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First Date Etiquette

[ 13 August 2008, 20:54 ]

MissElle @galadarling Sushi land of horrors. Pre-mature balding and open palm on unwelcoming knees. Escaping through BFF phonecall, no turning back.

sugaducks @galadarling the guy tried to hold my hand. with ZERO chemistry. IN public. What happened to personal space?

daynadesastre @galadarling It was so awkward it only lasted 1 date. Afterwards I found out he tried to rape my friend’s boyfriend. 140 isn’t enough …

juliettemaxwell @galadarling Worst first date, involves a movie a bad car ride and the fact that he made me touch his beard eugh!

paulgerhardt @galadarling I got hit by a car 15 minutes before the date started; then watched “Freaky Friday” (2003); that sums up the whole relationship

birdiepie @galadarling – haha got hit in the head with a kendo staff by a goofy boy, trying to impress. went home alone shortly after, v. unimpressed

expat_erin @galadarling model gorgeous Macedonian guy (19 to my 24) who would not reciprocate oral. I shamed him into doing it and then I went home.

AnnieSpandex @galadarling The only two blind dates I’ve been on have been horrible miscalculations on my friend’s part. Zero chemistry = bad first date.

msjeanneb @galadarling Went to a movie, wound up holding hands and cringing away from the screen and each other. It was all kinda lame ultimately.

ferrouswheel @galadarling: worse date, girl went home with another guy while I was stuck DJing.

evilolive @galadarling We saw the movie Psycho, and then his car broke down in the rain. Police officers drove me home. We didn’t have a second date.

flutterby3 @galadarling Old friend took me to dinner, we got along great, then in the driveway he slurped my face & tried 2 handcuff me 2 the door. 0_o

rachelhills @galadarling My worst date would have to be the one where I literally ran away from the guy at the end of it.

mary_bee @galadarling the guy was missing his two front teeth, but kept it secret until he lunged at me for a kiss. he was really good at hiding it

mary_bee @galadarling – there’s nothing like the prospect of a date who can french kiss without opening his mouth. EEEWWW!!!!

skipp @galadarling this fellow Sandy seemed nice but immature. we lay down to watch TV and he immediately started trying to dry hump me. AWKWARD.

Oh, baby. These are not pretty stories. In fact, some of them are downright horrifying. It’s evident that some people just don’t know how to make a good impression! Avoid being a cautionary tale (or terrifying anecdote) by considering the following guidelines!

Remember, none of these are hard & fast rules — obviously the hope is that you & your date connect so well that none of these things even enter your mind — but they’re good parameters!

Be on time
I wrote about this in my article on How To Ace A Job Interview, but that’s because being punctual is really important! Arriving on time & being somewhere at the time you said you’d be shows that you respect whoever you’re meeting. I’m pretty tolerant these days but people running late still makes me feel pretty miffed!

It’s all about first impressions, & if you don’t show up on time, whoever’s waiting for you is probably going to feel pretty pissed off, as well as second-rate. A couple of minutes here or there is not such a big deal, but if you’re running 15 or 30 minutes behind time, make sure you text or call to let your date know! Like I’ve said before, people’s time is valuable to them — it’s one of the few things you can’t really buy — so be courteous & keep them in the loop!

Make an effort!
Let me put this plainly: looking like you just rolled out of bed is totally unacceptable… unless of course you’re doing that tousled sex kitten thing, which, done properly, takes hours to perfect! For most people, this is not something that needs to be said, but for some… well, they might need the odd reminder. So here it is.

I mean, you’re on a date! It’s one of the most potential-laden situations of all time! Anything could happen from here. You could fall madly in love, get pregnant, decide to elope, meet your new best friend or even the best friend of your future lover! This is just one of those events that demands a little extra prep.

Even if it’s not the ideal scenario for primping & preening — say you’re going for dinner straight after work — you can still take a couple of seconds to brush your teeth, change your shoes, apply some more mascara or spritz some fragrance. After all, you never know what might happen… !

Avoid arguments
Most people go out on dates to have a good time & maybe find someone to snuggle — not to prove that they were once on the debating team! Basically, arguing with someone you’ve just met is not always the most charming thing. Yes, of course, some people have ridiculous opinions on everything under the sun, but if you can just shake that off & not take the bait, your evening will be much more pleasant & conflict-free. Staying away from subjects like politics & religion are usually a good tactic; at least on the first date.

Having said that, it all depends on what you’re there for. If you’re just looking for someone to sleep with, then knowing their political stance on tuna fishing is probably not that important. But if you’re a strict Catholic & you’re on the market for a relationship, you’re probably not going to be too amped if your date digs human sacrifice. Do it your own way, but proceed with caution!

Be charming & positive
Even if you just had the world’s worst week, think back to your last Things I Love Thursday list (wink wink!) &, well, in the words of Monty Python, look on the bright side of life! There’s nothing worse than being held hostage by someone who only wants to whinge & moan — while conversely, there’s nothing more fabulous than spending time with someone who is in love with life! That kind of energy is infectious… in a good way!

So turn it on & be happy. Remember that you’re trying to make the best possible impression — which probably means that angsting about your job is out!

Don’t talk about your ex
I would take it a step further from this & say that talking about relationships at all on the first date is pretty much a no-go. No one is deluded enough to think you don’t have a history, but it doesn’t need to be raised immediately. After all, if the first thing you talk about is your ex, whoever you’re with is going to conclude that your last relationship is still pretty close to the surface — & no one wants to be a rebound!

I think the truth is that no one ever really wants to hear about who came before them. It’s just a bit uncomfortable. It’s all too easy to start that ugly cycle of comparing yourself with them, & that never ends well. So do your date a favour, & keep your mouth shut on the subject.

Ask about the other person
A perennial truth: Everyone’s favourite thing to talk about is themselves! While this fact might initially make you feel slightly down in the mouth, recognise it for the blessing it is. It means that you never have to worry about being boring or fossicking around to come up with conversation — just ask about them! That’s it! That’s all you have to do! Ask them questions & take an interest. They will come away from the conversation thinking you are the most scintillating date ever. (Good trick, huh?!)

Hopefully they will ask about you too, but if they don’t, you’ll know they’re probably not worth seeing again!

Keep it clean
...Unless you’re absolutely certain they’re receptive to an in-depth discussion of your nun fetish or your penchant for telling filthy jokes! Most people don’t swear like pirates, & you might offend them if you do.

Although honestly, the more I think about it, the more controversial this point seems. I mean, if you love to curse your head off, or if you’re nothing without your collection of Japanese pornography (& if your partner not being able to cope with that is a deal-breaker), maybe it would be good for you to lay your cards on the table at the very start. Again, it all depends on what you’re looking for, & maybe how kinky whatever you’re considering sharing is!

Don’t criticise
I’ll keep this one simple: you’re not their mother, & they’re probably not interested in your opinion. Sweet! Let’s move on!

Respect their personal space!
This one is really important, & mostly it comes down to understanding social cues. If you’re not very good at guessing how people are feeling, now’s the time to learn! Go to the library & get out some books on body language as a starting point. Really though, what this means is that if you can accurately interpret other people’s behaviour, you hopefully won’t end up in one of those scary situations above — like totally-inappropriate-dry-humping or no-chemistry-hand-holding-in-public!

Drop the phone, buster
Okay, I know this is kind of controversial because a lot of us are in pretty unhealthy, codependent relationships with our phones. I don’t care about mine so much in New Zealand, but in America, where I could text for free, check my email & look at my site, I was chronic. It would have been embarrassing if I was more self-conscious. Anyway, my point is, the person you’re sitting with — who I’m assuming you have only recently met — is not going to feel too fabulous if you seem more intrigued by whoever is on the other side of your screen. Once you know each other a little bit, you can relax, send text messages & take phone calls, but honestly, if you’re on your phone all the way through the date, recognise that it’s probably not going to win you any popularity contests.

Really, it’s all about being in the moment. Sharing that with someone is one of the best gifts you can give them. But of course, the key lies in being in the moment with the person on the other side of the table, not your friend in Minnesota!

Now, the perennial question. Should you sleep with them on the first date?

I tend to think that it kind of takes the fun out of things. This has nothing to do with that old saying of “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” — which I think is sad — but really it’s more about the suspense & anticipation of finally sleeping with someone when you’ve been wanting to for ages! (Ages like… the second date. I kid, I kid!) It’s so much more fun that way, plus you get the thrill of the chase. Psychological titillation! There’s nothing like it for a good time!

What do you think?

Best of luck in your dating endeavours! I hope you end up like the couple above — dancing, smiling & wearing silly hats!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

Comment [52]
Tags: how to, life, madame, monsieur
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Kink Under The Covers

[ 28 April 2008, 21:37 ]

“What would you recommend to spice up your sex life? I’m with a lovely guy who I trust (and who trusts me) implicitly. We have an enjoyable sex life but it’s so… meh. Two positions, totally plain. He’s also very inexperienced and quite submissive, so doesn’t feel he’s knowledgeable enough to bring up new ideas. And I, for once, am completely at a loss for inspiration! So one of my goals is to remedy this. Do you have any tips/suggestions/links/cupcakes that you think could solve, or at least enhance, my lacklustre love life? Indeed, if there’s a cupcake that could enhance it, I’d be more the happier!”

Absolutely! There are lots of things you can do to make your intimate life more sexy, exciting & stimulating! Here are a few suggestions. (By the link, practically all of the links that follow aren’t safe for work. Consider yourself warned!)

Buy a good sex book
It’s one of the best ways to fill your head with new ideas, while at the same time giving you a crash course in sexual health. (We all need reminders!) You might like to go to the sexuality section of your local bookstore & peruse the shelves; I often find that Borders has a huge selection of sex manuals as well as erotica. However, I have to say, my absolute favourite sex book is The Guide To Getting It On!, by Paul Joannides & Daerick Gross. It is truly awesome. It’s required reading at colleges across America, which you might think would mean it’s a pretty dry book. Not at all! It’s the kind of book you read for fun (or “pleasure”, mwahaha) — the writing is humorous, always interesting & thought-provoking. Any book with a chapter called “The Zen Of Finger F*cking” has to be good! Get your hands on a copy & read it with your boyfriend, enjoy the illustrations (they are racy & cool) & use some Post-It notes to mark things you’d like to try together! You might also like to look into some of Violet Blue’s books — she has written some fantastic stuff about fetishes, role play, porn & various sex acts!

Find a few good sex blogs
There are all kinds of things online that will appeal to you, it’s all about what floats your boat. You can experiment with erotica, pretty pictures, sex ed & the infamous Fleshbot. If you add one (or several) of these blogs to your RSS reader, you’ll get a steady influx of racy loveliness, which will definitely raise your libido & keep your mind ticking in a lusty manner!

Subscribe to a sexy/erotic podcast…
...& listen to it together in bed! Turn the lights down low, get scantily clad & see where the words take you! If you search “sex podcast” in iTunes, you’ll be presented with a slew of podcasts to digest & enjoy.

Watch porn together
I don’t mean that mass-produced stuff starring human Barbie dolls (well, unless that appeals to you!) — I mean the good stuff, & believe me, it does exist. I think Andrew Blake is a pretty great pornographer: what he does is more high-end erotica than terrifying close-ups & whatnot. For example, Dita Von Teese stars in Pin-Ups 2. Vivid Alt have some good titles, too. For more suggestions, Violet Blue is your girl — she used to review porn for a living! Check out her recommendations for what she calls “smart porn” — less long fingernails (eeesh!) & faux-orgasms, more genuine pleasure & realistic lovin’!

Write down your fantasies…
...on little scraps of paper, have your boyfriend do the same, then draw one or two out of a hat every week! You could even have little “dates” a few nights a week, where you make drawing a fantasy out of a hat a habit. Fun fun! If you have performance anxiety & can’t think of anything to write down, have a look at BDSM Scenarios: Ideas To Spark Your Sex Life.

Do a striptease!
Have your lover do one, too! (It’s only fair…)

Dress up…
...in a saucy outfit & let him have his wicked way with you (or vice versa)! Pretending to be someone else can really help if you’re feeling pressured to get it on & have an amazing time, etc. Boss him around or let him tell you what to do, & come up with outfits to match. Bonus points if you surprise him at the door wearing just your knickers under a trenchcoat, or jump out of his closet wearing nothing but one of his shirts!

Try getting it on in different locations
Sometimes a change of scenery is just what you need. Try messing around in your car, by the beach, in a forest, behind the stacks at your local library, in a cupboard at IKEA, or wherever works for you… just don’t get caught!

Go shopping
No, not for tomato sauce & a head of broccoli… for bedroom accoutrements! Handcuffs, Swarovski crystal embellished whips, toys, blindfolds, feathers, whatever takes your fancy! If you’re too shy to buy in person, Good Vibrations is a great place to start.

What are your best hints for making your sex life more saucy? Go on, spill!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

Comment [33]
Tags: advice, how to, inspiration, life, madame, monsieur, question
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iCiNG Transformation Challenge Discussion!

[ 20 April 2008, 18:52 ]

Happy iTC, everyone!

This is the official discussion area for the iCiNG Transformation Challenge. It’s linked in the side-bar (look for the hot pink paper crane!), so you will have easy & constant access to it throughout the month. Feel free to come here & talk about how you’re doing, give other people support & help iron out any creases in your personal Challenge.

However, there are a few rules!

Use the “best friend” scenario
When we have bad days, it can be easy to get down on ourselves & say negative things or make harsh judgements. As soon as we start proclaiming how much we suck, it just makes us feel worse. If you haven’t had a fabulous day, instead of belittling yourself in a comment, imagine you are standing at the front of a room with your best friend & she or he is describing how you went. Odds are, their description of you would be much more gentle, loving & kind than what’s in your head! (If you don’t have a best friend, or your best friend is secretly a monster in disguise, imagine it’s me instead!)

No numbers
(This really only applies to those of us doing health & physical Challenges.) Please be considerate of where other people are coming from. For example, you might only want to gain/lose x kilograms, but some people will want to gain/lose y — & if they read that, they might feel bad & decide it’s not worth bothering. Similarly, discussing your measurements or counting calories can be quite discouraging or upsetting to people. It’s awesome to have goals but if they’re number-related, please keep them to yourself for now! You may be healthy but there are lots of people with food & body image-related issues, so please — no weight or measurement comments.

Leave as many comments as you like!
This is your space, so you can do what you like with it. I’ll be dropping by to talk about how I went & what I did for the day, as well as leaving note of encouragement for other people. You can treat it like a group journal if you like — a catalogue of our successes & difficulties, lots of love & ideas to keep ourselves going!

Some other things that will improve your iTC:
Do your very best to phrase your experiences in the positive, rather than the negative.
You might like to start your comment with DAY 1/27 (for example) so you can get a bit of perspective!
Don’t use this as your only record of how you’re going & what you’re doing — if you can get your hands on a notebook (or even a few pieces of paper), you should chart your progress there too.
Bookmark this page & make sure you come back often!

Best of luck everyone! I know we can do it!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

Comment [504]
Tags: inspiration, life, madame, monsieur, productivity
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8 Outfits & Ideas For The Perfect First Date

[ 8 April 2008, 01:51 ]

After months of shy coffee shop flirting, Fawn finally wore this to browse an art gallery with Mark. When they walked outside, their nervous conversation changed track & she gave him an impromptu tango lesson in the garden outside.

Joanna & Ashley spoke candidly, laughed loudly & shocked the waiter at an elegant bistro. They rounded off the evening with martinis at the bar & a sweet dessert with two forks.

Dulcea & Quentin, art students from Brighton, had a picnic by a pond, followed by an exuberant Japanese photobooth session.

Carmen & Charles went for a spin on her scooter, followed by a small feast of hot dogs & Coke by the river’s edge. When she found herself using a napkin instead of wiping her hands on her jeans, she realised she must really like him.

Farrell & Ruby went to a sushi train restaurant. After a bottle of sake, they sat closer than they needed to at an outdoor cinema.

Trent wore this to go with Karl to a poetry reading. Later, they talked about Nabokov, hands gesticulating wildly over a bottle of red wine.

James & Bambi ate vegetarian burgers in her car before checking out a warehouse party her friend was throwing. (When he took off his hoodie, Bambi — a big Yoko Ono fan — hugged him out of sheer delight.)

Nicholas took Violet to an underground hip-hop show, danced with her in the back of the room & watched as she fell in love with him.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

Comment [75]
Tags: aesthetic, consumption, inspiration, life, madame, monsieur
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Boxers Vs Briefs

[ 11 March 2008, 07:51 ]

[Guest post by Audrey.]

Helping guys with their outward appearances is one thing, but I admit that it’s the more personal aspects of clothes and men’s health that guys really need help on. Whether it’s guys asking for advice, or girls asking out of some immature curiosity, everyone seems to be obsessing over the problem men have faced for years. What’s actually better — boxers or briefs?

Men’s underwear certainly has undergone a lot of changes throughout history, with ‘modern’ brief and singlet separates only coming into existence around the 1930’s. Before that, men had to endure things like loincloths in ancient Egypt, codpieces in the 16th century and union suits or long-johns in the Victorian era.

For some reason though, while we’re enjoying such a wide range of options for undergarments, guys seem to continue to wear the same old stretched out, hole-in-the-waistband underpants that we’ve clung onto for years. It’s time we broke this pattern though, lads! There’s no definitive answer to the boxers or briefs question, though – it really comes down to personal choice, or the choice of whoever is going to be seeing you in them at the end of the day.

So let’s check out the pros and cons of all your available options so you can make a well informed decision.

Boxers
The main advantage of wearing boxers is the health aspect they offer, which I’ll explain it in a little more detail for you later. Put simply though, boxers are technically a little better for you as the extra room they offer will let your man-parts air out and breathe, and they are significantly cooler as far as temperature in your nether-regions goes. One thing to keep in mind though is that an airier area down there means there’s a lot more potential for offensive odours to escape. Make sure you keep yourself clean and fresh down there!

You may not have realised, but boxers are also are more flattering for all you robust gentleman! The looser elastic band across the waist has a lot more give to them than the thinner, tighter elastics on briefs. A tight waistband will give you a fair bit of overhang if you have a bit of a spare tyre. Some nice, loose boxers will make you look better, particularly once your pants are off, increasing your chances for lurrrrrrrve!

Boxers have far more fabric than briefs, which can be tricky if you’re wearing tighter jeans or pants – the excess fabric will ride up into some sort of a mushroom cloud above your waistline. They also don’t give a lot of support, leaving you… well, DANGLING. Not really good for when you’re participating in any sort of physical activity. You don’t want to hurt yourself down there, do you?

For those of you who favour boxers, a few things to keep in mind: stay away from those tacky, crazy print boxers or anything with a cartoon character on them. While funny patterns and sexy slogans on your underwear can be good for a laugh, I guarantee they’ll be a complete mood killer when a girl unbuttons your jeans in the throes of passion. And think of how silly you’ll feel in a nightclub if your hipster jeans ride low and Yosimite Sam is peeking out at everybody. Secondly, silk boxers are not underwear! They’re alright for sleeping in if you’re into that sort of thing, but shouldn’t be worn under pants or jeans. Think of it logically – silk is slippery. When you walk around all day, your jeans will slide down and your boxers stay up with the elastic. You’re going to look ridiculous. Keep that in mind and stick with cotton, boy-o!

Briefs
Briefs are a popular alternative for guys who don’t like the freedom and space that a pair of boxers can offer. Due to their snug fit, they’ll stop your parts from uncomfortably dangling about when you’re pacing around your office, climbing stairs or going for your morning jog. Made in plain fabrics (never, ever, EVER buy patterned briefs unless you’re doing some sort of erotic performance at a hen’s night!), it’s difficult to go wrong or have them clash with an outfit. They’re just such an easy option to wear.

Their no-fuss ease of wear also means briefs are the underwear of choice for boys who lack the desire to go shopping. Briefs normally come conveniently packaged in sets of seven at your local department store or wherever it is you buy groceries. However, I’m a firm believer that like hair- and skin-care, the ones available at the same place you buy ham and milk and eggs aren’t necessarily going to be the best. So if you’re picking up undies when you’re refilling your kitchen pantry, you might want to rethink that.

They have a disadvantage as far as health goes though, for the opposite reason that boxers will do you well. Briefs don’t exactly have a lot of ventilation, causing problems in both health (see below) and cleanliness. I’m also not a fan of the way briefs are cut – leaving your inner thigh exposed leaves you open to horrible sweating and chafing if you’re wearing denim in hot weather or walking around a lot. It’s all about health and comfort, folks!

There is also a bit of stigma attached to guys who wear briefs – particularly ‘tighty whities’. They are commonly seen as ‘little boy’ underwear, so not exactly a good choice for a mature, strapping man to be wearing. Similarly, the swimwear equivalent is hardly appropriate for anybody over the age of eight!

Boxerbriefs
There’s frankly not much I can say about these without repeating what I’ve already said about boxers and briefs. But these are my top tip choice for underwear as they basically take the best parts of boxers and marry them up with the best parts of briefs to leave you comfortable and happy all day long.

They feature a great boxer shape, which is especially good for wearing under denim jeans. but since they fit more snugly than traditional boxers, they still keep you from moving around the place as you go about your business. What more could you possibly want?

Keeping your ‘bits’ healthy
Penis, testicles, sperm, scrotum. There, I’ve said them all so that’s that out of the way and we get down to business properly. Feel free to pause and giggle to yourself before reading on!

Much debate has gone on with the boxers-or-briefs battle regarding the impact of your choice of underwear on penis size and sperm count. For those worried about size, I can assure you that your choice to wear more snug-fitting underwear won’t impact your development of a sizable ‘implement’. Actual size only depends on things like your body’s natural development, and you can’t change your DNA. So if this is what you’re basing your underwear decisions on, then fret not. And besides, there is no actual proof that bigger or longer is necessarily better – it all depends on your lover and what they personally prefer.

But while tight underwear won’t stop you from being some impressively equipped Adonis, there is some truth to the rumour that wearing briefs can lower your sperm count. And I know, this is a tricky topic to talk about, but it’s time I sorted this out once and for all for you. The male body is designed how it is for a reason. The growth and development of strong, healthy swimmers is quite dependant on temperature, so having your testes located down in their sack keeps your sperm away from the heat your body generates. This is also the reason why you’ll notice your manly bits shrinking up and coming closer to the rest of you in the colder weather — to keep their temperature correct for healthy man-parts. Consequently, wearing briefs means that your boys are up and against your body and don’t have room to move away. While this only will marginally impact your sperm count and strength, it may be the straw breaking your camel’s back if you and your partner are struggling to get pregnant. Doctors always recommend switching to loose boxers if you’re planning on starting a family.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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The New New Romantics

[ 3 March 2008, 23:31 ]

[Guest post by Audrey.]

“I’m usually nervous around girls, but finally worked up the courage to talk to a girl I like and asked her out. Now we have plans to do something next week, and I have no idea what to do or where to take her. Help!”

It would seem that I caused a furore a little while ago with my article on How To Be A Gentleman, and quite by surprise too. For the longest time, I was of the opinion that guys were just a little scared of using their manners, but I never realised the level this fear had reached. Amongst other things, I covered in that article how to be nice and respectful to a perfect stranger and even break the ice. I’m now being turned to for advice on the next step once you have a girl’s attention: the dreaded first date.

Understandably, preparations for a first date are a time of extreme nervousness and worry. First impressions do, in fact, count. Ask any couple if they remember the instant they saw their partner for the very first time and I bet they remember all sorts of minute details. So of course, you’ll need to make sure you’re looking and smelling your best when the night in question rolls around. However, planning a date actually requires starting at the end and planning backwards, so you first need to work out what you’re going to do and then organise accordingly.

Coming up with some sort of activity is the hardest part. I remember the first time I actually had a date after I got out of a very long term relationship a few years back. It was with a girl I barely knew — we had just met and hadn’t really talked yet. Young and naive, I took her on the regulation dinner-and-movie date and it was such a disaster. There was forced, awkward conversation over a boring dinner at an ordinary café. We sat quite uncomfortably next to each other at the cinema and watched the movie. And predictably, it ended in even more awkward stammering and actions when I dropped her home afterwards. Needless to say, she never returned my phone-call for a second date!

Learn from my mistakes, gentleman! That kind of formal, rigid first-date stuff doesn’t cut it any more, so don’t just dinner-and-movie-date her and think you’re rocking her world! If you think you might like this girl, spend some time seeing what will make the date fun and enjoyable. What is she into? What does she like? You want the date to be fun, it’s as simple as that. As long as she has a good time and you both laugh and enjoy yourselves, it will be a success. This is where some subtle homework will help you out.

Since you’ve asked this girl out, I’m going to assume that you’ve at least had a reasonable amount of conversation with her, and not just blurted out an invite to some random girl at a bar you thought you felt a connection with. I have to say that I wouldn’t recommend pulling out all the stops for a really romantic date with someone you’ve just met. Casually catching up with her away from the flowing alcohol and blaring dance music is a much better way to get to know each other before you decide whether you’d like to spend more time as something more than friends. I think actual dates should be reserved for people you have a proven connection with. And this first, informal step is where you’ll get your inspiration for your real “date”.

I’m frankly a little reluctant to give you the following piece of advice, but in this modern day it is a viable (and very common) option. if you want to learn more about them to make sure a date is going to be special or to draw some inspiration of what they like, you can always have a quick peek at their Myspace or Facebook profile. These sites can be good to double-check their taste in music, beliefs and politics. It can be very useful to look them up and see, for example, that her political or religious views are completely opposite to yours — thus saving you the embarrassment and uncomfortable silences when you actually spend time together. Just try and keep an open mind – opposites attract as they say. Don’t write her off straight away just because she has written something strange like “Recycling sucks!” on her profile. Maybe she’ll open your mind and you’ll learn new things.

Please though, promise me you won’t overdo it and become some psycho online stalker. It’s perfectly acceptable to have a quick poke around to check some details, but it’s something else all together to have snooped around all her photos, memorised her list of favourite authors, checked out her friends and made notes of her in-jokes. Chill out a bit — if you go overboard, sites like these can really kill the mystery. I think the best part of dating someone new and those first few months is getting to learn about them, hearing stories and building a relationship. You get to meet the special people in their lives, discover you both have a secret love of an obscure band, that kind of thing. Doing too much homework is going to completely destroy all of these awesome things, and you’ll come across as a really, really creepy guy — even if it’s just that you were a bit overly enthusiastic.

So, Casanova, still no ideas? Here are some suggestions: maybe there’s something you know she’ll be keen on. And I’d love to hear from the nonpareils and get their tips on great first dates.

Make a picnic and take her to an awesome park in autumn. Eat great food and jump in piles of leaves.
Hire two bikes and find a lake or nice part of the city to ride around (could incorporate the picnic!).
Weather permitting, buy a huge ice cream sundae and share it.
Look up if your city has a ‘Cinema in the Park’ event over summer and let her pick the movie.
If she’s an artistic gal, take her to the local gallery and ask her to pick her favourite pieces.
Buy two tickets for a band that’s coming that you happen to know she likes. Bonus points if you snag an autograph for her!

Whatever you do, just make sure it’s something memorable, interesting and fun. Something that allows her to be herself, while also allowing her to see the real you. Good luck!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Skinny Ties

[ 25 February 2008, 16:56 ]

[Guest post by Audrey.]

You might remember I wrote recently about accessories, and the importance of putting in some effort with them. And while all accessories are important, no men’s accessory is more prolific and obvious than the tie. Not only is it a staple of the well-dressed gentleman’s outfit, it’s quite literally the Rubik’s Cube of the fashion industry: decidedly simple in its design and appearance, yet so goddamn complicated that most guys either do it half-heartedly, or give up and leave it at the bottom of their closet.

For the longest time, I avoided them at all costs. I kept my one school tie knotted in the one knot that I had my mother do, then I’d just loosen it and slip it over my head like a noose. And that’s what it was in my opinion: a noose. It was a symbol of death and darkness and all sorts of other horrors. Then, suddenly one year, something clicked. My wardrobe went from piles of oversized tees to some sharp, well cut shirts. I embraced my slim figure, and realised how good a button-down collared shirt can look on me. And hand in hand with a nice button down shirt goes a good tie –- the perfect icing on the cake.

While the wearing of the tie used to be a very formal affair, it was easy to stick to the rules of the season or event attended to make sure your choice of tie and knot was modest and appropriate. With the change in attitudes towards ties though, today’s gentleman is faced with a plethora of options. Plus, to make matters worse, skinny ties have made a definite resurgence in the mainstream fashion world. Yes sir, things just got more interesting.

The tie itself
The staple of the mods, the rockers, the indie hipsters and now the masses, skinny ties are quite frankly the white whale of the tie world for many men: a trend they’d love to try, but are too scared or intimidated to attack with confidence.

The first point of call is to actually select the tie. Before we get too crazy on the width of your new accessory, we need to cover colour and pattern. There are some simple rules and tips to follow, but keep in mind some rules can be broken if you have the style and charisma to pull it off.

A patterned shirt normally requires a plain tie. If you have a nice patterned tie, break it up with a plain shirt. Colours are all dependant on the rest of your outfit, and are mostly a personal choice. Try and pick something that compliments your skin tone (see Gala’s Fashion Help For Recovering Goths piece to determine your colours). Experiment! That’s my biggest piece of advice. See what suits you, what brings out your eyes, what plays on your best features. And if you don’t know what your best features are, ask your close personal female friends. I’m sure they’ll make a fuss and let you know what they are. And above all, trust your gut feeling. If you think something looks terrible, you won’t be comfortable, and then that’ll let you down even if the outfit does look good.

The equation
Let’s get back to the skinny tie. The wearing of a skinny tie is sort of like a mathematical equation. All those angles and degrees of triangles and percentages and you learnt in math class in high school were actually useful after all!

The first rule you need to understand is ratio. Skinny ties are… well, SKINNY! So the second you put one on, everything else will look larger in contrast -– the width of your waist, the height of your torso, the width of your body, the size of your head. As all-inclusive as I’d like to be, it’s a fact of life — if you’re carrying some extra baggage in the stomach area, this isn’t going to be working in your favour.

The good news for the more husky gentleman readers out there is that with the rising popularity of the skinny tie, there are variations of it out there available for purchase. So while a skinny tie may not suit your frame, there are still a lot of different shapes of slim ties available for you to purchase. Instead of the three centimetre wide leather 80’s style vintage piece, pick up something that’s still slim but still has a little shape. I personally am not a fan of the thin, straight knitted ties which can be disastrous for those with a fuller figure. Instead, I favour a ‘narrow’ or ‘Cambridge’ tie – something with a little more shape to it like this.

Just that addition of a little shape could mean all the difference for you too.

Get shirty
You need to look at the shirts you’re planning to pair up with your new skinny friend. Just like the tie will make you look different, it’ll also mess around with the proportions of your shirt. Ergo, you’ll need to be certain your shirt fits you immaculately in relation to the tie. I’m planning a guide to shirts for a future article, but you’ll need to slim up the cut of your shirt for your tie. Personally, I swear by MARCS men’s shirts. Long but never baggy, these shirts are cut so incredibly well in great crisp fabrics, and have amazingly clean lines.

But shop around, and try some on before you make your final decision. This is important! I’ll always maintain that you get into a fitting room with some options before you whip out the credit car. Get measured up by a professional, and find something that’s going to sit well and set you up a nice base for your tie. Try and avoid large, wide collars as again, the proportion of this to the thinness of the tie will look abstract. The body of the shirt should be fitted without being so small and tight that it exposes your belly. Sleeves should be fitted and long, but consider turning them up to the elbow. Otherwise, make sure they’re ending at the end of your wrist, at the base of your thumb -– not halfway down your arm. The stitch line where the sleeves attach to the torso of your shirt should run in line with your shoulder. I promise more details on these points in a couple of weeks’ time!

The final thought for shirts you need to think about is what I call the ‘polish’ -– make sure it’s cleaned and freshly ironed before you put it on and head out the door.

The long and short of it
Okay, so that’s the horizontal axis covered –- now let’s attack the vertical. While I’m built slim, which lends itself perfectly to the skinny ties I love so much, I’m also incredibly tall (we measured me at work today, I’m spot on 199cm!), which can cause me problems finding ties that are actually long enough. While there are a huge variety of excellent skinny ties being manufactured today (I have some great H&M skinny ties in my collection), I’ll still always have a soft spot for the vintage ones –- they have some fabrics, prints and stripes that they just can’t reproduce as well today. And it seems guys back then must’ve been shorter than me, because they’re all just far too short. So keep this in mind when shopping for your skinny tie. If you’re tall like me, find a nice long one so you can still put it into a full- or half-Windsor knot without it ending at your bellybutton. Hint: a tie clip is a great way to hide the fact the ‘tail’ of your knot only goes midway down your chest!

I hope this helps you all in your quest with looking great in a slim tie. For once though, it seems us guys are lucky in the fact there is such a wide variety of them available to us now -– various thicknesses, different patterns, different lengths and fabrics. The world is your oyster, good sir. Be sure to let me know how you go.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Musky Monsieur

[ 18 February 2008, 18:26 ]

[Guest post by Audrey]

I’ve had a few requests lately asking me to tackle the sensitive topic of body odour. Being a human being of the male-variety, I do know what it is like to sweat, stink and generally be a greasy slime-ball — particularly in the summer months. Thankfully though, I have enough common sense and knowledge to accurately battle the problem, and thus have become the clean, fresh, great-smelling boy you’ve all come to know and love!

So for all of you guys out there whose partners, friends and colleagues are suffering day in, day out from the unpleasant stench of your bodily odours, I offer my services to help sculpt and groom you from the foul-smelling beasties that you are into the crisp clean princes we all know you really are inside.

Let’s talk about sweats, baby!

Let’s talk about you and me! Sweat is, essentially, our body’s automatic air-conditioner. It will switch itself on when needed in an effort to cool our bodies down and keep us comfortable and functioning properly. However, while our body cools itself all over with the usual sweat that is slightly salty but generally inoffensive, our apocrine glands (commonly known as the ‘sweat glands’) get busy secreting a mixture of proteins, fats and amino acids, which combine to make a far more toxic substance. These apocrine glands are situated everywhere that body hair grows abundantly (i.e., armpits and certain other places I shan’t mention), which unfortunately results in the funk that is no doubt situated in all your hairiest bits.

You’ll notice that these bits are in the dark, clammy places of your body and have a low amount of air-flow due to the way our bodies are shaped and the clothes that we wear. These substances pair with these awful conditions to make the perfect breeding ground for bacteria, which grow and multiply at alarming rates. And that, my friends, is what makes the horrible odours. And if that’s not bad enough, the bacteria that like to breed in our hairy-bits are actually scientifically proven to be more foul-smelling than the organisms that thrive in the same places on women, explaining why we are far more offensive to people’s noses than our female counterparts who always seem to smell of strawberries and cream even after three hours on the squash courts and an hour in the sauna.

A good offence is the best defence

Don’t be fooled though – it’s not just a case of the hot-n-bothereds that can trigger these apocrine glands into secretion overdrive. Studies have shown that these can be switched on by a number of different things. Emotions (nerves, fear, stress etc.), certain foods and spices (most lads call these the ‘curry sweats’) and an excess of drugs and alcohol can all increase the amount of toxins in your bloodstream. So while your sweat glands will be pumping out natural toxins throughout the day (one to two litres a day on average), exposure to stressful periods, hot foods or having a night out and pumping even more toxins into your body will only make the problem worse.

Just think – your body is designed to manage a certain amount of bad stuff: toxins, fats, germs and the like. It’s inevitable to encounter and ingest these on any given day. But if you up your intake of these, your body needs to switch to other ways to separate the good stuff from the bad stuff and then dispose of it. The rest of your body’s already at full capacity doing it’s regular job, and your body has to get this gunk out of your system somehow, right? Well, your skin is the biggest organ on your body, so it utilises this and disposes of these toxins by letting them leak out of the pores in your skin. Slowly, all over your body, you’re literally leaking all the rubbishy stuff you’ve ingested in your sweat. And that, of course, has odours. Disgusting, right?

The trick to combat this though is a good offence: keeping yourself clean, healthy and well-maintained is the only sure-fire way to
minimalise the risk of smelling like a sweaty taxi-driver in the middle of the season’s biggest heat wave on the way to the dump after eating curry for lunch. Good personal hygiene and a some semblance of moderation will always stand you in good stead to stay clean and pleasant.

Cleanliness is Godliness

Some people favour an evening shower before bed. And I do admit, freshening yourself up before you hop in your jammies is great, and you should ALWAYS have a pre-bedtime skin, eyes and teeth routine in place. Unfortunately though, sleep is our body’s time of healing and revitalising itself. A good night’s sleep can cure just about anything, so just imagine how much your different organs are working while you’re unconscious. Your body works, the world around us keeps going, we get hot and sweat or our partner snuggles up to us with their gross germs and sweat and sleep-breath and by morning we’re almost as dirty as when we were the night before, rendering our pre-bedtime shower useless in preparation for the upcoming day.

So set your alarm fifteen minutes earlier. Jump out of bed and get straight in that shower. It’ll help wake you up (Lord knows I myself need that help most mornings), and it’ll have you fresh and squeaky clean for the day ahead. Besides, every day you should have a nice crisp shirt and clean underpants and all of that – who’d want to muck all that niceness up with a slimy, dirty guy inside?

Now, showers aren’t just about doing blowfishes on the shower screens, or singing Elvis numbers into the end of the massage nozzle (both of which are still fun to do though). Shower time is clean-yourself time so make sure that’s what you’re doing in there. Get lathered up and rinsed off thoroughly. Soap is okay – but keep in mind that soaps are really generic and full of chemicals that can actually be bad for your skin type and dry you out. Do a little research, find your skin type and get yourself a good exfoliating scrub for the shower.

What? Oh yes, I’m sorry. For those boys who unfortunately haven’t encountered this word before:

Exfoliating will, among other things, remove dirt and dead skin cells that accumulate on the surface of the skin. We all have a layer of dead skin and general filth over us (some more so than others) and removing it by way of exfoliation will make your skin smooth and healthy as well as looking better. The even better news is that there are a range of amazing products available that will not only exfoliate your skin, but will also leaving you smelling rugged and manly and great. Personally, I favour The Body Shop Brazil Nut Body Scrub. Even when I sweat throughout the day, it just smells like brazil nut, which is awesome. But go searching, and find a scent that you like and that defines you.

Do keep in mind though that exfoliation shouldn’t be done every day – just like holding a drill, swinging an axe and using a hammer hardens up the skin on your hands and causes calluses, exfoliating too often is actually bad for your skin in the same way, and the abrasion will toughen your skin in a bad way. Aim to do it a few times a week, and use a body butter or shower scrub and loofah (I have a black loofah, so still keep my man-points up!) for the off-days.

Le routine d’post-shower (after shower routine)

“Now, in the cologne department, most men overdo it. Americans practically spray it on with a crop-duster. My rule: Nothing above the neck. Although, I do like a little splash on ‘Big Ben’... You never know where the day make take you”. – Jude Law, Alfie

I think ‘routine’ is the key word here. I’ve been lucky enough to recently move into a bedroom with a very functional wardrobe, so that all the products I use in my morning routine are on a shelf next to my ties, at my fingertips as I agonise about what to wear for the day. Moisturiser for my face, deodorant for my underarms, floss for my teeth and hair product are all neatly stacked beside my keys, sunglasses and wallet. Time management, people!

Deodorant is however the most essential. This is a non-negotiable, fellows. Not only do deodorants mask your musky odours, they also contain chemicals specifically designed and included to fight the bacteria we spoke of earlier. So don’t be lazy and disgusting and skip this all-important step. Come on, say it with me: “Out of the shower, under each arm, every single day. Out of the shower, under each arm, every single day.” That’s it! You’ve got it. Hell, while we’re at it, throw a spray deodorant into your man-bag for when you need that mid-afternoon spray to freshen yourself up.

“Time to musk up.”

Cologne is, on the other hand, a place where you have a little leeway and get to call some of your own shots. What appeals to some might not appeal to another, so I’m not going to lecture you on which aftershaves you should rush out and buy (though if anybody rushes out to buy me the newest Dior Homme, that’d be nice). I will give you a few things to think about, however.

Applying the cologne is easily overdone — so don’t fill your bath tub and splash around in it at all costs. Most guys think cologne is meant to be sprayed to mask a more offensive smell, like body odour or cigarettes. Newsflash, gentleman – this is not high school, you’re not a teenage girl, and you’re not carting a can of spray perfume around to try and hide the fact you’ve been having a ciggie behind the bike shed at lunch time. Cologne is meant to mix with your body heat and your body’s natural chemicals to create an enticing aroma. Nobody should be able to smell it at forty paces either – it should be a scent that gently tugs at a girl’s nostrils when she’s up close on a dance floor or in a loving embrace. That’s when she should be finding out what you smell like. It’ll eventually seal itself into your clothes and your possessions and before long, you have yourself a signature scent without having to be hosed down to stop offending everyone at the office.

Aftershave is expensive, don’t get me wrong. The designers make a mint, hire beautiful models to flog it out to us, and it seems every celebrity has their name attached to some spray these days. Unfortunately, I’m a firm believer that with cologne you really do get what you pay for. A nice name-brand scent can set you back a few hundred dollars but if bought from a reputable dealer will have the best ingredients and the right proportion of chemicals to keep you smelling good without the risk of fatally damaging your skin. Shop around, take advantage of sales, and make sure you buy proper merchandise. You’ll find the fakes hocked on street corners and in back alleys aren’t always what they’re supposed to be and can have alarming levels of dangerous chemicals. So be careful. If smelling good is too much of a strain on the ol’ hip-pocket, find a scent you really like at your local department store and then find one of those ‘inspired by _____’ perfume stores that offer similar smelling perfumes at a fraction of the price.

Extra For Experts:

Basenotes – In my opinion, basenotes is the website to learn more about fragrances, get reviews and suggestions on products. Always my first stop if a friend mentions a new aftershave I might like.

I Subscribe – Like their female counterparts, men’s fashion/style magazines commonly contain advertisements for different fragrances. Rip them out, pull the tab and see if you like something. If you do, go buy it, and stash this magazine strip in your underwear drawer to keep it smelling good.

Freebie List — A good source of free samples you can get your hands on, and a lot of cosmetics companies promote their new products this way. The best way to decide on something is to try before you buy!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Why Thou Shalt Accessorise

[ 11 February 2008, 20:35 ]

[Guest post by Audrey.]

There is a Latin phrase that goes, ‘Vestis Virum Facit’. Translated, it means, ‘The Clothes Maketh the Man’.

Personally though, I think there needs to be a second point added onto that: Accessories Maketh the Outfit. Now I have no idea what the Latin for that is going to be, but my point is that dressing well is not just about what top and pants you’ve decided to pick up off your floor, shake off and put on. It’s vital that you understand the importance of accesorising. To add the finishing touches — a little tweak, a point of difference. Think of it as crossing your t’s and dotting your i’s before you leave the house in the morning.

Good accessories, when worn well, do a number of things. For starters, accessories are surprisingly practical. Your biggest accessory will be your trusty man-bag, but it goes further than that. A nice wrist watch will make sure you’re never late for meetings and appointments. Scarves and gloves will keep you warm. Hats and caps shade you from the sun. Sunglasses protect your eyes and stop you from getting crinkly eyes later in life, and belts stop everyone from seeing you in your tighty whities. Without the basic accessories, we’d barely function as fully-clothed human beings. They’re important!

On the sneaky side though, they can also hide a multitude of sins. A well proportioned neck tie can elongate your body (or shorten it if you need it). A nice, fashionable hat will help you survive a bad hair day unscathed. Or imagine it’s winter and you had a hot date last night but the girl bit the hell out of your neck while you made out at the cinema. A spiffy scarf will make sure nobody sees it, and make you look quite distinguished, when secretly you’re sporting the tell-tale sign of a fun-filled, naughty evening. That, my friend, is the wonder of accessorising.

A picture paints a thousand words, and likewise certain accessories can communicate things to everyone without you even having to speak a word. How many girls do you know that will wear a ring on their wedding finger just so guys won’t hit on them? That’s a perfect example of accessories at work. A button badge of your favourite band tells everyone in a five metre radius about your musical taste. You’d be surprised how much something like a small pin or kerchief or some other small addition to your outfit can communicate to your surrounding public.

They can even be a conversation starter or ice breaker. An interesting necklace from your trip to Zimbabwe or impressive technological watch that translates English into a fun foreign language can be quite the conversation piece at a party or bar — or give someone who’s taken a fancy to you an excuse to come up and talk. Accessories can also give an outfit just the tweak it
needs to change it from one occasion to another. A quick change in belt and shoes can change a work outfit to a going-out-for-drinks outfit without you having to take a change of clothes and lug a bag around for the rest of the evening like the rest of the suckers from your office.

Now, Johnny Everyguy, just TRY and tell me you don’t need accessories. They’re so versatile and important. I’m sure now you’re wondering how exactly you’ve managed to cope so long with nude necks and boring, bare wrists. The time to accessorise is now! You just need to know how to really work them.

There are so many different options out there as far as accessories go. You just need to find something that fits you, your life and your own personal style. What sort of items or look do you you think you want to focus on? Do you prefer silver or gold? Does a necklace with charms sound good to you? Or perhaps a leather wrist cuff and a diamond stud in your ear? An old-school trucker hat and wallet chain? A sharp, skinny tie and braces? Shiny rings? Exquisite cufflinks? A felt fedora?

Just remember the main rule about accessorising yourself: less is more. Accessories are made to be little accents, and designed to be a point of difference. It’s vital that you don’t over do it — a striped scarf, some fuzzy mittens and a colourful, pom-pom beanie all worn together might make you look like you’re eight years old. A cowboy hat, snakeskin belt and bolo tie is a bad combination too, because you don’t want to look like you’re playing dress-ups. We’ll leave that to Vince Noir.

Personally, I like clean lines, robust shapes and simplicity. I’m a big fan of silver, black and white for accessories, so naturally I think Nixon’s range of men’s watches are incredible — particularly the “Metal Dork“ which is equal parts shiny and technological. I think jewellery should be sentimental, so I’m a firm believer that you should rarely buy it for yourself, and instead let others come to the party. Whether it be a beautiful ring from your significant other or a plastic heart pendant your best friend got for you from a gumball machine, I love the feeling you get from having something sentimental around your wrist or neck.

If you’re lacking inspiration though, just have a look around. Accessories are huge for guys right now and there’s an infinite number of places to get ideas. I’ve always been a fan of scarves but I doubt anyone really pulls off the scarf-and-blazer combo better than Jude Law in ‘Alfie’ — a look I decided last winter to make my own. There’s nothing wrong with taking a cue from
somebody. Grab some magazines, watch some video clips or just have a look around your local coffee shop or record store.

Inspiration is everywhere, boys! So don’t be too scared to get out there and try something new. Trying new things is always tricky, particularly if you’re easing into the world of accessories after years of your life without them. Give things a shot, ask your friends or lovers what they think. It might take a few tries but I’m sure you’ll find something that fits. And when you do, you’ll wonder how you ever dressed yourself without it.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Get Dressed For A Concert

[ 5 February 2008, 21:14 ]

[Guest post by Audrey]

On this side of the planet, we’re currently in the pinnacle of summer: great heat, long days and of course, that sense that you should never be sitting still. There’s a million things going on to take advantage of the extra sunlight and the fact you’re not freezing — and with it has come the usual slew of summer music festivals to go to. I just spent some time with the crew from Big Day Out and of course one of the main attractions of working there for the day is the parade of fashion which walks back and forth for the duration of the day.

There’s such a wide gap between types of guys in the crowds at these places. Concerts really are partly about the music and partly about the fashion these days. It becomes really evident though who the males are who’ve adapted to this side of things, who are the ones being sensible, and who are the jock guys who’re just there to get drunk, forget to apply sunscreen, get even drunker, and grab some young girl in the mosh pit.

It’s tricky to plan an outfit for a concert, and these all-day-and-all-night festivals are even worse. The weather could change, and they’re usually held in places nowhere near where you live. You need to be prepared but carefree. Sensible but crazy. Free as a bird, but ready for anything, just in case something happens. So here’s some tips from someone who’s been doing this since Adam was a lad, a true connoisseur of music festivals. (Yes, I mean me.)

Being prepared

Do you remember the Man Bag you and I packed last week? Well it’s time to break it out again, only this is going to be a slightly mutated version. The first thing you need to understand is that you cannot wear or take anything to a festival that you actually like and cherish. I’m not saying to turn up in your worst, smelliest, dirtiest, should-be-used-as-a-rag-to-wash-the-car teeshirt. But you shouldn’t be wearing your brand new, shiny white sneakers and your super expensive shoulder bag to a festival. There’s a 93.7% chance* your stuff’s going to get ruined. And you can’t argue with maths.

• Percentage totally made up just to prove my point.

Get to your local Army Refuse store and grab one of those canvas shoulder bags. They’re only about ten dollars, so if you lose it or it gets covered in mud or scribbled on by some drunk girls armed with an array of pens, you won’t be broken hearted. In it goes sunscreen, your wallet (again, grab a simple cheap one if you don’t want your usual wallet potentially lost), ID, camera, roll-on deodorant, a scrunched up long sleeve top or scarf, disposable plastic poncho (Army Surplus or one of those bargain stores should stock them), sunglasses (not your favourite expensive ones!), and of course a map of the venue and performance times. All of this should easily fit inside, and you can sling it over your shoulder, leaving your arms free to wave your cigarette lighter in the air for all the power ballads of the day.

If anyone has other ideas of essential things to carry around at a festival — leave a comment and let us know!

Being comfortable

I know it’s tempting to have some fun and go crazy at these concerts and get some sort of costume or funny mask or a fifteen kilogram tin of body paint and matching coloured thong — but I guarantee, anyone who’s decided to be one of those ‘funny’ people is probably regretting it somewhere around noon, when the paint is mixing with his sweat and running down his legs. Or when the heat inside the big furry teddy bear suit is causing dehydration and hallucinations.

Besides, these are the guys that don’t ever score passes to the after-party. There’s dress codes at those things, you know.

Simple is always the safest bet for the day, and no matter what social clique you’re pledging allegiance to, I’m sure there’s a comfortable version of your group’s uniform to get you through the day.

Make sure you go for comfortable, sturdy sneakers. You’ll be on your feet the entire day, and if you play your cards right, you’ll be on your feet for most of the night too as the parties continue on. Bonus points for tying your shoe laces really, really tight, tucking your laces inside your shoes or just opting for slip ons. It’s not a good idea to wear flip-flops or sandals to a festival. Obviously, they’re leaving your feet prone to attack from other people’s feet and the sun, plus they’re easy to lose and that’ll leave you barefoot for the rest of the day. And besides — nobody can dance properly in flip-flops!

If it’s an outdoor festival, consider jeans instead of shorts, as nothing protects your skin from the sun better than fabric — and I know how easy it is to forget to re-apply your sunscreen. Consider a collared shirt for the same reason, as it’ll protect your neck from getting burnt.

