How To Deal With The End Of A Relationship
22 June 2011, 13:27
This article was originally published on March 15th, 2007, but given the amount of emails I receive on this very subject (boo!), it was clearly time to sass it up & repost it! Everything I said back then rings true today. I hope this isn’t an article you need, but if it is, then I send you all the love in the world. xoxox
“It’s over.” Boom. Now what?
People deal with the end of relationships in various ways. Some people go the healthy route (lots of therapy, good food, exercise & meditation, for example) & some go the unhealthy way (plenty to drink, sex with anyone who pays them a compliment, copious amounts of drugs which result in an annoying facial tic).
However you deal with it, the point is that it drives everyone a little mad. It is a harrowing time. It’s scary & heart-wrenching & makes you angry & is definitely a time for waterproof mascara. Even the tiniest thing can set you off. It’s okay to go — or simply be — a little nuts during this time. Honestly, it’s what is expected!
If you have recently given your lover the flick, or been the flickee, it’s important to allow yourself time to deal with it. You need to go easy on yourself. A simple way to do this is by getting your hands on a calendar. Work out the day you broke up on — say June 22nd. Page forward three months, to September. On the space for September 15th, write, “Get over it!” You now have three months worth of absolute wallowing. Cry, scream, watch episodes of Sex & The City & scream, “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO AIDEN?!” Just do whatever you like. You may not need those three months, or even want them — but you have just given yourself permission to deal with the fall-out, toxic or otherwise.
The biggest break-up of my life was compounded by a transference of emotion which went awry. Terrible. (Read about transference — I think it’s pretty common, especially transference of emotion from your ex to a new paramour.) In my case, I’d left my boyfriend & totally ruined things with someone else, who had turned out to be a creep with no scruples whatsoever. I was living alone, miles from my friends & family, & I was incredibly lonely a lot of the time. I was working my ass off in a job which was kind of fun but paid badly, & one of my staff was nasty & malicious, with the ability to destroy your day with a simple comment. It was a bad time. Believe me.
How did I get through it? I listened to a lot of Fiona Apple, I smoked a lot of cigarettes (
), I sat in bed every night with a bottle of Johnnie Walker & wrote stories — mostly stories about my love life, which were pretty dark, really. I went for long walks & cried myself to sleep, I didn’t eat much, & I considered moving home to live with my parents. Obviously, I was in a pretty bad emotional state, it was a very ugly time. Please don’t follow my example, it is a terrible one!
Instead, try the following…
Seriously, go easy on yourself
Just do what you want! Use this newfound freedom to actually do things you enjoy… Like watching every single teenage cheerleading movie you love, or listening to really loud apocalyptic folk music. Sleep when you want to, eat in bed, do whatever feels right. Indulge yourself! Luxuriate in what YOU want to do!
Spend time with your friends
If you, like so many other people, have slightly abandoned your friends in favour of your lover (a terrible sin), you need to make it up to them. Take them out for coffee, a meal, go to the park, go shopping, talk a lot. Apologise. If you didn’t abandon them, do the same things, but less apologising! Your friends are so essential at this time, so make good use of them & be as kind to them as possible.
If you don’t have a lot of friends, make an effort to be social & get out of the house. During the break-up I mentioned earlier, I enrolled for a creative writing course at the university near my house. We met up once a week on a Tuesday night & would workshop everything the other people had written. It was really good for me & definitely helped boost my confidence (I was the youngest person in the class & they really helped me come out of my shell). It also made me feel like I was good at something, rather than feeling like a big Love Trainwreck. You might want to try something similar, friends or no.
Try not to talk about Mickey or Griselda too much!
I know that a little ex-obsession is normal, but after a while you will begin to sound like a broken record & your friends will be sitting on their hands, trying not to maim you! After the break-up, allow yourself two weeks maximum to talk about your ex, then go cold turkey. No more! It’s not helping you, & you’re annoying everyone else. (Trust me!)
If you must think about it, get a notebook & start writing. I have filled up several notebooks this way. When I was obsessing over one particular person — & really, it was obsession — I used to write about him on the bus on the way to work, on all my lunchbreaks, on the way home, & after dinner. It is crazy, I can’t believe I had so many thoughts! But, well, I did. & getting it all down really, really helped.
Find some kind of outlet
Do something to keep your mind occupied. It’s important to have something else to focus on. Throwing yourself into a grand project is a great way to get your mind off your ex & help move you forward.
