Radical Self Love Lifestyle Tip #2: Celebrate Everything!
[ 18 January 2012, 17:13 ]
The world is full of small wonders. Who can argue with the magnificence of baby teeth or big fluffy clouds? Who could deny the beauty of a pink convertibles, or a plane streaking its way across a blazing sky? There is so much beauty in small things, like discovering a stray sequin on the footpath, or finding a $20 bill in your pocket. What would life be without first kisses, & the first snowfall of the season?
These things are worth celebrating, & there are always more. Make it your duty to delight in the details.
Create altars in your home. Build devotionals to your charmed life. Decorate shelves & windowsills with photos, candles, flowers & little statues, & light matches every night. When you do, take a moment to think about your blessings.
Remember: When you feel stuck, ensnared, entangled & embroiled, you have a choice. You can choose to see the magic & the wonder — even though it might be difficult — or you can choose to focus on the problems. You’ll always get more of what you think about…
Choose to infuse your life with burning candles & birthday cake, whenever possible.
Photo of Christina Aguilera by Ellen Von Unwerth.
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When The Magic Fades & The Doldrums Set In: How To Avoid Becoming One Of THOSE Couples!
[ 10 January 2012, 13:15 ]
When you’re in a long-term relationship of any degree of seriousness, it’s easy for the magic to fade away. Repeated conversations about the regularity of your new puppy’s bowel movements, the seemingly unsolvable leak in the roof & profound discussions about the purchase of new appliances can suck the romance out of any pair of star-cross’d lovers!
What you really want to prevent, though, is becoming “one of THOSE couples” — the dreaded curse. It’s that feeling of being locked down into a relationship with someone who you love, but with whom the honeymoon is very much over. Comfort becomes routine, routine becomes monotony & before you know it, you’re spending every night together eating takeaways in front of the television. This is NOT living!
There are no excuses for your relationship to lack spark or fireworks. No matter whether you’ve been together for thirty years, or you’re planning on getting married, or you’re both feeling the sting of the economic downturn… All of these things are irrelevant. There is no reason why your relationship should make you want to go to bed early!
I am not an expert on this — I don’t know if it’s something anyone can be an expert on. Keeping the sparkle is an ongoing process & an exercise in daily improvement, as well as something the two of you need to do together. There’s no value in one of you trying to perform magic tricks for the other when your lover is more interested in playing games or hanging out with their friends! However, sometimes it just takes one of you to start making the initial improvements, & soon your sweetheart will catch on & follow suit.
Here are some ideas & suggestions for a relationship which is dragging its heels.
It’s so very easy to spend every night watching television. It’s right there, & many of us have been programmed to think that a night in front of the box is “the done thing”. I would like to propose that it should NOT be the done thing. Sitting next to your squeeze & watching television together is not bonding. It really isn’t. You’re sitting there, not looking at one another & not really talking. You might as well be on a bus beside a stranger!
Of course, if you want to start switching up the routine, this will require forethought & planning. If a large portion of your relationship has revolved around watching T.V. together, it might be tricky to remember how it feels to be spontaneous. Don’t worry, this is easy to fix!
Grab an event guide for your city or area, & either make a list or tear out the things which interest you most. See if you can strike a balance between the things which are more your area of delight & the activities which thrill your lover. Then go out & DO them!
I don’t mean to get all heteronormative on you, so apologies to my queer women in the audience — this paragraph may not apply to you. It has been my experience that men can be difficult to motivate, especially when you ask them to have an opinion about some kind of activity.
“Do you want to go out to dinner?” you’ll ask.
“Eh. Maybe,” they respond.
‘Useful,’ you think.
However, if you actually PLAN things & ask them to make the time available, it’s a different case altogether.
“We’re going to dinner on Thursday with Victoria & David,” you say. (Beckham, of course.)
“Okay,” he replies.
SUCCESS!
So try that one. It works!
How was the beginning of your relationship different to the way it looks now? Did you used to spend hours just making out? Did you have a shared interest that you both explored with gusto?
If there was something which brought the two of you together at the start, why not pick that back up again? Just because your patterns as a couple have changed, don’t lose hope. You can always alter a routine!
