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Radical Self Love Questions

[ 9 February 2010, 08:19 ]

Questions to ponder, write about in your Radical Self Love Bible, draw pictures of, dream up or intuit solutions to…

There are no wrong answers, go with your gut, follow your instincts, write down your truth. You have permission to be messy, imperfect, beautiful, honest, contradictory.

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What does RADICAL SELF LOVE mean to you?

If you were engaging in RADICAL SELF LOVE on a daily basis, what would that look like?

What small pieces of that can you bring into your life TODAY?

Which qualities or attributes would you like to bring into your own life via the application of RADICAL SELF LOVE?

What beliefs do you currently hold that are stifling your regular expression of RADICAL SELF LOVE?

Are the people & activities in your life HELPING or HINDERING you in your quest for RADICAL SELF LOVE? Would you be better off without them?

How can you reflect RADICAL SELF LOVE in the way you speak, the way you dress, the way you decorate your house, the work you do?

Who could you use as a RADICAL SELF LOVE role model?

“We are not held back by the love we didn’t receive in the past, but by the love we’re not extending in the present.” — Marianne Williamson

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Idea! Download TweetDeck & add a column which searches for #radicalselflove! I have done this to mine & so I get everyone’s updates. It’s an awesome realtime way for us all to stick together & lend support. You’ll also see the quotes & things I’m retweeting which I think fit the bill! It’s very cool & interactive — at midnight last night, @ifyouneedtime asked what song inspired your own #radicalselflove, & the answers have been great! So check the tag & get involved!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

Comment [54]
Tags: question, the playgirls guide to radical self love
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Divinity, Love & Living!

[ 28 September 2009, 20:04 ]

Last week I announced that we were going to be embarking on a fabulous new adventure — & here we are! My amazing friend & psychic advisor Joycelle will be doing weekly readings right here!

Am I on the right path & is this a viable career choice? I’m feeling as if the relationship I am in is falling apart, just wondering what to do & if the right person is ever going to come along.

— Kahurangi

Dear Kahurangi,

Yes I do believe you are on the right track & about to get rather focused, lining all your ducks up in a row!

It appears you have been struggling to assert yourself & your work, but that is all about to change dramatically!

Expect new beginnings & a fresh start. There will be an opportunity of a partnership in the making; this could come through a friend giving you some much needed help advice or counsel!

Expect some fantastic rewarding financial transactions calls for work & lots of inquiries about what you are doing and have to offer.

ROMANCE: if you can’t have this relationship exactly the way YOU want it then you won’t be sure you want it at all!

I see good luck attracting a new relationship or at least romance, & many invitations for socializing. One will be an invitation to a dress-up or formal party!

You will meet your man very close to or at either work or right outside your front door! Look out for a water sign man such as Pisces Cancer or Scorpio.

You seem to spend a lot of time daydreaming about love & romance & have been so close but no cigar with your love life in the past.

Trust me, this is going to change as there will be an aura of romance about you & you will start again on a new foot or with a new partner. I pick up a real fancy or passion for shoes around you?

Exciting stuff coming up with love everywhere as you now want quality over quantity!

As for a full detailed reading… Hold on tight, I am working with Gala to offer you all a fabulous discounted opportunity in the very near future via this wondrous site!

I declined becoming a graphic designer for becoming a teacher. I am really not sure if I have made the right decision… would you be so kind to tell me if I will make my way? — Katharina, Germany

Hi Katharina,

I feel there has been a strong male influence around your decision.

When we are at a “soulful peace” we always make the correct decisions for our highest good. I see you are extremely creative with a love for friendships, cooking, food, nature, children & the great outdoors. You have many talents & I see you will stick with the teaching career & have the ability to pass with honours!

I believe you will spend 6 years in total studying child education with some papers connected to a University some distance from your immediate town, although they may be done online.

Study & then working with children will become a breeze for you. You will give children the power of hope, inspiration & show them how learning can be fun with a capital “F”!

Throughout your life you will show many people just how to have pleasure in their lives beyond the importance of the basics such as reading writing & communicating. You will achieve so much by encouraging children through art, fun & playing games. You may suffer with communications throughout life & career with men or authority figures, but rise above their insecurities & follow your own deep resolve!

You make a fantastic friend & all women will admire and adore your friendship.

I see an attraction for younger children such as early childhood education.

I suggest you allocate yourself several hours a week as YOU TIME to “hobby” on your graphic design passions as you have strong innate design qualities.

You could develop some of your ideas into design for children such as fashion or furniture or anything that is trendy for children OR any design with food in mind even if it’s redesigning or branding in connection to food such as labelling, marketing, packaging.

You also have great talent with languages even sign language. Personally I believe you have made a great choice although the first 8 months may be tiresome & tough… Hang in there.

There is pregnancy around you, either for yourself or a close friend or sister, you may have heard this news in August or news relating to pregnancy within 4 weeks. You are due to be given a couple of gifts, I see a small spiritual gift such as a candle or crystal or something with an Angel on it. Also someone is due to call on your home with a gift of wine for food for you. This will be great confirmation for you will know you are on the right track! Wishing you tremendous success!!!

Should I remain with my boyfriend of 6 years or has our relationship run its course? If so will he be ok?

— Non 13/01/1985

Dear Non,

I feel your relationship has become boring, boring, boring, plagued at the moment with communication problems & lack of intimacy, sorry to be so personal but there seems to be sexual problems at the moment as well? I feel the last 2 years haven’t been that great in your eyes.

You probably feel you are trapped in a dead end relationship & feel like you are living in a dream world as far this partnership is at the moment.

You will want to end this relationship & will almost break up but it won’t end & will continue in spite of everything.

Personally I like your partner’s energy & see that you might like to rethink things & realise all the qualities you found so enticing about him & your relationship so that you can just fall in love again!

I do see you hearing from a man connected to your past & this will be on the phone.

At the moment you may be feeling your man isn’t making any effort towards the relationship & you need excitement & love, attention & fun. I feel he has problems at work which are weighing heavy on him. I also see a romance with a man in a uniform or a professional connected with the law or medicine, if you can relate to this?

I see you not making any major changes over the next 4 months, so do spend time falling in love again. Remember men like to be told how you liked to be loved, so give him lots of praise when he makes you happy, or in black & white terms ASK him for what you need from him & how & in what direct ways you need to be shown affection & appreciation.

There is a lot of excitement coming up for you with sudden lucky news on the career front!

Best advice I get is stay put both in work & in love till after your next birthday!

Oh your man has a surprise for you connected with a partnership within 3 weeks!

You will have a very happy homefront with lots of surprises coming right to your front door!

Not sure what line of work you are in but I get lots of paper work mail letters & news even work connected with the press or publishing industry. I also see the purchase of a new red coloured car around you. Oh… right out of the blue your man is going to give you either a small gift of money or flowers so smile sweetly and say…”Thanks, it’s this type of this simple gesture from you that makes me so happy & what I would like each and every week from you!”

I’m an FTM transgender person & I need to raise 7k for chest surgery. How?

— Luke Black

Dear Luke,

I see you getting your wish but in fact all up you are going to need or will achieve 8 thousand dollars!

This operation & process will take over 4 months to complete, with many check ups, tests & or health-related problems on the horizon but all will END WELL!

I see a passionate business type of lady with one small child helping you with your dream; you will recognise her by the unique glasses she wears.

I feel the money is going to come by simply ASKING everyone you met & by you getting creative!

I see you approaching websites for sponsorship & even getting the medical professions & media on board such as a documentary covering the operation & getting it paid by another.

I also see you scribing a journal or book describing your journey. I feel you have a great sense of humour too! Perhaps this could generate an income to pay for your operations as well!

Good luck for your dream & get promoting yourself on the internet. If there is a site with strong following that has men throwing money at strangers on www.FreeBreastImplants.com, then I am sure you can find support & ideas to fuel your dreams…. Good luck!

I am about to set off for a year long adventure, going to Japan, Australia & America with a friend. What happens when I come back & what career path should I start out in?

— Zoe 17/5/1987

Dear Zoe,

Bon Voyage! You seem to have everything in place & are right; this is a great time for you to take this leap into the big wide world!

I feel if you are going to Australia you might also consider popping over & checking out fabulous New Zealand. You really won’t regret the chance, although I am biased as I live in the most beautiful country in the world!

I feel like you could be heading off in less than 3 weeks from today?

Take lots of deep breaths over the next 12 months as you are more than likely to be frustrated in your travels with transportations & with car problems. Not sure which countries will be most annoying as it seems more of an occurring theme!

You will learn patience & trusting in the divine plan of the universe during this time away.

This trip & travels will be awesome & a true eye opener giving you both experiences which provide tremendous fun, learning & a couple of “blessed” moments!

Personally I want to say, focus on your trip & not worry about what to do in the future so that you are able to live in the moment & enjoy the absolute bliss of that moment!

You will make two very important MALE contacts in your travels that will inspire your dedications or passions for a future career. In fact leaving behind one man you met might break your heart.

You will truly love Japan & feel a spiritual connection with the culture or high pace lifestyle & technology.

This journey will lead & show you the way to your future career passion. Ideas will will naturally unfold I believe just months into your travels, so relax enjoy & be open: you never know when lightening might strike!

I see legal work with lawyers as important. There could also be a position within a government department such as internal affairs or global connections such as marketing or public relations, tourism industries around you!

You have great talents for meeting people & communicating holistically with all walks of life so push that wonderful skill & try to absorb all culture & languages!

I feel there could be family connections or relations that are living in America that you can touch base with or associate with & this will be very beneficial not only during the holiday but way down the road! (I am seeing a vision of the docks of Manhattan as being important.)

Do some family tree researching before you head over to USA.

Just remember: enjoy your journey & focus on the here and now, simply… The rest of your life will unfold upon your return!

I’ve been dreaming of going to France as an exchange student for an academic year. Can it happen?

— Katelyn 27/10/1993

Dear Katelyn,

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

I see three years as IMPORTANT, so either within 3 years or you will be lucky enough to score a 3 year exchange scholarship!

You have two men around you that are important with executing your dreams!

I see an application to a board or committee that you have to make in order to apply.

You will pass through with flying colours & make them proud with your passion to go & promote your local town & nation as well.

The more creative you can be with this application the better, so if you need to make the application in person, get dressed up in French colours etc., as you need to show the powers that be what this experience will mean to you at a heart level & also what you can offer back to France.

I see you will stay or board with a head master or someone high up in the school system.

Tell Dad not to panic or fear for you, he can come & visit or webcam weekly!

Best advice is working on your dream! Keep a journal by your bed & each night ask yourself “How can I succeed getting my application accepted for FRANCE?”

In the morning write down all that you remember of your dream as your subconscious mind is directing you.

If you have a male French language teacher ASK him for all his advice & take it!

I feel so confident for you & excited… So act now as if you are already in France living the dream! Enjoy sweet cherie!

I graduated with an MA in 2008, & then spent a great six months in New Zealand & now I’m back, living at home, I was wondering if Joycelle would be able to give me any insights about my general life direction.
— Kylie Jean

Dear Kylie Jean,

Many thanks for your great work here in New Zealand! I trust my country treated you well!

Firstly there will be love & romance with a nice gentleman in an army uniform. I feel he is high up in rank also & a good guy with a superb career prospects ahead for him. He could be an earth sign man or just older than you.

As for career, don’t sweat nor stress, you have made a great impression to your peers & employers with all tasks & jobs you have undertaken in the past.

Always be asking for what you need, so don’t be afraid to ask your past & present employers to recommend you if they know of a position that will be benefited by having YOU in service!

Within eight weeks & by the skin of your teeth a male will present you with a job opportunity. You will be overwhelmed with joy & jump at it with all guns blazing!

I do see you moving out of your township & moving into a larger city or the CAPITAL of your country for this job, although this job will involve lots of travel around & also across country. If it helps the job is NORTH from where you are living now.

You will work closely with 3 other males & they will appreciate your capabilities, alertness, studiousness & enterprising skills!

I keep seeing planning construction, developing & building also relating to real estate at a top level being important. You will take up more study over next 2 years to complete another qualification which will be backed & encouraged by your employer. Best of luck my dear!

I would like to know what you see in the future for us; because life has just been so crazy difficult lately & we are on the slow path to self-improvement?

— Natasja

Dear Natasja,

Hi, yes times have been very hard for you & Blake. Good on you for having the courage to walk through this tough time! I take my hat off to you both.

You have the wish card sitting right on top of you right NOW!

So put out for your personal wishes and desires to start happening.

I get some unexpected news coming with great success regarding tickets for a trip back home!

There is a strong childhood friend around you offering fun & friendship & a magical invitation coming which I suggest to leap at the chance.

I do get you need to hold your tongue over something & remember speech is silver but silence can be golden. You also have great news coming in the mail connected with money & I see you jumping up and down over it! For some reason it’s been delayed or a struggle to get this money but alas it’s on its way & it has some deep importance with the past!

Your love life is going to have some more changes in store.

I see a lot of your vitality is consumed by your partner’s health & wellbeing, I also feel some issues over medication, either forgetting to take it or hassle with medication or could just be medication has been very very expensive for you both.

Frankly, I think you need some time out & fun and thankfully it’s on its way with a very special love invitation coming!

I feel you could well be packing bags this Xmas to come home to New Zealand & all if not most of the trip will be hassle free & paid for by another! Enjoy you have earned it!

I feel this relationship is getting more like best friend instead of lovers & soul partners at this time? There are some tough arguments also & insecurities abound!

At times you may wish to abandon this relationship but then the karmic pull is so strong it keeps you there loving & supporting your man!

I feel there has been a third party that you can’t seem to get out of your mind as well?

I feel you are due to receive some very good news which will get you back on track for yourself & start the ball rolling in your own life again.

There is a beautiful gift of gold coming which hangs such as a necklace or charm bracelet. Finally I feel some news is coming where you will need to change residence; perhaps the landlord wants to sell? I see you working with real estate agents out looking at property. This feels within 6 to 8 weeks. I am getting 8 years is important — either that is the age difference between you & your man or that could be how long you stay away from you place of birth?

I see news of a sudden wedding! I am not entirely sure if that is your own or a very close friend around you.

Don’t panic about finances as I get you robbing Peter to pay Paul in the last two years.

Connections with Brisbane will be important.

Watch your own energy levels as you could become very drained over the next 2 to 4 weeks

You will have 2 children around you within 5 years so enjoy!

I wish you both the blessings of health wealth & personal success along your new journeys.

You might like to take a look at my website under Aura-Soma® as this system helps support the dramatic changes & challenges you have been through & helps bring the soul back into life after such horrendous ordeals.

Lots of love & blessings!

Can you see us living together in the next 6, 12 or 18 months? Can you see us lasting the distance? Can we make it work long distance for a shorter time longer?

— Hilary 18/09/1989

Dear Hilary,

Your relationship is blessed with love!

There will be a new job opportunity around October for either you or your new man. You might like to watch your communications with your man when you see and talk with him, as you are stressed due to the distance & he is over-working & studying so hard there is pressure on both sides.

The relationship is based on love & I see a happy union & reunion in 3 weeks! Just watch your emotions as they get rather rocky during times of separation.

Yes, you will live together either in 10 months time or from as soon as October you are setting up a house so that he can come & go too!

Please be patient, he is under a lot of pressure to perform in his work & wants to excel beyond his & your expectations, so that his future is set up for the long haul for you BOTH!

Pass the time by looking after you & developing lots of new interests & hobbies.

This relationship has a lot of trust & you are both able to express the depth of your hearts when together!

I see you also furthering your own skills with study in the near future too! Although you won’t be so sure about two papers you choose to enrol in!

Best advice is to sleep on it & you will know what subject to flow upon waking.

Enjoy the time apart, you are supporting a fine man & his career will make you very proud in the near future!

Can you see me having surgery soon and how will it go? When do you think my soul mate is coming?

— Titch

Hi Titch,

Within 3 days of your email you will be talking with your specialist.

I see letters off to an authority to get approval. Please don’t be intimidated by health professionals, basically stand your ground & ask for what you want & you will get it — it might be at the eleventh hour though!

I see you in hospital having the surgery within 3 months, it going well & you being most satisfied with the results.

There is some new procedure or idea your specialist wants to try out on you with a follow up just before your next birthday.

I am getting Aries energy so this operation must be connected with the head & for glamour as you will be celebrating a new look!

The operation will in some way be connected to your past or where you have had a procedure before, near water as I see a short stay in a close town.

I see you needing to be there before 8am in the morning. I also see new glasses & an operation around the eye area.

I see a gift coming within the next 3 months from a family member. It’s something sweet, feels like a box of chocolates as a little token of thank you, & rather unexpected.

As for love life I see a NEW man that you will be meeting at a celebration; feels like before Xmas. Connections with male real estate agents will be important.

In fact I get a property being advertised & an offer coming within the month that you will be happy about. It may not be your private dwelling but a large parcel of land you are connected with.

Back to love… This new man could also be an Aries & works for himself connected with property, such as plans building development, & working with large estates & businesses.

This love/romance will take you by storm: you will be very surprised by a sudden unexpected KISS & declaration of love & affection!

This man has the shiniest of shoes & is rather a snappy dresser. He may have recently had some accident that changed the direction of his life. He seems to be out celebrating his divorce or finalising some deal at the same time as you when you meet.

I also see a new kitten, it feels like a tiny jet black sweetie that you will fall in love with & weaken to bring home.

There will be legal issues to sort out in the next 2 to 3 weeks which could truly irritate you. However, money is coming through lawyers & the finalising of legal papers.

You are also about to venture out on a major holiday travelling in 2010 with another couple.

Great news awaits you the week before Xmas!

I see you wanting to learn some new craft or hobby & will be surrounded by books & written material.

There is good luck for a female friend or younger female relative around a new white car!

As for the new you, just remember Hippocrates oath, never have an operation whilst the moon in that particular sign! So if it was on the head don’t have the operation whilst the new moon or especially full moon is in Aries! I see you out shopping getting ready for the new look!

Best of luck!

I’m beginning to feel like the last person in the world who doesn’t have a cool, supportive partner, or at least a date for Friday night!

— Mandy 01/07/1985

Dear Mandy,

You are surrounded by men & you feel like their big sister or gal pal?

The men love your company & many want more from you!

I feel there is going to be a blind date or introduction made via friend.

So start telling these friends to set you up with their best mate who would be worthy of you! Beware as one guy friend will feel insecure about losing your friendship!

You are fantastic at your job and well suited to it!

I see you will do some study in the near future, if only part-time & paid for by your employer.

You have great promotional ideas & business acumen so look for a paper or subject along business development lines, especially the legal side of things.

I also see the law or lawyers very prominent in your life.

I see a course or learning seminar connected with your work where you may find a new love interest approach you!

Start taking all invitations that come your way as your soul partner is searching for you too at this moment.

He will be younger than you — maybe just 3 years but it’s okay, will mean nothing to you both & helps as he is rather tall!

Now…. I am getting exciting news of a lucky windfall around you or a younger family relative.

I feel there is a close friend that is also doing study with counselling or psychology around you, she may also be single so a night on the town together is important.

Oh, when Mr. Man comes along… I feel within the next 7 months you will have found him & will be extremely happy together.

The relationship will start out rather slow so you might need to bring things into focus rather than him take the lead.

I feel for you as you weren’t meant to be alone & the last 6 years have been truly hard for you emotionally.

Just hang in a little longer, he is on his way! You will also know it’s him as he drives a blue vehicle! I am seeing light blue more than dark blue.

He is a rather shy man but very romantic so expect roses galore when his own heart opens up!

There must be a birthday party or huge social event coming up around one of your male friends. I feel you could meet him there, as you will be out partying & one of the gang flirting and having fun!

You must look good in red, do you wear a red hat & scarf in winter?

Good luck, I understand 6 years on your own can be hard & you start to wonder if God forgot to make your double so have faith. Mandy, I have been on my own for the last 22 years & know just how you feel!

Since I graduated, I’ve been depressed & I’ve had trouble shaking it. Should I pursue the life of an independent artist & create my own business path (scary), or should I enter the creative workforce & work my way up the corporate ladder (scary)?

Lastly, should I forget about winning the lottery?!

— Clare

Dear Clare,

Thanks for being so honest! I want to talk about your depression as it’s very real & life has been miserable for you for the last 3 years I believe.

Would you consider talking with a doctor as I feel you need help at this time!

Sometimes depression can be hereditary & I feel it comes along your mother’s side of the family.

Sometimes it hard to see the forest for the trees & being so creative you can get overwhelmed by trees and forget life is a forest so to speak.

This depression I feel is causing a huge slump in your life, & some days it’s hard to get out of bed & draw back the curtains.

I see you need to take small steps as decision-making has always been difficult for you, especially if left to your own devices.

It’s important you work in a close partnership or with another liked- minded creative & inspiring person in my opinion.

I see you working with another couple, a male & female team who have been in the industry for years. I feel you will learn so much from them if you have the patience & don’t become too arrogant or self indulged etc.

I want to say pace yourself as you seem to have burn-out every 6 months, & feel like throwing the baby out with the dish water.

I don’t see you starting your own business nor would I advise it for the next couple of years, as you need to establish a name for yourself & draw the people & skills into your life at this time.

I feel you are also great at interior & exterior design!

As for winning the lottery, never give up hope! Start each morning when dropping your feet to the ground by saying, “I am extremely lucky with money; I attract unexpected money wherever I turn.”

Once you have built up the energy believing winning is important, real & you deserve it, then start to acknowledge all the unexpected blessings that come your way!!!

I told my girlfriend on 26 November last year to go buy a ticket for the next night’s draw! I felt real strong we were going to win!

She won $83,000.00 & still didn’t believe me even when I read the numbers off the screen to her & she was reading the ticket in front of her!

Once we open ourselves up to everything in life we realise that everything is just energy & you become a magnet to what you want to attract, & will get the nudge or feel when the time is right to take the ticket etc.

In summary I see you working for someone else — you may need to travel some distance or make a shift across town. Then in 3 years you will be pursing your dreams as you will know exactly what they are & have the wisdom to flow with where you are being lead.

In the meantime allocate each Saturday morning to painting & working on your private art collections so that you have something to show along the track!

Never fear the future… You are a Libran & they are all destined to be rich & have money-making ideas at the drop of a hat!

Travel & following a spiritual path will be very important in your future.

Let me know how your depression goes as the colour yellow is brilliant for lifting one’s vibrational happiness. Check out my website under Aura-Soma & living jewels.

I would love some general direction concerning my life & career direction, as well as some insight on my love life, or lack thereof. Also, I have always struggled with my health — any advice?

— Conrad Ryan Bailey

Dear Conrad,

Whilst I see you have a huge change of fate & experiences starting over the next two months, I also see you have had about 6 years of health issues to deal with.

I see within the month some more medical tests, check ups & procedures in store. All will end well though!

I see you travelling to a new area (large hospital or very modern medical clinics) to meet with a new medical physician concerning your health issues. I also see a female specialist helping to diagnose a problem that has been worrying you for some time. In time you will switch doctors & this will be okay.

I feel you will leave the work you are doing at this moment as it’s not really you anyway, & you will have opportunities of study in the future which will inspire you to the core of your own power & passion.

I am picking up a small family business around you.

I don’t think you will be working full time as you health & well- being are going to be centre stage for next few months.

I do get you are extremely talented with technology & computers & will work on websites & programming in the future!

This work is very much self motivated & you can do on your own, however I see an older man will be instructing & tutoring you as well.

There will be a new love interest which is I believe is a past love interest coming back into your life — someone you knew or dated approximately two years ago or is 2 years older than you.

Watch out for a late night phone call from this admirer & enjoy the reunion.

You are about to hear news of a family member taking a trip across water on a fantastic holiday, feels like she is researching family trees & ancestors.

I feel you will be signing some legal papers in the very near future, this will be connected with wills, inheritances &/or shares & investments or just savings plans. It feels very official but very practical and simple.

I am seeing the banking industry here as very important to you & your future. You seem to have a good understanding with maths & numbers and can use this astute knowledge in your future.

Wishing you lots of luck good health, you might like to look at an Aura-Soma reading to get an understanding of your health issues & how to support yourself holistically.

I got married just a week after my 19th birthday – what should I do? I can’t lose my husband and the somewhat stable life we’ve created, but I also don’t want to spend my idealistic youth JUST slaving away at a career I’m not so in love with! I feel torn in two and really could use some directional advice!

— Dallas 12/7/1987

Your marriage is still sweet & fun. ENJOY!

I really like the energy I see around your husband; he truly loves you & will give you everything you want to see that you are happy.

Learn to trust & communicate your deep desires with your husband. He is very proud of whom you are & that you wish to achieve.

I don’t feel you have told him how disappointed & restless you are with your life. I feel you spend a lot of time lost, unmotivated even shopping & wasting money.

I feel you don’t need half the stuff you buy. It’s just filling a void or because of unhappiness.

Try to stop saying DEBT & focus on abundance! If all you think about is debt that is all you will ever have.

I feel your hubby is more positive than you know or give him credit for, & he wants to get the house paid off & be successful as well.

I feel you can really trust your man & if he saw a future with both your dreams & goals in place he would do everything to make it happen, even if it meant selling the house & living on faith in pursuit of happiness & accomplishing a dream!

I see you travelling the world & believe it or not with your husband too!

This may not happen till you hit 30 years of age but it will happen!

There is some unexpected luck or opportunity about to present itself which offers you a new career direction.

I feel you need to sit hubby down & play a game of Monopoly, then start telling him what truly sets your heart on fire & what dreams you hold for your future… Then LET HIM tell you his too!

I feel he would like more property or commercial land in the future.

He appears very good with his hands even mechanically minded as I see him fixing things.

You & your man will both be working on your goals & dreams for the future and it will inspire you to have more TRUST, you will both realise there is more to life & can achieve all your dreams when you both focus creativity in support & with passion & love together, so don’t be afraid to share your ideas dreams & wants with him!

Oh I do see a career with film, TV in the future & lots of learning information & documentaries so STOP spending, start visualising your dreams as a reality, for 6 years will fly & you will be walking the parks of LONDON!!!!!

There will be a gift of money that comes your way through family, feels like in-laws. I am seeing a cheque written out for $6,000.00 for something important.

Once the communication is out in the open & you have put your goals and dreams on PAPER with a commitment date, you will be surprised how your hubby wants more fun in life & not just a mundane lifestyle based on survival and security.

I see you spending more time at the local library, museum or science institutions researching what you want to create. This activity will start drawing many contacts into your life that will help you along this journey.

I also see a gift of money such as sponsorship for something you want to in future. It will take about 6 years to pull off but it will be well worth it.

I see an old woman around you that’s unwell although she may not tell you, so watch out for her & offer her your time & help even if it’s just hanging out her washing or cooking her a meal. She will be tremendously grateful.

OH….. Hubby thinks you will make a fabulous MUMMY!!!

Much love to you all, may the blessings of light be upon you… & may your God always go with you!

Regards,

Joycelle.

...Would you like to know the future, even if it’s just for fun?
Simply ask here! Send Joycelle a specific question along with your full name, date of birth & a pen name, & check back each Friday to read her chosen answers!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

[ 23 September 2009, 23:56 ]

I recently received this email & thought, who better to answer it than all of YOU? You constantly boggle me with your insights, depth, wisdom & compassion, so do you want to give it a shot?!

“My boyfriend for nearly three and a half years has told me that he is no longer sure of his feelings towards me. We have been fighting a bit over the last two months and I put it down to being busy and tiredness, as it is that time of year for us. However, when I asked him if he still loved me, he said he wasn’t sure how he felt and suggested we needed a weekend away together to see how we are and if we fight. We are not living together and work opposite hours, which is difficult, as finding time to see each other can be hard. I have this horrible feeling inside as if we have already broken up. I know we haven’t, but the feeling is hard to shake off. The room we have booked away is lovely with spa bath and king size bed. Should I go into the trip putting what has been said at the back of my mind and enjoy myself and leave the arguing at home? Or is there a better approach, because how do you have a romantic weekend when you know your boyfriend isn’t sure of his feelings towards you?

What advice would you give to this girl?

Here’s what I think.

Yes, you should put the arguments, problems & difficulty to the back of your mind. If you want to scrap it out, you might as well save your money & stay at home! It sounds like the two of you have things to work out, sure, but if you can try to put that aside & just work on enjoying one another’s company, you will have a much better base on which to build.

Put another way: it makes sense to remind yourselves how much you like each other before you decide to dive into repairing whatever needs to be fixed. Otherwise, it’s easy to forget how good it can be when you’re together, & you may feel less inclined to work on it!

People feel unsure of their feelings on all kinds of things all the time, it’s just rare that one person will be brave enough to admit it. If all the two of you have been doing is argue, it’s not surprising that he is uncertain how he feels about you. But the fact that he suggested the two of you go away together is HUGE. From what I can see, it means that deep down, he still loves you, & you are important enough to him that he wants to either fix things or be sure before the two of you potentially make a huge mistake. Don’t take this lightly — it’s like you’ve been given a Golden Ticket. Take it & run with it. Make the most of it.

Spend time together without the television on, lie around & eat & do all those things couples do. Try to rediscover what brought you together in the first place. Talk about where you met, laugh about your first date, & discuss things you want to do in the future.

You might end up talking about some of the problems you’re having, & weird as it might sound, doing that in a hotel room is probably one of the best places you could open a dialogue, because it’s totally neutral territory for both of you. But if you don’t, it’s not the end of the world.

It’s important to remember that your “issues” or whatever will be waiting for you when you get home. Life continues to be the same regardless of whether you’ve been away on holiday or not. But hopefully you will have unearthed what brought you together in the first place, & you will have rekindled some of the spark that made you fall in love in the beginning, & it will give you the collective strength you need to fix whatever is broken.

Et maintenant, nonpareils? What would you do if you were in this girl’s situation?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Imagining International Playgirl HQ

[ 31 August 2009, 08:11 ]

I’m almost at the end of my sublease in New York — my fourth one! (How is this possible?!) & as it draws to a close, I’m starting to think about what it would be like to have more permanent digs. Oh, permanent digs. The thought makes me salivate. When you’re used to living out of suitcases, the concept seems like a mystical fairytale. Even when you manage to unpack your things, which I have to do or I go crazy, your suitcases are still lined up in the hallway, knowing that soon enough, everything’s going to have to go back inside them, & it’s on the road again.

The next month is going to contain much more travel than could be considered reasonable, but when I get back, things are going to be different… because I’m going to get my own place. No more living in someone else’s home. No more mixing my things in with the owner’s belongings. No more of that constant, lingering knowledge that I soon have to pack up & go.

So I’ve been thinking about how I want it to look. This is somewhat compounded by the fact that Nubby’s in town, & we talk about aesthetics with obsessive fervour. I’ve also been strongly influenced by this incredible store in Williamsburg called The Future Perfect, which sells the most incredible, rad & fun home furnishings ever — & I recently discovered The Ace Hotel, whose interior design is SO in line with my own style it kind of scares me!

Here are some pieces I’ve found, pictures that are inspiring me & thoughts on how I’d like my ideal home to look…

I’m really obsessed with white interiors. White walls are pretty much my favourite thing ever. Every single bedroom I’ve ever had has either had white or violet walls.

The last place I lived in alone, in Auckland, had white walls, a wall of windows & black carpet. I had two little two-seater couches & two individual overstuffed chairs, one of each in black & one of each in white. I had a big white Flokati rug & fairy lights everywhere, with vintage typewriters, leafy green plants & a light-up globe along the window. My bedding was black pinstripe with white pillows, & I had hot pink accents everywhere: throws, pillows & lampshades. The décor was really simple but the colour scheme really pulled everything together. I just LOVE a black & white palette, because you can add any colour to it & it totally pops.

When I lived in Melbourne, all our furniture was white. I probably wouldn’t do that again, because I like to break it up with black & other colours, but it suited the place we were in (which had enormous windows & insane views). Some would say all white furniture is impractical (they are right), but you can get around it by being a) nuts & b) careful, both of which I generally am. Plus, I don’t have children, which makes it an okay choice for me…

A blackboard wall… Elaborate wallpaper… Vintage typewriters… Crushed cups for serving teeny tiny drinks… Lots of light… Stacks of books… A photobooth machine (ohmygodyes)... Big mirrors… Chandeliers… A ridiculously oversized walk-in wardrobe… Hot pink & white stripes… Big type & letters… This sofa... Collections of stationery… Bedazzled skulls (!!!)... High bookshelves… Jewelled pillows… Enormous windows… & a super-cute puppy for me to snuggle with. I would also like to be kissed awake every morning, & maybe for there to be an indoor lake with sparkly swanboats floating on it. Can we make that happen?!

How would your ideal home look? What colours would you paint it & what features would it have? Would it have a slumber party room? A secret mad science-type laboratory? A huge treehouse out the back? A trampoline room?

(Images: )

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Hey, Nutter: Never Contact Me Again!

[ 25 August 2009, 07:58 ]

Dear Gala,

I wonder if you have any advice, or could perhaps write some advice on this subject for your site for everyone to benefit from.

I broke up with my boyfriend at the end of May. It was mutual. At first we agreed to be friends, & we even still went on a pre-planned holiday together. We had a lot of fun, although we argued & cried a bit too. He was still calling & texting me about cool things he’d read or something, & I was still calling him for advice. On the surface, our friendship looked like it was set to go. But underneath, I was angry. I was angry at him for all the things about him that made it sure we were never going to work out. Now I know that those things weren’t his fault: that’s simply why we didn’t stick together.

...But I got really, really drunk one night & sent him a large amount of horrible texts. Things like, “If you’ve pulled tonight, I bet she’s ugly.” Things like, “I’ve slept with a lot of people since we broke up.” (True, & he knew it would be true.) &, “At least I’ve known I’ve wanted to sleep with Dan for the last two years”. Ouch. I spent the next two days ringing & texting apologising, but he didn’t pick up or respond until he let me know he was changing his number, & to never contact him again.

I’ve had an urge lately to just tell him I’m sorry. We don’t live in the same town & I’m not likely to bump into him for a long time. I’ve been messaging one of his friends, someone I always liked & respected. He has been a huge help, & asked my ex on my behalf if he would accept a call from me.

He said, “No way”, & that’s all the friend relayed. I found out this morning. I am really confused at my emotions & just don’t know what to do. I know we weren’t mean to be, & I know I need to accept the consequences of sending him abusive messages, but why can’t he accept I made a mistake & listen to my apology?

Part of me thinks it’s because he is still wounded & suffering after the break up. It’s really hard, though, to not be able to contact my ex boyfriend, not even to say sorry. It’s really hard that I feel he hates me. Nobody wants to feel hated. I feel like he has banished me wrongly. I feel like he has judged me wrongly.

How do you deal with this? I would appreciate any help whatsoever.

Thank you so much.

S.

Oh sweetness! Honestly, I think the best thing for you to do is to forget any of this ever happened. I hate to say it, but I think you have really dug yourself into a very deep hole.

Okay, let’s look at the facts. I understand that you want to apologise to him, & you want him to forgive you, but I think it’s important to look at why you feel so strongly that you need him to accept your apology. I think you want to apologise to him so that you will be able to assuage your guilt in some way. I could be wrong, but I don’t think your intention is really to make him feel any better. Maybe you’re just lonely & want to reach out to him. There’s nothing wrong with that but given the circumstances, you need to stop. You say you sent texts that said sorry, so how is saying it over the phone going to be any different? You have already expressed your regret. It hasn’t made any difference. He still doesn’t want anything to do with you — & that is entirely within his rights.

Think about it. If your ex-boyfriend had sent you similar text messages — while you thought everything was hunky-dory between the two of you, & that you were going to be best friends forever — you would feel horrible. You’d wonder what you’d done wrong. You’d wonder whether your ex had been thinking those things the whole time you’d been together. You’d wonder why you’d wasted your time with him if that was the truth. You wouldn’t want anything to do with him — & again, that would be totally within your rights.

I have written (extensively!) on the subject of not being friends with your ex immediately after a break-up, for reasons exactly like this. You need time away from one another to allow yourselves to deal with the emotional fall-out, because it can be so very ugly. Better to leave your ex-lover with a fuzzy, semi-pleasant memory of your relationship, rather than a painfully clear image of you as a monster! You can say horrible things about your ex to your best friend if you must, or write it down in a journal, but it really should never travel any further than that.

I think you need to take a big breath & back away. Stop contacting his friends, too. That could get awkward really quickly, if it hasn’t already. It makes you look a bit like a stalker, & who knows what the friend’s motivation is in talking to you? Maybe he is interested in you himself. If he is, Do Not Attempt. Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200. This whole experience has been bad enough — do not compound it by cozying up to his friend. Even if his friend isn’t interested in you, again, look at the situation objectively. If your ex-boyfriend — who had hurt you — was grilling your friend for information about you, you’d be really mad at both of them. Ultimately, his friend shouldn’t really be speaking to you at all. This is new territory — now we’re talking about loyalty between friends, trust issues, & privacy. Aie aie aie.

You also need to respect your ex-boyfriend’s boundaries. Usually, when people say, “Never contact me again”, they mean it. Don’t be one of those insane girls who gives other girls a bad name. Honestly, please trust me when I say that no good can come of this situation. Don’t let your raging emotions get the better of you. Even in the best case scenario, how well could this go? So you say you’re sorry, then what? Bunnies fall from the sky? That’s probably not going to happen. Cut your losses, & forget about it. No kidding.

If you feel like you’re going totally crazy, you need to find something else to do with your mind & your time. Take an acrobatics class, paint your bedroom psychedelic colours, join a croquet team, build a rad treehouse, write fan letters to George Michael… whatever. You just need to occupy yourself with something other than thinking about your ex-boyfriend. Enlist the help of your friends; tell them you need their help keeping your mind off him. Go for long walks, write a book, go out dancing with your best friend every night for two weeks if that’s what it takes: you just need to get over the situation & stop obsessing about it. Do whatever it takes to move forward.

You’re right when you say that no one wants to feel as if they’re hated, but when you treat someone badly — as unfortunately, you have — you have to expect (& accept) that there are consequences. You know you’re a good person & you feel like that should be obvious to everyone around you — but when they see behaviour which conflicts with that, it makes sense that it would colour their perception of you. This can be hard to accept, but it’s just a reality.

The most important thing now is that you maintain your dignity. That’s ultimately what it’s about. Yes, it has been pretty bad so far, but it could get a lot worse — so prevent that by abandoning your quest to get him to forgive you. It will definitely not happen if you continue on this road, but if you just drop it, there’s a chance that things will fix themselves.

Regardless, you may never be able to patch up this situation, & I think it would help you to come to terms with that. Take this for what it is — an unfortunate, difficult & painful learning experience — & move on. Hopefully you will never make a similar mistake again. If you do, at least you know the likely outcome, & there will be no surprises next time!

