How To Cope With A Quarter-Life Crisis
[ 17 September 2008 ]
A girl I know posted this on her journal recently.
“I believe I am entering phase five of my quarter life crisis. It’s a bit like how grief has stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression & acceptance.
Anyway quarter life crisis, phase 1: Denial. Party harder than before, delete your birth year from your Facebook profile.
Phase 2: Anger. MY LIFE IS SO SO BAD ARGHNNGGGMMPPFFF.
Phase 3: Bargaining. Give up smoking for a week and buy some expensive face wash.
Phase 4: Shame and regret.
Phase 5: Fear of your imminent death.
Phase 6: Acceptance that since you’re not ever going to do all the things you want to do or know all the things you want to know you may as well sit around smoking weed all day if you feel like it as anxiety only hastens your IMMINENT DEATH.
Phase 7: Death.”
It seems like at the moment a lot of people I know are going through their quarter-life crisis. A friend of mine from school turned 25 last week — three days before me — & when I was in Wellington, I was the recipient of a flurry of panicked emails. To put it plainly, she is freaking out. She thinks she is getting old. She has started lying to people about her age (23 seems to be the magic number). & she is convinced that she is going to have a stroke which will leave half her face paralysed.
She told me that recently an old woman who used a walking stick came into the shop where she was working. My friend said hello, & asked if she could help her, because the old woman had trouble moving around. The old woman stopped where she was, turned around & stared at my friend. “Promise me something,” she said, in a low, foreboding voice. “Don’t ever get old!”
This was the final straw.
Honestly, anyone who thinks the quarter-life crisis is a bogus phenomenon needs to meet my friends!
Most people who are going through this ugly process are aware that there is something wrong, but are you just feeling generally miserable or is it a quarter-life crisis? What are the signs or symptoms? Commonly, they are…
Feeling like you’re not doing well enough
Frustration & disillusionment with the working world
Feeling insecure about what you’re doing, where you’re going & what your plans are
Anxiety over close relationships
Feeling extremely bored with your social life (otherwise known as, “Oh my god, I will throw myself out the window if I have to go to another party at her house”)
Nostalgia for teenage years, high school or university (this often manifests itself as an obsession with looking at old photographs or reading journals & reminiscing)
Feeling a desperate need to “settle down” — like buy a house, get married or have a baby
...Or conversely, wanting to “escape” the real world — like backpacking around the world or finding a nice cave to live in
Financial stress or confusion
Intense loneliness
Feeling that everyone is doing better than you
Terror at the concept of getting “old”
Wondering “Is that all there is?”
A vague feeling of apathy, mixed with horror, panic & depression
Of course, feeling some of these things occasionally is pretty much par for the course, & not necessarily indicative that you’re going through a quarter-life crisis! However, if all these things (or the majority of them) seem to have hit you at once, this can be quite terrifying — especially if it happens to coincide with your birthday or other milestone.
So, I’ve given this quite a lot of thought over the past week or so. Why is it that some of my friends are in this terrifying choke hold, & some aren’t? I have plenty of friends who have never felt like they were going through a quarter- (or even mid-!) life crisis. Why is that?
Well, I think I know the answer. There are two deciding factors which separate the two groups. Since they both deserve a lot of attention, I’ve split this article into two parts — the second of which is coming tomorrow.
The first catalyst for a quarter-life crisis is a lack of meaningful work.
So, the idea that your work or career (or lack of one) could be contributing to your feelings of anxiety is probably a bit of a drag to some of you — especially those of you who are in denial about how happy your work makes you. By now, we all know (I’m sure) that working just to eke out a living is not the path to eternal bliss. The people who seem happiest & most fulfilled are always those who do something that turns their crank. I know that sounds like a bit of a heavy trip, especially if you don’t feel like you’re part of that camp. Believe me, I’ve been there, & I know from personal experience that there is nothing worse than working in a job you dislike. I think the place where a lot of us stumble is that we think the work we do — or the career we enter — has to be life-changing, ground-shaking, life-shattering. It doesn’t. It doesn’t at all.
When I say “meaningful work”, my definition is that it has to be meaningful to you — & only you. As much as we would all like to change the planet, that isn’t necessary to feel good or fulfilled. My idea of something “meaningful” is pretty simple: do something that has value to you.
I used to sell advertising for a small newspaper in New Zealand. My job was to sit at a desk, go through the Yellow Pages, & cold-call businesses to try & sell them space in an unsuccessful newspaper. It was awful. It had absolutely no value to me, beyond the fact that it helped me pay my rent. I would not classify this as meaningful work. On the other hand, when I worked at Lush, I loved it! I was surrounded by beautiful products which I believed in, & I got to sell them to people who really loved & appreciated them. It helped clear their skin up, or made them feel luxurious & sexy, so I felt that was a business worth being in. I really enjoyed it, & it made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile — contributing something positive. I would call that meaningful work. Like I said, you don’t have to wash the feet of lepers to do something that makes you feel good.
If the thing that made you happiest was painting watercolours for the elderly, or walking dogs, then that’s great! I’ll say it again for emphasis: you don’t have to cure AIDS, be a recycling avenger or destroy the capitalist agenda to have a life that is full of love & wonder & happiness, or to make a difference to other people’s lives.
The great thing is that just by being who we are, & being happy, we serve as an incredible example to everyone we come into contact with. I am not a saint or a perfect person, but I feel good about what I’m doing with my life. When people ask me what I do for a living, or enquire as to what I’ve been up to recently, most of them are pretty excited to hear my response. Plenty of them give me a crazed look, before the barrage of questions begins. “So, you don’t work for anyone else? & you travel around & write from wherever you like? Huh?!”
I hope that they go home & think about how they could bring a little magic into their own lives, & I know that a lot of them do — just like a lot of you do after you discover iCiNG & start getting into the spirit of it! That’s just it — sometimes things seem impossible until we see someone else do it — & then, we often feel brave enough to give it a try. In fact, this happens all the time: you can see clear examples of this in athletics. No one can run a mile in under x minutes until they see someone else succeed, & then, all of a sudden, athletes spanning the globe can do it. Just like that. It really goes to show that the only things holding us back are our self-imposed limits or our beliefs about our own capabilities.
Having said all this, most people who aren’t doing some kind of work which pushes their buttons are in that situation precisely because they don’t know where to begin. They don’t always know what their interests are, or where their talents lie, & the whole idea is kind of scary. (Having said this, if you know what you should be doing, but are just putting it off — muster up some courage, & begin!) I think a lot of what fuels a quarter-life crisis is this feeling that somehow, everyone but you has a grand plan for their life, & they are Getting Things Done & Going Somewhere, & you’re the only person who is kind of lost & confused. Don’t be tempted to think that people with a “career plan” have it all figured out, or that their lives are perfect. The truth is, most people don’t have a master plan at all. A lot of us are just blindly feeling our way, trying to make the best of whatever situations come our way.
