Do You Want To Be A Mermaid Or A Whale?
[ 30 August 2010, 10:10 ]
Natanya’s aunt, Deb, emailed this to her, & then Natanya passed it on to me. When it comes to things like this, you never really know how real it is, & there’s never an accurate source… But this was so wonderful, it gave me tingles. I wanted to share it.
Recently, in a large city in Australia, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said, “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”
A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.) They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia.
Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans.
They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don’t exist.
If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Just look at them… where is IT?
Therefore, they don’t have kids either.
Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me: I want to be a whale.
P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends.
With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, “Good grief, look how smart I am!”
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [77] Tags: the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!
Looking for a flat iron? Misikko's got you covered! Check out their chi flat irons - They have the best prices on a pink chi flat iron. Free 2-day shipping on orders over $50!
Radical Self-Hate? Stop The Madness!
[ 25 August 2010, 15:13 ]
I recently received the following email, & it struck a chord with me.
“I’m really sick of people talking about dieting or calories or fat.
It seems like so many girls around me do, especially when we’re eating something great or going out to eat/talking in general. It ALWAYS comes up. Why can’t food be something about enjoyment? I really don’t want to be a part of that crap because I’ve already lost a great friend who suffered of an extreme eating disorder. I’m just really tired of people talking non-stop about it for every single thing they eat, and how they’d always never shut up about calories, how fatty it is, how fat they feel, thighs, whatever body parts, all that hate talk. I’ve once confronted a friend about it and told her to please stop bringing it up on this table at least while you’re with me, thank you, and then she totally snapped and said that I’ll never have friends if I really don’t like hearing about calories or fat because that’s what all other girls are talking about. I know that I don’t have to put up with that. I can just go hang out with people who are positive and not wasting their time on pointless things and starvation even. But I wonder how you usually deal with that situation, what you would say/whether you distance yourself away from those toxic conversations or just not hang out with them altogether.”
I’m so glad you wrote because I have been wanting to vocalise some thoughts on this subject for a long time. I totally agree with you & cannot stand it when women reduce themselves to physical measurements & calorie consumption!
I think that women have been taught that it is okay — even “good”, feminine, or expected — to obsess over what we’re eating & how we think we look. As if it wasn’t bad enough that this is reinforced by our best girlfriends, it’s also rammed down our throats by the rest of society & even by big business — you know, those companies who depend on you hating yourself so you’ll buy more beauty products, diet pills, surgery etc.! You only have to switch on the television to be assaulted with a gamut of shows fixating on the “Best Celebrity Body” to know that all of this is very real.
I also believe that a lot of women have grown up listening to their mothers talk about how they “feel fat”, verbally flagellating themselves for eating snacks, or saying, “Oh, just let me have ONE!”. Our mothers are our first role models, & we pay so much attention to everything they do! All of this stuff messes up your head, & is hard to ignore. It is so ingrained in us, & we hear it everywhere. Furthermore, a lot of women unconsciously see conversations about food & weight as a kind of rite of passage into womanhood.
You can see how insidious & ugly the whole thing is.
Now, that’s not to say that you shouldn’t give the topic any consideration. Of course, it is important to consider what you’re putting into your body. When you eat healthy, natural food, you feel energetic & happy, while conversely when you eat processed, sugar-laden muck, you feel sluggish & miserable. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with eating junk food, as long as you’re being conscious of your intake & are able to make decisions which balance it all out. On the other hand, if your eating feels out of control & like you actually can’t stop yourself from going for the cupcakes, you may want to investigate your emotional relationship to food (a counsellor who you like & respect can really help too).
The bottom line is that it’s so much more fun to be with your friends when you can all order burgers & ice-cream sundaes & enjoy yourselves!
People are so confused about food in general. For years, people ate whatever they felt like, & then all of a sudden it seemed like we were surrounded by heart disease, various cancers, high cholesterol etc., & we were thrown into uncertainty. What is safe to eat? How does it affect us? What the HELL are we supposed to have for dinner? I think it’s natural to discuss & talk about these things as we figure it out, but there is a difference between idle food conversation & the downward spiral of radical self-hate & disordered eating.
Your friend is making excuses for her own mindset. Based on what she told you — that you’ll never have any friends if you don’t like hearing weight talk — I shouldn’t have any friends at all! Thankfully, that’s not the case! By the way, I don’t have a single friend who talks about “calories or fat”... & I would have absolutely no qualms about spending my time ALONE instead of listening to that kind of garbage!
I think ultimately the best thing to do is spend time with people who have a healthier body image. While that might seem dismissive or cold, it’s anything but. Disordered eating is contagious, & the more time you spend in the company of those girls, the more likely it is that your own thinking about food will become warped. I would encourage your friends to get help (if you think they need it), then back away & start associating with other women.
I said a little while ago (on the subject of marriage) that I thought getting married was about finding someone who had flaws you could deal with. I think friendship is very similar — you’re not going to find someone who is perfect, but hopefully you’ll strike up a kinship with a few girls whose flaws don’t cause you to fly into a rage! If you’ve already lost someone close to an eating disorder, I can absolutely understand how your friends blabbing about weight could drive you to the point of madness! Your friends should make you feel good, make you laugh, & be people you are excited about seeing. There’s no sense in spending time with people who constantly push your buttons.
Until we can all learn to accept & EMBRACE our bodies as the FLAWED MIRACLES that they are, this nonsense will continue. As long as you buy tabloids which speculate about celebrity weight gain or loss, we are all suckers. As long as you participate in “body snark”, discuss the appearance of other people, or give a crap about what size pants you wear, you are totally & 100% buying into it!
If your friends obsess over their weight, tell them you don’t want to hear it about it anymore. Encourage them to get help. Next time your sister makes a bitter comment about “thin girls”, give her a reality check. When your friend judges someone for what they’re wearing & how they look in it, stand up to her. Next time your girlfriend says she has gained weight, tell her she looks gorgeous — & MEAN it!
The bottom line: if you don’t let people know that their behaviour won’t be tolerated, nothing will change. Set an example! It’s easy to say you’ll do these things, but when you step away from your computer, will you make those changes in the real world? I’m going to start right now.
Radical self-hate is bullshit, & standing by & being a silent witness to it is almost as bad.
...& you can fucking quote me!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [107] Tags: advice,
how to,
inspiration,
life,
madame,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Cherry On Top
[ 30 May 2010, 01:17 ]
From Angel-A, with lots of love & thanks to Danielle for sending it to me ( ).
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [54] Tags: cherry on top,
inspiration,
the playgirls guide to radical self love,
video Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Cherry On Top
[ 7 March 2010, 16:23 ]
Just a reminder that “the ideal body shape” is constantly changing…
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [56] Tags: cherry on top,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Things I Love Thursday
[ 4 March 2010, 17:20 ]
Okay, putting the finishing touches on this as quickly as possible given I just took a Sudafed & know I am going to be a complete space cadet in 5… 4… 3…
What’s on my list of intergalactic treasures this week? (Let’s dive for sunken pleasure!)
Having a personal trainer!
I think I am a convert. (Uh oh.) I kinda feel like I have tried everything else & this is the thing that makes the most sense to me. It makes such a difference to have someone who
a) can instruct you properly
b) gives you tasks
c) encourages you
d) won’t let you give in
e) you are accountable to
f) you have a regular “date” with.
In my first proper session I did THIRTY PUSH-UPS, are you kidding me, I had no idea I could do that many because normally I just collapse into a little puddle! Yes, I am still in agony & can hardly take my clothing off, but it is irrelevant! I can feel it working! It’s happening babe, it’s finally happening! So excited!
Little rituals...
Like lighting candles when The Dish gets home, going to get coffee together & kissing goodbye on the corner, et cetera. It might sound boring but having little routines makes me feel really good.
My friends...
Because they are so brilliant & diverse & they make me smile. I love that even though I don’t see them every day, when we do see one another, we make it count. I love looking forward to having them visit New York & I love it when we meet up in other cities. I love planning adventures with them & I love even more when the adventures come to fruition! It took me a long time to meet a big handful of people who I really connect with, which makes me appreciate them even more. Major love!
Les honourable mentions: Email from my friend Ed who I am staying with in Texas which simply says: “Excitement building. Eek!” & my response: “YAY!!!! ME TOOO!!!!!!”; “I’m going to take a shower, don’t touch my trap”; San Pellegrino Aranciata (some of my favourite words in the English… um, Italian… language); browsing through bookstores & running my fingers along the spines (I forgot how much I missed it!); looking forward to fairy times with Angeliska; The Dish The Dish The Dish; a huge (I really do mean huge) guacamole delivery which resulted in me gobbling it ALL WEEKEND; packages when you aren’t expecting them; hot pink dangly gun earrings; Tool Academy followed by Iconoclasts; Shutter Island (any movie that has you discussing it all the way back to the house is a good one); Daft Punk; pink sparkly bikinis & glitter-covered Oxfords; In The Meantime; cleaning & getting rid of (read: putting into storage) the stuff I don’t need any more (feels so good!); Jurassic 5; huge oversized bow headbands; see also oversized sunglasses; daytime napping with Hank Williams; polka-dot shoes; “you must have had the devil for a stepfather”; watching Secret Diary Of A Call Girl & eating really good sandwiches (with chipotle & avocado & tomato, mmmm); The Millionaire Matchmaker; cozy lounge & athletic wear from The Gap; when friends call you just to chat; stashing chocolate bars in my desk drawer; putting “le” in front of everything (it is more fun that way, & by “it” I mean “life”); all you can eat tacos (see also tacos über alles); Found magazine; putting all my jewellery in a massive glass candy jar; that “pastel hair” is “in”; watching Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle & wanting to learn to ride a dirtbike SO BADLY; my virtual assistant (hello I love you), & did I mention The Dish?
“Celebrate what you want to see more of.” — Tom Peters
P.S. This is my song of the day:
What’s filling your galaxy with wonder this week? Consider this more official Radical Self Love homework! Don’t make me get my whip!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [75] Tags: the playgirls guide to radical self love,
things i love thursday Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!How To Practice Major Mega Supreme Body Love... Daily!
