A Letter To Men by Christina Hendricks
[ 25 June 2010 ]
If you’ve been reading for a while, you should know that I seldom publish writing by anyone else. Having said that, I discovered this open letter yesterday & thought it was great. I hope you enjoy it too.
A Letter To Men by Christina Hendricks
“
We love your body. If we’re in love with you, we love your body. Your potbelly, everything. Even if you’re insecure about something, we love your body. You feel like you’re not this or that? We love your body. We embrace everything. Because it’s you.
Speaking of your body, you don’t understand the power of your own smell. Any woman who is currently with a man is with him partly because she loves the way he smells. And if we haven’t smelled you for a day or two and then we suddenly are within inches of you, we swoon. We get light-headed. It’s intoxicating. It’s heady.
We remember forever what you say about the bodies of other women. When you mention in passing that a certain woman is attractive — could be someone in the office, a woman on the
street, a celebrity, any woman in the world, really — your comment goes into a steel box and it stays there forever. We will file the comment under “Women He Finds Attractive.” It’s not about
whether or not we approve of the comment. It’s about learning what you think is sexy and how we might be able to convey it. It’s about keeping our man by knowing what he likes.
We also remember everything you say about our bodies, be it good or bad. Doesn’t matter if it’s a compliment. Could be just a comment. Those things you say are stored away in the steel
box, and we remember these things verbatim. We remember what you were wearing and the street corner you were standing on when you said it.
Never complain about our friends — even if we do. No matter how many times we say a friend of ours is driving us crazy, you are not to pile on. Not because it offends us. But because it adds to the weight that we carry around about her.
Remember what we like. When I first started dating my husband, I had this weird fascination with the circus and clowns and old carnival things and sideshow freaks and all that. About a month after we started dating, he bought me this amazing black-and-white photo book on the circus in the 1930s, and I started sobbing. Which freaked him out. I thought, Oh, my God, I mentioned this three or four weeks ago and talked about it briefly, but he was really listening to me. And he actually went out and researched and found this thing for me. It was amazing.
We want you to order Scotch. It’s the most impressive drink order. It’s classic. It’s sexy. Such a rich color. The glass, the smell. It’s not watered down with fruit juice. It’s Scotch. And you ordered it.
Stand up, open a door, offer a jacket. We talk about it with our friends after you do it. We say, “Can you believe he stood up when I approached the table?” It makes us feel important. And it makes you important because we talk about it.
No shorts that go below the knee. The ones almost like capri pants, the ones that hover somewhere between the kneecap and the calf? Enough with those shorts. They are the most embarrassing pants in the world. They should never be worn. No woman likes those.
Also, no tank tops. In public at least. A tank top is underwear. You’re walking around in your underwear. Too much.
No man should be on Facebook. It’s an invasion of everyone’s privacy. I really cannot stand it.
You don’t know this, but when we come back from a date, we feel awkward about that transition from our cute outfit into sexy lingerie. We don’t know how to do this gracefully. It’s embarrassing. We have to find a way to slip into another room, put on the outfit as if it all happened very easily, and then come out and it’s: Look at me! Look at the sexy thing I’ve done! For you, it’s the blink of an eye. It’s all very embarrassing. Just so you know.
Panties is a wonderful word. When did you stop saying “panties”? It’s sexy. It’s girlie. It’s naughty. Say it more.
About ogling: The men who look, they really look. It doesn’t insult us. It doesn’t faze us, really. It’s just — well, it’s a little infantile. Which is ironic, isn’t it? The men who constantly stare at our breasts are never the men we’re attracted to.
There are better words than beautiful. Radiant, for instance. It’s an underused word. It’s a very special word. “You are radiant.” Also, enchanting, smoldering, intoxicating, charming, fetching.
Marriage changes very little. The only things that will get a married man laid that won’t get a single man laid are adultery and whores. Intelligence and humor (and your smell) are what get you laid. That’s what got you laid when you were single. That’s what gets you laid when you’re married. Everything still works in marriage: especially intelligence and humor. Because the sexiest thing is to know you.
“
What do you think of this open letter? Do you agree? What would your letter to men say? What do you find sexiest about a man?
RADICAL self-love & stardust,
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...‘We remember what you were wearing and the street corner you were standing on when you said it’...
SO true…xo
Love it!
Oh God, their smell… just thinking about that, ooooo, shivers!
All I know is, I wish I was a man right now so I could order a Scotch and pull out a chair for Ms. Hendricks.
I agree with most of it, but what the heck is up with the facebook comment? Uh, no. I like being able to talk to (almost) ALL of my friends, not just half of them. That one is really bizarre.
The smell!!!! I love the smell.
Yay! This letter immediately became one of my favorite things when I bought that letter of Esquire. But that’s no surprise considering how much I adore Christina Hendricks.
I particularly love the bits about ordering scotch and using words like radiant. :)
oh wow, so much of the open letter is so true. I have recently temporally separated from my husband (whom I’ve been with for a little over 3 years now) And I went our recently and bought a bottle of the body wash he uses…simply cause it reminds me of him and when I get lonely or depressed..I just open and smell it, it’s like he’s right beside me. And if I could add to the letter I would include as well that all the small jokes that we might tell you are ‘lame’ we really love that about you the most, and miss it when you try to act all serious and proper…we love you just the way you are
I love her! I don’t agree with every last word, but it’s true about how guys smell. Sometimes if I anticipate a bad day at work I’ll wear one of my husband’s t-shirts and I’ll sniff it from time to time, haha.
this is awesome. with the exception about the “no man should ever be on facebook” thing, i feel that she has articulated my thoughts exactly. especially the bit about the panties :)
I totally agree with it, specially the chivalry part. I love it when my friends and beaus open doors for me, when they walk me to my car because it’s too dark and alone in the parking lot, when they compliment me…
What I find sexiest on a man is the smell, I love that musky guy smell, their voice too, deep husky voices make me swoon instantly. I also love when they hug you and their lost little boy look. One last thing, I love tall guys, I don’t know why but I’m totally in love with tall guys. All my beaus have been at least 4 inches taller than me.