Ths is a long-winded way of saying don’t feel bad because you haven’t got everything all figured out. No one does. The people who think they do tend to learn the hard way that they really don’t. Life is supposed to be an adventure, & it’s supposed to be tricky sometimes! That’s what makes life interesting! If every boy you liked fell at your feet immediately, or you were suddenly a wild success without really doing anything to get there, you would be bored to tears. A bit of a challenge is good for us, because it shows us what we’re made of & proves to us the power we really have — which then helps us to go on & do bigger, bolder & better things.
Here are some things to keep in mind if you feel like your quarter-life crisis stems from a lack of meaningful work:
Listen to yourself
Above all else, remember that you are living your life for you & you alone. If your life thus far has been an effort to make your parents/significant other/friends happy, believe me when I say that you are fooling yourself & wasting your time. This doesn’t mean you have to be inconsiderate or the world’s most selfish person, but you have to put yourself first. Don’t let people bully you into a lifestyle that doesn’t interest or suit you. It is a recipe for complete misery. No one wants to wake up at age 60 & realise they’ve completely squandered their life!
Often our parents, lovers, friends, religious leaders or other people in the community act as if they know what is best for us. While it’s true that everyone has a unique & valuable perspective on life, that does not mean that they are right, or that they can possibly know what our life should be like. Only you can determine that for yourself.
Listening to yourself means paying attention to what interests you, acting on what your intuition tells you (& not just shoving it down or ignoring it), & allowing yourself to grow, expand & make mistakes. Scary, yes! But once you have started living in this way, you’ll never go back. It is an entirely new experience.
Take it slowly
Don’t feel compelled to rush into anything. Time is an illusion, after all, so don’t allow an illusion to dictate your life! We all feel like there’s never enough time, but if you can make the effort to slow down, be in the present & appreciate what you’re doing right at this very second, that perception will begin to change.
Life is not a race, regardless of what your friends or the media may tell you. Who are you competing against, what are you really competing for, & does it actually matter? Your best friend might have a baby & a sparkly engagement ring, while your favourite cousin has a high-paying job & an amazing apartment, but so what? Everyone’s life moves at a different speed & no one is doing better or worse than anyone else. You might be envious of your friend’s baby while she secretly wishes she was unencumbered & able to travel the world like you do.
Don’t rush! Regardless of how uncomfortable it may feel, you are always at the perfect place for you, your life, your growth, development & experience.
Stay curious
As well as keeping you young, it will allow you to remain open to the opportunities that present themselves to you. Stay excited, keep asking questions, continue to move through life. It’s much better to be curious & happy than trapped in something you’re not enjoying.
Have faith in yourself
Sometimes you have to take a big, scary leap into the unknown. You may not know the next step, & you might not know exactly what you’re doing, or how it’s all going to work out — but you need to have faith in yourself & trust in the process.
A lot of people never take any risks because they feel the need to organise their life to death & have stringent plans which they execute like clockwork. That’s an okay way to live, but it’s certainly not very exciting, & it can take some of the thrill out of life! Life becomes much more magnificent when you just decide to do things, & trust that it will all work out. It can be terrifying, but it’s also amazing.
When you have vexing problems or a zillion questions, know that you already have the answer — & everything else you will ever need — inside you.
Be true to yourself
Become aware of the fact that what other people are doing with their lives is not necessarily right for you, no matter how fun/glamorous/cool/right it may seem. You cannot live anyone else’s life. You can only ever live your own, so don’t try to fit yourself into the mold someone else has poured.
Of course, you should try new things to see if they work for you or not. But don’t force yourself to do something if it’s not right for you, or just because you feel like you should. It will only make you feel uncomfortable. It’s much better to be authentic & cut your own path than take painful steps in someone else’s shoes.
Follow your passion
This is part of having faith in yourself, but gets its own mention because sometimes this can be hard to do — especially if people around you are critical or devoted to being “realistic” all the time. People with passion are often misunderstood because they sometimes look crazy from the outside! Don’t let other people’s opinions or judgements sway you. If you know what you’re doing & you have a vision, you should follow it.
“Everyone has a talent, what is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.”
— Erica Jong
If you really feel like you’re in the clutches of a quarter-life crisis & don’t quite know how to deal with it, these books come highly recommended. Many people have said they helped a lot — they no longer felt alone in their situation, & were able to gain some perspective & take steps which helped break them out of it.
Try Christine Hassler’s 20-Something, 20-Everything: A Quarter-life Woman’s Guide to Balance and Direction & 20 Something Manifesto: Quarter-Lifers Speak Out About Who They Are, What They Want, and How to Get It, The Quarterlifer’s Companion: How to Get on the Right Career Path, Control Your Finances, and Find the Support Network You Need to Thrive by Abby Wilner & Catherine Stocker, Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis: Advice from Twentysomethings Who Have Been There and Survived by Alexandra Robbins, Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties by Alexandra Robbins & Abby Wilner, & Upload Experience: Quarterlife Solutions for Teens And Twentysomethings by Jason Steinle.
You might also like to read this article from life coach Tim Brownson, How To Survive A Mid- Or Quarter-Life Crisis.
Part two is coming tomorrow, sweet thing, so sit tight!
Hyper-love & bunny kisses,
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oh my god, i’m so glad it’s not just me. i’m having mine early (i’m 20 in january) and i am SERIOUSLY freaking out over it. i see all these amazing people who have achieved so much and they’re my age or younger. i have done nothing with my life! i’ve wasted my golden years! i’m a failure! et cetera.
jeepers! this is exactly what i’m going through. i am approaching 25 in december and slightly dreading it. my career is not completely what i want it to be, but i’m sure with a kick up the behind i can turn that around!
Thanks so much for the article!!! Hope you had a lovely birthday :) by the way i love your femme sud bag!!! i have put it on my birthday wishlist too :)
this is a really wonderful article, thanks Gala =)
This is wonderful advice and I am going to forward it to friends. It is so easy to get caught up in seeing life as a race especially since it is human nature to compare everything in order to describe it, I used to be this way but now realize the importance of seeing my life only through my own eyes.
And I always stress the importance of deciding for yourself what you want to do. I always loved art but wanted to please my parents so I went to law school after college graduation. Not listening to myself made me angry with them and confused for not following my own path. I quit law school and felt like I was behind my peers in the race when I went to community college to study art and design, but this is what really forced me to see life as not being a race. Like you said you can only spread peace and happiness when you are happy your self!
I just turned 23, (sept 6 !) and I have been trying not to go through a quarter life crisis
I’m so glad that you posted this!! I know a few of my friends are having problems with this. Unfortunately a lot of older people and parents don’t want to hear about it because they just assume that they are whining.