If you’re an artistic sort, then do what comes naturally — paint or write or make music to your heart’s content. It is incredibly therapeutic. If you’re not very artistic, indulge yourself in sports, languages, books, record collecting, shopping, baking, angry cross-stitch, buying an entire house worth of furniture, etc.! Do whatever feels right to you.
Look after your body
If most of the year you are a complete slob like the rest of us, this is one time when you should really look after yourself. Eat as well as you can — don’t just resort to Burger King every night. Try & eat lots of fruit & vegetables, drink plenty of water (especially if your beautiful eyes insist on spilling so much of it!), sleep as much as you feel you need to & get a bit of exercise. You don’t have to go & make a mess of yourself in a gym somewhere, just go for a good walk every so often or ride your bike to the sea or something.
Again, after my last break-up, I would walk to & from work (it was about 45 minutes in each direction). I would take my camera with me & listen to my mp3 player & think. It was a really great experience & use of my time, even though I was miserable. I actually sometimes miss that walk.
Don’t do the “friends” thing
If your ex wants to stay friends, say no. If you want to be their friend, hold yourself back. TRUST ME when I say that it NEVER WORKS. It might work for a few months, but then the poop will hit the fan & you do not want to be around for it! Seriously!
If you are meant to be friends, it will happen again once you’ve both dealt with the demise of the relationship, but don’t force it. Especially while one or both of you are angry/grieving/scared/lonely/on the prowl. You don’t want to hear about their new lover, right? Ouch. Delete their phone number & email address, it will be good for you. Feels good.
Don’t sleep with them again!
I know, it’s very easy to do. But just don’t. It only complicates things further.
Don’t get back together without a lot of consideration
The same problems you used to have are probably still there. Why would it be any better this time? Try to engage the logical side of your brain as much as possible & if you’re not sure, WAIT!
Indulge in a little radical self lovin’!
Go to the movies alone & eat a jumbo box of popcorn, get a massage, have a manicure, clean the house (it will make you feel great), buy a good pair of shoes. Scream if you want to. Buy new sex toys. Punch pillows if you’re really angry (I never found that very satisfying but for some people it works a treat).
Don’t jump into another relationship or sleep with anyone…
No matter how perfect they seem! You’re probably not ready & it might take you a while, so give yourself some time. I know it’s tempting to go out seeking positive attention & compliments, but if you can practise a little self-control, it will turn out much better.
Just leaping into bed with someone new — before you’ve dealt with your emotions about your last lover — will end in a terrible mess, & it won’t take long for your new lover to realise they are a rebound. I think everyone has done this at least once before, but let’s learn from our mistakes & not do it again, huh?!
Read uplifting books & watch movies which make you happy
Here are some suggestions if you don’t know where to start — they run the gamut from funny to insightful to bizarre & inspiring.
Dangerous Angels by Francesca Lia Block. Fear Of Flying by Erica Jong. What’s Not To Love? by Jonathan Ames. The Unbearable Lightness Of Being by Milan Kundera. The Princess Bride by William Goldman. T.A.Z. by Hakim Bey (available online). Kafka On The Shore by Haruki Murakami. Pronoia Is The Antidote For Paranoia by Rob Brezsny. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott. I also heartily recommend anything by John Steinbeck, Henry Miller, Anais Nin, Roald Dahl, Franz Kafka or Charles Bukowski.
As for movies, my taste is questionable at best — I watch New York Minute often. Yes, the movie featuring Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen. I love it & I am not ashamed! However, I did write a cute little piece called 33 Movies To Watch When You’re Sad, Glum Or Bummed Out!
Really though, in winter, there is nothing better than going home with a huge stack of books from the library on bizarre subjects. Yesterday at the library I saw something like, “A Complete Illustrated History of Cannibalism”, which is about the best thing I can think of!
Think about yourself
What do you want for yourself? What do you want to do in the future? Did your boyfriend hate Europe which prevented you from travelling there? Well guess what baby, you can do it now! Take time to work out who you are again. Sometimes in a relationship it is hard to know where the couple ends & you begin. I evolve so much whenever I break up with someone (!), & completely for the better.
