How To Deal With The End Of A Relationship
[ 16 March 2007 ]
People deal with the end of relationships in various ways. Some people go the healthy route (lots of therapy, good food, exercise & meditation, for example) & some go the unhealthy way (say, lots of alcohol, sex with anyone who pays them a compliment, drugs to create artificial joy & an annoying facial tic).
However you deal with it, the point is that it drives everyone a little mad. It is a harrowing time. It’s scary & heart-wrenching & makes you angry & gives you butterflies & aAAAaaAaAaAarrRrRrggGgGGGhhhhhhhHHHHh!
If you have recently given your lover the flick, or been the flickee, you need to allow yourself time to deal with it. I know this is boring, but really you need to go easy on yourself. Get a calendar. Work out the day you broke up on — say March 15. Page forward three months, to June. On the day of June 15th, write, “get over it”. You now have three months worth of absolute wallowing. You may not need them, or even want them — but you have just given yourself permission to deal with the fall-out, toxic or otherwise.
The biggest break-up of my life was compounded by a transference of emotion which went awry. Terrible. I’d left my boyfriend & totally ruined things with someone else. I was living alone, miles from my friends & family. I was incredibly lonely a lot of the time. I was working my ass off in a job which was kind of fun but paid badly & one of my staff was insane & malicious, with the ability to destroy your day with a simple comment. It was a bad time. Believe me.
How did I get through it? I listened to a lot of Fiona Apple, I smoked a lot of cigarettes (
), I sat in bed every night with a bottle of Johnnie Walker & wrote stories, I went for long walks & cried myself to sleep, I considered moving home to live with my parents. Obviously, I was in a pretty bad emotional state, it was a very ugly time. Please don’t follow my example, it is a terrible one.
Instead, try the following:
Seriously, go easy on yourself
Just do what you want. Use this newfound freedom to actually do things you enjoy. Like watching every single teenage cheerleading movie you love, or listening to really loud apocalyptic folk music. Sleep when you want to, eat in bed, do whatever feels right.
Spend time with your friends
If you, like so many other people, have slightly abandoned your friends in favour of your lover (a terrible sin), you need to make it up to them. Take them out for coffee, a meal, go to the park, go shopping, talk a lot. Apologise. If you didn’t abandon them, do the same things, but less apologising. Your friends will be your best weapon at this time, so make good use of them & be as kind to them as you can be.
If you don’t have a lot of friends, make an effort to be social & get out of the house. During my break-up, I enrolled for a creative writing course at the University near my house. We met up once a week on a Tuesday night & would workshop everything the other people had written. It was really good for me & definitely helped boost my confidence (I was the youngest person in the class & they absolutely heaped praise on me). It also made me feel like I was good at something, rather than feeling like a big Love Trainwreck. You might want to try something similar, friends or no.
Try not to talk about Mickey/Griselda too much
I know a little ex-obsession is normal, but after a while you will begin to sound like a broken record & your friends will be sitting on their hands, trying not to maim you. After the break-up, allow yourself two weeks maximum to talk about your ex, then go cold turkey. No more! It’s not helping you, & you’re annoying everyone else. If you must think about it, get a notebook & start writing. I have filled up several notebooks this way. (I might as well just write the person’s name on the front of the book so I know who it’s about.) When I was obsessing over one particular person (ahem), I used to write about him on the bus on the way to work, on all my lunchbreaks, on the way home, & after dinner. It is crazy, I can’t believe I had so many thoughts.
Find some kind of outlet
Do something to keep your mind occupied. If you’re naturally artistic, then you should go for that — paint or write or make music to your heart’s content. It is incredibly therapeutic. If you’re not very artistic, indulge yourself in sports, languages, books, record collecting, shopping, baking, angry cross-stitch, buying an entire house worth of furniture, etc. Do whatever feels right to you.
Look after your body
If most of the year you are a complete slob like the rest of us, this is one time when you should really look after yourself. Eat as well as you can — don’t just resort to Burger King every night. Try & eat lots of vegetables & grains, drink plenty of water (especially if your beautiful eyes insist on spilling so much of it), sleep as much as you feel you need to & get a bit of exercise. You don’t have to go & make a mess of yourself in a gym somewhere, just go for a good walk every so often or ride your bike to the sea or something.