If you do go for shorts and a tee, remember to put sunscreen on regularly. Wear something clever or in fashion if you must, but above all wear something that you’re comfortable in. Tight ringer tees are awful when you’re sweating on a dance-floor. Scoop necks leave you vulnerable for farmer-tan (trust me on that one). It’s all about planning ahead before the show, so you’re in a good position to go crazy and not care for the rest of the day.

Hats are important. Baseball or trucker caps are practical to make sure you can see the band when the sun’s setting but by mid-afternoon you’ll have blisters on your neck and ears from Mr Sun. Accessories for guys are so in at the moment, so shop around. Cowboy hats, fedoras, trilbies, sombreros — all of these were around at Big Day Out, with maximum style points for all guys wearing them.

Avoiding the cardinal sin

I’m actually interested on people’s opinion on this one, ‘cause in my opinion this is the one thing you can do to be guaranteed you look like a complete dork at a concert:

Never, ever, under any circumstances, wear a shirt of the band you’re there to see!

If you buy merch at a show and decide to chuck it on because you’re too lazy to carry it, alright you have an excuse and I’ll only tease you a little bit. But those people who wear band shirts to the band’s show just bug me. You’ve bought a ticket, you’re at the show, you’re screaming the lyrics to every song along with the vocalist. We all get it: you’re a fan. Wearing a Muse shirt to a Muse gig just shows a complete lack of imagination and tact in dressing yourself.

Old tour teeshirts won’t be scoring you points with anyone. People standing behind you aren’t impressed you’ve seen the band on their 1997 tour — if anything, they’ll just assume you’re one of those ‘I liked them before they were cool’ dudes.

Why not wear a shirt of another band you like? If anything maybe you’ll strike up a conversation with a cute girl who likes that band too, and already that’s two things you have in common.

Dressing your insides

External appearances aside, it’s time to check your attitude. Friends of mine are actually proud of the fact they start Big Day Out day with beer for breakfast, but seem to complain every year that they were so wasted by mid-afternoon that they can’t remember seeing the headline act they were so excited about.

This year, there were record numbers of fights, arrests and people ejected from the venue, my manager got called a c**t by a guy who was trying to sneak into the backstage area, and by the end of the day the laneway area behind the tent we were working in reeked of pee because dozens of guys thought it was better to just flop it out and take a leak behind some bins instead of taking the dozen or so steps to the men’s bathroom. These are the guys who make me embarrassed to be part of the male race. Even worse is the fact that these are the guys complaining that girls don’t want to be involved with them. C’mon guys, is it any wonder?!

Everyone deserves the right to a good time, no matter who they’re there to see or who they happen to be with. So just stop and think. And pace yourself, for crying out loud. I’m in no way saying you have to be a prude — gosh, I ended up more than just a little tipsy by the time I eventually stumbled home. But you shouldn’t be having fun at the expense of other’s comfort, or your own dignity.

Extra For Experts:
Dressing For Music Festivals is Gala’s take on the subject for women.
2threads has great galleries from festivals worth checking out.
Bang On customizable teeshirts! Doesn’t get any more perfect.
Your Scene Sucks is Rob Dobi’s tongue-in-cheek look at the kinds of kids you’ll probably encounter out at the shows.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Notes From The Road

[ 5 February 2008, 10:31 ]

[Guest post by Audrey.]

For those who don’t know, I’m actually away from Melbourne and the iCiNG bowl for a little while. I’ve taken a couple of weeks off work so I can go help out some friends at the Big Day Out, and my friend and I decided to road trip it back to my hometown of Adelaide for the show there.

I thought I’d share a quick anecdote with you about something that happened on the drive over, as I think it’s the perfect example of why you should be trying to be a nicely dressed, polite, upstanding-pillar-of-the-community type of guy at all times.

Somewhere near the Victoria/South Australia border, a police car came up over the horizon towards us. Just when we got nearby, he flashed his lights and whooped his siren for us to pull over. Yup, I’d been picked up for speeding. Evidently Australian police cars now have some sort of sensor thing up on the roof and can detect the speed of oncoming traffic, or something like that. So be warned, drivers!

Now, you must keep in mind that being me, of course I was still wearing a nice outfit, despite the fact I’d been cramped in my car for ten hours in thirty-degree heat. Most guys would be sweating it out and drinking cans of Coca-Cola while driving in their stubby shorts, flip-flops and a wifebeater singlet. On the contrary, both myself and my friend were still comfortable, but not looking like disgusting slobs. I had some comfortable high-top Nike sneakers, my favourite jeans, and a simple white shirt with my messed-up-by-the-wind hair hidden under my grandpa’s old grey trilby.

The policeman asked me to step out of the car and we had a little chat. He asked me why I was speeding, I explained it was just an oversight and apologised… you know, the usual. In my head, I told myself that frankly, the guy had every right to pull me over. I was speeding. That’s against the law. It was time to accept responsibility for my actions, and not be all freaked out and nervous and make stupid excuses that I was sure the policeman had heard a million times before.

He was a nice guy though. And after talking a while, he told me that although I had crossed the ‘technical’ speed to warrant a fine (I was doing 118kph in a 110kph zone), he was only going to issue me a warning. No fine. No deduction points on my license. Essentially just a slap on the wrist, and he sent me on my way.

Chalk it up to guardian angels or whatever, but I’m convinced that his attitude to me and his decision to let me off was based purely on the fact that I was polite, not scruffy, sensible and — to put it bluntly — not an asshole about the whole thing. Too many times you hear stories of guys putting up a fight or getting really defensive when pulled over by the police, despite the fact they have actually broken the law. I guarantee if I’d been some sloppy, smart-ass, dirty guy I’d be holding a sizeable fine in my hand, instead of this mere precautionary notice.

I guess the lesson here is that first impressions do count. While most of my advice to you all will be to dress how you want and to embrace your own personal style, you need to always be prepared, and you definitely need to know where the line is in regard to pushing boundaries. There’s always a time when you have to ‘play the game’ and make sure that you are respectable, respectful and downright sensible.

And like I always say — being a proper gentleman isn’t a summer retreat or something you turn on and turn off. You need to embrace your gentlemanly ways and keep it up all the time.

Manners and politeness should come naturally, and this is a great example of why it needs to happen.

Drive safe, kids.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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The Ultimate Crush Decoder Ring!

[ 4 February 2008, 12:17 ]

I get emails all the time from people who are in the grips of a major crush. The kind of crush that lives up to its name — the sort that squeezes your insides, makes you hyperventilate & always makes you feel like you’re not being very impressive at all. I realised I hadn’t written an article on how to stop a crush from becoming a crash, or how to salvage the wreckage if it does, & with Valentine’s Day coming up, it seemed appropriate! So, here it is — your crush decoder!

Problem: I don’t know how to talk to _______, & oh my god he/she is the cutest thing EVER!

Solution: Talking to people is quite easy but somehow, when we meet the person of our dreams, it’s like our mother tongue is Dork & our second language is Nerd. It can lead to very embarrassing moments. I once had a crush on a comedian that was so all-consuming that whenever we spent time together, I could barely even speak. Needless to say, it didn’t go far.

The trick to talking to people you are nervous about or don’t know is to find some common ground & then start asking questions. Don’t be all Spanish inquisition, & don’t give them the third degree either, just keep it relaxed. The trick with asking people questions is that it gives you more time to admire their mouth while they’re talking. Um, I mean, it gives you a break & allows you to think of something else to ask them! Plus, people loooove to talk about themselves — ask anyone.

The subject matter of the conversation is going to differ depending on the situation. Do you go to school together or work together? That can make life easier — you can talk about classes, teachers, managers, assignments, the people around you. If the object of your affections is a little more random, it can be a little trickier but is not impossible by any stretch of the imagination. If, for example, they work in a shop, ask them to help you find something, & while they do, just start a conversation. You know, usual small-talk stuff — how long have they worked there, do they like it, what are their dreams for the future, etc. If you go to the same cafe, maybe talk to them while you queue up, or ask if they’d like to sit with you. It seems scary but hey — he who dares wins (or something). You have to make the leap of confidence, otherwise you’ll never know!

I would also encourage you to “be yourself”. I know that sometimes when people tell you that it sends you into a blind panic, because all you can think of is your bad passport photo & recent exam scores, but what I really mean is — don’t try to be anyone else. Unless you are comfortable playing the sexy vixen or the suave gentleman, don’t. Just be you — your friendly, off-beat, cheeky self.

Problem: How can I ask _______ out on a date? But not, y’know, a real date, just an excuse to spend some time together.

Solution: This is really a continuation of the question above. So, strike up a conversation, & after you’ve established some rapport, ask if they want to have lunch/a coffee/a drink sometime. Swap numbers. Remember to call. Golden.

Problem: My crush used to act like he/she reciprocated my feelings but now he/she is acting all weird & won’t talk to me!

Solution: First rule of relationships & love: people are weird. Some people seem to change their feelings on a dime & all of a sudden start acting as if you are Queen (or King) of the Lepers. It hurts, of course. Your thoughts start to race. ‘What did I do wrong? What did I say?!? Did I breathe tuna sandwiches on them?!? Did I just morph into a hideous mud-monster?!?’ You know how it goes.

Talk to them about it. Say, “Hey. Things used to be cool between us but now you’re giving me wedgies & torturing my goldfish. What’s going on?” Then they will either tell you (“I just can’t handle your Spice Girls obsession — sorry”) or not (”...”). If they tell you, you can either try to remedy it or tell them to take a flying leap. Spice Girls ‘obsession’ — piffle! & if they don’t tell you or are otherwise difficult, believe me, it is their loss & not yours. Some people are just a bit stinky. I’m sorry you had to find out this way. You can’t crawl inside anyone’s head or make them change their mind, so don’t waste your energy. Stay away from them & find something else to keep you busy for the next little while.

Problem: _____ is obviously my dream lover but they have a boy/girlfriend already. How do I get rid of them?

Solution: Whoah there, soldier! While your dream lover’s lover is obviously a pesky obstacle, dabbling in home-wreckery is not your best laid plan. There are a few reasons for this, like for example, if your dream lover is susceptible to some new person coming along (you), who’s to say that that won’t happen to you six months down the track? But the real reason for not going there is that it will become an ugly mess & if you respect your dream lover — I mean, truly respect them & want what is best for them — you should also respect the relationship they’re in.

Not all relationships are perfect & it is common for one half of the couple to have a whinge from time to time about how so&so doesn’t pick up his socks from the floor or how little miss never does the dishes. However, you’ll be better off if you don’t read into that as some kind of false clue that they want out of the relationship & they consider you their life-raft. They are probably just venting. If you feel evil hooks growing over your hands that give you the urge to tear their relationship asunder & run away to a cave with your dream lover, please, do yourself a favour & back away. This is not a nice side of you!

Problem: My dream lover says he/she wants to leave his/her current relationship & be with me! The delight is palpable! But… I don’t know. Something feels wrong.

Solution: In this scenario, there are a few very probable outcomes.

Number one: The scorned ex-lover will hate you & so will all their friends, co-workers, hairdressers, etc. This can make life difficult if you live in a small town & don’t fancy cutting your hair yourself.

Number two: Since your dream lover will be jumping from one relationship to the next, it will be complicated. I am a firm believer that everyone needs a break between relationships. It’s just a good thing to do — it helps you sort out the emotional bracken, allows you to re-establish who you are & what you want, & gives you a breather. I think being alone is really good for people, since being in a relationship it’s all too easy to be co-dependent & never really learn how strong or capable you are. The other risk when you jump from one relationship to the next is that you get transference of emotion — that’s when your emotions for the last person swap over to the new person. While it might be nice to be instantly in love, it’s not real & it causes problems later when the bliss wears off & you both realise that the person you’re with is not who you expected.

If your dream lover really does want to leave his or her current lover, then of course that’s their choice & their life. But if you actually want things to work out between the two of you long-term, let them know that you would like there to be a significant (i.e., at least a couple of months) break between the ex & you. Explain why & see how they react. Hopefully if they have a brain & some emotional stability they will be cool with this. On the other hand, some people, when you tell them this, will decide you’re too much trouble & not leave their partner. While this sucks at the time, you will look back on it in a few months & be so very grateful. Trust me!

Problem: My dream lover’s lover is so AWFUL! I hate him/her! If only they would go away, my dream lover would be so much happier & capable of so much more! I don’t understand why they don’t just leave!

Solution: People’s problems are their own. Let it go. Move on.

Problem: I think I’m in love with my best friend. HELP!

Solution: Well, this is really up to you. I encourage taking the plunge & telling the truth, something like, “Max, we have been best friends for a long time but things are changing & well, do you mind if I kiss you?” Sure, it might destroy the friendship. But it could also be the best relationship of your life. I think it’s worth the chance.

Problem: I’ve never had a boy/girlfriend before & I don’t know how to kiss!

Solution: You need to enrol in Gala’s Kissing Boot-Camp, toute de suite!

Problem: Where can I take my crush for a cool, interesting date?

Solution: If I was feeling exceptionally twee, I’d say something like “It doesn’t matter where you go if the company’s good”. Which is true, but honestly, that’s not really going to cut it. For a first date, you want to wow them by taking them somewhere spectacular, like talking a stroll along the Nile or going on a week-long safari. Unfortunately, whisking your new potential lover off to see one of the wonders of the world is probably going to have to wait until you are a big-shot entrepreneur, so here are some other ideas.

Go to an amusement park. Eat burritos in the botanical gardens. Hire a canoe. Go out stencilling at night. Attend an art show opening. Go thrift-shopping. Get photobooth pictures. Take circus lessons together. Cook for each other. Browse a used bookstore. Go to the beach. Do a collaborative painting. Dress up. Stage a treasure hunt. Go to the markets. Find the biggest waterslide you can. Bake cupcakes. Explore abandoned places. Go to an audience participation version of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Sneak into a hotel pool. Play tennis. Pick out plants for each other. Take a yoga class. Ride your bikes somewhere. Have a picnic. Build a fort. Talk. Kiss. Snuggle.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Stylish Wedding Attire For Men

[ 29 January 2008, 09:00 ]

[Guest post by Audrey]

“Help! I’ve been invited to a wedding and I have no idea what to wear!”

This is a situation that many males in the world face every day. The problem is a two-pronged attack, too: not only are there are so many rules, regulations and other things to take into consideration when choosing what to wear, but the consequences for a poor outfit choice can be pretty severe. Also, it’s pretty obvious when you’ve made a fashion faux pas at someone’s wedding because it’ll seem like everyone but you in attendance has understood some sort of secret code and has turned up in uniform, leaving you as the proverbial sore thumb.

Even worse is that attitudes towards the ceremony (and even weddings in general) have changed a lot over the past decade or so. Back in my parents’ heyday, I’m sure my dad had one or two cheap suits stashed at the back of his closet for the safe option if anyone happened to tie the knot. These days you’ve got to put a little more effort in unless you’re going to play the role of the inconsiderate male friend. But just keep in mind, a lot of brides have attractive single bridesmaid friends and other guests — so why wouldn’t you want to be looking like the strapping young buck that you are? Of course, you should be looking your best at all times though, right?

I must admit, even I’ve been known to panic at the thought of planning a wedding outfit. What’s worse is that the rules of wedding attire and etiquette change as you get older. I’ve personally just reached that age where friends of mine are getting hitched, so the last wedding I attended was actually the first time that I was the guest, not just a friend-of-the-family’s son. So of course I was equal parts nervous and excited at the prospect of my outfit being my choice and decision for a change, instead of having my parent’s disapproving looks when I try and head out the door. Of course, it was interesting to have the bride tell me at the reception “I saw you from the altar! You look so amazing today! Thankyou!”

So, you’re invited to a wedding. How are you supposed to know what the so-called dress code is for a wedding you’ve been asked to attend? And how do you plan yourself accordingly? Well okay, let’s get you sorted out.

Know your bride and groom

Okay, it’s time to get your Sherlock Holmes on. Check out the wedding invitation. Believe it or not, there’s a possibility that the dress code is written right there — and once you know that, you’re halfway there. Black tie, casual, semi-formal, formal. These are the sorts of words you’re looking for, and this will help you decipher their meanings.

If there’s no dress code listed, there’ll still be ways for you to suss it out. Maybe there’s a theme to the wedding invitation and envelope. If the invitation has fancy writing or intricate calligraphy, it’s quite a formal affair you’re heading off to. A fun invitation with a colourful photo of the happy couple means it’ll be a little more casual. There’s a lot of little hints you can find on the invite which may solve all your problems.

If all else fails and you’re still confused, just think — if you’ve been invited to someone’s wedding, it means either you or your partner are important to the bride and groom. So chances are that you see them or talk to them regularly and they wouldn’t think twice about you picking up the phone and calling them. So you should do just that! Send an SMS or an e-mail. Break out the carrier pigeons if you’re technologically impaired. Just swallow your man-pride and get in contact with them or their family and ask them straight out what sort of dress code it is. You won’t look stupid, I promise. If anything, it shows them you have an active interest in them and their special day. And that makes you a great friend.

Know your wedding

It’s important to realise that a wedding doesn’t just mean sitting in a stifling church, listening to an old priest drone on before all the women in the place tear up and the groom finally may kiss the bride. Beach weddings, backyard weddings, shotgun weddings with Elvis in Las Vegas… Modern weddings have become a celebration of a couple and their love for each other, and people are getting really creative at personalising their special day. And once you know the dress code, it’s up to you to dress appropriately for it.

Above are three outfits: one for a beach wedding, one for a more conservative wedding and the third for a really casual wedding (which is actually the outfit I wore to my friend’s wedding where she spotted me during the service). Each of the outfits above are suitable for a guest at a modern wedding, but they’re also distinctly different.

Obviously outfit #2 would be disastrous for a beach wedding. While everyone is out up to their knees in a beautiful tropical ocean with floating lotus flowers all around, you’ll be sitting on the shore because you can’t get your new fancy shoes wet. Outfit #1 is the obvious choice, of course. But you must admit that linen pants and Havianas aren’t common wedding attire.

My point is that you may have to think outside the square in order to make the best choice. And make sure you’re well informed before the actual event to make sure that you’re dressed and prepared accordingly.

Know your outfit and know yourself

God is in the details, as they say. Likewise, your outfit’s not going to do you any justice if you don’t pay attention to all the little things. Whether it’s a formal, casual, black tie or nudist wedding (believe it or not, they do exist), a wedding is an important event. You’ll want to be clean and tidy and a nice-smelling, lovely, charming man. So while most of this goes without saying, I’m still going to say it anyway. Just in case you forgot.

Shine your shoes. Iron your shirt. Clean and cut your nails. Get a haircut. Have a shave. Clean yourself. Wear deodorant and aftershave… And don’t skimp on the clean socks and underpants.

Be sure to invest in something new — whether it be the tie or some cufflinks, some new shoes or comfy new socks. A wedding is always a great excuse to splurge on something for yourself too. It’s a celebration after all!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Man Bags

[ 22 January 2008, 12:59 ]

[Guest article by Audrey]

Alright boys, let’s face facts. Gone are the days where everything you needed to survive a day in this modern fast-paced world can fit in your pocket. It’s just not doable any more. If you’re roaming around the streets with just your wallet in your pocket, you’re either alarmingly under-equipped for life, or you’re cheating and getting your other half to cart around your stuff around for you. And that’s not cool.

But the good news is that the Gentleman’s Satchel (or ‘Man Bag’, if you will) is no longer just for the metrosexual man. It’s now universally acceptable for us all to have them. And, in fact, we all should! What’s even better news is that there is now a huge range of different options available to comfortably and stylishly cart all our stuff around with us.

So for those of you out there who haven’t saddled yourselves up yet with your very own man-bag, I thought I’d give you some pointers.

Why the bag?

Let’s start with basics. Some of you fellows may not exactly know what you could possibly need throughout the day to constitute said apparatus. It’s not uncommon for guys to just sort of assume that they’ll somehow just bounce around their day and come out the other side with no problems. This is known as our severe LACK OF PLANNING. So what happens when the unthinkable happens, and all you have to contribute to the solution is a few coins, an old condom and your licence? Even MacGuyver couldn’t fix a problem armed with that!

I’m a firm believer though in leading by example, so here’s a breakdown of what’s in MY bag…

1. Louis Vuitton ‘Citadin’ Damier Geant Canvas bag. Okay, I admit – this isn’t the actual bag I’m using. I have a significantly cheaper black Nike satchel which I’m totally impressed with. However, this is my dream bag. Louis Vuitton make amaaaaaazing luggage. And if anybody wants to buy me one of these, I’ll name my first born after you. That’s a promise.

2. Toothbrush. Boy scouts say “Always Be Prepared”, and so do I. Great for quick after-lunch scrubs before important meetings, after work brushes before going out on a date, and it’s there ready for you on the off-chance you happen to not make it back to your apartment one night. You know what I mean. Mine is green so I can distinguish it easily, and has a tongue and cheek scraper on the other side for getting rid of germs.

3. Moleskine notebook. Moleskine make amazing notebooks, planners and diaries in different sizes and shapes and for different uses. Favoured by the likes of Hemingway and Van Gogh, now available in stores like Borders. As always, I recommend finding a small independent bookstore to buy one from. Quick sketches, ideas, things you have to remember, doodles to pass the time while you’re sipping coffee, people’s numbers… a notebook is a quintessential tool for the man about town! Google “moleskine mods” to see some awesome different ways to customise it.

4. Bic pen. It’s to write in the notebook with, obviously. But it’s imperative that you invest in a good pen that you find comfortable to use. And be sure to spring for something more expensive than a 29c special, because cheap biros have a habit of running out when you really, really need them: like that important business meeting, or when a cute girl at a bar asks for your number.

5. Kleenex Tissues Pocketpack. Repeat after me: Sleeves. Are. Not. For. Boogers. Crazy, I know, but try blowing your nose on these babies instead. (Bonus points for using the ones with aloe vera — aloe is soothing for your skin, so stops your nose getting red and raw when you have a cold.)

6. A scarf. Maybe not appropriate for your climate, but weather here has a habit of changing very quickly and unexpectedly. Having one of my many, many scarves bundled up at the bottom of my bag has kept my neck warm and my hair dry when it does! In wintertime, I make sure I have an umbrella in here, and a pair of mittens too!

7. City guides. Audrey Rule #256: If you’re not currently travelling, you should be at least planning it. Sure, your actual trip may not be for months yet, but you should still be thinking about it, dreaming about it and doing your homework. I’m still relatively new to Melbourne too, and a friend gave me a Melbourne guide as a present when I moved here — SO useful to carry around one of these, or some street press magazines for when you’re looking for somewhere fun to go.

8. Sony Cybershot Camera. While having a fancy SLR or artsy LOMO is always good, I think there’s a lot to be said for having a good, sturdy point-and-click camera in your bag. No mess, no fuss, and great for keeping your Flickr account well fed.

9. Wallet. This used to belong in your pocket. Now it belongs in here. Everyone prefers different sizes and shapes and brands (I hereby pledge allegiance to Paul Frank and Skurvy in every possible way), so I’m not going to try and lecture you on the subject. Just promise me to think outside the square, shop around and get something that holds everything you need.

10. ‘Pump’ waterbottle. While I don’t endorse the Coca Cola company’s plot to sell our own water back to us while we’re forced by the government to take shorter showers and water the garden with the run-off, I’m totally in love with the shape of the Pump bottles. So big and chunky and fun to hold. I’m so tactile! But buy one bottle, then refill it for free at the water cooler when you leave the office.

11. Magazines. Tram rides and waiting rooms can be boring as all hell, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to resort to flipping through dog eared copies of 1987’s Woman’s Weekly. You can be guaranteed I have at least 2 of these (or one of the dozen or so other titles I love) in my bag at any particular time. You get bonus points for carrying newspapers, because staying on top of current affairs is awesome! And double word score bonus points if you’re nice and give it to a stranger on your train when you’re finished.

11. Nurofen. You never know when a headache, migraine or toothache will hit. Carry a pack of these around and they’ll at least help you get through the day until you can get home and sleep it off, or to the doctors to get fixed up.

12. Telstra Hiptop. In America, they’re known as the T-Mobile Sidekick (which is a way better name, I think) but Robin is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me and I never ever leave home without him. (Robin… Sidekick… Get it?) Part phone, part organiser, part computer, this puppy has email capability, MSN messenger and an internet browser so I can check up on all your comments when I’m on the run. It also has an MP3 player that’ll do the trick until I can decide if I want an iPod or not, and a decent camera. It’s got an awesome organiser and runs seamlessly with my Outlook planner. If you’re terribly disorganised like me, something like this to run your life is essential.

13. Moisturiser. Maybe a little advanced for some guys, but I’m still going to push skincare products on you until you relent and accept my advice. Trust me — moisturiser is important! I work in an office that has one hell of an air conditioner blasting 24/7 so my skin is always, always dried out. Believe it or not, moisturiser puts moisture back in your skin (!!!), so make sure you keep some with you. Nivea have a great range of products specific for men, and it’ll make you smell good and
manly too.

14. Hand sanitizer. Everything and everybody is gross. Escalators, traffic light buttons, toilet doors, handrails on public transport — gross, gross, gross! Even taps in the bathroom when you go to wash your hands have been handled by other guys who might’ve just peed on their own fingers by accident — so maybe you’re not as squeaky clean as you think. I’m neurotic and obsessive perhaps, but a small bottle of this keeps me safe and clean before meal times. It’ll work for you too.

15. Keys. I forget these all the time, and I’m sure you do too. Having a spot in your bag that you always, always keep them (or even keep a spare set in your bag at all times) means you’re never stranded. Bonus points if you spotted the Alfie reference keychain!

16. Glasses. Even if I’m wearing my contacts, it’s important to have them with me in case my eyes get tired. In a case, with glasses cleaner on standby and I’m safe. I normally keep some eyedrops too, but I hate eyedrops so right now I have conveniently misplaced them.

So there you have it. A bag full of stuff and there’s no denying I actually need it all and use it all in the course of a day. I’d like to see you try and put all that of that stuff in your pockets — even if you’re wearing cargo pants!

So what bag to choose?

Like my opinion on wallets, I’m completely ‘pro-choice’. You have every right to choose your own for whatever reason you think. But here’s some tips on choosing yours, because I couldn’t sleep at night if I didn’t at least point you in the right direction:

1. Make sure it’s comfortable to walk with. I’ve been caught out in the past by just throwing it on and standing still in a store before making a purchase. Bad move! Make sure you take a walk around the store with it on, checking it’s comfortable when you walk so you can be sure it doesn’t cut into your shoulder or smack you on the butt over and over as you trundle down the street.

2. Check out all the compartments, and forward plan. Make a list. Read what I have in my bag, see if what’s useful for you. Fill in the gaps with stuff you yourself think you may need (a bottle opener? A coupon book? Your French/English dictionary? One of those iPod thingies?) and arm yourself with this list when you go bag shopping. If you can’t cross everything on your list off with a place for it to live in your new man bag, then that’s not the bag for you.

3. Think about buying a few! I have a handful of bags for different times, depending on what I have to do for the day. My laptop doesn’t fit in my Nike satchel, so I have another, bigger bag that’ll fit in. I have an old school 80s gym bag for holding sneakers and shorts at work, an authentic German medic gasmask bag for my SLR camera, and a Louis Vuitton-‘inspired’ overnight bag for trips. There’s a man bag for every occasion!

4. Remember what I’ve said in the past — your style is everything, and this should continue right down to your bag, its shape, what you’ve got in it and what it’s for. Example: taking a sleek white leather designer bag to the beach in your board shorts and flip-flops is obviously stupid. It’s all about thinking about what you’ll use it for and where you’ll take it and you’ll have your answer.

Where to get one

It seems almost all companies dealing in bags and luggage have a range now for men. In fact, there’s a lot of lines that are unisex. So no matter what your need or your look I’m sure you can find something that’ll be exactly what you’re looking for.

If you need my personal tips though, let’s get them out there. You now all know my love of Louis Vuitton’s stylish shapes, amazing patterns and beautiful colours and tones (swoon!). It’s worth your while checking out Crumpler bags – amongst other things, they make great colourful messenger bags and customisable laptop carriers. I’m sure you’ll recognise their logo. Finally for those who are local to Gala and I, Australian-based kikki.K carries a range of great felt products that
look and feel incredible.

If worst comes to worst, there’s still the good ol’ backpack, or grab one of those old faithful tan coloured canvas shoulder bags from a nearby Army Surplus Store and attack it with some button badges. Even your local department store is going to have some passable man bags for you to use. The fact of the matter is there should be no reason to be unprepared, or to be asking anyone else to hold your stuff.

Get a manbag and carry it proudly!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Be A Gentleman

[ 15 January 2008, 11:01 ]

You will all be thrilled to hear that Audrey now has a regular spot here on iCiNG! His articles on men’s style, attitude & lifestyle will be appearing every Tuesday. Tell your favourite man about town & direct him to our RSS feed!

Sitting at my tram stop last Thursday evening in the heat, I witnessed at least a dozen strapping young men standing around idle as an old lady tried to drag her packed shopping cart up the steps and onto the platform. Totally appalled, I stood up from my spot on the bench (which, incidentally, was snapped up immediately by another selfish, slack jawed male bystander), walked past the guys and lifted the cart up onto the platform for her. It took me five seconds and minimal effort, but she was so surprised and so grateful for it. The guys looked at me strangely, like I was some freak of nature. On the flip side, I got some huge smiles from some girls at the stop who obviously appreciated my gesture to help out a little old lady in the heat.

It got me thinking though — I remember a time when guys held doors open, said ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, and charming men gave up their seats for the elderly, a pregnant lady, or someone who just looked like they’d had a rough day.

So what the hell happened? Well, believe it or not, but my male friends actually do voice their confusion and frustration after dates or nights out with friends, about not knowing what to say to a girl or how to act to show them they are actually a genuinely nice guy. They want to be pleasant, nice, and funny but don’t want to be dismissed as just ANOTHER guy with only one thing on their mind. They want to be polite, but not offensive. To be a gentleman, but not thought of as a sleaze.

See, chivalry’s not dead. It just got confused. With the push of equal opportunity and political correctness, I think most guys have the right intentions. It’s really easy sometimes to offend a girl just by being polite — as stupid as that sounds. Some guys unfortunately have good intentions, but come on way too strong or don’t know how to deliver. Others only use politeness as a way to pick up chicks, thus ruining it for everyone. The remainder — well, they’re just jerks.

So here’s my guide to being the perfect gentleman, in the hope you can exercise some of this in the real world and nice gestures and gallantry can be popular once more.

First impressions
You know that amazing feeling when you’re out somewhere and a cute girl flashes you a smile? You feel like a king, right? Nothing could necessarily come of it, and she might be down the road and around the corner by the time your brain’s caught up with the rest of you. But it’s still nice to have an acknowledgement that a cute girl thinks you look nice, or dress nice, or that she digs your shoes, or that you’re carrying a bag from her favourite store so you must be worth the effort.

Newsflash, superstud! Girls get that same amazing feeling if you smile at them first! And it’s the simplest, easiest, cheapest nice gesture you can give.

It’s all about delivery though, and I think this is the biggest problem we, as guys, face. Girls are scary, especially the ones you think are cute. I’m a nice guy, and I have loads of stuff to talk to a girl about. But I too have had that nervous knot in my stomach, unsure of how to actually talk to one or acknowledge one I think is amazing. The thing is that you need to have a little belief in yourself. Confidence. That’s the key.

Most males overthink things though, and try to cram too much into a smile. Obviously, your smile shouldn’t say, “Hey baby. You are one sexy mama and you should shimmy over here and get your fine self liquored up!” Nor should it say, “Hey. I think you’re cute and I was wondering if you wanted to come and hang out and have a chat and see if we have something in common because if we do I think it’d be awesome to hang out and go somewhere some place sometime and do something because I think you’re cool and interesting.”

Try and smile at someone as if you’re saying “Hey! What’s up?” without words. Because essentially, that’s all a smile to a stranger should say. Nothing may come of it, and that’s fine. All you want to do with a smile is give her your acknowledgement and respect. She might take it on board and that’ll be that. At least you brightened someone’s day. If you’re lucky though, she’ll flash you a “Hi. Not much…” smile back. And those, my friend, are awesome.

A compliment is a great way to break the ice or strike up a conversation with someone, but again, you need to be smart about it. You need to understand that a compliment is only good if it’s sincere. Don’t make stupid, back-handed sarcastic ones. And it can’t be too superficial either. So you think she’s cute or pretty. Of course you do, that’s why you’ve noticed her. Just stop and try not to be really shallow about it — what is it about her that you like? Try and work it out, but don’t blatantly stare while you do so, because you’ll look like a creep. It’s a delicate balance, I know, but it’s something we all need to learn: a general compliment will make you sound like Johnny Everyguy, and she’s heard all that before. Say something really specific or weird and you’re a creep that she’ll be telling her friends about over coffee tomorrow. No one wants to be THAT guy!

So if you find yourself noticing a girl some place and you want to be a gentleman about it, quickly ask yourself why you’ve noticed her. Maybe she’s got a button or a tee from an obscure band you like. Is she sitting at a table and reading your favourite magazine. Perhaps she’s just ordered that weird cocktail that it seems no one else but you likes at your favourite bar. Or maybe you love her laugh and just had to talk to her.

Something not so shallow, a little different, but most importantly, honest. That’s what you’re aiming for here. And that’s what’ll set you apart from the fifty other guys that’ve already stared at her boobs tonight, telling her she has a pretty “smile”.

Keep things positive
I mentioned above the ‘back-handed compliment’. Girls reading this will know what this is. I see and hear guys do these to my female friends all the time, and I don’t for the life of me understand it.

A guy will be interested in a girl, strike up a conversation and all is fine. But suddenly it’s like the 10-year-old inside of him takes over and he’s pulling the cute girl’s pigtails again — making sarcastic comments, saying negative things to ‘playfully tease’ the girl, flirting with their friends to ‘play hard to get’, sending mixed messages or just generally saying things that could be taken a number of ways.

I don’t get it, and I’m sure girls don’t want to play these games. So stop it!

Keep the politeness juices flowing
Okay, so you’ve broken free of your old selfish, pigtail-pulling ways and embraced your inner White Knight. She can see the nice guy you are and now you don’t want to mess it up. What do you do next?

Nothing, that’s what! Come on, this stuff is really easy and SHOULD be coming naturally for you if you were brought up right. Maybe you’ve just regressed into Caveman Mode, forgotten it all and gone over to the Dark Side. Well, bring yourself back to the light: it just boils down to being respectful. If going out on a date, pick the girl up or at least make sure you’re on time to meet her wherever you’re going. Let her sit first, or be extra courteous and pull out her chair to let her sit. Let her order first, engage in some appropriate conversation, listen to what she says, don’t start eating until you both have your meals, and make sure she’s comfortable and content throughout the meal. Obvious, huh?

And even if you have fallen for a girl who’s really switched on to the modern, PC way of life you can still be a gentleman. There’s such a good balance between males and females these days that we’re lucky to be part of, but most guys seem to take advantage of. For example, splitting a bill was frowned upon back in the fifties and most people go dutch these days. But it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t offer to pay. It’s just manners. Politeness. A great gesture. It’ll make her feel special.

Just make sure it’s not an empty gesture. Because there’s nothing worse than that, and it’s game over well and truly if you’re found out to be a snake.

Check your libido at the door
This isn’t supposed to be a ‘how to talk to girls’ article though. My main point is that the more masculine half of the population used to be far nicer and respectful. And we need to get back into some good habits. I mean, what the hell happened to us? I’m not saying times are back to the point where you should take off your cloak and lay it in the mud to save a girl’s shoes. But the old lady at the tram just made me realise what the world is like right now. And frankly, I felt ashamed of every other guy that had just stood and watched her. But of course, if it was a blonde haired, large chested lass dragging a shopping cart onto a tram, suddenly every guy there would’ve been Don Juan reincarnated.

Why do you have to be interested in someone to be a gentleman? People say that guys will do anything for a pretty face, and ain’t that the truth. For shame, boys! That’s not how it should be at all. So I issue you a challenge: treat everyone the same and be a polite gentleman anyway — even if it’s just for the sake of being nice. Do at least one good deed a day, to anyone, anytime. In fact, do a million good deeds.

Seriously, do it! I dare you.

Strangers are just people you haven’t met yet
There’s nothing wrong with being nice to a stranger. I admit, times have changed since the old days when your parents were young, polite bucks and Boy Scouts were helping old grannies to cross the street. ‘Stranger danger’ is rife in everyone’s attitudes, and sometimes someone won’t even appreciate your efforts to be nice.

But that shouldn’t mean you keep to yourself and only interact with those you know, running in the same old circles. Where’s the fun in that?! A while ago, I made friends with a girl who catches the same train as me. I’d seen her get off at my stop before a few times, and one time she had a heap of shopping bags full of groceries. When we got off, I offered to help her out since my hands were empty and we were heading the same way. Nothing suss, no hidden motives – it was just a nice gesture. And she appreciated it. I was just some guy who’d offered to help her out. And from that came a great new friendship.

I don’t live on that particular line any more, but we do catch up from time to time, and she’s got some awesome friends who I now count as my friends too. And if you need more evidence, just think — even my friendship with Gala was started from a mere compliment and nice gesture.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Putting On The Ritz

[ 7 January 2008, 14:18 ]

[Guest article by Audrey]

“It seems all the fun, all the accessories and all the real joy in dressing and clothes belongs to women… I only have 2 outfits that I actually enjoy wearing, rather than just feel comfortable in. Too often I am tempted to give in and just go for a T-shirt and pants, or just a plain button up shirt and pants. How do I not look boring, but not look over the top?”

The eternal struggle. When a guy finally admits that he cares about his appearance (and be honest — we ALL actually do, so you guys should just stop pretending), he treads a fine line with very limited support on what to do about it. It’s great to accept the fact you’re beyond the ‘this is my t-shirt, these are my khakis’ guy, but it’s a balancing act — try too little, and you’ll blend in with all the other Neanderthals. Try too hard, and you’re the reincarnation of Liberace and you may not be hitting your target demographic… if you catch my drift.

My basic view of the fashion world is that it essentially follows what I call the ‘Two Pendulums’ idea. You basically have two groups. The first is the mainstream fashion community who dictate to the masses what is in fashion and what to buy. Your general gossipy trash magazines, prime-time TV shows and carbon copy chain-stores cover this area and the general population lap it up and it’s what’s generally accepted as ‘The Norm’. The safe side of fashion. You can look hip and trendy for the current times, but it’s the same stuff everyone is wearing. That’s why it’s a trend.

The second group is the ‘alternative’ or more fashion-forward community who usually operate 1-2 seasons ahead of the times. Despite a strong belief that it’s the mainstream, big companies who dictate the next big thing, it’s in fact these people who are the pioneers. Think of your more specific, artsy fashion magazines, the up-and-coming designers, the looks straight off the runway that most people wouldn’t even dare to attempt. That’s them. In fact, the fact you’re reading this probably means you’re part of it. Very DIY, embracing the art of good thrift-store shopping, looking to very specific style icons for very specific reasons.

So each group is a pendulum swinging back and forth, only they’re in polar opposites to each other. The fashion forward group are often elitists who turn their nose up at anything accepted by the mainstream and (whether they admit it or not) they strive to intentionally go the other way. They adopt new fashions, or recycled ideas because ‘nobody else is doing it any more’ and they want to be the first, cutting edge, cool kids who stand out and started it. Slowly though, mainstream circles will adopt it, mass-produce it and make it their own, slowly swinging the mainstream towards the alternative style, despite looking in horror at the fashion when it first was being worn on the street. Suddenly your alternative fashion has become the mainstream and the fashionistas swing immediately away from what was once theirs and we’re back to the beginning, ready to start again.

I think skinny-leg jeans is the most obvious demonstration of this phenomena in recent times. I remember when I first wore them, everyone was still in baggy skater jeans and I got a lot of strange looks and quite insulting comments about them. These days you can pick up a pair anywhere, and they’re pretty much a staple of every label, every store, every range and every person’s wardrobe. Now people are getting sick of them, and demand is slowly creeping in for some different fits. Give it five years and we’ll all be back in the baggies.

But this is where the problem lies. As men’s fashion is becoming a more socially acceptable canvas for a guy to show his personality and creativity, things are getting too crazy and too over the top to the point where it’s just ludicrous and frankly, ironic. And as labels and vintage stores cotton on to this phenomenon, fashionistas are spending a fortune trying to look like they just rolled out of bed and picked up whatever they found on the floor. And suddenly, everyone once again looks the same.

I can totally empathise with not wanting to look boring. A lot of people can. The problem is that it’s all to easy to get completely caught up in the ‘trying not to look like everyone else’, that you end up trying TOO hard. Lord knows I’ve been guilty of that in the past. It’s such a frivolous game, trying to outdo each other and outshine each other, until it gets to the point where people forget to talk to each other and make friends because everyone just stands around like peacocks, preening themselves and putting on a show. All the time sizing each other up based entirely on appearance, judging others for their lack of the next big thing, and masking respect and admiration behind jealous taunts and elitist snobbery.

So how do you stay ahead of the game without actually PLAYING the game? Here are my tips.

Turn your head off
The first thing to do if you want to find your own style is to stop worrying about what people think. Obvious, I know, but the really important second step of this that most people forget is that you need to not worry about not worrying about what people are thinking. Make sense? Yeah, I thought so.

There’s a difference between coming up with a look and style that works for you and is your own, compared with dressing up for what others expect of you. If you want to push boundaries, that’s great. Seriously, we need more guys like you and I’ll be your friend if you drop me a line to say hello. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and in the right way. Your style should be a natural extension of your personality and yourself. And natural extensions should come naturally. So let yourself go and get into it! To hell with everyone else.

Embrace it!
Commit, commit, commit! And then, commit some more. Having style and being a fashion-savvy boy is a lifestyle, not a costume party. It’s not a summer camp for the weekend. Anyone can go buy a $600 outfit and look stellar on a Saturday night and the ‘it’ club of the month, but it’s all just lights and mirrors if you’re just some dude in a fancy, expensive coat. And trust me, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb if you take this approach.

Extend your personal style quest to look to all parts of your life. In fact, your outfit should be the last thing that comes out of the whole exercise. Buy some snazzy pyjamas (I am, as always, fanatical about Peter Alexander sleepwear). Sell that bomb of a car and get that vintage bicycle you’ve said for the past five years you’d get one day. Move out of your parents’ house and get a nice apartment; cover the walls with artwork you like and photos and postcards from friends. Tweak some personal touches into your work uniform. Hang out at the places you wish you could — because frankly, you can!

If you live your life the way you want, everything else will fall into place — style included. Change the things about yourself and have the confidence in yourself to live the life you want.

And remember — change is easier than you think.

Get inspired
Imitation is the most basic form of flattery. We all know that. There’s nothing strange about admiring another guy’s style. Or shoes. Or haircut. Obviously, it gets a little weird and stalkerish if you go over-the-top about someone else, and you and your stylish buddy Tim end up looking like Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger in that ‘Twins’ movie, wearing the matching outfits. But there’s nothing wrong about taking a cue from someone else, and making that particular aspect that you admire your own.

I have a scrapbook of tearings and clippings from magazines and a file full of images on my laptop. I know, it may be a bit severe for you, cos I’m pretty much invested in this whole idea. But maybe a project like this will get your brain working a bit. If I have a magazine and I like a fabric or a print or an item or an outfit in a shoot, I take it out and put it in my folder. This goes for other areas too: films, friends, anything. I’m obsessed with the Jude Law version of ‘Alfie’ mainly because of his incredible suits and will be using this as a basis when I eventually get fitted for my own. The wardrobe stylist for the movie took his inspiration from the Beatles’ movies. They got their inspiration from somewhere else. You can see how it snowballs on and on.

Inspiration can come from a range of places, so make sure you’re switched on and receptive to it. I’m a firm believer that a guy’s personality and who he is isn’t from one solitary thing — it’s a product of every person, situation, day, action, month, season, experience, year, let-down, highlight and second that has led up to where he has now. Therefore, his style should be too.

Know your shape, size and self
This follows as a warning to my last point — it’s important to know the difference between adopting an idea and flat-out ripping something off. I had a so-called friend in a band once who liked my style and aesthetic so much that he decided to play a show decked out in what could only be described as a Me Costume. He took all my little ‘things’ and copied them to a tee. The problem was, he wasn’t built like me, he didn’t move like me, he didn’t act like me — he wasn’t me. And so he just didn’t pull it off. In fact, he looked uncomfortable, awkward and just plain silly.

Just because you like a certain look, you need to accept the fact that throwing on that outfit you saw on that hot model in the magazine or on the mannequin in the store window won’t change your body shape completely. The trick is to ADAPT the style to suit your shape and self. Slim cut jeans aren’t for everybody for example, but you can still substitute something more flattering for your shape into the mix instead. Suddenly, that outfit you admired on someone else is perfect for you. Make sure you try things on, get sized, ask for help. It’s what the store clerks, fitting rooms and mirrors are all there for.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
It’s fine to pledge allegiance to a particular designer or store, to admire a particular social scene for their unique style, or to have that one signature piece that becomes known amongst your friends as your ‘thing’. Just promise me you’ll try to mix it up a bit, okay?

To be completely decked out in one brand is dangerous, and should only be reserved for professional athletes who are getting paid to endorse said products. I admit, I have my key brands I love to bits and swear by (and I’m happy to give specific tips if you want them), but you’ll never catch me wearing their items head-to-toe. You don’t want to end up looking like a walking advertisement!

Besides, you need to understand that all designers and all brands have specific strengths and weaknesses. Manufacturers almost always specialise in a specific garment or garment type, so it’s practically impossible to find a supplier or brand who can perfectly put together an amazing pair of denim jeans, and have the same machines and know-how to knock up a great cotton shirt and leather jacket to match. A season or line by a designer may have some great pieces which do go together, but just tread really carefully with branded merchandise.

Gala’s recently pointed out that adopting a social scene’s entire specific look is a bad move too — and I totally agree with her, to the point that I’m now reiterating it to you guys now to make sure you know it too. Instead of ‘dressing up’ as a 50’s greaser, identify what it is about that specific look that you admire, and adapt those things into your own style. You won’t look like you’re heading to a costume party, and you’ll have made it your own, far better look.

Keep it simple!
This brings us back to the pendulum. There was a time that standing out in a crowd and being the ultimate fashionista meant doing something crazy, kooky, unexpected and downright insane. Make-up on boys, skinny jeans, different coloured hair, arms crammed full of rubbish, slogan tees, Chuck Taylor sneakers, piercings… Now, that’s become the mainstream. You can pick up everything listed above at your local department store, and for every ‘different’ looking guy walking down the street, there’s a whole army of clones following close behind.

Therefore the pendulum swings back to clean cut, simple things. While everyone is trying the crazy stuff to grab everyone’s attention and outdo each other, it’s the simple, well dressed guy who’ll be getting the girls. And trust me, you’ll get to a point in life where keeping up with the trends just isn’t worth it any more. Instead, stop thinking of your clothes as expendable fashions that you’ll wear this summer and throw away — invest in some good quality clothes, some good labels and items which will last you a while. You can tweak simple outfits a variety of ways to make them fit into a current fashion.

For now, you want to look respectable, with just the slightest touch of attitude and cool. A complete lack of effort. A simple tee and jean combination can actually make you stand out in a good way – you just have to modernise it with a good cut, size and print on your tee, and make sure you stick with a good wash and colour for your jeans. Dress it up with a good fitting collared shirt (shoulder seams in line with your shoulders, body length and fit suitable to your build). Check out those magazines and look at bands and celebrities you like for ideas on your hair, and get to a stylist — NOT a $10 shopping mall barber.

Pay attention to the details. Accessories are huge for guys right now. Again, look around and take cues from people who you think are rocking their own look. Adapt and make it your own. Try wearing a chain with a couple of charms, a coloured or patterned belt, or a cool watch. Even the way you wear your clothes can be touched up — roll up your shirt sleeves, or undo an extra button at the top. Experiment with a new fit of jean or bite the bullet and try on that slim fitting shirt. I’ve always said that most guys aren’t bad dressers, they just can’t be bothered finding stuff that fits them. You need to trust me — fit is so important.

All of these can make a plain outfit stand out without being too garish. Standing out with crazy ideas and a kooky outfit is just fish in a barrel. It’s too easy. So ask yourself — are you standing out for the sake of standing out? Are you just going against the grain just as your own point of protest? That’s not the reason to do it. Wear what you want and what you think is good. Style is more than just the clothes you’re currently covered in. It’s about how you wear it, how you carry yourself, your comfort and belief in yourself, your beliefs and your outlook on life. Streamline that all into one singular thought in your head, and everything else will come naturally.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Tags: advice, consumption, how to, monsieur
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5 Masculine Ways To Beat Christmas Stress

[ 20 December 2007, 16:10 ]

This is easily one of the most hectic, stressful times of year — staying long hours into the night behind your desk because half your colleagues are already on vacation, fighting hoards of shoppers for those last minute gifts, stressing about presents you’ve bought somebody (or worse yet, the ones you’ve forgotten about until now), pre-empting that horrendous credit card bill that’s going to come in January, the demands of your children and their long Christmas wishlists, planning New Year’s celebrations, seeing those family members you’ve spent all year avoiding, and then there’s the office parties and end-of-year drinks and work lunches where you have to make sure you’re super-nice to the right people…

It’s no wonder that statistics show a distinct increase in depression and even suicide at this time of the year, as people struggle to provide the kind of Christmas that their family deserves or just plain wants. And I’m not saying that males are more stressed or busy than females at Christmas. But I do think there’s a certain expectation that males are supposed to be able to cope with these stressful times easier. Consequently, a lot of men find it difficult to ask for help when they’re feeling snowed under, and suffer in silence as their problems spiral out of control. Simply because they think they have to be tough and strong and a provider for their families.

Most of the time, problems aren’t that big. You just think they are, and if you keep it bottled up and don’t share your worries, they eat away at you. The scary truth is that a lot of males don’t actually know how to relax and unwind effectively — without the cliché crutches of alcohol, couches and television, of course. So my mission today is to make the men out there understand that there’s nothing wrong with taking a little YOU time over the next few days before those distant relatives arrive and invade your house, while you cram in those last minute jobs your boss has dumped on you, or as you bow down to your screaming children’s demands for the latest toys which are probably sold out. And most importantly, there’s nothing wrong with asking for help if everything is mounting up.

So here are my top 5 tips to settle your nerves and clear your head, while not compromising your masculinity.

Head to the barber
And get yourself a professional shave. Hands down, it’s one of the best things a guy can do to feel refreshed and revitalised. It’s pretty much the male equivalent of when girls go and get a facial.