[ 3 March 2010, 11:27 ]
Stop buying & reading magazines or websites which talk about weight or speculate as to which celebrity has an eating disorder. It doesn’t matter whether the comments are “Dude she needs a cheeseburger” or “Ugh if I looked like that I wouldn’t leave the house”, IT AIN’T HELPING! All it does is foster judgment of ourselves & others, neither of which EVER lead to anything positive! Evaluating other people’s bodies is so dangerous & destructive! Let’s learn to stop doing it. Let’s help one another stop doing it. Let’s learn to see the beauty in other people instead.
Learn to use your body in a new way. Take a sex course or trapeze lessons. Wake yourself up to the myriad of ways in which you can surprise yourself…
Take a life drawing class. (Dr Sketchy’s Anti Art School is my favourite!) You’ll develop an appreciation for different types of bodies, which might just make you love your own a little bit more.
Throw away your scales. For real. Why do you need them? Baby, you don’t.
Make posters for your house which say, “I am a beautiful person & I have a gorgeous body”. Thanks so much, @JennaKarl!
Look at yourself naked in the mirror — often. Even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Look in the mirror & say out loud that you love yourself, or give yourself compliments — even if it makes you feel stupid or embarrassed. Trust me, that will change! You just have to do it often!
Tell your friends, & even complete strangers, how beautiful they are. Everyone wants to hear it & we so seldom do!
Start to view food as fuel as opposed to some kind of enemy. Get educated about what you’re eating. Learn about additives & high-fructose corn syrup & find out what you are really putting into your body. More importantly, learn what it does to your body — from the physical to the psychological effects. Knowledge is power!
“Your bit about how you think of food as pure fuel for your body, wow. I’ve always been overweight. My whole family is into the fatty southern cooking and all… Well I’m now doing much better about how I eat and what I put into my body, I feel so energized.” — C.M.
Drink more water! As well as being amazing for your skin & your insides, we often think we’re hungry when we’re actually really dehydrated. If you’re a compulsive snacker, making the switch to water can make a huge difference.
Whenever you have a negative thought about your body, run these four questions through your mind:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without that thought?
Byron Katie developed this powerful set of questions — you can learn more about them & her technique here! (I only just found out about it & am really excited to get into it some more!)
Realise that wanting to look like a Hollywood starlet is a very narrow & Western ideal. Hollywood is not everything, & that version of “beauty” isn’t beautiful to a lot of cultures. Don’t be afraid to be different! Breaking the mold is how you get things done…
Move your body… regularly. No matter how unfit you think you are. I had my first session with a personal trainer last week, & the amount of exercise I did before having to go to the bathroom to dry retch was laughable. As embarrassed as I was — & trust me, I was mortified — I took it as a sign that THE TIME HAS COME. I’m 26 & my body thinks I’m 70. When I went back a couple of days later, I had a great time! Seriously, if I can do this, you can too. I am the least athletic person ever. (It was compulsory to do sport at my school, so I formed a croquet team. That is how not-athletic I am.) Turn a corner. Make a promise to yourself that you will give your body what it needs, not just what it thinks it wants! You are worth it!
Learn to accept yourself as you are. Your nose, the crinkle in your forehead, the curve of your belly, your long toes, all of these things make up the person you are. They add to your juiciness & uniqueness! This is who you are! No amount of self-loathing, worry or doubt will change those things. Love the one you’re with!
Pick one part of your body at a time to focus & love on. Start with something easy, then make it more challenging for yourself. Take a photo of that area & learn to love it. (Thanks, @TulpaBlack!) Draw love hearts on it (either the photo or the body part, whichever you prefer!). Tell it you love it. “Crazy curly ringlets, I love you!” “Bumpy bodacious booty, you make my heart soar!” Make it funny, make it ridiculous, do whatever you gotta do but pour all the love you have into it.
When you find yourself thinking negatively about a part of you, strive to see the good in it. Even if the amount of good versus the amount of “bad” is tiny — amplify the positive. Blow it up huge. Think about that instead. Soon, the love will run rampant & sweep the sadness up in a big hug.
@miss__lizzi says you should research the time in which your body shape was most admired! Her era was the 1920s. When was yours?
“...I love every dimple, roll, nook and cellulite cranny. I am fat and I love the way I look. Even in the harsh lighting of my room. The only tragedy here is that I didn’t try doing this sooner. And that my camera is too low quality to capture exactly how cute that swimsuit is.”
Stop focusing on perfection — & this includes what you look like & what you ate today. You are human, which means you are complicated & not a robot! Perfection is unattainable & totally maddening. Learn to accept & be loving of yourself NO MATTER WHAT.
If you need it, get help. You’re not the first person to have a problem with food or body issues, believe me! Additionally, make no mistake about it, IF YOU HAVE AN EATING DISORDER IT CAN BE BEATEN. I am living proof of this. Please believe me, please don’t think you are the only exception to the rule. I am going to be writing more about this tomorrow so sit tight!
Learning to love our bodies & our looks is an ongoing process. It’s like that Pantene commercial: “It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen!” You just have to keep the faith & keep on truckin’!
The world is so big. Big enough that we can have 30,000,000 different types of beauty, & they are ALL cool & ALL valid & ALL fabulous!
Celebrate your body! No matter what you think of it, it is still sexy as hell! It is still beautiful! Learn it! Live it!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [87] Tags: how to,
inspiration,
life,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!How Do You Embrace & Celebrate Your Body?
[ 2 March 2010, 15:33 ]
Last Wednesday, I sent out a little Twitter broadcast.
& here’s what came back.
@Susantrax dancing in my underwear
@thelinus belly dancing! it makes me like my stomach, makes me feel sexy and healthy!
@juliettemaxwell I kiss my shoulder without noticing, as if to say Thanks, love ya.
@posbleak Spend some time marveling at the things it can do and how the smallest changes can improve those abilities! Also, reading about how our biochemistry acts on our feelings – it’s eye-opening and creates new self-awareness.
@CMYKaboom I celebrate my body by reminding myself that throughout the history of existence, no creature has existed that embodies my form
@shessomickey By looking at F*ckYeahChubbyGirls on Tumblr! & dressing in beautiful clothing that fits & pleases me. I dress to feel beautiful. Being beautiful comes naturally after that. Also stretching and yoga. I love feeling good in my body, limber and vigorous and powerful. Stretching in the morning =
@luismuybien Though I’m thin and not the muscular type, I’ve learned to just focus on being healthy for now. I’ll eventually be fit.
@hachikoxbb wearing things that accentuate my favorite body parts, letting myself have adequate rest, lots of “self-love”, & yoga! xo : )
@raachyyy by wearing dresses every day, theyre so much nicer than jeans, they’re so much girlier and allow me to feel good about myself
@staygo1dkid Cute dresses! High heels! Colored tights! Nothing is better than a dress that fits perfectly with high heels to accent it.
@dollypink I’m a burlesque performer and I celebrate my body by shimmying my boobs!
@kitty_polaca i used to do belly dance to learn to LOVE my body & really helped me. i praise this lil temple of mine :) #radicalselflove
@British_Style By wearing things I like, not things people say I should like, and by just walking round my room in heels when I feel down :)
@lydiahudgens i feed it well, exercise on the daily, embrace it with creams & masks & the occasional massage & celebrate it with clothes. i fashion photography because of i love celebrating the power of femininity, of the way the body moves.. each body is beautiful & photography allows you to bring out little separate details that truly celebrate the individual. PS: this quote (“We are becoming the men we wanted to marry”) is the realization of the modern feminist I think. superb.
@SugarKinesis I celebrate my body by trying to do the best I can for it, from exercise to eating right to pampering to sleeping well…. ...even though I’m not perfect at it, it then rewards me and shows appreciation by making me look and feel better. It’s the.. ...only one I have, so I want to treat it with respect! (sorry for the 3-part answer!)
@idance_iwrite idance! in class, in clubs, in my kitch. u get the picture.
@trendology w/ a stretch every morning, cupcakes, private clothing optional 90s dance parties, & toasts – cheers to my constant companion!
@asil I do yoga bcos it’s nice to know small differences my body can make each day. Every practice is just like “a date” with my body
@denoo ...how do i em&cel my bod? by loving the fact that im woman: soft, delicious, supple, delish, warm & flawed… you can never celebrate another persons body unless you can celebrate yours first… but honestly why do i have to go an extra step to em&cel me? i love my yellow teeth, my bad skin, my flat bum, my hair. i’m me #radicalselflove
@ErinKys No longer being afraid of wearing clothes I love despite media telling us fatties aren’t ‘deserving’ of great fashion!
@flowermash I go some days w/o makeup to remain comfortable in my own skin. I dress in a way that flatters & inspires me. others: Emphasize specifically what I adore about them. Compliments are so life giving! #radicalselflove
@jujutreasures I think that art and photography are great ways to celebrate and appreciate other people’s bodies (as well as your own)
@glassofwin I embrace & celebrate my body by respecting it & not poisoning it with toxic foods/chemicals & staying as healthy as I can
@alihalsaba I embrace & celebrate my body through dance… every class I take I am amazed at the things it can do!
@hachikoxbb wearing things that accentuate my favorite body parts, adequate rest, lots of “self-love”, & yoga! xo : ) #radicalselflove
@katelanfoisy My body is a map of those who came before me. Every freckle, scar or bump was a hand me down from the past. The way I hold a cup or touch my cheek as I am laughing are traits passed down from my ancestors. That’s how I embrace and celebrate mine.
@colene1985 I celebrate my own by trying on my whole wardrobe when I’m not going anywhere!!! ...
@Ellie_Di Strangely enough, I feel most in love with my body when I’m nekkid. Everything where it should be; just me as I am.
@blferguson134 I used to hate the way I looked, but thankfully, I have a great friend who helped me learn to accept my body. I love it now!
@konekochan88 I celebrate my body by what I put on it. Love clothing and piercings! #radicalselflove
@Emilybakescakes Wearing (only) sexy underwear around the house even when no one else can see me. #radicalselflove
@url_elf I don’t dress from insecurity. We don’t have to wear certain things to look thin to be acceptable or confident. I embrace others for who they are, not how they look. I don’t deride ppl for having a look different than mine #radicalselflove
@LadyMonstrous #radicalselflove I celebrate my body w/ martial arts kata and stretching. Nothing like consciously using it to feel its value!
