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Getting Organised For 2010

[ 29 December 2009, 10:39 ]

It’s the last week of 2009! God, how exciting. I LOVE the prospect of a new year! Fresh starts, new goals, rejuvenated ambition & no idea what the future might hold — it doesn’t get any better than that!

We all have ideas (some vague, some concrete) about what we’d like to achieve in the next decade (!!!). I always think it’s important to start out as you mean to continue, so here are a few ideas for you to ruminate on as you get ready for 2010!

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I want to… plan my life right down to the most minute detail!

I really do love a good Moleskine for daily organisation. I have been using them for years & there is something about the sexy, simple design, good quality paper & substantial hard cover which really appeals to me. I usually go with the Moleskine Daily Planner, which is wonderful — you get a full-sized page per day which is great for workaholics or organisational freaks like myself. But I decided 2010 needed a shake-up, & where better to start than with my day-planner? I bought a Colour A Month Daily Planner Box Set, which has been sitting on my desk & delighting me with its rainbonic (!!! or PRISMATIC!) visage! You still get a full page per day, just smaller, & I’m sure it will be just dandy for my purposes. I can’t wait to throw one of its colourful little books into my purse for mega-organisation on the go!

But this is not to say that a Moleskine is the only way to go, because it certainly isn’t. You might also like to try the Muji Chronotebook Non-Linear Day Planner (here is Lifehacker’s take on it), the 8 Days A Week planner (you can use the 8th day for things you’d like to schedule in, but are not sure when — v. clever!), the Daysteps planner (they seem to have thought of everything), the Multi-Task Notebook, a planner by Kate Spade or the Llewellyn’s 2010 Witches’ Datebook. The WeekDate planner looks really, truly incredible. You can even design your own planner with your own photos & pre-scheduled events at FranklinCovey. Amaze. So don’t give up or feel resigned to the ugly diary that your bank gave you, because there really is something for everyone!

Once you get your planner, use it! Keep it on your desk & open to the day’s date. Start making lists of things you want to do at night-time — for example, plan Monday on Sunday evening. If you do this, your brain will ruminate over the tasks while you’re sleeping, allowing your subconscious mind to come up with a plethora of solutions for the day ahead. Lovely!

Organize Now!: A Week By Week Guide To Simplify Your Space & Your Life might be a good purchase, too!

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I want… a great wall calendar!

Me too! Yes, a good wall calendar should definitely be on your shopping list.

Okay, so if you have a daily planner, why do you need a wall calendar too? You don’t, but I like it that way. I love to be able to see my month at a glance: that way I always know where I need to be & what I need to prepare for. It also gives me a sense of accomplishment as I see what I’ve achieved as the days tick over!

The difference between the calendar & my planner is that my calendar is strictly for things I need to leave the house for. My planner is more of a daily to do list.

It’s a fab time to buy a calendar. In most bookstores they are 50% off, because it’s after Christmas, & it is beyond wonderful to have it hanging on the 1st of January! It always feels a bit wasteful to buy one in March.

My 2009 calendar was a Tim Walker one & I cherished it. Sadly there is not a 2010 one, so I have been on the hunt for a suitable replacement. Here are some you might like.

Check out The Wizard of Oz, A Year In Yes (I have this & it is so cute, with spaces for making sweet little lists etc. etc.!), Walt Disney World (pictures of the park, YAY!), Magic Places, Hindu Gods & Goddesses, Llewellyn’s Astrological, Holly Madison (I kind of love her), Celebrations, Gods of the Bazaar, World of Faeries, Alex Grey, Tokidoki & Hello Kitty. This reversible calendar is very chic & clean. The Women of India calendar is super-colourful & An Ideal World features Indian educational charts from the 1950s. Love it. If you’d prefer to choose your own images, you can make your own calendar by connecting your Flickr account to Snapfish. Genius!

If none of these grab you, or you’d prefer not to put something on the wall, you can always buy a calendar tin!

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I want to… sort out my desk!

Me TOO! We have so much in common! Well, you definitely need to begin with a good pen. What else are you going to write all your grand plans of world domination with?! The Yoropen is “the most comfortable pen in the world” & looks super-rad. You could always buy a 10-pack of Gelly Roll pens to make your to do lists more exciting, even glittery. Everyone needs a good Sharpie, especially for addressing packages (mine is magenta). I find it hard to resist scented pencils too!

...& why not keep your favourite pen in a happy Buddha pen holder? I ask you! Why not indeed!

If you have a landline — & I don’t know anyone who does anymore, but still — this phone should be essential.

Bone- & heart-shaped paper clips belong on your desk, most definitely.

As far as resources for making your life more productive or wonderful, start with Never Check E-Mail In the Morning: & Other Unexpected Strategies for Making Your Work Life Work, Crush It!: Why NOW Is the Time to Cash In on Your Passion (Gary Vee! !) & The Life Organizer: A Woman’s Guide to a Mindful Year.

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I want to… get a better, more satisfying job!

This could be a whole book on its own, but if you’re feeling stuck or unmotivated in your job, it might be time to look for something else.

Keep in mind the following points.

It’s a cliché but it’s true — dress for the role you want, not the role you have.

Expand your networking skills. Never Eat Alone: & Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time is an excellent, excellent place to begin. It’s totally true that when it comes to getting work, more often than not, it’s who you know & not what you know.

Be aware that higher-level positions usually get about one-fifth the number of applicants that a lower-level position does. Most people aim low. Hilariously, if you apply for a more prestigious role, your odds of getting it are actually better than if you go for the job which pays less! Plus, you never know. I have told this story a zillion times, so feel free to tune out if you’ve heard it before, but I got a job as a book buyer for a university bookstore when I was 18 years old because a) applicants were few & far between & b) their first choice turned it down because they wanted more pay. It was a great job, too — sitting in a café all day, talking books with reps from various companies? Brill.

Give some thought to what you’d really like to do, & try not to be too “practical” about it. If you want to do satisfying, fulfilling work, you need to listen to your heart, not your head. Additionally, if you keep going for the same sort of job, you’re going to get the same kind of result.

Update your résumé!

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I want… to get fit & healthy!

Take advantage of the post-Christmas sales, but not the ones on big boxes of Ferrero Rocher chocolates! Think about gyms, health clubs, dance classes, etc. — after Christmas, everyone wants to work off a bit of the turkey, mashed potatoes, gargantuan pieces of fruit cake et al from the season of glut. All businesses in the health & wellness sector know this, & you better believe they want your dosh!

So do some shopping around. See what the deals are. Get a few tours. Grab some day passes if you can. Do some research. (Plug “gym or company name” + “review” + “your city” into Google & get cracking!) Purchase wisely, though! If you’re buying from a gym, these memberships often last two years, & while $x may not sound a lot, multiply it by 24 & you may feel quite differently.

Don’t be afraid to drive a hard bargain, either. Tell your membership advisor that you’re shopping around, & see what else they can offer you. If they can throw in some free personal training sessions, so much the better. In fact, the personal training route is a great way to go because the right trainer can give you a mission, encourage you & motivate you — three things you can start to lose sight of if you’re just slogging away under your own steam.

All gyms have their advantages & disadvantages. What is it that you really need from a gym? Good yoga classes? Women only? Personal trainers? A spa? Work out your criteria & then purchase a membership accordingly.

If you’re not of the gym predilection, plot an exercise schedule which suits your lifestyle & STICK TO IT! Self-discipline is key if you want to see results.

As in all areas of life, in order to really achieve something, you need to set a goal that pertains to it. So set health & fitness goals which inspire you, & then get busy!

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I want… to eat better!

It’s best to deduce what “eating better” means to you. Less meat? More vegetables? No meat at all? No fried food? All home cooking? More regular meals? Less snacking? Macrobiotic? Vegetarian? Vegan? Raw? Organic? Once you know your definition of healthy eating, you’ll know which direction to head in.

Get some books & do some research, see what you can find online, visit a nutritionist or buy some kitchen equipment that will make your journey easier. Go food shopping, & remove the foods you’re trying to avoid from your kitchen. Make an eating plan & then make sure you have what you need every day so you can keep to it. Half the battle, truly, is just in being organised.

If you want to start with a hiss & a roar, you might like to try something to clear you out. I am going to do a juice fast in January through Blueprint Cleanse. You can do it without supervision or hand-holding, but because I have never done it before & I am a wuss, I’m doing it through them! If it’s something you’re interested in too, you can read an FAQ here.

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I want to… move forward & put the past behind me!

Start by cutting loose the negative people in your life. Work out if you’re in a destructive relationship. Set goals for 2010 which wow & inspire you. Improve your home with a dash of feng shui. Come up with some affirmations of what you want for 2010, & recite them every morning & every night. Remember to count your blessings & practice gratitude every day (not just Thursday!). Breathe. Be good to yourself.

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I want… to achieve HEAPS!

This is something I did on Saturday evening with a friend of mine. We weren’t planning it, it just happened. After shopping, we crossed the road & sat in a diner. We sipped milkshakes & were talking when I said to her, “What do you want to achieve next year?” We started discussing our goals. She even pulled out her notebook & read me the list of things she wanted to do. As we talked about our plans, we came up with ways we could combine them, or help one another, or people we could introduce the other to who could assist them. We encouraged one another & talked about how great it would be to do this or that or the other thing. It was really fantastic. I would recommend doing this with a friend, lover or family member — anyone who you know will be supportive (very important). If they’re just going to try & talk you out of it, you’re wasting your time. Don’t spend time with dreamkillers!

If you are going to do this, I would recommend doing it when you have no time constraints, & also I would suggest that you phrase everything as if it is already happening. So, instead of saying, “I want to get fit & healthy”, you can say, “I am getting more fit & healthy every day”. Bring it into the present. If you are always phrasing things out in the future, they remain there: in the future, distant, just out of grasp. Pull them to you with your words.

The reasons for sharing your goals are multiple, but one of the best is that it will give you a jolt & make you accountable. Before you said anything out loud, it was just an idea floating around in your head. But now your friend knows about it, & can check on your progress, help you if you want them to, & encourage it to blossom into the real world.

“A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.” — Yoko Ono

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What do you want to do, manifest, achieve in 2010? Where do you want to go? What does your dream year look like?

Here’s to the start of a beautiful decade!

P.S. It’s Mercury retrograde which is a little daunting but means it is the perfect time to look back & reflect before launching into the new year. You will get the best results in 2010 if you take a moment to review 2009! There is a FABULOUS Cancerian new moon eclipse on January 15th, which is the best time to start fresh & go wild, so start psyching yourself up for it now!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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2009: Where Are You At?

[ 10 August 2009, 10:55 ]

Okay. I don’t mean to freak anyone out, but 2009 is already half-way done. I don’t know how this is possible, but it is. There are only four & a half months left in the year, so it seems like as good a time as any to do un petit review of the year thus far, & set some new goals & intentions.

It’s so easy to get swept away with work & projects & new loves that we often find ourselves scrambling to keep up & feeling kind of aimless. Having a fresh new direction & a definite vision of what you want will inject your life with purpose & excitement once more!

If you have no clue where to begin, here are some ideas…

Think about what has gone well this year. What are you happy with? What has been successful — & how did it come to fruition? What have your greatest achievements been so far?

Think about what could have been improved upon. Could you have tried harder in a couple of areas? Of the things that didn’t go well, what could you have done to change the outcome of that situation? If you had taken 100% responsibility at the time, do you think things would have played out differently?

What were your goals at the start of the year? How are they going? Are they 20%, 50% or 100% completed? If they’re not checked off yet, why not? (Don’t be afraid to admit they’re no longer important to you if that’s the case.) If they’re still things you want to make happen, what could you do to speed up your progress? Who could you ask for help? How can you break up the goal into manageable chunks to make it easier to achieve?

When you look at the people around you, what have they achieved that you’d like to do too? How can you make that happen? Can you ask them for assistance or advice?

How are your finances looking? Are you making as much money as you want? Are you saving any money or just spending it as soon as you get it? Should you ask for a raise, start a savings account, cancel your credit card, stop obsessively trawling eBay… ?!

Are you happy with your career? Do you feel stuck? If so, why? How could you alter that? Is it time for something new? How can you improve your situation? Where could you grow? How could you branch out?

What do you do with your spare time? Are you constantly playing catch-up & running errands with no time to relax & just do nothing? Is there a class you want to take? When was the last time you took a holiday? Are you in control of your free time or is someone else?

How does your body feel? How healthy are you? What are you eating? Do you exercise? Are you drinking or smoking more than you’d like? Do you need a spa day? What positive steps can you take towards a lifestyle you feel happier about?

Are you getting along with the people around you? How are things between you & your lover? Your workmates? Your kids? Do you ever see your best friend? Do you ever get personal emails?

How about you? How do you feel about the person you’re becoming? How’s your personal integrity? What are the attributes you hold in high esteem? Are you embodying them? What can you change? What can you begin accepting?

Are you involved in your community? How are you helping the people around you? Do you know your neighbours? Do you support your local businesses? What could you do to improve the lives of people in your immediate vicinity?

These were my intentions at the start of the year. Here are my intentions for the rest of 2009.

Be… More outgoing More loving of myself & others Less fearful More open More giving Go to yoga every Monday Accept more social invitations Set work-hours & stick to them! Save more money Communicate more with the people I love Strengthen my friendships Be brave Work harder Also, take a holiday Be more charming (make the effort) Get my own place in NYC (read: stop sub-leasing) ...& honestly, I need to learn how to use my camera (I have had it for three years now & I still have no idea what I’m doing with it).

How about you?

My suggestion would be to write down the things you want to achieve & put it somewhere prominent. Stick it to your front door or your monitor, slide it into the clear sleeve in your wallet, or make a big graphic image of it & set it as your desktop wallpaper.

If 2009 hasn’t been too wonderful for you so far, this is your opportunity to turn it all around. Blank slate. Here’s to raging successes, never-ending excitement & lots of love!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Love & Sequins #2 Is Live!

[ 1 June 2009, 08:20 ]

Hooray!

The second chapter of Love & Sequins: Making Magic Happen was sealed with a kiss first thing this morning, & is ready to be devoured by you! (For those of you who are new to iCiNG, Love & Sequins is the bare bones of my new big project, a delicious book about blowing kisses to the universe!)

The title is THE SMART GIRL’S GUIDE TO BUSINESS — Taking control of your life, finding your passion, loving what you do & making mad bling!

Written in New York City & recorded in Toronto, it weighs in at over 12,000 words, & the MP3 is an hour & a bit. I talk at length about my experiences as an independent business owner, discovering what you love to do, how to escape the corporate world, the lessons I’ve learned, what it’s like to make a living as a “blogger”, what it takes to be successful & much more!

This chapter of Love & Sequins is split into two parts. As a super-special treat, this chapter includes a half-hour long interview between the infamous, creative, prolific & extremely successful Molly Crabapple & I, recorded last month at International Playgirl HQ! We discuss starting your own business, being self-sufficient, how to manage your money, online personalities, the new professionalism & following your passion even when times get tough! It’s cute & hilarious, by turns serious & frivolous, & if you close your eyes you can pretend you’re sitting on my bed with us. There are even cabs blaring their horns outside, essential to the authentic New York City experience!

I’m so passionate about this topic, because since starting my business it is all I have really been interested in! I have so much to say about it, I could write an entire book on the subject — maybe one day I will!

You can purchase this podcast for $12, subscribe for a year & be billed monthly at $10, or pay for it all at once for $84 (a super-saving at $7 a month).

Once I receive notification that you’ve snapped it up, I’ll send you an email which has the complete chapter as well as a link to the MP3!

If after listening to #2 you want to go back & hear the first chapter, you can pick it up here!

As always, thanks for your support & enthusiasm! It means so much to me.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Astro-Weirding Courtesy Of Retrograde Venus

[ 16 April 2009, 22:24 ]

Some of you may have noticed that the past little while has been… well, WEIRD, for lack of a better word. Especially in the romance universe. Mixed messages, insanely indecipherable behaviour & strange incompatibilities are all rife. It’s maddening. Why? Because Venus has been in retrograde, & has been since the 6th of March. This could explain a few things, hmm?! When planets retrograde, we often feel stuck or confused & unable to move forward. While this is extremely frustrating, it’s a great time to learn & reflect on our old patterns so we can change them & surge onwards to a bright new dawn.

Venus is the planet of love & creativity. It also rules beauty, aesthetics, friendships, marriages & pleasure, so when it goes retrograde, it can affect us in various ways. Arguments, misunderstandings & epic miscommunications are everywhere you turn, romances hit rocky territory, artists lose their mojo & writers feel uninspired. Ordinarily outgoing people want to hide in their houses, & even shopping for clothing or furniture can become a frustrating trial. Ex-boyfriends might start emailing you out of the blue — sentimental thoughts are higher than usual. You might be re-evaluating all your past relationships, as we often find ourselves being forced to deal with old issues during this time, & we could be drawn to more unconventional relationships (or people!) than would normally appeal to us. Yes, it can be a trying time. To see what Venus retrograde has really struck for you, this page from Cafe Astrology outlines what particular areas have been affected for each sign.

The good news is that Venus is going direct again this Friday/Saturday depending on where you are on the planet (see below). Even better, at the time it goes direct, Mercury trines Saturn, meaning mental powers are heightened & we all feel super-conscious & lucid.

Venus goes direct again at…
12.25pm Friday 17th April in Los Angeles
15.25pm Friday 17th April in New York
20.25pm Friday 17th April in London
5.25am Saturday 18th April in Sydney
7.25am Saturday 18th April in Wellington
(If your city isn’t listed, this time zone converter should do the trick!)

Hallelujah!

Mystic Medusa sent out a great message on her mailing list the other day with a couple of ideas of rituals you could do to usher in Venus going direct, & as I read it & thought ‘What a great idea!’, it occurred to me that there were a lot of other ways you could do this that were less pagan/squiffy/“new age” in nature. We are not all comfortable lighting a candle & waving around a stick of incense, right?

Firstly, though, why would anyone want to do a ritual just because the planets are changing? Well, really what it’s about is making a conscious decision to end a chapter in your life & start on a fresh new course. So often people say, “Okay, time for a change!” but it never comes to fruition. There are a multitude of reasons for this, but when you decide to do something, it can be really helpful to make a dedication to it through your actions. You can write a list of goals, you can restructure your time, etc., but you can also kick it all off with a ritual to get you on the right track. Plus… rituals can be really fun, always a good reason to do anything!

In this case, Venus going direct is a time to commit to what it is you want in the areas of love, friendship, creativity & pleasure. We create our own lives, after all — this is just another way of making that happen.

When you do a ritual of any kind that is intended to bring about change, really what you want to do is focus on what it is that you want while performing an action which helps crystallise your thoughts. Visualising is an awesome way to manifest things, but at the same time, it’s very “up there”, which means that a lot of people feel like they’re not really doing it right. Visualising while moving your body with intent is a great way to bring manifesting into the here & now & make it more concrete. (Ah yes, all that dabbling in wicca at age 14 — despite the fact that it concerned my parents a LOT — had its uses!)

Visualise can be a scary, new agey word to a lot of people but I’ll let you in on a secret — it’s really just a fancy way of saying “imagine”!

Here are a selection of ways that you can unite body & mind. Just remember to keep your intention in your head as you do them! Think about what it is you want to create in your own life, specifically in the realm of love, friendship & creativity. Maybe you want to patch things up with your boyfriend, heal old relationship issues, make new friends or start writing a book. Whatever it is, just fantasize about it as you do one of the following, or something of your own creation — I’d love to hear what you come up with!

Re-examine your creative space. Clear it out. Take down all the old pictures, fortunes, trinkets, clean them off & then add in some new things which fire you up in fresh ways.

Make a list of all of the beautiful things you can think of — then come up with a bunch of ways to celebrate them when Venus goes direct.

Write a letter to your ex. Be as angry as you like. Spew total filth. Throw blame around, feel the fury, wallow in it. Then read it aloud, & BURN IT. As you burn it, allow those problems to disappear with it.

Write down all the ways you can be a love letter to the universe, & choose a few to action!

Glue heart-shaped crystals to your face & go out dancing.

Write a letter to yourself, explaining why you’re so fabulous & what you are thankful for.

Hold hands with a friend & recite affirmations together.

Conjure up images of all your ex-lovers in your head, & instead of seeing them as the person who caused this or that, choose to see them as a flawed person who did their best to love you.

Similarly, think of the people who surround you currently & decide to focus on their best & most positive qualities. No point dwelling on what could be different!

Buy a corkboard & pin up a bunch of pictures which symbolise what it is you want to attract into your life. Put on fun music, go mad with scissors, enjoy yourself! (Corkboards are good for making vision boards because while you want to see them regularly, sometimes you don’t want other people to see them… So you can always put them in a closet or under the bed when you have company!)

Make a little speech as you dedicate yourself to beauty & integrity.

Go through old love letters & throw them out — just ditch that cobwebby energy — OR pick the best ones, & frame them as an example of what it is you’re seeking. Just remember not to attach to the person who wrote them, unless of course you want them back!

Create a playlist of your favourite music, grab your hula hoop & headphones, go out & dance in the sunshine & revel in the wonder of the everyday.

Invite your lover — or someone you’re having issues with — & tell them that you both have fifteen minutes to get past garbage off your chests. You can make notes in preparation if you want. You have fifteen minutes to say your piece, & when the clock strikes half past, you have to both let it go & make up. Use your imagination!

Repot old plants & see them as a symbol of change, growth & evolution.

Meditate.

Dress in pink & throw yourself a belated Valentine’s Day-esque party.

Journal. Ask yourself questions, & answer them. What could you let go of to bring more positivity into your life? What fears are holding you back from doing that? In which areas are you willing to make change?

Think of an old conversation you had — one that is affecting you to this day (most of us have hundreds we can draw upon in a heartbeat) — & recite it as accurately as you can. Then recite it again, but this time, imagine it went a different way — a way that would have left you feeling good. Visualise this actually happening as clearly as possible. Then let it go.

Think about the ways you can take action in your life to change what has been bothering you for the past couple of months. Venus retrograde is really about observing & becoming aware of problems, not necessarily taking any concrete steps towards change, so consider what you could do now to shake things up.

Write notes to your friends outlining why you love them & what you appreciate about them.

Clear out the space in which you typically “get busy” — whether that’s your bedroom, kitchen (oh!), or the back seat of your Jeep… Get rid of dying plants or flowers (bad feng shui!), bring in some colour, vacuum, make it somewhere you really want to be!

Dispose of all the old energy following you around by getting a bit OCD on it. Clean everything. Change your bedding, wash your clothes, take off all the jewellery you wear regularly & clean it, dust, mop, etc.

The most powerful time of the transit is the hour that Venus goes direct — so the half hour on either side of the times stated above. So if you’re in London, kick off at about 8pm, & see if you can draw it out until 9.

Best of luck!

Extra For Experts:
If you want to come up with your own way of celebrating or ritualising Venus going direct, these resources might help you!
How to Create a Ritual or Ceremony from Spiritual Integrity.
New Moon Manifestation Ritual from About.com. This is new moon specific but still useful.
Ritual & Ceremony by Zan Benham.
Dance as ritual & transformation from The Hindu newspaper.
A Self Love Ceremony from About.com.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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The International Playgirl Credo

[ 31 March 2009, 11:44 ]

For some of us, travelling is an ever-present reality, while for others, it’s something that happens only once in a while. Regardless, when it comes to skipping across the planet, you can either do it with style & panache… or you can run around flustered, making a mess of things. Here are a few things I’ve learned over the past year or so — & I’d love to hear your own travelling tips!

Always take a scarf on the plane. Even if it’s warm & you don’t need it, you can always throw it over your head as an impromptu Do Not Disturb signal.

Ensure your laptop & MP3 player are fully charged before you board. Some planes have power outlets underneath the seats, but it’s better to be safe than techless!

Always know how much time your airline requires for you to check in. Always.

JetBlue is awesome. If you can fly with them, do. They are totally amazing.

Recognise that every person on the journey is a gift. (Even the annoying ones.)

Keep mementos.

Always have business cards (or in my case, postcards) to give to people.

Cultivate relationships wherever you go — you never know how this or that person could impact your life, even if you just speak to them for ten minutes.

Realise that not everything is going to go to plan — but every time it doesn’t, you will learn something valuable. My father always told me we learn more from failure than success, & he was right.

Embrace the weirdness.

Say yes.

Take one day a week to do absolutely nothing. Otherwise you will collapse in a shivering heap with your face in a plate of macarons, which is not so chic.

When you see well-dressed or immaculately coiffed people in the street, ask them where they go to shop or for beauty treatments. You will not regret it.

Yelp.

Always keep a book of local stamps tucked into your purse or wallet. It will make it much more likely that you’ll send postcards.

Ask the locals what they recommend.

Learn the art of meticulous suitcase packing. (My tips? Roll your clothing & group similar items — i.e., put all stockings/tights/socks in a zip-lock bag. It makes it much easier to find things.)

Be organised. Write down your flights & reference numbers. Keep all your travel documents in one place. Be at least 70% packed the night before you go.

Don’t overburden yourself with a huge list of things to do in every city. You probably won’t be able to do them all & you’ll freak yourself out trying.

Enjoy the small things. Sometimes supermarket shopping can be an immensely exciting experience when everything in there is unfamiliar!

Sublease where possible. Usually a month’s sublet is about the same price as a week in a hotel.

...But spend a couple of nights in a boutique hotel if you can.

Learn how to be a good house-guest.

Remember your vitamins. This is a two-parter: first of all, remember to take them with you. Secondly, remember to put them somewhere that you will see them!

Drink lots of water, especially if you’re doing a lot of walking.

Take comfortable shoes. They do not need to be ugly. I feel like I have trekked all over the planet in my Frye boots, & they have served me extremely well.

Take high heels for fancy dinners & exciting parties.

Eat salad every day to help keep you going.

Know thy baggage allowance, or you will be punished accordingly!

If your ride to the airport has their own concept of time, tell them you need to be there earlier than you actually do.

Keep in touch with the people you meet. Email them the next day if you can.

Buy local magazines to find out what’s really going on where you are.

Book flexible air tickets. You never know what will happen…

Travel insurance is worth the peace of mind. Especially if you have an accident or get sick.

If you’re travelling with someone else, have days where you both go off alone & do your own thing.

Offer to help people where you can.

Don’t be afraid to change your plans.

Have your travel agent request a special meal.

Learn to adapt, quickly.

Wear shoes you can just slip off when you fly. It makes getting through security about a billion times faster.

Don’t be afraid to be friendly to TSA & airport officials. They are bored. Make their day a little better, & sometimes they’ll reward you. (I have been serenaded by TSA workers more than once.)

Take snacks. Always.

Don’t plan too far ahead if you can help it.

Marvel at the kindness of strangers.

Stay open.

Enjoy & adopt local colloquialisms, but hold onto your old ones. They make up who you are — plus, people will find it charming.

Ask questions, especially of locals who you befriend. Most people love to show off the place they live in.

Call home, but not all the time.

Always have a spare, charged camera battery in your purse.

Always, always, always carry a can of dry shampoo!

Document what you do. Write a journal, take photos or film, draw pictures of things you see, whatever — like Leonard Cohen says, “I hope you’re keeping some kind of record“.

If you do decide to write a journal, make time to do it. I find that when I’m travelling & on a hectic schedule, I get to play journal catch-up on planes. You might want to make brief notes every night, though — otherwise it’s very easy to forget entire days.

Before you go, do some research. Read books about the place, engage in some clever Googling, search the city’s name on Flickr & see what you can find.

Relax.

Do your very best to get enough sleep.

Splurge where you can.

Buy something cool, so that when people ask, “Where did you get that?!”, you can say, “Oh, in Paris/Leipzig/Vancouver…”

Get a frequent flyer card with every airline you can.

Make friends with Kayak.

Wear something comfortable on the plane.

Subscribe to airline newsletters so you get the inside scoop on any deals they have going.

Maintain transcontinental friendships. It’s always more fun to visit a place where you have friends.

Try new things.

Finally, remember that we travel because we’re seeking something different. This is to say, don’t go somewhere else & expect it to be like what you’re used to. If you want things to remain the same, stay at home!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Lightcasting February 2009

[ 23 February 2009, 20:53 ]

I wrote about Lightcasting Day last month, explaining what it is & why we should (or can) do it. Well, it’s that time again! I thought I’d tell you what each sign should be focussing on this month in order to make optimal progress! Mega-big-ups, props & thanks to SoulGarden for all the excellent work they do & information they provide!

Aquarius Your self-esteem & self-worth. If you think about it, everything you want to generate comes from loving yourself. If you want to make money, you have to believe you’re valuable; if you want to be in love, you have to believe you’re loveable! Everything stems from there.

Pisces This month is about generating a new persona & a new ego. This also extends to the kind of first impressions you make & how you behave within the world. Happy? Defensive? Passive? It’s up to you!

Aries Breaking old cycles, getting rid of old fears & changing habits which don’t serve you any more. Do you feel tethered to a relationship or job which isn’t making you happy? What do you want to end for good?

Taurus Your role in society — the friends you have, the people you know & how you feel about your position in the world are all in focus this month. Visualise the social life you want to have!

Gemini Your career, work & legacy. This is a great time to think about what kind of work you’d like to be doing, think about the kind of recognition you want & the sort of impact you want to make on the world.

Cancer Changing your beliefs. Some of your old beliefs may not be working for you, & it’s time to shake them up. Open your mind & your horizons will expand. This also covers the areas of education, learning or travel.

Leo Boundaries & intimacy. Do you let people get too close, or not close enough? Do you always say yes — or always say no? How do you want to re-draw these lines?

Virgo Marriages. This basically means rethinking anything you have a long-term commitment to, like intimate relationships, best friends, careers & even the way you relate to yourself!

Libra It’s time for a lifestyle change! How would you like your daily life to be? Changing your lifestyle will impact on everything else, too. Visualise how you’d like your life to look in the future.

Scorpio Personal dreams, thinking big & looking after your inner child! You know what it is you really want, it might just be that you haven’t been listening. Pay attention & dream big!

Sagittarius Focus on your foundations. This means how you treat yourself, your home life, & recovering from or processing early childhood experiences which have impacted on you. See yourself moving on & learning, or decide to manifest a peaceful home life.

Capricorn Consider your attitude towards life — is it working for you? It’s a good time to journal or talk to your friends about how you’re feeling, it will help you get clarity & renewed focus for manifesting a better attitude.

If you’re kind of in tune with the universe & use your intuition quite well, you might have noticed that the issues relevant to your sign are already quite big in your life. For the last week or so, I’ve been thinking about relationships & work a lot — even more than usual, haha! So take the things you’ve churning around your head, write them down, & then use them as fuel to work out what you want.

I just did my lightcasting for the day, & rather than just thinking about it or visualising it — which can kind of seem a bit airy-fairy & maybe like you’re “not doing it properly” — I employed a new technique which I feel really good about!

I turned to a new page in my Moleskine journal & made three headings. Since Virgos are looking at marriages, there were three areas I wanted to look at: love or intimate relationships, work & career, & the way I relate to & treat myself. Then I stepped away from the computer (always helpful!) & started making some notes in all 3 categories. What did I want? What did I not want? How did I want to feel about it? Then when I felt like it was complete, I took a big drink of water & did a bunch of rounds of EFT while I read it aloud to myself & visualised it at the same time.

The bonus of using EFT is that it helps you clear any internal or subconscious resistance you might have to the things you’re going after. For example, if you say you want a loving relationship but you’re actually afraid of getting close to people, there’s going to be a conflict of interest. As long as you have that fear — even if you’re not aware you have it, which happens all the time — you’re going to find it difficult to manifest the things you want. EFT helps break that stuff down, & I’ve found it’s also extremely useful for helping you realise where your blockages or issues are.

What are your best tips, tricks, secrets or techniques for visualising or manifesting things in your life?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iCiNG Transformation Challenge: 2/28

[ 2 February 2009, 04:58 ]

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” — Frederick Douglass

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iCiNG Transformation Challenge Preparation

[ 30 January 2009, 15:56 ]

A couple of days ago I decided what I’m going to do for my personal iTC. It’s not super-adventurous or anything; in fact, it’s exactly what I did last year — but because the thought of it makes me feel uncomfortable, I know I should be doing it. (The word “challenge” is in the title for a reason!)

My iCiNG Transformation Challenge is going to be centered around exercising every day (which I am pretty much doing already, but I want to be much more conscious about doing it), & eating 100% raw.

With exercise, I am already hooping for about an hour on average every day, & I love it, but what I want to do is turn my exercise into more of a meditation. I want to be really present, really grounded, & experience the ecstasy of movement. Sometimes I feel like the heavens are french-kissing me while I hoop dance, but I want to feel that when I’m doing yoga, weights, walking, etc. too! It’s my intention to have exercise feel less like a tedious chore than an exploration of bliss & an expression of adoration for the universe. Working love into everyday life, that’s me, that’s my mission!

As for the food… Last year when I did this, my boyfriend was eating 100% raw too, which made life way easier. We were both going through the same thing, we could talk about our cravings, & talk each other out of going to KFC. This time I’m pretty much doing it alone — even though I have you guys! — so I know I need to put some systems in place to help support me as I do this. Especially since I will also be in the midst of organising & packing for my trip back to the USA!

Here are some things I think will help — & this might give you some ideas as to how you can set up support systems for your own challenge.

I’m going to get more involved in the raw community. One of the reasons that even the most well-intentioned raw foodists go off their greens is because of lack of support or community. Let’s face it, radically altering your diet has consequences & alters your social life quite a lot. There are lots of other people around the world rocking raw food like nobody’s business, but because you don’t know they exist, often you feel like a solo juicing voyager, travelling alone, confused & adrift. That’s why it is so important to get involved with a good community of raw people, whether in your city or just online, & for most of us, Give It To Me Raw is an awesome place to get started. Give It To Me Raw was invaluable to me when I first started going raw, & is always my go-to when I have a question about something. So whatever it is you’re doing, do a bit of research & seek out people who have suceeded at doing that same thing. Then start to talk to them. Trust me, you’ll thank me later!

I’ve decided to listen to at least one raw food podcast a day, because another great way to combat the loneliness is to get actively involved & learn some new things! It helps keep you inspired & excited, gives you lots of ideas & reminds you once again that you’re not the only person doing it. One way I love to do this is by listening to podcasts & watching videos. In the case of raw food, there are so many great raw food podcasts, uncooking shows & instructional videos online that you can totally take your pick! There will be oodles of information on what you want to do too, so get searchin’!

I had a good think about my motivation. I admit to being shallow & superficial, & honestly, the bulk of my reasons for wanting to get back to raw food revolve around how it makes me look. The way it makes me feel (clear-headed, smart, alert, ecstatic) are just a bonus, but I feel like ultimately, they are what will keep me wanting to eat raw — as well as the fact that I know, deep down, that eating raw is right for me, & the best thing I can do for myself right now. Going off raw food late last year taught me that — the difference was huge. (Oh, & I just found this article on Zen Habits: 10 Reasons Eating Raw Is Healthier For You & The Planet!)

