forty-five thoughts for my daughter and my virtual daughters
[ 18 July 2009 ]
forty-five thoughts for my daughter and my virtual daughters
By Francesca Lia Block.
i always believed if i had blond hair, pixie face
big breasts
everything would be all right
not realizing that culturally idolized beauty
is not only foolproof
but potentially dangerousif you believe in your own unconventional beauty
when you are young
you will accomplish twice as much and suffer half soturn off lightbulbs and light a candle
walk don’t drive
plant a tree
wear sunscreen
dancing is an antidepressant
kindness is the new status symbol
every day please try to eat something green
and something orange
that grow out of the groundtell me how mad you are
that your father and i parted
i will always listen
though i can’t ever take away the painexpectations are for what you yourself create
they rarely work when applied to others
turn off the television
tv is a depressant
yoga is an antidepressant
don’t feel guilty about wanting pretty things
they would not be so alluring
if you weren’t supposed to want them
just don’t value them over compassionuse your words even when you are a grown-up
and people no longer think it is entirely acceptable
when you say, that hurt my feelingsif you can digest chocolate eat it sometimes
same goes for ice cream
(i don’t really need to tell you those things do i?)do your homework because it is part of the game but
don’t spend too much time worrying about grades
fall in love with someone kind who loves your body
and your mindif you have a dream that won’t let you go, that
tickles your solar plexus, heed itturn dark feelings into paintings or poetry
or dancingmusic is a kind of food
if you are sad talk to a happy woman who loves you
it will always helpmove your body when you are sad or angry
avoid the following:
genetically modified ingredients
parabens
sodium lauryl sulfate
mercury in certain fish
neurotic thoughts about food
(is that a contradiction?)love your curls though they tangle
your pale skin though it can burn in the sun
your nose though it is broader than some
your sturdy legs and feetforget barbie she does not possess imagination
remember you are a botticelli angel
the planet we live on is perfection
love her like a goddess
love yourself as her daughter
there is a planet full of different kinds of beauty
the idea that only one type of woman is beautiful
is blasphemyof everything i brought to the world in these
forty-five years
you and your brother are by far the most astoundingbecause of this i will always love your father
matter never vanishes, only changes
remember that when someone you love dies
your round head on my breast when you were born
is the memory
i will keep with me when i leave this bodywhen i am gone i will still be near you
this is how i know: when you were born
it was not a meeting
but a reunion
Love letters & feather headdresses,
Tags: inspiration,
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Thank you so very much for sharing this. It made me so happy. I removed my sour frown, improved my foul mood, You inspired me to smile. Such a drastic change that I might of cried a little bit.
This is beautiful, and it reminds me of a speech I read before, it’s called wear sunscreen:
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97… wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are NOT as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you’re 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
I always read this whenever I am sad, and it makes me feel much better :)
What a beautiful, beautiful thing.
thankyou for this! its beautiful.
this is so beautiful, i almost cried!
definitely printing this out.
It’s so nice to read something that we all know, but have a hard time actually realizing.
and Tia when I was seven I had that song on a NOW CD it’s amazing to hear:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7Az…
This is lovely and instantly lifted me up and now I feel wonderful! xo
I’m not usually moved to tears by words or movies or quotes,
but this gripped onto my heart like a hook and squeezed my tear ducts.
It’s now raining buckets.
Happy buckets.
Thank you, Gala.
It is beautiful.
Wow, that actually gave me chills. Thank you for sharing this xoxo
Oh wow, this is insanely beautiful…thank you so much for posting it.
Beautiful words. I love it.
Tia – thank you for posting that speech, I’ve been meaning to look it up! This post reminded me of that too.
What a beautiful poem.
Thank you Gala. This made me cry like I haven’t in awhile. I really needed to! My mama died when I was little, but I like to imagine that these are the things she’d be telling me if she were still here. Francesca Lia is amazing- I wrote her a letter when I was 17, + dangerously pregnant (an ectopic) in Los Angeles- very young + afraid. She wrote me back immediately, and made me feel so much better. How great would she be to have for a mom?