@astrasmagic I look at Goddess symbols & remind myself that my own religion sees pear-shaped women as divine
@alorelle I embrace my body by loving it. I masturbate, I use Lush products, I stare at myself in the mirror like Narcissus. No shame
@seakisst I like to wear fabulously sexy lingerie under my everyday clothes, provide my body with healthy, tasty food and sleep!
“Outward beauty is an easy thing to become obsessed with in our society. I haven’t always had an inner confidence. I haven’t always looked at my reflection & loved it, because there was always something I wanted to fix, because someone always looked better. This journey was about finding something that was beautiful inside of me & knowing that I own it. & it’s unique & rare.” — Jessica Simpson
“I think sometimes what happens is that all of this feeling out of control manifests itself in trying to control your body; whether it’s an eating disorder or talking about getting your nose fixed, as if that’s going to be the solution to all the pressure.” — Susan Sarandon
So, tell us! How do you celebrate & embrace your body? What’s your favourite way to get down with your own divine deliciousness?
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [54] Tags: how to,
inspiration,
quote,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Radical Self Love Giveaway! Murano Glass Heart Pendant!
[ 2 March 2010, 10:14 ]
You’ve come a long way, baby! Radical Self Love has kicked our asses five ways from Sunday… & I hope you’ve enjoyed it!
If you never managed to find a Radical Self Love totem, or you lost yours, or sheesh, if you just like hearts, this giveaway is for you!
Up for grabs is a beautiful Murano glass heart-shaped pendant, like the one pictured! Exquisite, delicate, flecked with gold & totally one of a kind — what could be a more perfect totem for Radical Self Love?
Murano glass art started in Rome in the 9th Century. It’s created when chemical silica is heated to extremely high temperatures & then crafted by the artisan using a glass-blowing technique. When the glass begins to cool, colouring agents are added.
Every single piece of Murano glass is handmade, making each item completely unique.
How can you enter? Just tell us what you love most about yourself! It could be your unusual laugh or your devotion to making strangers smile, your freckles or your smooching prowess — whatever it is, sing it loud & proud in a comment below!
Thank you so very, very much to Marina from Murano Glass Gifts for sponsoring this Radical Self Love giveaway!
This contest is open to everyone & will be drawn next Tuesday! Be sure to enter your real email address so I can contact you if you win. (I promise never to spam you!)
Good luck!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [406] Tags: the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Empty Bellies Do Not Beget Genius
[ 1 March 2010, 09:13 ]
This is a subject I am very, very passionate about. If you were expecting to be coddled on the subject, you’re out of luck. This is tough love, because we need it.
As women, we feel so much pressure to look a particular way. This isn’t news. But what IS news is that I think the wave has broken. People are starting to push back. From Coco Rocha & Doutzen Kroes speaking out publicly about the size of models to Jessica Simpson’s upcoming series The Price Of Beauty (coming to VH1 on March 15th), women in positions of power or influence — & women who are often looked up to as body or beauty ideals — are finding a voice. A voice which says, “ENOUGH!”
As Kathleen Hanna would say, “We’re not gonna prove nothing, nothing, sitting around, watching each other starve”.
What does it mean to starve yourself? What does it mean to go hungry by choice? Does it make you strong? (‘Look how much willpower I have!’) Does it make you different? Does it make you special?
Nope.
A hungry girl is an ineffectual girl. A hungry girl is a girl sapped of energy, strength, life-force. A hungry girl can’t achieve anything, fix anything, come up with a bold, brave solution. Choosing to go hungry is a way of subjugating your own strength, your own power. It is a way of making yourself small & useless. It is asking someone else to take care of you. It is about giving up, giving in.
You know what, though? No one actually wants you to be like this. Any man worth his salt wants a woman who is a worthy adversary, someone who is his equal, strong & proud, someone who will tell him to pipe down when he needs it, & someone who can support him with unwavering personal strength & unconditional love. Women don’t want you to be like this. We want you to love yourself, feel beautiful, achieve AMAZING things & rock the world. We want you to inspire us & show us what you’re made of. We want you to be a rad role model, a beacon of light, a shocking wake-up call.
Anyone who encourages you to go hungry, to buy a size down because “you’ll fit into them one day”, who tells you “you would be beautiful if…”, IS YOUR ENEMY. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was thinking the other day that the women I know & love are so much more motivated, goal-driven & focused than the majority of men I know, & I am so proud of them. They are so frigging brave & determined. They are not all divinely in love with their bodies 100% of the time, but they know their strengths & they do their best. They can see their own beauty & they celebrate it. When we go out together, we taste each others’ meals. We laugh & drink & we don’t talk about diets. & guess what? That food they’re putting into their body is what fuels them to be so creative, brilliant & fabulous.
Empty bellies do not beget genius.
Something horrible like 60% of six year old girls feel “overweight”. THIS IS CRAZY. Where do they get this from? Magazines, television, mothers who talk about how “fat” they feel, who complain about not fitting into their jeans, who serve themselves much smaller portions than the rest of the family. Okay, time to get over it. Time to move on. Scary secret: no one cares what you look like! NO ONE CARES! IT DOESN’T MATTER! Stop wasting your brainpower on something so trivial & stupid. Because it IS stupid, no matter which way you slice it! Do something meaningful with your life! Do something which surprises people, empowers other women, shakes belief systems! Nothing could be less important than worrying about what size clothing you wear!
Being hungry & sad is not sexy. It’s not cool. It’s not dramatic or mysterious. It’s a way of putting your life on hold. It’s procrastination. It’s you not wanting to prove yourself in any real way. It’s you being afraid of growing up & taking risks. It’s you putting off the important stuff.
“I always felt that anorexia was the form of breakdown most readily available to adolescent girls.” — Kate Beckinsale
Eating disorders are not a choice but HOW YOU DEAL WITH THEM IS. You can choose for it to dominate & completely ruin your life, or you can decide to take control, LOVE YOURSELF & live the amazing life which is waiting for you.
I know that’s scary. Trust me, I do. Especially when you feel like your entire life, personality & all your behaviour has been constructed around this ugly thing. If you remove that rotten core, what’s left? Who are you?
You are you, but amplified. You are you, pure & distilled. You are you, but happy. You are you, confident & brave & strong & risk-taking & amazing. You are you, beautiful & incredible with a will of iron. With beliefs you’d die for & integrity & quirks & brilliant insights. You are you, but BETTER. You’re not losing anything — only getting back to who you REALLY are. It’s a re-ignition of your childlike wonder, your fascination, curiousity, acceptance & flawless love.
God, you have no idea how much better life is when your head isn’t full of numbers & a fixation with toothpick thighs. I swear, you can’t even begin to fathom it. The world, & all of us in it, are waiting for you to join us! This is such an incredible, beautiful, wonderful place & you can’t see it when you’re hidden behind a veil of fear & insecurity & nervousness.
You REALLY CAN do ANYTHING YOU WANT, but having an eating disorder is like taking a crowbar to your own kneecaps. It’s debilitating & it shatters your world view. I want you to get on the roller coaster! I want your brain to fire on all cylinders! I want you to do something that makes me feel so proud to say you are someone I know! We all do!
You’ve heard it before, but it’s how you feel on the inside which counts. That is what will really dictate your luck, success & happiness, & I promise you that the way you look on the outside has absolutely nothing to do with the way you feel. How you treat yourself, the amount of exercise you get, what you put into your body — that determines how you feel, definitely. But if you think that starving or vomiting your way to being skinny is actually going to make you happier, you couldn’t be more wrong. All an eating disorder indicates is massive self-disgust & self-hatred on a catastrophic level. Feeling that way can manifest itself a variety of ways, from self-mutilation to drug abuse to bulimia, but regardless of the method, the madness stays the same.
& how do you improve the way you feel inside? ...You guessed it.
I’m going to be writing more about how to love your body all week. Ready to take a little trip down TRULY Radical Self Love Lane? I am… Take my hand. Let’s do it.
P.S. The winner of the Jimmyjane prize pack giveaway was SHANNON, comment #350! Congratulations & thanks to everyone for participating!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [176] Tags: beauty,
life,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Cherry On Top
[ 28 February 2010, 09:08 ]
Source unknown.
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [34] Tags: cherry on top,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!We Are Becoming The Men We Wanted To Marry
[ 23 February 2010, 16:59 ]
A few months ago, I received this email from Crosby. It was so amazing that it brought tears to my eyes, & I wanted to share it — I was just waiting for the right occasion. I think this is a perfect illustration of RADICAL SELF LOVE, & radical self love above all else. Thanks so much, girl. You are brave & magical.
From: Crosby
To: Gala
“I’ve listened to Love & Sequins #3, well three times so far, & there are so many lovely nuggets of truth in there. I just had, or am having?, a complete life upheaval, that started with my wonderful, creative, inspiring mom dying suddenly two years ago & have since involved things that would only be pretty in a dark way if Francesca Lia Block wrote about them. However, as I emerged from that time, one of the most significant things that happened was that I finally was able to say goodbye to a certain boy I had been in love with for the better part of a decade. I think that losing my mom and understanding loss and grief in such an intimate way enabled me to be able to finally and firmly walk away from a situation that did not serve or support me. I had this realization one night that I no longer had to wait, that I loved me now, and that love was stronger than the promise of what might someday come to be. Totally cliche & yet no less meaningful when it finally happened one night.
“So anyway, I just turned 30 & after a year of having my concepts of family, love & all the rest really turned upside down, I decided I wanted to do something, a sort of celebration & commitment to myself, to affirm that no matter what happened, or who left or died or wouldn’t or couldn’t show up in relationship with me, blah blah blah, that I was committed to being all of those things, mother, lover, best friend etc, for myself. So I bought myself a tiny diamond ring, went to the lovely self-realization gardens here in San Diego & quietly spoke the vows I wrote out loud to myself, looking out over the ocean, in one of my prettiest dresses.
“& now I have this ring on my finger that reminds me that I am in control of my experience & my life, & that I am my own partner. When I was putting the whole little idea together, I was reminded of the Gloria Steinem quote, “We are becoming the men we wanted to marry,” but it’s more than that (not sure where I sit on the whole traditional marriage idea anyway) it felt more of a right of passage, like a growing up thing, like a being a woman without a mom to call up on the phone when she is sad or happy thing, like a woman who worried about not being good enough finally looking at that sad, lovely boy & realizing that this wasn’t good enough. It’s said that the original meaning of the word virgin was a woman whole unto herself, or a free woman, not possessed by any man – I felt like I wanted to reclaim that freedom for myself and also that I was no longer exactly the girl I was before and I wanted to honor and acknowledge that for myself in a meaningful way. I know other women have done like entire wedding ceremonies, & knew a girl who had a “shower” for herself where she registered & had a party celebrating her buying her first home, but I just wanted to do something simple with me & me (I’m a gemini so maybe this whole dual me/me thing is a bit easier to visualize!).
