Avoiding Creeps
[ 8 March 2007 ]
“Hey baby!”, wolf whistles & lecherous looks are just something you have to deal with as a woman. Right?
Nobody likes to be yelled at in the street, whistled at, or otherwise ogled. I know that a lot of women are nervous to leave the house wearing a short skirt, high heels, a low-cut top or anything that could be perceived as “slutty”. It really angers me that people aren’t able to dress however they like because of other people’s stunted social prowess.
I have been on the receiving end of all this nonsense myself. It is awful. Really awful. Sometimes it can be quite terrifying — not the yelling itself so much, but more what it says about the people doing it, & the risk it poses to me as a girl.
However, over the past few months I have become far more aware of myself & the impression I give to the world. (I wrote a little bit about this in my article What Does Your Clothing Say About You?) The more I learn, the less negative attention I receive on the street. It’s not because I’m getting ugly or I’m dressing in a more conservative fashion — in fact, these days I am far happier showing more of my body, because I’m actually happy with it for the first time in years. Also, a lot of women find that they get yelled at regardless of what they’re wearing.
The reason the number of incidents has declined is because of how I conduct myself.
I walk in a very assertive, confident way. I have a fast walking pace (I always have; I can’t help it!). I stand up tall, my shoulders back. There is a spring in my step. I give off a very strong message: I’m happy, I’m not scared of you, & I’m not an easy target.
It’s basic self-defence. If you were a predator, or just a generic toss-pot, & wanted someone to hurt, upset or get a rise out of, who would you go for? Someone who looks like they won’t fight back. Someone who looks unsure, nervous, someone who is hunched over, hiding from the world. If you project a strong image, more often than not, people will leave you alone.
But how can you project a strong image when secretly you’re terrified that some guy is going to grab you or yell at you?
Fake it.
Think of someone who walks like they own the pavement — then imitate them. After a while, it will change from imitation to real, actual confidence. I used to use this tactic when I was at a party & feeling introverted — I would think of my friend Jenno Soprano, who is always having a time to remember. I know it sounds overly simplistic, too easy to work. Trust me when I say that it works a charm.
The other thing you can try is a little bit kooky, but bear with me, because in my experience it is pretty much foolproof. Before you leave the house, take a deep breath & imagine there is a zipper running up your body, starting at your pubic bone & finishing just underneath your nose. Visualise yourself zipping it closed, working your way upwards. Then go out, & do whatever you feel like. I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly effective this is in terms of keeping away weirdos, creeps & other undesirable people. Even if this sounds a bit crazy to you, try it & see how you go. You can zip yourself up as often as you like, every minute if it makes you feel more secure.
When I do either of these things (or especially if I do them in tandem), people still look at me; I can still feel their attention. But somehow, it’s like I’ve hit the mute button. They don’t make a peep. They are exceptionally well-behaved. It makes my world a better place. I hope it for works for you, too.
Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala 
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thank you, gala! happy international women’s day from one fabulous femmebot to another.
Oddly enough, I’ve only ever been catcalled when walking with other girlfriends. I think it’s probably just that I usually look very boring, but it’s more fun to think I look too intimidating to mess with!
This is fab advice, anyway. I know a lot of ladies who’ll love to read this. :)
I definitely noticed a huge difference in how I was treated by men on the street when I started walking tall and showing off my confidence. You’re totally right- it’s not about what you wear, it’s about how you carry yourself. Another tip if you’re still having problems is to listen to a mp3 or cd player while you’re walking. The music will block out the sounds of anyone talking to you.
I really hope it helps people, it is distressing to me to think that people could be much happier if only they had this information.
Meg — I like your advice. Headphones are great, like an instant cloak of invisibility. Even when I’m not wearing them, if someone at yells at me, I act like I can’t hear them anyway, heh.
as a pedestrian i used to think it was really polite that people stop their car to let me cross the road until i worked this out:
it’s almost always men who stop, and they always stop and smile if i’m in heels as opposed to flats! now i can manage sassy outfit regardless of the height of my shoes – so what’s up with that? now i feel they’re only stopping to get a good look. depending on what kinda day i’m having this can be flattering or just plain annoying.
Bravo, Gala, bravo! Let’s hope that all women and men who care about them heed this advice.
Nice integration of the Zip-Up energy technique.
Haha, thanks Rod!
Really interesting post! I think the creepy male attention also varies with context, though. Where I’m from, people don’t really care how you dress, catcall, or make comments that often. When I was visiting my boyfriend in Mexico, though, it was an entirely different story. If I was with him, I could wear a skirt and nothing would happen to me because I was “taken.” When I was with his sister, we got leered at by a bunch of guys in the back of a pick-up.
Yeah, it definitely depends on where you are. If, for example, you’re at Burning Man, you can walk around naked & probably avoid any kind of commentary. I’ve noticed that coming to Australia from New Zealand, Australians are far more outgoing as a society, & so a lot of them seem pretty happy to bellow whatever they like at you. In New Zealand, it’s almost like the place is so small everyone is worried you might be their sister’s friend or something. I don’t know, it seemed to happen far less over there.
I never ever get yelled at… I’ll take the ‘it’s because i walk with confidence’ option… heh…
I remember walking down the street arm in arm with a guy in the middle and another girl on the end and some guys in a car yelled out ‘faggot’ haha… I was like ‘wtf?’
i seriously love the zip idea!
also, you should consider commenting on how its not just men that creep and call; sometimes when youre wearing an outlandish fashion statement, or even something normal, its girls that pass judgement- often worse than guys!
I have always felt the same way – if you project an air that you are not a victim, people will leave you alone. I can walk downtown Vancouver and no one bugs me, because I walk strong and I don’t look like a target. And I’ve always felt like it’s because I don’t have that “victim aura.”
I have to agree … People only see you as you see yourself. Feel sexy and in control and thats exactly how they will see you too :)
I know this is an old post but had to give feedback and encouragement to other girls to try this.
I’ve been having so much trouble with this recently – and it’s been really getting me down. I think it’s because I’m living in a new country and I just can’t cope with it as well with no sense of security. I’ve been wearing my shades, walking upright and briskly but still getting heckled 3 or 4 times a day. (Neon hair doesn’t lend itself well to inconspicuousness granted, but that’s not the point).
So, remembering you’d written about this Gala, I re-read and noticed what I’d not been doing. Armed with my new knowledge I left my flat after “zipping myself up”. Walking down the street, I saw someone turn towards me, so “zipp!” (in my mind’s eye). A few more “zipps” were required during the day, but NOT ONCE did anyone say anything to me and as a result I felt less frayed.
Thank you for this piece and anyone else who’s having bother – try it!
sssso helpful!! thankyou gala you amaze me xxxx