Thank you for posting this. It made me cry. Beautiful timeless truth. Much love to you.
I remember first reading this poem and how it made me cry in a way that FLB hadn’t done in so long. It is such a strong, perfect poem and its now one of the mantras I live by. I hope to pass it down to my daughter someday.
That was absolutely beautiful.
The coincidence of this made me smile in spite of having a particularly gloomy weekend: I am reading this while taking a break between books of FLB’s “Dangerous Angels” series which I picked up from the library per your suggestion on “50 Ways to Rescue the Worst Day Ever.” I guess Francesca Lia Block is the theme for the evening; thanks for posting Gala!
Thank you for posting this. I’m turning 20 in a little less than three hours, and this was a great reminder to live my life to the fullest and be the happiest I can be. I think that it’s time for a fresh start.
yeah, that totally made me cry, and made me think of my daughter that didn’t make it. i’m gonna send this to my mom though. I think she might appreciate it too. thanks so much for posting this.
This is so amazing. Thank you for sharing it and making sure so many wonderful girls get a chance to read it!
as a new mommy, i just wanted to say thank you. this is beautiful. i will pass it on to lily when she’s older.
-rachel
This has got to be my favorite post of the month. It’s kind of strange yet beautiful since my mother was never around, and I’m just now forming a relationship with her. I’ve always been trying to consolidate little life lessons in order to tell my kids of the future and this is a big help. Thanks so much for sharing these wonderful words!
This is beautiful, and most defiantly inspiring especially when i’m having a gloomy, difficult time with the beginning of my summer. This makes me want to get up and do something, talk to someone new, do something I would never normally do, take a risk, dance until I cannot get up. Thank you for posting, PLUS the sunscreen speech above by Kurt Vonnegut is such a great addition!
This is beautiful. Francesca Lia Block is my favorite author of all time.
This made me choke up a bit. It’s just so nice to read someone else saying the things that I try to tell myself all the time but always have problems believing. It feels like a big warm hug. Thanks for posting it. < 3
thank you so much, gala. i came here thinking there’d be nothing new since the carousel, but desperately wanting there to be. i’ve been in a funk tonight and was searching for some light. this definitely made the difference, thanks a lot :]
That’s beautiful! Thanks for sharing it. I try to do something daring and challenging each year and always remember, especially on days where I feel less attractive, that I am the Excalibur of females.
Thanks, Gala!
Oh gosh, that’s so beautiful. When I have daughters, they’ll be getting this passed on to them.
Whew, having just come back from a whirlwind day of fun, this just made me smile even wider. Until the last three lines – I burst into tears. That is just such a beautiful way to think of life and of people that sometimes I forget, and this is the perfect reminder. Thank you, Gala, for thinking of being a dear 24/7.
I cried. My dear this is beautiful.
Wow, just beautiful, I will admit I cried a little. Thankyou Gala. Definitely saving this for future reference when I’m feeling down. xx
I adore her…I was just flipping through Necklace of Kisses this morning trying to remember what she said about having an animus. I had a boy in my past and I’m trying to make sense of what that relationship means.
But that’s another story. Love FLB, thank you for posting this.
Oh, that last bit – SO TRUE. Looking on my newborn’s face and feeling I’d known him all my life. [sniff]
Oh I wish I could show everyone before & after (reading this) pictures of me. Big dif. Big, positive, dif. What more could anyone ask for?
Everyone’s comments are so lovely – I’m having a little ‘OMG-iCiNG’s-community-is-so-fantastic’ love-fit again!
wow…
that is all i have to say about that. that is beauty in the form of words.
That was absolutely beautiful.
A reality check, though not a cruel one. It shows there is still love, kindness and beauty in the world, though unfortunatly it may be hidden sometimes.
that is so beautiful
Thanks for posting that Gala, it was wonderful. I now want to buy ‘How to (Un)Cage a Girl’ for every female I know. Haha!