I’m sorry this has happened to you & him. We all act a bit nutty after a break-up, it’s pretty inevitable. You’re not a horrible person, you just let your anger get the better of you. It’s not the end of the world, & you’ll be okay. Be good to yourself, & forgive yourself for what you’ve done. (That might be what you’re really looking for while you’re trying to get his forgiveness, anyway.)

That’s my advice. Nonpareils, what say you? Have you ever said something you regretted to someone who was important to you, & were you able to salvage the situation? How did you do it? Has anyone ever done this to you? Are you still speaking? Let us know!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Grandparent Love

[ 19 August 2009, 14:33 ]

Let’s talk grandparents. Often under-appreciated, but still well-loved, they form the backbone of our family. They taught our parents most of what was eventually taught to us, & so it goes on. My friend sent me an email last night which included something about a favourite thing being “the smell of Grandma’s house”, which got me thinking about grandparents.

My favourite grandparent was my father’s mother. She was big & jolly & didn’t like to clean. She would go out & play golf with her friends all day while her husband was at work, & just before he returned, she would spray cleaning products in the air so he thought she had been slaving away since the morning. I used to spend my school holidays with her, & would fly to Dunedin on my own wearing a little badge from the airline which said “Solo Voyager”. We would ransack her drawers for things she didn’t want any more — she called this “finding treasures”. She made the best fudge & had an apricot poodle called Charlie. She had lots of friends & made everyone laugh uproariously.

When I was 10, she sewed me a doll that was the same size I was. The doll had red hair, so we named her Belinda Todd (!!!). I had to fly home with the doll sitting in the seat next to me. At home I have a collection of old cassette tapes which have me reading out stories & talking about my day on one side, & have her responding on the other side. We used to post them back & forth. Our favourite place to visit was Larnach Castle, & when I stayed with her, I would get her to tell me ghost stories every night.

I love her so much & wish she was still here!

Who was your favourite grandparent & why? Did you have nicknames for each other? What silliness did you get up to? Did they spoil you totally rotten? Tell us!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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2009: Where Are You At?

[ 10 August 2009, 10:55 ]

Okay. I don’t mean to freak anyone out, but 2009 is already half-way done. I don’t know how this is possible, but it is. There are only four & a half months left in the year, so it seems like as good a time as any to do un petit review of the year thus far, & set some new goals & intentions.

It’s so easy to get swept away with work & projects & new loves that we often find ourselves scrambling to keep up & feeling kind of aimless. Having a fresh new direction & a definite vision of what you want will inject your life with purpose & excitement once more!

If you have no clue where to begin, here are some ideas…

Think about what has gone well this year. What are you happy with? What has been successful — & how did it come to fruition? What have your greatest achievements been so far?

Think about what could have been improved upon. Could you have tried harder in a couple of areas? Of the things that didn’t go well, what could you have done to change the outcome of that situation? If you had taken 100% responsibility at the time, do you think things would have played out differently?

What were your goals at the start of the year? How are they going? Are they 20%, 50% or 100% completed? If they’re not checked off yet, why not? (Don’t be afraid to admit they’re no longer important to you if that’s the case.) If they’re still things you want to make happen, what could you do to speed up your progress? Who could you ask for help? How can you break up the goal into manageable chunks to make it easier to achieve?

When you look at the people around you, what have they achieved that you’d like to do too? How can you make that happen? Can you ask them for assistance or advice?

How are your finances looking? Are you making as much money as you want? Are you saving any money or just spending it as soon as you get it? Should you ask for a raise, start a savings account, cancel your credit card, stop obsessively trawling eBay… ?!

Are you happy with your career? Do you feel stuck? If so, why? How could you alter that? Is it time for something new? How can you improve your situation? Where could you grow? How could you branch out?

What do you do with your spare time? Are you constantly playing catch-up & running errands with no time to relax & just do nothing? Is there a class you want to take? When was the last time you took a holiday? Are you in control of your free time or is someone else?

How does your body feel? How healthy are you? What are you eating? Do you exercise? Are you drinking or smoking more than you’d like? Do you need a spa day? What positive steps can you take towards a lifestyle you feel happier about?

Are you getting along with the people around you? How are things between you & your lover? Your workmates? Your kids? Do you ever see your best friend? Do you ever get personal emails?

How about you? How do you feel about the person you’re becoming? How’s your personal integrity? What are the attributes you hold in high esteem? Are you embodying them? What can you change? What can you begin accepting?

Are you involved in your community? How are you helping the people around you? Do you know your neighbours? Do you support your local businesses? What could you do to improve the lives of people in your immediate vicinity?

These were my intentions at the start of the year. Here are my intentions for the rest of 2009.

Be… More outgoing More loving of myself & others Less fearful More open More giving Go to yoga every Monday Accept more social invitations Set work-hours & stick to them! Save more money Communicate more with the people I love Strengthen my friendships Be brave Work harder Also, take a holiday Be more charming (make the effort) Get my own place in NYC (read: stop sub-leasing) ...& honestly, I need to learn how to use my camera (I have had it for three years now & I still have no idea what I’m doing with it).

How about you?

My suggestion would be to write down the things you want to achieve & put it somewhere prominent. Stick it to your front door or your monitor, slide it into the clear sleeve in your wallet, or make a big graphic image of it & set it as your desktop wallpaper.

If 2009 hasn’t been too wonderful for you so far, this is your opportunity to turn it all around. Blank slate. Here’s to raging successes, never-ending excitement & lots of love!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Your First Perfume

[ 3 August 2009, 11:07 ]

What was your first foray into the world of perfumes?

Mine was Christian Dior’s Hypnotic Poison. I am positive that the ad featuring Milla Jovovich looking like some sexy voodoo witchy priestess is what drew me in initially. Hypnotic Poison came out in 1998, when I was 15 years old, deeply ensconced in my I’m-so-goth ways. (Le cringe.)

I think that ad actually influenced me a lot more than just wearing the perfume. I also used to wear red eye-shadow all the way around my eyes — I think in an attempt to imitate the “heroin chic“ look that was major in the 90s. (Can you believe heroin chic has its own entry on Wikipedia?! These are amazing times.) It all went wonderfully with my collar (black leather with studs & red stitching, don’t ya know), blue-black bob haircut, & obsession with Revlon’s Vixen lipstick & nailpolish. (Oh my god! They still make it!)

It’s funny though, when I look at that ad & pictures of the perfume bottle, I remember exactly how it smells. Vanilla, almonds, roses, cinnamon & jasmine. Very sexy. Probably too sexy for a 15 year old girl, not that I cared.

Now I want to go & sniff some to see if my olfactory memory is as good as I think it is!

At the moment I switch on & off between a few different perfumes — Miss Dior Cherie (strawberries & vanilla), Chocolovers (chocolate & vanilla), & The Exact Friction Of Stars (caramel, vanilla, coconut, chocolate, etc.). Yes, I like to smell like a dessert cart!

So, how about you? What was your first scent & what memories do you associate with it? What do you wear now? Are they similar at all?

(Thanks to Mystic Medusa for making me think about this!)

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Your Life As Haiku

[ 23 June 2009, 09:33 ]

We did this last year when I first got to New York, & I thought it was time to revisit it! Did you participate last time? What did you say?

Back in 2008, one of mine was…

I love this city.
We wake up early to roam,
with hair like wild vines.

These days, it would go more like…

There’s nothing like a
vintage bowler hat to make
you feel like Liza.

Last night I wore huge feathers
atop my noggin. It was
terrifically rad.

(Oh, photos to come!)

If he is The Dish,
am I The Spoon? As in, “The
Dish ran away with…”?!

Even after all
the madness, New York is still
my version of bliss.

How about you?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What's In Gala's Bag? (Canada Edition!)

[ 1 June 2009, 14:29 ]

Matt & Nat Camden bag in magenta (Canada represent!)
Bunny mirror (bought at Toy Tokyo, NYC)
Urban Outfitters glasses (make for a good impromptu disguise)
Matt & Nat Ceremony wallet in blue (I love Inder)
Elle UK (best magazine on the planet, no contest)
Teen Vogue (not the best magazine on the planet but I still like it)
Moleskine daily planner (a Virgo’s best friend)
Hipster PDA (ditto)
New York City Metrocard (already used, why I’m carrying it around I don’t know)
Pilot Extra-Fine Precise V5 pen
Betsey Johnson sunglasses (free & probably my favourite pair)
Lighter
Gauloises Blondes
Lip Smacker in “sugar crystals” flavour
Helio Ocean phone (almost entirely useless outside of the U.S.A.)
Gala ski-field pamphlet from Japan (I use it as a bookmark in my Moleskine)
Keys to my temporary digs in Toronto
iCiNG postcards (I use these instead of business cards at the moment, & keep them in an envelope I got with all my panel information for SXSWi)

Not shown: Nikon D80; Lush Butterball bath ballistic; turquoise iPod & Bose headphones; receipts for Lush, The Beaconsfield, Airline Limousines; two (2) passports; postcard with Pharrell on the front; tissues (gross); diamante-encrusted hair-clips; blotting papers.

What’s in your bag? How much stuff do you lug around on a daily basis? Do you fear being a hunchback in old age?!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Gala's Style Essentials

[ 12 May 2009, 11:36 ]

Geek glasses
I know they’re trendy as hell but I can’t help loving them. Mine are from Urban Outfitters, & I love to throw them on to add a bit of visual interest to an outfit. Sometimes I feel like having them on is a kind of disguise, which can be very welcome on those days when striding out into the maelstrom of New York City isn’t something I’m really in the mood for. My next step is to buy a second pair & cover them in tiny Swarovski crystals… Needless to say, I can’t wait! (Elton John’s demented protégé lives!)

Flat, well-worn boots
Boots are always my default footwear, & while I have more pairs of heels, boots get about a billion times more wear. They’re so versatile, so comfortable & so stylish that it’s almost impossible to go wrong. I wear mine with jeans, skirts & dresses, & always have. (Courtney Love was one of my first style icons — old habits die hard!) I started off with a pair of 8-up Doc Martens, graduated to New Rock combat boots (which my father told me looked like boots for someone with polio — & which I wore almost every day for 12 years!), & am now all about my Frye shortie Veronicas. I still have intense boot fever & voraciously eye them up whenever I go into a shoe store. I’d like my next boot purchases to be pink PVC Doc Martens & a pair of Frye motorcycle harness boots. Yum.

Super-long cardigans
Probably the most versatile item you could possibly own, a super-long or oversized cardigan should be (I think) an essential in every girl’s wardrobe. You can dress them up or down, they go with pretty much everything (especially if they’re in neutral shades like black or grey), & they’re a super-easy solution for warmth or layering on cool nights. You can even rock mad 90s style & tie one around your waist. Another thing I like to do with a long cardigan is to put it on but button it behind me, which turns it into a kind of bolero with tails. A long cardigan with pockets will be your best friend, especially during season transitions. The one I wear most is a light cotton one from Urban Outfitters, but I also have them in black wool (Ricochet, NZ) & grey wool (Country Road, NZ/AU) which make for essential plane-wear. If you can get your hands on a men’s cardigan, the I’m-wearing-my-boyfriend’s-clothing-&-we-just-had-great-sex look is hard to trump.

A statement handbag
I think everyone needs a handbag in a neutral colour they wear all the time — black or tan are great, safe choices — but it’s wonderful to have a handbag which is heavy on colour, style or statement. I only ever used a black bag until earlier this year, but now I have a menagerie of deliciously-hued purses in my arsenal, & I will never go back! They don’t have to be expensive either: the bag I’ve received the most compliments on is a $30 job from Forever 21!

An assortment of cameras
If you didn’t document it, it didn’t happen. True fact, & this is further impacted by the fact that my memory is so atrocious that I have to write things down or photograph them or they just disappear from my mental reserves. Hence, I am always lugging around my Nikon D80 (very heavy) & now my Flip Mino HD, which is probably going to result in a fabulous hunchback by the time I’m 40, but hey, that’s the way it goes sometimes… I don’t think any of you need any further reasons or convincing, we all know how good it is to have real visual evidence that we are living our lives in an exciting manner!

Suspender belt
I have a vintage Mary Quant suspender belt which has served me extremely well in the past few years. Almost nothing will make you feel sexier, & even better, no one has to know about it (unless you want them to). You also don’t necessarily need to buy stockings to wear with these — if you’re feeling a bit punk rock, you can just cut pantyhose off at the thigh & wear them that way. I used to do this with black & white striped tights & it looked pretty hot, if I may say so myself. Interesting fact too, a lot of men have never seen a girl wearing a suspender belt in real life. When they actually do, let’s just say that they tend to be pretty happy about it. Now, hop to it!

A good pen
...Preferably with fabulous coloured ink. There’s nothing more decadent & fantastic than having your own pen on you at all times with which to sign receipts, give autographs to adoring fans & scrawl phone numbers with a lavish flourish. Of course, you do have to guard it with your life since for some reason, people’s morality seems to go totally out the window when it comes to the thieving of pens, but it is worth it. Much nicer than scrounging around for a chewed-up old Bic or that marker which comes out all blotchy. Yes, having your own pen is total glamour. (Better work on devising yourself a magnificent signature now too, huh?)

Bag & phone candy
I used to call such things “danglies”, which is really not very elegant at all, but when I found out that Tarina Tarantino called this stuff “bag candy”, I was all over it. So. Bag candy. Phone candy. Etc. This is the name for the lovely bits of deliciousness which serve absolutely no purpose but to prettify something else. A phone without candy is a phone without soul, I say! My tastes tend to run to the likes of rhinestone-encrusted initials, sequinned hearts & hypercoloured cupcakes, but your mileage may vary. Tarina Tarantino & Louis Vuitton have really nice options, but if you don’t want to spend a bundle, your local Chinatown should have at least one store with a veritable plethora of noisy, colourful, excitable things on strings. Titivate your goodies!

Knock ‘em dead lip gloss
Balm is good — essential, I’d say — but gloss is better. Balm moisturises & gloss tantalises, so get tingling! My lip balm of choice is anything from Palmer’s cocoa butter collection (dark chocolate & peppermint is my jam right now), while my holy grail lip gloss has been Givenchy Pop Gloss Crystal for what feels like a very long time. At least 6 months, & I still adore it. It tastes sweet, it’s kind of sticky, it shimmers with irridescent glitter & the colour is perfection. It isn’t the cheapest lip gloss on the market, but golly, would you really want that anyway? I think it’s worth it for the way it makes you feel — all pouty & sex kitteny & absolutely ripe for the smoochin’.

A really good concealer
...Because nothing puts a damper on a fire-cracker mood than a stonking beezer-pluke^[1] (aka, a big blemish). MAC Cosmetics do great ones, of course, in a variety of formulas depending on what you prefer, but Benefit’s Erase Paste is my new-found friend. It’s really, really great for brightening that sometimes-sallow area underneath your eyes, which means you can totally pretend you didn’t have a few too many mojitos last night & that you really are a responsible member of the team. Oh yes. Worth its weight in gold, I’m telling you.

Hair accessories
The more ridiculous the better. Now that my hair is short again, I kind of have a complex about making it as big & impractical as possible, so my latest obsession is buying things to stick in it. I have not yet graduated to the Marie Antoinette school of putting a ship atop my noggin, but I’m sure my day will come. Forever 21 is my favourite place for headbands of all stripes (bows & flowers abound), but I just bought this lucite butterfly headband from Tarina Tarantino in both pink & black. I couldn’t resist. I am going to wear them both at once. Drool.

Other things you will find in my bedroom…
Ears (bunny, maus, sequinned, polka-dot); faux-fur coats; MAC Cosmetics’ Plush Lash (holy grail for eyelashes); a selection of neon & holographic nailpolish; vintage slips in candy colours; bottles of Miss Dior Cherie & The Exact Friction Of Stars; ripped stockings; dresses, dresses, dresses.

[1] “Beezer-pluke” is a word meaning pimple which I came across at least 10 years ago in this book called I Was A Teenage Worrier by Roz Asquith. It has stuck with me forever, sometimes to my chagrin, & so now, I am passing on this magical word to you.

So, what are your style essentials? I asked Twitter, & here’s what I found…
lesleydenford Style essentials: baby bangs, Converse, scarves, big white flower ring, black liquid eyeliner, MAC blush, & shiny lip gloss.
zimgirl16 I don’t leave the house w/o eyeliner, otherwise my favorites are dangly earrings and feathery headbands for my short short hair
emiliabedilia style essentials: calf length boots -preferably slouchy or biker.
vixel Eyeliner, accessories that match my hair colour, antique rings, biker jacket and a geek to accompany me!
duskyblueskies Mascara, skinny jeans, pointed-toe flats, blazer, aviator sunglasses.
tatvictoria re: style essentials (of late): good hair, bronzer, boyfriend blazer, flats, basic tees, messenger miu miu, a cuff
greyout Big scarf, boots of some sort, black eyeliner, a flat-iron, skirts & dresses (never pants!), greyscale.
declinedesigns candy colored hair, stripes, rose prints, bright colors, and heels!
finalfashion one messenger bag, living in denim, Dr. Martens, black jackets with pockets, plain button down shirts, AA tanks, pencils.
fashiontrix a good bra and dark denim jeans.
ladyjulianne pink-stained lips, coloured tights, my beloved bright pink handbag, purple umbrella, loads of rings, a book
PeachMcGee Fabulous knickers, perfect hair, pristine eyebrows.
TheRawBombshell polka dots, pencil skirts, black liquid liner, red hair dye and heels plus my secret weapon – a smile!
chelseydee I have rhinestones in the balls for my body piercings, the sparkle is very ooh la la :)
RokingLTD brand new 501s every 6 months in 32 waist, 36 leg. Cream linen suit. Birkenstocks. Viv westwood t-shirts!
millycupcake leopard print coat (topshop), Bow back mac , Leather boots (in winter) in summer oversized sunnies, jeggings, disney jewelery
ashemischief Funky shoes, polka dots, lightning bolt & unicorn pendant necklaces (for 8 years now!)
PrincessPoochie vintage driving gloves, electronics of all kinds, dark glasses, books
vanitygirl lip gloss with a slight tingle factor, iPhone, a great pedicure
HipMom mascara, lipgloss, great shoes (occasion-appropriate: not necessarily heels!)
kiddetective style essentials? my goggles, of course! goggles and chapstick.
notitles I always must have a purse that’s big enough to carry my notebook.

P.S. Add those stylish girls to your Twitter list — new friends ahoy! Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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A Sartorial Tug-Of-War: Looks Versus Comfort (Or, Can I Really Wear These & Still Respect Myself In The Morning?)

[ 11 May 2009, 10:47 ]

(I promise that this will be my last post on shoes for ages! I swear!)

Okay, I have a confession to make. I am wearing ugg boots. RIGHT NOW. At this very moment. Cozy black sheepskin around my tootsies. Yes. Dear god, are they ever comfortable, especially when you compare them to the shoes I normally wear. They are blissful. I finally understand why people love these so much. But I feel extremely conflicted about the entire thing, because ever since they first flurried their way into the collective consciousness, I’ve been banging on about how ugly they are. They are not flattering & they are definitely not sexy. Sartorial tug-of-war!

It’s tricky, you know? I don’t really want to take them off… ever. I have worn them outside the house once, to buy a slice of pizza from next door, & when I came back home I decided I was going to have to impose a rule on myself. Because I just don’t think they are acceptable for public wear. They are dangerous, like trackpants. So easy to put on, so hard to take off.

So for those of you in similar situations, I would like to propose some Ugg Boot Rules.

1. Ugg boots may not be worn outside the front door — or off your property in general. Walking down to get the mail in them is okay, but running next door for a coffee is not.

2. Ugg boots may not be worn in conjunction with a denim miniskirt, oversized sunglasses & a paper cup of “venti”-sized Starbucks.

3. If you do buy a pair — & for those of you in the Southern hemisphere, going into winter, this is the perfect time to snap some up — buy them in black, not tan or any of those novelty colours. At least with black ones you can pretend that they’re not there. They just look like a shadow moving across the floor. Hard to do when you buy them in “grape” & you look like Grimace from the shins down.

I say, think of uggs like a pair of bunny slippers. Totally awesome & comfortable inside the house; completely unacceptable & pretty much a crime against humanity to wear in public.

What do you think about ugg boots? Do you own a pair? If so, do you wear them in public? If you don’t own any, why is that? What comes to mind when you think of uggs? (For me, it’s Pamela Anderson — a sweet girl I’m sure, but not exactly my style icon.)

I don’t know though. I mean, maybe they’re not all bad if Raquel Welch wore them?!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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New Zealand's Next Top Model

[ 20 April 2009, 08:10 ]

Are any of you watching New Zealand’s Next Top Model? It is totally fascinating, I am obsessed.

I made an American friend of mine watch an episode & when Teryl-Leigh started talking, we spoke at the same time. Him: “Can you translate that for me?” Me: “I have no idea what she just said.” New Zealand accent ahoy!

Where would you put your money? I think the final 2 will be Christobelle & Laura, but I also really like Rebecca Rose & Victoria’s looks.

It’s funny because so many of the girls look like people I know — they have really New Zealand faces. Ruby looks like a girl I used to catch the school bus with, Christobelle reminds me of a girl I used to work with, & I am convinced I’ve actually met Laura & Victoria before.

I’m really surprised by the fact that the contestants are all so white — with the exception of Ajoh. Where are the Maori girls at?! So many Maori girls are jaw-droppingly beautiful. There was some mention made of Ruby having some Maori heritage but, well, you wouldn’t know it to look at her. There are no Asian or Pacific Island girls either, which is really weird, because it’s not like they don’t exist!

So, what do you think? Embarrassing? Culturally insightful? A hideous train-wreck or good quality television? Oh… & Australia’s Next Top Model starts up again soon (April 28th)! The girls on there are hilarious — in personality & demeanour! It’s definitely the most dramatic regional variety of the Top Model franchise, though having said that, it did actually produce a real model: Alice Burdeu.

If you’re in New Zealand you can watch the show online here. If not, you can watch online: episode 1, episode 2, episode 3 & episode 4!

Extra For Experts:
New Zealand’s Next Top Model on Wikipedia
Behind the scenes at NZ’s Next Top Model

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Spring Fever

[ 7 April 2009, 12:30 ]

Spring is coming to New York City & I’m so excited. Even though I haven’t experienced a full winter since 2007 (!!!), I still adore spring. It’s easily the most beautiful time of year. Pitter patter…

The shops are full of the new season’s trends — florals (of course), fresh colours & bold silhouettes; sequins, jumpsuits & fringe; draped necklaces, embellished headbands & big bangles; slashed denim, ripped lace & neon accents. It’s totally overwhelming & extremely exciting. So of course, I’ve been thinking about my spring fashion concept…

I don’t have any definite answers yet, but know that while my usual trademarks will be in place — big, ridiculous shoes, oversized cardigans, candy-coloured hair & a cornucopia of sparkly accoutrements — I’ll definitely be supplementing with some yummy trends. I am envisioning lots of skirts, high heels, & jewellery which acts as my own personal percussion section.

Here are some things which have been keeping me awake at night. What are you dying to wriggle into this season?

Clockwise: Miu Miu Whipstitch patent pumps; Givenchy leather ankle sandals; Fendi strappy patent sandals; Viktor & Rolf heels; bracelets from Forever 21; headband from Colette; panties from Forever 21; Fendi wedge-heel boots; Balmain sandals.

Clockwise: House of Holland shirt; La Perla bra; bat bag from Topshop; La Perla suspender belt; translucent sunglasses; oversized tote from Forever 21; Proenza Schouler boots.

Clockwise: Patent purse; headbands from Forever 21; Sonia Rykiel sweater; Karen Zambos skirt; wicked frames; Swarovski ring; cubic zirconia ring; Givenchy leather ankle sandals; neon pink Dr Marten boots; Pauric Sweeney overnight bag; Frye harness boots.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Be The Best House Guest Ever (& Always Get Invited Back)

[ 16 March 2009, 12:46 ]

Here is my disclaimer: This is NOT me saying that I am the ultimate house-guest, because I’m certainly not. In fact, someone I stayed with once called me an “impossible diva” (who, moi?!!) & tossed me out unceremoniously on the street! What this is really meant to be is a reminder, maybe an idealistic manifesto of how Mother Theresa might behave were she to hunker down on someone’s sofa-bed for a week…

Be respectful
I think this is always, always, always the most important thing, & we all have the ability to show this in different ways, so it’s up to you as to how you do that.

However, if you’re kind of stumped as to what that means, one really obvious way in which you can do this is by leaving things the way they were. This seems like a small thing but I think about it all the time. People — & by this I’m talking specifically about whoever is hosting you — like their lives the way they like them. They have systems, ways of doing things. The very best way, in my opinion, to make staying with them palatable for everyone involved, is to integrate yourself into their life as seamlessly as possible. In practical application, I mean maintaining the routines they already have going. Do they leave their shoes at the door? Do they keep their toilet seat up or down? Do they automatically wash every dish they use or do they let them soak? Do they replace the caps on their bottles of shampoo? Where do they hang their towels?

I know that when I have people stay with me, I always really appreciate it if they take notice of the way I behave & then do as much as they can to behave in a similar way. I don’t leave open containers of food lying around, I always put the toilet seat down (good feng shui!), I try to keep things tidy & I make my bed every day. These little things just make my life easier. This is how I behave. So if someone comes over & they leave food around, or the seat up, every time I see that, it’s a little reminder that I am not by myself, that there is someone else here, & that if I want my life to continue as normal, I am probably going to have to pick up their slack. Even the world’s most patient person begins to get frustrated by this after a while, because after all, our homes are our sanctuaries.

Other ways to be respectful of someone’s space include taking your loud, hour-long, high-pitched phonecalls outside, not putting your shoes on the furniture, cleaning up any messes you make & not spending half the day in the bathroom. Obviously though, we tend to take cues from whoever we’re staying with, so if their nightly ritual involves jumping on their bed in muddy gumboots, you might as well join in! (Yay, bed-jumping!)

Establish some ground-rules
To avoid doing something that is unintentionally offensive or troublesome, you might like to ask who you’re staying with if they have any house rules. Believe me when I say that this will make your life a lot easier. Some people have bizarre rules, too, that you might never guess. So ask them what they expect from you, & then hold up your end of the bargain!

Also, do what you say you’ll do. If you say you’re leaving on Tuesday, leave on Tuesday! I don’t think I need to explain why this is important!

Try to contain your sprawl
Okay, this can be hard, but it’s worth persevering with.

The first day you get in, you put your suitcases in a relatively out-of-the-way place, sit down for a cup of tea & collapse into wherever you’re sleeping — bed (lucky!), sofa-bed, air-bed, couch, floor or cozy closet. The next day you wake up & you have to find an outfit. If you’re a guy you probably have an advantage in that you change your t-shirt, socks & underwear & you’re pretty much good to go. Girls, on the other hand, typically want to wear something completely different every day, which presents its own unique challenges.

So you drag your suitcase from where it was, mostly disguised behind the couch or wherever, & the madness begins. At first you lift things up to try & find what it is you’re looking for, but when that doesn’t seem to work, you start ripping things out at full speed, throwing them over your shoulder & making a fabulous mess. Of course, nothing really goes back the way it should, so once you’ve dressed yourself, your suitcase bulges, half-open, tulle petticoats & lingerie spilling out like pretty, elaborate vomit, & a selection of other, smaller bags scattered around it (handbag, cosmetics bag, random tote bag…). & so it continues in this manner, getting gradually worse & worse, until you finally leave (but not before sitting on your suitcase so it will finally zip up) & your hosts breathe a sigh of relief.

You know, you can save yourself an awesome amount of pain if whoever you’re staying with can just provide somewhere for you to hang your things. At least, your most-worn things: your oversized cardigan, your leather jacket, your scarf, whatever. Ditto on having somewhere to put your shoes, though that tends to be considerably easier to arrange. But sometimes there really is nowhere for you to put your stuff.

I think you know what I’m going to say: just try not to take over the entire living room with your belongings. Zip your suitcase at least half-way. Try to stack things in an orderly fashion. Line up your shoes. Do what you can to reduce the visual clutter. Just make a bit of an effort, because it will make a big difference.

If the person you’re staying with has to do side-turns & strange shuffles to get past your collection of tea-kettles, or WHATEVER it is you have in that enormous bag, they are going to get miffed. Quickly. So it’s really in your best interests to keep your eye on your own personal sprawl. I set fire to someone’s shoes once. I’m just saying!

Strike a balance
There’s nothing worse than someone who constantly asks you for permission to do this or that, but at the same time, opening your door to some kind of hurricane-person who leaves their toenail clippings all over your bedspread is pretty bad too.

Do your thing, but be considerate. We all have different ideas of what is acceptable or “normal”, but I think you understand what I mean. Allow who you’re staying with to live their life as simply as possible, but don’t be afraid to ask them if you can’t find something or you’re not sure about how the shower works. (Showers, man. Every single one is different. I wish the people who make showers would just get it together!)

Be charming!
Perhaps this should go without saying, but if you’re a pleasure to be around, it’s more likely than not that your host will be sad to see you go. We’ve spoken about charm before, but remember that this extends beyond just smiling & saying please & thank you. It also means taking an interest in your host’s life as well as making conversation with any of their friends who you happen to meet. If you can’t do those things, maybe you should stay with someone you like better!

Pitch in
This can take a number of forms, from helping put the groceries away, to clearing dirty dishes, to buying your host dinner or introducing them to someone you think they’d adore. People don’t like to feel as if they’re being taken advantage of, & I don’t mean to sound like your mother or anything, but you’re not staying in a hotel — so don’t treat it like one. You’re in someone else’s space, & a great way to show your gratitude for that fact is by being useful or helpful. You get it, you understand, I know you do!

The way in which you help out doesn’t have to be generic, either — I have bought strange-looking exotic plants, placed Band Aids on bleeding thumbs & re-organised bedrooms in the last 3 weeks, all as a way of saying “thanks so much” for letting me stay.

Leave something when you go, by which I do not mean a radical case of avian flu or an incredible collection of lipstick-stained cigarette butts. Something nice! Or at least useful.

How about flowers or a plant which doesn’t require a lot of work? (A moth orchid is always a good call.) You can also chip in grocery or fuel vouchers, buy chocolates, write a long love letter outlining all of your host’s exceptionally positive qualities, or replenish things you noticed they were running low on. Pretty much everyone appreciates these sorts of gestures, & if they don’t… that’s their problem, innit?

What are your favourite, time-tested, tried-&-true ways of ensuring your time in someone else’s house goes well? Who is the worst house-guest you’ve ever had? How about the best? What did they do that made them so much more fun to have around than anyone else? Let us know in the comments!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iCiNG Stories: Awkward Dates

[ 1 March 2009, 14:44 ]

The recent iCiNG Stories about love was such a great success that I thought we should do it again. This time, though, I want to hear about the worst, most hilarious, crazy dates you’ve ever been on.

I haven’t been on a lot of “dates”, being new to America & all that business. New Zealanders don’t really date! I wrote about the weirdest one I’ve ever had, though, in part one of my interview, which I’ll repost here for your reading pleasure!

I met a guy at a fancy party — we were the only people with visible tattoos there, so he made a beeline for me. We started talking & flirting & he was really cute, he was black with sleeve tattoos & stretched ears (why is that SO CUTE on a guy?) & a fetish for high-end luggage (oh, who knows), & he asked me for my number. I gave it to him because I was so caught off-guard, & didn’t actually expect to hear from him. He called me the next day & asked me to go out with him, & after much deliberating, said yes. (I thought, even if this is a total disaster, at least it will be interesting.)

I caught a taxi to his friend’s place where they were having a party. I get there & he is pretty boozed. He tells me he is a personal trainer & insists — INSISTS — that I touch his stomach. It is impressive. I ask him how many sit-ups he does a day. He says 200. One of his friends — another personal trainer — says, “Oh, you’re from New Zealand? How long have you been in America? Your English is pretty good!” I look at him, dumb-founded, & ask him what language he thinks we speak in NZ. He has no idea. I am afraid.

The party was wrapping up so a bunch of us went to catch another cab to some other party. It turned out to be me, him & about four other guys — too many people to fit in one cab. They will usually only take 4 passengers. They were all personal trainers — so weird, so not my thing — so you know, they weren’t small, squishable guys. Their plan was that we would flag a cab & get in & I would sit on someone’s lap or something. About five cabs were like “NO I’m not taking all of you at once”, but eventually we got some guy who just wanted the fare & let us in. The guy I was there with wanted to see the sports results on the touch-screen thing, so he was pressing the screen, but kind of pounding it, not really touching it. The taxi driver got pissed off, & was like, “STOP THAT”, so the guy I was with apologised. But then… he punched the wall between us & the driver REALLY hard! I don’t know why! The driver went nuts & was like, “GET OUT OF MY CAB”, so we got out, grudgingly.

So we’re all walking up the road to try & find another cab, & then we realise that my guy (I don’t remember his name, oops) isn’t with us. We turn around & see him crouching down behind the cab, & as it goes to pull away, he PUNCHES the back of the cab REALLY HARD! & the driver slams on the brakes, & my guy (oh how embarrassing) jumps up & yells, “RUN!” His hand is bleeding & has bits of glass in it, I’m wearing heels & trying to walk quickly, the driver is yelling bloody murder & saying he’s going to call the cops. So this ridiculous motley crew that is our group basically takes a bunch of crazy side alleys & we can hear the taxi driver yelling after us, but eventually we lost him. Phew.

My crazy date is trying to hold my hand but I’m so not into it because a) he is crazy & b) he is bleeding, so I talk to one of his more sane friends. We eventually get to a club in Chelsea which is packed out, & they are playing bad music. We dance, a bit, but I’m really just thinking about how I want to leave. Crazy boy has finally gone to wash his hand & I am not as leery of him as I was but I still think he is nuts & am totally not interested. He is flirting with me & telling me how hot I am & I’m laughing nervously, like, “Haha, yeeeeeah…” He kisses me & I say something like, “Hey, you’re cool but I’ve got to go”. I leave. He texts & calls me a lot. I never respond.

I saw him about a month later on an opposite subway platform, & hid behind a pillar. Awesome.

Okay, your turn! Bring on the most horrifyingly ridiculous encounters you’ve had! Astound us!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Domestic Violence

[ 28 February 2009, 21:36 ]

What are your thoughts on the recent debacle concerning Chris Brown & Rihanna?

I’m immensely disturbed by the whole thing — what happened as well as the aftermath. She’s recently reunited with him, & I’m not judging that. No one really knows what goes on in anyone’s intimate relationships. What she does with her personal life is nothing to do with me, & I would never presume to know more about what is right for her than she does. She turned 21 a week ago & is in the spotlight big-time right now; the pressure must be immense. But I think we all know that what he did was wrong, & I think that her apparent forgiveness of his behaviour — even if she is punishing him in her own way — sends a really dangerous message to people everywhere. It makes abusive people think they can get away with it, & it makes victims think it’s not a big deal. It is.

What really upsets me is the fact that no one seems to be speaking out publicly against his actions. The radio stations still play his songs. Celebrities who are asked to comment on the situation seem to shy away from it — which is ridiculous when they all seem overly-eager to give their opinion on Britney’s weight gain.

What happened between Chris & Rihanna just goes to show that domestic violence goes on everywhere, & it doesn’t matter whether you’re wealthy or impoverished, single or married, black or white, famous or not. They should have been the dream couple by society’s standards. They’re both young, good-looking, successful & well-known — the theoretical ideal — but nobody’s life or behaviour is perfect.

Violence is completely unacceptable. Men who hit women, women who hit men, women who hit women, men who hit men — it doesn’t matter, & it has nothing to do with sex. It is never cool, it is never okay, & you never deserve it. It doesn’t matter WHAT you’ve done. Period. If someone has upset you & violence seems to be the best course of action, be a grown up & walk away. Extricate yourself from the situation. Getting physical out of anger is the lowest of the low & completely inexcusable.

I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend hit me, but I had one boyfriend who, when drunk, once got to the point of almost being physically aggressive. I was terrified & completely enraged, & I yelled something like, “If you %^&*$ing touch me or behave like this again consider this OVER” at the top of my lungs. (There may have been more expletives involved!) He never got like that ever again but if it had gone any further, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have gone to the police & been out of there for good.

Relationships are tricky though, especially abusive ones. Often a lot of us just end up repeating the cycles we’ve seen at home, so if your father hit your mother or vice versa, sometimes we think that’s just the way things are. (It’s not.) Not to mention, there’s a lot of psychological stuff which goes on behind-the-scenes. Often the aggressor will make their partner feel as if they’ve deserved the abuse, or threaten them if they say they’re going to leave, which can make it really difficult for someone to escape. Unpleasant & dramatic as it may be, you — whoever you are, & whatever you’ve done in the past — deserve better than someone who hurts you, whether it’s emotional, physical or sexual. You deserve someone who treats you with absolute respect & nothing but love.

Have you ever experienced violence or abuse in an intimate relationship? What did you do about it? What would you encourage others to do if they found themselves in a similar situation?

I’m really upset by what happened between them but my only hope is that this whole situation has made people realise that this kind of thing DOES go on, all the time, all over the place. I wish more people would speak out against it. Awareness is important, & so is sending a message that it’s not acceptable behaviour from anyone.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Lightcasting February 2009

[ 23 February 2009, 20:53 ]

I wrote about Lightcasting Day last month, explaining what it is & why we should (or can) do it. Well, it’s that time again! I thought I’d tell you what each sign should be focussing on this month in order to make optimal progress! Mega-big-ups, props & thanks to SoulGarden for all the excellent work they do & information they provide!

Aquarius Your self-esteem & self-worth. If you think about it, everything you want to generate comes from loving yourself. If you want to make money, you have to believe you’re valuable; if you want to be in love, you have to believe you’re loveable! Everything stems from there.

Pisces This month is about generating a new persona & a new ego. This also extends to the kind of first impressions you make & how you behave within the world. Happy? Defensive? Passive? It’s up to you!

Aries Breaking old cycles, getting rid of old fears & changing habits which don’t serve you any more. Do you feel tethered to a relationship or job which isn’t making you happy? What do you want to end for good?

Taurus Your role in society — the friends you have, the people you know & how you feel about your position in the world are all in focus this month. Visualise the social life you want to have!

Gemini Your career, work & legacy. This is a great time to think about what kind of work you’d like to be doing, think about the kind of recognition you want & the sort of impact you want to make on the world.

Cancer Changing your beliefs. Some of your old beliefs may not be working for you, & it’s time to shake them up. Open your mind & your horizons will expand. This also covers the areas of education, learning or travel.

Leo Boundaries & intimacy. Do you let people get too close, or not close enough? Do you always say yes — or always say no? How do you want to re-draw these lines?

Virgo Marriages. This basically means rethinking anything you have a long-term commitment to, like intimate relationships, best friends, careers & even the way you relate to yourself!

Libra It’s time for a lifestyle change! How would you like your daily life to be? Changing your lifestyle will impact on everything else, too. Visualise how you’d like your life to look in the future.