It doesn’t really matter why those things have fallen by the wayside, but what does matter is that you take action — IMMEDIATELY! — & start to change the course of your relationship. The longer you put it off, the sadder & more desperate you will feel about your situation. The actions you take TODAY could actually SAVE your relationship! So, organise something as soon as you’ve finished reading this article! Start making a list NOW of ways you & your partner could reconnect, & when you’re done reading, make it happen. Pick up the phone, Google that little bed & breakfast you heard so much about, make an appointment. Go Team Romance!
When you fall in love with someone, your brain chemistry goes crazy. Your brain gets flooded with dopamine & norepinephrine, & the effects last about 18 months. After that, though, the levels of these chemicals decrease, & so then you start to settle into that comfortable, relaxed phase. It’s sweet, & it feels good, but it can make you wonder what the hell happened to your relationship which once seemed so exciting!
The great news is that you can easily kick these chemicals back into production by simply doing something NEW together as a couple! It’s that straightforward!
This new thing you do doesn’t have to be dramatic, it just needs to be something you’ve never done before. Fantastically, the world is FULL of amazing experiences that you’ve never sampled! From radical new sex positions to jumping out of planes, from degustation restaurants to racing go-karts, there is literally NO limit to the fun & wonderful things you can do as a couple.
A good way to work out these things you could do together is to sit down & make a bucket list. I started one a little while ago, & it contains items such as, Ride an elephant which will give me a shower with its trunk & Visit Iceland! The point is, the activities can be as exotic & dramatic — or sweet & simple — as you like. So sit down with your sweetie & make some lists. Compare, contrast, then go forth & conquer!
This term is thrown around so much that it’s almost a cliche, but it is so true! You need to have a date night & you should make it mandatory. Non-negotiable! Once a week, every week, create a night that is just about the two of you.
I really do think that it’s a lack of special, focused, shared time which causes people to take one another for granted & forget the reasons they fell in love in the first place. Date night is an excellent way to regain all those things.
As with most things, this is an activity best shared between the two of you. It shouldn’t be your responsibility to organise the dates every week — after a while, you’ll start to feel resentful that you’re the one making all the effort while your beau or ladylove is the one who reaps all the benefits! You can arrange the first one, & your beloved can sort out the next one.
If you have children or rambunctious pets (!!!), see if you can have someone else look after them so that you can have uninterrupted “adult time”. Spend some time together & you’ll remember why you found your lover so dazzling, charming & appealing in the first place!
Firstly, let me clarify: this is absolutely not about changing who you are to “suit” your partner! They got into this knowing who you were, & if you start to shed all the parts of your personality to become who they think they want, they might realise they actually liked you as you are…
No, this is more about being considerate & thoughtful. For example, I am not very domesticated. (Understatement.) I don’t cook. I hate to do the dishes. I don’t vacuum very often & sometimes I leave food dishes on my desk. It makes my boyfriend — you know him as The Dish, but his name is actually Michael — crazy. He likes a clean house. I understand this.
Now, I can defend myself all I like. “I work from home! I’m WORKING! I don’t have time to clean! I’m deep in thought, I’m busy being BRILLIANT, I can’t do these menial things you ask of me!” I can spout off whatever old shit I like. But ultimately? I just need to clean up after myself. Would it kill me to take the garbage out when I notice that it’s full? No, it wouldn’t. So I need to just DO it. It reduces the stress on our relationship, it makes my boyfriend feel less like my maid, & I don’t have to deal with him nagging me about it. We all win.
What is something you do which makes your partner froth at the mouth? Is it something you could change? Are there are tiny, incremental, teeny-tiny adjustments you could make which would make your lives happier? There probably are. Give it a shot. See what happens.
When Mike & I cancelled our cable television subscription, it quickly became one of the BEST things we have EVER done for ourselves as a couple. Suddenly, we were sitting on the couch FACING one another, & talking, as opposed to facing forward & letting the advertising trickle all over us! We were laughing & talking about important things, & getting in some real “quality” time. It was so great!
Basically, I am all for anything which removes the barriers to conversation. I love to go for long walks with him too, because the activity lends itself so well to excellent dialogue. There’s plenty of stimulus, you’re getting some exercise, you’re filling your lungs with fresh air & all the blood pumping around gives you flashes of inspiration & brilliance.
If I had my way, we wouldn’t have a television at all… But for now, the reduced amount of time spent watching it suits me just fine.
Taking a class together — or just learning how to do something as a couple — is a fantastic way of strengthening your relationship. It also keeps things fresh & interesting!