My nose went all red and I cried. Thankyou for sharing this beautiful piece.
Definitely a pick-up!
I can only agree with everyone else … it’s truth that we all know deep inside.
I think every girl should read this. What an awesome post Gala!
Gala,
That was a beautiful entry. Truly beautiful. Thank you for posting this, it almost brought me to tears. Honestly, it’s so easy to forget we are all such unique, beautiful individuals who are surrounded by people who love and care for us just the way we are. This was a reminder that was long overdue.
Thank you, wholeheartedly.
I am immediately forwarding this to my friend. She has such a negative view of herself, yet I believe she is a total Goddess.I hope she takes some of this on board.
This is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. Such wonderful, inspiring words of wisdom!
<3333 wonderful, what beautiful loving words. I know part of your site’s magic is that we people go through a lot of similiar things but this has (again!) come at a perfect time =) I’m going to write this out later and put it on my wall.
Also, I was digging through the archives and I loved the witer article about eating italian food and the room decorating one- good stuff!
Wow. Everyone needs to hear this, sometimes.
That gave me goosebumps.
LOVE francesca lia block!
Thank you, Gala, this was perfect for my birthday!
that was sweet, totally reminded me of something my mother would tell me [though, probably not as eloquently]
now I’m sitting here trying very hard not to cry. :]
That is amazing and beautiful. If I ever gave birth to a daughter I would write something like this, put into an envelope and give it to her the day she left home and tell her to read it later.
Thank you, Gala
This was beautiful.
I needed something to cheer me up today, and this surely did the deed. =)
Wow, Gala. This practically made me cry. It is definitely one of the most beautiful and striking posts I’ve read in a while. Excellent writer! Thanks for sharing this with us.
Amazing. I had a hard time with that. It spoke to so many things I’ve been feeling
so beautiful. my sister has terrible self-esteem problems that I can’t even begin to conquer (thirteen-year-old girls really do bear the weight of the world on their shoulders, don’t they?) and I will forward this to her.
Thank you for sharing this. It made so many things… better.
This is one of my favourite poems! There is a reading by her on youtube! It’s beautiful :)
love francesca lia block. that was beautiful and inspiring!
I cried at the end.
This was beautiful and touched on a few things I’ve been struggling with lately.
Thanks Gala.
Oh, Gala thank you so much.
That was beautiful. That last line, the “when you were born in was not a meeting, but a reunion” made me cry.
You are so wonderful. =]
Oh, I really needed this today!
This is beautiful and heartfelt
Thanks for sharing this! It will be one that I reread often. What a great way to start the day!
This poem really went home for me. It’s beautiful and full of love, and I can’t thank you enough for sharing.
oh, how i love this! absolutely breathtaking.
This is fantastic! I can’t believe I’ve never heard of this author.
I think i shall print it in a ridiculously large font and plaster it all over my bedroom :)
Totally amazing. I printed this immediately and hung it above my desk where I can see it always for inspiration. It’s amazing how such few words can have such incredible impact!
Wow. That’s so sweet! =D
thank you!
I stalk FLB’s myspace page for the poetry (and her playlist!)
There’s a site doing something similar that I really enjoy called 500 Pieces of Prudent Advice for My Baby Daughter – prudentadviceformybabydaughter…
Sample:
#131 You are the wellspring of your own hope.
No one (besides your mother) will be more invested in your emotional well-being than they are in their own. Joy is not something gifted to you by other people, it’s an outlook on the world that you have to cultivate independent of friends and lovers. Daughter if I could give it to you I would, a million times over, but the truth is that you are singularly responsible for your own happiness.
Wow, thats beautiful :) thankyou :)
beautiful. love it.
very very nice. i like things in this style, my fave is always “daughter” by nicole blackman.
could i love her any more? no! i could not! thank you for posting and thank you flb for getting me through the teen years alive…
OMG, I love you!
that gave me goosebumps…
so well said!