Again, after my last break-up, I would walk to & from work (it was about 45 minutes in each direction). I would take my camera with me & listen to my mp3 player & think. It was a really great experience & use of my time, even though I was miserable. I actually sometimes miss that walk.
Don’t do the “friends” thing
If your ex wants to stay friends, say no. If you want to be their friend, hold yourself back. TRUST ME when I say that it NEVER WORKS. It might work for a few months, but then the poop will hit the fan & you do not want to be around for it. Seriously. If you are meant to be friends, it will happen again once you’ve both dealt with the demise of the relationship, but don’t force it. Especially while one or both of you are angry/grieving/scared/lonely/on the prowl. You don’t want to hear about their new lover, right? Ouch. Delete their phone number & email address, it will be good for you.
Don’t sleep with them again!
I know, it’s very easy to do. But just don’t. It only complicates things further.
Don’t get back together without a lot of consideration
The same problems you used to have are probably still there. Why would it be any better this time?
Be good to yourself again
Go to the movies & eat a jumbo box of popcorn, get a massage, have a manicure, clean the house (it will make you feel great), buy a good pair of shoes. Scream if you want to. Punch pillows if you’re really angry (I never found that very satisfying but for some people it works a treat).
Don’t jump into another relationship or sleep with anyone
No matter how perfect they seem! You’re not ready & won’t be for at least six months. It will end in a terrible mess, & it won’t take long for your new lover to realise they are a rebound. I think everyone has done this at least once before, but let’s learn from our mistakes & not do it again, huh? If you haven’t done this, please avoid it at all costs.
Read uplifting books & watch movies which make you happy
Here are some suggestions if you don’t know where to start — they run the gamut from funny to insightful to bizarre & inspiring.
Dangerous Angels by Francesca Lia Block. Fear Of Flying by Erica Jong. What’s Not To Love? by Jonathan Ames. The Unbearable Lightness Of Being by Milan Kundera. The Princess Bride by William Goldman. T.A.Z. by Hakim Bey (available online). Kafka On The Shore by Haruki Murakami. Pronoia Is The Antidote For Paranoia by Rob Brezsny. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott. Anything by John Steinbeck, Henry Miller, Anais Nin, Roald Dahl, Franz Kafka or Charles Bukowski.
(My movie taste is questionable at best — I watch New York Minute often. Yes, the movie featuring Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen. I love it & I am not ashamed! So it’s best for you to take recommendations from elsewhere on that subject.)
Really, in winter, there is nothing better than going home with a huge stack of books from the library on bizarre subjects. Yesterday at the library I saw, “A Complete Illustrated History of Cannibalism” (or something) which is about the best thing I can think of.
Think about yourself
What do you want for yourself? What do you want to do in the future? Did your boyfriend hate Europe which prevented you from travelling there? Well guess what baby, you can do it now! Take time to work out who you are again. Sometimes in a relationship it is hard to know where the couple ends & you begin. I have changed so much since my relationship, & completely for the better.
I guess it has been about a year since my last relationship really ended, & in that time I have: travelled to four countries, moved internationally, started my own business, gone camping in a desert full of crazy people (also called Burning Man), gotten another tattoo, dyed my hair pink, removed all my piercings, started wearing COLOUR & embracing it, shaken off depression & an eating disorder, stopped biting my nails, & met someone who totally rocks my world. (Lots of other stuff too, like I had my first chocolate & peanut butter milkshake, oh my god, so good!, but they’re not major things.)
Life goes on, really, & it is amazing regardless of whether you have a lover or not.
Being single is fantastic. It can be lonely sometimes, but you will grow to enjoy your own company & really embrace life again soon, I promise. Everybody gets through it, even though I know right now it might seem like the most devastatingly hideous thing ever.
Please be good to yourself. iCiNG is an amazing fledgling community & there are definitely people here who would happily listen to you vent, including me. I love all my readers very much & if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. Okay?! Don’t forget!