I’m not sure about elsewhere but I know that in the US with the way the economy and the education system are going there are a lot of twenty-somethings graduating only to find out that their Bachelor degree counts for little in such a competitive job market. From there you end with with an entire generation of people working menial jobs that don’t inspire the mind or fuel society. I’ve talked to so many people that all seem to share the same problem of being trapped in a job they hate yet making just enough money that they can escape the torment on the weekends. It really is a vicious cycle.
It’s a very serious problem and I’m so glad that you are posting about it!
Wow! It seems like so many people I know (self included sometimes) have hit this slump.
Some things that have helped me are:
Taking classes – sometimes learning something new helps get over that feeling of boredom – Coincides with your “stay curious” and “follow your passions” points.
Practicing gratitude – Often, the reason I get caught in the slump is because I’m too busy looking forward and not realizing the power of now.
Being proactive – If there’s something you’re unhappy with, get out and be active about making it work. It helps to chronicle what you feel needs to change, and hop to!
Thanks Gala for writing this!!!
the trick is force yourself out of the “woe is me” attitude. do whatever it takes to integrate and move on.
I just turned 40 in May, and am single, no kids or serious relationship. Talk about reevaluting your priorities! I feel like Carrie on SATC sometimes.
you have to work at.
the power of now is definately a balm for the soul, as well as music, for me personally.
also practicing gratitude and having a daily meditation practice are the top things that have helped me. everything else becomes clearer then.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I’ve been going through this; my boyfriend just broke up with me because of this (he’s already had his and he’s not going to help me through mine), and I’m trying to pick myself up from both the break-up and the QLC, but I’m truly reeling right now.
It’s definitely about changing my perspective and how I think, so that’s what I’m working on.
I read the wonderful commencement speech from David Foster Wallace over the weekend, with the notion that we all need to look and think and feel beyond our default setting (his example: fish have no idea what water is) and remind ourselves that there is always more than what we’re going through. So that’s really helped me the past couple of days. Writing has helped too, and since that’s something I love and something I need to be doing, that’s what I’m doing.
All I can say is, if you think a QLC is rough, try approaching 30. I’m 5 months away. I actually liked turning 25. Even 27 was a good number for me. But 28 was a bit frightening, 29 gave me a little panic attack, and I imagine I’ll have a full-on nervous breakdown for 30. I have nothing more going for myself than I did when I was 18. This is not a happy realization.
I’m so glad one of those links has ‘teens’ in the title, I was starting to be all like: “Oh my god, I’m having a quarter-life crisis already!!”
I’m turning 25 in a few short months, and the last couple years I have definitely been feeling this quarterlife stuff, on and off. Christine Hassler’s books are wonderful, and have been such a blessing to me. I bought her “20something Manifesto” to read on my solo trip to NYC this summer, and it was perfect – sprawled out on a bench in Washington Square with a Mud Truck coffee, taking control of my anxieties and crises!
The most encouraging thing for me was learning that I wasn’t alone…that so many other wonderful talented 20somethings are enduring the same struggles. Stay strong, you wonderful girls and boys! :)
Thank you for this! It has helped my day =)
sophie~ — Comparing yourself to anyone else is a losing game! It is not the path to happiness, I promise you!
kaz — I’m sure you’ll be okay! Set yourself some goals & see what you can do… & thanks! I did indeed have a lovely birthday, I feel very blessed! I hope you get a Femme Sud bag in December! xx
Elizabeth — Ahhh, so many people go to university because they “want to make money” or to follow the career their parents want for them… I’m really happy that you have managed to side-step that, even if it was painful in the interim!
Renee — It’s like that everywhere. The educational bar just keeps getting set higher & higher. It’s terrible, it pushes people further into debt as they go through college, not even knowing if at the other end they will a) have a job or b) enjoy their chosen career!
Birdie — Good points! Being proactive is so important. I think it’s really imperative that we are all aware that we have the power to transform our lives into anything we want! Otherwise it’s easy to shift the blame, shirk responsibility & stay passive/miserable…
emily — It sounds like you’re making seriously positive strides, good for you! It’s interesting how we get locked into these ideas about what we should have or have achieved by the time we are x age. It’s all so ridiculous; what is right for me is not necessarily right for you & vice versa.
Jeanne — Ouch, you have my sympathy! I haven’t read David Foster Wallace’s commencement speech, I’m going to go & look it up, but that’s such a good point. I think it’s so easy for us to just go through the motions & not actually stop & consider whether it is a positive thing for us to be doing. Writing is an awesome way to get through a break-up, too — I’ve done a lot of that ;>
candace — But surely you have more life experience, clearer perspectives, silly stories… ?! If you feel like nothing has changed, then maybe you need to do something radical, like moving to Peru?! ;>
Oh gosh, I went through this a couple years ago when I was 22 or 23 (because I’m so mature for my age, clearly). I was living in the same state I grew up in then attended college, working a job for half what I should’ve been making given my education, could barely make ends meet, and on and on. What I think put me over was going through facebook and seeing all the people I knew from high school and college with their fabulously successful jobs and beautiful weddings. It was terrible!
So I found a better job, moved out of the state, starting making the kinds of friends I really wanted and realized that the only difference between me and my “interesting” friends was that they framed it better. That friend who works in television living in NYC? Sure it sounds glamourous, but I’m sure she was having as hard a time budgeting as I was, I just couldn’t get past the exotic locale and exciting-sounding job. My cure was to start taking pictures of the fun things I did (because I DO do fun things!) and discussing the interesting parts of my job that I was so passionate about just to remind myself that I don’t have to keep up with any Joneses . . . I just have to make the life I want!
Wooo, long-winded, but this topic so totally spoke to me. Thanks, Gala!
You’ve just read my mind. I’ve had that feeling since I turned 25 (26 in a few months), so I packed in my dull dead-end job to go back to school and become a stylish mad scientist. That was my dream job when I was a kid.
Step one on the route to world domination :)
Thanks for this! I have a few years before I turn 25 but its awful good to be prepared for it and how to deal with it!
I think I’m going to pass this on to my brother. i dont’ know if he’ll find it helpful but he seems to be having a bit of a quarter-life crisis, he’s just turned 25 and realised (or thinks he’s realised) that he’s getting old. He’s having issues with relationships, jobs, the fact that he thought that as an adult everythign would be different and he’d feel grown up but he just feels the same as he did when he was 18, he even thinks he’s getting arthritus!
He’s a guy but I think everyone could do with a bit of Gala advice once in a while and he’s definately having a quarter-life crisis!
I am going through this late I just turned 29 in June. I am always late though so its not a surprise! I have been wondering why I felt so stuck. I work minimum wage jobs and go to college part time. I can barely afford the gas to get to school or work. I hate my jobs. I hate my lack of a social life. I have a great boyfriend so that’s a help. But, he has 3 little girls which I am now helping to care for 4 nights a week. I just feel so overwhelmed and completely stuck. I have 3 more years of school and if I am lucky I will get a job I love in foreign translation.
