A Doctor's Dilemma
[ 3 October 2007 ]
“I am writing because I’d like to make a change in my life. I currently work full time to put myself through night school. I’m going to be a physician… in many, many, many years. I feel like my life is surrounded by things for the future and nothing for ‘now’. I work at a doctor’s office (which I enjoy), but I was thinking about doing something that may not be totally conducive for my future but would give me a sense of control that I desperately need. I want to (are you ready?) go to esthetician school. It will take about six months and leave me 5K-8K in debt. I think I’ll be able to work and still attend night school once I’ve graduated. I just want something in my life that I feel is mine, NOW, fully. I’m always working for tomorrow & I’ve forgotten to live for today. I’ve become very reclusive and have developed severe anxiety. I need something. I’m taking fiddle lessons, but I feel like I need more. I’m only 23 and I feel like I’ve wasted so much of my life. That’s crazy right? I mean, I’m young and can make my life anything…right? No rules? No specific paths I need to follow? I dunno.”
If you want my opinion — & I’m assuming you do! — you shouldn’t go to esthetician school. You are already doing so much; you are a super-over-achiever, girl! I think the reason you feel like you have no control is because, well, you don’t. All the corners of your life have been pushed into neat little boxes, leaving nothing spare. Adding night classes to that — as well as more debt — will make you feel even crazier. You will have even less time. It sounds like a recipe for disaster.
No, what you need to do is take a break from everything. A week, if you can wrangle it. You need to pack a suitcase with beautiful & impractical clothes, grab your best friend(s) & start driving. Cross-country, up the coast, south, wherever. Pick a direction & go. Don’t plan too much. Roll down the windows & suck in the fresh air. Take photos & talk & sing. Tell secrets; think about the future; keep your foot down.
When you arrive at a destination of some sort, take deep breaths before you open your car door. Remember who you are. Rediscover your true essence. You are not just a physician-in-training. You are a wide-eyed treasure, a girl with messy handwriting who loves dogs & animal crackers. You are a tempest of love, a force to be reckoned with, a girl who once rode a bicycle without using her hands, a girl who wears bells in her hair & kisses strangers on New Year’s Eve. Then, with your mind drunk on imagery & vision, act accordingly.
So many of us feel like we need to impose more rules on ourselves in order to discover who we are. Really, all that does is stifle us & create resentment. We really discover who we are when we have as few rules as possible. Are we introverted or extroverted? Full of love or laden with anger? Curious? Brave? Naïve? Tolerant? Talkative? It is hard to learn these things about ourselves when we are punted from occasion to occasion. Our parents expect us to be one way, our friends another. We have to be professional at work, & diligent in school. But who are we, really? It’s only from taking time out, breathing, allowing ourselves to be & throwing off the shackles of a timetable that we find out.
The adventures you have now will be entirely yours, now & forever. They will remind you that you are entirely in control of your own destiny (which, of course, you are). They will allow you to live for today.
Open your heart, invite adventure in, embrace freedom.
One day in the not-so-distant future, when you’re rushed off your feet & working as one of the country’s top physicians, you can think back to your wild youth full of tousled hair & joy, & smile.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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that’s beautiful~ inspiring… wish i had the money for petrol to go on a road trip now!
x
Gala, you’re so amazing. I hope you write a book one day. Kisskiss!
wonderful gala!
I do feel bad for this girl though she is taking so much on! I am the same age but have sort of an opposite problem I have all these ideas of night school and becoming a part time graphic designer and painter and still having a social life but it seems like i just give up after all that thought and do none of it. i don’t even go out anymore! dull dull dull.
do what makes you happy
probably the best adivce someone given me
xo
Thank you so much for this. I’m in the exact same place as the person who wrote the email. I needed to be reminded that it’s all up to me! I’ve most definitely forgotten that as the process of trying to be an adult student has beaten me down over the last year and a half. Maybe it’s time to plan that road trip!