Learn how to cook Italian cuisine, renovate your entire apartment, start a small business together, organise to bring your favourite group to town & put on a concert… Whatever it is you want to do together, just do it!
You discover so much about one another when you’re both starting out as beginners. It can be very revealing & puts you both at a place of vulnerability, which can be rare. There will be stumbling blocks & challenges, but ultimately, it should bring you closer together & give you both a sense of renewed purpose!
With any problem, it can be really helpful to get extremely specific about what it REALLY is that bothers you. This is something I learned when I started practicing EFT — the more specific you can be about a problem, the easier it is to solve. While you can absolutely use EFT to help with relationship problems, learning how to be really precise about an issue makes it about three trillion times easier to solve.
So, if your relationship is feeling stagnant & muggy, work out exactly what it is that’s upsetting you. Is it that you feel like you’re spending too much time at home? Is it that you only ever go out together & you never get any alone time? Is it that your time together is always spent with his friends or only indulging his interests? Is it that you feel like he doesn’t show enough interest in your life? When you can get specific about what it is that you think is missing, you can take steps to resolve it.
I always find it easiest to nut out my problems when I can put them on paper. I have had some massive realisations just from writing letters I never planned on sending — it’s simply the way my brain works best. We all have a preferred problem-solving technique. You might have all your best ideas in the shower or while working out. Regardless, once you’ve worked out what the real issue is, devote some time to thinking about how to solve it.
While you can talk to your friends about it, I often find that that muddles my thinking. They can only speak from their own experience, after all, & while sometimes that can be valuable, the older I get the more I realise that I already have all the answers inside me anyway. Listening to your intuition — & even further than that, actually ACTING on what it’s telling you — is so valuable, & it will never steer you wrong.
It’s always best to start off with a conversation with your lover. Let them know what you think is missing — & phrase it in a way that is less, “You did this wrong!” & more, “I think we could work on this!” See where it goes from there.
I already went over this, but I’ll say it again because it’s important to me. My definition of spending time together is actually doing things while LOOKING at one another & talking! So, by that token, watching television together is not spending time together. You may be sitting next to one another, but the other person doesn’t really need to be there in order for the experience to occur. Do something which actually requires interaction!
It probably wouldn’t kill either of you to take a day off work & spend a day doing things together. NOT running errands, NOT cleaning the house, NOT feeling obligated to go to the bank/post office/whatever. Go out & have an adventure!
As wonderful as it is to spend quality time with your paramour, it can be extremely strengthening for the relationship to NOT spend every hour of every day together.
Having separate interests & lives is so important, & can really help the two of you get along. It also helps give you perspective! Your boyfriend may be driving you nuts, but a few hours spent with your best friend & her new love interest may give you renewed appreciation for the woman or man waiting for you at home!
When couples get together, typically the time they spend together increases & increases, until it gets to the point where you’re seeing each other EVERY night & not doing much else. Once that becomes routine, regular & expected, the dazzle starts to die down. The sizzle is less… scintillating. You start to look at each other & get a bit, Is that all there is?
So, GO OUT! ALONE! Remember that yoga class you loved? Or that book club which forced you to use your brain in new ways? How about those French lessons or the afternoon tea dates you used to have with your aunt? Revive those things! Go & do the things which make you happy. Get out of the house & learn how to enjoy your own company again. Your relationship will be so much better for it!
It’s my belief that relationships are about a million times more fun & satisfying for everyone when you’re having exciting sex — & often! There are reasons you’re together, after all, & one of them should be that you find each other attractive! (If you don’t, you might as well just be friends! Right?)
It can be easy for sex to fall by the wayside, especially when you’re both working hard, you have children, you’re stressed out about the problem du jour, etc. etc. etc. But I don’t believe in excuses, & I think instead of spluttering around the topic, you might as well just take your clothes off & have a good time!
If sex has become a bit boring or routine for the two of you, there are lots of ways you can spice it up. Introduce sex toys to your playtime, put on a saucy costume, drop some dirty talk or just decide to get it on in a new location. Buy a great sex book & go through it together. See what interests you! You might be surprised.
Some of my favourite sex books are The The Guide to Getting It On, Sex Is Fun!: Creative Ideas for Exciting Sex & Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex! I promise that they will not disappoint!