Oh Gala THANK YOU for posting this, I just turned 30!! and I am going through this, I know it sounds stupid, but I really feel like I am alone feeling this way sometimes, like everyone elses life is better than mine, it is so very comforting to know this is really not the case at all.
yep i’m feeling it too. i turned 25 in the summer just as i recovered from a chronic illness. first i was filled with a powerful enthusiasm for life but now that it’s time to find a rewarding way to earn a living these feelings have departed and a lack of self-confidence has replaced it. i’ve been loving the ‘how-to s’ as deep down i feel that self-employment is the path for me. your posts inspire me to find my way to bridge the gap between lack of self-confidence and blissful, fulfilling work. i am so happy and grateful to have found you. Happy Birthday! xxx
Thank you for this… I have been feeling horrible lately and could not quite explain it to myself. I can’t wait till tomorrow to see part 2. Quarter life crisis… I can’t believe it, thanks so much for writing this!
I want to become a professional photographer, and I have been working on it a little, but I have bills to pay and such and I make so many excuses. It really is hard though, I put a lot of work into it this summer and did not see many results and got discouraged, then school started and I don’t have very much time between working 40 hours a week and taking 2 classes.
Mine began this past May when I graduated college, and a big part of it is that I chose to pursue a degree I loved (in Writing) rather than something practical that would earn me a comfortable living. There have been days where it seems like I’ll never get out of my funk and I have no idea what I’m doing with my life and I’m sick of my crap waitressing job but have $16 in my bank account and bills are due…the list goes on. It’s really hard for me to remember and appreciate that I’m surrounded by friends who I love (and in are the same position), I have a roof over my head and food (or at least beer) in my fridge, and live in NYC, one of the greatest cities in the world and somewhere I’ve wanted to live ever since I was little.
I panicked when I graduated, sending out a flurry of resumes and cover letters and cold calls, and allowed myself to fall into a depression when I didn’t get any responses. But now I force myself to relax and chill the eff out – what other time in my life will I be allowed to sleep until 11AM because I was out dancing with my new friends from work until 3 the night before? I still have no idea what I want to do with my life…though I will say that if Anthony Boudain ever needs a break, I’d be glad to step in!
This is very aptly timed and appreciated, Gala. I’m definitely stewing in my own frustrated rut, trying to figure out what I want and how to get there. Thanks for this.
xo
Um, I started my one of those when I was 18! I was just totally lost and worried that I wasn’t having sex when I should be or partying when I should be or working when I should be or studying what I should be. I had this constant little panicky feeling about being at the age which is supposed to be the prime of your life and not making “the most of it”. I’d never felt so much pressure before to be an almost entirely different person.
I finally got control of it when I had what I like to term my Friday Night Epiphany. I was staying home on a Friday night, feeling really bad about myself, thinking about what a loser I must be, wishing I was out getting drunk and pulling boys because That Is What Young People Are Meant To Do On Friday Nights, and then I suddenly thought: “Hey! This is just a social construction! There’s nothing innate in the night of Friday that requires all this stuff. I don’t have to do all that, and actually, I don’t want to. I’m going to read a book.”
It was really hard for me to squash my negative feelings down, but I thought about it and discovered that doing all that Friday Night Stuff wouldn’t make me any happier. I try to apply what I realised then to everything in my life that panics me because it doesn’t seem right for my age. I’m sure some other people think I’m really boring for a 21 year old, and that I’m wasting my youth in front of this computer, but I know I will feel worse if I get to 30 and haven’t finished a novel or five than if I don’t achieve all the goals set by society for me.
Great advice!
I’ve really enjoyed reading the article and the comments especially. It’s good to see others in the same situation.
I always assumed I would be fine with aging, but had a freakout when I turned 24. I decided I would start counting backwards at my next birthday, but found that 25 is actually great :)
I think freelance metasnob has a good point too – people may sound like they have everything sorted but the reality can be quite different. And so often people have the whole “grass is greener” attitude and don’t stop to think about the great things they have in their own life.
I’m the same way. I’m 24 and lots of my friends already have ‘real’ jobs, houses and even husbands. I’m single, live in a tiny overpriced apartment and recently decided to drop out of the last year of my business major to pursue my life long dream of being a neuropsychologist.. Sure, the thought of working part time minimal wage jobs for the next 7 years is terrifying, but it still doesn’t sound as awful as spending all my life doing something I have no interest in just for the $$$..
Thanks Gala~
Thanks I needed this. I’m 21, I am having my now. I have all the symptoms. Thanks for the advice. Your advice always seems to help me out. Thank you.
It’s true that a quarter life crisis involves not knowing what to do with your life/career—which is a an existential problem, a lack of meaning.
When I turned 25 I was in grad school for counseling psychology. I had that part nailed down pretty well (even though I’ve changed my mind since then).
I panicked at 25 about getting old! Not exactly a “quarter-life” crisis, but a crisis all the same.
A professor told me something very wise though, he said that the 20’s are a very unstable time for people, financially and otherwise. We are either just starting our careers or still in college, or we haven’t even figured it out yet, and there is pressure to find a partner or start a family.
Imagine life in your 60’s. Retired. Focusing on hobbies. Going out to lunch with friends. Financial security. Doesn’t sound that bad?
The problem is, our society places major emphasis on youth. And that’s a major source of our panic. There’s something wrong when we’re freaking out over our first wrinkles and gray hairs. This is life. That’s just part of it.
i’m only 17 and was having a mini-crisis, i’m dealing with taking a college courseload while writing essays for scholarships and applying to various universities. i have no idea what i want to do with my life while my friends seem to have it all figured out. fact is: they will probably end up changing their major at least once.
thanks for reminding me nobody has it ALL worked out
I’ll be honest that I wanted to really laugh about this in the beggening. I thought it was the funniest peice of crap I’ve heard of so far this month. Then I read the rest of of your post and the Wiki link and I went something like:
“Ohhhh….crap that’s me.”
To everyone who is saying that they’re having this problem at different ages—
An existential crisis can happen at any time! ;] It’s really quite normal, as you can see from all these comments. Good luck!
What a great article – also, fabulous dress (and shoes!) in the picture, and ‘The Teaspoon Shortage’ really made me laugh!
I didn’t really have a QLC (unless you count walking around for 3 or 4 years going must have baby, must have baby . .), but what this article is really making me think about are times in my life when I had to confront change, for example when I’d finished all my training and had to go and get an actual job. I remember that video you did on EFT: ‘Although I am afraid of change . . “ It can be really scary and confronting to leave what you’re used to and start anew in a completely untried area of life. I think feelings of fear of change and grief for your old life are valid emotions, but I have always found that I spent the last little while not wanting to let go, and then once the new phase of life began, everything worked out fine and I had no regrets.