“I would love it for this idea of self-marriage, or self-commitments or whatever to make it into your book, because I think while it’s a new idea it’s a pretty powerful one, & fitting given the changing expectations & cultural/personal implications of marriage, & just the ever-changing nature of life itself. It seems like the relationship you have with yourself is really the driver in the quality of relationships you have with others. Two of my friends got tears in their eyes when I told them, as much as for what it meant to me as for their own desire to be able to do something similar, to be able to stare into the mirror or whatever & know that kind of fierce self-love, & I would love for women to consider the fact that they don’t have to wait for this magical relationship to appear, they can, in a way, cultivate that for themselves, in a way that is deeply selfish, in the best way.
“When I do get into a new relationship, which I have a feeling is going to be pretty soon, I know that for the rest of my life, no matter the marriage or partnership or whatever, that I married myself first, & I will use that to guide me in the future, & I think it will make me a better partner.”
Ahhh, Crosby, you are amazing!
Nonpareils, I ask you: What do you think about the concept of self-marriage? Is it something you’d ever do?
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [114] Tags: inspiration,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Cherry On Top
[ 21 February 2010, 11:47 ]
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [17] Tags: the playgirls guide to radical self love,
video Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Things I Love Thursday
[ 18 February 2010, 14:19 ]
Creampuffs, Alice in Wonderland comes out March 5th! (Counting down the days!) So it seems as good a time as any to revisit Gwen Stefani as Alice… Don’t you think? This page is so exciting.
Here is this week’s list of things I !
Firstly, this deserves its own mention… I met Betsey Johnson on Valentine’s Day. It was amazing. There is video. As soon as I have it, I promise I will share it!
Deliciousest tidbits: Watching Tool Academy with The Dish & clutching one another appreciatively, hahah!; speaking on panels (honestly one of my absolute favourite things, gives me such a high — more details to come!); using my brand spanking new Clarisonic (I have wanted one for a really long time, so imagine my delight when I received one in my IFB panelist goodie bag, & it is just as amazing as I always dreamed it would be!); reading & daydreaming about retreats; BETSEY JOHNSON; obsessing over possible Spring/Summer wardrobe options; the moments at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week where things come together & you feel invigorated, inspired & elated all over again, & are reminded why you do what you do; my favourite make-up artist who also does Erin Fetherston’s make-up!; the Evolving Influence poster hanging up in my office!; stretching; looking after my plants (jasmine & orchid); Gwen Stefani…
& I also ... pirate tutus; Valentine’s Day Nerds (as in the candy!); gearing up to do an interview with my favourite New Zealand radio station!; shopping with Jazzi; lunch with Tina; getting my hair done; French bulldogs who sit in your lap (!!!!!!); massive art shows; Betseyville handbags; getting The Dish hooked on Entourage (we have marathons, so much fun); tortoiseshell-framed glasses; this (it looks amazing on, especially under a pencil skirt); getting my favourite skirt on loan from Jazzi again!; eating Kit-Kats in bed; writing stupid poems for my friends; watching the Rodarte show; Net-A-Porter’s wedding section, ARE YOU KIDDING ME, nnnngh, killer, some of the dresses even have videos, it’s total couture pornography; Sound & Vision; being so happy that you end up singing everything; having a good dressing up soundtrack (should be compulsory); a room full of sequins & striped knickers & chocolates & hot pink garter belts; making little adjustments to the site (yay!); toffee chocolate; 80s movie stars who live in your neighbourhood; strapless dresses; sock & stocking shopping; machine gun earrings & Danielle LaPorte (life-saver).
“Life is too short to spend hoping that the perfectly arched eyebrow or hottest new lip shade will mask an ugly heart.”
(Kevyn Aucoin)
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [54] Tags: the playgirls guide to radical self love,
things i love thursday Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Radical Self Love Homework Assignments
[ 17 February 2010, 10:32 ]
Good morning!
Please take a seat. Class is in session!
These questions, statements, ideas are to go into your Radical Self Love Bible! Copy them down, add to them, freestyle them, switch ‘em up. Where are you at?
STOP APOLOGISING FOR WHO YOU ARE & WHAT YOU DO & THE WAY YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE.
Stop prefacing your opinions with “I think” or “I could be wrong” or “It’s just my opinion, but”.
We are often taught to doubt our own intelligence & it’s complete rubbish. You are smart! You are allowed to have an opinion! Don’t invalidate your thoughts before they even come out of your mouth! Be strong in your speech. Anyone who doesn’t like it can go sail it up their ass!
Essay question: Why do you treat your best friend better than you treat yourself? In what ways can you behave more like you’re your own best friend?
Take a RADICAL SELF LOVE photo!
Tell us about a book you love which you think promotes self lovin’! (My picks: Dangerous Angels: The Weetzie Bat Books, Stargirl, Fear of Flying.)
Decide that this is the day that you stop waiting for things to come to you. If you want something, take responsibility for making it your own! GO GET ‘EM TIGER!
How’s your Radical Self Love Bible going, anyway? What juicy tidbits have you filled it with? Your fellow nonpareils & RADICAL SELF LOVE WARRIORS would love to hear your ideas!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [68] Tags: the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Witch Baby
[ 16 February 2010, 11:14 ]
“My pain is ugly, Angel Juan. I feel like I have so much ugly pain”, says Witch Baby in a dream.“Everyone does”, Angel Juan says. “My mother says that pain is hidden in everyone you see. She says try to imagine it like big bunches of flowers that everyone is carrying around with them. Think of your pain like a big bunch of red roses, a beautiful thorn necklace. Everyone has one.”
From Witch Baby by Francesca Lia Block.
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [37] Tags: quote,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!WIN! A Deluxe Prize Pack From Jimmyjane!
[ 15 February 2010, 22:53 ]
It’s the month of RADICAL SELF LOVE & as such, I’ve decided to SPOIL YOU ROTTEN! I have another giveaway for you… & I’m so excited about it. It’s pretty much the best possible gift from one girl to another!
On the table? THE USUAL SUSPECTS complete lineup from Jimmyjane. Included? The Iconic Ring, Iconic Bullet, Iconic Pocket, Iconic Rabbit, Iconic Smoothie & the Iconic Duckie! The lineup is worth a whopping $210 & all the toys are made with hygienic, phthalate-free, latex-free elastomer & ABS plastic. Oh, & did I mention they’ll make you feel really, really good?!
Jimmyjane make my very favourite toys. They’re a brilliant company, & everyone who works there is so charming & cool. It’s such a delight to work with them & promote their seriously innovative products. Not to mention, Jimmyjane’s founder, Ethan, is pretty much a total genius! (He also writes a blog for the Huffington Post.)
Jimmyjane believes that sexuality is as intricate and individual as a fingerprint. Rather than dictate what is sexy, we imbue each product with possibility, leaving room for exploration and interpretation. With our diverse lines – ranging from decadent massage candles and natural massage lotions to our award winning vibrating massagers and iconic 24k gold vibrator – we engage each person’s unique desires.
Talk about RADICAL SELF LOVE... ! Yum.
One lucky nonpareil will win ALL SIX TOYS! Okay, so how can you go into the draw to win? Just tell us which is your favourite Jimmyjane product & why you deserve it!
Is it the Form 2? (Gets my vote! Check out the quote, hahah!) The absinthe & sugar water massage candle? A Little Something etched with an illustration by Jamie Hewlett?! (Yes, that Jamie Hewlett!)
You could be just like these lovely ladies!
The contest is open to E V E R Y O N E & is open for a week! Please be sure to enter your real email address so I can contact you if you win (& I promise never to spam you!). I’ll announce the winner next Tuesday.
Best of luck to you, & you, & you! & thank you so much to Jimmyjane for their amazing generosity!
Oh! & I am extending the Love & Sequins sale for another 24 hours… It’s going so well & I forgot that today was President’s Day, & didn’t want anyone to miss out because they weren’t at work! Mwah mwah!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [452] Tags: the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!100 Ways You Can Start Loving Yourself Right Now
[ 14 February 2010, 16:08 ]
Radical Self Love is a big topic. Kind of daunting, actually. If you want to delve into it, where do you begin? Here are some ideas. To you from me, Pinky Lee!
Make lists of reasons why you love yourself…
& write down (or keep mental lists) of the compliments other people give you. We’re so quick to believe people when they say nasty, unkind or “brutally honest” (ahem, cruel) things to or about us, & we discard all the times we’re told how amazing, beautiful or intelligent we are. Usually this is because our sense of self-doubt is stronger than our self-love. If you can build up the love side of things, this will begin to change.
Reach out to others…
...& do it regularly. When we don’t talk to people about how we’re feeling, or don’t have anyone to bounce ideas around with, it can be easy to feel lost, confused & out of touch. It also makes it easier for depression & sadness to nibble at our toes. Being reminded that the world is bigger than our bubble can inspire & uplift us.
Think of a way you could make your life easier — then do it.
This could be anything from hiring an assistant to buying a better computer or just learning to say “no” more often. Whatever it is, make it a priority. Do some research on how to make it happen, & then get going!
Change the way you think about food.
So many of us get trapped into thinking that food is “good” or “bad” & there is no in-between. Associating a word like “good” or “bad” with a type of food doesn’t help us, it doesn’t mean anything, it just makes us feel guilty or like we should be “doing better”. What has helped me is to think of food as pure fuel for my body, & considering how it will make me feel or how much energy it will give me. I know that my body (& my brain) work better when I feed myself with fresh raw vegetables & lots of water & fruit, & that I feel sluggish & useless when I eat heaping forkfuls of pasta. If you can think about food that way, there’s less guilt, & you feel more informed & aware.
Stretch in the mornings.
It gets the blood moving, it fires up your brain & it gives you a few moments to just be still & grounded before the day begins.
Really listen to people when they are speaking.
