serious deepening of commitments is on your agenda: Marriage, children, a business together or a casual flirtation ramping up into more passionate scenarios. However, you’re not in the mood for immature game-playing. If necessary, you’ll ditch scrappy love affairs and set off to seek something more sophisticated.
Style: Emerald is both your colour and birthstone, with ornate & velvety sensual styles becoming you best. Being ruled by sexual allure & beauty goddess Venus, you care far more for feminine appeal than tricky little fads. Recent years have demanded a strongly directional wardrobe. But in 2010 you’re back on the fun & relaxation track, requiring flattering leisure & lounging around gear. Think: Modern-day siren, totally comfortable and yet silkily gorgeous.
Happiness: Energy channelled into chez Cow repays with riches and peace of mind. But, for domestic bliss, hold off on home projects and big real estate spends until March 11. Rather than grumbling about a lack-lustre social life, take radical steps to broaden friendship circles from late Jan to May. Social life brings career blessings. Amazing opportunities to do with overseas or academia, which were hinted at last year, transform your life unbelievably in 2010.
Love: An erotic spring fling? Fateful love affair the likes of which you have never experienced before? From Sept 9 and for the rest of the year, you have your ruling planet Venus in the House of Love. It’s an extraordinary time for you in romance. Expect the most amazing synchronicity to connect you to people with whom you experience an instant and intense attraction. If you’re pair-bonded, temptation from an outside person may be an issue.
Style: Girlish in-a-good-way, on message with trends & lithe-figured, Gemini is the Zodiac Fashionista. As career takes off from late January, you’re inspired into a sleeker work wardrobe & polished presentation. You are your greatest investment. Pearls are your signature astro-jewel, wear-anywhere and always divine. Late April to June is your zone for zapping yourself into a whole new level of looks, charm and clothes-savvy. Un-rut yourself and live large.
Happiness: Personal freedom increases in 2010, along with fantastic career openings, prosperity and general success. You finalise an ongoing home, ex-lover or family situation by April. July is financially momentous: a new biz, marrying into money or bigtime promotion are all potential themes. Creative Geminis enjoy a huge degree of inspiration and recognition in the second half of the year. From Sept, work life takes on a strangely sensual and flirtatious edge.
Love: Thanks to Saturn at play, you are now way more cunning and manipulative in dating. You refuse to engage with anyone won’t afford you the respect you require to feel cool. Fertility & children could easily be an issue. Solo Gems are highly likely to meet a major love interest (not just a weirdo or player) in late January/early Feb, late May/early June. But all 2010 you enjoy fantastic social encounters and intense flirtations that flare up in seconds.
Style: Yours is the most classic and romantic look of all. Fresh fashion with vintage styling suits your old-worldly beauty along with intricate archetypal jewels & accessories. Your flowers are the pink lotus, symbol of spiritual love, the lily and white rose. Silver is the Cancerian metal & moonstone the jewel of your soul. In 2010 you streamline the time-money equation by happening upon a designer who so totally gets your ideal look that it’s like clairvoyance.
Happiness: From late May till September, you benefit from sugar-dad Jupiter and radical Uranus in your vocational sector. This is the start of a cool and more prosperous new era for Crabby careers. Shake off rusty old limitations – dream big. The main themes of your year is travel, long-distance love, the higher mind and realising your most visionary dreams. September and November are extra brilliant for overseas junkets, business trips and finding yourself.
Love: A calmer and wiser you beams radiant, sexy self-reliance to the world and it affects your romantic realm for the better. Since late 2008, your love life has been way more passionate and karmic, a vehicle for your transformation. This process continues and if you have not yet, you begin a brilliant, intense and fulfilling Big Love story in 2010. September onward is hot, thanks to Venus in mystical mode. Fate reconnects you with someone from your Past.
Style: Suitably, for luxe-loving you, your lucky jewellery is gold and yellow sapphire. Wear both to enhance your gilded Leo beauty. Cash flows from May and you may enjoy money from unexpected sources. All the better to fund your unabashed love of beauty, art elegance & pleasure. Good living is not at all shallow to you.You make it an art. Your taste is singular, expensive & often ornate but you enhance the world and brighten the very air around you.
Happiness: In mid-January you initiate your most stunning health and chic physique metamorphosis ever. This year you’re also learning to love the biz side of creativity & your life. Until March 11, be tactical with everyone, especially career v.i.p.s. Play things strategically enough and March to June represents a jubilant professional phase in which you lap up lavish reward and recognition. A mid-year work trip or offshore biz interests are out of routine but so worth it.
Love: Romance is more mystical, strange and inexplicable than ever. You attract the most fascinating of lovers and there is a deep dimension of soulful emotion running through even the most seemingly simple of attractions. Destiny is at play and your dreams message you many clues as to your relationships. Pair-bonded Leos may be tempted by outside potential partners and ambiguity of attachments. Mid-2010 is off-the-scale hot for sudden love affairs.
Style: A sophisticated eye, ability to edit and fastidious fashion details consciousness ensures you are always chic. You’re a jewellery diva – jasper and peridot are your cosmically assigned rocks – but you favour subtle genius over overtly flash bling. The craft is all, as it is with your clothes. One brilliantly devised & rendered item of anything trumps a thousand cheap bits of tat. This year, especially from September, you are more overtly sensual in your image.
Happiness: Ditch people who drain your Qi or otherwise take your goodness for granted. Artistically, it’s time to put it out there. Anticipate dramatic changes in friendships, with some surprise re-entries back into your life. Bizarre but brilliant alternative health practices benefit beauty, well-being and peace of mind. Many of you are clucky, having babies and/or loving chez Virgo and family life more than ever. From July, you reinvent yourself as a biz whiz.
Love: It’s your absolute most officially lucky phase for true love in 12 years. For the first time since 1998, you have got lucky Jupiter gracing your relationship sector. The optimal times for love: January 18 till June 6 and then September onward. Existing partnerships are blessed – you two can definitely profit together. Solo Virgos meet a new person who is extremely good for you, an official ‘catch’ and adoring of you. A positive attitude helps unlock the luck.
Style: As your appreciation for gorgeous clothes and cosmetics testifies, Libra is the archetypal sign of beauty. In 2010, you have Saturn in your sign to contend with. This is your cosmic cue to add in a strategic element to image and grooming. Self-control and planning bring brilliant results when aligned with your natural-born feminine prettiness. Saturn also signifies investment jewellery and the desire to measure time with a meaningful watch.
Happiness: Saturn in your sign only happens once every 29 years, prompting you to unleash courage and a steelier persona onto those who would underestimate you. Don’t let them mistake your incredible charm for weakness. You enjoy fabulously transformative home stars and the chance to radically alter chez Libra so that it is far more you. Jan and July coincide with significant shifts in real estate, your key residence, attitudes to family and décor concepts.
Love: A mid-year love quake may manifest as a surprise suitor or your sudden yearnings to be emancipated. This astro-passage only occurs once every 84 years and it’s affecting you from June. Think fast change, a thrilling romantic life and unconventional relationships. eg; A way younger lover, someone who lives far away. However this plays out, expect that your boredom threshold is going to be much lower. Pity the person who tries to fence you in.
Style: Scorps are either witches skulking in sheep’s clothing – yoga wear, urban warrior conservative office uniform – or they’re insanely charismatic and dramatic. With macho Mars dominating your public image sector until June, you now switching to full stun mode 24-7. Think in terms of your cosmic colours –blue and purple – with extreme design that only you could carry off. You’re adept at scent warfare and topaz is your personal powerstone.
Happiness: You’re ultra-fertile, both mentally and physically. Kids play a magical role in your life and you in theirs. You get off more than ever on your world, becoming a bona-fide life enhancer. Money merde fades from February and you enjoy a pioneering new sense of ease in career realms. June onwards is about awesome work opportunities and the chance to operate from a position of hyped freedom, if not total autonomy. You’re taking charge & feeling hot.
Love: From January 18, you have auspicious Jupiter beefing up fun and romance. You also have a high chance of meeting thrill-seeker style guys chez work. Options are multiplying non-stop. Your new relationship mantra? More fun – less fear. But the most significant love developments actually occur from September and into early 2011, as Venus spends way longer than usual in your sign, a wonderful omen for happy times and true love.
Style: Gorgeous citizen of the world that you are, your signature style is ravingly eclectic. Yes, turquoise is your official and lucky stone but you’ll grab anything that takes your fancy and make it your own. The Sagg speciality is combining haute and low, to devastating effect. eg; faded old jeans with a diamond tennis bracelet. A long gown for dinner by the beach with sandy bare feet. You’re getting wealthier in 2010, all the better to manifest your unique vision.
Happiness: You are renowned for candour and this obviously does not make you the greatest corporate player in history. But this year you enjoy a far greater degree of basic smarts when it comes to biz and work situations. Use April to June for redefining your vocational stance and upskilling if appropriate. Sensational opportunities arrive in July; Be prepped. Any time from September is spectacular for a retreat or deeply personal journey of discovery.
Love: Late May through to mid-August is when the fun begins. Think: Sudden romance, lust at first sight and exciting trips undertaken in the name of love. From September, you are in a situation where your relationship life feels blended with spiritual pursuits. As your ruler, lucky Jove, is in the home sector, you’ve a huge chance of hooking up with a new love interest via your family or a childhood friend. It’s also a prime time for fertility and babies.
Style: Capricorn is cosmically blessed with beautiful bone structure, good taste and the ability to look younger with every year. Your gem is the gorgeous garnet and platinum your appropriately power-vibing metal. You are in Phoenix mode all year, particularly in February and it is time to slough off vestiges of out-moded routines, much-loved but no-longer-you accessories and wardrobe. Unclutter so that fresh energies of renewal can enter your life.
Happiness: Life gives you the chance to be absolutely and radiantly yourself. It’s individuation to the max. You crave to be appreciated for nothing less than your authentic self. This attitude permeates every aspect of your life. Tres deep and oddly enough, profitable. You attract like-minded peeps to work and play with. The Solar Eclipse in your sign on January 15 is major; your real New Year and the best starred time to set some serious goals.
Love: Relationships that are basically fake, for convenience, to show that you can ‘get’ someone or inequitable dissolve. You’re not interested in wasting time on go-nowhere flirtations or dysfunctional lovers. Oddly enough your empowered new boundary-setting has love interests falling over themselves to pursue you. If you are looking to meet someone, Sept to November is your zone and it will be a relationship of immediate significance and depth.
Style: You discover or create a signature style early on in life, and constantly retweak it to suit where you’re at right now. That’s the Aqua way. You’re always eco-conscious, avant-garde and trend-forward of course. Your serenity-enhancing stone is the Amethyst although if you could tile your bathroom-sanctuary in lapiz lazuli, you would. In this year of more demand for your expertise, organise your wardrobe so it’s auto-chic, no angsting on your part.
Happiness: Jupiter, the luckiest planet of all, is in your $$$ sector from January 18 to early June & then again from Sept 9 for the rest of the year. These phases coincide with magnificent money scenarios. It only occurs once every 12 years so do your utmost to co-operate with the cosmic largesse. In early June, Jupiter meets your patron planet Uranus. This is the best time in ages to launch a new enterprise or be daring in any regard whatsoever.
Love: Whilst a significant romance may seem to stall in the first few months of 2010, it is all back on track with Mars Direct on March 11. 2010 is a joyous and thrilling years for romance ever, especially April/May. Remember that this sort of astroscape, whilst exciting, does not so much favour steady and regular loving, as it does a surfeit of pleasure and fun. The New Moon on August 10 is your cue to clarify the direction of a relationship.
Style: Jupiter affords you far more options for lavish living than you have had in a while. So take advantage of these celestial blessings to better define your look. Think; fresh make-up strategies & the symbolic new beginning of an extreme lingerie makeover. The Piscean gem is the Aquamarine and all variations of the colour become you as well. The part of the body ruled by your sign is the feet; beautiful shoes are thus vital to spiritual wellbeing.
Happiness: Pluto in your Social Sector transforms every element of your friendships. People whom you thought would be in your life forever may fade out for a while and you form fantastic new connections with enviable ease and speed. If you can consciously think in terms of expanding your social networks, the benefits are unbelievable. Jupiter in Pisces is about your self-confidence and opportunities blossoming. You’re particularly prosperous in mid-2010.
Love: Since late 2007, you have been under the pump, learning untold love lessons, thanks to Saturn in the relationship sector. Now, apart from a little flashback from April to July, you’re done with angst and are ready to shift into a more fun and flowing romance reality. But keep the emotional self-reliance & sophistication you have picked up. Magical months for romance include Jan/Feb and from September onward and into January 2011.
To gain access to rad tidbits & special offers, as well as daily emails in simple but hilarious language that detail what is going on in the sky, how it affects you & what you can do about it, nab a six month subscription to Daily Mystic! Click below to find out the secret price! (You won’t be charged unless you decide to actually buy!) P.S. It is usually $55!
To you from me, Pinky Lee!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [46] Tags: astrology,
consumption,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Les Vacances!
[ 30 December 2009, 10:09 ]
Thank you two-thousand-&-divine — 2009 — for all that you have been.
Thank you for your lessons & challenges, your blessings & beauty.
Thank you for your introductions & endings, your magic & surprise.
Thank you for holding us close as well as letting us sprint off into the distance; thank you for simultaneously wrapping us in cotton wool & giving us a swift spanking!
Thank you for your protection & love.
We jump into two-thousand-&-amen — 2010 — with wide eyes, racing hearts & blazing visions. We are so very excited to see what you have in store for us!
Have an incredible new year’s eve. If you don’t go out, you might like to watch the Imagine Peace Tower (it’s lit all day & night of the 31st of December!) while you listen to music, laugh & make vision boards for the next decade.
If you do go out, be sure to dress up (see also!), kiss someone who makes you feel fabulous (even if it’s just your grandma, & even if it’s just on the cheek), stay safe & start 2010 as you mean to go on!
...& with that, I’m going on holiday for a week or so! Time to love on my family, catch up on some reading, bliss out over magical blueprints for the coming decade & get some delicious rest. I’ll be back soon with some mega-yummies! (You can still keep up with me on Twitter if you need your fix of the Galaverse!)
As always, I love you more than words can say. Thank you for being part of my experience of 2009. Here’s to a decade of splendor!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [45] Tags: gala,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Getting Organised For 2010
[ 29 December 2009, 10:39 ]
It’s the last week of 2009! God, how exciting. I LOVE the prospect of a new year! Fresh starts, new goals, rejuvenated ambition & no idea what the future might hold — it doesn’t get any better than that!
We all have ideas (some vague, some concrete) about what we’d like to achieve in the next decade (!!!). I always think it’s important to start out as you mean to continue, so here are a few ideas for you to ruminate on as you get ready for 2010!
I want to… plan my life right down to the most minute detail!
I really do love a good Moleskine for daily organisation. I have been using them for years & there is something about the sexy, simple design, good quality paper & substantial hard cover which really appeals to me. I usually go with the Moleskine Daily Planner, which is wonderful — you get a full-sized page per day which is great for workaholics or organisational freaks like myself. But I decided 2010 needed a shake-up, & where better to start than with my day-planner? I bought a Colour A Month Daily Planner Box Set, which has been sitting on my desk & delighting me with its rainbonic (!!! or PRISMATIC!) visage! You still get a full page per day, just smaller, & I’m sure it will be just dandy for my purposes. I can’t wait to throw one of its colourful little books into my purse for mega-organisation on the go!
But this is not to say that a Moleskine is the only way to go, because it certainly isn’t. You might also like to try the Muji Chronotebook Non-Linear Day Planner (here is Lifehacker’s take on it), the 8 Days A Week planner (you can use the 8th day for things you’d like to schedule in, but are not sure when — v. clever!), the Daysteps planner (they seem to have thought of everything), the Multi-Task Notebook, a planner by Kate Spade or the Llewellyn’s 2010 Witches’ Datebook. The WeekDate planner looks really, truly incredible. You can even design your own planner with your own photos & pre-scheduled events at FranklinCovey. Amaze. So don’t give up or feel resigned to the ugly diary that your bank gave you, because there really is something for everyone!
Once you get your planner, use it! Keep it on your desk & open to the day’s date. Start making lists of things you want to do at night-time — for example, plan Monday on Sunday evening. If you do this, your brain will ruminate over the tasks while you’re sleeping, allowing your subconscious mind to come up with a plethora of solutions for the day ahead. Lovely!
Organize Now!: A Week By Week Guide To Simplify Your Space & Your Life might be a good purchase, too!
I want… a great wall calendar!
Me too! Yes, a good wall calendar should definitely be on your shopping list.
Okay, so if you have a daily planner, why do you need a wall calendar too? You don’t, but I like it that way. I love to be able to see my month at a glance: that way I always know where I need to be & what I need to prepare for. It also gives me a sense of accomplishment as I see what I’ve achieved as the days tick over!
The difference between the calendar & my planner is that my calendar is strictly for things I need to leave the house for. My planner is more of a daily to do list.
It’s a fab time to buy a calendar. In most bookstores they are 50% off, because it’s after Christmas, & it is beyond wonderful to have it hanging on the 1st of January! It always feels a bit wasteful to buy one in March.
My 2009 calendar was a Tim Walker one & I cherished it. Sadly there is not a 2010 one, so I have been on the hunt for a suitable replacement. Here are some you might like.
Check out The Wizard of Oz, A Year In Yes (I have this & it is so cute, with spaces for making sweet little lists etc. etc.!), Walt Disney World (pictures of the park, YAY!), Magic Places, Hindu Gods & Goddesses, Llewellyn’s Astrological, Holly Madison (I kind of love her), Celebrations, Gods of the Bazaar, World of Faeries, Alex Grey, Tokidoki & Hello Kitty. This reversible calendar is very chic & clean. The Women of India calendar is super-colourful & An Ideal World features Indian educational charts from the 1950s. Love it. If you’d prefer to choose your own images, you can make your own calendar by connecting your Flickr account to Snapfish. Genius!
If none of these grab you, or you’d prefer not to put something on the wall, you can always buy a calendar tin!
I want to… sort out my desk!
Me TOO! We have so much in common! Well, you definitely need to begin with a good pen. What else are you going to write all your grand plans of world domination with?! The Yoropen is “the most comfortable pen in the world” & looks super-rad. You could always buy a 10-pack of Gelly Roll pens to make your to do lists more exciting, even glittery. Everyone needs a good Sharpie, especially for addressing packages (mine is magenta). I find it hard to resist scented pencils too!
...& why not keep your favourite pen in a happy Buddha pen holder? I ask you! Why not indeed!
If you have a landline — & I don’t know anyone who does anymore, but still — this phone should be essential.
Bone- & heart-shaped paper clips belong on your desk, most definitely.
As far as resources for making your life more productive or wonderful, start with Never Check E-Mail In the Morning: & Other Unexpected Strategies for Making Your Work Life Work, Crush It!: Why NOW Is the Time to Cash In on Your Passion (Gary Vee! !) & The Life Organizer: A Woman’s Guide to a Mindful Year.
I want to… get a better, more satisfying job!
This could be a whole book on its own, but if you’re feeling stuck or unmotivated in your job, it might be time to look for something else.
Keep in mind the following points.
It’s a cliché but it’s true — dress for the role you want, not the role you have.
Expand your networking skills. Never Eat Alone: & Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time is an excellent, excellent place to begin. It’s totally true that when it comes to getting work, more often than not, it’s who you know & not what you know.
Be aware that higher-level positions usually get about one-fifth the number of applicants that a lower-level position does. Most people aim low. Hilariously, if you apply for a more prestigious role, your odds of getting it are actually better than if you go for the job which pays less! Plus, you never know. I have told this story a zillion times, so feel free to tune out if you’ve heard it before, but I got a job as a book buyer for a university bookstore when I was 18 years old because a) applicants were few & far between & b) their first choice turned it down because they wanted more pay. It was a great job, too — sitting in a café all day, talking books with reps from various companies? Brill.
Give some thought to what you’d really like to do, & try not to be too “practical” about it. If you want to do satisfying, fulfilling work, you need to listen to your heart, not your head. Additionally, if you keep going for the same sort of job, you’re going to get the same kind of result.
I want… to get fit & healthy!
Take advantage of the post-Christmas sales, but not the ones on big boxes of Ferrero Rocher chocolates! Think about gyms, health clubs, dance classes, etc. — after Christmas, everyone wants to work off a bit of the turkey, mashed potatoes, gargantuan pieces of fruit cake et al from the season of glut. All businesses in the health & wellness sector know this, & you better believe they want your dosh!
So do some shopping around. See what the deals are. Get a few tours. Grab some day passes if you can. Do some research. (Plug “gym or company name” + “review” + “your city” into Google & get cracking!) Purchase wisely, though! If you’re buying from a gym, these memberships often last two years, & while $x may not sound a lot, multiply it by 24 & you may feel quite differently.
Don’t be afraid to drive a hard bargain, either. Tell your membership advisor that you’re shopping around, & see what else they can offer you. If they can throw in some free personal training sessions, so much the better. In fact, the personal training route is a great way to go because the right trainer can give you a mission, encourage you & motivate you — three things you can start to lose sight of if you’re just slogging away under your own steam.
All gyms have their advantages & disadvantages. What is it that you really need from a gym? Good yoga classes? Women only? Personal trainers? A spa? Work out your criteria & then purchase a membership accordingly.
If you’re not of the gym predilection, plot an exercise schedule which suits your lifestyle & STICK TO IT! Self-discipline is key if you want to see results.
As in all areas of life, in order to really achieve something, you need to set a goal that pertains to it. So set health & fitness goals which inspire you, & then get busy!
I want… to eat better!
It’s best to deduce what “eating better” means to you. Less meat? More vegetables? No meat at all? No fried food? All home cooking? More regular meals? Less snacking? Macrobiotic? Vegetarian? Vegan? Raw? Organic? Once you know your definition of healthy eating, you’ll know which direction to head in.
Get some books & do some research, see what you can find online, visit a nutritionist or buy some kitchen equipment that will make your journey easier. Go food shopping, & remove the foods you’re trying to avoid from your kitchen. Make an eating plan & then make sure you have what you need every day so you can keep to it. Half the battle, truly, is just in being organised.
If you want to start with a hiss & a roar, you might like to try something to clear you out. I am going to do a juice fast in January through Blueprint Cleanse. You can do it without supervision or hand-holding, but because I have never done it before & I am a wuss, I’m doing it through them! If it’s something you’re interested in too, you can read an FAQ here.
I want to… move forward & put the past behind me!
Start by cutting loose the negative people in your life. Work out if you’re in a destructive relationship. Set goals for 2010 which wow & inspire you. Improve your home with a dash of feng shui. Come up with some affirmations of what you want for 2010, & recite them every morning & every night. Remember to count your blessings & practice gratitude every day (not just Thursday!). Breathe. Be good to yourself.
I want… to achieve HEAPS!
This is something I did on Saturday evening with a friend of mine. We weren’t planning it, it just happened. After shopping, we crossed the road & sat in a diner. We sipped milkshakes & were talking when I said to her, “What do you want to achieve next year?” We started discussing our goals. She even pulled out her notebook & read me the list of things she wanted to do. As we talked about our plans, we came up with ways we could combine them, or help one another, or people we could introduce the other to who could assist them. We encouraged one another & talked about how great it would be to do this or that or the other thing. It was really fantastic. I would recommend doing this with a friend, lover or family member — anyone who you know will be supportive (very important). If they’re just going to try & talk you out of it, you’re wasting your time. Don’t spend time with dreamkillers!
If you are going to do this, I would recommend doing it when you have no time constraints, & also I would suggest that you phrase everything as if it is already happening. So, instead of saying, “I want to get fit & healthy”, you can say, “I am getting more fit & healthy every day”. Bring it into the present. If you are always phrasing things out in the future, they remain there: in the future, distant, just out of grasp. Pull them to you with your words.
The reasons for sharing your goals are multiple, but one of the best is that it will give you a jolt & make you accountable. Before you said anything out loud, it was just an idea floating around in your head. But now your friend knows about it, & can check on your progress, help you if you want them to, & encourage it to blossom into the real world.
“A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.” — Yoko Ono
What do you want to do, manifest, achieve in 2010? Where do you want to go? What does your dream year look like?
Here’s to the start of a beautiful decade!
P.S. It’s Mercury retrograde which is a little daunting but means it is the perfect time to look back & reflect before launching into the new year. You will get the best results in 2010 if you take a moment to review 2009! There is a FABULOUS Cancerian new moon eclipse on January 15th, which is the best time to start fresh & go wild, so start psyching yourself up for it now!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [80] Tags: how to,
inspiration,
life,
productivity Add Gala on Twitter!A Letter
[ 15 December 2009, 11:02 ]
Hi cutie,
How are you doing? It’s very grey outside & 45 degrees. (That’s 7 to you & me.) I am distracting myself by looking at extremely overpriced dresses. You know how we do.
Anyway, I just wanted to write & tell you how amazing you are… in lieu of a Christmas card. ‘Cause “Happy Holidays” doesn’t sum up everything I have to tell you.
Okay, I know that sounds soppy, & this letter is not supposed to be a goop-fest, but it’s true & I wanted to remind you. Especially because I know you’re stressed out right now. So this is a, “Hello, you’re wonderful!” wake-up call.
I’m really proud of how far you’ve come this year. No year is perfect… I know 2009 has been difficult. It was hard on me too. We all had some crushing lows & our fair amount of anguish, but despite all that, I think you’ve done really well. Remember the start of the year, & how unsure you were about everything? This year has had so many moments of sickening instability but you have shown yourself to be a big glittering diamond every time. Every time!
Look at everything you’ve done! You have changed so many things about your life for the better. You’ve adopted new & more empowering attitudes, cut negative people from your life & achieved heaps.
Honestly, when you think about how you felt this time last year, & contrast that to how your life looks today, you’ll realise how well you’ve done. It has been magnificent to watch. You are so much stronger than you think you are. 2009 has been testament to that.
I’m glad you didn’t let people get you down this year. I know that sometimes people said or did things which shook your confidence & made you feel like you were walking a wobbly tight-rope, but I think you overcame it SO well. You haven’t let it shake your confidence in humankind & that is really beautiful.
My favourite thing about you is that you are living life YOUR way & doing the best you can. Your story is your own. You don’t allow other people to persuade you to give up your dreams. You have a shining vision for the future & you’re making little steps there every day. You don’t allow people who “don’t understand” to get you down, you just leave them behind in your glorious wake. You have faith that they’ll catch up when the time is right. It is so awesome & delicious.
I think that when you are doing important things, the universe will throw challenges at you to see how serious you are. If you give up, it obviously didn’t mean that much to you. The universe will give your dream to someone else. But you haven’t given up. You keep forging ahead. You are so lionhearted & full of love & hope.
Brave love warrior. Dream architect. Infatuation queen. Disco menace. Psychedelic ghoul. Bunnyhead genius. You are all these things & so much more.
You are such an inspiration to me & everyone around you! We are so glad you are here. You make us really happy.
I love you so much. Stay golden!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [144] Tags: life Add Gala on Twitter!Style Tips: 7th December 2009
[ 7 December 2009, 20:19 ]
Monday 7th December
Have a bed party as soon as you can! I am having one right now, & have been having one all day! Just me, Hank Williams, my brand new MacBook Pro (!!!) & a mug full of magical potion. It’s just what a dreary Monday demanded!
Tuesday 8th December
Celebrate Rohatsu, aka Bodhi Day (成道会), which is when Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha!) reached a higher consciousness over 2000 years ago. If meditation is something you already do, have an extra-long meditation session or commit to doing it more regularly. If you’ve never tried it or only dabbled, you could even decide that today is the day you’re going to start. Have a look at Tina Su’s tips on how to begin.
Wednesday 9th December
Pick one book you’ve been meaning to read for ages — something that’s a bit overwhelming — & devote yourself to completing it this summer or winter. Nothing is better on a beach than a good book, & reading is one of the best ever cold weather activities!
Thursday 10th December
Have a Japanese feast! Invite a friend over to make sushi if you’re so inclined, or if you tend to be more disaster & less DIY when it comes to the kitchen, order from your favourite Japanese restaurant. Eat cross-legged on the floor while watching a great movie. Battle Royale, Ichi the Killer or Kamikaze Girls are all excellent choices!
Friday 11th December
Think about a class you’d like to take next year. It could be anything, from life drawing to homeopathy to gourmet cooking classes. (I am going to take a creative writing course & a jewellery-making course for starters! Maybe also another make-up artistry course & I have been saying this forever but I am dying to start French lessons again!) Start doing some research, see when they start & when you need to enroll. Then either put your name down or start putting money away!
Saturday 12th December
Work out a way to experience the opposite temperature of the place you’re in now. If you’re in chilly climes, spend some time in a sauna, swim in a heated pool, or just lie in bed with your electric blanket on & an MP3 of crashing waves on loop. If it’s sweltering hot where you are, find a walk-in freezer, fill your bathtub with bags of ice or watch some snow fall while drinking (frozen?!) lemon & honey!
Sunday 13th December
Switch up your inspiration. Surely you’ve had the same pictures hanging up in your apartment for too long! Do you even notice them any more? Move them around, find some new ones, or take them all down completely & start fresh!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [37] Tags: inspiration,
life,
style tips Add Gala on Twitter!Quotables: Jon Krakauer
[ 30 November 2009, 10:02 ]
“Make a radical change in your lifestyle & begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances & yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, & conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, & hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new & different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security & adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning & its incredible beauty.” — Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [47] Tags: inspiration,
life,
quote Add Gala on Twitter!Style Tips: 9th November 2009
[ 9 November 2009, 10:35 ]
Monday 9th November
Decide to devote your week to romance of all forms. Love for other people, for your home, & most importantly, for yourself. Draw a big heart on a Post-It note & put it somewhere prominent so that no matter what happens, you remember to respond with love all week long.
Tuesday 10th November
Splurge on a really beautiful book of photography to inspire you in your love-fest! Use the pictures as fuel to bring more beauty into your life. (My pick? Romance by Chris Craymer. It arrived this morning & I am totally smitten. Very fitting for a book of this nature!)
Wednesday 11th November
Kiss a postcard & send it anonymously to someone you’ve almost forgotten — but not quite. (Spray your kiss-mark with hairspray so it doesn’t get smudged.) By the way, if you’re in New York City & so inclined, you could send one to the troops for New Year’s Eve, but even if you’re not, you can still participate!
Thursday 12th November
Plan a love picnic! It can take place anywhere (in a park, in your bed), just be sure to invite someone that makes you feel a bit swoony. Make sandwiches, don’t forget the cupcakes, & put together a good playlist, too. P.S. Here are some tips on how to have a great picnic.
Friday 13th November
Black Friday! Definitely the best opportunity to do something spooky if your hallowe’en was a non-event (comme moi)! How can you combine spookiness with love most effectively? Simple! Watch The Addams Family. Morticia + Gomez forever! Or maybe you could cast a love spell with Dame Darcy?! If you have paraskevidekatriaphobia, though, perhaps you should just stay under the covers with a good book.
Saturday 14th November
Make or buy gifts for the people closest to you. They don’t have to be big or expensive; in fact, they don’t have to cost anything at all. You can make a necklace for your friend using charms & ribbon, or write a story for your boyfriend using a typewriter you found stashed in the attic. Alternatively, you can go out & buy everyone glittering baubles!
Sunday 15th November
Write a list of 20 ways you can show people you love them (preferably in ways you haven’t shown them before). Then decide to do every single one before December 1st.
“It takes courage to love, but pain through love is the purifying fire which those who love generously know. We all know people who are so much afraid of pain that they shut themselves up like clams in a shell &, giving out nothing, receive nothing & therefore shrink until life is a mere living death.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [38] Tags: inspiration,
life,
style tips Add Gala on Twitter!Gala's Magical Guide To Getting Well
[ 20 October 2009, 09:17 ]
Recently, I was stricken with the death plague. Okay, it wasn’t quite that bad, but it was about a week of major congestion, epic nose-blowing escapades, a wicked cough & a voice that belonged to a cartoon crocodile smoking a cigarette. It was not fun, & despite being in a warm house (& hardly ever leaving it), wearing lots of clothes & eating good meals, I couldn’t seem to shake it.
...Until I asked my Twitter fiends friends for help, of course! The ideas poured in thick & fast, & I decided to give a whole bunch of them a try. Here’s what I did & what worked best. Hopefully they will help you too!
Eat a clove of raw garlic
Okay, not the most delicious thing, & it makes you stink. Not your breath, interestingly enough — but pretty much as soon as you swallow it, the smells starts to leak out of your pores. It’s quite funny really! It is excellent for keeping away vampires, obviously. So the best way to do this one is grab a clove of garlic, peel it, chop it into little pieces & swallow each piece with a big gulp of water like you were taking a pill. I swear that of all the things I tried, this did the most good. I did it twice, over two consecutive days, & I am convinced it took me from 20% health to 75%.
Liberal applications of Vicks Vaporub
Another stinky solution, yes, but it totally works! I rubbed it into my neck (front & back) & then wrapped up in a scarf. I also applied some to my chest & to the bottoms of my feet, & then put on big thick socks. You can’t really overdo Vicks, so don’t be afraid! I put it all over myself just after my raw garlic treatment & drinking my magical potion (see below!), & then climbed into bed (with my scarf & socks on), turned my electric blanket on, & slept for 5 hours. It was so good!
Put arnica cream wherever you’re sore
Typically when you’re sick, your muscles ache too. While a bath is probably the best cure for this, I was, at the time, staying in a house which didn’t have one. (Sacrilege, I know.) So the second-best thing to do is rub arnica cream into your sore muscles. Arnica is what they put on horses when they injure muscles, so you know it has a bit of oomph! Have someone loving rub it into your back, & thank me later.
Make yourself a magical potion
This one would be most fun if you were wearing a big black witches hat at the time, but if you can’t manage that, just pretend. My magical potion consisted of the juice of one whole lemon, two tablespoons of Manuka honey, two dissolvable painkillers (like Aspirin or Disprin), a big whack of ginger grated right into the cup, a generous pour of brandy, & a whole lot of boiling water. Stir it up & drink it down. If it gets cold, you can always microwave it. It would probably be a good thing to make a big batch of it & just sip it throughout the day, but I imagine you might get a bit blitzed. If that’s okay with you, go for it!
Rest
Easier said than done, sometimes, I know, but if you can manage it, get as much sleep as you can. Sleep is the time when your body is actually able to heal you up & fix you, so, to put it simply, the more sleep you get, the healthier you’ll be. If napping during the day is a luxury you cannot afford, just go to bed way, way earlier than usual. Isn’t your health worth more than an episode of The Girls Next Door? I thought so too!
Take insane “cold & flu” pills
Ideally the ones people use to manufacture crazy drugs from (i.e. the ones which contain pseudoephedrine). They tend to work the best. I haven’t taken cold/flu medicine in America, but my #1 recommendation in New Zealand is Codral. Nurofen Cold & Flu used to be my saving grace during winter, but they recently changed the formulation & it just doesn’t work like it used to. Boo. So anyway, pop some of those, they will make you feel human again. At least for a little while. But don’t take them forever, because you’ll build up a resistance while simultaneously destroying your liver. Gross…
Take your vitamins
A good multivitamin should be part of everyone’s daily routine, but if it isn’t, now’s a good time to start. Echinacea is great in large (& I do mean large) doses, & you should load up on some of those fizzing vitamin c tablets, too!
Stick your head over a steaming bowl of hot water
This is one of the best ever ways to clear out your sinuses. It’s also really good for your skin but that is just an incidental bonus! Boil the jug & pour it into a big bowl. Then stick your face over it, & throw a towel over your head to trap all the heat inside. The idea is to breathe in as deeply as you can. It will clear up any congestion you have very quickly. If you have peppermint or eucalyptus essential oil on hand, a drop (just one!) of that added to the water will work miracles too.
It seems like everyone gets sick when the seasons change! What’s your #1 tip for curing the death plague? Your tips will definitely help out a sniffly nonpareil somewhere around the globe!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [92] Tags: how to,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Style Tips -- 19th October 2009
[ 19 October 2009, 11:33 ]
Monday 19th October:
Think about which colours really suit you. Try not to wear things just because you like the colour — that’s a good way to start out if all you normally wear is black or brown, but finding out which colours actually flatter you will completely transform the way you look. Not sure where to start? Read my very first article for iCiNG (!!!), Fashion Help For Recovering Goths.
Tuesday 20th October:
Go to a diner with your best friend & have an immense feast! Preferably late at night. Be sure to order immense desserts, & take a camera (or video camera) for best results!
Wednesday 21st October:
Bake a tray of gingerbread men, decorate them to look like people you know, & then give them out! (Bonus points if you can create a resemblance with frosting! I am not that talented!)
Thursday 22nd October:
Support other women, always.
Friday 23rd October:
Change your hair entirely: go short, go long (extensions!), shave the sides, switch the colour, cut a fringe or bangs, whatever. Just do something drastic! A new haircut makes you feel unstoppable.
Saturday 24th October:
Learn a magic trick & get really good at it.
Sunday 25th October:
Make your life more beautiful in a way that makes sense to you. Buy a bunch of flowers, write yourself a love letter or paint your bedroom shocking pink.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [37] Tags: inspiration,
life,
style tips Add Gala on Twitter!Style Tips -- 12th October 2009
[ 11 October 2009, 14:22 ]
Here are some ideas to get you through the week. What do you have planned that you’re excited about? I am so so so thrilled about being back in my favourite city with my favourite man & my favourite dog! AHHHH!
Monday 12th October:
Wear more glitter! A bit of shimmer around the eyes, some crystals glued to your shoes or twinkling bracelets will all do the trick.
Tuesday 13th October:
Write LOVE on the wall to remind yourself constantly.
Wednesday 14th October:
Stick glow-in-the-dark stars all over your roof in the shape of the actual constellations. Lie on your back & stare at them when you’re falling asleep.
Thursday 15th October:
Buy a make-up manual (Kevyn Aucoin is a great place to start!), read it, learn from it, & practice all the time.
Friday 16th October:
Stop waiting for people to entertain you — generate your own joy!
Saturday 17th October:
Buy DVDs of your favourite comedians doing stand-up, & make a habit of watching at least one a week.
Sunday 18th October:
Eat Oreos with chopsticks. Yum yum!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [41] Tags: inspiration,
life,
style tips Add Gala on Twitter!BRB; Moving To New York City.
[ 10 October 2009, 18:37 ]
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [19] Tags: gala,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Style Tips -- 5th October 2009
[ 4 October 2009, 15:47 ]
Monday 5th October:
Bake cupcakes while listening to White Zombie! (Food tastes better if you dance while you prepare it…)
Tuesday 6th October:
Cover your arms in butterfly temporary tattoos — from the tips of your fingers to the crest of your shoulder.
Wednesday 7th October:
Use Moroccan tea glasses as vases, & fill with tiny flowers. Put a different coloured glass in every room of your house.
Thursday 8th October:
Buy & repaint a big doll-house in psychedelic colours. Turquoise with white trim & pink doors? Violet with tangerine accents? Put tealight candles inside & place it on your dining table. (But don’t set your entire house ablaze, okay?)
Friday 9th October:
Go out & take photos of fairies.
Saturday 10th October:
Wrap yourself up in Christmas lights for your lover to discover when they get home.
Sunday 11th October:
Hang a canopy over your bed & have dedicated You time beneath it every Sunday. Tea, biscuits & a good book should be part of the regime!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [51] Tags: inspiration,
life,
style tips Add Gala on Twitter!Yayoi Kusama
[ 29 September 2009, 13:17 ]
I was almost perfectly camoflauged!
“By obliterating one’s individual self, one returns to the infinite universe.”
Yesterday I went with my friend Mer to see the Yayoi Kusama exhibition at Wellington’s City Gallery. It was so excellent, & the second show of hers I’ve seen. I adore her, & as I walked around, I realised that I haven’t really written much about her here!
The first time I heard her name was in a song called Hot Topic by Le Tigre, a popular Kathleen Hanna (of Bikini Kill fame) musical project. I didn’t think about her again until I was living in Melbourne, & one of her shows came to town. I walked down to see it & was blown away — the landscape had been transformed by these strange red shapes covered in polka dots. I took photos of myself next to them, & the love affair officially began.
Yayoi Kusama (草間彌生) was born in Japan in March 1929. She suffered extreme physical abuse at the hands of her mother as a child, & began hallucinating at a young age. Polka dots feature heavily in her work, & she says they are taken directly from her visions & hallucinations. She discovered that by drawing or painting what she saw, she was able to maintain some control over her mind. She voluntarily committed herself to an institution in the mid-1970s, & lives there to this day. Her studio isn’t far from the hospital, & she has attributed art with saving her life.
In 2008, one of her pieces was sold for over $5,000,000, the most expensive work ever to be sold by a living female artist.
While some people dismiss her art as “too abstract”, all that Yayoi is trying to communicate is the long process of creation itself, & she is adamant that she makes art only for herself. Her audience appears to be of little or no concern to her.
“I am an obsessional artist. People call me otherwise, but I simply let them do as they please. I consider myself a heretic of the art world. I think only of myself when I make an artwork. Affected by the obsession that has been lodged in my body.”
Her exhibitions are a mixed bag, ranging from illustrations to infinity rooms (mirrored rooms filled with hanging coloured lights or even sewn, polka dot shapes) & large collections of reflective balls. You might walk into a room covered in polka dots with enormous vinyl installations, or into a black-lit living room scene, popping with neon colours. Her art is really incredible, it invites you in while simultaneously confusing you, & encourages you to view things in a different way.
She loves to wear different coloured wigs, oversized polka dot caftans & bright lipstick. She is extremely prolific, & was a direct influence on both Yoko Ono & Andy Warhol.
How to bring a little more 草間彌生 into your life:
Draw polka dots on everything
Use bright colours, shamelessly & with abandon
Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself
Be self-obsessed
Use art as therapy
Watch Yayoi Kusama: I Love Me
Start a collection of wigs
Fill your house with mirrors
Recognise that it doesn’t matter where you came from
Construct a necklace of flowers
Make “LOVE FOREVER” your mantra
Live your art
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [43] Tags: aesthetic,
inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...
[ 23 September 2009, 23:56 ]
I recently received this email & thought, who better to answer it than all of YOU? You constantly boggle me with your insights, depth, wisdom & compassion, so do you want to give it a shot?!
“My boyfriend for nearly three and a half years has told me that he is no longer sure of his feelings towards me. We have been fighting a bit over the last two months and I put it down to being busy and tiredness, as it is that time of year for us. However, when I asked him if he still loved me, he said he wasn’t sure how he felt and suggested we needed a weekend away together to see how we are and if we fight. We are not living together and work opposite hours, which is difficult, as finding time to see each other can be hard. I have this horrible feeling inside as if we have already broken up. I know we haven’t, but the feeling is hard to shake off. The room we have booked away is lovely with spa bath and king size bed. Should I go into the trip putting what has been said at the back of my mind and enjoy myself and leave the arguing at home? Or is there a better approach, because how do you have a romantic weekend when you know your boyfriend isn’t sure of his feelings towards you?
What advice would you give to this girl?
Here’s what I think.
Yes, you should put the arguments, problems & difficulty to the back of your mind. If you want to scrap it out, you might as well save your money & stay at home! It sounds like the two of you have things to work out, sure, but if you can try to put that aside & just work on enjoying one another’s company, you will have a much better base on which to build.
Put another way: it makes sense to remind yourselves how much you like each other before you decide to dive into repairing whatever needs to be fixed. Otherwise, it’s easy to forget how good it can be when you’re together, & you may feel less inclined to work on it!
People feel unsure of their feelings on all kinds of things all the time, it’s just rare that one person will be brave enough to admit it. If all the two of you have been doing is argue, it’s not surprising that he is uncertain how he feels about you. But the fact that he suggested the two of you go away together is HUGE. From what I can see, it means that deep down, he still loves you, & you are important enough to him that he wants to either fix things or be sure before the two of you potentially make a huge mistake. Don’t take this lightly — it’s like you’ve been given a Golden Ticket. Take it & run with it. Make the most of it.
Spend time together without the television on, lie around & eat & do all those things couples do. Try to rediscover what brought you together in the first place. Talk about where you met, laugh about your first date, & discuss things you want to do in the future.
You might end up talking about some of the problems you’re having, & weird as it might sound, doing that in a hotel room is probably one of the best places you could open a dialogue, because it’s totally neutral territory for both of you. But if you don’t, it’s not the end of the world.
It’s important to remember that your “issues” or whatever will be waiting for you when you get home. Life continues to be the same regardless of whether you’ve been away on holiday or not. But hopefully you will have unearthed what brought you together in the first place, & you will have rekindled some of the spark that made you fall in love in the beginning, & it will give you the collective strength you need to fix whatever is broken.
Et maintenant, nonpareils? What would you do if you were in this girl’s situation?
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [40] Tags: advice,
life,
question Add Gala on Twitter!Charity Begins At Fashion Week @ ChinaShop
[ 22 September 2009, 00:31 ]
September is a month which revolves around fashion. As the seasons change, Vogue’s biggest issue of the year is released, & fashion events kick off all around the planet, from Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week & Couture Fashion Week in New York to Moda Donna in Italy & London Fashion Week in the United Kingdom.
Of course, fashion week has its issues. People who don’t care about fashion — of which there are many — look down on it as a shallow, meaningless event, & this is not always helped by what occurs on & off the runway. Fashion shows are notorious for tyrannical egos, staunch clipboard-holders & enormous cups of Starbucks. Celebrities descend in droves, designers take theatrical bows, & street-style snappers are worshipped with an almost religious fervour.
However, down in the antipodes — or more specifically, in Auckland, New Zealand, home of Air New Zealand Fashion Week — the atmosphere is different. Yes, there will be shows, parties, gaggles of journalists foaming at the mouth, all commencing on Monday the 21st of September. But in a strange & fabulous twist, 240 of New Zealand’s most well-known & glamorous names will shirk their stilettos in exchange for sneakers. They’re going to take up hammers & build a house right in the middle of the furor…
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [5] Tags: life Add Gala on Twitter!Style Tips -- 22nd September 2009
[ 21 September 2009, 18:31 ]
Start wearing a wrist ribbon.
Buy lingerie which is totally out of character. Doing this is surprisingly fun, & quite hilarious. Yandy.com just sent me a bunch of stuff which makes me so happy — things I would ordinarily never think of wearing, but which I actually love. (I got these: By the way, those links are probably NSFW!)
Go to a bookstore which stocks The Secret Universe of Names, & read up on the people you know. I did this yesterday & it was so eerily accurate it made me laugh out loud. It is amazing, I promise!
Work a paper hat into your ensemble.
Be proud of — & learn to love — your naked body.
Become properly acquainted with Hunter S. Thompson.
Go to a homeopath (they often have little stations hidden at the back of health food stores!) & have them make a custom Bach Flower Remedy blend for you. The homeopath should have a little booklet of the flowers which says what they are used for (like this), so you can choose whatever you need! They are made from spring water infused with wild flowers, & preserved in a little brandy. They come in a glass bottle with an eyedropper, & you just put droplets on your tongue a few times a day. I love them & swear they work!
...Try Alaskan gem essences too. (I have not tried these but want to!)
Print up some badges of your idols & wear a different one each day, depending on your mood. I have one of Yayoi Kusama (I am wearing it in this photo!) which I wear on days I want to be a little more surreal.
Revisit the old clothing at the back of the closet. How could it be re-worked? What else could you wear it with? How can you make it more current?
If you must complain, complain to the RIGHT people — people with the power to make a difference! So often we complain to our spouse about our work, & to our mother about our best friend, & so on. Your time is valuable, don’t waste it with nonsense. Be proactive!
Wear an elaborate headband every day.
Take time for yourself! Have a bath, turn off your phone, do some writing, lie down, whatever it takes — just take a moment to breathe.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [48] Tags: inspiration,
life,
style tips Add Gala on Twitter!Do We Have A Future?
[ 15 September 2009, 08:12 ]
“I have been living with & dating my boyfriend for 3 years. I adore him, most of the time ;D, & feel as though we are going to be together but also at 26 am starting to feel a bit taken advantage of. I try to help him through life as much as possible. I do know for sure he is a bit of a late bloomer but I convinced him to enroll in university this year as he was tired of a dead end job & he has been going through with that so I am happy for that.It isn’t as though I personally am necessarily afraid of the dating & age thing, but I see myself settling down with someone by or around 30, even moving in the next year when I finish university & he could if he wished to transfer. Ideally I would love to be with someone who will discuss moving & planning some sort of future with me. This kid won’t even plan a vacation consisting of a road trip with me next year. My mom says he isn’t the one & a lot of other things which I won’t bother mentioning. I don’t tell my friends because I fear the same answer.
I don’t know what to do Gala. I love this guy but something still feels wrong because I feel like the one who is trying for something bigger. Is there any hope?”
It’s a cliché, but I think it’s true when I say that the two of you are in very different places. That’s okay. It happens. I think it’s pretty rare that two people grow & change at exactly the same rate. There is always going to be a bit of push & pull in a relationship, that’s just how it is.
A bit of push & pull. A BIT. The whole thing shouldn’t be Sisyphean. You shouldn’t have to be the one driving this relationship. You shouldn’t have to feel that you are constantly pushing him, or that you are the one dragging him, kicking & screaming, into the next phase of his life. Where’s the fun, balance or mutual respect in that situation? Furthermore, if going back to school, travelling or moving aren’t things that your boyfriend wants to do, then that’s just how he is, & you need to respect that. We are all entitled to our own lives, after all, & to do whatever it is that makes us happy. It sounds like he is kind of happy being a bit of a slacker, but it doesn’t sound like you’re happy allowing him to be that way.
I think this is a classic case of falling in love with someone & then expecting them to become someone else. It happens all the time, but people come into relationships with their own stuff, & it is their stuff! You don’t have any right to tell him to discard this or that habit just because you don’t like it. That is who he is. That is who he will probably always be, unless he decides that he wants more, & starts to change his life on his own. You cannot change people. They can only change themselves.
I was actually talking to my friend Barbie about this the other day, over dinner. We were discussing past relationships & the various ways in which they had gone awry, & she said that her biggest problem had been always expecting her boyfriends to become someone else. We are all so guilty of this! There is no such thing as a perfect person, & honestly, if you did manage to mould your lover into your ideal, could you really respect them? I spoke to my mother the next morning, & we started discussing the same thing. She told me that often when people get married, one half of the couple thinks, ‘Oh, now that we’re married, they’re going to be like this or that’ & it is NEVER that way! It will be exactly how it has always been! Just as we have to learn to accept ourselves, flaws & all, unconditionally, we have to learn to accept our lovers exactly as they are. Right here & right now, without any extras & in this very moment.