It’s awful feeling like you’re living for the future isn’t it? I’ve been at the same university since I was 17 (I’m just about to turn 29!), and I would be lying if I said that I hadn’t wanted to chuck everything, and do something that I’m going to get immediate satisfaction from. What stops me is all the sacrifices I and my family have made to get me to where I am, and, of course, the promise of a career in the future that offers fulfillment. It helps also to reassert yourself in the present, and I think this is what Gala’s suggestion has so brilliantly encouraged. Some of the things that I do are write morning pages (15 mins free writing every morning), take my camera everywhere I go, and try to have fun even when doing the most boring, mundane chores. Thank you Gala, for another beautifully written and inspiring post;-)
Great post :)
this is my favourite thing you’ve written yet.
thank you!
Gala, once again you’ve bonked the nail on the crumpet.
From a slightly different perspective, here’s an addendum:
Doing something for yourself, for the now, doesn’t have to involve going to school or starting a new career, as Gala so eloquently pointed out. You can choose something between the fiddle and esthetician school—something that requires more of you than the violin, but less of you than school. (Which, given that you’re going to be in medical school sooner than you think, might not be a bad thing—you can keep up something less-than-esthetician even while whipping up for Boards.)
I say this from the vantage point of somebody who, had she started early, could easily be your mother. When you’re staring forty in the face, you realize that there are only two things you can’t do at 39 that you could do at 23: get a cheap Eurail pass and stay in youth hostels. In other words, don’t panic.
Everybody has a crisis of confidence in their twenties. At least one, usually more. Just remember that you’ve spent most of your life up to this point learning how to tie your shoes, cook a meal, and lay the groundwork for your life, present and future. You’ve accomplished more than you think you have.
And youth does not go away. I promise. Yeah, my knees hurt sometimes, and I’m not nearly as cute as I was at 23, but my youth ain’t gone yet. There will always be time to do what you want to do. Don’t put it off, of course, ‘cause you might get pasted by a bus tomorrow, but don’t fall into the trap of thinking I Must Do This Before I Turn 30.
natasja — Thank you! Well, a road trip isn’t necessary, all you need is to break some patterns & chill out!
Nadine — I hope I do too. Hee! Kisses!
Kelly — I think maybe it is part of that quarter-life crisis thing, where we all are scrambling to be successful, or to impress our friends or be better than our parents or be able to afford, I don’t know, ridiculously overpriced sunglasses (cough). It’s pretty common. I think ambition is good but having some balance is important. How come you give up? Does it seem too big or overwhelming?
Amy — It’s fabulous advice, isn’t it? Deceptively simple but absolutely true.
Carolee — Oh, no problem! I’m very pleased to be able to help. It’s so easy to forget we are in control of our lives when we are being shuttled from place to place all the time, running to strict schedules, freaking out about traffic & salaries & our skin. But, you know, taking time out is so important & good for us.
amypalko — WOW! That is a LONG time to be in one place! I admire your tenacity, that is incredible. You must be one tough cookie! I don’t have anywhere near that kind of stickability ;> Of course, it speaks volumes about your character. I am so impressed!
Opium — Smooch!
bluebird — Thank you very much, honey!
Jo — Great words. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us! Everything you say is right on the button.
This is one of the most inspirational writing pieces I have ever read! I’m going to bookmark this and read it whenever I feel too busy or lonely. When I’m out of school, I am SO going to do that driving around the country thing. I always thought about doing that, but I never had a reason to do it!
Gala – I love the ‘Open your heart, invite adventure in, embrace freedom. ‘. Sometimes we forget that we are not defined by the work that we do. It plays a massive part – but doesn’t define us.
Recently, I almost lost one of my most cherished people in the world and it really put things in to perspective.
Its important to be available to enjoy the things that you already have around you. Im not saying we shouldnt challenge ourselves -but you have to draw the line on what you are losing now.
You only get one chance…..
Yes, that line Open your heart, invite adventure in, embrace freedom struck a chord with me too. Now I want to fix up my kombi myself, play under the sprinkler, lay on a grassy hill an watch the clouds, or maybe just grab my boy and dance around the room!!! Ahhh Gala, you continue to inspire and amaze me on so many levels. Thank you.