AND, this whole ‘best years of your life’ thing is bollocks. The idea that being young is the pinnacle and everything just gets worse from then onwards is deluded nonsense. Just sayin’. ;)
Thank you Gala! I really needed this article, your timing is amazing. I am 24 and feel like this is exactly what I am experiencing. I am so scared of turning 25, even though its almost another year away, I just feel like I havent done what I thought I would have or ‘should’ have by now.
Gala, your intentions move far beyond your intended audience. These bits of wisdom should be heard and taken to heart by people of ALL ages. You are a force of positivity, and an amazing woman for pushing self-discovery and exploration in your readers. Thanks, as always, for an affirming, hopeful, inspiring read.
Thanks for this. I don’t feel like I’m the only one, but I definitely can relate to the quarter-life crisis. Eek! It’s scary stuff!
i’m faaaaaaamoooooussse! great article, can’t wait to read tomorrows installment!
I’ve never commented to you, Gala, even though I’ve been reading awhile, but this felt like the right time to share and show my appreciation! I just turned 25 this past June and I’m totally going through this. I always think I’m the only one, too… just like everyone else, I guess! I have what I believe to be a terrible job, I still live at home, and it really feels like life is running away from me and that I’m never going to have anything fulfilling. All of my friends from high school have grown up and out and seem to have really amazing lives with awesome jobs and new babies while poor old me is stuck here at home with mom and dad doing the same old thing as always, haha.
I’m making plans, though. I’m really trying to get things going: I’m moving out of state soon, hopefully getting a better job in my field, getting out and away from the familiar. It’s terrifying but I really think I need this to grow and I get so much inspiration from reading what you have to say. I’m really looking forward to reading the second part of this, thank you so much!
Greeting from Mexico!
I found this article really interesting, Gala. Maybe you’ll find even more interesting that a guy from Mexico is writing to you, heh.
I’m actually going through this… since last year!!! I just turned 26 and I have a good job in a big company. However, that’s not really my dream. But, just as you’ve estated, there are many other factors that get in the mix of this situation.
I don’t have a serious relationship and it’s not like I want to get married right now, but I sometimes think I’m having bad luck with love. Then the stress at work is overwhelming which puts me in a bad mood (but lately I’m actually having a nice time here) and then the problem with not having time to do what I really love. Sometimes I know I’m just procrastinating.
I’ll be looking forward for the second part… and I know this is not the place for suggestions, but I’d love an article about guys falling for girls who already have a boyfriend, what’s your opinion there? Why do certain girls have that magical appeal? Most of all… why only friends and not more when there’s obviously a better relationship? Ok, yeah, I vented, haha… but that affects my QLC, too, you know?
Happy I found you!
Hi Gala!
I’ve been following your blog for quite a while; everything you write is so much FUN and interesting! I only wish I had the kind of spunk and creativity you do! :)
I feel ridiculous b/c I’m 22, just graduated from college, and feel like my quarter-life crisis has been going on since I was 16! I remember almost crying on my 21st birthday because I didn’t feel like I’d accomplished ANYTHING worthwhile in my life [careerwise, socially, personally], and that I truly was old. Imagine that: 21 and OLD! Most of the people I know are back in school [I plan on going back soon as well, I want a doctorate] mainly to avoid quarter-life crises. University is an awesome place to hide from the “real world”, whatever that is. After being a student/academic for 16+ years, what else do you really know how to do, you know?
I was actually in the middle of reading Hasseler’s “20 Something Manifesto” RIGHT AS I OPENED THIS PAGE. No joke! I would like to doubly recommend this book, because it is very helpful and insightful. The book is littered with stories and quotes from real 20 somethings, and in many of their thoughts and fears I see myself reflected.
I agree with everything you’ve said in this article today, with an addition: I’ve found that many of the people around me are stumbling blocks to point #1: listening to yourself. Everyone’s [family and friends included] always concerned with attaining “success”, especially in this day and age with ANY sort of security constantly being threatened. A lot of that pressure leads to all of the signs of a life crisis that you listed above. It’s hard to tune out family members and even some close friends to be able to take care of yourself and find your own meaning, because you know they DO really want the best for you.
Looking forward to Part 2!
Thanks for writing about this subject!
I completely freaked out this year at 24, specially because I’m still studying (and still will be) and I fell like I should be out there working already.
And I’ve been following my own mind, doing what I wanted to do. But it still freaks me out…
Thank you Gala. Although I am still four years away from being a quarter through my life I feel like I’m there. I’m working at a job I hate and could care less about and I feel like I really have no direction in my life or even a place to start. I guess the hardest part about paving one’s career path is finding a way to make one’s passion lucretive enough to live on.
This was some very nice food for thought, can’t wait for part two.
Happy belated birthday by the way.
Wow, everything you listed applies to me right now! I’m in a bit of a pickle with my career. I love what I do but it doesn’t really pay me enough to achieve the other things I want out of life so I feel really stuck. I work for myself as well and that was a goal in itself so at least I can say I’ve achieved that much! hehe! But being 25 and still living with my parents really bums me out. Your article came at a good time for me because over this past week, I’ve been especially depressed about it. So much so that it gets in the way of my work. All I can think about is the goals I’m not achieving, where I’d rather be right now, etc.
Thank you for this article! I look forward to part two :)
thanks sweetheart, i’m wading myself through this a little bit as well – though i think it has to do with my undergrad taking so long, and in from being in the one place for so long as a result.
anyway, cheers! xo
Great post. I just turned 29 on Monday, so not mid-20’s anymore, but tragic all the same. I have pretty much experienced all the feeling you mentioned in the past week, making my boyfriend rather sure that I have lost it.
However, I have made a lot of progress this year and there’s more to come. My issues were primarily career, because I am a graphic designer in an industry I have no interest in, and I see my male friends getting fancy agency jobs, and it’s so very frustrating.
This year I taught myself some web skills, build my own website, designed a new portfolio and have gotten more involved in my local ad club. Now I am taking on freelance clients and trying to start some personal design projects to show potential employers what I can really do.
Basically I had to stop fearing rejection, meeting new people, and making mistakes. It’s still a daily process, but it feels great to be taking control of the direction I am headed. And I don’t plan on stopping until I get what I want!
well you hit the nail on the head. i turned 25 this year and i’ve been saying to everyone that i’m going through quarter life crisis. i have a bachelor’s degree in film yet i still live at home with my mother, have a part time job at the mall, and a strange relationship with my boyfriend. for half of my life i had this vision of how my life was going to be when i was 25. now i’m here and it’s NOTHING like it.
for some reason lately i’ve been thinking about getting married and mostly having a child. i know i can’t support a child right now but it’s so strange that i’ve been feeling this way. i think because so many people my age and younger have kids and i feel like it’s my time to have one too. that’s just gonna have to wait though…
i’m trying to get things on track. i’m leaving my part time job to a full time job! it’s still in retail but it’s selling cameras which i do love. it also will give me time to work on film projects which the other job didn’t give me the time to do. i’m going to really try and save up as much money as i can so i can move out. i’m working on my own website and trying to get myself out there more.
also, my boyfriend and i went on a cross country road trip and it was amazing. it gave us the push to get out there and not be afraid to move somewhere else. i think we’re stuck in a rut here and it might be time to move away and see what’s out there for us.