I’ll say it again: no one is perfect. We all do annoying things, & despite which, one person’s dream girl is another person’s evil shrew. It’s really a question of working out how much your partner’s flaws bother you. Some flaws might be deal-breakers, while others are ones you can grin & bear. This is not to say there isn’t room for compromise — you can easily ask your boyfriend not to leave his toenail clippings on the coffee table, or request that your girlfriend get her goddamn dog trained so it doesn’t pee on your floor — but most people are pretty into being how they are. It has worked for them for however many years, after all. Why would they change now, & why should they? Just to appease you? It doesn’t work like that. Sometimes people will try to change for others, but it never sticks. They have to want it for themselves.
Your mother could very easily be right that he is not “the One”, & I think the reason you haven’t asked your friends for their thoughts is because you know, in your heart, that your mother is right & your friends will mirror that back at you. I guess the question is, do you need to be with “the One” right now? If you’re happy with your boyfriend, & can learn to accept him the way he is, then maybe that will do for the time being. But if what you really want is an equal, someone who is on the same page & someone who is enthusiastic about planning a future with you — & by the way, none of those are unreasonable things to want, & there are thousands of guys out there who could be that for you — then it might be time to bail.
We could easily sit here talking about your boyfriend’s failings & perceived lack of maturity, but what good would it do us? None at all. All you can do at this point is either change your reactions to him, alter your expectations, or hit the road, Jack!
Having said all of this, the truth is that if we concentrate on the negative, that’s all we will see, but if we focus on the good things, they will grow & multiply. Just like writing a Things I Love Thursday list, positivity is infectious & colours your whole world. So you can choose to obsess over your boyfriend’s failings, or you can decide to love him just as he is. Despite your mother’s opinions about your relationship, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. No one knows what your relationship is like except for you & your boyfriend. Only you really know what is right for you & your relationship.
I’ll leave you with this. No relationship is perfect, & there’s nothing wrong with having a whole lot of not-so-serious fun with someone whose company you really enjoy. But if a future together is what you’ve decided you want, both of you need to come to the party — & you both need to do so with absolute joy & 100% commitment. If one person isn’t ready for that, I don’t foresee the situation turning out very positively for either of you. What you do from there is entirely up to you.
Nonpareils, have you ever been in a similar situation? What did you do? How did it turn out? If you had to go back, would you do things differently?
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [39] Tags: advice,
life Add Gala on Twitter!We Are God In The Chrysalis
[ 1 September 2009, 11:28 ]
“Whenever you go out of doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, & fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, & put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood & do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; & then without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great & splendid things you would like to do, & then, as the days go gliding by, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfilment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running tide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, & the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into the particular individual… Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude — the attitude of courage, frankness, & good cheer. To think right is to create. All things come through desire & every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed. Whenever you go out of doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high. We are god in the chrysalis.” — Elbert Hubbard
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [35] Tags: inspiration,
life,
quote Add Gala on Twitter!Hey, Nutter: Never Contact Me Again!
[ 25 August 2009, 07:58 ]
Dear Gala,I wonder if you have any advice, or could perhaps write some advice on this subject for your site for everyone to benefit from.
I broke up with my boyfriend at the end of May. It was mutual. At first we agreed to be friends, & we even still went on a pre-planned holiday together. We had a lot of fun, although we argued & cried a bit too. He was still calling & texting me about cool things he’d read or something, & I was still calling him for advice. On the surface, our friendship looked like it was set to go. But underneath, I was angry. I was angry at him for all the things about him that made it sure we were never going to work out. Now I know that those things weren’t his fault: that’s simply why we didn’t stick together.
...But I got really, really drunk one night & sent him a large amount of horrible texts. Things like, “If you’ve pulled tonight, I bet she’s ugly.” Things like, “I’ve slept with a lot of people since we broke up.” (True, & he knew it would be true.) &, “At least I’ve known I’ve wanted to sleep with Dan for the last two years”. Ouch. I spent the next two days ringing & texting apologising, but he didn’t pick up or respond until he let me know he was changing his number, & to never contact him again.
I’ve had an urge lately to just tell him I’m sorry. We don’t live in the same town & I’m not likely to bump into him for a long time. I’ve been messaging one of his friends, someone I always liked & respected. He has been a huge help, & asked my ex on my behalf if he would accept a call from me.
He said, “No way”, & that’s all the friend relayed. I found out this morning. I am really confused at my emotions & just don’t know what to do. I know we weren’t mean to be, & I know I need to accept the consequences of sending him abusive messages, but why can’t he accept I made a mistake & listen to my apology?
Part of me thinks it’s because he is still wounded & suffering after the break up. It’s really hard, though, to not be able to contact my ex boyfriend, not even to say sorry. It’s really hard that I feel he hates me. Nobody wants to feel hated. I feel like he has banished me wrongly. I feel like he has judged me wrongly.
How do you deal with this? I would appreciate any help whatsoever.
Thank you so much.
S.
Oh sweetness! Honestly, I think the best thing for you to do is to forget any of this ever happened. I hate to say it, but I think you have really dug yourself into a very deep hole.
Okay, let’s look at the facts. I understand that you want to apologise to him, & you want him to forgive you, but I think it’s important to look at why you feel so strongly that you need him to accept your apology. I think you want to apologise to him so that you will be able to assuage your guilt in some way. I could be wrong, but I don’t think your intention is really to make him feel any better. Maybe you’re just lonely & want to reach out to him. There’s nothing wrong with that but given the circumstances, you need to stop. You say you sent texts that said sorry, so how is saying it over the phone going to be any different? You have already expressed your regret. It hasn’t made any difference. He still doesn’t want anything to do with you — & that is entirely within his rights.
Think about it. If your ex-boyfriend had sent you similar text messages — while you thought everything was hunky-dory between the two of you, & that you were going to be best friends forever — you would feel horrible. You’d wonder what you’d done wrong. You’d wonder whether your ex had been thinking those things the whole time you’d been together. You’d wonder why you’d wasted your time with him if that was the truth. You wouldn’t want anything to do with him — & again, that would be totally within your rights.
I have written (extensively!) on the subject of not being friends with your ex immediately after a break-up, for reasons exactly like this. You need time away from one another to allow yourselves to deal with the emotional fall-out, because it can be so very ugly. Better to leave your ex-lover with a fuzzy, semi-pleasant memory of your relationship, rather than a painfully clear image of you as a monster! You can say horrible things about your ex to your best friend if you must, or write it down in a journal, but it really should never travel any further than that.
I think you need to take a big breath & back away. Stop contacting his friends, too. That could get awkward really quickly, if it hasn’t already. It makes you look a bit like a stalker, & who knows what the friend’s motivation is in talking to you? Maybe he is interested in you himself. If he is, Do Not Attempt. Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200. This whole experience has been bad enough — do not compound it by cozying up to his friend. Even if his friend isn’t interested in you, again, look at the situation objectively. If your ex-boyfriend — who had hurt you — was grilling your friend for information about you, you’d be really mad at both of them. Ultimately, his friend shouldn’t really be speaking to you at all. This is new territory — now we’re talking about loyalty between friends, trust issues, & privacy. Aie aie aie.
You also need to respect your ex-boyfriend’s boundaries. Usually, when people say, “Never contact me again”, they mean it. Don’t be one of those insane girls who gives other girls a bad name. Honestly, please trust me when I say that no good can come of this situation. Don’t let your raging emotions get the better of you. Even in the best case scenario, how well could this go? So you say you’re sorry, then what? Bunnies fall from the sky? That’s probably not going to happen. Cut your losses, & forget about it. No kidding.
If you feel like you’re going totally crazy, you need to find something else to do with your mind & your time. Take an acrobatics class, paint your bedroom psychedelic colours, join a croquet team, build a rad treehouse, write fan letters to George Michael… whatever. You just need to occupy yourself with something other than thinking about your ex-boyfriend. Enlist the help of your friends; tell them you need their help keeping your mind off him. Go for long walks, write a book, go out dancing with your best friend every night for two weeks if that’s what it takes: you just need to get over the situation & stop obsessing about it. Do whatever it takes to move forward.
You’re right when you say that no one wants to feel as if they’re hated, but when you treat someone badly — as unfortunately, you have — you have to expect (& accept) that there are consequences. You know you’re a good person & you feel like that should be obvious to everyone around you — but when they see behaviour which conflicts with that, it makes sense that it would colour their perception of you. This can be hard to accept, but it’s just a reality.
The most important thing now is that you maintain your dignity. That’s ultimately what it’s about. Yes, it has been pretty bad so far, but it could get a lot worse — so prevent that by abandoning your quest to get him to forgive you. It will definitely not happen if you continue on this road, but if you just drop it, there’s a chance that things will fix themselves.
Regardless, you may never be able to patch up this situation, & I think it would help you to come to terms with that. Take this for what it is — an unfortunate, difficult & painful learning experience — & move on. Hopefully you will never make a similar mistake again. If you do, at least you know the likely outcome, & there will be no surprises next time!
I’m sorry this has happened to you & him. We all act a bit nutty after a break-up, it’s pretty inevitable. You’re not a horrible person, you just let your anger get the better of you. It’s not the end of the world, & you’ll be okay. Be good to yourself, & forgive yourself for what you’ve done. (That might be what you’re really looking for while you’re trying to get his forgiveness, anyway.)
That’s my advice. Nonpareils, what say you? Have you ever said something you regretted to someone who was important to you, & were you able to salvage the situation? How did you do it? Has anyone ever done this to you? Are you still speaking? Let us know!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [69] Tags: advice,
life,
question Add Gala on Twitter!Stop Complaining
[ 24 August 2009, 07:13 ]
Wise words… wise words.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [32] Tags: inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Grandparent Love
[ 19 August 2009, 14:33 ]
Let’s talk grandparents. Often under-appreciated, but still well-loved, they form the backbone of our family. They taught our parents most of what was eventually taught to us, & so it goes on. My friend sent me an email last night which included something about a favourite thing being “the smell of Grandma’s house”, which got me thinking about grandparents.
My favourite grandparent was my father’s mother. She was big & jolly & didn’t like to clean. She would go out & play golf with her friends all day while her husband was at work, & just before he returned, she would spray cleaning products in the air so he thought she had been slaving away since the morning. I used to spend my school holidays with her, & would fly to Dunedin on my own wearing a little badge from the airline which said “Solo Voyager”. We would ransack her drawers for things she didn’t want any more — she called this “finding treasures”. She made the best fudge & had an apricot poodle called Charlie. She had lots of friends & made everyone laugh uproariously.
When I was 10, she sewed me a doll that was the same size I was. The doll had red hair, so we named her Belinda Todd (!!!). I had to fly home with the doll sitting in the seat next to me. At home I have a collection of old cassette tapes which have me reading out stories & talking about my day on one side, & have her responding on the other side. We used to post them back & forth. Our favourite place to visit was Larnach Castle, & when I stayed with her, I would get her to tell me ghost stories every night.
I love her so much & wish she was still here!
Who was your favourite grandparent & why? Did you have nicknames for each other? What silliness did you get up to? Did they spoil you totally rotten? Tell us!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [79] Tags: life,
question Add Gala on Twitter!Love & Sequins #4 Is Live!
[ 14 August 2009, 14:48 ]
Hooray! I am so excited to announce the fourth installment in my monthly series, Love & Sequins: Making Magic Happen!
Offered up for your reading & listening pleasure is A GUIDE TO MANNERS FOR THE MODERN MINX — Etiquette, social graces & charming the pants off total strangers for the uninitiated!
What started as a simple piece on manners has blossomed into 10,000 words on meeting people, the art of conversation, getting people to like you, table manners, making an incredible first impression, how to influence people, intercultural competence, proper dinner behaviour, improving your language, & a whole lot of ways to crank up your personal charisma! Essentially, the whole thing is about how to turn on the charm in every possible scenario.
So many of us have grown up either without having been taught manners at all, or purposefully ignoring what we were told as children — but unfortunately, as we grow up & into the world, we’re faced with the shocking reality that what we used to be able to get away with is no longer acceptable!
This is a charm school crash course, covering personal magnetism, grace & being delightful for lost girls & moguls-in-training.
I’m so proud of it, & there are absolute stacks of real, able-to-be-applied-straight-away advice, so I know you’ll totally love it! I learned more than I could have ever imagined just from writing it!
Single issues are $12 each. Alternatively you can subscribe monthly for $10 (& I’ll send you the ones you’ve missed!), or buy the whole lot at $7 a pop!
...& if you missed out on any of the previous episodes, you can grab them here!
Love & Sequins #1: LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF: Self-adoration, manifesting your ideal persona, channelling your inner Marie Antoinette & everything in between!
“I’m a bit older than a lot of your readers (ie 40!), but I still found it really releveant. And I believe this type of thing should be compulsory reading/listening for teenagers (I’m trying to word this without sounding/feeling 1200 years old … hmm!) Maybe you could create your own school … Galaverse High ?? With a pink sparkly uniform and a unicorn coat of arms. Seriously though, I think this sort of thing is way more beneficial than a geography or a maths lesson. After all, isn’t school meant to prepare you for life?” — K.
“If I could put to words how much I love and adore this podcast, I would, but ‘nuff said I completely fail at that. It’s just mind-blowingly, earth-shatteringly, toe-ticklingly (why yes, these are all actual words) cute and awesome, and on top of that so relevant! So important! I think absolutely everyone should hear this, Galaverse High doesn’t sound bad at all!” — J.
Love & Sequins #2: THE SMART GIRL’S GUIDE TO BUSINESS — Taking control of your life, finding your passion, loving what you do & making mad bling!
“Thankyou so much for your inspiration. it really gave me the kick up the bum that I needed. I was always afraid to take a creative income path, for fear that my talent was lacking. I still have these insecurities, but I realise that right now, while I’m young, enthusiastic and motivated is the very best time to give it a shot. If it doesn’t work out, then I’ll try something different. if it is a success, then maybe it will give me the confidence to try some other more innovative ideas.” — V.
“I finally developed the balls to register as self-employed this week and quite by chance have been offered my first self-employed gig. I teach adults, literacy and numeracy. So this time around I’ll be teaching young adults with learning difficulities, the basic literacy they’ll need to get them by in life generally and in work. But it has made me realise that anything is possible… I’m planning to keep on some employed work to pay the bills. But I’m planning to expand into online tutoring, proofreading and writing. I intend to be completely self-employed eventually. So thanks. Wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for that podcast. They’re worth their weight in gold.” — A.
Love & Sequins #3: LOVE, SEX, THE GALAXY & EVERYTHING — From falling in love to co-habitation, & all the beauty & madness contained within!
“Gala, I loved this one! I listened to it as soon as you sent it. I’ve always been kind of a cynic when it comes to love, but I think I’m ready to let my guard down and take the plunge. The ‘love self-evaluation’ and ‘figuring out what you want from a partner’ parts stood out the most to me, and I’m definitely going to take the time to write and reflect on these areas. Thank you so much!” — D.
“This was supermegaawesome good! I really like the way it’s all starting to sounds more natural… But I like the way it sort of flows and sounds more natural… Like you’re whispering good advice in my ear! And also I was walking my dog while listening to this and 3 or 4 times I just burst out laughing at some of the things you said; a lot of strange looks! Please keep this up, they’re all super good and I really do owe a lot to you!” — V.
As ALWAYS, thank you so much for your support! I couldn’t do it without you! MWAH!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [26] Tags: consumption,
how to,
life,
podcast Add Gala on Twitter!Fabulous.
[ 12 August 2009, 13:03 ]
“I’m just a bubble out of a champagne bottle!” chirps fitness guru Richard Simmons. Best known for prancing about in tank tops & short shorts, Simmons effectively counsels the obese & has produced dozens of best-selling exercise videos.
“When I wake up in the morning, it’s like the red curtain goes up… I twirl around the room. I thank God for the day. I fluff my hair & yell, ‘GO GET ‘EM, RICHARD!’”
(Source)
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [36] Tags: inspiration,
life,
quote Add Gala on Twitter!2009: Where Are You At?
[ 10 August 2009, 10:55 ]
Okay. I don’t mean to freak anyone out, but 2009 is already half-way done. I don’t know how this is possible, but it is. There are only four & a half months left in the year, so it seems like as good a time as any to do un petit review of the year thus far, & set some new goals & intentions.
It’s so easy to get swept away with work & projects & new loves that we often find ourselves scrambling to keep up & feeling kind of aimless. Having a fresh new direction & a definite vision of what you want will inject your life with purpose & excitement once more!
If you have no clue where to begin, here are some ideas…
Think about what has gone well this year. What are you happy with? What has been successful — & how did it come to fruition? What have your greatest achievements been so far?
Think about what could have been improved upon. Could you have tried harder in a couple of areas? Of the things that didn’t go well, what could you have done to change the outcome of that situation? If you had taken 100% responsibility at the time, do you think things would have played out differently?
What were your goals at the start of the year? How are they going? Are they 20%, 50% or 100% completed? If they’re not checked off yet, why not? (Don’t be afraid to admit they’re no longer important to you if that’s the case.) If they’re still things you want to make happen, what could you do to speed up your progress? Who could you ask for help? How can you break up the goal into manageable chunks to make it easier to achieve?
When you look at the people around you, what have they achieved that you’d like to do too? How can you make that happen? Can you ask them for assistance or advice?
How are your finances looking? Are you making as much money as you want? Are you saving any money or just spending it as soon as you get it? Should you ask for a raise, start a savings account, cancel your credit card, stop obsessively trawling eBay… ?!
Are you happy with your career? Do you feel stuck? If so, why? How could you alter that? Is it time for something new? How can you improve your situation? Where could you grow? How could you branch out?
What do you do with your spare time? Are you constantly playing catch-up & running errands with no time to relax & just do nothing? Is there a class you want to take? When was the last time you took a holiday? Are you in control of your free time or is someone else?
How does your body feel? How healthy are you? What are you eating? Do you exercise? Are you drinking or smoking more than you’d like? Do you need a spa day? What positive steps can you take towards a lifestyle you feel happier about?
Are you getting along with the people around you? How are things between you & your lover? Your workmates? Your kids? Do you ever see your best friend? Do you ever get personal emails?
How about you? How do you feel about the person you’re becoming? How’s your personal integrity? What are the attributes you hold in high esteem? Are you embodying them? What can you change? What can you begin accepting?
Are you involved in your community? How are you helping the people around you? Do you know your neighbours? Do you support your local businesses? What could you do to improve the lives of people in your immediate vicinity?
These were my intentions at the start of the year. Here are my intentions for the rest of 2009.
Be… More outgoing More loving of myself & others Less fearful More open More giving Go to yoga every Monday Accept more social invitations Set work-hours & stick to them! Save more money Communicate more with the people I love Strengthen my friendships Be brave Work harder Also, take a holiday Be more charming (make the effort) Get my own place in NYC (read: stop sub-leasing) ...& honestly, I need to learn how to use my camera (I have had it for three years now & I still have no idea what I’m doing with it).
How about you?
My suggestion would be to write down the things you want to achieve & put it somewhere prominent. Stick it to your front door or your monitor, slide it into the clear sleeve in your wallet, or make a big graphic image of it & set it as your desktop wallpaper.
If 2009 hasn’t been too wonderful for you so far, this is your opportunity to turn it all around. Blank slate. Here’s to raging successes, never-ending excitement & lots of love!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [58] Tags: inspiration,
life,
productivity,
question Add Gala on Twitter!The Triumph Of Magic Over The Brute
[ 5 August 2009, 09:00 ]
Excerpts from an interview with Vladimir Nabokov (1971).
Q: What do you do to prepare yourself for the ordeals of life?
A: Shave every morning before bath and breakfast so as to be ready to fly far at short notice.
Q: What are the literary virtues you seek to attain— and how?
A: Mustering the best words, with every available lexical, associative, and rhythmic assistance, to express as closely as possible what one wants to express.
Q: What is your position in the world of letters?
A: Jolly good view from up here.
Q: What struggles these days for pride of place in your mind?
A: Meadows. A meadow with Scarce Heath butterflies in North Russia, another with Grinnell’s Blue in Southern California. That sort of thing.
Q: What are your views about man’s upward climb from slime?
A: A truly remarkable performance. Pity, though, that some of the slime still sticks to drugged brains.
Q: What kinds of power do you favor, and which do you oppose?
A: To play safe, I prefer to accept only one type of power: the power of art over trash, the triumph of magic over the brute.
Q: What are the large issues that you can’t get interested in, and what are you most concerned with?
A: The larger the issue the less it interests me. Some of my best concerns are microscopic patches of color.
...& that, my friends, is why Vladimir Nabokov has a permanent place on my list of all-time icons.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [26] Tags: inspiration,
life,
quote Add Gala on Twitter!50 Things Every Girl Should Do In Her Lifetime: Part One
[ 4 August 2009, 21:07 ]
I’ve never seen that movie The Bucket List, but was reading about it the other day. The crux of it is this: two elderly men, one of whom is terminally ill, decide to make a list of things they want to achieve before they die. The list reads:
1. Witness something truly majestic
2. Help a complete stranger for the common good
3. Laugh till I cry
4. Drive a Shelby Mustang
5. Kiss the most beautiful girl in the world
6. Get a tattoo
7. Skydiving
8. Visit Stonehenge
9. Spend a week at the Louvre
10. See Rome
11. Dinner at La Chevre d’Or
12. See the Pyramids
13. Get back in touch
14. Visit Taj Mahal, India
15. Hong Kong
16. Victoria Falls
17. Serengeti
18. Ride the Great Wall of China
It got me thinking about things that women, specifically, should do in their lifetime. Obviously we all have different priorities — “having a baby” certainly isn’t a universal goal, so it isn’t included here. This is mostly a collection of fun, life-enhancing things that I think everyone should experience.
The list is split into two pieces, with the second part coming soon! I’d love to hear what you think of this list — how many of the items can you check off already? Plenty of these are things I have yet to complete myself, especially number 37!
50. Ride on the back of a motorcycle
When I was about 15 & started dating, my father made me promise never to get on the back of a boy’s motorcycle. I obeyed him, & I’m glad I did. But if, by chance, you meet someone who actually knows how to ride — & is not some inexperienced teenager trying to impress/kill you — & he or she asks you if you want to sit on the back, SAY YES. I had my first motorcycle experience a little while ago & it was an AMAZING feeling. There is really nothing like it. God, it is fun. I am now totally obsessed with it. Sitting on the back of my boyfriend’s motorcycle is my new favourite thing.
49. Date someone who has visible tattoos
Not only because tattoos are hot — which they are — but because it’s eye-opening. It depends on where you live, of course, & some places are more accepting than others, but society tends to treat those with tattoos differently, & if you’re not tattooed yourself, you’ll never really understand that. It’ll give you a realistic impression of what it’s like to be discriminated against on the basis of how you look, & if, for example, you’re a straight white girl living in New Zealand, that might not be something you really have any experience with.
48. Buy a toolkit & learn how to use the things in it
Which is not to say that you need to become plumber extraordinaire, but just that it’s rad to be able to fix your own problems without calling on some dude to help you. Especially since sometimes, there is no dude to be had. You should also learn how to change a tyre, because one day, you’ll really, really wish you knew!
47. Travel alone
It’s safer to do this in some places than others, but travelling alone really shows you what you’re made of. They say travelling with your lover is a good way to work out how compatible the two of you really are, & similarly, travelling by yourself is a great way to learn about who you really are. How do you cope with unexpected stress? How are your interpersonal skills? How outgoing are you? You will get a major wake-up call as to the real crux of your character — which is invaluable.
46. Spend a day at the best spa you can afford
Yep, you might have to save up to do it — most of us do! But if you put aside a little bit of money every week, & maybe hold off on an accessory splurge, soon you’ll have enough to spend a day in the complete lap of luxury. & oh, is it ever worth it! Massages, facials, body scrubs & all kinds of weird but tantalizing treatments could be yours! You’ll walk out of there feeling like a million bucks. It’s an extravagance worth indulging in.
45. Drive quickly
Dangerous? Yes. Stupid? Yes. Totally awesome fun? Yes. My father is an unrepentant speed-demon, & I learned the pleasures of having all the blood sucked to the back of your brain early! I wouldn’t call myself an adrenaline junkie by any stretch of the imagination, but there is really something quite magnificent about going very, very quickly in a car. Mmmm, danger! But — as has been drawn to my attention — do it somewhere you’re supposed to, like a race track!
44. Date someone older than you
...Because the amount you’ll learn from them is astronomical — & you will teach them a lot, too. Honestly, you will probably learn plenty from all of your lovers, regardless of their age, but dating someone who is significantly older than you (5+ years, I’d say) is a real eye-opener. Usually they’ve been around long enough that they’ll call you on your sh!t — which can be a refreshing wake-up call for us entitled girls who are used to dating sycophants! If you never hear the truth about yourself, how can you grow? Right? & it’s great to be with a man who’ll take the lead for a change; it gives us overachievers & control freaks a welcome (& often much-needed) respite!
43. Date someone younger than you
...Because even though they might infuriate you with their seemingly immature ways, again, you’ll both gain plenty from the experience. You’ll (hopefully) learn to be more patient, tolerant & understanding — & maybe you’ll even remember what it’s like to be that age, which will give you an excellent reality check. Additionally, they’ll benefit from your experience & the wisdom (!) of your years. The plan is for you to both leave the relationship feeling enriched & more well-rounded than before. (Fingers crossed on that one!)
42. Live in a foreign country
If you ever want to feel the satisfaction of having done something really tricky — something a lot of people never even attempt — pack your bags & move to a different country. It sounds simple in theory (pack bags, get on plane, find apartment, get job) but it is full of ridiculous obstacles & hurdles, the likes of which you have never even considered before. Even moving from New Zealand to Australia is pretty intense, let alone moving from America to Russia or from Poland to Japan. People who manage to do those things have my eternal respect! There is almost nothing that will make you feel more bold & proud of yourself. If you can do that, baby, you can do anything.
41. Have a romance with someone who doesn’t speak English
I don’t actually have any personal experience with this one — it just sounds really romantic & magical. I don’t know how you would communicate — voracious eyebrow wiggling? Extreme, bordering-on-violent gesticulation? — but the concept sounds marvellous. Have any of you done this? How does it work?! Curious minds want to know!
40. Meet one of your idols
There’s no telling how it will go — maybe it will be incredible, maybe it will be disappointing — but it will remind you that everyone is human. For some reason, realising that the people you admire are just as human as your best friend or the milkman is very empowering. After all, the people who do fantastic, amazing things are just the same as you or I — which can give you the boost you need to make great things happen too.
39. Do something your friends don’t approve of
As wonderful as our friends are, they don’t always know what is best for us. Only you know that for yourself. While they may wheedle, cajole & pester you about things, your life is your own. What you end up doing against their advice might be a huge mistake, but that’s okay too! You are entitled to live however you want, & it’s really only through making mistakes that we learn how to do things properly anyway!
38. Delve into your personal psychology
Don’t be afraid of who you are & where you come from. Take stock of it. Think about your past & recognise what has shaped you into the person you are today, because it will help you understand yourself better. It will give you insight into why you make the choices you do, why you react in a certain way to various things, & give you clues as to how you can grow up & move forward. Otherwise you might find yourself stuck in the same old habits, trying to escape yourself but never quite managing it — which is no way to live. Knowledge is power, after all!
37. Be proud of your smile & your laugh
Hey, we aren’t all Julia Roberts (& yay for that!). Some of us have crooked teeth; some of us have no teeth at all. Some of us laugh like machine guns, while others scream uproariously in a way which makes onlookers stare & gape. But that’s just how you are, & it’s rad! Being happy is wonderful & it would be such a shame not to share that with the world because you’re embarrassed or shy. Just let it go. Smile more. You’ll feel better, & so will everyone around you. Plus, you can contribute to this!
36. Live by yourself
Living by yourself is the ultimate dream of most teenagers, & it’s a truly wonderful day when that all comes to fruition. No one to tell you to turn down your music, to do your dishes, to pick your towel up off the floor… Bliss. No roommates to be considerate of & no closet space needing to be shared — you can spread your cosmetics out everywhere, put your shoes wherever you like & burn all the stinky incense you want. It is the most delightful thing ever!
35. Learn to say no
A lot of us are taught to spare other people’s feelings, & in no other way is this more evident than when someone asks us to do something we don’t want to do. Often we will allow ourselves to go along with it just to avoid an awkward situation or to save the other person from feeling uncomfortable. In the process, we make martyrs of ourselves & chip away at our own self-esteem. It’s important to learn to say NO when people ask us to do things which are not in our best interests. It will free you from unnecessary burdens, prove how much strength you really have, & make you feel really good about yourself.
34. Give time to a cause you believe in
Politics? Religion? The environment? Education? Animal rights? Whatever it is that gets you worked up, don’t just sit around & complain, get involved! Start taking positive, forward-thinking action & see what you can do to help the situation. Raise money, do research, volunteer your time, spread the word — it’ll give you an incredible sense of purpose, & plus, people need your help. If you’ve ever idly considered helping out at a soup kitchen or doing some work at a crisis centre, now’s the time to act on it. Really.
33. Forgive your parents for whatever they did wrong
No one is perfect, & your parents aren’t exempt from that rule. Everyone thinks their parents did a crappy job in one area or another, & some of us are still mad at them for things which happened when we were 5, 10 or 15 years old. The thing is that our parents could only do the best they could with the information they had — which in most cases, was how their parents treated them. Being angry at them for not being Mother or Father Of The Year is a waste of energy & will impact on everything else in your life. Decide to forgive them, & then do whatever it takes to make that happen.
32. Have some photos taken of you that you really like
If for no other reason so that you’ll have a reminder of how smokin’ hot & faaaaabulous you were in your youth!
31. Learn to drive
Even if you have no desire to own a car or really do any driving at all, having the skill is essential. You don’t need to be incredible at it, just take a couple of lessons. You never know what kind of situation you might end up in where you NEED to know how to drive — like if you’re in an emergency & need to get out of there, or your friend needs to go to the hospital urgently. It’s also very freeing to able to hire a car when you go on holiday: you’re no longer at the mercy of public transport or your friends.
30. Become a better public speaker
Just like with driving, even if you have no intention of becoming Tony Robbins, being a good public speaker is a fantastic skill to have under your belt. What if your best friend gets married, or you’re asked to make an important presentation at work? Knowing how to project your voice, look at the audience & stand still makes all the difference, & will stop you from looking terrified (even if you are)!
29. Understand how fortunate you really are
...& be appreciative of it. Life is full of beauty & blessings, & it’s really easy to get sucked down into a hole of misery. If you suspect (or have been told) that you complain a lot, start doing Things I Love Thursday, or keep a gratitude list, or just smile more often! You don’t have to be all unicorn vomit all the time, but training yourself to see the silver lining in a vicious storm cloud is a fantastic skill.
28. Break your destructive patterns
What’s your vice? Bouncing from one codependent relationship to the next? A weekend drug habit? Compulsive shoe shopping? Everyone has something they could improve on, or something they would benefit from removing from their life. Be an adult, recognise what it is, & then get the help you need. Read a book, see a therapist, get clean… Whatever it is, only YOU have the ability to change YOUR life. So change it!
27. Evolve your look & scare yourself (often!)
One thing I’ve noticed, when I take men shopping, is that when I encourage them to buy something a little bit outside of their comfort zone, that is always the thing they end up wearing the most — because it takes them a little bit of courage to put it on in the first place, but it looks so great that the feedback they get is immensely positive. & who doesn’t want to be told they look fantastic? So my point is: don’t wear the same thing from age 15 through to 75. Take chances. Try new things. Buy an intimidating pair of boots, or a sequinned jacket, or a bizarre hat. You’re not stuck — you are changing all the time, & the things you wear are one of the fastest ways of communicating that. So mix it up: find clothing that expresses how you are, & WHO you are, right now!
26. Take a risk & prove the naysayers wrong
This could be anything, from starting ballet lessons at age 30 to deciding to raise your child alone, but all I know is there’s nothing better than overcoming the odds & proving that you DO have what it takes. You will feel so proud of yourself — it will be the start of a beautiful new relationship within, where you recognise your own strength & start to push limits you never would have touched before. People are always going to dislike things about you, think they can tell you what to do & feel they’re owed an explanation for the way you live your life, but you don’t owe anyone anything. Do your damn thing!
25. Fall devastatingly, helplessly, head-over-heels in love
Oh honeypuff. There are no guarantees in life, & while I would love to tell that you’ll get the fairytale ending you’re looking for, that isn’t necessarily true. Love can hurt, & so some people avoid it, or keep themselves guarded, or always have one foot out the door. The thing is that if you don’t take chances, you might miss out on the most incredible thing to ever happen to you — the experience of falling in love with someone who shakes your world up like never before. Even if you’ve been hurt in the past, do everything you can to push past that. Otherwise you’ll never be able to fully give yourself to someone else, & they won’t be able to share all of themselves with you either. Staying true & honest & open, as if it wasn’t reward enough in itself, can unlock a multitude of incredible experiences & show you what real love is all about.
How about you? Do you have a list of things you want to achieve in your lifetime? What do you really want to do?
Stayed tuned for part two!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [132] Tags: inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!How To Be An Explorer Of The World
[ 25 July 2009, 09:44 ]
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [32] Tags: inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Style Tips -- 22nd July 2009
[ 22 July 2009, 11:01 ]
Wear stacks of silver bracelets & cuffs & channel Kate Lanphear (Style Director of US Elle).
Dry roses by hanging them from your ceiling.
Clean your make-up brushes! Use gentle shampoo & lay them down to dry. Not using brushes to apply your make-up? Start!
Make a photographic collage of all your old lovers & see if you can work out if you have a “type”!
When you’re feeling unpretty, shop for hats, perfume or shoes instead of jeans.
Get a pair of 3d glasses & keep them in your wallet.
Start wearing an equestrian helmet (ModCloth have a great one!).
Buy a bubble machine & set it up in your bedroom.
Get a Neighborhoodie made.
Wear silver glitter hairspray!
Run yourself a bath full of delicious bubbles & read a book.
Wear false eyelashes to the supermarket.
Have an affair with someone wildly inappropriate.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [66] Tags: inspiration,
life,
style tips Add Gala on Twitter!forty-five thoughts for my daughter and my virtual daughters
[ 18 July 2009, 18:14 ]
forty-five thoughts for my daughter and my virtual daughters
By Francesca Lia Block.
i always believed if i had blond hair, pixie face
big breasts
everything would be all right
not realizing that culturally idolized beauty
is not only foolproof
but potentially dangerousif you believe in your own unconventional beauty
when you are young
you will accomplish twice as much and suffer half soturn off lightbulbs and light a candle
walk don’t drive
plant a tree
wear sunscreen
dancing is an antidepressant
kindness is the new status symbol
every day please try to eat something green
and something orange
that grow out of the groundtell me how mad you are
that your father and i parted
i will always listen
though i can’t ever take away the painexpectations are for what you yourself create
they rarely work when applied to others
turn off the television
tv is a depressant
yoga is an antidepressant
don’t feel guilty about wanting pretty things
they would not be so alluring
if you weren’t supposed to want them
just don’t value them over compassionuse your words even when you are a grown-up
and people no longer think it is entirely acceptable
when you say, that hurt my feelingsif you can digest chocolate eat it sometimes
same goes for ice cream
(i don’t really need to tell you those things do i?)do your homework because it is part of the game but
don’t spend too much time worrying about grades
fall in love with someone kind who loves your body
and your mindif you have a dream that won’t let you go, that
tickles your solar plexus, heed itturn dark feelings into paintings or poetry
or dancingmusic is a kind of food
if you are sad talk to a happy woman who loves you
it will always helpmove your body when you are sad or angry
avoid the following:
genetically modified ingredients
parabens
sodium lauryl sulfate
mercury in certain fish
neurotic thoughts about food
(is that a contradiction?)love your curls though they tangle
your pale skin though it can burn in the sun
your nose though it is broader than some
your sturdy legs and feetforget barbie she does not possess imagination
remember you are a botticelli angel
the planet we live on is perfection
love her like a goddess
love yourself as her daughter
there is a planet full of different kinds of beauty
the idea that only one type of woman is beautiful
is blasphemyof everything i brought to the world in these
forty-five years
you and your brother are by far the most astoundingbecause of this i will always love your father
matter never vanishes, only changes
remember that when someone you love dies
your round head on my breast when you were born
is the memory
i will keep with me when i leave this bodywhen i am gone i will still be near you
this is how i know: when you were born
it was not a meeting
but a reunion
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [77] Tags: inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Love & Sequins One-Day SALE!
[ 9 July 2009, 07:30 ]
Say what?! OUI, it is true! Today ONLY, I’m having an enormous (& fabulous!) sale on the Love & Sequins series!
Love & Sequins is my handbook on being a love letter to the universe, delivered in scrumptious, sensational monthly installments. As well as receiving the text (at 10,000 words every month, it’s a good read!), I also read each chapter aloud & send it to you as an MP3 — perfect for listening to on the bus or when you’re all tucked into bed at night!
It’s a rad way to invest in yourself, or even your best friend (just email me about it!)... if I do say so myself!
HEY BIG-SPENDER! A year-long subscription to Love & Sequins bought all at once is usually $84, making it $7 a month. If you buy TODAY, I’ll knock the price down to $60 — only $5 a month! Incroyable! That’s a saving of $24, effectively giving you three (& a half!) chapters for NOTHIN’!
LITTLE BITES OF DELICIOUSNESS! If you’re more of a pick-&-choose kinda kid, today ONLY, individual chapters are a mere $9 each! Less than the price of a pack of cigarettes in New York City & much, much better for you! You’ll save $4 on each one — aaaaaaaamazing! — & you can pick up the installments you missed for a fab price!
Love & Sequins #1: LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF: Self-adoration, manifesting your ideal persona, channelling your inner Marie Antoinette & everything in between!
“I’m a bit older than a lot of your readers (ie 40!), but I still found it really releveant. And I believe this type of thing should be compulsory reading/listening for teenagers (I’m trying to word this without sounding/feeling 1200 years old … hmm!) Maybe you could create your own school … Galaverse High ?? With a pink sparkly uniform and a unicorn coat of arms. Seriously though, I think this sort of thing is way more beneficial than a geography or a maths lesson. After all, isn’t school meant to prepare you for life?” — K.
“If I could put to words how much I love and adore this podcast, I would, but nuff said I completely fail at that. It’s just mind-blowingly, earth-shatteringly,toe-ticklingly (why yes, these are all actual words) cute and awesome, and on top of that so relevant! So important! I think absolutely everyone should hear this, Galaverse High doesnt sound bad at all!” — J.
Love & Sequins #2: THE SMART GIRL’S GUIDE TO BUSINESS — Taking control of your life, finding your passion, loving what you do & making mad bling!
“Thankyou so much for your inspiration. it really gave me the kick up the bum that I needed. I was always afraid to take a creative income path, for fear that my talent was lacking. I still have these insecurities, but I realise that right now, while I’m young, enthusiastic and motivated is the very best time to give it a shot. If it doesn’t work out, then I’ll try something different. if it is a success, then maybe it will give me the confidence to try some other more innovative ideas.” — V.
“I finally developed the balls to register as self-employed this week and quite by chance have been offered my first self-employed gig. I teach adults, literacy and numeracy. So this time around I’ll be teaching young adults with learning difficulities, the basic literacy they’ll need to get them by in life generally and in work. But it has made me realise that anything is possible… I’m planning to keep on some employed work to pay the bills. But I’m planning to expand into online tutoring, proofreading and writing. I intend to be completely self-employed eventually. So thanks. Wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for that podcast. They’re worth their weight in gold.” — A.
Love & Sequins #3: LOVE, SEX, THE GALAXY & EVERYTHING — From falling in love to co-habitation, & all the beauty & madness contained within!
“Gala, I loved this one! I listened to it as soon as you sent it. I’ve always been kind of a cynic when it comes to love, but I think I’m ready to let my guard down and take the plunge. The ‘love self-evaluation’ and ‘figuring out what you want from a partner’ parts stood out the most to me, and I’m definitely going to take the time to write and reflect on these areas. Thank you so much!” — D.
“This was supermegaawesome good! I really like the way it’s all starting to sounds more natural… But I like the way it sort of flows and sounds more natural… Like you’re whispering good advice in my ear! And also I was walking my dog while listening to this and 3 or 4 times I just burst out laughing at some of the things you said; a lot of strange looks! Please keep this up, they’re all super good and I really do owe a lot to you!” — V.
You get the message right?!
TODAY ONLY!
P.S. LINKS HAVE BEEN REMOVED BECAUSE THE SALE IS OVER! Mwah! Thanks so much for your support!
Okay, now back to your regularly-scheduled programming!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [36] Tags: consumption,
how to,
inspiration,
life,
podcast Add Gala on Twitter!Help! My Mother Is Evil!
[ 8 July 2009, 12:48 ]
Tricky, tricky, tricky.
Here’s the thing: your mother is not perfect. She knows it, & you definitely know it! The biggest thing to remember about dealing with your mother — & every person you meet, actually — is that everything she says to you has been run through her internal filter. Her internal filter has been affected by her childhood, the things her parents said to her, the things she has tried to do & succeeded at, the things she has tried to do & failed at, her own personal belief systems & how happy she is with her own life.
It’s very possible that this is your mother’s way of showing you how much she loves you — by trying to prevent you from getting hurt. Of course, it’s not an awesome way of showing you, but she is doing the best she can with the knowledge she has. All parents can really do is try to improve on how their parents treated them. Look at her parents & the way they treated her: you might find a whole lot of light bulbs go off in your mind, & you’ll have a greater understanding of why she is the way she is.
There could be a bunch of reasons why she doesn’t support you in your adoration of this boy. Realistically, I think most parents don’t really ever want their kids to date. It brings up a whole lot of issues, like talking about sex & birth control, dealing with potential broken hearts, & even just facing the dreaded reality that their child isn’t a child any more! She might also have a problem with organised religion (a lot of people do), or she might be worried that your involvement with the church will cause huge chasms in your relationship with her.
When the people who are supposed to support us — like parents, teachers, friends — fail to be encouraging or positive, it can really hurt. After all, if they don’t have faith in us, what hope do we possibly have of being successful? Well, actually, you don’t need your parents’ blessing to do anything. It’s nice to have it, but it’s not compulsory, & when they don’t step up to the plate with love & inspiration, we can choose to react one of two ways. You can either decide that they’re probably right, & not try… or you can stick to your guns & go for it. Rally some people around you who do have faith in you, & start taking big strides towards your goal. Success is the best revenge, after all!
One thing I’ve learned is that support & encouragement can come from the most unusual places. Just because you & your mother are related to one another, that doesn’t mean you necessarily have each other’s best interests at heart, or know how to communicate with each other.
It’s not at all unusual for you to be able to relate better with someone who isn’t part of your immediate family. I know a lot of people whose families were so beastly that they don’t talk to them at all any more, & so have gathered around them people they respect who act as mentors or role models. Similarly, a lot of my friends regard their closest friends as their chosen family, & have very little to do with their mother, father, siblings, etc.
I totally relate to you checking out the church to see what it’s all about. When I was in my early teens, I also flirted with a bunch of religions or belief systems — Christianity, Paganism, Buddhism — because I was trying to work out who I was & what I believed in. They all had their appeal & things I liked about each, but eventually I realised it wasn’t really my thing, & so I went on my way. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you learning as much as you can about something which interests you; I think all religions & belief systems have valuable things to teach us. Just take it at your own pace, & do what feels right to you. (By the way, I think it goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: you don’t need your mother’s permission to believe in God or obtain a new belief system!)
Being a teenager really SUCKS sometimes, & it’s hard enough to grow up & be sparkling with self-love even if you have the most wonderful parents in the world. When mothers & fathers join in on the hate brigade, it’s no wonder that so many teenagers go completely nuts. We all have a tough time living at home, which is why so many of us leave the first chance we get! (I moved out of home one day while my parents were on holiday in Europe!) I’m sure every nonpareil reading has horror stories galore about the trials & tribulations of being a teenager! The great news is that you only have two more years until you’re free to get out of there & do your own thing. You survived 16 of them, so another two shouldn’t be the end of the world!
Above all, please don’t let your mother’s own personal insecurities affect the rest of YOUR life!
Big kisses & lots of blessings for everything you choose to do.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [49] Tags: advice,
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life Add Gala on Twitter!Revolution Pee-Wee Style Now!
[ 6 July 2009, 19:39 ]
I recently became aware that Tuesday the 28th of July is Paul Reubens Day! Oh the excitement! Paul Reubens is best known for the creation of his character Pee-Wee Herman. Well, that & being arrested for getting a little frisky in public!
Growing up in New Zealand, I missed out on the phenomenon that was Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, but luckily I managed to see the film Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure as a young child, which sparked a life-long love affair with the little lunatic! The movie was Tim Burton’s first feature-length film, & if you haven’t seen it, you should!
The show ended years ago, but there is light at the end of the tunnel…
“Paul Reubens confirmed in a January 2009 interview with Swindle magazine that there are indeed negotiations under way for the Pee-Wee Herman stage show to return. This would take place in either Las Vegas or New York.” (Wikipedia)
Paul Reubens Day happens in San Francisco every year, but I think it should be spread worldwide & brought to the global consciousness, don’t you? Who better to do that than an enthusiastic troupe of nonpareils? I ask you!
How can you celebrate Paul Reubens Day?
Design an elaborate breakfast-making machine…
Go to a drive-in movie…
Learn rad bicycle tricks…
Wear a red bow-tie…
Brush your teeth with a really big toothbrush…
Save puppies from a burning pet shop…
Visit Warner Brothers studios…
Go to the Alamo…
Draw on a widow’s peak…
Wear bunny slippers…
Hang out with some bikers...
“I say we kill him!” (YEAH!)
“I say we hang him, THEN we kill him!” (YEAH!)
“I say we scalp him!” (YEAH!) “Then we tattoo him!” (YEAH!) “THEN we hang him!” (YEAH!) “& THEN we kill him!” (YEAH!)
“I say we let him go!” (NO!)
Dance on a table in a bar…
Eat a really big bowl of cereal…
Dream about winning the Tour de France…
Have a bicycle race…
Go to a fortune teller…
Cut the tags off your mattress…
Hitch a ride with a truck driver…
Watch Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure…
Learn a magic trick…
Go to an adult theatre… (cough cough)
Or, OF COURSE, you could dress up in tribute & go out on the town!
I like to call this look The Evil Librarian. Brandish a long wooden ruler menacingly & practice your shushing!
Perfect for a low-key day: shopping for magic tricks, polishing your bicycle & fending off potential suitors by telling them you’re a loner… a rebel.
If I wore red, I would wear this outfit every day. Whattup britches?!
Pee-Wee Herman? Liza Minnelli? Pee-Wee Minelli? Liza Herman? Whatever you like. It’s all accepted here!
However you decide to celebrate Paul Reubens Day, I hope you have a wonderful day!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [57] Tags: inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Love & Sequins #3 Is Live!
[ 1 July 2009, 13:44 ]
Bonjour, bonjour!
It is with great delight that I announce the third installment of Love & Sequins: Making Magic Happen, my monthly series all about being a love letter to the universe. It is available now! Right now! I’m sitting here zapping hundreds of digital copies of it all over the world at this very instant!
This month, the chapter is LOVE, SEX, THE GALAXY & EVERYTHING — From falling in love to co-habitation, & all the beauty & madness contained within!
It’s all very timely, since I have been through so much romantic upheaval in the last year, from processing long-term break-ups to developing my international playgirl style & flitting around having intercontinental love affairs — & am currently deeply smitten by a certain Dish! So I have really been from one end to the other & all the way back again. Needless to say, I have given this subject some deep thought recently!
Love & Sequins #3 is bursting with hints, tricks & tips on all things love-related, from how to find your ideal sweetheart to learning your own secret love language. Written in the thick of a tumultuous New York summer from the air-conditioned bliss of my favourite coffeeshop, & recorded on the Dish’s bed with Hank asleep beside me, there are lots of love stories, shining examples of what NOT to do & plenty of hope for lovelorn, wide-eyed dreamers!
Single issues are $12 each. Alternatively you can subscribe monthly for $10 (& I’ll send you the ones you’ve missed!), or buy the whole lot at $7 a pop!
If you haven’t heard the other two, you pick up back issues any time!
Love & Sequins #1: LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF — Self-adoration, manifesting your ideal persona, channelling your inner Marie Antoinette & everything in between!
Love & Sequins #2: THE SMART GIRL’S GUIDE TO BUSINESS — Taking control of your life, finding your passion, loving what you do & making mad bling!
As always my star-kissed darlings, thank you so much for your support & encouragement with the Love & Sequins project! It means more to me than you could ever know. MWAH!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [53] Tags: consumption,
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life Add Gala on Twitter!GET OFF THE INTERNET
[ 30 June 2009, 11:50 ]
We keep distancing ourselves from one another — secluding ourselves in our houses, turning down social invitations, wearing headphones all over the city — but at the same time trying to reach out digitally & immerse ourselves in one another’s lives via Twitter, Flickr, Facebook, instant messenger. We send endless text messages but never pick up the phone, & keep up with our friends by reading their Facebook status instead of going out with them to dinner.
...& then we wonder why we all feel so lonely & isolated.
There is nothing to wonder about!
The internet is an amazing tool, but NOTHING competes with sharing physical space with another person! You can read status updates until your eyes drop out of your head but you’ll never learn as much about your friend as you would from just going out for a drink.
The internet is not real life.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [105] Tags: life Add Gala on Twitter!New York Treasures
[ 24 June 2009, 08:42 ]
A few of my newest favourite places in New York City…
Relish // 225 Wythe Ave (between 3rd St & 4th St) // Brooklyn
Best for: a magical weekend brunch. How can I describe this to you? Relish is a diner from 1952 — think stainless steel diner car with original detailing — which was relocated to Brooklyn, adored & polished & totally restored for two full years, before being turned into the Relish we know & love today. There’s a low counter with a line-up of bar stools, an outside garden full of roses & big blue umbrellas, great tunes (Bauhaus!) & good coffee. Bonus points if you get there by riding across the Brooklyn bridge on a perfect day on the back of a 1968 Triumph Bonneville…
A Salt & Battery // 112 Greenwich Ave (between 12th St & Jane St) // Manhattan
Best for: fantastic fish & chips, a selection of British soft drinks, & to top it all off, the pièce de résistance — a magnificent fried Mars Bar. The people who work here are actually British, accents & all, so if you’re from somewhere in the realms of the Commonwealth & are feeling a bit homesick, it’s a good place to go. For me it felt like I was in an episode of Eastenders which was just as good. It is truly delicious, just as good as what I’m used to in New Zealand, which sets a pretty high bar. But beware, A Salt & Battery is not the cheap, easy fare you’re expecting — my beau & I ran up a total of $36US for two pieces of fish, one scoop of chips, a pie & two deep-fried Mars Bars. But hey. When you want fish & chips, you want fish & chips. There’s no point in arguing. Just pull out your wallet & take it like a man.
Mama’s Food Shop // 200 E 3rd St (between Avenue A & Avenue B) // Manhattan
Best for: sating those rare cravings for a home-cooked meal. I find that I don’t often want that, but when I do, I better get it. Mama’s is amazing — the roast chicken is tender & packed with flavour, the mashed potatoes & gravy are fantastic, the green vegetables are crisp & the servings are enormous. It’s cheap, too — two huge pieces of roast chicken with a side is only $11 — & if you can finish it, I’ll be amazed. Good times.