My point in saying this is that you need to know why you’re doing what you’re doing. Joining a gym or going vegan just because you “think you should” isn’t going to cut it when you’re craving cheese or a sleep-in — you need a reason which really means something to you. My suggestion is to have a really good, investigative probe into your own motivation, & be honest with yourself. Do you want to go vegan for animal rights, or do you actually want to try it because you want to lose a few pounds? Take that honesty & then write it down. You can put it on Post It notes around your house, write it in your journal or rearrange your alphabet fridge magnets to spell it out, but putting things in writing — especially where you can see them often — is very powerful.

I’m going to be good to myself… & you should be too! Don’t expect to be perfect, because no one is, & as you move through the steps of your challenge, it is almost inevitable that there will be times where you stumble. Having said that, don’t expect you will fail, either — we attract what we think about, so thinking that way is totally counter-productive! Just concentrate on doing the best you can every day, & if you mess it up, it’s cool. Tomorrow is another day. I think it’s important to aim for consistency, not perfection (something I learned from Dhru & Nature Love!), because it sets us up to form positive habits & routines rather than expecting to become a saint overnight. I am going to do my best to eat 100% raw every day, but if I eat some toast or devour a plate of potato salad, I’m not going to flagellate myself. What’s the point?! The way I see it, we’re trying to make positive changes to our lives, & that doesn’t include beating ourselves up for being human! You & I are to be commended for even making these first steps. Remember that!

Alright — so having taken all that in, what steps are you going to take to build your own support system?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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The iCiNG Transformation Challenge Starts On Sunday!

[ 26 January 2009, 01:31 ]

You asked for it, you got it! The second annual (wow!) iCiNG Transformation Challenge starts at the end of the week — on Sunday 1st February, & will run for 28 days.

GET PUMPED, BABY!

For those of you who weren’t here for it last year, the iCiNG Transformation Challenge is an opportunity to achieve something you’ve wanted to do for a while but as yet, haven’t quite managed to hit out of the park. Last year, my personal challenge was to exercise in some form every day & eat 100% raw. Other people changed bad habits, revamped relationships, made steps towards doing more fulfilling work, transitioned their diet, worked on artistic projects, stopped smoking or taking drugs, etc. There is no limit as to what you can or can’t do within the challenge — it’s totally up to you.

Last year it was a raging success, with over 1500 participants from all over the world. There’s something really powerful about feeling like you’re not the only person making change in their life, & having a group of people around you who you know you can discuss it with! Sometimes when we decide to alter something in our lifestyle, our friends, families & lovers aren’t supportive. They feel threatened or they don’t have all the information or are obstructed by issues of their own, & so they resist us making those changes. That can make it really difficult to change our patterns & behaviour, because ultimately we all want to be liked — especially by people who are close to us. The iTC is wonderful for this very reason because we’re all in it together, & we all want everyone else in the group to do well. It’s a good way to make friendships & form bonds, too!

Essentially what happens is that I provide an area on iCiNG where we can all discuss our progress & give one another support. I think it’s good to check in on a daily basis & talk about our various challenges. It helps keep you engaged & excited about your transformation. I’ll be acting as head cheerleader, cheering you all on, pom-poms & all, posting daily inspiration, ideas & encouragement, as well as articles that I think will be relevant to what you’re going through.

I set up an iCiNG Transformation Challenge mailing list last year, which was really useful for a lot of people, but this year, I’m going to do it all out loud, in public. As cool as it is to get an email every day about the iTC, there was no way for anyone to search it or find it unless you were already in on it. I think this kind of thing should be in the public arena, so that anyone who wants to start their own challenge at a later date has everything at their fingertips. (You can still get iTC updates that way simply by subscribing to iCiNG via email!)

Okay, so you have six or seven days to organise yourself for your own personal challenge. Have a think about what you’d like to make happen next month, & how you can prepare for that. If you have no idea where to begin, raw food coach Karen Knowler has a great PDF on 13 great ways to improve your life — it’s really valuable for everyone, & you can download it for free here!

So whatever you want to do, start doing some research. Then begin to gather resources or whatever it is you think you’ll need in order to support you in your journey… & we’ll reconvene on Sunday! YAY! Are you excited?! I am!

When you know what you want to achieve, come back here & let us know what your intentions for the month are! Then we can start discussing & brainstorming it all! This will also help give me ideas about what sort of articles would help you most!

I’ll leave you with these words from the new American president (!!!), Barack Obama, which I think are perfectly appropriate!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Lightcasting Day!

[ 25 January 2009, 16:12 ]

Today, Monday the 26th of January 2009, is one of the most powerful days in the astrological calendar when it comes to manifesting your vision. It’s the day of the new moon, & as well as super vibrations from Jupiter, the planet of good luck & fortune, & Venus, the planet of love & creativity, we’re also experiencing a partial solar eclipse. Woo! All of this adds up to make it a bumper day for sending lots of energy in the direction of whatever we want!

So, how do you lightcast? It’s pretty simple — all you’re doing is putting a concerted effort towards thinking about what it is you really want in the next little while. Let’s say the next six months. Remember that Mercury is still retrograde (though it ends on Sunday!), so it’s an ideal time to look back & use our knowledge of the past to help us move forward & work out what we want in the future.

The basic lightcasting formula is to sit down somewhere undisturbed, engage all your senses & just visualise what you want for as long as you can, then let it go. Detach. Don’t think about it any more. Don’t worry about it not coming to you — think of it as ordering a meal in a good restaurant. You tell the waiter what you want, then just wait, always knowing it is on its way, & in the meantime, you talk to your friends, check your phone, observe the scene & enjoy the present moment. This is the crux of manifesting; you just gotta believe that it’s coming & stop looking for “proof”. Just know.

...But if you’re up with the play when it comes to visualising & manifesting, you already know that you can do it anywhere, whatever the occasion. You don’t have to sit down cross-legged with a flower in your mouth, trying to balance a crystal on your head while visualising spinning each chakra simultaneously. There are no rules, just do what feels good to you. You can visualise while you’re spinning a hula hoop around your body, while you’re doing the gardening, while you’re walking to work. All you really need to do is make some time to focus on what you want, while at the same time experiencing the feelings you’ll have when you get what you want, like exquisite joy, bliss, happiness, etc. The more you think about what it is you want, the more these feelings should build up inside you, so that you feel like you might burst. Allow yourself to let these feelings wash over you in an awesome wave. (Some people like to do a little dance while they visualise, & regardless of how ridiculous you might think you look, it works!)

So set some time aside today to do this. Do it for as long as you can; I think about 10 or 15 minutes is ideal. Turn off your phone & shut your door, but if someone interrupts you, don’t sweat it. You don’t have to be perfect in order for this to work — just go back to it. When you feel like you’ve done enough, stop. That’s it. Pretty simple!

Based on the current planetary movements, you might like to focus on the following things…

Aquarius: New persona or ego. Who & how do you want to be & behave?
Pisces: New reality. Think about what isn’t working for you, ‘cause it’s time to clear your life out.
Aries You & your position in society. Do you want to be famous, powerful, have a different circle of friends?
Taurus: Career & legacy. Visualise all the nitty-gritty details of your ideal vocation, right down to the engraved stationery & business-card holder.
Gemini: New belief structure. Open up the way you think about things, & expand your awareness!
Cancer: Trust. Do you trust the wrong people? Do you trust yourself?
Leo: Long-term relationships. How do you relate to other people & how do you relate to yourself?
Virgo: Lifestyle. How can you alter your lifestyle to have it support the things you want? Visualise your ideal lifestyle to help bring it to you.
Libra: Personal dreams. Tell me what you want, what you really really want!
Scorpio: New foundations. It’s time to build a solid base, & think about how you want to do that.
Sagittarius: Attitude. Enough of being negative, getting stuck in unhealthy loops, & putting yourself down!
Capricorn: Self-esteem. Do you really love yourself, huh, huh? Do you believe you can make money doing what you love? Get on it, baby!

I have to give major credit to Christopher Witecki from SoulGarden, ‘cause all this info came from him. He is great, I have learned so much from him; I think “lightcast” is even a word he came up with! You can get way, way more information on today from his horoscopes — here are today’s forecasts for Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius & Capricorn.

P.S. It’s also Chinese New Year! AMAZING! According to Chinese superstitions, the way today goes will set the tone for the rest of the year, so make it a good one! Wear something red, too — it’s lucky. I might wear red lipstick. Yay! Happy Year of the Ox! (More info on that coming soon!)

P.P.S. If anyone has any good suggestions for resources to learn more about astrology — books or websites or whatever — let me know! I think it’s my new “thing”!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Establish A Fabulous Daily Routine

[ 19 January 2009, 23:14 ]

Ahhh, two-thousand-&-divine! There was so much hype towards the end of 2008, with plenty of us swearing up & down that 2009 was going to be different, by gum! Well, we’re now a third of the way through the first month of 2009, so it’s time to check in & see how you’re feeling. How are things going for you? Odds are good that if you haven’t switched up any of your routines or habits, January 2009 seems eerily similar to December 2008… & November 2008… & October 2008!

The real way to implement change in your life is to alter your habits. One of the major things that has changed my life in the past is setting up a daily routine that I enjoy & which I know works. It sounds boring, I know, but it doesn’t have to be. That’s the beauty of it — it’s your routine, so if you want to start the day with naked sun salutations, a massive salad or pyjama dance-off, you can! Be imaginative! It doesn’t have to be epic zombie time, complete with bleary-eyes, stubbed toes & bland breakfast!

So, what’s your daily routine?

Be honest! Do you really wake up at 6am & do yoga every morning, or are you more inclined to rush out the door at 8.49 without so much as brushing your hair? My routine has been a bit of a mess lately too, which is what prompted me to write this article! I’ve been eating all kinds of rubbish, my exercising has been sporadic, I’ve been sleeping in until 10 or 11 every morning, & things just feel really off. I am convinced (convinced!) that Mercury retrograde is partially to blame for this, which just adds to my feeling that now is the time to look back at what hasn’t been working in my routine, & come up with yummy new ways to move forward.

We often fool ourselves into thinking that changing our old habits is an impossibility, an exercise in futility, a waste of time. It’ll never work, we think, completely oblivious to the fact that our current lifestyle isn’t working for us either! How bad could a little change be?

The reason most people repeatedly fail to make something new into a habit is because of their fear of change. Why is this? When we decide we want to do something new, part of us is gung-ho, excited, chomping at the bit to get going. But another part of us is terrified at the idea of shaking things up. We often jump to a far-fetched conclusion which seems rational at the time, but really isn’t, like, “Oh my god, if I start down this path, I’m going to have to do an hour of jumping jacks every morning UNTIL I DIE.” So we never even begin, or perhaps we do it twice before giving up.

It usually takes 30 to 40 repetitions of something before it becomes a habit or routine, & it is perhaps because of this reason that Steve Pavlina is a great advocate of the 30-day trial concept. It manages to skirt ye olde freak out because you’ve set a time-limit. If you’re absolutely hating your routine on day 23, you know you only have 7 more days to go, which makes it all seem much more tolerable.

30 days is also an excellent length because it gives you time to gather real data about what you’re doing. If you change the way you eat or the amount you exercise, it’s common that the first week will be rough. You’ll be exhausted, detoxing, emotionally haggard — all sorts of things will come up — so if you stick at for 30 days, you’ll get past that first difficult stage & into the really juicy bit.

Enough talking, time for action. Let’s make some lists. I’ll go first, then it’s your turn!

What isn’t working for you in your routine?
For me, sleeping in until 10 or 11 is totally not doing it for me. I always feel like I’ve wasted the day when I do that, especially since I know that I get my best work done first thing.
The food I’m eating isn’t doing it for me either. I’m probably about 80% vegan right now — which is good — but I’m eating pretty much all vegan junk food, which is not where I want to be! Raw power please!
It’s totally time to get back into regular exercise. I meant to do this when I got back from Auckland but somehow it didn’t happen. I had a really rough 3 days, & last night after eating about six pieces of toast & a whole lot of rocky road, I decided it was time for a work-out. My short 30 minute cardio blast had me feeling better than I have all week.

How would you like your routine to look?
Wake up at 7.30 (or earlier) Do some gentle stretching & then half an hour of exercise Shower & get pretty Make a big smoothie, drink that & down vitamins as I check my email Set intentions for the day in my Moleskine Start working!

What steps do you need to take to make this a reality?
Thankfully I have most of these things sorted out already. I have a huge stack of exercise DVDs which I really enjoy doing (I know, what a nerd!), as well as my two brand spanking new HOOPS which I can use if I’m not in the mood for a prescribed routine (& which I use during the day anyway). I went to the health shop yesterday — that place is like pure porn for a hardcore Virgo! — & bought some supplements & vitamins I’d run out of, including maca which I am going to put into my smoothies! I also went to the supermarket & bought some stuff for making smoothies. Yay!

So… what about you?
Where are you at & where do you want to be? What kind of steps do you need to take to switch up your routine for good (um, I mean, 30 days!)? Do you need more information or encouragement? Take some time & think about it. What small changes do you think you could make which would really improve your quality of life?

Some of you will remember the iCiNG Transformation Challenge which ran for a month last April. Anyone keen for a repeat performance?!

Extra For Experts:
How To Establish New Habits The No-Sweat Way using Kaizen, from Zen Habits.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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2009: Words Which Mean Something

[ 31 December 2008, 15:42 ]

I noticed last year that when I was writing my weekly “to do” list, & setting intentions for the week, that it was really helpful to have a phrase that I could remember easily. One thing I wrote on my lists pretty regularly was “raw power” — meaning, essentially, eat more raw food! To me, the phrase “raw power” encapsulates everything it needs to. In my head, it translates to, “Eat as much raw food as you can, but don’t freak out about it. Just do your best. You’ll look more radiant, your brain will work better, & you’ll feel happier. Okay, go!” It’s much faster to just write RAW POWER! It helps keep me on track.

Here are my mottos for 2009, all of which I am embracing fully & doing my best to live with passion & purpose! Just like “raw power” above, these phrases have multi-layered meanings for me.

What are they?

I have a copy of this stuck into the front of my 2009 Moleskine. Just like the manifesto I wrote about two days ago, it’s another way to keep myself on track this year.

Do you have any mottos to guide you in the coming year? If not, will you make some?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Things To Do Before 2009

[ 29 December 2008, 22:34 ]

For those of us in New Zealand, 2009 ticks into existence in a little over 24 hours. Before we launch into January with a flying leap, pinch a bit of time with your fingers & use it to your advantage. Here are some ideas to start you off right!

Recognise 2008 for what it has been. Even if you felt like it was the worst year of your life, it had lessons to teach you & positive things have happened. Think back & be grateful for what 2008 showed you, so that you can move forward into 2009 with a clear head & a dedication to all things fabulous!

As part of this, consider reviewing your year. You can do this by taking a silly survey, or by simply meditating on the events of the past 365 days. Think about what you’d like to stay the same or improve in 2009, & what you are happy to leave behind. The unexamined life is not worth living, after all. (Thanks, Socrates!) Use this information as a jumping-off point to choose some goals for the new year.

Okay, it’s time! Set yourself a bunch of amazing goals. Remember that your goal needs to be able to be measured & have a deadline. Don’t forget to work out the steps you’ll need to take to achieve each goal! For example, “lose weight” is not a goal — “lose 20 pounds by the 10th of November through a combination of exercise 4 times/week & 2 raw meals a day” is!

“If you are bored with life, if you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things — you don’t have enough goals.” — Lou Holtz

Before you write on the 1st of January page in your new diary, take some time to write a short manifesto of what you want from 2009. Mine starts like this: “Magic, laughter & adventures.“ For the truly anally-retentive, draft it on your computer first & then transcribe it into your diary in your loveliest, loopiest handwriting. Having something like this written in your diary is a great way to remind yourself of who you are, who you want to be, & where you want to go. You can refer to it whenever you’re feeling a bit lost. Think of it as a beautiful road-map for the year.

Write yourself a fashion manifesto (like this one) for 2009. How do you want to look? Start a scrapbook & fill it with images, words & ideas to keep you sartorially inspired.

Come up with some new year’s resolutions. These are different to goals in that they are more fluid, & less measureable, but still a lot of fun! See this article from last year for ideas!

Sign up for an account with 43 Things.

Throw out your old underwear, & buy yourself new slinkies in the post-Christmas sales!

Come up with a new name for the new year — a nickname, a project name, a full name…

Buy new bedding & shake off the ghosts of lovers past.

Clear out your friends lists on Myspace, Facebook, Livejournal, Twitter, AIM, etc. If someone isn’t actually your friend or has a habit of driving you crazy, why keep them around? Start the year fresh!

Decide to do something in 2009 that terrifies you. Like hip-hop karaoke in front of an audience, telling someone how much you really like them, or sky-diving. Give yourself a deadline & make it happen!

Do something in the next two (or three) days which makes for a good story! Run down the road naked in the snow if you have to, just make it something worth telling other people about! The year isn’t over until it’s over!

Call, email or meet up with your favourite people to tell them how much happiness they have added to your year.

Write a letter to the one person you allowed to make 2008 more difficult than it needed to be. Be as angry & vicious as you like, but when you’re done, burn it or tear it into little pieces. Visualise all your vitriol disappearing with it.

Make a start on what you want to achieve in 2009. Buy those exercise DVDs, join a gym, email that person, go & pick out paint colours for your room, whatever. You don’t have to wait until the 1st of January to start changing things!

Change your hair. Better yet, cut it all off & have it donated.

Come up with some new words to work into your vocabulary next year. Among others, I plan on reviving demode (out of fashion or unstylish), wicked (used for emphasis — e.g. “wicked faded”), mad (also used for emphasis — e.g. “mad keen”) & brocabulary (words your friends say that you pick up)! Huge props to Jake who inspired this idea (& gave me some of the words)!

Start planning a vacation to look forward to. Paris? Miami? Sounds good, mmm? But it doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive — spend a weekend in a couch fort with your best friend if that’s all your budget & schedule allows for.

If you don’t have anything magnificent planned for the night of the 31st, spend some time thinking about what you’d like to do. Then do your best to make it happen. You might prefer a night in with Buffy the Vampire Slayer to a raging crowd. If that’s what you want to do, then do it! There is no better time to start living the life you want.

Remember that 2009 will be what you make it. Set your intentions now & fall in love with the idea that it will be marvellous!

Buy a magical t-shirt & sparkly knickers to kick off 2009 with a flourish! Wink wink!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What Do You Want To Do Before 2008 Ends?

[ 7 November 2008, 14:29 ]

What do you want to achieve before the end of the year? You have 55 days to make something amazing happen!

By the start of 2009, my gift to myself will be having my three-year visa for the United States sorted out. SO EXCITED!

New York is where I want to be. It’s my favourite place, & it fills me with immense amounts of delight. I love this city, & I feel good here. That is worth pursuing. I’m so happy about the idea of putting down some roots & getting really comfortable.

There are a lot of steps (& a fair bit of cash) involved in the process, but it’s time to make it happen — & it’s my primary goal for the rest of the year.

How about you? What do you want to start — or finish?

If you have ideas but you’re not sure how to get going, have a look at… How To Set Amazing Goals Motivation New Year’s Resolution Ideas! Pow-Wows & The Law Of Attraction Being Happy

Make a plan, & make it real!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Beat Writer's Block

[ 14 October 2008, 16:12 ]

The most common piece of advice for anyone suffering writer’s block is “just write”. Of course, this is an excellent suggestion, because what you need is to get your flair back. So “just write” is all very well & good, but sometimes we need more prompting, more pushing, something bolder. How can you “just write” when you feel bored, frustrated & uninspired? Here are my suggestions for getting the better of the thing all writers dread.

Listen to yourself
Yes, this is the first thing. Listen to what your brain & body are telling you! Maybe getting writer’s block is your body’s way of saying, “Hey, chill out!”. Maybe you just want a break, & cutting off the creative flow is the only way your body knows how to get that message to you. If that’s the case, then for god’s sake, be good to yourself! Stop drumming your pencil against the table, get up out of your chair, & do something else. Force yourself to relax & do something entirely unrelated. Watch a cheesy movie, make yourself an enormous feast, go to the gym or visit a friend.

Downtime is really important for everyone, but especially for creative people. If you don’t take a break, you’ll get really burned-out & find it even harder to recover! Don’t do that to yourself, it’s an ugly thing! Go & get a massage, dance around your living room, or just take a really good nap. Allow your brain time off. Okay, good.

Go for a walk
But what if you’re not really at the point of no return, & just feeling stuck? One of my immediate instincts in that situation is to leave my house. To me, it often feels like cabin fever is one of the major culprits — so I go somewhere else. Walking around the city, people-watching & window-shopping with good music in my ear is often all I need to clear my head & get back on form. I find that I’m much more inspired by an urban atmosphere than anything else, but you might get similar results from walking in the woods, along the beach or just up & down your driveway.

If just going for a walk seems a bit aimless to you, make it into a game. How many pink shoes will you see? How many David Hasselhoff lookalikes? Look at the outfits of oncoming pedestrians & think about what it is that makes their outfit work. Or just pay attention to the moment, the people around you, the slope of the sidewalk, your breath.

Write in another format
What do you normally write? Short stories? Articles? Advertising jingles? Raps? Forget about all that. Do something else. You just need to get back into your flow, & sometimes the best way to do that is to do something completely different. Write a haiku or a limerick. If you’re a journalist, write character sketches. If you’re a novelist, try writing a fabulous classified ad. Just do whatever you can to break yourself out of that loop you’re in.

Pick a strange subject to write about
It doesn’t have to be something you know a lot about — in fact, it can be helpful if it’s a topic about which you’re mostly in the dark. Just use your imagination! Write about taxidermy, the best ways to seduce a married man, hats in the 1920s, someone called Esmeralda who sleeps on an oriental rug & collects books on medical abnormalities. Whatever you like. The only rules are that you challenge yourself & you pick a subject that is fun to you.

Write from someone else’s perspective
You can still use your own voice, though you don’t have to. But switch up your viewpoint. If you’re a guy, write as a woman. Write as someone who has different views on politics or religion as you. Scribble down a few words as if you were your best friend, or Karl Lagerfeld, or Kathleen Hanna. Don’t judge what you’re putting down on paper, just allow it to come out. Let the character develop & evolve before you. See what happens.

Write as if you’re in your favourite city
If you don’t have a favourite city, invent one, or pick one at random! Read up on it briefly on Wikipedia, then start describing it. How do the streets smell? What do the people look like? How does it sound? Is it warm or cold? If you were walking down the road, what would you be eating? Where would you be going? Remember that you don’t have to be realistic — you could be walking down the street eating an ice-cream the size of your head while wearing a hat made from bear-skin, a pair of moonboots & holding the hand of your shiny robot boyfriend!

Use something else to write with
If you always write on your computer, grab a pen or pencil. Try using a typewriter, a paintbrush, a crayon, tomato sauce. The whole idea is to break you out of your funk & start having fun, so if you want to put a whiteboard pen between your teeth & write on the window, you definitely should.

Write a letter
Writing into the emptiness can feel a little weird sometimes, so try addressing it to someone. You could write about what you’ve been doing, apologise for something or make it up entirely. Pretend to be a 70 year old woman who sleds across the Antarctic every year, & write an account of your most recent adventures to your nervous daughter who lives in Australia. Alternatively, don’t even start off “Dear ____” — just have a person in mind as you’re writing.

Call someone & explain your writer’s block to them in extravagant, painful detail
Just what it says. Go nuts on it. If you can’t find anyone who wants to listen — which could happen, because who really wants to listen to that? — leave yourself a rabid voicemail. Play it back to yourself & laugh, breathe, remember that if writer’s block is your biggest problem right now, you’re doing okay.

Document the moment by taking photos of yourself as a tortured-looking artiste
Oh come on — you might as well have fun with it. Rim your eyes in black, muss up your hair, pout & set the auto-timer. Add an unlit cigarette & beret to the scene to up the über-pretentious ante!

Throw a tantrum
Scream. Writhe. Wriggle violently. Thrash around. Bite things. Stub your toe by accident. Really bring yourself into the present moment by being completely ridiculous. Then stand up, brush yourself off, & scribble an ode to writer’s block.

Put on bold streaks of warpaint & shock the locals
Go on… Live a little.

Fill your brain with inspiration
Do something that sparks you creatively. Watch a horror movie, do ballet, go & rummage in an antique store, whatever. Obviously, this will be different for everyone, but I often find that buying a huge stack of glossy, foreign fashion magazines works wonders for me. I lug them home, sit on my couch cross-legged, & start flicking through. Pretty quickly, usually, mostly just looking at the pictures. Then (& I know some people can’t stomach this idea) I bend the spine & tear out the pages which speak to me. If you want to put them all up somewhere, grab a piece of string, tie either end to your wall, & peg up the pictures you like the most. It’s the world’s cheapest (& fastest) way of displaying images, & I love the way it looks. Totally unfussy, easy to change & insanely inexpensive.

Listen to your favourite lyrics or read a passage from your favourite book
If you’re having trouble inspiring yourself, go back to the things that you know work for you. Put on a piece of your favourite music or read a couple of pages from one of your favourite books. Don’t feel the need to then jump up & spring into action, just appreciate it & let it soak into your skin. Think about it, analyse it, digest & enjoy it. Then do whatever you feel like.

Change your environment
Sometimes it helps just to try writing in another place. You might want to shift to another couch or chair, try lying on your bed, or stand up at the kitchen bench with a pen in hand. If that doesn’t work, take it a step further & leave the house. Go & write in a park, a pizza shop, standing up in the produce section of your supermarket or on the steps of a church. If the weather is awful but you still feel like have cabin fever, clean up your immediate area. I know I always write much better when I’m not being stared in the face by a pile of junk! Of course, cleaning can easily turn into a procrastinatory exercise, but if you keep yourself on track, & clean with the intention of good writing, I’m sure you’ll be just fine!

Reflexology
If none of the above methods work, reflexology is my fail-safe last-ditch option — usually because the other tactics are much more simple & don’t cost any money! But when your head is really dusty & dry, when your uninspired frustration reaches critical levels, reflexology is It. It has never failed me.

When I lived in Melbourne & felt burned out or unable to write, I would go to this massage shop, lie down, & let a small Chinese man perform weird tricks on my feet. (Sometimes he sang to me at the same time.) It was often quite painful, but always worked miracles. I would feel all my crazy head fog dissipate, & I would pretty much float back up to my apartment, where all of a sudden… I could write! I could whip up fabulous articles! My lust for life came back & I felt like me again.

Reflexology is completely genius. You should try it.

What are your best tips for beating writer’s block to a bloody pulp? How do you manage to triumph over the page? Let us know!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Blog World Expo 2008

[ 7 October 2008, 11:19 ]

The Blog World Expo in Las Vegas, Nevada was an amazing event. When I first heard about it I was really curious as to what it might be like, & I was delighted that the stars aligned so that I was able to attend with my dream girl, Nubby Twiglet!

Arriving in Las Vegas in the early evening was pretty fabulous, too, & totally the way to do it. I had never been to Vegas before, & wasn’t sure what to expect, but as my taxi made its way down the Strip, I started to get really excited. Bright lights! Shimmering signs! Hotels in all kinds of ludicrous shapes! It truly is like Disneyland for adults — an amazing, gargantuan, ridiculously fabulous sprawl.

The expo itself was very impressive. It was really well organised, with free wifi, lots of areas to sit down & a convenient location (you can catch the monorail to the Las Vegas Convention Center from almost any hotel on the Strip). The ticket prices were quite substantial (ranging from about $400 to $900), which probably helped to maintain its appeal as an event for “serious bloggers”! I’d say that pretty much everyone there was either making a living off their blog or well on their way, so there were plenty of sessions on monetization (which, after you gather an audience & create some valuable content, is really the next big thing to tick off for anyone wanting to do it full-time).

The best panel I saw was the very first one on Saturday morning, called Making Money With A Blog, featuring John Chow, Jeremy Schoemaker, Brian Clark, Zac Johnson, Jim Kukral & Darren Rowse (my Melbourne BFF!). I made some great notes from listening to what they had to say on the subject of monetising blogs — & all the speakers were worth listening to. One of the panelists revealed that he had made $140,000 in the previous month from his blog alone. Pretty incredible stuff!

The other stand-out event for me (& for Nubby too) was the keynote speech on Sunday, featuring Tim Ferriss of The 4-Hour Work Week fame, & Mike Shinoda, MC for Linkin Park & Fort Minor, as well as a blogger. I knew that Tim would be great, & he was, but I was very pleasantly surprised by what Mike had to say as well. Even though a lot of his experience was more based in the music industry, plenty of it related back to blogging & the idea of personal branding. Both men had amazing things to say about brand extension, giving your customer (that’d be you guys!) an amazing experience, & even talked a bit about “karmic marketing” — otherwise known as getting back what you give.

It was brilliant to go with Nubby, because as well as her super-popular personal blog, she also works on a professional blog for her employers, Nemo Design. A lot of what was spoken about at BWE was really relevant to her industry, & when we split up to go to different sessions, we would regroup & discuss what had been said. It was great to be able to mull & chew over all the new information we had, especially with someone who is doing something similar to me (which could almost be called “personality blogging”).

My only complaints about the event are thus (& they are few & far between):
I think there could have been more women on panels. I only went to one panel with a woman on it, which I thought was kind of strange. I know that there were a couple of other blogging conventions going on at the same time, so maybe that’s where all the women were, but there are plenty of girls kicking blogniverse booty, & I’d like to hear more from them & their unique perspectives next year! (I’d also like to speak next time — hint hint!)
I didn’t get to meet Guy Kawasaki. I saw him a bunch of times — he was wearing a bright orange shirt, he looked kind of like a traffic cone & was hard to miss! — but I was too shy to go up to him, & then he left the convention early! Talk about kicking myself!
$8.77 sandwiches. Enough said.

I came away from the conference bursting with ideas & inspiration, & feeling really good about the people I’d met & what I was doing personally. It was great to meet a whole lot of people in the same industry as me, too — I talk to bloggers online all the time but not so much in real life!

Before we left Las Vegas, Nubby & I were already discussing coming back for BWE09, which happens in October. We had such a fantastic time & are intending on making it into an annual pilgrimage! Vegas was the perfect place to hold it, because after an entire day of cramming your head full of information, it was wonderful to escape into the warm desert air & have a good time!

I think that anyone who is looking at blogging as a source of income would be silly to miss this event. It is definitely worth the money — if not from what you learn, then from a networking standpoint alone!

I also want to give a shout out (hee!) to Darren Rowse! His generosity & general awesomeness is unparalleled, & I really appreciate it. You’re a champ, I love ya!

Extra For Experts:
You can read Nubby’s write-up on the expo here.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Cope With A Quarter-Life Crisis (Part Two)

[ 20 September 2008, 10:36 ]

The other day I started talking about the quarter-life crisis phenomenon, & how I believed it could be boiled down to two essential elements. To me, it’s quite clear that there are major differences between the people who experience quarter- or mid-life crises & those who don’t.

Believe me, I did my research! For the last couple of weeks I have been asking my friends whether they’d ever had a mid- or quarter-life crisis, or if anyone they knew had. I also asked them where they thought the root of the crisis came from. Their answers were very illuminating, & really helped me put this article together.

The group of people who seem to go through life without suffering the crushing blow of a quarter- or mid-life crisis seem to have two things going for them. The first thing is meaningful work. They’re in a career where they feel fulfilled creatively, they’re happy with their contribution & they are adequately challenged (or can challenge themselves more whenever they want to).

The second thing they seem to have sorted out are satisfying relationships.

Now, before you start freaking out because you’ve never managed to commit to a lover for more than 2 weeks at a time, let me tell you that I’m not really talking about intimate sexual relationships. Those come & go, & while they can be delightful & a lot of fun, being in a long-term stable monogamous relationship is not compulsory to have a happy life. What I’m really referring to, when I talk about satisfying relationships, are the relationships you have with the people around you, but it also covers the kinds of people you attract into your life, & how they impact & affect you.

Like it or not, everyone that we are involved with — from your manager to your girlfriend to your best friend — influences & affects you in some way. Even if you think you are a one-man island, completely impervious to the whims of anyone else, you are mistaken! We are all impacted upon by the people around us. For example, have you ever worn a certain pair of shoes because a guy you like told you they looked good on you? Or avoided talking about politics because you disagree with the person next to you & you don’t want to make a scene? Or you spent way more than you could afford at a bar because you wanted to be able to “keep up” with the people you were with? Yeah, I thought so! You’re no island!

It’s okay, though. That makes you human — bonus! — & normal. This is nothing ground-breaking, of course, but being aware of this fact can help bring your attention to the sort of people you surround yourself with, & the ways that you alter yourself around them.

Interpersonal relationships can be a lot more complicated than finding meaningful work, though, because it’s not just about you, it’s about the people around you. This means we’re not always in complete control, because for everything we do, the way that someone else responds is entirely up to them.

If you have a fantastic career but your lover or friends or family don’t support it or encourage you, that can put you in a very difficult position. It’s almost impossible to advance yourself or your work if someone who is important to you is jealous, feels left out, doesn’t understand or is otherwise conflicted about who you are & what you do.

Another one of the reasons why having strong personal relationships can help you avoid a quarter-life crisis is because it’s important to feel like we have people who can support us regardless of what we’re going through. Even if our friends haven’t necessarily experienced the things we have, they still have insights & opinions which are valuable & useful. As great as it is to be self-sufficient, having someone else to bounce ideas off is immensely useful, especially when you’re not totally sure what to do in a given situation.

Of course, if you can’t make friends or your friendships are difficult at best, you might find that the people you’ve chosen to involve in your life aren’t always around when you need them. Or they’re around, but not interested in helping you. Or you realise that you don’t feel any better after you’ve spoken to them.

So, how can you make your interpersonal relationships more satisfying?

(A lot of these tips could just be filed under “How To Be A People Person”, but really this is about how to strengthen & maintain your relationships.)

Assess your friends
A lot of us have certain friends because they are convenient or it’s just such an old friendship that we don’t really think about it much. Sometimes it is worth considering whether being friends with this or that person is in your best interests. What about the old school friend who, despite best intentions, is kind of depressing to be around? Or that relative of yours who always pinches your sides & tells you to join them for a run in the morning?

The basis of a friendship shouldn’t be as simple as just not-wanting-to-kill-one-another — it should be mutually beneficial & fun. My usual barometer is to ask myself whether I feel good or bad after I’ve seen someone. If I feel kind of sad or stressed or anything else negative, I ask myself whether that’s how I usually feel after I’ve seen them, or if it was a one-off kind of occasion. I usually move away from friendships with people who continually make me feel exhausted or unhappy or something similar. If, on the other hand, seeing my friends makes me feel happy & elated & excited, I know I’m onto a good thing which is worth continuing with.

Honestly, life is too short to spend time with people who don’t really push your buttons. If you don’t really like your friends that much, why waste all that energy on people who aren’t worth it? You might as well spend your time alone — at least you’ll learn to get comfortable with your own company!

Avoid drama
Oh yes, drama. Drama, gossip & turmoil — the opiate of the oppressed (thanks, Erica). It’s what you get hooked on when there’s nothing real going on in your life. (Don’t sweat it, ‘cause we’ve all been there, & I don’t think anyone is entirely immune — but there is a better way to live, I promise.)