Kx
Love it! This resonates strongly with me, as the balancing act is something I struggle with too. Part of me wants so badly to find the ‘dream’ job, finish uni, mantain volunteer gigs while trying to develop my creative side… yet I’m left pretty much exhausted by the end of most days and wonder how much I’m actually getting out of it.
How do you define success anyway? Is it based on your own values or something that has been subconsciously imposed on you? Is it all a big myth? It’s great to have goals, but sometimes I wonder if I’m trying too hard to multi-task and ‘have it all’. I’m beginning to think I’d probably be a lot happier if I freed my time up and indulged in what I truly want to do – not what I’ve deemed ‘best’ for my future.
I wish i had someone to spout beautiful things like this to me a few years ago, maybe then i wouldn’t have fallen into an exhausted, depressed heap! Luckily I had loved ones to push me to live for me, now im very impractically going to art school and may not have a “life path” and career all mapped out but am fullfilled and happy knowing and being me again!
Thankyou for being a part of my life now Gala!
You bring a touch of magic!
Wonderful advice. I really think it’s best to find small projects to keep yourself feeling like you’re achieving in the moment. Be wary of making too many committments – they tend to all start demanding your time at once.
your writing makes me soar, honey.
<3
I arrived here yesterday, I don’t quite remember how, but I am so glad I found you. I am (ahem) considerably older (a woman of a certain age, as the French say), but your sage advice and your lust for life have really touched me. For various reasons, I am only now beginning to embrace the true me (and to stop worrying about what other people think, or what I think they think), eccentricities and all. You give me such a boost! As Henry James wrote in “The Ambassadors”: Live! It’s a mistake not to.
Kisabel
PS A tempest of love! I love that—sign me up! Kisabel
just so long as you don’t stress out on the trip thinking about all the catching up you have to do when you get back (because that is what I would be doing inadverdently)....
Gala, you are simply amazing. You are a treasure trove of great advice. :)
i think it’s definitely overwhelming. I’m sort of afraid at being successful by myself! :P
i think i just need to make some friends with similar interests to me, then I wont be so afraid of excelling in what i want to do.(I’ve just noticed how much stock i put in what other people think of me hah!)
2 years in melbourne and I’m scared to meet people who have the same interests! I’m awkwarddd
Oh Gala!
I only discovered your blog a few weeks ago, yet I have been constantly checking for blog updates ever since. This is the first non-superficial style website I’ve come across. The first one that inspires me, and one of the few things in my life that encourages me to celebrate who I am. You are so inspiring! It is also quite odd that I discovered this website when I really needed to reconnect with my inner self. I find it so easy to get caught up in things that I’m “supposed to do” as opposed to things I want to do. You helped unchain my soul. Thank you! You are so lovely, and I wish you the best of luck!
i can relate to this story quite thoroughly. your advice is amazingly well thought out, but at the same time seems to roll on out of your mind. you have thought about this previously, i think. the world is so full of contradictory pressures that it is hard to know which direction you should go. when it is all too overwhelming, you and i agree – take a break. rediscover who you are. not in your friends’ or family’s eyes, but in your own. reconnect with your childhood – the freedom and knowledge that the world is your oyster.
kelly – i’m awkward too! at least WE would have that in common LOL though i’m sure there are tonnes of awkward, interesting people in Melb! i haven’t made any friends that share interests with me, either!
Dear Gala,
Thank you for the very insightful and timely advice. I have been studying all my life and am now in the medical profession for the past 5 years.Lately i have felt as if my life has meant nothing..and in most ways it does.Its just work, chores and work again. Ive planned to further my education and it all fell flat. Least to say i was pretty down for a long long time, going through the motions at work and probably hating it even more. But honestly, the more i read your blogs and how you keep telling everyone to find their selves and be honest to themselves left me realizing a new truth. I can plot my future, move to a new country and the unknown…but instead of looking at it as a means to escape my present life or like a scared bunny looking into frightening unknown, i should just live and let live.I dont know how to put this…but suddenly living my life on my own terms without having to worry about what anyone else thinks somehow appeals to me. And you know what…..I am much much happier.I have not found my bliss yet…but ive got a drive and i think im getting there!thanks gala!
wow, too inspiring to be true.