Scorpio Personal dreams, thinking big & looking after your inner child! You know what it is you really want, it might just be that you haven’t been listening. Pay attention & dream big!

Sagittarius Focus on your foundations. This means how you treat yourself, your home life, & recovering from or processing early childhood experiences which have impacted on you. See yourself moving on & learning, or decide to manifest a peaceful home life.

Capricorn Consider your attitude towards life — is it working for you? It’s a good time to journal or talk to your friends about how you’re feeling, it will help you get clarity & renewed focus for manifesting a better attitude.

If you’re kind of in tune with the universe & use your intuition quite well, you might have noticed that the issues relevant to your sign are already quite big in your life. For the last week or so, I’ve been thinking about relationships & work a lot — even more than usual, haha! So take the things you’ve churning around your head, write them down, & then use them as fuel to work out what you want.

I just did my lightcasting for the day, & rather than just thinking about it or visualising it — which can kind of seem a bit airy-fairy & maybe like you’re “not doing it properly” — I employed a new technique which I feel really good about!

I turned to a new page in my Moleskine journal & made three headings. Since Virgos are looking at marriages, there were three areas I wanted to look at: love or intimate relationships, work & career, & the way I relate to & treat myself. Then I stepped away from the computer (always helpful!) & started making some notes in all 3 categories. What did I want? What did I not want? How did I want to feel about it? Then when I felt like it was complete, I took a big drink of water & did a bunch of rounds of EFT while I read it aloud to myself & visualised it at the same time.

The bonus of using EFT is that it helps you clear any internal or subconscious resistance you might have to the things you’re going after. For example, if you say you want a loving relationship but you’re actually afraid of getting close to people, there’s going to be a conflict of interest. As long as you have that fear — even if you’re not aware you have it, which happens all the time — you’re going to find it difficult to manifest the things you want. EFT helps break that stuff down, & I’ve found it’s also extremely useful for helping you realise where your blockages or issues are.

What are your best tips, tricks, secrets or techniques for visualising or manifesting things in your life?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Daily Outfit -- 19th February 2009

[ 19 February 2009, 06:42 ]

Purple wool hat (itchy!)
Necklace by Aroha Silhouettes
Royal blue racerbank tank dress from American Apparel
Sequinned hooded jacket from Forever 21
Pyramid stud belt
Stockings & suspenders (I didn’t take a picture of me lifting my skirt this time, that would make it 3 days in a row & you know… I might get accused of being an attention seeker! HAHA! You’ll just have to take my word for it!)
Guess platform mary janes
Ye olde watch & bracelet assortment

GOOD NEWS! You can win the necklace I’m wearing! (Well, not this exact one. That might be kind of weird.) My friend Tania recently founded Aroha Silhouettes, a jewellery company which recycles old vinyl records to make fabulous pieces. Clever, huh? She wants to give away a necklace each to FIVE lucky nonpareils — you even get to choose which one you want!

To be in for your chance to win, just tell us what your favourite album is & why!

One of my all-time favourites is Disintegration by The Cure, especially on vinyl, played on a rainy day. It’s perfect from start to finish! So… how about you? You have 48 hours to enter, & winners will be notified via email!

P.S. Hey, remember this day last year?!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iCiNG Stories: Love

[ 16 February 2009, 17:51 ]

The other day I was looking out a window, thinking about the people that read this site, & how interesting they (you!) all are. Every time I post something, you reveal a little bit more of yourselves, & it’s amazing to me. Imagine the collective knowledge, creativity & magic if we put all our brains in a database!

I want to give you more of an opportunity to participate in iCiNG. So I had this idea that we could do regular story-telling sessions, where we all write about one topic.

What you tell us doesn’t even have to be true, it can be pure imagination if you’d prefer, but honestly I think real life is stranger & more wonderful than fiction…

The first topic is love, romance, infatuation, deliciousness. What do you remember?

For me, it’s Virgo poet boys who write about you & send you their work to critique. It’s people who write your initials + theirs inside a heart on a picnic table. It’s being presented with a dozen cupcakes when I arrived in New York, sneaking through casinos with my Virgo wife, & men who buy you a copy of their favourite book. It’s waltzing with my almost-lover at 4am to Frank Sinatra. It’s boys who sing to you in the botanical gardens & boyfriends who throw you surprise birthday parties in extravagant hotel rooms. It’s bat signals & entire albums written about you & unexpected phonecalls. It’s signs from the universe just when I stopped thinking about him. It’s the way the air between us is electric. It’s those moments of sweet wonder when everything falls into place. It’s stacks & stacks of letters, notebooks full of heartbreak which served as a kind of prayer, & holding hands in foreign countries.

Tell us about your sweetest moments!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Tutu Mania!

[ 12 February 2009, 17:14 ]

What would make this Valentine’s Day perfect for you? A box of chocolates? A new vibrator? A semi-automatic weapon?!

How about a tutu? A tutu is the ultimate addition to your wardrobe; I’m convinced of it. (& yet somehow I don’t have one! I plan on remedying this crisis soon!) Okay, so how does this all tie together? I got an email from this amazing woman called Lynne Bruning the other day. She said, “Would you one of your nonpareils like a tutu for Valentine’s Day?” You probably don’t need to know how I responded; you can probably guess.

Long story short, Lynne is giving away a tutu to one of YOU. A magnificent, super-fluffy, frilltastic, poofalicious, mind-melting mass of tuturiffic wonderfulness! How your prize looks is up to you — she has a selection of different colours & sizes so you can pick the one which you love best! YES! Tutu MANIA for EVERYONE!

Want your own tutu? Of course you do! All you have to do is…
Tell us your absolute favourite way to cheer up!
(Other than flouncing to the supermarket in a fabulous tutu, of course…)

My answer? Watching this. (Oh my god. CUTE.)

You have 24 hours to enter the contest, & the winner will be drawn completely at random. The only caveat is that it needs to be shipped within the United States. (If you live in England but have a friend in the States who would send it on, though, please feel free to enter!) Good luck!

By the way, if you don’t have any plans for Saturday, why don’t you hit up the fabric store, load up Lynne’s TuTu Crazy instructable & make one yourself?!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Gala's Valentine's Day Gift Guide

[ 8 February 2009, 20:19 ]

Valentine’s Day. A time of super-cute awesomeness or an overly-commercial swindle? It’s totally up to you!

I think Valentine’s Day is great, even though this is going to be the first time I haven’t had a valentine in years. (Maybe we could all be each others’ valentine!) Love is magnificent & should be celebrated every chance we get, & even if you feel like there isn’t a lot of that around you, take this opportunity to celebrate the love that is coming to you, right now. Feel it, believe it, visualise it, soak it up. Yum yum!

If you actually look at it, Valentine’s Day is a really interesting phenomenon. For example, in 2008 in Saudi Arabia, religious police banned any Valentine’s Day items (even anything red!) from being sold on February 14th, considering it an un-Islamic holiday — & so created a black market for roses & wrapping paper! How amazing is that?!

So here’s my disclaimer. I know a lot of people dislike Valentine’s Day because it’s such an exercise in consumerism. I have heard “Why should we only celebrate love on one day?!” as an argument more than enough times. Fair enough. I hear you. I’ve got your number. But — let me be blatantly honest here — that doesn’t give you an excuse to be a mean, party-pooping tight-ass. You might think you’re being awesome & anti-establishment but your girlfriend still feels bad when everyone but her gets flowers. Okay? So do something. Anything. It doesn’t have to cost money! Give your partner a great massage, make their favourite meal, go for a walk & have a good discussion about something, whatever you like — just be as cool a person as you know you can be!

Having said all of this, here are some things I’ve found while trawling around the internet that I think would make great Valentine’s Day gifts for your lover, spouse, best friend or even yourself! (I find it hard to resist heart-shaped items at the best of times.) A lot of these items come from Etsy. Buy handmade where you can!

Put it on: clothing, accessories & other treats

Conversation hearts are one of the coolest things ever, but I don’t think they taste too wonderful, so why not take the concept & expand on it? J2 Jewelry will customise a silver conversation heart on a chain. Wicked awesome. I Sew Cute makes resin heart necklaces — I like this one filled with red & pink nonpareils, but then, I would! Here’s another conversation heart necklace from Fatally Feminine, except this time it’s pink & sparkly, & Maisey Handmade makes candy heart felted fingerless mitts, perfect for your cutie.

Margaux Lange is clever; her necklace The Kiss proves it! (The rest of her stuff is pretty incredible too. Barbie boobie heart, anyone?!)

Freyagushi is mega-talented. I love her Medical Contessa Couture corset. A lot.

Safe sex is rad. Why not present loverboy with a selection of condoms with a picture of the two of you on them?! Why not, indeed! If that’s a bit weird for you, how about Trevor Brown or Coop condoms, a hallowe’en assortment, tri-colour or kimono colour condoms or a bottle of Astroglide?

Moving along…

Ahhhrt: making you cooler & smarter than everyone else since the dawn of time

My friend Star is an incredible illustrator. Why don’t you buy a birdcage heart shirt or a print of one of her cute girls?

Sam Brown of Exploding Dog is doing an awesome Valentine’s Day print special. Plus if you order today, it should arrive just in the nick of time!

My friends at Phokki (who are sponsoring me this week, woo!) offer a wicked service where they’ll turn a photo into art! Want an amazing portrait done of you & your beloved? Hollaaaaa!

JustMyLuckDesigns has conversation heart vinyl wall stickers in any colour you like. Studio JK does them too. If you share a place with your lover, put them on the wall as a surprise!

Mix it up: a menagerie of alternative ideas!

Call your favourite cupcakerie & have them send 6 or 12 cupcakes in a tantalising flavour to the object of your affections. Even better, make your own & buy some toppers to stick in them. Goosegrease does cute stamped dolls which would make anyone smile, but honestly, Etsy is a major treasure trove for that kind of thing!

Embark on a three day raw passion sextox. Uh huh!

If you & your kissing buddy like nothing better than going to the movies, get them a book of cinema vouchers. Borrow your friend’s boat & have lunch on the ocean. Make out in public. Present her with a slew of concert tickets for the next 6 months. Pay his extravagant library fines. Write a song. Buy them a copy of your favourite book. Get two tickets to Burning Man. Buy an orchid & decorate the pot with crystals. Plan a scavenger hunt. Paint something. Buy them a new pair of speakers or headphones. Fill up their iPod with some of your favourite songs. Take a bubble bath together & talk about the future. Go out dancing. Adopt an animal together from your local pet shelter (but think about it first!). If you’re in England, build them a snowman! Or you could just show up looking devilishly marvellous & get it on!

It’s all about you, baby

Valentine’s Day is also an excellent excuse to splurge on yourself. Like you needed one! At least, I hope you didn’t!

Don’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, lover or crush? First of all, kudos for not being in an unhappy relationship just for the sake of being with someone! Secondly, be good to yourself. Valentine’s Day is about love, & of course the most important person to love is yourself! Go & get a facial or a luxurious massage. Buy devastatingly fabulous lingerie & celebrate the fact that you’re your own lover! Agent Provocateur & Kiki De Montparnasse are perennial favourites, but I just discovered Hopeless & I’m head over heels. I don’t even like cats & that stuff makes me want to say meow. My friends at Madame Rouge have put together a fabulous Valentine’s Day deal on their Nouveau Ruffle set — I own the whole set & love it like mad, the bra especially. It is sauce central! So here it goes: if you quote “freebriefs” when you check out, it will either give you a g-string for nothing, or treat you to the boy shorts for only $6! Woo woo!

Make yourself smell delicious with a lick of fragrance from LuckyScent (my favourite). This double-decker window necklace is perfect for the sassy single girl (or your sassy single best friend). Deck yourself out in a poofy neon tutu & rock the city without apologies. Valentine’s Day is on a Saturday this year, so no excuses! Go PINK! Buy yourself an incredible dress or something fun from New York Couture. Hit up your favourite sex boutique for some premium self-lovin’. Crank up the music & hoop until you can’t hoop any more. Send emails to all your favourite people telling them exactly why you love them. Bake cookies & write obscene words on them. Make a teepee in your living room & spend the day writing inside it.

Random Valentine’s Day fun

Valentine’s Day is also a great time to go wild on all the heart-shaped treasures which the stores are crammed with right now. If you’re a fan of red or hot pink, even better! You could deck out an entire palace with the stuff that’s available this month! Even better, on the 15th it all goes on sale! Snap it up!

Throw a Valentine’s Day party.

Go for a spin on a ferris wheel. (There is method behind my madness, I swear.)

Make miniature chilli chocolate cupcakes with chilli chocolate ganache frosting. I have made these before, & they are unbelievable.

So… what are you doing for Valentine’s Day? I’m thinking about booking myself into a spa during the day, & getting dressed up & going out dancing with a bunch of friends that night. Sounds perfect to me!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iCiNG Transformation Challenge: 9/28

[ 8 February 2009, 16:48 ]

Okay, it’s Monday. We’re well into our second week of the iCiNG Transformation Challenge, so it’s time to reassess. What’s working so far & what isn’t? What can you alter in your lifestyle to help support what you want to do?

Would it be helpful if you changed your routines? Set a schedule? Watched an hour less of television every night?

There are two things which assist me in eating a high level of raw & getting a lot of hooping in. The first is having lots of yummy raw snacks around, especially raw chocolate — so stocking up at the organics store is important. Secondly, I get so much more enjoyment out of hooping when I have good music to listen to while I do it, so keeping my music collection topped up is a big one too!

How about you?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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I Can't Believe It; I Didn't Get Into University!

[ 2 February 2009, 13:50 ]

To answer your question — well, it’s pretty simple really. Once you get past all the panic, you’ll see that you can do anything you like. (This is always the case. You can always do anything you like.)

In my opinion, you should do something fun with your time, & re-apply next semester — if you want to. Who knows how your life will change in that time? When the next semester rolls around, you could be a completely different person, selling tea in Morocco, totally enchanted by the landscape & your new beloved. Your distant dreams of being an accountant may seem very far away.

I understand that you’re disappointed & were really looking forward to kicking off this whopping new chapter of your life. Maybe you planned on starting university with all your friends — now, they appear to be moving forward while you’re stuck in one place. Don’t worry about that, it’s an illusion. The disappointment will pass, & just because your friends are doing something doesn’t mean you need to do it too. That’s their path, not yours. You don’t have to operate on their time-line — in fact, your life will probably be much more interesting & satisfying if you don’t.

There’s no reason why you need to start now, & if you, like me, subscribe to the concept of everything happening for a reason, then you might like to view this new twist as a blessing from the universe. A shining opportunity to learn more about who you are, what you want, & where you really want to go.

University might have been part of your grand life plan, but life is full of curve-balls, surprises & trickery. That’s what makes life juicy! When things don’t go “our way” — or the way we think they should go — we pout & stomp about & generally flail around until… well, until we get over it. I suggest skipping the tantrum part if you can. Right now, I’m really into this idea of organic progression. I completely made that phrase up, but it’s basically a more palatable idea (to me) than “go with the flow”. What it means is not pushing back when life takes an unexpected turn — just paying attention, staying present, watching for the long-eyelashed wink of the universe & taking your cue. It is entirely possible that the universe is throwing you a big, delicious bone — but you can’t see it because you’re so wrapped up in things happening the way you want them to. As clever as we all think we are, we humans don’t always know what is “best” for us!

I really believe that within everything supposedly “negative” that happens in our lives — misfortunes, heartbreak, difficult relationships — there is an opportunity to spin that into something amazing. It is this incredibly fabulous chance to sort through some of your own scrumptious human messiness & emerge at the other side, slightly bloody but victorious, with a greater understanding of yourself, life & the people around you.

These extra months that have been bestowed upon you are a gift from above — it’s just that it was wrapped in unappealing paper. Who knows what’s next for you? You might even discover your real, actual, true life purpose, & you might not need a university degree to live out that purpose with love & passion! Even better, you get to figure all this stuff out without the stress of paying course fees or taking exams!

This is a beautiful time for you, full of magic & fortune & freedom. Enjoy it.

Extra credit: When was the last time that an unfortunate turn of events was actually something fabulous in disguise?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iCiNG Transformation Challenge Preparation

[ 30 January 2009, 15:56 ]

A couple of days ago I decided what I’m going to do for my personal iTC. It’s not super-adventurous or anything; in fact, it’s exactly what I did last year — but because the thought of it makes me feel uncomfortable, I know I should be doing it. (The word “challenge” is in the title for a reason!)

My iCiNG Transformation Challenge is going to be centered around exercising every day (which I am pretty much doing already, but I want to be much more conscious about doing it), & eating 100% raw.

With exercise, I am already hooping for about an hour on average every day, & I love it, but what I want to do is turn my exercise into more of a meditation. I want to be really present, really grounded, & experience the ecstasy of movement. Sometimes I feel like the heavens are french-kissing me while I hoop dance, but I want to feel that when I’m doing yoga, weights, walking, etc. too! It’s my intention to have exercise feel less like a tedious chore than an exploration of bliss & an expression of adoration for the universe. Working love into everyday life, that’s me, that’s my mission!

As for the food… Last year when I did this, my boyfriend was eating 100% raw too, which made life way easier. We were both going through the same thing, we could talk about our cravings, & talk each other out of going to KFC. This time I’m pretty much doing it alone — even though I have you guys! — so I know I need to put some systems in place to help support me as I do this. Especially since I will also be in the midst of organising & packing for my trip back to the USA!

Here are some things I think will help — & this might give you some ideas as to how you can set up support systems for your own challenge.

I’m going to get more involved in the raw community. One of the reasons that even the most well-intentioned raw foodists go off their greens is because of lack of support or community. Let’s face it, radically altering your diet has consequences & alters your social life quite a lot. There are lots of other people around the world rocking raw food like nobody’s business, but because you don’t know they exist, often you feel like a solo juicing voyager, travelling alone, confused & adrift. That’s why it is so important to get involved with a good community of raw people, whether in your city or just online, & for most of us, Give It To Me Raw is an awesome place to get started. Give It To Me Raw was invaluable to me when I first started going raw, & is always my go-to when I have a question about something. So whatever it is you’re doing, do a bit of research & seek out people who have suceeded at doing that same thing. Then start to talk to them. Trust me, you’ll thank me later!

I’ve decided to listen to at least one raw food podcast a day, because another great way to combat the loneliness is to get actively involved & learn some new things! It helps keep you inspired & excited, gives you lots of ideas & reminds you once again that you’re not the only person doing it. One way I love to do this is by listening to podcasts & watching videos. In the case of raw food, there are so many great raw food podcasts, uncooking shows & instructional videos online that you can totally take your pick! There will be oodles of information on what you want to do too, so get searchin’!

I had a good think about my motivation. I admit to being shallow & superficial, & honestly, the bulk of my reasons for wanting to get back to raw food revolve around how it makes me look. The way it makes me feel (clear-headed, smart, alert, ecstatic) are just a bonus, but I feel like ultimately, they are what will keep me wanting to eat raw — as well as the fact that I know, deep down, that eating raw is right for me, & the best thing I can do for myself right now. Going off raw food late last year taught me that — the difference was huge. (Oh, & I just found this article on Zen Habits: 10 Reasons Eating Raw Is Healthier For You & The Planet!)

My point in saying this is that you need to know why you’re doing what you’re doing. Joining a gym or going vegan just because you “think you should” isn’t going to cut it when you’re craving cheese or a sleep-in — you need a reason which really means something to you. My suggestion is to have a really good, investigative probe into your own motivation, & be honest with yourself. Do you want to go vegan for animal rights, or do you actually want to try it because you want to lose a few pounds? Take that honesty & then write it down. You can put it on Post It notes around your house, write it in your journal or rearrange your alphabet fridge magnets to spell it out, but putting things in writing — especially where you can see them often — is very powerful.

I’m going to be good to myself… & you should be too! Don’t expect to be perfect, because no one is, & as you move through the steps of your challenge, it is almost inevitable that there will be times where you stumble. Having said that, don’t expect you will fail, either — we attract what we think about, so thinking that way is totally counter-productive! Just concentrate on doing the best you can every day, & if you mess it up, it’s cool. Tomorrow is another day. I think it’s important to aim for consistency, not perfection (something I learned from Dhru & Nature Love!), because it sets us up to form positive habits & routines rather than expecting to become a saint overnight. I am going to do my best to eat 100% raw every day, but if I eat some toast or devour a plate of potato salad, I’m not going to flagellate myself. What’s the point?! The way I see it, we’re trying to make positive changes to our lives, & that doesn’t include beating ourselves up for being human! You & I are to be commended for even making these first steps. Remember that!

Alright — so having taken all that in, what steps are you going to take to build your own support system?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Horoscopes For The Year Of The Ox!

[ 26 January 2009, 19:25 ]

2009 is the year of the ox. The ox in Chinese astrology is similar to Capricorn in Western astrology — a sign of practicality & stability. The ox is known for being dutiful & responsible. The Chinese believe that the year of the ox is an ideal year in which to build a solid foundation, & to plant seeds from which you will benefit later. Being diligent & patient will reap you great rewards!

Here are your individual horoscopes for the Chinese new year!

Ox 1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 2009

The male ox will have better romantic luck than females this year. Women are expected to have lots of short-term romances, & will need to take the initiative in the romantic department more than usual this year — so pounce that saucy stranger! Men are much more likely to meet someone with whom they could spend a few years with. There is a star of wealth shining on the ox this year, signifying slow but steady financial progress. Don’t push or rush anything, just stay the course. The main thing to concentrate on this year is interpersonal relationships. Decide to become a better friend & lover by learning to communicate!

Tiger 1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998

Tigers will probably be frustrated by the slow pace of this year. Learning patience & restraint might be their major lesson! Don’t make any sudden decisions, especially when you’re angry, because it’s extremely likely that you’ll get into trouble if you do! It’s possible that people around you will distrust or betray you this year, so be cautious. Don’t tell everyone everything! Be careful signing contracts & documents, too — be sure to double- or triple-check them. Having said all this, there are lucky stars shining on you too, especially when it comes to work. You will be very likely to get a promotion or raise this year.

Rabbit 1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999

This is a year for nesting & resting with friends & family. The people around you will take care of you in 2009. There are many stars of love & luck shining on you, which will make you even more charming & appealing than ever before! This is great news for single rabbits but rabbits in relationships need to be careful to resist temptation, for it will come your way this year! There will also be positive developments around home life, such as buying a new home or redecorating a current one.

Dragon 1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000

There will be major changes in the dragon’s life this year. It could go either way, so be prepared for a radical shake-up or wake-up! Stay conscious & present & optimistic. It is incredibly important that this year you work to maintain your integrity. Travelling a lot this year will help you create lots of positive energy around you. If you keep working hard this year, you will see good progress. Your relationships will be comfortable & easy.

Snake 1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001

2009 is a super-lucky for snakes! Act on opportunities & seize the moment! You have great luck in love & career this year — the chances of getting married or a huge promotion are excellent. You will meet influential people who will inspire & help you make more money as well as increasing your prestige. You should still be careful, though — you may want to save some money this year to help cover unexpected expenses or losses.

Horse 1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002

This is going to be a hectic year for horses as all kinds of things happen. You will have good & bad luck, but as long as you remember that everything brings opportunity & choices, you’ll be just fine! A lucky star which represents courage, social status & leadership is shining on you, meaning it is likely that you will do well at work & in moving up through the ranks! Learn to ask for help because this year you may need it. You may also find yourself moving house or country!

Sheep 1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003

Sheep are going to be insanely lucky in love this year, much more so than last year! Being single & unencumbered is a good thing for you right not because it gives you the opportunity to take your pick from any number of eligible bachelors or bachelorettes! There are stars of gossip (!) around you though, so be quiet — don’t gloat about your sordid romance(s)! Promotions, raises & great personal growth are also in the stars for you this year. You may feel lonely at times, but be grateful for what you have & 2009 will be a great success.

Monkey 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004

This is a year of travelling for the monkey, & amazingly, the more you travel, the more money you will earn! If you are in an academic or intellectual field, you will have a lot of luck too — your mind will be clear & creative, & you will have lots of energy. You will achieve a lot this year. Take extra classes if you can. You will have plenty of free time this year too, which should be spent associating with friends & family.

Rooster 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005

The rooster may have to work hard to generate happiness this year. This is not a time for complacency or just coasting along — in order for 2009 to be a success, you will need to make a concerted effort. Someone is going to look after you & influence you a lot. It’s a great time to gain on what you lost in recent years, & your prestige & reputation are increasing.

Dog 1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006

This year brings dramatic change for dogs — whether that’s good or bad is up to you! Concentrate on the positive & you will enjoy yourself much more. Make an effort to travel when you can & attend social engagements. Dogs who work in the creative or design industries will feel more inspired than ever this year, & will get lots of appreciation & recognition for their work. You might argue with your family more than usual this year, & all your hard work, while fun, may stress you out. Spend time with friends & relax whenever you can.

Pig 1911, 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995

This is a bright year full of wonder, with lots of love & career luck. Pigs in relationships might get married or pregnant, while single female pigs are encouraged to travel to far-flung lands to find the love of their life! Long-term relationships are in the cards for pig ladies. The stars for clear thinking are shining brightly this year, which is great news for pigs whose work is intellectual or creative. It is also likely that you will gain a lot of recognition for the work you’ve done. This year, pigs should follow their instincts but avoid taking unnecessary risks. Mood swings, frustration & difficulty communicating may affect you but overall, 2009 will be a fantastic year.

Rat 1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996

Romance could be tricky for rats this year. Many of you in long-term relationships will come to the realisation that the person you’re with is not the one you actually want. However, that’s the only area of 2009 which presents problems, because everything else looks wonderful. This is a great year for your career, especially for those people who work outdoors or have positions of leadership or authority. Rats will eat a lot of good food this year too, but should take care not to overindulge! The elder family members of rats may have health problems, & rats are discouraged from engaging in risky sports because the chance of getting harmed is high! Overall, rats will make great progress this year as long as they know that good things take time.

What sign are you & what do you think of your predictions for the year? I’m a pig (oink oink!) & everything sounds pretty good to me!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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The iCiNG Transformation Challenge Starts On Sunday!

[ 26 January 2009, 01:31 ]

You asked for it, you got it! The second annual (wow!) iCiNG Transformation Challenge starts at the end of the week — on Sunday 1st February, & will run for 28 days.

GET PUMPED, BABY!

For those of you who weren’t here for it last year, the iCiNG Transformation Challenge is an opportunity to achieve something you’ve wanted to do for a while but as yet, haven’t quite managed to hit out of the park. Last year, my personal challenge was to exercise in some form every day & eat 100% raw. Other people changed bad habits, revamped relationships, made steps towards doing more fulfilling work, transitioned their diet, worked on artistic projects, stopped smoking or taking drugs, etc. There is no limit as to what you can or can’t do within the challenge — it’s totally up to you.

Last year it was a raging success, with over 1500 participants from all over the world. There’s something really powerful about feeling like you’re not the only person making change in their life, & having a group of people around you who you know you can discuss it with! Sometimes when we decide to alter something in our lifestyle, our friends, families & lovers aren’t supportive. They feel threatened or they don’t have all the information or are obstructed by issues of their own, & so they resist us making those changes. That can make it really difficult to change our patterns & behaviour, because ultimately we all want to be liked — especially by people who are close to us. The iTC is wonderful for this very reason because we’re all in it together, & we all want everyone else in the group to do well. It’s a good way to make friendships & form bonds, too!

Essentially what happens is that I provide an area on iCiNG where we can all discuss our progress & give one another support. I think it’s good to check in on a daily basis & talk about our various challenges. It helps keep you engaged & excited about your transformation. I’ll be acting as head cheerleader, cheering you all on, pom-poms & all, posting daily inspiration, ideas & encouragement, as well as articles that I think will be relevant to what you’re going through.

I set up an iCiNG Transformation Challenge mailing list last year, which was really useful for a lot of people, but this year, I’m going to do it all out loud, in public. As cool as it is to get an email every day about the iTC, there was no way for anyone to search it or find it unless you were already in on it. I think this kind of thing should be in the public arena, so that anyone who wants to start their own challenge at a later date has everything at their fingertips. (You can still get iTC updates that way simply by subscribing to iCiNG via email!)

Okay, so you have six or seven days to organise yourself for your own personal challenge. Have a think about what you’d like to make happen next month, & how you can prepare for that. If you have no idea where to begin, raw food coach Karen Knowler has a great PDF on 13 great ways to improve your life — it’s really valuable for everyone, & you can download it for free here!

So whatever you want to do, start doing some research. Then begin to gather resources or whatever it is you think you’ll need in order to support you in your journey… & we’ll reconvene on Sunday! YAY! Are you excited?! I am!

When you know what you want to achieve, come back here & let us know what your intentions for the month are! Then we can start discussing & brainstorming it all! This will also help give me ideas about what sort of articles would help you most!

I’ll leave you with these words from the new American president (!!!), Barack Obama, which I think are perfectly appropriate!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Violently Happy

[ 17 January 2009, 17:52 ]

I know we’ve done this before, but last time it was so great I almost exploded!

Post a photo of yourself looking REALLY, deliriously happy in the comments!

Definitely a good way to round off the weekend. I love this!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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2009: Words Which Mean Something

[ 31 December 2008, 15:42 ]

I noticed last year that when I was writing my weekly “to do” list, & setting intentions for the week, that it was really helpful to have a phrase that I could remember easily. One thing I wrote on my lists pretty regularly was “raw power” — meaning, essentially, eat more raw food! To me, the phrase “raw power” encapsulates everything it needs to. In my head, it translates to, “Eat as much raw food as you can, but don’t freak out about it. Just do your best. You’ll look more radiant, your brain will work better, & you’ll feel happier. Okay, go!” It’s much faster to just write RAW POWER! It helps keep me on track.

Here are my mottos for 2009, all of which I am embracing fully & doing my best to live with passion & purpose! Just like “raw power” above, these phrases have multi-layered meanings for me.

What are they?

I have a copy of this stuck into the front of my 2009 Moleskine. Just like the manifesto I wrote about two days ago, it’s another way to keep myself on track this year.

Do you have any mottos to guide you in the coming year? If not, will you make some?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What's Going To Be In Your Bag On New Year's Eve?

[ 28 December 2008, 13:08 ]

Ideas:
Blotting papers (for taking the shine out of those sweaty moments); false eyelash glue (there’s nothing worse than an eyelash-slip at an inopportune moment!); bunny ears (no explanation necessary!); condoms (ditto — & if you’re rolling celibate, give them to your friends!); perfume (especially good if your friend vomits on your shoes); sunglasses (you never know!); camera (if you don’t document it, it didn’t happen!); wallet; bubble gun (they make everything more exciting); champagne (& a pink straw or two); lip gloss (for smoochin’!); heart-shaped sparklers (!!!); pink marker (for phone numbers, genius ideas, etc.); photobooth strips (ditto on the “pics or it didn’t happen” thing); phone; subway card.

Usually I’m a bit of a girl scout — prepared for every eventuality! Virgo sensibility, for real! But this year, I’m going to do my best to pack light. I want to DANCE, & it’s hard to do that with a big bag over your shoulder!

How about you?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Un Petit Reminder!

[ 14 December 2008, 00:42 ]

If any of you have questions you’d like to ask me for my interview — which goes live on Tuesday! — this is your last opportunity!

You can ask me anything you want! For example…
Why do you hate bananas?
What’s the deal with you & Nubby being married?
What are your plans for 2009?
You say things are your favourite all the time, do you actually know what that word means?
If you didn’t live in New York City, what would be your second choice?
Why are you so obsessed with Virgos?
Why do you stand like that in every single photo?
Who is your nemesis?
Is it going to rain on Tuesday?
Will you adopt me?

All you need to do is click here & seal it with a kiss!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Avoid Regressing When You Stay With Your Parents (Alternate Title: How To Survive A Family Christmas)

[ 10 December 2008, 22:22 ]

My friend & I were discussing spending Christmas with our families the other day. Here’s part of her email.

“I find myself regressing when I stay with my parents. There are inherent things that I find frustrating about the way we relate to each other… I get pissed off at them and I don’t want to be like that any more.

I guess I’m in a weird situation with my parents where I feel like I need to do what Mum does when I’m staying with her. She is ultra clean to the point of being an anal freak and she never sits down, so she is constantly moving constantly working constantly cleaning something doing SOMETHING. It’s a quality that I really admire in her and I want to be like that but I’m just not. When I get home after dealing with f*ckwits for 8 hours solid I relax by cooking and I make a glorious mess. I do the dishes with my husband and then I want to read or take my dog for a walk, pot around my garden or write in my journal and basically chill out in a productive but gentle way.

...I really want to encourage you to write that article, I think pretty much everyone I know ends up squabbling with their parents/regressing when they have to go back there. It’s such an awkward thing. I think a lot of it comes down to no matter how old you are, if you can’t adhere to your parents routine don’t overstay past the point where you become their daughter returned to interrupt their lives rather than a welcome guest.

How do you relate to your parents? Is everything cool these days?”

Oooooh, what a subject!

I definitely used to regress when I went back home to stay with my parents, even though I have been living out of home for years. It was almost like as soon as I stepped over that familiar threshold, I turned back into that loathsome 16 year old that I thought I had left behind.

I would become surly, uncooperative, selfish, grumpy & charmless — very teenage Gala at her worst moments! Not pretty! & I couldn’t understand it. Even the smallest request had me reacting completely churlishly. What was it that made me behave like that? What made me so short-tempered & unpleasant? Was it just the fact that my parents were completely insufferable, & I was brilliant, therefore they had no rights to ask me to do anything at all ever?!

Well, um, no, not exactly. The way I see it, it’s all about repeating patterns. Most of us lived with at least one of our parents until we were about 18, which is a very long time. In that time, thousands of patterns & routines were established, & that’s the thing about a pattern: it can be hard to break, especially when you’re thrown back into the situation or environment in which you are used to acting (or reacting) a certain way.

I really don’t mind cleaning up after myself, rinsing my dishes, making my bed. In fact, I do those things of my own volition when I’m in my apartment. But for some reason, it used to be that when I came back home & my parents asked me to do one of those things, I would react badly. I would grumble, complain, pout. “Just a minute,” I’d yell. Several minutes would pass. They would harass me to get off the internet. (Geek, you see.) I wouldn’t want to. Things got ugly.

Thankfully, that phase has passed.

I feel very fortunate in that my parents & I get along very well these days, & even after spending weeks (or months) together, we still all get along. Hopefully just saying that will give someone reading this hope, because when I was a teenager, our humble home was not always the most delightful scene. Familial relations do improve, & it’s not just mine — these days, most of my friends get along with their parents much better than they did when they were teenagers, feuding constantly.

I think part of the reason why my family & I can coexist peacefully now is that I have been out of home for long enough that I don’t really identify myself with them any more. That sounds weird, I know, but let me explain. When I left home at 18, I moved 600 kilometres away & since then, we have never lived in the same city. I have now been away long enough that I feel like I know who I am. I’m not just “Jonathan’s daughter” any more — I have lived in Auckland, in Melbourne & New York, have had many adventures & expeditions, & me & my lifestyle are so far removed from their routines & patterns that all the things they used to do that drove me crazy don’t bother me any more. My parents are nutty in their own delightful way, but I guess what happened is that I don’t take that stuff personally these days. They can do whatever they like & it doesn’t affect me. They are just people. It’s cool, & it doesn’t bother me.

Another thing that can make life tough is that most of us feel a reasonable amount of pressure when we return to the family nest. There are always so many questions, & the opportunity to delve much deeper into issues than you ever can by telephone. How is work going? How’s your relationship? Are you happy? How are you raising your children? Is everything going okay?

Our parents only want the best for us, which is sweet & touching, but sometimes we can’t help but wig out over all of that. We want to do things at our own pace, & when people ask us questions about things that maybe we’re working on but haven’t quite figured out yet, or that they think are important but we don’t, it can make us feel a bit nuts.

One thing that happens as we get older is that we become less partial to our family’s opinion of us. As we leave home & go out & experience the world for ourselves, we realise that we are capable of navigating things in our own way. With that comes the realisation that our parents are just people like anyone else. They do their best but they’re not perfect, & what they say is not gospel — just one person’s view. Some people resent their parents when they find this out!

Thankfully, I don’t feel like the child whose parents are waiting for them to blossom into something great, or to “make something” of myself any more, probably because I feel like I have done some pretty good stuff under my own steam. I am reasonably secure in my own identity these days, & even when my parents disapprove of something I’m doing, that doesn’t affect me anywhere near as much as it used to. (If I ever wonder about that, I just remember that they initially had their doubts about me starting this website!) I don’t know if they ever really put a lot of pressure on me, I probably put it on myself & thought it was them, but whatever the case, I feel much more comfortable just being myself around them these days.

Plus, when I come back to see them, I’ve actually had time to miss them & I’m looking forward to spending time with them again. If your parents just live around the corner though, I can definitely see how it might be a little bit of a how can I miss you if you won’t go away? situation!

It’s always weird going home, though. After all, your parents raised you (probably). To them, you are pretty much always going to be the kid that they devoted all their time to, so the way they see you is probably not the same way you see yourself. I think it shocks my parents that they never get to see me in my school uniform any more, especially based on the way they behave sometimes. My father will sometimes bring up old phrases or things I used to say as if it were yesterday — when I have all but forgotten the fact that I used to do this, that or the other thing.

Unfortunately, one of the things I’ve learned about “going back home” is that if you want to do it successfully, you really have to play by their rules, & sometimes those rules clash with your world view. Think you’re a successful adult in your own right, with an exciting love life & an independent lifestyle? Think again — especially if your friends want to call after your parents have gone to bed! Reigning all that stuff back in after you’re used to living by your own rules can be tough.

Sometimes it makes me laugh to think of huge celebrities going back home for Christmas. “I don’t care how many Grammys you’ve won, Mariah, can you just put your dishes in the dishwasher once you’re done?!”

Christmas can be especially difficult, because usually it’s not just you & your parents, it’s you & your extended family. I think there’s a lot of pressure on Christmas to be this magical time of family & shared jolliness, when sometimes it turns into a mud-slinging fest as soon as the first bottle of champagne is popped. Alcohol + relatives is almost a guaranteed method of discovering someone’s true nature!

We all feel like just because we’re related to one another, all of a sudden we should have lots in common, plenty to talk about, & a cozy feeling of brotherhood & kinship. Sometimes it can feel like our family is dysfunctional if we’re not all sitting around a fire laughing good-naturedly & knitting each other matching sweaters. It’s completely normal for small factions of our families to break off & go & smoke outside & complain about one aunt or another, for old grievances to resurface, or for someone to get hysterical over the turkey. It’s not necessarily what we want to happen, but it can & it does, & that’s okay. Families aren’t perfect.