I don’t agree with the bits about the shorts, tank tops, scotch and especially the facebook one. what’s wrong with a man being on facebook? who isnt these days? I don’t agree with the drink comment because it really doesnt matter to me what he drinks; it’s not going to make him less manly to me if he orders something else or more manly if he orders scotch. And I don’t agree with the clothing comment because it really doesn’t bother me what he wears.
Oh my god the whole thing. So, so cute. The guy I’m dating does all these little things for me! I met him through his work and he told me I looked radiant one day and it was a nice change! I’m pretty sure mine would be very, very similar. Ugh the shorts issue! My flat mate is notoriously bad for the 3/4 pants.
Yes! I love most of this. The only thing that weirds me out is the Facebook part. I pretty seriously dislike facebook, so I just feel weird attaching that to gender.
DEFINITELY the part about what they say about other women’s bodies — i definitely remember forever even the smallest side comments made about women. however, that speaks more to our own insecurities than anything else i think.
the smell thing is right on – i can recall the smell of at least 3 boys i dated, it would linger on their t-shirts or on whichever pillow of mine they slept on. ultra annoying when you break up. but powerful when you’re together. the smell of someone you love is a total aphrodisiac.
i think longer shorts are better. like, knee-grazing shorts with tall socks? hell yeah. short shorts with short socks? no no no. and tank tops are a turn off if they show any part of the chest. but if they show the arms that is sexy.
her bit about chivalry is spot-on — how we’ll tell all our friends about it. it’s really true. you earn points with her and the people who care about her the most if you really put in the effort. i appreciate formalities like flowers and door opening and jacketoffering. it just shows respect. i think you can tell what a guy really thinks about women by how they look after her comfort in any given situation. my best guyfriends always make sure i have a comfy seat and a drink in my hand, why shouldn’t my boyfriend?
Aw! I agree to (almost!) allllll of this… except the chivalry, Facebook, and clothing points.
1)I’m a human being completely capable of opening doors and approaching a table without bringing it’s masculine occupants to their feet.
2)Um, that’s just strange to me… why leave out half the population?
3)I don’t care what a guy wears quite honestly. I find that most of the most sartorially gifted men I’ve met aren’t really the ones worth being with (but maybe somebody should prove me wrong). Besides, I like wearing whatever I like regardless of whether it’s acceptable to others, so I wouldn’t keep my SO from wearing whatever makes him happy.
Also, my bf has a penchant for those long shorts… and he’s too cute for me to really give a damn ;)
I love this. I think I’m going to email it to my own boyfriend.
i agree with everything single thing other than the word panties. i hate that word. it’s awful. and my boyfriend wears tank tops in 100 degree whether once in awhile and it’s kind of cute, i like it.
I hate it when one woman thinks her own opinions represent every womans tastes.
A tank top is underwear. You’re walking around in your underwear. Too much. Hey Dollies if you don’t want to be ogled at then put some clothes on!
No woman should be on Facebook, it’s an invasion of everyone’s privacy.
Screw this I’m off to get changed out of the clothes that she dressed me in, put on my boardies and a singlet, and crack open a beer.
Oh God I laughed and smiled through all of this – so cute and so true.
I tell my boyfriend he smells good about 20 times a day – I ADORE his smell. And I loved the bit about his body.
I need to forward him this so he can read about overusing beautiful. So true! He once looked at me and said, very sincerely, “you’re very pretty,” and it struck me way more than all the hundreds of times he’s called me beautiful – because he calls me that all the time, and when he called me “very pretty” it’s like it wasn’t just a passing comment.
Oh god. I read this ages ago, and couldn’t stop laughing at it, and inwardly cringing. Are there women who “awkwardly transition” from their going-out clothes to complicated lingerie on a regular basis? I don’t know — if I’m dressed up and out, and I’m planning on exciting underwear, I’m actually wearing said exciting underwear under my cocktail dress or whatever. Does sex usually involve a change into costumes for most women? I must be missing something here.
Panties is infantile and awful, in my opinion.
And, seriously — if someone is paying you a compliment, you are going to turn around and tell them that their phrasing was inadequate? Really? How extremely rude.
Also, I think she’s lovely (sorry — “radiant” or “smoldering”) and she’s obviously a massively talented actress. But I’ve also heard her, in numerous interviews, talk about how weary she is with having people always so obsessed with her body, and the type of figure she happens to have. And then in this, she talks about men ogling, and how unclassy it is (which, yes). But honestly, I’d have a much easier time taking her seriously when it comes to that kind of thing if she wasn’t accompanying all of it (like the photos that went along with that letter in GQ or Vanity Fair or wherever it ran originally) with photo spreads of her crawling around in sexy lingerie. Don’t want people focused on your body? Don’t pose half-naked in every magazine that will let you. Or, do — there’s certainly nothing wrong with that, and I certainly would if I looked like that and it would help my career — but stop complaining that people seem to want to discuss your very publicly shown-off figure. Guess what? Crawling around in a corset is an excellent way to get people to ogle you. Shocking.