Gala, the idea of doing work that makes you happy is one I’ve been very into these days. Watching the adults in my life, it’s incredible to me how many people are willing to spend their days doing something they can’t stand- this includes my mother lately!- for the sake of a paycheck. Yes, a paycheck is necessary, but I am not willing to sacrifice happiness for a paycheck. That’s part of why I’ve had so much difficulty figuring out what I want to do with my life. What do I enjoy? What will fulfill me? Those are the questions I ask, and my parents don’t seem to be on quite the same page.
I think this is one of the best articles you’ve written Gala! I know so many people who’ve mentioned that they feel this way. I think you’ve really hit the nail on the head with all the things to keep in mind. They’re all things which I try daily to remember and which keep me sane.
Great post love, this is some of your best work. I’ve had a few friends recently in sheer panic over feeling like they don’t know who they are, yet others who traipse around working 9-5 and being dizzingly happy about it.
I’ve always known what I want from my life, but it’s been a case of learning how to have to the faith in myself to believe I can achieve it. And after taking some huge risks, I’ve landed right where I want to be.
I really admire your drive and sense of self :)
x
OMG!! thankyou gala!!! actually have “the quarter life crisis” by nicole haddow posted to my deskright now & my 25th bday is about a month away.I am Freaking out!! I’m like I dont want to celebrate, dont have that many close friends and I dont want to go out clubbing, I find that boring..and who wants to celebrate getting old but not maturing. LOL. this entire article is my panicky brain right now!!
I find it Extremely Difficult to not compare myself to other people…it’s like a constant dialogue doesn’t matter who I’m always like I still live at home- I dont have my licence- this girl has such cool stories, such a cool job, great boyfriend, nice house- they ALL have it figured out!! basically thanks for this article sooo much i love your guts for it. also for all the comments- I’m not alone!! lol
xxxooo
Heh. This is just what I’ve been feeling lately. I can’t really figure out what to do next. But yes I’m thinking something major I just don’t know what.
Gala, I love you I love you I love you!!! You have no idea how much I needed this! My birthday is in April – I turn 30 next year, so ever since my b’day this year, I have been freaking the f**k out. I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life, and literally everyone around me is married and having kids and settling down, so of course I’m always being asked when I’m going to do the same. I could go on forever about how much I love you for this article, but I’ll leave some room for others to comment. Thank you so much xoxo
Cool Gala, thanks!
Because of this article, you’ve made an appearance in my TiLT list in my blog this week – pixie
Awesome article, Gala.
This is such a real issue, and seems particularly prevalent in our generation… My friend wrote a good rant about it on her LJ here:
andalusian
Highly relevant as always.
This article couldn’t be any more perfect. It’s such a shame that so many young, beautiful people (with what seems like the whole world going for them)have to experience times like these. It’s all part of life, I guess.
It only reinforces my own dilemmas, and how I so badly want things to change. It’s great to have so many books and articles on offer about QLC. The hardest part is putting the philosophies into action!
This advice could not have come at a better time. Actually, I’m quite amazed at how the timeliness of most of your work comes at a time where I’m going through the exact experiences in your articles!
I really look forward to tomorrows segment – and hope I can use your wise words (so beyond your years!) and use them as motivation.
PS Lady Julianne Le Fay – Thank you for sharing your story. I can not agree more! Soceity does expect alot from youth, even if they don’t condone it. We shouldn’t have to go out drinking (quite often losing our sense of control and looking foolish) to meet new people. I’m so glad you started living for yourself. I only hope more young adults jump on that bandwagon (myself included).
Oh my god. Thank you. This was exactly what I needed at this exact moment.
That is what my blog is about. I started it because your quarter life seems so insane that sometimes you need to reach out to a friend. I would love to hear peoples AH HA moments so I can share it with my readers. If you are interested in sharing with the blogging world…EMAIL ME.
Ms. Gala…I would still love to hear your thoughts. I know we werent able to make it happen by your birthday…but I would still love to make it happen anyway. Maybe you should just come out to Portland for Nubby’s art show and then we can meet up and chat. Too bad Nona (daddylikey) will still be in DC.
ANYWAY....Make your quarter life full of life defining moments. It doesn’t have to be that hard.
quarterlifedefiningmoments.blo…
Cheers!!
man I’m really glad I had this page up when I got a call from my bank a little while ago, I assume wondering where my student loan payment is. Quarter life crisis indeed, and in fact I had no idea that I was going through one until I read this article, but pretty much each one of those “symptoms” applies to me. Something about being able to put a name to my problem and knowing that I’m not alone in it is very comforting. So thank you very much, Gala.
Come to think of it, the bank guy who left me a message sounded really miserable. Maybe he’s going through a quarter-life crisis himself. I don’t really blame him when he has a job like that…
This is exactly what I’m dealing with right now.. thanks for the virtual counselling sesch.
Powerful stuff Gala!
Now in my 30s I look back at my lengthy quarter life crisis with cheeky grins, a lot of winking and nudging, a warmth in my heart and as a wild ride chock full of experience and spiraling in and out of ‘control’.
Your words and tips are strong, true and real. Riding the wave can be terrifying, exhilarating, exhausting, strengthening, liberating and the most spirited ride ever. Riding it with faith in yourself and a desire to grow means that when you do surface for a little breather on the sandy shore it is all that much sweeter and rewarding…..oooohh the sand is so soft and beautiful.
As I mentioned to a gorg friend recently,
wings can hurt when they start to grow. My quarter life crisis was/(is?) about growing wings. I highly recommend wings! Ideal for soaring above and beyond…
A toast to 1/4 Life Crisis’ ... the good, the bad and the outrageously wild! “This Too Shall Pass”
First of all, I should tell you that your articles ALWAYS manage to put me in an optimistic mood, no matter what they’re about. For example, I go to school in New York and was feeling kind of bitter and jaded about it after my first two years, when I came across your site, and your enthusiasm about this place has really got me loving it once again.
This article is no exception to the apparent rule of Gala-induced positivity, and you put all these concepts so well, treating them with exactly the importance they require for those potentially having quarter-life crises! I will make sure to take a look at this again in a couple years to calm myself down. :)
I’m looking forward to part two!
20. And I came to the conclusion I was having a quarter life crisis about 5 minutes before I decided to hop on the laptop and check to see what Gala had posted today. (20 is…probably a bit early, but…ya know. It happens.)