Cafecito // 185 Avenue C (between 11th St & 12th St) // Manhattan
Best for: bollos, sweet midnight French toast, & a relaxed start to the weekend. (I say relaxed because they don’t open until 11am, so you hyper-achievers will have to go elsewhere!) They do fantastic sandwiches too, with this insane garlic mayonnaise that awes me every time. Note: they don’t take credit cards, but there is an ATM either side of the restaurant, so it’s certainly not the end of the world.
MUD // 307 E. 9th Street (between 1st Ave & 2nd Ave) // Manhattan
Best for: huge mugs of coffee, great atmosphere, good music & delicious food. I almost always get the Mudman Panini & a massive soy mocha, it’s good for what ails you. The space is skinny but they have an outdoor area at the back which you should try to get seated in if you can. It’s a fantastic place to gather strength in the morning or early afternoon before an all-day shopping spree!
Crif Dogs // 113 Saint Marks Pl // Manhattan
Best for: gourmet hot dogs. (Yes, they exist!) My favourite is the Chihuahua — a bacon-wrapped hot dog with avocado, sour cream & salsa (the salsa is optional but it is some of the best I have ever tasted). They are delicious & evil all at the same time, please don’t eat there more than once a week at the very most. Crif Dogs is a cute little unassuming place down a short flight of stairs, but it holds a secret. Yes. The phone-box on the left is the entrance to PDT, a hidden speakeasy next door. You’re welcome.
Black Iron Burger Shop // 540 East 5th Street (between Avenue A & Avenue B) // Manhattan
Best for: fantastic burgers with horseradish cheese, serious milkshakes & good tunes (Elvis Presley mixed with New Order mixed with Chuck Berry, anyone?). The Dish & I had a good time here, sitting up high at a table on the side, munching away delightedly. It’s small & dark, they show sports on the television & sometimes the waitress is a bit slow & inattentive (some would say “laid-back”), but it’s worth it, because damn do they do a good burger.
Cadillac’s Castle // 333 E 9th St (between 1st Ave & 2nd Ave) // Manhattan
Best for: good condition vintage designer clothing that won’t break the bank. Cadillac’s is a combination of gently-worn & brand spanking new clothing, all expertly chosen & extremely tempting. By the way, when I say labels, I mean labels. Missoni, DVF, Prada, Balenciaga — you name it, they have it. Did I mention the prices are incredible?! You should definitely check this place out. P.S. Cadillac — the shop dog — is as much of a sweetheart as the owner.
Fabulous Fanny’s // 335 E 9th St (between 1st Ave & 2nd Ave) // Manhattan
Best for: specs that stand out. Prove Dorothy Parker (she of “Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses” fame) wrong with a miraculous pair of blinkers that will have the mens (or womens) a-runnin’. Towards you. Not away from you. I LOVE THIS STORE. The staff are so friendly & the selection is truly mind-boggling. They’ll help you find a way to channel your inner Elton John or Woody Allen tout de suite. The frames are very reasonably-priced & they’ll even direct you to a place in Chinatown to get your prescription filled in under an hour. RAD.
Butter Lane // 123 E 7th St (between 1st Ave & Avenue A) // Manhattan
Best for: pick-&-mix cupcakes on the go. When my friend & I walked in, we stared at the blackboard, confused, but here’s how it works: you pick the kind of cake you want, & then the kind of frosting. They’ll frost your cupcake (oh, you) on the spot. So you can be as ridiculous (banana cake with espresso frosting?) or tasteful (chocolate cake with raspberry frosting?) with your flavour combinations as you like. They’re no Sugar Sweet Sunshine (oh, my love), but if you’re in the East Village & craving a sugar fix, hit them up. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Ninth Street Espresso // 700 E 9th St (between Avenue C & Avenue D) OR 341 E 10th St (between Avenue A & Avenue B) // Manhattan (+ other locations)
Best for: a coffee-drenched religious experience. The space is clean & minimal with a beautiful, shiny tin roof, & while the food selection is sparse, the coffee comes in enormous cups & is beyond description. I have never had a better cup of coffee & I have dated multiple coffee snobs so I know what I’m talking about. It is perfect every time, they have free wifi & sometimes you’ll see me sitting inside tapping away on my MacBook. Holla.
The Standard Grill // 848 Washington St (between Little W 12th St & 13th St) // Manhattan
Best for: a fabulous meal in a comfortable but opulent setting. I went along to the friends & family tastings before the restaurant opened officially, & have not yet had the opportunity to go back, but in the three short hours I spent there (!), it quickly established itself as one of my favourite places in New York City. The staff are friendly & while the décor is extremely well thought-out & implemented, the place still has a relaxed feel. We sat in a cozy curved booth & I would recommend that over a table any day. My favourite things on the menu are the chicken liver pâté, million dollar roast chicken, mojitos & the warm chocolate brownie with toasted marshmallows. Oh boy.
Obscura Antiques // 280 E 10th St (between 1st Ave & Avenue A) // Manhattan
Best for: all things creepy & bizarre. Don’t be put off by the fact that they have “antiques” in the name — though this would normally signify an expensive selection, somehow Obscura manages to be sanely-priced. For example, my friend Tim Kern bought half a taxidermied bear here for $650… & they’re very sweet in there. They gave me an old red hardcover copy of Dracula with a bite missing from the spine (!!!) just because they liked the cut of my jib. It’s a great place to go if you love digging through an assortment of taxidermy, strange bottles, tools, hats & madness.
Galleria Nail Salon // 520 E 11th St (between Avenue A & Avenue B) // Manhattan
Best for: the world’s most relaxing & simultaneously OCD mani/pedi. Usually when you go to get your nails done, it doesn’t matter what you pay, you always feel a degree of going-through-the-motions, you always wish they would spend more time massaging your feet & that the polish was just a little bit more meticulously-applied. Well, at Galleria, they don’t rush anything. (Understatement: my standard mani/pedi took three hours here.) They put slices of lemon, drops of lavender oil & crystals in the foot-bath, play The Beatles & Nina Simone, & give you delicious green tea with brown rice (I love it & usually green tea is not my thing) as well as Hershey’s Kisses. Too good. Devote your afternoon & be amazed.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [42] Tags: consumption,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Mad Hatter's Day
[ 10 June 2009, 11:07 ]
Depending on where you live (& the way you read dates), Mad Hatter’s Day can either be June the 10th or October the 6th. Well, June 10th is today, so I say we celebrate it now! (There’s no reason why we can’t go back for a repeat performance in October — nor do you really need an excuse to wear a magnificent mantle.)
So what’s the deal with Mad Hatter’s Day? Well, it’s a celebration of the character from Alice In Wonderland, & you can do this in a number of ways, but the easiest thing to do is wear a hat.
Hats hats hats. I love my hats. My love affair with hats began very early, & started with my mother, who always said, “If you want someone to remember you, wear a hat”. (Perhaps I took that a step further with my candy-coloured tresses, hmm?) I adore seeing someone in the street in a hat, & wish more people would wear them. They are so incredibly chic & fabulous.
How can you work a hat into your outfit? Firstly, don’t be intimidated. Remember that your choice of head covering doesn’t have to be a floppy sunhat with a diameter of 100 centimetres (um, 40 inches)! You can go minimal with a beanie or snood (pin something a little sparkly to it to glam it up!), tie a vintage scarf around your noggin or affix an adorned slide to the side of your noodle!
Of course, if you do have a great hat, this is the perfect day to wear it, but don’t feel that you have to go the whole millinery hog. If you work customer service & have a headset on all day, a wonderful bonnet is going to be quite inconvenient. Just work with what you’ve got!
If you don’t have a hat, a plain headband will do in a pinch as you can stick virtually anything to it. A toy car? A gift bow? A firecracker? Use your imagination & be bold! Another place to look is in your boxes of Christmas ornaments — not the baubles, I’m thinking more like fake birds. Often they have clips on the bottom of them, so you can attach them to your hair with ease (but be careful when you take them out because the teeth are usually serrated)!
There are so many headbands around at the moment that you can totally take your pick. I have a huge selection, mostly bought from Forever 21, where they run around $2-$6 apiece. They’re adorned with all sorts of things, from flowers to butterflies to enormous grosgrain bows & they top off an outfit brilliantly. There are also faux-flower hair clips everywhere, which you can just slide into your hair at an angle for super style points.
Channel Isabella Blow (above left). She was known for her outrageous collection of hats & wore them with incredible style. She was quoted as saying that she liked wearing them primarily because they helped keep people away!
When she sported antlers to a lunch with Nicholas Coleridge, he reasonably inquired: “How are you going to eat with those on?” “Nicholas,” she replied to her then boss, “that is of no concern to me whatsoever.”
Here are a few ways that some stylish girls around the globe celebrated Mad Hatter’s Day…
On Mad Hatter’s Day, Isobel Oval took her dachshund (Dahl) for a walk, played the drums for a couple of hours & danced around her bedroom to old Hole records. She finished the day up at her favourite bar, where she sat with her boots up on the counter & kicked several boys asses at darts.
Lauryn met her best friend in a playground for a mad tea-party. They ate peach cobbler, hung upside down from tree branches & whistled show-tunes while swinging as high as they could.
Jane wore small flower hair-clips to a party in her neighbour’s garden. When she got sick of her neighbour’s husband hitting on her, she took off her shoes & sat in the fountain for an hour.
Audrey had intense cabin fever from sitting inside the house painting for 4 days straight — so she got gussied up & walked around the botanic gardens in the rain, while listening to Elliott Smith.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [57] Tags: aesthetic,
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life Add Gala on Twitter!Charles Bukowski
[ 7 June 2009, 16:15 ]
nobody can save you but
yourself.
you will be put again and again
into nearly impossible
situations.
they will attempt again and again
through subterfuge, guise and
force
to make you submit, quit and/or die quietly
inside.
nobody can save you but
yourself
and it will be easy enough to fail
so very easily
but don’t, don’t, don’t.
just watch them.
listen to them.
do you want to be like that?
a faceless, mindless, heartless
being?
do you want to experience
death before death?
nobody can save you but
yourself
and you’re worth saving.
it’s a war not easily won
but if anything is worth winning then
this is it.
think about it.
think about saving your self.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [68] Tags: inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Very Definitely Not Dinner & A Movie
[ 3 June 2009, 22:47 ]
Dating, oh dating. You are such a strange phenomenon, so amazing & simultaneously horrifying. Who knows where the night will begin or where it could all lead? But here’s the kicker — dinner & a movie is totally played out. You’re interesting, they’re interesting — surely that’s not the best you can come up with! So here, for your romantic pleasure, are a list of 50 alternative ideas to try.
Wake up at 4am & watch the sunrise together
Maybe not first date material, but perhaps third or fourth. What could be better than sitting close on a rooftop somewhere, talking & laughing & watching the sun come up? Take a flask of hot coffee for extra points.
Have an extravagant brunch at 8am
Get dressed up & do breakfast properly. Fabulous pancakes, decadent waffles, poached eggs & the best hollandaise. Boutique hotels often do a brilliant brunch, but a bit of surreptitious googling should set you on the right track. Thick white linen napkins first thing in the morning are a magnificent way to start the day — & then you can either go your separate ways, or take a walk.
Go to an art gallery on a Saturday afternoon
You’ll learn a lot about the person you’re standing next to if you go & check out art together. Plus it gives you something so much more stimulating to talk about than the last episode of Lost. (Sorry, Lost fans…)
Bring half an evening
Like a movie (or movie tickets), some food or a drink. You get the opportunity to impress your crush with your superior taste while also finding out more about them. You don’t have to meet at someone’s house, either — a park bench, good picnic spot or even town square could work too.
The double-Netflix date
For those of you not in America, Netflix is an on-demand DVD rental service that the entire country seems to have a subscription to. Sorry to be so geographically-specific, but “double-Netflix” rolls off the tongue a little better than, “Let’s just each bring a movie & subject one another to our extremely questionable taste”!
The Case Of The Mystery Band
Grab a copy of your local newspaper or magazine, close your eyes, run your finger over the “live music” section & choose a band neither of you have ever heard of to go & see. It could be amazing; it could be completely hellish — you won’t know until you go! But even if it’s shocking, it’s definitely a bonding experience, & maybe even something to tell the children, eh?
Make a fort
Enough said.
Bring your favourite book & read the first chapter aloud
Again, this says a lot about a person. Will they bring The Witches? Lolita? The 120 Days Of Sodom? I can barely stand the suspense…
Mix CD trade
Are mix CDs antiquated? Maybe you could just make one another a playlist on your iPod or something… Either way, sharing & discussing music is one of the world’s great, little-known aphrodisiacs. Truth. (Unless all they listen to is Richard Marx. Damn.)
Do something neither of you have done before
Pottery class? Swing dancing lessons? Hire a moped & drive out into the country? Who knows, but it’s nice to share an experience that is new to both of you!
Random restaurant date
Flip open the yellow pages to ‘R’ for ‘Restaurants’, close your eyes & pick a place to eat at. Just like the mystery band date, you never know how it’ll go — it could be a hidden treasure or a total health hazard, but that’s part of the fun, isn’t it?!
Hot air ballooning
Not the cheapest date idea, I’ll admit, but certain to score you points & to impress your lover-to-be. Maybe if you’re dating an heiress?
Decorate a Christmas tree together
Yes, this one is seasonal, but think how fun it would be! It’ll cheer up your (or their) apartment, give you a visual reminder of them (assuming the date goes well), & maybe you could even go ice-skating afterwards. Cute ++.
The Sunday New York Times crossword date
Bonus: intellectual stimulation, nerd points & you get to find out how clever they really are, all in one fell swoop. & wouldn’t it be great if you looked at them across the table, sunlight falling across their face, & they smiled at you & you thought, ‘I would like to spend every Sunday this way’? Yes. Yes it would.
Playground date
Slides are exciting. Monkey bars are fun. Swinging side by side is totally awesome, & you can have a contest as to who can swing higher. (Hint: if you are younger you will probably win this one. Older people, I have learned, sometimes feel motion sick on swings. Definitely one of the downsides of maturity.)
Tree-climbing date
No explanation required, but if you take them to a secret treehouse that no one else knows about, please don’t be surprised if they propose on the spot.
Video game arcade date
This isn’t always a perfect match, especially when it comes to girls in high heels & those weird shoot-em-up zombie games. Or whatever. (How impressed would you be by a drop-dead gorgeous girl kicking immense zombie butt, though?) But everyone likes air hockey. Don’t they?!
Ye olde photobooth hunt
Trawl your city for old-school photobooths & take as many strips as you can. Take props, maybe a silly wig or two, & see how bizarre you can make them. P.S. Photobooth.net is your go-to source for major photobooth info!
A drive-in movie
I admit, this one seems ultra-cool to me just because I’ve never done it & I am in love with Danny Zucco from here until eternity. Just don’t try to take your ring off by wiping it through your greasy hair & hit your girlfriend in the boob. “Oh Sandy baby, some day, when hiiiiiiiigh school is done!”
Sugarhigh date
Simple. Go to a convenience store. Buy cheap, evil, sugary treats. Find somewhere to sit & glut yourselves on them. Then see what happens. Spontaneous dancing? A completely misguided shopping trip? Leapfrogging over small children?! Let us know!
The socially irresponsible date
One word: graffiti. Rebels!
Pretend to be tourists
Go & do the stuff you’ve never done because, well, you’ve always lived here. Wear a baseball cap, khakis & a bum bag (“fanny pack”) for a feeling of real authenticity, & don’t forget to take photos!
“My old neighbourhood” date
Walk around the area you used to live, & tell your date about where you used to ride your bike, what happened on that one lawn, which house was best to hit up on hallowe’en & who the really creepy neighbours were.
The really long one-way walk
No rules except that you just have to walk for a really long time in one direction & not turn around. When you’re really exhausted or hit the ocean, it’s time to go back. Catch a taxi or a bus or something to ease the pain.
Take a dog for a walk
It doesn’t have to be yours, or even hers. Borrow your friend’s dog! They’re adorable & fun & will give you something to talk about if you get stuck. Plus, people will come up to you & say, “Cute dog”, & you can beam at each other like proud parents.
Go to the beach
Take music, towels, a big floppy sun-hat or two & enjoy the day. Build sandcastles, put sunscreen lotion on one another, go swimming & then travel home together as the sun is setting, relaxed & happy.
Karaoke!
I love karaoke. I love karaoke. I love karaoke. Again, it’s a great way to get to know someone — you’ll instantly know how outgoing they are, how much they like a challenge & what their music taste is like. Plus, usually in my experience, a day-glo private room & weird drinks are part of the package. Who could say no to that?
Collaborative art date
Get a canvas or even just a big piece of paper, some paint, pencils or pastels, & go nuts.
Walk around to different bars & tell stories about what happened
This one is kind of abstract, but I was once on a date with a guy where we went to three different bars & as we walked around, he told me about the strange & hilarious memories he had associated with those places. It helps that he was cute & a good storyteller, but still, it could work.
Go & listen to jazz
Pretend to be sophisticated. Or actually be sophisticated, depending…
Take cameras & explore an abandoned place
An excellent opportunity to be artsy-fartsy, or if you like to be on the other side of the camera, get them to take photos of you pulling your most beautifulest faces.
Medieval Times
Oh geez, does this need any explanation? No. Eating with your hands, handsome knights, silly hats? Sign me up!
“First date” night
This one works best if it’s not your actual first date. Like, for example, you’ve been together for 3 years & live in the same house. Get dressed separately, meet somewhere strange & a bit awkward, & pretend you don’t know one another. Start from scratch. Ask all those banal questions you’re supposed to ask (“So, what do you do?”). Then at the end of the night, rejoice that you’re in a relationship & not dating any more!
The generational date
Pretend you’re an age that you’re not, then act accordingly. A senior citizens date might involve going lawn bowling, making apple sauce & watching The Price Is Right. A teenager date might involve roller-skating, making out in public & drinking vodka in an alley-way. You get the idea.
The recession date
Triple B’s: eat at Burger King, take the bus to get there, then go & play bingo. Maybe you could go window shopping afterwards or huddle around a cigarette for warmth (thanks, Withnail & I).
The silent date
In a loud, noisy, overstimulating world, it can be nice to unplug & escape. But it can be nice to do that with your new favourite person, too. Hold hands & read books on a wharf & occasionally look adoringly at one another. Cool.
Make cupcakes together
You know you want to.
Make a video & put it on Youtube
You could really do anything & make a video of it, but it does at least give you a purpose & a goal. Plus, later on you have a record of what went on — & a slew of idiotic comments to wade through. Haha!
Liveblog your date
Upload pictures, tweet it, even give it a hash-tag. #evan&madelinesfirstdate. Cute.
Travel without going anywhere
The premise is simple. Have a normal date but speak with an accent. You both have to do it, by the way, or it doesn’t count. Choose something difficult for extra hilarity points, like Scottish or South African. Och aye!
Write letters to one another & post them
Maybe if you were on a date with a contender for Macho Man Of The Year this wouldn’t work, but I think it is almost the cutest idea ever. It’s definitely worth a try.
Dye each other’s hair
There’s nothing like a radical change to make life more exciting. Try blue-black or red or even pink! I wrote a how to, so there’s no excuse!
Sneak into a rooftop pool
They often have them at hotels, but they are usually only open to guests, so you might have to use your best sweet-talking skills, but it will be totally worth it if you can swing it. My suggestion? Just act as if you’re supposed to be there, & them questioning you is really just a waste of your time. Be charming but efficient. Godspeed!
Jump on a trampoline
The hardest part will be finding one, but I have faith in you!
Use sparklers to draw each other pictures
& maybe even write “GD + MKO 4 EVER”. (Take photos.)
Ice-cream parlour
Get a really, really, really big sundae & split it. Bicker over toppings. Then, when you’re done, find somewhere to lie down & talk about how sick you feel. A bonding experience to be sure!
Have a five-course dinner… at different places
Have an appetiser at one place, soup somewhere else, a main here, a dessert there, & coffee at your favourite cafe.
Play truth or dare
Awesome.
Three-hour make-out session
Choose a good location & use a stopwatch if necessary. Sounds like a good way to spend an afternoon to me.
What’s the best date you’ve ever been on?
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [125] Tags: inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Love & Sequins #2 Is Live!
[ 1 June 2009, 08:20 ]
Hooray!
The second chapter of Love & Sequins: Making Magic Happen was sealed with a kiss first thing this morning, & is ready to be devoured by you! (For those of you who are new to iCiNG, Love & Sequins is the bare bones of my new big project, a delicious book about blowing kisses to the universe!)
The title is THE SMART GIRL’S GUIDE TO BUSINESS — Taking control of your life, finding your passion, loving what you do & making mad bling!
Written in New York City & recorded in Toronto, it weighs in at over 12,000 words, & the MP3 is an hour & a bit. I talk at length about my experiences as an independent business owner, discovering what you love to do, how to escape the corporate world, the lessons I’ve learned, what it’s like to make a living as a “blogger”, what it takes to be successful & much more!
This chapter of Love & Sequins is split into two parts. As a super-special treat, this chapter includes a half-hour long interview between the infamous, creative, prolific & extremely successful Molly Crabapple & I, recorded last month at International Playgirl HQ! We discuss starting your own business, being self-sufficient, how to manage your money, online personalities, the new professionalism & following your passion even when times get tough! It’s cute & hilarious, by turns serious & frivolous, & if you close your eyes you can pretend you’re sitting on my bed with us. There are even cabs blaring their horns outside, essential to the authentic New York City experience!
I’m so passionate about this topic, because since starting my business it is all I have really been interested in! I have so much to say about it, I could write an entire book on the subject — maybe one day I will!
You can purchase this podcast for $12, subscribe for a year & be billed monthly at $10, or pay for it all at once for $84 (a super-saving at $7 a month).
Once I receive notification that you’ve snapped it up, I’ll send you an email which has the complete chapter as well as a link to the MP3!
If after listening to #2 you want to go back & hear the first chapter, you can pick it up here!
As always, thanks for your support & enthusiasm! It means so much to me.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [41] Tags: consumption,
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productivity Add Gala on Twitter!Gala's Style Essentials
[ 12 May 2009, 11:36 ]
Geek glasses
I know they’re trendy as hell but I can’t help loving them. Mine are from Urban Outfitters, & I love to throw them on to add a bit of visual interest to an outfit. Sometimes I feel like having them on is a kind of disguise, which can be very welcome on those days when striding out into the maelstrom of New York City isn’t something I’m really in the mood for. My next step is to buy a second pair & cover them in tiny Swarovski crystals… Needless to say, I can’t wait! (Elton John’s demented protégé lives!)
Flat, well-worn boots
Boots are always my default footwear, & while I have more pairs of heels, boots get about a billion times more wear. They’re so versatile, so comfortable & so stylish that it’s almost impossible to go wrong. I wear mine with jeans, skirts & dresses, & always have. (Courtney Love was one of my first style icons — old habits die hard!) I started off with a pair of 8-up Doc Martens, graduated to New Rock combat boots (which my father told me looked like boots for someone with polio — & which I wore almost every day for 12 years!), & am now all about my Frye shortie Veronicas. I still have intense boot fever & voraciously eye them up whenever I go into a shoe store. I’d like my next boot purchases to be pink PVC Doc Martens & a pair of Frye motorcycle harness boots. Yum.
Super-long cardigans
Probably the most versatile item you could possibly own, a super-long or oversized cardigan should be (I think) an essential in every girl’s wardrobe. You can dress them up or down, they go with pretty much everything (especially if they’re in neutral shades like black or grey), & they’re a super-easy solution for warmth or layering on cool nights. You can even rock mad 90s style & tie one around your waist. Another thing I like to do with a long cardigan is to put it on but button it behind me, which turns it into a kind of bolero with tails. A long cardigan with pockets will be your best friend, especially during season transitions. The one I wear most is a light cotton one from Urban Outfitters, but I also have them in black wool (Ricochet, NZ) & grey wool (Country Road, NZ/AU) which make for essential plane-wear. If you can get your hands on a men’s cardigan, the I’m-wearing-my-boyfriend’s-clothing-&-we-just-had-great-sex look is hard to trump.
A statement handbag
I think everyone needs a handbag in a neutral colour they wear all the time — black or tan are great, safe choices — but it’s wonderful to have a handbag which is heavy on colour, style or statement. I only ever used a black bag until earlier this year, but now I have a menagerie of deliciously-hued purses in my arsenal, & I will never go back! They don’t have to be expensive either: the bag I’ve received the most compliments on is a $30 job from Forever 21!
An assortment of cameras
If you didn’t document it, it didn’t happen. True fact, & this is further impacted by the fact that my memory is so atrocious that I have to write things down or photograph them or they just disappear from my mental reserves. Hence, I am always lugging around my Nikon D80 (very heavy) & now my Flip Mino HD, which is probably going to result in a fabulous hunchback by the time I’m 40, but hey, that’s the way it goes sometimes… I don’t think any of you need any further reasons or convincing, we all know how good it is to have real visual evidence that we are living our lives in an exciting manner!
Suspender belt
I have a vintage Mary Quant suspender belt which has served me extremely well in the past few years. Almost nothing will make you feel sexier, & even better, no one has to know about it (unless you want them to). You also don’t necessarily need to buy stockings to wear with these — if you’re feeling a bit punk rock, you can just cut pantyhose off at the thigh & wear them that way. I used to do this with black & white striped tights & it looked pretty hot, if I may say so myself. Interesting fact too, a lot of men have never seen a girl wearing a suspender belt in real life. When they actually do, let’s just say that they tend to be pretty happy about it. Now, hop to it!
A good pen
...Preferably with fabulous coloured ink. There’s nothing more decadent & fantastic than having your own pen on you at all times with which to sign receipts, give autographs to adoring fans & scrawl phone numbers with a lavish flourish. Of course, you do have to guard it with your life since for some reason, people’s morality seems to go totally out the window when it comes to the thieving of pens, but it is worth it. Much nicer than scrounging around for a chewed-up old Bic or that marker which comes out all blotchy. Yes, having your own pen is total glamour. (Better work on devising yourself a magnificent signature now too, huh?)
Bag & phone candy
I used to call such things “danglies”, which is really not very elegant at all, but when I found out that Tarina Tarantino called this stuff “bag candy”, I was all over it. So. Bag candy. Phone candy. Etc. This is the name for the lovely bits of deliciousness which serve absolutely no purpose but to prettify something else. A phone without candy is a phone without soul, I say! My tastes tend to run to the likes of rhinestone-encrusted initials, sequinned hearts & hypercoloured cupcakes, but your mileage may vary. Tarina Tarantino & Louis Vuitton have really nice options, but if you don’t want to spend a bundle, your local Chinatown should have at least one store with a veritable plethora of noisy, colourful, excitable things on strings. Titivate your goodies!
Knock ‘em dead lip gloss
Balm is good — essential, I’d say — but gloss is better. Balm moisturises & gloss tantalises, so get tingling! My lip balm of choice is anything from Palmer’s cocoa butter collection (dark chocolate & peppermint is my jam right now), while my holy grail lip gloss has been Givenchy Pop Gloss Crystal for what feels like a very long time. At least 6 months, & I still adore it. It tastes sweet, it’s kind of sticky, it shimmers with irridescent glitter & the colour is perfection. It isn’t the cheapest lip gloss on the market, but golly, would you really want that anyway? I think it’s worth it for the way it makes you feel — all pouty & sex kitteny & absolutely ripe for the smoochin’.
A really good concealer
...Because nothing puts a damper on a fire-cracker mood than a stonking beezer-pluke[1] (aka, a big blemish). MAC Cosmetics do great ones, of course, in a variety of formulas depending on what you prefer, but Benefit’s Erase Paste is my new-found friend. It’s really, really great for brightening that sometimes-sallow area underneath your eyes, which means you can totally pretend you didn’t have a few too many mojitos last night & that you really are a responsible member of the team. Oh yes. Worth its weight in gold, I’m telling you.
Hair accessories
The more ridiculous the better. Now that my hair is short again, I kind of have a complex about making it as big & impractical as possible, so my latest obsession is buying things to stick in it. I have not yet graduated to the Marie Antoinette school of putting a ship atop my noggin, but I’m sure my day will come. Forever 21 is my favourite place for headbands of all stripes (bows & flowers abound), but I just bought this lucite butterfly headband from Tarina Tarantino in both pink & black. I couldn’t resist. I am going to wear them both at once. Drool.
Other things you will find in my bedroom…
Ears (bunny, maus, sequinned, polka-dot); faux-fur coats; MAC Cosmetics’ Plush Lash (holy grail for eyelashes); a selection of neon & holographic nailpolish; vintage slips in candy colours; bottles of Miss Dior Cherie & The Exact Friction Of Stars; ripped stockings; dresses, dresses, dresses.
[1] “Beezer-pluke” is a word meaning pimple which I came across at least 10 years ago in this book called I Was A Teenage Worrier by Roz Asquith. It has stuck with me forever, sometimes to my chagrin, & so now, I am passing on this magical word to you.
So, what are your style essentials? I asked Twitter, & here’s what I found…
lesleydenford Style essentials: baby bangs, Converse, scarves, big white flower ring, black liquid eyeliner, MAC blush, & shiny lip gloss.
zimgirl16 I don’t leave the house w/o eyeliner, otherwise my favorites are dangly earrings and feathery headbands for my short short hair
emiliabedilia style essentials: calf length boots -preferably slouchy or biker.
vixel Eyeliner, accessories that match my hair colour, antique rings, biker jacket and a geek to accompany me!
duskyblueskies Mascara, skinny jeans, pointed-toe flats, blazer, aviator sunglasses.
tatvictoria re: style essentials (of late): good hair, bronzer, boyfriend blazer, flats, basic tees, messenger miu miu, a cuff
greyout Big scarf, boots of some sort, black eyeliner, a flat-iron, skirts & dresses (never pants!), greyscale.
declinedesigns candy colored hair, stripes, rose prints, bright colors, and heels!
finalfashion one messenger bag, living in denim, Dr. Martens, black jackets with pockets, plain button down shirts, AA tanks, pencils.
fashiontrix a good bra and dark denim jeans.
ladyjulianne pink-stained lips, coloured tights, my beloved bright pink handbag, purple umbrella, loads of rings, a book
PeachMcGee Fabulous knickers, perfect hair, pristine eyebrows.
TheRawBombshell polka dots, pencil skirts, black liquid liner, red hair dye and heels plus my secret weapon – a smile!
chelseydee I have rhinestones in the balls for my body piercings, the sparkle is very ooh la la :)
RokingLTD brand new 501s every 6 months in 32 waist, 36 leg. Cream linen suit. Birkenstocks. Viv westwood t-shirts!
millycupcake leopard print coat (topshop), Bow back mac , Leather boots (in winter) in summer oversized sunnies, jeggings, disney jewelery
ashemischief Funky shoes, polka dots, lightning bolt & unicorn pendant necklaces (for 8 years now!)
PrincessPoochie vintage driving gloves, electronics of all kinds, dark glasses, books
vanitygirl lip gloss with a slight tingle factor, iPhone, a great pedicure
HipMom mascara, lipgloss, great shoes (occasion-appropriate: not necessarily heels!)
kiddetective style essentials? my goggles, of course! goggles and chapstick.
notitles I always must have a purse that’s big enough to carry my notebook.
P.S. Add those stylish girls to your Twitter list — new friends ahoy! Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [77] Tags: aesthetic,
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question Add Gala on Twitter!I Met Someone New & Can't Deny The Reality Of My Relationship Any Longer!
[ 4 May 2009, 06:43 ]
I received this email the other day.
“I met my boyfriend John when I was 15. I’m 29 now and he is 31. His parents continued to support him until I forced him to start working, because he wasn’t doing a thing with his art. He is lovely. He’s good to me. We have great sex still. We have a lot in common. He’s an adult but not living like one. He has a savings account because I made him get one. He doesn’t have health insurance or a retirement account. I don’t know what would happen if he got really sick, or hurt, but it would probably involve me having to figure out how to get him treatment and pay for it.
The current conundrum: I met a guy named Zillah. Things were friendly at first, but over the past 4 months, we’ve gotten close… and maybe done some things that many people would take issue with, since we’re both in relationships.
I have always seen myself with John forever, and the thought of meeting someone else never even occurred to me. Even though I can’t picture what life will be like with him in the future. I feel like we haven’t discussed goals. All the aforementioned stuff is really stressful to me, but I do love him.
But since meeting Zillah… I’ve been thinking about what being in a relationship with him would be like. He’s in the same industry as me, he’s successful, motivated and driven (so important to me), we have a variety of things in common… I could go on.
My question is this: Is it wrong to partially fall in love with someone because they have their sh!t together in a way that my boyfriend of 14 years does not? Is it wrong that I think about life with Zillah being an easier life because I am not the only one who is actively planning the future? I feel like it’s not easy that I want, but equal. Equally excited about planning for the future.
I had sort of been in denial about what has been bothering me in my current relationship, and now I feel like I have seen that things can be different. I don’t want kids, but sometimes I feel like I have one. He knows that his parents raised him in a way that has really hindered his fending for himself, but it hasn’t led to him really doing anything about it.
I don’t know what to think, but this boy problem has made me realize that I am not completely happy with my current situation. If you have thoughts on this, or I have overlooked a question you answered or article you wrote, please refer me to them!”
I think the first & most important thing to address is that it is never wrong to fall in love — partially or fully — with someone. Our heart does what it wants, & often we’re really just along on the ride with little to no say in what goes on. Fact: You can’t help who you fall for.
The second thing to think about is that just because you have met this guy & you like him, that doesn’t mean you have to launch into a full-blown affair, or to break up with your boyfriend & jump into a new relationship. Not at all. I think the people we meet are markers along the road of our life, & they all have different things to teach us. Maybe this guy came into your life to show you what other options are out there, & to open your eyes to the reality of your current relationship — & nothing more.
Being in a long-term, intimate relationship with someone whose outlook on the world is clearly different to yours can be really difficult, especially when you feel like the person “in charge”. No one really wants to look after someone else in a relationship, unless they’re looking for some kind of pet project (which is another subject entirely!). That stuff gets old quickly. If you don’t feel that he’s pulling his weight, you’re probably going to start resenting him, & that will make the base of your relationship very rocky.
It sounds like you & John are in very different places. There’s nothing wrong with that, but at some point, it is going to start to cause problems. You sound like you are an adult: you are responsible, you are mature, you want to plan for the future & have some kind of certainty in your life. It sounds like he’s lagging in that department, & yet you’re trying to drag him along with you. Women do mature faster than men, but if he’s 31 & still floundering around, you might need to come to terms with the fact that he’s not going to change in a hurry. Maybe he’s always going to be like this. If he was, could you deal with that?
One of the great lessons of relationships — in my mind — revolves around learning to love an imperfect person. That is all that anyone is. No one is ideal, no one is going to tick all your boxes & be this immaculate creature. Ever. Once you’ve come to terms with that, it’s time to assess whether their imperfections are the sort of thing you can love… or leave. Some character traits are a total dealbreaker, while others you might decide are worth putting up with. After all, you probably don’t clean the shower as often as you should. Maybe you leave your underwear all over the house, or have extremely long, loud phone conversations at ridiculous times of the night, but your positive qualities probably outweigh these things — at least to John.
You & John have been together for 14 years. That’s an amazing run, & is to be commended. But I have to question whether you’re still right for one another. People change so much, especially from their teens into their early twenties, that it’s extremely rare for couples to stay together during that period. Maybe now that the two of you have gone through that, it just seems easier to stay with him. It’s comfortable & safe & easy. But it doesn’t light your fire any more — & that’s okay, & very natural.
I think this kind of thing happens all the time. We have these partners who we love, but we know things aren’t totally right… & then we meet someone else who makes us feel alive again. Sometimes we get involved with those people, & sometimes we don’t, but what these situations seem to have in common is that they jolt us awake, they incite us to take some kind of action, & give us the confidence to move into the next chapter of our life.
Call me an optimist, but I think we are always moving onwards & upwards to something better. Even if it doesn’t look like that at the time, & we feel confused & conflicted & unsure of ourselves. Know this much: life is always unfolding perfectly & exactly as it should.
What you decide to do next is up to you. Maybe it’s time for you & John to have some difficult conversations, but maybe you don’t want to disturb the status quo too much. What I do know is that it would be a shame for you to settle down with him permanently without having discussed these things, or while feeling that your life could have been much more exciting.
I’ll leave you with this, because I think it sums up your situation pretty nicely.
“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains two descriptions: might have, & should have.” — Louis E. Boone
Good luck in whatever you decide to do, beautiful girl!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [52] Tags: advice,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Style Tips -- 27th April 2009
[ 27 April 2009, 07:48 ]
Separate your planner or journal into sections. Mine, for example, has each day split into 3 parts: iCiNG, social & personal. For some reason, putting each actionable item under a heading makes everything much more manageable. I learned this trick from my friend Livia, who is very clever! Her day is split into 5 sections: money, career, artistry, relationships & being a woman in the world. Come up with headings which make sense for you, or are applicable to things you want to achieve!
Cut the tags out of your underwear. There is nothing worse than an errant tag to mess up an otherwise perfect outfit!
Use Big Huge Labs’ Mosaic Maker & Flickr to make a vision board. Set it as your desktop background & start making things happen!
Learn how to read tarot cards.
Plan a Friday the 13th party. (Next one is in November!)
Stop being shy about your talents — tell the world!
Invite your favourite person over for a slumber party.
Decide that you’re done with making excuses. If you want to get fit, for example, you don’t need to join a gym — start doing push-ups in your living room or go for a run around the block!
Buy a really bright umbrella for brightening up dreary rainy days.
Smile when you write emails. I swear it will come through in your writing!
Buy a glass top for your table or desk, so that you can put pictures down & press them under the glass. Instant inspiration, instantly changeable, instant happy!
Stock up on vintage caftans in which to lounge around the house. (Ebay & Etsy are good for that kind of thing!)
Go to a trimmings shop & buy things to glue to headbands or pin into your hair.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [38] Tags: inspiration,
life,
style tips Add Gala on Twitter!Lightcasting Day: April 2009!
[ 24 April 2009, 13:49 ]
Eeeeeep! I almost forgot! Today is Lightcasting Day wherever you are on the planet — the day of the new moon, the day when it’s most powerful to do some manifesting & visualising & think about what it is you want out of the next month!
If you’re new to lightcasting, I wrote a guide to it a few months ago. Each sign has something different to focus on each month, so here’s what you might like to meditate on today or tomorrow!
Aquarius Start from the ground up. Take stock of the environment you grew up in, your early childhood, & how you treat yourself today. Choose to heal, to grow & leave the past behind.
Pisces How do you react to the world around you? How could you change the way you behave in order to alter your current reality? Try writing it out or talking about it with someone you trust; see what you can come up with.
Aries Give some thought to how much you value yourself, your time, your health. Basically, this weekend is about self-esteem. Every choice we make has a direct correlation to how much we love ourselves, so what are your choices saying about you?
Taurus Who do you think you are? It’s time to create a new persona & a new ego. Do you want to be wild or mild? Sweet or crazy? Honest or shrewd? Throw it all into a big mixing pot & start living it.
Gemini Switch up your routine & break rotten old patterns. If someone always talks to you in a way you don’t like, start reacting differently. Change habits which are unhealthy or make you feel bad about yourself.
Cancer Are you a social butterfly or a homebody? This coming month is all about your position in society. Think about the kind of social life you’d like to have, then start making it happen!
Leo How do you feel about your work? Does it fulfil you or does it leave you feeling empty & drained? What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? This weekend, visualise yourself living & loving you ideal work.
Virgo Our beliefs are fluid, they change as we do. The things that used to be true for you may not be any longer. You may have thought having a job = security, but that’s not true any more. Don’t be afraid to shift your perceptions!
Libra Where do you draw the line with other people? Do you have trouble saying no? This month is all about boundaries & intimacy — it’s time to create new boundaries that make you feel good.
Scorpio You’re re-evaluating everything you’ve been connected to for a long time — like relationships, work, friends & even how you treat yourself. Heavy stuff! Try not to overburden yourself though, just ruminate!
Sagittarius When you change your day-to-day life, everything else changes too. It’s the perfect time to switch your routine, what you eat, how you exercise, & who you spend time with.
Capricorn Your inner child wants some attention! Our inner child is the part of us that dreams really big, with no regard for how to do anything. Listen closely this weekend & you’ll remember what it is you really want!
You can get a whole lot more information about your individual sign here! Enjoy your weekend!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [25] Tags: astrology,
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life Add Gala on Twitter!Gala Darling Loves Bridget Marquardt!
[ 22 April 2009, 12:55 ]
I find Hugh Hefner totally fascinating. One of the most well-known figures in publishing, he has an enormous empire & built it from nothing. What is most interesting to a lot of us, though, is his lifestyle. A self-proclaimed man about town, he is known for bedding some of the world’s most desirable women — & at 83, is still surrounded by beautiful women at all times of the day.
When I was back in New Zealand last year, staying with my parents — who have cable television — I became totally infatuated with The Girls Next Door, a reality show based around life at the Playboy mansion & more specifically, Hef’s three live-in girlfriends. When I was done working for the day, my mother & I would congregate on the couch & watch a few episodes of The Girls Next Door. While at first I watched it out of morbid curiousity, the more I got into it the more I enjoyed it. It’s really a very fun show — Hef, Holly, Kendra & Bridget are all very personable & their lifestyle is pretty inspiring & very fun in all its extravagance.
However, times change, & late last year, news broke that all three of the girlfriends had moved out of the house & onto new things. Holly — Hef’s #1 girlfriend — had shacked up with Criss Angel (the gothic David Copperfield), Kendra was engaged to an NFL player, & Bridget had a new television show to work on: Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches.
I was recently extremely fortunate to have been given the opportunity to interview Bridget about her show & the changes she’s made in her life. I was really interested to hear about how the transition had been, from being one of Hef’s girlfriends living in the lap of luxury, to branching out as a single girl, on her own, carving out her own path.
We spoke on the phone & I instantly loved her. Bridget is so sweet, funny, uplifting & positive — & not a bimbo at all! You can download our interview below, but I also transcribed it so you can read it at work! I hope you enjoy it!
I also wanted to say a huge thank you to Bridget, the Travel Channel & Ingrid of Room 214 for making this all happen. Big kisses!
Gala Darling loves Bridget Marquardt (MP3)
(Right-click to download — for some reason the whole thing won’t load in Firefox!)
Gala: I’m sure it must have been a really magical time for you, living in the mansion & everything, & I’m sure it was a really strange adjustment & there was a big leap of faith when you left your previous life behind, so what I really wanted to know was what’s the most exciting thing that’s happened to you so far as a consequence of having branched out on your own?
Bridget: Well, definitely doing this Travel Channel show & having this opportunity with them, not only has it been the coolest opportunity but made it possible for me to branch out on my own. I’ve been at the mansion for 7 years, & when this opportunity came up & everybody was supportive & I knew it was going to be a go, I knew that that was kind of the beginning of the end for me & my life at the mansion. Nothing to do with my feelings towards Hef or any of the other girls, but I just knew that it was… I was looking for an opportunity that would branch me out on my own, & so this has been the most exciting thing to come along. & honestly, I have given 110% to it, & I haven’t been doing anything since because my whole life has been devoted to travelling around the last 7 months, even prior to moving out of the mansion, coming home between trips & packing really quick, putting everything in storage & continuing to travel, so it’s really all I’ve been doing for the last 7 months & since I’ve been out of the mansion.
Gala: Wow, okay. So what’s been the most challenging part of the transition that you’ve made?
Bridget: You know what, I feel like I haven’t even made the transition yet. (Static!!!) So that’s been the most challenging part, just trying to get all my stuff packed up & into storage! Other than that, I haven’t even really realised that I’ve moved out, because I’m homeless still, um, in a funny way, because I’ve been travelling so much that I haven’t had to find a house yet. I’ve been looking! Even before I left the mansion I was looking for like a condo or a cute little house in the Valley or something but I’ve been travelling so much I haven’t really had a chance to look, when I’m at home, just online, so I’ve been living hotel to hotel, or if there’s a few days open when I’m in L.A. I stay at a friend’s house, so it hasn’t really occured to me that I’m not living at the mansion any more. That’s still my physical address, I still go there & get all my mail & say hi to Mary & the butlers & the security & everyone, & I feel like they’re my big extended family, so the adjustment & the transition hasn’t really hit me yet. I don’t have another place that I call home yet.
Gala: Right. So how is it going living out of suitcases? Doesn’t that drive you crazy?! It drives me totally crazy.
Bridget: Really? I love it! I love staying in hotels, & I mean… re-packing the suitcases gets a little bit old & lugging them around everywhere gets a little bit hard, & I feel like I’ve been wearing the same clothes over & over again, just re-washing & packing the same stuff, ‘cause most of my stuff’s in storage for like the last four or five months now, but other than that I really like it! I’ve been buying a few new things along the way & taking from wardrobe!
Gala: So given that you’ve left the mansion — well, you know, theoretically left the mansion — what has your perception of the fan response been to that? Has there been an outpouring of support, have people been asking you a lot of questions… How has that been for you?
Bridget: Everyone’s been really supportive, the fanbase about Girls Next Door is sad that that whole — they feel like it’s the end of an era, & are really sad about that — but as far as the most part, I’ve been really supported & encouraged. People are really happy for me, that I have this opportunity & they’ve been supportive of the show, & a lot of the Girls Next Door fans are watching it & happy for it, & it’s been funny because everywhere I used to go… I mean, Girls Next Door is syndicated in 170 countries or something ridiculous like that, everywhere I go I’m recognised, even in Thailand & Australia & just everywhere, even Costa Rica, especially Costa Rica! In fact, Costa Rica, every time I was in my hotel room, Girls Next Door was on! It was weird, like they run marathons of it constantly! & everyone used to know me as the girl from the mansion, one of the Playboy girls, a girl next door, whatever, but now I’m finding that everywhere I go people are coming up to me going, “Oh are you doing that beaches show?! I’m so excited for your beaches show! I love your beaches show!” Even when I got to — I’m staying at the Beverly Wilshire right now for the upfronts today, & when I walked into the hotel this guy in a business suit & everything goes, “Bridget, Bridget!” & I turned around & thought, ‘What, what?!’ to the lady who was escorting me to my room, & he goes, “Oh my god, I just wanted to let you know — BIG fan of your new Beaches show, big fan, wasn’t a big fan of Girls Next Door, wasn’t really my thing, but I love your Beaches show.” & people are starting to come up to me, not even bringing up Girls Next Door or the mansion or any of that, & just saying, “Are you shooting your Beaches show? I love your Beaches show! I love your Travel Channel show!”, & now I feel like I’m starting to get to be known for the Beaches show & the Travel Channel & not just Playboy, Girls Next Door, which is really exciting for me because it’s more personal & individual.
Gala: Yeah, that’s really cool, & I think that’s a really positive indication that obviously people are ready for you to make that transition & they’re accepting it & you’re really going to make a name for yourself, which is really great.
Bridget: Yeah, I’m hoping that, I’m pushing it that way, I’m giving it all I’ve got & it’s really exciting for me. I think part of the reason too is from the start of Girls Next Door, I always said that this is what I wanted to do, right from the very beginning, even before we started Girls Next Door I was taking classes in — I have a Masters degree in Communications — & then I was taking broadcast journalism classes at UCLA, through the extension program, & when Girls Next Door started, & press or whoever would ask, “So where do you see yourself in five years? Where do you want this to lead?”, I would always say, “I really want to host my own show, something travel-related or something spooky-related, & they’d be like, “Oh, cool, whatever”, you know, but here I am, it’s not even 5 years later & I’m doing it! & I put that out there kind of during the whole show, any time we’d do interviews, & they’d be like, “Where do you want to go? What are your ambitions? Tell us about school, why was it upsetting for you to miss that test?”, that kind of thing, during Girls Next Door interviews, I’d always talk about how career was so important to me & school is so important to me & how I really wanted to host my own show. So I feel like this was kind of a good arc for me, because the fans kind of went through all of that with me, & now they actually see it come to fruition.
Gala: Well that’s very cool & very inspiring, because it reminds people that they can actually live out their dreams & do what they really want to do.
Bridget: Oh that’s the number one thing I tell people — I don’t get a chance to go & speak very often but I did get to go speak at the University of Pittsburgh, & I just told them that education is so important, because it allows you to be able to follow your dreams, even if what you went to school for isn’t exactly what you want to do or what you end up doing, you always have that to fall back on, it’s something nobody can take away from you. So just follow your dreams! Get your education & just follow your dreams!
Gala: Yeah, definitely. So I know you had a regular spot, was it on Sirius FM?
Bridget: Yeah! It was Sirius radio, 198, I had a live radio show every Friday, a morning show, I had so much fun. I really enjoy doing radio, but due to my schedule now I’m not able to do it any more. But they still talk to me & they were like, “Any time you want to come back, like when your schedule frees up, when you want to come back, want to do a show, we’d love to have you, you can talk about anything you want, we’d just love to have you back!” So I mean it was about the lifestyle & what was going on at the mansion all week, even what we were serving for dinners, & what movies we were watching, & that kind of thing, but if I went back we could come up with a whole new format, which would be kind of fun.
Gala: That’s awesome. Okay, so tell me how Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches came about. Was it your idea? Or was it a whole lot of crazy late-night planning sessions with a bunch of people…? How did that come to fruition?
Bridget: You know I wish it was totally my idea, it was my ideal job to begin with & like I said, I was putting it out there from the very beginning. But I didn’t really have any way of making that come true other than just going to school & trying out different opportunities, but what happened was the executive producer of Girls Next Door, Kevin Burns, was doing some other shows for the Travel Channel — they weren’t hosted shows, they were just like Food Paradise kind of things, & then they came to him & said, “We really want to do a show about amazing beaches all over the world, & we want somebody kind of sexy to host it” — they were thinking maybe a Playmate or something — & Kevin was like, “Well, what about Bridget? She’d be perfect & that’s really what she wants to do.” & they were kind of like, “Well, what about Girls Next Door? Can we get her?”, & he was like, “Well, I kind of have a pull with Girls Next Door!”, you know, because he’s the executive producer for it, so he set up the initial meetings, & we met, & we hit it off great, it was with Michael Klein & Charlie Parsons & I thought they were great. & before they even left the mansion I was already emailing them my ideas of places I thought we should go & things I thought we should do, & later they said that that’s when they knew they had the right person, that I was emailing them all my ideas before they even walked out the door!
Gala: Yeah, that’s fantastic! So have you just finished filming the first season?
Bridget: We aren’t completely done yet. There’s 13 episodes, 12 original locations. We’ve completed 11 of them, & on Monday I leave for Morocco, which will be the final original location, then I come back & in-studio the 13th episode, which will be the best of.
Gala: Wow, okay, so have you been to 12 different countries for each thing, or… ?