Maybe you’re wondering how my most horrible break-up turned out. Well, within a year, I had travelled to four countries, moved internationally, started my own business, gone camping in a desert full of crazy people (also called Burning Man), obtained another half-sleeve tattoo, dyed my hair pink, removed all my piercings, started wearing COLOUR & embracing it, shaken off depression & an eating disorder, stopped biting my nails, & met someone new (who I was with for almost two years). Lots of other stuff happened too, like I had my first chocolate & peanut butter milkshake, oh my god, so good!... but they’re not major things!
Life goes on & it is amazing regardless of whether you have a lover or not!
Being single is fantastic. It can be lonely sometimes, but you will grow to enjoy your own company & really embrace life again soon, I promise. Everybody gets through it, even though I know right now it might seem like the most devastatingly hideous thing ever.
Please be good to yourself. Lots of kisses, let me know how you’re getting on & if there’s anything I can do to help you. Chin up, cutie!
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First Date Etiquette
13 August 2008, 20:54
MissElle @galadarling Sushi land of horrors. Pre-mature balding and open palm on unwelcoming knees. Escaping through BFF phonecall, no turning back.
sugaducks @galadarling the guy tried to hold my hand. with ZERO chemistry. IN public. What happened to personal space?
daynadesastre @galadarling It was so awkward it only lasted 1 date. Afterwards I found out he tried to rape my friend’s boyfriend. 140 isn’t enough …
juliettemaxwell @galadarling Worst first date, involves a movie a bad car ride and the fact that he made me touch his beard eugh!
paulgerhardt @galadarling I got hit by a car 15 minutes before the date started; then watched “Freaky Friday” (2003); that sums up the whole relationship
birdiepie @galadarling – haha got hit in the head with a kendo staff by a goofy boy, trying to impress. went home alone shortly after, v. unimpressed
expat_erin @galadarling model gorgeous Macedonian guy (19 to my 24) who would not reciprocate oral. I shamed him into doing it and then I went home.
AnnieSpandex @galadarling The only two blind dates I’ve been on have been horrible miscalculations on my friend’s part. Zero chemistry = bad first date.
msjeanneb @galadarling Went to a movie, wound up holding hands and cringing away from the screen and each other. It was all kinda lame ultimately.
ferrouswheel @galadarling: worse date, girl went home with another guy while I was stuck DJing.
evilolive @galadarling We saw the movie Psycho, and then his car broke down in the rain. Police officers drove me home. We didn’t have a second date.
flutterby3 @galadarling Old friend took me to dinner, we got along great, then in the driveway he slurped my face & tried 2 handcuff me 2 the door. 0_o
rachelhills @galadarling My worst date would have to be the one where I literally ran away from the guy at the end of it.
mary_bee @galadarling the guy was missing his two front teeth, but kept it secret until he lunged at me for a kiss. he was really good at hiding it
mary_bee @galadarling – there’s nothing like the prospect of a date who can french kiss without opening his mouth. EEEWWW!!!!
skipp @galadarling this fellow Sandy seemed nice but immature. we lay down to watch TV and he immediately started trying to dry hump me. AWKWARD.
Oh, baby. These are not pretty stories. In fact, some of them are downright horrifying. It’s evident that some people just don’t know how to make a good impression! Avoid being a cautionary tale (or terrifying anecdote) by considering the following guidelines!
Remember, none of these are hard & fast rules — obviously the hope is that you & your date connect so well that none of these things even enter your mind — but they’re good parameters!
Be on time
I wrote about this in my article on How To Ace A Job Interview, but that’s because being punctual is really important! Arriving on time & being somewhere at the time you said you’d be shows that you respect whoever you’re meeting. I’m pretty tolerant these days but people running late still makes me feel pretty miffed!
It’s all about first impressions, & if you don’t show up on time, whoever’s waiting for you is probably going to feel pretty pissed off, as well as second-rate. A couple of minutes here or there is not such a big deal, but if you’re running 15 or 30 minutes behind time, make sure you text or call to let your date know! Like I’ve said before, people’s time is valuable to them — it’s one of the few things you can’t really buy — so be courteous & keep them in the loop!
Make an effort!
Let me put this plainly: looking like you just rolled out of bed is totally unacceptable… unless of course you’re doing that tousled sex kitten thing, which, done properly, takes hours to perfect! For most people, this is not something that needs to be said, but for some… well, they might need the odd reminder. So here it is.