Look at them, make eye contact & be present. They’ll feel good that you care enough to properly engage them, & you’ll feel great in return.
Have media black-out days.
The concept of doing this terrifies me but I know it needs to happen. Stay away from your computer, phone & television for an entire day. Those of us are who technology addicts will FREAK out at this idea but that’s an even bigger sign that we should try it. So many of us use technology to distract ourselves & keep our minds busy, when we would be far better served by just sitting still & learning to be comfortable alone.
Have that “awkward” conversation.
You’ve been holding it in too long. Bite the bullet, take a deep breath, & tell the truth. Be gentle but honest. No one can predict how they’ll react, but it doesn’t really matter. The time has come. Say it, & move on.
Read through the results when you search Tumblr for “love yourself”...
& be proud at the way this generation — YOUR GENERATION — is shaping up. You are part of this. This is your movement.
Ask for help.
Whatever you’re going through, someone else has been through before, & come out the other side. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel — don’t be afraid to ask someone for advice or help. It could make a huge difference.
Know that you are good enough ALL THE TIME.
Yes, you are.
Find a mantra & hold it close.
My new favourite is courtesy of Emily. Om Namah Shivaya, roughly translated, means “Greetings to She Who I am Becoming” &/or “With great respect, I honor my heart”. So beautiful!
Print out Sark’s picture & stick it in your Radical Self Love Bible.
No further explanation needed!
Do your very, very best to stop judging people.
Wayne Dyer said, “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.” Those critical voices inside of you get a great work-out when you let them loose on someone else, & it’s like training for the grand event — that of judging yourself. If you don’t exercise those voices, they’ll eventually disappear altogether, making you a much happier person.
Explore your sexuality.
If you don’t know a lot about what makes you tick, decide that it’s time to FIND OUT! Then, once you know, COMMUNICATE IT! Don’t be afraid to tell your lover what you really want, what you wish they’d do or make suggestions. If they’re threatened by the fact that you are in tune with your sexuality, THEY’RE NOT WORTH IT! As Jay-Z would say, “On to the next one!“ Unlocking your real desires is powerful & potent & important. Don’t downplay it & don’t accept anything less.
Express love in as many ways as you can.
Tell your friends you ADORE them, say thank you & mean it, flash your biggest & most sincere smile at strangers on the street, hug people for longer than normal. The more love you give out, the more it builds inside of you & the more you’ll get back — I pinky promise.
Wear sequins.
They’re a wonderful mood booster. If you’re too conservative to wear them, buy sequinned knickers & wear them secretly!
Take a bubblebath wearing a tiara.
Embrace the unknown.
Not everything needs to be planned to the last minute detail! Mystery is wonderful & invigorating. It is the zest of life.
Clean out your closet.
In addition to getting rid of old junk, cleaning out closets or cupboards is therapeutic because at the same time, you’re clearing space in your life for new, better things.
Increase the amount of spinach you eat.
It’s like a miracle food. It’s so good for you & makes you feel amazing! Throw it in a smoothie (you won’t even taste it), use it as the base instead of lettuce in a salad or just snack on baby spinach fresh out of the bag. Yum!
Forget about your “to do” list & just BE.
That’s when you’ll have the most fun, make the best breakthroughs & experience the most amazing adventures. Life is much more exciting & wonderful when you throw caution to the wind & do something ridiculous.
Make a little extra effort every day.
Your definition of “effort” could be wearing a bow on your head, brightly coloured socks or even just taking the time to sit down with a book every night before bed. Just pick something that you know will make you feel good, & then do it.
Listen to new types of music & dance!
Country? Bollywood? Rap? Seek it out & enjoy it with your whole body.
Treat yourself to new knickers.
It’s almost a sure-fire way of feeling sexier & more delighted. Getting 5 pairs of cute knickers for $25 at Victoria’s Secret is one of the great joys in life, I think!
Change your alarm clock to something which makes you smile.
For a long time, I had Flight Of The Conchords’ Foux De Fa Fa as my wake-up call. It was a wonderful way to wake up. “...Boeuf!”
Be good to your body.
You probably know what that means for you. So what are you waiting for?
Know that you deserve love…
From yourself & from everyone else.
Throw away your scales.
Or, if they were expensive & maybe something you need around, hide them. Put them in the back of your closet, into storage or inside a suitcase. Just don’t look at them. I haven’t weighed myself since 2006 & it hasn’t impacted my life negatively at all — in fact, I feel more free than ever. I don’t care how much I weigh, I just go by how I feel & how my clothing fits. You might like to give it a shot!
Be vibrant & colourful.
If not in dress, then in word & deed. The world has enough grey! Be the antidote!
Do something you’ve been afraid to do.
@ifyouneedtime tweeted, “Happy Valentine’s Day to me: 10 canvases, new acrylics, and texture building mix for the paint! 5+ yrs since I’ve painted. #radicalselflove” It’s never too late to do what you really want to do. Don’t let other people’s opinions or fear or criticism stop you from being as wonderful as you can be.
Read self hatred: beneath sugar-coated criticism + self improvement.
Self-criticism is not “love”, and it is certainly not indifferent. It’s a form of hatred. And when I name that, when I see it for what it is (raw and uncomfortable and saddening…) when I refuse to sugar-coat self criticism, judgment, agitation, and constantly trying to improve myself, then I’m one quantum leap closer to freedom. Out of the swamp. Grounded in love…
Start thinking of Valentine’s Day as a day for YOU.
A day to bask in the brilliance of you. A day to celebrate making it this far. A day to totally GET OFF on how rad you are. Treat yourself, luxuriate, have a bath which leaves you soft & wrinkly. Have a long nap & dream. Own it, make it yours. Then do the same next year, & the next, & the next…
Recognise that you are a miracle.
Eat dark chocolate.
As @kitty_polaca would say, FEED YOUR CURVES! Plus, dark chocolate is one of the healthiest foods you can eat! Truth!
Stop worrying about other people’s opinions.
It doesn’t matter whether it is the opinion of a stranger or your husband, sometimes we let what other people think determine how we live our life… & it’s ridiculous. Ultimately, their thoughts on what we do & how we do it are irrelevant — all that matters is that it sits well with you.
Nourish yourself.
Get still & listen to what your body is telling you it really needs.
Play the drums.
If you don’t have a drum-kit (& few of us do) or know of a drumming circle near you, chopsticks & a couple of boxes will totally do the trick! Shut the door, close your eyes, & start drumming. It makes for great therapy.
Find amazing new icons & role models.
Read up & get inspired to live your life out loud.
Get more sunshine.
It really will make you feel so good. In addition to strengthening your immune system, muscles & bones, Vitamin D also stimulates the pineal gland, which is the part of the brain responsible for producing happy feelings. Yum!
Stop trying to “fit in”.
It’s just conformity, which is the most boring thing ever! So WHAT if people stare at you? So WHAT if some people don’t get it? IT DOESN’T MATTER! Do your damn thing & be proud!
Recognise that life is only ever what you make it.
So why not make it magical, wonderful, beautiful & strange?
Get out everything that you’ve been holding onto.
Record it to your voicemail, draw it, write it down, just get it out of you somehow. Then destroy it, & let it go.
Write a letter to yourself as a child.
This can be an amazing exercise in forgiveness & pure, unadultered self love.
Run away.
Spend some time by yourself or with a close friend. Escape the usual. Go somewhere you’ve never been, spend some time, soak it up. It will shake up your vision of what the world is like & give you a fresh new perspective on things.
Keep your Radical Self Love totem on you at all times & start telling people about it.
Scary? Maybe. Do it anyway. Tell people what it is, why you’re wearing it, what it means to you & why they should try Radical Self Love too… !
Be brave.
Take a deep breath & just go for it.
Talk to strangers.
Even though your mother told you not to! You never know who you’ll meet or what genius they might impart.
Respect yourself 100%...
& don’t accept anything less from anyone else.
Make the most of every opportunity.
Even when you’re tired, afraid or nervous. If you hold back every time you don’t feel amazing, you’ll miss out on so much of life. Make the commitment to living boldly. Always remember: Fortes fortuna adiuvat. Fortune favours the brave.
Appreciate the people in your life.
Because everyone has a choice as to whether they want to be in your life or not! If you don’t show them how much they mean to you, they might not stick around, & it’s a hard lesson to learn. Be good to them. Let them know how much you value them all the time. You cannot be too loving!
Work on your Radical Self Love Bible all the time.
Even after the month is over. Radical Self Love is not just a one-month project! It is a life-long adventure! In your Bible, you can chart your progress, dive deeper into your own weirdness, explore your contradictions & embrace your own unique form of madness. Put in anything that you think is relevant. Journal your thoughts, chart your moods, make dream sheets (also called vision boards, just on a smaller scale), write affirmations, take note of powerful sayings & compose love letters to yourself. Keep it with you at all times & work on it when you’re waiting for the bus. Ask yourself questions & take time answering them. Re-answer them every week. See how things change. Channel powerful women until you feel like you are one too. Nothing is forbidden, everything is allowed. BE YOU!
Dress up for yourself.
Wear things which make you happy! Don’t dress to “attract a mate” or to impress your peer group, wear things that you like. Make yourself happy!
Really take time for yourself.
If you’re constantly scrambling around, bouncing from work to social engagement & back again, it’s inevitable that you’re going to feel exhausted & worn out. Taking some time for yourself is so valuable & something that a lot of us forget about. Wake up half an hour earlier & do some yoga or sun salutations, even sit in a comfortable chair & do some deep breathing — anything to get you grounded & centred for the day. It makes a huge, huge difference to your quality of life.
Think about this every day: “The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” (Ayn Rand)
Thanks, Chris Guillebeau.
Set yourself enormous goals.
Goals which scare you, goals which cause a lump in your throat. AIM HIGH! Most people aim for mediocrity, & that’s exactly what they get. Don’t you deserve better?
Don’t allow yourself to rest on your laurels.
So you’ve made a name for yourself? Congratulations, that’s wonderful! Now try something new. Being the best is boring! Get into another industry, start something from the ground up. Don’t just do the same thing over & over again. Challenge yourself! It’s so much fun.
Be your own superhero.
Make magic every day.
It’s worth the small amount of extra effort to cultivate a more beautiful life.
Don’t live your life online.