(Also — “keeping your man by knowing what he likes”. Ick. People are not possessions, and one should not have to be constantly attempting to “keep” them by making oneself into their ideal type. Ick ick ick.)
I don’t agree with all of what she said — especially about shorts & tank tops. (Who cares about that really? Not me.) I considered omitting those parts but well, she wrote it, not me, & it’s not my piece to edit. I think some of it is so true though. I always remember what my lovers have said about my body, or about other people’s. I think it is so sexy when men order scotch. I really don’t care what my lover looks like. I do love chivalry. & I also dislike Facebook! Haha.
Christina Hendricks is a lovely lady. She’s not my favorite mad men character but she is definitely fierce.
I agree with most of these especially the smell. We girls do not forget how a man smells EVER.
Sometimes we like to hear the word beautiful or any other word that means something along the line but what I LOVE and prefer is being complimented on being funny or smart. that makes me happy more than anything.
... I guess I am broken in some way, ‘cos most of this is foreign to me.
I have no idea what my honey says about other women. I look, he looks. I pay attention to what catches his eye about them, for future reference, sure, but not specifics. I am a gist kinda gal. I don’t remember specifics he’s said about my body either.In all honesty, I have no idea what was wearing or where we were or the words he used. Hell, I don’t even know what either of us were wearing when we first met — and we have no idea when our anniversary is.
There are bits and pieces here that, yeh, I identify with, but whole cloth? Not really. I like chivalry, but not male/ female binary roles — I do it for all people; I see it as simply courtesy, regardless of gender identity. I’ve never changed into sexy lingerie. Who the hell does that? I wear it under my clothes and if he’s lucky, he’ll peel down to it in his own time.
Annie Mouse — I totally agree that chivalry should be applied to all people! Yes, yes, yes. I always hold doors open for people, let them go first, ask if they need help, etc. It is important to me that my man treats me — & everyone else! — like that too!
I don’t agree or really understand why changing from date clothes to sexy lingerie is embarrassing. ?_?
Also, men should be allowed on facebook, too.
I’d like to see more letters of praise towards women from men, though. Don’t see those too often.
This letter is so incredibly true. I think I’m going to print this out and show it to my boy, maybe.
“Oh, my God, I mentioned this three or four weeks ago and talked about it briefly, but he was really listening to me. And he actually went out and researched and found this thing for me. It was amazing.”
This part gets me so much! Something about the fact that they remembered and wanted to do something special and put in the time and just… that they REMEMBERED! Period.
Oh lordy! I agree whole heartedly with Facebook being for highschoolers and STOPPING THERE. Also,the smell
Oh my gracious! There is nothing more intoxicating than a man at the end of the day when all his deodorant and cologne and laundry detergent has simmered down to a smooth odor and He. Just. Smells. Like. Him.
This is fantastic. She is stunning and summed up so much in those words. A worthy addition to the site, Gala. And I agree..that smell. Oy.
omigosh. christina hendricks fucking gets it. it’s a wonderful letter. i’d be tempted to add a few things, but wouldn’t for fear of rambling.
she NAILED it, especially in terms of wardrobe exemptions and facebook usage. i also agreed outloud in regards to uhm.. everything else.
wonderful.
Like most of the comments I agree with most of the letter, but disagree on the clothing and facebook points. Facebook (for me at least) is a way to keep in contact with people I no longer live near, why should our partners be excluded from that? As for the clothing, the sexiest thing anyone can wear is self confidence. If wearing tank tops and 3/4 pants makes men feel self confident than by all means they should wear them.
This is letter is so true! Especially the one about how we remember what is said about our bodies. Almost a year ago, a female acquaintance told me that I was dressed inappropriately for a situation (too dressed up) and a guy I barely knew told us that she was wrong and I looked nice. I went from feeling terrible about my appearance to feeling like a queen. In less than a second. And I’ll never forget how he made me feel.
i loved reading every word
‘Stunning’!
I love for anybody to call me beautiful or gorgeous, but for a man to call me stunning- thats enough to get hearts racing.
I wish she’d just said “I” instead of “we”. Women are individual people, not members of a global secret club with a list of likes and dislikes.
IDK, I find lists of rules a little repellent, no matter how sweetly phrased. She’s lovely, and I adore Joan, but this doesn’t resonate with me at all.
I like how many girls are taking issue with the shorts – those kind are literally the only ones my beau wears, and I like them!
Funny, anyone else not recognize Ms Hendricks from anything but Firefly?
Scotch? No, no, no, too easy. Give me a musky man who can hold his own with a madfun “girly” pink fruit cocktail or “hippie” açai smoothie in hand & then I’ll swoon.
Facebook? Really? They still have that? ;)
xo
I like the general, undeniable things – like the smell (SO TRUE. SO AWFULLY TRUE) and the way you remember certain things he said in passing so closely.
But the drink? The shorts? Being on facebook? Say what you like, sure, but don’t be so egotistical to think every single personal preference of yours resonates with all women and therefore, should be acknowledged as fact by all men.
And Miss B’s final comment regarding ‘keep your man by knowing what he likes’ – hear hear.
I agree with it overall. It’s interesting to see people’s ambivalent feelings towards Facebook, as I myself fall into that camp (yet use it, like most Facebook ambivalents seem to).
I think the first four points are especially spot-on, if only all men would internalize them – and the bit about chivalry, though I think everyone should practice it!
Of course, anyone drinking great scotch is great. But seriously, a man who is comfortable enough with his masculinity to appreciate great champagne, and old-school amazing cocktails… now that’s a man!