Lots of kisses, let me know how you’re getting on & if there’s anything I can do to help you. Chin up, cutie!
Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala
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This is some great advice(nearly exactly what I did when I broke up with my ex… the healthy option that is).
More great stuff to watch/listen to atleast for me:
Love Actually(it all works out in the end, and if it doesn’t you can always flee to a foreign country where they love your accent)
The Streets – Dry Your Eyes Mate
I agree with most of what you said, but it is untrue that you cannot be friends with exes – true it may take time, but I am good friends with several of mine. Some never stopped being my friends – we just needed a breather from each other.
Also, I don’t agree you need 6 months to get over someone – the length of time it takes to get over a relationship is different for everyone, and it also depends on how long the relationship was to begin with.
And hehe, New York Minute – I only watched it for the dog – I have one just like it :)
Opium — I am friends with a lot of my exes too, my point is that it’s a bad call to try & stay friends the whole time. When you’ve just broken up, you need time apart — the “breather” you mentioned.
Re: six months. Yes, it is different for everyone, but I am pretty much only talking about serious relationships here. You may not need six months but better to be safe than sorry, eh?
yay! just what i needed!
i also actually needed an excuse to watch new york minute; we had conflicting thoughts about the coolness of The Olsen twins. (oh, i’m so sad!)
thank you ::hugs of thanks and never ending gratitude::
xx
I’m so glad!
Plus, Mary-Kate Olsen is the perfect thing for a case of heartbreak!
you know what’s interesting about this post?
it actually didn’t tell me anything i didn’t already know.. or believe.
yet sometimes it helps to have someone else say it.
thanks for the reminder.
you’re definitely one inspirational sweetie =)
I love you. I really do. Hahaha. I’m fairly new here (about a month). And i stopped seeing someone the day of my birthday (Jan 19- he said it wouldnt work the day of my effing birthday). Im quick to get over guys. But he goes to my school, so i randomly see his car and always worry i’ll run into him. I’ve never thought and stuck on one guy for so damn long. So, this was pretty uplifting. I really appreciated it. I’ll just think about this everytime i think of him. :) Thanks! It’s one thing to hear random stuff from friends like “you’re better off” which for damn straight i know is true. But, reading this in bullet points and in writing.. is differnt. Shines a whole new light on the situation. Sorry for blabbing so much. Just had to show my love. Hahah. <3
PS When i’m getting all stupid, i blast Aretha Franklin. It feels soo good. Haha
This is wonderful advice. My biggest mistake was trying to do the “friends” thing. It took me two whole months of subtle insults & every conversation turning into an argument before I realised that it was absolutely ridiculous & the only way I was going to get over him was just to stop talking to him. It was going cold turkey & the support of my best friend, who I actually treated horribly during my relationship but she still looked after me, that kept me going.
Thank you….so much.
Dear Gala,
Since serendipity led me to your blog a week or so ago, I’ve been addicted, in a good way. I love your writing, your vibrancy and your outlook on life.
Best wishes,
orchidea
Saw this and thought you might be interested
http://stuff.co.nz/3993863a1860.html
Sarah Jessica Parker is launching a clothing brand…although don’t know if her taste in clothes is like Carrie Bradshaw’s haha
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Like someone up there said, I kinda already knew all of that, but it helps so much to read it all and to know it’s coming from a non-biased stand-point.
One question re the “Don’t do the “friends” thing. If your ex wants to stay friends, say no. If you want to be their friend, hold yourself back. TRUST ME when I say that it NEVER WORKS.” – what are you supposed to do when your now-ex is planning to move into the flat where one of your best friends lives? :(
Cara — Yeah, I saw that! The company she’s designed for is a discount chain, which is kind of weird. Also, when it comes to SJP, I’m not quite sure where her style ends & Patricia Fields’ begins. (She was the stylist on SATC.) Anyway, it will be interesting to see how it turns out.