The crucial thing about getting along with your family — also known as not buying into the bullshit — is to remember who you are. Who you are, not who everyone else thinks you are. We all play roles in our families, relationships & workplaces, but don’t let other people’s thoughts about who you are determine how you behave. There is no surer route to misery. Your parents might remember you as a child in the nativity play, your cousins might think of you as the kid who went through that weird goth phase, & your grandma might always remember you fondly as the girl she taught how to sew — no matter how old you get or how many children you have. All of those things may be true of your past, but you are more than the sum of other people’s memories. You are whoever you want to be, & even that can change from day to day. This Christmas you might be the turkey-carver, salad-bringer, champagne-pourer, couch-commando, peace-maker, pace-maker, whatever. Your family will have expectations of you — this is par for the course. But you don’t have to play into that role unless you want to; unless it serves you & makes you happy.

It’s extremely easy to act the role we’re used to playing, especially when everyone else in your family is playing their role perfectly. It’s like one big discordant orchestra, each person plucking their own badly-strung instrument. The thing is that if you can manage to break your own patterns — say, for example, instead of spending the day texting furiously, you help your mother with the turkey or give your uncle a break by looking after your cousin — you will remind everyone else that it doesn’t have to be the way it always has been.

The best way to survive a crazy family Christmas is to act as your ideal self, & hold up a light for everyone else. It’s just like those psychology experiments where someone who is brave enough to behave differently inspires others to do the same. Think how shocked your parents would be if you played the part of the dressed-up-ray-of-sunshine! It might even influence your father to neglect his typical role of the-man-who-gets-grumpy-after-too-many-beers, or prevent your mother from reprising her award-winning epic as the-woman-who-overcooks-everything-&-then-cries-about-it! After all, it’s hard to continue as you normally do if everyone around is behaving in a way that’s intensely out of character.

Before you cross the threshold, bearing gifts or grudges (& perhaps both), sit in your car & check yourself out in the mirror. Don’t just look for errant eyebrow hairs; use this time to re-group & centre yourself. How do you want this Christmas to go? Regardless of your religious beliefs, most people agree that December is about celebrating family & friendship — so think about how you’d like to do that. Does complaining about the meal, squabbling with your brother & getting into a passive-aggressive argument with your grandmother really embody the ideals you’re aspiring to? Is that how you want to see out the end of the year?

Christmas puddings may be the perfect size & weight for pelting at your irksome relatives, but if you can exercise some restraint, everyone will be better for it!

So, what are you doing to do differently this year? I haven’t had a family Christmas since 2005, & plenty has changed since then. I’m going to pay close attention to my mother, the one who holds it all together, since I’d like to throw a big (American! Winter!) Christmas bash next year…

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Gala's Christmas Wishlist

[ 1 December 2008, 13:28 ]

Extravagance a-go-go! Here’s what I’m lusting after this holiday season. If only Jay-Z was my boyfriend…

Darling necklace; Linda Farrow sunglasses; Swarovski ring; Jean Paul Gaultier ring; Linda Farrow vintage for Luella batgirl mask; Marc Jacobs clutch; shooting star earrings; insane ring; Céline heels; Wunderkind ankle boots; Céline boots; Cesare Paciotti heels; Death Metal Disco t-shirt; Rodarte gloves; sequinned bikini; Kaiya Eve tutu; Rick Owens boots; diamante piggybank; Shu Uemura diamante lashes; crucifix ring; external hard-drive; Pam psychic & mental t-shirt (you might recognise this — after researching this list online, I decided I loved it so much I went & bought it on Saturday!); Claude Maus knot t-shirt; Christian Lacroix dress; shredded black jeans (I will probably DIY it); Christian Louboutin Ariella studded boots; Christian Louboutin Orlan heels.

What do you desire for Christmas? (P.S. Gala’s Christmas gift-guide coming soon!)

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What Do You Want To Do Before 2008 Ends?

[ 7 November 2008, 14:29 ]

What do you want to achieve before the end of the year? You have 55 days to make something amazing happen!

By the start of 2009, my gift to myself will be having my three-year visa for the United States sorted out. SO EXCITED!

New York is where I want to be. It’s my favourite place, & it fills me with immense amounts of delight. I love this city, & I feel good here. That is worth pursuing. I’m so happy about the idea of putting down some roots & getting really comfortable.

There are a lot of steps (& a fair bit of cash) involved in the process, but it’s time to make it happen — & it’s my primary goal for the rest of the year.

How about you? What do you want to start — or finish?

If you have ideas but you’re not sure how to get going, have a look at… How To Set Amazing Goals Motivation New Year’s Resolution Ideas! Pow-Wows & The Law Of Attraction Being Happy

Make a plan, & make it real!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Bookworms Are Sexy

[ 4 November 2008, 10:00 ]

The reason for this post is shameless, but I thought it might make for some good discussion. (I have an Amazon gift certificate burning a hole in my virtual pocket, & I’m dying to put it to good use.)

Let’s talk about BOOKS! What have you read recently that you would recommend? What are you clamouring to get your hands on? What’s your favourite book of all time?

I personally really like to read about fashion, style, marketing, business, breaking rules, art, interesting social or psychological phenomena, self-development & horoscopes (haha!). I don’t read a lot of fiction these days, but my favourite authors are Charles Bukowski, Hunter S. Thompson, Anais Nin, Erica Jong, Francesca Lia Block, Bret Easton Ellis, Haruki Murakami & Vladimir Nabokov. (I also sometimes feel like the only person in the world who doesn’t adore Chuck Palahniuk or Irvine Welsh, & that’s okay with me!)

Go on then, be persuasive! What do you love? What book do you fervently recommend to your friends?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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I Cheated On My Lover. Now What?

[ 3 November 2008, 13:02 ]

Infidelity. First of all, let’s get this out in the open: cheating on someone is not cool, & there is no excuse. People have reasons for cheating, certainly, but that doesn’t excuse their behaviour. We are all in control of ourselves, after all.

Now, let me pose you a hypothetical situation. Let’s say you’re in a committed relationship, & have been for a while. 6 months have passed, maybe a year. Something happened — you met someone else, & you got involved. Now what? Should you come clean?

I discussed this a couple of weeks ago with a friend of mine, who will remain anonymous. He told me that he thought it was selfish to tell your partner if you’d cheated on them. He said that regardless of how important you personally felt it was to unburden or absolve yourself, it was ultimately self-indulgent & self-interested. He felt that dragging someone else into the situation you had created was unfair, & that no matter how good it felt to finally tell the truth, that would never balance against the pain they would feel upon hearing it.

I agree with that to a certain point, but the problem with it is that it grants the cheater all the control. It is then totally up to them to either continue the relationship (& leave their partner in the dark as to what has happened), or to bow to their conscience & end it.

It seems obvious that in a relationship, you should be open & honest — which means giving your partner all the information they need in order to make an informed decision. If you cheat on them, surely they should be given the chance to make a call as to whether they want to stay with you or not.

Why do people cheat in the first place? There are a million possible reasons, such as boredom, fear of commitment, the thrill of the chase, or just because the opportunity presented itself. If you have cheated in the past, I think it can be very valuable to look at the reasons why you did it, so that you can prevent it from happening in the future.

Another friend of mine, who will also remain anonymous, recently told me about her relationship patterns. She typically found it hard to break up with people, because she didn’t want to hurt them, so she would let it drag on & on until she got sick of them. She would be so sick of them, in fact, that she started to actively dislike them, & would move so far away emotionally that she started acting as if she was single. Then, as if by some miracle, she would meet someone else she liked. Things would progress, & after she slept with them, she felt like it was almost a “get out of jail free” card. She would think, ‘Oh, well, I obviously can’t stay with so&so any more”, & she would end the relationship (with great relief). She also never confessed about having cheated, thinking it was pointless now that the relationship was over, anyway.

I believe quite strongly that in order to cheat, there has to be some kind of problem in the relationship. Of course, that’s an easy statement to make, because most relationships have problems of some kind, but if you were perfectly happy with your man or woman of choice, how likely would you be to cheat?

Now, by saying that most people who cheat are acting out of imperfect relationships, I don’t mean to shift the blame to their unwitting partner, nor do I mean to point at the cheater & say, “It was all you!”. It is rarely that simple. Sometimes we have conflict because one person has a belief or a hang-up or an issue that their lover just isn’t capable of dealing with. They either lack the knowledge, or the tools, or the awareness, or simply the desire to tackle it. But sometimes it’s just that you two don’t communicate, or you’ve grown apart, or you have nothing in common any more. Sometimes you fall out of love. It happens.

One thing I do believe is that it’s not right to stay in a relationship with someone after you’ve gotten involved with someone else — whether that is emotional, physical or otherwise. (Sex on the astral plane!) Especially if you don’t tell them. If your partner is 100% committed to you, totally in love & everything else, I’d almost go so far as to say it’s not fair to monopolise them if you can’t bounce those feelings right back at them with just as much passion & devotion. I mean, if you really care about them, surely the right thing to do is to set them free. Let them find someone who will treat them as they deserve to be treated. Be brave enough to admit that you aren’t that person, & allow them to live their life.

So, what’s the next step? Do you tell, or do you keep quiet? Do you stay, or do you go? Ultimately, it’s your life & you have to do what feels right for you, your relationship & your circumstances. A 23 year old girl might behave differently in this situation to how a 50 year old man with children does. There is no one true answer, no real “right” thing to do, even though we all probably believe we know what’s best.

How do you feel about this? Have you ever cheated on a partner? If so, did you tell them? What happened next?

Extra For Experts:
Why Do People Cheat In Romantic Relationships? This is so interesting, especially this part: “Infidelity could be a regulatory emotional strategy used by people with an avoidant attachment style. The act of cheating helps them avoid commitment phobia, distances them from their partner, and helps them keep their space and freedom.”

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Daily Outfit -- Hallowe'en Eve 2008

[ 31 October 2008, 12:01 ]

Last night I went to a hallowe’en party hosted by Mariah Carey. On the down side, it was lame. On the plus side, my outfit was awesome. If I do say so myself.

It was almost impossible to get good photos of it though, as you can see. Believe me, we tried!

Latex nun’s dress & habit from Twist My Rubber Arm
Latex gloves from some fetish shop
Guess Borda platform mary janes

Why yes, I was cold! I had also never worn latex before. It is an arduous process, involving lots of baby powder (which you have to coat your body with to get the dress on), crazy shimmying antics (to actually get into it) & rubbing the entire thing with liquid silicon to make it shiny. It also feels like you’re wearing a swimming cap. & it makes a funny noise when you walk.

Tonight I am going to wear something that doesn’t involve catching pneumonia in the name of dressing up! How about you? What are your plans for hallowe’enie?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What's Your Favourite Word?

[ 29 October 2008, 00:13 ]

My new favourite is

It’s Yagán, & it means,

Amazing. Beautiful. (I found out about this via Hagebutten which you should read.)

How about you? What’s your favourite word?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Beat Writer's Block

[ 14 October 2008, 16:12 ]

The most common piece of advice for anyone suffering writer’s block is “just write”. Of course, this is an excellent suggestion, because what you need is to get your flair back. So “just write” is all very well & good, but sometimes we need more prompting, more pushing, something bolder. How can you “just write” when you feel bored, frustrated & uninspired? Here are my suggestions for getting the better of the thing all writers dread.

Listen to yourself
Yes, this is the first thing. Listen to what your brain & body are telling you! Maybe getting writer’s block is your body’s way of saying, “Hey, chill out!”. Maybe you just want a break, & cutting off the creative flow is the only way your body knows how to get that message to you. If that’s the case, then for god’s sake, be good to yourself! Stop drumming your pencil against the table, get up out of your chair, & do something else. Force yourself to relax & do something entirely unrelated. Watch a cheesy movie, make yourself an enormous feast, go to the gym or visit a friend.

Downtime is really important for everyone, but especially for creative people. If you don’t take a break, you’ll get really burned-out & find it even harder to recover! Don’t do that to yourself, it’s an ugly thing! Go & get a massage, dance around your living room, or just take a really good nap. Allow your brain time off. Okay, good.

Go for a walk
But what if you’re not really at the point of no return, & just feeling stuck? One of my immediate instincts in that situation is to leave my house. To me, it often feels like cabin fever is one of the major culprits — so I go somewhere else. Walking around the city, people-watching & window-shopping with good music in my ear is often all I need to clear my head & get back on form. I find that I’m much more inspired by an urban atmosphere than anything else, but you might get similar results from walking in the woods, along the beach or just up & down your driveway.

If just going for a walk seems a bit aimless to you, make it into a game. How many pink shoes will you see? How many David Hasselhoff lookalikes? Look at the outfits of oncoming pedestrians & think about what it is that makes their outfit work. Or just pay attention to the moment, the people around you, the slope of the sidewalk, your breath.

Write in another format
What do you normally write? Short stories? Articles? Advertising jingles? Raps? Forget about all that. Do something else. You just need to get back into your flow, & sometimes the best way to do that is to do something completely different. Write a haiku or a limerick. If you’re a journalist, write character sketches. If you’re a novelist, try writing a fabulous classified ad. Just do whatever you can to break yourself out of that loop you’re in.

Pick a strange subject to write about
It doesn’t have to be something you know a lot about — in fact, it can be helpful if it’s a topic about which you’re mostly in the dark. Just use your imagination! Write about taxidermy, the best ways to seduce a married man, hats in the 1920s, someone called Esmeralda who sleeps on an oriental rug & collects books on medical abnormalities. Whatever you like. The only rules are that you challenge yourself & you pick a subject that is fun to you.

Write from someone else’s perspective
You can still use your own voice, though you don’t have to. But switch up your viewpoint. If you’re a guy, write as a woman. Write as someone who has different views on politics or religion as you. Scribble down a few words as if you were your best friend, or Karl Lagerfeld, or Kathleen Hanna. Don’t judge what you’re putting down on paper, just allow it to come out. Let the character develop & evolve before you. See what happens.

Write as if you’re in your favourite city
If you don’t have a favourite city, invent one, or pick one at random! Read up on it briefly on Wikipedia, then start describing it. How do the streets smell? What do the people look like? How does it sound? Is it warm or cold? If you were walking down the road, what would you be eating? Where would you be going? Remember that you don’t have to be realistic — you could be walking down the street eating an ice-cream the size of your head while wearing a hat made from bear-skin, a pair of moonboots & holding the hand of your shiny robot boyfriend!

Use something else to write with
If you always write on your computer, grab a pen or pencil. Try using a typewriter, a paintbrush, a crayon, tomato sauce. The whole idea is to break you out of your funk & start having fun, so if you want to put a whiteboard pen between your teeth & write on the window, you definitely should.

Write a letter
Writing into the emptiness can feel a little weird sometimes, so try addressing it to someone. You could write about what you’ve been doing, apologise for something or make it up entirely. Pretend to be a 70 year old woman who sleds across the Antarctic every year, & write an account of your most recent adventures to your nervous daughter who lives in Australia. Alternatively, don’t even start off “Dear ____” — just have a person in mind as you’re writing.

Call someone & explain your writer’s block to them in extravagant, painful detail
Just what it says. Go nuts on it. If you can’t find anyone who wants to listen — which could happen, because who really wants to listen to that? — leave yourself a rabid voicemail. Play it back to yourself & laugh, breathe, remember that if writer’s block is your biggest problem right now, you’re doing okay.

Document the moment by taking photos of yourself as a tortured-looking artiste
Oh come on — you might as well have fun with it. Rim your eyes in black, muss up your hair, pout & set the auto-timer. Add an unlit cigarette & beret to the scene to up the über-pretentious ante!

Throw a tantrum
Scream. Writhe. Wriggle violently. Thrash around. Bite things. Stub your toe by accident. Really bring yourself into the present moment by being completely ridiculous. Then stand up, brush yourself off, & scribble an ode to writer’s block.

Put on bold streaks of warpaint & shock the locals
Go on… Live a little.

Fill your brain with inspiration
Do something that sparks you creatively. Watch a horror movie, do ballet, go & rummage in an antique store, whatever. Obviously, this will be different for everyone, but I often find that buying a huge stack of glossy, foreign fashion magazines works wonders for me. I lug them home, sit on my couch cross-legged, & start flicking through. Pretty quickly, usually, mostly just looking at the pictures. Then (& I know some people can’t stomach this idea) I bend the spine & tear out the pages which speak to me. If you want to put them all up somewhere, grab a piece of string, tie either end to your wall, & peg up the pictures you like the most. It’s the world’s cheapest (& fastest) way of displaying images, & I love the way it looks. Totally unfussy, easy to change & insanely inexpensive.

Listen to your favourite lyrics or read a passage from your favourite book
If you’re having trouble inspiring yourself, go back to the things that you know work for you. Put on a piece of your favourite music or read a couple of pages from one of your favourite books. Don’t feel the need to then jump up & spring into action, just appreciate it & let it soak into your skin. Think about it, analyse it, digest & enjoy it. Then do whatever you feel like.

Change your environment
Sometimes it helps just to try writing in another place. You might want to shift to another couch or chair, try lying on your bed, or stand up at the kitchen bench with a pen in hand. If that doesn’t work, take it a step further & leave the house. Go & write in a park, a pizza shop, standing up in the produce section of your supermarket or on the steps of a church. If the weather is awful but you still feel like have cabin fever, clean up your immediate area. I know I always write much better when I’m not being stared in the face by a pile of junk! Of course, cleaning can easily turn into a procrastinatory exercise, but if you keep yourself on track, & clean with the intention of good writing, I’m sure you’ll be just fine!

Reflexology
If none of the above methods work, reflexology is my fail-safe last-ditch option — usually because the other tactics are much more simple & don’t cost any money! But when your head is really dusty & dry, when your uninspired frustration reaches critical levels, reflexology is It. It has never failed me.

When I lived in Melbourne & felt burned out or unable to write, I would go to this massage shop, lie down, & let a small Chinese man perform weird tricks on my feet. (Sometimes he sang to me at the same time.) It was often quite painful, but always worked miracles. I would feel all my crazy head fog dissipate, & I would pretty much float back up to my apartment, where all of a sudden… I could write! I could whip up fabulous articles! My lust for life came back & I felt like me again.

Reflexology is completely genius. You should try it.

What are your best tips for beating writer’s block to a bloody pulp? How do you manage to triumph over the page? Let us know!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Question: What Would You Be Like If You Were The Opposite Sex?

[ 8 October 2008, 22:28 ]

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. What do you think you would be like if you were the opposite sex?

If I was a boy, I would have jet black hair. I’d have way more tattoos than I do — probably two full sleeves, something on my neck & words across my knuckles. I’d be a writer (it attracts the ladies, haha!) & I’d definitely have a blog.

I’d have a bachelor pad somewhere in the States, probably in Los Angeles or New York, & I’d drive (little known Gala fact: I don’t have my license!). I would shun commitment, & drive girls crazy because I would always put my writing before them. I’d have a dog, too (yes, probably a dachshund), & I’d totally be one of those guys who takes his dog for a walk with the purpose of meeting girls! I would be vegan & spend a lot of time alone in bookshops & libraries. I would wish I was a musician, send flirtatious email haikus to girls I met at concerts & sleep naked. I would be a design geek. I would still collect vintage typewriters & have extensive bookshelves. There is a possibility that Justin Theroux would be my ultimate male role-model.

I think this is how I would dress most of the time.

Tight jeans, a weird t-shirt with a cardigan, expensive avant-garde boots, a minimal watch, cool satchel & tunnels in my ears.

Would you want to date me? Haha!

So, what about you? Do you think you’d be completely different, or just a slight twist on how you are now? How would you dress? What would you do for a job? How would you behave? Who would be your ultimate celebrity crush? Tell me a story, make yourself an outfit on Polyvore, do it up!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Expiration Dating

[ 1 October 2008, 06:54 ]

“I’ve recently met a German foreign exchange student, and we really connect. I like him, but I’m afraid of getting involved since he’s going back to Germany in June, which means I’ll probably never see him again. Help?”

I think a lot of us get locked up in that concept that if we experience true love, it will last forever, which isn’t necessarily true. We also often feel that the way our life has been up until this point is the way it will always be — which isn’t necessarily true either.

So, what could happen if you did get involved? You might be wildly incompatible. But you might fall in love. He could drive you crazy, but he could also open your mind to a whole new way of living that you’d never even considered before. He might ignite within you a love of German culture, which then leads your life in an entirely different direction. Through him you might discover the most inspiring, ideal mentor. He might teach you what real, unconditional love is all about. You could be so perfect together that you end up getting married one day. You could go to Germany on an exchange yourself — you might even end up living there. It’s possible that you could learn more from loving him for a short time than you would if there was no expiry date. The relationship could change you in fabulous, untold ways.

One of the great things about relationships is that they present us with a fabulous opportunity to grow beyond ourselves, often in a way that wouldn’t be triggered if we were just coasting along alone. By connecting honestly with a person, & getting to know them, their circumstances, family & friends, we can learn so much about the world — & consequently, about who we are & who we want to be. It’s one of the best catalysts for change that I know.

I believe that people come into our lives for a reason, & we can learn something from all of them if we’re open to it. What is your fine German friend here to teach you? Only time will tell.

What I’m really saying is that when it comes to love, no matter how scary it may seem, it’s always worth taking the risk. Avoid a future of “What if?”. Take the risk & see if you can…

How about you? Do you think a relationship’s only worth it if you can see a definite future, or do you just allow yourself to fall in love without thinking of likely consequences? Have you ever taken a gamble on love that turned out to be one of the most positive experiences of your life? What would you do in this situation?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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When SSM Strikes!

[ 26 August 2008, 20:50 ]

I have a confession to make. I have been struck by SSM. As a consequence of that, my style quotient has been pretty low recently. You may think, ‘Oh, sure, whatever’, but allow me to explain.

I have been sleeping in a black merino wool singlet, a pair of my father’s thermal long johns, & a pair of socks. This is not so bad — I mean, it’s not super-sexy, but hey — & I would leave it at that. ...Except for the fact that I have been throwing a hoodie over the top, & a long black skirt over the bottom, & figuring that this makes it an outfit!

No, Gala, no! This does not make it an outfit! Especially when you add black Ugg boots into the mix, which are what presently adorn my tootsies! (Don’t worry, I haven’t left the house in them. Yet!) It’s a terrible situation, really. I’m allowing myself some small amount of leeway because (as previously mentioned) I’m living out of one ill-packed suitcase. But I should definitely be making more of an effort.

Yes, SSM has definitely got me in its deathly, vice-like grip. So, what is SSM? It stands for Seasonal Sartorial Malaise, & it’s a hideous beast!

Initially I thought this was something that really only applied to getting dressed in winter. It’s so cold that at some point, all you really care about is staying warm, & damn the consequences! But it happens in summer, too. By the time I left New York at the end of July, all I wore was my black slip & a pair of boots, sometimes with a sequinned bikini top underneath for modesty’s sake, but most often not. (I was popular at my local pizza place, though.)

Sure, at the start of the season, we’re all excited. We finally have the chance to wear our new boots/swimsuit/coat/shorts, & by jingo, we do! But halfway through the season, the thrill seems to wear off somewhat. We fall into a kind of seasonal uniform, we stop making the effort & everything gets a bit dull. We begin to hanker for warm or cold weather, fantasise about a blanket of snow or a pristine tropical beach, & life starts to drag.

The good news is that you can easily break out of SSM — the first step is to admit that SSM has you in its sights!

Say it with me, now!

“Hi, my name’s _______, & I am drowning in a sea of SSM!”

Now, the solution. I prescribe as many of the following as you see fit — immediately, if not sooner!

Find a reason to get dressed up
If all you’re doing is going to work, then coming home & watching movies in front of the fire/air conditioner until you pass out, you don’t have a lot of encouragement to get sassy. Your life may not be one big carnival of thrills, & the only thing written in your calendar might be “buy cat food”, but it doesn’t have to be that way if you don’t want it to!

What kind of thing would make you want to dress up? A night at the opera? A first date? A dinner with a bunch of your favourite people? Once you’ve established what kind of thing would enthuse you enough to make the effort, get to work on making it happen! Contact your friends, organise a meal. Book tickets to the opera online & mark it down in your diary. Start talking to that cute person & ask them out on a date! (If there are no cute people to be had in your immediate vicinity, get on OkCupid! Stat!) Google for weird, free, fun or avant garde events in your city, & start going to them!

Fling the doors of your wardrobe right open. Crank up the music. Grab things, try them on, hop around on one foot, hold dresses up against yourself & devise an outfit, the likes of which have never been seen before! Experiment with your wardrobe. Have fun with it! Try things that you don’t think will work. See what happens!

There’s nothing better than a fabulous night (or day) out — with a fabulous outfit to match — to make you feel amazing again. It’s just that sometimes we get locked into our daily routine, & forget that really, we can do anything we please! Grab that fact & make it your own. Surprise & delight yourself!

Clean out your wardrobe
Okay, I know this is a daunting task for many of us. It gives us The Fear. How will we ever possibly manage to claw our way through years of bargain hunting, pants which are distinctly the wrong size & old bridesmaids dresses? The answer is simple: indulge in a little Wardrobe Taming. Beat that bad boy into submission!

No one can really put together a show-stopping outfit when the first thing they see when they look in their closet is a shrunken t-shirt with a stain on the front, a pair of ripped pyjama pants & a coat from 6 seasons ago. Do yourself a favour, & strip your wardrobe down to its bare bones! As scary a concept as it is, it’s true that you actually look better when you have fewer things to choose from — this is a lesson I learned when I was living in New York. Keep the good quality items which fit you, & get rid of the rest!

I did this when I went back to Melbourne a month ago. All my earthly belongings now fit into six suitcases! Yes, it’s slightly terrifying — but I have been left with only the things I really love. It all fits, it’s all in good condition & it all suits me. I’m delighted (& I can’t wait to receive it)!

Oh, you. What are you waiting for? Stop reading! Go & tackle that closet of doom!

Get some inspiration
It’s difficult to feel inspired to create a sartorial masterpiece when you have no visual fodder to spur you on. This is something I’ve been dealing with in Wellington — I have none of my usual pictures around to look at, which makes it hard for me. (Visual stimulus is very important for me!) The good news, though, is that there are about a billion different places you can find inspiration from. Flickr is one of my favourite resources, & if you’re looking for fashion-specific stimulation, the infamous Wardrobe Remix, started by Tricia Royal (who is now with daughter — congratulations, cutie!), is an invaluable place to get new ideas.

Big magazine shops are magnificent, too. Foreign fashion magazines, design bibles & Teen Vogue all have their own charm & are fantastic for sparking your synapses. Buy a huge stack, cringe as you hand over your credit card, then go home & tear them up to make an inspiration board. Get messy with glue, a pair of scissors & a big roll of tape! Then hang it near your closet & feel free to add & subtract from it as you see fit — let it evolve as your taste does!

Build on the latest looks
I am not a huge advocate of trend-following, as you probably know. As a general rule, I think it is boring & the domain of amateurs. But sometimes looking at the trends & latest styles can give you a fresh new vision, which is totally priceless. If the fashion magazines are predicting forest green, expand on it — mix it with safari gear & animal print & a bone through your nose. If they say purple is “it”, make your own version of Willy Wonka’s velvet suit, & carry a lollipop as an accessory. Don’t ever follow it to the letter — be creative, excitable, a bon vivant. Use their predictions as a jumping-off point for new, bold, fabulously weird things.

Go shopping
There is no better way to break the shackles of SSM than with an amazing new piece in your wardrobe! How can you possibly feel bored or stale when you have a pair of duck-egg blue cowboy boots, a houndstooth cape or an enormous powdered wig begging to be worn?

One thing I would suggest is that you shop in places off the beaten path. You might have your usual haunts, & that’s okay, but walking into a new store & trying on something completely radical can change your entire sartorial direction! The purchase of an amazing cranberry sweater from Yohji Yamamoto or a pair of incredible boots can give all your old items a whole new lease on life. You don’t have to spend a billion dollars — be discerning, get a few great pieces & watch as they shake up all your dressing conventions!

Hold a clothing swap
Invite your friends over & trade clothes! It doesn’t have to be just clothing, either — it’s great fun to swap jewellery, bags, belts & barely-worn footwear. You could even make invitations, if you wanted to get really into it. You should be sure to specify that only good quality clean clothing will be accepted to swap.

I have been to some clothing swaps which were a bunch of people who didn’t know one another, & honestly, it doesn’t bring out the best in people. They bring along stained sweaters because they know no one will know who brought it, & then expect to make off with a Chanel handbag. It’s not pretty. The good thing about inviting your friends over is that the pool is so small that there is no social loafing!

Play good music, open a bottle of champagne & have a dress-up party. Then go home with your new things & enjoy!

Has you succumbed to SSM before? What pulled you out of it, & brought you back to sartorial life? Share your tips & tricks!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Tags: aesthetic, how to, inspiration, life, productivity, question
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Gala's Birthday Wishlist!

[ 23 August 2008, 19:59 ]

This is the birthday wishlist I would give to my boyfriend… if my boyfriend was the Sultan of Brunei! Here we go!

Lots of candles on a cupcake; bountiful photographs taken; macarons in a rainbow of colours (from Laduree); a bunny; a dress from Betsey Johnson; a wigpee!; a 33mm Dior Christal watch; a victorian gothic lolita mini skirt; Alexander McQueen lace-up boots; Temperley London mini kaleidoscope dress; pearl restraints from Kiki De Montparnasse; Rupert Sanderson Kit Kat boots; restraint tape (also from Kiki De Montparnasse); Femme Sud Honorable Mention wristlet; French lesson panty set (Kiki again); CHAPTER Candy Pop ring from Tokyomade; & an Agent Provocateur garter!

Other things which would be nice: a Swarovski crystal eyepatch from Gasoline Glamour; a rhinestone bra (shimmering ta-tas, ahoy!); the teach me a lesson ruler from Coco De Mer; a night in with fairy lights & kisses; lots of cute colourful knickers; Regan from MAC Flatiron to be my personal make-up artist; good black ink pens; a beautiful apartment in the West Village; a fabulous birthday party with my friends; peace on earth! Wink wink.

What do you want for your birthday?

P.S. Here’s my wishlist from last year!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Other Sites In Which To Delight!

[ 12 August 2008, 16:43 ]

Hungry for some new sites to feed into your RSS reader? Telis suggested I let you know some of my favourites, so here they are in a big list! (I updated my links page today — so many sites I loved have stopped updating, it’s sad!) What are your favourite sites?

Assorted (A mixed bag, oh yes!)
Astrologyzone BSC Headquarters Burning Man Coilhouse Crazy Sexy Cancer Cupcakes Take The Cake Cupcaketastic decor8 design is mine Design That Kills desire to inspire Free Will Astrology Independent Fashion Bloggers Oxygen horoscopes she who eats swissmiss Tokyo Undressed what claudia wore You Are Remarkable

Educational (Learn somethin’!)
Copyblogger Dumb Little Man No Impact Man Problogger Seth Godin Skelliewag Steve Pavlina Think Simple. Be Decisive. zen habits

Fashion & Beauty (Pretty girls talk about pretty things)
Bits & Bobbins Coco’s Tea Party Daddy Likey Fashion Is Spinach Fifi Lapin FruityBeauty Kingdom Of Style Magpie Fashion Makeup Alley Manolo’s Shoe Blog Miss Couturable N.E.E.T. Magazine Sea Of Shoes Style Bubble The Coveted WhoWhatWearDaily

Wicked People (All come with the Gala seal of approval!)
100 Acorns Audrey Kawasaki Audrey Kitching Beijing Baby! Bobby Burgess Bryanboy Chew Fu Dhrumil e.e.c. Exploding Dog Fafi Fawn Gehweiler freebird Girl About Town Hanna Beth Hugnation Jazzi Julie In Japan Kris Atomic Lithium Picnic Molly Crabapple Nubby Twiglet Serial Comma Spiritual Cowgirl Star Violet Blue

Raw (Fresh fruit & vegetables make me happy)
Give It To Me Raw Karen Knowler Kristen’s Raw Loving Raw Raw Model Raw Reform We Like It Raw

Shopping (Spend your hard-earned moolah here)
American Apparel Etsy GirlProps Hattrick HellaVintage Hipster’s Playground Vintage kukuvintage Kurzenberger’s World Of Glasses liebemarlene Lullie Vintage Clothing makimaki mama stone vintage mousevox vintage Posh Girl Vintage shrinkle Tokyomade

Street Style (Get inspired!)
Altamira NYC Face Hunter HEL LOOKS MTL Street Oslostil Pike/Pine stilinberlin Stockholm Street Style Street-Fashion Style Sightings The Commodified The Sartorialist Wardrobe Remix

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Ace A Job Interview

[ 28 July 2008, 23:55 ]

Oh, job interviews. One of the most nerve-wracking experiences ever, especially if you’re going for a job you actually really want! While you probably won’t get every job you interview for, there are definitely some things you can do to help increase your chances. Here are my tips for impressing the pantaloons off anyone in an interview.

Be on time
This is the most important thing. Really.

When I used to go to job interviews, sometimes if I realised I was going to be late, I wouldn’t bother showing up at all. Naughty, perhaps, but honestly, most of the time, being late is almost impossible to recover from. If I was late for a job interview — theoretically the time where you are trying to be most impressive — what were the interviewers going to assume about my actual work?! It sends a pretty loud & clear negative message. I figured it was better to stay home & get some sleep instead!

Of course, there are exceptions. Sometimes there are very real & unavoidable reasons why you’re delayed. If this is the case, make sure you let your interviewer know as soon as possible, & let them know that you’re open to rescheduling if that is more convenient for them.

If you’re someone who is chronically late, step it up, toots! Being late makes other people feel like you don’t respect them or their time, & time is precious to everyone. (Read this for more information.) If being late is something you always struggle with, start writing your appointments down for half an hour before the actual time!

Make conversation
Because work is where people spend the majority of their time, most employers are pretty conscious of the kind of people they want in their workplace. As a general rule, people want to hire other people with whom they get along. While weird, awkward, socially stunted people do get jobs, they will often be passed over for someone with comparable skills but a lot more charm. It just makes everyone’s life easier.

What this means is that you should make every effort to show how lovely you can be. If this statement confuses you, let me break it down for you. Smile! Laugh! Be positive! & above all, make conversation! It doesn’t have to be the world’s most scintillating discussion, but even throwing in a little anecdote about your morning or what you did on the weekend will make your interviewer feel like they’re actually talking to a real, relatable person & not some terrified robot or freaky automaton.

When it comes to an interview, usually you won’t get to that stage unless you have the skills you require for the role. So look at an interview as your opportunity to prove how super & cool you are, how awesome you’d be to work with, & how much fun you’d bring to the team.

(For more tips, see How To Be Charming!)

Have questions to ask
...Other than “How much are you going to pay me?”, which should typically be left until later in the piece!

Why should you do this? Because it shows that you’re keen enough to take an active interest. It illustrates to the interviewer that you’ve thought about the job — you’re not just there because they were the only place to call you back.

Coming up with a few questions doesn’t have to be a big mission. I would often think about the role on my way there (while I was on the bus or in a taxi) & jot down a few thoughts about it. So you might like to ask them how long the role has been around — whether it has evolved & will continue to, or if it’s fairly static. You could ask about the level of autonomy you’d be gifted. You could ask who was in the role previously, why they left & where they went. You can enquire about the culture of the team or company, how social they are, what they’re like. & if you really want to score points, you could ask the interviewer how they got to where they are today. (Everyone loves to talk about themselves.)

You don’t need to get all Spanish Inquisition on it — just a few well thought out questions will do the trick & make you stand out from the other applicants.

Be enthusiastic
I know I say this all the time, but enthusiasm cannot be overestimated!

Everyone loves an enthusiastic person! Except for really grumpy people, but who wants to impress them anyway?!

This means you should demonstrably show your excitement about the role. (If you’re not excited about it, perhaps it would be better for you to find something that actually turns your crank, rather than bouncing from similar role to similar role, expecting things to change… We’re all guilty of this one at some point.)

You don’t need to skip into the interview room, but definitely smile, appear alert, lean in towards the interviewer when they’re talking, mirror their body language, say, “I’m so excited about this role!”, & let them know you’re looking forward to hearing back from them. Honestly, even just saying you’re psyched to be there will make them smile. Everyone wants to hire someone who really wants it! There’s nothing worse than a gaggle of lack-lustre, bored-looking applicants. Make an effort to stand out!

You’ve probably heard this before, because I mentioned it in my How To Make Your CV Impressive article, but I once got an awesome job as a book buyer — for which I was wildly underqualified — because I was so enthusiastic. Never fear! Enthusiasm will get you there!

Do your research
If you know a little bit about the company you want to work for, you’ll be doing better than most of the people you’re up against. Google them before you go to the interview & read up on some vital stats or their latest news. You don’t necessarily need to demonstrate your knowledge in the interview, but if you have the opportunity, you should. If you don’t really get the chance, or it would be out of place to start reeling off facts, at least you’ll feel more secure in the interview!

Have ideas
This isn’t always going to apply, because often you won’t know much about the role you’re applying for until you actually get into the interview. But if you already have the low-down on what your job might entail, going into the meeting with a bunch of ideas is always a positive thing.

When I say ideas, I mean things you could do to improve their situation, which might range from implementing a new system to changing the way you deal with incoming phone-calls. While your ideas may never be implemented, just having them in your mind & expressing them to your interviewer speaks volumes. It will show that you take initiative, that you’re a good problem-solver, & that you’re invested in the role.

The one caveat I would add is that sometimes people are threatened by a bold thinker, so if you’re going to talk ideas, make sure you do it in a way that doesn’t imply that you’re going to bulldoze their entire department!

Pick up the interviewer’s slack
Let’s face it, your interviewer isn’t always going to be mind-blowing. In fact, often the task of interviewing just falls to the person who is available, not necessarily the person who is best qualified to do it, or even happiest doing it.

If your interviewer — let’s just say it — sucks, then it’s your job to pick up their slack. If you look at it objectively, they have nothing to lose or gain from the interview, really. They’re just doing their thing, & if they don’t like you, they won’t hire you, & then they’ll go back to their cubicle & play with their stack of Post It notes & then go out for their lunch break. But you? Well, if they don’t hire you, you have to send out more applications, go to more interviews, & keep looking for a job. You have much more riding on the situation. So it’s really in your best interests to do whatever you can to make sure you’re the person who gets the role.

Picking up the interviewer’s slack might include giving longer answers than you think they’re expecting, volunteering information that is relevant but hasn’t been asked for, being ultra-charming or asking them questions in the hopes that they will bounce them back to you. Really it’s just about taking the initiative, & taking control of the interview (in a non-threatening way).

Sell yourself
Most people go along to interviews, answer the questions, nod their head, smile nervously, shake hands & bolt. While they will eventually get hired by someone, it’s not what anyone is really looking for.

Make yourself sound like you would be an asset to their company, rather than just someone who is going to sit around & suck up a salary! How you do this will depend on your personality & the role you’re going for, but basically it’s important to make yourself sound like you’re worth hiring. If you have amazing skills, talk them up! If you’re the queen or king of conflict-resolution, say so! Don’t hide yourself away. You might be the world’s most wicked spreadsheet whiz, but if you don’t mention it, no one will know! An interview is not the time to be shy. In a situation like this, it’s much better to be cocky than forgettable.