...‘Cause as much as we love our computers, it only represents such a small part of what life is all about! Getting out into the streets, parks, mountains or oceans is so healthy & so vital. Unplug, do something different. Surprise yourself!
Volunteer.
Pick something which is important to you & see what you can do to help. Can you offer time, money, your voice or influence? So many people would really, really, really appreciate your help & attention.
Dance in public.
It’s very liberating if you’ve never done it before! & even if you HAVE... Dance in the library or something! Cause a scene. Make people smile. Totally worth it.
Be your own best friend.
As opposed to your own worst enemy…
Support other women.
No matter WHAT you may think of their choices or behaviour. It’s so easy to be jealous of one another or act like crazy people but ultimately it does no good. Seriously, swallow it down. We need each other, now more than ever!
Don’t patronise places that treat you poorly.
It only makes you feel bad about yourself! Give your money to the people who do a good job & who appreciate your business.
Don’t settle for things just because “it’s always been this way”.
Maybe it used to be that way, or maybe it is that way for other people, but NOT FOR YOU! Eff the status quo! Don’t compromise on things which are important to you!
Be good to your temple.
You only get one — might as well lavish it with love!
Be impeccable with your word.
This is from Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements. “Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.” If you say you’ll do something, do it. Don’t speak badly of other people. Use your words to uplift & spread love. Be honest & kind with the things you say.
Do “the right thing”, even when you’d get away with it, even when no one is watching.
It’s all about integrity, baby!
Treat other people with respect at all times.
Everybody, no matter their situation, deserves it.
Be compassionate.
Sometimes it’s hard to understand other people, or see where they’re coming from, but if you make a commitment to being compassionate, you will start to get a deeper understanding of human nature. It will make you much more peaceful, ‘cause when you can see where people are coming from, it’s hard to be mad!
Watch Eve Ensler.
...& write this down.
“You have to give to the world the thing that you want the most, in order to fix the broken parts inside you.” Eve Ensler, you are so good.
Operate on your own agenda.
Do you want to look a certain way, or does society want you to? Do you really want to have a social life that looks like this, or is it just what you think is expected? Don’t allow any industry or societal standard to bully you. You are who you are, & it’s worth hanging onto.
Innovate.
Try new things. Shake up your routine. See what works.
Evaluate your life & ruthlessly cut out the things which aren’t working.
...While at the same time keeping this in mind:
“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.” Thanks, Wayne Dyer.
Come up with your own definition of spirituality.
It doesn’t have to be religious or woo-woo in any way, it can just be a way of reconnecting yourself to the present moment. Some people do this by dancing, others by meditating. Whatever it is, make time for it in your life, & make it a priority.
Share your dreams.
Do not be afraid. When you share a dream with someone who loves you, you open yourself up to new ideas, new contacts & sometimes an extra pair of hands to pitch in! Be brave.
Reinvent yourself as an expression of pure love.
Spend time with people who do good things.
It will reinstate your faith in the human race & remind you of the inherent goodness in people. Much more uplifting than hanging out with pessimists!
Take action.
Channel Clint Eastwood.
& I quote: “Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power.”
Incorporate meditative ritual into your life.
I think the word “meditation” puts a lot of people off, & it doesn’t need to. My idea of meditation is just focusing on nothing or clearing your mind. Walking meditation is rad — you walk out the door & keep going, letting all thoughts go as soon as they float into your consciousness. Don’t judge or beat yourself up if your mind is screaming for attention the first few times you do it, it’s totally normal. The pay-off — real clarity of mind — is amazing & worth going for.
Be inclusive.
Invite your friends places. Include everyone in the conversation. Ask people you don’t know so well about themselves. Make people feel like you want them there. The love & appreciation they’ll beam back at you will make you feel wonderful!
Think about what you want the theme of your life to be.
Is it an epic love story or a grand adventure? Or is the theme something more simple, & able to be summed up with a single word? “Discovery” or “freedom”? How can you bring that theme into your everyday life?
Think about how you can encourage other people to love themselves too.
When we carry the torch of radical self love, we become ambassadors for it, & are infused with the energy & ability to pass it on to other people. We can do this just by being ourselves — a living example — but there are specific ways in which we can help other people love themselves too. Think about your unique talents & strengths. How can you carry out the self love buzz?
Celebrate the ways in which you have grown & changed.
Growth is good, change is wonderful, evolution is fantastic. It’s proof that we’re on a path, that we’re going somewhere, that we’re living out our story to its full potential. Bake yourself a cake or somethin’!
Embrace your power.
Start dressing in a way which makes you feel sexy & confident…
As opposed to just following what’s in style. Not all silhouettes suit all people. There are definitely styles that are best for individual body types. Once you know what works for you, make the most of it! Few things make you feel better than knowing that you look great.
Love everyone.
Even when they hurt you, even when they don’t get it, even when they don’t listen & even when they behave badly. When you love, miracles happen.
Listen to Leonard Cohen.
“Ring the bells that still can ring, forget your perfect offering, there’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” (Thank you, Nadia.)
Get more sleep.
Most of us don’t get anywhere near enough hours of rest, & it can seriously impair our bodies & emotional states. Just go to bed a little bit earlier — you’ll feel so much better.
Look at this photo of Madonna. (NSFW!)
Be inspired. That is radical self love in action!
Apologise.
“While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing.” (Buddy Hackett) Don’t allow problems or misunderstandings to fester. Don’t walk around angry, stewing in your juices. Just apologise so everyone can move on.
Take yourself on dates.
Get dressed up & go to the library, eat a delicious lunch next to the river, ride your bike around the city & make the best dinner you possibly can. I’ve said it before & I will say it again, you deserve your love much more than anyone else does.
Don’t take yourself too seriously!
It never leads to anything good, haha. If you can laugh at yourself, you’re well on your way.
Forgive yourself.
It’s all in the past. Time to move on, babe.
Just love yourself.
No matter the circumstances. You are always good enough, you always deserve it & you are always beautiful, despite what you might think or believe. Just love yourself.
Leave a comment with your best tip for RADICAL SELF LOVE.
Yes please!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [111] Tags: inspiration,
life,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!I'm So Mad With Love...
[ 13 February 2010, 10:37 ]
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [16] Tags: inspiration,
quote,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Things I Love Thursday
[ 11 February 2010, 12:42 ]
Okay, well, I am really sad about Alexander McQueen… But the show goes on, doesn’t it? Here are some things which made me smile this week…
Delicious morsels included… Watching The Puppy Bowl instead of the Superbowl; Irish Rose cocktails (Jameson, gin, elderflower, rose, gingerale) at Thor; taking outfit photos in the East Village with Chloeface; adhesive heating pads (Chloe gave me a packet of them, I wish I had been using them all winter!); presenting awards at Fashion 2.0; JAZZI!; good chocolate; ticking off a lot of things on my to do list; “I will not participate in this monstrosity!!!”; laughing & laughing & laughing with Molly & Katelan; The Glitch Mob; “You are my arch-nemesis” “Write an article about it”; planning outfits; the exhilaration & lunacy of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week; harmonica earrings & strawberry-stealers; drunk eating!; being The Star; dreaming about covering a wall with holographic paper; I fell in love with this dog on Sunday; “Weeeeeeeee-ooooooooooo!”; The Hood Internet; having a full calendar (kind of satisfying in a sick way?); Daria making it to DVD!; making appointments with your favourite makeup artist; tweeting with Betsey Johnson; walking in thick fresh snowy powder; seriously ridiculous weather & the names given to it — “monster snow”, “snowmageddon” et al; cute text messages (“I’m watching you live on the internet, I feel like a creep”); goodie bags; Hanky; wearing multicoloured neon feathers in my ears; fortuitous taxi appearances & sweet drivers (“That sure is a fancy dress”); hats which look like raspberries & wearing sequinned dresses with motorcycle boots; sweet compliments; scotch & gingerale; the end of the blizzard & big blue skies; ; the launch of Sugarpill !!!!! (I have been waiting for this for a long time, plus I have been a fan of Ms. Shrinkle forEVER!); looking forward to some major fashion week ridiculousness; EXCLAMATION POINTS (shocking, I know); !!!; #radicalselflove; OvernightPrints.com ESPECIALLY when you use a discount code (I used hm500 & got 500 business cards FREE, all I had to do was pay shipping! WHAT!); Miles Aldridge regularly shooting for Teen Vogue (the perfect pairing, for sure); FAB news from my favourite digital fashion maven, plus it’s meant to get up to 35° F today (1.6° C! Positively BALMY!) & this video…
We also have a WINNER FOR THE VALENTINE’S DAY TUTU! Super-congratulations to GINA the barista, comment #508! You were our randomly chosen winner. I’ve sent you an email so that we can get the tutu out to you!
Thanks to everyone for participating & thank you so much again to Lynne Bruning for her generosity & general wonderfulness!
“If you send out goodness from yourself, or if you share that which is happy or good within you, it will all come back to you multiplied ten thousand times. In the kingdom of love there is no competition; there is no possessiveness or control. The more love you give away, the more love you will have.”
(John O’Donohue)
Submit your list below! Or write it in your RADICAL SELF LOVE BIBLE with a flourish! Consider it a homework assignment from the top! Headmistress Darling expects it on her desk TOUT DE SUITE!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [75] Tags: the playgirls guide to radical self love,
things i love thursday Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Talking With Gala Darling About #RadicalSelfLove
[ 10 February 2010, 11:14 ]
I’ve been following the online adventures of John ‘Halcyon’ Styn for a very long time. From his Globalgasm project all the way through to Grandpa Caleb & HugNation, I have always loved his flair & personal bravery. Most of all, though, I adore his commitment to using the internet to create digital intimacy & foster love on a global scale!
I’m pretty sure his pink tresses are what inspired me to go pink for the first time in 2006, & when I met him at Burning Man a couple of months later, I was very shy & very starstruck!
Fast-forward to Austin, Texas, 2009. We finally got to spend some time together during the madness of SXSW Interactive & it was great. I have met a lot of people through the internet (you better believe it!) & John is hands down one of my absolute favourites.
Last week, we did a little interview over Skype about the Radical Self Love phenomenon…
This is reposted from John’s Lifestudent site, which is amazing, you should hop to it!
I hope you enjoy it!