So, have you ever noticed that some people just attract drama? They suck it in, it’s drawn to them, it sticks to them like eyelash glue & follows them around like a guy in a bar with a popped collar. They have one problem after another. There is always some Major Agonising Situation which requires some kind of enormous emotional investment. These people can be interesting at first, but soon the whole thing becomes tired & frustrating, aggravating & irritating. Sometimes they squeal things like, “Why does this always happen to me?!”, but behind the scenes they’re delighting in the attention & adrenaline. Believe me when I say that their drama magnetism is not a coincidence. It just isn’t. They have it because they want it, whether they realise it consciously or not.

I used to work with a girl who lurched from one crisis to another. She could never pay her rent, she had problems with her boyfriend, she was arguing with her mother, she slept with some guy who sent her abusive text messages, she was in some kind of conflict with her best friend, & the list went on. I mean, it was constant. She loved it, because it gave her something to talk about, but she was one of the world’s least pleasant people to be around, even though her personality was mostly pretty cool.

A lot of people get confused & think that in order for their life — or for them — to be interesting, they have to be surrounded by conflict & drama. Not true! Drama isn’t interesting, it’s tiresome & old. Isn’t it better to have a life that invigorates & excites you & is drama-free? Yes, of course!

If you have a pattern of attracting dramatic people, think about that & figure out where it comes from. I can’t tell you the exact reason for that, because it’s different for everyone, but it might be that you like to live vicariously through them. If so, resolve to make your own life more interesting. You don’t need to be a spectator to someone else’s life.

My advice if you have dramatic friends? Just don’t go there. You are worth so much more than that. The energy you’re using up thinking about their problems & their crap is energy you could otherwise devote to yourself, & to making yourself happy. Don’t dignify their behaviour with any kind of response, because it just gives them more fuel (& drama to add to the pot!). Don’t get tangled up in their stuff — just dust yourself off & continue on your own journey.

This is easier said than done, because sometimes extracting yourself from a relationship with a drama magnet can be somewhat akin to getting out of an abusive relationship. It can be really difficult, especially if you still care about the person & feel like you should be around to help them get out of whatever new mess they’re in. But you know what? Their stuff is their stuff, & not your problem. You’re not the white knight, & behaving like one doesn’t help them — in fact, it makes them worse. Regardless, sometimes, making positive change is hard. Sometimes, it is difficult & tricky to improve your own situation. But it is always, always worth it. Stop selling yourself short, & make it happen.

Make the effort
Of course, the crucial thing to keep in mind when you make a great friend is that you have to make an effort to keep the friendship going! This can be tricky, especially with the world being the small place it is today. Many of my closest friends live far away from me, & I might not see them before a year is up. But at the same time, making an effort doesn’t have to be an ordeal. Even keeping in touch on Facebook or via cute short emails is better than nothing. It lets the other person know you’re alive & thinking of them, which is so valuable.

Now, you may note that the heading says “make the effort”, not “make the effort when you have nothing better to do”. This includes when you are head-over-heels in love with someone new & your friends slide into lower priority! Oh, I see you blushing in the back! You can’t escape my wily gaze!

I mean, hey, it happens. If your friends are good people, they’ll understand & either bug you to hang out or just wait for you to come back to your senses! But remember them! They will probably still be around when John (or Jane) Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt gets on his (or her) horse & rides off into the sunset… !

Be assertive
I’ve written fairly extensively about How To Be Assertive before, so I won’t rehash what I’ve already said, but being assertive is really important.

What does it mean to be assertive? Here’s a quick summary. It means telling people what you want & what you need. It’s about being strong enough that people won’t take advantage of you or manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to do. It means communicating clearly & honestly, not playing games & not bottling everything up until the point where you explode.

Acting assertively can seem counter-intuitive or uncomfortable at first, especially to people who have been taught to always consider everyone else before themselves, but altering your behaviour in this way will be of major benefit to you.

People who don’t behave assertively — that is to say that they behave in an aggressive, passive or passive-aggressive manner — send out confusing signals to the people around them, which can make maintaining relationships difficult. Passive people feel like they’re constantly being taken advantage of, aggressive people wonder why no one wants to get close, & passive-aggressive people are unpredictable & kind of scary! If the same things keep happening to you over & over, it’s time to change your behaviour. Stop acting like a bozo, & take control of your life & your emotions!

Treat people with respect
Okay, so if you’re not associating with people who like to stir up chaos everywhere they go, your friends are probably pretty cool. Well done you! If you have friends who are good to you & fun to be around, be sure to treat them well!

This means return their phonecalls, treat them to dinner once in a while, don’t constantly bail on seeing them & let them know that you appreciate them! Don’t just show up at their house unannounced, be sure to share good times (as opposed to just calling when you have some kind of problem), look after their belongings & don’t tell them their dress looks good on them if it doesn’t! Be good, be genuine, be a friend worth having, & you’ll be respected in return.

“Love one another & you will be happy. It’s as simple & as difficult as that.” — Michael Leunig

As for me, I think I had my quarter-life crisis — or at least some general kind of existential crisis — from about age 19 to 22 or 23. It lasted for quite a long time, & I was really miserable. I also thought I was the only person who had ever gone through something like it, which made me feel even worse. I was constantly switching jobs, trying to find something I liked — though of course, because I kept doing the same thing (jumping between very similar roles), it never made me any happier. The unhappiness just moved location. I loathed working in offices, & it seemed like I was the only person who had trouble with it. I constantly wondered, ‘What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just do this & get over it & enjoy myself?’ So my lack of meaningful work was a major factor — it really messed me up, because I felt like I was a creative person squandering my life, but didn’t know what I could possibly do to remove myself from the situation. I was convinced that no one ever made any money as a writer, so I should just forget about it.

I didn’t really have any strong friendships at the time, either. I had friends, sure, but our interactions were mostly limited to seeing one another when we were drinking on the weekend. “Real” conversations were hard to come by. They were also in similar situations to me — aka disliking their jobs — but instead of battling it like I was, they seemed resigned to their fate. This made me feel even more lost & adrift. Thankfully, at some point I learned about EFT & started using it regularly. That was what really turned my life around, & I credit it with pretty much everything I’ve achieved up to this point.

Like Annie Spandex said in the comments on the first part of this article, an existential crisis can happen at any time, & is quite normal. We all have moments of panic about who we are, where we’re going & what we’re doing. The reason why quarter- & mid-life crises exist is because these are commonly the times where we are under the most stress (quarter) or doing the most self-evaluation (mid). When you’ve just come out of school & are entering the workforce for the first time, it’s incredibly easy to be over- or even underwhelmed by “real life”! Especially when you’re still working out who you are & what you want to do with yourself. The mid-life crisis seems to be mostly brought on by looking at your life & what you’ve achieved so far, & feeling like you’ve come up short.

One of the best ways to avoid feeling like this in the first place is to live consciously. That means don’t just coast along, going about your day-to-day with little thought as to how happy you are. Question your routine. Think about your patterns, & decide to alter them if you realise they’re not working. Try new things. Learn to enjoy every moment. Don’t just get complacent & fall into a routine which doesn’t serve you, because that’s a sure route to sadness/misery/a crisis of some kind!

It’s also important to avoid comparing yourself to other people. I know that it’s a lot easier to say that than do it, but really, no good will ever come from trying to measure yourself against your friends, idols or competition. There are always going to be areas where you are better than them (of course, because you’re fabulous!), but there will also be things they are better at than you. That’s just how life is. Life isn’t a competition, even though society would like to have us think it is. (It helps them sell us stuff we don’t need, among other things.) Just be yourself. Enjoy your time on the planet. Do what pleases you. Boiled down to its most basic elements, the whole thing seems juvenile in its simplicity.

This is not to say that if you avoid an existential crisis your life will be perfect. No one’s really is, we all have our own unique challenges. But just be good to yourself. Find something you love & devote yourself to it. Make some friends who make you smile & inspire you to be a better person, & avoid those who stress you out. Don’t work yourself so hard you get an ulcer — even if you love what you do — because your well-being is more important than that. Love lots of people. Take time off, lie down & do nothing at all. Be generous & free with compliments. Feed your spirit with beautiful things. Love yourself.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Cope With A Quarter-Life Crisis

[ 17 September 2008, 10:35 ]

A girl I know posted this on her journal recently.

“I believe I am entering phase five of my quarter life crisis. It’s a bit like how grief has stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression & acceptance.

Anyway quarter life crisis, phase 1: Denial. Party harder than before, delete your birth year from your Facebook profile.
Phase 2: Anger. MY LIFE IS SO SO BAD ARGHNNGGGMMPPFFF.
Phase 3: Bargaining. Give up smoking for a week and buy some expensive face wash.
Phase 4: Shame and regret.
Phase 5: Fear of your imminent death.
Phase 6: Acceptance that since you’re not ever going to do all the things you want to do or know all the things you want to know you may as well sit around smoking weed all day if you feel like it as anxiety only hastens your IMMINENT DEATH.
Phase 7: Death.”

It seems like at the moment a lot of people I know are going through their quarter-life crisis. A friend of mine from school turned 25 last week — three days before me — & when I was in Wellington, I was the recipient of a flurry of panicked emails. To put it plainly, she is freaking out. She thinks she is getting old. She has started lying to people about her age (23 seems to be the magic number). & she is convinced that she is going to have a stroke which will leave half her face paralysed.

She told me that recently an old woman who used a walking stick came into the shop where she was working. My friend said hello, & asked if she could help her, because the old woman had trouble moving around. The old woman stopped where she was, turned around & stared at my friend. “Promise me something,” she said, in a low, foreboding voice. “Don’t ever get old!”

This was the final straw.

Honestly, anyone who thinks the quarter-life crisis is a bogus phenomenon needs to meet my friends!

Most people who are going through this ugly process are aware that there is something wrong, but are you just feeling generally miserable or is it a quarter-life crisis? What are the signs or symptoms? Commonly, they are…

Feeling like you’re not doing well enough
Frustration & disillusionment with the working world
Feeling insecure about what you’re doing, where you’re going & what your plans are
Anxiety over close relationships
Feeling extremely bored with your social life (otherwise known as, “Oh my god, I will throw myself out the window if I have to go to another party at her house”)
Nostalgia for teenage years, high school or university (this often manifests itself as an obsession with looking at old photographs or reading journals & reminiscing)
Feeling a desperate need to “settle down” — like buy a house, get married or have a baby
...Or conversely, wanting to “escape” the real world — like backpacking around the world or finding a nice cave to live in
Financial stress or confusion
Intense loneliness
Feeling that everyone is doing better than you
Terror at the concept of getting “old”
Wondering “Is that all there is?”
A vague feeling of apathy, mixed with horror, panic & depression

Of course, feeling some of these things occasionally is pretty much par for the course, & not necessarily indicative that you’re going through a quarter-life crisis! However, if all these things (or the majority of them) seem to have hit you at once, this can be quite terrifying — especially if it happens to coincide with your birthday or other milestone.

So, I’ve given this quite a lot of thought over the past week or so. Why is it that some of my friends are in this terrifying choke hold, & some aren’t? I have plenty of friends who have never felt like they were going through a quarter- (or even mid-!) life crisis. Why is that?

Well, I think I know the answer. There are two deciding factors which separate the two groups. Since they both deserve a lot of attention, I’ve split this article into two parts — the second of which is coming tomorrow.

The first catalyst for a quarter-life crisis is a lack of meaningful work.

So, the idea that your work or career (or lack of one) could be contributing to your feelings of anxiety is probably a bit of a drag to some of you — especially those of you who are in denial about how happy your work makes you. By now, we all know (I’m sure) that working just to eke out a living is not the path to eternal bliss. The people who seem happiest & most fulfilled are always those who do something that turns their crank. I know that sounds like a bit of a heavy trip, especially if you don’t feel like you’re part of that camp. Believe me, I’ve been there, & I know from personal experience that there is nothing worse than working in a job you dislike. I think the place where a lot of us stumble is that we think the work we do — or the career we enter — has to be life-changing, ground-shaking, life-shattering. It doesn’t. It doesn’t at all.

When I say “meaningful work”, my definition is that it has to be meaningful to you — & only you. As much as we would all like to change the planet, that isn’t necessary to feel good or fulfilled. My idea of something “meaningful” is pretty simple: do something that has value to you.

I used to sell advertising for a small newspaper in New Zealand. My job was to sit at a desk, go through the Yellow Pages, & cold-call businesses to try & sell them space in an unsuccessful newspaper. It was awful. It had absolutely no value to me, beyond the fact that it helped me pay my rent. I would not classify this as meaningful work. On the other hand, when I worked at Lush, I loved it! I was surrounded by beautiful products which I believed in, & I got to sell them to people who really loved & appreciated them. It helped clear their skin up, or made them feel luxurious & sexy, so I felt that was a business worth being in. I really enjoyed it, & it made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile — contributing something positive. I would call that meaningful work. Like I said, you don’t have to wash the feet of lepers to do something that makes you feel good.

If the thing that made you happiest was painting watercolours for the elderly, or walking dogs, then that’s great! I’ll say it again for emphasis: you don’t have to cure AIDS, be a recycling avenger or destroy the capitalist agenda to have a life that is full of love & wonder & happiness, or to make a difference to other people’s lives.

The great thing is that just by being who we are, & being happy, we serve as an incredible example to everyone we come into contact with. I am not a saint or a perfect person, but I feel good about what I’m doing with my life. When people ask me what I do for a living, or enquire as to what I’ve been up to recently, most of them are pretty excited to hear my response. Plenty of them give me a crazed look, before the barrage of questions begins. “So, you don’t work for anyone else? & you travel around & write from wherever you like? Huh?!”

I hope that they go home & think about how they could bring a little magic into their own lives, & I know that a lot of them do — just like a lot of you do after you discover iCiNG & start getting into the spirit of it! That’s just it — sometimes things seem impossible until we see someone else do it — & then, we often feel brave enough to give it a try. In fact, this happens all the time: you can see clear examples of this in athletics. No one can run a mile in under x minutes until they see someone else succeed, & then, all of a sudden, athletes spanning the globe can do it. Just like that. It really goes to show that the only things holding us back are our self-imposed limits or our beliefs about our own capabilities.

Having said all this, most people who aren’t doing some kind of work which pushes their buttons are in that situation precisely because they don’t know where to begin. They don’t always know what their interests are, or where their talents lie, & the whole idea is kind of scary. (Having said this, if you know what you should be doing, but are just putting it off — muster up some courage, & begin!) I think a lot of what fuels a quarter-life crisis is this feeling that somehow, everyone but you has a grand plan for their life, & they are Getting Things Done & Going Somewhere, & you’re the only person who is kind of lost & confused. Don’t be tempted to think that people with a “career plan” have it all figured out, or that their lives are perfect. The truth is, most people don’t have a master plan at all. A lot of us are just blindly feeling our way, trying to make the best of whatever situations come our way.

Ths is a long-winded way of saying don’t feel bad because you haven’t got everything all figured out. No one does. The people who think they do tend to learn the hard way that they really don’t. Life is supposed to be an adventure, & it’s supposed to be tricky sometimes! That’s what makes life interesting! If every boy you liked fell at your feet immediately, or you were suddenly a wild success without really doing anything to get there, you would be bored to tears. A bit of a challenge is good for us, because it shows us what we’re made of & proves to us the power we really have — which then helps us to go on & do bigger, bolder & better things.

Here are some things to keep in mind if you feel like your quarter-life crisis stems from a lack of meaningful work:

Listen to yourself
Above all else, remember that you are living your life for you & you alone. If your life thus far has been an effort to make your parents/significant other/friends happy, believe me when I say that you are fooling yourself & wasting your time. This doesn’t mean you have to be inconsiderate or the world’s most selfish person, but you have to put yourself first. Don’t let people bully you into a lifestyle that doesn’t interest or suit you. It is a recipe for complete misery. No one wants to wake up at age 60 & realise they’ve completely squandered their life!

Often our parents, lovers, friends, religious leaders or other people in the community act as if they know what is best for us. While it’s true that everyone has a unique & valuable perspective on life, that does not mean that they are right, or that they can possibly know what our life should be like. Only you can determine that for yourself.

Listening to yourself means paying attention to what interests you, acting on what your intuition tells you (& not just shoving it down or ignoring it), & allowing yourself to grow, expand & make mistakes. Scary, yes! But once you have started living in this way, you’ll never go back. It is an entirely new experience.

Take it slowly
Don’t feel compelled to rush into anything. Time is an illusion, after all, so don’t allow an illusion to dictate your life! We all feel like there’s never enough time, but if you can make the effort to slow down, be in the present & appreciate what you’re doing right at this very second, that perception will begin to change.

Life is not a race, regardless of what your friends or the media may tell you. Who are you competing against, what are you really competing for, & does it actually matter? Your best friend might have a baby & a sparkly engagement ring, while your favourite cousin has a high-paying job & an amazing apartment, but so what? Everyone’s life moves at a different speed & no one is doing better or worse than anyone else. You might be envious of your friend’s baby while she secretly wishes she was unencumbered & able to travel the world like you do.

Don’t rush! Regardless of how uncomfortable it may feel, you are always at the perfect place for you, your life, your growth, development & experience.

Stay curious
As well as keeping you young, it will allow you to remain open to the opportunities that present themselves to you. Stay excited, keep asking questions, continue to move through life. It’s much better to be curious & happy than trapped in something you’re not enjoying.

Have faith in yourself
Sometimes you have to take a big, scary leap into the unknown. You may not know the next step, & you might not know exactly what you’re doing, or how it’s all going to work out — but you need to have faith in yourself & trust in the process.

A lot of people never take any risks because they feel the need to organise their life to death & have stringent plans which they execute like clockwork. That’s an okay way to live, but it’s certainly not very exciting, & it can take some of the thrill out of life! Life becomes much more magnificent when you just decide to do things, & trust that it will all work out. It can be terrifying, but it’s also amazing.

When you have vexing problems or a zillion questions, know that you already have the answer — & everything else you will ever need — inside you.

Be true to yourself
Become aware of the fact that what other people are doing with their lives is not necessarily right for you, no matter how fun/glamorous/cool/right it may seem. You cannot live anyone else’s life. You can only ever live your own, so don’t try to fit yourself into the mold someone else has poured.

Of course, you should try new things to see if they work for you or not. But don’t force yourself to do something if it’s not right for you, or just because you feel like you should. It will only make you feel uncomfortable. It’s much better to be authentic & cut your own path than take painful steps in someone else’s shoes.

Follow your passion
This is part of having faith in yourself, but gets its own mention because sometimes this can be hard to do — especially if people around you are critical or devoted to being “realistic” all the time. People with passion are often misunderstood because they sometimes look crazy from the outside! Don’t let other people’s opinions or judgements sway you. If you know what you’re doing & you have a vision, you should follow it.

“Everyone has a talent, what is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.”
— Erica Jong

If you really feel like you’re in the clutches of a quarter-life crisis & don’t quite know how to deal with it, these books come highly recommended. Many people have said they helped a lot — they no longer felt alone in their situation, & were able to gain some perspective & take steps which helped break them out of it.

Try Christine Hassler’s 20-Something, 20-Everything: A Quarter-life Woman’s Guide to Balance and Direction & 20 Something Manifesto: Quarter-Lifers Speak Out About Who They Are, What They Want, and How to Get It, The Quarterlifer’s Companion: How to Get on the Right Career Path, Control Your Finances, and Find the Support Network You Need to Thrive by Abby Wilner & Catherine Stocker, Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis: Advice from Twentysomethings Who Have Been There and Survived by Alexandra Robbins, Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties by Alexandra Robbins & Abby Wilner, & Upload Experience: Quarterlife Solutions for Teens And Twentysomethings by Jason Steinle.

You might also like to read this article from life coach Tim Brownson, How To Survive A Mid- Or Quarter-Life Crisis.

Part two is coming tomorrow, sweet thing, so sit tight!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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When SSM Strikes!

[ 26 August 2008, 20:50 ]

I have a confession to make. I have been struck by SSM. As a consequence of that, my style quotient has been pretty low recently. You may think, ‘Oh, sure, whatever’, but allow me to explain.

I have been sleeping in a black merino wool singlet, a pair of my father’s thermal long johns, & a pair of socks. This is not so bad — I mean, it’s not super-sexy, but hey — & I would leave it at that. ...Except for the fact that I have been throwing a hoodie over the top, & a long black skirt over the bottom, & figuring that this makes it an outfit!

No, Gala, no! This does not make it an outfit! Especially when you add black Ugg boots into the mix, which are what presently adorn my tootsies! (Don’t worry, I haven’t left the house in them. Yet!) It’s a terrible situation, really. I’m allowing myself some small amount of leeway because (as previously mentioned) I’m living out of one ill-packed suitcase. But I should definitely be making more of an effort.

Yes, SSM has definitely got me in its deathly, vice-like grip. So, what is SSM? It stands for Seasonal Sartorial Malaise, & it’s a hideous beast!

Initially I thought this was something that really only applied to getting dressed in winter. It’s so cold that at some point, all you really care about is staying warm, & damn the consequences! But it happens in summer, too. By the time I left New York at the end of July, all I wore was my black slip & a pair of boots, sometimes with a sequinned bikini top underneath for modesty’s sake, but most often not. (I was popular at my local pizza place, though.)

Sure, at the start of the season, we’re all excited. We finally have the chance to wear our new boots/swimsuit/coat/shorts, & by jingo, we do! But halfway through the season, the thrill seems to wear off somewhat. We fall into a kind of seasonal uniform, we stop making the effort & everything gets a bit dull. We begin to hanker for warm or cold weather, fantasise about a blanket of snow or a pristine tropical beach, & life starts to drag.

The good news is that you can easily break out of SSM — the first step is to admit that SSM has you in its sights!

Say it with me, now!

“Hi, my name’s _______, & I am drowning in a sea of SSM!”

Now, the solution. I prescribe as many of the following as you see fit — immediately, if not sooner!

Find a reason to get dressed up
If all you’re doing is going to work, then coming home & watching movies in front of the fire/air conditioner until you pass out, you don’t have a lot of encouragement to get sassy. Your life may not be one big carnival of thrills, & the only thing written in your calendar might be “buy cat food”, but it doesn’t have to be that way if you don’t want it to!

What kind of thing would make you want to dress up? A night at the opera? A first date? A dinner with a bunch of your favourite people? Once you’ve established what kind of thing would enthuse you enough to make the effort, get to work on making it happen! Contact your friends, organise a meal. Book tickets to the opera online & mark it down in your diary. Start talking to that cute person & ask them out on a date! (If there are no cute people to be had in your immediate vicinity, get on OkCupid! Stat!) Google for weird, free, fun or avant garde events in your city, & start going to them!

Fling the doors of your wardrobe right open. Crank up the music. Grab things, try them on, hop around on one foot, hold dresses up against yourself & devise an outfit, the likes of which have never been seen before! Experiment with your wardrobe. Have fun with it! Try things that you don’t think will work. See what happens!

There’s nothing better than a fabulous night (or day) out — with a fabulous outfit to match — to make you feel amazing again. It’s just that sometimes we get locked into our daily routine, & forget that really, we can do anything we please! Grab that fact & make it your own. Surprise & delight yourself!

Clean out your wardrobe
Okay, I know this is a daunting task for many of us. It gives us The Fear. How will we ever possibly manage to claw our way through years of bargain hunting, pants which are distinctly the wrong size & old bridesmaids dresses? The answer is simple: indulge in a little Wardrobe Taming. Beat that bad boy into submission!

No one can really put together a show-stopping outfit when the first thing they see when they look in their closet is a shrunken t-shirt with a stain on the front, a pair of ripped pyjama pants & a coat from 6 seasons ago. Do yourself a favour, & strip your wardrobe down to its bare bones! As scary a concept as it is, it’s true that you actually look better when you have fewer things to choose from — this is a lesson I learned when I was living in New York. Keep the good quality items which fit you, & get rid of the rest!

I did this when I went back to Melbourne a month ago. All my earthly belongings now fit into six suitcases! Yes, it’s slightly terrifying — but I have been left with only the things I really love. It all fits, it’s all in good condition & it all suits me. I’m delighted (& I can’t wait to receive it)!

Oh, you. What are you waiting for? Stop reading! Go & tackle that closet of doom!

Get some inspiration
It’s difficult to feel inspired to create a sartorial masterpiece when you have no visual fodder to spur you on. This is something I’ve been dealing with in Wellington — I have none of my usual pictures around to look at, which makes it hard for me. (Visual stimulus is very important for me!) The good news, though, is that there are about a billion different places you can find inspiration from. Flickr is one of my favourite resources, & if you’re looking for fashion-specific stimulation, the infamous Wardrobe Remix, started by Tricia Royal (who is now with daughter — congratulations, cutie!), is an invaluable place to get new ideas.

Big magazine shops are magnificent, too. Foreign fashion magazines, design bibles & Teen Vogue all have their own charm & are fantastic for sparking your synapses. Buy a huge stack, cringe as you hand over your credit card, then go home & tear them up to make an inspiration board. Get messy with glue, a pair of scissors & a big roll of tape! Then hang it near your closet & feel free to add & subtract from it as you see fit — let it evolve as your taste does!

Build on the latest looks
I am not a huge advocate of trend-following, as you probably know. As a general rule, I think it is boring & the domain of amateurs. But sometimes looking at the trends & latest styles can give you a fresh new vision, which is totally priceless. If the fashion magazines are predicting forest green, expand on it — mix it with safari gear & animal print & a bone through your nose. If they say purple is “it”, make your own version of Willy Wonka’s velvet suit, & carry a lollipop as an accessory. Don’t ever follow it to the letter — be creative, excitable, a bon vivant. Use their predictions as a jumping-off point for new, bold, fabulously weird things.

Go shopping
There is no better way to break the shackles of SSM than with an amazing new piece in your wardrobe! How can you possibly feel bored or stale when you have a pair of duck-egg blue cowboy boots, a houndstooth cape or an enormous powdered wig begging to be worn?

One thing I would suggest is that you shop in places off the beaten path. You might have your usual haunts, & that’s okay, but walking into a new store & trying on something completely radical can change your entire sartorial direction! The purchase of an amazing cranberry sweater from Yohji Yamamoto or a pair of incredible boots can give all your old items a whole new lease on life. You don’t have to spend a billion dollars — be discerning, get a few great pieces & watch as they shake up all your dressing conventions!

Hold a clothing swap
Invite your friends over & trade clothes! It doesn’t have to be just clothing, either — it’s great fun to swap jewellery, bags, belts & barely-worn footwear. You could even make invitations, if you wanted to get really into it. You should be sure to specify that only good quality clean clothing will be accepted to swap.

I have been to some clothing swaps which were a bunch of people who didn’t know one another, & honestly, it doesn’t bring out the best in people. They bring along stained sweaters because they know no one will know who brought it, & then expect to make off with a Chanel handbag. It’s not pretty. The good thing about inviting your friends over is that the pool is so small that there is no social loafing!

Play good music, open a bottle of champagne & have a dress-up party. Then go home with your new things & enjoy!

Has you succumbed to SSM before? What pulled you out of it, & brought you back to sartorial life? Share your tips & tricks!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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10 Ways To Snap Yourself Out Of A Slump

[ 10 August 2008, 21:01 ]

Ah, yes. Feeling blue. The doldrums. Sad & listless. A feeling of ennui. Apathy & lassitude. Stagnation & tedium. Quelle drag! We all feel like this from time to time, & it can be hard to know what to do about it. Especially when all we really feel like doing is hanging out in our pyjamas (which are probably in desperate need of a wash), flicking between the channels, eating chocolate & pouting at ourselves in the mirror!

What you need is what I like to call a glee jolt! Something to snap you out of your sad, shuffling ways. A sweet little blip of excitement & joy to propel you forward into the next phase of your life. Here are some of my favourite ways to break the shackles of a slump. Let us know your suggestions in the comments!

Drive quickly!
Go for a strop around the block & see if it doesn’t make you feel better. Drive safely, of course, but put your foot down. There is really nothing like a quick blast of blood to the back of the brain to wake you up & get your adrenaline pumping! Watch the sights go whizzing by, feel the tyres bite into the road below you, crank up some of your favourite tunes & enjoy yourself. You don’t need to drive anywhere specific, though if I had my choice I would probably head towards the sea for an ice-cream. (If you don’t drive, have someone else be your personal carriage service.) Admittedly, I’m a bit of a speed demon. I have lots of great memories from childhood where I sat next to my father while he absolutely booted it down the road as he drove me to school, so this may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it certainly works for me!

Yell some positive affirmations
I know that the concept sounds lame, but honestly, they work. What we say or think out loud we start to believe, so you might as well feed your psyche with positive messages! In my experience, affirmations work best if what you say means something to you, if you say it loudly while looking in the mirror & if, at the same time, you beat on your chest like Tarzan! Yes, it sounds ridiculous, but trust me when I say that it amps you up! If you need to wear some tiger-print gear to really feel it, then damnit, just do it! Feel free to yodel & swing on vines if you have the urge, too!

Scare the hell out of yourself
We all reach a point of complacency & boredom at some stage. One of the best ways to deal with this is to do something which terrifies you. Maybe that means doing aerobics in public, taking an acting class or ditching your relationship which isn’t working, but whatever it is, you should do it! If not now, when?, & all that stuff. The best thing about doing something which scares you is that when you’ve actually done it, once the trembles have subsided & your heart-rate returns to normal, your body will inflate with a sense of accomplishment & general awesomeness. You will be amazed at how well you just did. You will feel gooooood! You will feel unconquerable! You will feel emboldened & fabulous & ready for serious, magnificent change! Those kinds of feelings are worth enduring the shakes for. Don’t be timid — be vivid! — & reap the rewards.

Get away from everything
If you’re feeling bogged down & sluggish, escaping your normal life can be a fantastic way to get back on track again. It feels so good to do something completely different for a while — it gives you an entirely new perspective on what your life is like & what you should do next! Your idea of what “getting away from it all” is will depend on your situation, & could range from a weekend on the ski slopes to a night dancing in Las Vegas to a week in a silent meditative retreat. I also often find that just the simple act of planning or dreaming about a holiday is enough to break me out of my doldrums, but maybe that’s a Virgo thing! Wink wink!

Spend time with an unusual person
Like Sark says, “Invite someone dangerous to tea”. Of course, your workmates & close friends are wonderful, but sometimes what you really need is someone to give you a bit of a shake-up. They don’t need to be an ex-con or someone with Problems (with a capital ‘P’), but someone with radical political ideas or a penchant for wearing wigs can stimulate your brain & get you feeling excited about life again. Conversations with people like that are fantastic; you never really know what they’re going to say next & they can give you all sorts of ideas that may never have struck you before. Don’t be afraid of new people — they might be just what you need.

Find some aesthetic stimulation
I think that mostly, the feeling of being in a slump comes from a lack of enthusiasm about what’s going on in your life. You might have a goal but perhaps you feel discouraged, or just a bit demotivated. I’m a very visual person so for me, having pictures which delight & thrill me is really important. I love to peg advertisements & photoshoots on string, but when I lived alone in Auckland, I had a wall behind my couch covered in photos of my friends & I having fun. If you’re in a city that doesn’t really turn your crank (like I was at the time), having a visual reminder that your life is actually pretty awesome is a great thing.

Start flirting
There’s nothing like a fledgling romance to make life shiny & new again! Oh, the excitement! The deciphering of text messages… the thrill of getting to know each other… the glee as you discuss it all endlessly with your best friend! You get to hold hands, share sweet fluttery kisses, have sleepovers & compose filthy emails — all valuable past-times! It doesn’t have to be an epic romance for it to be fun & worthwhile; even if it only lasts a couple of weeks, it’ll still be fun!

Dress in one colour
...But not black. It doesn’t count, you goth, you! Pick something bright & marvellous — like pink, purple, orange or blue — & go crazy! If your wardrobe isn’t comprehensive enough to make this happen, talk to some friends & see what you can borrow in those shades. Then make a day of it. Pile on all your pink/purple/orange/blue clothes & hit the town. Go to the supermarket. Walk the dog. Eat some cake. You’ll be gob-smacked by the response you get from the general public (honestly, they love pretty much anyone who takes sartorial risks) & being surrounded by all the bright colours will make you feel incredible.

Switch up your routine
Even the smallest change to your day-to-day life can make a huge difference to the way you think & feel. It doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant either — though, of course, expensive & extravagant changes can be a lot of fun! Try something simple, like catching the train to work instead of the bus. Go out for dinner instead of ordering in. Visit your local pool after work & have a spa. Trade books for television or vice versa. Take a French class or paint your bedroom. Just make little tweaks, & see how they impact your general happiness.

Exercise
This one gets mentioned last because it makes an appearance on pretty much every self-improvement list ever published on the internet, & I know that gets tired. But hey, the reason exercise gets name-dropped with such ferocity is because… wait for it… it works! Okay, so you don’t have to go for a run if you don’t want to. Make it enjoyable! Try bunny-hopping across your living room, dancing the can-can, lying a broom across two chairs & doing the limbo underneath it, doing some contortion or climbing some trees. & if you simply cannot find something which gets your heart-rate up that you enjoy, bribe yourself to do it by buying yourself a chocolate bar afterwards!

Bonus ideas
Hunt for treasures in vintage stores. Find a hammock. Throw yourself an unbirthday party (complete with cake, candles & alcohol). Buy fireworks. Hire a fancy dress costume & wear it to your friend’s house. Record your lover snoring. Make a video of you impersonating a celebrity. Write long love letters. Sleep upside down. Refuse to get dressed. Start a collection of false eyelashes. Re-write all your social networking profiles. Stretch. Eat flowers.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Ace A Job Interview

[ 28 July 2008, 23:55 ]

Oh, job interviews. One of the most nerve-wracking experiences ever, especially if you’re going for a job you actually really want! While you probably won’t get every job you interview for, there are definitely some things you can do to help increase your chances. Here are my tips for impressing the pantaloons off anyone in an interview.

Be on time
This is the most important thing. Really.

When I used to go to job interviews, sometimes if I realised I was going to be late, I wouldn’t bother showing up at all. Naughty, perhaps, but honestly, most of the time, being late is almost impossible to recover from. If I was late for a job interview — theoretically the time where you are trying to be most impressive — what were the interviewers going to assume about my actual work?! It sends a pretty loud & clear negative message. I figured it was better to stay home & get some sleep instead!

Of course, there are exceptions. Sometimes there are very real & unavoidable reasons why you’re delayed. If this is the case, make sure you let your interviewer know as soon as possible, & let them know that you’re open to rescheduling if that is more convenient for them.

If you’re someone who is chronically late, step it up, toots! Being late makes other people feel like you don’t respect them or their time, & time is precious to everyone. (Read this for more information.) If being late is something you always struggle with, start writing your appointments down for half an hour before the actual time!

Make conversation
Because work is where people spend the majority of their time, most employers are pretty conscious of the kind of people they want in their workplace. As a general rule, people want to hire other people with whom they get along. While weird, awkward, socially stunted people do get jobs, they will often be passed over for someone with comparable skills but a lot more charm. It just makes everyone’s life easier.