Personally, I’m not a very hairy guy (my attempt at Movember was disastrous!), and it’s a bit of a joke with the team at the barber I go to. But there’s definitely something about a professional shave that you just can’t accomplish at home in your bathroom. They’ll use some nice creams and ointments on your neck and face that will help you feel fresh and clean and like a brand new man. Don’t be scared to talk to them about your skin and its condition — after all, it’s their job to know this kind of stuff and give you advice on how you can take care of yourself better. Even home-shaving should involve some moisturising and other things, so make sure your at-home routine is adequate.

Bonus points, of course, if you can find a barber who uses the really old-school blades! Those things feel great and they make your barber look cool.

Book yourself a massage
I’m not talking about those shifty places where all the girls are in kimonos and you can order a happy ending — I’d really like you to go find a local, reputable establishment please! But even if you only nip down somewhere in your lunch-break for a quick twenty minutes in the middle of the day, you’ll notice a difference straight away. Getting a professional massage is entirely different than having your girlfriend rub your back in front of the T.V. There’s a science to it, and even a spiritual side if you choose to open yourself up to that too. There’s different levels and types of massage you can get, depending on how comfortable you are getting one, or which parts of your body may be bugging you — once again, don’t be scared to talk to the masseur about any crimps in your neck or sporting injuries that are flaring up. If they’re being too rough, say so. Similarly, if it feels like they’re not getting into it enough, speak up. I recommend you get massaged by a guy though, if you think you’re more likely to need a hard, vigorous massage.

Ask your colleagues and neighbours if they can recommend somewhere nearby where you can sit and get a neck and head massage or lie and get your back stretched out good. When it comes to your well-being, I think word-of-mouth is by far the best way to find some really good places. You’ll probably find most major shopping centres have massages places these days, too. And you don’t even have to take your shirt off if you’re uncomfortable with that.

For those who don’t have the time to get a full massage, keep in mind that places like The Body Shop offer hand massages, which are perfect for those of you who work manual labour jobs: Christmas is a good time to give your hands a rest from it all. Ask if they offer demonstrations at your store, as you may need to book a time to see somebody. But normally if you buy some products (they have male-specific hand creams and stuff like that, which it’ll be good for you to have anyway) they’ll show you how to care for your hands too.

Take advantage of the sales
These last few days before Christmas, all the retailers drop their prices to snag those last minute present-hunters. Make sure you put some money aside and buy a present for yourself! My dad wears the same tired Christmas themed t-shirt every year to the family lunch, but this year I’ve hooked him up with a nice new collared shirt — maybe you should have a new outfit for the big day too? Buy that book you’ve heard good things about and find some time over the festive break to lie on the couch or hammock with it. There’s a lot of music festivals coming up — why not grab some tickets and go along? That James Bond box set you’ve been eyeing up is probably discounted now, or maybe you can join your favourite sports team’s fan club — you’ll get cheap exclusive tickets to games and some exclusive merchandise.

There’s nothing wrong with buying a Christmas present for yourself, so don’t feel guilty. Besides, indulging in something just for you can really lift your spirits if you’re feeling down. And I won’t even make you wait until Tuesday to unwrap it!

Grab some lunch with ‘The Boys’
The festive season is a great excuse to just hang out with friends. Guys aren’t usually the kind to go to a restaurant together and have a meal, but you’ll find if you suggest to the lads that you catch up and have a bite to celebrate the end of year, they’re more likely to agree. Pick somewhere a little fancier than you’d usually go, have a few drinks, some good food and some laughs.

If you can’t agree on lunch, meet up somewhere else and hang out. The most important thing is that it’s just you and them. It’s important to be with loved ones and family this time of year of course, but make sure you take some time out with your mates too.

Spring-clean your soul
If you’re stressed out about money or work or life, your personal relationships are sure to suffer. And you’ll forgive the phrase, but it really does takes some balls for a man to take the high road, say sorry and mend some bridges.

Stop and think — have you been snapping at your wife or girlfriend lately because you’re so stressed out? Have you made work or other things a priority lately and lost contact with your mates? Did you and your brother have a big fight and falling out during the year? Christmas is a great time to spring-clean your soul, and New Year is perfect to wipe the slate clean in all aspects of your life. Take note of what’s more important in your life and strive for it. You’ll be surprised at how much these little speed-bumps in our relationships with friends and loved ones can eat away at you below the surface and what a relief it can be to have that important someone back in your life again. So get out there and make amends!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Audrey's Guide To Baldness

[ 12 December 2007, 23:12 ]

A friend recently had to come to terms with the fact that yes, he was indeed losing his hair. It came as quite a shock as he’s not exactly “old”, is quite virile and healthy. Unfortunately, male pattern baldness is a fact of life.

The best way to deal with it is to first understand it. So let’s get you up to speed. You may not realise or believe it, but an average male adult can lose hundreds of strands of hair from their scalp every day. So those few strands you find on your pillow or on the shoulders of your jacket or clogging the drain in the morning? It happens to all of us. Don’t stress too much if this is what you’re finding right now – it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going bald.

The problem is that some men’s bodies stop replacing these hairs and so the balding spots appear. Generally speaking you’ll start
noticing it on the crown of your head, maybe the temples, or perhaps the hairline that runs across the top of your brow. This is why it’s called ‘pattern’ baldness.

Keep in mind that the worst thing to do is panic and get depressed about it. There’s so much you can do to counteract it, hide it well, or better yet — embrace it! My first word of advice is that like all of life’s little curve-balls, this is only going to be a big issue if YOU make it a big issue. Accept what’s going on, and you’ve taken the first and biggest step to a solution.

How to accept it

There are countless reasons as to why no hair can be a good thing. I’m not lying when I tell you that a lot of women find hairless guys attractive. Jude Law constantly makes girls swoon, and he’s starting to go bald across his hairline. A nice smooth scalp or some bristly fuzz can be quite a turn-on for a girl. There’s some sort of theory buzzing around about a bald head being somewhat… er… “phallic” in appearance. Not totally phallic — I’m not saying that’s what your head is going to look like to everybody. But apparently it’s enough to subliminally affect some thoughts inside the heads of the fairer sex. Don’t ask me — I’m no therapist. Just take advantage of it!

Remember: the head and scalp are one of the most sensitive areas of the human body. Why do you think there’s so much hair protecting it? And why do you think we secretly love getting our hair washed and heads massaged when we go to the hairdresser? Don’t pretend you hate it, I know the truth! Having no hair there means easy access for fingers, and more feeling for you when someone is touching your head and neck. Much more sensual than having your lover just grabbing handfuls of hair while in the throes of passion.

The best thing to do is just get it out in the open. Look around. You’ll be surprised how many other bald or balding guys there are in the world, or on tv, or in movies. Until now, you just haven’t really taken notice of them because you didn’t need to. And pretty soon you’ll see my point about who makes it work and who thinks they’re hiding it, but aren’t.

If you have someone special in your life, talk to them about it. Don’t be afraid, just be honest. Tell them about what’s going on, and that you’re feeling a bit weird and self-conscious about the whole thing. I’m sure you’ll get nothing but support from them, and it’s always good facing a problem together, rather than thinking you’re on your own. And if you’re NOT in a relationship, this is a great opportunity to reinvent yourself and unleash a new you! No really, it is — and I’m actually jealous of you for it.

How to embrace it

No word of a lie: I made a pact with myself at a very young age that if I ever start going bald, I’m going to shave my head. So do that! Don’t let those stupid little hair follicles get the better of you! Have the last laugh and beat them at their own game! Show those bastards who’s boss! You don’t need them!

It’s scary, I know. Right now I couldn’t imagine myself with absolutely nothing on my noodle. I’m really tall and pretty skinny — yeah, I’d look pretty weird if I went bald. But the trick to embracing a new look is making it work for you. Some fresh clothes, a little style, maybe a tan; you’ll be surprised how tweaking the other aspects of your look and appearance will drastically alter the lack of hair on your head. The best illustration of this fact is Neil Strauss, author of ‘The Game’. While I don’t necessarily condone some of his actions in his book, I do admit it’s a damn good read. And he’s a perfect example of what a razor, some sunshine and a new wardrobe can do for an average looking guy.

No disrespect, but that’s a HUGE improvement.

Get yourself into a gym and get the rest of you looking great, and having no hair will start to bother you less. Focus your hair-growing talents on a great beard or moustache if you think you can pull it off. Plus, think of how much time you’ll save in the morning not having to brush or put product in your hair. The world is your oyster and your shiny new head is the pearl inside!

How to hide it

If you can’t step up and accept it, that’s okay. Really. It is a big change. I still think you should push your limits, but there’s nothing wrong with being self-conscious while you get used to it, and wanting to hide it for a while. Just remember though, there’s a very fine line between hiding your balding issues well, and looking like you’re flat out in denial. Guys who adopt any sort of combover are actually drawing attention to the fact it’s there. You’re not fooling anybody, especially us tall people who can still see the top of your head. And growing the rest of your head long does NOT fool the rest of us at all.

Speak to your hairdresser. Not a barber — an actual hair stylist. I’ve always wondered what a guy actually asks for when he sits in the barber’s chair before walking out with a combover… “Yeah, just trim the back and sides kind of short, but leave this huge wavy line of hair down to my shoulders please — I like to flick it over.” Have a talk with them and be honest. Tell them you’ve discovered you’re going bald or that your hair’s starting to thin, and that you’d like to deal with it and hide it in a fashionable way. If you’re only going a little bald, a quick change in style can hide it well. It might even be as simple as flipping a fringe so it sweeps right instead of left. A lighter tone in hair colour might also disguise the fact that it’s thinner, or even changing from a long style to a messy, cropped one will do the trick.

Please do NOT invest in any wig, hairpiece or spray on head colourer you see on late night television. These are for creepy old men who ogle girls in public places and scare children. You don’t want to be that guy. Instead, open yourself up to the world of hats, beanies and other head fashion. Accessories for guys have been HUGE for the past few seasons so take a cue from Pete Doherty and invest in a few stylish hats and make it your thing.

How to counteract it

I admit, I’m not really qualified to comment or advise on medical advancements to cure baldness. But I’ve seen the ads, I’ve heard the stories — I know what bitchy people say in sitcoms about the guy in the office who has ‘plugs’. All I can say is that I do know that rejuvenation is more successful the younger you are and the less balding you are. So don’t be scared — go see your doctor about it as soon as you think it’s a problem.

As a firm believer of the groomed man, I do offer the following advice: take care of your hair. Keep it clean, and choose shampoo and conditioner that’s right for your hair. Buying these from a supermarket is fine, but cheaper products can contain a lot of the wrong types of chemicals, so speak with a professional when you get a cut and consider spending that extra on the range or products they stock at the salon. Dry it vigorously with a towel, and avoid straighteners and blowdryers (if you do use these, make sure you counter-balance their use with a good hair treatment). Comb or brush your hair often, even if your ‘do is a messy one.

Remember, there’s no foolproof cure or preventative to baldness. So love your hair while you’ve still got it.

Extra For Experts:
Bald ‘R’ Us — Good advice and tips written by guys going through the same thing.
Bluey Day — If you’re gonna shave it, why not raise some money in the meantime?
Bald men on Flickr — Self-explanatory, really!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Photobooth Friday -- 7th December 2007

[ 7 December 2007, 17:58 ]

On Flickr, there is a cute little thing called Photobooth Friday. I love photobooths, so I decided that I should start participating — & who did I manage to drag along, but Audrey!

Yay!

Here’s what we’re wearing, for posterity.

Audrey
Prada glasses
Shirt by Industrie
Tie from H&M
T-shirt by American Apparel
Jeans by Wrangler

Gala
Glasses by Hello Kitty
Lantern earrings (gift from Ammu!)
Vintage ‘Grease’ t-shirt
Jeans by Criminal
Purple plastic sandals
Tarina Tarantino skull ring

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Audrey's Style Guide For Tall Fellows

[ 4 December 2007, 14:51 ]

Those that know me or have seen me know that I’m a tall guy. I’m literally all legs (my hipbones are generally around where people’s belly buttons are or even at chest height), a stretched-out torso, wide shoulders, and a long slender neck. Paired with that, I’m also on the lean side which is both a blessing and a curse at the same time — even though I’m not so abnormally tall that I’m having to duck through doorways, my weight and build make an optical illusion that I’m towering above all. Plus, you know — I’m well dressed and pretty animated, so it’s not exactly like I can hide in a crowd.

But being cursed with one of these stupidly tall, “interestingly proportioned” frames, I’m forever having trouble trying to find clothes that actually fit. For too long I bounced around between brands, looks, more brands, flirted with the costly idea of getting EVERYTHING tailor-made, and then eventually realised that it’s impossible. The good news, however, was that in the interim I’d managed to devise all sorts of ways to either make things work, hide certain aspects of my Jack Skellington frame, or identify which trends actually lent themselves to my bony structure.

So for the benefit of those tall, slender readers (or those lucky enough to be dating us), I offer the following advice.

Know your size
Working on the selling floor selling men’s clothes, I had a lot of customers use me as a gauge on how something would fit their son/husband/significant other. The assumption that most people make about tall people is that tall guys will need larger sizes. Everyone would always assume I was wearing a large or extra-large size, purely based on the fact they had to strain their neck to look up at my face — and were surprised to know I never wear anything above a medium. In fact, I like my outfits slender — so a lot of my sizing drops down to a small. In my opinion, there’s nothing worse than seeing a tall guy wearing what is essentially a big sack just because he’s opted to grab an XXL because it’s long enough.

I think a lot of guys have problems understanding how something should fit, and just do this because it’s easy, that’s what everyone they know wears, and they never really get taught any better (or actually want to learn). When a garment is “fitted” (which means during production, all measurements are taken into account and decided) samples are tried on by someone the manufacturer or designer deems is “average” size, and altered accordingly. Unless designing a range that’s specifically slim or long, it’s just going to be built for that regular Joe you see on your train, or walking down the street, or working at the desk alongside yours.

Thankfully, a lot of major brands are making ‘slim fit’ items which usually mean a smaller chest measurement but longer garments. Smaller independent labels usually are built longer and slimmer, and there seems to be a shift at making different shaped garments — it’s as if they’re finally realising that not everybody’s the same size. At last.

Learn to shop
It’s not really that difficult. Or painful. I promise. But there are a few simple ideas you can put in place which I guarantee will have you looking sharper without a lot of effort or know-how.

Firstly, I must stress the importance of trying things on. Seriously, there’s no way in hell that you can walk into a store and know “I’m a 36 in pants and an L in tops”. It’s just not that simple any more. There are so many factors that will impact how something fits: different cuts, different fabrics, different brands, different seasons, different designers. All of these things will impact if a tee is going to be long, short, boxy, casual, more formal… Are you getting the picture? The trick is to use the size you think you are as a guide and then try a few things on. You might walk out with two mediums and a large but at least you know they all look good.

If you’re not quite sure about everything, it’s okay to ask the clerk. It’s what they’re paid for, and goddamn it you SHOULD ask for their help. Otherwise working in a clothing store is just a day of hanging out and doing nothing — trust me, I used to do it for a living. Make those floor staff work! If it doesn’t seem like they’re too sure of things, it’s okay to ask for someone that’s been in the business/industry a while. Especially at this time of year, stores get in a lot of Christmas casuals — kids who are out of school for the summer, or have taken this job just until they get into that university course or snag that office job they’ve spent 4 years at uni studying for. I’m not saying they’re not hard workers, but you’ll be surprised how many people work retail that actually DO care about their product and their level of service. So ask questions. Get properly measured. And if you build rapport and feel you can trust them, ask their opinions and for suggestions. And if you’re not comfortable with dealing with this side of the business, take back up! Another set of eyes and opinions is always a good thing.

Don’t buy something just because you need something. Shopping for the sake of shopping, and buying something that is ordinary that you’re just saying “Oh, it’ll do…” is a recipe for disaster. Allow time to shop so you don’t feel rushed. If you can’t picture yourself wearing it with at least three things you already own, really have a think about it. And remember the golden rule: it’s not really a bargain if it’s something you’ll never wear.

Also make sure you ask clerks about fabrics and care instructions. Cotton and other natural fibres can shrink up to a full size when washed, but there are ways around it. It’s always good to know how to take good care of your clothes.

Low slung jeans are not just for teenage girls
Strange advice to give and admit to, but it’s true. I’ve worn my jeans pretty darn far away from where they’re “supposed” to be on my hips ever since I was able to dress myself. It’s a comfort thing. But it also gives the illusion of having shorter legs. Unfortunately, this means the rest of your outfit has to get built around the way your jeans are — exposed underwear leaves you open to all sorts of mischief and ridicule. But honestly, for every comment I’ve got from an older person or jock-type guy about how low slung my jeans are, they’re always quick to admit how stupid and disproportionate I look if I do hoik them up where they’re “supposed” to be. I know not everybody is built the same so this might not be applicable to you, depending on your body shape. But if, like me, you’re all legs, this might just save your life.

Obviously, baggy jeans make this look completely ridiculous (you’re not fronting some Nu-Metal band, after all), so I wouldn’t recommend this on anything but straight leg, skinny leg or, at a stretch, some bootlegs whose top section are really quite slender. While I am a Levi’s man myself, tall boys should definitely also check out Wrangler jeans — most of their fits cater well for longer legs without blowing out the thighs and seat too much. I especially love their cigarette legs, which I passed off as business pants for a good part of last year.

Work it, baby!
Tall and skinny is in. For a long time, it bothered me that people would come up and tell me I was tall, or ask if I played basketball, or made some other sort of comment. I admit, I still feel a little bit self-conscious and uncomfortable when it happens, but really, it’s people’s way of saying they’re admiring it. To make a sarcastic comment (or even a blatant “YOU’RE TALL!” — which happens more than you’d think) is far easier than paying a stranger a real compliment. It’s how people break the ice. So don’t get standoffish about it. Tell them they’re right, and ask them how their day was. A tall guy somehow commands attention just by walking into a room whether he wants to or not. Towering head and shoulders above a crowd of people means you’re GOING to get noticed. So why not use it to your advantage?

Trust me though – tall guys like us are blessed with a lot of things that a lot of girls find attractive. With the popularity of Henley and deep v-neck tees, fashion is lending itself to guys with our frames — or show off your lack of curves with a nicely tailored suit. And so many girls I know are obsessed with my long slender forearms. I bet you never thought THAT part of you could be a turn on for someone, so tall boys with long skinny arms be aware!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Audrey's Christmas Gift Guide!

[ 30 November 2007, 14:16 ]

And lo, the time of year has come again where all the female friends of mine come and pick my brain about what to buy their other halves for Christmas. And while I in no way advocate the notion of changing someone, I still understand when they say they’d like to give their boys a little nudge in the right direction as far as grooming and sophistication goes.

So here you have my top tips on what to splurge your money on for maximum points for both you and him.

My top tip is a magazine subscription. Especially for Men’s Style Australia or GQ — in my opinion, essential reading for every guy, and a good way to get his brain moving on the important topics of grooming and taking care of himself. I mean, you could leave dog-eared copies of Vogue Homme around the apartment and hope he’ll morph into some catwalk model, but that’s not very realistic now, is it? At least with these, he still gets to look at boobies and cars and the latest gadgets, but I think these two publications have a perfect balance of that stuff and really good, high-brow (yet still accessible and realistic) fashion and style tips. And besides, no matter how manly your man might be — I guarantee EVERYONE loves the excitement of getting mail every month!

Another great idea is to take him beer tasting. Not all presents have to be wrapped (but write “beer tasting” on a card or something if he needs that ‘something under the tree’ thing). Keep in mind, if you want to ease your boy into some culture and different things, you have to bridge some gaps too — and this is such an easy, obvious way to do it. It won’t be hard to Google a few good places that offer it in your area (aim for a sophisticated, cool bar instead of a pub. Trust me), and it sounds like an awesome idea to even get the most blokey of blokes into a collared shirt, a nice bar, and a bit of culture. There are so many different kinds of beer from all over the world, and you’ll be surprised how many places near you actually carry some exclusive, exotic tastes.

Get him a book. Sounds lame but actually isn’t. Obviously don’t get the latest Tom Clancy thriller if he’s not the kind of guy who’s going to actually READ it, but there are lots of cool ‘coffee table’ books that could be great if you take notice of his interests and use a bit of thinking. Lots of guys like things like war or sports, so why not a cool photo book on planes or a biography of his favourite sportsman? A travel book if he’s fascinated by a particular city or you know he’s flirting with the idea of planning some travel. If he’s all about having drinks with his friends the second the work day’s over, why not get him an excellent cocktail recipe book so he can impress them with his knowledge over summer and STILL manage to get munted — just in a more sophisticated way. Try though to find an independently owned bookstores near you, instead of one of those mass-market chain stores. In Melbourne, I recommend Polyester on Brunswick St for something fun, or head down to the NGV Giftshop for some excellent art and travel books.

Buy him clothes. Typical boys are simple and easy to work out. They just have an attitude against shopping, and that’s why they’ll wear the same stretched out tee shirt or underwear with the hole in the waistband because something in their brain just doesn’t seem to click and say “Oh no, this just won’t do. Off we go to the store!”. For centuries, Christmas has been the ace up every woman’s sleeve to get her other half into some more respectable duds. But tread careful. Splurging on things he just won’t wear is going to be costly, and instantly get his back up. Just because you think he’ll look darling in a salmon coloured, french cuff shirt and some better fitting jeans, if you blindside him and just get them and demand he wear them to your family’s roast turkey feast, they’ll be relegated to the back of the closet (or worse yet, you’ll be fighting the hoards of post-Christmas Sale shoppers trying to return them for store credit). Maybe just buy him a couple of new tee shirts, or some new board shorts for the beach.

Girls like nights in with bottles of wine and candles and blankets and a big comfy couch. The big secret is — guys kind of do as well. Maybe not the candles, but there’s something awesome about just kicking back at home and not having to worry about going out, lining up to get in somewhere, lining up for drinks, lining up to pee, lining up for a cab and heading home. The problem is, most of the time it’s assumed a girl’s going to pick out Pride and Prejudice from the local video store and guaranteed he’ll end up snoring by the second scene. The solution? Get him a box set of his favourite TV show on DVD. Scrubs. Lost. Heroes. Futurama. DVD sales are sky-rocketing these days (that’s actually what the Writers Guild strikes in America are loosely based on) and with good reason — watching and re-watching your favourite shows is awesome fun!

Honourable mentions: iPod or mp3 player, get your house hooked up with cable TV for the summer, tickets to a band or sports event he really wants to see.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Gala's Christmas Gift Guide!

[ 30 November 2007, 11:16 ]

Arrrgghhhhhhh! It’s almost Christmas! Yes, it can be a time of extreme pain & near-homicide — but, my sweet, it does not have to be. For you see, my obsessive internet perusal has been put to good use, & I have a huge store of suggestions to spice up your gift-giving this year.

The worst, worst, worst thing about Christmas is wandering aimlessly from shop to shop, against a crush of other, equally meandering people, & trying desperately to think of a gift that will please Aunt Rita. Don’t torture yourself, seriously. Do your shopping online or decide exactly what you want & make it as painless as possible. I recommend taking a morning off work on a Tuesday or something, & getting it all over & done with in one clean swoop.

Before we begin, read my article on Gift-Giving, because it might give you some clues as to where to start. Why not, for example, give someone a themed gift? Make everything purple, or all Paris-themed, or all things for the feet. Think about what your friends like, & start dreaming.

I think Etsy is a fantastic place to buy gifts, because everything is made by hand, with lots of love, care & attention. I would much rather help a girl in California following her passion than give my hard-earned dosh to yet another mega-corporation! Their search function is great — just type in a random word & I always search by “Most Viewed”: it tends to spit up the most interesting things!

Mme. Fortuna is one of my favourite Etsy sellers. She creates gorgeous, one of a kind jewellery with a fabulous old-time bohemian feel. Her Captain Time necklace is really special, I am totally in love with it. I also like her Pendulum necklace & Victorian Lady Magical Charm necklace.

Jewellery is a really great gift to give. I especially love it because it’s kind of like having a token of someone’s affection on you all the time. Blood diamonds are totally gauche (not to mention artificially overpriced), so buy your friend or lover something fun, instead. I love this Super Sprinkles Heart necklace, as well as this Sparkle Heart & Leather cuff by Marty Flint. So cool! Helpless Romantic do the ever-popular Say Anything You Want necklace (like Nubby‘s!), which is also available in Helvetica for all you font nerds! But of all these things, my absolute favourites are Jessica Kagan Cushman‘s faux-scrimshaw resin bracelets. (My votes go to “Truly fabulous people never get dressed before lunchtime” & “Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess.”)

If you know someone with an Elle Driver fetish, pick them out a crystal-encrusted eyepatch from Gasoline Glamour in their favourite colour! NYC-obsessed girls will love this NYC subway map hoodie — they might even share a hot dog with you. Dreamwoven do incredible sculptural knit hats for brave people, & these Vintage Letter Pins from Day-Lab will make someone very happy.

For people who love to smell good, Lush do a whole gamut of amazing Christmas products. I’m not really into their pre-packaged gift boxes, since I think it’s a bit thoughtless, but buying someone a sweet, glittery hunk of bubble bath as an accompaniment to another gift will score you major points. Go & have a sniff of the Twinkle bath ballistic, Ruby Red Slippers bubble bar, Mr Butterball bath ballistic (so cute in his little hat & scarf, as well as being deliciously softening!), Snowcake soap & Snow Fairy shower gel. I promise you will not be disappointed!

If your friends tend to favour things which are more functional than beautiful, remember that the two need not be mutually exclusive. An organiser is an excellent gift, but only if you give it to the right person! I adore Moleskine diaries & I think they are pretty much the perfect present. If you don’t want to give a Moleskine — even though they are amazing, I understand that sometimes you want something a little more exciting — Lovely Design do beautiful Pocket Books. Instead of plain pages, all the paper is found & reused & there are envelopes too. It is the ideal thing to fill up with secrets.

Guys seem really hard to buy for, & it’s so easy to resort to ye olde standard fall-back presents like aftershave or socks. True, men do need these things, but why not surprise them with them on the 17th of March? Christmas time is about being decadent, so why not get them something that will blow their (holey) socks off?

I think almost any slightly-geeky guy (isn’t that about 95% of them?) would be over the moon with a watch from Tokyoflash. They are incredible & totally Hackers. Another knock-out gift for anyone with even minimal geeky inclinations is an Ecosphere. They’re enclosed ecosystems, & totally amazing. I was going to buy one for my boyfriend but they don’t ship to Australia, argh!

Pick him up a great record or something for his guitar; take him speaker shopping; buy him a comfortable (& stylish) armchair; take him away on a surprise vacation; buy a whole lot of plants for his office or a weights machine. Oh, & for any boys who love Notorious B.I.G., you absolutely cannot go wrong buying them this shirt...

Attention, women: Men aren’t actually that difficult to buy for — they like stuff as much as women do. It’s just that you need to shift your mindset a bit so that you start thinking like a guy. While it can be tempting to push an agenda onto a boyfriend, by buying him clothes so that he looks how you wish he would or by purchasing a handsome gardening tool-kit, remember that it’s his Christmas too! Buy him something he actually likes. Think how upset you’d (probably) be if he bought you breast implants! Anyway, you get the picture — please buy with him in mind.

I know that there are a lot of people who already have everything they need. It’s just the way things go — if they want or need something, most people will figure out a way to obtain it. When trying to buy for the person whose life is bursting at the seams with stuff, think about being useful instead of just adding to their collection of muck. Maybe they need a professional wardrobe organiser to come by & help them out. Perhaps they are constantly whinging about their sore muscles — get them a massage voucher. Or maybe they never really treat themselves — buy them a mani/pedi & a facial. They will thank you for it!

Another thing to consider is a gift that keeps giving — no, not an infectious disease! A subscription to an amazing magazine fulfils this requirement, as does a beautiful flowering plant or a year’s paid housecleaning. One of the coolest things my boyfriend ever did for me was going to the library to pay my $100+ late fines. Or if your friend has just moved into a new apartment or is feeling otherwise dissatisfied with their living quarters, why not take them on a shopping trip to IKEA?

Super-practical presents can really improve the quality of the recipient’s life if you choose carefully. I can’t think of a single person whose life wouldn’t get better if you bought them a good digital camera, for example. Similarly, most people would love a crazy camera like anything from the Lomo shop. Or you could even search thrift shops & Ebay for an old Polaroid camera in good condition. Documentation of your life is important & having more tools to do it with is always appreciated.

What about your friend with the antiquated cellphone? Maybe you could upgrade them this Christmas. Perhaps you could give your old laptop to a friend who is technologically lagging. We don’t always have to spend piles of money on presents — often it’s the thoughtful donation of something that someone really needs which means the most.

Finally, I tend to advise against giving anyone a voucher or gift card for a particular store, just because it’s so limiting. I read a statistic — which I cannot find for the life of me — which said that some huge amount of money is wasted on them every year, just because people will either spend $17 of a $20 voucher, or never use it at all. If you really & truly cannot think of anything to get your friends, just take them shopping. Set a limit & have a day of it — let them pick whatever they want. This way you’ll have a fun shared experience & they’ll get something they love.

Oh, & happy holidays!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Romancing Yourself

[ 28 November 2007, 14:18 ]

“Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy & you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be… & who you want to spend it with.” — Kim Cattrall

I was inspired to write this piece by a fantastic girl called Kylie who emailed me the other day, saying that she had never had a boyfriend & was pretty happy that way. Recently, however, in a conversation with a friend, she declared that she was no longer single — that she was dating herself! She said, “I believe in order to find your soul mate you need to find yourself & who you are… so I have decided to date myself & get to know who I am first.”

I couldn’t be happier for her, & as I read her email, sparks flew inside my skull & I knew I needed to write an article on romancing oneself!

How many horror stories have you heard about people dating wildly inappropriate people? I’ve heard hundreds, & they just keep coming. I think a lot of it stems from the fact that so many of us don’t know what we really want in another person. If I asked you to describe your dream lover, would you be able to? Not the physical attributes, but the aspects of their personality that really matter to you. So many people just don’t know.

To cut down on the amount of hideous dating disasters, it makes a lot of sense to get to know & love YOURSELF before attempting to do the same of another person. Maybe it’s time to start dating yourself.

How can you do that? Well, the short answer is to treat yourself as if you’re a person that you are head-over-heels in love with. What would you do for that dream person? Would you cook them fabulous meals, take them to the movies, fly them to Paris for a weekend? Time to start doing that for yourself! But here are some other suggestions…

Tell yourself that you’re beautiful
& do it every day. Look in the mirror while you’re in the bathroom getting ready to face the world & say, “You know what? You’re really gorgeous/handsome/beautiful/dashing/sexy.” (Whatever works best for you.) At first, saying this aloud might make you feel like the world’s most tragic person, & so if it does, try saying it in a silly voice & making it kind of like a comedy routine. But I promise you that after a while, you’ll begin to believe it — & you’ll feel so much better when you leave the house, because you know that you like yourself.

Go on dates alone
So many people are afraid to go to the movies or eat dinner alone! Learn to embrace this, especially if you’re afraid of it. There is no need to be scared of your own company, & if your primary worry is that people are judging you: trust me, they’re not. They probably think you are brave & that there is some awesome & mysterious reason why you are watching Casablanca alone. Go to museums, dance parties, art exhibitions & parks too. You do not need to wait for other people to accompany you to do the things you want! Going out with friends is great, of course, but experiencing the world alone is another thing entirely. Not to mention, dancing alone is one of the most fun things ever — come on, it has to be great if Billy Idol sang about it!

“Oh, dancing with myself, oh, dancing with myself, well there’s nothing to lose, & there’s nothing to prove, I’ll be dancing with myself!”

Buy flowers
Buy a huge bouquet of your favourite flowers & put them somewhere where you can admire them on a regular basis. Perhaps next to your bed or on your desk at work. Make a mental note to remember that they are a reflection of your love for yourself.

Spend hours in bookshops
Libraries, too. Allow yourself to wander all the way across the floor, from rack to rack, upstairs & down to the basement. Make notes of the books which interest you, & don’t allow your rational mind to get the better of you. If you want to submerge yourself in cooking books, or tomes on shoes, or a stack of pages on F1 racing cars, then do it! This is a really good way of getting to know yourself. Maybe you’ll become obsessed with industrial design or the illustrations in children’s books — & who knows where that could eventually lead?!

Start keeping a journal
Buy a journal (I like Moleskines, but what’s new?) & a super pen, & make a commitment to writing every day. As soon as you wake up, set a timer for 20 minutes & just write. Write write write. If you don’t know what to write, start by writing “I don’t know what to write…” Don’t worry about what you’re putting down — the beauty of “morning pages” (as they’re called) is that it is an authentic, true expression of yourself without censorship. Writing regularly & knowing that your words won’t be read by anyone else is incredibly liberating & an excellent way of getting to know who you really are. If you think about it, it’s the mornings when you are most yourself — you’ve just woken from a dream, the room is silent, the day stretches out in front of you like a cat & there are no external influences pushing or pulling you. Take this time for yourself, make it yours & appreciate it.

Learn about your sexuality
This is a really important part of the whole deal! Get to grips with what gets you off & what just plain turns you off. After all, if you don’t know what you want, how is your future lover going to know? Read erotica, rent porn, do online “research” & visit sex shops. No, not the nasty seedy ones — well, unless you want to! (Violet has a great list of stores here.)

Support yourself
You need to learn to become your own best friend — to have faith in the choices you make & to have your own back. Really, if you don’t look after, trust & respect yourself, who will? Be good to yourself. Stand up for yourself. It’s not quite a goodnight smooch, but I promise it will make you happy regardless.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Being Okay With Who You Are

[ 26 November 2007, 16:47 ]

The most difficult lesson I’ve had to learn is also the most simple, cliché rule — to be okay with who you are. Now, this is a lesson that I could probably write a whole ten page thing about, but I won’t. We’ll just skim the surface of the topic.

It’s a big thing to accept the fact that you’ll never be able to please everybody. Even as incredible and amazing as someone is, there’s still a billion other people in the world that think otherwise. Look at Justin Timberlake — he just played sold out shows over here in Australia, but I can list off over a dozen people right now who I know think he’s a tool. My point is that are so many different people, with different lives, and different tastes, and different ideas — you’ll never ever EVER please them all. More importantly though — you don’t have to. When it comes down to it, there’s only one person who really has to be okay with you, and that’s you.

I get challenged a lot by people because of the way I am, the way I act and the way I live life. It comes as no surprise – I’m a heterosexual male with his own hair straightener, knowledge of things a straight guy really shouldn’t know, the confidence to attack an empty dancefloor single-handedly, and over a dozen pairs of shoes — all of which get worn regularly. I can’t tell you a thing about any football positions, but I can give you tips on ironing a shirt when you don’t have an iron, or what colours to pick to make a girl really notice your best features. You can see what people would probably think.

But for so long I tried to hide that side of my personality, to act like a “proper guy”, but the fact of the matter is that I’d much rather have someone not talk to me or to be judged by a stranger than having to act a certain way that isn’t me, just to earn their respect. If you have to work at it like that, then the people really aren’t worth it. Sure, I’ll get heckled by groups of closed minded macho guys or looked at strangely when I’m excited by a catalogue or search the racks for that last size 8 that I just know my female friend in the changing rooms could totally pull off — but the fact is I really couldn’t care less what they think. These people are in my life for probably five minutes at the ultimate max. I’m the only one who’s with me for my whole life.

The sooner you stop trying to walk to the beat of someone’s drum, and start dancing to your own rhythm, the happier you’ll be. And frankly, to hell with everyone else! They’ll deal with it.

Keep in mind though, part of knowing yourself is knowing where you draw the line and being comfortable with that. There’s a billion things I wish I could have or ways I could be, but I know that’s just not on the cards or realistic. In that way, I think it’s important to be able to admire someone’s abilities, or things that they have, and being happy for them without getting into some sort of jealous shame spiral. Comparing yourself to others isn’t going to accomplish anything. Try and identify the difference between comparing yourself to someone (bad bad bad idea) and admiring someone and finding inspiration in them (good good good idea!). You should never stop learning, and you should never stop trying to make yourself a better person.

It’s important to have goals. Even if they’re completely out there, wild and crazy — at least it’s something to shoot for. You could want to see the world, or invent some sort of supercar, or find the best cheesecake in all the land. If you always have something that you want to accomplish, then it’ll stop you from treading water anywhere.

It’s all about working out what it is that makes you happy, and just going for it. Of course we all have to do things we don’t like, but if it’s all part of some incredible plan for happiness, it’s not so bad. I don’t like getting up and going into an office all day, but elements of my job make me so incredibly happy because I’m interested and passionate about it — so it really doesn’t feel like work half the time.

Things happen for reasons, people come and go. You just have to think to yourself — what is it you want to sit back and remember when you’re older? Create memories you’ll want to have. Get out there and live.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Summer Style For Men

[ 19 November 2007, 19:32 ]

I recently made the acquaintance of a super-cool boy called Audrey. The good news is that as well as working as a buyer & designer for a men’s youth line, he is also a style fiend. He wrote this & I liked it so much that I asked if I could post it here for all the male readers! I hope you enjoy it!

Summer raises the question about office etiquette when it comes to dressing for work. Winter to me, is far easier for work — sweaters & vests & jackets & long sleeve shirts (though my shirts are all constantly folded to my elbows because my forearms are actually one part of my body I actually like & try to accentuate).

Summer, on the other hand is slightly more difficult. Lucky are those who can just tumble out of bed & throw on shorts & a tee & toddle off to earn their scratch! Some of us just don’t have that luxury. & this Summer is especially tricky: not only do I work at an office so must remain respectable, but also the office for a youth fashion buyership & design area — meaning there’s a certain, unspoken expectation that I’ll look somewhat… well, “cool”. I admit, I’ve always prided myself on the fact that I somehow manage to toe the line of being appropriate, yet stylish. As my friend Vicki recently put it, she hated the fact my casual & work wear are somewhat similar, so I always look like I could be coming straight from work, or I could be coming out of a club – she’s just never actually sure.

Personally, I don’t happen to own a suit anyway. I consider it my own little act of rebellion, because I still manage to remain stylish, yet acceptable & proper at all functions — even those where technically I should be in a suit. But I guess I could soon be given my orders to take the plunge & max out another credit card, as our CEO has tightened the noose (pun only kind of intended) this week too, after noticing that with the jump in temperature a lot of males in the office are forgoing their tie & vowing to take action against any anyone not conforming with office policy.

So therein lies the challenge. How to keep the people in the Ivory Tower content, while still maintaining a sense of comfort, surviving peak hour sardine-tin rides to and from the office & conveying a sense of style and authority to potential suppliers to your business? I understand an office supplies clerk needing to be in corporate black & whites but my particular situation is slightly different.

I’ve found some slight loopholes in the system & exercise them to their extreme at all available opportunities. I’m a huge fan (yet the ONLY one doing it at my office) of a good fitting teeshirt worn over a long- or short-sleeve shirt & tie. You should probably should stick to plain, unless you happen to work for a really cool & relaxed office, when vintage & band shirts can definitely make an appearance & will offshoot a tie with spectacular results. Wrangler cigarette leg black denim jeans come with black solid metal rivets on the pockets, so are in fact passable as not actually being jeans.

Business shirts can be worn slightly different if you can manage to shake off the salesperson & buy things that aren’t necessarily your technical correct size. I suggest dropping your shirt size by two standard sizes, but make sure you get the ‘long’ sleeve length. Doing this gives you a nice slim fitting shirt (business shirts are always made extra long to still tuck in if you need to), with a top button that will casually sit open as it is in fact — in all technical aspects — too small for your neck. Plus, you can loosely knot a tie around because business shirts are usually made with bones or more starch in their collars than their casual counterparts.

Another great look involves having your work pants tailored just a little too short, investing in some snappy looking, high fashion slip-ons (patent leather, anyone?) & skipping the socks. (Note: this last one is not for beginners. & for the love of god, invest in Odour Eaters first!)

But I think the biggest mantra to stick to in the workplace is the age old saying that you should dress for the job you want, not for the job you’ve got. I myself got noticed by the youth fashion department by actually dressing the part in my former role – even the head menswear buyer was trying to head-hunt me out of homewares before I got snapped up by my current department.

So keep in mind — being the stylish, fashion-conscious man at the office is great, but it’s a double-edged sword. If you’ve got your eyes on the business manager’s job, then obviously what’s written above won’t be applicable to you. Sometimes you do have to suck up to The Man & ‘play the game’ & leave your stylishly impressive wardrobe moves to where it counts most — out in the bars over summer where all the cute, scantily-clad ladies are bored of those hipsters & their godawful fluoro neon Henleys & Havaianas.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Preparatory Style

[ 19 November 2007, 16:53 ]

What is preparatory style? (Definition here.)

Preparatory style is something I have admired for a long time. I guess the reason I like it is because it’s so far removed from the way that I normally attire myself, but because it has such strong elements, I really respect it for what it is. When I was at school, I was forced to dress in a preppy style (white collared shirt, green tie, green kilt, black stockings, black shoes, green blazer), & even though I often rebelled against having to constantly tuck in my shirt, I kind of liked the simplicity of the look too.

There are a lot of people who look preppy but also dull. Turning you into a conservative clone is not the aim of this article! I think it is super important, regardless of the style in which you dress, to imbue your look with personal touches & striking individuality.

Let’s get one thing straight — done well, the prep look is incredibly hot. Healthy, athletic-looking people clad in perfectly-fitting natural fibres, like cotton, wool & leather, is really hard to beat. It’s also a very easy way to look chic & polished.

Essential elements

For anyone of either sex going for a preppy aesthetic, the following items are essential: Crisp collared shirts, v-neck cashmere sweaters, lace-up oxfords, scarves, vests for all occasions, classic sunglasses, a trenchcoat, riding boots (Frye do the best ones) & polo t-shirts. You could also carry a tennis racquet for bonus points. Another bonus point for oxfords in patent leather.

Girls, as usual, have a few more additional extras. Try experimenting with headbands, patterned legwear, skirts with pleats, well-fitted dresses, pearls, charm bracelets & cubic zirconia stud earrings (diamonds are so gauche).

Usually most prep dressing stays within a pretty plain palette — black, white, navy, red, grey. If you’re buying basics to supplement this look, it’s best to stick within these colours, & then if you want to don a yellow blazer or royal blue kilt, you’ll find that it probably goes quite well with the rest of your wardrobe.

Stripes are the preparatory holy grail. They are perfect. To do the look well, you should own at least one striped shirt or sweater, & a pinstriped vest, blazer or suit jacket. Argyle, polka dots, tweed & tartan all have their place as well. Preps also love emblems & crests. You can go totally nuts with this — they’re so cool, I just adore them.

It’s also important to have a great stock of basic items, like plain v-neck t-shirts, racerback singlets & collared t-shirts. (American Apparel is my favourite place for these.)

How to do it

One thing that sets prep style apart from other ways of dress is that things tend to be immaculately fitted to the body. If you’re going to rock this look, it is really really important that you buy clothing which is the right size for you. As well as the standard criteria of buying things which fit — look in a mirror; make sure you can move around in your clothing; check lengths; be sure that your clothing skims your body rather than clinging to it — you also need to think about layering. Preps love to layer! It is not uncommon to wear a shirt & a vest & a cardigan & a blazer, as well as a scarf. When you buy items like this, you need to consider what is likely to be worn under or over them. Make sure your vest will fit a shirt beneath it, for example. Buy a blazer with a bit of extra room so that you can wear it with a sweater. You get the idea. (More information on layering at How To Wear Layers Without Looking Like A Crazy Bag Lady!)

Just as the cut is important, so is the quality of what you’re buying. Don’t be tempted to buy 3 wool sweaters for $50 each — save your money & buy one which is fantastic quality but twice the price. It will pay for itself. You’ll get much more wear out of it, & it will look good for a lot longer than something cheaper. Even though these days we can buy clothing for a pittance, you truly do get what you pay for.

For girly prep style, it is hard to go past a good dress — one that fits you well — or a skirt with pleats. When I say a dress that fits you well, I mean something which draws attention to your best assets & skims over your flaws. By the way, to do prep style properly, drawing attention to your best assets does not mean major cleavage. Make the focus your neck, collarbone, forearms or legs. Choose one thing & showcase it. Don’t let it all hang out!

Putting together a preppy look is quite easy. Take a plain white v-neck t-shirt & match it with a pleated skirt. That’s your basic outfit, but then you can mix it up quite a lot. Throw a cardigan over the top. Wear knee-length socks & wingtip shoes or platform mary janes. Carry a pvc satchel & wear amazing glasses. Pull your hair up into a chignon & secure it with a brightly-coloured ribbon. Wear a stack of bracelets on one arm, or a silk scarf knotted around your neck. Accessories are the way to ensure your preppy look isn’t boring or stale.

Another way of mixing it up is to make one element slightly unusual. For example, if you’re a boy wearing a crisp shirt & v-neck cashmere sweater, instead of donning the standard khakis that would normally go with this look, you could try wearing long skinny jeans in a plain wash — like black. Or you could wear shorts that fall to the knee with a pair of slip-on trainers (Vans, for example). Don a fedora & you’re ready to go.

Some people feel really constricted & boring in a collared shirt. I understand, I feel the same way! Allow yourself to wear it in a relaxed manner — leave the top couple of buttons undone & always, always, always roll up the cuffs! Forearms are sexy, okay?

Putting it into practice

Here are some great pieces I’ve found online which will help you embrace the prep look!

Left to right: Moschino Cheap & Chic Quilted Applique Heart Gloves; Marc Jacobs button detail boots; Karen Walker Super Speed sunglasses; Ralph Lauren Large Stirrup Bracelet; Silk Lace Printed Scarf; Grandpa’s Pocket Watch Necklace; Oscar de la Renta Larrabe Frame Bag; Lux Lili Tuxedo Bomber; Sweater Earwarmers; Fedora Hat; Small Satchel Bag With Buckle; Tiffany & Co. Return to Tiffany Heart Tag Bracelet.

Left to right: Ralph Lauren Luxury Shetland Wool Crewneck (I love this in the power blue they have on the model. I wish more men would wear this colour! It is totally orgasmic!); Ralph Lauren Cashmere Jersey V-Neck; Ralph Lauren Lambswool Half-Zip Pullover. P.S. I don’t recommend tucking your trousers into your boots. I think it is a bit naff.

Left to right: Ralph Lauren Martine Long-Sleeved Shirt; Ralph Lauren Big Pony Mesh Dress; Ralph Lauren Adrianne rugby dress.

All of these pieces from Ralph Lauren would make excellent cornerstones of your preppy wardrobe. The styling above is a bit staid, but imagine, for example, the R.L. Martine Long-Sleeved Shirt with a pair of shorts or a skirt & Frye Engineer Lace-Up Boots! Yum.

When it comes to restyling the traditional prep look, your imagination & courageous spirit are your best assets. Well, that & your Visa! Try new things, especially if you think they won’t work — you never know, you could strike aesthetic gold!

Extra For Experts:
Gossip Girl Style
Gala’s Guide To Tennis Chic
Equestrian Chic

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Gossip Girl Style

[ 14 November 2007, 13:15 ]

I don’t know how many of you have been swept away — as I have — in the Gossip Girl phenomenon. For those of you who have managed to avoid the hysteria, Gossip Girl is a new drama series which trails the life of upper crust teenagers in Manhattan — & a couple of teenagers in Brooklyn, who are, well, I guess, more stale crust than upper crust. Of course, one of these kids from Brooklyn, the sensitive Dan Humphrey, looks set to be one of the heroes of the series.

My point is: the show is fantastic. I love it. I love it so much that it makes me actually squeal aloud at the twists & turns of the cast. I guess I am a bit obsessed with it. But as well as the juicy plot lines, exhilarating writing & good-lookin’ cast, it has another thing going for it.

Gossip Girl is, without a doubt, the most stylish show on television. Don’t believe me?

I think Blair is definitely the most well-dressed girl on the show. I love her preppy chic style, always with a twist. She is often seen wearing headbands, anything with a high neck, pearls & patterned stockings. Her mouth is always immaculately made up in a deep berry or cherry red glossed pout.

Really, the star of Gossip Girl is Serena van der Woodsen, who dresses like a cross between Kate Moss & Sienna Miller… if they went to a prestigious school on the Upper East Side, I guess. I am not totally enamoured of her style, but she definitely has some nice touches. A couple of weeks ago she wore a white Henley t-shirt with a loose black tie & short skirt & it looked pretty good. I love her long socks here, & the cardigan pulled down over her fingers. She is the more reckless & dishevelled of the two girls — as if you couldn’t tell!

This is Chuck. He is a total slimeball & I am in love with him. Sad, but true. In the first episode he wore this scarf with everything. It looked great — his big square scarf draped over suits really made him stand out. It gave him an air of individuality & established him as a prominent character. If you’re a man, having a signature scarf that you wear with most things is a fantastic & simple way to dress up your outfit. Go for something that complements your eyes & is bold enough that it kind of intimidates you — think jade green or aqua. (Having one in wool for winter & one in silk for summer is probably a good call.)

Nate, on the left, is Blair’s beau. He is a looker but a bit of a sap & wears pretty much the same thing all the time. NEXT! Blair, on the other hand, is fantastic. I loooove her dress, I loooove her matching pearl bracelets, I looooove the ribbon on her headband. Her hair is also completely magnificent. Yum.

Isabel & Kati are Blair’s disciples. They dress the same but with different colour accents. It looks brilliant on-screen but please don’t try it with your friends. Anyway, they always look great & I have a sneaking suspicion that they get the best accessories of anyone on the show — colourful knit hats, cool sunglasses, head-wraps & necklaces. I love their faux-dog bags in this picture. Too fabulous.

Another example of Blair’s stellar style. I adore the head-wrap (of course), & the way that it perfectly matches her dress. Again, she’s wearing a high-necked style, which totally suits her. The tie around her waist helps give the dress shape while immaculately off-setting the head-wrap.

Ahhh, now, the pièce de résistance! I actually decided to write this whole thing based on Chuck’s outfit in the latest episode. He looks AMAZING. Purple & white striped tie, champagne-coloured tie with white polka dots, purple pocket square & lightly pinstriped — & immaculately fitting — suit with one button done up. Drool. Seriously. Drool. Whoever styled him last week needs a medal & a big kiss.

Gossip Girl is really fuelling my current lust for preparatory chic. Stay tuned for tips on how to rock prep chic your way!

Extra For Experts:
The official site — includes a “style” section, where you can purchase the items you see on the show!
Full episodes online — US only…
Full episodes online — Canada only…
& may I suggest Livejournal for the rest of us?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Sexual Abuse

[ 28 September 2007, 21:11 ]

“So my question regards your “Giving Up The Ghost“ article. When I first read that, it really inspired me to move on with my life, but recently have been plagued by my past. A couple years ago I dated a boy. I didn’t really like him that much, I just had him to have him, if that makes any sense. I had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship, so I was on a rebound as well. Anyway, I dated this boy for several months. He had many problems of his own, he drank and did drugs, which he kept a secret from me. He pressured me a lot into many things and brought me down. I’m not sure why I stayed with him, I think it was because I had just started college and all my friends were away at other schools; he was the first person I really made friends with. Anyway, one night, about 3 or 4 months after we began dating, he took advantage of me after I told him “no.” A few days later he called me and broke up with me and told me it was my fault he had done that to me. At the time I didn’t take it personally, I’m a strong woman and have been through a lot in my life, I was equipped to handle this. I went to the doctor and was checked out, I had a clean bill of health (I’m so thankful for this).