Ally — Aieee. That is kind of ugly. He hasn’t moved in yet, right? Is there any way your friend can tell him it’s no longer a valid option? Seriously, that sounds like a world of pain. If he’s living with her, it’ll pretty much mean you can’t visit her at home & that he is going to still be involved in your life, whether you like it or not…
These are the advices everybody tells you but sometimes you don’t want to listen to them. Breaking up with my boyfriend after 3 years was awful. It was the first time I was being dump, I was in real pain,....and I did everything to get back together. We did, but it was not worth it, we broke up again. Now looking back, I can see how bad that was and if something like this happens again I will be more intelligent. I think you need to go through that ugly and sad phase at least once in your life. Now I have growth enough to say that time heals your wounds and the pain will go away. And then we need to try to do everything on this list…jeje, because its the healthy way.
Gah!
This is perfect!
You definitely nailed the healing process to a T.
The only thing I disagree with is getting back together,
I realize it’s not going to work for every relationship, but my BF and I split up a year ago, we tried to be friends (didn’t work) and then went cold turkey for a couple months and both of us on our own accord decieded to make it work again.
We made sure we had a long grueling conversation about what what wrong and what we could fix which reallllly worked because now we’re SO happy & its great. But obviously it’s not going to work for every relationship.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is, while I dissagree I can definitely see why it’s not very good to have those idea’s in your head when going through a break up.
Wow, that ended up being pretty long haha,so to sum up, this article was completely awesome!
I totally loved it.
Never been one for punching pillows – most positions you punch a pillow from only use a little bit of your body, so you don’t manage to shift any of the negative energy you’re trying to get out. But I do remember that, at a time when I was going through some post break-up frustration, iko iko had inflatable, upright punching bags (I’ve seen them elsewhere since). I seriously contemplated buying one to work out the frustration – a punching bag was too heavy for me to feel I was hurting it, and it just hung there. I could imagine that at some point, you could hit the inflatable version so hard, it would ‘attack’ back – and when you’re hurting that much, that can be exactly what you need to get you either laughing or crying to get those bad vibes out
I have been thru the same situation as Michelle, me and my boyf broke up last year for about 4 months. It was a really awful time and was more of a ‘break’. We have been together 7 years this year. I moved back in in Feb after some very hard looking at our lives, relationship and future together. It is like we had a tornado whip thru, pick us up and land us on the same page finally. It is SO great now and I don’t ever want anyone else. We are not married as such, but we have made the commitment to each other to stay together, have a family one day etc… So I totally agree with everything in your article, but I think everyone knows that all situations are different and things need to be taken as they come – listen to your family and close friends, they give the best advice and know you more than you know yourself when in an upsetting situation. Oh and thanks so much Gala, I am printing off this article for my brother he truly needs some inspirational advice! Thankyou x
oh my!
1. “new york minute” is the greatest, although i also love “the challenge” (i actually found your site through my mary-kate google news alert)
2. as i am newly single, and horny, my good friend has been trying to talk me out of rebound hookups, so it was serendipitous that you discourage them as well
3. you seem like such a balanced individual, i envy you.
Okay, for all you people for whom getting back together has worked, I have edited the article so it is less hard-line! It’s just a dangerous kind of situation, it can be very easy to go back to someone just because it’s comfortable/safe & you’re lonely, & those are the worst possible reasons for being with another person.
Again, I’m really pleased for everyone this has helped. It’s definitely not a ground-breaker or anything, it’s all kind of “general knowledge” stuff, but then so are most self-help books. We just read them for a much-needed boot in the rear! xxx
Lisa — Buy a rabbit (http://www.therabbitvibrator.com)! It’ll be the best money you ever spend! Hee hee…
Hi Gala,
One book which I always lend to a friend if they are sad is Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. It is the best book I have EVER read and that is saying something as I get through 1-2 a week. It is an amazing story based on his actual experiences.
ps: I also made the best Garlic aioli ever yesterday..
125 g cream cheese
4 T milk
6 T sunflower oil
2-3 garlic cloves
1 T lemon juice
1/4 t salt
1/2 t sugar
Whizz the crap out of it! Yummy.