Omg…the smell is unbelievable. When they wrap you in their arms and you nearly die from the fact that it is so mouthwatering. Just thinking about it makes me drool.
The word panties is one of the least sexy words I can think of! Maybe that’s a British thing.
Freaking awesome. I think the scotch one was dumb, but the rest was fantastic.
nice letter!!
I don’t agree with every single thing, but many are so true!!!
Chivalry, listening, drinks… they can be so charming!
Plus last night I had my bf jumper in my purse… I kept smelling it, it had the smell of cudlles and sexy!
I looooooooooove christina hendricks but honestly she should have used “I” intead of “we”. Were not clones, we have separate minds.. Also facebook, what the hell? So I use facebook to talk to my friends. What would be the use if I could only talk to half of them?!? Chivalry should be open to either gender. It’s just the nice thing to do. Lastly, WOW I’m a lesbian. I was completely unaware that women paid that much attention to smell, but from the comments everyone pretty much agrees that smell is important…
I agree with Renee bout the drinks. any guy can order a strong drink or a beer & be all TESTOSTERONE OVERFLOW about it, but give him a little juice-mixed cocktail and if he’s still as confident.. now THERE we have a man.
what she said bout clothes & facebook is pretty funny really, but it shows the kind of person she is. this is HER open letter to men so yeah. also, I didnt get the sexy lingerie thing.. I like to think every single piece of my underwear is sexy.
but oh deer & jumping cheeses, the SMEEEELLL. she couldnt have written it better & it couldnt be more true. I wonder if guys are just as addicted to how girls smell..
you’ve got wonderful timing miss Gala. no less than one hour ago I was kissed by a very fetching boy. He does smell very nice. also he’s tall and he hugs properly. the open letter is great too, but my mind is fuzzy at the moment.
Anything you do to relieve us of our mundane, exhausting chores; consider it foreplay. If less of our energy is sapped taking care of other people or our collective home, the more we have for you.
A dutch oven is a deal-breaker. Your mates might think it’s hilarious but they’re not the ones you turn to for sexy times are they?
Let us look after you. We want to give you that safe, cosy place where you can be vulnerable. It’s ok we won’t tell anyone (everyone needs a haven).
As long as you’re not violent and aggressive we love when you are indignant on our behalf.
Nothing turns us on like quiet confidence
PS. Great article. I can see why you posted it Gala and a few more to the boys in response to the the article …
We love your body, smell, eyelashes (even if we’re jealous of them), forearms, thighs, fingers (swoon) and tattoos
Mostly, we don’t care what you drink as long as it doesn’t make you violent or anti-social
‘Panties’ is also a bit vomitary
We don’t mind you ogling our breasts if we are yours and they are the thing about us that always – and you tell us – turns you on (‘breasts’ can be interchanged by butt, legs, face, fingers, left little toe whatever)
This was an interesting woman’s view – the smell one is very true! I think it’s awesome that you dislike facebook, Gala. How come? I’ve actually wanted to ask you this before! xx
p.s woah nelly hasn’t she’s got crazy good curves
The first point I want to make is that I don’t think Ms. Hendricks is against men on Facebook, but Facebook in general. As in, if she was having a conversation with a guy and he said “Hey, are you on Facebook? We should totally friend each other”, it would be a dealbreaker of sorts. I very much doubt she thinks Facebook should be a female-only network.
I agree with the whole tank top and too-long shorts thing, because I love fashion and what a man is wearing matters to me when I decide if I find him attractive. Having said that, if he had seriously great arms and lots of tattoos, I might be able to let the tank top pass. :)
The scotch thing I totally agree with, though it’s hardly a prerequisite, but I am speaking as an occasional scotch drinker myself. I won’t think less of a man if he orders something other than scotch, but I’ll probably like him more if he shares my taste in alcohol.
I’m a big fan of Christina Hendricks, but even so I wouldn’t take everything she says in this letter (or anywhere) too seriously. Perhaps she should have said “I” instead of “we”, but I don’t think she was trying to re-write the rules of male/female relationships here. It’s an interesting, fun piece of writing based on her opinion (and perhaps consensus among her friends) and I don’t think it needs to be seen as anything more than that.
Cute enough, but she’s saying ‘we’ and meaning ‘I’. We’re not a bloody hive m…ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL.
Yes. All of the above points are true.
absolutely true, especially the shorts-thing. god I hate them. They’re for school boys, and I don’t do school boys.
Also, an even better word than radiant is ravishing. a friend of mine once said it in thailand, when I looked terrible, but wore a skirt and a skimpy top. I looked like a backpacker on leave, but when I came up to the restaurant, sat down to him and ordered two cups of coffee and a red bull, he glanced at me and said “you look ravishing today, love.” – I nearly fainted.
I totally hear her on most of these points – especially the lingerie one! Even now that I’ve been living with my boyfriend for a year, it’s still an awkward situation when I want to slip into something a little more “comfortable” (a little more complicated is more like it!), and I have to sneakily do it in the bedroom while attempting to distract him with something in the living room. And then you come out and you know he’s into the idea but he’s still wearing jeans and shoes and you’re just wearing silk and fishnet, and it’s embarrassing. (And I say that as something of an exhibitionist.)
i love this! i’m not sure i agree with the scotch…and i definitely don’t agree with the part about men opening doors for you! offering a jacket, that’s sweet, but whenever a guy goes out of his way to open a door for me i can’t help but feel a little insulted – i can open a door myself, thank you!
wow i agree…now i just need to find a husband..lol!