“It’s been two years since this happened and now it’s starting to eat at me and affect me and my relationships. Since then I just floated from relationship to relationship not really dealing with the problem. I have talked about it but nothing seems to have changed with me emotionally. This summer, out of the blue, something triggered back to that night and it really upset me. It caused all kinds of problems with me personally, suddenly I was questioning everything and everyone around me. I decided to go to counselling, but with school and work, any extra time is hard to find. I started feeling better once school started (to keep my mind off of things) but on the first day I walk out of my building and guess who I see, the boy that took advantage of me! He’s going to my school now and I see him everyday, he has classes with my friends and they talk about me. Why is he in my life again all of a sudden?! This really isn’t helping me get over all of this.

“So, my question is how do I deal with this personally, aside from counselling? I’m trying to keep myself busy and be healthy, but I still find myself getting down about this. My current boyfriend has tried to help but it’s becoming overwhelming for him since there’s not much he can do or say about it.”

It has taken me a really long time to write about this. The reason for that is because it’s a big topic, an important one, & I wanted my contribution on the matter to be helpful. I know that this is something that affects a lot of people — both sexes — so I have been cautious with what I say. I didn’t want this to turn into a rant about how bad the world can be, or for it to be angry, anti-male, depressing or a “me too” tale of epic proportions. I didn’t want to use scare tactics or quote statistics. This piece is written for the original letter-writer & for anyone who has experienced this themselves. It is about dealing with sexual abuse & how you can move forward.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. It was not your fault. It is never your fault. You did not deserve it. No one ever “deserves” anything bad to happen to them. Your ex-boyfriend is trying to deflect the blame & avoid taking responsibility for his actions. Don’t shoulder that stuff, it is not your problem. He has his own issues to deal with.

The most important thing you can do is look after yourself. You need to think about you, you, you. If that means you need time out from your boyfriend, then you should tell him so. You say you have spoken about it with him. You may want to find someone who you can talk about it with — someone who is not in an intimate relationship with you. A close friend, maybe, or a therapist who you like enough that you make time for. A lot of people talk about counselling, & how it is useful, & of course, it is. Talking about our problems is hugely beneficial to us. But it doesn’t make them go away completely. I know people who have been in counselling or psychotherapy for years, & they are still as messed up as they were before — just now, they are able to talk about their problems. It is not my intention to speak ill of therapy or reduce its benefits, but I just feel that it has limitations.

I know I talk a lot about EFT, & it probably bothers some people because they don’t see how it could possibly work or what the fuss is about. I understand that it’s weird, & I don’t really know how it works either — but it DOES. I think that is the most important thing. If I could get rid of major trauma by jumping on one foot, I would, do you know what I mean?

If you’re relatively new to iCiNG or have somehow managed to avoid all the EFT references, here’s a quick run-down. EFT is a technique where we stimulate meridian points (like in acupuncture, except no needles) while thinking about problems or issues. Somehow, doing this releases them from our body’s memory. It is incredible. EFT is also an excellent way to rewire our brains so that we feel deep love, respect & forgiveness for & of ourselves.

I think it is one of the most incredible discoveries. It is very well suited for dealing with sexual abuse, haunting memories, or anything associated with an assault (inability to be intimate with others, fear, etc.). Here are some examples of it working — 1, 2, 3, 4 & 5. When I say it works, I mean it completely removes the pain of the memory. These are all testimonials of people who have used EFT to release past sexual trauma. Those testimonials explain how the people who have tried using EFT on these issues can no longer feel any emotion regarding the event. That is just mind-boggling, but true!

I read once that our body doesn’t know the difference between a memory & an event, so every time we replay something negative in our head, it’s like we are experiencing it all over again. So, in my humble opinion, it is worth trying. If you don’t know where to begin, check out my piece on EFT here — there is a video & everything. If you don’t know what to say, just say anything that comes into your head. There is no right or wrong with EFT, but I would advise drinking a lot of water & doing it in a place where you know you won’t be interrupted.

Rape, sexual abuse & sexual assault are hideous things to have happen to you, & unfortunately if they do happen, there is no way to erase that part of your life. However, you do have the power to tackle it however you like. You can think about it all the time & let the rest of your life suffer, or you can choose to deal with it & move on. It is entirely up to you.

You do not need to let it define you — it doesn’t define you. If a person is rude to you in the street or a shop, do you take it personally? I hope not. Sexual abuse is similar in that it involves you, but is never about you. It is about the other person. Drop any feelings or blame or guilt or “I could have prevented it if only…”. These feelings do not serve you, you are only inflicting further pain on yourself.

If you don’t want to try EFT, then please do yourself a favour & using the fingers of one hand, tap the padded side of your hand (under your little finger) whenever you have thoughts about what has happened to you. The anxiety, fear, anger or depression will lift, I promise.

Sometimes it can take a while — weeks, months or years — for people to realise what has happened to them. It’s very common to think of what happened as just an unpleasant experience, or something that went too far, & then one day you become aware of what it actually was. That can be very scary. It doesn’t really matter whether you give it a label or not, in fact I tend to think that labels just make life difficult, but any unwanted sexual behaviour is a gross abuse of power & trust.

Whether you report what happened to the police or not is up to you. If assault goes unreported, there is always the chance that your ex-boyfriend (or any perpetrator) will do the same thing to someone else. Talking to law enforcement about something which has happened to your body can be difficult to say the least, but you may find it gives you solace.

In response to your question (sorry it has taken me so long to get back on topic!), the best thing I think you can do is to use EFT to let your body know that you love, respect & forgive yourself for everything that has happened. This might be something you know at an intellectual level, but that you don’t really know at a deep level. I cannot begin to tell you what a huge difference this will make to your quality of life. Like the testimonials verify, all of the bad feelings related to the incident will just go away. Like cutting the string on an (environmentally friendly!) balloon. Incredible, but true.

If you can then move on to accepting & forgiving your ex-boyfriend for what he did to you, then so much the better. It will make your life about a million times easier. You don’t have to be his best buddy, of course that’s not a good idea. But walking around feeling hatred or loathing isn’t good for you — it warps you, & turns you into someone you are not.

I suspect that the reason he has re-appeared in your life is because the universe is telling you that you need to deal with what he has done to you. You may find that, once you have dealt with this issue, he sort of… disappears again. If not, you have some choices. You can go to the police & file a restraining order. You can tell him (or have your boyfriend tell him) in no uncertain terms to stay the %&^$ away from you, & that if he doesn’t comply with your request, that you will take legal action against him. You can tell some of your closest friends that he abused your trust & that you would be really appreciative if they had nothing to do with him. You can let someone high up in your school know what the situation is, & ask for their help or advice. Or you can just stay away from him.

Good luck to you, honey. You will be okay — in fact, you will be more than okay. When you decide to deal with what has happened to you, you will be restored to your former brilliance: a beautiful, shining light full of love & joy.

Extra For Experts:
V-Day
AADVARC
RAINN
After Silence
Male survivors
Effects of rape & aftermath from Wikipedia.

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The Power Of Eyebrows

[ 28 September 2007, 16:06 ]

Yesterday was pretty exciting, as days go! In addition to hot air ballooning in the morning & getting my ears pierced (!!!), I also had my eyebrows professionally shaped.

I haven’t had my eyebrows done by anyone else since the first time I had them tweezed, which was when I was about 15. That’s a long time ago now! I’d been thinking about the power of eyebrows for a while — I am keen on a strong brow & wondered what a professional could do to my face.

I had heard really great things about Afnaan from the Vogue forums, so I emailed her & booked an appointment. Then there were two weeks of torment as I let my eyebrows grow out. The temptation to pluck was overwhelming, but somehow I managed to hold back!

You can only imagine how happy I was to be running across the road to Arch Enemy, Afnaan’s business! I sat in the chair & she started explaining what she was going to do, & how. She made astute observations, like, “One of your eyebrows is a little higher than the other” — which I had never even noticed! Eep! Then we embarked on the eyebrow grooming. She tinted my brows, waxed them & finally tweezed them. I sat in the chair from 1:45 to 3:00 & when she finished, I was THRILLED.

The shape is actually quite different to how I normally do my brows — I tend to make my arch quite severe, while the way Afnaan has done it means the shape is softer & it has really changed how my face looks.

One of my very first articles, The New Eyebrow, is all about how important eyebrows are to your face. They grow in all sorts of unusual ways, & can completely alter your appearance — for better or for worse! Having them shaped or tended to is definitely worth investigating, I promise you will be astounded at the difference. We all spend so much money on cleanser & moisturiser & makeup, but the number of women (& men especially) who don’t give their eyebrows a second thought is mind-boggling!

This morning I received an email from an iCiNG reader who had seen Afnaan’s details on Gala’s Guide To Melbourne, & also booked an appointment…

“I am totally in love with her and want to have her babies – my eyebrows have never looked this amazing (I have really unruly strawberry blonde brows) now they are slightly darker, and look like MODEL eyebrows. HOT!”

Do you need any further convincing? I didn’t think so. Run, don’t walk, to your nearest eyebrow specialist, & enjoy!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Winter Style 2007

[ 25 September 2007, 12:00 ]

I’m a bit sad to be in the southern hemisphere right now, because while I love summer, nothing in-store is really thrilling me too much. The rest of you, though, are in luck, because there are some wonderful things available to buy. I can’t stop thinking about it. When it comes to style, winter has summer beat. It’s an awful truth.

Here are some things I’d be wearing if I was in, say, New York. (Swoon.)

A brightly coloured obi belt with simple black ensembles. A turquoise & gold obi would look amazing over a simple black sweater, & a red butterfly obi would be fantastic atop a casual black dress.

Oversized men’s style cashmere sweaters worn with everything. They always come in wonderful colours, like deep black, royal purple, crimson & navy blue. Very warm & very chic, roll the sleeves up for maximum style points. Try to get one which fits your shoulders but is long enough to wear as a dress. You can wear them with kilts, jeans, long skirts or shorts with stockings underneath.

Shirt dresses worn over stockings with heels. Wear with layers so that you stay warm enough — a thin wool sweater underneath, woolen stockings & a scarf should keep you pretty toasty. I love shirt dresses because they’re so effortless.

A maxi skirt with everything. Given that a maxi skirt is big & long, you need to be careful about the proportion so you don’t look like a swamp monster or moving tent. Wear with a fitted t-shirt or anything that is well-tailored to your top half. You might then want to balance that out with big bangles or hair so don’t just look like a teeny person in a huge skirt!

Doctor’s bags will ALWAYS be cool to me, but they have recently come back into style. Zac Posen recently released the Aurora frame bag which makes me salivate, just a little. But at almost £1000, I suggest browsing Ebay for a genuine vintage doctor’s bag instead!

Bright leather gloves. These are definitely worth snapping up while they’re on offer, because it won’t last. Normally gloves come in black or brown & that’s it. This season, you’ll see electric blue, vibrant yellow & cherry red among others. There will also be a variety of lengths, with many of them reaching past the elbow. Ooh la la! Keep your eye out for fingerless & driving gloves with beautiful details, too.

A good belted trenchcoat. Truly, this is the best sort of coat to own in winter. If you can wear it with wool stockings & high heels, so much the better, since it will emphasise your figure & make you look sexy & sleek.

Sequins. While normally a bit disco reminiscent, you’ll see a fair bit of it around. It’s definitely a trend to be embraced! To avoid looking like everyone else, I suggest vintage shopping & browsing Ebay to find unusual pieces — a pink sequinned tuxedo jacket, for example, or a turquoise mermaid-esque mini. Wear with all black or luxe-sport pieces to dress it down for everyday.

Luxe-sport in general. I really like this trend. If you don’t know what it is, it’s basically ‘cool’ sportswear (say the Stella McCartney for Adidas range) mixed with high-end pieces. The end result is ultra-modern & more than slightly space-age. Worth experimenting with!

I’d be really keen to see men & women dressed like old fashioned writers, in white undershirts with braces holding up their grey pants, & glorious hats! Though I don’t know if anyone will oblige me… !

What will you be wearing this winter?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Dissecting Men's Style

[ 28 August 2007, 10:37 ]

My dear male readers, I am sorry if you have felt neglected! I am sorry if all the pink is getting to you! I resolve to write more about men’s style, from this day forth! Let me appease you with this (soon to be regular) feature — a dissection of men’s street style. Oh, & of course, feedback is always welcome!

Let’s focus on the guy on the left, since I think he looks the best. His outfit is comprised of very simple components — a flannel shirt, jeans, a belt & a watch. It sounds like the duds of your average lumberjack, but this guy has put it all together with a slight twist & ends up looking cool & stylish. What has he done? First of all, he’s slicked back his hair in a very cool greaser/rockabilly style. There’s nothing fancy going on, it’s probably just pomade & a comb. Secondly, he’s rolled up his sleeves, & it looks fantastic. So many men underestimate how sexy a defined forearm is. Thirdly, & in a very unusual turn of events, one side of his shirt is untucked. Is it deliberate? Did it just happen? Who knows? But it looks great. It makes him look a bit unpredictable, which is quite appealing really…

Here’s a hard fact of life: shorts can look good on men. (See here for another example.) Stop claiming that the world would be better off without glimpsing your gams, & take a chance! This guy’s outfit works because he’s not showing too much skin. His outfit is, again, pretty simple — a long-sleeved black t-shirt, shorts, a belt, sandals — & again, it’s the small touches that make this work. His sleeves are pushed up a little bit. The t-shirt is tucked into his shorts, which makes it look sleeker. The belt is unexpected & it gives a nice little detail in the midst of all that black. & then! Those lovely sandals! Swoon. I love that they are so unusual.

This guy knows his assets — long, skinny legs & great hair — & is working them to his advantage. Notice that they are the only solid black things, everything else is patterned or coloured, so the black really draws your eye in. He’s matched his sunglasses with his bag (awesome!) & his shirt with his sneakers. If all components were green or orange, he might look a bit matchy-matchy, but since he’s using a couple of different colours, it really works well.

Scott (of The Sartorialist) said something about this guy looking like an “old-time movie star on vacation”, & he’s absolutely right. His style is so consummately relaxing-summer-holiday. His outfit is easy on the eye but actually quite unusual. Why? How? First of all, he has brilliant hair. It’s gently waved, which makes him look chilled out but still stylish — this can be hard to pull off. His outfit is all neutral colours, which is a rare thing. Most people would be tempted to throw on dark jeans or a jacket to break it up, & sometimes this contrast can be nice, but I’m glad he didn’t! The charcoal stripe through the shirt is echoed in his pocket square, something which normally looks so stuffy, but in combination with rolled sleeves, light trousers & the absence of socks, he looks perfectly debonair & fresh. CHARMED, I’m sure!

It takes a brave man to don a cardigan — & a vintage one at that! This (cuuuute) guy’s outfit works because of the proportions. Normally a cardigan with pants — unless they were super-tight ones — would look a bit dowdy, a bit Mr Rogers. He has deftly escaped this fate by pairing it with denim shorts, which shows his legs & that incredible sock/shoe combination. He’s kept his palette quite clean — the white shirt is quite luminous & the dark shorts ensure your eye isn’t too distracted. I absolutely love the lines around the socks, it’s such a brave (but perfect) choice. I also think he might have looked a bit childish without the glasses — but they top it off wonderfully.

I am in LOVE. Such an adorable outfit. He’s keep his silhouette very sleek — notice that the singlet, the shorts & the hat are about the same width across his body. His singlet is tucked in, which makes him look tidy. The stripes around his hat match the rest of his outfit PERFECTLY. & best of all, his shoes are neutral. It would have been tempting to match them to the rest of the ensemble, but then he might have been erring on the side of “my mother dressed me”. Fabulous. I also like that we can’t see his eyes, that is totally hot.

Lessons to take home:
Capitalise on your best features. Find out what they are & then WORK them, relentlessly! If you’re not sure what your best features are, ask your friends!
Roll up your sleeves. People who roll up their sleeves look they’ve been working hard at something, like they’re driven & passionate. Even if you’re not, it’s a fabulous illusion to perpetuate! (I am not the only woman who finds this attractive!)
Think about proportion. Wear long sleeves with shorts, or jeans with bare arms. Don’t cover it all up (or show it all off) if you can help it — mix it up, make things a little unexpected.
If most people would leave the shirt untucked, tuck it in. If most people would tuck it in, leave it out. Be different!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Happy Birthday Betty Dodson!

[ 24 August 2007, 12:42 ]

Legendary sex educator Betty Dodson turns 78 today! Happy birthday, you fabulous vixen!

“Much of her fame has come from her work not only advocating masturbation, but conducting workshops for more than 30 years in which groups of about 10 or more women would talk, explore their own bodies, and masturbate together. She hosted a public access cable television program in New York City in the early 70’s, and conducted her workshop – a dozen or so nude women discussing and practicing masturbation – on TV.”
(From her Wikipedia page)

In fact, Betty kept doing these workshops… even after she had a hip replacement! Now THAT is devotion to a cause!

In honour of this incredible woman’s birthday, it seems only reasonable that we celebrate in a way that would make her proud! Here are some suggestions…

Buy Betty’s best-selling book, Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving. If you own it already, re-read it & get into it! Have a read (or a listen) to this interview between Betty & Dr Lori Buckley — who, from the transcript, sounds like the most enthusiastic person on the face of the planet! (It’s a good read.)

Put the internet to good use, & read websites by knowledgable, vivacious (& good-lookin’) sex experts! I love Violet Blue & Tristan Taormino — they are both accomplished authors with scores of books for you to work your way through. (Here are Violet’s books & these are Tristan’s.) Their websites are valuable resources for sex education, with tutorials, advice & links galore — & throw ‘em a little money, why don’t you?

Be kind to your lover with a deliciously scented massage. Lush Cosmetics make fabulous massage bars — my favourites are Soft Coeur & Mange Too. They’re made with cocoa butter, so they melt easily. Warm them up in your hands before rubbing onto the skin of a willing participant & improving their day! (Be careful to store them somewhere cool, though… the windowsill or bathroom counter are not recommended!)

Buy something a little risque or shocking! Coco De Mer is an incredible boutique with real treasures for the adventurous. They even have suggestions for use for all of their items, which is brilliant. My favourite Coco de Mer products are the “teach me a lesson” ruler (hot!) & this blindfold which proclaims, “freedom is choosing whose slave you want to be”. Hmmm… ! I am also keen on the flutterby, these pearls (which you probably shouldn’t wear around your neck) & this crystal & leather whip. Ooh la la!

Seduce yourself. Take a bath, eat some ice-cream, get a manicure, wear your favourite dress, make “come hither” faces at yourself in the mirror or get more hands on! Then flick Betty an email & tell her how much you appreciate her life’s work…

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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O Magazine & Ellen Barkin

[ 15 August 2007, 11:32 ]

I recently bought a copy of O magazine‘s July issue, because my girl Violet Blue had written a piece about porn for women & I was delighted for her!

While normally it’s not a magazine I would even flick through, I was pleasantly surprised by the content within. It was juicy, it had substance. It didn’t talk down to its readership & I felt like my $10.95 AU had been well-spent.

Well, I felt that way until I turned to page 206 & started reading a piece on Ellen Barkin, an actress who recently appeared in Ocean’s Thirteen. The article starts with an explanation of how she dislikes looking at herself in the mirror while she refers to herself as an “old lady”. We then hear about her beauty routine & how she’d like to gain seven pounds.

Finally, we reach this.

To say I was disappointed by this list is the understatement of the century. Some of this is a little hard to swallow.

“Don’t wear hats, except to keep the sun off your face. A hat makes you look as if you’re trying to get noticed.”

What exactly is she trying to say here? That women over 50 should cover up & shuffle down the street as if invisible? That once you hit your 50th birthday, your time in the spotlight is over? Time to eat at the early-bird special, grab your Zimmer frame & don orthopaedic shoes?

There are plenty of super-sexy, strong, wonderful role models who are over the age of 50. Like, for example, Helen Mirren, Catherine Deneuve, Sophia Loren, Susan Sarandon, Diane Keaton, Meryl Streep & Goldie Hawn... & hell, even Madonna (my new role model) will be 50 in a year’s time! Plenty of them have hair longer than their collarbone, wear red lipstick & (heaven forbid!) show off their knees!

I know that writing is easier when it’s prescriptive, & I know that a lot of people just want to be told what to do, but it doesn’t make for very positive, inclusive reading, nor does it empower anyone particularly.

I expected something a little more age positive from O magazine. Here’s my take on the assignment.

Gala’s 10 Rules For Everyone

1. Accept yourself. Now. As you are. In all your wonderful imperfection, with all your delicious flaws, regardless of past failure or pain. Stop delaying approval of yourself. You will not be a better (or worse) person when you’ve made your first million, or when you have legions of screaming fans, or when you have a baby. Love yourself now. Forgive yourself now.

2. Take care of yourself — whatever that means to you. From buying a pet to going for long walks with your best friends; from getting a weekly manicure to leaving your abusive partner. You deserve it — & you deserve to feel good.

3. Assert your sexuality. You don’t just choose an orientation & that’s the end of it. Things change! Go with your whims! Buy toys, read manuals, learn tantra, do whatever you want to do. It will keep you youthful, as well as making life more fun.

4. Put the same effort into developing your personal style as most other people put into following trends. In a few years time, when you have a wardrobe full of incredible coats, beautiful shoes & mind-boggling jewellery — & everyone else only has “basics” & recent trends to work from — you will thank me!

5. Develop a strong enough sense of self that you are truly living your own life. Have faith in yourself, believe in yourself, even when your spouse/parents/friends are telling you to go in the opposite direction. At the same time, stay fluid, stay open, or you’ll stagnate. Keep pushing, keep questioning. We stop growing as people when we stop asking questions.

6. Be good to people. Take the moral high-ground. Resist the urge to “get revenge”. Avoid gossip. “Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, & you help them to become what they are capable of becoming.” (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.)

7. Take risks. Change your hairstyle, date someone younger, buy a fabulous sports car, move to Paris, open a bakery, make new friends! Take responsibility for your life, your circumstances, your choices. It is not anyone else’s fault.

8. Shirk that boring obligation to wear ‘appropriate’ clothing. Everyone looks better when they feel good in what they have on their back. Wear a ballgown to the supermarket & a suit to the baseball if it makes you happy!

9. Learn from the best. Take makeup lessons, see a personal stylist, ask your hairdresser the best way to blowdry your hair & watch your manicurist carefully. Even if you don’t do these things professionally, there is no reason why you shouldn’t benefit from their experience.

10. Smile. Be grateful for what you have. Appreciate your life.

Extra For Experts:
What’s Sexy About Women Over 50? from match.com
Why Women Over 50 Love Their Age from WebMD
Over 50 and single? Rediscover your sexy side from msnbc
Porn’s New Focus: Over-50 Crowd from the San Diego Tribune
Fashion Over 50 from about.com

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Nu Rave

[ 13 August 2007, 13:07 ]

“Recently I’ve been becoming really enticed by this season’s “new rave” trend, as I love bright colours and weird patterns but I don’t have a clue how to go about dressing myself in lurid, dayglow colours without looking like a clown!”

The Nu Rave look is tricky to pull off, since I feel quite strongly that neon colours were probably never created with the intent of people splashing them onto clothes. When you think about it, garish green, shocking pink, eye-watering yellow & brain-crushing orange don’t really go with anyone’s skin tone. I mean, yes, it can be worn, but it’s not neccessarily flattering.

However, cautionary tale aside, obviously you want to pick up on the trend, so here are some ways to do it!

Secret Genius Tip
I think the way to master the “nu rave” look is to imagine you’re a senior citizen, & you’ve just caught the bus to Atlantic City to do some gambling for the weekend. However, while you were packing, your cruel grandchild spiked your tea with psychedelics. Now: dress accordingly.

Try to keep neon colours away from your face as much as you can. It’s really easy to look washed-out or ill if you’re wearing the wrong colour under your chin.

Those House of Holland t-shirts have been a huge hit & sell for a keen price on Ebay. Chain stores have picked up on the trend & you can now buy a knock-off for a pittance. Over here in Australia, Supre has a whole lot of white t-shirts with “BAD HAIR DAY” & “LOVE YOU LONG TIME” printed in neon green. If you’re not sure how long the trend (or your interest in it) will last, going for one of these cheaper, “gateway” items might be your best bet.

On your bottom half, try wearing colourful leggings, skinny jeans in sky blue or lime green, or a bubble skirt with crazy stockings underneath. Ksubi (pictured above) have an incredible range of wild skinny jeans, & Urban Outfitters have skinny jeans in fuschia, green & blue.

As always, colourful accessories are the way to go. Buy some crazy platform sneakers or cheap fake Converse & cover them with paint & sequins & gee-gaws. Buy a plain tote & spray a stencil on the side in hot pink paint. Load up on colourful jewellery, neon wigs & silly sunglasses. Paint your nails white or neon.

I had a look around Patricia Field’s online shop &, other than having a huge crush on her, I discovered she sells a whole lot of things which will supplement your look. For example:

Sequinned visor, $22, in a huge range of colours.

Mighty Fine retro Bambi t-shirt, $36. I looooove this.

High waist sequin shorts, $74. (Okay, not strictly nu rave, but totally hot nonetheless.)

Neon splatter sunglasses, $16, & again, a huge range of colours.

Tripp zebra tunic minidress, $48. (Not strictly nu rave either, but you could rock it.)

Timmy Woods lip purse, $250 & worth every CENT goddamnit. It’s SO Amanda Lepore.

Psychedelic Daisy t-shirt, $36. Very easy to wear.

Bling sequin “fanny pack” (bum bag), $24, every colour under the sunnnnn.

For the brave (& those well-acquainted with an eyeshadow brush), my friend Sophie (right) rocks this neon rainbow makeup like it was designed for her. I think she looks AMAZING. Might be something to try!

Finally, something from the Urban Dictionary...

“Nu Rave is when rich young children ‘rave’ in a licensed venue, listening to average indie pop bands who call themselves Nu Rave to get the rich young kids to buy their records and make them and their record companies/the venues money.

“Hey Ollie are you coming to Koko Nu Rave night tonight, it’ll be jolly good fun. We can buy GLOWSTICKS and wear colourful trousers and act all kerayzeeeeeee, then we can come back to mine and get Jeeves to russle us up a couple of VODKA AND TONICS!..... man”“

Wink wink, nudge nudge! Have fun!

Extra For Experts:
Poprave Blog is an awesome blog designed for followers of nu rave culture, with recommendations for clothing, shoes, vinyl toys & all manner of ridiculousness.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Men's Summer Style '07

[ 2 August 2007, 23:25 ]

I recently received an email from Ben in the U.K. asking what I thought men should be wearing this summer, so here are my thoughts on the subject!

At the moment, I really like it when men dress in a casual, not-trying-too-hard style. The only man whose rather formal style I endorse is that of Karl Lagerfeld, one of my secret boyfriends. (As in, it is a secret that even HE doesn’t know!) Super-starched, high-necked white shirts, fingerless gloves, powdered white hair, a plain black tie… drool.

The best way to dress casually is to organise your outfits ahead of time, so you know what goes with what & you don’t have to think about it too much in the morning. Usually it is a simple case of shirt + pants + shoes, but a blazer or a great hat (like a straw fedora) always scores you points. Couple your casual garb with an immaculate haircut & fantastic eyewear or even a bit of makeup if you’re game! (Black mascara or a tiny smudge of eyeliner can make you look slightly broody & mysterious, which I think is hot hot hot.)

I love comfortable looking collared shirts with the sleeves rolled up, outfits which are all black & white & also designer stubble — meaning you shave everything below the jaw line & don’t let it get longer than a few days worth of growth. I am really into well-fitted jeans, too — not necessarily skinny or wide-leg, but just something which fits the body well & shows off a man’s best features, whether that’s his slim thighs, perky butt or super-knobbly knees.

Without further ado, here are some men’s street looks I love, & in some circumstances, what I would do to improve them…

This guy at Uniqlo in NYC epitomises effortless summer chic to me. He looks flawless. I cannot fault him on any aspect of his outfit. His red-check shirt is very “classic American”, & I love the way he’s rolled up the sleeves & left the top two buttons undone. His hair, glasses & facial hair are all brilliant & I love him for carrying a satchel! Only real men carry bags!

Take away the blazer & the hat & you’d have a very average-looking guy. It’s these two little details which totally raise the quality of his outfit & give him the appearance of a man with style, rather than just some guy who picked yesterday’s clothes up off the floor! Again, he has great facial hair & there’s even a badge on his lapel! Great touch.

Look at that pout! Owwww! I love the white hat, shades & bag. The cardigan is FABULOUS but I think a close-fitting polo shirt would have made this look impeccable — as you can, it’s too big so it’s creating strange folds below the cardigan, & the collar looks a little loose. I adore the monotone styling, though. Definitely someone you would look twice at.

I love the way he’s rocking the blue colour scheme here, but mostly I wanted to demonstrate that shorts can look REALLY good on a man! If you’re worried about exposing your pasty legs to the public at large, exfoliate & then use a good tanning lotion! (Read this from Winona for a brand comparison!) I love his tote & watch & shoes, they’re all fantastic. I think if his shirt was untucked this look would be more relaxed looking, & less — how can I put this? — bus driver. (He’s really cute though so we can forgive him just this once.)

Oh my godddd. AMAZING. He’s wearing a vintage stiff-fronted tuxedo shirt. These things button in the back, so I can only assume he had someone to help him get into it, but a plain white tunic would do just as well. LOVE the silhouette created with those skinny jeans & trainers. Wayfarer sunglasses like his drive me a little bit crazy but he definitely wears them with a lot of flair. Again, rolled up sleeves, jeans which fit well, few accessories. He looks like he just threw this on, though I’m positive he didn’t!

For the men: What do you normally wear in the summer? What have you been loving recently? Is there any kind of style you see on other men which you think looks amazing but don’t know whether you could pull it off yourself?

Everyone else: How do you like men to dress? What kind of style stops you in the street?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Irregular Choice Shoes I Love & The Imaginary People Who Wear Them

[ 10 July 2007, 12:42 ]

Jo Jo
The woman who loves the Jo Jo ankle boot/sandal could be described as a modern-day, Harajuku-obsessed, discotheque-loving Marie Antoinette. She loves her pastel-coloured frippery but isn’t afraid to team it up with avant-garde pieces. She would wear these shoes out dancing, with a huge powdered wig, a beauty spot & a short turquoise babydoll dress over bloomers & holographic leggings. Her favourite thing to do is take Japanese sticker-booth pictures with friends after a night out. She screams with delight whenever anyone smiles at her & she uses an enormous feather quill to take notes in her marketing lectures.

Spik & Span
This girl has long, straight, pale pink hair & an eyelash-skimming fringe. She walks slowly & enjoys reciting poems by Yoko Ono verbatim. She wears these sandals with a pair of loose trousers & a pink & white striped halterneck top. She works in an art gallery & speaks so quietly barely anyone can hear her. She is most happy when caught in the rain without an umbrella, or when attempting to decipher her cat’s purring.

La Isla (green & black)
These are the heels of choice for an off-duty, cigar-smoking ballet teacher. She wears them to the Sunday markets, with dark grey jeans, a pale yellow vintage Beach Boys t-shirt & a royal blue, you guessed it, ballerina wrap cardigan. She grits her cigar stub between yellow-stained teeth as she smiles at the man who sells her radishes, then pirouettes off down the street.

Fish Out Of Water (black)
Worn by a Pisces with wavy mermaid hair, these gorrrrrgeous ankle boots get her from the swimming pool to the art studio & back again. She wears these with a black, shin-length skirt, lots of gold bangles & a slate-blue camisole beneath a half-buttoned white shirt (sleeves rolled up, of course). She constantly tucks her hair behind her ears & has a pair of blue, goldfish-embossed chopsticks with which she offers other people a bite of her favourite lunch, sushi.

Quilted
Hermes, Greek god, wore winged boots to get him from place to place. In keeping with this fine theme, the woman wearing these boots would also wear an Hermes scarf tied around her head — along with a fitted, short black motorcycle jacket, black shorts & stockings, & an Obi belt in pink & gold.

Pixie
This is a great shoe for boys. I love its pointy toe & that very casual buckle curled around the outside. The red stitching draws attention to the contours of the shoe, which is actually pretty shapely for a “pixie shoe”. I can picture a boy like Patrick Wolf (drool) wearing these. He’d wear them with a pair of tightly-pegged pants, finishing just below the knee, perhaps playing the lute in a forest somewhere, slugging whiskey from an engraved silver hip-flask & kissing other sweet elfin boys… Okay, I’ll stop there.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Long Distance Love

[ 7 July 2007, 12:17 ]

Having a long-distance lover can be one of the most exciting things ever, or it can be one of the most heart-rending experiences of your life… & sometimes both at the same time.

The weird, sad truth is that until you spend copious amounts of time together (by which I mean, for example, 9 consecutive days, rather than 6 months of seeing each other for two days at a time), you’ll never really know how well the two of you mesh. I know this might sound a bit cynical, but ANYONE can turn on the charm for two days. It’s the long stretches of time which really tell you what the other person is like. Are they unbearably cranky on Monday mornings? Do they start drinking as soon as they get home on a Wednesday? Until you spend a week in their company, you won’t know.

This is not me trying to dissuade you from engaging in a long-distance love affair; far from it. They can be fabulous (especially if you’re a busy person & don’t feel the need for a ‘full-time’ lover!) — but all I’m saying is, if you decide to move in together, or one of you moves city for the other, please spend at least a week together in a one- or two-bedroom apartment! It will really tell you a lot about how you work together. I think it should be compulsory — a law! But it’s not, so all I can do is advise you to proceed with caution!

Here are the good things about long-distance relationships:
Love letters, pining, anticipation, travel, the total bliss of spending time with someone you’ve been dying to see, having lots to catch up on, long adorable phonecalls, lots of time to do your own thing & be independent, visiting another city & discovering new things, showing your lover around your city & planning cool things to do together.

Here are the bad things:
Long stretches of time alone, never really knowing what the other person is up to (not good if you’re jealous/insecure), the expense of travelling, the time involved in travelling, having to count out pairs of underwear to take with you when you go, packing, the actual travelling, sleeping alone, the feeling of pressure that you have to make the most of the time you have together, wondering what kind of future you could possibly have (& knowing that something will have to change in order for that to happen). Listening to this song & relating to it.

Long-distance love affairs can be fraught with friction. I have had more than my fair share (at least three), so here’s what I can tell you about this strange pathway to romance!

Define your relationship as quickly as possible
I learnt this one the hard way (ouch). If you think you’re a monogamous couple, or you would LIKE to be monogamous with this person, discuss it. I know it might seem a bit scary, & you don’t want to pressure the other person or get on their ‘bad side’ if you bring it up, but your heart is worth more than that! If the person you thought was your girlfriend sleeps with someone else because of some miscommunication, it is going to hurt. Work it out ahead of time. If the other person isn’t receptive to your idea, know that staying with them is probably going to be a rather painful exercise. Only you can determine how much pain you want to feel in your life, so act accordingly!

Stay in contact
Communicate often but try not to obsess… if you can help it! I have had long-distance relationships which ended up taking over my life because my boyfriend & I were so consumed with constantly texting, emailing & calling one another. Remember: you have a life, a career/schooling, your own friends! Try not to neglect these things because you’re glued to your cellphone. Usually in a relationship, the two of you will have different expectations of communication. Do you want to talk on the phone for hours every night, or is that just not practical? Do your best to compromise — maybe have two long phone conversations a week & send email the rest of the time. You can also send packages, letters, plane tickets or flowers.

Remember that your view of them is limited
New relationships are very exciting & often they turn into an insane case of limerence. I often find that long-distance love affairs are even more intense than normal ones, simply because of all the initial stumbling blocks. You never see them for very long, so you never have time to get sick of them. When you do finally see them, you’re both so pumped up that the adrenaline gets you totally high, & then they disappear so the initial thrill is instantly replaced with a feeling of longing. It’s a liiiittle bit unrealistic — not to say that amazing love doesn’t exist, but in real life, everyone has crazy families & irritating workmates & days when they can’t dress themselves. Do your best to keep it in perspective!

Be mindful of the cash you’re spending
Long-distance relationships can be really expensive. Plane tickets & phone-calls start to add up quickly. If one of you is doing all the travelling or making all the phonecalls, it will feel a bit unbalanced & can cause resentment.

Make friends with their friends
Do your best to find things you have in common with their friends. The reason for this is twofold, one of which is slightly sneaky. Reason one: if you’re thinking about moving to be with your new favourite person, you’re going to live a very lonely life if they’re the only person you know. Reason two: if you have any doubts as to their fidelity, being on good terms with their friends means you’re more likely to be privy to any guarded information.

Have your own reasons
If you end up moving city to be closer to them, having your own reasons for moving (other than proximity to them), it will make your transition much smoother. You don’t want “but I moved here for you!” to become a bargaining chip. (I’m reminded of an episode of Sex & The City, where Charlotte, who converts to Judaism, says to her boyfriend, “I gave up Christ for you, & you can’t even give up the Mets?!”. Her boyfriend retorts, “It’s going to be a long life if you keep that up! ‘I gave up Christ for you, take out the trash!’”. You see my point.) If you have a good job & friends in the new city, you will be much happier.

Long-distance romance can be very tough, but if you are both committed to making it work, there’s no reason why it can’t. Of my three long-distance relationships, two of them resulted in one of us moving. The first time I moved, & the relationship lasted five years, & in my most recent one, my boyfriend moved to be with me & then we both moved to Australia. We’re still together & very happy, so never fear, the potential for success is high!

Best of luck to you!

Extra For Experts:
The BBC loves you. Yes indeed.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Have A Great Picnic

[ 3 July 2007, 17:49 ]

“Apparently a recent survey was done where they found that a decline in people’s social values was strongly linked to a decline in the number of picnics they went on! More picnics = a friendlier, more co-operative world!”

While correlation is not the same as causation, receiving the above comment from Annaloren excited me so much that I thought I should write about how to have a great picnic!

Realistically, a picnic can be held anywhere — in a park, up a tree, beside a swimming pool, on a bed or on the floor of the living room — so don’t feel like just because it’s winter (for some of us), you are doomed to be excluded from all the picnic fun! Certainly, there is a great joy to be had from sitting in the sun, birds tweeting in the fresh air, but it is not absolutely necessary. Some of the best picnics happen on a bed, with a good spread of food, a cute person beside you & the rain pelting down outside.

There are, however, some essential elements. These are as follows.

Guests
Humans tend to be the best sort of guest, though if you’re having a particularly trying week, you might prefer to picnic with pets, stuffed animals or a handsome-looking gherkin. Picnics are best if they’re sort of impromptu, so don’t agonise over a “guest list” or anything of the sort. It is best to hold a picnic the day you think of it. Send out a text message to the chosen few, & don’t give too much detail. “Picnic, my place, 3pm, byo treats!”

Food & drink
Without food or drink, your “picnic” will really just be you sitting cross-legged on a rug, twiddling your thumbs; not as thrilling as it sounds. If you have mad kitchen prowess, feel free to wow your friends (pets/stuffed animals/gherkins) with a gorgeous batch of cupcakes, fudge brownies, profiteroles, or a tower of trifle the size of your torso. If not, or you just don’t have the inclination, go & buy something. It’s up to you what you purchase — some picnics you might want to aim for a sugar coma, while others will be more sedate. Some excellent picnic foods include sandwiches with the crusts cut off; corn chips & salsa; salami, cheese & bread; turkish delight & little ice-creams (which of course you should keep in a cooler/chilly bin/eskie).

Depending on your guests & your disposition, you may want to supply alcohol. I would personally be inclined to take a flask of Parfait d’Amour, but that’s just me. Some people will just be happy with beer or wine. A big bottle of Coke or lemonade will usually please everyone (except, uh, diabetics). Remember the cups!

Something to sit on
What you use for this purpose will probably be different depending on the circumstances. Spreading your duvet out on the living room floor is probably acceptable, but taking it to a park may not be. Use your discretion & brain power! I own a tartan rug with a waterproof bottom which folds up & has a handle for easy carrying, which is fantastic! Some people would encourage the use of little folding chairs but I think they’re a bit naff, I’d prefer all my friends squished up cosy on a blanket! (I like this rug very very much.)

Other things you may wish to have at your picnic include an MP3 player with portable speakers, a kite, Twister, candles (citronella if you’re outside) or flowers as decoration, plates & bowls & implements, trashy magazines, a Polaroid (or digital or video) camera, musical instruments, something for boys to kick (by which I mean a ball or hackysack, not a puppy), a portable grill, bubbles (as in soap liquid & a wand, but I guess champagne would be equally welcome), a book of poetry to read aloud, & something warm for when the sun goes down (hats, scarves etc., & if you can take extra then do, because it means your guests will stay longer).

You will, of course, need to devise a picnic outfit. For girls, a long skirt or dress is the ultimate thing. Boys should go for shorts, long socks & Oxford shoes. I had a quick look around & found:
Tea Rose Voile Picnic Shift, super cute.
Ants picnic gingham bag, totally perfect for throwing around & accidentally grass-staining.
‘Soccer moms are hot’ skirt, which I actually totally love even though it is really not my style at all.
Teeth slip dress, yayyy! Bare those gnashers!
Salmon dots reconstructed slip dress, perfect perfect perfect.
Smoky purple vintage slip dress, $18 & size XL!
Trees slip, the ideal thing for lounging beneath the branches.

Everyone should wear HATS, HATS, HATS!
Felt cloche hat, absolutely beautiful.
Polka-dot rockabilly veil hat, I LOVE this so much.
Operetta alice band, totally gorgeous.
Crown cocktail hat... “They say that the European royalty are becoming far less formal these days. That may be true, but just how does one co-ordinate a crown with daywear? Here’s a smart solution! All the royal glamour without those worrisome diamonds and emeralds.”
Fascinator miniature top hat, in a lovely fresh green.
If anyone brings a child, make it wear this! Awww!

Really, you have it made if you’re spending your time with people you like while stuffing your face! Just be sure to remember your sunscreen, & take your rubbish with you!

Extra For Experts:
Erm, picnic skirt anyone?!
Give your guests a cute doggybag of leftovers to take home!
BBC picnic food ideas! (Those Poms know how to do a good picnic.)
Planning a romantic picnic for two, from picnicfun.com.
How to host a picnic, from The Observer. (More Poms!)

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Gala's Guide To Tennis Chic

[ 1 July 2007, 12:59 ]

A good friend of mine, Davide, is in London at the moment. I said to him, “I’m surprised you’re not at Wimbledon, kissing boys in Lacoste polo shirts & getting grass stains on your knees.”

As I get older, tennis seems more & more attractive to me — to me, it is about the most civilised thing I can think of (like golf, except it’s interesting). Mostly I think I want in because I love being surrounded by all those social graces but still getting in there & shaking things up a little bit. I relish the image of strutting in there with my purple hair tied back, wearing a white Lacoste tennis dress, all tattoos & mirth while sipping iced tea!

For girls:
if your hair is long enough it should definitely be pulled back into a ponytail. Girls with their hair pulled back into a classic ponytail always makes me think of school — I went to an Anglican all girls’ school & our hair wasn’t permitted to touch the pristine white collars of our shirts. Anyway, to me, it is very sporty & a bit innocent-looking, which I find quite appealing.

In terms of apparel, of course you can’t go wrong with anything Lacoste. Hit up Ebay for the best stuff, though if you want to buy new, here’s a Lacoste terry headband & matching terry wristband. Really, I’m sure these things have no purpose but they are essential components of tennis chic.

Try wearing a white Lacoste tennis dress with (matching) neon pink underwear or a headscarf & 3/4 leggings in the same colour. Throw on a ballerina-wrap cardigan for when the sun starts setting.

I am a huge, huuuuge fan of the adidas by Stella McCartney range. Here’s a four-piece tennis dress set worn by Maria Kirilenko on the court. I adore it. It’s not in stores anymore but remember, Ebay is your friend!

This is from her newest tennis range. Love that skirt. Isn’t it fabulous?!

In terms of accessories, pile on clear lucite bangles — they go with anything & they’re super-mod. Big sunglasses are very important — whether you go for the huge oval sort, Wayfarers or Ray-Ban aviators, make sure they suit your face shape!

For boys:
In a nod to retro tennis, I am a strong believer that most men should wear a sweatband (à la John McEnroe & Richie Tenenbaum). It’ll keep that ‘fro (or emo combover) out of your eyes & makes you look super-athletic even if on the court you resemble a Thunderbird.

I personally have an insane penchant for the combination of a pastel-coloured polo shirt (sky blue is especially a favourite of mine), toned, tanned arms, wristbands & half-sleeve tattoos. (Think this but with an edge.)

Wear the shortest shorts you can (especially if you’re tall, like Chevy Chase in Fletch — he looks like an emu in his tennis gear, so hot) & allude to having a summer house in the Hamptons.

Here’s Davide’s opinion on tennis chic for boys:

“Wool jumpers over shoulders is fluorescent colours is totally where its at. It makes other people think you are joking and is a great way to show off a good skin day.

The great thing with tennis chic is that it’s super fun and comfortable. Get in character and speak with a funny accent. If feeling super in character stick some tennis socks DOWN YOUR SHORTS. Wearing colours makes one’s day a bit brighter so don’t be scared to match yellow and purple.

Today because it’s gay pride parade (which I wouldnt normally go to but it’s a party in a strange land with some people I know so what the hell, try new things right?), I’m wearing a yellow jumper over a sailor striped polo with jeans and yellow flat dress shoes from Selfridges because it’s coooold. I have a peach coloured scarf to go around my neck. It’s a shame that I naturally look so masculine, because I’d make a great camp sailor.”

For the super-keen:
Start spending time at a country club. Remember to wear pearls & get blitzed on gin & tonics like the rest of them.
Adopt a ridiculous name for the season, like Binty, Muffy or Waldorf Salad The Third.
Go super-retro like these cute kids, in tweed & a newsboy cap.
Carry a bottle of Evian, hire a driver & start dropping tennis-themed sexual innuendo into conversation, e.g., “I’d like to re-string HER racquet…”

Happy serving!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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The Essential Guide To Dressing For Your Shape

[ 6 June 2007, 12:16 ]

I personally think that whole “pear, apple, triangle, hourglass” stuff is absolute bunk. I’m not ANY of those shapes & nor are most people I know. I have small boobs, broad shoulders, a slim waist, long torso & big thighs. I am not a fruit or something you can study in geometry classes! Really I think it’s just laziness on the part of most fashion writers & it doesn’t do anyone any favours. We need to move away from this antiquated way of thinking! We need to regard each part of our bodies individually & work out how to dress them! Can I get an amen?!

It must be said that this guide is basically about disguising the parts of you you don’t like. While I don’t encourage dissection of one’s flaws (& I wouldn’t see many of the things listed below as being “flaws”), here are some simple ways to hide the parts of you you’re not so keen on. (Acceptance is the next step, wink wink!)

This is a very short piece — the sort of thing you can print out, highlight the parts which apply to you & then chuck it in your bag for whenever you go shopping & get stuck.

Tops

Big boobs: Wear a v-neck top. It may seem counter-intuitive to some that the bane of their life is on display, but quite frankly, if you cover it up, you’re not fooling anyone & it looks awkward. You could also try a scoop neck with detailing around the neckline, which will shift the focus.

Big arms: Try a batwing or fluted sleeve ending just below the biggest part of your arm.

Big belly: Any vertical detailing is your friend, as is anything with a knot-front which rests just over the stomach.

Long torso: Learn to layer! (See this & this!) You can also wear a small item over the top, like a bolero jacket for example, to break up the long lines.

No waist: A ballerina-wrap cardigan will help create an ‘artificial’ waist. Bonus points if it has a diagonal stripe pattern.

Small boobs: Any kind of detailing around the chest will help you out. You can also try playing up something else, like your arms or back, by wearing a sleeveless or backless top.

Trousers

Big booty: Big pockets on the butt will divert attention. A deep waistband will make your bum look half the size, while wide-cut legs will hide a saggy bum.

Short legs: A narrow stripe (or pinstripe) will elongate your leg. No waistband will do the same thing. One trick I often use is to wear trousers where the hem touches the ground — with a high heel on my foot, I look like a giant, & no one knows why!

Big belly: A big waistband will help hold you in. Go for flat-fronted trousers or any which fasten at the side. & if all else fails, wear magic knickers!

Saddlebags: 3/4 pants with a cuff will draw the eye to the bottom half of the leg. Otherwise, try a bootleg, flare or wide-leg cut.

Jackets

Big boobs: Thin lapels & one button at the waist will make you look slim & draw attention to your waist.

Big belly: A small, busy print will help detract from a big stomach — or you can wear something loose.

No waist: Go for something very well-tailored or for a jacket with a single button at the waist.

Saddlebags: A long jacket will cover your saddlebags quite well. Otherwise, a short jacket that ends near the waist will help distract the eye.

Skirts

Big booty: A well-cut pencil skirt will hug your curves & keep your bum perky! A fishtail shape will help even out your proportions, & a fluted, floaty skirt will lead the eye downwards.

Big belly: A wrap skirt can be worn as tight or as loose as you want to accomodate your tummy. Try a skirt with a high waistband to hold you in, then wear a shirt over the top.

Saddlebags: An a-line skirt is your best shape & pretty much foolproof!

Dresses

Big boobs: Try a scooped neckline or a wrap-dress. A wrap will lift & separate while also drawing attention to your waist.

Big arms: A big sleeve or one with a flare is your best bet.

Big belly: Gathering around the stomach area will minimise the area.

Small boobs: Go for a plunging neckline (no one else can wear these) or a backless halter-neck.

Big calves: Wear a dress all the way to the ankle, or one that ends just below the knee.

Wide shoulders: Try a strapless dress (the line will balance you out) or a shirt dress.

Evening Dresses

Big boobs: A strapless dress with excellent support will make you look superb. Those with a youthful décolletage (usually the under 40’s) can get away with a deep v-neck dress.

Big belly: Anything with detailing across the stomach area will help you — a belt, a pattern, sequins etc.

Big arms: A loose draped sleeve will disguise the size of your arm very well, as will a small pattern (rather than a solid colour).

Big hips: The trick is to balance them out. You can do this by wearing an a-line shaped dress or something strapless.

Small boobs: Look for a dress with extra detailing across the bust or something tight — you can always stuff your bra with chicken fillets!

Swimwear

Big boobs: Try a balcony bra style, a halter-neck (for super-duper cleavage) or just make sure your bathing suit has hidden cups or some other kind of support.

Big belly: A one-piece with detail focussed near the waist will make you look much slimmer, while a tankini gives you the option to cover or bare your belly. Some people recommend a strategically-placed sarong, but I don’t think that fools anyone.