Bridget: Well, not entirely different countries but 12 different areas or regions. We did Southern California was our first one, then we went to Spain & Croatia, & then Turks Caicos & Jamaica, Australia & Thailand, Florida & Mexico, Hawaii, & I just got back from Costa Rica the other night. & on Monday I leave for Morocco. & I think that’s probably all 11 of them.
Gala: Okay, so my final question is as an amazing, independent woman, what would be your advice to other women who are recently single & wanting to strike out & do their own thing? What would you say to them?
Bridget: Oh… That the sky’s the limit, & you just have to set your mind to it. I mean, know what you want & love what you do, like think of what you would enjoy doing every single day, that it wouldn’t necessarily feel like work. I mean, any time you do something that’s in your career, there’s times where it’s going to be stressful or it’s going to be work, but if there’s something that you love so much, that every day doesn’t feel like work, & follow your dreams! The sky really is the limit. & if it means going & taking a few classes, or doing a few things for free, or at a low end to get your foot in the door, just go for it! Do it!
Gala: That’s fantastic advice. Alright, well thank you so much for your time!
Bridget: You’re welcome! Thank you!
Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches airs on Thursdays at 10pm EST on the Travel Channel. If you’ve never seen it before, you can get sneak peeks on Youtube!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [52] Tags: inspiration,
life,
podcast Add Gala on Twitter!Astro-Weirding Courtesy Of Retrograde Venus
[ 16 April 2009, 22:24 ]
Some of you may have noticed that the past little while has been… well, WEIRD, for lack of a better word. Especially in the romance universe. Mixed messages, insanely indecipherable behaviour & strange incompatibilities are all rife. It’s maddening. Why? Because Venus has been in retrograde, & has been since the 6th of March. This could explain a few things, hmm?! When planets retrograde, we often feel stuck or confused & unable to move forward. While this is extremely frustrating, it’s a great time to learn & reflect on our old patterns so we can change them & surge onwards to a bright new dawn.
Venus is the planet of love & creativity. It also rules beauty, aesthetics, friendships, marriages & pleasure, so when it goes retrograde, it can affect us in various ways. Arguments, misunderstandings & epic miscommunications are everywhere you turn, romances hit rocky territory, artists lose their mojo & writers feel uninspired. Ordinarily outgoing people want to hide in their houses, & even shopping for clothing or furniture can become a frustrating trial. Ex-boyfriends might start emailing you out of the blue — sentimental thoughts are higher than usual. You might be re-evaluating all your past relationships, as we often find ourselves being forced to deal with old issues during this time, & we could be drawn to more unconventional relationships (or people!) than would normally appeal to us. Yes, it can be a trying time. To see what Venus retrograde has really struck for you, this page from Cafe Astrology outlines what particular areas have been affected for each sign.
The good news is that Venus is going direct again this Friday/Saturday depending on where you are on the planet (see below). Even better, at the time it goes direct, Mercury trines Saturn, meaning mental powers are heightened & we all feel super-conscious & lucid.
Venus goes direct again at…
12.25pm Friday 17th April in Los Angeles
15.25pm Friday 17th April in New York
20.25pm Friday 17th April in London
5.25am Saturday 18th April in Sydney
7.25am Saturday 18th April in Wellington
(If your city isn’t listed, this time zone converter should do the trick!)
Hallelujah!
Mystic Medusa sent out a great message on her mailing list the other day with a couple of ideas of rituals you could do to usher in Venus going direct, & as I read it & thought ‘What a great idea!’, it occurred to me that there were a lot of other ways you could do this that were less pagan/squiffy/“new age” in nature. We are not all comfortable lighting a candle & waving around a stick of incense, right?
Firstly, though, why would anyone want to do a ritual just because the planets are changing? Well, really what it’s about is making a conscious decision to end a chapter in your life & start on a fresh new course. So often people say, “Okay, time for a change!” but it never comes to fruition. There are a multitude of reasons for this, but when you decide to do something, it can be really helpful to make a dedication to it through your actions. You can write a list of goals, you can restructure your time, etc., but you can also kick it all off with a ritual to get you on the right track. Plus… rituals can be really fun, always a good reason to do anything!
In this case, Venus going direct is a time to commit to what it is you want in the areas of love, friendship, creativity & pleasure. We create our own lives, after all — this is just another way of making that happen.
When you do a ritual of any kind that is intended to bring about change, really what you want to do is focus on what it is that you want while performing an action which helps crystallise your thoughts. Visualising is an awesome way to manifest things, but at the same time, it’s very “up there”, which means that a lot of people feel like they’re not really doing it right. Visualising while moving your body with intent is a great way to bring manifesting into the here & now & make it more concrete. (Ah yes, all that dabbling in wicca at age 14 — despite the fact that it concerned my parents a LOT — had its uses!)
Visualise can be a scary, new agey word to a lot of people but I’ll let you in on a secret — it’s really just a fancy way of saying “imagine”!
Here are a selection of ways that you can unite body & mind. Just remember to keep your intention in your head as you do them! Think about what it is you want to create in your own life, specifically in the realm of love, friendship & creativity. Maybe you want to patch things up with your boyfriend, heal old relationship issues, make new friends or start writing a book. Whatever it is, just fantasize about it as you do one of the following, or something of your own creation — I’d love to hear what you come up with!
Re-examine your creative space. Clear it out. Take down all the old pictures, fortunes, trinkets, clean them off & then add in some new things which fire you up in fresh ways.
Make a list of all of the beautiful things you can think of — then come up with a bunch of ways to celebrate them when Venus goes direct.
Write a letter to your ex. Be as angry as you like. Spew total filth. Throw blame around, feel the fury, wallow in it. Then read it aloud, & BURN IT. As you burn it, allow those problems to disappear with it.
Write down all the ways you can be a love letter to the universe, & choose a few to action!
Glue heart-shaped crystals to your face & go out dancing.
Write a letter to yourself, explaining why you’re so fabulous & what you are thankful for.
Hold hands with a friend & recite affirmations together.
Conjure up images of all your ex-lovers in your head, & instead of seeing them as the person who caused this or that, choose to see them as a flawed person who did their best to love you.
Similarly, think of the people who surround you currently & decide to focus on their best & most positive qualities. No point dwelling on what could be different!
Buy a corkboard & pin up a bunch of pictures which symbolise what it is you want to attract into your life. Put on fun music, go mad with scissors, enjoy yourself! (Corkboards are good for making vision boards because while you want to see them regularly, sometimes you don’t want other people to see them… So you can always put them in a closet or under the bed when you have company!)
Make a little speech as you dedicate yourself to beauty & integrity.
Go through old love letters & throw them out — just ditch that cobwebby energy — OR pick the best ones, & frame them as an example of what it is you’re seeking. Just remember not to attach to the person who wrote them, unless of course you want them back!
Create a playlist of your favourite music, grab your hula hoop & headphones, go out & dance in the sunshine & revel in the wonder of the everyday.
Invite your lover — or someone you’re having issues with — & tell them that you both have fifteen minutes to get past garbage off your chests. You can make notes in preparation if you want. You have fifteen minutes to say your piece, & when the clock strikes half past, you have to both let it go & make up. Use your imagination!
Repot old plants & see them as a symbol of change, growth & evolution.
Meditate.
Dress in pink & throw yourself a belated Valentine’s Day-esque party.
Journal. Ask yourself questions, & answer them. What could you let go of to bring more positivity into your life? What fears are holding you back from doing that? In which areas are you willing to make change?
Think of an old conversation you had — one that is affecting you to this day (most of us have hundreds we can draw upon in a heartbeat) — & recite it as accurately as you can. Then recite it again, but this time, imagine it went a different way — a way that would have left you feeling good. Visualise this actually happening as clearly as possible. Then let it go.
Think about the ways you can take action in your life to change what has been bothering you for the past couple of months. Venus retrograde is really about observing & becoming aware of problems, not necessarily taking any concrete steps towards change, so consider what you could do now to shake things up.
Write notes to your friends outlining why you love them & what you appreciate about them.
Clear out the space in which you typically “get busy” — whether that’s your bedroom, kitchen (oh!), or the back seat of your Jeep… Get rid of dying plants or flowers (bad feng shui!), bring in some colour, vacuum, make it somewhere you really want to be!
Dispose of all the old energy following you around by getting a bit OCD on it. Clean everything. Change your bedding, wash your clothes, take off all the jewellery you wear regularly & clean it, dust, mop, etc.
The most powerful time of the transit is the hour that Venus goes direct — so the half hour on either side of the times stated above. So if you’re in London, kick off at about 8pm, & see if you can draw it out until 9.
Best of luck!
Extra For Experts:
If you want to come up with your own way of celebrating or ritualising Venus going direct, these resources might help you!
How to Create a Ritual or Ceremony from Spiritual Integrity.
New Moon Manifestation Ritual from About.com. This is new moon specific but still useful.
Ritual & Ceremony by Zan Benham.
Dance as ritual & transformation from The Hindu newspaper.
A Self Love Ceremony from About.com.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [37] Tags: astrology,
how to,
inspiration,
life,
productivity Add Gala on Twitter!iCiNG + SoulGarden = Mega-Bliss!
[ 15 April 2009, 11:02 ]
I am so excited to announce that I have teamed up with the infamous SoulGarden Collective! Meetings at technicolour swimming pools & glow-in-the-dark Mexican restaurants sparked off a wonderful friendship, & the upside to this is that you can now watch your daily horoscope right here on iCiNG! Wooooooooooooo!
If you glance casually to your right, you’ll see a SoulGarden icon, or you can just click here & go straight to it. Bookmark that page! Christopher does video horoscopes for each sign EVERY day — Monday through Friday — so you can hit it up any time for an instant astrological fix!
The player kicks off with the AstroWeather, but you can click the little two-prong icon to access the menu & go directly to your horoscope!
I hope you enjoy this new development, I’m so thrilled!
P.S. This player uses Flash, so if it’s not working, you might want to try checking for updates!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [25] Tags: astrology,
life,
video Add Gala on Twitter!Style Tips -- 13th April 2009
[ 13 April 2009, 08:59 ]
Diana Vreeland chilling at International Playgirl HQ / John & Yoko
Buy strange, sparkly, clunky pieces of costume jewellery & hang them from the push-pins you already have in place holding up pictures or prints. They serve as a kind of fabulous impromptu frame.
Make a regular midnight snack date with someone who makes you laugh until your sides ache.
Schedule a nap into your day. Better than that, schedule an entire bed day.
Start holding International Playgirl breakfasts. (All this really requires is a bunch of fun, cute girls & some breakfast foods!)
Wear a suspender belt with stockings. Every day. (I swear, there is no better morale booster!)
If something upsetting has happened to your friend, throw a party for them in celebration of new opportunities.
Stage a love-in. Or a bed-in.
Be honest with yourself.
Invite a bunch of people over for an informal Tuesday night dinner party.
Devote one wall in your apartment to photos of your friends.
Realise that there is no better time than right now to break the old patterns that don’t serve you any more.
Kiss.
Drop your defences.
Work the phrase l’esprit de l’escalier into a sentence.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [61] Tags: inspiration,
life,
style tips Add Gala on Twitter!For God's Sake, Don't Sleep With Him!
[ 8 April 2009, 12:06 ]
(Disclaimer: I am aware this whole article is extremely heteronormative — how does this resonate with people in the gay, lesbian, transgender community? Is it same same but different? I’d love to hear!)
I’ve been thinking a lot about first date etiquette recently, & specifically the idea that women shouldn’t sleep with men on the first date. It’s spoken about so seriously by some women, like it would be the absolute worst thing you could possibly do. It bothers me.
It’s sexist. It’s ridiculous. & worst of all, we bring it on ourselves by continuing to warn our girlfriends that sex on the first date is a relationship curse. To show you how asinine it is, think about this: You never hear guys telling one another, “Man, don’t bang her straight away! She won’t be interested any more! She’ll think you’re easy! That you don’t value yourself! Whatever you do, hold off!” Stupid, right? Yes. So why is it any different when someone with breasts is saying it? It’s this whole idea that men are always gunning to get laid & as women, it’s our responsibility to make sure they don’t get what they want — so that when they finally get it, they’ll be so grateful that they’ll marry us… or something. ...What?!
I actually think this whole “don’t sleep with him on the first date” nonsense really stems from fear. A fear that once you “give it up”, he won’t be interested in you any more. When you break it down, this is essentially saying, “All I have to offer is a sexual experience — nothing more, nothing less — & if I don’t make him wait, he won’t value it, & he will leave”. That you are not interesting, or smart, or clever, or hilarious — you’re a walking blow-up doll.
Come on, girl! Do you really think that the only value you bring to a relationship is your magical vagina ambrosia?! Really? If you do actually, really & truly believe that, it could explain why you keep attracting men who treat you as if that’s all that matters. But damn! Let’s get real! That is not all you have to offer. We, as women, need to stop behaving as if the exterior is all that we have. Sure, being a woman is wonderful — we get to dress up, wear lipstick, etc. etc. — but that is not all there is! You know this already; I know you know this. So why do we keep acting as if we don’t?
We are taught, as women, that our sexual power is the most important thing we have. That we have to lord it over men to keep them in line, or in check, or to get them to do what we want. While a bit of mild flirtation has its benefits & makes everyone happy, using your vagina as a method of keeping a man interested is kind of disingenuous. Call me an idealist, but what happened to honesty?
Compound all this with this constantly-perpetuated pretense that all any man is really interested in is getting into your knickers, which is NOT TRUE. Yes, there are some men who just want to screw, nut & bolt (ahem). They have their own issues & are best avoided unless you like your sex life with a side serving of drama. But there are even more men who would actually really like to kick it with you, kiss, laugh, eat some food & go to sleep holding you. Seriously. They are all over the place.
Truth: Men are just as fascinated by women as women are by men. They think we’re so interesting — & they’re right! So if men know it, why don’t we? Time to catch up, girls.
Obviously, you don’t have to sleep with anyone. Ever. This is not a “get it on or you’re not a real woman” missive. It goes without saying that you should only ever get intimate with someone you really like, & who makes you feel good about yourself, & if it feels right to you. Sometimes that happens on the first date, & sometimes it doesn’t. You’re not obligated to behave in any particular way, but really what I’m trying to draw attention to is that we shouldn’t limit our behaviour because we believe we’re not good enough to keep someone if we don’t behave in this or that specific way.
It all comes down to self-love. When you really love yourself, you know how great you are. You’re not going to be freaked out & think that what lies behind your cute knickers is all that matters. You don’t start counting backwards to the end of the affair as soon as you begin taking your clothes off. You know you can make him laugh & make him think & spin his world three ways from Sunday. You have faith in your value as an awesome person & not just an example of idealised femininity. You recognise that the best times you can have with someone occur when you drop the I’m-a-woman-you’re-a-man stuff & just relate as people. When you realise that sex is fun but that’s not all there is.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [197] Tags: life Add Gala on Twitter!Virgos Do Disneyland
[ 5 April 2009, 09:05 ]
A little clip to make you smile on a Sunday — Nubby Twiglet & I at Disneyland last month. This was shot with a Flip Mino HD, which I absolutely love!
The song is called ‘Sushi’ & is by Kyle Andrews.
P.S. Every time I watch this & see Nubby smile in the spinning teacups, I cannot help but grin back! How cute is she?!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [63] Tags: gala,
life,
video Add Gala on Twitter!Infinite Relationships
[ 4 April 2009, 11:10 ]
I found this the other day & really enjoyed reading it. It’s an essay on relationships that was published as a zine called Infinite Relationships: Relationships without bounds or boundaries, love without limits, without ends. Normally I would not just take someone else’s article & repost it, but I think it’s important enough that it can stand on its own — & I’d love to hear your opinions on it, too.
For what it’s worth, I think a lot of the points he raises in this essay are important & valid & worth investigating, though I am not necessarily sure that (for me) polyamory is the answer.
You can download the pdf here. Unfortunately, there is no name on it so I don’t know who to attribute it to, but it’s very well-written! Finally, I’ve edited this slightly, just so that no one gets in trouble reading this at work! Okay, enjoy!
This is about so-called “non-monogamous relationships,” about some of the benefits of trying out one of the alternatives to the formulaic dating/marriage/divorce model for love. Your response to this article will probably be similar to the one I had a few years ago when I read a discussion of the same subject by David Sandstrom in the Swedish ‘zine Handbook for Revolutionaries: “good idea, but, uh, not relevant to me, of course…” It turned out I was wrong. Had I remembered a lesson I’ve learned over and over, I would have realized that often the ideas that make me the most defensive and uncomfortable at first turn out to be the most important for me in the long run. Not to say that I’m offering a program that you must all immediately adjust yourselves to… but we can’t remind each other enough to be open to new ideas, in case they do prove to be helpful in our lives.
A couple years ago I had a wonderful experience on tour, in which I finally experienced what it felt like for men’s gender roles to be dissolved: over the course of the tour everyone in the band and the people touring with us were all able to open up and become emotionally supportive and loving, and suddenly the experience of being with a lot of other boys was totally f*cking different from anything I’d encountered before. In this safe, encouraging environment, all of us really felt fearless, free, ready to try anything, with no more doubt or need for walls to protect us. On the surface, it was just that we weren’t afraid to touch and hold each other, and that we stopped complaining and being selfish; but the implications beneath this were immense: I realized that there was no need for intimacy and emotional support to be confined to my romantic relationships—I could create and benefit from these things in every relationship.
This got me thinking about my romantic relationships… if there was no reason my friendships couldn’t be more like my love affairs, why couldn’t my love affairs be more like my friendships? When I thought about it, my friendships had a lot going for them that my love affairs never did: my friends were never jealous or possessive, my friendships didn’t tend to adhere to some strict socialized image of what they “should” be, and while my friendships generally continued on in one form or another through my life, once it turned out that a romantic relationship wasn’t storybook-perfect it would end and I wouldn’t see the lover any more.
All my love relationships had proceeded something like this: In the beginning I would meet a beautiful new person, we would broaden each others’ horizons and have wonderful experiences together, and thus fall in love. At first we would feel more free together than either of us ever had, and the world would seem full to overflowing with possibility and wild joy. But slowly, not trusting the rest of the world, or the future in which we might not feel such wonderful things, we would build our relationship into a castle, to keep out the cold and dangerous outside world, and protect our passion by turning it into an institution. Sex, which at the beginning had been something that came more naturally and freely than anything else, became jealously guarded as the seal sanctifying our love relationship, as proof that it was different than all our other relationships. [This seems, in retrospect, like a really strange role for sex to play.] Inevitably, I would wake up one day and realize that the free, feral passion that we’d been united by was gone, replaced by habit, routine, fear of change; the castle we’d built had become a tomb, sealing us inside and away from the outside world, which we’d actually needed all along to bring us each new things to offer the other and sustain ourselves. Inside the coffin, we fought more and more, each demanding that the other prove her love by sacrificing more and more—when love is supposed to enable you to live more, not disable you in return for an assurance of basic companionship, a companionship that often replaces your participation in larger communities anyway. Falling in love had been like finding a secret entrance to the garden of Eden, a gift economy in which we shared everything without keeping score or worrying about “fair trade”; but now we were back in the exchange economy, competing to see who could need more, who could control more. After all my attempts to transcend the stereotyped roles of people in romantic relationships, I suddenly found that I was a “boyfriend” again, with a “girlfriend” (which is not a healthy role for anyone to have to play in this sexist society!), with no idea how it had all happened.
I started thinking about how it is that we all keep falling into these patterns, and how we could avoid them. The issue of limitation kept coming up: the idea that some things had to be off limits for the relationship to work. With my friends, nothing is off limits, and nothing is demanded either: we offer each other whatever we can, whenever we have it to give, and we don’t demand anything that doesn’t come naturally for the other (that’s how my friendships go when they’re healthy, at least, and most of them are at this point). I decided to look into what other models for love relationships there were, and discovered that there is a long tradition of relationships without these limits and expectations: non-monogamous, or “open,” relationships.
I’m not trying to say that monogamous relationships are bad, exactly, but there are a thousand kinds of relationships, and we generally only permit ourselves to try one format, which seems ridiculous. Let’s explore a bit. Every time I hear about another wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend cheating and sneaking around, every time I hear someone speaking proudly about how (in the name of monogamy) he has managed to resist doing something he really wants to, every time I must listen to someone pathetically lamenting the feeling of being “trapped” in a relationship or unable to pursue her desires out of some kind of fear, every f*cking time I have to witness someone leering voyeuristically (“it’s ok to look if you don’t touch”), it makes me so furious about how we’ve trapped ourselves in this one-option relationship system, accepting these symptoms of suffocation as inevitable instead of experimenting with the other possibilities. More than anything else, our commitment to supporting monogamy as the only option (other than “casual sex,” I guess, which is boring as f*ck and bad in other ways too) keeps us from being honest with each other. We’ve got to dare to address all these complexities of life and desire openly, even if it is painful.
We punk rockers always act like we’re such radical people, but when it comes down to acting, in practice, to try out radically different ways of living that might be more in line with our ideas (or just plain challenging, for once, not safe—nothing is more dangerous than playing it safe!), it doesn’t occur to us to question our programmed habits. All too often our revolutionary ideas are just badges, a different ideology for us to vote for, not catalysts for transforming life. This is an issue that affects everyone, where anarchist values can be tried out in the real world, but thus far I’ve seen very little discussion of this subject in our community; if we’re going to question the way the world works, we should take that home to our own personal relationships, and perhaps try out alternatives there first before proposing solutions to the ills of the world. That is—if we really have solutions to the ills of our society, let’s put those into practice to solve the ills of our own relations. Healer, heal thyself.
What an open relationship is:
The most important thing here is to get over the idea that a person’s value is measured by whether she alone can be “enough” for another person. The world is infinite, and so are we—no amount of living, no number or depth of interactions with others should be “enough” for any of us, just as no amount of interactions with a person you love will ever be “enough.” To set borders on what another person can do or feel, as a condition for them to be able to receive my love and affection, goes against everything I believe as an anarchist and a human being; I want to trust others to know what they need, and never limit them—and I certainly don’t think my life will be any richer from the limitations I place on others. We have to free each other to be and become ourselves. This isn’t just about other lovers or sex partners or friends, it’s also about other undertakings, needs, even the desire for space and solitude—it’s heartbreaking how much of our selves our lovers often ask us to sacrifice to be with them.
I want to be valued for what I am, for what I do naturally, not how well I conform to some pre-set list of needs that someone has. If someone else can fill some of those needs, I wouldn’t deny that to anyone, and I don’t want to be jealous when others have something different to offer; I just want the chance to offer what I have to give to those I love, and to remember that those things are priceless and not comparable to whatever unique gifts others may have. None of us should ever be saddled with the role of sole provider for someone’s needs (romantic or otherwise), anyway; our purpose on this earth is not to serve others, but to find ways to be ourselves in ways that also benefit others. By saying the rest of the world isn’t off limits to your partner, you free yourself of the job of being the whole world to your partner.
The monogamy system means that people hesitate to share themselves with others in certain ways, lest they become romantically involved—for since you can only have one romantic partner at a time, you have to make sure that your one partner is a good investment (and here we are back in the capitalist market even in our love relationships). Women check men out for financial means, men ponder whether a woman’s beauty is socially recognized enough to offer the prestige he hopes to get by having her at his side, and no one is able to experiment with partners who don’t meet enough of these criteria to be potential spouses. For that matter—just as in your friendships, there may be people in the world with whom you can spend some wonderfully romantic time once or twice a month, but with whom you don’t have enough in common to date steadily and then marry, etc. (although you often see such mismatched couples, who would have been happy as more sporadic partners, making each other miserable in fifty-year marriages). Non-monogamous relationships make such things possible without paying any price of mutual unhappiness.
I’ve decided that I no longer want to have a hierarchy of value between my friendships and my love relationships: they’re both crucial, irreplaceable in my life, and f*ck anyone who wants me to choose between any of them. Not only that, but I’ve stopped classifying things as “love” or “friendship” according to arbitrary superficial details—the feelings I share with certain friends are so intimate, so beautiful, that it’s ridiculous that I don’t call them lovers just because we don’t sleep together. It’s f*cking absurd that sex should be the dividing line between our relationships, between which ones take precedence, between who we play with, live with, sleep with, who we take care of first, who we die with at last.
By the same token, in open relationships, sex isn’t weighed down with so many implications and restrictions. Love and desire outside the lines of the monogamy model are demonized and attacked on every front in this society—in the lives of women, at least, and those men who don’t want to be monogamous but also despise the superficiality and sexist bullsh*t of the “player” scene are unlikely to find support in feminist circles, either. Sex should not be contained, and it should not be made symbolic of anything—it should simply be another way for people to be physically affectionate with each other, to give each other pleasure, to be intimate and emotionally expressive, taking equal responsibility for their involvement but without having to answer to some hypercritical mass, social expectation, or moral taboo.
An open relationship is just that: it is a relationship in which people can be open with each other, and with themselves—in which nothing need be hidden or suppressed or off limits, in which the whole world can be ours to explore without fear of transgressing imaginary boundaries. When we demand total openness and honesty from each other in relationships that include limits and taboos, we’re setting ourselves up for betrayals and dishonesty: to say “be open!” without being receptive to all of the possible truths is fascist and preposterous. We have to be supportive of each other, in every aspect of our individual characters, if we want real honesty to be possible. Otherwise, we’re like Christians at confession with each other, demanding that we reveal all out of some moral imperative, with the whip of shame ready for any straying impulse. We have to learn to embrace and celebrate anything that feels good for each other. If it’s good for our lovers, it’s good for us—are we really so selfish that we can’t see this?
For one example of how this could work, let’s go back to the story of our tour. On the tour, different individuals formed close bonds, and shared private worlds together like lovers do; but they also remembered that for the community to function, they couldn’t withdraw from their relationships with everyone else. And whenever two people needed a break from each other or wanted to expand their horizons a bit, they would spend more time with others, because there were always others around them who also had things to offer. Everyone was safe and cared for, and no one was left out, because we weren’t paired off in exclusive twos.
Conversely, the scarcity economy of lovers which we have right now makes each person hurry to pick another and chain her to him, before he is left alone forever. The alternative, which this fear of solitude prevents us from seeing, seems more preferable: a world without borders, in which each of us would be part of a broader family of lovers and friends, with no distinction made between the two—and no set format for any relationship, so experimentation would be a constant feature of every one, and no relationship could ever get dull or overwhelming. To get to such a world, we just have to get used to not limiting each other, to not thinking of love as a limited commodity.
Jealousy, and what I’ve learned from it:
Yes, I still feel jealous sometimes. I’ve had experiences before of being insanely jealous—not just of another man, but of other things my partners loved or experienced or were excited about. Being able to come to terms with these things has been very important in the development of my confidence and sense of self. It took me years to feel (not just understand) that if my lover loves other things or other people as well, it doesn’t mean I am less valuable. Besides, if (he or) she truly loves me, it’s not because I match up to some list of desired qualities that someone else can outmatch me at—she loves me for reasons that are unique to me, that no one else can compete with, so I have nothing to fear. Love isn’t a scarcity commodity—it increases, just like joy, the more it is permitted and shared and given away. I don’t feel like I have to hoard anyone all to myself now. I know that doesn’t work, or help to protect love (or me, for that matter).
I consider my jealousy a worthy adversary, one that can teach me a lot about myself if I confront it rather than trying to protect myself from it by controlling others. I’ve had experiences in relationships before where lovers of mine have limited themselves in order to protect me from my jealousy, and it has been catastrophic for both of us, you can imagine. It’s just as important to me now that I help others to not be “afraid for me” as it is that I learn not to be afraid for myself.
One of the things jealousy has taught me about is my attitude toward other men. It’s interesting for me to note that I’ve never felt threatened by women whom my partners were attracted to or involved with, but other men have always made me see red. In our society, men are conditioned not to trust each other, to hate each other, to try to “protect” women from other men (which often looks more like hoarding and protecting personal “property”), and this inclination makes sense when you look at how f*cked up many men are when it comes to interacting with women. But for me to not trust any men to be something good for my partners (past the point of limited friendship) is outright paranoia and territorial bullsh*t. If I trust the judgment of my partner, I should trust her to know what and who is good for her, and to not let my each-against-all male conditioning interfere.
Some objections I’ve heard raised to open relationships:
“It sounds good in theory, but the way people feel is more important than these abstractions…”
Some people think that we come up with ideas and theories not as solutions to the real problems of our lives, but to show off what good ideas we can come up with. If it’s not clear by now that I’ve been thinking about this as an attempt to solve rather than exacerbate the problems in my love relationships, then I apologize for doing such a poor job writing this article. And hey—if you think open relationships can be tough on your emotions, just try long-term monogamy. They’re both hard sometimes.
“But human nature—”
F*ck you. Enough said. Human nature is what we make it, and you know that too, whether or not you want to own up to it—you cowardly excuse-mongering bastards.
“I guess that’s fine if it’s what you want to try, but luckily I only want monogamy for myself! I’m all set!”
That’s great for you, if it really is true—for the time being, at least. We’re always so thrilled when our desires happen to coincide with social rules: then it’s easy for us to feel proud of our desires, to think they’re beautiful, since they are universally accepted (indeed, everything around you is reinforcing the idea that what you are lucky enough to feel for the moment is perfection itself)… but you might not always be that “lucky,” you know. Should you (or someone else) ever feel a need that isn’t satisfied by the monogamy system, if you haven’t already made the effort to get others to understand and accept the idea that there are many different acceptable kinds of relationships and desire, you’ll be back at ground zero, finding yourself misunderstood, hated, called slut and whore. Nobody should have to go through that, ever, so whatever you personally need, you have a stake in promoting non-monogamy as a viable option too. Otherwise, we’ll all live in fear of waking up one day feeling a desire that is unacceptable—and that fascist power of moralism over our lives is exactly what I thought we were trying to fight in punk rock.
That’s why I consider myself non-monogamous right now, even though I’ve only had sexual relations with one person over the past five months: I do what I do not out of a commitment to monogamy, but rather a commitment to meeting my own needs and those of others, with no f*cking regard for social norms—and to supporting others who do the same thing, whether or not they do it in the same way. Non-monogamy isn’t about sex, anyway—it’s a general approach to relationships with people, as I discussed above.
“Open relationships are bad for women—it’s just another way for men to be selfish, and absent when women need them…”
This is the kind of sexist remark I’d rather not have to deal with, but I’ve heard it before. It reminds me of the old myth that all [“good”] women want “responsible” monogamous relationships, and the ones who don’t must be confused [so it’s OK for us to look down on them, just as misogynist pigs call them sluts]. First of all, women have been the ones who introduced me to most of these ideas. Besides the women I know personally, the very best book I’ve been able to find on this subject (The Ethical Slut, by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt, on Greenery Press), which I would strongly recommend to anyone interested in the issue, is written by women [if you can’t find it, write me and I’ll lend you my copy]. Second of all, a lot of the men and women involved in pioneering different models for relationships over the past few decades have not been involved in heterosexual relationships, so in those cases this is a totally unfounded criticism. Third—people who say this make it sound like they think men are only emotionally nurturing to women who are paying them off for it with sex and denying them access to any other sex as a way to be sure the payoff will always work. God, I hope that’s not the best we can hope for in heterosexual relations…
Finally—yes, it’s true that men have been conditioned to be selfish and somewhat less than nurturing in their relationships, and just shifting relationship models is not going to cure that. But that’s going to be a problem in whatever kinds of relationships they have, not just open ones, and it has to be dealt with separately. A loving, caring boy is not going to go running off for sex with some stranger when his lover (or one of his lovers) really needs him. There are so many dangers in our sexuality, since so much of it has been programmed by our enemies; we men need to unlearn the pressures that make us seek out superficial sex as a way to avoid real intimacy and support. That brings me to the third objection:
“So does this mean you’re giving up on your romantic dreams, your hopes for living happily ever after, just trading them for a series of sexual episodes with acquaintances?”
No, not at all. I’m not interested in evading personal commitments and long term relationships—rather, I want to protect them from being unnecessarily at risk. I want to secure my romantic relationships, so they won’t be at risk from trivial things like temporary boredom or attraction to others, by creating relationships that are sustainable through changes in my life and needs. That way I can hope to have my lovers as long as I have my friends, ‘til death do us part for real, and no old taboos (or jealousy, insecurity, etc.) will interfere. Sure, this will be hard sometimes, just like everything is hard sometimes—but the rewards of making this work will be greater in every way, I think.
What I’m hoping to do here is free us from the unnecessary tragedies of our love affairs, the insecurities and possessiveness that deny us the commitment and pleasure we could have together. In order to be ready to remove those obstacles, we have to be ready to face the real tragedies head on, with great courage: we can’t demand that others protect us from our insecurities by limiting themselves, and we have to face the fact that there will be moments when we are alone. The price of not doing this is absurd—today, we suffer both the necessary and unnecessary tragedies in our relationships, because of the courage we lack. Is it too much to ask that we try something new?
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [84] Tags: inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!The International Playgirl Credo
[ 31 March 2009, 11:44 ]
For some of us, travelling is an ever-present reality, while for others, it’s something that happens only once in a while. Regardless, when it comes to skipping across the planet, you can either do it with style & panache… or you can run around flustered, making a mess of things. Here are a few things I’ve learned over the past year or so — & I’d love to hear your own travelling tips!
Always take a scarf on the plane. Even if it’s warm & you don’t need it, you can always throw it over your head as an impromptu Do Not Disturb signal.
Ensure your laptop & MP3 player are fully charged before you board. Some planes have power outlets underneath the seats, but it’s better to be safe than techless!
Always know how much time your airline requires for you to check in. Always.
JetBlue is awesome. If you can fly with them, do. They are totally amazing.
Recognise that every person on the journey is a gift. (Even the annoying ones.)
Keep mementos.
Always have business cards (or in my case, postcards) to give to people.
Cultivate relationships wherever you go — you never know how this or that person could impact your life, even if you just speak to them for ten minutes.
Realise that not everything is going to go to plan — but every time it doesn’t, you will learn something valuable. My father always told me we learn more from failure than success, & he was right.
Embrace the weirdness.
Say yes.
Take one day a week to do absolutely nothing. Otherwise you will collapse in a shivering heap with your face in a plate of macarons, which is not so chic.
When you see well-dressed or immaculately coiffed people in the street, ask them where they go to shop or for beauty treatments. You will not regret it.
Yelp.
Always keep a book of local stamps tucked into your purse or wallet. It will make it much more likely that you’ll send postcards.
Ask the locals what they recommend.
Learn the art of meticulous suitcase packing. (My tips? Roll your clothing & group similar items — i.e., put all stockings/tights/socks in a zip-lock bag. It makes it much easier to find things.)
Be organised. Write down your flights & reference numbers. Keep all your travel documents in one place. Be at least 70% packed the night before you go.
Don’t overburden yourself with a huge list of things to do in every city. You probably won’t be able to do them all & you’ll freak yourself out trying.
Enjoy the small things. Sometimes supermarket shopping can be an immensely exciting experience when everything in there is unfamiliar!
Sublease where possible. Usually a month’s sublet is about the same price as a week in a hotel.
...But spend a couple of nights in a boutique hotel if you can.
Learn how to be a good house-guest.
Remember your vitamins. This is a two-parter: first of all, remember to take them with you. Secondly, remember to put them somewhere that you will see them!
Drink lots of water, especially if you’re doing a lot of walking.
Take comfortable shoes. They do not need to be ugly. I feel like I have trekked all over the planet in my Frye boots, & they have served me extremely well.
Take high heels for fancy dinners & exciting parties.
Eat salad every day to help keep you going.
Know thy baggage allowance, or you will be punished accordingly!
If your ride to the airport has their own concept of time, tell them you need to be there earlier than you actually do.
Keep in touch with the people you meet. Email them the next day if you can.
Buy local magazines to find out what’s really going on where you are.
Book flexible air tickets. You never know what will happen…
Travel insurance is worth the peace of mind. Especially if you have an accident or get sick.
If you’re travelling with someone else, have days where you both go off alone & do your own thing.
Offer to help people where you can.
Don’t be afraid to change your plans.
Have your travel agent request a special meal.
Learn to adapt, quickly.
Wear shoes you can just slip off when you fly. It makes getting through security about a billion times faster.
Don’t be afraid to be friendly to TSA & airport officials. They are bored. Make their day a little better, & sometimes they’ll reward you. (I have been serenaded by TSA workers more than once.)
Take snacks. Always.
Don’t plan too far ahead if you can help it.
Marvel at the kindness of strangers.
Stay open.
Enjoy & adopt local colloquialisms, but hold onto your old ones. They make up who you are — plus, people will find it charming.
Ask questions, especially of locals who you befriend. Most people love to show off the place they live in.
Call home, but not all the time.
Always have a spare, charged camera battery in your purse.
Always, always, always carry a can of dry shampoo!
Document what you do. Write a journal, take photos or film, draw pictures of things you see, whatever — like Leonard Cohen says, “I hope you’re keeping some kind of record“.
If you do decide to write a journal, make time to do it. I find that when I’m travelling & on a hectic schedule, I get to play journal catch-up on planes. You might want to make brief notes every night, though — otherwise it’s very easy to forget entire days.
Before you go, do some research. Read books about the place, engage in some clever Googling, search the city’s name on Flickr & see what you can find.
Relax.
Do your very best to get enough sleep.
Splurge where you can.
Buy something cool, so that when people ask, “Where did you get that?!”, you can say, “Oh, in Paris/Leipzig/Vancouver…”
Get a frequent flyer card with every airline you can.
Make friends with Kayak.
Wear something comfortable on the plane.
Subscribe to airline newsletters so you get the inside scoop on any deals they have going.
Maintain transcontinental friendships. It’s always more fun to visit a place where you have friends.
Try new things.
Finally, remember that we travel because we’re seeking something different. This is to say, don’t go somewhere else & expect it to be like what you’re used to. If you want things to remain the same, stay at home!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [86] Tags: how to,
life,
productivity Add Gala on Twitter!100 Things To Do When You're Upset (The Sad Trombone List)
[ 24 March 2009, 19:26 ]
Here are some ideas to help kick a rotten day to kingdom come…
Do something good for someone else, even though you may not want to. Do a favour, help them find something, give them an item which will help them in some way. Start the flow of positive energy.
Eat the best chocolate you can get your hands on. In bed. Or in the bath.
Turn up music you really love. Play it so loudly that it soaks in through your skin. Dance in your pyjamas. Feel the pain lift.
Have a romance in your head.
Volunteer.
Buy a remote control for your camera & dip your toes into the pool of narcissism.
Call a friend & ask them if they want to have a slumber party.
Throw yourself head-first into a creative project. Something that you’re excited about but which feels a little too big for you. You’ll be so consumed by it that it will fuel you for ages.
Do the splits. Or at least try. (Be gentle though!)
Sing. Loudly. Badly. Off-key. Whatever you like. It works. The last time I was on my way somewhere really nerve-wracking, I was in a cab. The radio was playing & I was so anxious that the only way I could distract myself was by singing along. Loudly. The driver probably thought I was a total nut but I didn’t care & it did the trick!
Cover your entire body in cocoa butter & fall asleep.
Drink 2 litres of fizzy drink (pop, soda, you know) & stay up until sunrise.
Write a list of things that you appreciate right now, in the present moment. Focus on each of them & let the love inside you well up. Even when things appear to be going really, really badly, there are always things to be happy about. (That’s one of the reasons why we do Things I Love Thursday — to help bring your attention back to the positive.)
Indulge in your “guilty pleasures”, whatever they are. (Old episodes of America’s Next Top Model, ginger ale, chocolate cake, romantic comedies, etc.)
Send a text message to one of the most interesting people you know — maybe someone you don’t know that well, just to say hello.
Order delivery food, just to bask in the glory of the fact that if you pay people, they will come to your door. With food. Warm, good food. What an age we live in, huh?
Look through old photos. With a friend if possible. If it’s an old friend, you can reminisce (“Oh my god, do you remember when we did that?!”), & if it’s a new friend, you can tell grand stories (“Well, let me tell you about this guy…”).
Listen to old Motown hits. Come up with dance moves. Wear something sparkly & work it out. (DJ Z-Trip’s Motown Breakdown is an excellent time, too.)
Write a gruellingly personal entry for your blog dissecting every aspect of the situation which has upset you so much. Post it, don’t post it, whatever, just get it out of your system.
Plan a holiday.
Write a ridiculous online dating profile & marvel at the people who come out of the woodwork. (“Oh, a threesome with you & your wife in New Jersey? Sign me up!”)
Spend an hour in your variety store of choice, set yourself a budget ($20?) & buy some junk. Lip treatments, candy, maybe an exfoliating scrub… Then go home & play with your new purchases. There’s a reason it’s called retail therapy, you know (though of course, it doesn’t last).
Wear a fake moustache all day.
Think up nicknames for all your friends, then send them each postcards to alert them.
Think back on the last really good sex you had. Think about it for an hour. Then do something else.
Go out for a milkshake.
Appreciate the dinosaur bones at your favourite museum.
Grab a friend, dress up like tourists & go & do all the really schlocky things on offer in your city. Take LOTS of photos, & be sure to flash the peace sign in 70% of them.
Stick little crystals on something you use every day. (Wallet, light-switch, key-ring, boots?)
Buy a new pair of sunglasses or non-prescription frames. It’s a super-easy (& often relatively cheap) way to evolve your look. Plus sunglasses make for excellent on-the-fly disguises.
Go to a yoga class. Surrender & breathe deep.
Put on your favourite pair of high heels & walk up & down your bedroom/hallway doing your best Miss J impersonation. Have a friend or neighbour who is willing to humour you offer critique. “Girl, you walk like a busted-down freight-train.”
Write multiple lists of everything you want. Material possessions, relationships, work, lifestyle, everything. Pin them up by your door so you see them all the time.
Go through Urban Dictionary & find some fun/ridiculous new words to add to your vocabulary.
Make yourself the biggest ice-cream sundae you’ve ever seen. Decorate it with hot fudge sauce, whipped cream, sprinkles, nonpareils, whatever you like. Take a photo. Give it a name (“Jane’s Orgasmatron Cardiac Arrest Sundae”). Devour. Maybe without using your hands. Take a photo of that too.
Get your eyebrows shaped.
Spend an hour in a department store sniffing perfume samples. When you find something you like, spray it on a card & drop it in your purse.
Try break-dancing.
Watch videos of flamboyant, successful people like Elton John or Michael Jackson & marvel.
Eat animal crackers.
Drink through a straw all day. If you get your hands on a straw which matches your outfit, so much the better.
Plan a party with a theme that makes you feel really, really happy.
Write a letter to yourself in the future. Then hide it. Maybe in the pocket of a coat you never, ever wear.
Leave the house wearing just fabulous lingerie underneath a coat. With heels. (Note: if you are a man you may get accused of being a flasher if you do this. The world is cruel sometimes.)
Pull a Kid CuDi & announce your retirement from the world of something. Like cooking, or vocal communication. Announce your unretirement whenever you feel like it.
Buy a harmonica & annoy the hell out of everyone while you learn how to play it.
Go wig shopping.
Choose a festival (SXSW? Burning Man? Coachella? Wave-Gotik-Treffen?) to go to, invite some friends, & start making plans.
Add diamantes to your manicure.
Hula hoop.
Buy some really good art for your walls. Posters, prints, original artwork or other. If you’re feeling impoverished, go to the library, check out some art books, then take huge, great quality photocopies at a copy shop.
Listen to Never Better by P.O.S. from start to finish & revel in what a great album it really is.
Load up your ipod & go for a walk through your favourite park.
Visit a cool toy store & make your friend a surprise package.
Reach out to the people who inspire you but who don’t know you exist.
Write the birthdays of your personal heroes in your planner & work out a way to honour them on that day.
Pie.
Colour your hair. (You can always dye it back.)
Notice where you hold tension in your body, & let it go.
Visit some kind of religious institution & observe a service.
Bake heart- or bunny-shaped cookies. Give them away.
Be graceful.
Be graceless.
Make a video diary.
Answer questions with questions.
Try on a pair of really, really expensive shoes & act like you’ll be back tomorrow, but you’re just going to go home & think about it. (Bonus points: take a photo of you in them. Often you will need to be stealthy about this but it’s worth doing.)
Record yourself trying to recite the alphabet while vigorously brushing your teeth.
Flirt with entirely inappropriate people.
Sing into your friend’s answering machine. (If you’re in the USA & use Slydial, it will take you straight to their voicemail.)
Pour pancakes in the shape of your initials. Eat them while watching aerobics on television.
Make friends with your neighbours.
Think about how great it would be to name a shaggy dog “Toupee”.
Go to an audition just for the experience.
Tell someone cute, “You’re cute”.
Sit in a sauna with a stack of fashion magazines & sweat it out.
Find a secret place with a great view. Like a tree, or a rooftop, or a hill.
Go & see a musical (or just rent one).
Be optimistic.
Buy ridiculous slippers.
Make a list of the things you want to do to celebrate the upcoming season.
Lie down in the sunshine.
Pretend to be a dancer in a music video as you perform mundane tasks. Jiggle your way from the bathroom to the kitchen, shake it while you wait for your toast to pop, booty bump while you pick an outfit.
Go to an aquarium & take photos of the jellyfish.
Watch movies you used to love as a child.
Book a karaoke room with friends & sing your heart out.
Make a list of practical, actionable ways you can improve your situation.
Start keeping a dream journal & write down their supposed meanings, too.
See if you can develop an appreciation for a band or a style of music you’ve never liked before.
Write a play.
Go to vintage stores looking for fabulous old typewriters.
Write the stuff you like about your body on your body with a marker.
Change your ring-tone to the sound of one of your friends laughing hysterically.
Watch videos of Robin Williams or Eddie Murphy.
Listen to Divine Harvest by The Mae Shi. Don’t be worried, everything will turn out fine. Don’t be worried, friend just put your hand in mine.
Take a nap with your head at the other end of the bed.
Walk around a garden centre & buy a colourful plant. Give it a name.
Go somewhere that people walk their dogs & make friends with some fluffy creatures.
Hug your friends.
Tell someone everything.
Believe that everything is always getting better.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [175] Tags: inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Jealousy Is The Killer Of GIRL LOVE
[ 18 March 2009, 16:25 ]
“Being a sexy & powerful female is one of the most subversive projects of all. (We are the priestesses of a new kind of power oh yeah.) We know we are not like this due to any weird gene formation or luck or trick. We are how we are from working together with our eyes open & having experiences & getting help from our moms & friends. We vow to struggle against the “j” word (jealousy) the killer of GIRL LOVE. We are not special, anyone can do it. ENCOURAGEMENT IN THE FACE OF INSECURITY is a slogan of the revolution.” (Introduction from Bikini Kill: A Color + Activity Book // source)
Why do girls dislike other girls — or find it almost impossible to make a female friend that they can stick to for a while? Well, let’s test something out. Raise your hand if you have ever thought any of the following things.
She’s so much prettier than me. I wish I had thighs like that. Why is her complexion so flawless? Man, she’s so outgoing. She seems really popular. I bet she never feels lonely like I do. I never know what to say & she always has the perfect comeback. So many guys like her. Why doesn’t anyone look at me like that? How come I never get any attention the way she does? How come she doesn’t have to work as hard as I do? Why does everything seem to happen so easily for her? She is so beautiful. I wonder if she’s had surgery. I bet she has an eating disorder. What’s her flaw? Why does he like her & not me? Why does she always get invited out & not me? She’s so talented. I can’t do anything as well as she can. How can she live a lifestyle like that? I bet some dude pays for everything. How come I don’t have that arrangement? I hate her. I hate myself. Why do I suck so much?
...Yeah, me too. So what do the sentences above have in common?
They all involve competition or us comparing ourselves to someone else
They always assume that we come up short, or as the “loser”
They all invalidate us
They assume that we know the full story
They all have jealousy as a root cause
As the old cliché goes, the grass is always greener, & it’s easy to look at someone else’s life & feel like you don’t measure up — or to assume that their life is perfect, flawless, a field of daisies at all times. No one’s life is perfect, which is not to say that we shouldn’t do our best to improve ourselves, but it’s worth remembering. Everyone has their own pain, no matter how beautiful, wealthy, famous or talented they are — & everyone gets jealous sometimes! You are not a weird freak. I promise.
So many of us are raised to believe that other women are competition, that we are locked into a constant game of who-is-prettier, who-can-get-the-dude, who-has-a-better-job, who-can-lose-their-baby-weight-fastest, etc., & IT IS ALL NONSENSE. WHO CARES. IT IS NOT IMPORTANT. Trust me on that one. Sure, you can indulge in that if you want, but there is always going to be someone hotter, faster, smarter, more cunning than you. Those victories — the Prettiest Girl Cup, the Bilionaire-Boning Medal, the Well-Paid Wonderwoman Triathlon — if you ever have them, are short-lived & empty, because then you actually have to get on with living your life, & truthfully, no one is really watching you anyway. They are too concerned with their own thing. Stop living your life for an imaginary audience & make yourself happy!
One thing I’ve noticed over the last few years is that if you’re really happy with yourself & your life, or if you become that way after years of self-loathing or misery, the way that you interact with other people & the world around you completely changes. For example, a few years ago I disliked humanity so much that I would practically go around daring people to prove my assumptions right. I think I probably had a laundry list of people I hated. I would meet up with my friends & we would gossip & talk shit about the people we had met who had managed to evoke our ire (not a difficult task at the time, I was really looking for any excuse to be pissed off). I loathed my job(s). All my friends hated their jobs too. I felt stuck, I had very low self-esteem, & my only friends were really people I drank with on the weekends. It never ran any deeper than that, which I resented, too. I would read the blogs of people I disliked & leave scathing anonymous comments. I complained about everything. Long story short, I was an epic drag to be around.
So how did I manage to flip my perspective on girl friendships? I don’t have a step-by-step for you, unfortunately, but even if I did, we all have our own processes. It seemed like it just happened, but really it didn’t. It was an unexpected bonus of having done so much work on myself. If you think of your beliefs & values, all that stuff that makes you you, & envision it as a big rug, well, I had been hanging that rug outside for two years, beating it mercilessly to make room for new stuff in my life. I had been using EFT & healing techniques & combing over all my beliefs, deciding to change all the things which didn’t serve me any more. It probably had something to do with the fact that now I felt like I was worthy of having real friends, too. So one day, I woke up & realised I had a bunch of really incredible female friends. Bonus.
Similar to the way in which if you’re happy with yourself & your life, you don’t trawl the internet being nasty, if you’re happy & have good self-esteem, you don’t view other girls as competition any more either. As with anything, when you notice a problematic pattern which keeps repeating itself, it’s time to look at what you’re doing to contribute to it. After all, the only constant is you…
One thing that can be useful is to grab a pen & paper & write down the exact reasons why you’re jealous of this girl or that one. Be really honest. Even if the reason is something totally shallow like, “Her thighs don’t touch & mine do”. Put it down. THEN, & here’s the key, look at that thing & work out why you place so much value on it. Think about your life & where this belief that that particular thing is important came from. If you don’t like Meredith because she gets attention from guys wherever she goes, work out why you feel like you need that. Did you always want love you never got from your father or some other male role model? Consider these things & process them. Often when you dissect it down to the bare bones, you’ll realise that it’s actually kind of a nothing reason, just something you have an emotional attachment to or involvement with. Knowing yourself is important — it’s powerful. You can then take that information & let go of it however you want: meditation, EFT, rituals, or just deciding that it doesn’t serve you any more & letting it go.