Gala you are fab! Your articles are so inspiring. I am so glad I was told about your site x
Sarah — Oh my god, the reviews for Shantaram are amazing! I just requested it from my library. Throughout Melbourne there are about 10 copies (which is a LOT) & at least three of them are marked “lost” — haha, meaning so good someone nicked it! Thanks for the recommendation, I look forward to reading it.
Emma — Kissy kissy! Look forward to meeting you in Wellington.
eek that sounded quite sycophantic! hee hee sorry just wanted to express how great your site is!
‘or listening to really loud apocalyptic folk music’ hehe. ♥
Gala, do you read my mind? My boyfriend has just left me and… gah! Your article just came at the perfect time.
Also – never ever beg him to take you back [sadly I had to force myself away from the telephone last night…], unless you want to look codependent in a very scary way.
Icing is amazing. <3
Immie — I wrote that knowing you’d appreciate it!
Cherry Pulp — Aw, I’m sorry. Don’t feel bad about feeling codependent, really it happens to everyone, & it will pass.
THANK YOU for this! it came at just the right time…my relationship ended thursday…
I broke up with my girlfriend after 2 years of a very close relationship (we practicaly lived together). It was very hard to me especially because I was the one breaking up with her, because I couldn’t handle the panic and anxiety attacks which her suddenly selfcentered attitude was causing me, and because I was seeing her obviously falling in love for someone else, or so it seemed at least. You know, seeing all your pointers written down as it is helped me SO much. Thank you. I can’t see why someone would want to break up with someone as cool as you! XD
I’m now starting japanese lessons, something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time, I’m trying to get back to writting fantasy and I’m going to see if I get into a small acting course for fun. The things that are troubling me most are, me and my ex girlfriend have lots of common friends that neither of us want to loose, the, the fact that I can’t get motivation to work anymore because I don’t have my girlfriend to meet at the end of the day who provided an excelent escape route from stress (when we were doing fine) and, I’m having a lot of trouble keeping myself from falling in love again with a new found friend, which obviously wants nothing with me besides a casual friendship.
Thank you once more for making this guide. It shows that, eveyone some time or another goes through this and it’s not the end of te world! :D
Hi Nekoshi :>
Good on you for recognising that it was better for you to be out of a relationship than in. That takes strength. I think your Japanese lessons/writing/acting will be great for you, too. With regard to the mutual friends, you will find that some of them will naturally drift to her & some will drift to you. It’s not a big deal unless one of you makes it into one. Try not to badmouth your ex around them, though, it’s a bit classless!
Hope everything goes well for you & thanks for writing!
Well, my last long-term relationship ended a little over a year ago – But I have been in another for quite a while now, which is, unfortunately, VERY long distance at the moment. I just thought i’d let you know that a lot of these tips can be used when you’re just missing a boyfriend who happens to be on another hemisphere!
Although it doesn’t always take a break-up, a separation or forcible celibacy to convince me to buy a new pair of shoes … or read illustrated books on cannibalism ;P
Thanks for this article Gala.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend while we were both away from home working – then had to work alongside him for another week and a half, where we were rarely more than 5m away from each other!
Since being back home, I’ve been really sick and the doctors have said the break up and it’s related stress, as well as everything else I had going on, has triggered a kind of mental breakdown.
I’m trying to follow everything you wrote about – and it’s helping. I deleted his phone number, smses, emails etc. The next to go is deleting him from my Skype account, because every time the computer announces he’s online, i want to scream. (I just haven’t had the heart to delete him yet)
And in two days time I’m off to Sydney to see my family and have my mum fuss over me constantly.
Hopefully a break, some fussing and some rest will be what I need to start coping again.
Oh, honey. I’m sorry things are rough for you at the moment but they will get better! It’ll be so good to have your mother take care of you & be able to just get away from it all for a while. I hope things pick up for you soon.
This is a stupid comment – the dog in New York Minute is my dog’s grandma. Cool eh?