From singing each other songs in the supermarket to misbehaving at someone else’s wedding, there are a million ways to bring some vim back into your everyday life. You’re friends, after all, so act like it! Life doesn’t have to be serious all the time!
Falling back in love doesn’t have to be expensive or difficult, either. Even if you’re both unemployed, your city is full of fantastically cheap (& even free!) things to do. Looking at the stars costs nothing. Going for a long walk & making out on a wharf is free. Holding hands & talking about your future is… Yeah, you get the idea!
It can even be helpful to rethink the way you interact & speak to one another. Nothing could be more boring than speaking to each other as if you work together. Why not re-instigate the tried & true technique of FLIRTING? Put the monotone out to pasture, & give sultry a spin! Wink! Flip your hair! Pretend you’re in a Victoria’s Secret commercial if you have to! You are a gorgeous, sexy thing! Show it!
Something that can really keep a couple together — & help you through the less-than-thrilling times — is having a shared goal or purpose. Maybe you want a big house & a family, or perhaps you want to start an animal shelter together.
Whatever it is, don’t just get caught up in your daily responsibilities & the average humdrum. Talk about what you want to achieve together in the future, & work out plans so you can make it happen. Take steps towards your dream & set new goals when you’ve triumphed over the old. Celebrate your progress!
Keep your eyes on the horizon & work together to make your dreams a reality. There’s no better feeling!
When my man comes home from work in the evenings, he is exhausted from dealing with people all day, & generally just wants to chill out. When I finish working, I have been alone all day, cooped up in the house, & I wanna go OUT! I want to get dressed & go out for a meal. Sometimes, he can’t think of anything worse. So you have to be sensitive & thoughtful about it, & you can’t (or shouldn’t) force anyone to do what they don’t want to do.
If you’re a party girl & your lover is more of a retiring type, you may have to just suck it up & go out without him or her. Take your best friend instead! Your life doesn’t have to stop just because you have divergent interests.
Your differences can be the glue which holds you together. One of the reasons I love my husband so much is that in some ways, we are polar opposites. He is extremely rational & grounded, where I am a bit floaty & silly! We balance one another out — I remind him not to take life so seriously, while he keeps me accountable & on track! We appreciate one another in that way.
If we were both exactly the same, we would surely drive one another crazy! Learn to accept your lover for who they are, & your life will be much more peaceful!
Life can be frantic & fast-paced & sometimes, the time we spend together just feels like a brief respite before moving to the next thing on our ever-growing to do list. But it can be really valuable, even healing, to spend some time together where you breathe deeply, soak in the moment & put your responsibilities on the back-burner.
Never stop making the effort. Love is worth fighting for!
P.S. How To Make Your Relationship Succeed… Or Fail is brilliant! Have a read.
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lifeIn Praise Of Calling It Quits: What To Do When You're Burned Out, & How To Get Your Spark Back
[ 5 January 2012, 12:57 ]
Burned out. Exhausted. Empty. Apathetic.
Drained. Hopeless. Totally effing over it. Hit the wall. Sick of it. Breaking point. The last straw. Done & dusted.
Everyone has a limit. What should you do when you reach yours?
Some people will tell you that you need to KEEP PUSHING at all costs. They’ll trot out every cliché in the book: It’s better to burn out than fade away. Fake it ‘til you make it. Work your fingers to the bone. They’ll say that if you don’t do these things, then you might as well walk away. You’re a failure. How could you? We’re so disappointed in you. You could have been so much more.
I call bullshit. If you wanna get that spark back, try this instead…
1. Embrace your true feelings. If you feel exhausted, TAKE A REST. If you’re sick of working on something, TAKE A BREAK. If you feel burned out, DO SOMETHING ELSE. This is not rocket science — it’s very obvious. When you’re tired, you go to sleep, right? Yet when it comes to work, projects & relationships, somehow we keep denying ourselves what we need. You can’t race around at 500mph all the time.
What we resist, persists. The more you think about how much you despise something, the more of it you notice. You simply cannot rail against something & expect it to improve. If we keep telling ourselves we hate something, but we keep working away at it, we’re only going to attract more unpleasantness into our lives. How could things possibly get better from this point?
No heavenly being is waiting at the end of the line, giving out awards for sadomasochism. Give yourself a break.