Last week at HugNation I read from GalaDarling’s awesome #RadicalSelfLove project… I was so inspired that I reached out to Gala and asked if she would be up for a quick Skype chat to talk about Love. And because she is awesome, she agreed. Here we are talking Love, life and pinkness:
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [31] Tags: gala,
the playgirls guide to radical self love,
video Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Radical Self Love Questions
[ 9 February 2010, 09:19 ]
Questions to ponder, write about in your Radical Self Love Bible, draw pictures of, dream up or intuit solutions to…
There are no wrong answers, go with your gut, follow your instincts, write down your truth. You have permission to be messy, imperfect, beautiful, honest, contradictory.
What does RADICAL SELF LOVE mean to you?
If you were engaging in RADICAL SELF LOVE on a daily basis, what would that look like?
What small pieces of that can you bring into your life TODAY?
Which qualities or attributes would you like to bring into your own life via the application of RADICAL SELF LOVE?
What beliefs do you currently hold that are stifling your regular expression of RADICAL SELF LOVE?
Are the people & activities in your life HELPING or HINDERING you in your quest for RADICAL SELF LOVE? Would you be better off without them?
How can you reflect RADICAL SELF LOVE in the way you speak, the way you dress, the way you decorate your house, the work you do?
Who could you use as a RADICAL SELF LOVE role model?
“We are not held back by the love we didn’t receive in the past, but by the love we’re not extending in the present.” — Marianne Williamson
Idea! Download TweetDeck & add a column which searches for #radicalselflove! I have done this to mine & so I get everyone’s updates. It’s an awesome realtime way for us all to stick together & lend support. You’ll also see the quotes & things I’m retweeting which I think fit the bill! It’s very cool & interactive — at midnight last night, @ifyouneedtime asked what song inspired your own #radicalselflove, & the answers have been great! So check the tag & get involved!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [54] Tags: question,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Carousel: Week Ending 5th February 2010
[ 5 February 2010, 10:33 ]
Good morning my sweet! Here are some links for you to devour.
New Zealand is so rad! Air New Zealand have developed Skycouch seating, where you can fold your seats out into a big couch so you can lie down horizontally & cuddle with your partner or children on long-haul flights. BRILLIANT. GENIUS. I cannot tell you how excited this makes me! My favourite thing is what Ed Sims, Air New Zealand’s international manager said — which makes perfect sense.
Perhaps the best thing about all this creativity is that it is primarily focused on economy class and long-haul flights because, as Fyfe acknowledged, “most of our passengers fly economy class” and “we have a higher proportion of passengers flying long-haul than any other airline”. Most airlines, as he said, put a huge effort into developing the world’s best first class. “We think it’s more logical for us to develop the world’s best economy class.”
Even smarter. Love it. You’ll also be able to order the type of food (steak, medium rare?) you want WHEN YOU WANT IT. These things are so simple but have never been implemented before, & I love that they are doing it. If you ever have the chance to fly Air NZ, you should do it. They are my favourite airline. Well, okay, they tie with Singapore Airlines for my #1 pick, & I love to rep New Zealand whenever I get the chance!
Victoria Beckham in Glamour, yay!
I am continually wowed by clever people who DIY designer looks. The Ensemble Project DIY’d a pair of Miu Miu boots using a plain $27.80 boot from Forever 21 & some craft supplies!
Sex Positivity & the Virgin/Whore Dichotomy.
Oh, amazing!!! Drugstore Deejay, courtesy of my sweet friend Eden. I always sing along to music in “drugstores”. (I’m not used to calling them that yet!)
Song posting litmus test: would one hear it while browsing the racks at a Walgreens, CVS, RiteAid, Duane Reade or Sav-On? Would one dance and/or sing along in the aisles?
Sarah Wilson (loooove) wrote healing auto-immune disease, by someone who’s been there, & it’s very, very good.
It’s so hard to find good hairstyles online, don’t you think? Okay, well, now there is F!ck Yeah Cute Hair! Oh, you’re welcome!
This made me laugh like mad. Scorpio Men On Prozac — read the comments.
I’ll Never Be A Wag Again. I love you Zoe Foster & I want to read everything you’ve ever written!
The Rise of Dog Identity Politics from New York magazine.
And the dog can even tell you whether or not you’re a good person. A 1999 study found that people who strongly dislike dogs score significantly higher on the measure of anal character and lower on the empathy scale of the California Psychological Inventory, indicating “that people who liked dogs have less difficulty relating to people.”
Sexism and the City. Wendy Brandes wrote this two years ago & I somehow only just found it!
Look at all this Elie Saab prettiness. Wonderful colours. It must be said that anything would look good on that runway, though. It’s like a frozen lake disco.
Check out Tatyana Usova by Elias Wessel. Great perspective & angles. I love that plane hat way too much!
Sasha Pivovarova look super-fly in these pictures for Longchamp. Dem BROWZ!
I want to live here so badly you cannot even fathom it.
There’s a little directory listing of Erotica on Tumblr here. Obviously NSFW...
Um, goodness. More Churches Promote Martial Arts to Reach Young Men from the New York Times. Thoughts?
Mr. Renken, who founded the church and academy, doubles as the team’s coach. The school’s motto is “Where Feet, Fist and Faith Collide.” ... “What you attract people to Christ with is also what you need to get people to stay,” said Eugene Cho, 39, a pastor at Quest Church, an evangelical congregation in Seattle. “I don’t live for the Jesus who eats red meat, drinks beer and beats on other men.” ... Over the past year and a half, a subculture has evolved, with Christian mixed martial arts clothing brands like Jesus Didn’t Tap (in the sport, “tap” means to give up) and Christian social networking Web sites like Anointedfighter.com.
Also from the New York Times: Abstract Thoughts? The Body Takes Them Literally. I am not surprised but it’s nice to have science back it up!
Give Up on Mr. Perfect? Amazing. I love the comments too. I posted one below.
What of the misery of the sad, pathetic, partnered woman, stuck at home with a somnolent spouse or boyfriend who sits around watching TV and eating Chunky soup and won’t let her play her Netflix? ... The way she sees it, as she explains in a chapter called, “How Feminism F*cked Up My Love Life,” a generation of women (or should I say ‘girls’?) who ought to have been taught—like their great-grandmothers and like women in Taliban-era Afghanistan—to be demure in deportment and modest in aspiration, were tricked by the women’s movement into “ego-tripping themselves out of romantic connection.” That’s right girls: If you’re unwillingly unwed, blame it on mom and Title IX for duping you into educating, respecting and supporting yourselves.
fk4711 said: I am actually agree with both Schillinger and Gottlieb. Can I do that? The truth is that there are some truth in either of their thinking. I married someone who is fat and bold. My friends think I was settling. But for me, the one most important thing in looking for a partner is my “heart of gold” rule. I wanted someone that I know is truly an honest and good man, one that I can live with day in and day out and don’t lose respect for. And my husband is the one. He may not be a dream boat that every girl is dreaming for, but he has a good job, he is kind and gentle with a sense of humor, he is a fantastic father, and most of all, he treasures me above all things. For some, he may be a boring person, but for me he is a steady force in my life. Sure, we’ve been through ups and downs (job loss, illness) but I feel the connections is getting stronger and stronger after more than 20 years. Some of those friends who think I was settling are still single or married and got divorced. Some are still waiting for the perfect prince to show up and sweep them of their feet…
My Life With Death is the blog of someone who works in a funeral home…
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen want you to help them design for their new label, Olsenboye, & Teen Vogue has all the details!
Primped is running an awesome contest for anyone who has makeup skills! You should enter, the prizes are mos’ def’ worth it!
The Selvedge Yard is like a big treasure chest of radness. Some of my picks: VINTAGE PLAYBOY LANGUAGE OF LEGS | THE STUFF OF MALE SEXUAL DELUSIONS & “IT NEVER GOT FAST ENOUGH FOR ME” | GONZO — HUNTER S. THOMPSON & ICONIC BRANDING OF A BUNNY KIND | THE BIRTH OF PLAYBOY MAGAZINE & SHE RIPPED AND SHE ROARED | EPIC WOMEN OF DESTINY & DETERMINATION & BUNNY ROGER | BRITISH STYLE ICON YOU’VE PROBABLY NEVER HEARD OF.
25 People Arrested In Costume, hahah! There are a few pictures from New Zealand too, nice to, um, see?!
The Top 10 Wackiest Stripper Shoes courtesy of The Frisky.
You had me at health insurance. So funny, I love it. Romance, psshhhh!
I really like this song by Booka B & So Gold. It’s a remix of Bugz In The Attic’s “Consequences” & Jay-Z’s “Change Clothes”... Get on it!
Candice sent me this: Make Your Own Herstory.
The 15 Books You Must Read In 2010! Thanks, Sri!
The Unicorn Code is so cute, merci beaucoup Zita!
I love love LOVE these creepy pictures: Fashion’s Gnosis from Pseudo-Occult Media.
Here’s a free Enneagram test, thanks Lauren! Enneagram tests are cool because they can help you get a better understanding of how you work.
Coco de Mer is having a special deal through to Valentine’s Day — what better way to celebrate radical self love than with a delicious toy? Enter COCOFB at the checkout to claim 20% off everything & free shipping!
Big Think’s 10 Most Popular Videos of 2009. Check out the Mary Roach video on the clitoris — her books are brilliant too!
This is my new favourite website: Selleck Waterfall Sandwich. Amaze.
Ban.do has a red sequinned heart headband which is a w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l way to celebrate the month!
Raw On Tour! is a blog by Pandie, a girl I have known for eeeever, who tours the States a lot & is also a raw vegan. It’s all about how she stays raw on the road! It’s new but it’s great, check it out!
Hello rainbow pancakes! Oh my!
Half-up, half-down hair: Dudes love it. Yes they do! Anyway, who cares if they do, it looks GREAT!
I like Trend de la Creme a whole lot.
Ghost Marriage: Not Even Death Can Stop You From Getting Married. Yes, you can marry a ghost?!
Why am I crying during sex? It’s not what you think.
links, updates, journals, etc.!
28 days of silence is Jacqueline’s journey!
Vanessa is writing one thing she loves about herself every day for 365 days.
Amanda writes, My Valentine? Radical Self Love! Yay!
Luinae from More Magic Always wrote about how she plans to bring magic into her month. The answer? Radical Self Love OF COURSE!