What this means is that you should make every effort to show how lovely you can be. If this statement confuses you, let me break it down for you. Smile! Laugh! Be positive! & above all, make conversation! It doesn’t have to be the world’s most scintillating discussion, but even throwing in a little anecdote about your morning or what you did on the weekend will make your interviewer feel like they’re actually talking to a real, relatable person & not some terrified robot or freaky automaton.

When it comes to an interview, usually you won’t get to that stage unless you have the skills you require for the role. So look at an interview as your opportunity to prove how super & cool you are, how awesome you’d be to work with, & how much fun you’d bring to the team.

(For more tips, see How To Be Charming!)

Have questions to ask
...Other than “How much are you going to pay me?”, which should typically be left until later in the piece!

Why should you do this? Because it shows that you’re keen enough to take an active interest. It illustrates to the interviewer that you’ve thought about the job — you’re not just there because they were the only place to call you back.

Coming up with a few questions doesn’t have to be a big mission. I would often think about the role on my way there (while I was on the bus or in a taxi) & jot down a few thoughts about it. So you might like to ask them how long the role has been around — whether it has evolved & will continue to, or if it’s fairly static. You could ask about the level of autonomy you’d be gifted. You could ask who was in the role previously, why they left & where they went. You can enquire about the culture of the team or company, how social they are, what they’re like. & if you really want to score points, you could ask the interviewer how they got to where they are today. (Everyone loves to talk about themselves.)

You don’t need to get all Spanish Inquisition on it — just a few well thought out questions will do the trick & make you stand out from the other applicants.

Be enthusiastic
I know I say this all the time, but enthusiasm cannot be overestimated!

Everyone loves an enthusiastic person! Except for really grumpy people, but who wants to impress them anyway?!

This means you should demonstrably show your excitement about the role. (If you’re not excited about it, perhaps it would be better for you to find something that actually turns your crank, rather than bouncing from similar role to similar role, expecting things to change… We’re all guilty of this one at some point.)

You don’t need to skip into the interview room, but definitely smile, appear alert, lean in towards the interviewer when they’re talking, mirror their body language, say, “I’m so excited about this role!”, & let them know you’re looking forward to hearing back from them. Honestly, even just saying you’re psyched to be there will make them smile. Everyone wants to hire someone who really wants it! There’s nothing worse than a gaggle of lack-lustre, bored-looking applicants. Make an effort to stand out!

You’ve probably heard this before, because I mentioned it in my How To Make Your CV Impressive article, but I once got an awesome job as a book buyer — for which I was wildly underqualified — because I was so enthusiastic. Never fear! Enthusiasm will get you there!

Do your research
If you know a little bit about the company you want to work for, you’ll be doing better than most of the people you’re up against. Google them before you go to the interview & read up on some vital stats or their latest news. You don’t necessarily need to demonstrate your knowledge in the interview, but if you have the opportunity, you should. If you don’t really get the chance, or it would be out of place to start reeling off facts, at least you’ll feel more secure in the interview!

Have ideas
This isn’t always going to apply, because often you won’t know much about the role you’re applying for until you actually get into the interview. But if you already have the low-down on what your job might entail, going into the meeting with a bunch of ideas is always a positive thing.

When I say ideas, I mean things you could do to improve their situation, which might range from implementing a new system to changing the way you deal with incoming phone-calls. While your ideas may never be implemented, just having them in your mind & expressing them to your interviewer speaks volumes. It will show that you take initiative, that you’re a good problem-solver, & that you’re invested in the role.

The one caveat I would add is that sometimes people are threatened by a bold thinker, so if you’re going to talk ideas, make sure you do it in a way that doesn’t imply that you’re going to bulldoze their entire department!

Pick up the interviewer’s slack
Let’s face it, your interviewer isn’t always going to be mind-blowing. In fact, often the task of interviewing just falls to the person who is available, not necessarily the person who is best qualified to do it, or even happiest doing it.

If your interviewer — let’s just say it — sucks, then it’s your job to pick up their slack. If you look at it objectively, they have nothing to lose or gain from the interview, really. They’re just doing their thing, & if they don’t like you, they won’t hire you, & then they’ll go back to their cubicle & play with their stack of Post It notes & then go out for their lunch break. But you? Well, if they don’t hire you, you have to send out more applications, go to more interviews, & keep looking for a job. You have much more riding on the situation. So it’s really in your best interests to do whatever you can to make sure you’re the person who gets the role.

Picking up the interviewer’s slack might include giving longer answers than you think they’re expecting, volunteering information that is relevant but hasn’t been asked for, being ultra-charming or asking them questions in the hopes that they will bounce them back to you. Really it’s just about taking the initiative, & taking control of the interview (in a non-threatening way).

Sell yourself
Most people go along to interviews, answer the questions, nod their head, smile nervously, shake hands & bolt. While they will eventually get hired by someone, it’s not what anyone is really looking for.

Make yourself sound like you would be an asset to their company, rather than just someone who is going to sit around & suck up a salary! How you do this will depend on your personality & the role you’re going for, but basically it’s important to make yourself sound like you’re worth hiring. If you have amazing skills, talk them up! If you’re the queen or king of conflict-resolution, say so! Don’t hide yourself away. You might be the world’s most wicked spreadsheet whiz, but if you don’t mention it, no one will know! An interview is not the time to be shy. In a situation like this, it’s much better to be cocky than forgettable.

Be appreciative
Let your interviewer know that you are thankful that they’re taking the time to meet you. This doesn’t mean kissing their feet or grovelling or putting yourself in a subserviant position (“Oooooh interviewer, thank you for picking meeeee, I’m not worthy!”), it just means showing your appreciation in a real way.

One of the best ways to do this is to look in their eyes while you shake their hand & say, sincerely, “Thank you for taking the time to meet with me”, but you can show your appreciation in other ways too. You could say thank you a billion times, but if you slump in your chair & stare out the window & chew gum, no one’s really going to be very convinced. Make sure your body language echoes your sentiments.

Do practice interviews
If interviews really freak you out, it can be helpful to have a couple of practice runs with someone you know. Have a friend ask you some typical interview questions (here’s a list!), & then take your time while you think about them & answer them. Honestly, you can do this on your own, you don’t need a buddy to help you, but it can be good to have someone else there to bounce ideas off.

Know your career objectives
You don’t have to know what you want to be doing in the next thirty years to make a good impression in an interview. The fact of the matter is that most people don’t know what they want to do with their lives until they’re about 35… & lots of people never really know.

You don’t need to know that in 10 years time you’d like to be CEO of Taco Bell — in many jobs, it’s really only important that you have some idea of what you’d like to learn. Don’t worry about slapping a title on it. So if your interviewer asks you, “What are your career objectives?”, it’s perfectly okay to just say the kind of skills you’d like to obtain.

Even if all you can think is that you’d like to work in human resources, or editing, or production, just say that. A vague direction is better than nothing at all; it gives them an idea of where you’d like to head (& creates a picture of what you might do within their company), & if they employ you, it will help them point you in a direction that is interesting to you.

Well, those are the things that have helped me get through job interviews over the years. (Believe me, I’ve had plenty!) Tell us your secret hints!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Be A Leader

[ 8 July 2008, 08:08 ]

When you think of a leader, who springs to mind? The CEO of your company? John F. Kennedy? The woman who heads up your book-club? Your friend who always organise your group’s social activities? All of these people lead others in some way or another. That’s the thing: leadership comes in many different forms.

Even if the idea of growing up to be a corporate big-wig is the sort of thing which has you waking up in a cold sweat, sometimes a leadership role is one you will have to assume unexpectedly, at the last moment. You never know when you’ll be asked to step up to the plate, & for this reason, having a few core leadership skills will always serve you magnificently.

So, what are the essential elements of leadership? What skills & assets do you need in order to steer a group of people in one direction or the other?

Have a vision
If a vision is difficult for you to come up with, at the very least you need to have a set of ideals or beliefs that are important to you. When you look at great leaders from history — Martin Luther King Jr, Gandhi, Winston Churchill — you realise that one thing they all had in common was a very strong devotion to a specific cause.

You will need to have something similar. It doesn’t matter what your vision is. It could be about constructing a Utopian society, introducing a new form of recycling, devotion to real sex education in schools, free cupcakes for everyone on Fridays or compulsory comfort tests for stiletto manufacturers. Really, it’s up to you. The only “rule” as such is that you have to believe in it. It has to be real to you. It has to be something that you think is worth fighting for.

Don’t worry if you don’t know how to make your vision come to life. The human brain is a marvellous thing, capable of solving incredibly complicated problems while we, its humble owners, sleep peacefully. You’ll get there. The first step, & it’s a critical one, is just to have a vision.

“Absolute identity with one’s cause is the first and great condition of successful leadership.” — Woodrow Wilson

Be prepared to make tough decisions
Being a leader means the onus is on you. As a leader, you’re the person who has to make the difficult choices — there is no one else to shift the blame to. You’re at the top of the chain of command, so you can’t make excuses or wriggle out of responsibility, no matter how much you may want to!

Sometimes that means you have to fire or demote a friend, start saying “no” when “yes” would be much easier, or set out a new moral code. People don’t always take kindly to the person making these decisions. That can be unpleasant — no one wants to be disliked. Unfortunately, sometimes to make steps in the right direction, you have to be the bad guy.

Being a leader often means saying or doing what is unpopular — & sometimes, carving out your own path alone until you find other people who agree with you. This can sometimes seem like a heavy burden, & it can certainly be hard work, but ultimately it is what is needed to implement real change.

“The art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It is very easy to say yes.” — Tony Blair

Set an example
Let me put this to you plainly. If you tell everyone else that they should live the life of their dreams, but in secret all you really do is sit on your couch eating potato chips, you’re not setting a good example! It’s important to be inspiring, & the best way to do that is to practice what you preach! After all, if it isn’t good enough for you, why would your intended audience bother?

You need to be a living, breathing embodiment of your ideals. The idea is to hold yourself up as a shining light, so that you can show others the way. That’s just it: it’s not enough to tell people what they should be doing, you need to actually show them, so they have someone to look to. Even your most ardent followers will fall off the wagon sometimes — & if all they have to do to get re-inspired is observe you, you’re making everyone’s lives easier.

Another reason that setting an example is important is that it will help gain you respect from your intended audience.

There are many ways that you can help generate respect for yourself, aside from making sure that you walk the walk as well as talking the talk. When you are establishing yourself as a leader, it’s important to act with integrity. You will have to decide what that means for you, because everyone, & everyone’s situations, are entirely different. Sometimes that means being transparent. Sometimes it means saying no (see above!) to someone who would like you to compromise your ideals. You will have to make your own decisions about this, but if you’re not sure, consider whether you’d want it splashed across the front page of the newspaper. Then act accordingly!

“We can’t drive our SUVs & eat as much as we want & keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times… & then just expect that other countries are going to say OK. That’s not leadership. That’s not going to happen.” — Barack Obama

Understand people
Having empathy for other people & the skills to communicate with them are two extremely important assets in any kind of leadership role. After all, usually as a leader, you are speaking for people — giving a voice to people who have none, or at least, no way to get heard. In order to do that, of course you need to get to know them!

There’s a reason why politicians go on the campaign trail. You have to get out & mix & mingle with the people so that they feel like you actually care about them. After all, who are you going to feel more positively about? Some chump in an office miles away, twiddling his thumbs, or a guy you’ve spoken to, who has kissed your baby & wished you well? The pure number of photographs of politicians smooching newborn children should give you the answer!

If you feel like you’re not that great with people — if, for example, you mostly just find them pretty irritating, or you’re not so hot at making pleasant chit-chat — you might like to work on that. Your local bookstore is an excellent resource. Pick up copies of How To Win Friends & Influence People & Please Understand Me, then take them home & devour them eagerly. You will learn a lot about other people’s personal psychology through these books, & if you’re hungry for more, take a peek at this.

The better your understanding of people, the easier you will find it to grasp their motivations & desires, which in turn will make it easier to work out how to get them to do what you want! Sneaky, huh?! It will also give you a much better picture of what you’re trying to achieve. Because it’s not just you, it’s you & your army. You need to incorporate them into your vision, & if you’re not a “people person”, you may find this hard to do.

Of course, theoretical knowledge is no good without actually putting it into practice. Make an effort to translate what you’ve learned into real-world experience. You might like to journal your experiences — you’ll find this a very valuable way of charting your growth, as well as learning what works & what doesn’t!

“The best leaders are always asking, “What should we do? Where should we be headed?” It’s a great way to communicate trust. People who make great leaders — the kind of leaders who, if they leave a company, others will jump ship to follow — are those who say, “Tell me what’s on your mind. Give me whatever you’ve got.” They’re open to learning, and they’re always looking for ways to learn. They never think they know everything there is to know. And they’re right.” (Do You Have What It Takes To Be A Great Leader? Fortune.)

Persevere
One of the reasons for having a strong vision — aside from the fact that it helps you steer in one direction or another — is that it will keep you going, even when times are tricky. If your vision is weak or non-existent, as soon as you hit a bump, you might just be tempted to retire to your boudoir & watch The Wizard Of Oz 23 times in a row while eating cheese out of a can (or something equally horrific).

Perseverance is an incredibly important quality for a leader. You need to have more tenacity, gumption & vim than anyone else on your team. If you give up, what do you think your supporters will do? (Yeah, you can probably guess.) You need to be prepared to keep pushing, even when the road ahead looks hard, & challenges start to appear in the distance — which will happen, make no mistake about it.

I mean, Martin Luther King Jr’s famous ‘I Have A Dream’ speech didn’t go, “Let freedom ring… & if not, no biggie”! There is a reason for this!

Another great quality many leaders have is that they welcome obstacles. It is often said that leaders are made by the way they deal with problems. While obstacles can make us groan & roll our eyes, it can help to view the overcoming of said obstacle as a huge step forward. Not to mention, the success of kicking your obstacle’s ass will give you further grit, determination & excitement to boot the next one to the curb!

Honestly, though, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. That’s what makes you so brilliant, baby!

“Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable… Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, & struggle; the tireless exertions & passionate concern of dedicated individuals.” — Martin Luther King Jr.

“If you’re trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I’ve had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around & give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” — Michael Jordan

Be positive
How many leaders do you know that eventually hit a wall, throw up their hands & yell for mercy? That’s right — in the words of Scribe, a New Zealand rapper, “not many, if any”.

A real leader keeps their chin up even when the outlook is a bit misty — or downright stormy. While that might sound tricky, it really comes from their own very strong beliefs that they are doing what is right, & what is necessary. Crusading for bulldog clips in a range of pastel colours is the sort of thing you could probably let slide, but working for justice, racial equality, truth, love or beauty? Pshhhaw. If it means anything to you, you’re not just going to give up on it.

This is not to say that great leaders are never defeated, because sometimes things don’t go to plan. But the point is that they get back up again & keep fighting!

“There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.” — W. Clement Stone

So, how can you practice leadership? It’s easier than you might think. All of the attributes of being a leader, as listed above, are things you can start implementing in your life, even if you are a hermit in a cave. Make an effort to be positive. Have a vision for yourself. Start to welcome challenges & congratulate yourself when you overcome them. Leader or no, all of these things will set you up for massive success.

The next thing you might like to try is volunteering yourself for small leadership roles. Put your hand up for the position of captain of your club, offer to lead a project at work, start organising social events for you & your friends, boss your boyfriend around in bed! (Blush!) Taking charge in these small ways will challenge you while simultaneously helping to build up your confidence in your own abilities.

It might seem like a long way from there to Napoleon, but the more you practice your leadership skills, the closer you’ll get. Silly hat entirely optional, of course!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Have The Best Holiday Ever

[ 11 June 2008, 14:58 ]

Obviously, travelling has been on my mind recently — & it seems to be on yours, too, judging by the amount of email I’ve received asking for travel tips!

One of the questions that stood out in my mind was from a girl who was about to go overseas with her mother. She wrote,

“I plan on taking lots of photos and writing about each day (with video footage as well) but how can I make my experience one to be remembered for all the right reasons?”

Here are my tips for making the absolute best of your overseas excursion.

Assuming that you already know where you want to go (if you don’t, never fear — spin a globe with your eyes closed, point at it & then open your eyes!), the first step is defining your travels. This means answering questions like: where are you going? What’s the purpose of your trip? How long will you be there? Is it going to be a “solo voyage” or will you be going with someone else?

Once you know the answers to these questions, you can start planning accordingly. The most important thing, of course, is booking your ticket. Don’t feel that you have to go with the first deal you hear about — fares are priced quite competitively these days & you can save thousands of dollars if you book in advance (or, if you’re in the United States, at the very last minute: think 24 hours & under).

If your flight includes quite a few hops, skips & jumps, using a travel agent is generally easiest. I have always had great luck booking through STA Travel. They’re a student travel service & they offer excellent deals for those of us under 26. However, if you’re more of a flirty thirty, a naughty forty or even a nifty fifty than a twitterpated twenty-something, they’re still a great company to use! They’re friendly & helpful & their staff always offer tips from their own travel experiences, which I like. It’s friendly & genuine. But there are a lot of other companies offering information on discount fares. Expedia is very well-known, Kayak allows you to search over 140 airlines at once, & Priceline lets you bid for seats. There are also lots of tips on booking a good ticket at How To Book A Cheap Flight on Mahalo. SeatGuru is great for finding out the details of your seat — it will ease your mind as to whether it’s cramped, whether it has a power port nearby & other pressing questions!

I often find that organising a vegetarian, vegan, or Kosher meal on the flight is a great way to go. It usually tastes a lot better than the “normal” meal, is made specially for you, & comes out piping hot before everyone else’s. Woohoo!

Your next step is to book some accommodation. Will you be staying with a friend, in a hotel or a hostel, renting an apartment (a great option for long stays) or couch-surfing your way across the country? I really love looking at Tablet Hotels — it’s the higher end of accommodation, but you can get excellent deals & read comprehensive reviews there. It also tells you what the “vibe” of the hotel is, which I like. They have a limited selection of hotels featured, but that’s to keep the quality high — I like that too. Other than that, Trip Advisor has great reviews & also tells you what the most popular hotels are in any given location. I always like to check the reviews on Trip Advisor before I book anything. Apartment hunters will need to do a little bit of research, & you will probably get a better price if you don’t say that you’re a traveller. & of course, couch-surfers will find la-z-boys & fold-out futons aplenty at (where else?) Couchsurfing.com.

Try to work out a daily budget. This can be tricky but it’s worth doing, because it will give you some expectation of what you’ll spend while you’re away, & will also give you a goal to work towards with your savings! For more information on budgeting your holiday, see How To Create A Simple Vacation Budget & Divide Your Wallet To Stick To A Vacation Budget.

So, what do you want to do while you’re on holiday?! This is the most fun part of it, I think: researching exciting things & writing them down! If you’re going somewhere in the United States, Yelp is incredible, but for everywhere else, I love Virtual Tourist, Lonely Planet (& their forums), & of course, books! All of the books in the Hedonist’s Guide series are brilliant, as well as the guides by Wallpaper, Time Out & Luxe. Allow yourself some quality time online to poke around & see what you can find. Every place has its secrets which may only be unearthed by some sneaky & judiciously applied Googling. Also, when I’m about to go somewhere, one of my favourite things to do is go to a big bookstore, raid the travel section, grab all the books about the city I’m going to, & then take them to a corner where I pore over them & make notes in my book of the places I want to see or go. Man, I am such a nerd.

If you have friends in your destination, call or email them to let them know you’re on your way. Make plans to spend time with them & ask if they would be so kind as to organise a day where they show you their view of the place. This doesn’t need to involve 3 castle tours, an extravagant lunch & a night full of cupcakes & champagne (though of course, that’s always welcome!). Seeing what their life is really like will be fascinating. You might go & do laundry, shop for food (I love doing this in new countries, it’s so interesting!), walk through the park, eat fish & chips on the beach at sunset & then visit a dive bar for cheap beers & a local show. (Also, be sure to ask them for suggestions of things which they think you should do alone.)

If you don’t know anyone in your new favourite place, make some friends! Join a Livejournal community based around the city or jump into the Lonely Planet forums & start mingling! Having a contact to show you around, meet you for a coffee or suggest a restaurant — even if it’s someone you don’t know very well — is a great thing. (Remember to be safe! Always meet people from the internet [oh, those dastardly internet people!] in a public place & tell someone where you’ll be.)

Ah yes, packing. So many questions. What to pack? How to pack? When to pack?

I am a freakish organiser. That’s just how it is when you embrace your inherent Virgo-ness. I start packing — at the latest — two days before I leave. I learned this from my mother. If she is flying somewhere on Saturday, on Monday she will open her suitcase & set it at the end of her bed, & add to it over the course of the week as she thinks of things. Of course, this means that people who pack the day that they fly out completely bewilder me. But that’s okay! We all have our own “suitcase style”, & if you can be that spontaneous, kudos! I envy you!

So, the first thing you should do is get online & check the weather of the place you’re going. But! If you’re going to be there for longer than a week, I also suggest looking at the Wikipedia page of your destination & checking the average highs & lows of the month. Trust me on this. When I was packing for New York, I looked at the weather forecast & saw that it was pretty much the same temperature as in Melbourne (i.e., cold). I packed accordingly. I did not think about the fact that, golly, I was going to Florida, & hmm, I might be there for a couple of months in the hottest time of the year! Do not make my mistake! I packed faux fur coats & leather jackets & wool stockings & winter boots, which were fabulous for the first week & now just take up space in my closet. If there is even the vaguest possibility that your trip might be extended, plan for all eventualities!

For short trips, check out my article How To Pack A Suitcase. But for longer trips, you really need to use your discretion. What are you likely to do while you’re away? Will you be clambering around Machu Picchu, attending a wedding or shopping until you drop? Sometimes though, it’s very hard to know. It never occurred to me as I packed my suitcase that I would need an outfit for Disneyworld, something to meet Louis Vuitton in & a mermaid costume! Just do what you can.

The things that have gotten the most wear on this trip are my black jeans, my mind-bendingly versatile American Apparel dress, my super-comfortable & lightweight American Apparel sweater, my most comfortable boots (New Rocks, I’m looking at you) & my accessories. I packed a Hello Kitty lunchbox with all my favourite pieces of jewellery — pearls, crystal bracelets, sparkly rings etc. — & they have had a lot of wear. If I’m wearing something simple, like for example the black slip I bought from Urban Outfitters for $10 last week, & have been wearing non-stop since I got it because it is so insanely hot, it’s easy to dress it up with a headscarf, a huge bundle of necklaces & a pair of boots. Seriously, do not skimp on accessories. With the proliferation of stores like Topshop, H&M, Uniqlo & American Apparel, it’s easy to buy a plain dress or t-shirt, but not so simple to get your hands on accessories that really speak to you. Take statement pieces of jewellery & allow them to be the focus of your ensemble.

How to pack? I employ a combination of familiar techniques. I fold some pieces, roll others, & pack things inside other things. I stuff shoes with socks & small soft items to help them maintain their shape. Bulky items go in the bottom of my suitcase & delicate items go near the top, protected by a layer of t-shirts & other plain clothing. Underwear, socks & accessories like hats & scarves go in a separate zippered compartment, because I need to access them straight away.

NPR had a story a little while ago on how to pack everything you own in one bag, which is definitely worth a read. Bundling your clothing is a fantastic idea. Though they do say “never take more than two pairs of shoes”. HA! I have six pairs with me & it’s still not enough! It’s never enough! (Picture foam coming out of my mouth!) This is another good article on packing light.

Don’t forget: Geek stuff & accessories (laptop & power cables, cameras, chargers, cellphone, etc.). Sunglasses. Cleanser & moisturiser (don’t assume you’ll be able to buy it where you’re going). Tweezers. Prescription medication (& a script on paper just in case). A scarf.

As you probably all know, I am a huge fan of pen & paper. To me, there are few things as satisfying as scrawling words. I love the way pages feel when they’re covered in loopy writing — crunchy but soft, well-loved & bristling with secrets. So I think the ideal way to document your trip is to write it all down. Buy yourself a Moleskine (or some other notebook which charms you), take a couple of good pens & make time, every night, to detail what you did. Trust me on the every night thing. If you leave it a couple of days, you’ll get confused or out of the habit & you’ll end up with big gaps in your memory that you cannot fill in, no matter how hard you try.

If you want some great ideas for journalling your travels, Kolby Kirk has put together these tips which are fabulous.

Having said this, I admit that I have not been writing about my NYC adventures every day. I’ve been writing them up sporadically on my Macbook — I just don’t make time to put it down on paper, & plus, when I publish them on Livejournal, I can link to pictures & videos & people’s websites! So, if you take your laptop on holiday with you, typing it all up is an excellent option. Thankfully I have a Moleskine diary with all my appointments written in it, which gives me clues as to what the hell I actually did last week. Otherwise I would be at a complete loss! While typing it up electronically isn’t as authentic or as much of a keepsake, if your travelling schedule is hectic, it comes in at a fantastic second place to a notebook.

I think a digital camera is an absolute essential when you’re travelling. You can take as many shots as you like, delete the ones you don’t like & try again. While digital SLR cameras are incredibly sexy & give you great quality pictures, they also tend to be big, bulky & heavy. Not the sort of thing you want to lug all over Paris. Get your hands on a good quality point & click. I am an avid Nikon fan, & when I’m wandering the streets, I biff my Nikon Coolpix P5100 in my bag for snapshots on the go. It also has video capabilities, so it’s great to not have to take two cameras. Before you leave for your trip, I also suggest jumping on Ebay & buying yourself a huge memory card. I have an 8GB card which I adore & don’t think I will ever be able to fill! It’s brilliant not to worry about taking too many pictures.

If you want people to be able to keep up with what you’re doing as you’re doing it, sign up for a Flickr account, let your friends know the address, & upload your pictures & videos when you have a spare moment. The instant feedback is like an addictive drug, so beware! When it comes to videos of your trip, if you have an Apple computer, try using iMovie to turn your little video clips into one big exciting show!

Think about documenting your trip in an innovative way. Keep concert & movie tickets, receipts for unusual purchases, take photobooth strips & buy postage to put in your journal. You could even turn your trip into an art project of some kind, if you were so inclined.

You might also like to compile a list of email addresses of people who want to hear about your travels, & then you can send them a mass update when you have fun things to share.

Be charming at check-in. This should go without saying, but if you make an effort to be charming, it pays off. Hotel & airline employees work their butts off, & often bear the brunt of raging customers with a sense of entitlement. If you chat to them & treat them like a friend, they will often help you out. This could mean upgrading you to the next class on the plane, not charging you for excess baggage, organising you an entire row of seats to yourself or giving you a bigger & better suite with a fabulous view. Don’t go into it with an agenda (i.e. thinking, ‘I’ll only be friendly because I might get something out of it’), just do it because it’s the right way to behave, & you’ll reap the rewards. If not immediately, then sometime after. Promise!

Allow yourself to be swept away. I love to organise the main details of my holiday but I think it’s important to leave a lot of it open. It is my belief that a vacation shouldn’t be a military operation — you need time to mooch about, gawk at architecture, hide in an air-conditioned ice-cream parlour, & if everything is scheduled to the nth degree, it sucks a lot of the fun out of it. What if you meet someone cute & they want to take you out for a drink? Or you meet your idol on the street & they invite you to a party? What then?! Chill out a bit, go with the flow. It’s worth it.

Take your cellphone — or purchase one, if need be. Before you start squeaking about how your phone doesn’t work in Guatemala, or about how expensive it is to use your phone overseas, realise that in most places, you can buy basic phones & connectivity packages for about $30 American. Eet ees nussink! Especially if you’re going to be meeting people, organising social events, or trying to keep in contact with your parents on the other side of the planet. My phone has been an incredible asset to me since I arrived in the States, I use it constantly & would be quite lost without it!

Write postcards. Picking a postcard from a rack, deliberating over what to scrawl in that tiny space & purchasing foreign postage are all fun activities & good things to do when you have a moment of down-time. Even if you don’t document your adventures, writing a postcard (which usually ends up being a summary of the coolest things you’ve done) is a great way to remind yourself of all the fun you’re having! Seal with a kiss & send to your friends (& other deserving people).

Relax. Even though you’re in an exciting new place & you’re dying to get out there & conquer it all, allow yourself plenty of time to just do nothing. When I say do nothing, I mean: do nothing! Lie on your bed. Watch television. Eat some food. Read a book. Otherwise you just end up exhausted & grouchy. I prescribe at least one day a week of sweet, sweet absolute nothingness. It is a sanity preserver if nothing else.

Always carry your camera. Always! At the very least, make sure you have a cellphone that will take pictures… because you never know where you’re going to go, what you’re going to see or who you might meet! (Squeal!)

Learn a few local phrases. It will make your life a lot easier! Even if you’re going to an English-speaking country, if you brush up on their slang or colloquialisms, it will help prevent those moments where you stare at someone slack-jawed with that very confused look in your eye!

Drink lots of water & take your vitamins. I promise that it will help keep you feeling fresh & alert. You can read more about keeping your body happy at The Raw Girl’s Travel Guide.

Enjoy it for what it is. I think this is the most important thing. The key is in removing your expectations; detaching from the need to experience this or that, or for it to resemble something you’re comfortable with. In some places, you’ll have to eat weird food. In others, their toilets may terrify you. A friendly Australian going to France might feel confused by how long it can take the French to warm to you, while a meticulous clock-watcher from Germany might be frustrated by the easy-going attitude in Brazil. (Please excuse the stereotypes!) My point is, there are always going to be little things that aren’t quite how you like them, but you’ll improve your experience greatly if you can let go of those needs.

Above all, have fun! Do your best to appreciate every day & soak it all in.

Extra For Experts:
Five Ways To Get An Edge Over Other Air Travellers
Where To Find Cheap Last-Minute Or Emergency Tickets?
How Not To Be The “Ugly American” — customs & traditions from around the world.
Extravigator is “haute travel talk”.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iCiNG Transformation Challenge -- How'd You Do?

[ 19 May 2008, 09:40 ]

Well, for a lot of you, today is the last day of the iCiNG Transformation Challenge. Phew! It’s been an interesting month, huh?

I thought this might be a good place for us all to discuss our final results & see how we feel about how well we did. I’d love to hear what you think helped you, & what might be useful in the future if we ever decide to do this again!

I noticed that most of us were pretty gung-ho for the first week & a half or so, but then things really started to taper off. Did you lose interest, get too busy, decide your goal wasn’t really that important, or something else?

My life was thrown for a bit of a loop when we decided to up sticks & come to the States, but thankfully I managed to stay on track pretty well. I’ve eaten a lot of great raw food while I’ve been here, & I’ve also exercised every day — whether I wanted to or not, haha! I have walked miles & miles & miles, & while it isn’t the world’s most stimulating exercise, it still counts! (Especially given the way I walk, which is typically quite fast.)

I haven’t been doing weights like I thought I would, but the interesting thing I’ve noticed is that the more raw food I eat, the more muscle develops on my body. Almost like the exertion (ha!) of lifting a piece of celery to my mouth makes my biceps bulge. But it’s really cool — I’m doing practically no work & my body is redefining itself. I’m pretty okay with that, & plan to keep it up!

So, how did you go? What were your greatest triumphs & challenges? Tell us!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Weekly Resolutions

[ 5 May 2008, 06:01 ]

Yay, weekly resolutions! A bit of structure for my (currently) incredibly random life! I’m so excited about this, haha, what a nerd! I don’t know what time this is going live for those of you in Australia & NZ, but it’s 7am here… so I’m sorry if your usual iCiNG schedule is a bit out of whack!

Drum up lots of fabulous content!
It has been a pretty crazy week, & I really haven’t made any time to sit down & do any writing. This becomes a problem when your website revolves around articles! So, this week I resolve to plot out lots of time where I can sit down & write. I always feel better when I have new content up & I know you guys appreciate it too, so that is my #1 priority for the week.

Announce ModCloth competition winner!
Yes, this is one of my major goals for the week. It sounds like a small thing, I know, but have you looked at the competition page recently?! My god! There are 522 entries, & we have to comb through every one to find the greatest, sparkliest, & most fabulous! Then, of course, Susan & I have sit down & discuss our winner. (If we were doing it in person, there would certainly be pie, strong coffee, & excessive gesticulation.) You get my drift. It is no small task. But I will do it, because I love you!

Relax & be present
New York is one of the craziest cities I’ve ever been in, & it’s really easy to let everything around you affect you & make you feel as if you need to do a million things right now, or else… Well, or else, who knows? But there is this general compulsion to rush & act like a lunatic when really, all of that stuff is a choice. So, instead of thinking about the twelve billion things I’d like to do in the next couple of days, I’m going to do my very best to take it slowly, appreciate the moment, & just enjoy what’s going on around me. I have time. There’s no rush.

I have some other little goals too. Like spending as much time with Simon as possible before he goes to London (I’m going to miss him so much!), connecting with lots of new people, opening up to experience & presenting myself well.

How about you guys? Are your goals personal, career-related, physical or spiritual? Do you want to step back into making your goals for the iTC come about? (There are still a few weeks to go, so it’s never too late!) Let us know in the comments!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Observing Our Progress

[ 3 May 2008, 10:01 ]

I wanted to write a little bit about being observant, because often when we’re making big personal changes, it can be hard for us to see what an improvement it’s making to our quality of life. It’s all about being objective, & when it comes to something so personal & close, it’s tricky to assess it accurately.

This is why journalling any kind of transformation (leaving a relationship, moving city, changing your lifestyle) is so valuable. It’s like a little time machine on paper, & whenever we want to go back & see how things used to be, all we need to do is flick back a few pages. We can see how we were feeling, what we were doing, what kind of things were on our mind & really get a picture of how we used to be. It’s much more accurate than trying to remember, which is almost impossible. I have journals which boggle my mind — I am so different now to the girl who wrote them! That’s why, when I announced the iTC, I recommended you all go out & buy journals to use for this purpose. It wasn’t just because buying stationery is fun — though I must admit that was part of the motivation!

If you didn’t start a paper journal, that’s okay, & you’re forgiven! You might like to try read back on your old comments on the iTC discussion pages. It might be a good idea to search by your name, & then copy & paste all your comments (in chronological order) into a text document. While this won’t necessarily be hugely illuminating (at least at this stage), by the time the challenge is over you should have some inkling of where your new changes have taken you, & the ways in which they have improved your life.

However, some of you haven’t been leaving comments about what your goals were or how things are going. (I know, because there are over 1300 of you subscribed to the iTC mailing list & the comments are at nowhere near that level! You can’t fool me!) If you fall into this category, there are a couple of other ways you can measure your progress. Have a look through the personal emails you sent around the time you started your iTC. What kind of things were you saying? How were you feeling? How does that compare to the last 10 personal emails you sent?

How else can you measure your progress? If you are ordinarily quite artistic or creative, you might like to compare the quality, tone & mood of what you were doing before you started the iTC with the kind of thing you’re producing now. Otherwise, have you noticed any breakthroughs in terms of your feelings about your life? For example, did you want to quit your job pre-iTC, but have since decided to stay on? Have you cleared out any toxic relationships? Are you attracting a new calibre of friends?