What utter horseshit.
I think the part where she talks about Compliments and Comments:
We will file the comment under “Women He Finds Attractive.” It’s not about
whether or not we approve of the comment. It’s about learning what you think is sexy and how we might be able to convey it. It’s about keeping our man by knowing what he likes.
Is more about her being like “I’m not insecure or crazy” than it is about molding yourself into someone your guy will like. Either one, insecure or insecure, is pretty awful to me.
But rest of it was pretty cute. Some of it rubbed me the wrong way. But whatever.
Now I don’t feel like a freak! My boyfriend thinks it so weird that I take in a deep whiff every time I hug him. Ahaha :)
I agree with all of this except the Facebook thing. Everyone is on Facebook nowadays!
I’m disappointed in this post. I don’t find the letter even interesting. Your usual content is much more engaging and sparks better discussion.
You can’t say men should not be on facebook. These days to many companies look and expect a facebook profile. When you don’t have one they can find it makes them wonder.
Right now my letter to men would probably be wrapped around a grenade, haha. Why is it every boy I meet either isn’t attracted to me or will say absolutely anything to get in my pants? Where are these wonderful, stylish, caring, thoughtful men I hear about? Not around me. The ones here are snake tongued and I’m too addicted to being liked to realize it. Very disheartening, but oh well, eventually they’ll grow up… right? That’s what I say, anyway! :)
you might want to give credit to Esquire since this first appeared in their magazine.
Great letter. I’d like to re-enforce the facebook thing (such an invasion of privacy) and capri pants. No man (or woman) should ever wear them.
I think … what a high maintenance prig. One of the hottest men I know wears capris at the gym. Hawt. Facebook isn’t an invasion of privacy and has nothing to do with manhood. Remembering what a man wears when he says something about your body is obsessive and suggests a need for therapy. Complain about my friends if you want – obviously I know they’re nutjobs sometimes, you are allowed to speak.
Yuck.
Huh. Well, here’s what I don’t agree with:
Scotch? I don’t care what my man drinks. He can choke down ice water all night and it doesn’t detract from his (obvious) manliness. He may be Scottish, but he doesn’t have to be all Sean Connery for me to find him sexy. Besides, I used to date an alcoholic who despite his guzzling of hard drinks is the biggest bitch I’ve ever met. Oh, and my guy has an ulcer from HIS former alcoholism. I’d rather he leave the drinking to me, thanks.
Facebook? Her logic doesn’t make sense. My guy has one but he’s hardly ever on. He pretty much just fills in my relationship status and hits me up on my wall when my phone is off. Who gives a damn?
Tank Tops/Shorts? Oh, my man is a trashy type and I don’t condemn him for it. He rocks a uniform of black Hanes T-shirts, (the same) pair of jeans, and steel toed boots. I may rib him a bit about his style, but at the end of the day, it’s HIM. It’s what he feels comfortable in. When he was thinner, he rocked tanks everywhere. And that’s OK because he has insanely sexy arms.
Everything else is pretty much spot on. My guy smells AMAZING after a workout (lol, it’s the pheromones, I swear) and even if he’s been doing it forever now, I still squeal when he walks in the door with something Batman associated as a gift for me. :) This open letter was cute.
I found the whole thing rather egotistical and condescending. Who is she to say that “all women” dislike one thing or like another? I think that scotch smells gross, and it reminds me of elderly men. The tank top and shorts ‘rules’ were utterly ridiculous. I would never in my life dream of telling a significant other what not to wear. Who really cares? Aren’t you supposed to like them for them? If he’s comfortable and happy, shouldn’t you be as well? Especially with the tank tops. It’s clearly evident she’s never been any where with high levels of heat and humidity, or just doesn’t care about his comfort and health. What’s better, your man ‘looking good’ or your man avoiding heat stroke in 98F/85% humidity?
What bothered me the most was the one about ‘panties.’ I absolutely abhor that word. I don’t think i’ve said it aloud in my entire life. All it brings to mind is Granny panties and panty-raiding perverts sniffing used underwear.
The only thing i can agree with is the smell, and that’s because it’s a biological evolutionary characteristic of mammals. Everything else was her personal opinion, and i found it really annoying she claimed she spoke for all women.
“It’s about keeping our man by knowing what he likes.”
Big frown. This made me cringe – I don’t ‘keep my man’ by pandering to his tastes. He ‘stays with me’ because he likes me for who I am – plain and simple! I don’t mind if he finds other girls attractive (I certainly find other men attractive) but I’m not about to go out and shape myself into someone else – if I’m not what he’s into anymore, he is certainly free to go out and find someone else who is. I find it so heartbreaking when I see other girls changing who they are to suit the interests of some boy (or girl, etc as the case may be). Just be who you are and love who you are – confidence is hottest thing you can wear on your body.
I was disappointed by this letter – I thought it was going to be more in the vein of the first two points – we love your bodies, we love your smell, etc, but it quickly dissolved into a list of ‘do and don’ts’ which I found to be less of an open letter to men and more of a ‘if you want to date me here is how I want you to act’. No thanks.
It’s certainly just one woman’s opinion. I rather like the way it was written. Some things I agree with, and some I don’t.
I definitely agree with:
Stand up, open a door, offer a jacket.
No shorts that go below the knee.
The bit about feeling awkward in the outfit transition.
and There are better words than beautiful. Or maybe just other ones.
I think the major point is that if you love your man, you find him sexy, even with his flaws.