Small boobs: If you have small boobs with a great stomach, make that the focus of attention with a simple bikini. If not, you could try a padded halter-neck (this will help you create a cleavage, or at least some kind of illusion) or a top with detail around the bust.

Saddlebags: A bikini which ties at the side will be good on you, because it won’t cut in so much. Try a high-cut leg (will make you look sleeker & slimmer) or a strapless top — the big line will help balance you out. You can also try covering up with a sarong.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Gala's Kissing Boot-Camp

[ 1 June 2007, 10:47 ]

“Now, I was wondering, if, in the near future (or whenever future) you could help out some girls in the kissing department. I’m extremely inexperienced at kissing (going to a Catholic Girls Prep does that to you). Also, I’ve been plagued by recent nightmares of being told by my guy that I kiss like a fish. Please, help me Gala with your wisdom!”

Anyone who says something like that to you isn’t worth your time, honeypie! Give him the boot & then use my tips on your next boyfriend! ;D

The best thing about kissing is that it’s a lot of fun, & you will get better with practice. First of all, you need Kissable Lips — click that for information on scrubs, lip balms, glosses & lipsticks, as well as product recommendations & tricks! Anyway, it is my firm belief that the best kisses are a combination of things: soft lips, small amounts of tongue, good reactions & very little saliva!

Lips
For me, it is mostly about the lips. Some people have hard little mouths, you know, from years of anger or grimacing, & it’s totally unappealing. If you can learn to relax your mouth, you will go far. If this is difficult for you, just imagine that a bee has stung the hell out of your mouth & let it slacken that way.

Tongue
It drives me crazy (& not in a good way!) when someone comes in to kiss you with their tongue straight away. I think you have to work up to that, unless it’s already an insanely passionate moment. Too much tongue is a major moodkiller for me. Also, keep your tongue supple & soft. It’s tricky, because there is a fine line between having a stiff, pointy tongue (ew! It’s like a medical examination!) & having one that lies flat in the other person’s mouth, like a omelette that failed. Ewwwwww. Keep it soft & pliable.

Reactions
It is hard to explain exactly how to kiss someone, since because it’s an activity that requires a partner, what you do will depend on what the other person is doing. Basically, you want to respond in a way that coordinates with what they’re doing. This doesn’t mean do the same thing, or even the opposite, but just try to work with them as much as possible. If, say, they’re nibbling your bottom lip, don’t try & chew on their bottom lip at the same time, it won’t work! Maybe try licking their upper lip while they do this, for example.

Saliva
How much is too much? If you have to ask, you’re probably using too much. No one wants to feel like they’re on Splash Mountain when they’re kissing you! On the flipside, a dry mouth is very unappealing. Wetting your lips quickly with your tongue is best to start with.

Places & positions
I’m quite small so I like to crawl into people’s laps & sit opposite them. This way they are TRAPPED & can’t escape until my lips are satisfied! I am sneaky like that. My first kiss was in a very weird position, I was lying on my back with my head in my boyfriend’s lap & he leaned over & kissed me, so we were kind of… upside down. It was strange! I like to pass the time by kissing in elevators. I also think it’s pretty great to kiss in a weird place, like on a fire escape, in a playground, in the back seat of a car or up a tree, but everyone is different!

“When I kiss ya, ya stay kissed!”

Men
You will do best, in my opinion, if you think like a woman while kissing — soft, delicate & sexy. You can prove your manliness all over the place but not when you’re kissing someone! Additionally, if you think you might be getting some action, please shave your face! Stubble hurts, you know.

Additional tips:
Mouths aren’t the only places you can kiss someone. Try kissing their earlobes (but hold back on the heavy breathing!), their neck or shoulders. (I like rubbing noses sometimes, it’s very intimate & a good precursor to kissing.)
Try (gently) licking the corners of your lover’s mouth. Super-hot.
Kissing is a sloooow activity. It is not a race or a chore! Take your time, enjoy it, be gentle with one another.
You’re in control! If you start to feel uncomfortable or you want to stop, just do it. You are under no obligation to go any further than you already have.
Remember to breathe. Fainting is kind of sexy in the movies, but in real life, not so much.
Move your arms! You can stroke their hair, the sides of their face, their back, their arms or even their booty! Moving your arms will show that you’re really interested & into it. If you don’t move them, the kiss will be more awkward.
Try not to bump teeth. If it happens, just forget about it & move on. The more kissing you do, the more aware of your mouth you will become & soon that problem will be one of the past.
Close your eyes. Or don’t. It is all personal preference… I get freaked out if someone is looking at me while I’m kissing them, but that’s just me.
Move your tongue gently, stroke it against theirs & run it along their lips. Try not to swirl it like a washing machine, or jab it in & out.
Be proactive! Be involved & interested & an active participant.

Questions & Answers
Q: I have a big nose. I don’t want to stab my girlfriend in the eye by mistake. Whatever shall I do?
A: Tilt your head! She will probably tilt hers too, in the opposite direction, & it will all work out brilliantly.

Q: I have a really short tongue & I don’t think it will reach into someone else’s mouth!
A: Hey, me too! What a coincidence. It’s not the end of the world. You might just have to work it a little differently to other people. Practice, baby!

Q: What are the rules on eating garlic/onions/curry/haggis before a smoochfest?
A: Generally avoid it, unless your beloved has partaken of the smelly foods too. Two people with garlic-breath probably won’t even notice it in the other person. (Plus, it’s good protection against vampires.)

Extra For Experts:
“How To Kiss Someone Passionately”
Girls kissing
Emo boys kissing (It’s a fan video or something, so weird)
This looks like an alien life-form but I guess it’s informative, kind of?!
How To Kiss A Woman with lots of fear-inducing anecdotes!
Insanely cute sex writer Violet Blue has this to say on more intimate types of kissing… NSFW!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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"Business Casual"

[ 31 May 2007, 14:39 ]

“I’m sure you’re quite shuddering at the thought of business casual… I, however, am about to graduate and start up year-long fellowship with a non-profit that’s basically a 9-to-5 office job. What would you advise for someone with a limited budget who needs to look professional but still wants to change around her style and look somewhat interesting? As of now, I tend to go with brightly colored basics, graphic t-shirts, and very few accessories… I’d love to hear anything you have to say, thanks so much.”

You’re so right! Business casual… bleccch!

Grotesque facial expressions aside, I am not the best person to ask about this sort of thing. I am often vastly inappropriate. I have always been on the fringes of my work’s dress code, partly due to boredom & partly due to a general feeling of awkwardness about rules & regulations. When I worked at Lush Cosmetics, for example, the rule was “black & white only” which soon bored me, & I started working in touches of hot pink, turquoise & blue before coming to work looking like a rainbow (& in blatant violation of the dress code).

I have been extremely lucky however, in that I have had a lot of so-called “corporate” jobs where the dress code just wasn’t that strict. (I did fair chunks of time at ISPs & telecommunications companies, where they tend to be a bit more relaxed about these kinds of things. I think it’s the large geek contingent that does it, quite frankly.) Here are some outfits I wore to my job at Telecom: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 & 8. For the most part, the people around me liked seeing what I came to work in, it was often a topic of discussion & provided some much-needed distraction from returning boring phonecalls or whatever else was on the agenda. However, on the flip-side, I’m pretty sure that my wearing combat boots to work was part of the reason one of my other temping contracts “ended early”... so proceed with caution!

Perhaps the best way to approach work in a “business casual” environment is to imagine yourself as a different character. Some kind of femme fatale, perhaps, who wears spike heels & a pencil skirt & a tailored white shirt. It might not be your style, but it will look good — which is pretty much the mantra I assigned to office jobs while I was in them. I often found that I had to pretend to be someone else just to get through the day: someone who cared about invoices & spreadsheets, rather than ME, the weird girl who needs music to work effectively (a disco at your desk is great at about 3pm) & likes her hair as big as possible.

If you don’t want to fake it — & I don’t blame you — dress like yourself, but imagine your mother is there while you’re choosing your outfit. Run her voice through your head. “Those shoes are completely impractical!” “I think that skirt is a bit short.” “Oh, you just CANNOT wear that.” (If your mother is awesome, like mine, pretend one of the women on Coronation Street is your ma instead.)

As long as you’re not in a super-strict office environment, where everyone wears suits (zzzzzzz), you can probably get away with a reasonably plain top, a cardigan & a pair of nice pants or a skirt.

Women can chuck a conservative-looking sweater over the top of a dress to make it a little less extravagant. You’ll never go wrong with a long black skirt & boots, or well-cut trousers. If you’re allowed to wear jeans, go for it — wear nice ones (no rips or frayed cuffs!) with a tailored sweater or shirt. Not so bad. Really, it will be hard for them to complain if what you’re wearing fits properly & is clean. If you want to spice it up, wear weird jewellery or buy an insane bag.

Men have less options. Wear a nice shirt (top button undone & untucked if you want to be more casual), good pants & clean shoes. If you can get away with a t-shirt, great! Wear a well-fitted new one, like something from Threadless.

If you’re really feeling the need to rebel, maybe write “I HATE MY JOB” on your stomach, backward, in marker pen, so you can pull up your shirt in the office bathroom & sneer in the mirror while you read it!

My final suggestion is to make friends with your manager, so that they’ll defend you if anyone balks at your colourful eye-shadow!

Good luck!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Things I Learned From Watching Miss Universe 2007

[ 30 May 2007, 12:49 ]

Love it or hate it, Miss Universe makes for good entertainment. I watched it last night for the first time in years. While the whole concept is blatantly ridiculous (“you can represent your country because you look good in a swimsuit!”), I still managed to learn a few things.

Poise is important
Even though Miss USA fell over during the “evening dress” segment, she recovered admirably. I have always thought that the real test of someone’s character is to see how they behave when they’ve been defeated, or when something goes wrong. It’s certainly when you learn the most on a personal level. Miss USA was obviously shaken when she fell over — as we all would be — but she got up again, shot us a personality-laden smile & all was forgiven. I was totally impressed by her.

Your personality doesn’t just appear when you open your mouth
Your personality — what I would say is the most important part of a person — is evident at all times. It is obvious in the way that you hold yourself & the way you look at other people. It shows in your grace, or lack of! Some people enter a room & even before they introduce themselves, you know you’re in for a sleigh-ride to Boredomville. In Miss Universe, you could tell the girls who had a little something going on upstairs — their eyes sparkled, they smiled mischievously, they walked with a purpose — & that made them far more attractive.

Learn how to project an image without saying anything
As a follow-on from the above, think about the things you do which tell the world about you. I wrote a piece at the beginning of the year asking What Does Your Clothing Say About You?, but this goes further than that. You could be wearing a garbage bag & still walk in a way that says you mean business. What kind of impression do you get from somebody who chews their nails, twirls their hair around a finger, jigs their leg constantly or sits with a smile but is constantly looking around elsewhere? Learn to be of the moment & present yourself the way you think you would be in an ideal world.

Real, healthy bodies are still sexy
After all the Size 0 hype, I was amazed to see that the contestants had real, bangin’ booties! Their thighs actually moved when they walked! Some of them even had little bellies! But the point is this — they all looked incredibly healthy & quite frankly, really hot. There is no way a runway model could have won it, & that pleased me. I’m glad our (by which I mean the current Western version of “our”) vision of beauty isn’t all skeletons, which you can almost begin to believe if you are too closely involved with fashion.

If you’re not sure about your outfit, ask someone
Miss Poland was wearing a chiffon prom dress with a fur hat, & Miss Serbia was wearing a “sexy” MILITARY outfit! ‘Nuff said!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Making Short Hair More Interesting

[ 29 May 2007, 09:52 ]

“I had my hair cut short for the first time a few months ago, and I love it. Not having to worry about bad hair days is marvellous. But I’m getting bored with it looking the same all the time! Since you’ve got short hair, too, I wondered if you’ve got any tips for making it look more interesting?”

I have, indeed, had short hair for years. In fact, it hasn’t been longer than my shoulder since about 2000. Now, some of these things will depend on the length of your hair at present, but here are some different ways to wear a short hairstyle.

Change the colour
This is probably the most drastic way to change your hair. You don’t need to do the whole thing if your work/school prefers you to look conservative or you’re just afraid to commit! You can always do a big streak across the front or put in some extensions. When I was 15 & had a blue-black bob (I was totally channelling Amy Blue in The Doom Generation), I would get extensions put in the front of it, hanging down on either side of my fringe (bangs to you Americans). They were the same length as the rest of my hair but provided a nice frame. The royal blue ones looked the best. Most hairdressers can put extensions in your hair for very little & it’s a quick, easy way to change your look. If you DO want to go blue, purple, bright red or neon yellow, read this first!

Wear hair accessories
They are your greatest ally. I have a drawer full of things to put in my hair: purple butterfly-shaped clips, turquoise feathers, small pink roses, tiaras & hairclips with all manner of things stuck on them, from glittery cupcakes to small ballerinas to Hello Kitty heads. Remember that it is incredibly easy to make your own hair accessories, usually all you need is a hot glue gun, a plain hairclip & stuff to stick onto it. Another option is to go slightly crazy & eke your way over to decora, a Japanese street style which involves wearing hundreds of little plastic toys all over yourself.

Cut yourself a fringe (bangs) or sweep them across
You might want to look at How To Choose A Flattering Haircut before you do this, because some face shapes don’t suit a fringe (bangs). If you sweep them across & they won’t stay, use a hairclip — try a diamante barrette. Sometimes keeping a fringe sitting flat is tough — some people swear by blow-drying it & curling it under with a brush, some use pomade & others use a combination of spit & crossed fingers. If you can pull it off though, a fringe is VERY cute.

Tease or spike it up
The bigger the better, baby! Teasing your hair is easy — grab a big clump, brush it towards the sky & then brush it back down towards your head. Repeatedly. Coat with hairspray (or talcum powder, I like Lush’s Candy Fluff for this purpose) & go out looking wild. Spiking it up is usually achieved with the aid of hair product, like KMS. You can try a little faux-hawk or just create a peak on the highest point of your skull.

Change the parting
Switch it up, from middle to either side or, if you’re handy with a comb, try one of those strange zig-zag partings.

Pin some of it up
My hair’s getting longer so I’m doing this quite a lot at the moment. I tease the hell out of it & then pin some of it behind my head. It somehow gives the appearance that I have far more hair than I do, which is always a good thing. To me, it looks like a weird mix between hobocore & elegance, & overall I’m pretty happy with the effect!

Put it into little pigtails
Self-explanatory, innit?! Use ribbons or lace for super plus plus cute effect.

Shave it!
Shave the side, or a pattern into the side, or shave your hairline back. All of these things have worked for me!

Wear a headscarf
Ahhh, yes. My trusty fallback position. When all else fails, when it is windy or raining, when your hair won’t behave or you have 5cm of regrowth (like me), just tie a scarf over your head. How To Wear A Scarf may be of some assistance, & so might How To Tie A Turban.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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T-Shirt Mania!

[ 24 May 2007, 16:12 ]

I used to be anti-t-shirts. Yes, it is true. However, I have recently realised that a t-shirt is a good thing to have. Especially comfortable ones with cute prints. I stumbled upon The Giant Peach today, an online retailer with a huge & AWESOME selection of print t-shirts.

Some of these would be excellent on boys too, just search for the same design under “men’s”.

Growing Up In The Hood — eskimo love!

I Am The Walrus — with illustrations of characters from The Big Lebowski!

We Can All Be Free — for Cat Power fans or just people who like to exercise their free will!

“I Fall In Love With You. You Are My Favourite Food.” — from Harajuku Lovers. Cute, though!

Didn’t I Blow Your Mind? — featuring whales!

The Promise Of Spring — for members of the We Heart Cherry Blossom club.

Happiness Is A New Idea — yes indeed.

Hot Air Balloons — on purple, I love it!

Ice Kreme Kastles — I don’t know how to describe this, but I love it.

Create Beauty — arrrrgh, this is so great!

Angelic — great design.

Smokin’ Kills — by Hysteric Glamour, with the best photograph ever.

Still Smokin’ — ...wear this one the day after.

Cars & Girls — more Hysteric Glamour.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Disguising A Chubby Body Part!

[ 21 May 2007, 14:07 ]

“One quick question that might prompt another article for us guys who read you. Have you any tips on disguising or hiding a big tummy? I have more weight than I really need, but it is mostly concentrated on my belly – how can I make sure I look my best (while I try to lose some weight at the same time)?”

I love it when men ask me questions! (Hint, hint!)

Okay, the first thing you need to know is that, really, there is no “disguising” anything. If you have a big belly, you have a big belly, & unfortunately David Copperfield doesn’t manufacture clothing that will make your lumps, bumps or jigglies disappear forever. The good news is that with careful dressing, you can minimise the emphasis on your tummy. People will know it’s there, but it won’t be the most obvious part of your appearance.

So, what are the tricks to minimise a body part?

Wear dark colours
I know that the first article I ever wrote was about moving away from black clothing — but it definitely has its uses! Dark colours make things look smaller. You don’t have to do black if that looks too severe on you; try chocolate brown, navy blue & dark grey. The best way to do this is clothe your “secret” part in black, then wear a splash of colour somewhere else. It’s a great trick. Wear an electric blue scarf, for example.

Avoid weird fabrics
By this I mean shiny, stiff or bulky fabric. All of these things accentuate your size, by clinging to the parts of your body you don’t like & then catching the eye. Also, try to avoid horizontal stripes (they can make teeny people look big).

Learn to layer
The eye is automatically drawn anywhere there is a break in your clothing — say, where your t-shirt meets your trousers. This means that if you have wide hips & your t-shirt ends just there, you are going to look even wider. If you have a big belly, try wearing your shirt untucked. It might sound slovenly, but see how it looks. Often it will help in creating a sleeker look.

Work on your posture
Cheesy, but true. If you stand up tall, you will look better.

Good luck to you sir, & congratulations on your weight-loss effort!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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American Apparel Reviews

[ 14 May 2007, 13:15 ]

More things I bought from American Apparel. On top I’m wearing a Sheer Jersey Chemise in Teal (medium), & on the bottom I’m wearing California Fleece Pants in Black (medium).

Now, those of you who recall yesterday’s outfit (here) will remember that I was wearing a “grey” hoodie “dress” from AA. The reason I bought the Sheer Jersey Chemise in a medium was because I thought that if I bought it bigger than I needed, maybe it would be long enough to wear underneath the hoodie dress. I was wrong. This is so short, it only just covers my butt — just like the dress, except not as modest. Very frustrating. It’s also too long to wear as a top, it looks kind of ridiculous & too casual. If I was the sort of girl who liked to rock skinny jeans or show off her thighs in general, then this top would probably be seen outside the house. However, I am not that sort of girl & therefore, it will probably remain in the category of sleepwear. / 5

The pants, however, are another story entirely. I bought a medium because I thought they might shrink in the wash, so I’m waiting to see if that happens. (Good thing they have a drawstring though, or they would fall straight off me.) They’re a really good, straight cut, so they don’t cling to my thighs & make me look lean & sleek. They are SO comfortable, I adore them. They are quite long, so good for tall people. Also, with a pair of heels or wedges they can easily be dressed up. I cannot recommend them highly enough. / 5

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Adopt A New Skincare Routine

[ 11 May 2007, 11:12 ]

I’m not going to lie to you — changing your skincare routine is a major fiasco. It makes me quite nervous, actually. There is such huge potential for disaster. If you have something which works for you, I strongly recommend sticking to it. Don’t get sucked into the vanity of wanting to use Chanel skincare if Johnson&Johnson makes your skin glow — you will regret it.

Why would someone want to change their skincare routine in the first place?
In my case, I had to change mine because my favourite moisturiser (Afterlife by Lush) was discontinued in Australasia. A tragedy, since I loved it & had been using it for years. Other reasons might be that you’re breaking out regularly, your skin is too dry or too oily, your cleanser stings your face, or you want to upgrade to a more adult or glamorous brand (don’t do it!).

Now that you’ve established that you want to pull the great switcheroo, here’s how to go about it.

1. Research.
The first thing you should do is work out the attributes of a product you’d like to use. Does price matter to you? How about fragrance — would you rather something that smells amazing or something fragrance-free? Do you want a product with a good reputation or does that not bother you? You get the picture. For me, the most important thing about a skincare product is that it’s fairly natural, & by this I mean lots of plant-based ingredients & very little in the way of preservatives or alcohol. There aren’t a lot of companies doing that kind of thing, so that automatically narrows the pool.

From here, you need to find out about companies which you think might be in line with what you’re after. The controversial Paula Begoun, aka “the Cosmetics Cop” (pshhhh) has a handy little search function on her website. You can use this to get overall reviews of brands, & also individual assessments of pretty much any makeup, skincare or haircare product ever invented.

Do, of course, keep in mind that this is one woman’s opinion — & of course, she hasn’t tried the vast majority of these things. (Can you imagine what a mess her skin would be if she was using a different product every day?!) No, mostly she just reads the ingredients list & makes an assessment. I disagree with a lot of her reviews, BUT it’s a good place to start.

Once you’ve read up on that, head to Makeupalley for a real review. Makeupalley is amazing, a community site where cosmetics-obsessed individuals write their thoughts on everything in their makeup cabinet. It’s great for getting a balanced perspective on things, & you can rank reviews by average rating, too.

2. Obtain samples.
I think it’s important to go to the beauty counter of the company you’re interested in & talk to one of their staff. They know what they’re talking about, & they can look at your skin & make recommendations of what you might like to use. They also have interesting insights — you might think your skin is dry, when actually, it’s just dehydrated. They are trained professionals so take their advice! Don’t feel bad about getting samples: you should take as many as you possibly can.

If they don’t give out samples, walk away. Seriously. WHY anyone would spend hundreds of dollars on a product that may or may not work is beyond me. Some products get rave reviews, but everyone’s skin is different & there is no guarantee that anything will work for you!

3. Try, try, try again.
When you’re changing your skincare routine, try to go slowly if possible. In my case, I was using a Lush cleanser, a Lush toner & a Lush moisturiser. My moisturiser was almost finished, so when I went to the Aesop counter, they gave me a moisturiser which suited my skintype as well as some cleanser. While the temptation to use both of these products was great, I held myself back, & I am glad. Why? Because if your skin starts to break out, you won’t know why. Best to substitute one product at a time.

Here’s the bad news — it can take a long time, sometimes up to 3 weeks for your skin to show a reaction to a skincare product. I know, it’s bad. Often, cosmetics companies aren’t very keen on giving away 3 weeks worth of free product, & I can understand why. My suggestion to you is to use as little as possible, make it last the distance. (The sneaky may like to go back for more samples.)

4. Buy the smallest size you can & keep your receipt.
Smile at yourself in the mirror. You fought the beauty industry & won!

When skincare goes wrong…
Another week into your routine, you might break out, get a rash or feel like your face is melting. It happens! If it does, you’ll be glad you kept the receipt. Take it back to the store. Usually when you do this & explain the problem, they’ll exchange your bunk product for something which is more suited to your skintype. If not, shake your fist angrily & return to your prior skincare routine.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Top 5 Ways To Define Your Own Personal Style

[ 9 May 2007, 00:49 ]

5. Buy a decent-sized Moleskine notebook & start making a look book for yourself.

Stick into it any pictures of models, clothes, makeup that appeal to you. Copy into it quotes from anyone whose style you adore — like Karl Lagerfeld’s quote: “Good taste only tastes good to the people who think they have good taste; a good taste can be very uncreative & boring. Good taste is something very bourgeois, very established, so it needs fresh air.”

Read fashion history books & make notes in aforementioned Moleskine about things you like. Pillbox hats? Platform shoes? Sailor chic? Write it all down & don’t worry if it’s not “in fashion” now — remember that fashion is cyclical & besides which, constantly being “on the pulse” is boring.

Do your research. Read fashion websites (my preferred mode of obtaining information & inspiration) & buy magazines — not just Vogue but things like FRUiTS & Cutie too. Go to the library & look at stacks of fashion magazines from the 1970s & 80s if they have them. Take photocopies of anything you like. Watch movies with a strong aesthetic — say Amelie, The Virgin Suicides, Pulp Fiction, Bladerunner, The Addams Family etc.

4. Start borrowing clothes & accessories from your friends: experiment & find out what works for you.

I say borrow because it’s cheap! There’s no sense in buying something which you’re not sure about. A short-term loan from a friend is a great way to discover what suits you, & if you don’t like it, just give it back! (You should try to bribe your friend if there is anything you really love.) Allow your friend to dress you up if they’re game — you never know, they might just kit you out in something you adore. Fill a plastic bag with accessories that they no longer wear, take them home & work them into your outfits over the next couple of weeks. Do you look better in small, Lennon-esque sunglasses or huge, oversized shades? How does a cowboy hat suit you? A beret? Are you more comfortable with an enormous vintage doctor’s bag or a clutch? You get the idea.

3. Start taking daily outfit photos — I cannot stress the value of this enough.

Do it with a Polaroid camera if you can. Stick them in the back of your Moleskine. Write commentary alongside each one, including what was good, what wasn’t, & what you’d change if you wore it again. This will make such a difference to the way you dress yourself, & will teach you a lot about your colouring, shape & proportions.

2. Write yourself a rough style concept.

An example. It doesn’t need to be long, but flagrant use of adjectives can help solidify a picture in your head. You could start off simple, with “wide-leg pants & cropped cardigans“ but then expand it to “wear with geta & pearls“. Allow your imagination to roam, & if all else fails, go back to step five!

1. Be prepared to spend some time thinking about your look!

The most stylish people don’t magically conjure their outfits into existence: a lot of the time, their wardrobe is the cumulative effect of lots of list-making, hunting, haggling & a staunch attitude towards keeping weird old treasures. Feel free to make mistakes — if you’re not making mistakes, you’re not pushing the envelope hard enough. Finally, don’t be afraid to redefine your style concept — to make it wilder or more wearable. This will keep you from getting stale & is also a lot of fun!

P.S. Hello to all my new readers from Problogger!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Burlesque Chic

[ 19 April 2007, 09:20 ]

On Sunday night, I went to see the Red Door Burlesque at The Order Of Melbourne. It was a very exciting night, I’d never been to The Order (though I had heard good things) or seen live burlesque! The latter is especially strange, because for a while, I was absolutely obsessed with burlesque & even considered forming my own troupe a couple of years ago.

The Order Of Melbourne is wonderful, dimly lit with a rooftop garden & immaculate table service. The show was fantastic, too — two saucy curvy ladies getting their kit off, Birdman (the host) pouring tea through his nose, a cute girl in a makeshift peep-booth & Marawa, who did two acts, one with hula hoops & another where she combined trapeze with aerials!

There were free lamingtons (see below), special burlesque cocktails & an incredible cheese board on offer. We had such a great time! The atmosphere was excellent too, I felt like I was in a 1940’s lesbian joint — except there were men there, too! I wish I had dressed up more for it — I was totally underdressed, in jeans, a black trapeze dress & a red headscarf. I didn’t realise the crowd would be so dressed to kill. There was a lot of shiny black hair, red lipstick, high heels, fishnets & general glamour! It was fantastic, it’s so rare to see people (especially in the 20-35 age group) really making a huge effort when they go out.

For anyone who wants to incorporate a little old-world glamour into their daily dressing, here are some ways to do it…

Do your eye makeup in a cat’s eye style.
I almost always wear mine like this, it makes me feel very glamorous & dramatic. Here’s a good tutorial if you’re not sure what you’re doing! One thing to keep in mind is that sometimes, lining your lower lid will make your eye look really heavy, as if you’re tired or sick. Whenever I put makeup around my eyes, I only ever touch the top lid.

Change the way you do your hair.
From a short, fringed flapper-esque bob to long pin curls, an old style hair-do makes a very strong statement. This is the best online guide I’ve found for information on burlesque/vintage/retro hairstyles. Go forth & pin curl! You can also add a little sparkle to your hair with diamante slides & silk flowers. If all else fails, tie a scarf over your head, like I do!

Get your hands on a great vintage-look jacket.
A jacket is such an easy way to transform an ordinary outfit into something which looks spectacular. If you like fuzzy outer-garments, you can buy old fur coats very easily on Ebay & faux fur is all over the place. Also, keep an eye out for tuxedo jackets (regardless of your sex) & vintage jackets with nipped-in waists. It is VERY important that these items fit. If they don’t, you risk looking like an Olsen twin on a bad day (without the cash).

Start wearing high heels!
Never owned any? Can’t walk in them to save your life? It’s a good time to start! There’s nothing sexier than an elongated leg & a little shimmy while you walk.

Focus on the details.
Start drawing on a beauty spot, wear red lipstick, take good care of & paint your nails (red or pink being most traditional), & think about your silhouette! A really simple but glamorous outfit could consist of a white tailored shirt, a black pencil skirt, stockings, heels & red lipstick. I know it sounds kind of boring, but you will look like a knock-out.

For men…
I think a crisp white shirt & tight black pants is a really good look. If you can get your hair into a pomp, you should — if not, grease it down. I also like big, fake black moustaches on men… but maybe that’s just me.

I’m thinking of going again, I really enjoyed myself. This time, though, I would do my damnedest NOT to feel underdressed! I would go all out — black pillbox hat (with net), black corset over shiny rubber-look black dress, wide fishnet stockings & spike heels. The more I think about it, the more appealing it sounds! & of course, if you haven’t been to a burlesque show & have the opportunity, I strongly encourage you to go!

Extra For Experts:
Art Of Seduction, an article from The Scotsman.
An interview with Dita Von Teese, from Factio Magazine.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iCiNG's Definition Of Chic

[ 13 April 2007, 11:00 ]

Yesterday, Kristen suggested that we all — as a community! — compile a list of what we think is chic. In her words, a “positive, fun, happy” list. I think it’s a brilliant idea, so here it is!

What makes somebody ‘chic’? We all have different ideas. It is too easy to rattle off a list of things which aren’t stylish & it doesn’t help anyone — so what about a person makes you sit up & take notice? What about a person makes you aspire to be like them?

My idea of a chic person is basically how I imagine the best people to be. I certainly don’t fit all these criteria, but I’m working on it. Here are my ideas. Please feel free to write as much as you like in the comments!

I think a chic person…

Has exemplary manners (or at least makes the effort)

Has enough clothing to feel properly attired at a business meeting, a club or a wedding

Is passionate about something — art, business, communication, philosophy etc.

Respects his- or herself & other people

Doesn’t betray confidence, aka can keep things private

Has excellent posture

Practises what my friend Kaia calls “right speech” — meaning, does their best to only say things which are constructive, helpful &/or positive

Looks after their nails (only since I stopped biting mine have I realised what a difference it makes it one’s presentation)

Can charm the pants off anyone, from other people’s parents to grumpy shop-keepers

Travels across the city for what she thinks are the best croissants, coffee or olives

Reads the Sunday newspapers

Is organised (stylishly, of course)

Only spends her time with people who make her feel good

Takes responsibility for himself

Glides instead of walking (it is an elegant way of moving, lithe, a sleek creature rather than a galumphing human)

Can cook, eats well & drinks a lot of water

Takes care of their possessions (shines their shoes, cleans their bathroom, hand-washes any delicate clothing, etc.)

Has distinct personal style, from clothing to hairstyle to handwriting

Lives life to full capacity every day

Has things that are what I call “signature” — personal elements that define them, which are distinctly individual. This can range from a way of walking to a tone of voice to a love for anything vintage

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Modern Manners

[ 12 April 2007, 11:57 ]

I love everything that’s old – old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wine.
— Oliver Goldsmith

A call for a return to manners, civility & poise!

I believe that the days of being petulant & stroppy must end! I am bored by girls who chew gum with their mouth open, frustrated by those who drag their feet while they walk, disappointed by boys who eat with their elbows on the table. I am turned off by lazy speaking, whether that means inelegant elocution or a vocabulary littered with cuss-words (of which I myself am guilty). It exasperates me that the international uniform for girls my age appears to be tracksuit pants & flip-flops. Nobody treasures their possessions anymore. People go out in scuffed shoes with a handbag full of rubbish. Nothing is deliberate or special. The world is full of slouching & belching, drunkenness & lechery, constant cellphone prattling & arguments in public.

It is hardly surprising when the role models for young girls these days leave the house with their c-section scars hanging out! The whole thing is crass & disgusting.

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.
— Fred Astaire

End the madness!

If you don’t know where to begin, here is my decorum diktat — short & sweet. The basic idea is that you think about how you are presenting yourself! Be polite & friendly — smile at people! Learn to take a compliment. Never air your personal grievances in public (it is so uncouth). Look after your appearance. Do your best to pronounce words clearly. Stand up straight, as if you’re proud of yourself (if you’re not, fake it until you make it). Do what you say you will — honour your commitments. Finally, & perhaps most importantly, try not to be that person who gets hideously trashed & makes a fool of themselves every weekend. You will never respect yourself, & neither will anyone else.

A man’s manners are a mirror in which he shows his portrait.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Extra For Experts:
A “modern manners” test from the BBC — how do you score?
Thoroughly modern manners — a nice overview of manners today!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Marriage -- The Final Frontier

[ 8 April 2007, 15:01 ]

If you were going to ask someone to marry you, how would you do it? If you already have, or someone has asked you, how did it happen? What are your thoughts on marriage in general?

My boyfriend asked me after we had been going out for about two weeks. We were in Melbourne on a holiday (yes, an international holiday after two weeks), walking around the city, thinking about moving here. We were having an amazing time & every night he would read to me from The Tao Of Pooh until I fell asleep. As we walked around, we found ourselves outside the registry office, & he asked me to marry him. At first I didn’t believe him. I was SO surprised, it blew my mind, but I was scared & I did the math (I was only 22, we have a big age gap & we’d only been going out for a couple of weeks), so I said no. He has since said that he’s asked once, he’s not going to ask again, so I guess it’s up to me if that’s a step I want to take!

I think marriage is kind of weird. That whole idea of binding yourself to somebody for life seems antiquated & impractical to me. I think I will probably be involved with various people throughout stages of my life. I feel like being married (as opposed to just living with someone or being together in general) adds this crazy layer of social conditioning to a relationship where it then becomes a big deal to break it off. You have to “get divorced”, which has a large amount of stigma for many people, especially if you’re young. The idea of being a 25-year-old divorcee is amusing for about three minutes. Then it’s something you have to live with. If you’re just living together, it’s easier — you just move out, there are no legalities or paperwork to get involved in (normally). I think that kind of thing is very limiting, it may prevent people from growing or changing because they can see where it might lead.

I do like the idea of stepping a relationship up a level though — so you’re not just someone’s girl- or boyfriend — but the idea of a “life partner” or a “civil union” leaves me cold. So I’m somewhere in the middle, muddling my way through, trying to decide what I think is right for me personally.

I remember when I was a kid I would go to my friend’s house & we would have “underwater tea-parties”. The idea was that you’d jump in the pool, sink to the bottom, cross your legs, pretend to drink tea from an invisible teacup & talk to one another. It came out mostly as “burble burble”, but I think asking someone underwater would be pretty awesome.

The idea of asking your lover something which is that important in a strange environment really appeals to me. On a hot air balloon ride, while playing midnight croquet or as you lie down together in a secret treehouse — I think that would be wonderful. I also love treasure hunts & adventures & secret hints & clues, so maybe making your own fortune cookie or writing it on the petals of a sunflower or something would be cool.

I love that scene in Sex & The City (sorry to people who don’t like it) when Aiden asked Carrie to marry him. She knew it was coming but he took her completely by surprise. He asked her to come out with him while he walked his dog, & in the middle of the street, he knelt down to do something to his dog’s collar & said, “Here, hold this” while she was looking away. She was expecting to be given the dog’s leash, but he placed the engagement ring box in her hand instead. It was so cute.

My parents’ story about getting married is really romantic. My mother saw a ring she liked. The end.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Paparazzi Photos

[ 8 April 2007, 13:02 ]

Now, before you go thinking that this is just a re-hash of an old article — Flattering Photographs — let me tell you that it’s not! Flattering Photographs is all about how to take a good photograph of yourself. The sort of thing that one requires for the multitude of social networking sites we all belong to these days. Myspace, Livejournal, Facebook, Consumating, Twitter, Last.fm… it just goes on & on & on, & you need a swell profile picture (or pictures) for all of them.

But what about those times when you’re at an event & a photographer approaches you, asking to take your photograph for x magazine? It is a time of panic for many of us. You can’t exactly grab the camera, hold it several centimetres above you & say, “Lemme show you how it’s done, bucko”. While this would probably give you points for audacity, it would leave a pretty unpleasant taste in most people’s mouths.

Of course, the secret reason for this article is that I had my photograph taken at the Curvy 2007 book launch & the pictures were fine, but I am annoyed at myself for not really nailing it. There are several things I would have done differently, & they’re included below.

Here’s how to make the most of a paparazzi moment.

Work out your best angle. Most photographers will take photos at eye-level, meaning you’re going to get a straight-on kind of shot. (If they try to take it from below, either tell them to take it higher up or not to bother — no one looks good from that angle.) Don’t just look straight at the camera. You’ll end up with a mugshot, & even Frank Sinatra couldn’t make that look good. This may mean a bit of bedroom practicing. How much do you need to twist your neck to make the most of those lovely cheekbones?

Lift your head slightly. Not too much, since it makes the photograph very “chinny”, if you know what I mean. There’s also the risk of a picture which looks more like “A Thorough Investigation Of Jane’s Nasal Cavity” than “Jane Brouhaha & friend”. The point of lifting your head is to elongate the neck & improve your posture. It also helps avoid the whole double-chin scenario.

Yes, posture. Stand up straight! Curved shoulders & a generally troll-like disposition are very unattractive. You should be standing up straight all the time, but I know it can be hard to remember, especially if it wasn’t drilled into you early. Imagine there is a string coming up from the top of your head which is attached to a cloud way up above your body. Then act accordingly.

Put down anything you’re holding. Take off bags, put down cellphones/drinks/chihuahuas, & if a coat is slung over your arm, give it to someone else to hold for the time being. The reason for this is that all these accoutrements are a distraction from what should be a glorious photograph of YOU! Not Skyy vodka or Nokia or Tinkerbell. The other thing to keep in mind is that when you looked in the mirror before leaving the house, you didn’t have any of this junk. It was just you in a daringly stylish outfit. You want to preserve that as an image if you can. Bags throw us off balance, make us lopsided, pull on necklines &, in a really bad photograph, add weird black unidentifiable blobs to our stomachs or chests.

Have a schtick. Seriously. My schtick used to be a shocked face a few years ago. When faced with a photographer on Thursday night, I went with my old schtick. Nice in theory, except my face has changed since then & now it makes me look like Skeletor, as you can see in the photograph above. Hot! Except not really. For this reason, I suggest coming up with something which works & then regularly CHECK that it still looks okay, before randomly terrifying photographers & guests alike.

If you don’t have a schtick, or you think the idea is lame… be off with you! No, not really. Aw, gimme a hug. If you don’t want to pull a face, just smile! I know it sounds simple, & it is. But it works. Of course, make sure you’re doing the right smile. Some people have gnarly teeth which make even the tenderest grin look painful, while sometimes the closed-lip smile conjures up images of a mouth full of cotton wool, or a nervous, frigid woman. (EVEN if you are a man!) So get your smile right in the mirror before hitting the red carpet.

Hold your arms slightly away from your body. This will make you look much smaller, believe me. Put your hands on your hips for best effect.

Be confident! Even if the photograph kind of sucks, at least if you’re smiling or look like you’re having a good time, you’ll be much happier with the end result.

Good luck to you!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Destructive Relationships

[ 4 April 2007, 15:57 ]

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

This whole subject is such a minefield. Nobody likes to be told that their bad relationship or their general unhappiness is their responsibility, but ultimately, the only way to fix things is to take the bull by the horns (as it were) & start making some changes.

Yesterday I talked to a friend about my In Bed With Your Parents article, about how your childhood experiences impact on your life today. She got very defensive & angry, which is sad because I wanted to help her. My intention in writing this is not to upset or offend anyone, but to (hopefully) help you. Also, I would like to add that I am not exempt from the whole situation. I have been in plenty of bad relationships in my time. So please take it in the manner in which it was intended! Okay, disclaimer aside…

Are you in an unhealthy relationship? You’ll probably know, deep down, if you are — but denial is a powerful thing. If you’re not sure, have a read through this list. The following are all signs that your relationship could be better:

You think that there is one special person who will make you happy. (Hint: no one can make you happy except yourself.)

Your friends — who normally have good judgment — dislike your partner a lot, & when they criticise him/her, you end up springing to their defense with weak excuses like, “Oh, but he’s normally not like that…”

You put up with your lover treating you badly, & feel like if you wait long enough/try hard enough/become a better person, this bad treatment will stop.

You’ve tried to leave before, but you can’t, or you feel unhappy with them but think you would be worse off alone.

The way you treat each other is atrocious but the sex is really good.

You never know what is going to happen next — & not in an exhilirating, romantic way, more in a stomach-churning, nauseated by fear kind of way.

You think that if you left them, they wouldn’t care.

You barely ever see your friends, family or anyone else. It’s natural to be in love & want to see your loved one all the time, but it’s not healthy to cut yourself off from the world. Your friends have complained about it, but you don’t care.

Everything else in your life is suffering — along with your social life, your health & career are also going down the tubes. Find it hard to concentrate at work because of your constant personal drama? Are you eating a lot more, or less, than usual? Do you get drunk to memory-loss as often as possible? Do you do anything other than spend time with person x?

Your partner scares you, intimidates you or is abusive physically, emotionally or sexually.

There is really no way to improve a relationship that is bad for you. People rarely change, regardless of how much we want them to. The only way they will change is if THEY want to, & even then, it is a long, hard road. There are probably ways to make it more tolerable in the short-term, if that’s what you want — is that really what you want? If so, start reading relationship books, though ultimately they will echo what I’ve written here.

If you want to break your bad patterns, have a think about how you would actually like your relationships to be. Do you want a girlfriend who can’t live without you — or is her clinginess & dependency on you going to feel suffocating? I personally think the make-up of a good relationship is something like: open, honest communication; respect; intimacy & fun. Communication is probably the most important part. If you are too scared to voice your opinion to your partner, or you’re afraid of how they’ll react, you have a problem. If you can’t communicate, believe me when I say it won’t last.

Imagine a healthy relationship in your mind. Think about how both parties would behave. Then make a list of those traits — for example, someone in a good relationship would expect to be treated well, & not accept any less, or have a partner who encouraged them to have their own social life. Write it down. Make it three pages long if you need to.

Now, I know that this sounds overly simplistic, but all you need to do now is pretend to be the person you’ve just written about. Seriously, that’s it. Walk how they would (probably tall & proud), dress the way they would, speak the way they would, & only interact with people who you think they would. If your friends think you’re acting weird, tell them what you’re doing. If they’re supportive of you, keep them around — if not, bin ‘em. Negativity is bullshit!

You will find by doing this for long enough that you will become this person. Sometimes the way you used to be will slip through, but don’t worry about it, just keep doing it. Fake it until you make it.

Other things you can do to avoid slipping back into bad relationship habits:
When you meet someone, don’t have sex too soon. You risk emotionally bonding yourself to someone who you may be completely incompatible with — which will put you right back where you started.
Try to see people AS THEY ARE, not as you want them to be.
Communicate. If someone says they’ll call & they don’t, challenge them on it. You deserve someone who does what they say they will.
Don’t give people second chances. You may need to be tougher than most people for a while, just to make sure you break the habit of being a doormat.
Listen to your gut. If you think someone might be cheating on you, or that things don’t feel right, get out. Don’t second-guess yourself.
Make sure your partner makes you feel good about yourself. Most people get into destructive relationships because of low self-esteem. The person you share a bed with should make you feel like the most amazing person in the world.
Instead of freaking out about the relationship, focus on yourself. “Remember you? What do YOU want?” For a lot of people (women, especially), their relationship becomes their hobby — they work at it & think about it obsessively. Think about yourself for a change.

Not sure how to get out of it? Don’t delay. It will become more difficult the longer you put it off. If you’re living together & know it’ll be you moving out, make arrangements with a friend to stay at their place. Then comes the hard part. Once you’ve made your decision, sit down your soon-to-be-ex & tell them you’re leaving. Explain why. You do not need their permission to leave, you do not need to justify your reasoning. Try not to get into all that ugly “I don’t love you anymore” stuff. Then make your escape.

If you want more information, I definitely recommend Hot Relationships by Tracey Cox. It is really a very good book. Another great book which I love is The Guide To Getting It On by Paul Joannides. (It’s huge but it’s so good that I want to buy every new edition that comes out. It covers pretty much every aspect of sex & relationships that you could possibly think of.)

Reading this article is not going to change your situation. It might make you more aware of what’s going on, but I know by now that people will do what they want to, regardless of what you tell them. If you really want to change your relationship patterns & get happier, you need to take action. Take responsibility for your life! If you’re miserable, you need to do something about it! You are in charge, even if you think you’re not. Take care of yourself.

Extra for Experts:
Negative People — how to get them out of your life.
I’m So Jealous! — tips for improving your self-esteem.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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In Bed With Your Parents

[ 3 April 2007, 11:33 ]

I was reading a book last night (Hot Relationships by Tracey Cox, if you must know!) & came across something really interesting. She had a whole chapter on what to do if you commonly fall into bad relationships. I have always known that these things tend to stem from a lack of self-esteem, but that was about the extent of my knowledge.

What she wrote really surprised me. At first I thought it was too clean a theory to actually have any basis in real life, but then I thought about the people I know & have been involved with, & I realised she was right.

Here’s a summary. (Unfortunately it is written with a heterosexual bias, so I don’t know how it applies to lesbian or gay relationships. Any ideas?)

Regardless of what you thought about the kind of relationship your parents had, you will subconsciously search to replicate it — or, if you’ve made a conscious decision that you don’t want to be like that, you’ll be looking for the complete opposite.

For women: Your father is the blueprint of all future men you’ll meet, meaning you will expect all men you come across to be similar to your father. It generally takes a while to realise that this isn’t necessarily the case. My father is successful & determined & hard-working & very loving — & so, to me, those are examples of “ultimate manhood”. If men don’t have those qualities, they don’t float my boat. If, however, your father is an alcoholic who let the family down, you will automatically expect the same of all men. Also, often what feels most natural to you in a relationship is an imitation of the way you used to be with your father — so if he was slightly dominating but loving, you’ll be drawn to that kind of man. If your father was always distant, you might find yourself replicating that over & over again with other men. Also, if your father was really good-looking, you’ll tend to go for really hot men, while if your dad wasn’t such a stunner, you’re more likely to be interested someone for their personality.

“If you had a doting father, you’re likely to reject men who don’t adore you. If your father wasn’t the hugging, affectionate kind, the message you got was: I’m not sexually attractive.”

For men: As above, it’s likely you’ll seek out the type of relationship you had with your mother. If your mother was a traditional, stay-at-home mother who doted on husband & kids alike, you may be on the search for a similarly old-fashioned gal who wants to take care of you. But if you think your mother could have done more with her life, you might really want a woman with a corporate job & a ballsy attitude. You’ll also learn from your father how to treat women — whether to bring flowers, for example, & how far it’ll get you if you do.

In terms of practical application, one helpful thing to do is think about your parents’ relationship. If you want the same kind of relationship they had, then that’s easy, you’re already going to automatically head in that direction. If you DON’T, you need to make a list of the things you didn’t like about it & keep it on hand. You will tend to subconsciously try to mimic what your parents had, because that’s familiar & comfortable to you. If you’re in a stable relationship with someone, you might want to show them your list. That way you can both keep an eye out to make sure what you have doesn’t devolve into your parents’ relationship.

Did either one of your parents have an affair? If, as a girl, your dad had an affair, you will have learnt not to trust men like him. If, as a girl, your mother was the one humping her way around the neighbourhood (for example), you might find yourself more prone to cheating than most other girls you know. If you’re a guy, your father cheating on your mother has sent a strong message — that this is how men treat women. Think about how that fits in with your personal ethics. You may need to actively fight against strong natural instincts to cheat.

Of course, just because your parents are huge influences, you need to let go of any blame or anger towards them for “making you this way”. They also had role-models which have affected them, & anger isn’t going to get you anywhere. Try to see their positive attributes. Your mother may have been a tyrant, but at least you learnt not to take any shit. See what I’m getting at?

Tomorrow I’m going to write a guide to getting out of a destructive relationship. Stay tuned!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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International Dress-Up Day #002 Pictures!

[ 18 March 2007, 11:05 ]

Fred Chook dressed as Dr John H. Watson!

“It was a quiet day in the spring of 1899 when the singular Case of the International Day of Dressing Up was presented before my good friend and colleague, Mr Sherlock Holmes. This case was remarkable in that Holmes was able to solve it without ever leaving his seat in our front room, barring a short visit to the lavatory. I also like to think that, in a small way, my own powers of psychology and human understanding, as well as my grip on the fire poker, contributed to retaining the honour of a young lady and ridding London of one of its most dangerous criminals…”

smokeandwine said…

“I love the idea of International Dress Up Day and decided at last minute that I needed to participate even though I had thought for a long time on what I wanted to dress up and finally went back and decided to be my favourite movie character of all time – Garth from Wayne’s World =D”

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Deal With The End Of A Relationship

[ 15 March 2007, 16:21 ]

People deal with the end of relationships in various ways. Some people go the healthy route (lots of therapy, good food, exercise & meditation, for example) & some go the unhealthy way (say, lots of alcohol, sex with anyone who pays them a compliment, drugs to create artificial joy & an annoying facial tic).

However you deal with it, the point is that it drives everyone a little mad. It is a harrowing time. It’s scary & heart-wrenching & makes you angry & gives you butterflies & aAAAaaAaAaAarrRrRrggGgGGGhhhhhhhHHHHh!

If you have recently given your lover the flick, or been the flickee, you need to allow yourself time to deal with it. I know this is boring, but really you need to go easy on yourself. Get a calendar. Work out the day you broke up on — say March 15. Page forward three months, to June. On the day of June 15th, write, “get over it”. You now have three months worth of absolute wallowing. You may not need them, or even want them — but you have just given yourself permission to deal with the fall-out, toxic or otherwise.

The biggest break-up of my life was compounded by a transference of emotion which went awry. Terrible. I’d left my boyfriend & totally ruined things with someone else. I was living alone, miles from my friends & family. I was incredibly lonely a lot of the time. I was working my ass off in a job which was kind of fun but paid badly & one of my staff was insane & malicious, with the ability to destroy your day with a simple comment. It was a bad time. Believe me.

How did I get through it? I listened to a lot of Fiona Apple, I smoked a lot of cigarettes (), I sat in bed every night with a bottle of Johnnie Walker & wrote stories, I went for long walks & cried myself to sleep, I considered moving home to live with my parents. Obviously, I was in a pretty bad emotional state, it was a very ugly time. Please don’t follow my example, it is a terrible one.