2. Continually plugging away at something which doesn’t light your fire has never — & will never — inspire anything wonderful. It just creates mediocrity, & the world doesn’t need any more of that. Better to take a break & come back to things once you’ve filled your soul back up.
How to fill your soul up: Get out of your house. Go somewhere else. Take a train. Spend some time in a library. Visit your friends. Get some sleep. Volunteer your time. Cancel all your so-called obligations. Use your hands. Redecorate. Clean out your closet. Plan a holiday. Read a huge stack of books. Take dancing classes. Call your mother, sister, aunt, grandmother, best friend. Spend hours in cafés, watching people. Do a juice cleanse. Go to the movies. Meditate. Go on a retreat. Wait it out.
3. Put simply, radical self love means not pushing yourself to the point of immune system failure.
Take care of yourself. This means fleeing an abusive relationship, leaving a soul-sucking job, & kissing your horrible friends au revoir. You are worth more.
4. If you’re sick of something, you have two choices. You can bury your head in the sand & keep pushing forward, or you can use this as a chance to investigate what isn’t working for you. Maybe the project isn’t in alignment with your values. Maybe it’s not interesting to you anymore. Or maybe you’ve just been doing it too long.
Either way, when we look at what isn’t working, we can learn so much about ourselves, our values & what is really important.
5. Why are we so afraid to say no? Why are we so scared to come back to something later? Do we think that in that short amount of time we’re gone, we’ll be forgotten about? (Baby, you are unforgettable.)
Sometimes a break is just what you need. Maybe in that week, month, or year off, you’ll discover something which will totally reinvigorate you. Maybe it will inspire you to take it up again with a brilliant new spin.
I quit a project last summer. I felt like I’d been kicked in the teeth; it was hard. I was so surprised by the outcome that I dropped the whole thing. It has taken me six months to want to get back on the horse again, & this time, I’m doing it with renewed vigor, an expanded vision of what it will be, & a badass attitude.
6. Taking a break from a project or a person or a piece of work doesn’t mean it’s over. It doesn’t make you a failure or a flake. Perhaps it’s just not the right time. Good things need to gestate properly. Nothing is ever over until you say so.
7. Having said this, maybe if you take a break, you’ll never go back to it. You know what? If this happens, that’s okay! In fact, that’s GREAT! It simply opens up more space for better opportunities, more magic, & even greater serendipity. It creates room for that thing you’ve been desiring with a burning passion.
8. The world is gunning for you to succeed. We want you to be brilliant! Don’t be paranoid or afraid. Don’t be scared that while you’re taking a break, someone else is going to jump up & take your place.
In this world, there is no competition, no race; that’s just in your head. There is enough room for all of us to be happy, successful & utterly incredible. Scarcity thinking is what got us into this mess in the first place!
9. I think if we look at our lives honestly, ALL of us have something we should quit. We all have things that we do because we feel like we “have to”, & this is nonsense.
Whether it’s a friendship, a part-time job or a series of obligations, life gets better when we commit ONLY to what we TRULY love & desire.
10. You have permission to step back, let go, walk away. This is the yes you’ve been waiting for. Yes. It’s okay. You are allowed.
Sometimes we have to go to the other side of the world to find our spark again; sometimes, we simply have to cross the street. The point is this: you won’t discover your magic, your truth, by chaining yourself to your computer & stubbornly working away. You will only find it when you seek it.
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lifeThings To Do In New York City: Swing On A Mirrored Carousel!
[ 3 January 2012, 10:16 ]
Things to do in New York City: Visit the New Museum, float about on a mirrored carousel, whizz down an enormous indoor slide, stick your head inside an aquarium full of phosphorescent fish & hang out with some neon animals. Why? ‘Cause I did it just the other day, & it’s bloody brilliant!
If you — like me — are planning on spending your winter in NYC, & enjoy blatting about but don’t relish freezing to death, you are probably — again, like me — looking for some activities which do not require much time spent outside, in the elements.
Of course, there’s MoMA, the Met, the Guggenheim, & all that other cultural stuff uptown. But there’s also a fabulous little gem tucked away downtown, on the Bowery, conveniently located just down from Patricia Field’s boutique! (Hooray!) Oui, & it’s called the New Museum.