I rather heart that my boyfriend drinks martinis.
i think all of these things about my boyfriend, minus the long shorts,the tank tops (only if they’re wife beaters :P)and the facebook comments.
Other than those, I agree wholeheartedly.
What a fantastic letter. As a guy, I wish I had read this 20 years ago to the day. Best I can do it print it off and give it to my son.
I guess that works.
=^.^=
This really offended me. Way to perpetuate gender stereotypes. Also I wholeheartedly object to her use of the term whores. It’s degrading to both prostitutes and all women. I actually really like Christina Hendricks in Mad Men but this has definitely turned me off her.
Wow this really made sense to me. I didn’t agree with all of it (Facebook & the date transition thing, I wear sexy underwear or the time & love showing it off so no awkwardness there XD) but a lot of it I do. ESPECIALLY the smell bit. It’s a true way for me to know if I’m attracted to someone or not. & yes there are better words than beautiful, & panties is a wonderful word!
I like, but I’m not sure I understand the comment about Facebook!
I like most of it but don’t understand all of it. I personally don’t care if guys wear tank tops. It can look great if he’s got the body for it. And what’s with the facebook comment? Most people are on facebook anyway, guys and girls. Some people don’t even check it often. I also think TOO many men use the word “panties” and think it sounds ridiculous. I like the word “lingerie”. I think the word beautiful is underrated and is usually shied away from and substituted with words like “lovely” and “pretty” and “nice”. If a guy me I looked radiant, I’d be suspicious. It sounds about guy-like as “gorgeous.” I frowned at the line about filing away what a man finds attractive about other women. It’s absurd to change my appearance to fit that of other women. And “keep your man”...what is this…the 50s?
YES. HIS SMELL. I remember my first boyfriend’s clean scent. I remember standing just a few feet away from his house and being able to smell that comforting, warm fragrance of tide. Or the times he would hug me closely and my face would be against his chest and being able to smell HIM. Now I completely adore this smell and I wash my clothes with it.
I, too, wish she had used “I” instead of “we.” All wonderful points, but we women are not clones.
I agree with a man’s smell, though. That one is astronomical for me.
Commonly referred to as the Chanel (French: Chanel) is a coco Chanel in 1909, the dress shop establishs in Paris. The small shop began to sell only ladies tire, but in a year KangBang relocated to Rue street (Cambon). From its brilliant shop flag chanel no (1921 May, when perfume creation is presented to chanel Beaux division of multiple choice, chanel perfumes almost no hesitate to choose 5, then become chanel no.). And popular chanel suit – an elegant design, including knee skirt and capable of short jacket with wool woven, traditionally, black CaiBian and aureate buttons, worn with big pearl necklace.
www.zenith
Where was this originally published?
Hmm… I’m not too keen on this. It does perpetuate some strange gender stereotypes. Hell, I fell for a touring musician who ordered an amaretto sour and I had a gin & tonic. He was really nice but unfortunately lives really far away.
Perhaps I’m being too quick to go on the affront though. I think it’s meant to be cute more than anything. I agree with Jenn (comment 77) about using “I” instead of “We”.
And she’s definitely right about ogling. There’s a reason why those creepers are more often than not single.
She’s gorgeous.
wow, totally disagree with all these naysayers for once. men should open doors for women, they should never wear capri’s EVER (those are for middle aged, my god!). and the facebook thing makes total sense – i would be much more impressed with a man if he didn’t have a facebook. especially a man her age. gender stereotypes? it really grates me when women get angry about chivalry – stop telling men we don’t like it when they do nice things for us! i never truly respect a man who doesn’t respect me enough to hold a door for me, or let me go first into a room.
“wow, totally disagree with all these naysayers for once. men should open doors for women, they should never wear capri’s EVER (those are for middle aged, my god!). and the facebook thing makes total sense – i would be much more impressed with a man if he didn’t have a facebook. especially a man her age. gender stereotypes? it really grates me when women get angry about chivalry – stop telling men we don’t like it when they do nice things for us! i never truly respect a man who doesn’t respect me enough to hold a door for me, or let me go first into a room.”
THIS Totally spot on Elle! (even tho personally for me I don’t mind if he has a facebook or doesn’t but yeah =p)
I don’t agree with it. Women should not dress into something sexy so that men would find them more attractive. They better do it for themselves and if men agree then it’s great.
Men ogling..it’s inevitable but they wouldn’t get my attention unless I found them attractive and the rest disgust me.
This letter shows men as very masculine, manly..as if all men are like that. There are so many feminine men or traits that they possess which are much better than being manly.
Manners – it’s fine when men are attentive to you when you seem cold or tired, they offer to help. But some are just so pretentious and old fashioned that it’s ridiculous. Giving you a hand when you’re stepping off the bus or standing up at the table when you walk in..it’s a bit too much, isn’t it?
Marriage can change things – makes men lazy, they let themselves go and boring. I believe the best thing is just dating because you anticipate it, you never know what might happen. With marriage..they’re always there (both man and wife) so it’s a bit predictable.
So I think this letter is making women seem subordinated to men, men are superior so women have to try harder for them and be submissive (to their smell, looks, manners, habits etc). I might be wrong but that’s what I think.
If you’re not a stranger on the street- then Ogle! Ogle! It is so hot.
I have to say, I agree with most of the letter…Not so much the shorts thing though…I think it’s extremely sad to see a grown man in shorts that don’t come just below the knee….There is such a thing as too long, but I think too short is far, far worse. I don’t particularly agree with the facebook thing either. Who said FB is just for women?