I’ve found myslef thinking this a lot lately. I also alway seem to be working hard for my future, and I enjoy it, but sometimes i feel like I’m forgetting today, I fear that when I grow up I won’t have funny stories of crazy things I did to laugh of.
So now, I try to be a little careless once in a while, not careless, but free.
I’m a small-details kind of person…like today in the morning, I woke up very late for school ( and i caaan’t be late again lol) but I looked through the window as saw that early morning sky, it had rained all night, so it was cloudy, but it was sooo red and soo orange, it gradually turned a dusk-ish yellow. When I left home, I discovered this huuugee rianbow over me. It totally made my day. When I arrived to school, I was like, “Hey did you see the rainbow?” “What? No.”
Why do peopleee never see those things…those are the things that count, stopping for second feeling the wind on your face, feeling the colors of the sky in your skin, the blodd trhough your veins, and being able to say, I’m alive.
I loved this piece, Gala, it made me so happy=)
I love that “you are a big eyed treasure, messy handwriting girl..” thing.
I am a messy handwriting girl, who once rode a bike hands free, and that’s who I am. It’s those things who makes us who we are.
Christine — Aww, thank you so much… I think there are few better feelings than knowing someone else is getting solace from your writing :>
Michelle — I’m sorry you lost someone so dear to you. It’s so hard, isn’t it? But I am sure they would be happy to know that their passing has inspired you to live life to the full…
Kristy J — That sounds fabulous! I hope you do all of it!
Melisa — So many people are busting their asses in jobs they loathe to pay the rent & then trying to be creative on the side… It is heart-breaking because doing something you dislike day after day really saps you. I don’t know what the solution is, either…
arlina — Yay for impracticality! Seriously, as long as you have a bit of emergency money & you’re happy, it doesn’t matter what you’re doing!
Lady Julianne Eternity — Yes, I think a lot of people feel like they to make commitments to feel like their life is worth something, or to feel like they’re achieving something. But it’s something you have to be careful with, because it can eat you up really quickly.
Miss Green — Well, your comments make me soar so I guess we’re even! xx
Kisabel — Hello, welcome!! It’s nice to meet you, honeypuff. There are quite a few women of “a certain age” around here, so you’re in good company ;> I hope iCiNG will help you in your quest to be yourself!
E. Black — Awwww!
Kelly — Ahh, meeting people in a new city is hard work. You’ll get there, though!
Sandra — Thank you so so much. I really try to make this a well-rounded place, not too much navel-gazing but not too “omg accessories!” at the same time. It’s tricky though, & a lot of people don’t seem to “get” it — they think this is just a fashion site (when it is so obvious to me that it’s not)! You can wear Dior couture but if you don’t like yourself, it won’t mean anything… so that’s kind of what I’m trying to push. I hope you stick around & keep enjoying what I produce!
node — Hmm, you know, I actually hadn’t given it a lot of thought before I started writing the response. But I do know what it’s like to have a lot of things on the go & to hate yourself for it. The worst thing is knowing that you got yourself into that situation! But overall, I think everyone needs more freedom, more time to themselves, space to be who they really are… so I guess it was a follow-on from that school of thought :>
anura — I’m a believer in ‘everything happens for a reason’, so maybe your education plans fell flat because it wasn’t what you needed. But hey, I am so happy for you! That is magnificent news, I’m sure your life will start to bloom & flourish like mad now that you have made that decision! xx
emiliaa — That is lovely. Good for you, cutie! It’s so important for us to fill our lives with things we love, whether that is rainbow-spotting, taking photographs or putting on lipstick…
I needed this. I’m glad I’ve stumbled on it again while searching through the net.
Also, to add on, I don’t think that just 20-something-year olds go through these difficult situations. I’m in my mid-teens, and often feel like I’ve wasted years of my life.
It’s depressing really, but this will help.