Instead, try the following:

Seriously, go easy on yourself
Just do what you want. Use this newfound freedom to actually do things you enjoy. Like watching every single teenage cheerleading movie you love, or listening to really loud apocalyptic folk music. Sleep when you want to, eat in bed, do whatever feels right.

Spend time with your friends
If you, like so many other people, have slightly abandoned your friends in favour of your lover (a terrible sin), you need to make it up to them. Take them out for coffee, a meal, go to the park, go shopping, talk a lot. Apologise. If you didn’t abandon them, do the same things, but less apologising. Your friends will be your best weapon at this time, so make good use of them & be as kind to them as you can be.

If you don’t have a lot of friends, make an effort to be social & get out of the house. During my break-up, I enrolled for a creative writing course at the University near my house. We met up once a week on a Tuesday night & would workshop everything the other people had written. It was really good for me & definitely helped boost my confidence (I was the youngest person in the class & they absolutely heaped praise on me). It also made me feel like I was good at something, rather than feeling like a big Love Trainwreck. You might want to try something similar, friends or no.

Try not to talk about Mickey/Griselda too much
I know a little ex-obsession is normal, but after a while you will begin to sound like a broken record & your friends will be sitting on their hands, trying not to maim you. After the break-up, allow yourself two weeks maximum to talk about your ex, then go cold turkey. No more! It’s not helping you, & you’re annoying everyone else. If you must think about it, get a notebook & start writing. I have filled up several notebooks this way. (I might as well just write the person’s name on the front of the book so I know who it’s about.) When I was obsessing over one particular person (ahem), I used to write about him on the bus on the way to work, on all my lunchbreaks, on the way home, & after dinner. It is crazy, I can’t believe I had so many thoughts.

Find some kind of outlet
Do something to keep your mind occupied. If you’re naturally artistic, then you should go for that — paint or write or make music to your heart’s content. It is incredibly therapeutic. If you’re not very artistic, indulge yourself in sports, languages, books, record collecting, shopping, baking, angry cross-stitch, buying an entire house worth of furniture, etc. Do whatever feels right to you.

Look after your body
If most of the year you are a complete slob like the rest of us, this is one time when you should really look after yourself. Eat as well as you can — don’t just resort to Burger King every night. Try & eat lots of vegetables & grains, drink plenty of water (especially if your beautiful eyes insist on spilling so much of it), sleep as much as you feel you need to & get a bit of exercise. You don’t have to go & make a mess of yourself in a gym somewhere, just go for a good walk every so often or ride your bike to the sea or something.

Again, after my last break-up, I would walk to & from work (it was about 45 minutes in each direction). I would take my camera with me & listen to my mp3 player & think. It was a really great experience & use of my time, even though I was miserable. I actually sometimes miss that walk.

Don’t do the “friends” thing
If your ex wants to stay friends, say no. If you want to be their friend, hold yourself back. TRUST ME when I say that it NEVER WORKS. It might work for a few months, but then the poop will hit the fan & you do not want to be around for it. Seriously. If you are meant to be friends, it will happen again once you’ve both dealt with the demise of the relationship, but don’t force it. Especially while one or both of you are angry/grieving/scared/lonely/on the prowl. You don’t want to hear about their new lover, right? Ouch. Delete their phone number & email address, it will be good for you.

Don’t sleep with them again!
I know, it’s very easy to do. But just don’t. It only complicates things further.

Don’t get back together without a lot of consideration
The same problems you used to have are probably still there. Why would it be any better this time?

Be good to yourself again
Go to the movies & eat a jumbo box of popcorn, get a massage, have a manicure, clean the house (it will make you feel great), buy a good pair of shoes. Scream if you want to. Punch pillows if you’re really angry (I never found that very satisfying but for some people it works a treat).

Don’t jump into another relationship or sleep with anyone
No matter how perfect they seem! You’re not ready & won’t be for at least six months. It will end in a terrible mess, & it won’t take long for your new lover to realise they are a rebound. I think everyone has done this at least once before, but let’s learn from our mistakes & not do it again, huh? If you haven’t done this, please avoid it at all costs.

Read uplifting books & watch movies which make you happy
Here are some suggestions if you don’t know where to start — they run the gamut from funny to insightful to bizarre & inspiring.

Dangerous Angels by Francesca Lia Block. Fear Of Flying by Erica Jong. What’s Not To Love? by Jonathan Ames. The Unbearable Lightness Of Being by Milan Kundera. The Princess Bride by William Goldman. T.A.Z. by Hakim Bey (available online). Kafka On The Shore by Haruki Murakami. Pronoia Is The Antidote For Paranoia by Rob Brezsny. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott. Anything by John Steinbeck, Henry Miller, Anais Nin, Roald Dahl, Franz Kafka or Charles Bukowski.

(My movie taste is questionable at best — I watch New York Minute often. Yes, the movie featuring Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen. I love it & I am not ashamed! So it’s best for you to take recommendations from elsewhere on that subject.)

Really, in winter, there is nothing better than going home with a huge stack of books from the library on bizarre subjects. Yesterday at the library I saw, “A Complete Illustrated History of Cannibalism” (or something) which is about the best thing I can think of.

Think about yourself
What do you want for yourself? What do you want to do in the future? Did your boyfriend hate Europe which prevented you from travelling there? Well guess what baby, you can do it now! Take time to work out who you are again. Sometimes in a relationship it is hard to know where the couple ends & you begin. I have changed so much since my relationship, & completely for the better.

I guess it has been about a year since my last relationship really ended, & in that time I have: travelled to four countries, moved internationally, started my own business, gone camping in a desert full of crazy people (also called Burning Man), gotten another tattoo, dyed my hair pink, removed all my piercings, started wearing COLOUR & embracing it, shaken off depression & an eating disorder, stopped biting my nails, & met someone who totally rocks my world. (Lots of other stuff too, like I had my first chocolate & peanut butter milkshake, oh my god, so good!, but they’re not major things.)

Life goes on, really, & it is amazing regardless of whether you have a lover or not.

Being single is fantastic. It can be lonely sometimes, but you will grow to enjoy your own company & really embrace life again soon, I promise. Everybody gets through it, even though I know right now it might seem like the most devastatingly hideous thing ever.

Please be good to yourself. iCiNG is an amazing fledgling community & there are definitely people here who would happily listen to you vent, including me. I love all my readers very much & if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. Okay?! Don’t forget!

Lots of kisses, let me know how you’re getting on & if there’s anything I can do to help you. Chin up, cutie!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Quality and Conformity

[ 7 March 2007, 13:27 ]

I’ve been thinking a lot about the proliferation of expensive items of clothing which are available for purchase. I know that they’ve always been around, but it seems that now more than ever, people are being encouraged to spend up BIG on clothing. It used to be that a few hundred dollars for a dress was extravagant — now it seems that people will spend close to $1000 on shoes without blinking an eye, & it’s not an isolated incident. These same women also have several thousand dollar bags sitting in their closet.

There are a few possible reasons for this. I think one of them is that with the internet, we can get realtime photographs of the latest celebrity at Starbucks, we can see what they’re wearing, & think, “I can get that too!”. It’s a modern version of “keeping up with the Joneses”, except it’s “keeping up with the Olsens”. We are taught, as a consuming culture, that we should have the best of everything, & damn the cost.

With credit card debt at an all-time high, it’s not the most difficult jump to make. People aren’t being valued more highly these days — it is just getting easier & easier to spend beyond your means. It is basic conformity: you see other people doing something & you want to do it too.

I saw a girl on Livejournal the other day asking which Louis Vuitton bag she should get. She said, “I really like this bag, but I like this one too, a lot of girls in my area have it though so which one should I go for?” I replied saying that I thought LV was ugly & a waste of money. I was surprised by how many people agreed with me, but come on! If a Louis Vuitton bag wasn’t such a status symbol, they would barely sell — they are brown with a hideous design. Another thing about owning a bag like that is that they look exactly like a good fake. This has devalued them incredibly, at least to the average person on the street.

Some things are worth what they charge. Hermès, for example, silk-screen their scarves by hand, & their bags are made by hand, one at a time. The money you pay is certainly worth it for this level of craftmanship & exquisite quality. The thing is, Hermès is exceptional & an exemplary company.

I can certainly appreciate the thrill of owning a good bag — but why not own a good bag which REALLY turns you on, rather than just a bag which every celebrity has? I mean, who are you trying to impress?

The other problem is that people are immediately associating quality with super-high cost. They think that if they want pants that flatter them, they need to spend over $500; they think that if they buy a bag which costs less than $1000, it will fall apart or look cheap. This is absolute nonsense! There is obviously a deficit of education in this area. The cheap crap & the expensive couture are not your only choices!

I have always spent quite a lot of money on clothing, but I rarely buy labels. The idea of owning something which everyone else has in their closet just screams “tragedy” to me. My point is, you don’t have to spend the equivalent of a house down-payment to look good, but you also don’t have to shop the bargain bins if you don’t want to!

My mother has always been immaculately dressed & it is because of her I realised that if you buy quality items, they will last a long time & look good for the entire length of their life. I have piles of clothing & I very rarely get rid of anything — the only major mistakes I have made are when I side-stepped my own “buy quality” rule. I have bought dozens of cheap t-shirts which soon lost their shape (& that was my fault & I have learnt from it, my god!).

I have been struggling with this whole thing as a concept recently, because for all my criticism of Louis Vuitton (et al), sometimes I see things that I really like which happen to be designer & very expensive.

My conclusions:

Buy whatever you like, as long as it makes you happy.
If you see a Marc Jacobs bag that you adore, then you should own it (especially if you can’t stop thinking about it days later, this is usually my test as to whether I actually want to buy something or just feel like spending money). The label shouldn’t be a consideration: you shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting Chanel but you shouldn’t feel like a loser for buying something without a label.

Impress yourself & do your best not to care about what other people think.
Who cares about a label? Seriously. It is solely the domain of the exceptionally shallow & clueless. Don’t buy into that crap. You will feel far better if your bag is bright turquoise & matches everything than if you have a little Miu Miu purse which doesn’t fit over your shoulder.

Buy quality.
Or else you will spend even more replacing everything you own every few months.

Don’t spend beyond your means.
If what you want is expensive, save your money, then buy it. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can afford something just because your credit card company is willing to lend you the money & because it hurts your ego to have to wait another week for something. You Will Pay Big, believe me!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What Does Your Clothing Say About You?

[ 28 February 2007, 22:38 ]

Have you ever thought about what message your clothing is projecting & what it says about you? What story do you think your outfit today told the world?

No, no. Don’t keep reading. Pause for a second & think about it. When you leave the house in the morning (or the evening), what are you & your outfit trying to say?

Really, it’s worth considering. How many times have you walked down the street & made a huge judgement call on someone else, PURELY based on what they’re wearing? (I know. It is awful, but it happens.) Do you dress for yourself or for other people? Are you trying to fit in with your friends, or impress the opposite sex for your own ultimate gain?

I was on my way to buy sushi on Friday night when I passed a girl wearing an extremely short dress with her boobs hanging out. She wasn’t unattractive, but seriously, I barely noticed her face. It was all about the boobs. What was she thinking before she left her bedroom? I am trying to be as non-judgmental here as is humanly possible, & maybe I am completely wrong, but I don’t think she was going to a rotary meeting. She looked like she was out to snag a mans (sic). I’m not talking about a first date at a little restaurant & flowers, I’m talking about nightclubs, bumping & grinding, & waking up in the morning feeling like a troll. (I think that “if you’ve got it, flaunt it” can be taken the wrong way sometimes.)

I have to tell you that this is hard to write without it sounding like I am judging casual sex — which I’m not. Maybe it wasn’t a good example. I also feel bad for really skinny girls who wear tracksuit pants so no one will notice.

People are free to do as they choose — all I think is that you should value yourself & your clothing should reflect that.

I like short skirts as much as the next girl, but I think there is a point where you stop dressing for yourself & start dressing for the benefit of others, & that’s when we start to have problems.

What you’re wearing & how you’re wearing it says so much about you — how you feel, which parts of your body you like & dislike, how confident & comfortable you are, & where you think you fit into the world. It is so interesting to think about all these things when you’re people-watching, but it is best applied to yourself: before you leave the house, before you buy a new dress or before you buy another pair of Converse to replace your last pair.

Are you a “scene” kid, secure in your goth, metal, emo or hip hop uniform, happy to fit in? Do you walk around clutching a Louis Vuitton bag in front of you, & if so, what does that say about you? Are you concealing nipple piercings behind your conservative blouse in a secret act of rebellion? Are you going for a European look, & does that mean you’re ashamed of your heritage? Are you dressed to resemble the latest celebrity-du-jour — & does that mean you’re completely devoid of your own style?

Ultimately, only you know what’s going on in your own life, & only you hold the secret decoder ring to your own outfit. But you don’t need to buy into all that scene crap, you don’t need to follow trends & you don’t need to impress anyone else. If you feel good it will mean more than any compliment a stranger could pay you.

Dress as if you are celebrating yourself in a room full of sleeping people.

Just do whatever it takes to make you happy. Your external appearance is yours & yours alone — yours to do whatever you please with. Clothing can transform you into anyone you want to be, which is something that I think International Dress-Up Day helps with. It reminds us that we can do whatever we please, that we can dress like our idols if that’s going to help us become more like the people we admire, or the person we imagine ourselves being. There is a whole secret language in the fabric we cover (or uncover) ourselves with, a secret language that bellows down the street in all directions.

“If you aren’t enjoying your clothes, then you really are missing the point.” Betty Halbreich.

Where is the real value in dressing for other people, anyway? Why not try impressing yourself? If you still really want the external validation, don’t worry — when your clothing is truly flattering & you are obviously happy in it, people will notice — but the point is that you will look good without having to devalue yourself or buy into anyone else’s ridiculous agenda.

If you can manage to untangle yourself from that huge part of society which says we must be liked, admired & fit in at all costs, you will start to realise & develop your own true style — the perfect gift to yourself, which no one can ever take away.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Novelty T-Shirts

[ 26 February 2007, 10:45 ]

This is a terrible craze which affects boys & girls similarly.

You know the ones I’m talking about surely — “Your Village Called, They Want Their Idiot Back!!!”, “That’s Queen Bitch To You”, “I’m Going Nucking Futs!”, “Drama Queen”.

Phew! Giggles a-plenty! Actually… no. These shirts have a magical power which automatically lowers the IQ of the wearer by at least 40 points.

Please, if you own one of these t-shirts, or your beloved has one hanging in the wardrobe — do your city a favour & dispose of it. Quickly, quietly & with minimum fuss. (We suggest a roaring fire.)

Thank you.

This has been an iCiNG Public Service Announcement.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Style Report: Melbourne 02/07

[ 25 February 2007, 13:17 ]

Girls:

If under the age of 20, a big, black, back-combed nest with a huge combover fringe is de rigeur. Couple this with super-tight black jeans, graphic-print t-shirt in red or pink, & Converse. There is also a lot of jewellery featuring skulls, roses, bows & “antique”-looking keys which actually aren’t & cost $20. Big, round sunglasses are a must.

If over the age of 20, girls either go for dude-I’m-too-indie-for-you or a super-girly kind of ensemble.

The dude-I’m-too-indie-for-you look entails a pair of 80’s-inspired sunglasses, big hair, a top tucked into anything high-waisted (skirt or trousers), & high heels which don’t match anything else. It’s kind of androgynous & definitely different, but I wouldn’t call it stylish & it’s almost like dressing by numbers. Once you’ve seen it a bit, you could put something like it together easily. (Please see here for examples & evidence. That blog makes it look as if Melbourne exists in a graffiti’d alleyway, & it pretty much does.)

The super-girly look requires what we in the business call a “party frock”, meaning something dull & nu-floral (I just invented that but it works & you know what I mean, right?) cinched in with a vintage (or vintage-looking) belt around the waist. You must have long hair, ballet flats, a big tub of bronzer & very sparkly teeth to pull this off.

Boys:

If under the age of 20, please see above. There is less jewellery on the boys but certainly a lot of lip piercings & eyeliner.

If over the age of 20, there is some sort of “ironic kool” movement going on. Tight pants with naff sunglasses are popular, as are floppy overgrown hairstyles. Boys here wear quite good shoes which they like to shine a lot. Over all, Melbourne people are quite experimental & so it is rather exciting to see boys wearing waistcoats & hats, though at the moment it is pretty much too hot to do that. Tight, tailored suit jackets are acceptable night-time wear as well as skinny ties.

Notes:
I always thought Wellington, New Zealand was the emo capital. At least, until I moved to Melbourne. The amount of emo kids in this city absolutely blows my mind.
People here are very keen on getting tattoos on the underside of the top of their arm, near the armpit. Maybe it’s a badge of triumph, since I must tell you that getting tattooed there is quite painful.
Pointy shoes & leggings are very big here.

What’s going on style-wise where you live?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Cleaning Out Your Wardrobe

[ 23 February 2007, 13:14 ]

The other day, I cleaned out my wardrobe. It didn’t take me long, since I already basically knew what had to go. When I was packing up my clothes to move to Australia, I was really dismayed by the amount of rubbish I’d collected… but packed it anyway, thinking that if I didn’t, I’d end up with nothing to wear.

Silly me. Obviously, at the time, I was pretty distressed (packing up my old life was hard), & I forgot about the fact that if there were items I didn’t wear at the time, I probably wouldn’t wear them in another country either. &, of course, I haven’t. They’ve been sitting in my chest of drawers, huge mounds of material, making it impossible to find the things I actually want to wear. Taking up space.

I can’t tell you how much better I feel to have done a clean-out. I’m a Virgo, & organisation totally thrills me, but I doubt the joy of the exercise is only felt by 1/12th of the population. Ideally, you should go through your wardrobe at least once a year. My mother does it twice a year — she has two closets (one in the bedroom, one in a spare room), one for autumn/winter & another for spring/summer. Twice a year she goes through, donates the old stuff to charity & switches them from room to room. Luxury. I hope to live a similar lifestyle!

The point is that while you may feel like your choices have lessened & you will look worse because of it, the opposite is true. After cleaning everything out, you are only left with the things you TRULY like; the things that actually fit, flatter you, suit you, look good. It means your outfits will consist solely of items that work. Initially, you may require a bit of experimentation (your jeans, which you love, now lack 3 average t-shirts that used to go with it), but you will find that once you change things around, you’ll have really great ensembles (your jeans can be worn with that perfect shirt!).

I have a huge bag of things to get rid of, & I have learnt a lesson from each one of them.

Lesson: Just because your friend is giving things away, you don’t need to take them.
Item: Punk style red tartan 3/4 straight-leg pants.
I don’t know what I was thinking. I barely wear red, I look awful in straight-legged pants, & they are just NOT my style. I thought I could make them work with combat boots, but they didn’t go with anything else in my wardrobe & looked awful on me. I felt bad for not wearing something that someone I adore gave me — so they just gotta go.

Lesson: Don’t buy things that come with a warning.
Item: Mint green fine-knit jersey from Ricochet.
I bought this item when I was first moving into wearing colour. I was obsessed with teal & all types of green, & when I went into Ricochet & saw this item on sale for $50, I whooped internally. When I looked at it, I noticed it had a huge tag attached to it which said something along the lines of, “BEWARE. THIS ITEM IS VERY DELICATE. DO NOT WEAR WITH JEWELLERY AS IT WILL SNAG EASILY.” I thought, oh pish posh, I can work with that. Well, it turns out… I’m not a very delicate person. I wear jewellery, I lean against walls, I hug people wearing strange, pointy outfits. The top was ruined within about a week. I kept it, because it’s so soft & lovely, but it looks like crap. Traumatic!

Lesson: Cheap does not necessarily mean good.
Item: The thousands of singlets in every colour of the rainbow.
Sure, the price is alluring. 2 for $20! Hell, I’ll have 4. But trust me, you will PAY for your scrooge tendencies. Man, am I paying. Cheap clothing is just that — cheap. It was made by a one-armed blind child in backwater nowhere for a pittance, & it looks like it. Or at least it will after a couple of washes. I promise. These plain tops are so good underneath cardigans, dresses, pretty much everything — but it’s really worth investing in good quality ones. That way you will be able to wear them next month, & even next year. Most of the inexpensive ones last about a month before stretching, fading & looking sad.

Lesson: Know when it’s time to move on.
Item: Short black with silver pinstripes ra-ra skirt from TopShop.
I loved it when I bought it. It went perfectly with the I’m-a-demented-circus-performer look I was curating at the time. It’s still cute to this very day… but it’s just not me anymore. Kiss it goodbye.

Lesson: Be careful when you buy things on Ebay.
Item: Pink & red striped knit sweater.
Points to remember: Always buy your size & for god’s sake, make sure the measurements match up. Don’t bid on it just because it’s cheap. Don’t buy it just because you are desperate to spend some money & it’s the one decent item your favourite seller has listed this week. Don’t buy it thinking that you will ‘make it work somehow’ — the truth is, you probably won’t. Think about what else you have first, & remember that clothing doesn’t change who you are!

It is so easy to make mistakes when shopping for clothing. As boring as it sounds, if you’re not sure, leave the item in the shop & think about it. Put it on hold if you’re worried someone else will buy it in your absence. If you’re still thinking about it days later, you know you really love it & you’re not just dying to spend some cash.

There are also plenty of good charities who could really use your clothing for people in need. Consider it the act of a good samaritan, as well as a smart dresser.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Engineer's Boots

[ 20 February 2007, 11:21 ]

I recently received this email from my adorable, but lazy friend:

“Dear Gala,

I have a fashion research question: I will prefix it with the note that I am too lazy to do the hard web-yards myself, and also I figured I would prefer to be told authoritively by you, THE style doyenne.

Where can I buy the best men’s engineers boots (sometimes known as biker boots, but I want round toe, non-harness straps: single strap only, flat-ish vibram soles). I would ideally like to know who is the old school company who make these… I want great design and manufacturers integrity, with mail-order-ability from the colonies.

Black of course. & yep, below the knee.

Yours, Mr. Custard.”

Thankfully, Mr. Custard is dear to my heart, so I didn’t mind doing this. Though I must say that my internet sleuthing prowess is certainly not my strongest attribute. I have had another lovely person ask me recently where to buy a particular item from, but really, I wouldn’t even know where to BEGIN looking.

So, back to the boots!

From what I can see, The Frye Company claims to be the oldest continuously-operated shoe company in the United States. They sell a variety of engineer’s boots which can be seen here. They’re also sold on Zappos & the user comments below the picture are quite inspiring, though they don’t ship outside the United States.

If you want a slightly different look, you could try the Chippewa engineer’s boot. They come up much higher & are less expensive than the Frye.

I like the length of the Chippewa, but if you want old-school, I say go for the Frye. I wasn’t able to find anywhere online that expressly delivered to New Zealand but it is a tough thing to search for. Try getting an American friend to order them & then send them on for you, search for stockists in NZ or buy them on Ebay — there are a lot of pairs for sale there.

Hope this helps.

P.S. I miss you!
P.P.S. Reader Raindog71 suggested checking out Dayton Boots — they look fantastic!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Learning How To Dress Up

[ 19 February 2007, 18:55 ]

“I’m completely sick of dressing down and jeans and such. I want to start wearing skirts and dresses and dress pants. I’d like to stick to black and red and white if possible. Any suggestions on where to start with completely re-vamping my wardrobe?”

Yes! This can be broken down pretty simply into a few steps:

Take stock of what you have
Go through your wardrobe & separate it into a few piles: Keep, Maybe & No. The first & last categories are fairly self-explanatory, but the middle pile (“Maybe”) needs a bit more thought. Try things on, see how they fit you & consider what else they go with. Get rid of the things you never want to wear again. You may find that the only way you stop wearing plain t-shirts is to donate them to charity.

Think about what you’d like to wear
You’ve said black, red & white are very appealing to you. I must suggest that you look at Miss Nubby Twiglet’s wardrobe photographs. She is the queen of all things red, white & black, & she wears a lot of those colours, but you will notice that she doesn’t stick solely to those options. She also occasionally delves into blue, green & gray. It is possible to make strong colour statements without limiting yourself, so maybe that is something to keep in mind.

Further to the above, think about specific items you can imagine wearing
If you’re trying to stay away from jeans, maybe wearing skirts & dresses will be a major part of your new direction. Work out where you’ll draw the line — would you wear a miniskirt or can you only imagine yourself in something long? Would you like to incorporate vintage into your wardrobe or are you happier in new things? Think about this a lot & put whatever you come up with on paper.

Go shopping for core pieces
Always dress to flatter your body shape & colouring! Look closely at how the clothing makes your body look. If you look lumpy, short or rotund, don’t buy it. You might want to take someone shopping with you — someone with good taste & who has the ability to tell you “no”. I always find that going shopping with my mother is an enlightening experience, she picks things off the rack that I would never have even considered — & they often look fantastic.

When I say core pieces, here these might include a coat, a good pair of trousers (since you said you wanted to wear dress pants more often), some skirts & dresses. Depending on whether you want to stick to black/white/red or branch out a little bit further, I would suggest going for a black coat. You could even go for a coat with a little bit of a pattern or something, but a red coat might be too much first thing in the morning & if you ever want to wear green, your red coat will make you look like a Christmas tree. You see what I mean?

In terms of dresses, I would go for a few different styles but hopefully dresses that can be worn in multiple ways — with a t-shirt underneath, with a sweater on top, over pants or bare-legged, etc.

Accessories
I love accessory shopping. Go crazy for these things since they enable you to wear the same outfit but look completely different simply by wearing good accessories. Buy hats, scarves, stockings, leggings, legwarmers, socks, hair accessories, necklaces, jewellery, headscarves, bags & shoes. (Glorious shoes!)

A note
Using a small colour palette can be tricky sometimes. It is quite rare to find a whole lot of things in the same shade of red, for example, so if you want to wear more than one red piece at a time it might be a bit of a trial.

Bonne chance ma petite!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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International Dress-Up Day This Saturday!

[ 16 February 2007, 10:26 ]

Hello kittens & other assorted small animals!

Just thought I would remind you that the first INTERNATIONAL DRESS-UP DAY is THIS SATURDAY!

The theme is: dress up as your favourite song!

My favourite song at the moment is “My Love” by Justin Timberlake (haha I am such a dork) but dressing as Cameron Diaz, or whoever his new love interest is, seems like a bit of a stretch.

One of my favourite songs of all time, however, is “Pour Me Another” by Atmosphere. If you haven’t heard it, you should. Basically the song is about getting over an unhealthy relationship. I’m going to use the following lyrics from the song as inspirational fodder:

Spill a little bit of blood on the streets for love.

Heal those cuts or hide ‘em underneath the polish, break another promise & take me as a hostage, hold your job down and let the zombies crowd around…

I can count the days ‘til you come back, or I can follow them sunrays down to the traintracks, I can stumble drunk over hope & love, or I could keep drinking until I sober up.

I’m going to dress like a love casualty. It ties in nicely with the Valentine’s Day thing, too. Lots of red, pink, ripped stockings, a super-pale face, red lipstick & bruises. Wish my friend Timmy Lee was here in Melbourne, he does the best fake bruises ever! I hope I don’t scare anyone at the Chinese New Year festivities too much!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Last Minute Valentine's Day Idea

[ 13 February 2007, 18:05 ]

If none of these ideas appeal to you, here’s a tip:

Tomorrow is the birthday of George Washington Gale Ferris Jr., who invented the Ferris Wheel! If you want to do something fun & celebratory but which doesn’t involve hearts, lace & general goobiness, take your beloved (or whoever) for a spin on a ferris wheel! If you’re not sure if there’s one near you, Wikipedia has an international listing of amusement parks.

Happy smoochin’!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Buy A Winter Coat

[ 13 February 2007, 14:23 ]

One of the most interesting things about the recent fashion week in New York is the fact that many designers (including Erin Fetherston & Zac Posen) profiled what they called “seasonless” collections, meaning that the garments in question could be worn in hot or cold weather with simple additions or subtractions. It’s another exciting thing about that supposed “space age” we’re moving into — great technology is now being utilised to make amazing fabrics which are more breathable, adaptable & versatile than ever before.

It’s quite funny to me really, since on my index card entitled “iCiNG” which has my article ideas, I have had “global warming/seasons?” written for at least a month. I have been wondering whether global warming would start to affect fashion, & if so, when? I got my answer.

So while people in the Northern Hemisphere are shivering in their slow-developing winter, those of us in the Southern Hemisphere are sweating it out in the heat, & pondering whether we’ll ever get to layer up again. Apparently cold weather is a good two months away for Australia, but I am already winter shopping in my mind.

As winter approaches, we are once again faced with that perennial question: What coat should I buy? Should I go for trendy or classic? What fabric is best? How much can I afford to spend? Never fear my lovelies, for I am here to quell your woes.

Planning out your coat for the next few months is as easy as answering 4 questions, absorbing the information below, & going out hunting with these things in mind.

What’s the weather going to be like?
Does your city rain & snow, or does it just get cold? Is it incredibly windy? Will it be a bit nippy or it will regularly plummet below zero? Working out the answer to this should be relatively easy. My point is that you will require a different sort of coat depending on how drastic the weather gets. If it snows or rains, you’ll need something waterproof & really warm. If it just gets cold, you can probably go for something in wool. I find that cold gales give me a headache, so when I lived in Wellington, New Zealand (possibly the windiest city in the entire world), it was quite important that I had a coat with a hood.

How do I dress?
Unless you are planning on drastically changing your wardrobe this winter, think about the things you wore last winter. You will probably still have some of them, so drag them out of your wardrobe & work out how they would look with a long, classic trench-coat, or a pea-coat, or a short cape. Sometimes, buying a dramatic coat can be the catalyst that makes you change your entire look, but you need to know whether you’re willing to do this before you buy it. If you can’t afford to re-fit yourself for the season, you might want to go with something a little easier to wear.

How much can I afford to spend?
There is a vast difference between an $800 coat & a $100 coat. I’m sure I’ve said this before, but no matter — you should always spend as much as you can possibly afford on a coat. If you buy the right one, it will keep you warm through the entire cold season, & look fantastic for years. If you regularly spend a lot on clothing, & buy a new coat every season, going for something trendy will probably work for you. If, however, a coat is an extravagance for you, keep it simple.

How warm is your working environment?
For the majority of people, most days you will wear a coat to & from work, but be sitting at your desk in between. What is the temperature like at your desk? Are you situated directly beneath an air-conditioning vent? Do you need lots of layers or do they keep it pretty toasty inside? Are you a smoker who has to duck outside every half an hour? All these factors will affect how much you need to wear under your coat, which will tell you how tight or loose the fit needs to be.

Other things to remember:

Make sure you really like your coat when you buy it. It is going to be worn over practically everything you own for at least a month. If it makes you feel dowdy, short or cheap, please don’t buy it. It will just make you unhappy & that is the opposite of the point of fashion! You should get something that makes you feel marvellous.

The quality of your coat is really important. When you try it on, check the seams & stitching, pay close attention to the collar to see whether it looks like it will lose its shape, & give all the buttons a good tug. Loose buttons are a bad sign — it may have been tried on by an overzealous customer but if the buttons are attached sloppily, the rest of the coat may be similar once you’ve worn it for a while.

Sometimes a coat isn’t what you need; sometimes a jacket would be better suited to your style. (When I say jacket, I mean something warm which comes down no further than your hips.) When buying a jacket, make sure it is long enough that if you’re wearing a slightly short top underneath, your belly won’t be sticking out. It will ruin your stylish ensemble & chill you to the bone, so don’t do it!

Consider the fabric. Do you want plain black, brown or camel? Do you dare to try to maintain a white coat? Would tweed suit you better? Try to think about it objectively. A red coat might seem like a great option, but after a week you may be sick of it & aching to wear another colour.

A fur coat can be a wonderful option. They are exceptionally warm & chic. Whether real or faux, again, make sure it goes with the rest of your wardrobe, & remember, even if you buy faux, it should never be poor quality. Again, always spend as much as you can.

You may not find the perfect coat right away. Keep looking. Try lots of different places, you might be surprised at what you’ll find. Try to enjoy the process if possible!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Accessorising For Men

[ 5 February 2007, 05:21 ]

I’ve got a boyfriend who’s not altogether a bad dresser – what he wears is what the majority of boys in my (very warm) country dress in: big tees/polo tees paired with jeans or berms, with Nike dunks, Adidas superstars or flip-flops. But I’d love to see him dress up just a little bit more, with a bit of accessorising maybe. What would you suggest? And how would you suggest integrating these items into his daily wardrobe?
S.

Dear S.,

Well, as far as “uniforms” go (enforced, social or otherwise), that’s not a bad one, & definitely a good base. From here, anything you add is going to either make him look Weirder™ or More Adult™. It really depends which direction he wants to take things.

OPTION A: The Jay-Z (More Adult™) Approach
“I don’t wear jerseys, I’m thirty plus, give me a crisp pair of jeans nigga, button-ups”. Jay-Z received the GQ International Man Of The Year award in 1995. He is credited with having redirected men’s hip-hop fashion & culture from hoodies & loose jeans to pressed jeans & button-up shirts. When he received his award, he said, “The secret is to wear the suit, don’t let the suit wear you.” He is one well-dressed bastard — the master of smart but casual.

The most important thing in pulling this off successfully is investing in good, key pieces:

Real jeans
A nice wash & flattering cut — no underwear showing & no cuffs dragging on the ground. It is crucial that they’re kept in good condition. They need to be clean & (preferably) pressed on a regular basis.

Quality shirts
Cheap shirts & expensive shirts might look the same when you buy them, but the truth is in the wash. After a couple of spins through the machine, what you paid for them really starts to show. Cheap shirts will degrade, fade & become misshapen quickly, meaning that you’ll need to get rid of them after only wearing them a handful of times. You will actually save money in the long-run if you buy the better quality shirt. Anyway, buy a range of different types: standard style, Chinese collars, French cuffs, white, blue, subtle stripes. Also upgrade your polos — there’s nothing wrong with wearing them, & pressed they look great, but they need to be in excellent condition. Buy in a variety of colours.

Shoes
It sounds like good sneakers are already part of his “uniform”. +10 points. Remember to keep them clean! Also look into a pair of loafers (for anything other than totally casual attire) & a nice pair of sandals, too.

Suit jackets
You may only need one. It’s an optional extra but a really nice touch. Read my article on casual suit jackets for more information!

Accessories
A classy watch is really all you’ll need. It doesn’t have to be a Rolex (though that would be nice!), just try to stay away from sad, clunky, plastic, 80’s cast-offs! (Unless you want to swing the retro thing, but I’m not convinced that works with this look.)

OPTION B: The FRUiTS (Weirder™) Approach
Well, more like street style. I’m assuming that if he’s comfortable in polos with jeans & sneakers, he’s not a particularly wild dresser, but I am willing to be surprised! It’s possible that he would love to attire himself more extravagantly, but just doesn’t know what direction to take it in. Yes, the photo below is on the extreme end of street style, but it’s just an example!

FRUiTS magazine (& books) are good places to start, but I love any foreign (especially Japanese) magazines for fashion inspiration. This Wikipedia article on Japanese fashion might be helpful too.

You can take small amounts of inspiration & accessorise accordingly. Try wearing wilder, more colourful sneakers, wristbands, hats, visors & sunglasses or go a bit mad on a haircut. The other end of the spectrum is to incorporate it into your whole image — play with colour, proportion & the element of surprise. It’s up to you.

That’s the whole thing with FRUiTS & street style — originality & individuality are the most important aspects. It’s a process of experimentation. Yes, sometimes you will look like a fooligan (clown/fool/hooligan), but that’s an unavoidable risk. One thing that might give you some direction is this article I wrote — What Goes & What Clashes? It’s a reply to a reader who wondered what could go together & what would be hideous. Often when people try to imitate FRUiTS style, they think throwing on 4 different patterns will do it. They are mistaken. Read my article & take heed!

Good luck to you & your lover-man!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

Tags: advice, how to, monsieur
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Valentine's Day Treats

[ 1 February 2007, 06:54 ]

Okay. I know Valentine’s Day is a major sore point with a lot of people. Capitalist holiday, blah blah blah, yeah I know. I used to be part of the anti-Valentine’s brigade myself. I have since realised that being against anything is a huge waste of energy which I do my very best not to participate in. Cool fact, though: In Korea, on April 14th is a little celebration called “Black Day”, which is when men who didn’t receive valentines in February gather together & eat Jajangmyun, which are noodles in black sauce. (Thanks Wikipedia!) How awesomely bitter is it to be still holding the grudge two months later?!

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about ugly greeting cards & flowers given out of obligation. It’s just another day in which to express your appreciation for the people around you, plus the extra greatness of having more pink heart-shaped products than at any other time of the year!

Here are some suggestions if you want to buck tradition a little bit:

Avoiding the boredom of flowers & chocolates.
I can’t think of anything more dull than a dozen roses & a box of little brown lumps to eat. The sentiment is kind, but it completely lacks any imagination. Not to mention, I can’t think of anything more uncomfortable than sitting in a restaurant full of “couples” trying their best to be romantic. Aieee. If you can manage to do something a little unconventional for your lover (said: “lovah”), it will make you both feel incredible & is worth the small effort you put in.

Hold a treasure hunt for your girlfriend with something surprising at the end of it.
Take your boyfriend on a secret walk which ends in a picnic.
Drive to the sea with coffee in a thermos.
Book yourselves into a weird, crazy hotel (& refuse their “Valentine’s Day” package which is always cheesy, jump on the bed instead until you collapse in a hilarious, dizzy heap…) — for example, in Melbourne the Adelphi Hotel has a pool with a glass bottom which cantilevers over the street. (Other suggestions here & here.)
Go out dancing.
Buy them a paddling pool & inflate & fill it with bubble-bath before they get home.
Write their name in heart-shaped confetti on the bed.
Give them a Moleskine & a beautiful pen (best gift ever).
Have Valentine’s Day a couple of days early (or late — all the heart-shaped stuff will be on special!).
Eat huge pieces of pizza & kiss a lot.
Read them your favourite poem if you’re that kind of person, though it doesn’t have to be sappy: my favourite poem is by Andre Segui & called How The Bloom Leaves The Rose. It goes: “You don’t bring me flowers anymore Fuckface.”
Alternatively, belch their name. (You sicko.)
Take a bunch of polaroids & photobooth pictures.

Potential gifts:
Harness kit from Good Vibrations. (NSFW or under 18’s.)
Pink & orange heart ring or a Baronesse ring from Oompa.com
Black hoodie with a robot in a heart! From Backseat Kiss.
Buy them a pirate ship from Oompa.com. What does that have to do with Valentine’s Day? Nothing! But it is awesome. Shhhh.

Doing things for your friends.
If you don’t have a romantic interest, or you do but they’ve recently proven themselves unworthy of your affections, get together with a friend instead. You could even end up “friends with benefits” (do not attempt without the assistance of a trained professional).

Make them a mix CD of your favourite songs.
Write them a letter complimenting them on something they probably never think about.
Appear on their doorstep with a big tub of ice cream.
Buy them a goldfish (& a big cookie jar for it to live in).
Give them a stack of foreign fashion magazines tied with ribbon.
Go to an outdoor cinema & take a bottle of bubble mixture.
Sing songs on public transport.
Make them a video (& upload it to Youtube).
Buy them a copy of your favourite book.
Pay their library fines!
Help them arrange their house according to Feng Shui.
Frame your favourite photo of them & insist they hang it somewhere prominent.
Write them a love-letter in chalk on the pavement outside their house.

Potential gifts:
Broken-heart fingerless gloves from Hot Topic.
Have a fake tea-party with Oompa.com.
Buy them pink Nicole Richie-style sunglasses from Fred Flare.
Threadless (purveyors of quality t-shirts) are having a sale where you can buy any 2 of the same style (regardless of size) & save $10. Not a bad deal. I like Nature’s Balance, Afternoon Delight, Sex Sells & my old favourite, Damn Scientists.

Show your family that you love them.
Assuming you’re not estranged from them, of course. You know your parents don’t get the respect they deserve — & even if you call them every week, it’s not really enough. Be good to them, & your siblings too. Take your grandma some flowers, listen to your grandfather’s stories, write your parents a note telling them why you love them, take your sister shopping, buy your brother a tattoo.

Indulge in a little self-lovin’.
Be good to yourself. You deserve it. No, shush! I won’t have a bar of it! You don’t need to spend any money if you don’t want to, just take the opportunity to chill out & do whatever your sweet little self desires. (Eat cherries in the bath & then watch an entire season of your favourite show, if that’s what it takes.) But a little retail therapy never hurt anyone.

Potential gifts:
Heart watch necklace. Too cute. Japanese kids wear all manner of trinkets around their neck, you should too.
Fall In Love, It’s Fun bag from Lenko. Though… you know… it’s optional. (I just think it’s cute.)
Pressed seal necklaces from Jestjewels.com. I love just about every single one of these.

If you feel like buying something a little raunchier, see below. The links are naughty, so if you’re under 18, don’t click on them! ...‘Cause no one under the age of 18 is even AWARE of anything going on below the hips. Ya.
Magic Touch Bullet Mini — for, well, anywhere. Keep it in your handbag, it’ll get used.
Rabbit Pearl — of Sex & The City fame.
The Minx — pink with marabou feathers & Swarovski crystals around the base. No, I’m not kidding.

These are just some of my ideas — I’m sure you can come up with something amazing yourself! Anything that has had some thought put into it will make all the difference. Maybe to you a picnic is commonplace, but treating your meat-loving boyfriend to a steak (when you’re vegetarian) is the most meaningful thing you can think of. Do whatever feels right for you!

Above all, remember that Valentine’s Day isn’t an excuse to be awful to everyone the rest of the year!

Extra For Experts:
Read my article on kissable lips in preparation for a smoochfest!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Signature Scents

[ 31 January 2007, 20:43 ]

Coco Chanel said that you should wear perfume wherever you want to be kissed, & when Marilyn Monroe was asked what she wore to bed, she replied “two drops of Chanel No.5”. Of course, both statements were excellent P.R. for Chanel’s perfumes. I, personally, have never understood the appeal of Chanel No. 5. It’s lacking something.

These, however, are perfect — which is why I own them.

Lolita Lempicka Midnight
This is the grown-up version of the original Lolita Lempicka. Midnight is romantic & a more than a little dirty. Lolita is the perfect name for it — it smacks of adventures & forbidden love. Definitely the fragrance of a nymphet. I was about to buy the original Lolita Lempicka when I discovered that Midnight had just been released. I tried one on each wrist — initially I found it hard to pick the difference, but the more I smelt them, the more obvious their differences became. Midnight is longer-lasting, stronger & poutier, while I would say the original is lighter & more of a daytime fragrance. (Reviews.)

Demeter’s Birthday Cake & Violet & Champagne Brut.
I am a fan of combining Birthday Cake with Champagne Brut — totally the birthday party you wish you were having. I personally think Champagne Brut smells more like Nerds candy than anything alcoholic, but I think of that as a positive thing. Violet is a bit old-lady, & I threw it out one day when I was moving house. I regret it though, since sometimes I want to smell like an old woman. I am weird, I know. (Reviews for Birthday Cake, Champagne Brut & Violet.)

M.A.C.‘s MV2
I think this is pretty much the sexiest fragrance in existence. In fact, I was reading some reviews of it just now & had to run from my desk to put some on. God, I smell good. MV2 is a deep, spicy, delicious vanilla. It’s difficult to describe, though — I think maybe if a beautiful pink cupcake was wearing Louboutin heels & lying in an all-white bed, it would smell like this. Bizarre imagery, I know, but it’s the best I could do! (Reviews.)

Miss Dior Cherie
To me, Miss Dior Cherie smells like strawberry sorbet & youth. It smells like your first little black dress, a glamorous romance, boy bait. I received this at Christmas in 2005, & given the way my life was at that time, whenever I wear it these days, I feel sexy, desired, powerful & totally free. It is quite incredible. When I first smelt it, I wasn’t sure I liked it, but it grew on me very quickly. It’s not the sort of thing I normally go for, since it’s so fruity, but I absolutely love it now. It transforms me. (Reviews.)

I am pretty keen on the idea of these, too:

Demeter’s Cotton Candy, Riding Crop & Chocolate Covered Cherries. I think Cotton Candy & Riding Crop together would be an amazing combination. It would certainly surprise people… & it could definitely lead to mischief.

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab’s Lolita sounds good, too. Humbert Humbert’s heart just skipped a beat. This is the quintesscential American nymphet scent: sweet and girly and innocent, with a bit off crass, bratty impertinance thrown in. Bubble gum sweetness (with built-in petulancy — you can just hear Lolita smacking her gum impatiently and rolling her eyes), heliotrope, lemon and a bit of seductive cherry.

As you can probably tell, I have a definite affection for anything that smells sweet but has a sexy twist. When I worked at Lush, I smelt like a walking Lush shop (& would often have people at bus stops ask me if I had been there recently). I was delighted when I quit, since it meant I could actually wear perfume & not have it overpowered by a menagerie of soap! Ebay is an absolute godsend, in that it enables me to buy small samples of perfume before committing to a huge bottle of anything (& to give you some indication, I have never finished a bottle of anything except Hypnotic Poison, my signature scent when I was about 15). On sad days I like to wear Thierry Mugler’s Angel — it smells like my mother (& my lovely friend Jo).

Do you wear perfume, body spray, scented lotion? What do you smell like on a daily basis? Vanilla pomade & earl grey & Marlboro lights? Your boyfriend’s deodorant & spearmint chewing gum? What do you like your lovers to wear? Tell me! I want male opinions too!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Makeup Basics Part Two -- Makeup Application

[ 29 January 2007, 13:57 ]

This is part two of my three-part series on makeup basics. The first article is here & covers skincare. Here is the email that started it all:

Being a guy I don’t usually wear makeup, but on occasion when going out I’ll throw some mascara on and maybe some nail polish. I like to be exuberant at times and was thinking of getting some eye shadow too. But in honesty I know next to nothing about the basics of makeup. Can you enlighten me?

Dear Soon-To-Be-Enlightened,

Hello again! Hopefully now you have a skincare routine which, as the name implies, you are practicing routinely. The next step is to go to a department store & talk to the sales consultants milling around the makeup counters.

My absolutely favourite brand is M.A.C. Cosmetics. I am always impressed by their products & it is a rare occasion that I will use something from another company. You should see my makeup drawer, it is an exercise in branding. Anyway, go to a counter that appeals to you. Every company has its different strengths & weaknesses, but you should only buy from a counter where they make you feel good & are helpful. There’s nothing wrong with getting them to test some products on you & then going away & seeing how long they last. Foundation, for example, often looks different on your skin in natural light than it does under the harsh lighting in a department store.

After I have gone through my skincare routine (cleanser, toner, moisturiser), I ALWAYS apply a primer to my face. My favourite is by M.A.C. (surprise surprise), but Napoleon Perdis does a good one too. I honestly don’t know how I survived without it, it is absolutely incredible. I can’t explain how it works, it’s too tricky for me to understand, but the effect is that it will smooth out your skin, giving you a wonderful base to work from & stopping your pores from absorbing your makeup — meaning it will last longer without needing to be re-applied. I use a face primer, but you can also buy primers for the eyes & lips. I haven’t used them, but I imagine the formulation is slightly different.

For Women:
You will want concealer, foundation, powder, mascara & blush to start. Eyeliner, lipstick & eyeshadow are optional extras & come in every colour of the rainbow. Once you start experimenting further with makeup, you will also want a few really good brushes. They make all the difference when it comes to how you look. They are expensive but worth it. Trust me on this!

Foundation:
The way you apply it will depend on the sort you buy, but you should use either a (slightly damp) wedge-shaped sponge or a makeup brush to make it look flawless. You don’t need to put it all over your face if you don’t want to — just dotting it on the areas you want to cover will do the trick. Be sure to blend your foundation well (especially around your chin, nose & hairline) & don’t use too much. It’s better to start with too little than look like you’ve applied it with a spatula!

Concealer:
You can apply this before your foundation if you like but I find that it tends to get wiped away if I do it in that order. I don’t use a lot of concealer normally, only to cover up blemishes & I usually put a bit underneath my eyes to disguise any dark circles I might have. Again, the key is to blend. When buying concealer, a lot of people buy it in a colour which is too light to hide spots or dark circles, then wonder why they look blotchy. Go darker!

Powder:
After the foundation & concealer, set with powder. Just take the powder puff & apply it softly to your face.

Blush:
Dip your brush in your blush. Look at the fullest part of your cheek. That’s where we’re aiming for. If you’re still not sure, suck your cheeks in to see where your “apples” are (no, I don’t know why they’re called that). Stroke your brush across this area & back toward your temples. Once you feel like there’s enough on, take a cotton ball & blend it in so it looks natural — a big streak of blush is nasty & probably not the look you’re going for.

Mascara:
It is amazing what an eyelash curler will do. So buy one! When I use one in conjunction with a liberal coating of mascara, I have had people ask if I’m wearing false eyelashes. (This is a good thing, since I’m terrible at applying falsies.) Curl your eyelashes — only the top ones (!). Go slow, be gentle… It hurts to catch your eyelid by mistake. I curl my eyelashes three times before moving onto the others. When you take the wand out of your tube of mascara, dab it on a tissue to get off the excess. Then take the wand & slowly move it from the root of your top eyelashes to the end. Initially you will blink like mad while doing this, but just go slowly. Work your way from the inside (nearest your nose) to the outside. Then repeat on the other eye. To do your bottom eyelashes, just lightly dot mascara on the ends of your lashes — too much & you will look tired & cracked-out.

Eyeliner, eyeshadow & lipstick are all fairly personal things — everyone does these things in a different way. I have met very few people who wear eyeshadow the way I do — I find that (with the exception of a couple of shades) shadow all over my eyelid makes me look tired, so I wear it just around the outside of my eye, more like a liner than anything. The point is that you should experiment with what works for you. I recommend booking yourself in for a makeover at a counter. Get the most bang for your buck by asking lots of questions & getting tips so you can recreate it at home.

Also, if you’re wearing lipstick, you should also buy a lip-liner in a matching colour. This will stop the lipstick from bleeding & looking messy. Apply the lip-liner first, then follow up with lipstick. Some people say that if you apply liner slightly outside your natural lip line, this will make them look plumper… but some people say this will make you look like a ridiculous clown. Proceed with caution my darlings!

For Men:
Thank your lucky stars, it’s much easier for you, as (unless you’re a drag queen) you’re probably going to want to wear less makeup. I went to my local M.A.C. counter this morning & spoke to a makeup artist & got some tips for men. She said that a lot of men go in there & buy concealer & bronzer, so don’t feel shy!

Remember to go through your skincare routine first (cleanse, tone, moisturise) & once your moisturiser has soaked in (give it five minutes), smooth primer all over your face. Leave this about five minutes as well, then onto the good stuff!