If you think about it, all of these things are good markers to help you chart your progress. Often when we’re making changes, we give up because we feel like nothing is actually happening. I know, for example, that sometimes I feel like I’ve hit a wall with EFT, & nothing has actually changed. Of course, it has — I am now a completely different person to who I was — but it just goes to show that being objective about our personal progression can be difficult at the best of times!

I hope this helps you draw a nice, clear picture of what’s been going on with you during the course of the iTC!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iTC Discussion -- Week Two

[ 27 April 2008, 13:48 ]

This is the second official discussion area for the iCiNG Transformation Challenge! (You can access the first week’s discussion here.) Feel free to come here & talk about how you’re doing, give other people support & help iron out any creases in your personal Challenge.

Here are those rules again…

Use the “best friend” scenario
When we have bad days, it can be easy to get down on ourselves & say negative things or make harsh judgements. As soon as we start proclaiming how much we suck, it just makes us feel worse. If you haven’t had a fabulous day, instead of belittling yourself in a comment, imagine you are standing at the front of a room with your best friend & she or he is describing how you went. Odds are, their description of you would be much more gentle, loving & kind than what’s in your head! (If you don’t have a best friend, or your best friend is secretly a monster in disguise, imagine it’s me instead!)

No numbers
(This really only applies to those of us doing health & physical Challenges.) Please be considerate of where other people are coming from. For example, you might only want to gain/lose x kilograms, but some people will want to gain/lose y — & if they read that, they might feel bad & decide it’s not worth bothering. Similarly, discussing your measurements or counting calories can be quite discouraging or upsetting to people. It’s awesome to have goals but if they’re number-related, please keep them to yourself for now! You may be healthy but there are lots of people with food & body image-related issues, so please — no weight or measurement comments.

Leave as many comments as you like!
This is your space, so you can do what you like with it. I’ll be dropping by to talk about how I went & what I did for the day, as well as leaving note of encouragement for other people. You can treat it like a group journal if you like — a catalogue of our successes & difficulties, lots of love & ideas to keep ourselves going!

Some other things that will improve your iTC:
Do your very best to phrase your experiences in the positive, rather than the negative.
You might like to start your comment with DAY 1/27 (for example) so you can get a bit of perspective!
Don’t use this as your only record of how you’re going & what you’re doing — if you can get your hands on a notebook (or even a few pieces of paper), you should chart your progress there too.
Bookmark this page & make sure you come back often!

Wooooooo! Let the comments begin!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Weekly Resolutions

[ 20 April 2008, 19:26 ]

Last week I ticked everything off my list — woo woo! Very exciting. So I feel like I’m in an excellent space to plot some new ambitions!

Answer my email the day I get it
This was one of my first ever Weekly Resolutions & it made a huge difference to my stress levels! I find it really hard to get any writing done when I have an inbox full of stuff, & aieeee! You should see it at the moment! Not pretty! I’ve been totally slacking on the email front. So after I clear out what I have left over from last week, I’m going to go back to falling asleep every night with an empty inbox. Ahh, bliss.

Organise my life to make the iTC happen
There are lots of little things that need to be done for the iTC. I need to go to the market & buy some fresh produce; buy a notebook to chart my progress; get rid of all the food in the house that doesn’t support my mission (half-eaten packets of Doritos, for example!); make rough notes on the different types of exercise I’m going to do; take a “before” photo & measurements, & ensure I make time to exercise every day.

Make it through the first week of the iTC!
My chosen methods of transformation are daily exercise & 100% raw food. At the moment I feel good about it & I’m totally amped, but just in case the thrill wears off, I have a contingency plan. I’ll use EFT, talk to the other iTC’ers (that’s you!), & remind myself that it’s only for a month (well, worst case scenario anyway)! I’m probably going to dive back into Give It To Me Raw. I’ll also use gratitude as fuel to propel me forward — I’ll think about how good I’m feeling & looking, & be thankful for my self-control & discipline, imperfect though it may be!

How about you?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iCiNG Transformation Challenge Discussion!

[ 20 April 2008, 18:52 ]

Happy iTC, everyone!

This is the official discussion area for the iCiNG Transformation Challenge. It’s linked in the side-bar (look for the hot pink paper crane!), so you will have easy & constant access to it throughout the month. Feel free to come here & talk about how you’re doing, give other people support & help iron out any creases in your personal Challenge.

However, there are a few rules!

Use the “best friend” scenario
When we have bad days, it can be easy to get down on ourselves & say negative things or make harsh judgements. As soon as we start proclaiming how much we suck, it just makes us feel worse. If you haven’t had a fabulous day, instead of belittling yourself in a comment, imagine you are standing at the front of a room with your best friend & she or he is describing how you went. Odds are, their description of you would be much more gentle, loving & kind than what’s in your head! (If you don’t have a best friend, or your best friend is secretly a monster in disguise, imagine it’s me instead!)

No numbers
(This really only applies to those of us doing health & physical Challenges.) Please be considerate of where other people are coming from. For example, you might only want to gain/lose x kilograms, but some people will want to gain/lose y — & if they read that, they might feel bad & decide it’s not worth bothering. Similarly, discussing your measurements or counting calories can be quite discouraging or upsetting to people. It’s awesome to have goals but if they’re number-related, please keep them to yourself for now! You may be healthy but there are lots of people with food & body image-related issues, so please — no weight or measurement comments.

Leave as many comments as you like!
This is your space, so you can do what you like with it. I’ll be dropping by to talk about how I went & what I did for the day, as well as leaving note of encouragement for other people. You can treat it like a group journal if you like — a catalogue of our successes & difficulties, lots of love & ideas to keep ourselves going!

Some other things that will improve your iTC:
Do your very best to phrase your experiences in the positive, rather than the negative.
You might like to start your comment with DAY 1/27 (for example) so you can get a bit of perspective!
Don’t use this as your only record of how you’re going & what you’re doing — if you can get your hands on a notebook (or even a few pieces of paper), you should chart your progress there too.
Bookmark this page & make sure you come back often!

Best of luck everyone! I know we can do it!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iCiNG Transformation Challenge -- Reminder!

[ 18 April 2008, 20:41 ]

Remember, the iCiNG Transformation Challenge starts on Monday! Two days! Woohoo! I’m so excited, & I just can’t hide it!

For those of you who still aren’t sure how they’d like to participate, here are a few ideas.

Do yoga three times a week Eat a salad every day Try EFT Quit smoking Start meditating Go vegetarian, vegan or raw for a month Swear off Starbucks Start making steps towards leaving your awful job Hire a personal trainer Think positively about yourself every day Start walking to & from work Write every day Make an effort to drink way more water (or even better, make it your only beverage) Wake up early Break a sweat every day Reduce your intake of processed food Get regular massages Take vitamins every day Study for two hours a night Smile more often Strike up 5 conversations a week Do all your shopping at farmer’s markets Abstain from alcohol Start seeing a nutritionist Work at improving your relationships every day Keep your room or house clean Try a new type of exercise every week Stop eating “diet” food & eat vegetables instead!

Only you know what you really need to work on, so listen to yourself & move in a direction that feels natural.

I’d also encourage you to choose only a couple of things to do — establishing one routine can be difficult, so trying to establish five simultaneously will be even more so!

Decide on something that you think will be a bit of a stretch. Basically, it should be a goal that makes you pull a face. The thought of exercising & eating raw every day freaks me out, which is why I know I should do it! When we commit to doing things that scare us, we feel even better when we pull it off!

I’d also suggest you spend a bit of time this weekend finding a nice notebook to chart your progress in. We’ll all be discussing things like mad here at iCiNG, but it’s always good to have a permanent record for yourself! (I like Moleskines, but then, you knew that!)

Two days to go, two days to go! Glee!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Weekly Resolutions

[ 13 April 2008, 19:19 ]

1. Untitled, 2. Tag Heuer, 3. keep your coins, i want change, 4. Valentine’s Day

Hello darlings! Welcome to Monday, which of course means it’s time to set our intentions for the week! Here’s what we planned to do last week. I hope you were insanely successful!

Here’s what I want to do this week…

Start planning stuff for the iTC!
There’s a lot to do, because I not only have to plan things to make your challenge easier, I have to plan my own, too! Some of the things I have coming for you include podcasts, daily motivation emails & progress updates, as well as a place where you can all discuss how you’re going. (Still thinking about that bit. ) The amazing news is that in a little over a day, we’ve had 800 nonpareils sign up for the iTC mailing list! The mind boggles! This is going to be so, so, so good! I can’t wait for it to start!

Buy Simon’s birthday present
He’s a lucky boy… he turns 37 at the start of May & I’m buying him a Tag Heuer Carrera Chronograph to mark the occasion. Exciting! We went watch shopping last Thursday & after a good trawl of the shops, we found The Watch. It is sexy. Hilariously, the difference between buying it online & buying it in-store is about $1200, & I’d prefer not to throw that kind of money away just because someone has to pay rent! Anyway, it all means I need to buy it sooner rather than later, to ensure it gets here on time. So, that’s one of my missions for the week!

Curb spending!
After I buy that watch (phew), I’m going to curb my spending riiight back. I have been buying stuff like it’s going out of style (& funnily enough, with the new green movement, it kind of is!), & well, it’s lame. I don’t need anything new, I’m just being lusty & materialistic. I am okay with being materialistic, but you reach a point where you realise that it’s just getting a bit out of hand. There are better things to put my money towards than stockings & dresses (I know, I know — shocking but true), like… plane tickets & apartment rental in exciting foreign cities! I just keep thinking, ‘The more money I spend on clothing the less I have to do anything else’, & it’s wigging me out. My purse needs some discipline, & I’m not afraid to use my whip!

How about you?

Remember to grab a badge, & good luck!

(Oh & by the way — it’s Blogger Appreciation Day — the perfect opportunity to send lots of electronic kisses to your favourite blogger! I guess my fourth unofficial weekly resolution is to write little love letters to the bloggers who make my day shine!)

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iCiNG Transformation Challenge -- Announcement!

[ 10 April 2008, 06:37 ]

I wanted to let you all know about something I’m planning to kick off soon. It’s called the iCiNG Transformation Challenge, it will run for a month & it revolves around us taking control of our lives & our bodies in a concentrated way! It’s like weekly resolutions but amped up in a way that would make even Victoria Beckham exclaim, “MAJOR!”.

The iCiNG Transformation Challenge (iTC) will run from the 21st of April to the 18th of May. It would probably make more sense for it to start at the beginning of a calendar month, but that’s so far away & I am impatient!

I recently decided I wanted to commit to a month of really looking after my body, to see what kind of results I could get. I often find it hard to stick to an exercise routine, just because it feels really aimless & sometimes the thought of exercising every couple of days until the end of my life freaks me out! By giving myself a task that lasts for a month, I find that much less of a mental hurdle & far easier for me to grasp. The idea is that I will realise how great I feel when I put effort into my physical well-being, & will want to keep it up.

The reason I’m announcing it is because I also thought that if we commit to this & do it as a group, we’ll all feel like we have lots of support & love helping us achieve our goals!

My iCiNG Transformation Challenge: I’m going to exercise every day, & I’m also going to eat 100% raw!

Both of those things are quite scary to me, which is a good sign, I think! I am going to stock up on lovely fresh fruit & vegetables, & armed with what I learned from Karen Knowler, I think I will be unstoppable!

In terms of exercise, I’ve bought some DVDs which are on their way, namely a Jari Love three-pack [Get Ripped!, Get Ripped! Ripped to the Core & Get Ripped! Slim & Lean — man, those titles are a gigglefest!], Shape Bikini Body Camp Transforming Workout & Jeanette Jenkins’ The Hollywood Trainer 21 Day Total Body Circuit. All of them get quite good reviews so I’m really excited to see how they turn out. I’m also going to do yoga, spinning, weights, swimming, go on long walks & dance in my living room. I read Shape Up Like A Spice Girl the other day & it occurred to me that the reason I normally get so bored by “exercising” is that I always do the same thing. By mixing it up I hope to keep my interest level high!

So, consider this your official invitation to join me in my transformation quest! I wanted to give you all a bit of notice so that if you want to take part, you have time to prepare yourself. Now, you don’t have to do it the way I am — your transformation challenge might be about quitting smoking, cutting down on your meat consumption, meditating regularly or just walking up the stairs instead of taking the elevator. But ideally it will be something that you work towards a little bit every day.

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
— Tony Robbins

Only you know the changes you need to make, so if you want to jump on board, use this time to brainstorm what you’d like to achieve & how you’re going to go about it. I can tell you right off the bat that I’m going to use a whole lot of EFT to get over the mental hurdles I have about regular exercise & going 100% raw! Comment here about where you’re heading & what your goals are likely to be, & I’ll see if I can write articles to help!

The iCiNG Transformation Challenge starts in a little over a week & a half — ample time to buy DVDs, stock up on healthy food, purchase exercise equipment, join a gym, find a yoga class, or whatever else you need to do to get prepared & pumped!

I’ll be giving regular updates on how I’m doing, as well as writing up lots of tips & tricks to help us get to where we want!

Are you with me, baby?!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Weekly Resolutions

[ 6 April 2008, 21:47 ]

Forgotten what last week’s resolutions were? Tut tut! Have a look!

I’ve love to know how many of you wrote yours down & saw them regularly. Did it help you?

This week my goal-setting tip is to phrase things in the positive. For example, instead of saying “Don’t eat rubbish”, you might like to say “Eat delicious, healthy food”. The problem with the first sentence is that it really just drives that “eat rubbish” part deeper into our subconscious, reinforcing it & making it a larger part of our reality. If you say what you actually want, rather than what you don’t want, you’ll find that you are much more successful in getting things done.

Now, without further ado, my resolutions!

Get back on top of my health
As great as it was to get out of Melbourne & see my parents & friends, it played hell on my general well-being — as evidenced by my jaunt to Burger Fuel with Alex, the enormous dairy-laden bowl of iced chocolate I ate with a spoon yesterday, & the pâté on crackers I scoffed while watching none other than Girls Of The Playboy Mansion. Oh, the shame! The good news, though, is that now I’m home & it’s much easier to look after myself here. I have a routine — I know where my vitamins are, I drink litres of water with ease, & I can make huge salads with the wide range of things we have in the kitchen. Good stuff. So this week, my aims are to re-hydrate myself, eat lots of fresh raw vegetables & fruit, & replenish myself.

Think of 3 things to edit, add & appreciate
I just ordered Style Statement: Live By Your Own Design from Amazon & as I was reading the book description, I found the author’s blog. The idea comes from their most recent update. Basically, you work out one thing you’d like to nix from your life, one new thing you’d like to add to your life, & something to be appreciative of. (I already do quite a lot of that with Things I Love Thursday — though secretly I do my own version of TILT every day! — but you can never do enough of this stuff!)

Re-work my goals
This might end up being a bit of a follow-on to the previous resolution, but hey. Them’s the breaks! I seriously feel as if I’ve been away from the iCiNG Bowl for months — it’s so weird to be back! — & I really feel like I need to redefine what I want to achieve this month, this year, next year, etc. I’m sensing a return to decadence, fabulousness & excess… but time will tell!

What are you going to make real this week?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Increase Your Energy Levels

[ 1 April 2008, 20:11 ]

What can you do when you feel like an extra from Night of the Living Dead?

Have a coffee or energy drink
Now, obviously this is a short-term solution (as evidenced by the next tip!), because caffeine gives you a boost that doesn’t last — but if you have things you need to do & you feel like the walking dead, drinking a cup of coffee or your favourite bizarrely-flavoured energy drink could give you just the boost you need to finish things off.

Give up caffeine!
If you don’t know already, caffeine is bad for you. It dehydrates you, places unnecessary stress on your heart, raises your blood sugar, gives you crappy skin, bad breath, & causes a dependency. How many people do you know who just can’t function without coffee in the morning? Trust me, this is not the natural way of things! Humans have the inbuilt ability to be supremely productive without the aid of caffeine — shocking but true! Remember that coffee isn’t the only source of caffeine. There are also significant amounts of it in Mountain Dew, tea, Pepsi, Coke & chocolate — so if you can decrease your intake of those things, you’ll wake up feeling much better in the morning as well as being more productive & healthy overall.

Drink lots of water
When I guzzle water like mad, it works wonders on my brain. Most people are severely dehydrated; that’s a fact. When you’re at Burning Man (a fabulous festival in the middle of the Nevada desert), it’s really important to drink a lot of water. Gallons a day. When you go there the first time, they tell you that if you should never feel thirsty. You should be drinking enough water that you feel hydrated at all times, & if you leave it long enough that you feel thirsty, then you need liquids immediately. I kind of think that people in day-to-day life should incorporate this thinking too. I can tell you that when I drink water all day, I feel amazing & have energy to rival… I don’t know, someone energetic! I don’t drink to the point where I feel bloated, but I keep a huge glass next to my computer & I refill it multiple times a day. I drink from the glass whenever I think about it. You should give it a try — it will really amaze you.

Try a supplement like MSM or maca powder
There are a lot of weird so-called superfoods & life-changing supplements, but I tend to take the marketing hype with a grain of salt. Some things are good for you, sure, but some things you could go without & not notice the difference. However, two things that I have found are pretty incredible are the supplements MSM & maca powder. I can’t spout off the health benefits of either but I do know that they both increase my energy & add to a general sense of vitality & well-being. You can read about MSM on Give It To Me Raw & maca here. My suggestion is that you give them a trial period & get your own data points.

Take bee pollen
Bee pollen is often referred to as “Nature’s Multivitamin” because it is so nutrient-rich. Popping a couple of capsules is an excellent way to boost your energy levels. In fact, someone wrote an eHow article on it: How To Use Bee Pollen To Increase Energy!

Eat more raw vegetables & fruit
Eating a piece of fruit is the healthiest way to get an energy boost. Fruit has a low glycemic index, unlike candy, meaning the sugar is released into your system slowly. When you eat processed sugars, you get a sudden peak in your blood sugar & then a massive crash, which just makes you feel bad. Make a habit of buying your favourite fruit, whatever it might be — passionfruit, guava, pomegranate — & snack on that instead of chocolate-covered strawberry caramels with a gooey centre & five layers of nougat. You’ll feel better!

Get a good night’s sleep
It’s very hard to operate if you haven’t had enough sleep. We need good, uninterrupted sleep in order for our bodies to repair themselves. If you suffer from insomnia, use EFT to banish it for good. One thing I have always found useful in terms of getting restful sleep is wearing an eye-mask to block out any light. I’m not sure why it works, it just does — every time. You can make sleeping into a glamorous affair, too, by having an assortment of eye-masks for every mood! (I have a blue silk one, a Hello Kitty one, a plain black one, etc.)

Improve your posture
Your physiological & psychological states are linked. If you sit all hunched over, you’ll feel more depressed & closed-off than you do when you sit up straight with your chin high! (Try it if you don’t believe me!) Make an effort to stand & sit with a straight back & you’ll feel the difference.

Allow the sunrise to wake you, rather than an alarm clock
This won’t work if you’re wearing an eye-mask, but it’s much nicer & more pleasant to wake up with the sun. A lot of us sleep with our curtains closed & doors shut. If you can avoid this (but still maintain your privacy), having the sun creep through the windows & reach up to tickle your eyelids is definitely the best way to start the day.

Eat breakfast
You know this already I’m sure, but if you need further convincing, eating breakfast is associated with positive attitudes towards work, improved memory, attention & concentration, as well as better endurance & thinking skills. My favourite breakfast is a delicious smoothie (usually with some kind of chocolate flavour, either by way of raw cacao or chocolate soy ice-cream — it makes it seem like more of a yummy delight than a boring breakfast), but as long as you’re eating something with a relatively low GI, you should be okay. So eat up!

Exercise more often
There are so many reasons to get a regular dose of exercise, & one of them is increased energy. Put simply, it makes your body work better. Exercise doesn’t have to be boring; for example, you can get your cardio from walking quickly around the city & window-shopping! Take a tango or flying trapeze class & then tell me exercise is dull!

Change your attitude
Work on your happiness from the inside out. From here:

“Another cause of low energy levels has to do with attitudes. For example, the adrenals are involved in the ‘fight-or-flight response’. Adrenal hormones cause physiological changes appropriate for either a fight or actively running away from an overwhelming stress. If, however, a person is in a state of paralysis, apathy, extreme fear or ‘give-up’, the adrenal glands do not respond and energy is not available. Sometimes the feeling of paralysis or fear is not easy to detect…”

Practise gratitude
Being thankful & happy makes you feel better about life & gives you the motivation to keep going. Start taking part in Things I Love Thursday & you will feel the change!

Get some sunlight
When I used to work traditional jobs, I was often stuck in the middle of an office floor or in a shop in a mall where I saw absolutely no natural light. All that fluorescent nonsense gets to you after a while. One of the best things you can do to boost your energy during the working day is to go outside & eat your lunch in the sun. Listen to some upbeat music on your MP3 player, do a bit of drawing or writing, eat your food & appreciate the day. It’ll make you feel so much better when it’s time to go back inside. (Beware: Don’t lie down in the grass because it’ll just make you drowsy!)

Do breathing exercises
There are some excellent ones here.

Spend time with good people
Here’s an extremely simple way to work out if your friends are “good people” or not: when you walk away from an interaction with them, on the whole do you feel better or worse than before you saw them? If you feel happy & radiant, congratulations! Your friends are awesome & you should continue associating with them. On the other hand, if you walk away from them you feel depressed, stressed or anxious, they’re probably not as good for you as they could be. Negative people are a huge drain on our personal energy & happiness levels, so if your friends are drama queens or love nothing more than a good angst-fest, you might be better off without them.

Spend time alone
You don’t need to lock yourself in a cabin in the woods (unless you want to!), but spending at least 15 minutes alone every day is really good for you. It allows you time to recharge your mental & emotional battery. Life can be so hectic that we rush from home to work & back & never really get any time to ourselves. When I was working in the city, my bus-ride into town was often the best part of my day, because it meant I could think things through & relax.

Jump up & down
If you have something that needs your immediate attention, like some kind of project or essay, one of the easiest & fastest ways to boost your energy levels is to sneak out of your cubicle, go somewhere that you won’t be disturbed & jump up & down rapidly! You might feel like a nut, especially if someone sees you, but a short bout of intense physical activity will pump up your mood & get your brain going!

What are your favourite ways to increase energy?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Weekly Resolutions

[ 30 March 2008, 17:34 ]

What did you want to do last week? If you can’t remember (naughty!), have a look.

If you really want to get something done, announcing your weekly resolutions in a public forum (like here!) is an excellent way to get things started. It gives you more impetus to finish it off — people know what you’re planning & they’re waiting to see it happen, which often gives us more motivation than if it was just us working alone.

However, in order to make your resolutions stick, it’s really useful to have them written down somewhere that you’ll see them. So what I suggest is that as you make your list of resolutions, you also grab a piece of paper & write them down physically. Then put that list in a place that naturally gets a lot of your attention — put it in the see-through part of your wallet, next to your computer or tape it to the dashboard of your car. I promise that if you do this, you will be about a billion times more effective in ticking them off!

& just like last week, let’s stick to 3 things. Did you find it made things easier?

Here are mine…

Finish Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich
I’m going to be doing a bit of flying this week, which of course is the perfect opportunity to get some reading done! I’ve had this book for a while now, but it took a backseat to The 4-Hour Workweek, & is currently sitting on the windowsill looking lonely. The name of it is shocking, but I guess it worked, because I bought it! I’ve also been receiving a few questions about managing finances, & I want to address them, but in order to do that I need to brush up my knowledge!

Put together enough iCiNG content for the time I’ll be away!
We leave for Wellington on Wednesday night, I’m so excited! I’ll still be on the site, commenting & fossicking about, but I want to make the most of the time I’m there — so I have three days to whip up a whole lot of goodies for you! Sometimes I find that difficult because when I write something I’m really happy with, I always want to post it straight away! It seems mean to withhold fun things from you! But I will soldier on… !

Embrace my time in Wellington
I have (in the past) had a tendency to wig out a bit whenever I go back to Wellington. I think going back to the place we grew up can cause a conflict of emotions for a lot of people. Of course, though, feeling & reacting like this is a choice, & it’s really more of a pattern or habit than acting consciously or thinking about what’s going on. So, my intention is to have an amazing time while I’m there. I’m going to see my friends, spend time with my parents, go shopping & relax. I always feel like I have to be doing something every moment, but I am going to give myself permission to chill out. I’m considering it restorative time because when I get back to Melbourne, things are going to pick up in a big way! Should be good.

What about you? Remember to grab a badge if you post yours elsewhere!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Weekly Resolutions

[ 24 March 2008, 06:34 ]

From last week... how did you go? I managed to get 3 out of 4 ticked off, so I’m happy!

This week, I’d like to impose a limitation, if I may, which will make your week much more productive. That limit is no more or less than 3 resolutions per week. I’ve noticed that a lot of us have been making huge lists which go on forever, & then when we review them in a week’s time, we feel like we’ve failed or let ourselves down because we didn’t manage to tick off 10 billion goals.

The idea of a weekly resolution is that it is a small thing — what SARK likes to call a “micro-movement“. (She is a fabulous woman.) New year’s resolutions are sometimes so huge & daunting that we are paralysed when we look at them. Hence, a weekly resolution is more about setting a general intention — pointing the ship in the direction you want to go.

So, 3 things! Yes, we are all busy, we all have a lot of things on our plates. 3 things. No more, no less. If you complete them all by Tuesday, you’re welcome to write yourself some more, but let’s set ourselves up for success, hmm? & if you have many, many things to do, learn to prioritise. Write down the 3 most important things you need to do.

With that in mind, here are some things I want to do this week!

Start implementing ideas from The 4-Hour Workweek
I just finished this book & I swear, I think it is going to revolutionise my life. I spent part of yesterday in bed reading it, & when I was done I was so excited that I raced around the house, desperate for someone to discuss it with. Simon was away over the weekend so at this very instant, he is lying in bed beside me reading it (at my insistence!). If you’re interested in improving your life & doing great things instead of hanging out in your office cubicle, you must read this book! (Real review coming soon.) Having said all this, Timothy has provided some excellent ideas & steps to upgrade your life, & I’m starting tomorrow.

Exercise at least 3 times
I exercised quite a bit last week. It’s funny, before I went raw I was always bored by the concept of exercise — no time, no energy, couldn’t be bothered, blah blah. But now I have much more vim, & where there’s a vim, there’s a way! (Bad pun maybe.) Taking glutamine half an hour before I go to the gym makes an absolute world of difference, too — I don’t feel so knackered¹ after my cardio, & I often come home after cardio & weights & jump on my mini-trampoline. Normally I would just come home & lie down for a while. But I’m really enjoying it & it is totally worth keeping up.

Be so fabulous at Dr Sketchy’s on Wednesday night that they invite me to model in New York!
I’ve been in touch with Molly Crabapple of Dr Sketchy’s New York fame, & well, there have been murmurings about perhaps possibly maybe if the stars are aligned modelling for them in New York when I’m there in September! Eeeeeeeeeeee! So I am going to go & pose up a storm on Wednesday! If you want to come & see me shimmer & shake & flaunt & pout in Melbourne, by the way, the deets are here!

Okay — give me your 3 weekly resolutions & let’s make them stick! Remember to grab a badge, too!

[1.] Sorry for the Briticisms — I’ve been watching a lot of Skins!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Raw Coaching With Karen Knowler

[ 21 March 2008, 16:58 ]

Karen Knowler coaches Gala Darling (MP3)

On Thursday evening I had a raw coaching call with The Raw Food Coach, Karen Knowler.

I was introduced to her by the dazzlingly wonderful Dhrumil of We Like It Raw & Give It To Me Raw fame, & I can’t say thank you enough times! Mwah!

Our phone-call went for an hour & in it we discussed some problems I was having with the raw food transition. Mostly my issues were that I had cravings for old, familiar “cooked” foods that I found hard to shake, & I felt a bit stuck for variety in food (as I’m quite a picky eater).

I expected her to be useful but not THIS useful! The phone-call was a revelation — it was absolutely amazing. Sometimes when you’re having trouble with something, having someone else there to ask the right questions is all you need, & all of a sudden your problem starts to unravel & you realise the root cause of it. Well, Karen asked me some totally brilliant questions — & I came away from the phone-call with all of my problems solved!

It was one of the most interesting phone-calls I’ve ever had, for sure. I just love getting to the bottom of a problem & gaining a deeper understanding of why I do what I do! I think anyone interested in going raw (or who is currently making alterations to their diet) will find this a really useful thing to listen to, because many of the questions she asks me you will be able to ask yourself.

We’re going to do a follow-up call in about 3 weeks time, to chart my progress & see how I’ve applied the new information! That will also be made available for you to listen to.

So, I hope you enjoy the MP3 — let me know what you think!

Oh, & for those of you who are interested, Karen sends out a weekly newsletter on Fridays called Successfully Raw, with recipes & tips for staying raw. You also get 10 raw recipes free when you sign up. Woo! Just in time for Easter Sunday! :D

I’ll be writing more about my progress over the coming weeks, so stay tuned!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Weekly Resolutions

[ 16 March 2008, 17:33 ]

1. Droste Clock 1, 2. Untitled, 3. radio, 4. A Boatshed At Lowry Bay Under The Magical Skies Of The Southern Hemisphere

Bonjour! Welcome to Monday-land!

I’m not going to grade myself on last week’s resolutions because, well… I didn’t do too well. But hey! It’s a shiny new week, sparkling with promise. Who needs last week’s resolutions?!

Onward & upward. Here is what I am going to do this week!

Work more effectively & consciously
I’ve been reading Timothy Ferriss’ The 4-Hour Workweek with great gusto & I’m really enjoying it. (I’m not finished yet, once I am I’ll review it for you.) One thing he talks about is how we get more work done if we have less time to do it in. If someone gives you two hours to complete a project, you’ll get it done straight away, while a deadline that stretches out in front of you for three months becomes a hideous wrestling match. Because I work in our living room, I find it hard to unplug from work, & so I end up caressing my Macbook from 7am until midnight every day. Even when I’m not posting articles, I am still replying to hundreds of emails, talking to advertisers, planning things for the future. As much as I love iCiNG, when I’m awake, I never really spend more than a couple of hours away from it. So I’m going to compress the hours I work on it — & hopefully this will increase the quality as well as the volume of the work. This kind of scared me as a concept, & I wondered what I would do with all this “free time”. This is an excellent problem to have. Life is going to become much more exciting because of this alteration!

Make a whole lot of changes to Cupcake!
I have a mailing list (oh, didn’t you know?!) called Cupcake which goes out every Thursday to a few thousand of my closest friends. (Hee!) Last week, as well as the normal stuff, I asked my Cupcake kittens to fill out a little survey about how I could improve what I mailed out. The suggestions were magnifique & I’m going to start doing things differently. Ooh la la! It’s an exhilarating time! & I have to say, asking your readers for feedback, while initially a bit nerve-wracking, is totally worth it. If you have a blog or a mailing list or anything that you want to make better, start asking your readers for their thoughts! They know what they want; all you have to do is give it to them.

Finish up podcast
I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, so… it’s time!

Start planning trip to New Zealand
Simon & I are going to be in Wellington from the 2nd to the 7th of April. Yay! I’m hoping it’s not going to be too cold, but I’m sure we’ll survive… ! I am about to whip out my Moleskine & start doing some serious planning! We both grew up in Wellington so there are always about 3 billion people to see, places to eat at, favourite shops to visit, etc. I’m also planning on doing a spot o’ shopping… Dare I say the clothing in New Zealand is better than almost anything I’ve found in Melbourne?!

What’s on your to do list this week? Grab a badge & tell the world!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Interview With Mike Dooley

[ 11 March 2008, 16:05 ]

Gala Darling – Interview With Mike Dooley (MP3)
Click to listen now, or save it for later!

Yesterday I was exceptionally fortunate to be able to interview Mike Dooley of Notes From The Universe fame! I met him at his hotel & we proceeded to sit down & natter about life, the universe & everything. I captured it all on my sparkly new dictaphone for your listening pleasure!

Additionally, I went to his lecture last night & it absolutely blew my socks off, & we’re about to head out to his all-day seminar. It’s like Mike Dooley mania up here in the iCiNG Bowl! If anyone in Melbourne has the urge to skip out on work & do something inspiring & fulfilling instead, come along to the seminar! Details here.

I hope you enjoy the interview… we had a lot of fun putting it together for you!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What To Wear To A Job Interview

[ 10 March 2008, 20:47 ]

“I was turned down for a job yesterday, to my face the woman said “I would not possibly think of hiring you, you do not have the correct presentation for my office, you should really invest in a suit if you want to make it into the corporate world”. I wore a white shirt and black pants, I did not wear the suit jacket solely because I caught the train and it was 30 degrees. My Mum thought I looked good (that’s not very reliable though) and I loved the shoes and earrings I wore so I even did a daily outfit photo but then I was shot down by this woman.”

Just a quick warning: all of what I’m about to say runs in absolute opposition to what I normally write about — I think individualism is really important! But sometimes you need an office job, so here we go!

First of all, don’t let her get you down! She sounds a bit miserable, so you’re better off not working for her anyway. However, she does have a point.

Reverse the roles in your mind. Imagine you’re a middle-aged woman running a department of an office. You have maybe 20 people under you & you’re looking for someone to fill the shoes of a woman who left recently. All your staff are pretty good — you’ve hand-picked them yourself, they all behave quite well & more to the point, they all look pretty much the same. There is one woman who works on reception who is predisposed to the odd piece of statement jewellery, but mostly they all wear a sort of uniform. If you walk in wearing something wild, you don’t fit that mould — & you’re less likely to be hired. However, if you walk in looking like everyone else, you have better chances.

The number one piece of advice I’d give you is that you should dress as if you already have the job — so don’t dress up too much or anything like that, just dress to fit in with everyone else. But walk in with the attitude that you’re pretty much expecting to find out how much they’re going to pay you & when you’ll start.

If you have absolutely no idea what the dress code of the place is, you can go undercover & loiter around outside the building at lunch-time a couple of days before your interview. You’ll see all the employees walking in & out, talking & eating, & you’ll get an inkling of what the company culture is like. Then you can dress to fit in.

Of course, what you wear will depend on the sort of job you’re applying for, but if you’re going for a standard, corporate office job, a suit jacket & a skirt are your best bet. Even if it’s really hot, you need to at least carry your suit jacket — or just sling it on just before you walk into the building. Most offices are air conditioned so you won’t suffer too much! While I tend to think suits are horrendously boring (I had to wear one when I worked at a bank), they do show that you fit in & anyone in charge of hiring will tend to think that you’re more “serious” if you have one on.

Here’s a great prospective outfit for a job interview.

Essential elements:
Stockings. Bare legs are a no-no. Wear black sheer stockings rather than opaques.
Suit jacket (even if you only put it on at the last moment) & a suit skirt.
A good shirt. It doesn’t need to have a collar on it — you could wear a good quality cotton round- or v-neck shirt instead.
Low high heels. Anything too high makes you look too snazzy & frivolous!
A good bag. No satchels or backpacks.
Simple jewellery, if at all. A fine chain around your neck, simple earrings or a plain ring are good choices — nothing too jangly or distracting.
Clean hair & a good hairstyle. If you have long hair, make sure it looks neat.
Clean nails! If your nailpolish looks a bit ratty, remove it. I think good natural nails always look more professional than anything else.