I’m going to reread it 10 times over now, have a hot cup of tea and a nice long think.
I turned 22 last month, and I am so feeling all of those symptoms! Thanks so much for this article… You’re a doll!
Ohh yeaahh, I’ve been discussing this very topic with a friend recently..
I’m 25 in a couple months and I have this urge to settle down – nooooo! I’m thinking about home loans and marriage and babies – eeep!! Scares me.
I think being a social worker is my meaningful work though. Any kind of career that gives back to the community is a good antidote to the quarter-life crisis. Even volunteering your time.
I now know I’m in QLC mode because of this.
I just turned 21 and surfing my Facebook friends makes me utterly miserable. I work for myself and live out of home but I have no friends, no boyfriend anymore and no social life to take photos of.
Thank you for this article. Very timely and very appreciated!
This post is exactly what I needed today. I am 29 years young and for the past few years, I have been in a rut. Not knowing what to do with my life in all different aspects. I see people my age and younger and who have accomplished so much and I wonder… how did they do it? How did they find that thing that it is that makes them happy?
I ordered both of the Christine Hassler’s books. Thank you for the recommendation.
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Howard Thurman
its so true,....awesome artical. Im only 20 but everything still really resonated with me…..
i remember waking up on my 18th birthday and being soooo scared that everything would change and that my life would be over!
This seems to be the way I always start my comments but I dont think it’ll change so:
Thank you Gala!! Once again you managed to answer something that I have been wondering about and needed some guidance or inspiration on.
Mine is not a quarter life crisis, I passed 25 quite happily but now I’m turning 31 and that is not sitting so well with me. I wrote you some 1,5 months ago asking for advice on how to find yourself again after many years of uncertainty and this article will help me towards that.
Everywhere I look things are pointing to me finding a new way of supporting myself although I make very good money on doing something that is considered as one of the most desired jobs. Your words encouraged me even more to go find the perfect things for me to do, the thing I will truly excel in both when it comes to happiness and when it comes to success.
You are truly one of the things in my life that I am the most grateful for. Keep up the excellent work Gala!
i think i’m lucky because i’ve always known what i wanted to do. unfortunately there is so much to be done and not enough time to sleep or socialise. but at least i’m very very happy doing it. :)
fashion is my passion, baby, yeah!
thank god for you!
It seems like I’ve felt this way my entire life, but now I actually have a reason for it – I’ll be 25 early next year! Still, it’s something that’s been on my mind a lot more, of late, so it’s nice to know that I’m not just being crazy and overthinking things – that other people are in the same boat. :)
Thanks for the advice!
Without wishing to sound flippant – I’m really glad that there was no such thing as a quarter life crisis when I was 25. (It also amazes me that it seems that we’re all going to live to be 100 nowadays :)
Shouldn’t we take a step back from all of this? I’m sure many people know of others who died at 20, 35, 54 … it seems we could have a mid-pickanumber crisis at any arbitrary age we choose, just in case ill health or accidental death stop us from getting to that magic 100.
I genuinely feel shocked by the amount of pressure that people obviously feel they are under to have some great achievement or validation – or feel that ‘everyone else’ is leaving them behind.
Enjoy your life every day – it goes by SO fast. Don’t believe the hype about the inevitability of set crisis points, seven year itches and all of the rest. Live in the moment.
Wow! I can hardly wait for the next part of this article. I’m turning 25 next month. Although i’m working in a good job, I’ll be quitting work by the end of this month,just to relax for a bit and meanwhile figure out what is it that i would really like to do
I made the decision to quit when i found myself wondering if this is what it’s gonna be like for the rest of my life. I really want to work for myself!!
For me, the biggest step would be to move past my fears ,especially my fear of failure.
Thank you Gala, you, wonderful, wonderful you! I wish i could have met you on your birthday (or any other time is fine with me,hehe) but being in a faraway country that’s a bit difficult ~ i’m so thankful for the internet (that’s one t.i.l.t for me!!!)
I could go on and on….!!
Its official, I am depressed and fed up, reading is it is clear im not happy in my job and I am going no where oh dear :( Not sure what else I am good at!
Gala! There’s a picture of you on Think Simple Now!
Ahhh Gala, you always know what to say! I just started having my quarter life crisis (early, at 23), but I’m going to have to read this more in depth when I get home! Thank you so much!
Ugh, I am just just just getting over mine. I am 26, nearly 27, and started experiencing mine at 24.
So…I moved to a new country. Got a totally useless (but fun) masters degree. Started dating younger guys. tried to have a real job (just because all my friends have one). And ultimately found my passion as being a nanny, in a foreign country, with a 22 year old boyfriend.
I highly suggest living your life the way you want to and not the way all your friends are, if you want to be happy.
go gala, you always suggest that and I fully agree!!!!
My dear,
I’m portuguese, 37 years old (jurassic!), anthropologist, work in small museum and I only want to tell you this: yes, we all have this kind of tragic opinion of life et 25, I personaly spent the most difficult times of my life then, working, going to classes and going out every night, drinking and smoking 3 packs a day sleeping 3 hours or less, fearing to get old and having no time to live…It will soon pass, at 30 you get wiser, (you don’t need to setle down), but your body gets different and you start to feel better, more woman, more beautifful, more shure about everything…I like to get old, I feel much more things now with serenity. I assure You, I’m much better at 37 then I was at 25, 4 husbands later, 7 houses later, havier, but beautifull, loving each year that comes more, learnig to live with first wrinkles (got plastic surgery to my breasts)no fear of geting old at all….
Be happy, you are SO BEATYFULL, live your life…
Hugz
Cintia
That just about describes my day-to-day life for the past year or so. It started at 25, now I’m close to 27 and it’s pretty much hitting a peak right now. Probably because I’ve had some major issues going on lately and I keep wondering, “Is this it?”
Thanks for writing this, printing it and sticking it to my wall to read again. Sounds like some really good advice.
Gala, look: thinksimplenow.com/motivation/...
Also, I love this article. I kinda had / am having a quarter life crisis. At 26 years old, after getting my degree (4 years before) and been working in my field (for 4,5 years) I decided to change carreers and go back to university for 5 more years. It took courage but my parents and fiancee were great support too. Now I stil work in my former carrerr 44 hours a week and go to school at night (about 24 hours a week). Not easy, but as they say: no pain, no gain!
You are an inspiring lady, Gala Darling.
Gala, you are wonderful.
Wow. I can’t believe I stumbled on this today!
I am going through a major quarter life crisis. I just turned 25 in June, and was a bit bummed but felt ok overall. I had just started seeing someone who I fell madly in love with and vice versa. I’ve been unhappy at my job for a year…looking for others and applying but nothing yet.