Foundation:
I suggest you use M.A.C. Select Tint SPF 15. It’s very lightweight & practically invisible to the eye — you’ll look much smoother but no one will know why. It’s oil-free, so for those of you with troubled skin (prone to breakouts or ouchy red shaving rash), it should be very easy to wear & present no problems. Another great thing about it is that it has SPF in it, so it’ll help protect your face when you’re out in the sun. When buying this stuff, I strongly recommend going to a makeup counter to get the right colour. Tempting though it may be to buy it online, do it properly, otherwise it’s a complete waste of money. There is nothing worse than foundation which is the wrong colour!
To apply, squeeze a little of the foundation onto a brush (I like M.A.C.‘s 190 Foundation Brush, but at $75 Australian, you might want to buy a cheaper one) & blend it across your face. Don’t use too much, & if it starts to look too heavy, feel free to take it all off (use some toner on a cotton pad) & start again. I usually start on one cheek, work my way down to my chin, then do my other cheek, nose, forehead, & around my eyes. The most important thing is that you blend it in well, which basically just means you need to use the brush a lot — don’t slap it on, rub it in. This will prevent you from looking like a bad transvestite. Yay!

Concealer:
If you still have some blemishes after applying your foundation, or dark circles under your eyes which you want to hide, concealer is your next step. I like M.A.C.‘s Select Cover-Up, since, like the Select Tint foundation, it is essentially invisible. If you use these two products in conjunction you will look flawless & delicious.
To apply, put small quantities (as in, VERY small quantities) of the concealer on a brush designed specifically for the purpose. (M.A.C. does a Concealer Brush, but again, it’s expensive. Worth every penny, but expensive, so if you can’t quite splash out on a great brush just yet, you can buy them from pharmacies for a fraction of the price. You can always upgrade later!) Press the brush against whatever you’re trying to hide, then blend the colour in well. Simple, & you’ll get better with practice.

Powder:
This is an optional step but in terms of setting your foundation so it doesn’t slide off, it’s a good thing to use. M.A.C. has an incredible Blot Powder, which will do the trick while also helping to prevent shininess. It’s a good thing to carry around with you. I always have it in my bag in hot climates, especially if I’m going out dancing. The other great thing about the Blot Powder is that it doesn’t add any extra colour or visible weight, so if you’re going for the of-course-I’m-not-wearing-makeup-what-are-you-talking-about? look, it’s perfect. Just press the puff against your face: cheeks, nose, chin, forehead.

Eyebrows:
If you’re concerned that your eyebrows are a bit wild, you could try M.A.C.‘s Brow Set in Clear, which will help stick down all those little stragglers that escape when you’re caught in a gust of wind.

If you want to get a bit more experimental with eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara or anything else, I recommend talking to a professional! Most makeup counters will do a makeover for very little money (& the fee can usually be put toward products, too). There are so many different ways you can wear makeup, so don’t be afraid to experiment & learn from someone with an arsenal of brushes & colours!

Extra For Experts:
Drag Queen Makeup 101!
Wikipedia’s entry on cosmetics.
Malespecies.com sells a variety of products for men.
Strawberrynet.com (weirdest name ever) has a huge range of discounted cosmetics — very good service.
Sephora.com: your online beauty mall.
“Men belly up to the makeup bar” — article from the Chicago Tribune.
“Men develop enthusiasm for makeup” — article from The Press.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Tags: advice, beauty, consumption, how to, madame, monsieur
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Super Street Style or Why These People Look So Damn Good

[ 28 January 2007, 17:11 ]

Some of my favourite recent looks from Flickr & Hel-Looks. Daily outfits with a twist, yessir.

Roxanne (also has persephassa.com). Somebody on a Livejournal community recently asked how do you feel about colour combinations of black/navy, brown/black? & I answered, bring it on! When done well, it looks great. I think Roxanne proves my point very well — the brown belt around the black dress looks excellent. I love the high-heeled mary janes & the white collar with the white stockings. White stockings can be hard to wear since can make you look kind of plump, but I think that if you only show from the knee down, it looks great, as seen here.

I love the proportions of this outfit — that enormous hooded sweatshirt with the leggings & bizarrely-laced boots. The latex mask across the eyes is great too. Not an outfit for everyday, but certainly an interesting look.

I’m not sure about the stockings. The outfit is quirky enough without them, something a bit simpler would have been more effective. But the hat is perfect, the dress is fabulous, I love the brooch on the dress & the handbag as well. On closer inspection, it appears that she might be pregnant?! If so, she is definitely the most well-dressed pregnant woman I have ever seen.

This outfit isn’t too amazing (gothic lolita style is a bit easy & has never really grabbed me in a big way), but I love the enormous hair in conjunction with the scarf around the neck. Beautiful.

She is immaculate! So stylish it hurts! Let’s see: her umbrella, sweater, gloves, stockings & heels are all in a matching shade of tangerine. The black jacket with the elaborately-knotted (& detailed) scarf is just too divine for words, & I like the extra splash of mustard yellow in the skirt. Makes the outfit a little different, rather than just sticking to black + tangerine. Even better, she looks like she KNOWS how good she looks, & is proud of it. Good for her! I bet she has the most incredible house.

These two look great, don’t they? I suspect they look better as a unit than alone — they set off the other person’s look wonderfully. The flowing blonde locks work really well on both of them. I like his hat (& the way it makes his ears look pixie-esque), though I would have undone the last button on the jacket. I also don’t think I have ever seen pants so tight. (I hear it’s bad for the sperm count.) She is gorgeous, which helps, but I like the rustic/vintage/childlike look she has going on here. Great saddle shoes (so adorable!) & the feathers hanging off the bag totally make it.

I love the way she’s coyly peering out from behind her bleached hair. Can you tell I am totally into the bandanna-around-the-neck thing? She’s wearing hers over a hoodie (clever), & then covering the hoodie with a black tunic with an incredibly odd cut. Cute ripped jeans with black stockings underneath, & did you notice her bag?! Mickey Mouse & Donald Duck! I bet she found it in a vintage store for $3 & it made her day.

Great hat, great scarf, great jacket. The hat, jacket & shoes all match which makes the outfit work really well. Hints of blue in the scarf & a blue hoodie with dark-wash jeans. So cool. He knows he looks good, too, just like the girl with the tangerine umbrella. He is also toting a Mickey Mouse bag — maybe that’s big in Scandinavia at the moment (does anyone know?). I love a guy who isn’t afraid to carry a bag. Props to you, my friend!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Age Gracefully

[ 26 January 2007, 22:11 ]

I recently had an email from a woman who is nearing 60 years old. She is in incredible shape (I should know, I saw the photos) & has great style but is caught in the trap of getting older & being unsure what to do about it. She has thought about getting cosmetic surgery, but after a run-in with the wife of a big-shot celebrity (think Michael Douglas’ family tree), was disturbed when she realised that if these people with more money than sense can end up with hideously botched work, what would happen to someone like her?

The other thing is that cosmetic surgery still isn’t completely safe. Novelist Olivia Goldsmith, writer of The First Wives Club died in 2004 during “minor plastic surgery”. Call me opinionated, but some things are worth dying for — & some are not. For me, cosmetic surgery falls quickly into the latter category. It is so unnecessary. You’re getting old: you know it & we know it too. No amount of cosmetic surgery is going to hide that fact.

Of course, this is no reason to buy orthopedic shoes (unless you need them!) or to start wearing a twin-set & pearls & never look back. You don’t have to cut your hair short or get a blue rinse. You should always stay true to yourself, regardless of age. Epictetus said, “Know, first, who you are; & then adorn yourself accordingly.” (I like this quote much better than “you’re only as old as you feel”, which is cheesy, or “you’re only as old as the women you feel”, which is just revolting!)

The only rule is that there are no rules. One thing I would encourage is that you age gracefully — however you define that. The most amazing women I have met are not people who have been under the knife. One of them is my mother. She is 60 this year, runs a successful business & dresses with amazing style. She is never going to be a senior citizen to my eye — she takes great care of herself. Another is an ex-boyfriend’s mother. She has long hair, midway down her back, & she has been grey since her mid-twenties. She regularly colours her hair with henna, & it is a vibrant, radical orange. She is happy & loving & it makes her seem much younger than she is.

Nobody likes wrinkles, but they are going to happen. It’s just a fact of life. You should be happy you have wrinkles — it means you’re not dead! However, here are some things that will aid you in aging gracefully, & remember, it is never too early, or too late, to start.

Take good care of your skin.
Remove your make-up every night. Moisturise. Read my skincare article if you need a refresher course. Use an eye cream & a neck cream, but don’t just go for the most expensive stuff, since often there is no evidence it is any better than the products you can buy in a supermarket. Do your research! Read Don’t Go To The Cosmetics Counter Without Me by Paula Bedoun (though I would advise you take it with a grain of salt since everything she writes is very angry-sounding & that makes me wary). Use Google to learn about products, read what other women are saying in online forums. A tip: You can pierce a Vitamin E capsule & apply the oil to the fine lines around your eyes & mouth for a quick, inexpensive treatment that works really well.

USE SUNSCREEN EVERY DAY.
Normally I would put this under the “take good care of your skin” section, but it’s so important it deserves its own heart. Every time I see someone with sunburn or a woman with a wrinkly, leathery décolletage, I cringe (& hope they don’t see). Painful. Respect your body! Please!

Look at your family.
Examine your genetic background. Does your family have a history of heart disease or cancer? How are the older members of your family aging? Then do some research to find out how you can help prevent going down the same track.

Eat well.
Vegetables are good for you, & green leafy ones especially — they usually have the most nutrients & vitamins. (This is hilarious coming from me since I am about the pickiest eater in the world!) Eat fruit which is high in antioxidants like berries. If you can bribe someone to feed you strawberries, even better.

Keep your mind nimble.
I am convinced that a lot of people die soon after retiring just because they’re bored. Have fun & use your noggin! I read some research on living longer & it said that if you keep thinking, developing your intellect & stay socially engaged, you can increase your IQ even as you’re aging.

Quit smoking.
It’s stinky, expensive & it kills you. Not to mention it wreaks havoc on your skin.

Try non-invasive skin treatments if you really feel the need.
Cosmetic surgery is silly… you’re not fooling anyone. Women with the face of a 25 year old & the hands of an 80 year old are more terrifying & ghastly than any woman who has gone the natural route. Anyway, if you really must have something done, microdermabrasion gets good reviews. You could also try Botox, but please try not to get to the stage where you cannot express emotion with your face.

Plan for your future.
This is slightly grim, but should be mentioned. Work out how you are going to live once you retire. Statistics say that married women will probably spend somewhere in the region of 7 to 15 years as a widow (depending on the age difference between you & your husband). If you’re married & your husband controls the cash, learn as much about it as you can. Feeling in control of your future & having the knowledge you need to look after yourself will have a very positive effect on your feelings about getting older.

Exercise.
I’m sure I don’t need to explain why this is good for you. Your exercise routine will naturally change as you get older & you require different things from a workout. In your twenties, you should be exercising (to the point of breaking a sweat) three times a week for a minimum of 20 to 30 minutes. Try to do strength exercises twice a week. In your thirties & forties, you should be getting aerobic exercise daily, & women in particular also need to focus on strength training, or your bones will start to thin. You should be doing this about two or three times a week. Beyond this age, you should be careful about your exercise routine. If you can afford a personal trainer, it’s a very sound investment.

Be versatile & honest.
Accept that you are getting older. You may be getting grey hair, but it’s likely you’re the only person who is worried about it. No one is judging you because you’re getting older. Seriously. Most people will admire someone who is honest enough that they don’t need to cover up their age. Another thing about being versatile: be brave enough to examine your wardrobe & get rid of what is not working for you anymore. This, of course, is not age-specific, but I mention it because I used to work in a mall & every day, this 70 year old woman with varicose veins would limp past in extremely high heels. It hurt to look at her. You have to know when to give it up.

I called my mother on this subject for her advice. After all, I’m in my twenties, & don’t know a lot about aging. “What’s your advice on aging gracefully?”, I asked. “Work on your personality, not on your appearance,” she replied. I thought that was a little simplistic & easy for her to say — after all, she is a very good-looking woman & has excellent skin. (I grew up watching her go meticulously through her skincare regime every morning & night.) Then I thought a little more about it. The way you feel about life really is reflected in your face. If you’re sad or angry, you will contort your face accordingly. The more you do it, the more lined your face will become. We have all seen people with mouths that resemble a cat’s bum from years of pursing their lips in ire. (I am sitting here making strange faces to try to describe it to you.) If you’re happy & smile a lot, people will react much more strongly to the warmth you emit than the lines around your eyes. It’s funny, the older I get, the more pertinent all that cheesy, seemingly-useless advice of ore becomes.

I know everyone wants a quick fix, but unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. I can’t tell you what to wear, I can’t tell you what to do. Be true to yourself, look after yourself, love yourself & let yourself evolve. That is really the best advice I can give you. I hope it helps.

Extra For Experts:
If 60’s The New 40… a post about growing old gracefully from the inside out & a huge pile of comments, some very insightful.
Tightly Wound: The Wrinkle Manifesto. Hilarious!
“Having a face so tight that people could ice skate on it doesn’t increase your sex appeal. Because we all look at it and go, “Nice mid-life crisis, dude. Guess what? You’re still old. And now you’re still old and if you smile you run the risk of your face snapping off and landing on my tossed salad.”“

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Dressing For A Wedding

[ 25 January 2007, 09:37 ]

I just want to gloat about my stylish readers for a second. This is all very shrouded in secrecy — they didn’t want me to give out any details about them. I guess in case they get mobbed in the street by hoards of eager fans!

Anyway, they make a great couple. This is how they were attired for a recent wedding. Mr. Mystery is wearing an unlined, one-button linen jacket with a white shirt & emerald green tie (he is also wearing pants). Ms. Mystery looks fabulous in a green dress with white-framed sunglasses & white faux-fur jacket. I LOVE the fact that their greens match.

Beautiful! Kudos! I’m convinced they outshone everyone else. They say a lot of the other guests were in black cocktail attire, which is really a bore. Weddings are a big deal & you should dress appropriately. I’m so proud of Mr. & Ms. Mystery! Yay!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Shorts For Men

[ 24 January 2007, 13:50 ]

Another article for the boys! I get the impression this is a pretty common problem…

It’s summer and I want to wear shorts, but only feel stylish in pants. Is there any way around this dilemma?

Of course! There is a way around EVERY dilemma! You should have more faith than that!

In the olden days (like five years ago, ha!), there were two types of shorts: stubbies (an NZ/Australian term meaning tight, small & ugly) & big baggy cargos that finished mid-shin & were usually worn by boys who drooled a bit & had smashed their heads skating. Thankfully, the times they are a-changin’, & now men have more options.

I think if you’re going to do shorts, they have to actually be shorts. So, not almost-trousers & not reminiscent of underwear. In order to achieve this, the length needs to be either just above the knee or slightly below it.

Shorts should be a slim-cut for a more flattering silhouette. They should make your ass look good. (Check in a mirror before buying any.) No underwear should show !!!!!!!!!!!!! I know, that’s a lot of exclamation marks, but you get my point, I hope.

Don’t put anything in the pockets unless you HAVE TO. I know men need somewhere to put their wallets, but jesus, if it has to go in your pants, try not to carry around more than five dollars in loose change, okay? A bulge to the side of your fly where your wallet lives is… weird, & unsightly, & designers don’t seem to have thought about the wallet conundrum yet. (Don’t ask me why. I wish I knew!) Like Carrie Bradshaw says, “It’s like putting ketchup on prime rib… ‘Stop, you’re ruining it!’”

Neutral (black, grey, navy, camel, olive green) colours are the most workable. Plain colour is fine, as is a thin pinstripe or check. Bright colours or patterns will make you look like you’re wearing half a pimp suit… after Angry Tito ripped your pants off at the knee. (I don’t know who Angry Tito is, but he sure is mad atcha.)

If you want to make your shorts look a bit edgier, wear a pyramid-studded belt (through the loops please), a slim chain connected to your wallet or a couple of buttons on the edge of the pocket. (El Boton does great badges but most clothing stores sell a good range these days.)

To make it look super-stylish, I advise wearing with a fitted t-shirt in complementary colour & slip-on sneakers (like Vans) or nice sandals.

Here are some cute shorts I found online in about 30 seconds. They’re not amazing quality or anything, but they do demonstrate the style I’m talking about.

P.S. If you are afraid of showing your pasty legs in public, steal some of your flatmate’s fake tan…

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Image Consultation Winner!

[ 24 January 2007, 09:58 ]

Thank you for all the entries! I wish I had more vouchers to give away, but hopefully my write-up of Rod’s experiences will inspire you to give image consultation a go anyway!

Congratulations to Luke! This is the winning entry — & even better, he has offered to write about how it all goes, so keep your eyes peeled for that!

Under normal circumstances, I’d have never have sent this email. I’m generally not one to be worried about what I’m wearing. In fact, I’ve had comments about the fact that my wardrobe hasn’t been substantially updated since my teens.

I read an article in the Herald recently about the trends of male fashion. Assume we’re given a pair of Nike shorts, and many people say “That looks really good on you”. Since the look has been affirmed, men will buy and re-buy Nike shorts when they’re 18, 20, 23, 28 and 30. Apparently our look comes half from our father, and half from what we find works for us during our teenage years. It’s been said that some men are more afraid of having their look ‘noticed’ than women.

I read this article during a transitional period in my life. I’ve just quit one job – working on the checkouts at Coles Supermarkets, where a uniform is provided anyway – to working as a professional video editor in a media company in the CBD of Melbourne. While I still wasn’t overly concerned about my look, it forced me to think about what I was wearing, forced me to care about what I was wearing rather than just throwing on anything and saying “It’ll do”.

I promised myself that when I got the job, I would buy some new clothes and update my wardrobe. But after reading the article, I wondered if maybe it wasn’t time to update my entire look. But I didn’t really know where to turn. I asked a close friend for advice, and she started going on about cotton shirts and polyester ties – but I just don’t feel an affinity with that corporate-casual look. I want something a bit more stylish, and a bit more unique. Something I can slip in to of a day that feels great against my skin, but also has me looking absolutely needle-sharp. And if I can have several outfits for different moods or styles, that would be a bonus.

And so, while I’ve never in my life considered going to a fashion consultant, it seems to me very co-incidental that I make myself that promise, read that particular article, and then read your plug for your friend’s image consult business. Maybe someone’s trying to tell me something? :)

I admit that I’d be quite nervous to go to a business like that. But I
also think it could be substantially life-altering for the better, and I’ve got lots to gain and nothing to lose by going along, right?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Choosing Sunglasses That Suit You

[ 22 January 2007, 21:04 ]

Buying sunglasses can be a thrill or a trial. The most important part of buying sunglasses is knowing your face shape (you can find yours out by reading my instructions here). Different frames suit different faces. Here’s what works:

Oval face: Just like with choosing a haircut, an oval face is the (ahem) “ideal”, meaning that most shapes will suit you. Go nuts, ye of the blessed face shape!

Round face: You’ll want frames that make your face look longer & slimmer. Frames that are equal to or a little wider than the broadest part of your face will help achieve this. You can add some definition by going for frames that are quite angular or rectangular in shape.

Diamond face: As your face is quite angular naturally, oval-shaped sunglasses will soften you. You can also try gently curved square frames. You will look best if the frames aren’t any wider than your cheekbones.

Square face: You can reduce the squareness of your face by wearing frames that are soft & curvy while having a strong shape. Cat’s-eye frames are ideal, as are ovals & round shapes.

Oblong face: Frames shouldn’t extend past the widest area of your face. You should go for round & square shapes as this will widen & shorten your face.

Triangle/heart shape: The aim is to make the jaw look narrower, & the best way to do this is by accenting the eye area. Cat’s-eye styles are good as well as metal frames with rimless bottoms.

Black frames seem to be the most popular choice when it comes to eye-wear, but be careful that it doesn’t look too harsh on your face. Or that you don’t look like Stevie Wonder. (It is easier than you would imagine.)

Don’t be afraid of sunglasses with coloured frames, especially if they’re in a colour you wear often. I once owned a pair of turquoise sunglasses which I absolutely cherished… but one day they broke. That’s not the point. Experiment! Try on some colourful sunglasses, they tend to be far more interesting than the others.

If black looks too harsh & colour isn’t your thing (oh shush, go read my article), try brown or tortoiseshell. Even if you don’t wear brown EVER, they’re a good choice because they’re neutral. Trust me, they will work with any ensemble.

My best sunglasses tip is this: go to a department store with a huge range. Take a camera. Photograph yourself in various styles (or have your friend do it if you’re too embarrassed to pose alone). Most sales assistants with a clue won’t mind. Just say you want to have a think about it. Before you leave, be sure to get the model number of the ones you like. Then search Ebay for the same ones. I bought my Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses (which I LOVE) for 1/3 of the price my local department store wanted. (When buying off Ebay, always check the seller’s feedback to make sure they’re not selling fakes.)

For the fashionable, the word on the street is that big round sunglasses are heading out of style. Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to stop wearing them, but it DOES mean it’s going to be harder to buy them. If you’re a fan, as I am, I suggest you snap ‘em up soon.

A lot of people think you should have two pairs of sunglasses — one for casual attire & one pair that is more glamourous. Some of you will think this is excessive, but some of you would feel under-prepared with only two pairs. I have more pairs of sunglasses than I care to count, but only three that I wear on a regular basis. Oh, okay, four. Getting contact lenses a couple of years ago means I can actually wear sunglasses, & after years of OPPRESSION I embrace the opportunity!

Finally, the key point is that your sunglasses should make you feel like a superstar. If you have to spend a little more than you wanted to in order to achieve this, don’t worry about it. Sunglasses are important. You should be able to slide them on after a tawdry one-night stand when all your make-up has smeared off & walk home feeling hot & powerful. The best sunglasses transform you — really. I remember once Ashley Olsen was asked why her & Mary-Kate wore big sunglasses all the time. She replied that sometimes, when they went out, they just didn’t feel like wearing make-up. Your sunglasses should enable you to go from an uncoiffed mess to a sleek master of your own destiny. Don’t settle for less!

P.S. I the sunglasses Karen Walker is doing.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What Goes and What Clashes?

[ 22 January 2007, 11:26 ]

I received this a while ago, & I’ve been thinking about it ever since:

What clashes? What colours don’t go together? What can’t you wear with what? Stripes and polka dots? Stripes and more stripes? Mixing patterns? Not to say I would follow said fashion laws to a tee, but usually they exist for a reason, namely to prevent an unflattering, aesthetically confusing ensemble. So please enlighten me, what goes with what?

This is a tough question to answer, as there are very few hard & fast rules. Even old rules like “don’t mix your tartans” or “spots & stripes don’t go” can be thrown out if a good balance is struck. Successful pattern-mixing truly elevates your outfit to the next level — it says you’re a person who likes to take a risk, has confidence in their ability to assemble an outfit, & pays attention to the details.

The key to the whole affair is HARMONY. Ideally you want to go for different scales (say a wide check with houndstooth) in complementary colours. This could mean putting blue with orange, or it could mean staying to similar shades. The colours really should be harmonious — at least when you’re first starting out, anyway! Another important point is that the patterns must be dissimilar enough that you can see their differences from at least a couple of paces away. Otherwise you will look very “busy” & swamped by the outfit.

If you want to mix colours, complementary colours (those that are opposite one another on the colour wheel) will always work. So will analogous colours (those that sit next to each other on the colour wheel). Now, mixing colours that typically “clash” can be done, but again, it is a matter of balance. When you do this, I would suggest using small amounts of each colour & off-setting it with a large amount of neutral colour (like white or black). So if you were trying to mix pink & red, you might want to wear a neutral outfit with accessories in pink & red, or you could wear a pink top, black skirt & red leg-warmers. Another good way to incorporate “clashing” colours is to find an item that has both colours in it. This can be difficult, but it makes coordinating your outfit easier. I have a pink tube-top with red apples on it, & while I tend to wear it with black pants, the colours in the top means I can get away with having pink hair & wearing red lipstick.

It’s best to play around with it. Your mirror is your friend, & learning to trust your own judgment will be a great help. If you don’t like the way your outfit looks, change it, take it off or try something else! Good luck!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Makeup Basics Part One -- Skincare

[ 21 January 2007, 23:27 ]

I recently received this email:

Being a guy I don’t usually wear makeup, but on occasion when going out I’ll throw some mascara on and maybe some nail polish. I like to be exuberant at times and was thinking of getting some eye shadow too. But in honesty I know next to nothing about the basics of makeup. Can you enlighten me?

Dear Soon-To-Be-Enlightened,

This is a pretty big topic, so I’ve broken it down into a few segments to make it easier to read & digest. This first section is on SKINCARE.

Just because you’re a man, your routine needn’t be any different from a woman’s, though I was once told about a marketing executive who made a mint by re-branding an exfoliating scrub as a “scruffing lotion” for men. Geez.

I heard a rumour a little while ago that Dave Navarro (of Jane’s Addiction & Red Hot Chilli Peppers fame) was bringing out a men’s cosmetic line, but according to his blog, it’s rubbish. A shame really, as the man surely knows his way around an eye pencil. Yes, sometimes he looks a bit like an evil magician, but he pulls it off. Rest assured, he’s not the only one dabbing on the old war-paint!! Apparently U.S. sales of men’s skincare products rose 13 percent in 2004, to $59 million (from here). Another man who wears make-up with finesse is David Bowie… but don’t tell Michael Douglas. (Shame he’s so judgmental, he was hot the year I was born.)

Now, please listen, as this is crucial: Applying make-up is like painting a canvas — you have to prepare the surface you’re working on! If you don’t do this, it doesn’t matter how dexterous you are or how many brushes you own, it will still look bad.

Click below for an iCiNG exclusive video on skincare — I go through my skincare routine & explain how it works, & I’m followed up by Siân of Lush Cosmetics talking about some products for men. (If you’re reading this in an RSS reader, you will need to come through to my website to see the video!)

Here are the key points to remember:

Assess your skin type. If you’re not sure, you can use the following chart. The amount of ticks you get in each row indicates how likely it is that you are that skin type.

Once you know your skin type, you can go on a crusade to find the best products for your face. One thing I learned from managing a Lush Cosmetics store for so long is that when you ask most people what their skin type is, they will reply “sensitive”. About 8/10 people do this. The fact is, your skin actually isn’t that sensitive — it’s just that most skincare products are saturated with alcohol & chemicals! No wonder you’re in pain, red & blotchy or exploding like fireworks!

A basic skincare routine consists of a cleanser, a toner & a moisturiser. Depending on your needs, you might want to spring for a neck cream & an eye cream too. An eye cream is important because the skin around your eyes is far more delicate than anywhere else on your body, & once you start to get wrinkles there, reversing them is a lot of work. A neck cream is a good idea primarily because it is one of the first places to show age, along with the back of your hands — neck cream & sunscreen on your hands are your best defence.

The cleanser’s purpose is to clean your face. You can use something gentle, or you can choose something with a bit of scrub in it. Some people alternate between both. I use Angels On Bare Skin by Lush — it gives me a gentle scrub which I use every day. The “scrubbiness” in Angels On Bare Skin comes from the ground almond they use. It’s a beautiful product, I have never met anyone who didn’t love it. It’s also good for all skin types. The best thing about it is the large amount of lavender oil used — lavender is a fantastic oil for the face as it helps to balance sebum production, meaning that if you’re too oily, it’ll dry you out a bit, & conversely, if you’re a bit dry it will give you the oil you need.

Toning is the second step in the process. It’ll remove any last traces of cleanser, get rid of excess oil & typically soften your face a bit in preparation for moisturiser. I never used to use it, but I find that my face feels much smoother & cleaner when I do.

Moisturiser is probably the most important part of your skincare routine. One common misconception is that people with oily skin shouldn’t use moisturiser — this is complete hogwash. Everyone needs a certain level of moisture for their skin to function at its best, including those of us with oily skin. Some people use a different moisturiser at night, but this is optional & something to think about later. You should avoid putting moisturiser around your eyes, as the skin there is much more delicate than anywhere else.

A lot of people don’t understand this part, especially men: Using soap on your face is not acceptable, unless it is made specifically for that purpose! Body soap is typically made of quite harsh ingredients & after a few years, it will show! Put the soap down or I will come bursting into your bathroom in a rage!

Your best weapon in terms of divining a routine is to consult with knowledgeable salespeople. You can go to a department store & tour around the counters, or you could try The Body Shop, L’Occitane, Origins or Lush. I am a huge Lush advocate because when I worked there, I really saw the products work miracles on people… but it is entirely up to you. For men, there are some companies which do specific men’s ranges like Nivea, Clinique, etc. Walk around the counters, talk to the staff, get their opinion. Be prepared to spend some time asking questions & listening to what they have to say. If you can, take as many samples as they offer. Otherwise you could arrive home with hundreds of dollars worth of product that is completely wrong for you.

When you start using products on your skin, observe how your skin behaves for three weeks. Sometimes what you’re using just doesn’t agree with you, & it can take up to three weeks for it to show. I received some make-up remover from Napoleon Perdis for Christmas, & was happily using it for a couple of weeks, when all of a sudden, my skin threw a tantrum. Given the make-up remover was the only new thing in my routine, & there had been no changes in my diet or stress level, I had to stop using it. It’s a shame, because I liked it.

I hope this was helpful! Coming soon are parts two & three of this series — make-up application & choosing colours that suit your skintone. Stay tuned!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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First Impressions Count and the Value of Image Consultation

[ 21 January 2007, 11:23 ]

I was recently invited by a friend of mine, Rod, to attend his image consultation at First Impressions Count in Brunswick. He was given a voucher by a friend at a barbeque & thought it would be an interesting experiment, & I was keen to go along & see how it went. We caught a train out to the suburbs (the horror!) in the pursuit of professional styling.

Rod & I were greeted at the door by Craig Michaels, a man who gives the distinct impression that he knows what he’s talking about. We both immediately felt at ease — Craig is a very amiable guy. We were offered champagne, but given the incredible heat outside we decided to play it sober & drank chilled water instead. Rod filled out some preliminary paperwork (questions regarding what he wanted to improve image-wise, what colours he liked & that kind of thing) & Craig asked some questions to flesh out a better profile.

The service provided was very substantial. First of all, Rod underwent a colour assessment (you can give yourself one by reading my article Fashion Help For Recovering Goths!) & as Craig whipped out a swatch of fabric samples, he explained to Rod how different colours worked for him & what to look for when trying fabric against his skin. This was illuminating for Rod, as I am fairly sure it is for most people. It’s not something people generally think about, but when you try on an item of clothing, you should always look in the mirror to see if the colour adds or drains colour from your face Adding = good, draining = bad. Rod has salt & pepper hair & brown eyes, & it was really interesting to me, even as an observer, to see what worked with his colouring & what didn’t.

After that, we walked into the showroom, filled with rows of shirts, ties & suits picked out by someone with impeccable taste (my money’s on Craig). He took some measurements & ushered Rod into a changing room as he enthusiastically flung shirts, suit jackets & trousers over the door.
Rod’s initial outfit of a black t-shirt & jeans looked fantastic under a three-button black pinstriped suit jacket (further proving my point that a casual suit jacket can completely transform an outfit into something sleek & polished-looking). For years, Rod had thought that as a man, it was important to contrast your clothing: that you either wore a dark shirt with light pants, or a light shirt with dark trousers. He was surprised to see that a light blue striped shirt with his blue jeans looked incredible, as did a pink shirt with a camel¹ stripe & a pair of camel-coloured trousers. This later outfit was my favourite. Craig also supplied a pair of cufflinks in silver with similarly neutral detailing which really took the outfit from looking clean & fresh to a perfect finish. I have to say, I personally really prefer a light-coloured shirt on man. There are a LOT of dark shirts in the wardrobe of your average man, & unless they’re paired exceptionally with other pieces, they really never POP! for me in the same way that a light shirt easily does.

Going to a stylist or an image consultant is risky business. The people running the business tend to operate on one of two principles. Either they are happy to teach you what they know, or they aren’t — therefore guaranteeing you’ll go back to them again, since you’re going to need their continual advice. Or, at least, you’ll go back to them if you haven’t figured out you’re being duped. Thankfully, First Impressions Count are strictly in the first category. Craig was consummately helpful, happy to answer any questions Rod had about coordination, cut & style. I really got the impression that their business exists because the staff enjoy it & love to make a difference. It’s so obvious when a business is built around the concept of paying the bills, & it can make you feel so uncomfortable. Neither of us felt pressured the entire time we were there, & I found it an incredibly interesting experience. They offer a number of other services on top of image appraisal, including taking you shopping & a home consultation where they’ll help you clean out your closet.

Edited to say: The voucher has been won! Thanks for all your entries!

Extra For Experts:
1. What is “camel”? Camel is a colour — a twist on beige, but a bit darker with a swirl of honey. It’s only fairly recently returned to the world of fashion, & I’m glad it’s back. It’s very light, natural & easy to wear.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Carousel -- Week Ending 19th January 2007

[ 19 January 2007, 17:49 ]

I’m sorry this is so late, I was in the suburbs (the horror!) reviewing a service which will be featured on here very soon! It’s also a small list — as I write & learn more about fashion, I find less & less information online that is relevant, timeless or valuable. Please send me links to anything you find that you think other people would benefit from!

Peter features again (as he did last week) with a post on Inspired Male Style. It’s great to see his perspective, as he is a very stylish man himself. I have been meaning to do a post on characters who inspire me for a while, but unfortunately I watch so few movies that I don’t know whether I could do the concept any justice!

Spring 2008 Forecast from Almost Girl. If you want to know where fashion is heading, you should read this. I found it really interesting, it looks like trends might finally be heading into that “space age” look we’ve been promised for such a long time. The article contains such choice phrases as, “pushing imaginative envelope with new visions of Futurism” (made my heart skip a beat with excitement!), “technology replaces design as reason to buy” & “futuristic fabrics: metallic/reflective/reactive”. How good does that sound?! Hand me my space gun.

I skimmed the thousands of updates on the fashion at the Golden Globes with very little interest, but I am miffed that Cameron Diaz was so harshly derided. I thought her dress was by far the most interesting of the bunch, & even though I don’t care much for her, the new dark locks are beautiful.

Beauty Snob has just started up in the last few days or so. Realistic reviews in an easy-to-read style. Good work ladies!

& finally, another article for men! Sneakers for Starters is your introduction to the world of pseudo-athletic footwear. Here’s how to tell a “good-ugly” from a “bad-ugly”, learn your classics & where to begin if you’re interested in collecting.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Choose A Flattering Haircut

[ 18 January 2007, 00:44 ]

I recently received an email from my friend who is getting her hair cut tomorrow afternoon & wanted to know how to choose a good haircut. She said:

It might follow on from your recent mention of your own haircut…

The best part about all of this is that I didn’t follow many of the below steps. My friend is doing training at the Biba Academy here in Melbourne, & they were being supervised by a guy from the Vidal Sassoon training school in London. The haircut was offered to me for free, & since I wanted to be helpful (& felt like I needed a bit of a shake up), I went in with no reservations & told them they could do as they pleased. I figured that even if it turned out hideously, I could write about it on here & if worst came to worst, well, I have a great collection of head-scarves!

Well, I had my hair cut yesterday & I am still dealing with mon nouveau visage. It was strange — when I was in the salon, I really liked what they were doing, but as soon as I got home I decided I looked like a boy. Looking in the mirror is a shock. At the moment I am kind of brushing it to the side, like I used to, but I think as I become more comfortable with the haircut I’ll start wearing it the way it’s supposed to be. I haven’t changed my hairstyle in a really long time, so this is taking some adjusting, but I think this sort of thing is good for the constitution… yessir.

With this in mind, here are the things I think are most important in terms of getting a haircut.

Either know what you want, or shut up.
Oh, I know, I’m so mean. Basically what I’m trying to say is that you either have a good idea of what you want as an end result, or you listen to your hairdresser & take their advice. I suggest having a little faith & crossing your fingers, it’s always more exciting that way — but if you want something specific be sure to COMMUNICATE WELL.

Develop a relationship with your hairdresser.
No, that doesn’t mean taking them home to your mother! Your most valuable asset in getting a good haircut is having a stylist whose opinion you trust. You will probably need to shop around until you find someone you really like. The most expensive hairdresser is not necessarily the best, either. A great hairdresser should make you feel at ease, make suggestions, listen to your opinion & have a good haircut themselves! You wouldn’t take financial advice from someone who was broke, would you? Same applies here.

Think about your lifestyle & what the climate is like where you live.
In the mornings, do you like to fiddle with products, straighteners, spray-in conditioners or do you like to just get up & go? Are you active? Do you go swimming a lot? (If so, I would advise against going platinum blonde!) Is the humidity likely to make your hair go limp? Is the wind going to blow it out of shape? Is your working environment conservative or relaxed? Do you often wear hats or head-scarves? Do you drive a convertible? All of these things will have an impact on what kind of hairstyle is going to work for you.

Consider your hair texture.
Is your hair straight, curly or wavy? If your hair kinks into ringlets, you’re never going to have a sleek bob. Similarly, if your hair is straight & you would like to look “Botticelli-esque” (did anyone catch the Sex & The City reference?), you’re going to have a hard time.

Remember that you’re not going to look like Jennifer Aniston even if you get the “Rachel”.
(Though, dear god, why you’d want to is beyond me.) Okay, so that’s a very 90’s reference, but you get my point, right? Celebrity haircuts are not going to change your face. Also, a lot of those haircuts require HOURS of styling. Hairstyle magazines always used to trap me, because I would look at the hot model & forget about the hair. Don’t fall for that. Cover their face with your fingers if you have to. Stay focussed!

Be open-minded.
Your hairdresser probably knows what he or she is doing. If you have a weird fly-away that has always existed, you should let them know, but ultimately, they’re the one with the training. Some of the worst haircuts happen when you agree with your hairdresser but then put limitations on what they can do halfway through — so the creative vision isn’t entirely realised, & you end up with a drastically asymmetric cut at the back & a conservative fringe/bangs, for example.

Having said that… speak your mind.
If you don’t like what they’ve done, or they haven’t done what they said they would, you don’t have to pay — or they should at least fix it up for free.

Work out your face shape.
This is a crucial step, as it will make the difference between something that makes you look horsey, bloated or gorgeous.

Here’s how to work out your face shape:

There are a few ways, so I’ll let you take your pick. The first is to tie (or hold) your hair back off your face, look in a mirror, & try to figure it out. The second is to outline the shape of your face in lipstick (or a whiteboard pen) on a mirror. The third is to use maths (not my bag, but maybe it’s yours). Here’s how you do it. Get a tape measure & measure across the top of your cheekbones, across your jaw from widest point to widest point, across the widest part of your forehead & from the tip of your hairline to the bottom of your chin. Write down the measurements, then compare them. If your face is oval, the length will be equal to one & a half times the width. If you’re round-faced, your face is pretty much as wide as it is long. Oblong, your face is longer than it is wide. Heart-shaped faces are narrow at the jaw & wide at the cheekbones or forehead. If your face is square it will be about as wide as it is long — like a round face, but you should be able to see the squareness in your face pretty easily. If you have a diamond-shaped face, it will be widest at the cheekbones with a narrow forehead & jaw which measure about the same.

Please excuse the celebrity pictures, it’s just the easiest way to show different haircuts on the same face shape!

Oval faces:
Women: Most hairstyles are going to look good on you, so be happy! Short cuts look as good on you as medium-length or long hair. One thing you should avoid is a heavy fringe/bangs. There are a lot of celebrities with your face shape — Cameron Diaz, Uma Thurman, Julia Roberts, Tyra Banks (though her forehead is FIERCE), & Elle Macpherson.
Men: As above, most hairstyles are going to suit you very well. Experiment! Short hairstyles will be great on you, & you can get away with longer hair too. Just be sure to keep it in good condition (regular haircuts & a good conditioner will work wonders). Other people with your face shape include Shaquille O’Neal & Kid Rock.

Oblong or square faces:
Women: You should go for short or medium styles, to balance the length of your long face. A lot of hair at the side of your face will suit you. A soft fringe or bangs will shorten the length of your face too. If you wear your hair too long, you risk looking horsey, so keep it above shoulder-length for best results. These celebrities have oblong faces — Gwyneth Paltrow, Janet Jackson, Sarah Jessica Parker, Giselle Bundchen.
Men: If you have a square face, you will look best with a style that enhances your face shape. A faux-hawk will really suit you, or anything short with a flat top or messy kind of look. Look at pictures of Nick Lachey, Enrique Iglesias & Matt Damon for inspiration.

Round faces:
Women: Try a style with a lot of volume on the top of your head, an off-centre part or anything longer than chin-length. Fullness on the crown with the rest of your hair cut in close to the sides of your face will make your face appear longer & thinner. You should stay away from anything chin-length & rounded, as you’ll look like you’re wearing a helmet. Also avoid a straight fringe or bangs. Not flattering! See Kate Bosworth, Kirsten Dunst, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Drew Barrymore & Christina Ricci for ideas.
Men: Your goal is to make your face look slimmer & longer. This can be achieved by an off-centre part or curls at eye-level. You can also try styling your facial hair to balance out your shape. If your hairline is receding, longer hair in the back will help off-set this. Stevie Wonder pulls this off well.

Heart faces:
Women: Go for chin-length or longer styles. A bob that ends at your chin will make your face look more equally proportioned. You should try something that emphasises your cheekbones — a dramatic pixie cut will look great on you. You shouldn’t go for something with a lot of height at the crown of your head. These gals have heart-shaped faces too: Katie Holmes, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lopez & Reese Witherspoon.
Men: don’t usually have heart-shaped faces. Next!

Diamond faces:
Women: Almost everything works for you. Try not to wear too much hair on your face, as you probably have super features. Other women with your face shape include the glamourous Katharine Hepburn, Linda Evangelista & Sophia Loren.
Men: You’ll look best with a deep, full fringe/bangs. It will soften the appearance of your forehead. If your beard is trimmed into a rounded or square shape this can also help de-emphasise your chin.

What now?
The above information should give you a guide as to what suits your face. Now is the time to do some research. Check out the links below & if you can, go & pick up some hairstyle magazines. Bookmark the ones you like & take them to your hairdresser. If you’re not sure about the salon, most places will do a free consultation, & this will give you a good indication as to their competence. When you make your appointment, be sure to clearly communicate any concerns. Another tip: when they’re styling your hair at the end, ask them for tips on how you can replicate it at home.

Extra For Experts:

Mad Rad Hair on Livejournal. On the info page are links to photobucket accounts full of pictures of people with great hair.

Best & Worst Haircuts for oval face shapes at about.com

“Virtual Hairstyle” at UK Hairdressers

Hairstyle Gallery for men & women

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Casual Suit Jackets

[ 14 January 2007, 21:34 ]

I see alot of hipsters wearing suit jackets without the rest of the suit. Is this just wrong? Or are there certain conditions in which this can be pulled off?

I have absolutely no problem with this as a look — in fact, I gladly embrace it! A suit jacket is the perfect way to dress up a casual outfit — you could be out all day in a cafe & then go home to throw on a suit jacket before you went out again, & it would look marvellous. Even if you wear jeans with rips or a pre-faded t-shirt, the jacket will tidy you up extremely well.

The casual suit jacket is good in black, navy or grey. Pick something that will go well with what you already have in your wardrobe. Try something with a light pinstripe or some unusual details — unfinished edges, contrasting stitching, etc.

The most important thing to remember when you’re doing the casual suit jacket thing is that your shoes are the other major player. They will make or break the outfit! Your best bet is a nice pair of loafers or super-shined boots. Sneakers are not cool — but if you’re into the comfort thing, a pair of slip-on Vans can totally rock this.

Don’t be afraid to pull the sleeves up to just below your elbow for a bit of comfort & versatility. If you have a cool or interesting watch, this can be a sneaky way of showing it off. It also happens to look really hot, so try it!

A fine-knit hoodie (no bulk please!) with a big of extra length to cover your belt looks great under a suit jacket — flick the hood out the back.

Try it with a white shirt worn open at the neck & jeans, or a vintage t-shirt & pressed trousers.

Wear it with an extra-long dark scarf around your neck, or try one with a light stripe or texture.

If you think you can pull it off, try it with a cravat. A lot of people used to associate the cravat with old men who smoked pipes & wore gold buttons on their navy blazer, but if you’re reasonably young & rugged-looking, I think this could look really cool.

Put the suit jacket over a grey v-neck sweater. It looks very clean & sophisticated, & if you want to dress it down a bit, pair it with jeans.

When buying a suit jacket — casual or not — keep these things in mind! It may be casual, but it still has to fit!

P.S. Take a photo of how it looks if you’re afraid to leave the house, or ask the opinion of someone with taste!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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The New Eyebrow

[ 14 January 2007, 12:49 ]

As you know, I am not the greatest trend follower, but I am delighted to report that the strong eyebrow is “in”! I have always been a fan of this look (as my own eyebrows will testify) & I’m very happy that I will be seeing more of it on the street. If eyes are the window to the soul, your eyebrows are the window-frame, & when done well, can completely alter your bone structure. This is NOT gender specific — EVERYONE should keep their eyebrows tidy.

It’s not necessary for all men to shape their brows, but there are some things that should go. A monobrow, for example — nobody in the course of history has managed to pull this off successfully, & I’m sorry to say that you aren’t any different. Wax it! Another thing that can be helpful for men with slightly unruly brows is a little bit of eyebrow gel. I know, it sounds silly, but it will stop them being blown around or looking like part of a crop circle if the wind catches them the wrong way. Try this in the mornings.

You can use Adrien Brody as a role-model if you’re a guy, or Elizabeth Taylor & Ava Gardner if you’re a woman. All of these people have great eyebrows. If you cover their eyebrows with a finger, it completely changes their beauty. Take note!

Of course, just because “big” is in, it’s not as easy as throwing caution to the wind & letting your malnutritioned ‘brows grow out in a feral manner — & if you’ve never touched yours, that doesn’t mean you can just leave them as is.

For people new to the world of eyebrow grooming, I suggest visiting a beautician. Even if you’re a man! Don’t be embarrassed, other men are doing this all the time. Beauticians know what they’re doing, even if you think they don’t. When I was about 16, my mother booked me in to get my eyebrows waxed. I was terrified that I was going to end up with what I called “sperm eyebrows” — eyebrows which look like a round nubbin of hair by the nose that then trails off to a tiny tail on the other side of your eye. The style was prevalent at my school. I did my best to explain my concerns, but it was probably unnecessary — I walked out of there with great-looking eyebrows. Once you’ve had your eyebrows waxed once & you like the shape, you can then just tweeze the errant hairs that grow back — very little fuss!

The best eyebrows have a nice arch in the middle — straight eyebrows are a little dull & don’t frame the eye as well.

Things to remember:

Stick to your natural brow line, which is where the bone arches above your eye. If you go too high above this, you will look permanently surprised, which isn’t such a good look.

Only wax the parts that you are never going to need, such as between the brows & along the temples. If you wax underneath the eyebrow, which is where you’ll do most of your maintenance, you will find that after years of doing this, your eyebrows will stop growing back. They will look sparse & nasty, they will grow at weird angles & stick straight out. You will have to resort to drawing on your eyebrows every morning!

You should avoid drawing on your eyebrows unless they are so fine & thin that they basically disappear. There is no way they can compete with beautifully-shaped, natural brows.

Make sure the start & end of your eyebrow lay along the same horizontal line on your face. Otherwise your eyebrow will look kind of off-balance & wonky.

Use slanted tweezers, it will make your life much easier.

Pull the hair in the same direction it grows, this will make it less painful. Another way to reduce the pain factor is to tweeze after you get out of the shower.

Most experts say you should never tweeze above the eyebrow, but Kevyn Aucoin disagreed with them — & he was one of the most well-paid make-up artists ever. I have never done any damage by doing a little selective tweezing above the eyebrow. However, if you’re unsure, keep it to a minimum or just don’t do it!

If you’re trying to grow out thin eyebrows, buy eyebrow shadow a couple of shades lighter than your colour, & fill in what you lack. Elke Von Freudenberg suggests taking a small toothbrush & using that to apply the shadow to the skin underneath the eyebrow too — she says it lasts longer. (All stuff I didn’t know, since my eyebrows are plentiful enough to not need to be filled in!) She also recommends trying a little loose glitter across your eyebrows for a night out! Sounds great. I’m definitely going to try that with some midnight-blue coloured glitter.

Extra For Experts:

Kevyn Aucoin eyebrow tutorial — this made my jaw drop as I read down, the difference to his sister’s face from shaping her eyebrow alone is incredible.

Elke Von Freudenberg, a celebrity make-up artist has a podcast here where she shares tips on a new way of doing the smoky eye to help play up strong eyebrows!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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The Definition Of Real Style (Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love iCiNG)

[ 10 January 2007, 12:59 ]

“Etiquette are for those without manners, in the same way as fashion is for those without style.”
– Coco Chanel

People on forums all over the internet keep asking about what will be big in 2007. I put forward the notion that 2007 becomes the year that people really start to develop their own personal style. How does knowing what the latest trend is benefit you in any way? Who are you trying to impress? Do you run with a crowd of lemon-sucking fashionistas? There are screeds of girls on the street who have the runway-look sussed — but don’t you find them boring?
I know that I am always far more excited to see someone who has broken away from what is “expected”. Once you decide that fashions are unimportant to you, you will really feel that you have the space to grow, expand, experiment.

Of course, you don’t have to do this, & I’m not trying to insult you if following trends is your thing. It is entirely up to you. I just feel that exploring your personal style is one of those things people should DO — in the same category as drinking tequila with your best friend, kissing in Paris & watching Amélie with a broken heart.

Style is not just a matter of dress. People work hard to develop a writing voice, a novel approach to business, ways to manage their time. You spend so much time doing all these other things that to somehow forget about developing your appearance seems bizarre & negligent.

Style, when it comes to physical appearance, is about distilling your personality into tangible articles. People who have spent time discovering & fostering their own personal style are people who realise that life is an occasion, & that the way you present yourself to the world matters. Gore Vidal said, “Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say and not giving a damn”. Not all of us are that fearless, but it’s certainly a noble thing to aim for.

In my opinion, the best-dressed people are usually the ones who aren’t afraid to take a risk, know their body type & make their primary fashion goal to wear something fun. There is nothing wrong with picking up trends as they come along, if you like them. It is also worth testing them out, even if you think it looks hideous. (You might try on a pair of leggings in a store & find that, far from making you look like some tragic 80’s throwback, you look amazing.) This is how we progress — by trying out new things. But there is a vast difference between following every trend passed down from Vogue & picking & choosing from what is available to liven up your style.

Some things I absolutely loathe, & am never going to experiment with — like ugg boots. I just couldn’t respect myself if I set foot in one of those snuggly ugly ugg boots. I am okay with not expanding my personal fashion mission statement in that direction. You may feel similarly about wedge heels or high-waisted trousers, & that is a-okay! The thing to realise is: you are capable of making your own fashion choices. This seems obvious, but evidently, it isn’t! I am amazed by the amount of girls in the street who look almost identical. The worst thing is when they go shopping in packs & their outfits match. Come on! Maybe if you were all wearing Pink Ladies jackets… maybe!