I mean, you’re on a date! It’s one of the most potential-laden situations of all time! Anything could happen from here. You could fall madly in love, get pregnant, decide to elope, meet your new best friend or even the best friend of your future lover! This is just one of those events that demands a little extra prep.
Even if it’s not the ideal scenario for primping & preening — say you’re going for dinner straight after work — you can still take a couple of seconds to brush your teeth, change your shoes, apply some more mascara or spritz some fragrance. After all, you never know what might happen… !
Avoid arguments
Most people go out on dates to have a good time & maybe find someone to snuggle — not to prove that they were once on the debating team! Basically, arguing with someone you’ve just met is not always the most charming thing. Yes, of course, some people have ridiculous opinions on everything under the sun, but if you can just shake that off & not take the bait, your evening will be much more pleasant & conflict-free. Staying away from subjects like politics & religion are usually a good tactic; at least on the first date.
Having said that, it all depends on what you’re there for. If you’re just looking for someone to sleep with, then knowing their political stance on tuna fishing is probably not that important. But if you’re a strict Catholic & you’re on the market for a relationship, you’re probably not going to be too amped if your date digs human sacrifice. Do it your own way, but proceed with caution!
Be charming & positive
Even if you just had the world’s worst week, think back to your last Things I Love Thursday list (wink wink!) &, well, in the words of Monty Python, look on the bright side of life! There’s nothing worse than being held hostage by someone who only wants to whinge & moan — while conversely, there’s nothing more fabulous than spending time with someone who is in love with life! That kind of energy is infectious… in a good way!
So turn it on & be happy. Remember that you’re trying to make the best possible impression — which probably means that angsting about your job is out!
Don’t talk about your ex
I would take it a step further from this & say that talking about relationships at all on the first date is pretty much a no-go. No one is deluded enough to think you don’t have a history, but it doesn’t need to be raised immediately. After all, if the first thing you talk about is your ex, whoever you’re with is going to conclude that your last relationship is still pretty close to the surface — & no one wants to be a rebound!
I think the truth is that no one ever really wants to hear about who came before them. It’s just a bit uncomfortable. It’s all too easy to start that ugly cycle of comparing yourself with them, & that never ends well. So do your date a favour, & keep your mouth shut on the subject.
Ask about the other person
A perennial truth: Everyone’s favourite thing to talk about is themselves! While this fact might initially make you feel slightly down in the mouth, recognise it for the blessing it is. It means that you never have to worry about being boring or fossicking around to come up with conversation — just ask about them! That’s it! That’s all you have to do! Ask them questions & take an interest. They will come away from the conversation thinking you are the most scintillating date ever. (Good trick, huh?!)
Hopefully they will ask about you too, but if they don’t, you’ll know they’re probably not worth seeing again!
Keep it clean
...Unless you’re absolutely certain they’re receptive to an in-depth discussion of your nun fetish or your penchant for telling filthy jokes! Most people don’t swear like pirates, & you might offend them if you do.
Although honestly, the more I think about it, the more controversial this point seems. I mean, if you love to curse your head off, or if you’re nothing without your collection of Japanese pornography (& if your partner not being able to cope with that is a deal-breaker), maybe it would be good for you to lay your cards on the table at the very start. Again, it all depends on what you’re looking for, & maybe how kinky whatever you’re considering sharing is!
Don’t criticise
I’ll keep this one simple: you’re not their mother, & they’re probably not interested in your opinion. Sweet! Let’s move on!
Respect their personal space!
This one is really important, & mostly it comes down to understanding social cues. If you’re not very good at guessing how people are feeling, now’s the time to learn! Go to the library & get out some books on body language as a starting point. Really though, what this means is that if you can accurately interpret other people’s behaviour, you hopefully won’t end up in one of those scary situations above — like totally-inappropriate-dry-humping or no-chemistry-hand-holding-in-public!
Drop the phone, buster
Okay, I know this is kind of controversial because a lot of us are in pretty unhealthy, codependent relationships with our phones. I don’t care about mine so much in New Zealand, but in America, where I could text for free, check my email & look at my site, I was chronic. It would have been embarrassing if I was more self-conscious. Anyway, my point is, the person you’re sitting with — who I’m assuming you have only recently met — is not going to feel too fabulous if you seem more intrigued by whoever is on the other side of your screen. Once you know each other a little bit, you can relax, send text messages & take phone calls, but honestly, if you’re on your phone all the way through the date, recognise that it’s probably not going to win you any popularity contests.