Then, it all really fell apart. My boyfriend came out of nowhere and broke up with me a few weeks ago. Said he loved me one day and pretty much ended it the next. I’ve never had that happen. I think I also felt an invisible pressure to find “the one” because everyone I know is engaged, married or in a serious relationship. Anyway, I was crushed, hurt and felt totally lost. I thought I’d at least figured out I’d live here in state with him, and work on the job part later. Now everything is up in the air again!
I get freaked out when I have too many choices. I’m trying not to let fear paralyze me. I can go anywhere and do anything, but I need to start trying something different because what I’m doing isn’t working and I’m pretty unhappy.
It’s so good to read that other women are feeling the same way. It just helps me remember that we all go through things like this and we’ll all be ok in the end…we just have to get through the tunnel to see the light at the other end.
Thanks so much for writing this! I am now a new fan of this site, and I’ll be back!
Wow heather, that intro of your site is amazing! Love it!
Maybe this a minority opinion, and I hope that just because people don’t share it they won’t interpret it as negative. Here goes… I’d love to meet the 20-something who can’t tick some of the symptoms on that list. The difference between a life crisis and the normal challenges of being this age and relatively new to the real world is something you’ve touched on Gala but I’d really like to specifically state it.
Without intending to diminish anyone’s personal experiences, I think we can be a little too quick to label an emotional situation as a QLC. Which can turn relatively small and regular issues into something that feels huge and unsolvable. I think crisis is when the intensity of your emotions is getting in the way of your ability of function, which you’ve alluded to with your choice of adjectives (intense, desperate, extreme, etc).
I’ll be 23 in a few weeks. I’ll admit there are times when I feel frustrated and rubbish at my work… But is this not kinda par for the course? Its the lucky few who have their career sorted by 25. Most of us have to put in time in junior roles first or do uninspiring jobs while we work towards further qualifications and that is not always fun. I agree that doing something you love is pretty key to a fulfilled life, but I don’t think frustration with work is necessarily a sign of a life crisis. It may just be that you’re focusing on the everyday challenges rather than the dream you’re trying to follow.
Now, if you are physically sick before work every day, having trouble sleeping, can’t eat, want to stab your boss with a letter opener…. that’s different. And here I’d like to mention something else I don’t think has been said… If your emotions are preventing you from functioning on a basic level, its going to be pretty difficult to see clearly enough to sort through it by yourself. So get help. This can happen whatever your age and sometimes it just takes a close friend or a good therapist to guide you through.
I agree with Cintia; Things start to get a little better in your thirties. My sister had asked my mom once what the best time of her life was, and she said, “my thirties!” I asked my mom the same question when she was nearing 50, and she answered, “my forties!” As teenagers, we pooh-poohed her answer: thirty was SO OLD! But now that I’m well into my thirties, I can understand; you start to like yourself a little more, and become more comfortable with yourself. I only hope it’s still like that in my 40s!
The nuttiness diminished a little once I hit 30, but I have the occasional freak-out (starting culinary school at 35 and finding out you’re the oldest one in the class, and the same age as the instructors, etc.). But overall, I think what helps me is that I have always been young at heart. I’ve been told that I seem younger than I am, I guess because I act young (not immature!). I still feel like I’m in my 20s, and when someone asks my age, I almost always start to reply “twenty-”. Denial? Maybe, but in my heart, I’ll never get old. Most likely, I’ll be 80 and still playing video games and loving all things cute & sparkly.
I have found something that I love, and I’ve just started an Etsy shop (big step for me!), so we’ll see how that goes. It might not make me independently wealthy, but hopefully it’ll help pay the student loans. Figuring out that I don’t need to mass-produce stuff took a lot of the stress away; and stress dries up my creativity! Making what I like, when I like is so much better! And so random! Whee!
Well, not sure if any of this will help, but I got it off my chest. Thanks! :)
Also, Gala: I am in the process of creating a piece that is inspired by you. I wanted your permission to post a link to your site when I put it up on Etsy. I couldn’t find a link to contact you, so I’m asking here. :)
Love love love the site BTW!
Thank you so much!!! I’m 20 and I’m going through this right now. All of my friends seem to know what they’re doing in life and I’m…panicking. Mainly due to family pressure to be “successful,” which we define differently… I’m really tempted to just drive cross country this summer or going to Paris after I graduate or something…
So, yeah, I think I’m sort of going though this now. :/
Thanks for writing this!
I went through this so hard when I was 24 – 25. I quit the ‘impressive’ job that I’d worked so hard to get, left the big city for a small town in an attempt to rescue a failing relationship and ended up taking a job that I could have gotten straight out of high school, making $9 an hour. Awesome.
And it sucked, yo. For quite a while. There was a lot of Oprah-watching and bacon-eating and L.M. Montgomery reading. All of which made me feel better, but didn’t necessarily solve anything.
Two things that did:
volunteering – I started teaching ESL to migrant workers employed by surrounding farms. My students were lovely and inspiring and it honestly put my issues in perspective.
getting the ef out of dodge – I fell in love with ESL and after things fell apart with the small town boyfriend, I moved to Taiwan for a year and a half and then backpacked around Asia and Europe for 6 months with the money I made. Not only was it wicked fun, but it helps to see how other cultures view people of QTC age group and see how different expectations are. It helped me get outside of my own head.
This is amazing. I swear you can read my mind, whenever Im having an issue you’ve posted a blog about it. Thanks so much for this, my quarter-life crisis is starting to take a hold but now I can learn how to get it off!
Hey, I’m a fellow Virgo who just turned 25 3 weeks ago. I feel quite a few of the pointers on the list such as being unsure of direction, nostalgia and the need to settle down but can’t say that I feel that I’m going through a 1/4 life crisis. Having said that my best friend certainly feel that they are and good for them on their decision to face it head on and move to Oz (from Scotland). I think, as you say, so long as you live for yourself and make decisions based on yourself then you’ll come out just fine. I kind of fell into my current job (as a teacher in a secondary school) but really enjoy it so I’ve stuck at it and reap the benefits. Keep up the fine site.
I just turned 26, and this last birthday was the first birthday where I didn’t really want to get any older. But when I told my 55 year old dad he just laughed at me. Age is relative, and it’s nothing but a number. My husband is 36, we have children already…we are just at that stage in our life. Just be happy in the moment, that’s all you can do. My grandpa is 93 and still enjoys life to the fullest, lives on his own, and goes fishing and to baseball games. The one thing I’ve learned is to find your passion in life and go for it. I’m opening an art gallery next summer, something I’ve wanted to do since I was eight years old. Dreams come true but they don’t fall into your lap. You have to work hard and never give up.
Gala this actually helped me a lot. Im glad to know that im not alone :)
hi
this is rahul from india
just turned 25 yesterday and since last night i am searching net for quarter life crisis realted stuff
i had no idea it was that common
wit i used to think is happening with me is the case with every body in any part of world
i dont no wits the solution
hopefully something +ve will come out of this phase
regards,
rahul