When you’re happy with who you are & you feel a lot of love in your everyday life, which, by the way — if it isn’t a reality for you already — is totally possible & achievable, it’s much easier to turn those little snarls of jealousy into something positive. For example, I used to feel really threatened by beautiful girls, & sometimes I still am. I have a teeny tiny freak-out in my head, like, “Man, if I’m standing around with them, I am totally going to be the ugly friend...”, but then I take a deep breath, & I let it go. I spin it around, & remember how much I love them as people, how much fun it is to look at them across a table, & what great additions they make to photos!
I suppose if my super-pretty friends acted like super-turds, it would he harder to flip my view, so maybe that’s something to keep in mind! Hunt out people who are fun, pleasant & act with integrity! They’re much more likeable by default & you won’t be constantly trying to dig up their positive attributes to balance out your jealousy about the shape of their eyes, size of their hips, number of active suitors, etc.
One of the keys to this whole thing is learning to appreciate other people for who they are. Van Gogh was probably a better painter than you are, but are you jealous of him? I doubt it. It’s much more likely that you think he’s brilliant, & if you ever got to hang out with him, you’d tell him how much you liked his work, & maybe you’d try to learn something from him. I think we need to approach friendships the same way. Be incredulous & impressed & unattached. Other people feel like that about you too, you know.
Another thing to bear in mind is that you can build really true, strong friendships if you shift your focus to the positive when you’re together. Instead of meeting up & plotting ways to destroy other people’s relationships — or whatever it is you do — talk about your goals for the future, describe who you’re in love with, speak about beautiful things. No truly happy girl is going to want to be friends with someone who talks badly about everyone they know. (I have met plenty of people in the last couple of years, which has been amazing, but even when it comes to good, well-intentioned people, if I notice that they gossip a lot or talk about other people all the time, I just don’t get that close to them…)
As for actually making friends, I strongly believe that once you have your attitude & beliefs about friendships lined up, it will just happen. But if you want some clues, here are mine: Make yourself available to people (but don’t harass anyone). Be friendly. Smile. Ask questions. Make yourself useful. Help out. Laugh. Do adventurous things together — it bonds you more than just getting coffee, & gives you something to talk about later. Trust that it will all work out — the best friendships don’t require constant maintenance or fretting! & if something amazing happens to your friend, don’t be afraid to say to them, “I’M SO JEALOUS!”. Being open about it & actually expressing that to them takes a lot of the weight off.
Don’t be intimidated by other women — we are here to help one another. We all want more friends, we all want cute phone-calls, we all want hugs & kisses & ridiculously fun photo opportunities. None of us are perfect, & that’s cool, & our preoccupations with our own flaws don’t have to control us.
Have you had to deal with jealousy in a friendship? What did you do about it?
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [125] Tags: how to,
life Add Gala on Twitter!How To Be The Best House Guest Ever (& Always Get Invited Back)
[ 16 March 2009, 12:46 ]
Here is my disclaimer: This is NOT me saying that I am the ultimate house-guest, because I’m certainly not. In fact, someone I stayed with once called me an “impossible diva” (who, moi?!!) & tossed me out unceremoniously on the street! What this is really meant to be is a reminder, maybe an idealistic manifesto of how Mother Theresa might behave were she to hunker down on someone’s sofa-bed for a week…
Be respectful
I think this is always, always, always the most important thing, & we all have the ability to show this in different ways, so it’s up to you as to how you do that.
However, if you’re kind of stumped as to what that means, one really obvious way in which you can do this is by leaving things the way they were. This seems like a small thing but I think about it all the time. People — & by this I’m talking specifically about whoever is hosting you — like their lives the way they like them. They have systems, ways of doing things. The very best way, in my opinion, to make staying with them palatable for everyone involved, is to integrate yourself into their life as seamlessly as possible. In practical application, I mean maintaining the routines they already have going. Do they leave their shoes at the door? Do they keep their toilet seat up or down? Do they automatically wash every dish they use or do they let them soak? Do they replace the caps on their bottles of shampoo? Where do they hang their towels?
I know that when I have people stay with me, I always really appreciate it if they take notice of the way I behave & then do as much as they can to behave in a similar way. I don’t leave open containers of food lying around, I always put the toilet seat down (good feng shui!), I try to keep things tidy & I make my bed every day. These little things just make my life easier. This is how I behave. So if someone comes over & they leave food around, or the seat up, every time I see that, it’s a little reminder that I am not by myself, that there is someone else here, & that if I want my life to continue as normal, I am probably going to have to pick up their slack. Even the world’s most patient person begins to get frustrated by this after a while, because after all, our homes are our sanctuaries.
Other ways to be respectful of someone’s space include taking your loud, hour-long, high-pitched phonecalls outside, not putting your shoes on the furniture, cleaning up any messes you make & not spending half the day in the bathroom. Obviously though, we tend to take cues from whoever we’re staying with, so if their nightly ritual involves jumping on their bed in muddy gumboots, you might as well join in! (Yay, bed-jumping!)
Establish some ground-rules
To avoid doing something that is unintentionally offensive or troublesome, you might like to ask who you’re staying with if they have any house rules. Believe me when I say that this will make your life a lot easier. Some people have bizarre rules, too, that you might never guess. So ask them what they expect from you, & then hold up your end of the bargain!
Also, do what you say you’ll do. If you say you’re leaving on Tuesday, leave on Tuesday! I don’t think I need to explain why this is important!
Try to contain your sprawl
Okay, this can be hard, but it’s worth persevering with.
The first day you get in, you put your suitcases in a relatively out-of-the-way place, sit down for a cup of tea & collapse into wherever you’re sleeping — bed (lucky!), sofa-bed, air-bed, couch, floor or cozy closet. The next day you wake up & you have to find an outfit. If you’re a guy you probably have an advantage in that you change your t-shirt, socks & underwear & you’re pretty much good to go. Girls, on the other hand, typically want to wear something completely different every day, which presents its own unique challenges.
So you drag your suitcase from where it was, mostly disguised behind the couch or wherever, & the madness begins. At first you lift things up to try & find what it is you’re looking for, but when that doesn’t seem to work, you start ripping things out at full speed, throwing them over your shoulder & making a fabulous mess. Of course, nothing really goes back the way it should, so once you’ve dressed yourself, your suitcase bulges, half-open, tulle petticoats & lingerie spilling out like pretty, elaborate vomit, & a selection of other, smaller bags scattered around it (handbag, cosmetics bag, random tote bag…). & so it continues in this manner, getting gradually worse & worse, until you finally leave (but not before sitting on your suitcase so it will finally zip up) & your hosts breathe a sigh of relief.
You know, you can save yourself an awesome amount of pain if whoever you’re staying with can just provide somewhere for you to hang your things. At least, your most-worn things: your oversized cardigan, your leather jacket, your scarf, whatever. Ditto on having somewhere to put your shoes, though that tends to be considerably easier to arrange. But sometimes there really is nowhere for you to put your stuff.
I think you know what I’m going to say: just try not to take over the entire living room with your belongings. Zip your suitcase at least half-way. Try to stack things in an orderly fashion. Line up your shoes. Do what you can to reduce the visual clutter. Just make a bit of an effort, because it will make a big difference.
If the person you’re staying with has to do side-turns & strange shuffles to get past your collection of tea-kettles, or WHATEVER it is you have in that enormous bag, they are going to get miffed. Quickly. So it’s really in your best interests to keep your eye on your own personal sprawl. I set fire to someone’s shoes once. I’m just saying!
Strike a balance
There’s nothing worse than someone who constantly asks you for permission to do this or that, but at the same time, opening your door to some kind of hurricane-person who leaves their toenail clippings all over your bedspread is pretty bad too.
Do your thing, but be considerate. We all have different ideas of what is acceptable or “normal”, but I think you understand what I mean. Allow who you’re staying with to live their life as simply as possible, but don’t be afraid to ask them if you can’t find something or you’re not sure about how the shower works. (Showers, man. Every single one is different. I wish the people who make showers would just get it together!)
Be charming!
Perhaps this should go without saying, but if you’re a pleasure to be around, it’s more likely than not that your host will be sad to see you go. We’ve spoken about charm before, but remember that this extends beyond just smiling & saying please & thank you. It also means taking an interest in your host’s life as well as making conversation with any of their friends who you happen to meet. If you can’t do those things, maybe you should stay with someone you like better!
Pitch in
This can take a number of forms, from helping put the groceries away, to clearing dirty dishes, to buying your host dinner or introducing them to someone you think they’d adore. People don’t like to feel as if they’re being taken advantage of, & I don’t mean to sound like your mother or anything, but you’re not staying in a hotel — so don’t treat it like one. You’re in someone else’s space, & a great way to show your gratitude for that fact is by being useful or helpful. You get it, you understand, I know you do!
The way in which you help out doesn’t have to be generic, either — I have bought strange-looking exotic plants, placed Band Aids on bleeding thumbs & re-organised bedrooms in the last 3 weeks, all as a way of saying “thanks so much” for letting me stay.
Leave something when you go, by which I do not mean a radical case of avian flu or an incredible collection of lipstick-stained cigarette butts. Something nice! Or at least useful.
How about flowers or a plant which doesn’t require a lot of work? (A moth orchid is always a good call.) You can also chip in grocery or fuel vouchers, buy chocolates, write a long love letter outlining all of your host’s exceptionally positive qualities, or replenish things you noticed they were running low on. Pretty much everyone appreciates these sorts of gestures, & if they don’t… that’s their problem, innit?
What are your favourite, time-tested, tried-&-true ways of ensuring your time in someone else’s house goes well? Who is the worst house-guest you’ve ever had? How about the best? What did they do that made them so much more fun to have around than anyone else? Let us know in the comments!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [67] Tags: how to,
life,
question Add Gala on Twitter!Different Ways To Think About Money
[ 10 March 2009, 12:14 ]
(Idea borrowed from Louise L. Hay avec beaucoup d’amour.)
Here’s a thought exercise or experiment that’s been on my mind lately. How about changing your behaviour & feelings about bills or due payments? What about if you didn’t curse & swear when you received a bill in the mail? What if you thought of it as a blessing? Examine it without emotion — that company or person trusts & loves you enough to supply you with something even before you pay! How amazing is that?!
It’s like a message from the universe that it has faith that you can easily generate that money. Think of it like a little cheerleader saying, “You can do it!”
Pay your bills with love & gratitude & it will keep the positive flow going. After all, how does being angry or upset about a bill serve you?
To quote Mobb Deep, there’s numerous ways you can choose to earn funds! Don’t feel like you need to know where the money is coming from — just know it’s here, ready & ripe for you to pluck out of the ether when you want it.
I know that for some of us this is a quantum leap in our thinking & it may take some time to believe. You might have to consciously adjust your thoughts on the subject more than once. But the more you think it, the more true it becomes for you.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [74] Tags: inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Inder Bedi Of Matt & Nat
[ 4 March 2009, 23:31 ]
I was introduced to Matt & Nat a little while ago by some clued-up nonpareils! After mentioning their company on my site, my friend made an introduction, & gave me the opportunity to ask Inder, the director of Matt & Nat, a few questions about his business, his vision & why he does what he does! I thought you might be introduced in hearing about his point of view, so without further ado…
Name: Inder Bedi
Age: 35
Location: Montreal
What is Matt & Nat’s vision?
We aim to strike that delicate balance between being fashionably creative and innovative while being conscious of our choices affect our environment and all its beings.
I heard a rumour that Matt & Nat’s very earliest beginnings came from a personal dare to go without animal products for 30 days! Obviously that month had a major impact on you. How did those 30 days begin to reshape your life into what it is today?
Those 30 days totally changed my life! Was asked by a priest to go vegetarian for 30 days when I was 18. It ended up sticking after the 30 days, learned more about vegetarianism, animal rights and eventually went vegan. Led to me to write a business plan in university (for a class I tried not to take!) as a frustrated vegan consumer that wanted items that were eco/vegan but still innovative and sexy, this led to the founding of M&N.
What is the creative process like for you? What are the steps between an idea in your head & a bag on someone’s shoulder? Do you work alone or with a team? Do you design with a certain type of person in mind?
We have a great design team of 4 including myself. We basically soak in everything out there from music to architecture to art to interesting things that inspire us in travels along with some trends in terms of colors, bag styles and then come up with our own thing, that hopefully stands out amongst everything else out there.
Like to describe our customer put there as someone ‘who is looking for more’, going beyond traditional demographics. Innovation is a big focus for us as well. All of our linings are currently made out of 100% recycled water bottles that look like suede.
Who would you love to see rocking Matt & Nat style?
The Dalai Lama! Ha!
What are the biggest challenges you face?
We are distributed in some great stores which is the tough part in terms of ‘breaking in’ in our industry. The challenge now is to ensure that consumers who pick up the brand also know what it stands for as when they do find out, it’s a great bonus, awareness is now key for us…
What is your absolute favourite thing about what you do?
The first would be the creativity aspect whether it’s a new material, new style or new hardware etc., when you work weeks on a style and it finally turns out the way you want and you know it’s going to be HOT, it’s very rewarding!
The other are the emails we get from customers who thank us for creating a product that they not only love to rock but also appeals to their inner spirit, also very rewarding :)
Can you tell us any secrets about your next range?
We’re stepping up the recycled water bottles and taking them on the outside shells of the bags, a suede collection for women and felt for men, both made completely out of recycled water bottles
What is Samsara all about? Curious minds want to know!
Samsara (rebirth in Sanskrit) are the younger siblings to M&N (Sam et Sara), the price points will be more entry level. For each bag sold we will donate $1 to a charity through an interactive web site where consumers can actually go and choose where the money goes. Will launch in Canada for spring and the U.S for fall.
What hints would you give to people who want to become more eco-conscious, but don’t know where to begin?
There are several sites that offer starter kits for vegetarians as I’m sure there are for people who want to be more green. Goveg.com offers some great starter kits and stats on the environmental benefits of going veg. Guess the key is initially making little changes in your life and building from there.
Tell us which other companies you find inspiring & why.
Love it when companies find a way to show you that you can be fashionably fierce and still have a higher conscious… Fisker Rama (ex designer for BMW, Aston martin) just designed an electric car that is a piece of art… it’s a pretty materialistic example but is damn beautiful!
Who is your favourite author?
Don’t really have one, currently reading The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma.
What’s in heavy rotation on your headphones this week?
My sales manager turned me on to trentemoller, wicked stuff…
If you could invite anyone to dinner, who would it be & what would you serve?
I would invite YOU and serve you a bigger mac and mac n’cheese catered from Madelaines. Staying in L.A. this week and had dinner there last night, one of the best vegan restos I’ve had the pleasure of dining at…
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [24] Tags: consumption,
inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!iCiNG Stories: Awkward Dates
[ 1 March 2009, 14:44 ]
The recent iCiNG Stories about love was such a great success that I thought we should do it again. This time, though, I want to hear about the worst, most hilarious, crazy dates you’ve ever been on.
I haven’t been on a lot of “dates”, being new to America & all that business. New Zealanders don’t really date! I wrote about the weirdest one I’ve ever had, though, in part one of my interview, which I’ll repost here for your reading pleasure!
I met a guy at a fancy party — we were the only people with visible tattoos there, so he made a beeline for me. We started talking & flirting & he was really cute, he was black with sleeve tattoos & stretched ears (why is that SO CUTE on a guy?) & a fetish for high-end luggage (oh, who knows), & he asked me for my number. I gave it to him because I was so caught off-guard, & didn’t actually expect to hear from him. He called me the next day & asked me to go out with him, & after much deliberating, said yes. (I thought, even if this is a total disaster, at least it will be interesting.)
I caught a taxi to his friend’s place where they were having a party. I get there & he is pretty boozed. He tells me he is a personal trainer & insists — INSISTS — that I touch his stomach. It is impressive. I ask him how many sit-ups he does a day. He says 200. One of his friends — another personal trainer — says, “Oh, you’re from New Zealand? How long have you been in America? Your English is pretty good!” I look at him, dumb-founded, & ask him what language he thinks we speak in NZ. He has no idea. I am afraid.
The party was wrapping up so a bunch of us went to catch another cab to some other party. It turned out to be me, him & about four other guys — too many people to fit in one cab. They will usually only take 4 passengers. They were all personal trainers — so weird, so not my thing — so you know, they weren’t small, squishable guys. Their plan was that we would flag a cab & get in & I would sit on someone’s lap or something. About five cabs were like “NO I’m not taking all of you at once”, but eventually we got some guy who just wanted the fare & let us in. The guy I was there with wanted to see the sports results on the touch-screen thing, so he was pressing the screen, but kind of pounding it, not really touching it. The taxi driver got pissed off, & was like, “STOP THAT”, so the guy I was with apologised. But then… he punched the wall between us & the driver REALLY hard! I don’t know why! The driver went nuts & was like, “GET OUT OF MY CAB”, so we got out, grudgingly.
So we’re all walking up the road to try & find another cab, & then we realise that my guy (I don’t remember his name, oops) isn’t with us. We turn around & see him crouching down behind the cab, & as it goes to pull away, he PUNCHES the back of the cab REALLY HARD! & the driver slams on the brakes, & my guy (oh how embarrassing) jumps up & yells, “RUN!” His hand is bleeding & has bits of glass in it, I’m wearing heels & trying to walk quickly, the driver is yelling bloody murder & saying he’s going to call the cops. So this ridiculous motley crew that is our group basically takes a bunch of crazy side alleys & we can hear the taxi driver yelling after us, but eventually we lost him. Phew.
My crazy date is trying to hold my hand but I’m so not into it because a) he is crazy & b) he is bleeding, so I talk to one of his more sane friends. We eventually get to a club in Chelsea which is packed out, & they are playing bad music. We dance, a bit, but I’m really just thinking about how I want to leave. Crazy boy has finally gone to wash his hand & I am not as leery of him as I was but I still think he is nuts & am totally not interested. He is flirting with me & telling me how hot I am & I’m laughing nervously, like, “Haha, yeeeeeah…” He kisses me & I say something like, “Hey, you’re cool but I’ve got to go”. I leave. He texts & calls me a lot. I never respond.
I saw him about a month later on an opposite subway platform, & hid behind a pillar. Awesome.
Okay, your turn! Bring on the most horrifyingly ridiculous encounters you’ve had! Astound us!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [94] Tags: life,
question Add Gala on Twitter!Domestic Violence
[ 28 February 2009, 21:36 ]
What are your thoughts on the recent debacle concerning Chris Brown & Rihanna?
I’m immensely disturbed by the whole thing — what happened as well as the aftermath. She’s recently reunited with him, & I’m not judging that. No one really knows what goes on in anyone’s intimate relationships. What she does with her personal life is nothing to do with me, & I would never presume to know more about what is right for her than she does. She turned 21 a week ago & is in the spotlight big-time right now; the pressure must be immense. But I think we all know that what he did was wrong, & I think that her apparent forgiveness of his behaviour — even if she is punishing him in her own way — sends a really dangerous message to people everywhere. It makes abusive people think they can get away with it, & it makes victims think it’s not a big deal. It is.
What really upsets me is the fact that no one seems to be speaking out publicly against his actions. The radio stations still play his songs. Celebrities who are asked to comment on the situation seem to shy away from it — which is ridiculous when they all seem overly-eager to give their opinion on Britney’s weight gain.
What happened between Chris & Rihanna just goes to show that domestic violence goes on everywhere, & it doesn’t matter whether you’re wealthy or impoverished, single or married, black or white, famous or not. They should have been the dream couple by society’s standards. They’re both young, good-looking, successful & well-known — the theoretical ideal — but nobody’s life or behaviour is perfect.
Violence is completely unacceptable. Men who hit women, women who hit men, women who hit women, men who hit men — it doesn’t matter, & it has nothing to do with sex. It is never cool, it is never okay, & you never deserve it. It doesn’t matter WHAT you’ve done. Period. If someone has upset you & violence seems to be the best course of action, be a grown up & walk away. Extricate yourself from the situation. Getting physical out of anger is the lowest of the low & completely inexcusable.
I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend hit me, but I had one boyfriend who, when drunk, once got to the point of almost being physically aggressive. I was terrified & completely enraged, & I yelled something like, “If you %^&*$ing touch me or behave like this again consider this OVER” at the top of my lungs. (There may have been more expletives involved!) He never got like that ever again but if it had gone any further, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have gone to the police & been out of there for good.
Relationships are tricky though, especially abusive ones. Often a lot of us just end up repeating the cycles we’ve seen at home, so if your father hit your mother or vice versa, sometimes we think that’s just the way things are. (It’s not.) Not to mention, there’s a lot of psychological stuff which goes on behind-the-scenes. Often the aggressor will make their partner feel as if they’ve deserved the abuse, or threaten them if they say they’re going to leave, which can make it really difficult for someone to escape. Unpleasant & dramatic as it may be, you — whoever you are, & whatever you’ve done in the past — deserve better than someone who hurts you, whether it’s emotional, physical or sexual. You deserve someone who treats you with absolute respect & nothing but love.
Have you ever experienced violence or abuse in an intimate relationship? What did you do about it? What would you encourage others to do if they found themselves in a similar situation?
I’m really upset by what happened between them but my only hope is that this whole situation has made people realise that this kind of thing DOES go on, all the time, all over the place. I wish more people would speak out against it. Awareness is important, & so is sending a message that it’s not acceptable behaviour from anyone.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [102] Tags: life,
question Add Gala on Twitter!iCiNG Transformation Challenge: 28/28
[ 27 February 2009, 10:01 ]
CONGRATULATIONS! It’s the last day. You’ve come a long way, baby!
So… how do you feel? How did you do? What did you learn & how did you grow from this process? If you were going to do it all again, what would you do differently? Do you think you’ll maintain any of the routines you put in place, or did you decide they weren’t for you?
Lots of questions, lots of things to think about!
Regardless of how well you think you did or didn’t do, I want to say kudos for taking part in the iCiNG Transformation Challenge. Admitting that there’s something in your life you’d like to change or alter is big — many people never even get that far! — & actually taking steps in that direction is even bigger. So well done. I’m mad proud of you, & I hope you are too!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [40] Tags: life Add Gala on Twitter!Lightcasting February 2009
[ 23 February 2009, 20:53 ]
I wrote about Lightcasting Day last month, explaining what it is & why we should (or can) do it. Well, it’s that time again! I thought I’d tell you what each sign should be focussing on this month in order to make optimal progress! Mega-big-ups, props & thanks to SoulGarden for all the excellent work they do & information they provide!
Aquarius Your self-esteem & self-worth. If you think about it, everything you want to generate comes from loving yourself. If you want to make money, you have to believe you’re valuable; if you want to be in love, you have to believe you’re loveable! Everything stems from there.
Pisces This month is about generating a new persona & a new ego. This also extends to the kind of first impressions you make & how you behave within the world. Happy? Defensive? Passive? It’s up to you!
Aries Breaking old cycles, getting rid of old fears & changing habits which don’t serve you any more. Do you feel tethered to a relationship or job which isn’t making you happy? What do you want to end for good?
Taurus Your role in society — the friends you have, the people you know & how you feel about your position in the world are all in focus this month. Visualise the social life you want to have!
Gemini Your career, work & legacy. This is a great time to think about what kind of work you’d like to be doing, think about the kind of recognition you want & the sort of impact you want to make on the world.
Cancer Changing your beliefs. Some of your old beliefs may not be working for you, & it’s time to shake them up. Open your mind & your horizons will expand. This also covers the areas of education, learning or travel.
Leo Boundaries & intimacy. Do you let people get too close, or not close enough? Do you always say yes — or always say no? How do you want to re-draw these lines?
Virgo Marriages. This basically means rethinking anything you have a long-term commitment to, like intimate relationships, best friends, careers & even the way you relate to yourself!
Libra It’s time for a lifestyle change! How would you like your daily life to be? Changing your lifestyle will impact on everything else, too. Visualise how you’d like your life to look in the future.
Scorpio Personal dreams, thinking big & looking after your inner child! You know what it is you really want, it might just be that you haven’t been listening. Pay attention & dream big!
Sagittarius Focus on your foundations. This means how you treat yourself, your home life, & recovering from or processing early childhood experiences which have impacted on you. See yourself moving on & learning, or decide to manifest a peaceful home life.
Capricorn Consider your attitude towards life — is it working for you? It’s a good time to journal or talk to your friends about how you’re feeling, it will help you get clarity & renewed focus for manifesting a better attitude.
If you’re kind of in tune with the universe & use your intuition quite well, you might have noticed that the issues relevant to your sign are already quite big in your life. For the last week or so, I’ve been thinking about relationships & work a lot — even more than usual, haha! So take the things you’ve churning around your head, write them down, & then use them as fuel to work out what you want.
I just did my lightcasting for the day, & rather than just thinking about it or visualising it — which can kind of seem a bit airy-fairy & maybe like you’re “not doing it properly” — I employed a new technique which I feel really good about!
I turned to a new page in my Moleskine journal & made three headings. Since Virgos are looking at marriages, there were three areas I wanted to look at: love or intimate relationships, work & career, & the way I relate to & treat myself. Then I stepped away from the computer (always helpful!) & started making some notes in all 3 categories. What did I want? What did I not want? How did I want to feel about it? Then when I felt like it was complete, I took a big drink of water & did a bunch of rounds of EFT while I read it aloud to myself & visualised it at the same time.
The bonus of using EFT is that it helps you clear any internal or subconscious resistance you might have to the things you’re going after. For example, if you say you want a loving relationship but you’re actually afraid of getting close to people, there’s going to be a conflict of interest. As long as you have that fear — even if you’re not aware you have it, which happens all the time — you’re going to find it difficult to manifest the things you want. EFT helps break that stuff down, & I’ve found it’s also extremely useful for helping you realise where your blockages or issues are.
What are your best tips, tricks, secrets or techniques for visualising or manifesting things in your life?
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [33] Tags: astrology,
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question Add Gala on Twitter!iCiNG Transformation Challenge: 19/28
[ 18 February 2009, 16:16 ]
Start the day as you mean to go on. If today didn’t begin that well, make tomorrow better. Take an extra moment to eat a breakfast that sets you up for how you want to eat for the rest of the day. (For example, it’s easier to eat a raw lunch or dinner if you start with a smoothie or fruit — the more we eat of something, the more we want it.) Listen to a selection of your favourite songs instead of filling your head with chatty morning radio or television. Take your vitamins, smile at the bus-driver, be charming. It’s not that tricky, & it will help to start your day positively. Even if the rest of the day is filled with challenges, at least you ate a good breakfast & embarked on the day with a sparkly outlook!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [17] Tags: inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!iCiNG Stories: Love
[ 16 February 2009, 17:51 ]
The other day I was looking out a window, thinking about the people that read this site, & how interesting they (you!) all are. Every time I post something, you reveal a little bit more of yourselves, & it’s amazing to me. Imagine the collective knowledge, creativity & magic if we put all our brains in a database!
I want to give you more of an opportunity to participate in iCiNG. So I had this idea that we could do regular story-telling sessions, where we all write about one topic.
What you tell us doesn’t even have to be true, it can be pure imagination if you’d prefer, but honestly I think real life is stranger & more wonderful than fiction…
The first topic is love, romance, infatuation, deliciousness. What do you remember?
For me, it’s Virgo poet boys who write about you & send you their work to critique. It’s people who write your initials + theirs inside a heart on a picnic table. It’s being presented with a dozen cupcakes when I arrived in New York, sneaking through casinos with my Virgo wife, & men who buy you a copy of their favourite book. It’s waltzing with my almost-lover at 4am to Frank Sinatra. It’s boys who sing to you in the botanical gardens & boyfriends who throw you surprise birthday parties in extravagant hotel rooms. It’s bat signals & entire albums written about you & unexpected phonecalls. It’s signs from the universe just when I stopped thinking about him. It’s the way the air between us is electric. It’s those moments of sweet wonder when everything falls into place. It’s stacks & stacks of letters, notebooks full of heartbreak which served as a kind of prayer, & holding hands in foreign countries.
Tell us about your sweetest moments!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [244] Tags: inspiration,
life,
question Add Gala on Twitter!iCiNG Transformation Challenge: 15/28
[ 15 February 2009, 04:55 ]
“Make for yourself a world you can believe in. It sounds simple, I know. But it’s not. Listen, there are a million worlds you could make for yourself. Everyone you know has a completely different one — the woman in 5G, that cab driver over there, you. Sure, there are overlaps, but only in the details. Some people make their worlds around what they think reality is like. They convince themselves that they had nothing to do with their worlds’ creations & continuations. Some make their worlds without knowing it. Their universes are just sesame seeds & three-day weekends & dial tones & skinned knees & physics & driftwood & emerald earrings & books dropped in bathtubs & holes in guitars & plastic & empathy & hardwood & heavy water & high black stockings & the history of the Vikings & brass & obsolescence & burnt hair & collapsed soufflés & the impossibility of not falling in love in an art museum with the person standing next to you looking at the same painting & all the other things that just happen & are. But you want to make for yourself a world that is deliberately & meticulously personalized. A theater for your life, if I could put it like that. Don’t live an accident. Don’t call a knife a knife. Live a life that has never been lived before, in which everything you experience is yours and only yours. Make accidents on purpose. Call a knife a name by which only you will recognize it. Now I’m not a very smart man, but I’m not a dumb one, either. So listen: If you can manage what I’ve told you, as I was never able to, you will give your life meaning.” — Jonathan Safran Foer, A Convergence Of Birds.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [38] Tags: inspiration,
life,
quote Add Gala on Twitter!iCiNG Transformation Challenge: 14/28
[ 13 February 2009, 20:57 ]
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Be good to yourself, love yourself, be conscious, stay present.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [26] Tags: life Add Gala on Twitter!iCiNG Transformation Challenge: 12/28
[ 12 February 2009, 02:32 ]
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [13] Tags: inspiration,
life,
video Add Gala on Twitter!Gala's Valentine's Day Gift Guide
[ 8 February 2009, 20:19 ]
Valentine’s Day. A time of super-cute awesomeness or an overly-commercial swindle? It’s totally up to you!
I think Valentine’s Day is great, even though this is going to be the first time I haven’t had a valentine in years. (Maybe we could all be each others’ valentine!) Love is magnificent & should be celebrated every chance we get, & even if you feel like there isn’t a lot of that around you, take this opportunity to celebrate the love that is coming to you, right now. Feel it, believe it, visualise it, soak it up. Yum yum!
If you actually look at it, Valentine’s Day is a really interesting phenomenon. For example, in 2008 in Saudi Arabia, religious police banned any Valentine’s Day items (even anything red!) from being sold on February 14th, considering it an un-Islamic holiday — & so created a black market for roses & wrapping paper! How amazing is that?!
So here’s my disclaimer. I know a lot of people dislike Valentine’s Day because it’s such an exercise in consumerism. I have heard “Why should we only celebrate love on one day?!” as an argument more than enough times. Fair enough. I hear you. I’ve got your number. But — let me be blatantly honest here — that doesn’t give you an excuse to be a mean, party-pooping tight-ass. You might think you’re being awesome & anti-establishment but your girlfriend still feels bad when everyone but her gets flowers. Okay? So do something. Anything. It doesn’t have to cost money! Give your partner a great massage, make their favourite meal, go for a walk & have a good discussion about something, whatever you like — just be as cool a person as you know you can be!
Having said all of this, here are some things I’ve found while trawling around the internet that I think would make great Valentine’s Day gifts for your lover, spouse, best friend or even yourself! (I find it hard to resist heart-shaped items at the best of times.) A lot of these items come from Etsy. Buy handmade where you can!
Put it on: clothing, accessories & other treats
Conversation hearts are one of the coolest things ever, but I don’t think they taste too wonderful, so why not take the concept & expand on it? J2 Jewelry will customise a silver conversation heart on a chain. Wicked awesome. I Sew Cute makes resin heart necklaces — I like this one filled with red & pink nonpareils, but then, I would! Here’s another conversation heart necklace from Fatally Feminine, except this time it’s pink & sparkly, & Maisey Handmade makes candy heart felted fingerless mitts, perfect for your cutie.
Margaux Lange is clever; her necklace The Kiss proves it! (The rest of her stuff is pretty incredible too. Barbie boobie heart, anyone?!)
Freyagushi is mega-talented. I love her Medical Contessa Couture corset. A lot.
Safe sex is rad. Why not present loverboy with a selection of condoms with a picture of the two of you on them?! Why not, indeed! If that’s a bit weird for you, how about Trevor Brown or Coop condoms, a hallowe’en assortment, tri-colour or kimono colour condoms or a bottle of Astroglide?
Moving along…
Ahhhrt: making you cooler & smarter than everyone else since the dawn of time
My friend Star is an incredible illustrator. Why don’t you buy a birdcage heart shirt or a print of one of her cute girls?
Sam Brown of Exploding Dog is doing an awesome Valentine’s Day print special. Plus if you order today, it should arrive just in the nick of time!
My friends at Phokki (who are sponsoring me this week, woo!) offer a wicked service where they’ll turn a photo into art! Want an amazing portrait done of you & your beloved? Hollaaaaa!
JustMyLuckDesigns has conversation heart vinyl wall stickers in any colour you like. Studio JK does them too. If you share a place with your lover, put them on the wall as a surprise!
Mix it up: a menagerie of alternative ideas!
Call your favourite cupcakerie & have them send 6 or 12 cupcakes in a tantalising flavour to the object of your affections. Even better, make your own & buy some toppers to stick in them. Goosegrease does cute stamped dolls which would make anyone smile, but honestly, Etsy is a major treasure trove for that kind of thing!
Embark on a three day raw passion sextox. Uh huh!
If you & your kissing buddy like nothing better than going to the movies, get them a book of cinema vouchers. Borrow your friend’s boat & have lunch on the ocean. Make out in public. Present her with a slew of concert tickets for the next 6 months. Pay his extravagant library fines. Write a song. Buy them a copy of your favourite book. Get two tickets to Burning Man. Buy an orchid & decorate the pot with crystals. Plan a scavenger hunt. Paint something. Buy them a new pair of speakers or headphones. Fill up their iPod with some of your favourite songs. Take a bubble bath together & talk about the future. Go out dancing. Adopt an animal together from your local pet shelter (but think about it first!). If you’re in England, build them a snowman! Or you could just show up looking devilishly marvellous & get it on!
It’s all about you, baby
Valentine’s Day is also an excellent excuse to splurge on yourself. Like you needed one! At least, I hope you didn’t!
Don’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, lover or crush? First of all, kudos for not being in an unhappy relationship just for the sake of being with someone! Secondly, be good to yourself. Valentine’s Day is about love, & of course the most important person to love is yourself! Go & get a facial or a luxurious massage. Buy devastatingly fabulous lingerie & celebrate the fact that you’re your own lover! Agent Provocateur & Kiki De Montparnasse are perennial favourites, but I just discovered Hopeless & I’m head over heels. I don’t even like cats & that stuff makes me want to say meow. My friends at Madame Rouge have put together a fabulous Valentine’s Day deal on their Nouveau Ruffle set — I own the whole set & love it like mad, the bra especially. It is sauce central! So here it goes: if you quote “freebriefs” when you check out, it will either give you a g-string for nothing, or treat you to the boy shorts for only $6! Woo woo!
Make yourself smell delicious with a lick of fragrance from LuckyScent (my favourite). This double-decker window necklace is perfect for the sassy single girl (or your sassy single best friend). Deck yourself out in a poofy neon tutu & rock the city without apologies. Valentine’s Day is on a Saturday this year, so no excuses! Go PINK! Buy yourself an incredible dress or something fun from New York Couture. Hit up your favourite sex boutique for some premium self-lovin’. Crank up the music & hoop until you can’t hoop any more. Send emails to all your favourite people telling them exactly why you love them. Bake cookies & write obscene words on them. Make a teepee in your living room & spend the day writing inside it.
Random Valentine’s Day fun
Valentine’s Day is also a great time to go wild on all the heart-shaped treasures which the stores are crammed with right now. If you’re a fan of red or hot pink, even better! You could deck out an entire palace with the stuff that’s available this month! Even better, on the 15th it all goes on sale! Snap it up!
Throw a Valentine’s Day party.
Go for a spin on a ferris wheel. (There is method behind my madness, I swear.)
Make miniature chilli chocolate cupcakes with chilli chocolate ganache frosting. I have made these before, & they are unbelievable.
So… what are you doing for Valentine’s Day? I’m thinking about booking myself into a spa during the day, & getting dressed up & going out dancing with a bunch of friends that night. Sounds perfect to me!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [61] Tags: consumption,
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question Add Gala on Twitter!I Can't Believe It; I Didn't Get Into University!
[ 2 February 2009, 13:50 ]
Daisy Lowe.
To answer your question — well, it’s pretty simple really. Once you get past all the panic, you’ll see that you can do anything you like. (This is always the case. You can always do anything you like.)
In my opinion, you should do something fun with your time, & re-apply next semester — if you want to. Who knows how your life will change in that time? When the next semester rolls around, you could be a completely different person, selling tea in Morocco, totally enchanted by the landscape & your new beloved. Your distant dreams of being an accountant may seem very far away.
I understand that you’re disappointed & were really looking forward to kicking off this whopping new chapter of your life. Maybe you planned on starting university with all your friends — now, they appear to be moving forward while you’re stuck in one place. Don’t worry about that, it’s an illusion. The disappointment will pass, & just because your friends are doing something doesn’t mean you need to do it too. That’s their path, not yours. You don’t have to operate on their time-line — in fact, your life will probably be much more interesting & satisfying if you don’t.
There’s no reason why you need to start now, & if you, like me, subscribe to the concept of everything happening for a reason, then you might like to view this new twist as a blessing from the universe. A shining opportunity to learn more about who you are, what you want, & where you really want to go.
University might have been part of your grand life plan, but life is full of curve-balls, surprises & trickery. That’s what makes life juicy! When things don’t go “our way” — or the way we think they should go — we pout & stomp about & generally flail around until… well, until we get over it. I suggest skipping the tantrum part if you can. Right now, I’m really into this idea of organic progression. I completely made that phrase up, but it’s basically a more palatable idea (to me) than “go with the flow”. What it means is not pushing back when life takes an unexpected turn — just paying attention, staying present, watching for the long-eyelashed wink of the universe & taking your cue. It is entirely possible that the universe is throwing you a big, delicious bone — but you can’t see it because you’re so wrapped up in things happening the way you want them to. As clever as we all think we are, we humans don’t always know what is “best” for us!
I really believe that within everything supposedly “negative” that happens in our lives — misfortunes, heartbreak, difficult relationships — there is an opportunity to spin that into something amazing. It is this incredibly fabulous chance to sort through some of your own scrumptious human messiness & emerge at the other side, slightly bloody but victorious, with a greater understanding of yourself, life & the people around you.
These extra months that have been bestowed upon you are a gift from above — it’s just that it was wrapped in unappealing paper. Who knows what’s next for you? You might even discover your real, actual, true life purpose, & you might not need a university degree to live out that purpose with love & passion! Even better, you get to figure all this stuff out without the stress of paying course fees or taking exams!
This is a beautiful time for you, full of magic & fortune & freedom. Enjoy it.
Extra credit: When was the last time that an unfortunate turn of events was actually something fabulous in disguise?
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [94] Tags: advice,
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question Add Gala on Twitter!I Love The Red Book!
[ 31 January 2009, 16:12 ]
Do you own a copy of Sera Beak’s The Red Book: A Deliciously Unorthodox Approach to Igniting Your Divine Spark yet? If not, how come?! I’m re-reading it right now & this segment jumped out at me. I hope you enjoy it!
Role Playing
As you’ve probably gathered by now, you have a special purpose. You’ve got certain things to do & people to see & flowers to smell & experiences to have that your intuition is constantly guiding you toward. You have a role that needs to be played, & chances are, it’s the role of a lifetime. When lived truthfully, this role will consist of doing & being what you love & making a decent living from it. Whoa. Imagine that.
Now before you start dreaming of exotic travels & radical business plans & living in Turkey, please realize that most people’s roles while here on this earthly plane for such a quick blink of time aren’t nearly so dramatic or far-reaching; one person’s role might be as seemingly simple as becoming, say, a conductor of high-frequency love while living on a particularly bleak city block, while another’s is to be an amazing mother, while another’s is to grow organic food, or save lemurs, or work at that magazine.
Although your intuition might lead you (or might have already led you) toward a role that might not seem all that glamorous, it doesn’t make it any less important or meaningful or soul-rocking. There might be thousands of first-grade teachers, but only you can give hope to those specific children in that specific children at that specific time. Let’s face it, not everyone can be a Nelson Mandela, because as amazing as that man is, the universe doesn’t need millions of him. The universe needs, well, you. & only you can do what it is you do, in your unique way. So please don’t shut down your unique abilities with doubt or comparisons or critiques (“Working at this cafe or teaching music to the elderly or writing poetry on my lunch break can’t be all that cosmically significant; just look at that guy I saw on 20/20 who’s setting up HIV clinics in Africa”). Gandhi said, “Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it.” Trust me, when you believe in yourself & fulfil your role to the best of your ability, you are a spiritual superstar, as powerful & as needed as any soul on the planet. As modern dance genius Martha Graham so beautifully put it, “There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action. & because there is only one of you in time, this expression is unique. & if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium & be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is: nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours, clearly & directly. To keep the channel open” (quoted in Rob Brezsny’s Pronoia, p. 76).
This is a mysteriously connected universe. We don’t always consciously know how far our energy might reach & how intense its effect might be, but by doig what you intuitively feel you should be doing in this world (be it a career, a project, an art piece, a relationship), you are actually, believe it or not, helping to infuse this planet & even the entire cosmos with deep soulful purpose as well as encouraging other beings to seek out & bravely live their own role. (There is more about this phenomenon in the next chapter.)
Of course, when we start becoming more connected to & more expressive of who we really are, the seemingly random roles we play become just natural extensions of ourselves. Intuitive hits about what your role is (for right now) may not always suggest a huge change from what you are already doing, but they should help you do what you do more consciously. Richard Bach wrote, “Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you’re alive, it isn’t” (Illusions, p. 159). So what’s your part to play now? How can you be it even better? Don’t know if you’ve found what you’re meant to do or be quite yet? Don’t fret; when it’s time, the universe will give you plenty of external & internal hints, but here’s mine: You’ll know when you find it because it will make you feel very alive, happy, aligned, content — even if it challenges you & pushes your limits & freaks you out a bit. You will know, on a cell-tingling level, that you are doing what you are meant to do, no matter how mundane it might appear to others, or even to your ego. You will know by how intensely you’re existing.
P.S. Buy the book!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [25] Tags: consumption,
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quote Add Gala on Twitter!iCiNG Transformation Challenge Preparation
[ 30 January 2009, 15:56 ]
A couple of days ago I decided what I’m going to do for my personal iTC. It’s not super-adventurous or anything; in fact, it’s exactly what I did last year — but because the thought of it makes me feel uncomfortable, I know I should be doing it. (The word “challenge” is in the title for a reason!)
My iCiNG Transformation Challenge is going to be centered around exercising every day (which I am pretty much doing already, but I want to be much more conscious about doing it), & eating 100% raw.
With exercise, I am already hooping for about an hour on average every day, & I love it, but what I want to do is turn my exercise into more of a meditation. I want to be really present, really grounded, & experience the ecstasy of movement. Sometimes I feel like the heavens are french-kissing me while I hoop dance, but I want to feel that when I’m doing yoga, weights, walking, etc. too! It’s my intention to have exercise feel less like a tedious chore than an exploration of bliss & an expression of adoration for the universe. Working love into everyday life, that’s me, that’s my mission!
As for the food… Last year when I did this, my boyfriend was eating 100% raw too, which made life way easier. We were both going through the same thing, we could talk about our cravings, & talk each other out of going to KFC. This time I’m pretty much doing it alone — even though I have you guys! — so I know I need to put some systems in place to help support me as I do this. Especially since I will also be in the midst of organising & packing for my trip back to the USA!
Here are some things I think will help — & this might give you some ideas as to how you can set up support systems for your own challenge.
I’m going to get more involved in the raw community. One of the reasons that even the most well-intentioned raw foodists go off their greens is because of lack of support or community. Let’s face it, radically altering your diet has consequences & alters your social life quite a lot. There are lots of other people around the world rocking raw food like nobody’s business, but because you don’t know they exist, often you feel like a solo juicing voyager, travelling alone, confused & adrift. That’s why it is so important to get involved with a good community of raw people, whether in your city or just online, & for most of us, Give It To Me Raw is an awesome place to get started. Give It To Me Raw was invaluable to me when I first started going raw, & is always my go-to when I have a question about something. So whatever it is you’re doing, do a bit of research & seek out people who have suceeded at doing that same thing. Then start to talk to them. Trust me, you’ll thank me later!
I’ve decided to listen to at least one raw food podcast a day, because another great way to combat the loneliness is to get actively involved & learn some new things! It helps keep you inspired & excited, gives you lots of ideas & reminds you once again that you’re not the only person doing it. One way I love to do this is by listening to podcasts & watching videos. In the case of raw food, there are so many great raw food podcasts, uncooking shows & instructional videos online that you can totally take your pick! There will be oodles of information on what you want to do too, so get searchin’!
I had a good think about my motivation. I admit to being shallow & superficial, & honestly, the bulk of my reasons for wanting to get back to raw food revolve around how it makes me look. The way it makes me feel (clear-headed, smart, alert, ecstatic) are just a bonus, but I feel like ultimately, they are what will keep me wanting to eat raw — as well as the fact that I know, deep down, that eating raw is right for me, & the best thing I can do for myself right now. Going off raw food late last year taught me that — the difference was huge. (Oh, & I just found this article on Zen Habits: 10 Reasons Eating Raw Is Healthier For You & The Planet!)
My point in saying this is that you need to know why you’re doing what you’re doing. Joining a gym or going vegan just because you “think you should” isn’t going to cut it when you’re craving cheese or a sleep-in — you need a reason which really means something to you. My suggestion is to have a really good, investigative probe into your own motivation, & be honest with yourself. Do you want to go vegan for animal rights, or do you actually want to try it because you want to lose a few pounds? Take that honesty & then write it down. You can put it on Post It notes around your house, write it in your journal or rearrange your alphabet fridge magnets to spell it out, but putting things in writing — especially where you can see them often — is very powerful.
I’m going to be good to myself… & you should be too! Don’t expect to be perfect, because no one is, & as you move through the steps of your challenge, it is almost inevitable that there will be times where you stumble. Having said that, don’t expect you will fail, either — we attract what we think about, so thinking that way is totally counter-productive! Just concentrate on doing the best you can every day, & if you mess it up, it’s cool. Tomorrow is another day. I think it’s important to aim for consistency, not perfection (something I learned from Dhru & Nature Love!), because it sets us up to form positive habits & routines rather than expecting to become a saint overnight. I am going to do my best to eat 100% raw every day, but if I eat some toast or devour a plate of potato salad, I’m not going to flagellate myself. What’s the point?! The way I see it, we’re trying to make positive changes to our lives, & that doesn’t include beating ourselves up for being human! You & I are to be commended for even making these first steps. Remember that!
Alright — so having taken all that in, what steps are you going to take to build your own support system?
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [95] Tags: gala,
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question Add Gala on Twitter!Horoscopes For The Year Of The Ox!
[ 26 January 2009, 19:25 ]
2009 is the year of the ox. The ox in Chinese astrology is similar to Capricorn in Western astrology — a sign of practicality & stability. The ox is known for being dutiful & responsible. The Chinese believe that the year of the ox is an ideal year in which to build a solid foundation, & to plant seeds from which you will benefit later. Being diligent & patient will reap you great rewards!
Here are your individual horoscopes for the Chinese new year!
Ox 1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 2009
The male ox will have better romantic luck than females this year. Women are expected to have lots of short-term romances, & will need to take the initiative in the romantic department more than usual this year — so pounce that saucy stranger! Men are much more likely to meet someone with whom they could spend a few years with. There is a star of wealth shining on the ox this year, signifying slow but steady financial progress. Don’t push or rush anything, just stay the course. The main thing to concentrate on this year is interpersonal relationships. Decide to become a better friend & lover by learning to communicate!
Tiger 1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998
Tigers will probably be frustrated by the slow pace of this year. Learning patience & restraint might be their major lesson! Don’t make any sudden decisions, especially when you’re angry, because it’s extremely likely that you’ll get into trouble if you do! It’s possible that people around you will distrust or betray you this year, so be cautious. Don’t tell everyone everything! Be careful signing contracts & documents, too — be sure to double- or triple-check them. Having said all this, there are lucky stars shining on you too, especially when it comes to work. You will be very likely to get a promotion or raise this year.
Rabbit 1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999
This is a year for nesting & resting with friends & family. The people around you will take care of you in 2009. There are many stars of love & luck shining on you, which will make you even more charming & appealing than ever before! This is great news for single rabbits but rabbits in relationships need to be careful to resist temptation, for it will come your way this year! There will also be positive developments around home life, such as buying a new home or redecorating a current one.
Dragon 1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000
There will be major changes in the dragon’s life this year. It could go either way, so be prepared for a radical shake-up or wake-up! Stay conscious & present & optimistic. It is incredibly important that this year you work to maintain your integrity. Travelling a lot this year will help you create lots of positive energy around you. If you keep working hard this year, you will see good progress. Your relationships will be comfortable & easy.
Snake 1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001
2009 is a super-lucky for snakes! Act on opportunities & seize the moment! You have great luck in love & career this year — the chances of getting married or a huge promotion are excellent. You will meet influential people who will inspire & help you make more money as well as increasing your prestige. You should still be careful, though — you may want to save some money this year to help cover unexpected expenses or losses.
Horse 1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002
This is going to be a hectic year for horses as all kinds of things happen. You will have good & bad luck, but as long as you remember that everything brings opportunity & choices, you’ll be just fine! A lucky star which represents courage, social status & leadership is shining on you, meaning it is likely that you will do well at work & in moving up through the ranks! Learn to ask for help because this year you may need it. You may also find yourself moving house or country!
Sheep 1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003
Sheep are going to be insanely lucky in love this year, much more so than last year! Being single & unencumbered is a good thing for you right not because it gives you the opportunity to take your pick from any number of eligible bachelors or bachelorettes! There are stars of gossip (!) around you though, so be quiet — don’t gloat about your sordid romance(s)! Promotions, raises & great personal growth are also in the stars for you this year. You may feel lonely at times, but be grateful for what you have & 2009 will be a great success.
Monkey 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004
This is a year of travelling for the monkey, & amazingly, the more you travel, the more money you will earn! If you are in an academic or intellectual field, you will have a lot of luck too — your mind will be clear & creative, & you will have lots of energy. You will achieve a lot this year. Take extra classes if you can. You will have plenty of free time this year too, which should be spent associating with friends & family.