Things I have worn to interviews for jobs I didn’t get:
Combat boots worn with suit jacket & suit skirt. Do not do this.
A scarf over my head. Half my hair was shaved off at the time, so it seemed like the best option. The interviewer gave me a really hard time about it & said I was “rude” for doing so.
A big red Emily Strange hoodie with my skirt.
Multiple lip piercings.

Things I have worn to interviews for jobs I did get:
A black suit with a black & white collared shirt.
A black round-neck top with a business skirt & a freshwater pearl necklace.
A black pleated skirt with a white business shirt, black stockings & black heels.

Lots of black! Really, the more understated your clothing the better.

The best way to think of it is that you should dress in such a way that your personality & skills are what come through, not your love for flamboyant shoes or your penchant for neon nailpolish.

Good luck!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Weekly Resolutions

[ 9 March 2008, 20:10 ]

Happy Monday lovelies!

How did you do with last week’s resolutions? I went okay but got a bit sidelined when my parents arrived two days earlier than they were going to! They’ve been here since Friday, they leave on Tuesday, & it has been a bit of a whirlwind! (Even more of a whirlwind than usual, in fact!)

1. pomegranate seeds, 2. Bundles of Books…, 3. alex & alex, 4. Berries Smoothie

This week, I resolve to…

Try a new fruit!
Yarrrr! Thar be exciting fruits in me larder! (Ahem.) I have been working on my weird resistance to trying new food & I am feeling much better about things. Last night I actually ordered fruit for dessert — that NEVER happens! This week, I am going to eat a pomegranate. I have been told to wear an apron when I split it open. I am actually really looking forward to it. Haha. How exciting!

Finish a book
I am in the middle of about 10 books right now, & it is ridiculous. I want to do a big book review post soon, but of course, that means I need to make time to sit down & read! I am going to finish one book this week. (This is a very small goal but this week is going to be a biggie…)

Brainstorm 4 new outfits!
I have new shoes! EEEEE! Aren’t they pretty? I love them very much. However, they are very different to my usual style so I need to think about what I can wear them with. I want to come up four potential outfits that will go with it & look devilishly handsome. Brainpower in action!

Eat lots of lovely fresh produce
Having my parents here has been fabulous but it has also meant that we’ve been eating at restaurants a lot — & I’m starting to yearn for raw food! The plan is to eat lots of it this week. I’m also going to make little boxes of seed/nut/dark chocolate mix, so I can put one in my bag & not worry about snacking on the go! (It is easy to pick up a smoothie from a juice bar but you know what? Mine taste better than theirs.)

What do you want to tick off this week? Oh — & don’t forget to grab a badge!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Being Happy Podcast

[ 7 March 2008, 18:34 ]

Gala Darling – Being Happy (MP3)
Click to listen, or save-as for fun in the future!

I had a request to turn yesterday’s article, Being Happy, into a podcast, so I hope you enjoy it!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Being Happy

[ 6 March 2008, 21:17 ]

You can also listen to this as a podcast!
Gala Darling – Being Happy (MP3)
Click to listen, or save-as for fun in the future!

What is happiness? It’s hard to say, but it’s not what many people think it is. Happiness doesn’t magically come to you with a new pair of shoes, a lean body, a bulging bank account or 5 hours of sex every day. Nor does it materialise after you retire, get married, have a child or quit your job. It’s a little bit more complicated than that.

Happiness is not defined by external circumstances — it is an attitude, something that comes from within. There is no one answer, but here are some things that have improved my life immeasurably — & can do the same for you.

Be true to yourself

Commit to being yourself. Stop trying to impress or please other people — this is a quick route to misery & discontent. After all, when it comes to your life, who matters most? You. Don’t feel obligated to like the same things your boyfriend does, or to go into a career that your parents want for you. You are the one who has to live with the consequences of your choices, so make sure everything you do is in line with your loves, your desires, your ambitions.

Learn to love & accept yourself, regardless of your financial situation, perceived intellect, education level, body size or style. Learn to accept & forgive yourself, no matter what mistakes you may have made in the past. All of these things are trivial & don’t matter. If you were suddenly awarded a master’s degree or a size 0 frame, it wouldn’t change who you are or how you truly feel inside. Recognise all these things as unimportant; diversions from what really matters. Getting comfortable with who you REALLY are inside is what counts. Once you have that, anything on top of that is just gravy, baby.

Don’t label yourself: it only restricts & limits you. Learn how to improve yourself & commit to making yourself a better person. Be open to adventure, be wild, make glorious messes. Act with integrity. Be honest. Speak with intention — don’t dumb yourself down or gossip or make fun of other people. Let go of any guilt, stop worrying, release yourself from the expectations of others. Live the life you want to live.

“Be good to yourself, because nobody else has the power to make you happy!” — George Michael

Use affirmations

The idea of an affirmation is that it is something you say regularly which helps to combat any negative self-talk you have. The best way to plot out some affirmations for yourself is to take stock of your life, decide what isn’t working for you & then go about fixing it. So, let’s say your major problem (in your opinion) is that you don’t have any friends. The affirmation you come up with might be something like, “I am popular with a vibrant social life!”

Now, the problem with affirmations is that a lot of people have the wrong idea about them. They seem to think that just sitting down & repeating something over & over is going to change their life. Well, it’s not that simple. If you actually want to move towards your goal (having lots of friends), you need to go deeper & also take action.

As much as we like to think we are ruled by our intellect, we’re not. We are ruled by our emotions. So you can’t just say something & hope that it will change you — it might, but it will be a very slow process. There is no point in saying something (“I am a famous actress!”) when your emotions are saying the opposite (‘Oh my god I’m a failure how am I going to pay the bills this week this is so ridiculous HELP!’). Your emotions are always going to win that battle.

So if you want to make affirmations work for you, you need to feel what you’re saying. How would you feel if you were a famous actress? Elated, happy, confident, powerful? Okay then — concentrate on those emotions as you say your affirmations. Feel them build up inside you so that they are so strong & powerful that they make you feel like you’re going to explode. The more that you feel that feeling, the faster you will draw it to you.

When it comes to taking action, think about the differences between these 3 possible ways of behaving.
1. You feel lonely because you have no friends, so you sit around feeling bad about it.
2. You feel lonely because you have no friends, so you sit around telling yourself you have them — but still don’t really believe it.
3. You don’t feel as lonely because when you say your affirmations, you feel the love that is coming to you — & when you leave the house, you smile at the people you meet.

Of course, option 3 is the one that is going to net the fastest & most positive results!

Another thing to keep in mind is that you need to use affirmations that resonate with you. When I say ‘resonate’, I mean something that gets you excited, sends chills up your spine, makes you want to leap up & start kicking ass! We are all different so what works for you may not work for me. For example, saying “I am a dancing child of light” does nothing for me. However, “I am a fabulous, determined ass-kicker” might. Your affirmations don’t have to have soft edges or flowery words — feel free to swear or be as aggressive as you like. Just make sure it’s something that juices you up!

Optimism

What’s better — optimism or pessimism?

Well, it’s not quite that simple. While optimism has been scientifically proven to be better for your health, when it comes to very high-risk activities (like flying a plane after having a couple of drinks), it can be useful to think pessimistically — to use it as a protective tool.

However, on the whole, optimism is the way to go. We are not all “born optimists” — a lot of it depends on how we were raised & what messages we were surrounded with as we were growing up. The good news is that even if your father wore a sandwich board that said “The end is nigh!”, you can learn optimism. All hope is not lost!

So, how do you know whether you’re an optimist or a pessimist? The general measure tends to be how you react to failure. Pessimists think that their failures are personal (their fault), pervasive (it’s always like this) & permanent (it’s never going to change). Optimists, on the other hand, tend to believe that maybe other circumstances contributed to the bad thing happening, that this one bad thing is just a fluke & that it will change soon. You can get more information on that by looking at this optimism chart.

Mirei said in a comment recently that it was possible to be an optimist without hugging puppies! I couldn’t agree more. Some of the most successful people I know aren’t even particularly nice! They’d rather kick your ass in a race than sit around chanting. But they are optimistic about their circumstances & their life — & it has helped them do as well as they have.

If you need further encouragement to make the switch to being optimistic, consider these facts. Pessimism in early life is a very consistent predictor of poor health in later life, & psychiatrists have found that training clinically depressed people to think optimistically relieves depression better than medication!

“If you are a pessimist… then you are about eight times as likely to get depressed, you are less likely to succeed at work, your personal relationships are more likely to break up, and you are likely to have a shorter and more illness-filled life.” — Dr. Martin Seligman

An article in The Archives of General Psychiatry (Nov 2004) states that major depression is a known risk factor in cardiovascular death – this isn’t new news. Optimists have a 55% lower risk of death from all causes (“all-cause death”) and a 23% lower risk of cardiovascular death than pessimists. Optimists are simply healthier people. (Link.)

To learn how to think more optimistically, check out optimism & happiness, how to become more of an optimist & become an optimist & nurture it!

Set goals & get motivated

When we set goals & come up with things we want to achieve, it helps to give us direction. Otherwise it can be all too easy to drift aimlessly. Our life turns into a dull routine where all we do is go to work, eat dinner & fall asleep. Without goals or ambitions, we run the risk of waking up at age 60 & wondering where our life went — or spending years doing something that makes us miserable, simply because we don’t know how to escape.

Think about your favourite people throughout history: actors, writers, musicians, artists & scientists. If they didn’t have goals or motivation, you would probably have never heard of them. Maybe they would have died without having contributed anything to remember them by. If you want to be exceptional or achieve something significant, the very first step is to work out what you want.

Have a read of How To Set Amazing Goals & Motivation to get on the right path!

Exercise

We all know that exercise is good for us, but why? Well, it helps you live longer, assists in developing new brain cells, enhances your mental capabilities, lowers cholesterol & blood pressure, & helps you lose weight. But the most important thing in terms of happiness is that it stimulates endorphin in the brain & reduces the stress hormone cortisol. Some studies have found that regular exercise is more effective than antidepressants in terms of minimising depression! Even better, exercise is free & doesn’t require a prescription!

Sometimes exercise can seem like a drag, but it doesn’t have to be some dull regimented thing that you suffer through. Jump on your bed or boogie as you vacuum, walk faster when you’re out shopping or climb trees. Anything that raises your heart-rate makes you feel really really good, so do it as often as you can!

Eat well

I always thought that the concept of eating properly was a bit of a myth. I mean, I guess it had health benefits — like less heart disease — but I never really thought that it changed how you felt day-to-day. What I have discovered, though, since going raw, is that what you eat absolutely impacts on your emotions & mental state.

In short: Eat your greens! Drink lots of water! (Far more than you even thought possible!) Try to avoid crazy processed foods (aka, anything neon or in 5 layers of plastic) & eat as many fresh things as you can. The end results — beautiful skin, a fabulous mood, increased energy & a happy body — are so worth it.

Get in control of your life

“Between stimulus & response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth & our freedom.” — Viktor E. Frankl

While sometimes we can’t do anything about the way other people behave towards us, make no mistake — you are in complete control of how you respond. People are free to be as rude, insulting & callous as they like, but you don’t have to be! Take the higher ground! Getting angry & having a whinge about how people are “so awful” doesn’t do anything to empower you or make you feel better!

By that same token, don’t allow anyone to bully you into anything you don’t want. Resign from that job you loathe, leave the girlfriend who’s pressuring you to get her pregnant, tell your mother to stop interfering in your life. You are in control of what you do, who you love & how you live, & you don’t have to take any shit from anyone! Ever!

Get involved

You don’t necessarily have to be the most popular person in the world, but a little involvement in your community can go a long way towards making you feel better about yourself. It doesn’t have to be your local, physical community either — jump into your favourite Harry Potter group online, join a book club or volunteer to teach German lessons at the place down the road. You’ll meet cool people & you’ll also feel like you’re contributing something good to the world.

It’s really important for us to feel connections with other people. It can help us feel less alone & allow us to meet people with whom we have things in common. Being totally isolated for long periods can be really hard on the psyche — there’s a reason why solitary confinement is the harshest punishment (before death, anyway)! Even getting a part-time job that causes you to interact with lots of people on a regular basis can make you feel really good.

Anyway, don’t just keep to yourself! You’re too awesome to be a hermit!

Avoid negative people

We all know (or have known) someone who suffers from a major case of the negatives. They are a total drag to be around, always raining on your parade & turning the most inconsequential event into a huge downer. The good news is that you don’t have to have anything to do with them!

Read my article on Negative People for more information!

Live simply

Imagine you’re plotting a graph. One line stipulates the level of desire you have for material possessions. Another indicates how much “stuff” you have already. Zen teachings say that in order to be happy, you can do one of two things: increase how much stuff you have, or decrease your desire. The typical Western way to deal with this is to feel like we need moremoremore, but of course, as we consume, our desires grow too. If you want to get out of the rat race, living simply is one of the best choices.

There are many different ways of living simply. No Impact Man is one example of how to downshift your life — he, his wife & daughter made a commitment to not buying anything (except for absolute essentials) for a year. He even goes so far as to compost his poop! Of course, composting your excrement is a personal choice, & not the sort of thing that appeals to everyone! Your idea of living simply might just be to take stock of what things you’d be okay not having, & then start to live in that direction.

Gratitude

Those of you who regularly participate in Things I Love Thursday already know the effect that expressing gratitude has on your life. It’s quite amazing — if you sit down & take some time to think about the things in your life for which you are truly happy, the positive after-effects last all day. While sometimes looking at a picture of a puppy will make you smile, when we find examples from our lives of things that are going well, it is a more solid anchor on which to base our happiness.

One of the coolest things about Things I Love Thursday is that often in the comments, people say “Ooh, I’ve been looking forward to this all week & making a list to post!”. That’s fantastic, because ideally gratitude should be something we focus on really regularly — every day, if possible. There are lots of ways to do this, such as starting a gratitude journal or making thankfulness a part of your daily routine. You could try listing off five things for which you’re grateful before getting out of, or into bed, or thinking about it while you brush your teeth. If you have a partner or friend who wants to try it out, make it a habit to randomly say, “Okay, tell me ten things you’re grateful right now!”

Another fabulous thing about gratitude is that it really helps bring us into the present moment. While some of the items on your list might have happened a while ago, they are still obviously having a positive influence on your life right now — which helps us focus on this very minute, this very second, this breath, this heart-beat. !

The results of the study indicated that daily gratitude exercises resulted in higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism and energy. Additionally, the gratitude group experienced less depression and stress, was more likely to help others, exercised more regularly and made more progress toward personal goals. According to the findings, people who feel grateful are also more likely to feel loved. McCollough and Emmons also noted that gratitude encouraged a positive cycle of reciprocal kindness among people since one act of gratitude encourages another. (Link.)

Traumatic memories fade into the background for people who regularly feel grateful, Watkins’s experiments show. Troublesome thoughts pop up less frequently and with less intensity, which suggests that gratitude may enhance emotional healing. Thankfulness helps the brain fully process events, Watkins speculates. Grateful people achieve closure by making sense of negative events so that they mesh with a generally positive outlook.

For more information, check out gratitude is good for you & make a gratitude adjustment!

“Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time.” — Viktor E. Frankl

P.S. If you’re not sure how happy you are, you can take a test! How happy are you?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Weekly Resolutions

[ 2 March 2008, 17:56 ]

Hello, hello, it’s Monday! Time to weigh in on your weekly resolutions! How did you do?

I guess I aced 3/5 of mine. I didn’t manage to plan any outfits or do any of my iCiNG admin stuff (boo!), but I did drink lots of water, eat properly & work on my podcast. So, yay!

So, what’s stopping me (& you) from ticking off the items on your list?

I think it’s really important for us to go easy on ourselves. It’s just a week — 7 days. You can get a lot done in that time, but if you put immense pressure on yourself (& your ‘to do’ list is pages long), it’s not going to go as well. It’s always better to do a few things really well than a whole lot of things half-heartedly!

I use my Moleskine to organise myself day to day, & every day I have at least five things that need to be done. The difference is that my weekly resolutions are something that span the whole week — it doesn’t matter what day I do them, & sometimes it’s something that needs attention every day (like eating lots of fresh vegetables or drinking litres of water). That’s why I find having my weekly resolutions written down on a card next to my computer is really helpful — I look at them whenever I have “down time” & it reminds me of where I’m heading.

So, in keeping with that, this week I’m keeping my resolutions simple.

Work on (& release) podcast!
I’ve been idly fiddling with it but I’m going to put some time aside & compile it for real! I am toying with a new format — something longer & a bit meatier! (Or fake-meatier, if you prefer…) Hopefully you guys will all love it & I’ll do one every week & it will another fabulously-hued feather in the iCiNG cap!

Lots of daily outfit photos!
I know that you guys like them & I haven’t been very forthcoming with my sartorial efforts! I’m going to try harder this week — haha! I have lots to do & lots of places to go this week so I will take lots of shots for you!

Polish boots
I am terrible with polishing my boots… My New Rocks really need it…

Write oodles of great content!
This goes without saying, really, but I want to step it up in a big way this week.

What do you want to get done this week?

Oh, & just like with Things I Love Thursday, I’ve whipped up some Weekly Resolution badges for you to use if you want to. You can see them here!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Weekly Resolutions

[ 24 February 2008, 16:43 ]

Bonjour! Good morning my darlings! Welcome to a new week!

The response to my first Weekly Resolutions post on Monday was so stupendous that I’ve decided it is definitely something we should carry on!

Tell me: how did you do on yours? What would your weekly resolutions report card say? Would you give yourself an A+ or a C-?

My resolutions last week were:
Raw power & big energy!
Competition entry
Trampoline
Wake up early
Deal with email daily

Well, I ate lots of good stuff last week, so I think I fulfilled the first one. I only ate a little bit of rubbish, & that was when I was stuck somewhere for four hours with nothing but a convenience store to feed me. But because I ate so well, I felt really awesome & my skin looks brilliant. I didn’t work on my competition entry (but as I was flat-out with other stuff, I think that’s okay). I didn’t jump on my trampoline once, haha, but I went on a lot of walks! I woke up early every day (yay!) without even the aid of an alarm clock! Superb! & I also dealt with every email I received the day it came in (except Friday, but I figured it was the weekend so it was okay to let it slide…).

Overall, I achieved the most important things on my list with a bit of room for improvement. But I am very happy with how well I did. I give myself an A-!

So, my resolutions for the coming week are…

Decoded:
I have lots of silly little administrative tasks to take care of on iCiNG this week (removing old tags, adding new ones, updating links page etc.). This week I resolve to get them done!
Lots of water! Fashion week is coming up & I want to look as radiant as possible, wink!
This is another fashion week related item. I really need to plot out what I’m going to wear. Otherwise it will be a very flustered week.
Again, this week, I am going to make an effort to eat as raw as possible. It just makes me feel really good, so it’s really worth putting in the work to make it happen.
I would like to do another podcast this week! Let me know if you have any suggestions for topics.
Also, I forgot to write this down, but I am going to keep dealing with my email on a daily basis. It is almost scary how good it makes me feel to be on top of my inbox!

What are your resolutions for the week?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Weekly Resolutions

[ 17 February 2008, 16:57 ]

Every Sunday night, I plan the week ahead: appointments (always v. serious, like getting a manicure or picking up something from the tailor), articles I’m going to write, emails I need to compose. I grab my Moleskine diary & a pen & start plotting it out. It’s always the last thing I do on a Sunday, & it makes me feel really good because I can go to sleep knowing my schedule for the next 7 days. Of course, it is always open to interpretation & alterations, but having a rough outline means I don’t have to panic about writing subjects or deal with that dreaded “I have to do something but I don’t know what it is!” feeling.

Last night, as I did it, I realised that there were a few things I wanted to do this coming week. Not on a specific day, just generic aims. As I recited them off to my boyfriend, I started to ponder the concept of having weekly resolutions. I know that New Year’s resolutions can be quite daunting to a lot of people, which I’m sure isn’t helped by the fact that we are always expected to set great hulking goals for ourselves (like “Solve world hunger” & “Organise closet”). But if we could break down the time-frame, surely that would make it easier?

With this in mind, I present to you… my weekly resolutions!

Explanations:
I ate lots of rubbish last week. Consequently, my skin broke out like mad. I also became overwhelmingly bored with salads & smoothies. This week I resolve to eat more fresh, raw treats, guzzle lots of water & fuel myself properly.
Vogue UK is running a “young talent” competition, open to anyone under the age of 25. It doesn’t say anything about needing to be a UK resident, but as I am a UK citizen, I figure I’m probably okay. The prize — a month’s work experience at Vogue — would be truly amazing.
I am going to jump on my miniature trampoline every morning before I start working! I have made a playlist in iTunes called “jumping!”. Hee. Just to get the blood pumping & to amp me up for the day ahead.
Kind of self-explanatory. But I want to be up at 7.30 every morning. I feel so much better when I wake up early & get into the day! This also means not staying up too far past midnight (unless there is something very fun going on).
My email can be a bit beastly at times. I receive a lot of it. It is very overwhelming if I leave it for too long. Ergo, I resolve to deal with it every day, rather than leaving it for a week (etc.).

I’m going to put my resolutions on my desk, next to my keyboard (where I have another index card with some more specific goals). I’m expecting that having something so focussed in easy view will help me stay on track.

I asked Audrey if he had any resolutions for the week, & he said his are:
To go to bed at a reasonable hour every night
Pick a random interstate friend and make them a care package
Do SOMETHING every night this week, not just go straight home

So, what do you think about the concept of weekly resolutions? Do you think that they might help you? One thing that people always say about goal-setting (big, small, long- or short-term) is that if you make your goals public — i.e., you share them with others — you are more likely to achieve them. Sharing an ambition makes it real, & helps commit you to the cause. With that in mind, I invite you to write about your weekly resolutions here. Hopefully we can all lift each other up to make them happen!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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EFT Tips & Tricks

[ 6 February 2008, 12:37 ]

So many of you are using EFT now, & it makes me deliriously happy! It’s a wonderfully empowering thing to know that you can actually get rid of your problems, & not stew in their juices for the rest of your life. I have had quite a few questions about EFT recently so I thought I’d address a bunch of them in one go. Let me know if you have any additional queries!

“I don’t know if I’m actually “doing it right”, if that makes sense. I do the whole tapping my head, eyebrows, under-eyes, under nose, between chin & lips, chest, side of chest, under chest… but it somehow doesn’t feel like enough! How many sessions do you recommend for one problem? Should a whole sequence of the above be on one over-arching issue or can I tap out completely different things?”

(FYI, the points are: top of head, start of eyebrows, side of eyes, under eyes, under nose, under mouth, collar bones, chest, side of chest, wrists!)

For some reason, I am able to tap out issues in just a couple of rounds (top of head down to wrists), but it wasn’t always that way. When I first started out & was dealing with some really big problems, I would do many many rounds on one problem, or even on one aspect of a problem. Sometimes I would go around tapping for ten rounds to clear something out. The general rule, however, is just to keep tapping until you feel the problem shift or move. I often find that if I’m tapping on something, I know it’s gone when I can’t remember what I was tapping on, or I start to laugh, or I feel no emotional attachment to the problem anymore. You will feel some kind of change if you’re doing it properly. If it doesn’t feel like it’s budging, try approaching it from a different angle or saying something else — even if it’s just “Even though EFT isn’t working & I feel like a moron doing this”. Say what you feel.

It can be tempting to tap on three things at once (“I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m demotivated”), but it’s hard to get any traction if you’re thinking about too many things at once. If you feel like you have a laundry list of problems, write them down on paper so you’re not trying to keep track of them in your head, & then tap through them one by one, crossing them off as you go. Remember that detail is everything, so the more you say or feel, the better results you will get.

Try not to be afraid to go to dark places — allow your mind to go wherever it needs to. Often the problems we have on the surface (not concentrating in school) are related to deeper things from our past (parents always told you you’d be a failure). Tapping is like unpeeling an onion — sometimes it takes a while to get right down to the core of a problem, but it’s worth it!

“Basically I have a tremendous phobia of the dentist and I’ve got a problem with one of my teeth that I’ve been putting off for months now. It’s gotten to the point where I’m living off of painkillers just to dull the pain. Which obviously sucks. I won’t bore you with the details but I had some pretty horrible experiences with a dentist when I was little (I’m fairly sure it would amount to malpractice). I’ve changed dentist now but the fear remains. Do you think I would benefit from EFT? Can EFT work on phobias? And how would you recommend I go about it?”

Yes, EFT is fantastic for getting rid of phobias! Here are some articles on the main EFT site about dentist phobia: 1, 2, 3 & 4. A lot of those people have had the same kind of issue as you & they’ve explained how they’ve used tapping to remove their fears & memory of the trauma.

I think the best thing to do is sit down somewhere quiet, grab a sheet of paper & start making a list of reasons about why you’re afraid of going to the dentist. If that doesn’t work, you might like to try remembering what happened the time(s) that scared you off — as you play that “movie” in your head, you don’t need to speak, just tap around the points. But basically, think of all the individual pieces that add up to this fear. Past experience, pain, immobilisation, whatever — just tap out each thing.

It is absolutely possible to have no fear of going to the dentist & to have a complete turnaround in terms of how you see the situation (“he’s a horrible man who wants to hurt me” versus “he’s an educated dude who is helping me take care of my health”). I would also strongly suggest tapping on forgiving yourself for what happened all those years ago — you were a kid & it was not your fault. Lots of love to you.

“I’ve been having allergy problems for forever, but since I’ve gone to college they have been 5x worse and now have crossed the line into asthma. That, and all the stress of school and not eating properly has got me feeling down lately, which doesn’t help. But I am still at a loss for where to start — so I was wondering, if you didn’t mind telling me, what sort of things you tapped on to help with your asthma? I’m hoping to start tapping on that and work my way to other issues I’ve been having.”

My asthma had been a problem for me since I was about 7. I used to use a preventative inhaler every day & my actual inhaler probably every day or second day. I don’t know when exactly or why it started, but my father always had asthma too so maybe I just expected that I would suffer from it too. I actually inherited the unholy trinity of asthma, eczema & hayfever from him, none of which I have problems with now. Okay, all of that aside, here’s how I dealt with my asthma!

Asthma was actually the first thing I tapped on. My boyfriend was using EFT for emotional things & making great progress & I thought it was total bunk, so I decided that I would try it on something that would give me a definite, measurable result. Asthma was an obvious choice since it was such a huge part of my life.

I did some tapping on forgiving myself for having asthma, & forgiving my father for passing it on to me. Then I broke the issue down into segments. I would get asthma from all sorts of things — exercising, going from a hot to cold environment or vice versa, walking up hills, cold weather & cats. (That’s all I can think of now but I’m sure there were other triggers too.) I wrote all the reasons for getting asthma down on a piece of paper & then tapped through them individually. “Even though I get asthma from exercising, I deeply & completely love & forgive myself…”

I drank so much water & passed out. The next morning, I walked up the hill in the cold (three of those individual reasons in one experience!) to catch my bus, like I did every morning, & which also gave me asthma every morning. Surprise! No asthma. Brilliant. My asthma was gone.

However, a couple of years later, when I went back to my home town for the first time in ages, I got asthma again as soon as I stepped off the plane, & it plagued me the whole time I was there. I came home to Melbourne & it still wouldn’t go. I couldn’t figure out what the hell it was, & after lots of tapping I realised that it was actually fear about the future. I was afraid that I would have to go home & live in my home town, & afraid that I wasn’t ready to live in New York. As soon as I tapped that out, poof! It was gone again. Weird, man!

Oh, & re: eczema & hayfever… When I started using tapping & reduced my anxiety about life, my eczema disappeared, never to be seen again. At the same time, whenever I got hayfever I would just tap on having allergies, being allergic to pollen, & the physical symptoms (itchy eyes, runny nose etc.). I did this a few times & since then, it has never come back.

Remember to…

Drink lots of water
Go into as much detail as you can remember
Say what you feel or think
Allow yourself as much extra sleep as you need
Read other people’s testimonials on Emofree if you’re stuck
Keep tapping
Use it on everything! (Depression, binge eating, insomnia, social anxiety, panic attacks, anger etc.)

& now for some EFT success stories, in their own words! These are all emails from nonpareils that I have received recently! If you don’t think EFT works, these testimonials might change your mind…

“Although just about any of your articles can cheer me up or put a spring in my step, the ones on EFT have, I’d say, genuinely made my life take a turn for the better. I mentioned this in a comment on your latest EFT piece, about trying it for my depression, but wanted to just say “thank you!” properly and also let you know about my experiences with EFT since then. Basically, I feel as if some huge blockage or burden has fallen away from me. It’s incredible. The night I tried tapping on my depression, I was suicidal. I was willing to try absolutely anything that promised to help me feel better. After I tapped, I left that comment on your article, and then I started to feel incredibly shaky, cold and nauseous. I took that as a sign that the tapping had obviously done something. It was quite extraordinary. Two weeks later, I feel as if EFT has made a subtle but huge difference to my attitude.”

“I actually heard of the EFT exercises from a friend before, but I’ve never really tried it. Last night I did it for a series of problems that’s been nagging at me for a few weeks and it’s been an incredible relief – my mind stops wandering over to it now and replaying it in my mind. I have a question though – does EFT make you very tired? I slept for a good 11 hours after doing it for the first time, and today I still took a lunchtime nap. Not that it’s a bad thing; I usually have insomnia, but this incredible amount of unbroken sleep seems too good to be true!”

“i’ve read about your experiences with eft & i’ve always been very skeptical. my mother is a doctor so i tend to trust only things that can be scientifically proven & have evidence to back it up. so i’ve always skimmed over it & moved on. tonight i figured what the heck things are so awful right now that it can’t hurt. so i tapped on the karate chop point while crying & thinking about what was upsetting me. maybe it worked, maybe it was just the repetition & repeating things in my head but i felt calmer, something that i never feel when i think about things that upset me. i tend to avoid thinking about them at all because i find that it just makes me more upset & makes it harder for me to get back to “normal”. since i felt calmer & was no longer crying i decided to read more about it so i went to icing, watched the videos, read the whole article throughly, & chanted & tapped along with you video. i tapped about a couple of things including my depression & insomnia. then stopped so i could refill my water cup. i live in a dorm so i have to walk down the hall to get to the bathroom to get some water. by the time i got back to my dorm i felt tired & sleepy & ready for bed which might not be a big deal for some people but i have really bad insomnia. i usually take a prescription sleep medication to fall asleep & without it i can lay in bed for hours & typically won’t fall asleep until 4 in the morning. needless to say i’m pretty impressed. though i must admit i’m still quite skeptical & am trying to rationalize my calmness & sleepiness. maybe i just tired myself by crying for so long. maybe it’s just a placebo effect. or maybe it really did work. i’m actually quite interested in eft now & am so impressed that i had to shoot you an email before i went to bed. maybe you’ve introduced me to something that might actually work [unlike the millions of antidepressants that i’ve tried over to years]. thank you so so so much. if there’s anything else i should know or you think is important about eft that isn’t mentioned in icing or in the eft manual let me. good night & thank you for helping me get my first sleeping pill free night of 2008.”

“After that I did EFT at home every day. I didn’t believe it would work, just like most people don’t. So I tapped on “even though this feels really stupid and it will never help me feel any better because I’m so heartbroken…”. After a couple of weeks I noticed I was not tapping on the same feelings anymore. My heart was healing, my soul was healing, and I felt great. ... I see the light and beauty in so many things now. I feel like I am now beginning to really understand life; I am understanding my Self & the connections between all people & all experiences – how everything has meaning, if you choose to let go and allow the Universe to reveal it to you. I feel very neutral most of the time, but when something nice happens or I see something fun or amazing, the joy in my heart is overwhelming! I haven’t had an anxious thought in over a week. I haven’t felt hopelessly lonely or depressed like I was, in about 2 weeks. I have stopped biting my nails. When I do feel yucky, I just do a few rounds of EFT and trust that it will help. This is a real accomplishment for me, because I’ve had anxiety since I was like 9 years old!”

“after reading about EFT on your blog, and watching your video and the videos you linked to from your site, i decided to give it a try. i was pretty unsure, and even believed it probably wasn’t going to work, but i told myself to remain open-minded. i tried the tapping techniques while sitting in the bathtub. i’d run through the tapping exercises 10-20 times each sitting. i did this for only 2-3 days in a row. at which point, i gave up because i wasn’t noticing any improvement. i figured i was wasting my time. as i said, there wasn’t an immediate improvement, so i stopped after day 3. this was about 4 months ago. something weird has occured though, i haven’t itched in a few months! even when showering in the morning— something that would normally set my legs itching— i’ve been fine. i haven’t called in late to work or canceled activities for a long time. i’m not saying that its completely gone… there were a few days when i noticed the beginning sensations of it and anticipated that my legs were going to burst into itching flames, but.. you know what?! ... they didn’t. everything was fine. its like the early symptoms started, but then almost immediately subsided. i can’t explain it, but i’m starting to believe that EFT worked!”

“i suffer from depression and anxiety problems and, per your suggestions, have started using EFT with great results. a steady combination of your words and tapping away my problems has uplifted my soul so far beyond anything therapists or medication has ever done for me.”

“I wanted to thank you so much for introducing me to EFT. I read your article thoroughly for the first time today and did my first real session (previously I had only absentmindedly tapped my karate-chop point when I was anxious, which worked well, but was nothing like this, when I did the whole deal) Once I got going with it, I started to rant and it opened up to things I wasn’t even conscious that I was dealing with. Using EFT, when I eventually started saying things like “even though I’m not good enough and noone else will ever want me, I deeply and completely love and accept myself” I started to shake and cry, because deep down, I’d beat myself up all the time and call myself vain and shallow for considering myself confident, but then basing my good opinion of myself on my talents and looks. Using EFT as a starting point, I’m learning to base my self-worth on something more substancial, which will make me happier person, genuinely confident, rather than just propped up by all sorts of unsubstancial “stuff”. Your website has really touched my life. During a blah sort of day, I’ll go to galadarling.com and be mentally rejuvinated by simply hearing a positive voice in my head, reminding me to lick life’s icing when I’m at my bluest!. Your EFT advice, however, really takes the cake of all the ways you’ve improved my life without even knowing it! Thank you, thank you Gala!”

I am so happy for all of you & I hope you’ll continue using EFT! It changed my life & I know it can change yours.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Set Amazing Goals

[ 30 December 2007, 13:30 ]

Tomorrow is the 31st of December. Why not start 2008 with a fleet of fantastic goals & driving ambitions? Here’s how to go about it.