I think “never complain about our family” should have been there with or instead of the friend…
And I don’t particularly like the word “fetching”....It makes me think of dogs…I know that’s not how it’s meant, but I just don’t like the word.
As far as remembering everything he says,(good or bad) verbatim, I wholeheartedly agree with everything about that statement.
Facebook? Really that must have been put in there so nobody would complain about the others!
Wait, who are “we”?! People who think just that way? Why do they displace so much of their relationship-happiness into delegated vanity, and why are they so sexistly ignorant of men’s full personhood?
This letter seems so simple to me. Granted some of her points were valid, but it was presented in such a trivial manner. I didn’t feel like it delved deep into personal matters involving men and women. Actually, it makes me respect her less. I feel like she’s running with this “image” that the media and her fans have projected upon her. Christina Hendricks’ ability to transcend gender lines is what makes her so accessible. Girls love her and guys salivate over her. This is proven in Mad Men, and now her persona off screen is embodying this archetypal bombshell icon. The problem with this is I don’t buy it. This letter seems seems forced and barely skims the surface of how emotional and intense relationships really are. It mostly focuses on the aesthetic factor of the male/female dynamic. Thank tops, lingerie, and scotch? Really? Excuse me for being brash, but what kind of superficial qualifications do you need to impress her? Maybe that’s just how I feel, and like I said, some of her points were valid, but the rest just seems to fit into this little glamorous box that doesn’t really function outside of the television screen. Please don’t think I speak for all women. This is just my opinion…and probably the reason why I am single haha.
I am fazed by ogling. Very fazed. I can’t fucking stand being ogled. I really dislike being watched. I don’t find it infantile, I find it creepy and annoying. Say hello or MOVE ALONG, NOTHING TO SEE HERE. Or, take a photo and do your business with that later, y’know?
Who is this ‘us’? That was innappropriate language use, right there. This sounds like a letter to make men feel powerful and women appear all sex-kitten like. Not that there’s anything wrong if you want to be a sex-kitten, just don’t lump us all in the ‘we get embarrassed about changing into sexy lingerie’ boat. I’m either already wearing it, or I’m going to say ‘hey, dude, I’m just going to get sexy, be right back…Or I could just get naked?’ because that is more how I roll with the people I sleep with.
Also, I like my men to appreciate good quality cider so that I can drink theirs when I’m too lazy to go up to the bar.
Sorry, Christina, but you’re ‘we’ doesn’t include me. Always good to get someone else’s viewpoint though.
xx
ps. she was AWESOME in Firefly.
Unlike Christina Hendricks, I don’t speak for all women when I say I don’t like potbellies on men. If my partner developed one I’d be extremely worried about his health and take him straight to the doctor.
I like men who are secure in their masculinity and happy to just be themselves without trying to prove how ‘manly’ they are all the freaking time. Trying to be something you’re not is exhausting, and I appreciate people who are honest. Hold the door for me, by all means, but don’t do it because I’m female; do it because you’re a kind person who holds the door for people, as I do.
I think gender binaries are completely un-liberating in this day and age and it’s sad to hear yet another woman celebrity spouting this crap, supposing that all other women must feel exactly the same way because we have sex chromosomes in common.
Lastly, I find the word ‘panties’ infantilising to say the least.
I agree with some of this, but I don’t get the Facebook thing. Or the scotch thing. I could care less what kind of drink a guy prefers. And the panties thing. I ABHOR the word panties. I think it’s creepy.
I think the obvious thing here is that there will be never one set of ‘rules’ or ‘expectations’ that every woman will agree on for every man. It’s going to be different for everyone, and I think that in itself is beautiful.
love this.. if only the men know that.. i guess they are not that far off from women who are less comfortable with their own body.. (me being one)..
but i love everything about a man.. and they still don’t get it..
thanks for inspiring.. *
I love this letter. The only thing I would revise is that ogling DOES fase us. It DOES insult us. We do notice, and it hurts.
But amen on the scotch part!
I have to agree with the 3/4 length shorts, this is the uniform in the summer for men in the UK and it is REALLY lazy dressing! I like tank tops though, bonus if the man has nice tattoos.
The smell, I love my boyfriends natural scent. I get drunk on it.
Thank you, Christina. You are brilliant.
I had to share this on Google Reader so both my loves will see it. :)
[a quick googling later: ...oh, that’s who Christina Hendricks is. Zomg phwoar! :-o]
ah the only thing i didnt like was panties!
i cant get my head past that word it makes me think of creepy old men!
came up in google reader –
shes got strong sentiments about marriage for being married half a year
“smoldering” .. really? that sounds ridiculous..
she makes some points but shes far too matter-of-fact
I agree with the point about a man’s smell…though the reverse is true too-if you dont like a man’s smell, you aint going near him!
I’m a man. Found this post when it came up under “recommended items” in Google Reader. Thanks for your letter, I found it quite interesting and helpful.
Oh I sort of want to like this, but all the bits I do like are pretty obvious and the rest of questionable. I would not say I like these shorts, but at the same time, if a man wrote an open letter to women saying not to wear a specific item of clothing, I would definitely have a problem with that. This is so general. People are individuals.
RE: A Letter to Men…
Yes, I do love your body.
And yes, you do smell good. Most of the time.
But when you talk about other women, it should be okay because I am strong and know that in the same way that all men have differences and flaws, so do women. I don’t have a steel box full of notes and obsession and poison, and I don’t want one.
I like it when you say nice things about my body. I like it when you say nice things about my personality. I know that if you didn’t really like me the way I am, you would move on and so would I. I’m not perfect and neither are you and that’s why we fit.