Rooster 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005
The rooster may have to work hard to generate happiness this year. This is not a time for complacency or just coasting along — in order for 2009 to be a success, you will need to make a concerted effort. Someone is going to look after you & influence you a lot. It’s a great time to gain on what you lost in recent years, & your prestige & reputation are increasing.
Dog 1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006
This year brings dramatic change for dogs — whether that’s good or bad is up to you! Concentrate on the positive & you will enjoy yourself much more. Make an effort to travel when you can & attend social engagements. Dogs who work in the creative or design industries will feel more inspired than ever this year, & will get lots of appreciation & recognition for their work. You might argue with your family more than usual this year, & all your hard work, while fun, may stress you out. Spend time with friends & relax whenever you can.
Pig 1911, 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995
This is a bright year full of wonder, with lots of love & career luck. Pigs in relationships might get married or pregnant, while single female pigs are encouraged to travel to far-flung lands to find the love of their life! Long-term relationships are in the cards for pig ladies. The stars for clear thinking are shining brightly this year, which is great news for pigs whose work is intellectual or creative. It is also likely that you will gain a lot of recognition for the work you’ve done. This year, pigs should follow their instincts but avoid taking unnecessary risks. Mood swings, frustration & difficulty communicating may affect you but overall, 2009 will be a fantastic year.
Rat 1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996
Romance could be tricky for rats this year. Many of you in long-term relationships will come to the realisation that the person you’re with is not the one you actually want. However, that’s the only area of 2009 which presents problems, because everything else looks wonderful. This is a great year for your career, especially for those people who work outdoors or have positions of leadership or authority. Rats will eat a lot of good food this year too, but should take care not to overindulge! The elder family members of rats may have health problems, & rats are discouraged from engaging in risky sports because the chance of getting harmed is high! Overall, rats will make great progress this year as long as they know that good things take time.
What sign are you & what do you think of your predictions for the year? I’m a pig (oink oink!) & everything sounds pretty good to me!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [96] Tags: astrology,
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question Add Gala on Twitter!The iCiNG Transformation Challenge Starts On Sunday!
[ 26 January 2009, 01:31 ]
You asked for it, you got it! The second annual (wow!) iCiNG Transformation Challenge starts at the end of the week — on Sunday 1st February, & will run for 28 days.
GET PUMPED, BABY!
For those of you who weren’t here for it last year, the iCiNG Transformation Challenge is an opportunity to achieve something you’ve wanted to do for a while but as yet, haven’t quite managed to hit out of the park. Last year, my personal challenge was to exercise in some form every day & eat 100% raw. Other people changed bad habits, revamped relationships, made steps towards doing more fulfilling work, transitioned their diet, worked on artistic projects, stopped smoking or taking drugs, etc. There is no limit as to what you can or can’t do within the challenge — it’s totally up to you.
Last year it was a raging success, with over 1500 participants from all over the world. There’s something really powerful about feeling like you’re not the only person making change in their life, & having a group of people around you who you know you can discuss it with! Sometimes when we decide to alter something in our lifestyle, our friends, families & lovers aren’t supportive. They feel threatened or they don’t have all the information or are obstructed by issues of their own, & so they resist us making those changes. That can make it really difficult to change our patterns & behaviour, because ultimately we all want to be liked — especially by people who are close to us. The iTC is wonderful for this very reason because we’re all in it together, & we all want everyone else in the group to do well. It’s a good way to make friendships & form bonds, too!
Essentially what happens is that I provide an area on iCiNG where we can all discuss our progress & give one another support. I think it’s good to check in on a daily basis & talk about our various challenges. It helps keep you engaged & excited about your transformation. I’ll be acting as head cheerleader, cheering you all on, pom-poms & all, posting daily inspiration, ideas & encouragement, as well as articles that I think will be relevant to what you’re going through.
I set up an iCiNG Transformation Challenge mailing list last year, which was really useful for a lot of people, but this year, I’m going to do it all out loud, in public. As cool as it is to get an email every day about the iTC, there was no way for anyone to search it or find it unless you were already in on it. I think this kind of thing should be in the public arena, so that anyone who wants to start their own challenge at a later date has everything at their fingertips. (You can still get iTC updates that way simply by subscribing to iCiNG via email!)
Okay, so you have six or seven days to organise yourself for your own personal challenge. Have a think about what you’d like to make happen next month, & how you can prepare for that. If you have no idea where to begin, raw food coach Karen Knowler has a great PDF on 13 great ways to improve your life — it’s really valuable for everyone, & you can download it for free here!
So whatever you want to do, start doing some research. Then begin to gather resources or whatever it is you think you’ll need in order to support you in your journey… & we’ll reconvene on Sunday! YAY! Are you excited?! I am!
When you know what you want to achieve, come back here & let us know what your intentions for the month are! Then we can start discussing & brainstorming it all! This will also help give me ideas about what sort of articles would help you most!
I’ll leave you with these words from the new American president (!!!), Barack Obama, which I think are perfectly appropriate!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [193] Tags: inspiration,
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question Add Gala on Twitter!Lightcasting Day!
[ 25 January 2009, 16:12 ]
Photos by Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott.
Today, Monday the 26th of January 2009, is one of the most powerful days in the astrological calendar when it comes to manifesting your vision. It’s the day of the new moon, & as well as super vibrations from Jupiter, the planet of good luck & fortune, & Venus, the planet of love & creativity, we’re also experiencing a partial solar eclipse. Woo! All of this adds up to make it a bumper day for sending lots of energy in the direction of whatever we want!
So, how do you lightcast? It’s pretty simple — all you’re doing is putting a concerted effort towards thinking about what it is you really want in the next little while. Let’s say the next six months. Remember that Mercury is still retrograde (though it ends on Sunday!), so it’s an ideal time to look back & use our knowledge of the past to help us move forward & work out what we want in the future.
The basic lightcasting formula is to sit down somewhere undisturbed, engage all your senses & just visualise what you want for as long as you can, then let it go. Detach. Don’t think about it any more. Don’t worry about it not coming to you — think of it as ordering a meal in a good restaurant. You tell the waiter what you want, then just wait, always knowing it is on its way, & in the meantime, you talk to your friends, check your phone, observe the scene & enjoy the present moment. This is the crux of manifesting; you just gotta believe that it’s coming & stop looking for “proof”. Just know.
...But if you’re up with the play when it comes to visualising & manifesting, you already know that you can do it anywhere, whatever the occasion. You don’t have to sit down cross-legged with a flower in your mouth, trying to balance a crystal on your head while visualising spinning each chakra simultaneously. There are no rules, just do what feels good to you. You can visualise while you’re spinning a hula hoop around your body, while you’re doing the gardening, while you’re walking to work. All you really need to do is make some time to focus on what you want, while at the same time experiencing the feelings you’ll have when you get what you want, like exquisite joy, bliss, happiness, etc. The more you think about what it is you want, the more these feelings should build up inside you, so that you feel like you might burst. Allow yourself to let these feelings wash over you in an awesome wave. (Some people like to do a little dance while they visualise, & regardless of how ridiculous you might think you look, it works!)
So set some time aside today to do this. Do it for as long as you can; I think about 10 or 15 minutes is ideal. Turn off your phone & shut your door, but if someone interrupts you, don’t sweat it. You don’t have to be perfect in order for this to work — just go back to it. When you feel like you’ve done enough, stop. That’s it. Pretty simple!
Based on the current planetary movements, you might like to focus on the following things…
Aquarius: New persona or ego. Who & how do you want to be & behave?
Pisces: New reality. Think about what isn’t working for you, ‘cause it’s time to clear your life out.
Aries You & your position in society. Do you want to be famous, powerful, have a different circle of friends?
Taurus: Career & legacy. Visualise all the nitty-gritty details of your ideal vocation, right down to the engraved stationery & business-card holder.
Gemini: New belief structure. Open up the way you think about things, & expand your awareness!
Cancer: Trust. Do you trust the wrong people? Do you trust yourself?
Leo: Long-term relationships. How do you relate to other people & how do you relate to yourself?
Virgo: Lifestyle. How can you alter your lifestyle to have it support the things you want? Visualise your ideal lifestyle to help bring it to you.
Libra: Personal dreams. Tell me what you want, what you really really want!
Scorpio: New foundations. It’s time to build a solid base, & think about how you want to do that.
Sagittarius: Attitude. Enough of being negative, getting stuck in unhealthy loops, & putting yourself down!
Capricorn: Self-esteem. Do you really love yourself, huh, huh? Do you believe you can make money doing what you love? Get on it, baby!
I have to give major credit to Christopher Witecki from SoulGarden, ‘cause all this info came from him. He is great, I have learned so much from him; I think “lightcast” is even a word he came up with! You can get way, way more information on today from his horoscopes — here are today’s forecasts for Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius & Capricorn.
P.S. It’s also Chinese New Year! AMAZING! According to Chinese superstitions, the way today goes will set the tone for the rest of the year, so make it a good one! Wear something red, too — it’s lucky. I might wear red lipstick. Yay! Happy Year of the Ox! (More info on that coming soon!)
P.P.S. If anyone has any good suggestions for resources to learn more about astrology — books or websites or whatever — let me know! I think it’s my new “thing”!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [66] Tags: astrology,
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[ 19 January 2009, 23:14 ]
Ahhh, two-thousand-&-divine! There was so much hype towards the end of 2008, with plenty of us swearing up & down that 2009 was going to be different, by gum! Well, we’re now a third of the way through the first month of 2009, so it’s time to check in & see how you’re feeling. How are things going for you? Odds are good that if you haven’t switched up any of your routines or habits, January 2009 seems eerily similar to December 2008… & November 2008… & October 2008!
The real way to implement change in your life is to alter your habits. One of the major things that has changed my life in the past is setting up a daily routine that I enjoy & which I know works. It sounds boring, I know, but it doesn’t have to be. That’s the beauty of it — it’s your routine, so if you want to start the day with naked sun salutations, a massive salad or pyjama dance-off, you can! Be imaginative! It doesn’t have to be epic zombie time, complete with bleary-eyes, stubbed toes & bland breakfast!
So, what’s your daily routine?
Be honest! Do you really wake up at 6am & do yoga every morning, or are you more inclined to rush out the door at 8.49 without so much as brushing your hair? My routine has been a bit of a mess lately too, which is what prompted me to write this article! I’ve been eating all kinds of rubbish, my exercising has been sporadic, I’ve been sleeping in until 10 or 11 every morning, & things just feel really off. I am convinced (convinced!) that Mercury retrograde is partially to blame for this, which just adds to my feeling that now is the time to look back at what hasn’t been working in my routine, & come up with yummy new ways to move forward.
We often fool ourselves into thinking that changing our old habits is an impossibility, an exercise in futility, a waste of time. It’ll never work, we think, completely oblivious to the fact that our current lifestyle isn’t working for us either! How bad could a little change be?
The reason most people repeatedly fail to make something new into a habit is because of their fear of change. Why is this? When we decide we want to do something new, part of us is gung-ho, excited, chomping at the bit to get going. But another part of us is terrified at the idea of shaking things up. We often jump to a far-fetched conclusion which seems rational at the time, but really isn’t, like, “Oh my god, if I start down this path, I’m going to have to do an hour of jumping jacks every morning UNTIL I DIE.” So we never even begin, or perhaps we do it twice before giving up.
It usually takes 30 to 40 repetitions of something before it becomes a habit or routine, & it is perhaps because of this reason that Steve Pavlina is a great advocate of the 30-day trial concept. It manages to skirt ye olde freak out because you’ve set a time-limit. If you’re absolutely hating your routine on day 23, you know you only have 7 more days to go, which makes it all seem much more tolerable.
30 days is also an excellent length because it gives you time to gather real data about what you’re doing. If you change the way you eat or the amount you exercise, it’s common that the first week will be rough. You’ll be exhausted, detoxing, emotionally haggard — all sorts of things will come up — so if you stick at for 30 days, you’ll get past that first difficult stage & into the really juicy bit.
Enough talking, time for action. Let’s make some lists. I’ll go first, then it’s your turn!
What isn’t working for you in your routine?
For me, sleeping in until 10 or 11 is totally not doing it for me. I always feel like I’ve wasted the day when I do that, especially since I know that I get my best work done first thing.
The food I’m eating isn’t doing it for me either. I’m probably about 80% vegan right now — which is good — but I’m eating pretty much all vegan junk food, which is not where I want to be! Raw power please!
It’s totally time to get back into regular exercise. I meant to do this when I got back from Auckland but somehow it didn’t happen. I had a really rough 3 days, & last night after eating about six pieces of toast & a whole lot of rocky road, I decided it was time for a work-out. My short 30 minute cardio blast had me feeling better than I have all week.
How would you like your routine to look?
Wake up at 7.30 (or earlier) Do some gentle stretching & then half an hour of exercise Shower & get pretty Make a big smoothie, drink that & down vitamins as I check my email Set intentions for the day in my Moleskine Start working!
What steps do you need to take to make this a reality?
Thankfully I have most of these things sorted out already. I have a huge stack of exercise DVDs which I really enjoy doing (I know, what a nerd!), as well as my two brand spanking new HOOPS which I can use if I’m not in the mood for a prescribed routine (& which I use during the day anyway). I went to the health shop yesterday — that place is like pure porn for a hardcore Virgo! — & bought some supplements & vitamins I’d run out of, including maca which I am going to put into my smoothies! I also went to the supermarket & bought some stuff for making smoothies. Yay!
So… what about you?
Where are you at & where do you want to be? What kind of steps do you need to take to switch up your routine for good (um, I mean, 30 days!)? Do you need more information or encouragement? Take some time & think about it. What small changes do you think you could make which would really improve your quality of life?
Some of you will remember the iCiNG Transformation Challenge which ran for a month last April. Anyone keen for a repeat performance?!
Extra For Experts:
How To Establish New Habits The No-Sweat Way using Kaizen, from Zen Habits.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [156] Tags: how to,
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[ 17 January 2009, 17:52 ]
I know we’ve done this before, but last time it was so great I almost exploded!
Post a photo of yourself looking REALLY, deliriously happy in the comments!
Definitely a good way to round off the weekend. I love this!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [185] Tags: gala,
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question Add Gala on Twitter!How To Survive Mercury Retrograde!
[ 13 January 2009, 17:13 ]
Oh, Mercury retrograde. You are here. You have arrived on our collective doorsteps in all your messy glory. You are our dreaded but regular house-guest. You stagger in the door, kick over our furniture, leave crumbs all over the couch & hog the bathroom. Then, as quickly as you appeared, you disappear again, leaving us slightly stunned but much better equipped to continue with our own lives.
Okay, if you have no idea what I’m talking about, here we go. The planets are swinging around at all times, & their movements affect us all in different ways. All planets go retrograde, but Mercury’s journey seems to impact people much more than any other.
Why is that? It’s because Mercury rules communication, clear thinking, truth & travel, so when it goes retrograde — which means that it looks like it’s going backwards in the sky — all those things go backwards. They start to get ugly & tangle up. Mercury isn’t really going backwards, it’s just hanging out by the sun, but from Earth, that makes it look like it’s in reverse. It typically runs for a few weeks.
In 2009, Mercury is in retrograde from…
January 11th to February 1st
May 8th to May 30th
September 8th to September 29th
December 27th to January 15th (2010)
What happens when Mercury goes retrograde? All sorts of things. It’s like everyone you know has suddenly gone mad. You might find yourself getting into bizarre arguments about nothing at all, being unable to finish sentences or barely even able to form a coherent thought. Your computer & other electronic equipment is more likely to go on the fritz. You could experience travel delays, too. Double-check your flights & take a book with you to keep you occupied while you wait for the train! We don’t tend to get all the information we need at this time, so it can be hard to make big decisions & it’s not always the best time to sign a contract, either.
Expect to hear super-loud complaining from your friends who are Gemini or Virgo, since both are ruled by Mercury. Mercury also rules a lot of industries like publishing, writing, editing, advertising, sales, public relations & anything to do with transport, like airlines, the post office & cabs! This means it can be particularly rough for Gemini train conductors & Virgo magazine editors, so be kind to any you know!
I often find that Mercury retrograde makes me want to go into hermit mode. I feel like half my brain is missing so I’m really not that interested in interacting with anyone, plus every conversation seems to go in an unusual, confusing direction. I feel much more irritable & frustrated & things just don’t seem to go how I want them to.
So that’s the bad news. Mercury retrograde can be a total kick in the teeth for those of us who normally pride ourselves on having our karmic shit together! The GOOD news is that Mercury retrograde provides us with lots of beautiful opportunities if we can just tilt our head & squint.
Mercury retrograde wants us to move back spiritually. It is providing us with a chance to re-examine various areas of our life which may need a little more work, so that we can move forward to a bright new dawn. Now, more than ever, the time is right to look at things with clear eyes. Delicious, fresh perspectives are revealed. We often have major breakthroughs — intellectual, emotional or spiritual — during this time.
It’s also a terrific period in which to tie up loose ends. So many of us have unfinished projects. Maybe that door just needs another lick of paint, or you’ll decide to put away your ex-boyfriend’s love letters once & for all. Having said that, this is also a time where it’s very common for old lovers, friends & acquaintances to get in touch! If you hear from someone from your past, get together with them & see what eventuates!
One of the best ways to cope with it — as with anything, really — is to just “go with the flow”. When you fight Mercury retrograde, that’s when life gets really ugly. Just take some time, go slowly, be careful, don’t freak yourself out by expecting to be uber-productive-perfect right now. Be good to yourself & the people around you, now more than ever!
A quick & dirty cheat’s guide to surviving Mercury retrograde!
(Print it off & stick it in your diary or on your wall!)
Be sure not to take things too personally. People will often say offensive things they didn’t mean around this time, because their thinking is clouded! If your best friend suddenly became the most insensitive person in the world, give her the benefit of the doubt.
Back up your data!
Take things with “a grain of salt”. Everyone is a bit confused, & people are much more inclined to change their mind once Mercury goes direct. Mercury can be a bit of a trickster — could it be that the next few weeks are a big karmic joke?!
Read the small print on any contracts. Ask lots of questions. Obviously you can’t put your life on hand just because of some silly planet, but adapt your lifestyle a bit so that things run more smoothly. Communication is a bit of a mess right now & so is thought, but do your best to get as much information as you can.
Finish things you started a while ago. Home improvement projects? Wardrobe re-organisations? Short stories? Love affairs?! This is an excellent time to tie up loose ends & file things away forever.
Get together with old friends, reminisce & laugh!
Double-check any information you’re given, especially as relates to travel arrangements! During the last Mercury retrograde, I actually caught a cab to the wrong airport! Check times, delays, baggage allowances, reservations, everything.
Allow Mercury to nudge you in unusual directions. If you seem to find yourself “back to the future”, don’t just try to wriggle out of it — look at what the universe is trying to show you. This is a fantastic time to re-examine, accept & move on.
Use what you’ve learned from the past to create a dazzling new vision so that you’re ready to blast ahead when Mercury goes direct!
Fingers crossed for the next few weeks!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [133] Tags: how to,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Questions On A Postcard: He Loves Me More!
[ 4 January 2009, 16:43 ]
Dear Ms. S.,
What lovely penmanship you have!
In my experience, relationships are always somewhat unbalanced. Regardless of the situation, whether it’s marriage or a summer romance, one person is always more invested than the other; that’s just how it is. It keeps life interesting & maintains that deliciously ridiculous merry-go-round effect. If you have to be in one position, I tend to think that being the person who is more loved is preferable, but of course it does put you in an awkward situation. It’s a sort of stasis. There are feelings of guilt. You wonder if you’re both wasting your time. You think, ‘Maybe I should let this person go so that they can find someone who loves them as much as they love me’.
What you do about the situation is entirely up to you. I can’t say what is right for your life, & plus I have faith that whatever you do will be what you were meant to do. The universe has your back.
What I will say is this. Even when we do our best to seek out a more magical & meaningful existence, life is full to overflowing with average things & mundane realities. Dull jobs, exams, corporate attire, standing in queues, early mornings, tired eyeballs & many, many interactions with the great unwashed. There are all these things which fill us with a vast nothing. Love should not be one of them.
The fact that he is “nice” is not enough to keep you together. Plenty of people are nice & good. That doesn’t make them lover material. That doesn’t mean they are the person to whom you should “hitch your wagon”.
Learning to make yourself happy should be one of your primarily preoccupations. If you feel more joy when you’re by yourself than when you’re with him, then you know it’s time for something to change. The thing with learning to make ourselves happy is that sometimes it takes a leap of faith. Sometimes we have to break up the status quo with a big hammer in order to get there. Sometimes it’s more of a demolition derby, but hey. You gotta do what you gotta do.
There is a period of malaise in every relationship. The initial sparks & fabulousness begin to fade, & it’s just night after night of getting takeaways, watching television, etc. Some people feel that once they get to a certain age, it’s easier just to settle down with someone who doesn’t make them want to commit mass homicide, so they do. But some people would rather be in a relationship with someone who makes them feel electric. You get to choose which camp you’d rather summer holiday with.
If this boy doesn’t make you want to explode with joy & excitement, if thoughts of him DON’T dance like sugarplums in your head, if the mere mention of his name doesn’t fill your body with fireworks, if you don’t spend hours daydreaming about your future together… then you’ll be happier doing your own thing, sugarplum.
Take that time that you spend together, twiddling your thumbs, & invest it in yourself. Cold & calculating as it may sound, your returns will be far greater. & who knows — in that time, you might just meet someone who really captures your imagination. Someone who you could love more than you ever imagined possible.
Fingers crossed.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [52] Tags: advice,
inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!2009: Words Which Mean Something
[ 31 December 2008, 15:42 ]
I noticed last year that when I was writing my weekly “to do” list, & setting intentions for the week, that it was really helpful to have a phrase that I could remember easily. One thing I wrote on my lists pretty regularly was “raw power” — meaning, essentially, eat more raw food! To me, the phrase “raw power” encapsulates everything it needs to. In my head, it translates to, “Eat as much raw food as you can, but don’t freak out about it. Just do your best. You’ll look more radiant, your brain will work better, & you’ll feel happier. Okay, go!” It’s much faster to just write RAW POWER! It helps keep me on track.
Here are my mottos for 2009, all of which I am embracing fully & doing my best to live with passion & purpose! Just like “raw power” above, these phrases have multi-layered meanings for me.
What are they?
I have a copy of this stuck into the front of my 2009 Moleskine. Just like the manifesto I wrote about two days ago, it’s another way to keep myself on track this year.
Do you have any mottos to guide you in the coming year? If not, will you make some?
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [65] Tags: inspiration,
life,
productivity,
question Add Gala on Twitter!Things To Do Before 2009
[ 29 December 2008, 22:34 ]
For those of us in New Zealand, 2009 ticks into existence in a little over 24 hours. Before we launch into January with a flying leap, pinch a bit of time with your fingers & use it to your advantage. Here are some ideas to start you off right!
Recognise 2008 for what it has been. Even if you felt like it was the worst year of your life, it had lessons to teach you & positive things have happened. Think back & be grateful for what 2008 showed you, so that you can move forward into 2009 with a clear head & a dedication to all things fabulous!
As part of this, consider reviewing your year. You can do this by taking a silly survey, or by simply meditating on the events of the past 365 days. Think about what you’d like to stay the same or improve in 2009, & what you are happy to leave behind. The unexamined life is not worth living, after all. (Thanks, Socrates!) Use this information as a jumping-off point to choose some goals for the new year.
Okay, it’s time! Set yourself a bunch of amazing goals. Remember that your goal needs to be able to be measured & have a deadline. Don’t forget to work out the steps you’ll need to take to achieve each goal! For example, “lose weight” is not a goal — “lose 20 pounds by the 10th of November through a combination of exercise 4 times/week & 2 raw meals a day” is!
“If you are bored with life, if you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things — you don’t have enough goals.” — Lou Holtz
Before you write on the 1st of January page in your new diary, take some time to write a short manifesto of what you want from 2009. Mine starts like this: “Magic, laughter & adventures.“ For the truly anally-retentive, draft it on your computer first & then transcribe it into your diary in your loveliest, loopiest handwriting. Having something like this written in your diary is a great way to remind yourself of who you are, who you want to be, & where you want to go. You can refer to it whenever you’re feeling a bit lost. Think of it as a beautiful road-map for the year.
Write yourself a fashion manifesto (like this one) for 2009. How do you want to look? Start a scrapbook & fill it with images, words & ideas to keep you sartorially inspired.
Come up with some new year’s resolutions. These are different to goals in that they are more fluid, & less measureable, but still a lot of fun! See this article from last year for ideas!
Sign up for an account with 43 Things.
Throw out your old underwear, & buy yourself new slinkies in the post-Christmas sales!
Come up with a new name for the new year — a nickname, a project name, a full name…
Buy new bedding & shake off the ghosts of lovers past.
Clear out your friends lists on Myspace, Facebook, Livejournal, Twitter, AIM, etc. If someone isn’t actually your friend or has a habit of driving you crazy, why keep them around? Start the year fresh!
Decide to do something in 2009 that terrifies you. Like hip-hop karaoke in front of an audience, telling someone how much you really like them, or sky-diving. Give yourself a deadline & make it happen!
Do something in the next two (or three) days which makes for a good story! Run down the road naked in the snow if you have to, just make it something worth telling other people about! The year isn’t over until it’s over!
Call, email or meet up with your favourite people to tell them how much happiness they have added to your year.
Write a letter to the one person you allowed to make 2008 more difficult than it needed to be. Be as angry & vicious as you like, but when you’re done, burn it or tear it into little pieces. Visualise all your vitriol disappearing with it.
Make a start on what you want to achieve in 2009. Buy those exercise DVDs, join a gym, email that person, go & pick out paint colours for your room, whatever. You don’t have to wait until the 1st of January to start changing things!
Change your hair. Better yet, cut it all off & have it donated.
Come up with some new words to work into your vocabulary next year. Among others, I plan on reviving demode (out of fashion or unstylish), wicked (used for emphasis — e.g. “wicked faded”), mad (also used for emphasis — e.g. “mad keen”) & brocabulary (words your friends say that you pick up)! Huge props to Jake who inspired this idea (& gave me some of the words)!
Start planning a vacation to look forward to. Paris? Miami? Sounds good, mmm? But it doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive — spend a weekend in a couch fort with your best friend if that’s all your budget & schedule allows for.
If you don’t have anything magnificent planned for the night of the 31st, spend some time thinking about what you’d like to do. Then do your best to make it happen. You might prefer a night in with Buffy the Vampire Slayer to a raging crowd. If that’s what you want to do, then do it! There is no better time to start living the life you want.
Remember that 2009 will be what you make it. Set your intentions now & fall in love with the idea that it will be marvellous!
Buy a magical t-shirt & sparkly knickers to kick off 2009 with a flourish! Wink wink!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [72] Tags: inspiration,
life,
productivity Add Gala on Twitter!What's Going To Be In Your Bag On New Year's Eve?
[ 28 December 2008, 13:08 ]
Ideas:
Blotting papers (for taking the shine out of those sweaty moments); false eyelash glue (there’s nothing worse than an eyelash-slip at an inopportune moment!); bunny ears (no explanation necessary!); condoms (ditto — & if you’re rolling celibate, give them to your friends!); perfume (especially good if your friend vomits on your shoes); sunglasses (you never know!); camera (if you don’t document it, it didn’t happen!); wallet; bubble gun (they make everything more exciting); champagne (& a pink straw or two); lip gloss (for smoochin’!); heart-shaped sparklers (!!!); pink marker (for phone numbers, genius ideas, etc.); photobooth strips (ditto on the “pics or it didn’t happen” thing); phone; subway card.
Usually I’m a bit of a girl scout — prepared for every eventuality! Virgo sensibility, for real! But this year, I’m going to do my best to pack light. I want to DANCE, & it’s hard to do that with a big bag over your shoulder!
How about you?
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [62] Tags: consumption,
life,
question Add Gala on Twitter!Style Tips -- 15th December 2008
[ 14 December 2008, 15:47 ]
Write yourself a report card. School was rough for everyone, so forget all those old vindictive teachers who always commented that you’d be so wonderful if “you applied yourself” or went on & on about your “potential”. (Who wants to harness their potential in geography class?!) Think about the things that are important to you — like the amount of strangers you talk to, or being a good lover, or knowing the precise moment to hold someone else’s hand — & grade yourself. Then put it somewhere prominent so you can see it regularly & be reminded.
Stop making enemies with people who are prettier/more clever/more successful/cooler than you. Here’s the thing. Those people will always exist. Life is not a competition, just relax. Stop being jealous & start being friends with them! You never know what you might learn — maybe they’ll teach you how to be prettier/more clever/more successful/cooler! Competing with one another just keeps us apart & unhappy. Soak it up!
Next time you inadvertently stain your bathroom with hair dye — Special Effects included — don’t fret. Just grab a tube of whitening toothpaste, squirt it on, leave it for a couple of minutes, then scrub. I promise you this will work on practically anything, including white walls & porous wooden benches. It saved my life a couple of weeks ago & it might save yours too!
Do some research on the properties of crystals (I like this site), then go to a bead store & make yourself a bracelet or necklace featuring the stones that appeal to you. Love? Strength? Mental clarity? Take your pick, there is a stone for everything! Even if you don’t believe in the purported power of crystals, it’s always good to have a visual reminder of what it is you’re striving for!
Buy peppermint chapstick. It’s like having the Alps in your mouth. Yum.
Practise stripping every time you get undressed for the shower! Take some music in there & turn it UP! Start dancing, & watch yourself while you take your clothes off. I swear that if you do this regularly, you will become a) a much better dancer & b) much more confident & happy with your body! Plus, it’s all good practise for the actual event, isn’t it?!
(Style tips from this day last year!)
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [34] Tags: inspiration,
life,
style tips Add Gala on Twitter!How To Avoid Regressing When You Stay With Your Parents (Alternate Title: How To Survive A Family Christmas)
[ 10 December 2008, 22:22 ]
My friend & I were discussing spending Christmas with our families the other day. Here’s part of her email.
“I find myself regressing when I stay with my parents. There are inherent things that I find frustrating about the way we relate to each other… I get pissed off at them and I don’t want to be like that any more.
I guess I’m in a weird situation with my parents where I feel like I need to do what Mum does when I’m staying with her. She is ultra clean to the point of being an anal freak and she never sits down, so she is constantly moving constantly working constantly cleaning something doing SOMETHING. It’s a quality that I really admire in her and I want to be like that but I’m just not. When I get home after dealing with f*ckwits for 8 hours solid I relax by cooking and I make a glorious mess. I do the dishes with my husband and then I want to read or take my dog for a walk, pot around my garden or write in my journal and basically chill out in a productive but gentle way.
...I really want to encourage you to write that article, I think pretty much everyone I know ends up squabbling with their parents/regressing when they have to go back there. It’s such an awkward thing. I think a lot of it comes down to no matter how old you are, if you can’t adhere to your parents routine don’t overstay past the point where you become their daughter returned to interrupt their lives rather than a welcome guest.
How do you relate to your parents? Is everything cool these days?”
Oooooh, what a subject!
I definitely used to regress when I went back home to stay with my parents, even though I have been living out of home for years. It was almost like as soon as I stepped over that familiar threshold, I turned back into that loathsome 16 year old that I thought I had left behind.
I would become surly, uncooperative, selfish, grumpy & charmless — very teenage Gala at her worst moments! Not pretty! & I couldn’t understand it. Even the smallest request had me reacting completely churlishly. What was it that made me behave like that? What made me so short-tempered & unpleasant? Was it just the fact that my parents were completely insufferable, & I was brilliant, therefore they had no rights to ask me to do anything at all ever?!
Well, um, no, not exactly. The way I see it, it’s all about repeating patterns. Most of us lived with at least one of our parents until we were about 18, which is a very long time. In that time, thousands of patterns & routines were established, & that’s the thing about a pattern: it can be hard to break, especially when you’re thrown back into the situation or environment in which you are used to acting (or reacting) a certain way.
I really don’t mind cleaning up after myself, rinsing my dishes, making my bed. In fact, I do those things of my own volition when I’m in my apartment. But for some reason, it used to be that when I came back home & my parents asked me to do one of those things, I would react badly. I would grumble, complain, pout. “Just a minute,” I’d yell. Several minutes would pass. They would harass me to get off the internet. (Geek, you see.) I wouldn’t want to. Things got ugly.
Thankfully, that phase has passed.
I feel very fortunate in that my parents & I get along very well these days, & even after spending weeks (or months) together, we still all get along. Hopefully just saying that will give someone reading this hope, because when I was a teenager, our humble home was not always the most delightful scene. Familial relations do improve, & it’s not just mine — these days, most of my friends get along with their parents much better than they did when they were teenagers, feuding constantly.
I think part of the reason why my family & I can coexist peacefully now is that I have been out of home for long enough that I don’t really identify myself with them any more. That sounds weird, I know, but let me explain. When I left home at 18, I moved 600 kilometres away & since then, we have never lived in the same city. I have now been away long enough that I feel like I know who I am. I’m not just “Jonathan’s daughter” any more — I have lived in Auckland, in Melbourne & New York, have had many adventures & expeditions, & me & my lifestyle are so far removed from their routines & patterns that all the things they used to do that drove me crazy don’t bother me any more. My parents are nutty in their own delightful way, but I guess what happened is that I don’t take that stuff personally these days. They can do whatever they like & it doesn’t affect me. They are just people. It’s cool, & it doesn’t bother me.
Another thing that can make life tough is that most of us feel a reasonable amount of pressure when we return to the family nest. There are always so many questions, & the opportunity to delve much deeper into issues than you ever can by telephone. How is work going? How’s your relationship? Are you happy? How are you raising your children? Is everything going okay?
Our parents only want the best for us, which is sweet & touching, but sometimes we can’t help but wig out over all of that. We want to do things at our own pace, & when people ask us questions about things that maybe we’re working on but haven’t quite figured out yet, or that they think are important but we don’t, it can make us feel a bit nuts.
One thing that happens as we get older is that we become less partial to our family’s opinion of us. As we leave home & go out & experience the world for ourselves, we realise that we are capable of navigating things in our own way. With that comes the realisation that our parents are just people like anyone else. They do their best but they’re not perfect, & what they say is not gospel — just one person’s view. Some people resent their parents when they find this out!
Thankfully, I don’t feel like the child whose parents are waiting for them to blossom into something great, or to “make something” of myself any more, probably because I feel like I have done some pretty good stuff under my own steam. I am reasonably secure in my own identity these days, & even when my parents disapprove of something I’m doing, that doesn’t affect me anywhere near as much as it used to. (If I ever wonder about that, I just remember that they initially had their doubts about me starting this website!) I don’t know if they ever really put a lot of pressure on me, I probably put it on myself & thought it was them, but whatever the case, I feel much more comfortable just being myself around them these days.
Plus, when I come back to see them, I’ve actually had time to miss them & I’m looking forward to spending time with them again. If your parents just live around the corner though, I can definitely see how it might be a little bit of a how can I miss you if you won’t go away? situation!
It’s always weird going home, though. After all, your parents raised you (probably). To them, you are pretty much always going to be the kid that they devoted all their time to, so the way they see you is probably not the same way you see yourself. I think it shocks my parents that they never get to see me in my school uniform any more, especially based on the way they behave sometimes. My father will sometimes bring up old phrases or things I used to say as if it were yesterday — when I have all but forgotten the fact that I used to do this, that or the other thing.
Unfortunately, one of the things I’ve learned about “going back home” is that if you want to do it successfully, you really have to play by their rules, & sometimes those rules clash with your world view. Think you’re a successful adult in your own right, with an exciting love life & an independent lifestyle? Think again — especially if your friends want to call after your parents have gone to bed! Reigning all that stuff back in after you’re used to living by your own rules can be tough.
Sometimes it makes me laugh to think of huge celebrities going back home for Christmas. “I don’t care how many Grammys you’ve won, Mariah, can you just put your dishes in the dishwasher once you’re done?!”
Christmas can be especially difficult, because usually it’s not just you & your parents, it’s you & your extended family. I think there’s a lot of pressure on Christmas to be this magical time of family & shared jolliness, when sometimes it turns into a mud-slinging fest as soon as the first bottle of champagne is popped. Alcohol + relatives is almost a guaranteed method of discovering someone’s true nature!
We all feel like just because we’re related to one another, all of a sudden we should have lots in common, plenty to talk about, & a cozy feeling of brotherhood & kinship. Sometimes it can feel like our family is dysfunctional if we’re not all sitting around a fire laughing good-naturedly & knitting each other matching sweaters. It’s completely normal for small factions of our families to break off & go & smoke outside & complain about one aunt or another, for old grievances to resurface, or for someone to get hysterical over the turkey. It’s not necessarily what we want to happen, but it can & it does, & that’s okay. Families aren’t perfect.
The crucial thing about getting along with your family — also known as not buying into the bullshit — is to remember who you are. Who you are, not who everyone else thinks you are. We all play roles in our families, relationships & workplaces, but don’t let other people’s thoughts about who you are determine how you behave. There is no surer route to misery. Your parents might remember you as a child in the nativity play, your cousins might think of you as the kid who went through that weird goth phase, & your grandma might always remember you fondly as the girl she taught how to sew — no matter how old you get or how many children you have. All of those things may be true of your past, but you are more than the sum of other people’s memories. You are whoever you want to be, & even that can change from day to day. This Christmas you might be the turkey-carver, salad-bringer, champagne-pourer, couch-commando, peace-maker, pace-maker, whatever. Your family will have expectations of you — this is par for the course. But you don’t have to play into that role unless you want to; unless it serves you & makes you happy.
It’s extremely easy to act the role we’re used to playing, especially when everyone else in your family is playing their role perfectly. It’s like one big discordant orchestra, each person plucking their own badly-strung instrument. The thing is that if you can manage to break your own patterns — say, for example, instead of spending the day texting furiously, you help your mother with the turkey or give your uncle a break by looking after your cousin — you will remind everyone else that it doesn’t have to be the way it always has been.
The best way to survive a crazy family Christmas is to act as your ideal self, & hold up a light for everyone else. It’s just like those psychology experiments where someone who is brave enough to behave differently inspires others to do the same. Think how shocked your parents would be if you played the part of the dressed-up-ray-of-sunshine! It might even influence your father to neglect his typical role of the-man-who-gets-grumpy-after-too-many-beers, or prevent your mother from reprising her award-winning epic as the-woman-who-overcooks-everything-&-then-cries-about-it! After all, it’s hard to continue as you normally do if everyone around is behaving in a way that’s intensely out of character.
Before you cross the threshold, bearing gifts or grudges (& perhaps both), sit in your car & check yourself out in the mirror. Don’t just look for errant eyebrow hairs; use this time to re-group & centre yourself. How do you want this Christmas to go? Regardless of your religious beliefs, most people agree that December is about celebrating family & friendship — so think about how you’d like to do that. Does complaining about the meal, squabbling with your brother & getting into a passive-aggressive argument with your grandmother really embody the ideals you’re aspiring to? Is that how you want to see out the end of the year?
Christmas puddings may be the perfect size & weight for pelting at your irksome relatives, but if you can exercise some restraint, everyone will be better for it!
So, what are you doing to do differently this year? I haven’t had a family Christmas since 2005, & plenty has changed since then. I’m going to pay close attention to my mother, the one who holds it all together, since I’d like to throw a big (American! Winter!) Christmas bash next year…
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [39] Tags: advice,
gala,
how to,
life,
question Add Gala on Twitter!How To Cultivate Your Personal Style
[ 7 December 2008, 17:05 ]
Style is not just about what you wear, it’s about what you do & how you do it.
When I started writing this article, I took it to the streets — well, Twitter — & asked my followers who their ultimate style icon was. One of the things I noticed was that almost everyone they mentioned was someone who lived their entire life with style. They weren’t just A-list celebrities who had stylists dress them for big events. They were men & women with strikingly original aesthetics, fresh new approaches to living & a different way of doing things.
The reason I chose a picture of Manko to accompany this article is because she perfectly illustrates what it means to allow your personal style to permeate all aspects of your life. I had always adored what I’d seen of her modelling online, & when I met her for brunch a couple of months ago, I was delighted to see that it’s not just something she turns on & off for the camera. She is just as nutty in person: tossing her hat around, prodding at her food, laughing at inane Americanisms & making pedestrians stare.
So, who are your style icons? If I had to guess, I would say mostly they are people who have their own little universe of style, separate to everyone else. For example, when Fight Club came out, unconventional girls went ga-ga for Helena Bonham Carter’s portrayal of the notorious Marla Singer. It wasn’t just what she wore. Who even really remembers that, except for the big hat & the pink bridesmaid’s dress? It was about what she did & how she did it. The way she smoked cigarettes, the way she walked into traffic, the way she spoke on the phone, her heavy-handed eyeliner & crazy hair.
My personal style icons are people (or characters) like Madonna, Carrie Bradshaw, Diana Vreeland, Marchesa Louisa Casati, & Little Edie. I didn’t always love the way they dressed, necessarily; I am not the sort of person to emulate someone else’s look, anyway. Really the reason I admire them is because of their attitude. All of those women really pushed boundaries, & were completely unashamed to look a way that pleased them — not anyone else. (You can read more about these individual women — & a few more! — on Top 5 Fictional Female Style Icons & these pieces from my Style Icons series: Madonna, Carrie Bradshaw, Diana Vreeland & Marchesa Lusia Casati.)
Personal style is about the way you interact with other people in line, the way you stack your magazines, how much stuff you carry with you every day — & what those things might be. It’s about your chosen references to pop culture, whether you dance in public & the way you fill in forms.
Everything you do is a declarative statement of your personal style, whether you’re aware of it or not.
If you want to start consciously developing your own style, you don’t have to start self-monitoring like a lunatic. Just allow yourself to become aware of how you are & the way that you do things. If there’s something you decide you could improve — maybe your table manners, or the tone of voice you use when you’re irritated — then do that. But overall, just become conscious of your various facets, the things that make you up as a person. Consider who influences you & how they do that. Then, start to expand. Think about the things you could start to incorporate into your life.
Not sure where to start?
Start a style scrapbook — on paper or even on Flickr — & use it as a jumping-off point for dressing yourself, decorating your house, interacting with others. Don’t feel like this is just some amateur move, either; in actual fact, the most stylish, put-together people I know often have multiple style scrapbooks that take various incarnations. They might have a set on Flickr, a collage on a board in their bedroom, & a collection of pictures beside their desk at work. Truly stylish people are always evolving in some new direction. Style is not about choosing a look & sticking with it forever, it needs to change as you do, & having a style scrapbook helps you do that. Think about fashion designers: ultimate taste-makers, they often have entire walls covered in pictures & inspiration to kick them into gear.
From your style scrapbook, you can really expand. If you notice that a lot of people you admire wear hats, for example, maybe it’s time to branch out & pick up a snood, fedora or fascinator! You can also use other people’s ideas to help facilitate your own wardrobe. Most of us own an item that we love but which drives us crazy because we don’t know how to wear it (tulle skirt, oxford heels, sequinned mini?) — & every time we see it in the closet, it gives us these crazy mixed emotions. Trawl street fashion blogs, the trend-spotting, personal style, street style & model style discussions on The Fashion Spot, Wardrobe Remix & LOOKBOOK.nu to find new, innovative ways to wear the things you never do, or just to give old items a new lease on life.
Photograph your outfits. I know that I bang on & on & on about this, but I do so for a reason! First of all, it gives you a real perspective on how you look, as opposed to just staring in a mirror (where we tend to focus on one thing at a time). In a mirror we often stand up straight or adjust our bodies according to our clothes, but a photo illustrates how the clothing actually falls on us. Secondly, it gives you an instant catalogue of already-worn outfits if you have to run out the door at a moment’s notice!
Actually put aside time to look at your outfit photos & consider what you could do differently next time. What if you changed shoes, added a jacket, took off that necklace, wore a different belt? Dissect it & break it down. What does this outfit say about you? Where is the ideal place to wear it? Who would appreciate it & who wouldn’t? How good do you feel in it, & why? Use all these answers as a platform to help you evolve.
Think about ye olde “quality versus quantity”, but don’t just let it flit across your mind. Actually devote a little brainpower to it. You know, deep down in your heart of hearts, that a $30 dress isn’t going to get you very far. What is it made from? Under what conditions? How well is it made? The answers aren’t going to be very endearing. This is not to say that you need to become a snob & refuse to wear anything with a double-digit pricetag, but just be aware that if you constantly spend your pennies on many cheap items, you’re probably missing out on fabulous shoes, lush sweaters & beautifully-cut dresses. That’s all!
Also think about what you spend your money on in general. Do you buy things just to fill a void, or do you buy things which really speak to you? I think we all have moments where we spend indiscriminately, but the real problem comes when you discover you own a whole lot of crap that doesn’t serve or even please you! Some home organisation experts recommend doing a house cleanse where you essentially get rid of everything you don’t love. Take a look around your room. How much of it do you actually love?
Spend time alone. This might seem like an odd way to cultivate your own style, especially when I have spoken so much about external influences, but really that’s the thing. Personal style is personal style, & while we are all strange, sweet amalgams of other people, places & dialects, the reason we are the way we are is because we’ve twisted all those things together in our own unique way. Think of it as having a concrete mixing truck in your belly. Even twin brothers & sisters can be complete opposites, despite having had many of the exact same influences. It’s all in the twist.
What this also means is that you should allow yourself to be as wild (or mild!) as you please, & don’t let other people & their own judgemental nonsense affect you. All these little things we do, from the way we spend our time to the people we speak to, changes & impacts us. I remember spending hours in the public library as a teenager, sitting on the floor, staring out at Wellington, with a huge, torso-sized stack of books next to me about New York City. I wrote things down, made notes, photocopied pictures, & told myself that I’d live there someday. It all counts, even the small things.
So, why go through all this madness? Why not just throw on a pair of jeans in the morning & yell, “TO HELL WITH IT!”?
Because discovering yourself is one of the most fabulous things you can do, & personal style is a way of flipping your discoveries inside out & putting them on display. Because people who know who they are are much more confident, happy & content. Because being our true selves empowers & emboldens other people. Because there is pure joy & magnificence in wearing something you love. Because experimenting with your personal style can magically transform you, & turn you into the person you’ve always wanted to be. & finally, because personal style & self-expression adds to the beauty of the world.
Even though sometimes other people’s personal style isn’t to our taste, I have to give people props for breaking the rules & wearing something different. It takes courage.
I would MUCH prefer to live in a city full of people wearing questionable things that made them happy than suffer through a drove of repressed-looking people in prescribed corporate attire! Bring on the knobbly cardigans in primary colours, unusual footwear, beaded waistcoats & lipstick accidentally smudged onto teeth! I love to see people who are actually excited about the clothing they have on. You can spot them in a crowd: they always look happier, walk with more confidence & check themselves out in shop windows!
I am definitely guilty of the sly sideways glance at a particularly reflective shop window. Sometimes I am even guilty of stopping & facing it front-on! But you know what? That’s just it. We all deserve to feel good enough about ourselves that we want to stop & savour the moment! & that, to me, is what personal style is all about.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [70] Tags: aesthetic,
how to,
inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!I Want To Be... A Hoop Dance Teacher!
[ 30 November 2008, 12:50 ]
Deanne came into my life almost two years ago, & has rocked it to the core with her love, support, insight & ideas! As well as owning Tokyomade — one of my very first advertisers! — she also introduced me to raw food, one of the things that I really believe has super-charged my life! Shortly after we “met” online, she got into hooping in a big way. Her passion for what she does is incredible, & when a reader suggested I interview her for my career series, I was flabbergasted that I hadn’t already thought of it myself!
So, without further ado… !
Tell us about what you do.
I am the visionary behind a transformational love revolution going on in Tokyo, involving lots of glitter, truckloads of laughter, massive amounts of hip action and pretty colored rings. I am a hoop dance performer and instructor in Tokyo, the founder of hooplovers.com.
How long ago did you start on this path?
Gala, I am not sure if you are aware of this but it was you and your infinite inspiration that reunited me with my inner dancer and brought hoops back into my life. Back in the days when you were orchestrating international dress up days, early 2007, a gorgeous gal called Rachel dressed up as her alter-ego Heidi von Hula. Clicking on her short video and watching what she could do with a hula hoop put me in a spin. I have not spent a day since without a hula hoop around some part of my body! Thank you Gala and Heidi von Hula!
How long were you doing it before you made it into your career or primary form of income?
About one year. In that time I took some hoop dance classes, hooped every day for up 4 hours a day, spent my spare time glued to hoop dance vids on youtube, dreamed big, visualized what life would be like as a hoop star, started planning and then headed to Sydney to meet up with my Hoop Dance mentor and sister in the spin, Bunny Hoop Star.
Did anything significant happen to get you to that point, or was it a series of small steps?
I think life is pretty much filled with happenings, big and small, that are overflowing with significance. There are a few major events in my hooping journey that come to mind. Firstly, my Mum visiting me in Tokyo and buying me my first pink, sparkling, dance hoop as a surprise. Realizing that hoop dance was a global revolution and that there were huge communities of hoopers and hoop entrepreneurs, many of whom were women was a big awakening. Going to Sydney to complete a Hoop Teacher training journey with Bunny Hoop Star and create a life changing connection. Seeing a positive, fun filled, lively community of hoopers grow in Tokyo. Opening up to the possibly that dreams really do come true, thoughts become things and I could become a Tokyo hoop star if that is what I desired. Believing in myself. Having talented, positive and passionate people around me.
Do you think official qualifications are important for someone entering your industry?
Behind all the glitter, color and spinning hoops there is an intense amount of work that goes into running my own business. I have a degree in Marketing that I guess helps with the business side of things. I have an Education degree, I was a primary school teacher for years before embarking on this spiraling journey, the knowledge and experience I gained from being in education most definitely helps me to create and execute hoop dance classes, workshops and other events. I know of a hula hoop star who has a degree in hooping from a Melbourne institute, I wish I had thought of that! I don’t think qualifications are essential but experience, passion, dedication, belief and training are!
Hoop Dance Teacher training is extremely valuable, learning from the mistresses and masters of the hoop is priceless. There are teacher training courses in Australia, the US, the UK and possibly other countries around the world.
What do you think is the best thing about working for yourself?
There are so many things that make having your own business a worthwhile choice, so many things I am grateful for. I can set my own schedule, be in charge of my life, know that the possibilities for promotion and advancement are limitless, my earning capacity has no cap on it, I can choose the people I surround myself with, connect with positive, like-minded peeps…I could go on and on…
What’s the worst thing?
Hhhmmm I am not sure, thinking about tax, insurance, account keeping, probably the financial side of things. There is no one to deposit a lump of money in my bank account each month, now it comes from many places and has to be shared around a lot more so that requires keeping track of.
Rate how happy you are with what you do out of 100 (100 being the best, 0 being devastatingly awful) on an average day.