Really, it’s all about being in the moment. Sharing that with someone is one of the best gifts you can give them. But of course, the key lies in being in the moment with the person on the other side of the table, not your friend in Minnesota!
Now, the perennial question. Should you sleep with them on the first date?
I tend to think that it kind of takes the fun out of things. This has nothing to do with that old saying of “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” — which I think is sad — but really it’s more about the suspense & anticipation of finally sleeping with someone when you’ve been wanting to for ages! (Ages like… the second date. I kid, I kid!) It’s so much more fun that way, plus you get the thrill of the chase. Psychological titillation! There’s nothing like it for a good time!
What do you think?
Best of luck in your dating endeavours! I hope you end up like the couple above — dancing, smiling & wearing silly hats!
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Kink Under The Covers
28 April 2008, 21:37
“What would you recommend to spice up your sex life? I’m with a lovely guy who I trust (and who trusts me) implicitly. We have an enjoyable sex life but it’s so… meh. Two positions, totally plain. He’s also very inexperienced and quite submissive, so doesn’t feel he’s knowledgeable enough to bring up new ideas. And I, for once, am completely at a loss for inspiration! So one of my goals is to remedy this. Do you have any tips/suggestions/links/cupcakes that you think could solve, or at least enhance, my lacklustre love life? Indeed, if there’s a cupcake that could enhance it, I’d be more the happier!”
Absolutely! There are lots of things you can do to make your intimate life more sexy, exciting & stimulating! Here are a few suggestions. (By the link, practically all of the links that follow aren’t safe for work. Consider yourself warned!)
Buy a good sex book
It’s one of the best ways to fill your head with new ideas, while at the same time giving you a crash course in sexual health. (We all need reminders!) You might like to go to the sexuality section of your local bookstore & peruse the shelves; I often find that Borders has a huge selection of sex manuals as well as erotica. However, I have to say, my absolute favourite sex book is The Guide To Getting It On!, by Paul Joannides & Daerick Gross. It is truly awesome. It’s required reading at colleges across America, which you might think would mean it’s a pretty dry book. Not at all! It’s the kind of book you read for fun (or “pleasure”, mwahaha) — the writing is humorous, always interesting & thought-provoking. Any book with a chapter called “The Zen Of Finger F*cking” has to be good! Get your hands on a copy & read it with your boyfriend, enjoy the illustrations (they are racy & cool) & use some Post-It notes to mark things you’d like to try together! You might also like to look into some of Violet Blue’s books — she has written some fantastic stuff about fetishes, role play, porn & various sex acts!
Find a few good sex blogs
There are all kinds of things online that will appeal to you, it’s all about what floats your boat. You can experiment with erotica, pretty pictures, sex ed & the infamous Fleshbot. If you add one (or several) of these blogs to your RSS reader, you’ll get a steady influx of racy loveliness, which will definitely raise your libido & keep your mind ticking in a lusty manner!
Subscribe to a sexy/erotic podcast…
...& listen to it together in bed! Turn the lights down low, get scantily clad & see where the words take you! If you search “sex podcast” in iTunes, you’ll be presented with a slew of podcasts to digest & enjoy.
Watch porn together
I don’t mean that mass-produced stuff starring human Barbie dolls (well, unless that appeals to you!) — I mean the good stuff, & believe me, it does exist. I think Andrew Blake is a pretty great pornographer: what he does is more high-end erotica than terrifying close-ups & whatnot. For example, Dita Von Teese stars in Pin-Ups 2. Vivid Alt have some good titles, too. For more suggestions, Violet Blue is your girl — she used to review porn for a living! Check out her recommendations for what she calls “smart porn” — less long fingernails (eeesh!) & faux-orgasms, more genuine pleasure & realistic lovin’!
Write down your fantasies…
...on little scraps of paper, have your boyfriend do the same, then draw one or two out of a hat every week! You could even have little “dates” a few nights a week, where you make drawing a fantasy out of a hat a habit. Fun fun! If you have performance anxiety & can’t think of anything to write down, have a look at BDSM Scenarios: Ideas To Spark Your Sex Life.
Do a striptease!