Be appreciative
Let your interviewer know that you are thankful that they’re taking the time to meet you. This doesn’t mean kissing their feet or grovelling or putting yourself in a subserviant position (“Oooooh interviewer, thank you for picking meeeee, I’m not worthy!”), it just means showing your appreciation in a real way.

One of the best ways to do this is to look in their eyes while you shake their hand & say, sincerely, “Thank you for taking the time to meet with me”, but you can show your appreciation in other ways too. You could say thank you a billion times, but if you slump in your chair & stare out the window & chew gum, no one’s really going to be very convinced. Make sure your body language echoes your sentiments.

Do practice interviews
If interviews really freak you out, it can be helpful to have a couple of practice runs with someone you know. Have a friend ask you some typical interview questions (here’s a list!), & then take your time while you think about them & answer them. Honestly, you can do this on your own, you don’t need a buddy to help you, but it can be good to have someone else there to bounce ideas off.

Know your career objectives
You don’t have to know what you want to be doing in the next thirty years to make a good impression in an interview. The fact of the matter is that most people don’t know what they want to do with their lives until they’re about 35… & lots of people never really know.

You don’t need to know that in 10 years time you’d like to be CEO of Taco Bell — in many jobs, it’s really only important that you have some idea of what you’d like to learn. Don’t worry about slapping a title on it. So if your interviewer asks you, “What are your career objectives?”, it’s perfectly okay to just say the kind of skills you’d like to obtain.

Even if all you can think is that you’d like to work in human resources, or editing, or production, just say that. A vague direction is better than nothing at all; it gives them an idea of where you’d like to head (& creates a picture of what you might do within their company), & if they employ you, it will help them point you in a direction that is interesting to you.

Well, those are the things that have helped me get through job interviews over the years. (Believe me, I’ve had plenty!) Tell us your secret hints!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Have A Summer Romance (With Yourself)

[ 23 July 2008, 10:37 ]

Ah, summer. Big blue skies, singing birds, parties on the beach & tiny outfits. Is it any wonder that so many people are in the mood for lurve?

The problem, of course, is that we can’t always find someone worthy of our affections. Maybe they already have a girlfriend, maybe they’re always busy working, or maybe you run laps around them intellectually. All of these things put a damper on the idea of a summer romance! Even then, sometimes people are disappointing, or not as romantic as you’d hope, or they don’t share your fervour for eating cheese in treehouses. & I mean, honestly, a summer romance isn’t a summer romance without cheese in a treehouse. So I propose that you use all your loved-up energy on someone much more deserving.

You!

You knew that was coming, huh? Regardless, here are my suggestions to have a rollicking good time summer romance with yourself!

Court yourself
The first days of fresh love are delightful & tender. You get to see the absolute best parts of whoever it is you’re seeing — such a lovely thing! Maybe it’s time to start awakening to your most fabulous features, too, & to start being gentle with yourself, regardless of the situation. Think of yourself as a new lover. Think about how supportive & sweet you would be if your new squeeze was going through a hard time, & then make an effort to extend that kind of love & grace to yourself.

Come on, now. Be good to you. If you won’t, who will?

Listen to yourself
Relationships often involve a lot of listening, especially as you’re getting to know the object of your affections. I know you’re thinking, ‘This is all well & good, but if it’s just me, what do I have to listen to?!’

The answer is that you need to start listening to yourself. Your actual, true, authentic, genuine, uncensored self. That voice which tells you whether you should do this or that. Not the rational, logical voice which takes over when we’re trying to convince ourselves of something, but the voice that speaks from a place of instinct & intuition.

It’s amazing, you know. We each have all the answers we need inside us at all times. We may think we need to ask other people, or read a book, or ask Google, but really, when it comes to what we should do about a given situation, we already know. Sometimes I like to remind myself of this by visualising my belly as a little all-encompassing galaxy, swirling with stars & question marks & answers & big, blinking exclamation points.

So make an effort to listen to your intuition. When it flashes at you — & it does, several times a day! — start paying attention. Do what it tells you, & see if it improves your life. (It will!)

Learn to compromise
This goes hand-in-hand with the point I made under ‘Court yourself’, which is about being good to yourself. That means that if you have a massive work-load but you’re exhausted & sick, you need to learn to put yourself (& your health) first. Similarly, if you’re feeling depressed & withdrawn but your friends have invited you to go out, you should probably accept their invitation. It’s all about doing what will make you feel better in the long-run.

Take sweet pictures
Yes! Romantic relics! A good photobooth strip is worth a lot. While normally you would pile into a photobooth with your beloved, have a smooch & wait for the photos to come out the other side, this time you have to go it alone. But don’t be afraid! Taking photos alone is funnnn! Dress up, blow kisses into the camera, dance around, pull silly faces, & when you’re done, put the pictures somewhere prominent so you can remind yourself how gorgeous you are on a regular basis!

Go out on dates
The best thing about romancing yourself is that you can go on dates that no one else could ever possibly understand. Want to check out the train museum, spend hours in the bakery supply store, stare at skateboards or attend a seminar on podiatry? You can, & you don’t have to convince anyone else to go along with you! Get dressed up, take yourself out & have a damn good time.

Buy yourself flowers, too. They’re an important part of the process.

Write yourself love letters
Love letters, or loved-up communique in general, is one of the best parts of being involved in a romance. It gives you something real, like a record of what’s happened, to hold, clutch to your chest, pore over obsessively (don’t tell me you haven’t done it!), & whatnot. Passionate letters are like the souvenirs of love.

If you’re having a summer romance with yourself, you might feel like this is just an arena of the lurve game you’re going to miss out on. But it doesn’t have to be that way! You can write yourself love letters — & they will probably ultimately have more meaning to you than anything someone else could write.

What kind of thing am I talking about? Well, they could range from a series of amorous haiku to something snappier, like, Hey Gala, I noticed your ass is looking mighty shapely these days. Kudos!

They don’t have to be enormous, long-winded, flowery pieces of prose — you can keep them short & sweet & have them be just as effective. Even a couple of sentences is better than nothing. Make it part of your regular routine, a daily ritual if you can. Write one on a Post It during your lunch break, scrawl some endearing words in your journal before bed, rearrange the letter magnets on the fridge… Do it however you like, just make sure it happens!

Those are my ideas. How will you romance yourself this season?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Your Most Fabulous Self

[ 9 July 2008, 09:47 ]

I was thinking about this yesterday…

What would you say are the attributes of your most fabulous self? How do you behave when you are being your absolute cutest, most clever, witty, sparkly, excitable, flirt-tastic, ambitious, well-dressed, best ever incarnation of you?

Ruminate on that for a little bit!

Now. What is stopping you from being your most fabulous self all the time?

What I mean is, what behaviours do you indulge in which don’t serve you? What is harming you more than helping you?

While it may not seem like it at first glance, our behaviour is always a choice. If you’ve had enough of repeating the same old patterns, maybe it’s time to stop.

My secret hint of the day? Altering your life is not difficult. Just choose to be conscious of your behaviour, & self-correct when you see yourself acting in a way you don’t like.

See? Not so hard. You just have to want to do it! & if nothing else, I have utmost faith in you…

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Your Personal Manifesto

[ 26 June 2008, 23:00 ]

I recently discovered Wordle, where you can create an image formed from clusters of words. It’s super cool — quite customisable & really fun to play around with.

I used a selection of words from the “about iCiNG” page to create the image above. I set it as my desktop background so I can look at it & be reminded of what iCiNG is all about, & what I’m pushing for. Then I got to thinking about the concept of a personal manifesto. If you were going to make a Wordle image that summed up all the attributes you admired — & the kind of person you wanted to be — what would it look like?

I’d love to see what you come up with! Make one & then paste the link in the comments!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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An Idea, Perfectly Illustrated

[ 18 June 2008, 23:14 ]

I love this image. Here’s the direction my brain took it in…

Dress to thrill your inner child! Wear pretty dresses & big bows Neon hair & bright pink lipstick Super-high heels in candylicious colours Striped stockings & lacquered accessories Hair sprinkled with sweetly-scented talcum powder (which leaves a trail of dust in your wake) Confectionery colours worn together: pink & brown, shades of green, red & white Top yourself with a delicious head-piece — make a hat out of melted birthday candles or thread jelly babies into your hair Dress with the intention of delighting a stranger Cover yourself in glitter Turn gum-balls into accessories Tie a huge ribbon around your waist & consider yourself a gift to the universe Wear frilly ankle socks with stilettos Go boldly where no glamazon has gone before! Never shy away from having fun with fashion More petticoats! More, more! Think about layers — wear a fabulous bra, a suspender belt, adorable knickers, write a message on your stomach, then cover it all up with lace Encourage people to lick you! Offer candy to strangers Encourage people to stare! Think of life as a party Only wear skirts which billow out magnificently when you twirl around When you don’t feel like socialising, cover your head in whipped cream Salute the 90s in knee-socks Contemplate turning baking implements into awe-inspiring accoutrements Dress in a way which proves how much you love the world Nonpareils forever!

What does it conjure up in your mind?

P.S. Thanks to Kris Atomic, who always finds the very best things!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What Would Your Namesake Bag Look Like?

[ 12 June 2008, 23:28 ]

Earlier this week, Little Miss S left me this comment…

“Random question for you, just for fun: all these celebrities have handbags named after them (Birkin, etc.)... If someone were to make a Gala Darling bag, what would you want it to look like?”

Well, I always like black bags. I like them simple enough that they don’t take away from my outfit, but with enough interesting details that they don’t fade into the background. Zips! Buckles! Pyramid studs! Quilting! Strange fringing! Braided straps! All of those things appeal to me, though not necessarily all at once!

It would be the right size for a modern, travelling gal — long enough to fit my laptop & wide enough to fit my digital SLR camera — & it would have to be a shoulder-bag.

I would also want it — when closed — to have the zipper facing forwards. I dislike having the zipper tab behind me when I’m walking around, because I feel like I don’t know what’s going on behind me!

It would have an edgy, futuristic kind of vibe. & I would probably want it to be designed by Karl Lagerfeld, Pierre Hardy or Nicholas Ghesquière.

Now I pose the same question to you. What would your namesake bag look like? Who would design it? What colour would it be? Would it have a secret pocket for fortunes or five identical, lipstick-sized compartments? Would the lining be neon pink or plain canvas fabric that you could write love letters to yourself on? Let us know!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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YOU Condoms

[ 12 June 2008, 10:53 ]

See my disclaimer!

Want an unusual gift? Loathe the impracticality of your standard business card? Have a penchant for making balloon animals out of inflated condoms?

Oh, baby! Do I have the thing for you?!

YOU Condoms from Condomania!

What’s the concept? Well, you choose a picture of yourself, send it in, add a line of text (if you want), then sit back & wait for your personalised condoms to arrive in your, ahem, post box!

It’s a very odd product, to be sure. How many people do you really want to see your face just before they “get freaky”?! It might be good for a porn star, a gynaecologist or a sex writer (I can see Violet Blue rocking these) but I’m hard pressed to think of anyone else! If you used them in place of a business card, you would need to be working in a very liberal industry!

I love them, regardless — I think they’re absolutely hilarious, & have been handing them out to lucky (& unlucky) people all over the place. Who knows whether they will ever be put to good use? In fact, I think I’d prefer not to know!

So, what do you think? Would you use them? Who would you give them to?!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Gala's Going Out Playlist

[ 7 June 2008, 20:51 ]

I think what you listen to as you get dressed, put on your make-up & tart yourself up is of utmost importance. Now that I have speakers in my apartment (thanks, landlords!), great music has become an essential part of my primping & preening routine again. I think it helps set the tone of the evening, help pick up your energy & best of all, makes you smile & dance!

Here’s what I listened to tonight as I dressed up.

What are your favourite songs to dress up to?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What Were You Wearing When This Song Came Out?

[ 6 June 2008, 10:01 ]

I went into a tiny vintage shop in the East Village yesterday, & the guy & the girl behind the counter were making pleasant banter. The guy, who was fiddling with an iPod, said, “I haven’t heard this song in years!”, & then these familiar opening notes came floating out of the speakers…

The girl standing next to him asked, “What were you wearing when this song came out?” He started to describe his wardrobe — corduroy trousers, a flannel shirt — & I thought, ‘Wow, what a great question’.

1979 by The Smashing Pumpkins was such an iconic song, & sunk into so many people’s lives, that it was the sort of song you could remember what you were listening when you listened to it.

I knew my own answer instantly. At the time, there was a brand of trackpants (yes, really), called Barkers which were… well, if you didn’t have them, you were totally uncool. Most people had them in a slate blue or charcoal, but of course, me & my incessant point of difference, insisted that I own a cranberry pair. (I’m sure it blew my mother’s mind that her excessively unathletic daughter wanted a pair of trackpants.) What else? I also had a selection of baby-doll cut t-shirts. One that stands out in my mind was white with a big silver star in the middle. (Thank god there is no photographic evidence of this ugly time.) I had a crush on a boy who liked The Smashing Pumpkins too, & I would listen to Mellon Collie & The Infinite Sadness & talk to my friends on the phone about him.

Thankfully, the Christmas of 1996 was the first time I got access to the internet, & that’s when my style started evolving. By mid-1997, I was the quintessential gothling! Long black drapey skirt with lots of layers of netting & lace, a corset (a real one, mind you), striped stockings, New Rock boots, a spiked dog collar… It certainly wasn’t haute couture but it was a definite step up from trackpants!

So, I turn it over to you! What were you wearing in 1996?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Sex & The City: The Movie

[ 5 June 2008, 09:04 ]

Alright, lovelies. Time for the inevitable discussion.

Sex & The City: The Movie. What did you think? Raging success? Flaming disappointment? Did you laugh? Cry? Cringe? Walk out dazed, wondering where the hell those two & a half hours went? Did you swoon over the shoes & belts? Did the product placement make you grit your teeth? Discuss.

(My opinion is in the comments — so don’t click unless you’re open to spoilers!)

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Moleskine Inspiration

[ 17 May 2008, 22:36 ]

Those of you who have been around for a while will know by now that Moleskines are my journal of choice. They are beautifully made, with fabulous quality paper, & you really can’t go past them for a glorious piece of kit.

If you’ve never bought one before, don’t hesitate a moment longer! Run, don’t walk, to your nearest Moleskine supplier & pick yourself up a piece of bliss! But of course, that presents us with two questions.

1. Which is the right Moleskine for you? They have notebooks, diaries, city notebooks & cahiers, all blank & swooning for your attention!

2. What will you use your Moleskine for?

When I was working in an office (or at Lush), I would use the bus to & from work to get my best writing done. I loved to use soft-cover ruled cahiers with a buff cover. I have a whole stack of them sitting in my bookcase in Melbourne, filled with obsessive writings about boy infatuations. In fact, I have an entire cahier devoted to Simon! (Awwww!) I use a black page-a-day diary for my daily life planning — I draw hearts at the start of each “to do” item, & then highlight the words in purple when I’ve completed them. I also have a New York city notebook which currently sits totally empty, but which I cart around a lot because it’s wee & has a subway map in it! (I will fill it in soon, promise!)

Here are some lovely things that other people have done with their Moleskines. The artist is noted below the picture. I hope they fill you with inspiration & elation!

Ideas for your Moleskine
Saliva-inducing illustrations of the food you eat
A chart of romantic or sexual conquests
Modern treasure-map guides to your favourite places
Written character sketches & mysterious pictures
Page after page after page of wishlists
Love letters to your idols
A choose-your-own-adventure story
Views from windows
Individual haikus about each of your friends
Reviews of every roller-coaster you’ve ever ridden
What you would wear if you lived on the Moon
A collection of perfume strips & who you think they suit
Drawings of your favourite designer shoes
Lipstick kiss-marks
The third draft of your acceptance speech

What do you use your Moleskine for? Do you have pictures?

Resources
Livejournal’s jr__nal community
Flickr’s Moleskinerie group
Flickr’s The Moleskine: One Page At A Time group
Flickr’s My Moleskine group

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Wear... Competition!

[ 15 May 2008, 17:19 ]

How utterly fabulous! iCiNG has teamed up with Polyvore for another competition!

This one’s more trend-centric than the last. It’s called How To Wear…, & the idea is that you make a set giving us your take on how to wear…
Gladiator sandals
Metallics
Purple
Blazers
Prints
Waistcoats
Headwear
Flared trousers
High waists
...or 1940’s style!

You have 14 days to whip up as many fantastic outfits as you like! I’ll be choosing 12 winners (phew!), all of whom will be getting a sweet little parcel from me in New York City! (I will write you love letters & send you trinkets & fortunes & bubble wands & anything pretty I see…) If that doesn’t entice you, how about the fact that your set will be world famous on iCiNG & Polyvore? Sounds good to me!

Click here to get busy styling, & be sure to have submitted your entries by the 29th of May! All entries should go through that link!

Best of luck, glamazons!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Things My Parents Taught Me

[ 13 May 2008, 09:18 ]

“My question is about your parents, because they obviously did something really right when it came to teaching you how to be you. I am raising two girls and my goal is to give them the tools to manage themselves on a daily practical level and to know themselves, I hope to show them how to be truly in touch with who they are, to always follow their instinct and to learn how to really “listen” to themselves. So Gala, what valuable tools did your parents give you? What values, insights or lessons did your parents pass on to you? What part did they play in shaping you into the individual who thinks outside of the box, follows her intuition and has the practical know how to make her dreams happen?”

I’m not perfect, & neither are my parents. I read this email aloud to my father & he was flattered, but he said that he thinks very little of how I am today has anything to do with him or my mother — he knows how much change I’ve been through & the amount of effort I’ve put into turning myself into the sort of person I am today. I used to be very different! (Read: goth, cynical, nasty, insecure, negative, miserable.)

...But I think he’s just being modest. My parents did, of course, teach me many lessons that have been immensely valuable to me. Here are a few of them.

Communicate
Being able to talk to other people is so important! If you can’t tell them when there’s a problem or if you’d like to change something, you’re really heading for disaster. Other people can’t read your mind & it’s not their job to, either — it is absolutely your responsibility to communicate your needs. You can’t blame other people for not delivering what you want if you haven’t told them! My relationship with my parents was always pretty open, & while I shut down a bit as a teenager, there still wasn’t a lot that I didn’t tell them. They were always very cool & accepting, which helped keep the doors of communication open. If there’s no fear of persecution, there’s no reason to clam up.

Your integrity is the most important thing
It really, really is. As they say, once it’s gone, it’s gone, & you may never rebuild your reputation. Be careful with it, think about what you’re doing & pay attention.

My parents weren’t perfect
My father has always been really keen on telling me that he isn’t perfect — that he has made mistakes, & that he doesn’t know everything. I think one of his beliefs is that a lot of children rebel because their parents paint themselves as saints, & when their offspring discover that that isn’t the case (or even close), they get pissed off & rebel. Hard. My father didn’t want that to happen in our family, so he was always keen on emphasising the fact that his opinion was no more important than anyone else’s. This attitude coupled with the fact that my parents always treated me like an adult meant that I never felt deceived by them, & so I never really “rebelled”.

Working for yourself is the only way to truly be in charge of your destiny
From the time of my birth onwards, my parents always had their own businesses. My mother owned a clothing boutique & my father owned a hi-fi business, & so to me, that was normal. It made sense to have your own business — while the risk lay solely with you, all the benefits did too. I think I was always subconsciously filtered a message that working for other people means that you rely on them, that you have far less freedom & that it was really a sub-optimal position to be in. I always knew that one day I would have my own business, I just didn’t know what it would be. I feel like having that as a valid option helped shape my view of the world, & of course, founding iCiNG has been one of the greatest learning experiences of my life thus far.

Reading is fun
I am so, so fortunate that my parents instilled a love of reading in me early in life. My father used to take me to the library every Saturday morning & we would come away with shopping bags full to the brim! When we went home I would basically go to my bed, sit there & work my way through the stack. Then we would repeat the process the following week. Reading has always been hugely enjoyable & comforting to me, & I am at my happiest when I am leaving the library with a whole lot of books to devour. I know a lot of people who didn’t read much when they were young, & it seems like if that’s the case, you never really get as much joy from books as someone who has been reading them since the dawn of time. I think that’s a shame, since reading can be so enriching.

You have absolute responsibility for your life
In our household, there was always a strong action culture. What I mean by this is that complaining wasn’t really tolerated. That might sound a bit harsh, but it just wasn’t something that any of us had any time for. If you had a problem, you were expected to deal with it &/or fix it, the sooner the better. While I haven’t been perfect about it, this is an attitude I have maintained as much as possible, & it has served me well. It helps prevent me from stagnating or getting locked into negative patterns. I think it’s really important to feel that we each have the means to solve our own problems — it’s empowering & allows us to move through life with more acceptance of change.

It’s important to be different
My parents both own their own businesses, & were very aware of the fact that in order to thrive, you need to have a point of difference. Both their businesses were successful for this very reason. My parents are pretty eccentric, too, & as long as I’ve known them, they have been pretty unapologetic about that. When I got to the age where I started experimenting with clothing & style, at about 13, they were really cool & supportive. The only thing they wouldn’t let me do is leave the house wearing black lipstick (in retrospect, it was a good call!). I would go into the city in my goth garb (all black, stripey stockings, eye of horus make-up, you know the drill) with a pair of silver angel wings strapped to my back & they encouraged me — they were proud of the fact that I was different & brave. Usually when I did things that were weird or a bit strange, they would just laugh with me. That was awesome: it taught me that it was okay to experiment & try new things. I have a very strong sense of myself, & I’ve never been worried about following trends or doing what other people did, because being my own person was never been presented as a “risky” or scary thing.

Be generous
You just should be. A world full of selfish people doesn’t bode well. If karma is the only thing that motivates you, then sure, be generous because you know it will come back to you. But we should all be generous, regardless of our circumstances. If you can’t be generous when you perceive yourself to be “poor”, you never will be. The typical reason people aren’t generous is because they have this huge feeling of lack — like there isn’t enough, & there never will be. That feeling remains, regardless of how much money you have. Besides, generosity isn’t always about money. Often being generous with your time or knowledge or relationships is worth much more.

You can never be too encouraging
This goes hand-in-hand with being generous. People need encouragement & love & support — without it, it can be hard to get anything done. My parents always encouraged me, almost without exception, & it gave me great faith in my abilities & huge ambition. It makes sense, really: if the people around you act as if life is unfair & a trial & like there’s no point in bothering, then why would you?! Conversely, if your family or friends tell you that you can do anything if you put your mind to it, then you’ll feel much more naturally capable. I remember regurgitating this fact (“you can do anything you want!”) on the playground at approximately age 7. My best friend at the time scoffed & said, “What, like flying to the moon?!” It was hard for me to explain it at the time but I knew what I meant — it just goes to show that what we’re told at a young age really does stick with us & influence us hugely.

I think those are the major life lessons my parents have taught me — at least to date. I’m sure in a few years I’ll be able to come up with an entirely different set! What positive things do you think your parents taught you, & how have those lessons helped you so far?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Spring Uniforms

[ 11 May 2008, 21:57 ]

Sometimes when the weather heats up, I get overwhelmed with the contents of my closet (or suitcase!). When that happens, it can help to come up with a few outfits that I can adapt a little bit as necessary, but that basically serve one purpose. I call them “Spring Uniforms” — ensembles that are easy to put together & comfortable to wear, & get me over that initial hump of warm weather mania!

Here are some fabulous imaginary Spring Uniforms, thanks to Polyvore.

Shopping Uniform
When it comes to doing a big shop for the new season, the less clothing you wear the better. All the better to slip in & out of, my dear! One simple accessory (the bangle), versatile shoes, a non-burdensome handbag & a pair of sunglasses have you totally sorted.

Picnic Uniform
While white might be a little inappropriate for a grass-related event, as long as you have a picnic blanket, you should be okay! Cobalt blue accessories & a fringed bag make for exciting accoutrements, & an apple & a stack of books mean you don’t need anyone else in order to have a great time!

Gallery Uniform
I always want to go to hundreds of galleries & openings in Spring. This is my ideal outfit for schlepping my ways around the halls of hallowed museums & galleries. High heels, a flared skirt, a colourful t-shirt & some sparkly accessories. It shows that you have style while at the same time not taking yourself too seriously. Woohoo!

Charm Uniform
To me, New York City is about making new friends & lots of connections. (It’s been a lot of fun so far!) This is a super outfit for going into cafes, meeting people for lunch & charming the pants off anyone who takes your fancy! Flat sandals are conducive to walking, sunglasses prevent you from squinting into the sun, & chunky bangles make sweet clinking noises when you write down your phone number with a flourish!

Do you ever devise uniforms for the seasons? If so, what do they look like?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What Should I Buy For Mother's Day?

[ 7 May 2008, 10:04 ]

This Sunday, the 11th of May, is Mother’s Day. You can call it a Hallmark holiday all you like, but let’s face it — without a mother, none of us would be here in the first place! She deserves a bit of love, & you know it. Here are some ways to show her your appreciation without resorting to old faithful gifts — like a gift pack from The Body Shop or a scented candle!

Write her a letter or card
These days, whenever it’s a birthday, Christmas or Mother’s/Father’s Day, my gift of choice is a card or letter. That might sound like a bit of a cop-out, but really, my parents have everything they need — & anything they want, they’ll get. I can’t add a lot of value to their life by buying them knick-knacks & stuff they’ll never use.

On the flip-side, writing somebody something personal has huge value. I’m not talking about a card that says “Happy Mother’s Day, love Josephine”! You need to make it worthwhile. Sit down, spend an hour, write something meaningful. I like to write to my parents & tell them that I love them, admire them & am grateful for everything they’ve done for me (though of course, I mix it up a lot!). It always means much more to them than a candle or a book ever could.

This article was actually prompted by an email I received from a girl who said that she & her mother didn’t get along very well. She knew she had to do something for mother’s day but felt that her mother had caused her so much pain that the idea of buying her a gift made her grit her teeth. My suggestion was that she write her a card or letter, saying that she knew their relationship wasn’t perfect but that she loved her anyway, & that she hoped that they could work on that. So it doesn’t have to be all sweetness & light — just genuine.

Help her out
Your average mother is an unbelievable multi-tasker, juggler & jack of all trades. She has kids, a career, a lover, a house that seems to self-mess & a billion obstacles to navigate. Imagine you were your mother for a day. How well do you think you’d do? I think I’d be a total flop!

So, why not help lighten the load? Now, you don’t have to do any manual labour yourself if you don’t want to. But you could try hiring a cleaner for a month — they could come in for a few hours every Monday & help get the house in order. You could offer to cook dinner for a week, or if cooking isn’t your forte, you could hire someone to do it for her! You could offer to babysit so that she can go out & do something indulgent & luxurious. Alternatively, you could pay for her to get pampered. What mother wouldn’t want a massage, a manicure or a spa day?

A framed photograph
If you have a good photograph of you & your momma, or even just a nice recent photo of yourself, frame it & wrap a bow around it. Everyone likes evidence of themselves with someone they love having a great time. Bonus points if you use an image editing program to make you both look younger & more beautiful! A little use of the healing & blurring brushes goes a long way!

Sending a photo of yourself is a great option if you live far away from your mother or just don’t see her very often. That way, if you turn up at her door one day, she’ll remember who you are! (Just kidding!)

Something alive
Flowers are nice but they don’t last very long — & all that cutting-the-stems-diagonally, putting-Aspirin-or-sugar-in-the-water stuff is a bit of a drag. Mother’s day is meant to be her day off, after all! If you buy her a potted plant, it’ll be something she can keep for much longer, & every time she looks at it she will be reminded of you, her sublime offspring!

The best thing to do is go for something low-maintenance. Buying her something she has to think about all the time is not the idea! Orchids are my favourite because they only need a bit of water every couple of days & they’re right as rain, but if you ask someone at a garden centre, they’ll be able to push you in the right direction.

Go for a walk
How often do we get to spend time with our mothers & just hang out? If you’re anything like me, barely ever. There’s always something to do, somewhere to go, businesses to talk about & dinner to make. If you go on a walk together, you might be surprised at how good it is to just spend time with one another. You’re related, after all, & more similar than you might initially think. You don’t have to walk along the beach (this isn’t a personals ad!), but even walking to a café or around the neighbourhood can be wonderful.

Have a cup of tea
& hold her hand. Tell her you love her, bring her some biscuits & hug.

If none of these have tickled your fancy, there are a whole lot of other ideas at my article on Gift-Giving from last year!

If you’re a mother, what was your best ever mother’s day present? If not, what are you going to do for your mother this Sunday?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Your Life In Haiku

[ 6 May 2008, 08:32 ]

If you were to write a haiku about your life at this very moment, what would it say?

Remember, the format is 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syallbles, & theoretically it should involve something about nature.

Mine might be…

I love this city.
We wake up early to roam,
with hair like wild vines.

or…

My darling FedEx,
Please deliver my new boots (!!!)
Love, A Girl Possessed.

or…

I love Simon. I
love Simon. I love Simon.
Don’t go to London!

or…

So, celebrities
love Pinkberry. I’m sad to
say they have no taste.

How about you?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Kink Under The Covers

[ 28 April 2008, 21:37 ]

“What would you recommend to spice up your sex life? I’m with a lovely guy who I trust (and who trusts me) implicitly. We have an enjoyable sex life but it’s so… meh. Two positions, totally plain. He’s also very inexperienced and quite submissive, so doesn’t feel he’s knowledgeable enough to bring up new ideas. And I, for once, am completely at a loss for inspiration! So one of my goals is to remedy this. Do you have any tips/suggestions/links/cupcakes that you think could solve, or at least enhance, my lacklustre love life? Indeed, if there’s a cupcake that could enhance it, I’d be more the happier!”

Absolutely! There are lots of things you can do to make your intimate life more sexy, exciting & stimulating! Here are a few suggestions. (By the link, practically all of the links that follow aren’t safe for work. Consider yourself warned!)

Buy a good sex book
It’s one of the best ways to fill your head with new ideas, while at the same time giving you a crash course in sexual health. (We all need reminders!) You might like to go to the sexuality section of your local bookstore & peruse the shelves; I often find that Borders has a huge selection of sex manuals as well as erotica. However, I have to say, my absolute favourite sex book is The Guide To Getting It On!, by Paul Joannides & Daerick Gross. It is truly awesome. It’s required reading at colleges across America, which you might think would mean it’s a pretty dry book. Not at all! It’s the kind of book you read for fun (or “pleasure”, mwahaha) — the writing is humorous, always interesting & thought-provoking. Any book with a chapter called “The Zen Of Finger F*cking” has to be good! Get your hands on a copy & read it with your boyfriend, enjoy the illustrations (they are racy & cool) & use some Post-It notes to mark things you’d like to try together! You might also like to look into some of Violet Blue’s books — she has written some fantastic stuff about fetishes, role play, porn & various sex acts!

Find a few good sex blogs
There are all kinds of things online that will appeal to you, it’s all about what floats your boat. You can experiment with erotica, pretty pictures, sex ed & the infamous Fleshbot. If you add one (or several) of these blogs to your RSS reader, you’ll get a steady influx of racy loveliness, which will definitely raise your libido & keep your mind ticking in a lusty manner!

Subscribe to a sexy/erotic podcast…
...& listen to it together in bed! Turn the lights down low, get scantily clad & see where the words take you! If you search “sex podcast” in iTunes, you’ll be presented with a slew of podcasts to digest & enjoy.

Watch porn together
I don’t mean that mass-produced stuff starring human Barbie dolls (well, unless that appeals to you!) — I mean the good stuff, & believe me, it does exist. I think Andrew Blake is a pretty great pornographer: what he does is more high-end erotica than terrifying close-ups & whatnot. For example, Dita Von Teese stars in Pin-Ups 2. Vivid Alt have some good titles, too. For more suggestions, Violet Blue is your girl — she used to review porn for a living! Check out her recommendations for what she calls “smart porn” — less long fingernails (eeesh!) & faux-orgasms, more genuine pleasure & realistic lovin’!

Write down your fantasies…
...on little scraps of paper, have your boyfriend do the same, then draw one or two out of a hat every week! You could even have little “dates” a few nights a week, where you make drawing a fantasy out of a hat a habit. Fun fun! If you have performance anxiety & can’t think of anything to write down, have a look at BDSM Scenarios: Ideas To Spark Your Sex Life.

Do a striptease!
Have your lover do one, too! (It’s only fair…)

Dress up…
...in a saucy outfit & let him have his wicked way with you (or vice versa)! Pretending to be someone else can really help if you’re feeling pressured to get it on & have an amazing time, etc. Boss him around or let him tell you what to do, & come up with outfits to match. Bonus points if you surprise him at the door wearing just your knickers under a trenchcoat, or jump out of his closet wearing nothing but one of his shirts!

Try getting it on in different locations
Sometimes a change of scenery is just what you need. Try messing around in your car, by the beach, in a forest, behind the stacks at your local library, in a cupboard at IKEA, or wherever works for you… just don’t get caught!

Go shopping
No, not for tomato sauce & a head of broccoli… for bedroom accoutrements! Handcuffs, Swarovski crystal embellished whips, toys, blindfolds, feathers, whatever takes your fancy! If you’re too shy to buy in person, Good Vibrations is a great place to start.

What are your best hints for making your sex life more saucy? Go on, spill!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Morals, Ethics & Integrity -- Where Do You Draw The Line?

[ 15 April 2008, 20:17 ]

“I recently got a 9-5 job on the phones at an insurance company. It’s never where I thought I’d be but I’m loving it. The people, the work and the attitude and values of the company I can really relate to. I also do some volunteer work for a soup kitchen where everyone there are vegan anarchists… some of them squat in abandoned warehouses, most vegan, they dumpster dive for food (as a political & ethical statement), most have a very idealistic and strong ethic about the way they live their life. So they have made little jibes to me about selling out… and the part of me that is a part of that world can’t help wondering if I am? I realise I have to pay the bills so it shouldn’t really matter but I’m just not sure what my own code of ethics really is and what is going against my system of values and what isn’t. In regards to the work you do I can imagine perhaps it comes up in being sponsored, money and potential jobs you get from iCiNG. Also with fashion, I tend to try not buy leather and definitely not fur but would be interested on your take on this. Also, buying fair trade and environmentally friendly. At what point do you draw the line? And how do you guide yourself ethically and morally?”

After your health, it’s said that the most important thing you have is your integrity, because once it’s gone — it’s gone. Along with the awful feeling of not wanting to look at yourself in the mirror, word spreads, & you might find yourself very unpopular all of a sudden.

So, what is integrity? Really, it’s about behaving in a way that you are proud of. It means that your morals are intact & that you don’t bend them on a whim. People who don’t act with integrity might do things they abhor for cash, say one thing & do another, or lie to their friends for a quick buck. The core of it really comes from people acting selfishly, as well as only thinking about the present & not considering the future repercussions.

Our beliefs — what we can call a “moral compass” — come from a combination of places. A lot of what we perceive to be right or wrong comes from what we’ve seen our parents or family do. After all, our family is our first example of what the world is like. Some conclusions we come to on our own, & we are also influenced by the society we live in as to what we think is okay & what isn’t. It’s all very subjective, which is why people on the other side of the planet sometimes seem to behave in a way that seems offensive or just plain bizarre. There is no definitive answer. What is right & what is wrong? Only you can answer that for yourself. (...Though if you really want to get into it, the Morality page on Wikipedia is a great place to start!)

So, having said this, & knowing how different people’s morals can be, I can understand that your friends might be finding it difficult to cope with what they might perceive as a sudden major shift in your personality & lifestyle. It’s said that the people around us impact us so much that our life becomes an average of the lives of the five people closest to us, & if all your friends are vegan, dumpster-diving anarchists, it makes sense that they would be surprised by your new direction.

You didn’t really write anything about your own beliefs, other than you feel like what you’re doing at your job gels with you, ethically, & that you do some volunteer work, so I’m assuming that your political stand-point isn’t something you’ve given heaps of thought to in the past. You probably have an innate sense of what’s okay & what isn’t, & you’ve followed that. But you know what? The amount of brain-power you’ve put into thinking about this doesn’t make you a better or worse person than your fellow volunteers — just different. I mean, honestly, I don’t give politics a lot of thought, because it has never really interested me. You might be the same way, & of course, that’s totally fine. I do think, though, that when it comes to morals & ethics & integrity, we all need to work out where we stand.

“If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.” — Malcolm X

It’s all too easy to get swept away in a tidal wave of excitement & then realise, ‘I shouldn’t have done that’. It happens to people all the time. For some, it happens after a few drinks, while for others, as soon as they see a beautiful woman, anything they might have said in the past (& that ring on their finger) is all but forgotten. Those are but two examples. I don’t think anyone reading this could claim they’ve never done anything that compromised their integrity. & of course, afterwards, you have to pick up the pieces, which can be horrific for everyone involved.

When it comes to iCiNG, it can be a hard line to walk. I often feel that I’m blazing my own path, & as such, every day is a new adventure. It’s exciting, but it can be tricky! For example, I sell advertising, but I’m very picky about who I accept ads from. (You wouldn’t believe what people want to put on my site!) Often, people want to pay me or give me merchandise, thinking that I will mention their product or service & they’ll get a rush of sales. That happens on other sites, sure — some blogs these days look more like advertorial than anything else — but not here, & I think iCiNG is a better place for it. I won’t write about anything that I wouldn’t be happy to spend money on myself… & I’m a discerning customer!

The world is rife with opportunity for us to sell out, compromise our values & buy into someone else’s shady agenda. That’s why it helps to think about the big picture. So if someone offers you something, don’t just say yes because it flatters your ego — think about the likely chain of events afterwards. Sometimes the best thing to do is just not get involved, which can be hard. It’s important to learn how to say no.

I think a good guiding principle, though, is the No Assholes Rule. Crude, I know, but bear with me. What this means is that you make a decision — now — never to deal with or get involved with anyone who is an asshole. (I’m using the term “asshole” as a blanket term to mean anyone who is rude, callous, unprofessional, unethical, vile, disrespectful, etc. You can mix & match terms as you like!) Basically, the less assholes you deal with, the less chance there is that you’ll be tempted to compromise your ethics. Sometimes it can be hard to tell whether someone is cool or not, but trust me when I say that the more you listen to your intuition (your “gut”), the better your asshole radar will become. If your intuition is singing out “No, no, no!”, listen! & then act! A lot of mistakes & potential ugliness can be avoided by engaging this principle.

Coming back to morals & ethics, there are so many different battles going on in the world today, & it’s impossible to fight every one. You’d just end up bitter & exhausted. So it’s important to pick the causes that are important to you, & then do your best. For example, I don’t buy anything that has been tested on animals, & I do my best to support companies doing things that I agree with (Lush, for example, is really committed to buying fair trade). I prefer to buy from small designers rather than chain stores that mass-produce things — they often have questionable labour practices & of course, shops on the high street tend to contribute to that whole “fast fashion” thing, & produce enormous amounts of waste. I barely touch meat or dairy (& I won’t be anywhere near it as of Monday!), I don’t drive a car or commute, I don’t buy tabloids because I believe they are destructive & I also believe in a celebrity’s right to privacy (really!), etc. Those are all things that are important to me.