I go to bed every night feeling giggly on the inside (not just from lack of sleep), I often find myself bursting into a huge smile when I think about the state of my life, I get to play dress ups with my friends at least once a week, I have met some of the most amazing people from all over the world, I have found the ultimate form of body changing exercise that doesn’t feel like I am exercising and I have over 50 hula hoops in my house… I would say between 95 and 100. When I am teaching a hoop dance class filled with big smiles, pumping tunes and spinning hoops it is definitely 100!
Although to be really honest, it is not all glam and glitz, there is a crazy number of hours spent in front of my mac formulating class plans, event ideas, confirming reservations, doing paperwork, getting gigs, finding space in Tokyo (ha ha what a joke! Everyone knows there is no such thing.), organizing schedules, training for shows, meeting for rehearsals, making hoops, planning costumes, creating new opportunities, updating websites and promoting hoop dance in Tokyo. When I am in the flow and feeling really creative while dealing with the business side of things I would say 85-100. When I am still up at 4am trying to get things done I would say 70.
Would you call yourself a workaholic, & if so, are you alright with that? Do you think that’s normal for your industry?
I am a Capricorn, I think being a workaholic is part of who I am, the goat always climbing the mountain. I am doing what I love so most of the time it feels like play, but if that is the case I play A LOT!! I was working as a full time primary school teacher when I started Hoop Lovers as well as running TokyoMade with my partner Masao. It came to a point where I had to make some big choices about how to balance my life, I felt like I was working 24 hours a day. The choice came very easily, I felt a strong pull towards being in charge of my own life, it felt really right and was a natural progression.
The fantastic thing about being a Hoop Dancer is that a lot of the work is creative, energizing and great exercise for my body and mind. So even though I feel like I ‘work’ about 18 – 20 hours a day now, shared between Hoop Lovers and TokyoMade, much of the work is fuelled by passion, fun and creativity. Dancing around with hoops is considered part of my work.
Other leading hoop dance teachers and performers work extremely hard, it is their life work, they inspire me greatly.
What would your number one suggestion be for someone who wants to do what you do?
Go and buy a hoop now! Assuming that you are already a pretty funky hooper with a passion to share the joys of hoop dance in your community and possibly the world, my suggestion would be go and spend some time with other hoop teachers, performers and hoop dance business owners.
...How about number two?
Be prepared to dance, work and play! Teaching and performing requires late nights, early mornings, heavy lifting (carrying twenty hula hoops around Tokyo is always a fun challenge), learning new skills very quickly, crazy amounts of networking, hours of dance, practice, drills and play. Be prepared to balance this. Know when to take time to chill, your body is the most precious piece of equipment, take care of it!
What do you wish you had known when you first started out?
More Japanese! Being a business owner can be tough, being a business owner in another country with different rules, language, customs and ideas is a wild ride! I am an Australian living in Japan with my gorgeous Japanese partner, I consider myself the luckiest kid in the world that I have his full support and endless help. I like being an independent business woman but I realize my limits and accept that I need a lot of support and help to do what I do. Being a foreigner here presents me with outstanding opportunities but there are also barriers that I find tough sometimes.
Are there any major misconceptions about your job or industry?
Lots of people come up to me and say, ‘Oh you are the hula hoop girl!” while swivelling their hips in a giant circular motion. That technique would never keep a hoop up for very long, but their giant hip action with imaginary hoop is entertaining for me to see. People also often assume that the only thing you can do with a hoop is spin it around your waist – definitely not true.
What is the best thing that’s happened to you as a consequence of the work you do?
Again, if I really thought about this and let loose I would be typing a crazy long list. My life has changed so much for the better. I have been given the opportunity to connect with some of the most inspiring, colorful and talented people in Japan, Australia and the US as well as others from around the globe. Hooping on some pretty major stages in Tokyo has been exhilarating, and looking forward to some even bigger shows globally. The chance to go to the USA for Hoop Camp, meet up with my idols and be one of the hoopers leading the San Francisco Love Fest Parade this year was a wonderfully wild experience.
The connections that I have made with other women through my teaching of hoop dance has really made an impact on my life. I have made so many wonderful friends as a result, I cherish this very much!
I have learned so much about who I am as a woman, a student, a business owner, a friend, a leader, a performer, a partner, a dancer, a learner and a teacher, I continue to soak up the learning experiences.
Physically I have become much stronger, more flexible, lost lingering fat and shaped myself into a form that I feel really comfortable with, that in itself is a really powerful transformation. I remember the days when I would wear a long t-shirt over my bikinis at the beach, these days I feel at ease whipping hoops around my body for hundreds of people dressed in little more than my underwear. I have found a path that makes me feel alive and more in tune with myself and others. I have got so much to be grateful for.
What motivates you to keep doing what you’re doing?
Seeing others gain joy and positive benefits from hoop dance, being part of a very creative global community, a desire to improve and a need to know what surprises are coming up next. Nurturing the relationships I have formed thanks to hoop dance and a need to strengthen my body and mind even more. Also, very honestly, I love the attention!
Do you think you’ll continue doing this for the rest of your life?
I have a lot to learn, I entered a very new world/industry at the age of 30, I feel like it has only just begun. I see myself as a learner and teacher for the rest of my life. I don’t think I will be performing for the rest of my life, I am 31 years old so I think I have a few years left to rock the stage. I see myself, in about 5 years, heading more strongly towards helping communities and schools to inject more right brain/ whole brain activities into their curriculum through hoops and other performing arts.
What are your next big steps?
Hoop Lovers collaborative dance workshops, Hoop Lovers retreats and Hoop Lovers in Australia. I am also looking into aerial hoop training and other forms of flow toy and fire art training. A gorgeous costume and glittering hoop range is in the making.
Who do you look up to within your industry & why?
I adore and admire the other strong, independent women of hoop dance, such as Bunny Hoop Star, Hoop Girl and Spiral, just to name a few. I am inspired by their openness to life, their individual style, I admire their voice, their ability to share their thoughts, ideas and strength with others. Beyond that I just love the way they move, groove and rock the hoops! Hoop Dance is definitely not just for women though, I am a huge fan of the powerful moves shaking up the hoop dance scene offered up by men such as Baxter and Rich. I am also a big fan of Philo Hagen, a Bay area hooper who keeps track of the global hoop dance scene via internet hooping mecca www.hooping.org.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [30] Tags: how to,
inspiration,
i want to be,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Your Fortune For The Day
[ 25 November 2008, 19:31 ]
...As you were!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [116] Tags: inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Style Tips -- 24th November 2008
[ 23 November 2008, 16:08 ]
Download Poladroid, drag your favourite photos into it to create polaroids, then make yourself a huge wallpaper featuring all your best people, moments & places!
Buy something with sequins on it in preparation for the holiday season.
Issue yourself a Twitter challenge! Try using only song lyrics to express yourself; write all your tweets in haiku format; only write positive updates for a week; chart your good deeds; rhyme everything for a week, etc. (Haven’t signed up yet? GET ON IT!)
Decide to celebrate the season in stereotypical, almost cliché fashion. If you’re in winter, put on a Cosby sweater, drink a mug of hot cocoa, & take photos of you & your friends looking après-ski. If you’re in summer, don enormous shades, get a spray tan & book yourself tickets to an outdoor music festival!
Buy a good sex manual (I like Paul Joannides’ Guide To Getting It On — it’s hilarious as well as informative). Learn it! Live it!
Email an old friend, & call a truce.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [53] Tags: inspiration,
life,
style tips Add Gala on Twitter!Style Tips -- 11th November 2008
[ 11 November 2008, 08:17 ]
Take a photo of yourself looking really, really happy. Bonus points: link to it in the comments! (Here’s my submission.)
Change the way you walk. It seems like a little thing, but it can make a huge difference. I had a friend who used to bounce up on her foot with every step — it was adorable & made her even more awesome than she already was. Or try to move more fluidly, more gracefully. See how it makes you feel.
Give your friends things that they can wear. There is nothing better than wearing something that someone you love has given you, because you feel a connection to them the whole time it’s against your skin. Give your friend a necklace, knit them a scarf, buy a charm for their bracelet or make them a tote bag, & then tell them why.
Flirt more. Flirt with everyone, even people you don’t really like or aren’t really interested in. First of all, it’s excellent practice, & secondly, it makes everyone feel better.
Develop an appreciation for marmalade.
Adopt this as your credo:
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [133] Tags: inspiration,
life,
style tips Add Gala on Twitter!What Do You Want To Do Before 2008 Ends?
[ 7 November 2008, 14:29 ]
What do you want to achieve before the end of the year? You have 55 days to make something amazing happen!
By the start of 2009, my gift to myself will be having my three-year visa for the United States sorted out. SO EXCITED!
New York is where I want to be. It’s my favourite place, & it fills me with immense amounts of delight. I love this city, & I feel good here. That is worth pursuing. I’m so happy about the idea of putting down some roots & getting really comfortable.
There are a lot of steps (& a fair bit of cash) involved in the process, but it’s time to make it happen — & it’s my primary goal for the rest of the year.
How about you? What do you want to start — or finish?
If you have ideas but you’re not sure how to get going, have a look at… How To Set Amazing Goals Motivation New Year’s Resolution Ideas! Pow-Wows & The Law Of Attraction Being Happy
Make a plan, & make it real!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [109] Tags: inspiration,
life,
productivity,
question Add Gala on Twitter!Last Night In New York City
[ 5 November 2008, 12:47 ]
Last night was unbelievable. I was so excited as I watched the election results roll in, & then I started hearing people whooping in the street. I decided there was no way I was going to stay in, & so made my way up to Union Square to celebrate. This is what it was like.
People bursting into song, jumping up & down, chanting, dancing, banging drums & pots & pans, crowd-surfing, climbing statues, waving flags, hugging strangers, smiling & laughing. I have never seen anything like it in my entire life.
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” — Martin Luther King Jr.
Hell yes.
For those of you who want to extend the excitement all the way to their eardrums, you might like this mix by DJ Concept. It’s called Change Is Now, & I’ve been enjoying it all day! (I found it courtesy of my awesome friend Jake! Yay!)
What was the atmosphere like where you live?
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [134] Tags: inspiration,
life,
video Add Gala on Twitter!I Am Exhilarated & Terrified At The Same Time
[ 4 November 2008, 08:20 ]
Okay, America… Make us proud.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [128] Tags: inspiration,
life Add Gala on Twitter!I Cheated On My Lover. Now What?
[ 3 November 2008, 13:02 ]
Photo by Miles Aldridge.
Infidelity. First of all, let’s get this out in the open: cheating on someone is not cool, & there is no excuse. People have reasons for cheating, certainly, but that doesn’t excuse their behaviour. We are all in control of ourselves, after all.
Now, let me pose you a hypothetical situation. Let’s say you’re in a committed relationship, & have been for a while. 6 months have passed, maybe a year. Something happened — you met someone else, & you got involved. Now what? Should you come clean?
I discussed this a couple of weeks ago with a friend of mine, who will remain anonymous. He told me that he thought it was selfish to tell your partner if you’d cheated on them. He said that regardless of how important you personally felt it was to unburden or absolve yourself, it was ultimately self-indulgent & self-interested. He felt that dragging someone else into the situation you had created was unfair, & that no matter how good it felt to finally tell the truth, that would never balance against the pain they would feel upon hearing it.
I agree with that to a certain point, but the problem with it is that it grants the cheater all the control. It is then totally up to them to either continue the relationship (& leave their partner in the dark as to what has happened), or to bow to their conscience & end it.
It seems obvious that in a relationship, you should be open & honest — which means giving your partner all the information they need in order to make an informed decision. If you cheat on them, surely they should be given the chance to make a call as to whether they want to stay with you or not.
Why do people cheat in the first place? There are a million possible reasons, such as boredom, fear of commitment, the thrill of the chase, or just because the opportunity presented itself. If you have cheated in the past, I think it can be very valuable to look at the reasons why you did it, so that you can prevent it from happening in the future.
Another friend of mine, who will also remain anonymous, recently told me about her relationship patterns. She typically found it hard to break up with people, because she didn’t want to hurt them, so she would let it drag on & on until she got sick of them. She would be so sick of them, in fact, that she started to actively dislike them, & would move so far away emotionally that she started acting as if she was single. Then, as if by some miracle, she would meet someone else she liked. Things would progress, & after she slept with them, she felt like it was almost a “get out of jail free” card. She would think, ‘Oh, well, I obviously can’t stay with so&so any more”, & she would end the relationship (with great relief). She also never confessed about having cheated, thinking it was pointless now that the relationship was over, anyway.
I believe quite strongly that in order to cheat, there has to be some kind of problem in the relationship. Of course, that’s an easy statement to make, because most relationships have problems of some kind, but if you were perfectly happy with your man or woman of choice, how likely would you be to cheat?
Now, by saying that most people who cheat are acting out of imperfect relationships, I don’t mean to shift the blame to their unwitting partner, nor do I mean to point at the cheater & say, “It was all you!”. It is rarely that simple. Sometimes we have conflict because one person has a belief or a hang-up or an issue that their lover just isn’t capable of dealing with. They either lack the knowledge, or the tools, or the awareness, or simply the desire to tackle it. But sometimes it’s just that you two don’t communicate, or you’ve grown apart, or you have nothing in common any more. Sometimes you fall out of love. It happens.
One thing I do believe is that it’s not right to stay in a relationship with someone after you’ve gotten involved with someone else — whether that is emotional, physical or otherwise. (Sex on the astral plane!) Especially if you don’t tell them. If your partner is 100% committed to you, totally in love & everything else, I’d almost go so far as to say it’s not fair to monopolise them if you can’t bounce those feelings right back at them with just as much passion & devotion. I mean, if you really care about them, surely the right thing to do is to set them free. Let them find someone who will treat them as they deserve to be treated. Be brave enough to admit that you aren’t that person, & allow them to live their life.
So, what’s the next step? Do you tell, or do you keep quiet? Do you stay, or do you go? Ultimately, it’s your life & you have to do what feels right for you, your relationship & your circumstances. A 23 year old girl might behave differently in this situation to how a 50 year old man with children does. There is no one true answer, no real “right” thing to do, even though we all probably believe we know what’s best.
How do you feel about this? Have you ever cheated on a partner? If so, did you tell them? What happened next?
Extra For Experts:
Why Do People Cheat In Romantic Relationships? This is so interesting, especially this part: “Infidelity could be a regulatory emotional strategy used by people with an avoidant attachment style. The act of cheating helps them avoid commitment phobia, distances them from their partner, and helps them keep their space and freedom.”
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [85] Tags: life,
question Add Gala on Twitter!I Can't Stop Shopping. Help Me!
[ 29 October 2008, 12:20 ]
Gala Darling – I Can’t Stop Shopping. Help Me! (mp3)
Right-click to save, or click to play.
“I used to laugh off the fact that I was always in debt and a bit of a shopaholic. Now I realise I actually have a very serious problem.
I go to uni in a city and so every day I go past shops which draw me in and I end up spending anything around £50 a day on stuff I could do without. But I literally can’t stop. I don’t know what to do.
I feel like I don’t want to stop as I get such a buzz but feel so sick with guilt and worry over my debts.
My debts from shopping are around £2000. I know this may not seem much but I am a student with rent to pay and I only get a £4000 loan a year. I feel like I need to go to rehab or something!
I feel so bad because my boyfriend is so helpful and lends me money to pay off my overdraft but once I am in the black I just go straight back out and spend it again. I can’t, literally can’t save money. Please help.”
Ah, the rollercoaster ride that is shopping-when-you-have-no-money. Of course, it’s fun, it’s a little dangerous, you know it’s kind of stupid but hey! That bank gave me that credit card, right?! They wouldn’t have given it to me if they didn’t trust me with it… I know what I’m doing… I can pay it back easily…
& so you go out & you spend, & you walk home high on the scent of receipt paper & bulging shopping bags, & you throw open the front door & set everything down in the living room. An hour or two later, you walk back into the living room & regard what you’ve done. What is this thing? Why did you buy that? This isn’t even going to go with anything else! You can’t wear that, you’ll look like Beyonce on an off day. Oh, god. Why did I do that?
You start to feel guilty about what you’ve bought. I shouldn’t have spent all that money. What was I thinking?! You don’t sleep very well that night. & your feelings of inertia & fear fuel you to go out & do it all again the next day. & the day after that. & the day after that.
We all have moments where we go shopping for a pick-me-up, to make ourselves feel better or to distract ourselves from whatever is going on in our lives. But there’s a very definite line between being an occasional emotional shopper & spending so much that it actually scares you — & most of us know which side of that line we’re on.
Let me explain something. Banks are not your friend. I know, they’re all smiley & big teeth & “Here, have a Visa with a $5000 limit!”, & “You’re a trusted customer, how would you like to push that limit to $10,000?”, & “Sign up for this card & spend your way to oblivion with no interest for 24 months!” — but they are not doing this for your benefit. They are doing it for THEIRS. They don’t like you! They like their profit margins! They COUNT on people like you to spend way, way, way beyond their means, so they can jack up the fees & make an absolute killing off your chosen form of therapy/self-destruction. The system is set up so that THEY WIN. Never forget that.
Another thing. Your boyfriend needs to stop bailing you out. I don’t mean to get all Dr Phil on you, but honestly, even though he thinks he is being helpful, kind & sweet, what he’s actually doing is enabling your behaviour. You continue to spend carte blanche because you know, in the back of your mind, that he is always going to be there to look after you. It’s a nice thought. Comforting. I don’t blame you, to be honest.
But what would happen if you broke up? The credit card company might decide they want the full balance of your credit card back. Immediately. As in, now. If you can’t pay it, they could sue you to get the money, or give your details to a debt collection company who will hound you day & night, at work & at home, or re-possess your stuff. Not to mention having a bad credit record makes it almost impossible to do anything like open accounts with cellphone companies, etc.
The temporary thrill you get from shopping is not worth the fiscal hell you are heading towards. Honestly. & I say this as someone who understands — very well! — the bliss of a new purchase.
Even if you never break up — even if you’re together forever & ever — do you really want to be beholden to him like that? Do you want him to always take responsibility for you? It might sound appealing at first, but it plays hell on your self esteem. How can you feel good about yourself when you’re not really holding the reins?
Really though, as with most problems people have, this whole thing stems from your emotions. If I were you, I’d look a little more closely at my life to try & understand why you have this compulsive need to shop. I’d agree that you have a problem, because your behaviour is starting to negatively affect your life, & yet you still continue to do it. So, ask yourself some questions. What are you so unhappy about that you’re so desperate to distract yourself from? What’s the void you’re trying to fill with stuff, & where did it come from?
Since 2005, New York therapist April Lane Benson, author of the book “I Shop, Therefore I Am,” has had participants in her group psychotherapy sessions keep journals and shopping lists that track their moods, their impulses and their household needs. When contemplating a purchase, Benson’s patients are asked to record their answers to questions such as “Why am I here?,” “How do I feel?,” “Do I need this?,” “What if I wait?,” “How will I pay for it?” and “Where will I put it?” (Buying Trouble: When Shopping Becomes A Compulsion)
There are a lot of practical tips I can give you, like cut up your credit cards; get a part-time job & start paying the damn thing off; freeze your credit card in a glass of water so you can’t use it; set it on fire & dance around it naked; only allow yourself to pay for things in cash; give yourself an allowance of £10 a day (& if you can’t be trusted with it, have your boyfriend physically hand it to you every morning); when you feel out of control & like you want to shop, exercise instead; start seeing a counsellor; tell someone about your problem & call them when you feel the need to buy a huge ugly poncho, etc. But none of that is going to help you as long as you’re driven by this huge emotional vacuum.
Don’t underestimate the power of how you feel. As long as you still feel empty or lost or confused or whatever it is that makes you want to shopshopshop, that urge to spend will always have you in its stranglehold.
Your unhappiness could come from all sorts of places. Having a sucky job is a likely candidate, as is feeling bored or disinterested at university, dissatisfaction with a major relationship, feeling lonely or like you don’t really know where you’re heading in life. Take a good, hard look at what’s really going on. Don’t play it off or pretend like it doesn’t really matter or ignore your pain. Face facts, make a list, & then start thinking up solutions. If you’re really stumped, you can ask your friends if they have any ideas, too. There is a way to fix every problem, you might just have to think differently.
Then, like with anything else that has the potential to improve your life, you have to take action. You have to decide that yes, you’re good enough, & important enough, & fabulous enough that your life should be great, & happier than it is now. You are worth taking a scary risk for. You are worth the effort. & if you don’t take those first, terrifying, stumbling steps, no one else is going to do it for you.
So take action.
Extra For Experts:
How Can I Manage Compulsive Shopping & Spending Addiction?
Shop ‘Til You Drop: Battling Compulsive Shopping
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life Add Gala on Twitter!I Want To Be... A Health Counsellor!
[ 27 October 2008, 07:52 ]
iCiNG reader & super-sweet girl Rachel Katz tells us what’s it like to be in the world of health counselling!
Tell us about what you do.
As a Certified Health Counselor I help many different people achieve many different goals. The main mission of my business, Natural Zest, is to help people live a long, healthy life and love every minute of it. Clients come to me looking for help with weight, energy, stress and other life issues. Right now I’m focusing on corporate wellness, with individuals and group programs. Corporate programs allow me to help many people at one time. The best thing about what I do is that it’s about more than food, it’s about everything in life that nourishes us – our relationships, spirituality, career and life itself.
How long ago did you start on this path?
I officially decided to go into nutrition in December 2006. I was burned out by my previous career and wanted to find something that met my needs and also allowed me to provide a great service to people around me. What really pushed me into nutrition was my own journey with anxiety and depression. For years I just thought that’s how I was, and who I was. I started changing things about 5 years ago. And three years ago discovered just how important food was in maintaining a good mood. This realization literally changed my life and prompted me to go into nutrition. I enrolled in a Masters in Human Nutrition program as well as a program at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. I found the school trained me well and set me up to run my business and make this my career.
How long were you doing it before you made it into your career or primary form of income?
It was a year after I decided to work in nutrition when I officially launched Natural Zest and started seeing clients. Natural Zest became my full time job in May of this year.
Did anything significant happen to get you to that point, or was it a series of small steps?
For me, the key in switching to health counseling full time was my training at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. I realized that I have the knowledge and skills to really make a difference for people. When I realized this, I went out there, worked connections that I already had, talked to people, taught classes and really tried to increase my visibility.
Do you think official qualifications are important for someone entering your industry?
I think the two most important things are common sense and a bit of humility. We all know that we should eat more vegetables, fruits and whole grains, and eat less processed food, meat, dairy and alcohol. And no single person knows everything, or can tell everyone exactly what to do. I think official qualifications can be helpful, but I know “qualified” people who give less than ideal advice, and people with no qualifications who are very successful at helping people. Ideally there needs to be accountability. If you are irresponsible and create problems for someone, you should be held accountable. But I do not think that one needs to be a certified nutritionist or registered dietitian to talk about food and wellness.
What do you think is the best thing about working for yourself?
Making my own hours! If I want to take a vacation, I can reschedule appointments. No appointments are ever really missed. I also get to choose the people that I work with. It’s important to love what you do, and for me that means loving the people that I work with. I won’t take on a client that isn’t a good fit for me and my personality. At some point I want to start a family. Setting my own schedule will allow me to spend all the time that I want with my children and family without sacrificing my career.
What’s the worst thing?
I’m only accountable to myself and my clients – there are no real deadlines. So sometimes it’s hard to stay on track and get things done. It really takes a great deal of discipline to keep things running.
Rate how happy you are with what you do out of 100 (100 being the best, 0 being devastatingly awful) on an average day.
I’d have to say 80. I love what I do but I know that there’s more that I could be doing with my business. There’s definitely room for me to grow and expand.
Would you call yourself a workaholic, & if so, are you alright with that? Do you think that’s normal for your industry?
I am not a workaholic, in fact I could use a bit more of that! Within counseling, yes, there are many workaholics. But for health counselors, it is so important to find that balance between work and personal life. We have to take care of ourselves if we are going to help others. I can’t see how a severe workaholic could really be the best health counselor possible.
What would your number one suggestion be for someone who wants to do what you do?
Be passionate! Passion is what moves this world!
...How about number two?
Find the training that best suits your personality, whether it is traditional or less so.
What do you wish you had known when you first started out?
My niche. I wish that I had known that group programs and corporate programs were the way for me to go when I started. It took me many months of trying to work in different populations before I found my niche in corporate wellness.
Are there any major misconceptions about your job or industry?
YES! People still think that being healthy with food is all about eating like a rabbit and forbidding your favorite foods from ever entering your mouth again. There are so many delicious foods that are also healthy. My program focuses on crowding out less healthy choices by introducing people to a whole range of yummy alternatives. And no single food is the devil! I still eat cupcakes now and then ;)
What is the best thing that’s happened to you as a consequence of the work you do?
I’m happy and healthy. In the process of starting this business I have learned so much more about myself, what I need, what I want. This has helped me move to what is definitely the best time of my life so far. I couldn’t do that if I didn’t love my career.
What motivates you to keep doing what you’re doing?
Seeing the changes in my clients. I get to watch people that I genuinely care about lose weight, realize new things about themselves, let go of old destructive habits, learn to love themselves, improve their relationships and more. It’s very rewarding! I see so many people, every day, in every walk of life, that appear unhealthy and unhappy. It doesn’t have to be like that! Yes, it takes time, and effort, but it is possible to change! I like being a part of that engine for change.
Do you think you’ll continue doing this for the rest of your life?
In some form or another, yes. I loved my last career, but it was hard to picture myself doing it 20 years down the road. Health counseling is something that I see in my future for many, many years.
What are your next big steps?
In the near future I just want to keep building my momentum with corporate wellness programs. Down the road I would love to have my own wellness center offering a variety of services. Everyone likes one-stop shopping. To have a center with medical professionals, health counselors, massage therapists, acupuncturists, yoga and more is a dream of mine. Maybe even an organic garden!
Who do you look up to within your industry & why?
There are so many people! Joshua Rosenthal, the founder of the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, really pulled together so many ideas and theories on nutrition and wellness and put them into a philosophy which he’s taking to the world. Michael Pollan is doing brilliant work in teaching the world about what’s really going on with food. Marion Nestle works every day to educate people and change the policies that affect what we eat. There are so many great people out there working on issues around food – from how it’s grown, to production, to ingestion – and we need some big changes in this country!
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life Add Gala on Twitter!100 Ways To Be A Love Letter To The Universe
[ 20 October 2008, 19:23 ]
Do your lips up sticky, sparkly & sweet. Then blow kisses. Say thank you. Allow other people to inspire you. Share your bliss. Smile — even if you’re shy, even if you have bad teeth, even if it scares you. Hold someone’s hand. Be honest. Volunteer your time. Love yourself. Do your best. Learn how to balance having respect for other people’s decisions & being true to yourself. Tell people how much you like them. Send unexpected gifts. Talk to strangers. Do favours. Let go. Be generous. Eat whatever you want without guilt. Don’t think about other people’s definitions of success, beauty or happiness. Make your own rules. Write your own guidebook. Count your blessings. Never stop trying to improve. Be your own superhero. Aim higher. Contribute. Create spaces for other people to enjoy. Sleep in. Let other people sleep in, too. Be compassionate. Listen. Give yourself time off. Be enthusiastic. Choose happiness. Create. Follow your passion. Connect. Compliment people. Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself. Surprise yourself. Appreciate the people who support you. Take photos; document everything. Have a plan. Know your patterns. Be in the present. Laugh. Get close. Move through your fear. Challenge yourself. Keep it simple. Turn up the music. Realise your own freedom. Relax. Flirt. Dress up in some small way every day. Even if it’s just a good pair of knickers or a coat of death-defying mascara. Be different. Be genuine. Allow yourself to change & evolve. Dream big. Believe that you can manifest anything. Take responsibility. Treat everyone the same way — from your lover to your mother to your postman. Appreciate your past for having made you the person you are. Talk about how you feel. Dance. Sing. Let go of guilt. Treat your lovers with respect. Admit your flaws. ...& come up with a plan to remedy them. Surprise people. Set yourself a really huge goal. Then achieve it & set another one. Kiss. A lot. Remember that trouble doesn’t last. Be still. Look at the stars. Be as ridiculous as you like. Trust that you are loved. Stay curious. Charm people. Give real hugs. Bat your eyelashes. Forget yourself. Reach out. Flatter people. Get drunk on life. Release your expectations of other people. Allow them to be who they are, & appreciate them regardless. Stretch. Listen to your instincts. Make eye contact. Keep your word. Talk about real things. Discover yourself. Speak up. Let life excite you & lead you astray. Delight in every day. Don’t be afraid. Just love.
“It took us so long to realize that a purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.” — Kurt Vonnegut.
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life Add Gala on Twitter!I Want To Be... A Lingerie Designer!
[ 20 October 2008, 07:58 ]
Tell us about what you do.
I run my own Lingerie and Accessories company called Loulou Loves You! The site has a lingerie range currently consisting of knickers and boudoir jackets then an accessories range with my own ‘bow emporium’ featuring bows in all sizes as headbands and brooches. Everything is designed and handmade by me using only 100% silks and cottons. I’m just completing my Winter 08/09 range that will be expanding on all the current items and bringing in loads of new ones, I’m super excited!
How long ago did you start on this path?
Loulou Loves You has been open for business for just over a year now. It’s been quite an adventure to get to this point. After school I moved to London to study Fine Art. I completed two years of studying and when I was 21 I very suddenly became horribly ill with a chronic pain condition called Fibromyalgia and was unable to finish my degree and had to move back home. The condition rendered me unable to do almost anything at all but when the worst was over I started to rebuild my life about two years later, my college was happy to let me come back to complete my last two years I felt like I had changed so much whilst being away that my idea of my life was different too. I had this urge to learn something more skill based to do with on of my main interests, fashion. I moved to Brighton (the seaside – best for recovery!) and decided to take dressmaking and pattern cutting classes just once a week, the rest of my time I babysat and rested to get back my health. During this time my love affair with lingerie really began and my friend and I used to talk about having a ‘pant empire’ because we were always buying all sorts of cute knickers and obsessing over them. When my courses were finished I knew that it was time to move back to London and really rebuild my life. I started researching into what I might want to do and it was Lingerie design that just grabbed me. I found a year long C&G course at Kensington and Chelsea college and ta daaaa!
How long were you doing it before you made it into your career or primary form of income?
Whilst I was on my Lingerie course I became so enthusiastic about it due to firstly it just ‘clicking’ and also being so inspired by my tutor who was a successful designer herself. I knew that when I finished I wanted to aim high and start my own business! Why not go for it when I felt like my life had been in limbo for so long? It was also only in about 2006 that I actually was almost healthy again and I really noticed very suddenly ‘Oh my god, I feel ok!’ and it was that which made me the most ready to get going.
I thought that If I was going to set up my own business then I wanted to be able to focus on it 100%. I was very lucky to have savings behind me that meant I could just work on the company. As a small business owner in the early stages it’s still very new and I’m not at the point where I can lay back and let the money roll in just yet! I have a two days a week other job that keeps me on my toes and helps me out when pennies are low!
Did anything significant happen to get you to that point, or was it a series of small steps?
Really like I said above it was just me deciding to take the plunge. Having been sick I really felt like I was behind on my life and although of course I’m far from it I was feeling ‘old’ and really just wanted to dive in. I could have carried on with some more courses etc but I just felt like I was ready, also it coincidentally tied in with the fact that the job I was doing part time (working as a nanny) came to an end at the exact point that I wanted to go it alone so it felt like a sign and I grabbed it!
Do you think official qualifications are important for someone entering your industry?
Yes and no, I don’t think you need to have a qualification from the best lingerie school or fashion course but you do need to have the skills. I of course came into this at a different angle, using my Pattern cutting / Dressmaking / Art and Design and then lingerie skills but I never took a Fashion design degree. Do I think I might be better if I had? Often yes but can I be successful without? Of course! I just spend time when I can teaching myself skills and practising what I know. If I’m having trouble then I ask friends or look to books for advice. At the moment I do everything myself from designing to making the patterns to hand making each item and I definitely like the idea of one day being able to put a team together!
What do you think is the best thing about working for yourself?
Setting your own schedule! I try and keep to an average work day, I am always in my studio by 9.30am and then work till probably 7pm but very often till midnight depending on how busy I am. It’s nice to be able to switch time around too, like spend an afternoon with a friend and then work extra on the weekends or nights, a luxury that you don’t get to do with an office job for instance. It’s also really awesome to know that it’s all mine and so when everything is going well I know that it’s because of the hard work I have put it and I deserve it!
What’s the worst thing?
Setting your own schedule! Yep the pros and cons come together. It took me a good six months to actually get into a schedule, it’s very easy to be all ‘Ooh I work for myself so I can lay in till 2pm’. Also my studio is in my house which means I have about a million ways to procrastinate if I want to. The other thing which takes getting used to is that I spend most of my time on my own so I have to enjoy my own company, I combat this by having people come to my house for lunch etc. so I don’t feel like such a hermit… in my knicker prison as I like to say!
Rate how happy you are with what you do out of 100 (100 being the best, 0 being devastatingly awful) on an average day.
I would say about 85 on average…This week it’s been about 50 because I’ve been having a fight with a camisole pattern!... But when I have it worked out then I will probably feel about 120! I do have a good sense of perspective though because if I am not feeling so great about everything I just look back at 6 years ago and know that I’m in an amazing place right now.
Would you call yourself a workaholic, & if so, are you alright with that? Do you think that’s normal for your industry?
Yes and no, I’m not naturally, naturally I am a gigantic daydreamer who could easily spend an entire day doodling on a bit of paper but right now I would say yes because I am really focused on completing all my jobs. I think if you are running a business yourself then you have to try and be a workaholic as it’s essentially only you that’s going to get things done. If I stop then everything stops. I think it’s just important to try and set goals for yourself and work through them.
What would your number one suggestion be for someone who wants to do what you do?
Do it! But do it with a good business plan and consideration first! When I started out, being a creative person my head was filled with all these fanciful dreams, you know a studio filled with bunnies and kittens and photo booths and an ice cream parlour and a giant cloud above my head filled with ideas while they magically were sewn around me… but luckily my sister is a bit of a business genius and she brought me down to earth by insisting on helping me do a business plan. One point became 80, each with an expansion of about ten. You need a plan because there are so many things that can go wrong and if you think of them all first then you are ahead of the game!
...How about number two?
Don’t be afraid to follow your dreams, even if it seems impossible, if you have an idea then why not look at how it can work? You can’t lose anything by research. Maybe think of a friend who you could start out with, share the ideas and the responsibility, look into ways to get grants and loans. There are always ways to work towards your ambitions.
What do you wish you had known when you first started out?
Probably how hard it is to do everything myself. I never wanted to start up with a bunch of people but I really understand now why people need assistants and PR people etc., because it’s amazing how time consuming everything is. Essentially I want to be designing and creating and so I get frustrated when I have to spend all day doing paper work or something. I’ve just taken on an amazing friend to be my PR girl and I’m already feeling how much better it is. I can’t wait to be able to afford to have a lovely assistant! I remember your friend Ana Steele saying she wished she had a twin to help her out and I totally agree, it would be perfect, a Loulou clone to do everything that’s boring!
Are there any major misconceptions about your job or industry?
Well it’s not quite as glamorous as it sounds. When I say I have a lingerie business I think most people (especially guys) think I’m laying around bathing in silk all day haha!
What is the best thing that’s happened to you as a consequence of the work you do?
I don’t think I’ve got to the stage yet where I can say oooh I’m invited to all these amazing events/parties etc. (Anyone want my address?!) For me the continuous best thing is getting messages from people about my designs and work, when someone emails me to ask advice or say they loved their item when it arrived. Getting good feedback from people and magazines that I admire makes me so excited. I’m being featured in the fashion supplement of the December issue of VOGUE which is so ‘wow’ that I EEK every time I think of it because I never imagined that VOGUE would be contacting moi!
What motivates you to keep doing what you’re doing?
I usually work best if I have something to look forward to, so often making fun evening plans makes me determined to work more in the day. Quick deadlines usually help me too, a bit of pressure occasionally! and then of course my ideas! If I have things in my head that I want to create then I’m always happy to keep going, and also having dreams of success makes me want to work harder to achieve those goals. Sometimes I sit and stress out about not having enough money etc. but I also know that I won’t ever quit until I feel like I’ve put everything into what I love doing and right now I feel like I’m very much at the start.
Do you think you’ll continue doing this for the rest of your life?
Yes and no. I believe that everything that happens in my life is always synchronised with what happens before. If I look at the steps that have brought me here then I have no doubt things will continue and take me to different work areas too. I think I will be in this industry hopefully for a long time, but I’m also not going to put away my future dreams to be a zookeeper either ;)
What are your next big steps?
Right now my main focus is completing my Winter collection and getting it into my shop and then spreading the word to everyone. I am also hoping to redesign my website. I also am really keen to move to NYC but right now I’m not in the place to be able to pick up and move the whole business so it’s something that I keep in mind as a big in the near future dream and so I’m making small steps to make that possible!
Who do you look up to within your industry & why?
In the fashion world I really love Betsey Johnson, it’s easy to see why of course, but I love that she always sticks with creating what she loves and you can see it’s very much an extension of her personality rather than being built to please other people or the industry and I love that you can rent out her home in Mexico. She’s a great example of a success who has taken what she is good at and spread it.
Mainly though the people I look up to are people I know who are making steps to fulfil their goals and ideas and working so hard to get there. Whenever I feel a bit bummed out I usually look to my best friends work and websites and see what they are up to which makes me suddenly inspired again. I feel so lucky to be around such amazing talents and also to be in London where everyone is just having a go at creating something.
BONUS!
Design a magnificent outfit with Polyvore using one of Loulou’s bows & you can win it — & a pair of knickers to match!
You have one week to style something fabulous! Comment below with a link to your creation, & the winner will be announced next Monday, the 27th of October 2008!
You can find all her items here — enjoy & go nuts!
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life Add Gala on Twitter!How To Beat Writer's Block
[ 14 October 2008, 16:12 ]
The most common piece of advice for anyone suffering writer’s block is “just write”. Of course, this is an excellent suggestion, because what you need is to get your flair back. So “just write” is all very well & good, but sometimes we need more prompting, more pushing, something bolder. How can you “just write” when you feel bored, frustrated & uninspired? Here are my suggestions for getting the better of the thing all writers dread.
Listen to yourself
Yes, this is the first thing. Listen to what your brain & body are telling you! Maybe getting writer’s block is your body’s way of saying, “Hey, chill out!”. Maybe you just want a break, & cutting off the creative flow is the only way your body knows how to get that message to you. If that’s the case, then for god’s sake, be good to yourself! Stop drumming your pencil against the table, get up out of your chair, & do something else. Force yourself to relax & do something entirely unrelated. Watch a cheesy movie, make yourself an enormous feast, go to the gym or visit a friend.
Downtime is really important for everyone, but especially for creative people. If you don’t take a break, you’ll get really burned-out & find it even harder to recover! Don’t do that to yourself, it’s an ugly thing! Go & get a massage, dance around your living room, or just take a really good nap. Allow your brain time off. Okay, good.
Go for a walk
But what if you’re not really at the point of no return, & just feeling stuck? One of my immediate instincts in that situation is to leave my house. To me, it often feels like cabin fever is one of the major culprits — so I go somewhere else. Walking around the city, people-watching & window-shopping with good music in my ear is often all I need to clear my head & get back on form. I find that I’m much more inspired by an urban atmosphere than anything else, but you might get similar results from walking in the woods, along the beach or just up & down your driveway.
If just going for a walk seems a bit aimless to you, make it into a game. How many pink shoes will you see? How many David Hasselhoff lookalikes? Look at the outfits of oncoming pedestrians & think about what it is that makes their outfit work. Or just pay attention to the moment, the people around you, the slope of the sidewalk, your breath.
Write in another format
What do you normally write? Short stories? Articles? Advertising jingles? Raps? Forget about all that. Do something else. You just need to get back into your flow, & sometimes the best way to do that is to do something completely different. Write a haiku or a limerick. If you’re a journalist, write character sketches. If you’re a novelist, try writing a fabulous classified ad. Just do whatever you can to break yourself out of that loop you’re in.
Pick a strange subject to write about
It doesn’t have to be something you know a lot about — in fact, it can be helpful if it’s a topic about which you’re mostly in the dark. Just use your imagination! Write about taxidermy, the best ways to seduce a married man, hats in the 1920s, someone called Esmeralda who sleeps on an oriental rug & collects books on medical abnormalities. Whatever you like. The only rules are that you challenge yourself & you pick a subject that is fun to you.
Write from someone else’s perspective
You can still use your own voice, though you don’t have to. But switch up your viewpoint. If you’re a guy, write as a woman. Write as someone who has different views on politics or religion as you. Scribble down a few words as if you were your best friend, or Karl Lagerfeld, or Kathleen Hanna. Don’t judge what you’re putting down on paper, just allow it to come out. Let the character develop & evolve before you. See what happens.
Write as if you’re in your favourite city
If you don’t have a favourite city, invent one, or pick one at random! Read up on it briefly on Wikipedia, then start describing it. How do the streets smell? What do the people look like? How does it sound? Is it warm or cold? If you were walking down the road, what would you be eating? Where would you be going? Remember that you don’t have to be realistic — you could be walking down the street eating an ice-cream the size of your head while wearing a hat made from bear-skin, a pair of moonboots & holding the hand of your shiny robot boyfriend!
Use something else to write with
If you always write on your computer, grab a pen or pencil. Try using a typewriter, a paintbrush, a crayon, tomato sauce. The whole idea is to break you out of your funk & start having fun, so if you want to put a whiteboard pen between your teeth & write on the window, you definitely should.
Write a letter
Writing into the emptiness can feel a little weird sometimes, so try addressing it to someone. You could write about what you’ve been doing, apologise for something or make it up entirely. Pretend to be a 70 year old woman who sleds across the Antarctic every year, & write an account of your most recent adventures to your nervous daughter who lives in Australia. Alternatively, don’t even start off “Dear ____” — just have a person in mind as you’re writing.
Call someone & explain your writer’s block to them in extravagant, painful detail
Just what it says. Go nuts on it. If you can’t find anyone who wants to listen — which could happen, because who really wants to listen to that? — leave yourself a rabid voicemail. Play it back to yourself & laugh, breathe, remember that if writer’s block is your biggest problem right now, you’re doing okay.
Document the moment by taking photos of yourself as a tortured-looking artiste
Oh come on — you might as well have fun with it. Rim your eyes in black, muss up your hair, pout & set the auto-timer. Add an unlit cigarette & beret to the scene to up the über-pretentious ante!
Throw a tantrum
Scream. Writhe. Wriggle violently. Thrash around. Bite things. Stub your toe by accident. Really bring yourself into the present moment by being completely ridiculous. Then stand up, brush yourself off, & scribble an ode to writer’s block.
Put on bold streaks of warpaint & shock the locals
Go on… Live a little.
Fill your brain with inspiration
Do something that sparks you creatively. Watch a horror movie, do ballet, go & rummage in an antique store, whatever. Obviously, this will be different for everyone, but I often find that buying a huge stack of glossy, foreign fashion magazines works wonders for me. I lug them home, sit on my couch cross-legged, & start flicking through. Pretty quickly, usually, mostly just looking at the pictures. Then (& I know some people can’t stomach this idea) I bend the spine & tear out the pages which speak to me. If you want to put them all up somewhere, grab a piece of string, tie either end to your wall, & peg up the pictures you like the most. It’s the world’s cheapest (& fastest) way of displaying images, & I love the way it looks. Totally unfussy, easy to change & insanely inexpensive.
Listen to your favourite lyrics or read a passage from your favourite book
If you’re having trouble inspiring yourself, go back to the things that you know work for you. Put on a piece of your favourite music or read a couple of pages from one of your favourite books. Don’t feel the need to then jump up & spring into action, just appreciate it & let it soak into your skin. Think about it, analyse it, digest & enjoy it. Then do whatever you feel like.
Change your environment
Sometimes it helps just to try writing in another place. You might want to shift to another couch or chair, try lying on your bed, or stand up at the kitchen bench with a pen in hand. If that doesn’t work, take it a step further & leave the house. Go & write in a park, a pizza shop, standing up in the produce section of your supermarket or on the steps of a church. If the weather is awful but you still feel like have cabin fever, clean up your immediate area. I know I always write much better when I’m not being stared in the face by a pile of junk! Of course, cleaning can easily turn into a procrastinatory exercise, but if you keep yourself on track, & clean with the intention of good writing, I’m sure you’ll be just fine!
Reflexology
If none of the above methods work, reflexology is my fail-safe last-ditch option — usually because the other tactics are much more simple & don’t cost any money! But when your head is really dusty & dry, when your uninspired frustration reaches critical levels, reflexology is It. It has never failed me.
When I lived in Melbourne & felt burned out or unable to write, I would go to this massage shop, lie down, & let a small Chinese man perform weird tricks on my feet. (Sometimes he sang to me at the same time.) It was often quite painful, but always worked miracles. I would feel all my crazy head fog dissipate, & I would pretty much float back up to my apartment, where all of a sudden… I could write! I could whip up fabulous articles! My lust for life came back & I felt like me again.
Reflexology is completely genius. You should try it.
What are your best tips for beating writer’s block to a bloody pulp? How do you manage to triumph over the page? Let us know!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [49] Tags: how to,
inspiration,
life,
productivity,
question Add Gala on Twitter!Style Tips -- 9th October 2008
[ 9 October 2008, 19:04 ]
Buy yourself a bunch of flowers which complement your hair.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [67] Tags: inspiration,
life,
style tips Add Gala on Twitter!Blog World Expo 2008
[ 7 October 2008, 11:19 ]
Hanging out with three men who have really inspired me — Darren Rowse (top), Steve Pavlina (left) & Timothy Ferriss (right).
The Blog World Expo in Las Vegas, Nevada was an amazing event. When I first heard about it I was really curious as to what it might be like, & I was delighted that the stars aligned so that I was able to attend with my dream girl, Nubby Twiglet!
Arriving in Las Vegas in the early evening was pretty fabulous, too, & totally the way to do it. I had never been to Vegas before, & wasn’t sure what to expect, but as my taxi made its way down the Strip, I started to get really excited. Bright lights! Shimmering signs! Hotels in all kinds of ludicrous shapes! It truly is like Disneyland for adults — an amazing, gargantuan, ridiculously fabulous sprawl.
The expo itself was very impressive. It was really well organised, with free wifi, lots of areas to sit down & a convenient location (you can catch the monorail to the Las Vegas Convention Center from almost any hotel on the Strip). The ticket prices were quite substantial (ranging from about $400 to $900), which probably helped to maintain its appeal as an event for “serious bloggers”! I’d say that pretty much everyone there was either making a living off their blog or well on their way, so there were plenty of sessions on monetization (which, after you gather an audience & create some valuable content, is really the next big thing to tick off for anyone wanting to do it full-time).
The best panel I saw was the very first one on Saturday morning, called Making Money With A Blog, featuring John Chow, Jeremy Schoemaker, Brian Clark, Zac Johnson, Jim Kukral & Darren Rowse (my Melbourne BFF!). I made some great notes from listening to what they had to say on the subject of monetising blogs — & all the speakers were worth listening to. One of the panelists revealed that he had made $140,000 in the previous month from his blog alone. Pretty incredible stuff!
The other stand-out event for me (& for Nubby too) was the keynote speech on Sunday, featuring Tim Ferriss of The 4-Hour Work Week fame, & Mike Shinoda, MC for Linkin Park & Fort Minor, as well as a blogger. I knew that Tim would be great, & he was, but I was very pleasantly surprised by what Mike had to say as well. Even though a lot of his experience was more based in the music industry, plenty of it related back to blogging & the idea of personal branding. Both men had amazing things to say about brand extension, giving your customer (that’d be you guys!) an amazing experience, & even talked a bit about “karmic marketing” — otherwise known as getting back what you give.
It was brilliant to go with Nubby, because as well as her super-popular personal blog, she also works on a professional blog for her employers, Nemo Design. A lot of what was spoken about at BWE was really relevant to her industry, & when we split up to go to different sessions, we would regroup & discuss what had been said. It was great to be able to mull & chew over all the new information we had, especially with someone who is doing something similar to me (which could almost be called “personality blogging”).
My only complaints about the event are thus (& they are few & far between):
I think there could have been more women on panels. I only went to one panel with a woman on it, which I thought was kind of strange. I know that there were a couple of other blogging conventions going on at the same time, so maybe that’s where all the women were, but there are plenty of girls kicking blogniverse booty, & I’d like to hear more from them & their unique perspectives next year! (I’d also like to speak next time — hint hint!)
I didn’t get to meet Guy Kawasaki. I saw him a bunch of times — he was wearing a bright orange shirt, he looked kind of like a traffic cone & was hard to miss! — but I was too shy to go up to him, & then he left the convention early! Talk about kicking myself!
$8.77 sandwiches. Enough said.
I came away from the conference bursting with ideas & inspiration, & feeling really good about the people I’d met & what I was doing personally. It was great to meet a whole lot of people in the same industry as me, too — I talk to bloggers online all the time but not so much in real life!
Before we left Las Vegas, Nubby & I were already discussing coming back for BWE09, which happens in October. We had such a fantastic time & are intending on making it into an annual pilgrimage! Vegas was the perfect place to hold it, because after an entire day of cramming your head full of information, it was wonderful to escape into the warm desert air & have a good time!
I think that anyone who is looking at blogging as a source of income would be silly to miss this event. It is definitely worth the money — if not from what you learn, then from a networking standpoint alone!
I also want to give a shout out (hee!) to Darren Rowse! His generosity & general awesomeness is unparalleled, & I really appreciate it. You’re a champ, I love ya!
Extra For Experts:
You can read Nubby’s write-up on the expo here.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [17] Tags: gala,
life,
productivity Add Gala on Twitter!I Want To Be... An Arts Administrator!
[ 6 October 2008, 09:46 ]
Ashe Mischief has been reading iCiNG forever & wrote to me offering herself up as a sacrifice to the “I Want To Be…” section! She works in arts administration, something I had never really heard of, but which sounds like an excellent profession for someone who wants to work to help the arts! Here’s what she had to say on the subject…
Tell us about what you do.
My M.A. is in Arts Administration which focuses on, among other things, marketing, fund-raising, programming, special event planning, and financial management of arts organizations. Typically the focus is on non-profit arts organizations (museums, opera, theater companies, dance), though many of my interests lie in the for-profit realm as well (film and art galleries).
Right now my 8-5 is working in Development for the University with donors and unrestricted funds (money that can be used where there is a need!), though I worked as a Festival Organizer for the Dark Carnival Film Festival as well!
How long ago did you start on this path?
Intentionally, it began my senior year of undergrad when I fell in love with the Radici Gallery, the New Orleans’ art gallery I interned at. After that, I began wondering how I could combine that interest with the business background I knew I had to have. It was serendipitous that I came to Bloomington after Hurricane Katrina; Indiana University had a Master’s program in Arts Administration, which was exactly what I was looking for!
Did anything significant happen to get you to that point, or was it a series of small steps?