Think big
If you don’t know where to begin, or you feel like you have absolutely no ambition, take some time out for yourself & just allow your mind to wander. Give yourself to permission to dream. Get somewhere comfortable & drift away on your imagination. What kind of lifestyle have you always wished you had? Would you like to live in a hippie commune in San Francisco, or is a brownstone in New York more your style? How about volunteering in India, or owning a fleet of cruise ships? Have you always wanted to run away & join the circus, or would you like to start a community kitchen where people can eat wonderfully hearty but inexpensive meals? Picture everything that would surround that lifestyle. Would you drive a car or ride a moped? Would your bedroom be like a Moroccan retreat or would it be minimal & zen? Would you have a husband, wife, lover, girlfriend, boyfriend, harem, “hos in different area codes“ or keep to yourself? Would you have any pets? How often would your friends visit? What kind of friends would you like? Witty & urbane or comfortable & sweet?

Grab a piece of paper & start scrawling down ideas. Don’t judge yourself while you write — just write. You don’t have to do any of it if you don’t want to, but just give yourself some options. Then narrow it down to things that really turn your crank.

What by when?
The best way to set a goal is to define success as what/how many/how much by when. For example, “get famous” isn’t a real, achievable goal, because there’s no qualifying statment in there. How will you know that you’re famous? On the other hand, “be on the cover of Rolling Stone in 2009” is a great goal because it’s measurable. On December 31st 2009, if you haven’t achieved it, you’ll know. So, pick a time frame, & put a stake in the ground.

Have a goal that scares you

“If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, & inspires your hopes.” — Andrew Carnegie

If your goals are just boring things like “feed the dog every day” & “take out the rubbish on Tuesdays”, your life is going to be incredibly dull. Come up with something that terrifies you! Set a goal that actually makes you gulp as you write it down. How about something like, “move to Austria by November 2008” or “start my own business & leave my boring office job by the start of 2009”. FEAR! Tremble! Quake in your boots! It will swell in your brain, absorb a whole lot of your brain power, scare the hell out of you… & then start happening. Even better/scarier! DO IT!

Make a list of things you want to do before you die
If goals seem a bit staid or boring, instead try making a list of things you want to do before you die. What would you like to do before you kick the bucket? Would you like to go hang-gliding, write a novel, live as a bohemian in Paris, run a marathon, make a billion bucks or start an animal rescue society?

Write it down
Unless you write your goal down, it’s just an idle thought — & unless you review & re-read your goals regularly, you’ll forget them. Grab a big sheet of paper, the nicest you can get your hands on. Write up your goals in huge, neat handwriting, & then put it somewhere that you will see it all the time. Perhaps on the wall next to your desk, or on the fridge, or on the bathroom wall. You can also try writing your main goal on a small piece of paper & tucking it into your wallet — maybe in a clear pocket, so you see it whenever you open it.

I wrote some goals for 2007 in the front of my Moleskine, but I never looked at them, & now the year is almost over & I didn’t manage any of them! On the flip side, I wrote a goal on an index card & kept it on my desk for about two months — & I achieved it yesterday. My goals for 2008 are going to go up on the wall beside my desk, & I’m going to write them in my Moleskine (again)... but this time, I’m going to review them every morning when I wake up & every night before I go to bed.

Break your goals into chunks
If you want to be an Olympic athlete, you don’t just turn up & hope to qualify. Years of work go into it first. For example, if you wanted to be an Olympic tennis player, first of all you’d need to find a good teacher… then buy some equipment… start taking lessons… read books… watch tournaments. You need to think in steps in order to make your goal happen. It will make it seem much more manageable & will help keep you from feeling defeated or overwhelmed. For each goal you have, grab another piece of paper & break it down into steps. Put it somewhere that’s easy to access, & when you complete a step, mark it off with a big tick.

Visualise what you want
Make your goal as real as you can. Let’s use the previous example of getting on the cover of Rolling Stone. Why not make a mock-up or composite of the magazine with your face on the front of it? Or maybe you want to visit New York — cut out a picture of you & stick it onto a photo of Central Park. Take a screen capture of one of the places you want to go, & then make it your desktop wallpaper, so you see it every day. Make a collage of pictures that signify the kind of lifestyle you want — maybe a sexy handbag, a picture of a dream holiday vacation, a helicopter, a safari, a personal chef & an enormous home. Put it somewhere where you will see it all the time. I have heard of people who write themselves enormous million dollar cheques & stick them on the ceiling above their bed… & it works!

The closer your goal is to the front of your mind, the better.

Act “as if”
One of the best ways to achieve something, strange as it may sound, is to pretend it has already happened. Let’s say your distant goal is to be a publishing magnate. How different would your life be if you managed to achieve that? Okay, now discount all the material things that would change (better car, huge house, office with a view of the city), & think about how you would behave if you were a publishing big-shot. Odds are, your posture would be different to how it is today. You might not slob around in the house in a pair of moccasins all day, either — you’d probably wake up early, exercise & get into your day. You’d be comfortable with your success & not threatened by other people, so you would ask for what you wanted & tell people if they weren’t delivering what you expected. You’d be polite & charming & charismatic & happy to do favours for other people.

Start acting that way today. It will prove that you are serious about your goal, & you will start to attract the right people & opportunities to make your dreams a reality.

Communicate with yourself in the future
Here are two amazing excerpts, both of which are in Jack Canfield’s fantastic book, The Success Principles.

Bruce Lee, arguably the greatest martial artist to have ever lived, also understood the power of declaring a goal. If you ever get a chance to visit Planet Hollywood in New York City, look for the letter hanging on the wall that Bruce Lee wrote to himself. It is dated January 9, 1970, & it is stamped ‘secret’. Bruce wrote, “By 1980 I will be the best known Oriental movie star in the United States & will have secured $10 million… & in return I will give the very best acting I could possibly give every single time I am in front of the camera & I will live in peace & harmony.” Bruce made three films, & then in 1973 filmed Enter The Dragon, which was released that same year after his untimely death at age 33. The movie was a huge success & achieved worldwide fame for Bruce Lee.

Around 1990, when Jim Carrey was a struggling young Canadian comic trying to make his way in Los Angeles, he drove his old Toyota up to Mulholland Drive. While sitting there looking at the city below & dreaming of his future, he wrote himself a check for $10 million, dated it Thanksgiving 1995, added the notation “for acting services rendered”, & carried it in his wallet from that day forth. The rest, as they say, is history. Carrye’s optimism & tenacity eventually paid off, & by 1995, after the huge box office success of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, The Mask & Dumb & Dumber, his asking price had risen to $20 million per picture. When Carrey’s father died in 1994, he placed the $10 million check into his father’s coffin as a tribute to the man who had both started & nurtured his dreams of being a star.

Don’t fear obstacles
When you’re trying to achieve something, obstacles are inevitable. Instead of being frustrated or angry or feeling like the world is against you, just see it as a test of your passion & drive. You just need to get over the hump & prove that you want it; that you’re hungry for it. There are always going to be little things that don’t go your way, or people who don’t have your vision. That’s okay… just stay the course. Think about people who have achieved amazing things & consider how they’d deal with it. Odds are good that they would pout for about a second, & then just get on with it.

“Going through tough times is a wonderful thing, and everybody should try it. Once. I was walking down Fifth Avenue with Marla Maples in 1991. This was at the peak of the bad market. Across the street I saw a man in front of Tiffany with a tin cup. I looked at Marla and said, “You know, right now that man is worth $900 million more than I am.” When I told Marla this, she didn’t run away. Of course, I would have saved a little money if she had. I had a lot of friends who went bankrupt and you never hear from them again. I worked harder than I’d ever worked getting myself out of it. Now my company is much bigger than it was in the eighties — many times. The Guinness Book of Records gave me first place for the greatest financial comeback of all time.” — Donald Trump

If the obstacle in question is really kicking your ass emotionally, I suggest tapping on it.

Ask for help & watch other people
Don’t be afraid to ask other people if they can help you. Most people are thrilled to do it, but you need to make it worth their time. Be vocal about how appreciative you are, buy them a really excellent dinner, give them a bottle of fantastic wine. The other thing to keep in mind is that whatever you’re trying to achieve has probably been done before. This is not to dissuade you, of course — it’s to make you see that it can be done, & that you should watch whoever has achieved it before you! Maybe they wrote a book about how they did it, maybe they spoke about it in an interview, or perhaps they even made a movie about it. Take all these things & learn from them.

Anthony Robbins says, “Success leaves clues”. Don’t try & reinvent the wheel unless you can help it — use other people’s experiences to bolster your own.

Always persist

“Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.” — Napoleon Hill

Start now
The single best thing you have is this day, right now, right here. There is no better time to start turning your life around, & manifesting whatever it is you want. It is never too late — you always have today. Start TODAY!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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New Year's Resolution Ideas!

[ 21 December 2007, 10:40 ]

Okay, I know it can be hard to come up with worthy resolutions for the new year, so I thought I’d give you a bit of help. Remember, goals & resolutions are totally different. Goals can be defined as “what by when“, while a resolution is somewhat more ephemeral. A resolution is light-hearted, something you do for fun. A guideline, rather than a hard-&-fast line. Here are some ideas, but if you already know what your resolutions are, feel free to post them in the comments below! I’d love to hear them.

Start wearing sunscreen
It’s never too late to start if you haven’t already. I am definitely guilty of not wearing sunscreen on my face, & I know that it’s going to start affecting me if I don’t do something about it soon. Invest in good sun protection for your face & wear it every day. FYI, it goes over your moisturiser & under your make-up, & the longer you wait, the more you will regret it! Do some research & find one which works for you.

Throw away your scales
I haven’t owned scales since the middle of last year some time, & you know what? I don’t miss them. I don’t know what I weigh & I really don’t care — it’s a very liberating feeling. Gauge your size by how happy you feel & how well your clothes fit. If your jeans are getting loose, eat some extravagant dinners. If they’re feeling a little tight, step up your exercise. That’s really all there is to it.

Stop exercising out of obligation & instead do it because you love it
There are so many people with gym memberships who just go because they can’t stand to think of the money they’re wasting if they don’t go. But here’s a revolutionary thought — exercise doesn’t have to cost anything, & it doesn’t have to be boring, either. If you’re not sure what you’ll like, take a different class every week for 3 months. Try salsa dancing, indoor cricket, taiko drumming, acrobatics, ballet, boxing, aikido, sprinting…

Live to a budget
I did a little exercise a while ago where I made a note of everything I spent money on. It was kind of scary, to say the least. I really had no idea how indiscriminately I spent my money. Well, now I know — so I picked a number, & I try to spend less than that every week. It’s made me feel a lot better about money management. I always thought budgets were terribly dreary, but it actually ends up leaving you with more money to spend on manicures, Chanel handbags, tennis lessons, gigolos, etc.!

Have a personal date once a week
Go to a movie, eat an amazing meal, go for a long meandering walk or have a candlelit bubble bath. Just take time out for you. Regularly.

Make 3 new friends
If you’ve been living in the same city for a long time, it’s really easy to just stick to your peer group & call it a day. But it’s also kind of boring. Comforting, yes. Nice, yes. But not very exciting. Go out of your way to meet new people. Be friendly to the new person at work. Strike up a friendship with your local barista. Find someone who also shares your gripping obsession with lunchmeat. It will enhance your life.

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” — Anaïs Nin

Stop eating meat
Well, you don’t HAVE to. But I know my body works best when I eat a meat-free, non-dairy selection of food. Read My Year Of Meats by Ruth Ozeki or Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser if you want to know more on the subject. Being vegetarian or vegan is a bit more work than just being a desultory meatmouth, but I think it’s worth it.

Take a risk
Every day, if you can handle it! & I don’t mean piddly little risks like “catch a plane”. I mean things like… tell people how you feel about them. Apply for a promotion. Approach a client that intimidates you. Start your own business. Taking risks helps to keep you youthful, as well as preventing your life from becoming a yawn-inducing routine.

Choose a role model & then think, “What Would ____ Do?”

Quit smoking
It smells & it makes you wrinkly. The occasional cigarette won’t kill you, but chain-smoking is pretty self-destructive… If you’re not sure where to begin, I hear amazing things about The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. & there’s always EFT!

Improve on your weaknesses (spelling, maths, etc.)
Being unable to spell or do basic maths can really kick your confidence. A lack of spelling ability can easily put you off any kind of text-based communication, while confusion about maths can lead to all sorts of financial difficulties. Fortunately, it’s something you have the power to fix! This page on improving your spelling is fantastic, as is this one on how to get smart in math.

Eat more vegetables & drink more water
I don’t need to explain this, surely?!

Master a party trick
No one knows party tricks any more! In the 70s (well, from what I’ve heard), it seemed like everyone had some strange skill that they could show off at parties — weird stomach contortion, belching the alphabet & handstand push-up demonstrations were all popular. But these days, you see nothing of the sort. (No, losing all your worldly posessions during a night out doesn’t count as a party trick!) Decide to learn some strange skill that you can demonstrate at a moment’s notice. How about juggling or complicated origami?

Learn the names of flowers
I think people who know the proper names for flowers are wonderful. It’s such an odd thing to master, but it’s so utterly charming that I can’t help but be impressed.

Start yoga or meditation
It doesn’t have to cost money or even take a lot of time. You can download all kinds of yoga videos & borrow books on meditation from the library for nothing. Both activities are really good for your body, mind & spirit. Make 2008 the year that you start looking after yourself holistically!

Pay someone a compliment every day
You might find this difficult some days. But there is always someone doing something worth applauding — whether it’s the barista who always makes an effort, the bus driver who is polite & smiley, or your daughter trying to cheer you up. Tell them how much you appreciate it.

Read one self-improvement book a month
I think I’m going to try this one myself. I’m naughty when it comes to books, but I’ve been making more of an effort to read recently & it has been hugely enriching. I’m currently working my way through The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield & it is rocking my world!

Extra For Experts:
Top Three Most Popular New Years Resolutions and How to Keep Them from Associated Content.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Motivation

[ 13 November 2007, 12:33 ]

“I have a question regarding motivation. You work from home with no one to appease except your fans. How do you find the motivation to continue writing daily? I am student and although I love my field of study, I sometimes think it would be easy to just watch television all day! I want to have the motivation that you obviously have. Please help if you can!”

“I was just wondering if you would consider writing an article on something along the lines drive and productivity. You obviously have a big load of drive and icing attests to your productivity levels. But obviously you are doing something you love; I’m studying journalism, and while I do love it, or at least the notion of future gratification, it requires that I do a lot of boring stuff. So, I clear out my space, make it all pared back, minimal and streamlined, drink 6 cups of coffee then sit down to do my work.. then read the entire internet. Or clean my room. Or go to sleep. I just want to be a productive, driven, over achiever with brilliant time management, is that too much to ask!?”

Motivation comes & goes. In my experience, the more you enjoy doing something, the more motivation you will have to do it. If you’ve been doing something for years & struggling with it every step of the way, it might be an indication that it’s not where you’re meant to be, or not what you’re meant to be doing. Listen to what your brain is telling you! However, sometimes we’re working towards something we’re genuinely excited about, but we hit a little plateau & find it hard to scrabble our way out of it. Eating a lot of ice-cream or watching reality shows on MTV start to sound very appealing. As soon as you start to feel like this, you should do your best to nip it in the bud as soon as you can. The longer it goes on, the harder it is to pull yourself out of it.

My favourite, foolproof way to regain motivation is to use EFT. Usually, after using it, you’ll find that your enthusiasm for the project will come back in about five minutes. “Even though I don’t have any motivation… even though I can’t be bothered… even though I’d rather watch television…” Another thing you can do is use EFT to dig down into the deeper reasons why you’re not motivated. Perhaps you have a fear of failure. The best way to dig through these kinds of things is to ask a question — like, “Why don’t I want to study?” — & then start questioning your answers with “Why?”. It might end up going something like this:

Why don’t I want to study?
Because I can’t be bothered.
Why?
Because it’s stupid.
Why?
Because it’s a waste of time.
Why?
Because I’m never going to be successful anyway.

Then you can use EFT to clear all of those feelings, but obviously feeling like you’re never going to be successful is the big one there. Do you see what I mean?

However, if you don’t want to try that, here are some slightly more conventional (& less effective!) ways of getting back on track!

Set a goal
...Some major, & some minor. Say your major goal is to get a top grade on your exam — the small goals leading up to that will be things like studying for an hour a day, making comprehensive notes & paying attention in class. You can then break these goals down even further if you like. Make a little chart with a space for every class, then put a star or a tick in every class that you pay attention in.

Set some time aside to really think about what you want to achieve & all the little steps on the way. Give your goals a timeframe & make sure they are measurable — so that when you have achieved them, you will know for sure. “Become famous” is not a goal. “Have my picture on cover of Rolling Stone magazine by 7th August 2009” is.

Ideally, these goals should excite you — or at least, the major goals should thrill you enough that it propels you to tick off the minor ones! Making study notes isn’t very stimulating, but the ultimate goal of graduating with honours should hopefully be enough to push you onward.

(There’s more information available on goal setting here.)

Reward yourself
How about those of us who are locked into something we’re kind of sick of, but need to complete? Well, sometimes enjoyment or satisfaction can be replaced with a reward. This is similar to those hellish call centres where you get pizza if you hit a sales target — there’s absolutely no joy to be found in the role, so they bribe you with incentives. Think like that! You can reward yourself with anything you like: chocolate, watching a movie, baking cupcakes, an hour of kissing with your lover, a new handbag, or a trip to the beach to make sandcastles. Just make sure it’s something you’re actually psyched about, & make sure you deliver on your promise to reward yourself!

Find some inspiration!
Using EFT as well as having a goal & being inspired is pretty much an unbeatable combination! The best thing is that finding inspiration is really fun. There are lots of ways you can do this. Find pictures that help represent your goal or what you’re working towards.

Maybe you’re trying to grow your business & your ultimate goal is make lots of money — surround yourself with pictures of what you’d do with that money. (Just writing “$1,000,000” on a piece of paper is a bit abstract.) Make a collage of what having money represents to you, & put it near your desk. A picture of St. Barths... a Ferrari… an Hermès Birkin… a photo of the Christian Louboutin store on Madison Avenue… ?

When it comes to inspiration, it really can’t be underestimated. You will find yourself drawn to the things you surround yourself with. When my boyfriend moved in with me last year, we decided to change our lives & as part of that, we looked really closely at all the pictures I had on my walls. Some of them were really depressing — sad-looking thin girls, angry rebellious statements, etc. You name it, I had it on my wall. We took down all the tragic pictures & replaced them with pictures I liked just as much, but which had positive connotations. I know it sounds really weird, but I am convinced that this strongly contributed to the way my life changed. When I look around the iCiNG Bowl now, practically every picture has someone smiling. Your environment impacts on how you feel & how you live!

Write your goal down
As long as it’s not too abstract, write your goal in big letters & put it somewhere that you will see it all the time. Make it your desktop or cellphone wallpaper if you want, but make sure it’s in a place that will really help drill it into your brain. The more you see it, the more you’ll feel it. Phrase it as positively as you can. You will get much better results from writing “Pass with honours & flying colours” than “Don’t suck too hard in your exam”!

Get support
Odds are, you are probably not the only person in the world trying to achieve this goal. Of course, we all have different lives, but most people are trying to make more money, or pass a course, or get a great job. The key is to surround yourself with like-minded people. There might be a group you can join — a students association, small business owner’s group, etc. Talk to people about it! Sometimes just feeling like you’re not alone really helps. It’s also a huge bonus to associate yourself with people who have already done what you want to do. It will make your goal seem more realistic & attainable, as well as giving you a valuable resource who can help you out when the going gets tough. (Hint: Be good to your resource! Buy them dinner & tell them how much you appreciate their help.)

Make a timetable
Sometimes it’s our self-discipline that fails us. If you have a schedule, that might make life easier for you. Make it realistic, though — there is nothing sadder than a timetable that doesn’t allow you time to mess around on the internet or go out for a coffee. Think about how you operate. Do you work better with something flexible or something rigid? If you need a strict timetable, use an alarm clock or use Google Calendar’s alerts to keep you on track. If you prefer having fewer limits, leave big gaps in your schedule so that you can nap from 2 ‘til 4 if you want. Be true to yourself, though. There’s no point in letting yourself slack off if you need to do the work!

Stay focussed
When you’re working on your project, really commit to it. Turn off the television, turn down your music (or make a playlist that’s not going to disturb you, or turn it off completely), tell your flatmates/spouse/children to leave you alone, turn off your phone. Basically, minimise distractions, because you’ll work much better. It drives me nuts if people try to talk to me when I’m in the midst of my writing “flow”! Being on task & working well is magical; that time is precious. Make the most of it!

...But don’t cripple yourself
If you’re really overwhelmingly tired, & the choice is between sleeping & working on your project, you should almost always go for sleep. When you’re exhausted, your brain just doesn’t work as well as it would if you were fully awake. If you nab an extra half hour of sleep, you will find that you are much more productive when you do actually get around to working. Be good to yourself. People work best when they are relaxed, well rested, hydrated & have satisfied bellies!

Just start!
You can read productivity articles on the internet for hours, but they’re not going to count for much if, afterwards, you just go to sleep! Some of the best advice for writer’s block — after you’ve gone for a walk, had a nap, eaten something, read a magazine & jumped up & down in frustration — is to just start writing. Even if it’s rubbish, just write. Well, this is kind of the same thing. Just start! Make a little step towards your goal. Even if you only work on it for 5 minutes, at least it’s something. You’ll feel better about getting into it tomorrow having done something already.

Good luck!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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More EFT Information

[ 12 November 2007, 20:53 ]

Disclaimer! I know that some of you aren’t so keen on hearing me talk about EFT. That’s okay — just treat this article like you would on something else that doesn’t interest you, like Britney Spears’ weight fluctuation or Ms Beckham’s bunions. EFT has changed my life & for that reason it would be completely remiss for me not to advocate its use — not to mention, I receive emails every day from people around the world who have tried EFT & seen amazing results…

This is a follow-up piece to my original article, EFT. EFT is a healing technique that I use on myself. Here are the things I’ve learned about EFT since I started. I use it every day, & have done so for over a year now, so I have a fairly good idea of what works & what doesn’t!

The tapping points are…
Crown of the head / start of each eyebrow / side of each eye / underneath each eye / between nose & mouth / dent of chin / where collarbones meet / an inch below the nipple / an inch below the armpit.

Always, always, always drink lots of water before & after you tap. I often find that sometimes I finish tapping & feel like nothing has changed, but after I take a big ol’ slug of water (think at least 500mL), I feel things shifting. The best thing is to drink lots of water beforehand, though — I find it helps to lubricate my brain, as well as not leaving me so thirsty when I’m finished.

If you feel like you’re tapping & nothing is happening, it could be that you’re trying to tackle a really big problem. From what I’ve seen, trying to remove physical problems (like eczema or psoriasis) can take a little while, just because there’s so much to it. There is the physical manifestation (dry or itchy skin), but you also need to look at everything that surrounds that. When did it start (& what happened at that time in your life)? Do you feel shame about it? What are the benefits of having this problem? (Maybe you don’t have to show your skin which makes you feel more secure, or maybe everyone in your family has it & so it makes you feel like you belong.) What do you think needs to change before this problem will go away? What will happen if the problem goes away entirely?

EFT is a brilliant thing to use to increase your efficiency, which is a major reason why I love it. You don’t have to dip into all that emotional baggage stuff if you don’t want to — just use it to make you more productive. iCiNG would not exist without EFT! Tap whenever you’re feeling grumpy or cranky or demotivated about a project, drink some water & see how your attitude changes. EFT is nothing short of amazing used in this way.

Further to the efficiency thing, I used to find that one week a month (sorry guys…), I was so depressed & angry & emotionally wobbly that I really couldn’t get anything done. This used to frustrate me so much, since I am basically a productivity geek, & one week a month is 12 weeks a year! That is way too much time to waste lying around feeling sorry for yourself. I used EFT to tap out all my symptoms at the time (“Even though I’m really grumpy & feel hideous & have cramps & can’t concentrate on my work…”), which worked brilliantly, & then tapped it for the future (“Even though every time I have my period I end up wasting the entire week…”). These days, I still require a bit more sleep than usual that week, but my productivity is just as good as any other time of the month. Bonus!

Tapping is kind of like peeling an onion. You remove one problem which then reveals something deeper, which reveals something even more core. The best thing to do is stick at it.

Whenever you have a thought about something that you would rather not have — like, “I’m never going to be able to afford anything at Chanel” — if you can’t tap on it at the time (which is the best thing to do, because you’re very emotionally present in the moment), write it down & do it later. Otherwise it will come back, & it’s such a rubbish, limiting belief, who needs it?

It really helps if you can emotionally connect with the problem you’re trying to resolve. That’s why doing the setup (tapping the karate chop point) is so helpful. Sometimes just launching into a few rounds isn’t enough, because you’re not really feeling the problem. You need to have an emotional response to what you’re doing, otherwise you probably won’t see a lot of results.

Tapping is tiring. I make lists of things I need to tap on & then go through them all in the shower (with a bottle of water just outside the shower door). Afterwards I often feel incredibly drained, & will have to go & have a sleep. If using EFT makes you feel tired as well, the very best thing you can do is hydrate & then sleep. Allow your body to process the changes you’re making. It’s actually quite a major upheaval, which you will become more aware of as you continue with it.

One girl said she had tried doing EFT but that her mind wandered as she was doing the rounds. That’s okay! I often have major breakthroughs when my mind isn’t totally on task, because I just start talking. Pay attention to what you say naturally because it is very common for really interesting beliefs or thoughts to come to the surface when you do this — things you aren’t consciously aware of. It’s okay to tap with an empty mind. “Even though I don’t know what to say… even though I think this is reeeeally stuuuupid… even though I don’t want to make a fool of myself… even though I value logic above all things, even my own mental health…!”

If you’re going to tackle an issue of self-worth, self esteem or body image, it can help to do this while you look in the mirror. This can be quite scary. A lot of people find it very hard to say “I love & forgive you” to a reflection. It’s also hard to lie to your reflection, so if you tap in the mirror you will make big progress.

I have often hit a wall with EFT where I feel like I’m not making any changes at all, which can be incredibly frustrating. Thankfully I have a boyfriend who can point out that I never tap on the same problem twice, & that my progress has been phenomenal. When it’s just you, tapping alone, it can be hard to look at it objectively. It might be helpful for you to have a notebook where you write down the things you’ve tapped on, or make a list of problems & as you work through them, cross them out. This will give you some perspective when you’re having a hard time, because you’ll realise that you never tap on the same thing twice.

If you’re tapping & you have a crazy idea, run with it. That’s probably your intuition speaking. I find that often the first thing I think of is right.

Try to be as specific with the issue as possible. If you’re angry with your sister, don’t just say “Even though I’m angry with my sister…” Trace it back to what you think the root of the problem might be, like, “Even though when we went out to lunch my sister told me I was a disappointment…”

Using EFT is scary & requires great personal courage. Most people are terrified by the idea of looking deep inside themselves & examining what’s there, & will never do it. My heart could burst with pride when people tell me about their experiences with EFT; I think they’re the most amazing people who ever lived.

Remember that you can use EFT for all kinds of things. I once had a friend come to visit me in Auckland just before I moved away, & our time together was really weird because she literally couldn’t stop thinking about this boy she liked. It was as if I only had 20% of her attention at any one time. She told me how much it was frustrating her, so we sat down & I showed her how to tap through it. We faced one another & she followed what I was doing, & repeated what I was saying. “Even though I can’t stop thinking about Clark, & it’s frustrating me because he won’t get out of my head, & I can’t stop obsessing about what’s going to happen when I get home…” Afterwards, she guzzled some water, stopped obsessing over him & we had a fantastic time. True story. (Oh, & when she went home, they got together & have been for two years!)

I think a lot of people who use EFT really only use it to get rid of surface problems. There’s nothing wrong with this, of course, it’s brilliant to even use it at all, but I’ve had marvellous results from really investigating my life & clearing out the emotional debris. It has turned me into the happy person I am today, hee! Anyway, if you’re also interested in doing this kind of thing, here are some questions to ask yourself, & then tap on anything that comes up:

• If you could live your life over, what events (or interactions with people) would you skip, & why?
• What/who makes you angry, & why?
• What is your biggest regret?
• What is missing that would make your life perfect?
• Which 3 fears would you like to remove from your life?
• Who or what has held you back from being amazing?

The crucial part of tapping is really where you say that you deeply love & accept & forgive yourself. Don’t leave this bit out! The basic formula for tapping a round is “Even though I ________, I deeply & completely love & accept myself. Even though I _______, I deeply & completely love & forgive myself.” If you’re not sure how to structure what you say beyond this, I would advise going with something like…

(Drink water. Deep breath.) “Even though I have writer’s block, I deeply & completely love & forgive myself. Even though I have no idea what to write & it is driving me nuts, I deeply & completely love & accept myself anyway. Even though it makes me feel like a moron, & I shouldn’t have this problem, I should be able to just get on with it, I deeply & completely love & accept & forgive myself. Even though the idea of sitting at my desk not writing pains me, I choose to release this feeling. I choose to be able to write easily with a clear mind, words flowing like water, in a state of bliss. Even though I have had writer’s block, I choose to let that go. I deeply & completely love & accept & forgive myself.” (Deep breath. Drink water.)

One girl wrote to me saying that she was afraid of saying she loved, accepted & forgave herself. That’s totally understandable, & I think we all get to a stage at some point where we are so out of sync with ourselves that we are frightened of who we are. If saying the part about love/acceptance/forgiveness weirds you out, just power on through. Say it anyway, even if you don’t believe it. You basically need to trick your body into believing it. The more you say it, the more true it will become. Fake it until you make it, & all that. It works, I promise!

My amazing boyfriend made an EFT website a little while ago. It has some great tapping examples which are definitely worth a look! (I may be biased, but hey…)

My friend Rod, who is a professional EFT practitioner, is offering all iCiNG readers a free 40 minute phone session! Click for more details. He’s wonderful, I promise!

I was planning on making another EFT video but I’d like to make one that someone can use, straight off the bat. If you have a problem that you think you might be able to tackle with EFT, but you’re not sure how to do it, leave a comment & I’ll choose one to use as an example!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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EFT Questions

[ 3 October 2007, 09:41 ]

I’ve had quite a few questions about EFT recently, so I thought I’d give you all an opportunity to ask me whatever you like in the comments. I’ll then put together an article answering them in as much detail as I can! Let me know if you’d like to see another video, or if you’d like an EFT podcast, or whatever!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Wardrobe Taming -- Day Eight

[ 16 September 2007, 01:30 ]

Wardrobe taming series:
Day One Day Two Day Three Day Four Day Five Day Six Day Seven Day Eight

Today is the last day of wardrobe boot camp! Over the last eight days, you have:
Started wearing clothes that have been languishing in your cupboard for years
Kept a clothing journal of what you’re wearing, how to wear it better, clothing observations & ideas for the future
Made a list of the items you feel your wardrobe is missing
Consulted with a friend about your style
Started planning a new aesthetic direction
Looked for patterns in what you buy & worked out what needs to be changed
Re-organised your wardrobe, bought any necessary storage & learned about how to keep your clothes in good condition
Shipped items off to the tailor &/or dry-cleaners

Good for you! I’m totally thrilled for you, & I think you deserve a big pink cupcake (or seven!) for your hard work!

Today we’re going to get rid of the stuff you’ve decided not to keep, & we’re also going to make some rules for the future. This will help keep you in control of your spending & your look!

What you do with the weird, unshapely skirts & tops that don’t flatter you is really up to you. I am inclined to say that if you have designer or really high quality items that you don’t want any more, selling them on Ebay or taking them to a consignment store is your best bet. You will never make back all the money you spent on them in the first place, but that’s just how it goes. If you have things that wouldn’t really fetch any money, donate them to a charity you like or give them to someone who you know will appreciate them. Throwing clothing out is naughty, so try not to do it! (You can always cut something up & make it into a headscarf!)

You might want to divide the items into a couple of piles — ‘to donate’ & ‘to sell’. Then deal with them as soon as you can. If you start listing things on Ebay or drive a load down to the Salvation Army today, you’ll be rid of the things sooner & able to move on with your life. Just get it over & done with!

Now it’s time to make some rules for the future. I know, it’s boring, but it will help you, I promise!

Think about what you’ve learned
There’s no point in going through the wardrobe taming rigmarole if you don’t invest a little brainpower too! What have you learned from doing this clothing cleanse? Most people will have one major point that they need to keep in mind. Have you always bought the wrong size, or the wrong colour? Have you followed trends blindly or let salespeople push you into buying things you don’t even really like? You have the power to change any bad habits you have, but you need to realise them first! I suggest writing your primary lesson in big letters & putting it in your wallet somewhere that you will see it often. Phrase it in a positive manner — rather than “Don’t buy things that don’t fit”, you could say “Buy things which flatter you!” — & commit it to memory.

Shop with a list
Do you remember that list you made back on day three, of items you thought would supplement your current wardrobe? Don’t just bury it in a pile somewhere, stick it in your purse & use it! Cross things off as you buy them & add anything you think of. I know this might seem like it is bordering on obsessive compulsion, but the end result will be a totally functional, flattering, versatile wardrobe full of clothing you love. Sound too good to be true? It isn’t! You just need to think about what you’re buying, & it’s easier than you think!

Learn to trust yourself
You may have made mistakes in the past, but don’t allow this to paralyse you or terrify you into never shopping again. You are human & we all wear bad things sometimes! When you are shopping, go easy on yourself & trust your instincts. If you try on a dress & you’re not sure about it, standing there while a sales assistant tells you how great you look isn’t going to suddenly change your mind about it. Do you know what I mean? You are the person who is going to be wearing these things, so learn to listen to your own judgment! If you’re still not sure, you can always ask them to put the item on hold. If you’re still thinking about it in a couple of days, go & try it on again & make a decision. If it’s escaped your mind, you obviously didn’t like it that much, so let it go to someone who will really adore it!

Always try things on before you buy them
It seems elementary, but so many of us (including me) have bought things without trying them on. Maybe we’re in a rush, or we’re just desperate to spend some dough, but the result is a skirt that’s not quite the right length, or a t-shirt with a cheesy slogan & sleeves that make you look like a lamb chop. Buy things which fit & flatter you. Stop wasting your money, & think about how you look!

Avoid Ebay if you can
Following from the above point, be really careful when browsing the perilous pages of Ebay. I know it’s enticing & there are some incredible pieces to be snapped up, but the risks are huge. Unless you have tried an item on instore & have found the exact thing online, you never actually know how anything is going to look on you. Measurements are great, but it doesn’t tell you anything about the quality of the fabric, stitching or general durability. Ebay is a major culprit for fashion mistakes, because it’s so exciting to see that there is only one of these things available & getting into a bidding war can be exhilarating! That whole idea of “winning” an item — when you’re not “winning” it at all, you’re paying with cold hard cash — is a dicey one. Online shopping is not so bad because you can usually return things that don’t fit. Ebay is not as flexible. Please exercise major caution & if in doubt, don’t bid!

Make a commitment to cataloguing your outfits
I’m not saying you have to take stunning portraits of yourself every day, but you need to keep some sort of record of what you’re wearing & what works. For one, paying attention to this kind of thing will really help you when you’re shopping. If you have a top with a square neck & it looks fabulous on you, you might not really realise HOW good it looks until you’re going through photos of yourself wearing it. If you know what suits you & what works, you can look for similar things. Or you might begin to notice how much better your jeans look if you wear them with heels as opposed to flats. This information is incredibly valuable, so do yourself a favour!