Have your lover do one, too! (It’s only fair…)
Dress up…
...in a saucy outfit & let him have his wicked way with you (or vice versa)! Pretending to be someone else can really help if you’re feeling pressured to get it on & have an amazing time, etc. Boss him around or let him tell you what to do, & come up with outfits to match. Bonus points if you surprise him at the door wearing just your knickers under a trenchcoat, or jump out of his closet wearing nothing but one of his shirts!
Try getting it on in different locations
Sometimes a change of scenery is just what you need. Try messing around in your car, by the beach, in a forest, behind the stacks at your local library, in a cupboard at IKEA, or wherever works for you… just don’t get caught!
Go shopping
No, not for tomato sauce & a head of broccoli… for bedroom accoutrements! Handcuffs, Swarovski crystal embellished whips, toys, blindfolds, feathers, whatever takes your fancy! If you’re too shy to buy in person, Good Vibrations is a great place to start.
What are your best hints for making your sex life more saucy? Go on, spill!
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iCiNG Transformation Challenge Discussion!
20 April 2008, 18:52
Happy iTC, everyone!
This is the official discussion area for the iCiNG Transformation Challenge. It’s linked in the side-bar (look for the hot pink paper crane!), so you will have easy & constant access to it throughout the month. Feel free to come here & talk about how you’re doing, give other people support & help iron out any creases in your personal Challenge.
However, there are a few rules!
Use the “best friend” scenario
When we have bad days, it can be easy to get down on ourselves & say negative things or make harsh judgements. As soon as we start proclaiming how much we suck, it just makes us feel worse. If you haven’t had a fabulous day, instead of belittling yourself in a comment, imagine you are standing at the front of a room with your best friend & she or he is describing how you went. Odds are, their description of you would be much more gentle, loving & kind than what’s in your head! (If you don’t have a best friend, or your best friend is secretly a monster in disguise, imagine it’s me instead!)
No numbers
(This really only applies to those of us doing health & physical Challenges.) Please be considerate of where other people are coming from. For example, you might only want to gain/lose x kilograms, but some people will want to gain/lose y — & if they read that, they might feel bad & decide it’s not worth bothering. Similarly, discussing your measurements or counting calories can be quite discouraging or upsetting to people. It’s awesome to have goals but if they’re number-related, please keep them to yourself for now! You may be healthy but there are lots of people with food & body image-related issues, so please — no weight or measurement comments.
Leave as many comments as you like!
This is your space, so you can do what you like with it. I’ll be dropping by to talk about how I went & what I did for the day, as well as leaving note of encouragement for other people. You can treat it like a group journal if you like — a catalogue of our successes & difficulties, lots of love & ideas to keep ourselves going!
Some other things that will improve your iTC:
Do your very best to phrase your experiences in the positive, rather than the negative.
You might like to start your comment with DAY 1/27 (for example) so you can get a bit of perspective!
Don’t use this as your only record of how you’re going & what you’re doing — if you can get your hands on a notebook (or even a few pieces of paper), you should chart your progress there too.
Bookmark this page & make sure you come back often!
Best of luck everyone! I know we can do it!
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8 Outfits & Ideas For The Perfect First Date
8 April 2008, 01:51
After months of shy coffee shop flirting, Fawn finally wore this to browse an art gallery with Mark. When they walked outside, their nervous conversation changed track & she gave him an impromptu tango lesson in the garden outside.
Joanna & Ashley spoke candidly, laughed loudly & shocked the waiter at an elegant bistro. They rounded off the evening with martinis at the bar & a sweet dessert with two forks.
Dulcea & Quentin, art students from Brighton, had a picnic by a pond, followed by an exuberant Japanese photobooth session.
Carmen & Charles went for a spin on her scooter, followed by a small feast of hot dogs & Coke by the river’s edge. When she found herself using a napkin instead of wiping her hands on her jeans, she realised she must really like him.
Farrell & Ruby went to a sushi train restaurant. After a bottle of sake, they sat closer than they needed to at an outdoor cinema.
Trent wore this to go with Karl to a poetry reading. Later, they talked about Nabokov, hands gesticulating wildly over a bottle of red wine.
James & Bambi ate vegetarian burgers in her car before checking out a warehouse party her friend was throwing. (When he took off his hoodie, Bambi — a big Yoko Ono fan — hugged him out of sheer delight.)
Nicholas took Violet to an underground hip-hop show, danced with her in the back of the room & watched as she fell in love with him.
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