I would say that there are two significant moments that led me here: walking in to the doors of the Radici Gallery and landing that internship, and then moving to Bloomington. Had I not moved to Bloomington, I can’t guarantee that I wouldn’t have gone to graduate school for another program.
Do you think official qualifications are important for someone entering your industry?
I think with the increasing number of undergrad and graduate programs specializing in things like Museum Management, Arts Administration, Theater Management, that in the future it may be an asset for certain! But at the same time, I think arts organizations are great at finding people who are passionate and inspiring, who are willing to work their way up in the organization. I know several people who began as volunteers at an arts’ center and eventually worked their way up to Executive Director!
Rate how happy you are with what you do out of 100 (100 being the best, 0 being devastatingly awful) on an average day.
The hardest part of this question is defining an average day! I think that anyone in this industry will say there are days that are in the 20s and days that are in the 150s! I would say on an average day, it’s probably between a 73-78. During an event, I think that the happiness level is going to waver a LOT. I had days during Dark Carnival that were a 10 and a day that was probably a perfect 100.
Would you call yourself a workaholic, & if so, are you alright with that? Do you think that’s normal for your industry?
Personally, I don’t consider myself a workaholic. During school, I had to be, and I found that it was easier for me to hold on to my passion and enjoyment for my work if I didn’t bring it home with me (easier said than done!). I do think the industry definitely supports workaholics, but at the same time, I think there is enough flexibility in the field to accommodate all personality types and work ethics.
What would your number one suggestion be for someone who wants to do what you do?
Volunteer, volunteer, volunteer! It’s a great way to introduce yourself to your local arts community, to get to know how the organization operates, and find out if it’s a place you want to be. It can really help you narrow down your focus, too. Are you interested in promoting the space, raising money, working with people? Volunteer work can really help you discover what you’re good at and what you like to do. Most arts groups attach amazing perks to volunteering, like free tickets to shows! If you have a really refined skill (like accounting, marketing, law, etc.), you can always inquire about being on the Board of Directors as well; it’s unpaid, but is one of two governing bodies with any arts group. It can be immensely rewarding!
...How about number two?
Take classes! Even if just at your community college, having some understanding of how marketing works, what public policy is and how it affects your local arts community, how economics impact the arts, how an arts organization is going to budget and balance their books… it all leads to a greater understanding of not only the field, but of business & society in general.
What do you wish you had known when you first started out?
How easily people get burnt out and jaded. I will say, I don’t think this is exclusive to Arts Administration, but to the field of non-profit management overall. It has an incredibly high turnover, and I think it’s because people are put in high stress positions and for low pay. Passion and meaning really have to drive you and your ability to work within this field. It can be really difficult to work with people, especially early in your career, who exhibit this sense of begrudgement because they have been working so long. You really have to shrug it off and continue to believe that you can make change.
Are there any major misconceptions about your job or industry?
Arts Administration is not going to make you wealthy! Because it’s typically a non-profit field, the pay can stink quite a lot. I have seen a lot of people go in to the field as performers and use the profession as a back-up career (and back-up paycheck) while they try to launch themselves as performers, artists, and more. While I think that having a background and passion for art itself is a MUST in the field, but it’s an insult to the profession to think of the administrative side as a contingency plan. Be here because you love the art, not because you’re too good to wait tables.
I think another would be the perceptions of arts organizations. More and more, they are utilizing a business structure to operate their facility, and I think this builds bigger, better, stronger arts organizations! There are going to be people who fit the flakey “artist” persona, but I think people will be surprised to find out how many savvy and intelligent people are behind the office doors.
What is the best thing that’s happened to you as a consequence of the work you do?
For me, it’s always about the people. Whether I’m working a concession stand and interacting with patrons who are excited to be at an event, hosting a gallery reception and seeing the look on the artist’s face, or am managing Special Guests services for a festival, I love the ability to interact with so many people. The excitement that people have is really contagious, and on a hard weekend, nothing is a better cure for a bad mood than talking to an enthusiastic artist/patron/donor.
What motivates you to keep doing what you’re doing?
Honestly? My unending love and participation in the arts. The arts have been a huge component of my life since I was a child; from drawing and theater to photography and film, it’s a constant source of pleasure in my life. The second-runner up would be the people I meet who inspire and challenge me. On days I think of going back to grunt work, I think about the incredible people I’ve had an opportunity to meet— more often than not, they’ve got more passion and drive than I do, and it really inspires me to step up.
Do you think you’ll continue doing this for the rest of your life?
In some form or another, absolutely! I think my long-terms dreams include either owning an art gallery or a drive-in movie theater. But I try to keep myself flexible, and not make too many set plans!
What are your next big steps?
I’m currently scouting the country for the next place to be— a place I can settle down, that has a thriving and amazing arts community, a supportive community, and the energy I find appealing in a city. It will be difficult to find a place that can live up to the standards New Orleans has set, especially in those qualities, but I’m convinced that there has got to be a place that can set a new standard! Maybe it’ll be New York City, San Francisco, Austin, or Santa Fe. I’m keeping my eyes and ears open!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [28] Tags: i want to be,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Expiration Dating
[ 1 October 2008, 06:54 ]
“I’ve recently met a German foreign exchange student, and we really connect. I like him, but I’m afraid of getting involved since he’s going back to Germany in June, which means I’ll probably never see him again. Help?”
I think a lot of us get locked up in that concept that if we experience true love, it will last forever, which isn’t necessarily true. We also often feel that the way our life has been up until this point is the way it will always be — which isn’t necessarily true either.
So, what could happen if you did get involved? You might be wildly incompatible. But you might fall in love. He could drive you crazy, but he could also open your mind to a whole new way of living that you’d never even considered before. He might ignite within you a love of German culture, which then leads your life in an entirely different direction. Through him you might discover the most inspiring, ideal mentor. He might teach you what real, unconditional love is all about. You could be so perfect together that you end up getting married one day. You could go to Germany on an exchange yourself — you might even end up living there. It’s possible that you could learn more from loving him for a short time than you would if there was no expiry date. The relationship could change you in fabulous, untold ways.
One of the great things about relationships is that they present us with a fabulous opportunity to grow beyond ourselves, often in a way that wouldn’t be triggered if we were just coasting along alone. By connecting honestly with a person, & getting to know them, their circumstances, family & friends, we can learn so much about the world — & consequently, about who we are & who we want to be. It’s one of the best catalysts for change that I know.
I believe that people come into our lives for a reason, & we can learn something from all of them if we’re open to it. What is your fine German friend here to teach you? Only time will tell.
What I’m really saying is that when it comes to love, no matter how scary it may seem, it’s always worth taking the risk. Avoid a future of “What if?”. Take the risk & see if you can…
How about you? Do you think a relationship’s only worth it if you can see a definite future, or do you just allow yourself to fall in love without thinking of likely consequences? Have you ever taken a gamble on love that turned out to be one of the most positive experiences of your life? What would you do in this situation?
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [87] Tags: advice,
life,
question Add Gala on Twitter!A Reminder
[ 30 September 2008, 09:46 ]
Stop comparing yourself to other girls, no matter how pretty, clever, cool or cashed-up they are.
No one will ever have your unique twist of talents, perspectives or beauty.
You do enough. You have enough. You are enough.
Stop comparing yourself to other girls, no matter how talented, well-dressed, popular or capable they are.
You improve the world more than you can possibly comprehend, just by being true to who you are every day.
Go outside & be fabulous. Watching who you are, & seeing what you’re becoming, makes us so proud to know you. The world delights in your presence. We all love you very much.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [167] Tags: inspiration,
life,
madame Add Gala on Twitter!I Want To Be... A Poet!
[ 29 September 2008, 08:12 ]
Is it really possible to eke out a living in the literary world? As a poet, no less?! Just ask Claire! The fabulous redheaded Claire Askew is a working poet, arts editor & part-time tutor living in Edinburgh, Scotland. She’s a very busy & ambitious girl, with lots of good advice as to how to make it as a writer!
Tell us about what you do.
First and foremost, I see myself as a writer, specifically a poet; but I juggle a variety of jobs and projects which also help keep me financially afloat. When I’m not writing, editing and redrafting poems, I work as a private tutor for kids aged 11 – 18, teaching English and Creative Writing. About a year ago I set up my own literary magazine, Read This, and I now also have a blog called One Night Stanzas which is designed to involve and encourage young writers. I’m currently working on my first collection, and I’m also about to embark on a postgraduate MSc in creative writing at the University of Edinburgh, Scotland.
How long ago did you start on this path?
I’ve been writing since before I can remember – which is a cliché, but I genuinely can’t remember the first time I picked up a pen. I wrote my first poem aged about seven, and won a prize for it at the local fair. I reckon that’s when, subconsciously, I abandoned my childhood ambition to be a farmyard vet, and set out on a more literary path!
How long were you doing it before you made it into your career or primary form of income?
I’ve been treating my writing as more than a hobby for about the past four years, when it began to be accepted by magazines, and I’ve been getting paid work (mostly publication in larger journals and anthologies who can afford to give out fees) for about the last two years. As I say, I’ve been doing it all my life, but I think it was only quite recently that I really sat down and thought “this could be your career. You might not be a millionaire, but you could probably do it.”
Did anything significant happen to get you to that point, or was it a series of small steps?
I was in my third year of University, and I’d joined a writer’s group and started going to workshops and whatnot, and people started to “notice” my work and tell me it was pretty good. Crucially I think, I met the poet Brian McCabe, who really liked my stuff and was (and still is) incredibly encouraging. I realised that I was rapidly coming to the end of my four years in further education, and I really needed to start deciding what I was going to do with my life afterwards. Eventually I got to the point where I thought “why not just do what I love?”. I set up Read This at around the same time, and soon after, I won three quite big poetry prizes. I think that really cemented my decision… it was a good omen.
Do you think official qualifications are important for someone entering your industry?
It’s an interesting question, and the issue of should-you-get-a-creative-writing-qualification is hotly debated. Many writers actually see qualifications as counter-productive: they reckon creative writing courses teach you bad habits, and that they contribute towards poetry’s transformation into an increasingly “academic” artform. Other people reckon you need to be “vetted” by a qualification – that they sort the men from the boys, so to speak. I’ve chosen to do a postgrad qualification mainly out of a need to step things up a gear – I want to take my writing to the next level and I hope it will help me to do that. But I don’t think it matters either way whether you’re qualified or not. To be successful in poetry, you just need to be talented, thick-skinned, and willing to work really hard.
What do you think is the best thing about working for yourself?
I can control my time, and my environment, which is important. I’m one of those people who can’t just write anywhere. If you work in an office and you get halfway through the day and feel trapped and burned out, you can’t just grab your laptop and go to the park. You can’t take a break for an hour and read a book or sleep or whatever. The best thing about being in control of my own time is being able to decide what I do with it, on the spur of the moment if need be. Right now I’m very lucky – many writers have to juggle other jobs and outside commitments, and it can really dry up your creativity. But I think the best thing about doing what I do is using my experience to help brand new young writers to get a foothold in the poetry industry – that’s what Read This does, and although One Night Stanzas is still very new, I’m hoping that eventually it will also be able to help people in the same way. It’s great when people email you and say “thanks for your advice, I just got published for the first time!”
What’s the worst thing?
Distractions. I live with my boyfriend, who’s around from 4pm onwards every afternoon and, as you can imagine, he’s pretty distracting. I’m also a bit of a tidy-freak and so if there’s housework that needs doing, I kind of have to do it before I can sit down and write. And I absolutely love my tutoring job and all the gorgeous young people I teach, but sometimes you get home from four back-to-back ‘Hamlet’ study sessions and feel like you never want to see a word on a page ever again!
Rate how happy you are with what you do out of 100 (100 being the best, 0 being devastatingly awful) on an average day.
About 87. Sometimes higher, sometimes lower, but that’s my happiness average.
Would you call yourself a workaholic, & if so, are you alright with that? Do you think that’s normal for your industry?
I’m not necessarily a workaholic – I can spend four hours reading books and not feel bad about it – but I like to have heaps of things on the go, and I’m very driven. I love getting Read This off the press “on schedule” every month, and I make myself write at least one post to my blog per day – usually two. I write for anything from 8 to 15 hours per week, and I’m happy if I’ve written four poems by the weekend (but happier if I’ve written seven). I’m also keen to get involved with any poetic activities that other people are organising – last week I spent an afternoon being “a poetry terrorist” in a local park (running up to people with print-outs of famous poems and, in most cases, getting them to read them). I think if you want to be a poet, you don’t need to be a workaholic as such, but you do need to be willing to work.
What would your number one suggestion be for someone who wants to do what you do?
Read. Read, read, read, read and then read some more. Reading other people’s poetry is the only way to make your own poetry better, and that’s something you should always be trying to do. Read the magazines and journals you want to send your writing to. The more poetry you read, the better you’ll know the industry, and the better equipped you’ll be to succeed. Kenneth Patchen once said, “people who say they love poetry but don’t buy any are cheap sons-of-bitches,” and I’d add to that: “people who say they write poetry but don’t read any are deluded sons-of-bitches.” You have to read widely to write well. You have to read to succeed!
...How about number two?
There are million pieces of advice I want to dole out… just look at my blog! But the second most important thing is: persevere. You might never make any money out of poetry, you friends and family might never understand why you do it, and there will be times when you’ll get rejected and think “am I actually just rubbish?” You have to be prepared for that, and you have to keep on going; keep writing and submitting and publishing even through the knock-backs. No matter what anyone says to you, if you love doing it, keep doing it.
What do you wish you had known when you first started out?
There are a whole lot of people who move in literary circles – and particularly poetic ones – who want to see you fail. Don’t ask me why, but there’s a massive amount of negativity around when it comes to poetry, and particularly when it comes to young writers. Just look at some poetry blogs – everyone has a view, and often its not a nice one. You get pessimists telling you poetry is dead and writing is pointless. You get countless people who’ll tell you that “your style” of poetry is rubbish, or that you’ll never succeed because you’re too young. You’ll get people attacking you in online forums and ripping your work to bits and sending you poisonous emails, even if you think you’ve done nothing to provoke them. Perhaps worst of all, you get a lot of websites that are set up to suck inexperienced writers into money-making scams: beware of anyone who says they can publish your work for a ‘reading fee’! I don’t want to freak people out, but I never knew about this stuff, so it really shocked me. It still shocks me. It’s the main reason I started One Night Stanzas – I wanted to provide a safe place for writers to get advice and feedback on their work. And just to prove my point, the blog is only about two weeks old and already some snide comments have appeared… so be prepared!
Are there any major misconceptions about your job or industry?
The whole ‘poetry is a dead artform’ thing. I disagree! Poetry is on the downlow right now because there isn’t enough young blood around to stir things up, but I don’t think it will ever die. It might be on a dialysis machine at the moment, but I’m convinced that’s only a passing thing. So, young ‘uns, get writing and get out there and revive your artform!
What motivates you to keep doing what you’re doing?
I’m motivated to keep writing by the random emails I get from people I’ve never even heard of, saying things like “your poem touched me.” One girl a while back wrote her English Literature term essay on my poetry, and another wrote one of my poems out in gorgeous calligraphy and put it on public display. I love reading my work at events, too, because I get some lovely responses from total strangers. I’m also encouraged by all the young people whose names I see in publications here and there, and I think “I gave that person some advice once”, or “Read This was their first publishing gig.” I like the idea that there is a creative community out there, and I’m part of it, and – even with the aforementioned negativity floating around – that’s a great feeling. And I think I’ll always write, whether I continue to be successful or not. I’m one of those people who does it because they’d go mad if they didn’t, basically!
Who do you look up to within your industry & why?
He’s dead now, but I still love Allen Ginsberg to bits. He did something new and radical with poetry, and flew in the face of all the people who said he couldn’t succeed because he was gay, because he was Jewish, because he was unapologetically political, because he was a college dropout, because he wasn’t a conventional writer, etc. He’s a household name in spite of it all and his poems are funny and shocking and gorgeous. I’m also a big fan of Edwin Morgan, and I’d love to meet him – he seems like such a kind soul, a very genuine man. Roddy Lumsden is a great, plain-speaking poet and he does a lot of teaching and working with younger writers. He also came to my rescue once when my poetry was under attack on a very poisonous forum-thread, even though he didn’t know me at all, and I love him for it to this day. And I’ve met so many wonderful, hard-working editors who rarely get any credit for what they do – so appreciate your editors, people! They’re the people who keep the poetry industry ticking over!
Extra For Experts:
Claire also wrote this excellent piece, Writing In The Face Of Adversity, which is worth reading!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Comment [26] Tags: how to,
inspiration,
i want to be,
life Add Gala on Twitter!Letting Go Of The Past & Getting Back Together
[ 24 September 2008, 15:02 ]
“I’m the the middle of a complicated, possibly-getting-back-with-my-ex situation. One of our biggest problems we had in our first relationship was my issue with not being able to let go of the past, and live in the now. I’m always wondering about my other ex’s, and other ways my life could have turned out. I can’t seem to let go of people, places or things. I know the only way he and I will be able to be in a healthy relationship again is if I get over all the “what if’s”, any advice?
Also, what is your stand on getting back together with ex’s?”
The most obvious thing to me is that your email is all about repeating patterns. You were with a guy, but while you were with him, you thought about your ex-boyfriends. Now that he is part of the ex-boyfriends club, you’re thinking about him! Clearly this constant looking back you do has permeated your life in a fairly significant way.
Obsessing over the past has a lot to do with a fear of what the future might hold, & a fear of change. Moving forward can be scary, after all, because you never know what might happen. Unfortunately though, it doesn’t matter how afraid you are — time keeps slipping by, nudging us further & further into the future, whether we like it or not.
There could be any number of reasons why you keep looking back. Maybe you’re afraid of committing to someone or of being hurt, perhaps you feel like you’re not a complete person without having someone by your side, maybe you don’t want to be alone, or perhaps it’s convenient for you to reshape your past history (a story about the past is never completely objective — it can be easy for you to contort it into a situation where you are the victim or not at fault). Only you will really know the reasons why you do it, though it might take some time for you to work it out. The good news is that once you know, it will be like a big shiny key that you can use to undo the habit.
Don’t make it easy for you to slip back into your memories. This means put away (or get rid of) all old photos, love letters & mementos. It also means stop stalking their blog as well as their Myspace, Facebook, Twitter & Flickr accounts! Archive their emails & delete their number from your phone. This can be hard to do, because you feel like you’re severing a connection that might otherwise be fruitful or a source of happiness, but honestly, as long as all those strings & wires remain, you are only hurting yourself, & preventing yourself from moving on with your life.
Some people find it easier to break habits or patterns if they use a kind of ritual. One thing that can be effective is journalling or writing down your thoughts & feelings about your past love life, & then either burning or burying the piece of paper, & making a conscious decision as you do so to let all of that stuff go. Similarly, some people will jot down notes about the things they have difficulty letting go of, then put them in an empty container & bury it somewhere. Though it seems simple, the symbolism behind the act is what makes it so powerful.
You may discover that you have to be hyper vigilant to stop yourself from retreating into your memories. This could mean that whenever you find yourself reminiscing, you practise falling still or use EFT to change your thought patterns. Regardless of the method, you’re going to need to behave proactively — in other words, you’re going to need to want to change it.
As for getting back together with ex-lovers, there is no one blanket solution that works for everyone, but couples tend to break up for a reason — a reason that was significant enough that the relationship didn’t seem worth persevering with. It can be really easy to feel tempted to go back to someone else, especially if you’re feeling lonely or a bit lost in general, but it’s important to maintain perspective & not idealise the relationship you had. Obviously you (or they) left for a reason, so keep that in mind. Write yourself a list of all their terrible qualities & put it in a prominent place if it will help you quash the urge to call them!
If it’s been a really long time & you’re still thinking about them & wanting to get back together with them, consider the circumstances of the break-up & then devote serious time to thinking about how you could both remedy whatever went wrong. If you get back together without doing this, odds are extremely good that the relationship will dissolve soon after due to the problems you had the first time around. This is otherwise known as a huge waste of time & the build-up to a big “duh!” moment! Someone who didn’t communicate isn’t going to suddenly start unless something significant changes, mismatched libidos are pretty much always going to be a problem, & if your ex didn’t respect you before, why would he start now?
You can certainly make enormous strides with couples counselling, EFT or any number of other solutions, but obviously, both people need to be seriously invested in working together to make change, & it can take time, so you need to be sure.
Having said all this, it’s pretty standard to have an ex (or a past relationship) which you use as a yardstick in future relationships. Some people make a major impact on you which never really leaves you. So that’s normal — but not necessarily the sort of thing you should tell your future lovers about!
The main thing to remember is that you should do what genuinely makes you happy. Don’t just react to your life’s circumstances, actually go out there & actively seek out things which really work for you. If you suspect — even a little bit! — that you want to get back together with an ex just because you’re lonely or crave familiarity, do yourself a favour & remove yourself from the situation! That’s not fair on them & hardly a recipe for your own happiness.
Being single might be the absolute best thing for you right now. If the idea of that frightens you, that’s even more reason to embrace it with gusto. Fingers crossed that it gives you the strength & desire to move forward & be excited about your future!
Extra For Experts:
Exercises for letting go of the past. “I do not trust life to lead me, and so I order my life based on my own perspectives of what the past was, and what the future should be.” Awesome.
Letting Go Of Your Past: How To Deal With Your Mistakes & Move On from suite101.com.
The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle — otherwise known as the ultimate book about being in the present.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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life Add Gala on Twitter!I Want To Be... A Graphic Designer!
[ 22 September 2008, 07:46 ]
Who is Nubby Twiglet? ...What, are you kidding?! Have you been hiding under a rock for the last 2 years? GEEZ!
As well as being a fabulous Virgo, Nubby has one of the strongest senses of personal style of anyone I know. She works full-time as an artist & graphic designer, & also runs a super-popular blog. Her work ethic is incredible & her dedication to what she does is nothing short of inspiring. I think she is an absolutely brilliant person, & as I’ve just spent a little over week in her constant company, it seemed like the perfect time to share this interview with you!
Tell us about what you do.
I work full time as a graphic designer and do PR and marketing tasks as well at Nemo Design in Portland, Oregon. Besides that, I do freelance design (mostly logos and branding) and mixed media collage for art shows around the world. Somewhere in between, I run a blog.
How long ago did you start on this path?
When I was in high school, I would dig up old advertising books in the library and cut out images from dusty design annuals, but I didn’t realize that graphic design was a viable profession. Instead, being the good, practical Virgo that I am, I went to school for business first. It was incredibly hard, but it taught me how to market myself and made me more well rounded.
I still knew that art was my true passion, but I wanted to make money doing it so graphic design made sense. I met my boyfriend in 2004 and he’d been a graphic designer for 10 years and told me that if I was really serious about it, I should go to school. I started a two year program in 2006 (and just finished!)
How long were you doing it before you made it into your career or primary form of income?
I landed my first big freelance gig for Virgin Records during my second semester of school. In a matter of weeks, I’d made the equivalent of seven months of working at my retail job! After that, the steady work kept rolling in and I never looked back.
Do you think official qualifications are important for someone entering your industry?
It depends. There are a handful of designers that I know of that are self-taught and do amazing work. On the other hand, school really does put you through the paces and by being pushed to do projects you don’t necessarily like, it prepares you for the real world of clients and deadlines. In the end, it all comes down to how good your portfolio is!
What do you think is the best thing about working for yourself?
Doing freelance design can be hugely rewarding. People choose you because they like your style. You can also decide on the clients that you want to work with and set your own rates!
What’s the worst thing?
It’s easy to lose track of hours and to get caught up in a project. There are no set work hours, no set lunch time or breaks. It’s up to you to say no if you think something isn’t going to work which can be incredibly hard.
Rate how happy you are with what you do out of 100 (100 being the best, 0 being devastatingly awful) on an average day.
I’s say 90. The people I work with at my day job are awesome. I’m the only girl designer on staff and the guys I work with are hilarious. They’re always skateboarding past my desk! The work I do is fun, too. I do a fair amount of logo development and write for the company blogs. It’s a nice mix of design and marketing tasks.
Would you call yourself a workaholic, & if so, are you alright with that? Do you think that’s normal for your industry?
Hell yes! I was raised to work hard and I’m proud of making my own money. There are so many talented designers and if I want to eventually be at their level, I know that it’s going to take years of hard work. It is pretty normal as a designer to be a workaholic because there’s always something new to obsess over and new ideas are always transpiring.
What would your suggestions be for someone who wants to do what you do?
Don’t worry about trying to get into the fanciest school. Subscribe to tons of design blogs and start an inspiration folder on your computer. Start a collection of well-designed brochures, business cards and magazines that you come across. Find a mentor that can encourage you to keep pushing forward and help you find an internship. Don’t be afraid of starting a blog to publish your work and get feedback. Join online portfolio sites (some of my biggest jobs have been through Flickr) and start networking. Get a membership to AIGA and attend local networking events. Never give up; the more challenging a job is, the more you’ll realize you learned from it when you look back.
What do you wish you had known when you first started out?
That it’s okay to not know everything and it’s also okay to ask questions; most designers are incredibly forgiving and are willing to help you because they were probably in your shoes once.
Are there any major misconceptions about your job or industry?
From the outside, people might expect designers at an ad agency to be really slick and whip a project out really fast. In reality, it can take weeks or months of working with a client to get a job done.
What motivates you to keep doing what you’re doing?
The endless amount knowledge that it’s possible to acquire can be overwhelming but I’m naturally a competitive person and I am always striving to get better at what I do. I was given a huge opportunity; within a week of graduating, I was offered a full-time position at one of the coolest, most progressive companies around and I never want to lose sight of that. The design world can be really intense and there’s always going to be someone that’s better than you. The point is to never give up and to move forward in some way every single day.
Who do you look up to within your industry & why?
I love seeing seeing the work of other girl graphic designers like Antigirl, design that kills, Abby Clawson Low and Oh Joy! Studio. I also like the styles of NEUARMY and Scott Hansen and too many more people to list. People with strong aesthetics win me over every time!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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life Add Gala on Twitter!How To Cope With A Quarter-Life Crisis (Part Two)
[ 20 September 2008, 10:36 ]
The other day I started talking about the quarter-life crisis phenomenon, & how I believed it could be boiled down to two essential elements. To me, it’s quite clear that there are major differences between the people who experience quarter- or mid-life crises & those who don’t.
Believe me, I did my research! For the last couple of weeks I have been asking my friends whether they’d ever had a mid- or quarter-life crisis, or if anyone they knew had. I also asked them where they thought the root of the crisis came from. Their answers were very illuminating, & really helped me put this article together.
The group of people who seem to go through life without suffering the crushing blow of a quarter- or mid-life crisis seem to have two things going for them. The first thing is meaningful work. They’re in a career where they feel fulfilled creatively, they’re happy with their contribution & they are adequately challenged (or can challenge themselves more whenever they want to).
The second thing they seem to have sorted out are satisfying relationships.
Now, before you start freaking out because you’ve never managed to commit to a lover for more than 2 weeks at a time, let me tell you that I’m not really talking about intimate sexual relationships. Those come & go, & while they can be delightful & a lot of fun, being in a long-term stable monogamous relationship is not compulsory to have a happy life. What I’m really referring to, when I talk about satisfying relationships, are the relationships you have with the people around you, but it also covers the kinds of people you attract into your life, & how they impact & affect you.
Like it or not, everyone that we are involved with — from your manager to your girlfriend to your best friend — influences & affects you in some way. Even if you think you are a one-man island, completely impervious to the whims of anyone else, you are mistaken! We are all impacted upon by the people around us. For example, have you ever worn a certain pair of shoes because a guy you like told you they looked good on you? Or avoided talking about politics because you disagree with the person next to you & you don’t want to make a scene? Or you spent way more than you could afford at a bar because you wanted to be able to “keep up” with the people you were with? Yeah, I thought so! You’re no island!
It’s okay, though. That makes you human — bonus! — & normal. This is nothing ground-breaking, of course, but being aware of this fact can help bring your attention to the sort of people you surround yourself with, & the ways that you alter yourself around them.
Interpersonal relationships can be a lot more complicated than finding meaningful work, though, because it’s not just about you, it’s about the people around you. This means we’re not always in complete control, because for everything we do, the way that someone else responds is entirely up to them.
If you have a fantastic career but your lover or friends or family don’t support it or encourage you, that can put you in a very difficult position. It’s almost impossible to advance yourself or your work if someone who is important to you is jealous, feels left out, doesn’t understand or is otherwise conflicted about who you are & what you do.
Another one of the reasons why having strong personal relationships can help you avoid a quarter-life crisis is because it’s important to feel like we have people who can support us regardless of what we’re going through. Even if our friends haven’t necessarily experienced the things we have, they still have insights & opinions which are valuable & useful. As great as it is to be self-sufficient, having someone else to bounce ideas off is immensely useful, especially when you’re not totally sure what to do in a given situation.
Of course, if you can’t make friends or your friendships are difficult at best, you might find that the people you’ve chosen to involve in your life aren’t always around when you need them. Or they’re around, but not interested in helping you. Or you realise that you don’t feel any better after you’ve spoken to them.
So, how can you make your interpersonal relationships more satisfying?
(A lot of these tips could just be filed under “How To Be A People Person”, but really this is about how to strengthen & maintain your relationships.)
Assess your friends
A lot of us have certain friends because they are convenient or it’s just such an old friendship that we don’t really think about it much. Sometimes it is worth considering whether being friends with this or that person is in your best interests. What about the old school friend who, despite best intentions, is kind of depressing to be around? Or that relative of yours who always pinches your sides & tells you to join them for a run in the morning?
The basis of a friendship shouldn’t be as simple as just not-wanting-to-kill-one-another — it should be mutually beneficial & fun. My usual barometer is to ask myself whether I feel good or bad after I’ve seen someone. If I feel kind of sad or stressed or anything else negative, I ask myself whether that’s how I usually feel after I’ve seen them, or if it was a one-off kind of occasion. I usually move away from friendships with people who continually make me feel exhausted or unhappy or something similar. If, on the other hand, seeing my friends makes me feel happy & elated & excited, I know I’m onto a good thing which is worth continuing with.
Honestly, life is too short to spend time with people who don’t really push your buttons. If you don’t really like your friends that much, why waste all that energy on people who aren’t worth it? You might as well spend your time alone — at least you’ll learn to get comfortable with your own company!
Avoid drama
Oh yes, drama. Drama, gossip & turmoil — the opiate of the oppressed (thanks, Erica). It’s what you get hooked on when there’s nothing real going on in your life. (Don’t sweat it, ‘cause we’ve all been there, & I don’t think anyone is entirely immune — but there is a better way to live, I promise.)
So, have you ever noticed that some people just attract drama? They suck it in, it’s drawn to them, it sticks to them like eyelash glue & follows them around like a guy in a bar with a popped collar. They have one problem after another. There is always some Major Agonising Situation which requires some kind of enormous emotional investment. These people can be interesting at first, but soon the whole thing becomes tired & frustrating, aggravating & irritating. Sometimes they squeal things like, “Why does this always happen to me?!”, but behind the scenes they’re delighting in the attention & adrenaline. Believe me when I say that their drama magnetism is not a coincidence. It just isn’t. They have it because they want it, whether they realise it consciously or not.
I used to work with a girl who lurched from one crisis to another. She could never pay her rent, she had problems with her boyfriend, she was arguing with her mother, she slept with some guy who sent her abusive text messages, she was in some kind of conflict with her best friend, & the list went on. I mean, it was constant. She loved it, because it gave her something to talk about, but she was one of the world’s least pleasant people to be around, even though her personality was mostly pretty cool.
A lot of people get confused & think that in order for their life — or for them — to be interesting, they have to be surrounded by conflict & drama. Not true! Drama isn’t interesting, it’s tiresome & old. Isn’t it better to have a life that invigorates & excites you & is drama-free? Yes, of course!
If you have a pattern of attracting dramatic people, think about that & figure out where it comes from. I can’t tell you the exact reason for that, because it’s different for everyone, but it might be that you like to live vicariously through them. If so, resolve to make your own life more interesting. You don’t need to be a spectator to someone else’s life.
My advice if you have dramatic friends? Just don’t go there. You are worth so much more than that. The energy you’re using up thinking about their problems & their crap is energy you could otherwise devote to yourself, & to making yourself happy. Don’t dignify their behaviour with any kind of response, because it just gives them more fuel (& drama to add to the pot!). Don’t get tangled up in their stuff — just dust yourself off & continue on your own journey.
This is easier said than done, because sometimes extracting yourself from a relationship with a drama magnet can be somewhat akin to getting out of an abusive relationship. It can be really difficult, especially if you still care about the person & feel like you should be around to help them get out of whatever new mess they’re in. But you know what? Their stuff is their stuff, & not your problem. You’re not the white knight, & behaving like one doesn’t help them — in fact, it makes them worse. Regardless, sometimes, making positive change is hard. Sometimes, it is difficult & tricky to improve your own situation. But it is always, always worth it. Stop selling yourself short, & make it happen.
Make the effort
Of course, the crucial thing to keep in mind when you make a great friend is that you have to make an effort to keep the friendship going! This can be tricky, especially with the world being the small place it is today. Many of my closest friends live far away from me, & I might not see them before a year is up. But at the same time, making an effort doesn’t have to be an ordeal. Even keeping in touch on Facebook or via cute short emails is better than nothing. It lets the other person know you’re alive & thinking of them, which is so valuable.
Now, you may note that the heading says “make the effort”, not “make the effort when you have nothing better to do”. This includes when you are head-over-heels in love with someone new & your friends slide into lower priority! Oh, I see you blushing in the back! You can’t escape my wily gaze!
I mean, hey, it happens. If your friends are good people, they’ll understand & either bug you to hang out or just wait for you to come back to your senses! But remember them! They will probably still be around when John (or Jane) Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt gets on his (or her) horse & rides off into the sunset… !
Be assertive
I’ve written fairly extensively about How To Be Assertive before, so I won’t rehash what I’ve already said, but being assertive is really important.
What does it mean to be assertive? Here’s a quick summary. It means telling people what you want & what you need. It’s about being strong enough that people won’t take advantage of you or manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to do. It means communicating clearly & honestly, not playing games & not bottling everything up until the point where you explode.
Acting assertively can seem counter-intuitive or uncomfortable at first, especially to people who have been taught to always consider everyone else before themselves, but altering your behaviour in this way will be of major benefit to you.
People who don’t behave assertively — that is to say that they behave in an aggressive, passive or passive-aggressive manner — send out confusing signals to the people around them, which can make maintaining relationships difficult. Passive people feel like they’re constantly being taken advantage of, aggressive people wonder why no one wants to get close, & passive-aggressive people are unpredictable & kind of scary! If the same things keep happening to you over & over, it’s time to change your behaviour. Stop acting like a bozo, & take control of your life & your emotions!
Treat people with respect
Okay, so if you’re not associating with people who like to stir up chaos everywhere they go, your friends are probably pretty cool. Well done you! If you have friends who are good to you & fun to be around, be sure to treat them well!
This means return their phonecalls, treat them to dinner once in a while, don’t constantly bail on seeing them & let them know that you appreciate them! Don’t just show up at their house unannounced, be sure to share good times (as opposed to just calling when you have some kind of problem), look after their belongings & don’t tell them their dress looks good on them if it doesn’t! Be good, be genuine, be a friend worth having, & you’ll be respected in return.
“Love one another & you will be happy. It’s as simple & as difficult as that.” — Michael Leunig
As for me, I think I had my quarter-life crisis — or at least some general kind of existential crisis — from about age 19 to 22 or 23. It lasted for quite a long time, & I was really miserable. I also thought I was the only person who had ever gone through something like it, which made me feel even worse. I was constantly switching jobs, trying to find something I liked — though of course, because I kept doing the same thing (jumping between very similar roles), it never made me any happier. The unhappiness just moved location. I loathed working in offices, & it seemed like I was the only person who had trouble with it. I constantly wondered, ‘What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just do this & get over it & enjoy myself?’ So my lack of meaningful work was a major factor — it really messed me up, because I felt like I was a creative person squandering my life, but didn’t know what I could possibly do to remove myself from the situation. I was convinced that no one ever made any money as a writer, so I should just forget about it.
I didn’t really have any strong friendships at the time, either. I had friends, sure, but our interactions were mostly limited to seeing one another when we were drinking on the weekend. “Real” conversations were hard to come by. They were also in similar situations to me — aka disliking their jobs — but instead of battling it like I was, they seemed resigned to their fate. This made me feel even more lost & adrift. Thankfully, at some point I learned about EFT & started using it regularly. That was what really turned my life around, & I credit it with pretty much everything I’ve achieved up to this point.
Like Annie Spandex said in the comments on the first part of this article, an existential crisis can happen at any time, & is quite normal. We all have moments of panic about who we are, where we’re going & what we’re doing. The reason why quarter- & mid-life crises exist is because these are commonly the times where we are under the most stress (quarter) or doing the most self-evaluation (mid). When you’ve just come out of school & are entering the workforce for the first time, it’s incredibly easy to be over- or even underwhelmed by “real life”! Especially when you’re still working out who you are & what you want to do with yourself. The mid-life crisis seems to be mostly brought on by looking at your life & what you’ve achieved so far, & feeling like you’ve come up short.
One of the best ways to avoid feeling like this in the first place is to live consciously. That means don’t just coast along, going about your day-to-day with little thought as to how happy you are. Question your routine. Think about your patterns, & decide to alter them if you realise they’re not working. Try new things. Learn to enjoy every moment. Don’t just get complacent & fall into a routine which doesn’t serve you, because that’s a sure route to sadness/misery/a crisis of some kind!
It’s also important to avoid comparing yourself to other people. I know that it’s a lot easier to say that than do it, but really, no good will ever come from trying to measure yourself against your friends, idols or competition. There are always going to be areas where you are better than them (of course, because you’re fabulous!), but there will also be things they are better at than you. That’s just how life is. Life isn’t a competition, even though society would like to have us think it is. (It helps them sell us stuff we don’t need, among other things.) Just be yourself. Enjoy your time on the planet. Do what pleases you. Boiled down to its most basic elements, the whole thing seems juvenile in its simplicity.
This is not to say that if you avoid an existential crisis your life will be perfect. No one’s really is, we all have our own unique challenges. But just be good to yourself. Find something you love & devote yourself to it. Make some friends who make you smile & inspire you to be a better person, & avoid those who stress you out. Don’t work yourself so hard you get an ulcer — even if you love what you do — because your well-being is more important than that. Love lots of people. Take time off, lie down & do nothing at all. Be generous & free with compliments. Feed your spirit with beautiful things. Love yourself.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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productivity Add Gala on Twitter!How To Cope With A Quarter-Life Crisis
[ 17 September 2008, 10:35 ]
A girl I know posted this on her journal recently.
“I believe I am entering phase five of my quarter life crisis. It’s a bit like how grief has stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression & acceptance.
Anyway quarter life crisis, phase 1: Denial. Party harder than before, delete your birth year from your Facebook profile.
Phase 2: Anger. MY LIFE IS SO SO BAD ARGHNNGGGMMPPFFF.
Phase 3: Bargaining. Give up smoking for a week and buy some expensive face wash.
Phase 4: Shame and regret.
Phase 5: Fear of your imminent death.
Phase 6: Acceptance that since you’re not ever going to do all the things you want to do or know all the things you want to know you may as well sit around smoking weed all day if you feel like it as anxiety only hastens your IMMINENT DEATH.
Phase 7: Death.”
It seems like at the moment a lot of people I know are going through their quarter-life crisis. A friend of mine from school turned 25 last week — three days before me — & when I was in Wellington, I was the recipient of a flurry of panicked emails. To put it plainly, she is freaking out. She thinks she is getting old. She has started lying to people about her age (23 seems to be the magic number). & she is convinced that she is going to have a stroke which will leave half her face paralysed.
She told me that recently an old woman who used a walking stick came into the shop where she was working. My friend said hello, & asked if she could help her, because the old woman had trouble moving around. The old woman stopped where she was, turned around & stared at my friend. “Promise me something,” she said, in a low, foreboding voice. “Don’t ever get old!”
This was the final straw.
Honestly, anyone who thinks the quarter-life crisis is a bogus phenomenon needs to meet my friends!
Most people who are going through this ugly process are aware that there is something wrong, but are you just feeling generally miserable or is it a quarter-life crisis? What are the signs or symptoms? Commonly, they are…
Feeling like you’re not doing well enough
Frustration & disillusionment with the working world
Feeling insecure about what you’re doing, where you’re going & what your plans are
Anxiety over close relationships
Feeling extremely bored with your social life (otherwise known as, “Oh my god, I will throw myself out the window if I have to go to another party at her house”)
Nostalgia for teenage years, high school or university (this often manifests itself as an obsession with looking at old photographs or reading journals & reminiscing)
Feeling a desperate need to “settle down” — like buy a house, get married or have a baby
...Or conversely, wanting to “escape” the real world — like backpacking around the world or finding a nice cave to live in
Financial stress or confusion
Intense loneliness
Feeling that everyone is doing better than you
Terror at the concept of getting “old”
Wondering “Is that all there is?”
A vague feeling of apathy, mixed with horror, panic & depression
Of course, feeling some of these things occasionally is pretty much par for the course, & not necessarily indicative that you’re going through a quarter-life crisis! However, if all these things (or the majority of them) seem to have hit you at once, this can be quite terrifying — especially if it happens to coincide with your birthday or other milestone.
So, I’ve given this quite a lot of thought over the past week or so. Why is it that some of my friends are in this terrifying choke hold, & some aren’t? I have plenty of friends who have never felt like they were going through a quarter- (or even mid-!) life crisis. Why is that?
Well, I think I know the answer. There are two deciding factors which separate the two groups. Since they both deserve a lot of attention, I’ve split this article into two parts — the second of which is coming tomorrow.
The first catalyst for a quarter-life crisis is a lack of meaningful work.
So, the idea that your work or career (or lack of one) could be contributing to your feelings of anxiety is probably a bit of a drag to some of you — especially those of you who are in denial about how happy your work makes you. By now, we all know (I’m sure) that working just to eke out a living is not the path to eternal bliss. The people who seem happiest & most fulfilled are always those who do something that turns their crank. I know that sounds like a bit of a heavy trip, especially if you don’t feel like you’re part of that camp. Believe me, I’ve been there, & I know from personal experience that there is nothing worse than working in a job you dislike. I think the place where a lot of us stumble is that we think the work we do — or the career we enter — has to be life-changing, ground-shaking, life-shattering. It doesn’t. It doesn’t at all.
When I say “meaningful work”, my definition is that it has to be meaningful to you — & only you. As much as we would all like to change the planet, that isn’t necessary to feel good or fulfilled. My idea of something “meaningful” is pretty simple: do something that has value to you.
I used to sell advertising for a small newspaper in New Zealand. My job was to sit at a desk, go through the Yellow Pages, & cold-call businesses to try & sell them space in an unsuccessful newspaper. It was awful. It had absolutely no value to me, beyond the fact that it helped me pay my rent. I would not classify this as meaningful work. On the other hand, when I worked at Lush, I loved it! I was surrounded by beautiful products which I believed in, & I got to sell them to people who really loved & appreciated them. It helped clear their skin up, or made them feel luxurious & sexy, so I felt that was a business worth being in. I really enjoyed it, & it made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile — contributing something positive. I would call that meaningful work. Like I said, you don’t have to wash the feet of lepers to do something that makes you feel good.
If the thing that made you happiest was painting watercolours for the elderly, or walking dogs, then that’s great! I’ll say it again for emphasis: you don’t have to cure AIDS, be a recycling avenger or destroy the capitalist agenda to have a life that is full of love & wonder & happiness, or to make a difference to other people’s lives.
The great thing is that just by being who we are, & being happy, we serve as an incredible example to everyone we come into contact with. I am not a saint or a perfect person, but I feel good about what I’m doing with my life. When people ask me what I do for a living, or enquire as to what I’ve been up to recently, most of them are pretty excited to hear my response. Plenty of them give me a crazed look, before the barrage of questions begins. “So, you don’t work for anyone else? & you travel around & write from wherever you like? Huh?!”
I hope that they go home & think about how they could bring a little magic into their own lives, & I know that a lot of them do — just like a lot of you do after you discover iCiNG & start getting into the spirit of it! That’s just it — sometimes things seem impossible until we see someone else do it — & then, we often feel brave enough to give it a try. In fact, this happens all the time: you can see clear examples of this in athletics. No one can run a mile in under x minutes until they see someone else succeed, & then, all of a sudden, athletes spanning the globe can do it. Just like that. It really goes to show that the only things holding us back are our self-imposed limits or our beliefs about our own capabilities.
Having said all this, most people who aren’t doing some kind of work which pushes their buttons are in that situation precisely because they don’t know where to begin. They don’t always know what their interests are, or where their talents lie, & the whole idea is kind of scary. (Having said this, if you know what you should be doing, but are just putting it off — muster up some courage, & begin!) I think a lot of what fuels a quarter-life crisis is this feeling that somehow, everyone but you has a grand plan for their life, & they are Getting Things Done & Going Somewhere, & you’re the only person who is kind of lost & confused. Don’t be tempted to think that people with a “career plan” have it all figured out, or that their lives are perfect. The truth is, most people don’t have a master plan at all. A lot of us are just blindly feeling our way, trying to make the best of whatever situations come our way.
Ths is a long-winded way of saying don’t feel bad because you haven’t got everything all figured out. No one does. The people who think they do tend to learn the hard way that they really don’t. Life is supposed to be an adventure, & it’s supposed to be tricky sometimes! That’s what makes life interesting! If every boy you liked fell at your feet immediately, or you were suddenly a wild success without really doing anything to get there, you would be bored to tears. A bit of a challenge is good for us, because it shows us what we’re made of & proves to us the power we really have — which then helps us to go on & do bigger, bolder & better things.
Here are some things to keep in mind if you feel like your quarter-life crisis stems from a lack of meaningful work:
Listen to yourself
Above all else, remember that you are living your life for you & you alone. If your life thus far has been an effort to make your parents/significant other/friends happy, believe me when I say that you are fooling yourself & wasting your time. This doesn’t mean you have to be inconsiderate or the world’s most selfish person, but you have to put yourself first. Don’t let people bully you into a lifestyle that doesn’t interest or suit you. It is a recipe for complete misery. No one wants to wake up at age 60 & realise they’ve completely squandered their life!
Often our parents, lovers, friends, religious leaders or other people in the community act as if they know what is best for us. While it’s true that everyone has a unique & valuable perspective on life, that does not mean that they are right, or that they can possibly know what our life should be like. Only you can determine that for yourself.
Listening to yourself means paying attention to what interests you, acting on what your intuition tells you (& not just shoving it down or ignoring it), & allowing yourself to grow, expand & make mistakes. Scary, yes! But once you have started living in this way, you’ll never go back. It is an entirely new experience.
Take it slowly
Don’t feel compelled to rush into anything. Time is an illusion, after all, so don’t allow an illusion to dictate your life! We all feel like there’s never enough time, but if you can make the effort to slow down, be in the present & appreciate what you’re doing right at this very second, that perception will begin to change.
Life is not a race, regardless of what your friends or the media may tell you. Who are you competing against, what are you really competing for, & does it actually matter? Your best friend might have a baby & a sparkly engagement ring, while your favourite cousin has a high-paying job & an amazing apartment, but so what? Everyone’s life moves at a different speed & no one is doing better or worse than anyone else. You might be envious of your friend’s baby while she secretly wishes she was unencumbered & able to travel the world like you do.
Don’t rush! Regardless of how uncomfortable it may feel, you are always at the perfect place for you, your life, your growth, development & experience.
Stay curious
As well as keeping you young, it will allow you to remain open to the opportunities that present themselves to you. Stay excited, keep asking questions, continue to move through life. It’s much better to be curious & happy than trapped in something you’re not enjoying.
Have faith in yourself
Sometimes you have to take a big, scary leap into the unknown. You may not know the next step, & you might not know exactly what you’re doing, or how it’s all going to work out — but you need to have faith in yourself & trust in the process.
A lot of people never take any risks because they feel the need to organise their life to death & have stringent plans which they execute like clockwork. That’s an okay way to live, but it’s certainly not very exciting, & it can take some of the thrill out of life! Life becomes much more magnificent when you just decide to do things, & trust that it will all work out. It can be terrifying, but it’s also amazing.
When you have vexing problems or a zillion questions, know that you already have the answer — & everything else you will ever need — inside you.
Be true to yourself
Become aware of the fact that what other people are doing with their lives is not necessarily right for you, no matter how fun/glamorous/cool/right it may seem. You cannot live anyone else’s life. You can only ever live your own, so don’t try to fit yourself into the mold someone else has poured.
Of course, you should try new things to see if they work for you or not. But don’t force yourself to do something if it’s not right for you, or just because you feel like you should. It will only make you feel uncomfortable. It’s much better to be authentic & cut your own path than take painful steps in someone else’s shoes.
Follow your passion
This is part of having faith in yourself, but gets its own mention because sometimes this can be hard to do — especially if people around you are critical or devoted to being “realistic” all the time. People with passion are often misunderstood because they sometimes look crazy from the outside! Don’t let other people’s opinions or judgements sway you. If you know what you’re doing & you have a vision, you should follow it.
“Everyone has a talent, what is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.”
— Erica Jong
If you really feel like you’re in the clutches of a quarter-life crisis & don’t quite know how to deal with it, these books come highly recommended. Many people have said they helped a lot — they no longer felt alone in their situation, & were able to gain some perspective & take steps which helped break them out of it.
Try Christine Hassler’s 20-Something, 20-Everything: A Quarter-life Woman’s Guide to Balance and Direction & 20 Something Manifesto: Quarter-Lifers Speak Out About Who They Are, What They Want, and How to Get It, The Quarterlifer’s Companion: How to Get on the Right Career Path, Control Your Finances, and Find the Support Network You Need to Thrive by Abby Wilner & Catherine Stocker, Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis: Advice from Twentysomethings Who Have Been There and Survived by Alexandra Robbins, Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties by Alexandra Robbins & Abby Wilner, & Upload Experience: Quarterlife Solutions for Teens And Twentysomethings by Jason Steinle.
You might also like to read this article from life coach Tim Brownson, How To Survive A Mid- Or Quarter-Life Crisis.
Part two is coming tomorrow, sweet thing, so sit tight!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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[ 16 September 2008, 09:33 ]
Nubby & I had such an incredible birthday! If you came out to Central Park to celebrate with us, let me say a huge THANK YOU! It was really touching & awesome that so many of you made the effort. Even better, you were all gorgeous, charming & well-dressed! We couldn’t have asked for a better guest list.
We received some amazing gifts, including wedding rings from Princess Poochie, beautiful prints from Cynthia, pink roses, books of poetry, heart-shaped cakes, stockings & eye make-up, birthday cards & lots of hugs!
Nubby & I opening our presents from Marie...
She gave us custom-made corsages! Nubby’s had Michael Jackson on it, & mine had a picture of Biggie. Swoon.
Exchanging