Just as the name would have you believe, the New Museum is a modern little blighter, full of fancy new-fangled art, & especially right now. After reading about it in Time Out New York, & knowing that it was something I just HAD to see with my own eyes, I paid a little visit to Carsten Höller’s Experience. It runs until January 15, so you have time if you want to check it out too! I love art you can interact with, & Experience is pretty much the ultimate in getting up-close-&-personal with an art piece!
You probably all know by now that I cannot resist a good carousel, & Carsten Höller’s creation is a real beauty.
Here’s the undisturbed view of it; a fairly sizable steel structure, polished to within an inch of its life, blazing bright with bulbs, & swinging back & forth with sterile stainless steel chairs. Really, it was ace. I’d like to start every day there!
The carousel isn’t the only thing in the room, though. The first thing you notice when you step out of the elevator is the cluster of birdcages hung up high, filled with fluttering songbirds. Then you look over, & a man is handing out bicycle helmets to anyone adventurous enough to take the slide all the way down to the 2nd floor!
There was plenty to explore… & so we did!
You must not use the stairs while wearing Upside-Down Goggles.
There’s SO much more to do at the New Museum, including Carsten Höller’s “Giant Psycho Tank”, a sensory deprivation tank where you can float around in water & feel weightless, enormous mushroom sculptures & of course, the slide which spans several floors! (You can read more about his exhibition here!) Lydia & I had so much fun adventuring our way through it.
Carsten Höller has conceived his practice as a kind of laboratory for the investigation of a diverse range of subjects, including sensory perception, transportation, sexuality, and psychedelic intoxication. Though he has a rigorous scientific background, including a doctorate in insect communication, he has flipped the values of science on their head, prioritizing the act of questioning over the collection of results. With his New Museum exhibition, “Experience,” Höller’s laboratory has been given physical form, as visitors encounter four floors of open-ended experiments that challenge their most fundamental existential assumptions.
To the museum, I wore…
Pink sequin mouse ear hat from Disneyland
Skater dress from ASOS, though you can’t see it because I was absolutely freezing!
Indigo cowl by Trisha Fernandez
Vintage black suede & faux fur coat — am wearing this every day lately!
Black & white-striped fingerless gloves (a winter essential)
Cashmere leggings (also a winter essential)
Glitter booties from ASOS
This cowl is my scarf replacement; I wrote about it a while ago when I talked about winter essentials! I bought it on Etsy & haven’t regretted it for an instant. You just throw it over your head & go! I love the colour, it’s so beautiful.
...& do we all love the shoes?! Yeah, me too. I love them so much, in fact, I picked up a pair in turquoise, too! J’adore that velvet toe-cap with the bow on it…
All photos were taken by Lydia Hudgens! Thanks, girl!
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lifeA Girl On A Mission: How To Write A Personal Mission Statement!
[ 2 January 2012, 12:53 ]
“Now that it’s all over, what did you really do yesterday that’s worth mentioning?” (Coleman Cox)
Put this in your diary: “In 2012, I will write a personal mission statement.”
...But why would you want to do something like that?! Well, let me tell you a few reasons why writing a personal mission statement is important & useful. Firstly, it’s a fantastic way to figure out what your values are. This way, when you’re feeling bogged down with email, projects or meetings, you can quickly think back to your mission statement & be able to figure out whether what you’re doing today is relevant to what you want to achieve. The second reason why a mission statement is helpful is because it’s hard to make things happen when you don’t know what you really want! To get things done, you have to start with the end in mind, & a personal mission statement will help support your goals in a wonderful way.
If a “personal mission statement” sounds too heavy, you have my — our — your own — permission to call it something else. A statement of intent. A manifesto. Your quest, on paper. A vision communiqué. A declaration of fabulousness!
I know that the whole idea of this might sound incredibly serious & permanent. But it doesn’t have to be. In fact, the best mission statements change & evolve as you do. The things that were important to you five years ago may no longer be pertinent, & that’s wonderful! (It means you are progressing & growing!) So don’t feel like committing something to paper means you are bound to it forever. You’re not.
Another thing to keep in mind is that you don’t have to complete this in a day, or even a week. It might take you some time to put together your own mission statement. In fact, I’d be inclined to say that the more time it takes you, the better! Allow your brain lots of time to percolate & germinate the ideas! Start with a rough outline & fill it in over the rest of the month. Make this exercise something you create time for every day.