Rigby has a magical hat. & is excellent.
Flutterby3 wrote about radical self love too!
Darling oh Darling from Your Saving Style. A+ on the homework assignment little lady!
Kylie is going to bloom where she is planted...
Erin Meagan wants to love all parts of herself.
Here’s Alzy’s Radical Self Love Bible!
... & here’s Bef With An F’s!
I say it’s time to stop wanting to be perfect, But time to be fierce, proud and grounded like a tank, I am going to war, and I’m not there to lose! Let’s start a war, a radical self-love war!
Veebhu is all over it!
It’s happening here too…
Katelan of Constellation Magazine is encouraging you to go red this month!
If you’re taking part in RADICAL SELF LOVE this month, comment with a link to your blog below! Mwah!
John’s Hugnation this week was about #radicalselflove, too!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [71] Tags: carousel,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Things I Love Thursday
[ 4 February 2010, 16:05 ]
Hello! Roll up, roll up! Welcome to Things I Love Thursday. If you’re new here (& I know a bunch of you are!), this is a little participation project where we bliss out on the gratitude attitude! (Ha!) You make a list of the things you’re loving, or happy about, & read other people’s lists, & it’s a sweet little thing we do. It’s an excellent way to kick off RADICAL SELF LOVE month, too! In fact, consider this another official homework assignment… You can enter it in your Radical Self Love bible if that’s more your style!
Here’s my list!
So so so so so looking forward to seeing Jazzi (in town for NYFW)!; & also Jake!; eating chocolate chip cookies for breakfast; Secret Diary Of A Call Girl season three (!!!); #radicalselflove; Timbaland (Presents Shock Value was SO EFFING GOOD & continues to be); Thierry Mugler’s Alien perfume (I sprayed some on a card in my room & it smells so delicious!); dreaming about Hunter S. Thompson; cavorting around the house in Hopeless Hotel lingerie, fishnets & high heels; ridiculous rings; Iconoclasts again (I saw the one of Mario Battali & Michael Stipe, c‘était magnifique); Cut Copy; The Dish for bringing me coffee & making me soup on a Sunday so I could work all day with no interruptions; inhaling cans of San Pellegrino Aranciata; talking to your favourite fashion designer ever on Twitter (hello Erin Fetherston I love you!); pulling le puppy into bed for cuddles; speaking to smart, brave, encouraging women who attach roots to your dreams & show you how to make them real; prowling around the Hotel Chelsea looking at suites (also apparently half the rooms there are private residences, which I did not know!); goodie bags with Barbie dolls in them!; Wendy of Nitrolicious; wearing tulle petticoats; Harajuku Lovers high heels (LOVE); Sour Patch watermelon slices (new favourite candy); a pile of index cards scrawled with purple ink; sparkly manicures; wearing sassy outfits; having a to do list which is terrifying but empowering; replacing song lyrics with your own; Beyonce; daytime naps; taxi drivers who tell me they like my outfit (“Is that fashion? Very pretty”); toffee sauce; fleur de sel chocolate; sunshine; pineapple for breakfast; Jefferson Airplane – White Rabbit (Mojo Filter Wonderland Mix) (new favourite song); beep music (“It sounds like beeping… Beep beep doot doot”); edIT’s remix of Artsy (I think this is one of my favourite tracks of all time [“You ain’t artsier than me, ‘cause you live in Los Feliz, b!tch you ain’t Jesus”]); see also; my teeny Moleskine planner — fits perfectly in my handbag which ultimately makes me a much more organised person!; giving away a tutu!; feeling more on top of things than I have in a long time; that wonderful feeling of sitting at a clean desk in a clean room with the sunlight streaming in & good music playing at decent volume.
I know I have said this a lot recently but I am so so so looking forward to summer. Seriously, bring it on. I can’t wait any longer! What are your warm weather plans? Mine: motorcycle adventures, going out dancing ALL THE TIME, exploring the city, cocktails, photos, sundresses, high heels, rooftops, general deliciousness. Yes please!
“People need stories, beautiful stories, love stories.”
(Frédéric de Narp, President & CEO of Cartier, North America.)
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [84] Tags: the playgirls guide to radical self love,
things i love thursday Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Your Radical Self Love Bible!
[ 4 February 2010, 14:59 ]
Watch the video to get your first homework assignments, hear about starting your very own RADICAL SELF LOVE BIBLE & find yourself a totem!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [151] Tags: the playgirls guide to radical self love,
video Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!Win A Tutu For Valentine's Day!
[ 2 February 2010, 11:23 ]
...Oh, did I mention that as part of RADICAL SELF-LOVE month I’m also going to be giving away a ton of rad prizes?! Hooray!
Last year, Lynne Bruning offered up a tutu for one very fortuitous nonpareil to don on Valentine’s Day. This year, we’re doing it again! Talk about the perfect way to kick off a romance with your magnificent self!
You could win this exact tutu! Worth $500, it’s truly fabulous & entirely handmade with pink tulle, yarn & piecing details. It’s size medium, which will fit both small & large alike, & it’s 20” (or 50cm) long.
I maintain that EVERY girl should own at least one tutu — you never know when you’ll need it — & this one is deliciously decadent. Oh! Imagine the flouncing!
Lynne Bruning is a textiles enchantress (!) & very generous woman. As if that wasn’t enough, she also designed this, a haptic coat for the blind, aka a wearable cane which you can make yourself! Oh that is so cool. Warren Ellis thinks so too.
Okay, enough! What you really wanna know is…
How can you be in for the chance to win?
All you need to do is tell us when & where you’d wear it! To the supermarket, where you’d launch into an impromptu interpretation of Swan Lake? On a picnic with your twin sister? Or simply for a good bout of bed-jumping?
Be as creative & fantastical as you can! You can make a Polyvore set, make a video, write a poem about it, or just tell us, straight up! It’s totally your call. Just leave it in a comment below.
The contest is open to everyone — no geographical limits! Yes, even you all the way over in Yemen! It runs for a week & the winner will be chosen at random on the 9th of February. That way there’s adequate time for the tutu to float its way through the postal system & get to you by Valentine’s Day!
Best of luck, creampuff!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [843] Tags: aesthetic,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!The Playgirl's Guide To Radical Self-Love
[ 1 February 2010, 10:14 ]
Valentine’s Day is in two weeks. (Eeeeep!) Alternately loathed & lauded (usually depending on which side of the relationship fence you’re on!), for many of us, it’s a day that doesn’t fit quite right.
Yes, you can curse everyone you’ve ever crushed on. You can threaten to burn down Hallmark’s hallowed halls. You can have an anti-Valentine’s Day party with your best friends & stuff yourself with heart-shaped chocolates, but I don’t think any of these options really deals with how we feel! It just keeps us from defenestration or drinking a bottle of red wine before passing out in the front of the television. For one night, anyway!
Distractions have their place but when they are never-ending, eventually they stop working…
As fun as it can be to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, go shopping or wear false eyelashes, life won’t really start to bloom until we’re comfortable with who we are. This is true every day, but becomes even poignant on Valentine’s Day, typically a celebration of someone else being in love with us.
So many of us are looking for someone else to fill a space, love & approve of us or take away our loneliness.
But whose love & approval is most important? Someone else’s? Or your own?
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love & affection than you are yourself, & that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.”
(Buddha)
It’s easy to forget. We get so caught up chasing boys or deliberately not responding to them (à la The Rules), working long hours & Tweeting frantically that we neglect ourselves. We spend so much money on cosmetics that we forget that our inside is what’s most important. We try so hard to snare the perfect lover when we should focus on simply being love.
We think that loving ourselves will just come later, naturally — & it may. But what if it doesn’t come along until you’re 50? Or 80? What if it never does? We think, “I’ll love myself when I have a baby”, or, “I’ll love myself when I get a better job”. But what about the meantime? Should you just suffer in silence until that mythical moment? What if having a baby or getting a promotion doesn’t make you love yourself?
That’s why I have decided to declare February the month of…
I say, it’s time to romance yourself. It’s time for the greatest love affair you will ever know. It’s time for a personal revolution. I say, you deserve to be your own darling! Get enchanted! Bewitch yourself! I say, if not now, when?
Let’s get busy adoring ourselves.
Once upon a time, I ran this thing called the iCiNG Transformation Challenge. The idea was to pick something you wanted to change, & then every day I sent out motivating tips, quotes & pictures via email. It was a huge success. I always remember one nonpareil writing to tell me that she used the power of the iTC to get off drugs. The reason these things work is because we are all in it together. We decide to jump in & support one another. We commit to moving forward positively, & we start walking in the same direction.
This time the task is more focused. Self-love is so important, & our lives really are vastly improved if we can just manage to love ourselves more.
It’s something we’re told to do all the time — love yourself, love yourself, love yourself — but how? Where are you supposed to begin? What tools do you need, if any? & how do you know if you’re on the right track?
I’m delighted to announce that from now until the 28th of the month, in addition to your regular content, I’ll be dishing out tips on how to really truly madly deeply fall in love with yourself! Topics will range far & wide. Girl love, body image, masturbation, jealousy, honoring & respecting yourself, positive self-talk, being assertive, manifesting your own dream girl persona & self-marriage are all up for grabs! Homework will be assigned (though it is totally optional, of course!), & I’ll be asking you to participate by sending in photos, stories & spreading the word!
I have a ton of goodies lined up already, but to make it totally useful & tailored to you, I want to know what you’d really love to hear about! What have you battled with most in your quest for radical self-love? Do you have trouble with your body image? Don’t know how to develop more confidence? Find it tricky to speak your mind? Whatever it is, let us know, & I’ll do my very best to create content around it!
If you want to take part, you can steal this HTML code & post it on your blog, Facebook page, etc.! It would be a good thing to post if you take any of the homework & do it on your own site! Plus it will help encourage your friends to take part!
It would be fantastic if you used #radicalselflove as a tag when you’re talking about the challenge on Twitter, too! That way we can all find each other…
You can find all the posts on this subject by clicking The Playgirl’s Guide To Radical Self-Love!
God, I’m so excited! I think this is going to be so amazing & I can’t wait to hear where you’re at & follow your progress throughout the month! Are you ready?! I am!
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
Comment [245] Tags: how to,
inspiration,
life,
the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 10: International Playgirls Unlimited!