But then there are grey areas. Some people say we shouldn’t buy from big sports shoe manufacturers, because the labour conditions are horrible. & of course, any slightly compassionate person will agree. Then someone else comes along & says that if insert-shoe-company-here wasn’t employing these people, they’d be worse off than they are. Who should we believe? How should we behave? Only you can answer that for yourself.

So, how do we work out where we draw the line? I think a good rule of thumb, though a little terrifying to think about at first, is never do anything you wouldn’t want on the front page of the newspaper. It’s a pretty good way of gauging things, because it’s such a huge idea. ‘How would I feel if everyone on the planet knew this about me?’ But again, we’re all different. Some people would be okay with publication of a photo of them doing a line, while others would be mortified if their colleagues knew they jay-walked occasionally.

I think that, for the girl who wrote to me, there are a few questions she needs to answer.

Does she really agree with what her place of employment is doing? Has she done a bit of research & looked into it further than just how friendly her team-mates are? Insurance companies are notorious for acting in an extremely unethical way — is hers different, & if so, how?

Finally, do her friend’s opinions matter more than her own? In this case, they think she’s a sell-out, blah blah — but does it actually matter? No, it doesn’t. They have their lives, & she has hers, & she can only live for herself. It’s nice to hear what your friends have to say, but their opinion is no more valuable than the milkman’s. People are always going to say inaccurate, misguided or just plain screwed up things, because we all run things through our own filters. Our personal filters are affected by all kinds of things — upbringing, past experiences, feelings about the future — & so it helps to take what people say with a grain of salt.

Ultimately, all that matters is that you think about what you’re doing, on a grand scale, & you feel good about it.

(Where do you draw the line? What causes do you support? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.)

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Muxtape

[ 10 April 2008, 20:06 ]

I recently discovered Muxtape & I am totally over the moon about it!

What is it? It’s a way to create & share mixtapes online. & it rules.

If you want to hear a mixtape I made especially for you, click the tape below!

I’d love to hear your mixes, too! What better way to spend a Friday afternoon? Sign up & get busy — it’s free & quick & awesome!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iCiNG Transformation Challenge -- Announcement!

[ 10 April 2008, 06:37 ]

I wanted to let you all know about something I’m planning to kick off soon. It’s called the iCiNG Transformation Challenge, it will run for a month & it revolves around us taking control of our lives & our bodies in a concentrated way! It’s like weekly resolutions but amped up in a way that would make even Victoria Beckham exclaim, “MAJOR!”.

The iCiNG Transformation Challenge (iTC) will run from the 21st of April to the 18th of May. It would probably make more sense for it to start at the beginning of a calendar month, but that’s so far away & I am impatient!

I recently decided I wanted to commit to a month of really looking after my body, to see what kind of results I could get. I often find it hard to stick to an exercise routine, just because it feels really aimless & sometimes the thought of exercising every couple of days until the end of my life freaks me out! By giving myself a task that lasts for a month, I find that much less of a mental hurdle & far easier for me to grasp. The idea is that I will realise how great I feel when I put effort into my physical well-being, & will want to keep it up.

The reason I’m announcing it is because I also thought that if we commit to this & do it as a group, we’ll all feel like we have lots of support & love helping us achieve our goals!

My iCiNG Transformation Challenge: I’m going to exercise every day, & I’m also going to eat 100% raw!

Both of those things are quite scary to me, which is a good sign, I think! I am going to stock up on lovely fresh fruit & vegetables, & armed with what I learned from Karen Knowler, I think I will be unstoppable!

In terms of exercise, I’ve bought some DVDs which are on their way, namely a Jari Love three-pack [Get Ripped!, Get Ripped! Ripped to the Core & Get Ripped! Slim & Lean — man, those titles are a gigglefest!], Shape Bikini Body Camp Transforming Workout & Jeanette Jenkins’ The Hollywood Trainer 21 Day Total Body Circuit. All of them get quite good reviews so I’m really excited to see how they turn out. I’m also going to do yoga, spinning, weights, swimming, go on long walks & dance in my living room. I read Shape Up Like A Spice Girl the other day & it occurred to me that the reason I normally get so bored by “exercising” is that I always do the same thing. By mixing it up I hope to keep my interest level high!

So, consider this your official invitation to join me in my transformation quest! I wanted to give you all a bit of notice so that if you want to take part, you have time to prepare yourself. Now, you don’t have to do it the way I am — your transformation challenge might be about quitting smoking, cutting down on your meat consumption, meditating regularly or just walking up the stairs instead of taking the elevator. But ideally it will be something that you work towards a little bit every day.

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
— Tony Robbins

Only you know the changes you need to make, so if you want to jump on board, use this time to brainstorm what you’d like to achieve & how you’re going to go about it. I can tell you right off the bat that I’m going to use a whole lot of EFT to get over the mental hurdles I have about regular exercise & going 100% raw! Comment here about where you’re heading & what your goals are likely to be, & I’ll see if I can write articles to help!

The iCiNG Transformation Challenge starts in a little over a week & a half — ample time to buy DVDs, stock up on healthy food, purchase exercise equipment, join a gym, find a yoga class, or whatever else you need to do to get prepared & pumped!

I’ll be giving regular updates on how I’m doing, as well as writing up lots of tips & tricks to help us get to where we want!

Are you with me, baby?!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What Would You Wear At 40?

[ 31 March 2008, 22:05 ]

“I confess, when I shop with my 19 year-old daughter, I am so envious of the style choices she has. PLEASE do women like me a favor! How can a forty-something mom build a style without large expense (we are paying for college you know) which will look new and fresh but appropriate for our age. Remember, we don’t have the great bodies we did at your age. Classic but unexpected. Flattering. Age-appropriate but FUN! What do you see yourself wearing at 40?“

People often write to me saying that they’re x age or y weight, what do I think they should wear? It can be hard to answer questions like that, because I don’t believe that just because you’re not young or thin (the theoretical ideal), that you should have some kind of boring style prescription. I think dressing in a way that makes you happy is the most important thing, & when you’re being told what you can & can’t wear, the fun gets sucked out of it pretty quickly.

This email was different. She asked, “What do you see yourself wearing at 40?” — a much better way of phrasing things. It made my brain whirr. Of course, what I’ve come up with is my style, & therefore not necessarily suitable or even something you can picture yourself in. But it does give us a jumping off point!

Here’s what I came up with.

A simple outfit with a splash of purple. This would be great for a day off, shopping or walking my Dachshund!

40 year old Gala on her private jet. Oh yes. Secret spy woman with colour-coordinated accessories!

Black & white & super-chic. I absolutely adore this outfit. It’s just not quite the sort of thing I can pull off yet.

I think older women look so amazing in black & white. It’s so clean, & it makes them look clear-headed, intelligent & successful.

While it can be easy to feel like you’re being left out of the fun trends that your daughter is slithering into, remember that as a woman, there are a lot of things you can pull off that younger people can’t. As we grow & mature, our presence expands, & our whole way of being changes.

So as a grown woman, don’t feel limited. Think about it — while it may not be in your budget, the real high-end fashion houses make clothing for women who are your age. Not young whippersnappers! If you need some inspiration, look at fabulous women your age & see what they’re wearing. Think about Coco Chanel, Lauren Bacall, Diana Vreeland, Nicole Kidman, Iman, Julianne Moore, Kate Spade… !

I imagine that when I’m 40, my style will have evolved quite a lot. I probably won’t be so keen on super-short skirts or sleeveless tops. I envision a huge closet full of obscenely beautiful things — great coats, fabulous shoes, delicious handbags. I will probably have moved past my obsession with shoes that have springs & platforms! I can’t even begin to imagine what my hair would be like… I will probably still have a penchant for black worn with a splash of colour, & unusual jewellery.

This whole thing reminds me of “Warning” by Jenny Joseph.

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

What do you think you’ll wear when you get older? Make a Polyvore set & link it in the comments if you’re feeling really creative!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Connecting Up!

[ 27 March 2008, 18:28 ]

I’m gonna get myself, I’m gonna get myself, I’m gonna get myself connected…

It occurred to me last night as I was lying in bed that it would be fantastic if we had a sort of “connection” page, where we could all list our various haunts online. It would make it much easier for us all to get to know one another, as well as giving us lots more lovely eyeball fodder!

So, I’d love you to participate!

Here’s where else you can find me!

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/p/Gala_Darling/618336300
Flickr: http://flickr.com/photos/galadarling
Last.fm: http://www.last.fm/user/picnicdarling
Livejournal: http://galadarling.livejournal.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/galadarling

How about you guys?

(Hint: just type your URLS normally, using http:// in front & no brackets around them. That way they will transform into clickable links!)

P.S. iCiNG is undergoing some transformation at the moment & we will soon have a MUCH better way of doing this… but for now this will do the trick!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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How To Make Friends

[ 11 March 2008, 19:43 ]

“i find myself in the terribly common, but still terribly sucky, position of being truly on my own for the first time in the Real World and feeling like i’m failing to handle it. i’ve lived away from home for years, but that was for college and busy internships. it is quite different when the only thing you’ve got going in your life is a dumb impersonal job when you are used to having lots of assignments and structure. you’ve wonderfully addressed the question of “i want a job i actually like”; now, i’m wondering if you can address the fact that it can be really hard to build a social life in the real world. i am bored and really lonely, and i find this makes me do bad things. i either stay in all day watching television shows or i go out and spend WAY to much money, trying to fill the hole with stuff instead of people. how do you do it? how do you meet people when you are broke and can’t afford to take classes in dance or yoga or anything — and moreover, when you feel like you’re pretty picky about who you find interesting?

the plus side is that i have a future of non-boredom to look forward to. i’ve been accepted to a prestigious PhD program that i’m really thrilled about, and i haven’t any doubt that when i move away to attend it in 6 months that the boredom and loneliness will melt away. but i know that simply cutting myself off right now and resigning myself to misery until i leave is not the answer, nor will it help me in the long run when i’m really done with school forever. so. you’ve been out of school for many years. how do you meet and keep great friends?”

I have written a couple of articles on this subject: Workplace Friendships, Being The New Kid & How To Settle Into A City (Part One: Social). The thing is, making friends is always something that can use more work. We could all enjoy the company of someone new.

So, my nonpareils, I give the floor to you. How do you make (& keep) friends?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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House Of Holland

[ 4 March 2008, 19:15 ]

My friend just bought this t-shirt from House of Holland & it got me thinking… what would one of those t-shirts have to say for me to buy it?

I came up with

MY ANATOMY
SWELLED
FOR K.
LAGERFELD

...But I was totally trumped by Felicity, who conjured up

MY THOUGHTS
ARE UNWHOLESOME
FOR MARY-KATE
OLSEN

So good!

What would your dream House Of Holland shirt say?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Weekly Resolutions

[ 24 February 2008, 16:43 ]

Bonjour! Good morning my darlings! Welcome to a new week!

The response to my first Weekly Resolutions post on Monday was so stupendous that I’ve decided it is definitely something we should carry on!

Tell me: how did you do on yours? What would your weekly resolutions report card say? Would you give yourself an A+ or a C-?

My resolutions last week were:
Raw power & big energy!
Competition entry
Trampoline
Wake up early
Deal with email daily

Well, I ate lots of good stuff last week, so I think I fulfilled the first one. I only ate a little bit of rubbish, & that was when I was stuck somewhere for four hours with nothing but a convenience store to feed me. But because I ate so well, I felt really awesome & my skin looks brilliant. I didn’t work on my competition entry (but as I was flat-out with other stuff, I think that’s okay). I didn’t jump on my trampoline once, haha, but I went on a lot of walks! I woke up early every day (yay!) without even the aid of an alarm clock! Superb! & I also dealt with every email I received the day it came in (except Friday, but I figured it was the weekend so it was okay to let it slide…).

Overall, I achieved the most important things on my list with a bit of room for improvement. But I am very happy with how well I did. I give myself an A-!

So, my resolutions for the coming week are…

Decoded:
I have lots of silly little administrative tasks to take care of on iCiNG this week (removing old tags, adding new ones, updating links page etc.). This week I resolve to get them done!
Lots of water! Fashion week is coming up & I want to look as radiant as possible, wink!
This is another fashion week related item. I really need to plot out what I’m going to wear. Otherwise it will be a very flustered week.
Again, this week, I am going to make an effort to eat as raw as possible. It just makes me feel really good, so it’s really worth putting in the work to make it happen.
I would like to do another podcast this week! Let me know if you have any suggestions for topics.
Also, I forgot to write this down, but I am going to keep dealing with my email on a daily basis. It is almost scary how good it makes me feel to be on top of my inbox!

What are your resolutions for the week?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Valentine's Day Panic!

[ 13 February 2008, 04:03 ]

Don’t have anything ready for tomorrow?

Make a mixtape for your beloved! This way you get to impress them with your taste & seduce them at the same time! Of course, it doesn’t have to be on an actual cassette — make them a playlist for their MP3 player or burn them a CD if it makes more sense. Remember to decorate the case!

“To me, making a tape is like writing a letter — there’s a lot of erasing and rethinking and starting again. A good compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do. You’ve got to kick off with a corker, to hold the attention (I started with “Got to Get You Off My Mind,” but then realized that she might not get any further than track one, side one if I delivered what she wanted straightaway, so I buried it in the middle of side two), and then you’ve got to up it a notch, or cool it a notch, and you can’t have white music and black music together, unless the white music sounds like black music, and you can’t have two tracks by the same artist side by side, unless you’ve done the whole thing in pairs and… oh, there are loads of rules.” — Nick Hornby, High Fidelity

Because putting songs together is fun, here is my prototype mixtape for you, my nonpareils!

Michael Jackson – This Place Hotel
Timbaland – Give It To Me
Notorious B.I.G. – Another
Madonna – Nobody Knows Me
DJ Magnet – Love Comes Running Up That Hill Quickly
Atmosphere – The Woman With The Tattooed Hands
Mary J. Blige – About You
Souls Of Mischief – 93 ‘til Infinity
Flight Of The Conchords – Bret You’ve Got It Going On
Magnetic Fields – I Wish I Had An Evil Twin
Otis Redding – Try A Little Tenderness
Garbage – The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
Atmosphere – Say Hey There
Dryft – Avatar
The Dead Texan – When I See Scissors, I Cannot Help But Think Of You
Antony & The Johnsons – You Are My Sister
Tegan & Sara – Back In Your Head

Though if I was making a mix for my lover, it might go something like this…

Placebo – Bubblegun
Madonna – Waiting
Felt – Woman Tonight
Cat Power – Where Is My Love
Che Fu – Scene 3
David Bowie – The Wedding Song
Kate Nash – We Get On
Lush – For Love
Bic Runga – The Be All & End All
N.E.R.D. – Stay Together

What would you put on a mixtape for your #1 crush?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Name The iCiNG Orchid!

[ 8 January 2008, 11:38 ]

I bought this Phalaenopsis orchid for my desk yesterday. The petals are diaphanous & slightly sparkly, the centre is hot pink & neon yellow zebra-print, & I love it. However, it doesn’t have a name — & since it sits on my desk, where I work, I thought maybe it would be nice if it had a name bestowed upon it by a nonpareil.

Suggestions?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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2008: The Year Of Healthy Eating

[ 7 January 2008, 12:20 ]

One of my goals for this year is to take control of my eating. Here is a little background:

When it comes to the kitchen, I have never done anything more complicated than heating up soup in a pot — have never learned to cook nor been particularly interested.
I loathe breakfast foods (cereal is awful, toast doesn’t fill me up, eggs make me feel queasy), so I usually end up going out to buy lunch, instead (at about 1pm, by which time I am grumpy & starving).
We eat out about 6 nights out of 7.
Most of that “eating out” involves Japanese (not too bad), pizza (terrible), Chinese (greasy & full of sugar), Thai (not so bad).

I recently read How To Eat Like A Hot Chick — while I was getting my hair done, actually — & it was a real eye-opener. The book isn’t perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, & there is some stuff in it that is weird & obnoxious (like using the term “Mary-Kate” to mean “messed up about food” — which is totally not cool). But aside from the bits where they are bashing other people, when they’re talking about what they know — like food — the book is very interesting & quite informative. Jodi & Cerina, the authors, have quite a cool view of nutrition.

They don’t believe in being obsessive over food. They advocate balance. They say it’s okay to eat a chocolate-chip muffin for breakfast, just balance it out with a big bag of spinach for dinner. (Spinach is their miracle food.) They’re not insane about eating x amount of meals a day, or sticking to a certain number of calories. They think it’s okay to snack, & have pages of advice on healthy snacking choices. There are some good dinner recipes, too, as well as a guide to healthy bar-hopping (if there is such a thing).

Reading the book really woke me up to the fact that I’m not eating properly. I’m not going to get all crazy & guilt-trip myself or talk about how much chocolate I eat, because that’s counter-productive. All I know is that I’m trying to make some improvements.

My aims are to…
Eat breakfast every morning (& find something I actually like, that doesn’t take a lot of time).
Make myself a healthy, tasty lunch — like a huge sandwich or salad.
Start cooking dinner.
Continue drinking lots of water.
Make meal plans so that I don’t leave it to the last minute & eat rubbish because I’m too tired to do anything.
Eat more fruit. I am really not into fruit so this is probably the most difficult part.
Reduce my dairy & meat intake. (My body works better without it.)

My boyfriend read Do You! the other day & realised that if he truly respected life, he would have to stop eating meat. So he has. Of course, this means that if I’m going to cook for both of us, which makes sense, I’m going to have to make vegetarian meals. To say that our eating is in a state of flux at the moment would be a major understatement!

I think that in the long-run, we’re both gearing towards a vegan diet, though neither of us are interested in eating that way at the cost of living an enjoyable life. We still want to be able to go out to great restaurants & eat on the run. When I was vegan a couple of years ago, it limited my life, & I hate being that person who asks a million questions about what I’m being served. The aim is to eat well, but not to let those conditions swamp our lives. Everything in moderation. We’ll see how we go.

On Saturday I went to Borders & bought Cook With Jamie by Jamie Oliver as well as The Kitchen Diaries by Nigel Slater. Nigel’s book is awesome — it is what the title says, a year’s worth of meals, as well as what the weather was like, what was happening in his garden, & what he was in the mood to eat. I love Nigel Slater, he is fantastically entertaining. I have been going through both books with little Post-Its, marking off recipes I want to try. I also have some vegan cookbooks, which I haven’t looked at in years, so I’m going to check those out too.

If there’s sufficient interest, I’d be happy to keep you all updated on what I’m eating & if I’ve come across a good recipe. But really, I’d like to know about your positive eating habits. Let’s not get into that “I ate so much, I’m such a heifer!” thing — tell me what you do, nutritionally, that makes you feel good.

What do you have for breakfast? Do you cook yourself a great meal every night? What do you do to minimise your grocery expenditure? Do you take vitamins, drink a lot of juice, only eat organic? What is your favourite lunch-time meal, & how do you treat yourself?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Gifting Yourself

[ 17 December 2007, 19:26 ]

Are you going to buy something for yourself for Christmas?

I couldn’t help myself. Because I’d like to experiment with some new scents for 2008, I just did an order of samples from Lucky Scent. Danger, danger! I’m waiting on Vanille Divine des Tropiques by La Maison de la Vanille, U4EAHH! 2.43 by YOSH, The exact friction of stars by Pilar and Lucy, Peppermint by Comme des Garcons Series 5: Sherbet, Vanilla Champagne by Susanne Lang, Perfect Kiss by Creative Scentualization, Serendipitous by Serendipity 3 & Loukhoum by Keiko Mecheri. YUM! A different one for every day of the week, plus extra! They probably won’t be here in time for Christmas, but I don’t mind. I’m so excited anyway! ...& I’m trying to hold myself back from the Christian Louboutins at David Jones!

How about you? Is there a special something tempting you, or is it already sitting wrapped under the tree?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Beloved Aesthetics

[ 20 November 2007, 19:31 ]

Recently on one of my favourite Livejournal style communities, someone posted asking people what they thought was the least attractive look. Of course, it quickly turned nasty. There was a small backlash, with one person replying “Bad attitudes” (bravo!). But other than that, there was page upon page of people bitching. It was a true yawnfest.

Being negative is boring & pointless. It doesn’t enhance your life in any way. If we can learn to focus on the positive things as much as possible, our lives improve immensely.

“Let’s not be narrow, nasty, and negative.” — T. S. Eliot

In keeping with that, I thought I’d ask you all about your favourite looks on other people. Do you love girls with long red hair, or curvy women in jeans & heels? Do you have a weakness for tattooed Japanese boys, or for men in impeccable suits?

I’ll start!
I really adore girls with purposefully messed hair — teased hair, big fluffy dreadlocks or crazy manes. I love perfectly sleek bobs. I do, in fact, have a secret weakness for tattooed Japanese boys (especially if they also have stretched ears). I am huge on rolled-up shirt sleeves, regardless of sex. I girls in long fur coats & boys wearing pocket squares. I love unusual eyewear & vintage mini-dresses. I totally admire anyone who pulls off a look from a past era consistently — I don’t know how you do it, but I salute you! I cherish long sleeves which only show the ends of fingers. I flip my wig over men’s watches on women’s wrists. I think the world of anyone who wears a hat or who can rock a turban. & I want to smooch people who really look after their shoes.

Now, your turn! Let’s exalt together!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Storage Solutions

[ 10 November 2007, 18:21 ]

My sweet nonpareils, it appears that I am amassing quite a collection of earrings & sunglasses. This is fabulous, of course, except for the fact that I have no real way of storing them, & it is driving me mad. I am very keen to have all my sunglasses on display — just keeping them in their cases in a drawer somewhere isn’t going to cut it. & my earrings keep getting tangled up, which is maddening!

So, tell me — how do you store yours?

Your advice & ingenuity is appreciated hugely!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Help A Nonpareil Contest!

[ 3 November 2007, 13:54 ]

Dear amazing, clever, fabulous readers,

I often receive emails asking for advice, as you are probably aware. I have, however, noticed that most of you are JUST as good at giving advice as I am, & it seems silly not to utilise your magnificent brains! You all add such incredible value to iCiNG through your comments, so it seems right to create another opportunity for you to show how brilliant you are!

Here, then, is a desperate cry for help. I’d love to hear your responses. Even better, the best reply will receive a package full to the brim with beauty products & a letter from me! I might even throw in some purikura & fortunes…

If all goes well, this might become a regular feature. Who knows, maybe one of you will become the resident iCiNG Agony Aunt (or Uncle)! Let me know what you think!

“I’ve recently met a boy I find myself growing rather fond of and the feeling is mutual. My problem is if things are going to get even a little bit more serious he’s going to have to meet my parents. The issue stems from the fact that my parents are super conservative Christians. My father can be extremely judgemental. He once told me he immediately writes people with unnatural hair colours off as morons. Gala, I’ve been dying my hair every unnatural colour under the sun for the past four years! I’m also a straight A honor roll student. You’d think he’d know better.

While they’re far from shunning odd people due to my having all ranges of pierced, tattooed, dyed and costume wearing friends that they love, they’ve also never dealt with me dating one necessarily. This boy dropped out of high school and got his GED. Something i know my father would frown upon. He now has a very well paying vocational job and lives in an apartment with his friends (another negative). He’s got rather large gauges and several visible, macabre themed tattoos. I’m seventeen, and he’s nineteen. I don’t want to lie about him (there’s no way that could turn out well, obviously), and I don’t want him to feel like he has to hide who he is. I guess as cliché as it is this is just another variation of the whole “good girl” attracted to the “bad boy” type deal. I’m at a complete loss as what to do! Help?!”

P.S. Please use your real email address, so that if you win I can notify you!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Things I Love Thursday

[ 1 November 2007, 17:08 ]

Photo key:
1. been a while, 2. Untitled, 3. Kitchen Bar, 4. LoveLetter Themed Crane Mobile, 5. Longwood Gardens 11-19-06-146, 6. inspiration mobile, 7. victoria_beckham_you_bw_5_big, 8. ωнат іѕ faѕніоиавle exactly ..?, 9. Mia, 10. old pic, 11. Roses, 12. pink room, 13. Petals

People moving to my city! I just realised that three of my friends from Wellington are moving to Melbourne within the next 6 months! How incredible is that?! Needless to say, I am pretty stoked about it. I guess I’m going to have to stick around here a bit longer then, huh?!

Finding elusive things — I managed to procure some Red Vines for my boyfriend last night, which was a major triumph because in Australia, I can only ever find Twizzlers. (He insists there’s a difference — to me they both just taste like red wax, but hey!) It was exciting. Feel my excitement!

Healing — It’s fantastic to hear that anyone is getting better, but this week I’m thinking especially about my sweet friend Lisa, in the middle of the mosaic. Not only is she beautiful, but she knows how to help herself, & I couldn’t be more delighted for her!

Booking my Christmas holiday! I am so overjoyed that I can really only say this: ^$%&*%&^$%)^!!! We’re going to stay in a lovely place, chill out & enjoy our double-shower & jacuzzi. I am daydreaming about beauty & relaxation treatments. I can’t think of anything better. Last Christmas we watched The Day After Tomorrow while watching SNOWFLAKES fall past the window. In the middle of summer. Fear!

Big packages in the mail — My sweet dolly Leigh from Cosmopolitan spoils me rotten! Yesterday I received a heart-shaped box full of lovely things: lipstick, nailpolish, false eyelashes, eyeshadow & lots of glitter! If she didn’t live so far away, I’d give her a big smooch!

Caesar salad — Bonified obsession. I would even go so far as to consider it as a legitimate food of the gods. Beware those who try to get between me & my croutons! (Mmmmm…)

Trying weird face treatments — I just did a “mini-facelift“ in a bottle & my face looks like it has been ironed! It was not unlike smearing egg white on my skin (which would probably be less expensive). Fun but strange!

Hot donuts dusted with sugar & served with a pot of warm chocolate — My donut-scarfing place of choice is San Churro. It is far, far too good. Yum.

Obtaining new music — My current favourites are Jimi Hendrix, Coldcut, The Cinematic Orchestra & Arcade Fire. I start to go nuts after listening to the same music for too long, so new music is always a grand adventure for me!

Shuffling around in my kimono — & generally being an old lady. I like to bundle up in it with lots of bangles, put my hair in a haphazard chignon (the best kind), drink coffee & write. Definitely a great way to spend the day.

Honourable mentions: People who colour their dog’s hair (pink poodles, eeeee!); my new Moleskine for 2008 (it’s still wrapped in plastic & winking at me!); energy drinks (powering the iCiNG Bowl since 2006!); “clean” dressing (by which I mean pieces in one-colour with no logos or madness on the front); silly but fun tasks (I am going to learn how to fold origami cranes!); procellous weather (& the word procellous); doing my dream job every single day & interacting with all of you AMAZING people! You make iCiNG what it is, truly! Huge kisses to ALL of you!

“Gratitude is the sign of noble souls.” — Aesop

Your turn! Share your obsessions & love affairs!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Happy Hallowe'en!

[ 31 October 2007, 12:26 ]

Who are these mysterious Hallowe’en cuties?

Why, Ashley Olsen & Marc Jacobs, of course! (Awwwww!)

I am loath to admit that I do not have a Hallowe’en costume of my own yet. Nor do I have anywhere to wear it. Bummer! Tell me about your amazing costumes & extravagant parties-to-be & let me live vicariously through you!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Daily Outfit -- 29th October 2007

[ 29 October 2007, 18:35 ]

Pink striped headscarf
D&G sunglasses
Sheer jersey short sleeve deep v-neck in white from American Apparel
Black button-down jumper dress
Dali button
Black matte lamé leggings
Black Alexandre Herchcovitch for Melissa wedges
Rings by Tarina Tarantino
Strawberry princess cake necklace by Faeriesmak… & it’s SCENTED!
Black quilted bag by Trent Nathan

Yes, it’s definitely getting warmer… What did you wear today?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Things I Love Thursday

[ 25 October 2007, 11:31 ]

Photo key:
1. Striped, 2. Untitled, 3. KK, 4. Dynamite, 5. Too Many Notes, 6. it’s getting colder, 7. Untitled, 8. Motherf#cker Halloween at the Roxy, 9. my ugly feet, 10. Untitled, 11. Motherf#cker Halloween at the Roxy, 12. blow up, 13. i’m having a conversation, 14. 10_6_4, 15. tara toes, 16. poised ballerina

Soft, neutral colours — I am on a bit of a placid colours kick. I am obsessed with white & soft pink & moody shades of blue-grey & cream. I cannot explain it. I feel like my brain is unwinding from the year & moving towards gentle colours is just one facet of that. They make me very happy.

Dry shampoo — Some lovely iCiNG cuties (namely Sarah & Iris) recommended it to me, so I went out & bought some! The brand in question? Klorane gentle shampoo with oat milk. It comes in a can, & basically you spray it at your noggin, leave it for a couple of minutes & then brush it through. The results are incredible! You could easily go without washing your hair for days if you had this. It would be fantastic on long road-trips, camping excursions & other acts of torture where you are required to be without water or basic conveniences for a long time. I think this is the sort of thing EVERYONE should have in their bathroom cabinet, just in case. Consider it part of your fashion emergency kit.

Seewantbuy.com — Recently launched, Seewantbuy is an excellent way to get your paws on lots of great clothes from high-quality, reasonably-priced labels like Ladakh & Wish! (Ladakh especially is excellent value for money, I own a lot of their pieces.) They have lots of basics, a really glamorous maxi dress, a drop-dead gorgeous trench & many other things for your excited perusal!

That Extra Half an Inch: Hair, Heels & Everything in Between by Victoria Beckham — My boyfriend brought me back a copy of this from London, & it is AMAZING! I have never read a more comprehensive book on style, seriously. I know some of you dislike V.B. for various reasons, but say what you will, the girl can dress. The inside of the book says “with Hadley Freeman”, so I guess she had some help (Hadley is a contributing editor to Vogue), but the whole thing is really well-written, hugely informative & full of glossy pictures. Even better, the photography is by Ellen Von Unwerth, my favourite photographer of all time! HOORAY! This book gets 5 cupcakes out of 5, so be sure to add it to your Amazon wishlist or snap it up NOW!

Turbans from Topshop — Another thing my boyfriend brought me back from London was a collection of satin turbans from Topshop! One was silver, one was turquoise & of course, he also snapped up the ever-practical black! He is so great, he even texted me from the shop to see which colours I wanted. I love them! They are so fancy, & are going to get a lot of wear.

Shopping for cute underpants — Every now & then when your life gets complicated & the weasels start closing in, the only real cure is to load up your mp3 player & go shopping like a bastard for silly, adorable, inexpensive underwear. Allow yourself a budget of, say, $30, which will nab you several pairs & simultaneously give you intense gratification. This almost always makes me feel better. Excellent choices include briefs printed with Dr Seuss characters or Hello Kitty, though panties proclaiming “Will do anything for chocolate” & other ridiculous phrases should be avoided at all costs! Sometimes, even if you can’t find anything you like, spending a bit of time thinking about colour combinations & seams can be very therapeutic. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true!

Classic wooden HB pencils— I very rarely use pencils but I love the way that old-fashioned HB pencils look, especially the ones which are painted yellow & freshly sharpened. I would kind of like to have a dozen of them in a vase, a cross between an art installation, a stationery jar & a flower arrangement. They also look good skewered through long hair pulled up into a chignon, which I cannot do yet, but someday!

Paramore — They’re the definition of pop-punk, which normally drives me crazy, but I reeeeeeeally love them! (Hayley Williams is also a major cutie.) I think their best songs are “Conspiracy”, “Franklin”, “For A Pessimist I’m Pretty Optimistic” & “Misery Business“.

A dozen assorted donuts from Krispy Kreme — Especially after you’ve been craving them for HOURS! My favourites are the strawberry & cream filled ones… Yum! I also recommend having them for breakfast. The sugar-crash is a bit epic but the taste sensation is, uh, sensational!

6% Doki Doki — A shop in Tokyo which I am DYING to visit! Click on “Shop Tour” for pictures of the store — they have carousel horses & everything! Then, click on “Girls Icon Tee” for an example of their wares. Oh my god. I would die happy if I owned any of those t-shirts. Especially “Lovely Stomach”, how incredible is that?! Aaaaiiieeeeeeee! They have an online store but it is all in Japanese, so I have no idea what it says, but clicking on the pictures is fun anyway…

Planning holidays — I LOVE planning holidays! I adore doing all the research & getting good deals & working out what I want to do. Even though I don’t really know where we should go… We would like to rent a car & drive somewhere lovely over the Christmas period. I am keen on staying in a place that is on the lavish side. I am idly considering Byron Bay but it would be a two-day drive & I think it might all the tourists might send me off the deep end… Suggestions?!

Paul Arden — Author of It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want to Be & Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite. I love him. He is a genius. I would like to photocopy the pages of his books & then wallpaper my house.

“I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation. It is not out of compliment that lovers keep on telling one another how beautiful they are; the delight is incomplete until it is expressed.” — CS Lewis

What do you love today? Tell us what makes your heart go doki-doki!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Things I Love Thursday

[ 18 October 2007, 03:12 ]

Photo key:
1. voguehoney, 2. By Louise Dahl-Wolfe, 3. Vintage Tin, 4. THE MOJAVE DESERT | Louise Dahl-Wolfe, 5. Tea for Two, 6. Natalie in Hammamet | Louise Dahl-Wolfe, 7. manko, 8. Urban Motion #3 (Zen), 9. KV004631, 10. Jiang sisters of China, 11. music, 12. morning procedure, 13. I’m Blue, 14. after, 15. milk is love, 16. Pink head two, 17. Untitled, 18. Untitled, 19. just trying things out…, 20. Untitled, 21. purikura, 22. Moi, 23. XIIII, 24. cut in Japan, 25. mosh_sun02_web.jpg

Eartha Kitt — how can you not love a woman who released an album called “My Heart Belongs To Daddy”?! She is my new favourite vocalist; she positively purrs. I also adore the way she annunciates. Listen: C’est Si Bon, & seek out “I Want To Be Evil”, too.

Louise Dahl-Wolfe — the three black & white photos in the mosaic above are hers. Everything she did was supremely glamorous & had a permeating air of perfectionism. (I do love that quality in people.) You can see some more of her photos here & here. The astute among you might notice a picture of Diana Vreeland nestled amongst them! Also, as an aside, when I was little I used to misspell Louise as “Lousie”. Hee!

Appreciating my boyfriend — he is so great. Really, he is.

Parkour — it is not really my thing, & I hear it is terrible for the joints, but I think it is amazing to watch (1, 2) & still photographs of it can be mind-boggling, death-defying & totally beautiful. Talk about making wonderful use of your environment.

Gossip Girl — oh, the shame is palpable. But I LOVE it. I am OBSESSED with it. I cannot get enough! I swear! Do not attempt unless you want an addiction. Consider yourself warned, okay?

Meeting new people — especially people who recognise me in the street or in shops, & tell me how much they love iCiNG. You cannot begin to imagine how much happiness this brings me. Two people did it yesterday & I wanted to kiss them!

Other notable mentions: Pale girls with blue hair (when it’s right, it is so, so right); anything kitsch & regal (I have secretly wanted a collection of royal mugs for a long time); Angelyne (still!); anyone wearing eyeliner with a septum ring; purikura/sticker photobooths (every time I use them, the love affair is re-ignited); the song ‘Conspiracy‘ by Paramore; Crowded House (it’s weird, I like New Zealand music so much more when I am not actually in New Zealand!); teapot collections (I would love one of my own, at the moment all I own is one Tiffany-blue teapot); my makeup classes (my teacher is beautiful, I think I am in love, & I am already learning so much!); receiving sparkly bow-ties in the mail!; waistcoats (I just bought one & am really excited about wearing it!); massive frappuccinos with cream & syrup late at night (so bad but so good); Kris Atomic; long necks & tall hats; synchronised swimming; chivalry regardless of sex; going for long walks with friends; bribing people to sew buttons for me (yes, I really am that terrible a seamstress); jumping up & down on my trampoline; dancing badly by myself; the thrill of trying new things (I just bought some dry shampoo & am really looking forward to trying it!).

Tell me what has you jumping for joy today! Gratitude is good for you, so let’s go go go!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Ending Friendships

[ 12 October 2007, 00:51 ]

I recently read It’s Not Me, It’s You, a piece on ending friendships. It is more a collection of snippets on one subject than an article, but definitely food for thought.

In the piece, they talk about the two ways of ending friendships — “quick & dirty” versus the passive-aggressive approach. The quick & dirty approach is where you tell your soon-to-be-ex friend why you don’t want to associate with them anymore, & cut it off. The passive-aggressive approach is where you start to bail on appointments but promise to see them in the future… & then just “forget” to return phonecalls until your friend — who has no idea what’s going on — finally gives up.

Can I make a stand & ask for people to always cull their friendships in the quick & dirty way? Please?

When I moved to Melbourne, I made a friend. She was fun & cute & I saw her quite regularly, even though she lived quite a long way out of the city. We would go out & have a great time. We had an instant connection when we met, which meant we could speak to one another really easily. I was delighted. Anyway, a couple of months ago, I realised she hadn’t replied to one of my emails, so I wrote her another one, asking how things were & that I hoped everything was going well. After I sent it, I realised that she & her boyfriend had planned to go overseas on a holiday, & maybe that was why she wasn’t replying.

I still hadn’t heard anything about three weeks later, & I was kind of worried. I emailed her again, saying I thought maybe she had been on holiday. I asked how it was & said that I would love to see her at a party I was having. She replied, saying that yes, she had been on holiday but had caught a tropical flu & so she couldn’t come to my party, but as soon as she was well again, she would take me to lunch.

I was totally relieved but you know what? Since then I haven’t heard a thing. Not a peep. Not for lack of trying, either — I have emailed, called & texted the girl a few times since then, but nothing.

Of course, this is deeply hurtful & confusing. What did I do? Did I somehow offend her? Was I too narcissistic? Did I have continual bad breath & she decided she couldn’t cope? Did she think I was interested in her boyfriend? Did she think I was using her in some way? Was I too boring? Too weird? It goes on & on. I don’t think I will ever know, & quite frankly, that sucks.