“A personal mission statement becomes the DNA for every other decision we make.” (Stephen Covey)
How to begin: Grab a piece of paper & your favourite pen. Get seated somewhere comfortable & write down some questions. I like these ones, but they’re just examples to get your juices flowing. There are no hard & fast rules with this!
I am at my best when… I am at my worst when… What do I really love to do at work? What do I really love to do in my personal life? My natural talents & gifts are… If I had unlimited time & resources & knew I could not fail, what would I choose to do? My life’s journey is… What would people say about you on your 80th birthday? What do I consider to be my biggest future contribution to the most important people in my life? Are there things I feel I should change or alter, even though I’ve dismissed these thoughts many times? What are they? Imagine you could invite to dinner three people who have influenced you the most. Write their names & the one quality or attribute you admire most in these people. Let’s think of balance as a state of fulfillment & renewal in each of the four dimensions: physical, spiritual, mental, & social/emotional. What are the single most important things you can do in each of these areas that will have the greatest positive impact on your life & help you achieve a sense of balance? What are your values? What is most important to you? What are some goals you’d like to achieve this year? What kind of image do you hope to project? Is it similar or dissimilar to the image you’re projecting right now? What are your roles in life? Are you happy with them?
Allow your mind to wander around these questions & scrawl down anything that comes to mind. It really helps if you can be open-minded about this, & not censor yourself. No one else has to see this, so please feel free to be completely honest!
Another great thing to add to this piece of paper (or multiple pieces of paper!) is a selection of quotes or sayings that evoke strong feelings or fan passionate flames within you. From doing this, you can start to see patterns around what is really important to you.
From here, you can pick key phrases as well as words that seem to keep coming up, & weave them together to make a first draft of your personal mission statement. There are no rules: simply put words together & see what appears in front of you.
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.” (Rumi)
Want more inspiration? Your mission statement doesn’t have to be straight-forward or plainly-spoken. It could be in the style of a haiku if you like! Erma Bombeck’s mission statement is written in the format of, “If I had my life to live over, I would have…” This site has a bunch of examples to look over. Debra Moorhead provides some more questions you can ask yourself, as well as some short & sweet mission statements to inspire you. Here are some mission statement sentence templates for fill-in-the-blank type fun! Work Awesome has a great piece about the art of the personal mission statement, too.
“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.” (Carl Jung)
Alternatively, if you’d like to try an automatic personal mission statement generator (!!!), FranklinCovey has a free one you can try! (You have to give them your email address, but that’s no biggie.) It’s a fantastic way to get your thoughts going & investigate the truth of who you are, & who you want to be. I think the results are quite rad, too. Here’s what mine spat out:
“I am at my best when I am working on things which inspire, inform & excite others. I will try to prevent times when I feel confined or hedged-in. I will enjoy my work by continuing to create, dream big, connect with others, & share my vision. I will find enjoyment in my personal life through taking photos, travelling, having adventures & exploring. I will find opportunities to use my natural talents & gifts such as writing, creating, inspiring, uplifting others & speaking. My life’s journey is to love myself, & to inspire other women to love themselves too. I will be a person who has inspired countless others to take control of their lives, think big & live according to their own rules… My most important future contribution to others will be to show people that they can live however they want to, & that there are no rules. I will strive to incorporate confidence, creativity & chutzpah into my life.”
This was a great place to start from, but I wanted a shorter, simpler statement. Thankfully, I was able to whittle it down over the course of a few days!
Wild dreams & radical self love.
Curiosity, wonder & spontaneous delight.
Seek magic; adore the moment.
Dare to be true; dare to be eager.
Emancipate, & above all,
be a love letter to the universe.
I wrote my mission statement in big gold letters & stuck it to my wall, above my desk, where I can see it every day. I’m going to use it to guide my goals for 2012, to help keep me on task & remind me of my purpose.
It will help me navigate through the small day-to-day things, & give me perspective. A simple glance at my mission statement will help me decide whether to say “yes” or “no” to the opportunities that come my way. It’s the perfect way of distilling my ambitions & aspirations, of focussing my intentions, & manifesting my ideal future.
The fact that this piece of writing exists relaxes me. It reminds me that what I want is really quite simple, & to get there, all I need to do is be true to myself…
I hope you write a personal mission statement this year, too!
“To come to be you must have a vision of Being, a Dream, a Purpose, a Principle. You will become what your vision is.” (Peter Nivio Zarlenga)
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