I really hope I don’t have to complain to you about my friends. If I wouldn’t want you to rag on them, I probably shouldn’t be doing it either.
Gifts that show you’re paying attention are nice. So are hugs, holding hands, sitting and talking to me while I wash the dishes, or vice-versa. I probably wont sob over any of these small acts, but they will build up in my heart and I will give them back in ways that reach your heart if I figure out the path.
Order scotch if that’s what you’re in the mood for. I might join you, and we can draw on mustaches and quote Ron Burgundy. Introduce me to your favorite libations, try mine. Drink lemonade with me on the front porch when you have to get up early tomorrow.
Chivalry.. is okay. I can hold my own and so can you and I would like to think that we are equals. Or maybe I will hold the door open for you sometime?
Wear what you want. It’s up to you.
Facebook. Have your own opinion about it, because I’m on there probably too often and respect your views either way.
I hear guys don’t really care much for lingerie anyway, because we’re naked soon enough anyway, but that’s a blanket statement so I’ll stay away from it. Tell me what you like, and sometimes I’ll make the effort to surprise you, and sometimes you’re going to get me in whatever underwear went with my mood today. I think there can be charm in most looks.
I don’t really care what word you use for my undergarments. Stop talking about them and start pulling them off with your teeth.
Ogling is an awkward word. Let’s try to go about our lives in a more charming manner. Flirt with me if I’m worth ogling at. Let me see you too.
Alternative adjectives are nice, but spew off as many of them as you want and it wont be the same as knowing that you really really mean the one you chose. Be honest in your praise and don’t limit it to my appearance.
I don’t want marriage to change me or to change you, if we get married at all. Keep growing and being the wonderful human you are, because that’s what it comes down to. We both have lives and I’m glad you’re part of mine.
Best,
Zoe Finn.
The above comment is wonderful!
Yes. But no to the use of the word panties. Hideous!
very well written! Totally agree with the smell!
As a man I’d like to point out that almost the entirety of this open letter (except the bits about chivalry and those that are clearly her personal preference – shorts, scotch) applies pretty well as an open letter from men to women too.
Brava COSMOSAUR!!
Wow, I consider all of that silly except for the “Remember what we like”, but that’s true for friends and family, not just men.
Fortunately my husband and I are quite secure so don’t worry about all that other stuff.(FB, scotch, panties, tank tops, shorts- that’s just personal preference).
Smell? I love how my husband smells after a shower. I love how everyone smells after a shower. Nothing is sexier than CLEAN. But the smell after a hard bike ride or intense skateboarding session, NOT AT ALL!
You each should wear what is comfortable or makes you feel good (pretty). As long as it’s clean and not holey.
Opening doors is just good manners for everyone, not just men. I do it all the time. As for cars, I can open my own door, thanks. Standing up? Why?? I don’t know anyone who does that. Offering a jacket – if I’m cold, I snuggle up to him.
Thanks for the tips! I’m not convinced my intelligence and humour play any part in getting me laid. I reckon if you like me in the first place, you’ll laugh at pretty much anything I come up with.
I found this open letter from my Google Reader’s Explore items. It was an interesting read. I am male and I disagreed with most of the items that she wrote about. Guess she an I will not get along (although, I thought we would…)
Anyway, I blogged about it and have a point by point analysis of what I disagree with. The advantage here is that it’s from a male’s perspective.
www.letmegorun.com/blog/?p=168
I agree w/ everything. Men who constantly post on facebook are weird. It is not masculine at all, it’s a bit like being a gossipy old lady. I expect it of women, but not of men. (Sexist, I know) I also hate those hangy shorts and tank tops. Everyone hates oglers and I have a steel box that is probably as big as an elephant. I remember every single compliment or comment my husband ever made about my looks or other women’s looks. I wish it would go away but it doesn’t. She is a smart woman.
Hear Hear Miss B.
Especially about the people being treated as possessions.
We share the opinion on eyeglasses and I really enjoy reading your article.
I’m not really sure how I stumbled on this page, but it’s quite a great read. Had a smirk on my face the whole time.
Thanks for sharing!
Tonight Scotch & Panties.
If this letter is true from a girl to a guy then I’m by far the most spoiled girl on the planet or apparently all the men I’ve met in my life so far have been taught very well :)
“Panties” is a totally stupid word, and I can’t stand it when a guy calls them that. Just call it underwear for pete’s sake, I’m a big girl, I can handle it.
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I think the letter is brilliant. It was written to men, not women. Men are simple and do have a hard time figuring us out. I wouldn’t say the letter clears it all up but she gives them some clues. There is nothing in her letter that a guy should’t consider.
Frankly, yes, I can open my own door and put on my own jacket but when I am being romanced, I don’t want to. And the only men I know constantly on FB are my gay friends. Men I date might have a page but they never post anything.
booo, you guys are pathetic. she was just making a clever altruistic letter. i found everything agreeable. scotch drinkers are sexy, long shorts are disgusting,and complements are much better when there’s a little thought put into them. fucking chill, she wasn’t saying men are from here on banned from facebook. i think a guy who doesn’t have time for social networking sites is by far the most attractive. i want my tough guy, not one whose checking status updates or , god forbid, virtual farming. quit bitching at her brilliance, she’s great.
Love this!!!!! Amazing.
Love this letter. Altough, I had no idea people actually do the whole “Excuse me while I slip into something a little more…comfortable” routine. You learn something new every day.
I just wear my sexy panties under my clothes. It seems like more hot when they’re discovered, and not presented.