The thing is, I have sat next to this girl while she watched her phone ring, fretting about how she didn’t want to answer it. She had “friends” she didn’t like, she told me, & so she would just avoid their calls & hoped they’d go away. It made her very uncomfortable & she worried about it all the time. I remember finding her weird coping strategy kind of amusing at the time. Ha! Who knew that one day I would be on the receiving end of that treatment?! But it occurs to me, that until she faces up to her problem — whatever it is — this will keep happening to her. She will continue to make friends & then cast them off without a word, & have to face the trauma of ignoring & avoiding them until they get the message. It boggles my mind. Why make your life that difficult?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on ending friendships. I strongly believe that honesty is the best policy. If you have a problem with someone — maybe they have terrible table manners or their boyfriend is insufferable — why not tell them so they have the opportunity to remedy what you find so offensive? I know some people avoid confrontation, but really, I think that doing it any other way is cruel & unnecessarily awkward. Am I wrong? Let me know!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Things I Love Thursday

[ 11 October 2007, 11:33 ]

Photo key:
1. crunkstyle, 2. Wooooooooooooo!, 3. balloons & birthdays, 4. Trucs, 5. red&blue, 6. aquí! / here!, 7. Twiggy Halloween Paper Doll, 8. oh*my…., 9. “Where the F*CK is Carmen Sandiego?”

Where’s Wally? I have so much love for Where’s Wally? that it is quite incredible. I once cut up an old copy of one of the books & stuck pictures of Wally in strange places around the city — bus stops, corners, underneath door handles, even sliding them into letterboxes. I hope it made people happy. P.S. “According to the American Library Association Where’s Waldo has ranked 88 out of a 100 of the most banned and objected to books in the USA. The most common reason this book has been banned because in one picture, there are tiny cartoon breasts being wantonly flashed. !!!)

Where On Earth Is Carmen Sandiego? Yes, today I am majorly feeling the love for my childhood. I loved that she was an art thief & an international woman of mystery! I also liked Ghostwriter, but that’s a story for another time…

Exercising & actually seeing results. If that’s not addictive/encouraging, I don’t know what is. I swear, my arms are changing shape. I am SO HAPPY.

Slumber parties! My friend is staying over this weekend & I am really excited about it. Unreasonably so, maybe! We are going to go to a party celebrating all things nerdy & then watch bad television — Gossip Girl, Sex & The City, The Hills, America’s Next Top Model, etc.! The next morning, we’re going to go out for breakfast & then work on our respective writing projects (her: thesis, me: iCiNG). Major glee!

Hallowe’en! I am really looking forward to it this year, though it is one of my plans to spend at least one Hallowe’en in America. Americans do it best, you know! I’m really hoping that there is a good party going on somewhere, because I really want to dress up & be a dork! (& yes, there is a piece forthcoming on Hallowe’en costumes & ideas!)

Dancing! Mostly around my living room, but it counts! My favourite booty-shaking track at the moment is Notorious B.I.G. – Machine Gun Funk. “So you wanna be haaaardcore…?”

Visitors! My dear friend Timmy Lee hits Melbourne tomorrow! I haven’t seen him in over a year, & it is going to be so weird/exciting/awesome! That’s him in the collage above, top left. Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Summer in general. It’s starting to heat up, I think! I am really looking forward to spending time on the beach, running around in skimpy dresses & getting out & doing some things in the city. Melbourne is amazing in summer, it really comes alive, & there are hundreds of free events. So much fun.

Okay… so… what are you loving today?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Sunday Rituals

[ 7 October 2007, 17:57 ]

Is there anything you do every Sunday to prepare you for the start of a new week? Do you go to church or tidy your house? Visit relatives or do the grocery shopping?

My Sunday routine involves:
Spending most of the morning in bed, with my Macbook — this is one of the (very few) ways in which I differentiate my Sunday from the rest of the working week. Most days I am up early & at my desk. (The only other real difference is that on Sundays, I don’t push myself so hard to produce content.)
Clearing my email inbox — I try to do this every day, but it is something I rarely manage to finish, so Sunday is like the last frontier of email responding!
Cleaning the house, in some way or another — I am not good on vacuuming, but I at least do the dishes & take out the rubbish!
Planning the week ahead — what I’m going to write for iCiNG, as well as jotting down (in my glorious page-a-day Moleskine) any events or other things that need doing.
Burning incense — I am a dirty hippie, perhaps, but I love the smell of Nag Champa incense a lot. It is very comforting & sweet to me.
Relaxing — as much as I can…

I get really excited about Mondays & the way a new week is like a blank slate, so I like to be chilled out & ready for it.

I think my ideal Sunday routine would contain the following elements:
Slow, leisurely brunch with someone I like.
Lying in bed & reading the newspapers & any & all magazines I haven’t managed to get through.
Yoga in the afternoon. I love yoga. It is so relaxing, I actually just yawned thinking about it. I also love the feeling of a good yoga workout the day afterwards. Drool! Too good!
Drinking lots of water, eating a really good salad, & being read to before I fell asleep.

I should probably start incorporating those things into my life!

How about you?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Things I Love Thursday

[ 4 October 2007, 14:12 ]

Dr Seuss audiobooks!
The best thing ever for bedtime! Ted Danson reading The Lorax? Dustin Hoffman reading Horton Hears A Who? John Cleese reading Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are? Perfection!

Tim Walker photoshoots!
One of my new obsessions, I had never seen any of his work before! He likes to take pictures of futuristic girls in turbans, Indian influences, colourful balloons, disco balls & all manner of gleeful delights.

Mysterious postcards!
Especially those with strange postmarks & no name on the bottom!

Dada!
“Liberty: DADA DADA DADA; – the roar of contorted pains, the interweaving of contraries & all contradictions, freaks and irrelevancies: LIFE.” (Educate yourselves!)

Also…
Faux-royalty; red toadstools with white spots; brilliant minds which focus on details; sparkly baubles to put on my turban!; innovative fashion shows; dramatic photographs; aristocrat style; silver service; boys in shirts which match their eyes; dada; ridiculous hair accessories (like a small bird, for example); talent, hope & tenacity.

Okay, I showed you mine, now you show me yours! Tell me what you love this week!

Q: Why do we do this every week?
A: From last week’s cupcake: People who tend to experience gratitude more frequently than others also tend to be happier, more helpful and forgiving, and less depressed than their less grateful counterparts (McCullough, Emmons, & Tsang, 2002; Watkins, Woodward, Stone, & Kolts, 2003).

So don’t be afraid to get involved, even if the things you’re happy about are really little!

P.S. The blackcigarette community is doing this too! Hooray!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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EFT Questions

[ 3 October 2007, 09:41 ]

I’ve had quite a few questions about EFT recently, so I thought I’d give you all an opportunity to ask me whatever you like in the comments. I’ll then put together an article answering them in as much detail as I can! Let me know if you’d like to see another video, or if you’d like an EFT podcast, or whatever!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Buying Designer Goods On Ebay

[ 1 October 2007, 11:17 ]

Do any of you have experience with this? I have been on Ebay for years & have never been burned by a seller — I have always received my item & it has always been what it claimed to be.

However, I’ve never tried to buy anything designer there. As you all know by now, I am obsessed with Chanel 5018 sunglasses. I discovered yesterday that there are some for sale on Ebay, which was, of course, very exciting. However, when I went into the Chanel boutique to get more information (as well as to see whether they had them in stock), the sales assistant told me they were an extremely limited run. They came straight off the catwalk, sold out immediately, & there are only 3 pairs in Melbourne, 3 pairs in Sydney, etc. She said the sunglasses on Ebay would definitely be fakes, & that she didn’t advise buying them.

Of course, this must be their official line, since if people buy on Ebay, Chanel doesn’t turn a profit. But it really made me wonder what the authenticity of the items on Ebay would be. If you were smart, you’d buy them in the boutique & sell them on Ebay for a massive profit.

I guess all you can really do is look at the seller’s feedback & hope for the best… but I’d love to hear your take on the issue!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Things I Love Thursday

[ 27 September 2007, 12:34 ]

Hot air balloons!
We finally went on our balloon adventure this morning. We woke up at 4am & had the most incredible time. Highly recommended, kittens!

Excitable sales assistants!
I went to the sunglasses section of Myer yesterday in search of something that will fit in with my new fashion direction (information coming SOON!), & the girl helping me was totally adorable, kept hopping from cabinet to cabinet & showing me everything she thought I’d like.

Barbara Cartland
How fabulous was she?! So very.

When inspiration strikes
After weeks of lamenting the blatant lack of summer style in the shops, yesterday I was finally struck with a vision. I am so relieved.

Shopping trips with friends!
This afternoon I am going shopping with my favourite Melbourne girl. I am really excited.

High tea & sugar-laden treats
This weekend! Whee! Also, a new cupcake shop opened on Monday (on Degraves, if you’re interested) & their cupcakes are devoon! (That’s Grease-speak for “divine”.)

Also…
Napping. Three-finger rings. Professionalism. Charisma. Exercising. Smooches.

What are you thankful for today? (Hint! If you want to follow my format, you can bold words in the comments by putting an asterix [*] on either side of the word!)

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Winter Style 2007

[ 25 September 2007, 12:00 ]

I’m a bit sad to be in the southern hemisphere right now, because while I love summer, nothing in-store is really thrilling me too much. The rest of you, though, are in luck, because there are some wonderful things available to buy. I can’t stop thinking about it. When it comes to style, winter has summer beat. It’s an awful truth.

Here are some things I’d be wearing if I was in, say, New York. (Swoon.)

A brightly coloured obi belt with simple black ensembles. A turquoise & gold obi would look amazing over a simple black sweater, & a red butterfly obi would be fantastic atop a casual black dress.

Oversized men’s style cashmere sweaters worn with everything. They always come in wonderful colours, like deep black, royal purple, crimson & navy blue. Very warm & very chic, roll the sleeves up for maximum style points. Try to get one which fits your shoulders but is long enough to wear as a dress. You can wear them with kilts, jeans, long skirts or shorts with stockings underneath.

Shirt dresses worn over stockings with heels. Wear with layers so that you stay warm enough — a thin wool sweater underneath, woolen stockings & a scarf should keep you pretty toasty. I love shirt dresses because they’re so effortless.

A maxi skirt with everything. Given that a maxi skirt is big & long, you need to be careful about the proportion so you don’t look like a swamp monster or moving tent. Wear with a fitted t-shirt or anything that is well-tailored to your top half. You might then want to balance that out with big bangles or hair so don’t just look like a teeny person in a huge skirt!

Doctor’s bags will ALWAYS be cool to me, but they have recently come back into style. Zac Posen recently released the Aurora frame bag which makes me salivate, just a little. But at almost £1000, I suggest browsing Ebay for a genuine vintage doctor’s bag instead!

Bright leather gloves. These are definitely worth snapping up while they’re on offer, because it won’t last. Normally gloves come in black or brown & that’s it. This season, you’ll see electric blue, vibrant yellow & cherry red among others. There will also be a variety of lengths, with many of them reaching past the elbow. Ooh la la! Keep your eye out for fingerless & driving gloves with beautiful details, too.

A good belted trenchcoat. Truly, this is the best sort of coat to own in winter. If you can wear it with wool stockings & high heels, so much the better, since it will emphasise your figure & make you look sexy & sleek.

Sequins. While normally a bit disco reminiscent, you’ll see a fair bit of it around. It’s definitely a trend to be embraced! To avoid looking like everyone else, I suggest vintage shopping & browsing Ebay to find unusual pieces — a pink sequinned tuxedo jacket, for example, or a turquoise mermaid-esque mini. Wear with all black or luxe-sport pieces to dress it down for everyday.

Luxe-sport in general. I really like this trend. If you don’t know what it is, it’s basically ‘cool’ sportswear (say the Stella McCartney for Adidas range) mixed with high-end pieces. The end result is ultra-modern & more than slightly space-age. Worth experimenting with!

I’d be really keen to see men & women dressed like old fashioned writers, in white undershirts with braces holding up their grey pants, & glorious hats! Though I don’t know if anyone will oblige me… !

What will you be wearing this winter?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Things I Love Thursday

[ 20 September 2007, 14:24 ]

It’s Thursday, so it’s time to celebrate the good things!

On my list this week are… David Lachapelle, beautiful old vintage wallpaper, aloe vera juice (tasty & healthy, bonus!), retro air hostess fashion, girls in hats, this girl, old telephones, Violet Crumble ice creams, long naps, super-speedy morning walks, vibrant blue skies, mismatched saucers & teacups, other people’s birthdays, the way that Anthony on Sex & The City says “Chanello!” when he walks into Chanel, candy-coloured illustrations, bearded ladies, Michael Jackson’s Thriller, Ani Difranco’s Canon, tall stacks of neon magazines (Dolly & Teen Vogue!), 5htp, receiving big orders from Amazon, green eyeshadow, boxes of sparkles to add to envelopes, edIT, brightly coloured flowers, glittering swimming pools, describing someone as a “gimlet” (it doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a new nickname!) or an “electric boogaloo”, glossy lips, a fridge full of cupcakes, the fact that helium balloons are only $2.50 each one block away!, amassing treats for someone else’s birthday, clearing out my inbox & big sunglasses.

The last photo in the mosaic is of my dog. My parents had to have her put down on Monday. I’m pretty sad about it. She was 17, not bad for a teeny tiny dog! (That photo was taken with my webcam YEARS ago, in my old bedroom — note the purple obsession.) RIP, little mitten.

1. Smoke, 2. Milla Jovovich, 3. Fabulous Amanda, 4. Amanda Lepore., 5. lavazzacalendar2, 6. Trolley Dollies13, 7. Trolley Dollies04, 8. Art hotel, 9. a little bit of everywhere, 10. The Master Bedroom, 11. nursery rhymes, 12. Sunny Side Up, 13. from after17 issue10, 14. Untitled, 15. 8.11.07, 16. The Four Agreements., 17. discoball, 18. pop, 19. polaroid, 20. permanently disconnected, 21. Christina Ricci, 22. Fafi, 23. strandkai club inside, 24. Clémentine à Paris, 25. cuteblanche

I’ve also been expanding on my vision of the iCiNG Bowl. I wrote in my Livejournal a little while ago… “I like to envision myself walking around the iCiNG Bowl, with a row of ladies in tight sweaters with cat’s eye glasses typing furiously at beautifully restored typewriters. There would be seven of them, & their typewriters would be red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo & violet. Their sweaters would match & on them would be pinned a glittery diamante brooch of their first initial…”
Anyway, my new plan is that instead of a desk, I will sit in a swanboat filled with cushions with my laptop, & I will pay a girl to shine the swan every day. It will lacquered shocking pink with miniscule pieces of holographic glitter mixed into the paint & it will have a handle on the side which, once cranked, would play weird tinkley music. Yes please!

I also adore this video, it makes me smile my face off!

Tell me what you LOVE today!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Gift-Giving

[ 1 September 2007, 14:20 ]

It can be hard to buy someone a present, especially if they are the type of person who already has everything they need. Your best bet is to get them something that makes them feel good, rather than something practical or with a definite use. I think the easiest way of achieving this is to ask your friends some questions. Sneakily! NOT the week before their birthday! Try asking them things like…

What are your favourite colours?
What scents do you like? (Vanilla, musk, rose, jasmine, chocolate, etc.)
Do you prefer tea or coffee?
Who do you secretly want to look like?
Do you have a favourite era or time period?
What do you like to do when you’re alone?
What do you wish you were really good at?

Gift ideas (to jog the imagination):

Buy them a notebook, some good pens, stickers, personalised stationery, bracelets, stripey socks, silk scarves, a copy of your favourite book, a mix CD, lip balm, a makeup voucher, fancy candles, a pretty teacup & saucer, a bird’s nest, vitamins, a string of fairy lights, helium balloons, vintage postcards, a stack of magazines, a pirate eyepatch, an engraved hipflask, a bottle of champagne, bubble mixture, a collection of old clocks, a typewriter, slippers of animal feet, a huge block of chocolate, a foot-spa, nailpolish, rollerskates, an umbrella, records, a dictaphone, an adult education course, zines, crystals, cute underpants, a makeover, a framed print, a button (or badge) making machine, or a nameplate necklace…

Give them a photograph of the two of you framed, a Polaroid camera & some film, dollhouse miniatures of things they wish they owned, vintage sunglasses, a bowtie, an orchid, anything you no longer use & have upgraded (laptop, camera, mp3 player, cellphone, etc.), a box of macarons, a plate of cupcakes, a wonderful chocolate cake with a huge candle on the top, ballet lessons, Jem dolls or other childhood relics, a quilt, a wig, or perfume…

Hire — on their behalf — the services of a stylist, a hairdresser, a masseuse, a makeup artist, an interior decorator, a manicurist, a beauty therapist, a personal trainer or a psychic…

Organise a surprise party, a picnic, a tea-party, a museum outing, an aquarium visit, a treasure hunt, a photoshoot, or an amusement park visit…

What’s the best present you’ve ever received?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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My Birthday Wishlist!

[ 23 August 2007, 23:46 ]

My birthday is coming up! On the 13th of September (a date I share with the inimitable Roald Dahl, Fiona Apple & Miss Manners [!]), I will be 24. I’m almost midway through my twenties! Scream! To lighten the blow, I have been fossicking around online, finding things which would make me very happy…

A year-long subscription to a florist where you tell them what kind of flowers you like & they deliver you a fresh bouquet every week (I don’t even know if this exists); Flowerbomb (Viktor & Rolf) eau de parfum; Sex by Madonna; YSL Touche Éclat; Borba skincare gummi bears; Tarte inside-out vitamin lip gloss in Apple-A-Day!; Tarina Tarantino crystal & lucite heart necklace in violet (& matching earrings!); carousel mini-shorts from Peter Alexander; Moroccan tea glasses; a plane ticket to New York (with a stop-off in Tokyo & no return flight!); Hello Kitty “shoulder massager” set of 6; Chanel round half-tinted sunglasses; & a super-cute dachshund (following in the fine footsteps of Ms. Dorothy Parker as well as Pablo Picasso & Joan Crawford)!

Additionally: anything from my Amazon wishlist; a girl in a cake (preferably Manko); a personal assistant (tasks would include answering my phone, collecting the mail, bringing me delicious beverages & massaging my back); pink glittery cupcakes; a vintago kimono (for lounging after bathing); magazine subscriptions (French Vogue, Elle UK, i-D, Nylon, Lula, Paper, W, the list goes on…); a membership to the Soho House; kisses & dancing.

Now it is time to be totally shameless. If anyone would like to send me a birthday card (I would be REALLY excited if you did!), my address is: Gala Darling, [redacted].

Tell me about the best birthday you’ve ever had! I need the encouragement! I don’t want to have a party, I am a bit weird about the whole thing right now! Ack!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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International Dress Up Day -- Your Help Please!

[ 23 August 2007, 13:41 ]

Hello my lovelies.

I’ve been thinking about International Dress Up Day, & realising that I am dissatisfied. I have come to the conclusion that it either needs to be changed or canned completely. Recently I haven’t been very excited about doing it, & this has trickled down to everyone else. It’s impossible to encourage people to do something that you, yourself are not crazy about — & the whole point of iCiNG is doing what makes you happy!

I think a lot of it is due to the direction I’ve pointed it in. Every month we dress up as characters — & I’m not really interested in “being someone else”. I am happy being me, & I would rather dress to ENHANCE that, rather than escape into a fantasy world. Do you know what I mean?

So… I need your help. How can we adjust International Dress Up Day so that it is a celebration of ourselves, rather than a day of pretend? It may be that we change the name to more accurately reflect what it becomes. Who knows, maybe the whole format will be altered. I would still like to hold a regular celebration that we can all participate in, I’m just not sure how to swing it around. Do we need to dress up to celebrate? Should we alter the timing, so that it happens once every three months instead? Should it be more of a project than a send-your-photos-in-today kind of thing?

What do you think?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Party Preparation

[ 11 August 2007, 16:56 ]

I’ve been running around all day, buying & making things in preparation for my party tonight. It’s my first one in Melbourne, in celebration of my Cosmopolitan column! Of course, we’re going to drink cosmopolitans, so I am now the proud owner of a silver shaker, as well as one of those weird measuring things.

Other purchases:
Fresh flowers (purple tulips & hot pink gerberas)
I baked a huge batch of cupcakes this morning (chocolate with purple rose-flavoured icing)
12 martini glasses (I think mine all got smashed when we moved country)
Party food (little pies, sausage rolls etc.!)
Candles
Some nice fabric as a makeshift tablecloth

I’m really looking forward to putting on my party frock (even though I don’t know what I’m going to wear), watching the sun go down & bringing the iCiNG Bowl alive with fairy lights, candles & music.

What are your best party preparation tips? (Other than a stiff drink half an hour beforehand?!)

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Frilly Knickers

[ 7 August 2007, 15:56 ]

Last night I went to a lingerie show in a fabulous art deco-style bar. It was quite odd — not at all what I expected, more like a burlesque show than anything else — but it got me thinking about the way lingerie makes you feel. The good stuff can make you feel amazing, while conversely there’s nothing quite as depressing as a pair of faded knickers with the elastic coming out.

Underwear shopping can be great fun, & it’s even better, once you’ve bought it, to parade it in front of your lover or other unsuspecting victim. I suggest sitting them down somewhere — in your house, not a fast food restaurant — putting on some lusty tune (I like Gloria Lewis by Kyuss) & removing your clothes to reveal your newest lacy tidbit. Obviously, this technique is not to everyone’s taste — sometimes it’s good to just run into the living room wearing your new panties, yell something, & run out again. It’s up to you.

When it comes to actually purchasing the stuff, in my opinion, you should always spend as much as you can on bras — primarily because once your boobs start to sag, there is nowhere for them to go but DOWN... & we don’t want that! We have the technology, so make the most of it! Make sure you get your bras FITTED by an old woman with a measuring tape. Don’t be nervous or weirded out, she’s seen it all before! I also suggest trotting along during period week & buying one specifically for that time of the month, since so many women’s boobs change shape during that week. I am perhaps extra-cautious but I like to get EVERY bra properly fitted, & I always ask them to adjust the straps for me. I would just rather they did it — they’re the experts, after all. It’s not that I relish the interactions with the women who do it, it’s just important to me that my boobs are well-supported & I’m in the right size.

It is estimated that between 80-85% of women are wearing the WRONG SIZE BRA! The horror! If you’re wearing bad or inappropriate underwear, you could be wearing Dior & look like Quasimodo. Ill-fitting bras can give you a hugely unflattering line around your back, give the appearance of sagginess or cause the dreaded four-boob. (“No! Not the Dreaded Four-Boob! Anything but that!”) For proof of how much better a good bra can make you look, check out these fabulous bra makeovers by Oprah — what an incredible difference! So, cherish your bosoms & deck ‘em out with lace, beautiful fabrics & bows. That’s an order!

One thing you should always think about when you’re buying underwear is how it will look under clothes. If you can’t imagine it, then while you’re still in the changing room, throw your dress back on & have a look. (Don’t forget to take it off & pay for it!) There is some really cute stuff out there, like ruffle-butt or side-tie panties for example, which under clothing looks WRONG. All lumpy & weird, causing a “hey, my butt doesn’t normally look like that!” situation. The same goes for bras. I have some which are beautiful but have a bow on the top of the cup, making me look, in clothing, as if my nipples are severely displaced. Beware the perils of the badly-placed bow! Yarrrr!

While I strongly endorse boosting the economy while simultaneously boosting your bust, I am a total sucker for cheap underpants. (Knickers. “Panties”. Whatever.) I used to go to the children’s department of this chain store in New Zealand called The Warehouse (classy, no?) & buy all manner of knickers for about $1.79 a pop. It made me SO happy. It was cheaper than a bottle of soft drink, for crying out loud. Hard to argue with that! I had yellow ones with blue glittery polka-dots, striped ones (piratey, arrr!), some with a glittery teacup on the hip & one with a crown at the front. Love. Of course, at $1.79, they didn’t last long… but still, I am mad for fun, colourful, inexpensive knickers.

Here are my lingerie commandments. Live it! Learn it!

Always have thy brassieres fitted to you — fear not old women with measuring tapes;

Appraiseth ye olde visible panty-line scenario before purchase;

Boost the economy while boosting your bosom;

Stocketh uppeth on cute, cheap knickers;

Bid a tender farewell to ye olde, faded, stretched-out of shape undergarments.

These are some garments which I would be more than happy to wear under my clothes — or in some cases, instead of.

Anything by Agent Provocateur is pretty hard to say “no” to. This style is called Cookie, & as you can see, it is absolutely gorgeous.

I am also crazy about Etta...

& Gwendoline.

For those of us who aren’t quite pimping enough to deck our halls with boughs of Agent Provocateur, here are some sweet little pieces that shouldn’t break the bank!

Silk stripe knickers by Topshop — “...with a silk square in front pouch to write a personalised message”. £30. Strange, yes. I’m trying to think of an efficient use of that message space. It’s your lucky day? Welcome!? Boo!?

Sparkle & fade silk chiffon slip from Urban Outfitters. $19.99! This would look great with a vintage t-shirt over the top or with a long cardigan & big boots. I adore the colour.

Daisy Duck t-shirt also from Urban Outfitters… A nice rendition of the Kubrick ‘Lolita’ cover! Yay! Not strictly lingerie, but shhhh. I wish it wasn’t socially unacceptable to just wear underpants & a t-shirt in public, I think it’s about the cutest thing ever.

Do you have any secret, favourite online sources for great underoos? Share the knicker love!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

Comment [55]
Tags: consumption, how to, madame, question
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Japan Makes Me Happy

[ 5 August 2007, 15:44 ]

I am currently immersed in a raging case of Japanese FEVER! I am absolutely, unequivocally, totally obsessed with Japan & everything about it. I have never been there & I am DYING to visit (does anyone want to sponsor me?!). Delicious, fresh sushi, noisy purikura (プリクラ), love hotels (ラブホテル), Harajuku kids, beautiful temples, the delicate, staccato-like language, enormous intersections, neon colours, glossy black hair & a huge, sprawling metropolis… it sounds like heaven on earth. Not to mention a great photo backdrop, which, I am slightly embarrassed to admit, was at least half the reason why I went to Burning Man last year!

When I am fixated on something I can’t get — at least at that very moment — I turn to the internet (ahhh, bless) to feed my obsession. Here are some of my favourite ways to immerse myself in the culture from afar.

Kris Atomic (illustrator extraordinaire) went to Tokyo last year & her pictures were an absolute treat. (You should also read her livejournal, it is great!) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 & 6.

Lisa S. went there just recently & reading through her adventures was fabulous! (It was also, incidentally, what triggered me to write this.)

Here is Tokyo Daily Photo, compiled by Macky.

Check out the crappy_lovley community for delightful & crazy pictures of the girls from Spank! in Koenji. Like these party pictures!

Here’s a BBC video concerning fashion in Japan (part one & two).

Watch Kelly Osborne’s (slightly spoilt but still entertaining) Japanese experience.

My friends in Tokyo run Tokyomade, sending out fabulous Japanese goodies to anyone fiending for a materialistic fix!

My other friend Julie is about to land in Japan & start teaching ESL there. I write about her a lot, but if you’re new here (hello!), you can read about her time there at Julie in Japan!

Gilda, long-time iCiNG reader, often writes about her time in Japan on her blog, holiday in the sun! Her whole blog is great, but if you want an instant Japanese hit, click here!

tae*‘s beautiful photographs of Japan.

Japanorama‘s segment on gyaru — bad girls! (You can see other episodes here.)

The naughty side of Japan!

Tokyo Undressed, a photography blog by Rikki Kasso. I LOVE this.

I watched this, completely mesmerised — it’s a video of Japan’s “Adult Treasures” expo.

Misty Keasler has some fantastic photographs of love hotels throughout Japan.

‘Between a rock & a soft place’ is an article on love hotels from the Tokyo Journal.

This guy has a set of photos from his visit to the Hello Kitty room in a love hotel in Osaka.

(None of this stuff is safe for work or suitable for anyone under 18 though, so consider yourselves warned!)

Sometimes the internet just doesn’t cut it, & one feels compelled to turn to that antiquated tome of information — the book. For those of you who, like me, love to flick through glossy pages, snap these up!

Japanese Schoolgirl Inferno: Tokyo Teen Fashion Subculture Handbook by Izumi Evers, Patrick Macias & Kazumi Nonaka is a historical guide to Tokyo teenage fashion. If you’re dying to hear about why ganguro girls look the way they do, or how the gothic lolita look evolved, this is the book for you! There are pictures, interviews, tips & tricks. Definitely worth owning!

Love Hotels: The Hidden Fantasy Rooms of Japan by Natsuo Kirino, Rod Slemmons & the aforementioned Misty Keasler is a hop, skip & jump through some of Japan’s most incredible love hotels. (I personally like the carousel in one of the rooms.) Amazing book.

Pink Box: Inside Japan’s Sex Clubs by Joan Sinclair is a FASCINATING look at Japan’s sex clubs. Usually strictly off-limits to anyone but the Japanese, Joan managed to charm the owners of the clubs & was granted permission to over 80 such clubs within a year. Her portraits of the girls working, the clientele & the environment in which they work is incredible.

I also recommend reading anything by Haruki Murakami — my favourites are The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle & Kafka On The Shore.

Ah, wonderful Japan. Please fuel my fascination by telling me about great Japanese blogs, your favourite kind of sushi, the best things to do on a rainy day in Kyoto & the J-pop stars which make your heart go DOKI DOKI!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Men's Summer Style '07

[ 2 August 2007, 23:25 ]

I recently received an email from Ben in the U.K. asking what I thought men should be wearing this summer, so here are my thoughts on the subject!

At the moment, I really like it when men dress in a casual, not-trying-too-hard style. The only man whose rather formal style I endorse is that of Karl Lagerfeld, one of my secret boyfriends. (As in, it is a secret that even HE doesn’t know!) Super-starched, high-necked white shirts, fingerless gloves, powdered white hair, a plain black tie… drool.

The best way to dress casually is to organise your outfits ahead of time, so you know what goes with what & you don’t have to think about it too much in the morning. Usually it is a simple case of shirt + pants + shoes, but a blazer or a great hat (like a straw fedora) always scores you points. Couple your casual garb with an immaculate haircut & fantastic eyewear or even a bit of makeup if you’re game! (Black mascara or a tiny smudge of eyeliner can make you look slightly broody & mysterious, which I think is hot hot hot.)

I love comfortable looking collared shirts with the sleeves rolled up, outfits which are all black & white & also designer stubble — meaning you shave everything below the jaw line & don’t let it get longer than a few days worth of growth. I am really into well-fitted jeans, too — not necessarily skinny or wide-leg, but just something which fits the body well & shows off a man’s best features, whether that’s his slim thighs, perky butt or super-knobbly knees.

Without further ado, here are some men’s street looks I love, & in some circumstances, what I would do to improve them…

This guy at Uniqlo in NYC epitomises effortless summer chic to me. He looks flawless. I cannot fault him on any aspect of his outfit. His red-check shirt is very “classic American”, & I love the way he’s rolled up the sleeves & left the top two buttons undone. His hair, glasses & facial hair are all brilliant & I love him for carrying a satchel! Only real men carry bags!

Take away the blazer & the hat & you’d have a very average-looking guy. It’s these two little details which totally raise the quality of his outfit & give him the appearance of a man with style, rather than just some guy who picked yesterday’s clothes up off the floor! Again, he has great facial hair & there’s even a badge on his lapel! Great touch.

Look at that pout! Owwww! I love the white hat, shades & bag. The cardigan is FABULOUS but I think a close-fitting polo shirt would have made this look impeccable — as you can, it’s too big so it’s creating strange folds below the cardigan, & the collar looks a little loose. I adore the monotone styling, though. Definitely someone you would look twice at.

I love the way he’s rocking the blue colour scheme here, but mostly I wanted to demonstrate that shorts can look REALLY good on a man! If you’re worried about exposing your pasty legs to the public at large, exfoliate & then use a good tanning lotion! (Read this from Winona for a brand comparison!) I love his tote & watch & shoes, they’re all fantastic. I think if his shirt was untucked this look would be more relaxed looking, & less — how can I put this? — bus driver. (He’s really cute though so we can forgive him just this once.)

Oh my godddd. AMAZING. He’s wearing a vintage stiff-fronted tuxedo shirt. These things button in the back, so I can only assume he had someone to help him get into it, but a plain white tunic would do just as well. LOVE the silhouette created with those skinny jeans & trainers. Wayfarer sunglasses like his drive me a little bit crazy but he definitely wears them with a lot of flair. Again, rolled up sleeves, jeans which fit well, few accessories. He looks like he just threw this on, though I’m positive he didn’t!

For the men: What do you normally wear in the summer? What have you been loving recently? Is there any kind of style you see on other men which you think looks amazing but don’t know whether you could pull it off yourself?

Everyone else: How do you like men to dress? What kind of style stops you in the street?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

Comment [39]
Tags: aesthetic, inspiration, monsieur, question
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Pole-Dancing & Raunch Culture

[ 31 July 2007, 09:47 ]

I have wanted to try pole-dancing for a really long time. When I first heard that it was the new ‘fitness craze’, I passed it off as more of the same rubbish, but the more of it I see, the more appealing it becomes.

If you want proof that pole-dancing requires strength, fitness & grace, watch this (& be astounded):

Damn, she’s good.

I think my primary reason for wanting to do pole-dancing is that I have always been attracted to sports which are graceful & feminine but which kick your ass at the same time. (Hmmm, that sums up a lot of my life…) Gymnastics, trapeze, pole-dancing, yoga, butoh & cheerleading all fit into that category, & I’ve done all of them (except cheerleading, but not for lack of wanting to!).

I have wanted to take up pole-dancing for an incredibly long time. A friend of mine, Nadia, upon hearing this, suggested that we go along together, but then said, “And then there’s the whole moral dimension – would a pole-dancing class actually be buying into what Ariel Levi calls ‘raunch culture?’”

I saw her the day after she made this comment & we discussed the ‘raunch culture’ thing a little bit. My take on it is this. People should do what they want to do, as long as it makes them happy, & doesn’t involve maiming anyone else. It might be a simple philosophy, but it works for me. I think trying to constantly revolt against one agenda or another is very tiring & counter-productive. I don’t feel like I need to make a strong statement against the patriarchy by refusing to bake, if baking brings me pleasure. If I had a husband who expected me to be chained to the oven, making cakes & birthin’ babies, yes, I’d be doing something about it, but that’s not the life I live.

It might be a bit simplistic, but I think being happy is a pretty strong political statement.

Thoughts? (& anyone who’s given pole-dancing a go, let us know whether it works for you!)

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What Do You Wish You Still Owned?

[ 26 July 2007, 09:10 ]

Trends change, bodies grow, people move on — & clothing gets left behind. What items of clothing do you wish you still had?

I can think of a whole lot of things. I used to have Doc Marten boots printed with union jacks, & blue platform Skechers! (It was the Spice Girls era, you know.) I had a drawer full of jeans in every colour under the rainbow (black, white, red, green, purple…). I had red t-bar shoes & pretty party dresses. I had a blue dress with a square neckline & a black lacy top layer which I ADORED & so, so regret getting rid of. I owned crazy black platform goth boots & my father’s old yellow Porsche t-shirt (which I wore so much it literally fell to pieces).

Tell us a story about your most beloved, long lost piece of clothing!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Old London Town

[ 25 July 2007, 14:49 ]

“I was wondering if you would perhaps ask the iCiNG bowl for lesser-known things to do in London? Places to shop, places to visit etc. etc. etc. Everyone I’ve asked has said “Camden Camden Camden!” but I find Camden a little … too of-the-moment.”

Dear iCettes,

Please help sweet Sarah-Rose find the fabulous, hidden, secret spots of London! I’ve only ever done the standard things, though I must tell you that it’s worth a trip to L’Artisan Parfumeur! (It also appears that they’re looking for staff!) Try this website too.

Advice please!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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People I Like (Who You Might Like Too)

[ 24 July 2007, 01:13 ]

John Halcyon Styn

A long-time internet star, pink-haired Halcyon’s journal is a beacon of hope. His most recent project, Hugnation is a weekly, international hug anyone can participate in! It happens on Tuesdays at 1pm Pacific time.

“The world is torn apart. We need to connect. We need to be able to reach out and feel that there are people out there who care and love and feel like we do. Now, more than ever, we need to use any tools we have to heal our planet. Will it work? A better question is, “Will we try?”“

I adore him for his enduring spirit, perpetual enthusiasm, light-hearted vanity, entertaining videos & pink RV, aka the Hugmobile, which is going on tour in October! (Also, I met him at Burning Man last year. I was a bit messy & I think I made a huge goober of myself, but he was totally gracious & cool!)

Rob Breszny

Rob’s weekly horoscopes are brilliant; even if you don’t care for astrology, his advice is positive, uplifting & holistically wise. His book, Pronoia Is The Antidote For Paranoia: How The Whole World Is Conspiring To Shower You With Blessings is fantastic. I picked up my copy in a secondhand bookshop in San Francisco for a pittance, which was great because I had wanted to own it for ages!

I found his Prayer For You tonight (via Halcyon, above!):

“Guide them to realize that they are all completely different from what they’ve been led to believe about themselves, and more exciting than they can possibly imagine … Make it illegal, immoral, irrelevant, unpatriotic, and totally tasteless for them to be in love with anyone or anything that’s no good for them … Remove, banish, annihilate, and laugh into oblivion any jinx that has clung to them, no matter how long they’ve suffered from it, and even if they have become accustomed or addicted to its ugly companionship … Teach them to be their own prophets and pray to themselves and right their own wrongs and sing their own songs and be their own wives and save their own lives.”

Guy Kawasaki

The founder of evangelism marketing (where your customers are so rabid for the product that they do the marketing for you), Guy is an accomplished business writer & fantastic thinker. On his blog, How To Change The World, he manages to write about all kinds of previously dull subjects in a way which is shiny & thrilling! I just watched The Art of the Start, his speech about starting a company & I’ve been sitting here thinking about iCiNG in a whole new way since. Read How to Get a Standing Ovation & The Art of Schmoozing II to get an idea of how valuable the man really is, then subscribe to his blog & lap it up regularly!

Who’s blowing your socks off at the moment? Share the genius!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Tags: inspiration, question
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The Rules

[ 19 July 2007, 10:25 ]

I recently stumbled across a girl’s journal entry where she had written 9 rules for herself. Things like, “learn to be charming” & “always make time for solitude”.

It got me thinking (how Carrie!) about other people’s rules for life. Do you have any? Are they concrete & solid, or flexible & subject to change? Did you create your own rules or are you towing the line originally set down by your family? Are they things you do naturally or are they things you struggle with?

Here are mine. They are concrete. Some of them stem from my family’s set of values but mostly they are things I have come to realise are right for me. Most of them I do naturally these days, though it wasn’t always that way, & some I still struggle with (see: live in the moment).

Do what makes you happy.

Avoid gossip.

Appreciate every day. Live in the moment.

Focus on the bigger picture.

Be gracious.

Only spend time with people who make you feel good.

Be sincere, be dorkily earnest — tell people you love them, that they are beautiful, that you appreciate their presence in your life.

Show love towards everyone & be unafraid of any possible repercussions.

Don’t dwell on problems; tap them out as soon as they appear.

Practice right speech (only say things which are helpful, positive & constructive).