If you have nice things, wear them!
It doesn’t matter whether you are a butcher or a mother with nine screaming infants, if you have beautiful clothing, you should wear it. I see it this way: it’s better to wear it & enjoy it & to take the chance that it might get messy or ruined, than to let it hang in the closet for years until it either gets eaten by moths or it just disappears into the abyss. You don’t NEED an occasion to wear your sexy heels or gorgeous coat, but if you feel silly wearing them to the bank or post office, CREATE an occasion! Throw a dinner party or have a picnic or hell, even have a party where everyone is asked to come in their most decadent, normally unworn clothing! You paid the money, get some joy out of your items!

Engage in a dash of wardrobe taming regularly
How often you do it is up to you, but I would suggest going through this routine at least once a year. It will really help you keep on top of what you’ve got. Otherwise, in five years time, you’ll be up to your eyeballs in bad dresses & the thought of dealing with it will make your brain melt!

Okay, well, that’s the end of the series! I hope it has helped you see more possibilities in your clothing, given you the confidence to take risks, loaded you up with inspiration & pointed the way to an aesthetic direction which thrills you! I’d love to hear your thoughts on the wardrobe taming process, too!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Wardrobe Taming -- Day Seven

[ 15 September 2007, 11:56 ]

Wardrobe taming series:
Day One Day Two Day Three Day Four Day Five Day Six Day Seven Day Eight

Okay my darling, it’s time to organise that closet!

Now, I know you have a few piles in your bedroom or living room or wherever. I’d like you to subtract the items you’ve worn this week — the stuff that you previously thought was unwearable or an impossibility, but has proven otherwise. Hopefully many of those items have proven themselves to be worthy of the space they take up. Put them back in your closet with everything else that you normally wear with no fuss.

You will still probably have a few things on your bed. Some of these you might wear at some point in the future, but you need to be really honest with yourself. Can you really imagine yourself rocking that neon orange muumuu? If you can, hang it up with everything else & make a resolution to wear it in the next week.

Look at the things on your bed which you’ve decided you will probably never wear. What are they, & why will you never wear them? Take notes in your clothing journal (for future reference), then take those items & put them in a big shopping bag. We’re going to deal with those tomorrow.

It is now time to organise your closet! Have a good breakfast, put on some excellent music, & get to it!

Things to keep in mind:

Organise your clothing by colour & type
If you do this, it means you always know where things will be & where they go when you’re done wearing them. Put all your black stuff together — black shirts, black skirts, black trousers. Then your other colours. This will make your life about a million times easier, both in terms of putting an outfit together & finding things!

If you don’t have the storage space, buy some
If you have to go to IKEA & pick up a chest of drawers, do so. An over-stuffed closet is a joke, you will never find anything & everything in it will be crushed beyond recognition anyway. Other things you can buy include shoe hangers, shelves, baskets & pegs. I tend to hang up my most expensive/delicate things, & then fold everything else in my chest of drawers. I also have a unit of wire baskets & each one holds a different type of thing — scarves, belts, slips, hats, etc.

Sort by season
If you have the space, put away the clothes you’re not going to need this season. In summer, I tend to put away my heaviest sweaters because I know they’re not going to get any use. I stash mine in plastic bins in the bottom of my cupboard, & of course, you should always use any moth-repelling devices you have!

Get rid of your old hangers
If you have any wire hangers languishing in your closet — or if everything you own is on a wire hanger — give yourself a slap on the hand & then throw them away. Wire hangers are devastatingly bad for your clothes. They will wear out the shoulders of your garments & they stretch & distort clothing. Get rid of them, they’re nasty! You want either wooden hangers or padded ones. There’s not really any excuse for not buying good hangers — if you’re buying an expensive coat, the least you can do is drop a few bucks on hangers which are going to maintain your clothing. You can buy big packs of them at IKEA & other places. Do it now!

Other tips
Never hang wool — it loses its shape! Keep your shoeboxes, stack them & stick a Polaroid photo on the front. Make sure everything has a place! Otherwise you’re going to spill over into closet craziness all over again. Invest in a full-length mirror if you don’t have one. How else can you see what you look like?! Try to ensure your closet gets adequate light. Sometimes just placing a lamp near the wardrobe makes an enormous difference. Make sure all your hangers face the same way. Do up the top button of every hanging item, it will help hold its shape. If you share a closet with your partner or someone else, assign yourselves one side each.

Extra For Experts:
12 Secrets of the Closet Pros from realsimple.com.
Top Ten Tips for Organizing The Closet of a Highly Successful Person

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Wardrobe Taming -- Day Six

[ 14 September 2007, 13:56 ]

Wardrobe taming series:
Day One Day Two Day Three Day Four Day Five Day Six Day Seven Day Eight

This week has been all about going through your wardrobe with a fine-toothed comb, working out what you can wear & what doesn’t do it for you.

Today I’d like you to investigate your shopping habits. As you’ve been going through all this stuff you own, you might have noticed patterns cropping up. Maybe, for example, you own way more skirts than t-shirts. Maybe you have hundreds of coats but only a couple of jerseys or cardigans. Do you have a penchant for buying expensive high heels & then never wearing them? Do you always buy a certain colour or style? Are you stuck in a rut? Do you always go for stripes or florals? Do you suddenly become a trend-crazed fiend as soon as you get your hands on a copy of Vogue? Has spending outside your range left you with a whole lot of Chanel & nowhere to wear it? Do you look at your closet & realise that you were “talked into” buying half of your clothing?

I’d like you to have a think about this & work out whether your habits are helping or hindering you. Seriously, do you need ten striped t-shirts or is it time to branch out? Is being “on trend” really that important (or stylish, or reflective of you as a person)?

Whip out that ever-useful clothing journal of yours & jot down some notes about what patterns you have & what you’d like to do about them. Then meet me back here tomorrow for some ideas on closet organisation & further wardrobe refinement!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Wardrobe Taming -- Day Five

[ 13 September 2007, 11:16 ]

Wardrobe taming series:
Day One Day Two Day Three Day Four Day Five Day Six Day Seven Day Eight

Today is all about finding inspiration & deciding on a new aesthetic direction — or, if you already have an idea of your aesthetic direction, refining it.

The internet is a great place to expose yourself to new things. There are blogs & communities & all kinds of things going on. Check out these sites for ideas & very printable pictures!

Foto Decadent 0ktavia Black Cigarette Fashionistahs Mixologies Newest Wrinkle Wardrobe Remix Hair Dye Makeup! Fruits Dress Up Tokyo Street Style Hel Looks V Magazine Vis A Vis Magazine The Sartorialist My Fashion Life Fashion Is Spinach Style Bubble The Moldy Doily Bits & Bobbins Almost Girl Patricia Field Papier Doll Some Girls Wander Ashley Heaton Bryanboy Daddy Likey Daily Dose Face Hunter Faking Good Breeding Fashion Binge Glam & Tonic Kingdom Of Style The Manolo Miss Couturable Miss Sandi Some Like It Haute Elke Von Freudenberg The Coveted

That should get you off to a good start!

I strongly suggest reading Top 5 Ways To Define Your Own Personal Style, since it contains my best tips for re-working your look! If doing this feels weird or self-indulgent to you, please let that go! Doing anything properly requires time & thought, so do yourself a favour, okay?!

Go back to your clothing diary & start making notes of ways you could expand your look. The easiest way to do this is with accessories, like hats, scarves, gloves, sunglasses. Maybe you’ve never worn a hat in your life — that doesn’t mean you can’t start now! You might consider trading big boots for high heels, or high heels for flats. They seem like small changes but they will completely transform your aesthetic, so it’s worth experimenting with!

I’d also like you to add to your list from Day Three of items that you feel are missing from your wardrobe. Look at this list with a more objective eye & see where you could branch out. Maybe instead of a plain grey t-shirt, you could buy one with stripes or a graphic design on the front. Or instead of a plain black wool scarf, you could buy a colourful pashmina or crazy scarf with tassles!

Yay, I’m so happy for you! This is going to make a huge difference to how you feel in what you wear, & help prevent you from getting stuck in your style. It’s so easy to fall into a rut & I hope that doing all these small tasks will pull you out of that! Only three more days to go until your wardrobe will be properly tamed!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Wardrobe Taming -- Day Four

[ 12 September 2007, 12:07 ]

Wardrobe taming series:
Day One Day Two Day Three Day Four Day Five Day Six Day Seven Day Eight

Woohoo! Day four! I hope you’re all beginning to feel the benefits of taming your wardrobe!

Your fourth task is to talk to someone else about your wardrobe & clothing choices. If you can, pick someone who knows you well, & whose style you respect or admire! It doesn’t have to be today, any time that the two of you can get together is fine. While you speak to them, whip out your clothing journal & start jotting down the things they say. Pretend you are an intrepid style reporter or fashion spy. You get the picture!

Some questions to ask them:

How would you describe my style?
What is the best thing you’ve seen me wear?
Do I make terrible fashion faux pas?
How can you picture my style evolving over the next two years?
Whose style would you compare mine to?
What one thing could I do to improve my overall look?

The next thing to do is drag them into your bedroom, & ask them to pick something for you to wear tomorrow. Ideally it should be something from your piles of stuff that you never wear. This is always an interesting exercise, since having a fresh pair of eyes running over your wardrobe can be quite amazing. Your friend will probably find something you haven’t even looked at in three years. When my friend Ana was staying with me, we once spent five hours (!) going through my wardrobe, getting dressed & undressed, & trying new things. It was totally illuminating.

Now that your friend has chosen the item, discuss the ways it could be styled — would you wear it with a hat, stockings, big shoes, ballet flats, a scarf, huge sunglasses, a corsage? For extra points & a gold star, coordinate it with other items from your piles of unworn clothing!

While you have your stylish, awesome friend held captive, take the opportunity to ask them what they plan on wearing this season, what their style obsessions are, & if they have any new style icons. Hopefully this will spark some fabulous responses in your own imagination, & help give you a style angle for the next few months.

Again today, & not to be totally predictable, I’d like you to try wearing another one of your typically unworn items, & make notes on how it makes you feel & other ways you could style it in the future.

P.S. If, this week, you have tried wearing things that are the wrong size, colour, shape, or just make you unhappy & uncomfortable, I want you to put them into another pile. If you feel that this stack needs a name, perhaps the name could be “Argh!”. We’ll deal with this soon!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Wardrobe Taming -- Day Three

[ 11 September 2007, 15:01 ]

Wardrobe taming series:
Day One Day Two Day Three Day Four Day Five Day Six Day Seven Day Eight

Okay, we’re on to day three! Good work everyone! I hope you all had fun in your slightly unfamiliar clothing yesterday.

Questions to ponder, & my answers (since I’m taking part, too!):

What are your thoughts on wearing your ‘problem item’ after yesterday?
I wore my grey knit jersey with shoulder buckles & my Burberry hat, both items which don’t get a lot of use. I bought the hat in New York last year & while it got a lot of use when I was in the States, once I came to Australia, I felt like it was “too much” or didn’t really go with my look. I wasn’t really sure how to incorporate it, but I think I solved that problem yesterday!

Is this an item you can imagine wearing in some other capacity?
Yes, definitely. I think that both those items are totally wearable & great, I just needed a bit of a push to start working them into my look again.

Can you think of an item that would allow you to wear your ‘problem item’ more often?
Not really, I just needed to do it!

The third part of the wardrobe taming series might take a bit of time as well. Assign yourself a chunk of time, maybe after dinner or before you go to bed, where you will sit in your bedroom & take stock of the items you own. Often when we look at our wardrobes, we think, “Oh, I could wear that dress, if only I had a grey t-shirt/good pair of stockings/long cardigan” — but since the thoughts are so fleeting, we never pay much attention to them, until next time we look at that dress.

What I’d like you to do is grab a sheet of paper & start writing down things you think would enhance your wardrobe. While I am pretty convinced that an enormous collection of Christian Louboutin footwear would propel all of my outfits into the style stratosphere, this is not a real need. I can get along okay without them (...for now!). Really, I’m talking more like basic items. Maybe you need a plain black t-shirt, or a cardigan, or a good pair of black shorts. Do you know what I mean?

Write these items down, & alongside (to help keep your mind organised) write the piece of clothing you already own to coordinate it with. For example…

Take this list shopping with you next time you go on the hunt. It will help keep you on track. It’s also a good idea to take the item you’re trying to supplement. (If you want to step into the realm of the super-organised/Virgo, blu-tack a piece of paper inside your closet door so that you can write down any ideas you have while you’re staring into the abyss.)

The other thing I’d like you to do is grab everything you own which needs taking in, hemming or stitching up, & take it to a tailor (or put it next to your sewing machine, if you’re good like that!). I’d like you to do this with anything that needs dry-cleaning, too. Think of all the things you’ll be able to wear once this is done! The mind boggles! If you can’t do it today, fold everything & put it in a stack near the front door so you don’t “forget”!

I personally have a great pair of black super-flared pants (hems need to be taken up), my kimono (needs about a foot chopped off the bottom), one grey sweater (has a hole which needs to be stitched up), & two pairs of boots (both my pairs of New Rocks need repairing). I have been putting off getting these things fixed for a LONG time. Getting the super-flared pants hemmed has been in the back of my mind since last October!!

Another thing — try to make a commitment to getting things fixed as soon as there’s a problem. The longer things sit, unworn, the harder it seems to get on top of! Not to mention, when these things drop out of your closet, your pool of possible outfits shrinks, & we don’t want that!

Again, if you can wear something you don’t normally, please take the opportunity, since it will give you more data points at the end of the week!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Wardrobe Taming -- Day Two

[ 10 September 2007, 11:31 ]

Wardrobe taming series:
Day One Day Two Day Three Day Four Day Five Day Six Day Seven Day Eight

Ladies & gentlemen! As a follow on from yesterday’s Wardrobe Taming — Day One, this is the first in a week’s worth of closet-related tasks!

Now that you’ve completed Day One, I want you to walk over to the stacks of clothing you left out yesterday. Ignore the pile of clothing which needs altering — all the stuff which is the wrong size, has hems which are too long, has holes which need stitching, etc. So, look at the other stacks of clothing you have. Maybe you want to tackle the “I don’t have the confidence to wear this” pile. Or the “I don’t know what to wear this with!” pile. Pick something that you loved in the shop, but have since been eyeing with caution.

Your mission for today is to wear that piece of clothing. You can style it up with whatever else you’ve got.

Say your main item is a dress. If the dress you’ve picked feels really “out there”, it’s okay to wear a slim-fit hoodie over the top. Or your favourite jeans underneath it. If you don’t normally wear that dress because it makes your arms look big (& it reminds you you need to go to the gym), or it draws attention to your hips, or it makes you look short, spend a little bit of time problem-solving. How can you detract from these parts of your body? Maybe you could wear a 3/4 sleeve t-shirt under the dress, or balance out your hips with a wild necklace that makes a statement, or wear heels to add some height. If the pattern on the dress is really loud, balance it out with black or white or another neutral. You get my drift. Think creatively about the problem!

If you are really stumped for ideas on what to wear with these pants or that jacket, don’t be afraid to comment here & ask everyone else for their opinion! We’ll all do our best to help you out!

Now, if you can stomach it, I’d like you to do this all week. I know that this might seem daunting, since there will probably be at least one day you wake up late in a panic & reach for your jeans, but if you spend a little bit of time now & plan your ensembles for the week, you can just throw them on in the morning & go. Try them on ahead of time. This is really worth doing.

The reason for doing all of this, rather than just deciding to chuck everything you’ve got, is so you can work out whether these are things you will ACTUALLY wear. It might be that you just need a little bit of encouragement. Conversely, there might be a few items that give you a sinking feeling as soon as you look at them. It’s important to be able to make this discrimination in an informed manner. To get the best value out of the money you have already spent, you really need to get acquainted with what you own!

The other thing I’d like you to do today is to start a clothing journal. I know that sounds a bit ridiculous, but I have my reasons! You can use a little notebook or just keep a text file on your computer, whatever is easiest for you. What I’d like you to do, on the first page, is to either draw your outfit or write down what you’re wearing. From there, I want you to make notes throughout the day as to how your outfit makes you feel. Even the minute details, like “This skirt makes old men stare at me” or “I feel like a funeral director”. This kind of information is super-valuable, so be as detailed as you can!

Alright, now, get to it!

P.S. My article on How To Be Confident might help you when you’re taking the plunge with new types of attire!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Wardrobe Taming -- Day One

[ 9 September 2007, 14:26 ]

Wardrobe taming series:
Day One Day Two Day Three Day Four Day Five Day Six Day Seven Day Eight

What’s stopping you from looking your best? When I say best, I mean drop-dead gorgeous. I mean you could show up Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt on the red carpet. I mean feeling good in everything you own. So, what’s holding you back?

Here’s a hint: it’s not your thighs/beak/haircut/eye colour. Everyone can look amazing, regardless of their physical attributes! Odds are, when it comes to looking fabulous, your problems stem from your wardrobe. We are all faced with some kind of wardrobe dilemma! Left unchecked, a closet can easily turn into a hulking beast, bulging with odds & ends. This sort of closet is adept at dosing its owner with a big spoonful of dread as soon as it’s opened.

Here is but a paltry selection of things that can go wrong in the depths of your wardrobe.

You can’t find anything, &/or
A whole lot of your clothing needs fixing or tailoring, &/or
You don’t have the right pair of shoes to pull everything together, &/or
You’re missing the basics you need to add versatility to your wardrobe, &/or
You don’t have the confidence to wear half the stuff you own, &/or
Your body has changed shape & your clothing hasn’t, &/or
Your style has changed & your clothing hasn’t, &/or
You have realised, after reading Fashion Help For Recovering Goths, that most of what you own is entirely the wrong colour… & the list goes on!

How many did you say “yes” to? How many made you CRINGE in recognition?! Oh, you naughty thing! Time to get it together, what do you think?

Your mission… (should you choose to accept it) is to set aside a chunk of time today. Say, an hour. Skip the time you usually spend watching The Hills, or baking, or reading the newspaper (it’s bad for you, anyway!). Put on some good music — I recommend Busta Rhymes & N.E.R.D., but your mileage may vary. Clear a space on the bed. Take a deep breath. Open your closet, & start going through it.

Divide the items into piles: things you wear, & things you don’t. This shouldn’t take long. (Hint: the evening dress you wore once goes in the “things you don’t” pile!) Be honest with yourself, it will benefit you in the long-run! Once this is done, you can put the “things you wear” pile back in your wardrobe. Now, look at what’s left on your bed.

Why don’t you wear these things? Wrong size, shape or colour? Does the hem need taking up (or letting down)? Don’t have the confidence to wear it? Don’t know WHAT the hell to wear it with? Again, sort into corresponding piles. Once you’re finished, move the stacks out of the way, but somewhere you will see them. (Maybe onto a couch or an empty bit of floor space.) Now, have a cup of tea & a sit-down.

Over the next week, I’m going to tell you what to do with these stacks. I will assign you “wardrobe tasks” — which you may carry out at will. The aim, by the end of next week, is to have transformed your wardrobe & the way you look at it! I plan to have you wearing things you had previously relegated to the “I’m not magnificent enough to get away with that!” pile. Your closet will be streamlined, organised & totally user-friendly. Time to whip that beast into submission!

Are you with me?!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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EFT

[ 27 June 2007, 13:19 ]

This is a follow-up to my article from yesterday, Eating Disorders. To receive the full benefit of this piece, please read & watch the videos in order!

What is EFT?

Gary Craig (founder) talking about how EFT works:

So, here’s my personal experience with EFT. My boyfriend discovered it online & started using it. I thought he was mental, but was like, oh, whatever, it’s his prerogative, he can do what he likes. He kept raving about it, though, & trying to get me to use it. At the time, I was convinced that I was going to be a negative, cynical person with mental health issues for the rest of my life. I was resigned to my fate. I didn’t like it, but I thought it made me unique, so whatever.

He kept going on about how great it was, so I buckled under the pressure! I decided to use it on something concrete, physical — something I couldn’t be fooled into thinking had worked if it hadn’t. I chose my asthma as a starting point. I had had asthma since I was about ten years old, & while it provided me with excellent excuses for getting out of physical education at school, it really bothered me. Every morning, I would walk up a hill to catch the bus to work, & every morning, like clockwork, my breathing would get shallow & I’d have to stop & use my inhaler. So I did a few ‘rounds’ of EFT, tapping on meridian points with a couple of fingers while stating the problem.

The next morning, I didn’t get asthma walking up the hill. Or the next morning. Or the next. Okay, I know you’re going to think I am yanking your chain, but I’m not. It truly, absolutely worked. I was AMAZED. I couldn’t believe it. I kept waiting for it to reverse, or stop working, but it didn’t. My asthma was just… gone. I decided to start using it on other things, like the fact that I had hayfever all the time, & that I was INSANELY allergic to cats. After doing this, I happened to go to a party where there was a cat. I was fine around him, but ducked into the bathroom to do a little bit more tapping to make sure I didn’t get allergic. & I didn’t. It worked like magic.

You know where this is going, huh? The next thing I decided to use it on was my eating disorder. It took a lot of convincing. My boyfriend got on my case about it. I didn’t really want to let go of it. For a long time, it had been my identity, it was who I was. I didn’t remember who I was without it. Isn’t that sad? I thought that without it, I would be boring, normal, happy — almost a dirty word to me at the time. So, my boyfriend convinced me to tap on the fact that I thought anorexia was my identity. I did a few rounds, saying, “Even though I believe anorexia is my identity, I deeply & completely love & forgive myself. Even though I think I will be boring without an eating disorder & I don’t know who I’ll be, I deeply & completely love & accept myself.” Afterwards, I took a deep breath, then exhaled. I looked at my boyfriend. “Eating disorders are ridiculous,” I said. “I want to get rid of it.”

I made a list of all the parts of my body I didn’t like. Face, arms, stomach, legs, feet, etc. I went into the bathroom, closed the door, looked at myself in the mirror & tapped through it. Every body part. “Even though I hate my legs & think they’re fat & disgusting, I deeply & completely love & accept myself. Even though I think my legs are the most revolting thing I’ve ever seen, I deeply & completely love & forgive myself.” & so on, for all of them. Then I decided to tap on the anorexia itself, looking at myself in the mirror as I did it. (I know this might seem unnecessarily epic or dramatic, but at the time it seemed like the right way to do it, & I would recommend it if you want to try it.) “Even though I have been denying myself food for years, because I don’t think I’m worth it & I think I’m too fat to deserve food, I deeply & completely love & accept myself…” I did a whole lot of rounds on this, maybe 10, because I REALLY wanted to make sure it was gone. I cried as I tapped, watching myself, feeling these emotions wash over my body. Afterwards, I took another deep breath & walked back into the living room.

“Well, I did it. Let’s see how it goes,” I told my boyfriend. He asked me how it was, & I started to tell him, & then all of a sudden, I felt really sick. I ran for the bathroom, & threw up multiple times. Maybe five or six times. It was so strange, I am convinced it was my body’s way of saying, “I want this eating disorder shit out of me NOW”.

Again, you probably think I am yanking your chain, but I’m not. It happened exactly like that. Since then, I haven’t had a problem with food. If ever I’m feeling bad about my body, I tap on it & the feeling goes away, & I feel great. Here’s an even stranger thing: since I tapped it all away, my body has changed. My body actually looks better now than it did when I was sick. More toned. I think carrying around all that resentment & hatred actually manifested itself physically in my body.

Okay, now watch this. (Hahahaha, worst still EVER!)

Other things about using EFT:
Be as specific as you possibly can. Don’t just tap on “even though I’m unhappy”, tap on “even though my boyfriend puts me down” or “even though my clothes don’t fit”, etc.
Be persistent! Keep going! Tap on anything negative you can think of. It’s quite a strange process, I often find that after I’ve released something, I forget what it was to begin with. It’s like it just drops right out of your body… so sometimes it feels like you haven’t made a lot of progress. You will make huge progress, though, so stick at it!
Drink water before & after you tap. Just like having a massage, tapping releases toxins into your body, & you need to flush them out.
It can be really tiring, so if you’re feeling exhausted, have a sleep as soon as you can.
If you’re feeling anxious about ANYTHING, just tap the karate chop point until you feel it subside. I do this all the time, & you can even do it walking around the city, especially if you have headphones on ;>
When you’re tapping on an issue, keep going around & around until you feel like the emotions have subsided.
You can seriously use it for anything. Hating yourself, insomnia, inability to concentrate, etc.
If you’re currently in counselling or doing other healing, try using EFT in conjunction with it, I am sure you will have amazing results.
Everyone I know who has seriously applied EFT to their problems has made HUGE progress, even the really cynical people.

EFT has completely changed my life, no exaggeration. I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I’ve learned by now that if people don’t want help, you can’t do anything to make them better. If, however, you actually want to get better, do some experimenting with this & see how you go. & of course, if you have any questions, give me a yell!

Good luck!

Addendum: After writing this, I spoke to my friend Rod, who lives across the road from me & is an EFT practitioner. He’s been using EFT & helping other people for 8 years now… trust me when I say, the man is good!

I asked him whether he’d be interested in doing a little deal for readers of iCiNG, & he said yes! He’s offering a free half-hour telephone session to anyone who gets in touch with him via iCiNG! You can call him on Skype & it won’t cost you a penny!

If you’re interested in getting started with EFT but are a bit nervous, or if you’ve been using it for a while & feel stuck on an issue, having a trained professional to talk & tap it through with is really wonderful. I’ve done some work with him in the past & he’s a total pro.

You can email him here & see his website, Tap 4 Health for any additional information!

I hope you take him up on it, he’s FANTASTIC & has a cute Australian accent to boot!

Extra For Experts:
Using EFT for eating disorders
More EFT Information — another article I wrote on the subject, answering questions!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Negative People

[ 10 March 2007, 13:17 ]

In my most recent Style Tips piece, one of the suggestions was “expunge one negative person from your life”. I have since had a couple of people ask me for help with doing this. It’s not my standard subject matter but it’s all about what you want, my darlings! Let me know if you enjoy this or want further information, okay?

The supremely negative are obvious — they have a puckered-up mouth from years of scowling, they whine a lot, they complain, they are blind to anything good happening in the world, & they want to take you down with them. However, sometimes negative people are hard to spot, until you step back from the situation. They talk smack about everyone, including you, under the pretense of “being your friend” & “honesty”. “I’m only saying this because I care about you!” they protest, after sticking a carving knife in your back. (Honesty is one thing, but when people use “I’m just being honest” as an excuse to be tactless & cruel, I’d like to just put them over my knee.)

It’s really easy to end up with a lot of negative friends, especially when you’re in your teens or early twenties. Everyone is so insecure & unsure of themselves, it is easy to accept anyone into your life, & especially a negative person, since if they’re “on your side”, you (theoretically) will never be the person they tear into. The problem with this concept is that negative people are on no one’s side but their own. Nobody is safe.

Misery loooooves company, baby, & sad people exist solely to pull you down to their level. If you have ambitions & actually want to make something of your life, having the sad patrol around you is only going to make it more difficult. You don’t need that.

It is important to remember is that everything around you influences you in one way or another. If all your friends have eating disorders, it is likely your eating will become disordered also. If your boyfriend gets angry in traffic, you will probably find yourself road raging along with him. If your best friend vocally hates on men, you will also learn disdain for them. The reason for this is that humans have what are called mirror neurons, the same as monkeys. What this means is that as a species, we learn from watching & imitating people. Mirror neurons have been an important part of our evolutionary survival, & because of this, they work unconsciously at all times.

You know where I’m going with this, right?

Though you may have no intention of becoming like the people around you, if your mother is miserable & your girlfriend is homicidal & your best friend is a misogynist, you will unconsciously begin to mimic & imitate all these behaviours. Unless you want to be miserable, the best thing you can do is extricate yourself from these types of people.

I used to be part of the misery brigade. I thought that happy people were stupid, dumb, annoying. I thought that being sad, not eating & having constant drama in my life made me a more interesting person. I didn’t want to be “normal”, I wanted to be different goddamnit, & I was willing to suffer to be that way. Well, I have learned the error of my ways. Being happy doesn’t make you normal — in fact, happy people are in the minority. It is easy to throw your hands up in frustration & be tragic & defeatist. It is also incredibly boring. People are probably really sick of your whining & criticism. It’s not clever, it’s dull — which is the ultimate crime.

So, how to deal with it?

Say your friend’s primary interest is gossiping & being awful about other people. A typical exchange between the two of you would be something like this:
Your friend: “Ugh, look at that girl! She looks like a gorilla, how can she stand to look at herself?! If I was her I would beg someone to shoot me to put me out of my misery!”
You: “I know! Super-gross-tastic! Seriously she should be locked inside the house & sterilised so she can’t breed.”

Keep in mind that you can’t change the way other people behave, the only thing you can change is how you react to them. If you stop encouraging them, they will stop being a turd. Instead of responding in kind, you could change the subject or you could just tell them that making remarks about other people is boring & a waste of time. They will soon learn that they can’t have the sort of conversation with you that they used to enjoy, & so they will drift away from you to other people who want to share in the hatred. It’s like having a child who throws tantrums — if you ignore it, they will stop, or try it on someone else.

Another thing you can do is establish strong boundaries. If you want to remain friends with whoever, keep in mind that they’re not going to change unless they want to. When they start being negative, tell them you’re not interested in putting up with their crap. Maybe they’ll respect the boundaries, maybe not. If they do, then that’s wonderful — if not, as above, they will move away from you. It’s a win-win situation.

You can also use the zipping up technique which I wrote about at the end of my article on Avoiding Creeps — it’s very effective. Or you could just cut contact entirely. Don’t read their emails, delete their telephone number, block them on any chat programs & stop checking their online journal. Cold turkey, baby!

For those of you who love to bitch about other people, or with friends who do, I know that some of you will be thinking, ‘Oh, but making fun of other people is great sport! It’s entertaining & mostly harmless, & it gives me an opportunity to demonstrate my sharp wit & cutting insights.’ Maybe so, but if you were actually happy with yourself, you would find something more interesting to do with your time. What’s that old saying about how no one ever carved a statue of a critic?

Maybe this sounds really cliched to you. That’s okay. You have the right to live your life however you want to, but here’s a secret tip which might make you change your mind: happiness is the best revenge!

Extra For Experts:
Angry/negative people can be bad for your brain. This article is brilliant, you should definitely read it.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Cleaning Out Your Wardrobe

[ 23 February 2007, 13:14 ]

The other day, I cleaned out my wardrobe. It didn’t take me long, since I already basically knew what had to go. When I was packing up my clothes to move to Australia, I was really dismayed by the amount of rubbish I’d collected… but packed it anyway, thinking that if I didn’t, I’d end up with nothing to wear.

Silly me. Obviously, at the time, I was pretty distressed (packing up my old life was hard), & I forgot about the fact that if there were items I didn’t wear at the time, I probably wouldn’t wear them in another country either. &, of course, I haven’t. They’ve been sitting in my chest of drawers, huge mounds of material, making it impossible to find the things I actually want to wear. Taking up space.

I can’t tell you how much better I feel to have done a clean-out. I’m a Virgo, & organisation totally thrills me, but I doubt the joy of the exercise is only felt by 1/12th of the population. Ideally, you should go through your wardrobe at least once a year. My mother does it twice a year — she has two closets (one in the bedroom, one in a spare room), one for autumn/winter & another for spring/summer. Twice a year she goes through, donates the old stuff to charity & switches them from room to room. Luxury. I hope to live a similar lifestyle!

The point is that while you may feel like your choices have lessened & you will look worse because of it, the opposite is true. After cleaning everything out, you are only left with the things you TRULY like; the things that actually fit, flatter you, suit you, look good. It means your outfits will consist solely of items that work. Initially, you may require a bit of experimentation (your jeans, which you love, now lack 3 average t-shirts that used to go with it), but you will find that once you change things around, you’ll have really great ensembles (your jeans can be worn with that perfect shirt!).

I have a huge bag of things to get rid of, & I have learnt a lesson from each one of them.

Lesson: Just because your friend is giving things away, you don’t need to take them.
Item: Punk style red tartan 3/4 straight-leg pants.
I don’t know what I was thinking. I barely wear red, I look awful in straight-legged pants, & they are just NOT my style. I thought I could make them work with combat boots, but they didn’t go with anything else in my wardrobe & looked awful on me. I felt bad for not wearing something that someone I adore gave me — so they just gotta go.

Lesson: Don’t buy things that come with a warning.
Item: Mint green fine-knit jersey from Ricochet.
I bought this item when I was first moving into wearing colour. I was obsessed with teal & all types of green, & when I went into Ricochet & saw this item on sale for $50, I whooped internally. When I looked at it, I noticed it had a huge tag attached to it which said something along the lines of, “BEWARE. THIS ITEM IS VERY DELICATE. DO NOT WEAR WITH JEWELLERY AS IT WILL SNAG EASILY.” I thought, oh pish posh, I can work with that. Well, it turns out… I’m not a very delicate person. I wear jewellery, I lean against walls, I hug people wearing strange, pointy outfits. The top was ruined within about a week. I kept it, because it’s so soft & lovely, but it looks like crap. Traumatic!

Lesson: Cheap does not necessarily mean good.
Item: The thousands of singlets in every colour of the rainbow.
Sure, the price is alluring. 2 for $20! Hell, I’ll have 4. But trust me, you will PAY for your scrooge tendencies. Man, am I paying. Cheap clothing is just that — cheap. It was made by a one-armed blind child in backwater nowhere for a pittance, & it looks like it. Or at least it will after a couple of washes. I promise. These plain tops are so good underneath cardigans, dresses, pretty much everything — but it’s really worth investing in good quality ones. That way you will be able to wear them next month, & even next year. Most of the inexpensive ones last about a month before stretching, fading & looking sad.

Lesson: Know when it’s time to move on.
Item: Short black with silver pinstripes ra-ra skirt from TopShop.
I loved it when I bought it. It went perfectly with the I’m-a-demented-circus-performer look I was curating at the time. It’s still cute to this very day… but it’s just not me anymore. Kiss it goodbye.

Lesson: Be careful when you buy things on Ebay.
Item: Pink & red striped knit sweater.
Points to remember: Always buy your size & for god’s sake, make sure the measurements match up. Don’t bid on it just because it’s cheap. Don’t buy it just because you are desperate to spend some money & it’s the one decent item your favourite seller has listed this week. Don’t buy it thinking that you will ‘make it work somehow’ — the truth is, you probably won’t. Think about what else you have first, & remember that clothing doesn’t change who you are!

It is so easy to make mistakes when shopping for clothing. As boring as it sounds, if you’re not sure, leave the item in the shop & think about it. Put it on hold if you’re worried someone else will buy it in your absence. If you’re still thinking about it days later, you know you really love it & you’re not just dying to spend some cash.

There are also plenty of good charities who could really use your clothing for people in need. Consider it the act of a good samaritan, as well as a smart dresser.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Tags: madame, monsieur, productivity
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