It is so easy to get caught up in the media hoopla, & given that we are programmed to compare ourselves to other people, it is hardly surprising that even if you initially resist trends, you will feel the pressure at some point. Let me emphasise — NOBODY is entirely immune to this. I had a moment of weakness the other day in a department store. I was in the luxury bags section, perusing the expensive hunks of dyed leather with their tassels, quilting, shiny clasps & fixtures. Back-lit logos hung from walls & histrionic label-freaks flitted from shelf to shelf. Anybody who reads fashion blogs or knows anything about trends will know that designer handbags are BIG business: there are even companies that will rent you an “It Bag” so you can keep up appearances. I knew I was supposed to be apoplectic in the very presence of these highly sought-after items, but instead I found myself bored & unimpressed. Once those feelings dissipated & I walked away, I began to doubt myself. Every other fashion writer goes GA-GA over this stuff. Was I missing something? Maybe I didn’t really “get” fashion or style. Maybe I didn’t love it enough — maybe if I loved it more, I, too, would join the frenzied women who put their names down for the latest handbag. But then I realised something.

Those girls who swoon over every latest “it” bag — they’re just the grown-up version of those girls in school who all wore the same thing. There’s nothing wrong with them doing that, it’s pretty natural to want to stick with the herd, but I was never like that — & I don’t think I ever will be.

I read something that night which said:

“The most difficult battle you ever fight is the battle to be unique in a world that will marshal its every force to keep you the same.”
– James Ray

This all ties into what I’m doing with iCiNG. This is not the place to come for an update on the latest Marc Jacobs collection. There are plenty of fashion writers who flip their wigs over that stuff, & I’m not going to pretend I care about it. If I find something I like which is by a big name designer, I’ll profile it, but only because I liked it in the first place. I have a particular affinity for the Hermes Kelly bag & Christian Louboutin shoes, but only because the workmanship is divine & the aesthetics have strong appeal. Labels really mean very little to me. iCiNG is my full-time gig, & I am committed to keeping my passion for it as high as possible: the best way to do that, in my experience, is to only write about things I care about. I work on several articles a day, some of them answering questions people have sent me but mostly my opinion on how to wear things. Since the site is relatively new, at the moment I am concentrating on building a solid base of information. Much of it is timeless — buying a suit, how to wear colour — & I hope that it will be helpful years on from now. It amazes me how little of this sort of thing is online, especially when a cursory glance down the street wherever you live will tend to confirm that most people are lacking this knowledge. But there is another reason for doing all this.

“You got to know the rules before you can break ‘em. Otherwise, it’s no fun.”
– Sonny Crockett in Miami Vice

Yes, you could just go out there in a multi-coloured ensemble & think ‘critics be damned!’ — but the point of fashion is to look good, not ridiculous. You can be as zany as you like as long as you follow some basic guidelines (& really, there aren’t that many). Once you know the basics of dressing, you can put anything together & feel confident that it works. There may be minor tweaks you can make, but this knowledge should remove all apocalyptic panic attacks on the subject.

I think a lot of women neglect their personal appearance for fear that they will be considered shallow, frivolous or vapid — they think that they will be judged by their clever friends. Yes, some people who care about fashion are shallow, frivolous & vapid — but so are some people who care about coffee. First impressions really do matter — you are evaluated & appraised in the first few seconds of meeting someone, whether you like it or not. In that short time they will decide whether they want to have anything to do with you or not, & this can greatly impact on your life.

Why not make 2007 the year that you started really getting to know yourself? Really began to LOVE yourself? Really began to realise your true value — in ALL arenas? Everyone has area of their life that could use improvement. Along with the other things you do this year, why not also make some style & fashion resolutions? If you do, you will feel a sense of immense achievement & your self-esteem will soar. You will be surprised at the amount of support you receive from other people, & if you have a problem, you can always write to me!

Happy 2007.

P.S. The dear Madhavi wrote a response to this.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Questions Please!

[ 9 January 2007, 14:31 ]

Attention men! Your clothing doesn’t have to be boring! The automatic thought most people have is that menswear is limited, boring & stodgy, since the range of items tends to be so much smaller than the various things women can wear. While the choice of items is indeed smaller, that doesn’t mean you have to look like your Uncle. It is perfectly possible to be a very well-dressed man — in fact, it’s easier than women’s dressing as there are less variables. The real thing that will make you stand out is a solid understanding of colour & proportion. Almost all men wear shirts, trousers, a jacket & shoes, but if your individual choices are exceptional & go together well, you will look fantastic.

I will be writing more on men’s fashion soon — in the meantime, if you have any specific questions on the subject, please ask me!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Difficult Boys, Dressing Them For Occasions and How To Buy A Suit

[ 6 January 2007, 02:17 ]

Dear Gala,


Please help me. I need some fashion advice for my boyfriend PRONTO. My boyfriend and I are going to a flurry of weddings (mostly semi-formal) over the next few months and he has literally NOTHING to wear. He’s a recovered bogan (westie, you probably call them) and wears a uniform of black T-shirts, black jeans, Converse and wraparound sunglasses. He is super hot and has the recovered bogan number one haircut.


I wear lots of floral gear and am an accessoriser (think Carly Harris versus World) but don’t want to turn him into a boy version of moi. I suspect that while he would look great in a suit, he’d probably only wear it at these weddings.


Can you give me some advice on a ‘seperates’ approach to smart-casual dressing for men?

Dear Girls Across The World With Non-Metrosexual Boyfriends,

Please do not despair. Quite frankly, a boyfriend who has no clue about fashion & is happy to admit it is FAR preferable to one who THINKS he knows but is sadly mistaken. Another upside: if he dresses hideously on a regular basis, you will be far more excited about it when he makes an effort. Now to answer your question.

Everybody needs a suit, regardless of gender. I think they’re painfully dull & conformist, which has never been my bag, but that doesn’t change anything. Everybody needs a suit, & if it fits well, it can look amazing. If he’s particularly hard-up at the moment, he should hire one, but either way, wearing a suit to a wedding is pretty much unavoidable. Okay, now that we have that out of the way, here’s how to buy a men’s suit without feeling like a moron.

Go somewhere with a good range.

Usually a department store is going to be your best bet. John’s Suit Shop might be having a sale, but their selection is probably going to be sub-par. There’s no point in saving money if you end up with something that doesn’t fit or turns into a teatowel when you wash it.

Take somebody with you.

In a perfect world, all sales staff would be stylistic geniuses with only their customers’ best interests at heart. Unfortunately, a lot of them are clueless, have targets to hit & lipstick on their teeth. If the salesperson assisting you is useless, don’t be afraid to request someone else. They might be miffed, but so what? You need the best assistance you can get, & it’s not like a suit is a small purchase. Anyway — take a friend with you. Someone honest, who can say “no” (& who you will listen to), with some stylistic nous, & no lipstick on their teeth.

Be prepared to spend some money.

I know you men usually don’t like to do this, especially when it comes to clothing. You could buy a guitar or a new server instead! But seriously, this is worth investing in. Spend as much as you are able to. I know it’s a cliche, but it really will last you a very long time — longer than a car if you take good care of it.

Buy wool.

Why wool? Because linen & polyester are nasty. No, really, why wool? Because it’s durable, breathes wonderfully & is incredibly stylish. Usually you’ll want a mid-weight wool, though of course you should always consider where you live. If you live somewhere chilly, tweed or flannel might be a better bet. Ask the salesperson if you’re unsure.

Make sure the shoulders fit you perfectly.

They shouldn’t stick out at all — they should drop straight from your shoulder down to your arm.

Free arm movement is important.

You need to be able to hail a taxi, carry a casket, shoot hoops & dance along to “YMCA”.

In the perfect suit jacket, with your arms hanging straight, you should be able to curl your hands into fists & just skim the bottom of it.

You should be able to see a quarter-inch of your shirt cuff underneath the jacket.

It seems like a stupid fiddly detail, but it will improve your overall look drastically. If you need proof that this works, see here.

Buying a two-button suit jacket is your best bet.

It’s classically stylish, a great choice for a first suit since it is so easy to wear. If you want to go for something high fashion, it’s best to do that once you’re more comfortable & confident wearing a suit.

Give the buttons a bit of a tug before you buy it.

Make sure they’re secure. This will betray a lot about the general craftsmanship of the suit.

Never buy a ventless suit.

It will make you look boxy & shapeless. “Vents” are the vertical slits at the bottom of the jacket. A vent in the centre is American-style, while a vent at either side is European & less conservative — take your pick.

The suit pants you buy should sit on your hips, & shouldn’t require a belt or suspenders to stay up.
Whether you wear a belt or not should be a personal stylistic choice: not a must.

Buy two pairs of suit pants if you can afford it.

They will wear out faster than the jacket — all that friction from sitting down is hard on material, even good material. Plus, you can pretty much wear them with anything.

If you’re short, you should avoid cuffed trousers.

It’ll just make you look shorter than you are.

If you want it to fit really well, get it tailored.

It is so very worth spending a little extra on this. If you spend $100 on having it taken in, it could make the suit look $500 better. Remember try it on in the store after it’s been altered.

Basically, buy the right size!

If the wedding is informal, he could wear a shirt with a high quality sweater & well-pressed trousers. A white shirt, black trousers & royal blue sweater would look great. The thing is, most weddings are pretty staid. If it isn’t too formal, men can get away with mixing it up a little bit — i.e., he could wear his suit jacket with different pants, or he could wear a “casual” suit jacket (which are pretty trendy these days so shouldn’t be difficult to find). He could also dress it down slightly by going without a tie, but it is always better to be over-dressed than under-dressed.

Generally if you’re attending a wedding as a hetero couple, the man tends to be the accessory to the woman, not the other way around. It’s unusual to see a man decked out with a woman in sobering black, for example. This makes it much easier for men, but also kind of boring. He can make his outfit a little bit more exciting by wearing a nice tie (I have a distinct hatred for those really fat ones typically sold in men’s chain stores) which matches his cufflinks.

I’m into the matchy-matchy thing, & my boyfriend is long-suffering. If my boyfriend & I were going to a wedding & I was wearing a blue dress (for example), I’d have him in a black suit with a white shirt, blue tie, cufflinks with blue detail, a black belt, shoes & socks. I would also probably wrap the gift in the exact same Pantone blue shade we were wearing, but then I’m anal like that.

Extra For Experts:
Never, EVER wear a novelty tie. If you wear it with a suit, you’ve just wasted your money. If someone bought you one for Christmas, smile politely, thank them & then sell it on Ebay. Wearing a tie in one colour is the easiest thing to pull off.

If you want to look really, really good, wear a pocket square. Here’s how to fold one. A good pocket square should complement, not overpower.

Beware of silk ties. They can pull easily. Check the other ones on the rack in the store — if one of them has that problem, it’s likely yours will too.

> When you buy a suit, they will typically give you a hanger with it. Keep it. Use it. It will help keep the clothing in shape.

No matter how trashed you get at your little sister’s Bat Mitzvah (or whatever), when you get home, always hang your suit up.

Use a lint-brush.

If your budget doesn’t quite stretch to good black shoes, you can get away with boots as long as they’re polished.

If you wear a belt, match it to the shoes, & match your socks to your trousers. (Wear dress socks.)

Good luck to you & your boyfriend! I have faith. I once had a bogan boyfriend myself, & he scrubbed up exceptionally well. Send pictures!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

Tags: advice, how to, monsieur
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Carousel -- Week Ending 5th January 2007

[ 5 January 2007, 12:53 ]

The internet sure is a sad place over Christmas & the New Year. Where is everybody? St. Barts? We want content!

Google Reader has been pretty quiet this week, but here are some posts I’ve really enjoyed. Please feel free to suggest anything in the comments that has caught your attention!

The Sartorialist: On the Beach… Miami Chic, Florida

Minimalism without texture, and dimension is just boring – she does a great job giving depth to the look by using black and navy layers.

The Bag Snob: I Have Things To Carry, Too!

We get a lot of emails from men asking about man bags – not computer bags, backpacks or Jack Bauer type messenger bags. They want real bags, the kind that stand up to the fashion rigour of women’s bags, like Terrence Howard at last year’s Oscars with an alligator clutch any girl would envy.

Daily Dose of Queer: Another Year Begins, As Does Another Carnival!

Welcome to 2007, and welcome to the first edition of the Carnival of Shoes and Bags!

IndieShopping Blog: Bittersweet Styles

For the rest of this week I’m going to be focusing on some of my favorite online vintage shops.

I Like her Style!: Style Inspiration — Menswear

Menswear goes beyond tailored suits and shirts. Think hard lines, muted tones and an over-all polished look. However, don’t be fooled into thinking that you can’t be versatile when playing around with mens clothing…

The Budget Fashionista: Ten Tips For Getting Out of Extreme Debt

I’m not a financial advisor, accountant or anything like that, but it doesn’t take one to understand that we (I mean the collective we cause girl, I’ve been there too) get into debt cause we spend money we don’t have. However, while the cause might be rather simple, the remedy isn’t so easy. There’s no magic bullet to help you get out debt and it’s not going to happen tomorrow. It’s going to take a lot of work and a complete lifestyle change on your part. Here’s my ten tips (developed as a result of my own extreme debt experiences)...

& do remember to go & vote at the Glam Awards!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

Tags: carousel, madame, monsieur
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Popularity

[ 4 January 2007, 22:17 ]

Last week I received an email from somebody asking me how I got to know so many people. It surprised me, because I don’t consider myself a very “popular” person — I’m no Ben Brown, after all — but thought I would have a go at answering the question anyway, since I certainly have opinions on these things. The sender also suggested I watch Marie Antoinette — I did, & loved it. Couture & cake, what could be better?! So thank you!

When it comes to making friends in person, one of the most popular things ever written on the subject is Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends & Influence People. It came out in 1936 & all the principles still apply today. The book was a New York Times best-seller for 10 years. When I was growing up, my parents often spoke glowingly of it & I remember reading it at a very young age. (His advice on how to sell products is also brilliant & can be used by anyone in a retail capacity to great success.)

In my experience, the keys to getting somebody to like you are:

Smile genuinely at people (extend it to the eyes).

Remember people’s names. This always blows people away, especially if you haven’t seen them for a couple of years & can rattle their name off easily. If you’re not very good at this, the best way to do it is to repeat the person’s name when they first introduce themselves, i.e., when they say “Hello, I’m Diana”, you should say, “Hello, Diana”. Then proceed to use their name a couple of times in the ensuing conversation. Another good thing to do is link some kind of distinguishing characteristic to their name (mentally) — think of them as “James with the big eyebrows” or “Sally with the glass eye”.

Shut up! Don’t talk about yourself constantly. Ask questions about them. They will probably walk away thinking they just had the best conversation ever.

Maintain eye contact.

Try not to bitch about other people. It just makes everyone in earshot nervous that you’ll do it as soon as their back is turned.

Make people feel important. Sincere compliments are awesome.

Online “popularity” is a little different. As far as I know, no one has written a book about it yet, & even if they did, I doubt it would sell 16 million copies! On my birthday last year, I was sitting in a room in the Hotel Chelsea in New York with my boyfriend, a girl I knew from Livejournal & a guy I had met at Burning Man a week earlier. The girl from Livejournal was talking about people she knew, & even though up until that point I had only lived in New Zealand, on the other side of the planet, I was familiar with a huge amount of the people she mentioned. My boyfriend thought it was hilarious. Am I an internet whore?! No. I’ve just been doing this stuff for a long time.

I’ve been online for 10 years & I’ve been blogging for about 9. Trust me, my old journal entries were B-A-D — but then, most people’s were. In 1997, there were about 20 New Zealanders journalling online. Things were very different then. As we all know, people who write anything online tend to have exhibitionistic tendencies. Everybody wants a reaction, whether it’s just to know that there are like-minded people out there or to piss someone off — that’s why Livejournal is based around a commenting system. It would be nowhere near as successful without that sense of community or the ease of access to other people. I guess the point is that I’ve been writing with an audience in mind for a long time, & this (eventually) pays off, though it depends on your end goal.

I also participate in quite a few online communities — Flickr, Myspace, Consumating & Last.fm, for example. It seems that most people use these to keep in touch with their existing friends, but of course it is a great way to meet new people too. It’s extremely easy to do this, but you have to make the effort. If you combine the tips below with a willingness to meet up with people in the “real world”, you will definitely end up knowing a lot of people. Without further ado, here are some ways to encourage people’s interest in your online presence.

Keep the angst to a minimum.
Seriously. Everyone has problems, but nobody wants to hear about yours — especially if you go on & on & on about the same thing all the time. If people know you in real life & you whinge online occasionally, they will probably put up with it. But if they don’t? No one is going to stick around for that crap, unless they dislike you & want to have a laugh. I know this sounds really, really harsh, but it’s true — & it applies to face-to-face interactions too. Nobody likes a party-pooper! So shut it!

Provide something.
Inspiration, music suggestions, philosophical musings, movie reviews, top ten lists, dirty jokes, masturbatory fodder. It doesn’t matter really. Work out who you want your primary audience to be, & then think about what they want. People tend to seek out things that make them feel better. Be uplifting.

Variety is the key.
This applies to everything in life, not just blogs. The point is, if you update every day about what you ate for dinner or how work went, it’s going to get old really quickly. Surprise people.

Only post when something actually happens.
If your life is boring, either fix it or keep it to yourself! Once you’ve done something, write it up in an interesting fashion. Don’t just write “I went to the zoo”. Write about what happened at the zoo. It is your viewpoint that will keep people interested. Even if you did something really amazing, like visiting the pyramids in Egypt, an entry that says “I went to the pyramids. It was hot. I lost my shoe. Lolz.” is virtually worthless.

Skip the mundane banter about everyday life.
Again, this also applies to live interactions with people. Everyone feels the temperature, goes to work & feeds their cat. Yup, we get it: boring. Next!

People are visual.
Everyone likes pictures. You don’t have to be Gemma Ward (or Christy Turlington for those not up with the current model scene) to exploit this fact. What’s the most interesting part of your life? Is it where you live? Your sock collection? The food you eat? Your habit of performing lewd acts at the office? All of these things can be photographed. Generally, “the weirder the better” is a good rule of thumb here.

High production values.
If you can’t spell, use a spell-checker. Edit your photos so they’re not huge or ugly. Check that your html is free of errors. This seems obvious, but a lot of people don’t get it. If you do things in a half-assed way, people will think you don’t care. Their assumption is probably right. Either do it properly or don’t bother.

Be courteous & responsive.
Once people start reading your journal or website or whatever, reply to their emails & comments! If you don’t, people will feel unappreciated, & trust me, they will go elsewhere. No one likes to feel invisible or unimportant, so for god’s sake don’t neglect the people you’re trying to attract. Also remember: being a hit on the internet really doesn’t make you any cooler than anyone else.

Maintain some mystery.
Writing about how bored you are at work on a Friday or how you got food poisoning at your grandmother’s house doesn’t make you more interesting. In fact, it has the opposite effect. Sometimes less is more.

Be original.
Well, if you want to. In a similar vein to the hundreds of girls on Myspace with hair extensions, false eyelashes & Gloomy Bears, if all you do is rip off other people, you will remain indistinguishable from everyone else. Copying other people is easy, whereas coming up with something on your own is scarier. You might get laughed at. You may be openly mocked. Then, maybe, the hordes will come & imitate you… or you will be ostracised for the rest of your life. (Okay, not the rest of your life. Probably just a year.) Only you can decide whether that is a risk you want to take.

Avoid memes.
It’s kind of like that old piece of writing advice: show, don’t tell. People would rather learn about you through details rather than a blanket statement. What I mean is, posting your result of the “What Cream Cheese Flavour Are You?” means nothing. Likewise, if you want the world to know how sexually adventurous & experienced you are (hey, that’s your prerogative), you could post your purity score… or you could allude to a huge collection of vibrators & your recently acquired Whitehead gag.

Link everything together.
Make your domain, wishlists, Flickr, Myspace, Consumating, Facebook, Livejournal & Youtube accounts easy to access from one another. People don’t want to have to dig around the internet to get to know you (unless they are a weird stalker, in which case they will do it anyway). Make it easy for them. Theoretically, the more you participate in, the greater your exposure — just make sure it is all to a similar (high) standard. Having more than one channel of communication makes you seem more realistic & multi-faceted.

Any of my popularity, perceived or otherwise, is due to following those guidelines… more or less. Eventually though, it’s only my opinion, & you may find yourself projected to Internet Rockstar status by posting a succession of cute cat photos. You never know. Of course, if all else fails, just get naked. I hear geeks love that stuff.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

Comment [3]
Tags: advice, madame, monsieur
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Style and Fashion Resolutions -- 2007

[ 4 January 2007, 10:22 ]

Along with the normal New Year’s Resolutions — I mean, small actions — this year I thought I should come up with some style & fashion resolutions too. Most people aren’t completely happy with their appearance, & even if they are, there is always more to buy or lust after. I’m in the first category — I’m pretty happy with the way I dress, but it needs some tweaking. Plus, I thought the whole idea of fashion was that it’s supposed to push you, test you a little bit, make you feel slightly self-conscious before you finally twig to the fact that you look great. I’m down with that.

As much as I would like to wear a big label shift dress & Louboutins & look immaculate every day, it’s just not realistic. There are going to be days when I feel fat & the weather is crappy & I just don’t want to. Same goes for you. Go easy on yourself. With this in mind, I give you my resolutions for the year.

Develop “incognito” outfits for all the seasons.
Explanation: Everybody needs clothes that they can throw on when they’re running across the road to buy coffee/cotton-buds/batteries. I live in the centre of the city, so whenever I go out in public, even if I want to be invisible, I’m not. I would be deluding myself if I thought otherwise. Not to mention the fact that I have pink hair — it tends to attract attention, regardless of the circumstances. Often, I’m only going out for a few minutes & don’t have the time or inclination to get super dressed up. At the moment, I tend to end up dashing out in some combination of the following:
a) tracksuit pants
b) hooded sweatshirt
c) flip-flops, aka jandals, aka thongs — somewhat of an Australian tradition.
The whole thing is pretty repulsive. It is hard to feel good about yourself in this kind of garb, or at least it is for me. My intention is to come up with something I can wear to the supermarket without having to cross my fingers that I don’t see somebody I know.

Replace tracksuit pants.
Explanation: Following on from the above resolution actionable item, I need to get rid of my old tracksuit pants. The fact that I even OWN tracksuit pants, let alone TWO pairs, boggles my mind. Mostly I think they are disgusting. The first pair I initially purchased to go running in. You must understand, I am not a sporty girl — until I went to NYC last year, I used to go running in a pair of Adidas covered in pink velvet & blue fun fur. (Now I run in Reebok Ice Creams… hmmm.) The pants are okay, but the cut isn’t doing much for me & I’ve had enough. The second pair were kind of a mistake. I went to work one day wearing a loose dress with fishnet stockings, but halfway through the day, the temperature dropped & I found myself freezing to death at my desk. I walked down the road to Supre (huge evil chain-store specialising in cheap items) & purchased a pair of plain black sweats. They actually looked remarkably good underneath the dress, & the fabric was plain enough that unless you touched them, the tracksuit pants actually looked like regular trousers. Bonus. They were also cut with a very wide, straight leg, which is very flattering on me. The problems with these tracksuit pants are:
a) they are too comfortable (leading to a lot of wear — a cardinal tracksuit sin) &
b) they were $20, & I have washed them too many times, & they are pilling like crazy. Ie, they now look like tracksuit pants. They gotta go.
I’m not sure what to replace them with. Maybe classic black Adidas pants with the vertical white stripes down the side. Worn quite long with interesting trainers (like the Adidas Missy Rock boots — which seem to have disappeared from the internet altogether, oh my god, does this mean they will never be mine?!), these can actually look stylish. Yes.

Replace flip-flops, aka jandals, aka thongs.
Explanation: I bought a pair in turquoise when I first moved here. They match my eye make-up & one of my handbags, among other things, so it was a good colour choice. But they are not without flaws. Viz:
a) whenever I wear them for more than 10 minutes, they rub the inside of my feet raw &
b) they are ugly.
I am loathe to buy Birkenstocks, even though I like those clear jelly ones I’ve seen — regardless, I have yet to see them on a foot, so they might not be any good. Mostly I resist buying them because of their reputation, I think. Heidi Klum-styling be damned! The very word “Birkenstock” makes me think of hippies in knee-socks, & while I may go to Burning Man, I’m no hippy. Keep your patchouli stink far away, thank you! In fact, if you google hippy Birkenstock, you will see that I’m not the only one who thinks this way. I may end up with some kind of sandal, but mostly in replacing my jandals, I am looking for something comfortable to go with my Summer “incognito” outfits — not a fashion sandal to wear out anywhere special.

Replace New Rock platforms.
Explanation: Okay, I don’t know if this is actually going to happen. I have had these boots for a few years & they’re cute as hell. They even have visible springs in the middle. They’re just not very well designed. Every time you step & your foot flexes, the boot flexes with it… but the platform does not. The result is that the platform gets ripped away from the boot. I have had it repaired a few times but it just keeps happening, there is really no way to fix the problem permanently. It makes me sad & it also puts me off wearing them when I know I’m going to be in them for a while, in case I totally ruin them. I need platform boots, but have never found any I like as many as the New Rock style. So, we’ll see.

Wear red lipstick more often.
Explanation: I like my eyes. I usually play them up when it comes to make-up: I love to splash colour around them (blue, green & purple especially). I had heard somewhere that when doing make-up, you should either emphasise your eyes or your lips, never both. Like most things you “hear” from people, you should judge for yourself before heeding what they say. The reason red lipstick always looks stupid on me is because I have green all over my eyes! It’s too much. It is completely possible to do both of them up, but what I’ve learnt is that red lipstick needs to go with eyes that don’t clash — so, make-up that is brown, black, gold, bronze, or some other fairly neutral colour. (Duhhhhhhhh. I’m so embarrassed. Oh well, better late than never, etc.) I have discovered that it’s difficult to feel dowdy in the perfect red lipstick. Anyway, the good news is that I received two red MAC lip products in the mail yesterday — lipstick in MAC Red & Glitz Gloss in Foreign Intrigue. MAC Red is a super-bright blue-toned red with a satin finish, & it is beautiful. Foreign Intrigue is a limited edition from October 2005 — a fuschia-toned red gloss with piles of glitter. It’s like wearing Dorothy’s ruby slippers on your lips. Très belle.

Take better care of my hair.
Explanation: It is January. I haven’t had my roots touched up since August. SERIOUSLY. People keep telling me how the contrast of black roots with my pink hair looks good, but there comes a point where enough is enough. Also, I haven’t had a haircut since the 17th of October. There have been a lot of reasons for the lack of maintenance (including travel & cash-flow), but thankfully these issues have been resolved. So onwards & upwards. It’s gonna be a good hair year.

Oral hygiene!
Explanation: I don’t like my teeth very much, but I figure I will dig them more if they’re whiter. I am currently brushing my teeth four times a day (!), twice with Colgate 2-in-1 Whitening Liquid Gel, & twice with Pearl Drops Gloss Tooth Whitener. Both came highly recommended on some forum, somewhere. I’ll let you know how it goes.

More dresses.
Explanation: Dresses are the perfect piece of clothing. In my opinion. Which is why you’re here, right?! So shush. I love dresses because they’re so easy. It is hard to screw it up. All you need to do really is pick shoes & a bag that go, & I don’t tend to find that too challenging. My favourite dress is by Kate Sylvester, a New Zealand designer, but I need (okay, want) more.

Throw out & replace everything evil.
Explanation: “Evil” here can be read as faded, the wrong size, unflattering or generally doesn’t-make-me-feel-amazing. This will be a slow process, since I am not too keen on the idea of being left with nothing to wear. It was a sad moment when, whilst packing up my clothing to move to Melbourne, I realised that I disliked about 70% of my clothing. So much of what I have doesn’t suit me anymore, physically OR stylistically, & I have had enough! My intention is to have weeded out all the awful stuff by January 2008. The most important part of this as a resolution is that I don’t then go out & replace the cheap stuff with more cheap stuff. I need to learn to save my money & buy good quality items. Every item in my wardrobe should be something I love to wear.

Buy some “real” jewellery.
Explanation: I have been wearing plastic jewellery for a long time & I think it’s time for that to end. Sure, when it comes to necklaces that I’m only going to wear for a few months, plastic is great, but if I buy anything that I want to wear for a significant period of time, it’s sad when the glue finally gives out, it leaves marks on my fingers or snaps in half. I don’t mean diamonds, since everyone with half a clue these days knows how corrupt the diamond industry is. I don’t mean normal old gold either, because it’s never really appealed to me. The yellow tones against my skin are no good. I do however like white gold & I am keen on cubic zirconia. I want some. So there.

Pampering.
Explanation: Primarily, more manicures & pedicures. My feet are in a sorry state & have been ever since Burning Man. My hands are better, but getting them done professionally is a really great (& cheap) way to make yourself feel pretty damn good.

Put on sunscreen every day.
No explanation required — everyone should be doing this! — though I will add that last year for my birthday I sank a couple of thousand US dollars into my arm in tattoos, & keeping it looking good is a top priority for me.

Extra for Experts:
I started writing this last night, & when I checked Google Reader this morning, I saw that Fashion Nation had made their own fashion resolutions for the new year — so check it out!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Tags: gala, madame, monsieur
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Flattering Photographs

[ 3 January 2007, 14:59 ]

This is a subject which has been on my mind recently. On New Year’s Eve, I had two conversations on the topic. The first one consisted of my friend saying, “Seriously, it’s impossible to take a good photograph of me! I don’t know which angle to put my head at! I mean, good luck to you, but it’s not going to work!” (I took several good pictures of her that night, ha!). The second occurred after taking a picture of another friend of mine. I turned the camera around afterwards so she could see the results (gee, I sure do digital cameras!) & she said, “Oh, thank god you know how to take a good photo! I hate it when you’re relying on other people to take a decent picture & they just can’t!”

Yesterday afternoon I saw this article which details Jay Manuel’s tips on taking a good photograph. What I read was essentially a pitch for Match.com, but this bit intrigued me:

Celebrity stylist Jay Manuel, known for appearances on America’s Next Top Model, gives a crash course on Match’s website to help amateurs find their best camera angle and most flattering expression.

His tips for bringing out one’s inner super-model: Take your photo using a camera flash and a naturally lit room; black clothing is often best for a head shot; and try using an indoor fan to capture a tousled, dynamic image.

Okay. I’ll bite. Here is a photo of me wearing black, in front of a fan (see also: hairdryer), using the flash.

You will notice I’m squinting like a bastard. That’s what happens when there is wind in your eyes & a flash going off. Pretty hot, right? I’d be the most popular girl on Match.com, for sure! The most disturbing thing is that I took about 5 photos like this, & that was the best one. Most of them looked like this:

If we remove all Jay Manuel’s hideous suggestions — fan, black, flash — & I tilt my head to a more flattering angle, the photo looks like this:

Are you kidding me?! Is this all a cruel joke?! Unless you’re a pro & you know how to use your camera really well, most photographs taken with flash are exceedingly unflattering — not to mention that if you’re wearing glasses, instead of eyes you’ll see a flare. I don’t have any photos of me that I like that were taken with a flash. Wearing black is neither here nor there — in my opinion, wearing a colour that complements your features & skin-tone is going to make you look far better. & an indoor fan? Um, well, golly. Consider me gob-smacked.

Maybe they shouldn’t have asked the opinion of someone with frosted-looking hair & a shiny suit jacket. I guess if you want a hideous 80s-style “glamour shot”, you should take his advice. Go! Flee! Don pale pink lipstick, hairspray those bangs & make as intense an expression as one possibly can when they are emerging from a chiffon nest.

Above, you can see the small, subtle changes needed to completely transform how a photograph looks. If in the past you have always been unhappy with pictures of you, take heart, because you don’t always need to undergo complex reconstructive surgery in order to look much, much better. Wink wink. If you would like to look good in a photograph, whether it’s for an online dating site, a new Livejournal icon or to give your parents for Christmas, here are my tips.

Go digital. If you don’t have a digital camera, borrow one from a friend. (Remember to delete the photos before you give it back. No one really needs to see the rejects from your afternoon of narcissism!) One reason for doing it digitally is that you can instantly see how the photos are turning out & work out how to make them look better. Another reason is that you’re probably going to take a LOT of shots… & film is expensive.

If you can, get somebody else to take the pictures. This lessens the chances of your photograph looking like a Myspace mugshot (you know, all black-outlined eyes & forehead, taken from above). When I take daily outfit photographs, I sometimes enlist the help of my boyfriend. He sits there & snaps away while I dance or jump on the trampoline or whatever else strikes my fancy. It makes for far more dynamic photographs.

Overhead lighting is your enemy. Natural light is your friend. Overhead light casts really ugly shadows. The best times to take photos of yourself are at at sunrise & sunset. The reason for this is that during these times, colours are softer & warmer. If you can’t wait until these times, shoot yourself near a window that receives a lot of light.

Have as plain a background as you can, unless you want people to pay attention to it. If you want to be the main focus, try for a plain white backdrop. I like taking photos in bed because all my bedding is white & very light pink, but the duvet & pillows provide a bit of texture, making it more interesting.

Emphasise your best features & angle yourself so that your less attractive parts aren’t brought to anyone’s attention. If, for example, you are paranoid that you have a double chin, lying on a bed & taking a photograph from above is a bad idea. Ditto a picture of your side profile if you’re worried about your Roman nose.

Most people look better shot from slightly above, or straight-on. Looking up at somebody, especially if their head is tilted down towards the camera, isn’t usually terribly pretty.

Don’t zoom in too much! No one wants an extreeeeme close-up of your pores, stray eyebrow hairs or broken capillaries.

Women: wear make-up. Even a little foundation will help even out your complexion.

Men: shave. Or at least trim your eyebrows & stray nostril hairs.

Look slightly above the camera — apparently Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis did this.

SMILE! (Make sure it’s reflected in your eyes or you’ll look like a Stepford wife.) Further to this: work out whether you should smile with your teeth showing or not. I saw a girl asking for opinions on her photographs once — there were about 10 of them, all with her teeth showing, & she would have looked much better if they weren’t. I am definitely a closed-mouth smiler. Maybe if I get new gnashers I’ll change my mind.

Do something interesting in your photo. Even if you’re pulling a stupid face, it will at least make your picture interesting.

Elongate your neck. It’s very flattering.

Accept that how you used to pose for pictures ten years ago might not work anymore. In the same way that fashions change, photographic styles do too. Try & be flexible about it, & experiment. Try taking your glasses off, wearing a hat, impersonating Marilyn Monroe… whatever. If you hate the result, you can just delete it — it’s no big deal. Until last year I don’t think I had ever put a photo of myself smiling online. I’m glad I got over it.

When you upload your pictures & are playing around with them in your software package of choice, try flicking them to black & white. It makes most people look pretty good.

Learn how to use Photoshop, or an equivalent. Gaining competency in Photoshop is a big job, but if you only learned how to use the healing brush & how to adjust the colour balance & contrast levels, you could do amazing things with your photos. Believe me. (See links below.)

Extra for Experts:
How to Shoot Self Portraits
Tips for Handheld Self Portraits
Photoshop: Airbrushing Tutorial
Photoshop: Retouching Skin
Photoshop: Digital Cosmetic Surgery (this is pretty weird & excessive but worth a look, if only for humour value)

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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The Benefits of Daily Outfit photos, part two

[ 1 January 2007, 17:36 ]

The other day I wrote about what benefits you may experience from taking photographs of your daily outfits. Continuing from there, I have some more suggestions for you.

Have you started photographing your clothing yet? I hope so. (Of course, you don’t have to put any of the pictures online unless you have strong exhibitionistic tendencies or want other people’s advice.) If you want to take it further, have slight Virgo inclinations or want to re-organise your wardrobe but are unsure where to start, I suggest you try making notes about what you’re wearing. You don’t have to write 1000 words, but a little bit about how you felt in your outfit will help you next time. Try to make the notes throughout the day — for example, you might feel good leaving the house, but as you walk to the bus you might find that your shoes are rubbing, your jacket’s too short, your hands are cold & you have no pockets or gloves, etc. I am a huge fan of the Hipster PDA & Moleskine notebooks & I tend to make notes in those.

An example of your notes throughout the day might go like this:

WEARING: Green jersey, short black skirt, black fishnets, black boots with green laces.
7am — Feel really good & sassy, even have eye makeup to match!
8.30am — Cold. Should have brought my scarf.
Would a green beret or beanie be too much? Fingerless gloves?
11am — Under fluorescent lights skirt looks dirty. Why God why?! Wash at home, if no better, dry-clean.
12.30pm — Maybe shouldn’t have worn skirt this short to work, creepy Wade from Accounts has been leering & it is unwelcome.
5pm — Wish I had a knee-length black woolen winter coat. Ebay!

You get the idea. If you keep this up, you’ll find that there are some things you can’t wear together, & some things that match like a dream. You’ll learn that some skirts need petticoats underneath them or they’ll stick to your stockings. It’s very liberating to feel like you actually have control over your wardrobe, rather than just throwing things on & hoping for the best.

When you couple the notes with the photographs, you’ll pick up other things. That jacket that makes you feel like a gridiron player actually makes you LOOK like one too! (Eek.) The plain black dress that bored you previously actually gives you an amazing silhouette from a distance. Of course, the major thing to note is that if you feel uncomfortable in something & it doesn’t look great on you, GET RID OF IT. Otherwise, every time you look at it or try it on, you’re only going to feel frustrated & unattractive. The best clothing minimises the parts of you that you’re not so keen on, & draws attention to the things you like. You don’t have to wear things that make you feel bad about yourself!

More tips on updating your wardrobe coming soon!

P.S. Happy New Year!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Fashion Help for Recovering Goths

[ 16 December 2006, 23:50 ]

Even though this is my first post here, it is in reponse to a cry for help from a friend in New Zealand. She wrote to encourage me to take the plunge into style blogging, & when I asked what arena she wanted help in, she said:

I guess the first issue would be for 'recovering goths' like myself. "How to give up an all-black wardrobe." ... I've been wearing all black since 1985. I'm great with colour. I mean, I'm an artist. I have a huge student loan to testify how much I know about colour. But taking the leap to making my wardrobe bright? ...

The main reason a lot of people wear black is that it's very easy. Black goes with black. It hides stains. Coordination of an outfit is a snap & it suits just about everyone. So, maybe it suits you -- but it doesn't necessarily enhance you. Black can make you look very plain in a way that hot pink, royal blue or turquoise never will. People wear black because they are comfortable in it. If you feel at odds with the way you look or lack confidence, black can be the great concealer, a fabulous security blanket. Another reason for wearing black? The rumours about it making you look slimmer are true, & very enticing -- but it is easy to fall into a rut. You don't have to slink around in the shadows because you think you're too huge to wear anything else. Don't punish yourself! You will feel much better about yourself if you are excited by what you're wearing.

Working colour into your all-black wardrobe can be tricky if you're unsure of where to start. Regardless of what may be going on in your city's high street, not all colours are made to suit all people. We have all tried on a dress only to find that the colour makes us look sickly or washed-out. That's because it clashes with our colouring. Good news, though! If you go through the following exercises, you will never have that problem again.

A really easy way to work out what colours will suit you, if you're unsure, is to determine what "season" you are. This will give you a good palette of colours to work from. The idea of a "season" or of "having your colours done" was something that was joyfully embraced in 80s, then seemed to disappear, but is in the midst of a resurgence. While books on the subject still feature women with huge shoulder-pads, there is still a lot of remaining value in the colour principles. It isn't compulsory to follow this to the letter -- it's just a safe way of working out colours until you become more adept with them. The suggestions below are just that -- suggestions, not a diktat -- & sometimes you will find that something looks good on you & isn't listed below. (Also, you may find that if your hair is an unnatural colour -- mine, for example, is bright pink -- the colours you can wear easily will shift slightly.)

Here's how to assess your colouring:

You should now have a good idea which category you fit into. From here, each season is split into three categories, all with distinct differences. You can fine-tune your palette by assessing your hair, eye colour & skin tone -- this will give you a more accurate representation of which colours look best on you.

Natural Hair Colour
Ash blonde -- Light Summer or Light Spring
Golden blonde, strawberry blonde or red -- Warm Spring or Warm Autumn
Light to medium brown -- Light Spring or Light Summer
Mousy brown -- Soft Summer or Soft Autumn
Medium brown -- Clear Spring or Deep Autumn
Medium to deep auburn -- Deep Autumn or Deep Winter
Chestnut to dark brown -- Clear Spring, Deep Autumn, Deep or Clear Winter
Dark black -- Clear or Deep Winter, Deep Autumn
Warm grey -- Light or Warm Spring, Soft or Warm Autumn
Soft or ash grey -- Light Spring, Light or Cool Summer
Salt & pepper or silver -- Clear Spring, Winter or Cool Summer

Eyes
Clear blue green, turquoise or bright hazel -- Clear or Light Spring, Clear Winter
Grey or soft blue -- Summers
Hazel, topaz, golden brown or warm turquoise -- Warm Spring or Warm Autumn
Soft hazel or turquoise -- Soft Summer or Soft Autumn
Dark brown or rich hazel -- Deep Autumn or Deep Winter

Skin Tone
Porcelain -- Clear Winter, Springs, Light Summer
Ivory -- Springs, Summers, Soft Autumn
Pink beige -- Light or Cool Summer, Light Spring
Neutral beige/Asian -- Soft or Deep Autumn, Cool or Deep Winter
Warm beige/Asian -- Autumns
Golden brown/Asian/Latin/African -- Autumns or Deep Winter
Cool brown/Asian/Latin/African -- Deep or Cool Winter
Olive/Asian/Latin/African -- Cool or Deep Winter, Muted or Deep Autumn

The whole idea is that it's not one feature, but the combination of your eyes, hair & skin tone that denotes your season. If you find it a bit difficult to work this out, don't stress too much. As people get older, their hair & skin-tone changes, meaning sometimes they can be caught between a couple of "types". Just use this information as a general guideline for now.

If you are a CLEAR SPRING, your best colours are: (L-R) Navy, light grey, charcoal, black, stone, pewter, black brown, mint, bright golden yellow, light clear gold, pastel yellow-green, true green, forest green, olive, clear teal, hot turquoise, true blue, bright periwinkle, periwinkle, violet, purple, warm pastel pink, coral, coral pink, warm pink, clear red, hot pink, deep rose.

If you are a WARM SPRING, your best colours are: (L-R) Camel, bronze, golden brown, dark brown, stone, grey green, cream, peach, light orange, clear salmon, coral, tomato red, terracotta, marigold, pumpkin, rust, buff, bright golden yellow, bright yellow-green, pastel yellow-green, light true green, moss, light aqua, clear aqua, emerald turquoise, jade, teal, deep periwinkle.

If you are a LIGHT SPRING, your best colours are: (L-R) Camel, khaki, pewter, light grey, blue charcoal, taupe, stone, warm pastel pink, powder pink, clear salmon, coral, rose pink, warm pink, watermelon, clear red, buff, pastel yellow-green, bright golden yellow, light moss, bright yellow-green, emerald turquoise, light aqua, clear aqua, powder blue, periwinkle, violet, medium blue, light navy.

If you are a LIGHT SUMMER, your best colours are: (L-R) Light grey, grey blue, cocoa, rose brown, soft white, rose beige, taupe, warm pastel pink, powder pink, rose pink, rose, coral pink, clear salmon, deep rose, clear red, light lemon yellow, light aqua, clear aqua, blue green, emerald turquoise, soft teal, spruce, light navy, sky blue, medium blue, lavender, periwinkle, violet.

If you are a COOL SUMMER, your best colours are: (L-R) Light grey, pewter, grey blue, charcoal, rose beige, stone, taupe, cocoa, rose brown, icy pink, rose pink, soft fuchsia, deep rose, blue red, burgundy, soft teal, spruce, emerald turquoise, mint, clear aqua, Chinese blue, lavender, plum, purple, periwinkle, sky blue, royal blue, navy.

If you are a SOFT SUMMER, your best colours are: (L-R) Medium grey, light grey, pewter, stone, rose brown, soft white, rose beige, cocoa, dusty rose, orchid, rose, raspberry, rose pink, deep rose, burgundy, light lemon yellow, mint, blue green, turquoise, jade, forest green, teal, light navy, charcoal, periwinkle, amethyst, purple, medium blue.

If you are a SOFT AUTUMN, your best colours are: (L-R) Mahogany, coffee brown, grey green, camel, pewter, khaki, medium grey, light peach, deep rose, salmon, salmon pink, rust, stone, buttermilk, mint, emerald turquoise, jade, teal, bronze, light moss, olive, forest green, light navy, deep periwinkle, purple, aubergine.

If you are a WARM AUTUMN, your best colours are: (L-R) Camel, khaki, golden brown, cream, coffee brown, stone, dark brown, pewter, deep peach, salmon, salmon pink, pumpkin, terracotta, rust, aubergine, buff, yellow gold, light moss, olive, bronze, mustard, emerald turquoise, teal, forest green, deep periwinkle, purple, light navy.

If you are a DEEP AUTUMN, your best colours are: (L-R) Pewter, black brown, stone, black, cream, camel, light peach, deep peach, salmon pink, tomato red, mahogany, true red, terracotta, rust, aubergine, yellow gold, mustard, moss, olive, lime, bronze, emerald green, hot turquoise, Chinese blue, pine, navy, teal, purple.

If you are a DEEP WINTER, your best colours are: (L-R) Black, charcoal, black brown, pewter, brown burgundy, pure white, stone, icy grey, medium grey, hot pink, true red, tomato red, burgundy, rust, blue red, mint, lemon yellow, turquoise, emerald green, olive, pine, emerald turquoise, clear teal, bright periwinkle, Chinese blue, purple, true blue, navy.

If you are a COOL WINTER, your best colours are: (L-R) Icy grey, light grey, medium grey, black, charcoal, taupe, pure white, pewter, rose pink, hot pink, fuchsia, magenta, blue red, deep rose, raspberry, burgundy, icy blue, icy pink, lemon yellow, emerald turquoise, pine, Chinese blue, medium blue, royal blue, bright periwinkle, navy, purple, plum.

If you are a CLEAR WINTER, your best colours are: (L-R) Medium grey, charcoal, black, pewter, black brown, pure white, icy grey, taupe, icy blue, icy violet, icy pink, hot pink, clear red, true red, fuchsia, raspberry, aubergine, icy yellow, bright golden yellow, hot turquoise, clear teal, emerald turquoise, pine, violet, purple, true blue, royal blue, navy.

As you can see from the colour charts above, every season can wear a range of pinks, reds, blues, greens & neutrals, but the warmth & strength of the colour are where the real differences lie. I have made the colours as close as possible to the original fabric swatches that are ordinarily used when assessing someone's season. You may find it helpful to print your chart out & take it with you when you shop -- at least until you get the hang of it.

The good news: you don't need to throw away all your black things in order to embrace colour. Quite the contrary -- colour (& bright colour in particular) looks even better when it is complemented by black. However, what I would suggest is that you go through your wardrobe & find everything that is dull, faded or looks past its best. There might be quite a lot of it that is like this -- black is notoriously difficult to maintain, & each item tends to age in a different way, meaning eventually you just can't wear things together anymore. Be merciless. Cast all sentimentality aside. If you're going to wear black, it might as well be GOOD black! (& if you find yourself panicked by the colour conundrum later on, you can always buy more...)

The best way to start incorporating colour is to start small. Have a look at your seasonal colour chart (above) & see what colours resonate with you. What's your favourite? What colours make you feel good whenever you look at them? You will probably find that you are drawn to some of them instinctively. Write a couple of them down (or print the chart off) & next time you go shopping, look out for items in that colour. Like I said, you can start small. You might find a scarf, a tie, a brooch, eyeshadow or some jewellery. If you want to branch out a little more, try going for a shirt, cardigan or jacket. Pick something you really like. You may not find what you're looking for on the first try, but the point is that you're making the effort. Don't buy something in periwinkle just because you said you would -- if you don't love it, you won't wear it. Remember to be flexible & try to approach the situation light-heartedly. You'll enjoy it much more if you do! Promise!

If, once you have the item home, you are still filled with trepidation at the concept of wearing it, be firm with yourself. Make a rule that you will wear it at least twice in the next week. Then work out what you're going to wear it with -- do this in advance so if you're rushed in the morning, you have no excuses.

Another simple way to get some colour into your wardrobe is to buy a pair of jeans. (Hint: Go for a classic shape, in blue or a dark wash, & NEVER buy denim -- latest style or no -- if it doesn't suit you.) Jeans, like black, go with everything. You can wear jeans with a cute buttoned-up cardigan & a brooch & necklace. You can wear jeans with a white shirt for an ultra simple but very clean look. Team with boots or heels to elongate the leg. How about a denim skirt? Denim is incredibly versatile & if you buy items of good quality, they'll last a long time & consequently you will wear them a lot.

There's nothing wrong with wearing black or another dark colour (charcoal grey, dark blue) on your bottom half -- as trousers or a skirt. As I mentioned earlier, it is slimming & very easy to work around. So, say for example, you have purchased a royal blue shirt. I am a fan of colour, so if I was wearing this royal blue top, I would probably wear a blue scarf in my hair, a black skirt, royal blue stockings & black boots. Or if you have a hot pink scarf, you could paint your nails to match, or take your scarf shopping with you & find a handbag that is the same colour. Some other ways to tie in colour: match a scarf (around your neck or in your hair) & a belt. How about a red shirt with red shoes? You get the picture.

Accessories are a great way to tie an outfit together. Here are some less traditional ideas:
a colourful bindi on your forehead that matches something else (eyeshadow, bracelets, stockings...)
colourful strands of beads are an inexpensive way to add a bright touch to your outfit, & since they're so cheap you won't feel guilty if you only wear them as an experiment
legwarmers over boots, wedges or even flip-flops
bright fishnets -- can be worn alone or over black stockings
finding colourful hats is easy regardless of the season -- my favourite sort are little knitted skull-caps (especially if it is sewn through with glittery thread)
a fake flower clipped into your hair will look fantastic, even if you wear it with all-black
& if you're feeling daring, change the colour of your hair! You could get it done at a salon in a reasonably sober colour, or you could do it yourself. L'Oreal's home-colouring kits are excellent (especially Starry Night) or if you want to go neon, Special Effects has an incredible range of colours with really vibrant, lasting results. (Though I would suggest that if you're colouring your hair, you check it against your season. For example, pink hair & a ruddy complexion is no good. Obviously mistakes can be made -- I will be writing more on this subject later, so if you have any questions, do ask so I can include them in my article!)

For those of us who like visual inspiration, the Wardrobe Remix group on Flickr is a great source. Proof that there are a lot of girls doing brave, wonderful things with colour! (I am particularly fond of contributors Nubby Twiglet, lebonbonmulticolore, lameliar & Johanni.)

Good luck & bonne chance! Send me pictures!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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