Don’t just walk; strut!

Listen to great music & dance every day.

Always take your camera & business cards!

Never get involved with someone with a substance abuse problem or a pessimistic world view, OR someone a friend has been involved with/interested in previously!

Finally, treat people as if they were what they ought to be, & you help them to become what they are capable of becoming. (Thanks, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe!)

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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International Dress Up Day #006 Suggestions!

[ 11 July 2007, 12:30 ]

I want to hear your ideas for the next International Dress Up Day on Saturday the 21st of July! I had this vague idea about making into a bit of a slumber party… wild hair & pyjamas & vintage nightgowns! I also had thoughts about a live chat that we could all participate in. But it’s not very “dress up”!

Any thoughts?!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Vegas, Baby, Vegas!

[ 27 June 2007, 17:35 ]

“Hi Gala,
Ever been to Las Vegas? I have just been told by my work that they’re going to be sending me there for a conference in September (lucky me!). I figure I’ll take a couple of days of annual leave to take a look around and shop (as I’d have to pay for my own accommodation/food for those couple of days and the short notice doesn’t leave much saving time, I won’t be able to make it longer). Any tips on must-dos, best places to shop (particularly those with most bang for your buck) and on good, relatively cheap, places to stay?”

Unfortunately, I have not been to Vegas. However, I am sure that some of the resident iCiNG geniuses have! Does anyone have any advice?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Name Analysis

[ 14 June 2007, 14:29 ]

Oh oh oh! I had to share this because I had completely forgotten that this even existed. Have you ever tried a Kabalarians name analysis? I love it so much. It’s freeeee & really interesting. Here’s what I got when I plugged ‘Gala’ into their database:

“Although the name Gala creates the urge to understand others, we point out that it causes you to be emotional and temperamental. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the fluid systems, liver and the bloodstream. Your first name of Gala has given you a quick-minded, sensitive nature. It gives you a clever, creative ability in art, music, singing, or drama and an appreciation for refined surroundings. Your sociable nature expresses affection, kindness, and thoughtfulness to the extent that it is difficult for you not to be affected by others and governed by your emotions, rather than by logic and reason. As you respond to love and encouragement from others, your romantic and dreamy nature can easily lead you into love affairs.”

Try it here. I tend to think it’s pretty accurate! Post your results & let us know whether you think it’s true or not!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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A Slogan For iCiNG

[ 14 June 2007, 10:20 ]

Hello clever cupcakes,

I have been wracking my brains for two days trying to come up with a new slogan for iCiNG! It used to be “dress up, leave a false name, be legendary” but those aren’t my words (they’re Hakim Bey’s) & I feel like iCiNG has evolved past that! Plus… who’s using a false name? Not me!

Does anyone have any ideas?! How would you describe what we have here at iCiNG to your best friend, your mother, your hairdresser?

I appreciate your help very much! Merci beaucoup!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

Comment [17]
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Zee 'Air Down There

[ 13 June 2007, 11:07 ]

“Dear Gala,

I have a question that I often throw around and debate with people, and would like to know your perspective on it (being the fashionista that you are!). In today’s modern society where image, especially body image, is emphasised and sex seems to be very liberal – what is the stance on pubic hair in modern society? Is it expected to be more on the bald side these days, or can you still look like a wookie ‘down there’ and be seen as attractive? What is seen as ‘good hygiene’ in the way of pubes? I’m often intrigued as to whether there is an official-like social stance on the matter. Especially since the rise in trend of getting a landing strip, brazillian or, if male, the more daring crack sack and back wax. Is it a conditioning and construction of society, or a natural progress of the sexual revolution?

Should society be proudly bald, taking away a visualisation of adulthood, or should we proudly be growing a chia pet between our legs? And do you think porn has influenced the stigma of having pubic hair?”

Well! Here we go then, eh?

History lesson, ahem!

“Waxing of the genital areas has been prevalent in many societies around the world for centuries, in Ancient Greece, Rome and Egypt but especially in arid or desert, predominantly Muslim and Arab countries. Arab, Turkish, and Persian women as well as women from the Albanian culture and Mediterranean regions have for centuries been waxing in the genital areas. The waxes used were often sugar-based and made with lemon; however present variations include oils and scents to lessen the discomfort. The reasons for genital waxing in these regions have not necessarily been for cosmetic reasons throughout history, as it is in the case of North and South America as well as Europe, but instead these cultures mentioned above have generally practiced waxing for centuries more for reasons of personal hygiene and/or religion. As a result, in many of these cultures, body hair of any sort on women is considered socially unacceptable. However, waxing the genital area completely is relatively new to modern Western cultures, developing mostly in the 20th century. In the United States, for example, the habit of waxing or even shaving the pubic area did not become common place until the 1960s.

The Brazilian wax originated in Brazil for women wanting to wear the then-new thong bikinis, which was not widely popular inside the United States at the time. Brazilian waxing gained huge popularity through the late 1980s & has boomed in the last couple of years in the US. Legend has it that the J.Sisters beauty salon in New York has helped spread the name out.“
From Wikipedia.

In reference to the original question, I don’t know if the argument is as simple as “taking away a visualisation of adulthood”. There are lots of other aspects of adulthood — such as mortgages, 5 screaming children & saggy bottoms — which in the past we were expected to just accept & deal with. These days, we are free to deny, embrace or alter these conditions as we see fit. The Brazilian falls into the latter category. It’s a cosmetic thrill & enhances your look just like having your eyebrows shaped does. Why only take care of SOME parts of your anatomy & neglect others?

I know that a few years ago, when the Brazilian craze hit, there were a great many women who were worried that removing their pubic hair would suddenly turn their husbands into child molesters or pedophiles… or something. The logic in this argument is interesting, to say the least, but I don’t think that going bald is going to turn dear hubby into Gary Glitter.

Pubic hair might make you look like an “adult”, but quite frankly, so do breasts & thighs. Hair that (quite frankly) obscures the clitoris serves no purpose, so why not whip it off? It heightens sensitivity, looks superb (in my opinion) & will give yo’ lover a thrill.

“That’s the thing about the Brazilian. It makes you do crazy things. You have to be very careful who you invite to Brazil.” — Samantha Jones

Now, I’m not going to kid you. Brazilian waxing hurts. It is an ordeal. Every time I get one, I swear I will never go back… & yet. Shaving is such a hassle: growing it back is ugly & irritating & it requires constant work (exfoliating or re-shaving). Waxing is also fairly expensive, but then, you would have to pay me a fair chunk of change to be attending to women’s hairy, secret parts all day long too. The good thing is that once you have it done, it lasts a long time — 4 to 6 weeks.

“I got mugged! She took everything I got!” — Carrie Bradshaw

Maybe it’s just the generation I’m from, but I am keen on hair removal. I tweeze my eyebrows at least every couple of days; I even shave my arms. This kind of obsession extends to more intimate areas, too. Here are my personal preferences.

On women, I think a ‘Hollywood’ or ‘Sphynx‘ Brazilian (totally bald) or a landing strip Brazilian (a line of hair down the front) is the way to go, whether you shave or wax to get it that way. If you simply cannot be bothered with all the maintenance this style requires, then you need to at least trim. I really don’t think there’s any excuse (or reason) for anyone to be completely wild in that area anymore. I actually tend to think that most women (of my generation at least) all have some kind of pubic upkeep routine, & you’d be in the minority if you just let it grow. Most of the women I know go completely bald — it seems strange to me to just neglect the area, almost backward. I feel that as liberated, sexually-active women, there is almost a responsibility to “put it out there”, be familiar with & proud of our genitals. Is it just me?

I think all men should trim. Not to do so is just discourteous. Shaving or waxing is perhaps a little bit extreme — I don’t personally think it enhances the aesthetics of the area, so, you know. Save yourself an hour. It’s not like anything anybody needs is going to be hidden away, unless perhaps you’re 80 & have never touched your, um, thicket! Just a little upkeep is nice!

I did some research (*moustache wiggle*) & I really couldn’t find anything referencing pubic hair “trends” that had been written more recently than about 2004. A shame, really, since I’d like to know what the recent style is. In the early 2000s, suddenly Brazilian waxing was a hot topic, & every print publication featured humorous anecdotal pieces about visits to strange Russian sadists brandishing tubs of wax & small paper underwear. After that stage, though, there is nothing, zip, nada — somewhat like a full Brazilian itself — to be found on recent trends in pubic hair grooming. For all I know, women in Germany are flocking to Matilda in Baden-Baden who will shave a maze into your crotch.

I thought about calling some beauty salons to ask them what’s popular these days, but that’s only really going to tell you what the pubic scene is like in Melbourne — not hugely useful. Then I thought, hey! I have an international audience of astute, independent thinkers! Maybe I should ask them!

So, is anyone game to talk about their, uh, pubic preferences?!

Extra For Experts
“261 People Want To Do This… get a Brazilian wax“ — with anecdotes & all. I particularly like this comment: “I am determined to do this, both for me and my boyfriend, also because I am having a baby soon and if I don’t I’m worried they won’t be able to see the baby as it’s coming out!!”
Nerve.com interview with a Brazilian waxer. Her tips? Drink two glasses of vodka beforehand, & ensure you’re clean first! (Arrrghhh!)
Some Like It Trimmed, from WebMD.
Tips from a Brazilian waxer, thanks to Yes But No But Yes.
This is hilariously badly-written, maybe by someone from Belarus (after the recommended two glasses of vodka)? “You are welcome to join the club of pubic hair shaving.” Well, thank you very much!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Increasing Your Thrifting Luck

[ 2 June 2007, 12:47 ]

“The past few days I’ve been hitting up the vintage shops here in the San Francisco area (the Haight-Ashbury district, Berkeley) and I got to thinking about how I could improve my thrifting luck. I know that some people just have that certain knack for finding the diamonds in the rough in vintage/thrift/resale shops — I’ve had brief brushes with it, but I was wondering if you had any ideas for how to increase the odds of finding something amazing, besides just taking along someone with Thrift Luck and hoping it rubs off.”

Dear clever, iCiNG-dipped cuties,

I am a terrible thrift-shopper & I have no hints or tips to share on this subject! However, I know that a lot of you specialise in this area. Help a sister out & tell us your best secrets!

Thanks x 1,000,000!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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A Round-Heeled Woman -- Book Review

[ 28 May 2007, 17:26 ]

Sorry about my lack of updates over the past two days! The weather has taken a turn for the worse & I’ve been holed up in the iCiNG Bowl, devouring books & hot chocolate & listening to the wind whistle around the building.

My most recent read has been A Round-Heeled Woman by Jane Juska. I stumbled upon it in the gender & sexuality section of the library (one of my favourite areas). The cover says, “My Late-Life Adventures in Sex & Romance”. The premise (entirely true) is this: a woman places a classified advertisement in the New York Review of Books, which says Before I turn 67 — next March — I would like to have a lot of sex with a man I like.

She receives a flood of replies, & then we’re along with her on hideous dates & romping our way through her psychological history. The whole thing is very interesting.

“Once, way back, when I was in my twenties, I sat in the No Name Bar in Sausalito drinking beer on a Saturday afternoon. Out of nowhere, a man neither young nor old passed by our table & said to me, “You’re a beautiful woman.” & he left. No one ever said that to me again, & never, but for that brief moment, would I ever feel it. The men I would know as my life continued might think I was beautiful or a woman or even both, but none of them would ever say it. & so I wasn’t.”

What have you read recently that you would recommend? I am going to make a huge list of books to work my way through this winter.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Femme Fatales

[ 21 May 2007, 10:27 ]

More pictures, more gorgeous girls!

NoirMuse:

“The fella and I had so much fun with this! We took some pictures from our second floor appartment and then went to the antique store and the river to take some more pics. The Film Noir theme was a great opportunity to use my vintage had collection and seamed stockings.”

Kara:

Hoyan:

“I like to call this picture: ‘Waiting in the Office of a Very Messy P.I.’”

Jess:

I was wondering, does seeing this kind of thing impact on your wardrobe at all? Does it make you want to dress in a more mysterious manner, does it help inspire you?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Living Situations

[ 18 May 2007, 13:07 ]

I started thinking about this the other day, especially when I read this about Helena Bonham Carter & Tim Burton:

“They live in adjoined houses with a hallway that connects the two homes.”

I love that idea. Together, but apart. As an only child, I really enjoy spending time by myself. I live with my boyfriend at the moment, & thankfully we get along well the majority of the time! I do, however, have very fond memories of living alone in my studio apartment. I could change my outfit 5 times & leave clothing everywhere, call up a friend & go out to a restaurant at midnight, then come home & talk & listen to music until the wee hours. It’s nice to feel like you can live your life without disturbing anyone else or having to “be considerate”.

My favourite kinds of houses are those gorgeous Victorian ones you see all over San Francisco, preferably one painted candy colours, with a big staircase & a verandah upon which I would take breakfast & read fashion magazines. Ha! Though since my first love is New York, I would love an apartment there, too. Big windows, lots of light, something old which has been refurbished — lots of character but good, solid structure underneath.

What’s your living situation at the moment, & what do you think would be ideal?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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iCiNG's May Crush List

[ 4 May 2007, 12:56 ]

There were two pieces of criteria that needed to be well-filled to get onto this list. Talent & sex appeal. I admit, sometimes I can be shallow. It is not just good enough to be clever — which is why people like Stephen Hawking are notably absent. It’s not okay just to be cute, either. Style without substance has never really been my bag. We’ve all approached someone good-looking only to be disappointed by their lack of intellectual prowess. I can’t crush on someone unless I can imagine having a really good conversation with them.

So, without further ado… here are my sweet picks!

Kalindy (also has a livejournal). Lives in the middle of nowhere in Australia, but works it to her advantage with gorgeous photographs. I love her look — kind of a sexy, awkward stringbean with accessories. The pictures she takes of her friends make it look as though a big group of them meet up on the weekend for a dress-up picnic, & you can imagine how that thrills me.

Violet Blue. No big secret or surprise there. A whip-smart sex educator & San Francisco native, she was recently signed with ICM, yay! She writes fantastic books & is a fellow cupcake lover. Her blog is brilliant & I absolutely love reading her thoughts. She is also very, very cute.

Sandra B. She is really cool & I think she would be afraid if she knew the extent of my obsession. I have been reading her online journal for years, following her through adventures with lacklustre boyfriends, vengeful best friends & road trips & estate sales across the country. She is also a truly magnificent dresser. I think it was probably her that inspired me to go blonde the first time. She has moved out of her house now, but I really miss pictures of her black bedroom with its big green velvet couch & toy pianos everywhere.

Manko. Let’s not talk about Suicidegirls — instead, feast your eyes on her glorious visual assault. I don’t know where she’s from, all I know is that she has a weird accent, she lives in London, she takes her clothes off for money & she is an aesthetic dream. Various rants & magazine appearances listed on her Myspace blog.

Two brunettes & two blondes… at least it’s balanced. You will notice they’re all women. I think the reason for this is that women influence me in a way that men just can’t. If someone of the same sex inspires you, it seems more attainable, more like you can incorporate parts of what you like about them into your own persona — their confidence, their attitude, their penchant for wearing big boots, etc.

Who are your crushes?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Tipple Of Choice?

[ 30 April 2007, 13:51 ]

Last night (at the Red Door Burlesque — yes, for the second time), I discovered my “new drink”. It’s been months since I really had a drink, I just don’t do it much anymore. But last night I drank violette liqueur over ice & it was AMAZING. A beautiful, rich purple colour with the taste of crushed flowers. It doesn’t get any better than that, really.

I used to be a caipiroska girl, but it is upsetting the number of bartenders who don’t actually know how to make one! Then I moved on to Amaretto sours, but eventually they lost their appeal too.

What do you normally drink?

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iCiNG's Definition Of Chic

[ 13 April 2007, 11:00 ]

Yesterday, Kristen suggested that we all — as a community! — compile a list of what we think is chic. In her words, a “positive, fun, happy” list. I think it’s a brilliant idea, so here it is!

What makes somebody ‘chic’? We all have different ideas. It is too easy to rattle off a list of things which aren’t stylish & it doesn’t help anyone — so what about a person makes you sit up & take notice? What about a person makes you aspire to be like them?

My idea of a chic person is basically how I imagine the best people to be. I certainly don’t fit all these criteria, but I’m working on it. Here are my ideas. Please feel free to write as much as you like in the comments!

I think a chic person…

Has exemplary manners (or at least makes the effort)

Has enough clothing to feel properly attired at a business meeting, a club or a wedding

Is passionate about something — art, business, communication, philosophy etc.

Respects his- or herself & other people

Doesn’t betray confidence, aka can keep things private

Has excellent posture

Practises what my friend Kaia calls “right speech” — meaning, does their best to only say things which are constructive, helpful &/or positive

Looks after their nails (only since I stopped biting mine have I realised what a difference it makes it one’s presentation)

Can charm the pants off anyone, from other people’s parents to grumpy shop-keepers

Travels across the city for what she thinks are the best croissants, coffee or olives

Reads the Sunday newspapers

Is organised (stylishly, of course)

Only spends her time with people who make her feel good

Takes responsibility for himself

Glides instead of walking (it is an elegant way of moving, lithe, a sleek creature rather than a galumphing human)

Can cook, eats well & drinks a lot of water

Takes care of their possessions (shines their shoes, cleans their bathroom, hand-washes any delicate clothing, etc.)

Has distinct personal style, from clothing to hairstyle to handwriting

Lives life to full capacity every day

Has things that are what I call “signature” — personal elements that define them, which are distinctly individual. This can range from a way of walking to a tone of voice to a love for anything vintage

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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International Dress-Up Day #003 Theme Suggestions!

[ 9 April 2007, 17:35 ]

Hello my darlings!

Let me know your thoughts for International Dress-Up Day on the 21st of April…

I thought maybe we could have an unbirthday celebration, where we all get kitted up as birthday girls or boys & surround ourselves with balloons, cakes & tiaras. Or maybe a ‘dress up as your childhood ambition’ kind of thing.

What do you think?!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Marriage -- The Final Frontier

[ 8 April 2007, 15:01 ]

If you were going to ask someone to marry you, how would you do it? If you already have, or someone has asked you, how did it happen? What are your thoughts on marriage in general?

My boyfriend asked me after we had been going out for about two weeks. We were in Melbourne on a holiday (yes, an international holiday after two weeks), walking around the city, thinking about moving here. We were having an amazing time & every night he would read to me from The Tao Of Pooh until I fell asleep. As we walked around, we found ourselves outside the registry office, & he asked me to marry him. At first I didn’t believe him. I was SO surprised, it blew my mind, but I was scared & I did the math (I was only 22, we have a big age gap & we’d only been going out for a couple of weeks), so I said no. He has since said that he’s asked once, he’s not going to ask again, so I guess it’s up to me if that’s a step I want to take!

I think marriage is kind of weird. That whole idea of binding yourself to somebody for life seems antiquated & impractical to me. I think I will probably be involved with various people throughout stages of my life. I feel like being married (as opposed to just living with someone or being together in general) adds this crazy layer of social conditioning to a relationship where it then becomes a big deal to break it off. You have to “get divorced”, which has a large amount of stigma for many people, especially if you’re young. The idea of being a 25-year-old divorcee is amusing for about three minutes. Then it’s something you have to live with. If you’re just living together, it’s easier — you just move out, there are no legalities or paperwork to get involved in (normally). I think that kind of thing is very limiting, it may prevent people from growing or changing because they can see where it might lead.

I do like the idea of stepping a relationship up a level though — so you’re not just someone’s girl- or boyfriend — but the idea of a “life partner” or a “civil union” leaves me cold. So I’m somewhere in the middle, muddling my way through, trying to decide what I think is right for me personally.

I remember when I was a kid I would go to my friend’s house & we would have “underwater tea-parties”. The idea was that you’d jump in the pool, sink to the bottom, cross your legs, pretend to drink tea from an invisible teacup & talk to one another. It came out mostly as “burble burble”, but I think asking someone underwater would be pretty awesome.

The idea of asking your lover something which is that important in a strange environment really appeals to me. On a hot air balloon ride, while playing midnight croquet or as you lie down together in a secret treehouse — I think that would be wonderful. I also love treasure hunts & adventures & secret hints & clues, so maybe making your own fortune cookie or writing it on the petals of a sunflower or something would be cool.

I love that scene in Sex & The City (sorry to people who don’t like it) when Aiden asked Carrie to marry him. She knew it was coming but he took her completely by surprise. He asked her to come out with him while he walked his dog, & in the middle of the street, he knelt down to do something to his dog’s collar & said, “Here, hold this” while she was looking away. She was expecting to be given the dog’s leash, but he placed the engagement ring box in her hand instead. It was so cute.

My parents’ story about getting married is really romantic. My mother saw a ring she liked. The end.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Let's Get Physical!

[ 2 April 2007, 10:30 ]

(Like Olivia Newton-John.)

I am dying to find some kind of exercise that I really enjoy, & I thought some of you might have good suggestions…

We have a gym & a pool in our building, but going to the gym bores the pants off me, & I’ve never been much of a swimmer.

I regularly go for long walks in wildly inappropriate shoes, I am constantly dancing around my living room & I also bounce on a miniature trampoline whenever I feel I need it, but that’s about all the exercise I get.

I did a trapeze lesson a couple of months ago & I loved it, but regular classes are pretty expensive… & I’m going to a croquet club tonight! I formed a croquet team when I was at school & it was really good fun, but I wouldn’t say it’s wildly energetic. (Mostly I just like hanging out with old ladies.) I own rollerskates too, & I guess I should use them more, but I’m kind of afraid of breaking my face!

What do you do to get your heart-rate up?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Acceptance

[ 21 March 2007, 12:15 ]

Tell us something about yourself which has taken you years to accept or like.

For me, it’s my nose. My father has a pretty big nose, but at least his is straight. Mine is kind of bumpy & crazy-looking! I think I did something to it as a kid. When I was about seven & somersaulting on my bed, I remember cracking it against the wall.

It has taken me YEARS to accept it. For a long time, I wanted a nosejob more than anything else in the world. I feel better about it these days, but still, sometimes I cringe when I see photos of me from the side.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Totally Addicted To Leggings

[ 20 March 2007, 13:01 ]

I have a confession to make. On Saturday, I had to go out & buy black leggings for my Witch Baby costume. I haven’t owned a pair for a long time: before I went to the States in August last year, I threw my last couple of pairs away because they were pretty much thrashed.

Okay, well, since Saturday… I haven’t worn anything else. It is now Tuesday. Stop me before I kill wear them again!

What are you guilty of over-wearing? Please tell me I’m not the only one!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Moisturiser

[ 14 March 2007, 17:55 ]

Since I recently ran out of Afterlife, my favourite ever moisturiser by Lush (which has been DISCONTINUED, the horror!), I have been on the search for something as good to replace it.

It is not easy.

I have tried every Lush moisturiser I own with little success. I am currently using Cosmetic Lad, but it is average & really not thrilling me much. I think Gorgeous is much too thin, Skin’s Shangri La is far too heavy & the others smell… bad to me. It is so frustrating. Am I going to have to go to another company?! I also would really like something with a bit of SPF in it, & the only Lush moisturiser which has that (Ultralight) is way too thick.

What moisturiser do you use?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Giving Up The Ghost

[ 13 March 2007, 16:59 ]

Why not stop reading about the lives of people you dislike?

Old friends who you have since fallen out of favour with…
Ex-lovers & their new partners…
Mindless celebrities…

I know the internet makes it all far too easy. But what are you gaining from keeping up with their lives? Doesn’t it ultimately just make you feel bad? Surely the time spent obsessing could be put to better use?

I gave up the ghost(s) a while ago. I am much happier for it.

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Cute Tabi Socks And The Footwear Conundrum

[ 12 March 2007, 12:05 ]

Okay, this deserves a post all of its own.

I love these socks by Tokyomade so much.

The question is… how would you wear them? You could pair them with ballet flats but I don’t know if geishas & ballet really mix. Plus, their cute toe-snuggling design would be hidden.

The only way you could really get proper mileage out of them would be to wear them with jandals (see also: flip-flops, etc.), but how big a fashion faux pas is socks with sandals really?!

On July 19, 2005, some members of Northwestern University’s national champion women’s lacrosse team were criticized for wearing flip-flops to the White House to meet with President George W. Bush.

I wouldn’t dress up to meet him, either!

Anyway… socks. How would you do it? That’s the problem with socks, you know. I love them but most of the shoes I wear are not sock-revealing, or if they are, it would just look WRONG. I have an entire drawer full of stripey socks (an old obsession), but they barely get worn anymore. Hmm.

(Also, today I learned (from Wikipedia) that the word “jandal” is a New Zealandism which is a shortened form of “Japanese sandal”. Australians look at me like I am insane when I say jandal!)

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What Are Your Style Trademarks?

[ 6 March 2007, 21:13 ]

I saw this question asked on the blackcigarette Livejournal community & thought it was really interesting.

I used to love the idea of having some piece of jewellery that I always wore — I really liked the idea of having a permanent identifier. Now I feel like it’s okay for my identity to be more fluid, to dress like an eccentric Parisian one day & to look like a Japanese raver the next.

There are a few things that I am usually wearing, however:

In the past I was obsessed with:

...As well as wearing flowers in my hair, shaving my hairline back in a very Edwardian fashion, & an insane passion for Maybelline’s “Cherry On” nailpolish (the perfect red). All in the last few years!

What are your style trademarks of the past & present?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Diamonds Are A Chump's Best Friend?

[ 1 March 2007, 14:03 ]

I decided that this year, as one of my Style Resolutions, I wanted to buy myself a really nice ring. Here’s what I wrote originally:

I have been wearing plastic jewellery for a long time & I think it’s time for that to end. Sure, when it comes to necklaces that I’m only going to wear for a few months, plastic is great, but if I buy anything that I want to wear for a significant period of time, it’s sad when the glue finally gives out, it leaves marks on my fingers or snaps in half. I don’t mean diamonds, since everyone with half a clue these days knows how corrupt the diamond industry is. I don’t mean normal old gold either, because it’s never really appealed to me. The yellow tones against my skin are no good. I do however like white gold & I am keen on cubic zirconia.

I don’t see why I should sit around waiting for a man to buy me something I want. I’ll buy it myself. I’m going to throw a party when I do, too. Anyway.

I went into a jewellery store a couple of days ago — a nice one, the sort where they will design anything you like. I asked one of the designers whether they worked with cubic zirconia or not. He said no, saying that they were too soft & scratched too easily. I told him I wasn’t interested in supporting the diamond industry & the atrocities that go on in Sierra Leone, etc., to which he replied that they were part of a group where the diamonds were “guaranteed conflict-free”. I tried on a couple of rings — nice solid bands with floating diamonds, that kind of thing, really stylish. He gave me his card & I left.

After I walked out of the shop, my brain switched on again.

How can they “guarantee” that diamonds are conflict-free? How would the consumer ever know, anyway? The answer: the jewellers can’t, & the consumer never would.

From here:

While less than 2% of all diamonds were at issue and far less now, in truth, no American jeweler can absolutely guarantee any diamond sold is conflict-free unless it is one of the new Canadian certified diamonds.

While I could buy a Canadian lab-manufactured diamond, I don’t want to. It’s not just the fact that the industry spills blood, or that jewellers will lie to their customers just to get them out the door. It’s the fact that diamonds are worthless, & that women’s obsession with diamonds is proof that anyone can be suckered in with enough advertising. They are a terrible investment. Why the hell would I want to support that?!

The whole thing is quite upsetting, especially because I like the look of them — which begs the question, WHY do I like the look of them? Is it just because I like sparkly things, or is it because The Media™ (dun dun dun dunnnnn) has ensnared me, too?

Regardless, my search for a jeweller who can do what I want with cubic zirconia & white gold will continue.

What do you think of diamond jewellery?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Style Report: Melbourne 02/07

[ 25 February 2007, 13:17 ]

Girls:

If under the age of 20, a big, black, back-combed nest with a huge combover fringe is de rigeur. Couple this with super-tight black jeans, graphic-print t-shirt in red or pink, & Converse. There is also a lot of jewellery featuring skulls, roses, bows & “antique”-looking keys which actually aren’t & cost $20. Big, round sunglasses are a must.

If over the age of 20, girls either go for dude-I’m-too-indie-for-you or a super-girly kind of ensemble.

The dude-I’m-too-indie-for-you look entails a pair of 80’s-inspired sunglasses, big hair, a top tucked into anything high-waisted (skirt or trousers), & high heels which don’t match anything else. It’s kind of androgynous & definitely different, but I wouldn’t call it stylish & it’s almost like dressing by numbers. Once you’ve seen it a bit, you could put something like it together easily. (Please see here for examples & evidence. That blog makes it look as if Melbourne exists in a graffiti’d alleyway, & it pretty much does.)

The super-girly look requires what we in the business call a “party frock”, meaning something dull & nu-floral (I just invented that but it works & you know what I mean, right?) cinched in with a vintage (or vintage-looking) belt around the waist. You must have long hair, ballet flats, a big tub of bronzer & very sparkly teeth to pull this off.

Boys:

If under the age of 20, please see above. There is less jewellery on the boys but certainly a lot of lip piercings & eyeliner.

If over the age of 20, there is some sort of “ironic kool” movement going on. Tight pants with naff sunglasses are popular, as are floppy overgrown hairstyles. Boys here wear quite good shoes which they like to shine a lot. Over all, Melbourne people are quite experimental & so it is rather exciting to see boys wearing waistcoats & hats, though at the moment it is pretty much too hot to do that. Tight, tailored suit jackets are acceptable night-time wear as well as skinny ties.

Notes:
I always thought Wellington, New Zealand was the emo capital. At least, until I moved to Melbourne. The amount of emo kids in this city absolutely blows my mind.
People here are very keen on getting tattoos on the underside of the top of their arm, near the armpit. Maybe it’s a badge of triumph, since I must tell you that getting tattooed there is quite painful.
Pointy shoes & leggings are very big here.

What’s going on style-wise where you live?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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New, Improved, User-Defined iCiNG?

[ 23 February 2007, 10:48 ]

I read quite a lot about the future of online publishing & the possibilities within it, & every time I read anything on the topic I find myself completely amped up, super-excited & wondering how I can make iCiNG bigger, bolder, better.

For example, I recently read this, from Ultramobilegeek (an interview with Violet Blue):
Q: Technologically, globally, and philosophically: What would you like to see come out of 2007?
VB: People making media on all levels; self publishing (news, entertainment, reporting) to totally, completely upend mainstream media. I want a total information and entertainment revolution; no more studio systems ripping off talented people and only giving us what’s deemed “safe” by things like the MPAA, and no more filtered news from corporations. mainstream media has all the money and hundred-year histories; we have type and click publishing and relationships with our readers and subjects. I’d like to see that change things.

(In case you haven’t noticed by now, I think Violet Blue is pretty great.)

I am very, very happy with how iCiNG has grown in the two months it has existed — yes, only two months! I started this on December the 16th last year. I recently finished my first e-book & since I did, I have re-evaluating a bit. I absolutely love iCiNG & what we have here… but I have always been a girl with big visions & I find myself wanting more.

I recently wrote up a press page & as I wrote it, I came up with some reasons why I think iCiNG is different to a lot of fashion websites.

Really, I want to know your thoughts. How do you think I could improve iCiNG as a project? Do you want more interaction, a forum, a Flickr group, a Myspace group, a conversational mailing list (in addition to Cupcake which is more a secrets-from-me list)? What do you want to know more about? What do you not really care about? I mean, do you REALLY want to see my daily outfits? Would you like to see reader-submitted articles? Interviews with fashion icons? More videos? Podcasts? Longer or shorter articles? More menswear information?

I have always intended for this to be a community, rather than just a platform for some girl in her platform shoes! At the same time, I want iCiNG to be more dynamic, more compelling, something akin to a religious experience.

This is your baby too. The whole point of it is that I give you what YOU want. So whatcha whatcha whatcha want?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Style Survey

[ 15 February 2007, 11:41 ]

Feel free to post your answers below!

I skimp when buying:
Underwear (the stuff in the children’s department is far cuter than most of the women’s stuff) & sunglasses (I try them on in-store & then buy them on Ebay for 1/3 the price, typically). Other than that, usually I am pretty happy to pay for quality.

I splurge when buying:
Hmm, almost everything? If only I was a good vintage shopper. I don’t have the patience or inclination to scour vintage stores, unfortunately.

I always break this fashion rule:
Combining pink & red. Wearing stockings with open-toed shoes. Underwear or sleepwear as a major part of my outfit.

I never break this fashion rule:
Um… pshhh.

Must have item for Winter 2006:
Huge slouchy bag full of treasures, jaw-dropping hairstyle, pale foundation, futuristic minidresses & enormous shoes.

Favorite store:
Christian Louboutin on Fifth Avenue, NYC! & Patricia Field in Soho. Ha.

Style icon:
Diana Vreeland + Carrie Bradshaw!

Most cherished item:
Black Macbook tied with my Nikon D80 camera.

Favorite item of clothing:
I love my Kate Sylvester pink silk dress, & my black plastic Alexandre Herchcovitch for Melissa wedges, & all my headscarves!

Favorite stylish movie:
I am not a big movie watcher. Marie Antoinette was pretty great, though. I hear good things about Grey Gardens, too.

Guilty pleasure:
Guilt is for jerks!

Describe your personal style:
Autistic-five-year-old-diving-into-a-birthday-cake chic. Or um, your-opinion-on-my-outfit-means-very-little-to-me chic?!

I feel best wearing:
High shoes of any description. I wear flats maybe one day a week at most.

Personal style quirk:
I draw a beauty-spot on every day. I consider eye-masks to be appropriate “going out” wear. I only have one ear pierced (& really it is a tunnel which has mostly closed up).

Most overrated item:
Denim. I know, jeans are the most comfortable thing ever, but they never make me say “wow”.

Most underrated item:
Sunscreen. Keep your skin young-looking & non-leathery!

Most stylish city:
New York & Black Rock cities ;D

Never caught wearing:
Uggs or Crocs. Never say never, but those are just hideous.

When I was in high school I wore:
I was a teenage goth. New Rock boots, striped stockings, that kind of thing. Eep.

Shine your own shoes?
Yes! But most of my shoes aren’t the kind you shine.

Favorite fashion magazine:
Lula, maybe, though it could be much better. I love to buy magazines but I don’t have any favourites really, most of the time I am very disappointed by them.

Favorite other magazine:
iCiNG ;D

Cologne, skincare, perfume:
Um, skincare & perfume!

I always dress my best for:
Everyday. I refuse to dress down!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What Are You Wearing?

[ 8 February 2007, 10:40 ]

What do you have on & how do you feel about it?

I’m currently wearing a blue Diesel hoodie, pyjama pants & a liberal coating of Lush’s Mask of Magnaminty, which is drying on my face. HOT!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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An International Dress-Up Party

[ 7 February 2007, 23:30 ]

After my article yesterday about dressing on theme, I’ve been thinking about forming an Army Of Style. Or a Fancy Procession. Or… something. (It needs a good name!)

Basically, my idea is that one day a month, anyone who wanted to be involved would dress in a way which incorporated a previously decided theme. The ultimate aim, other than having fun, would be to take a photo of yourself “on theme” & then I would publish all the pictures I received. Instant internet fame!

We would all talk about prospective themes & then choose the one that appealed most. It would be something weird with a bit of a twist but it would be open enough that it would be easy to interpret & work into your outfit any way you liked. (Say the theme was “your favourite artist” — you could dress to impersonate them or to resemble one of their pieces, or you could wear a button with their face on it, etc.!)

Would anyone be keen to join the ranks? Let me hear your thoughts! I think it would be SO much fun. Like an international dress-up party. A secret society! I love secret societies. I’m so excited!

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Dressing Up

[ 6 February 2007, 13:55 ]

The slogan for iCiNG is “dress up, leave a false name, be legendary”. I must admit that I borrowed it from Hakim Bey’s essay on poetic terrorism, but that doesn’t make it any less applicable to my life or this website.

I was reminded of this when I read my friend Penny’s journal post, “Dressing Like A Girl“. She wrote,

Today is day one of Dressing Like A Girl Week. It means dresses all week.

‘What a fantastic idea!’, I thought to myself. I then decided to shamelessly rip her off, but it’s okay, because she was originally inspired by me. It’s a lovely follow-on effect, innit?

For those of us suffering from a dreary attack of general wardrobe malaise, choosing a theme & dressing accordingly can be an absolute blessing. Last week I did a fair amount of channelling Diana Vreeland: headscarves as turbans, immaculate nails, red lipstick & gliding rather than walking. (I also decided to grow my hair long, but that’s a long process.) It’s quite easy to do all this, simply ask yourself a few questions:

Who do you think is consummately stylish?
Whose wardrobe would you love to peer into?
What style have you always wished you could pull off?

Maybe you have always wanted to dress like a spy (scarves, big sunglasses, trenchcoats, heels), or Patrick Bateman (immaculate suit, Oliver Peoples glasses) or Weetzie Bat (pink sunglasses, feathered Indian headdress, dress printed with Disney characters). Quite frankly, my darling, I don’t know what you’re waiting for. Of course you don’t have to go the whole hog, but there is no rule that you can’t incorporate parts of your desired aesthetic into your daily outfit.

You could also try doing a rainbow theme — not necessarily the whole outfit, but just accessories. On Monday wear red shoes, on Tuesday carry an orange umbrella, on Wednesday wear a yellow cardigan… you get my drift, oui? See if anyone “gets” it. Penny kept it simple by choosing to wear dresses for a week which is a great idea if dresses aren’t usually something you get a lot of wear from, but you could do something similar with pants, heels or anything, really.

I would love to organise a day where everyone who wanted to participate would dress in a certain way, & after the event we could post everyone’s photos from the day. That would be so great. Would anyone be interested?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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What Do You Spend Money On?

[ 2 February 2007, 12:25 ]

Everyone has different priorities when it comes to spending money. Some people spend up on almost everything, while others will pay as little as they can as often as they can.

Do you buy designer handbags & eat noodles for dinner?
Do you spend up on skincare but use cheap cosmetics?
Where do you draw the line?

I think it’s very important to spend money on things that will last, like shoes & coats. If you buy well the first time, it will save you money in the long run. I also think it’s crucial to look after your skin. If the only way my skin looked good was by buying La Mer products, then you better believe I’d spend the money — but thankfully, I survive on a combination of Lush Cosmetics (super-cheap) & M.A.C. skincare. (I switch on & off, it’s good to vary your skincare routine.)

However, I like to go cheap on most of my underwear — the cheap stuff tends to be much cuter! I also like to buy undershirts from the children’s departments of major stores, which is very inexpensive. While I have expensive taste in makeup, I like to save on it by buying it off Ebay (after trying it instore first). I’ve also never been very interested in expensive bags: I prefer to buy several at a cheaper price, that way I have more options.

How do you prioritise?

Love letters & feather headdresses,

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Tags: beauty, consumption, question
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