I read your introduction to you site and it was good to read it makes you feel like your not the only one going through this. My boyfriend of six years just decided that he wanted to be alone and needed more time to find out who he is he said that he cared about me to much and that he thought he did not care about himself at all. I am devistated and just trying to move on find my path in life. Hopefully the pain gets easier.
i wish i found this entry earlier; would have been able to avoid a lot of mistakes. still, several years hence, i’m still putting this entry on my delicious. :) for future reference. :)
hey, i agree w/ most of this, but I have been able to stay friend w/ all of my ex boyfriends and we all do just fine. You may be tempted to ask “well did you sleep with them? Because I bet you havn’t…”. I actually have slept with only one of them, but he and I are the best of friends still.
However, I think you may have just meant the whole “don’t push them into being your friend” and the giving yourself time to recover. I agree w/ that completely, you need to give on another space after the break up and can only stay friends that way.
shrugs I just think you shouldn’t throw someone away unless they’re throwing you away.
Hi,
it was good reading your article, it lifted my mood up considerably, because I’ve had a terrible weekend. My boyfriend and I are together for six years now, that’s all my adult life. And now it looks like it really isn’t going to work.
At the moment, I feel like there’s no air, there’s no breathing and the walls are closing down on me. I am sick and I am angry, scared, frustrated … and above all, still in love with him.
I so hope that we will find a way – maybe I even hope against reason, but accepting not having him with me anymore feels like something in me is dying.
Rationally I know life will go on and your tips willl maybe make the time bearable … but he’s the first, the first love of my life and I’ve never lost anyone like him.
It makes you wish for the world to stand still because you don’t know what the next day will bring.
I just read this recently and to be honest it actually did confirm a lot of things on my mind and I’m seriously debating sending this to my ‘ex’ (it was more of a friends with benfits which turned serious…) so he’ll get what I’m trying to do.
So yes this is perfect and it’s seriously boosted my self esteem as well.
Thanks Gala
Thank you thank you thank you thank you
Again, being told by someone else what I already know helps so so much.
We tried to be friends a week after he broke it off (about a month and a half ago now). And then ended up making out several times in the following two weeks. It was confusing and terrible. We can’t just be friends. But we can’t be together either.
Haven’t seen or spoken to him in three weeks now. I was just musing about sending an e-mail his way, wondering what he’s up to…even though I know I should wait. This just confirmed it. Maybe we never can be friends. Ouch.
It’s weird, but this whole awful mess has helped release a lot of creativity. I suppose there’s an upside to this whole mess after all. :)
Thanks Gala,
My ex and I broke up a month and a half ago, and I’ve taken your advice on a number of points (getting a rant journal, resisting the “staying friends” route) and it really has helped. Didn’t enjoy Valentine’s day much, however…
Man, I don’t know what to do…I met an american who I lived with for a month and because of lame visa crap he had to go home yesterday…and i just cant stop crying!
I’ve gone through break ups before but got through it relatively unscathed…but the last few days, im totally fine one minute, then im bawling the next. I cant stop thinking about him, and when i try to distract myself by doing something or watching movies or talking to someone I just cant concentrate.
This has never happened to me before…and it is balls!
How do you get over someone when neither party wants to? blaaahhhhhhh
i remembered this article & looked it up again just now…
i’m doing well but my ex of 2 1/2 years (who i lived with for 2) won’t stop harassing me & trying to show up in front of my apartment “casually” with his new girlfriend. he got with her after finding her on myspace 2 days after he moved out. it’s so bad. & embarassing. just leave me alooooooneeee! argh!
i def. am keeping my chin up, looking forward to summer, drinking a lot of red wine & writing a lot of shitty first draft uncompleted stories. exercising, & stocking up on bath bombs. seeing old friends & going out on adventures with my sister. enjoying the silence in my apartment, or lighting candles & listening to massive attack. thanks for the inspiration…sometimes it helps to know you are doing the right thing. everyone has their own opinion in a breakup & it’s hard to keep a level head when people are hearing lies & bad things about me. but i’m confident i will stay a classy iCiNG lady!
this article has helped me out twice now. thank you so much for writing this, it has really helped.
I’m such a mess with my ex. First love on both parts, long term and we were “that couple” that was always invited together to parties etc, because people apprently aspired to have a relationship like us, heck even my single Mum was jealous of what we had. Thing is his friends got jealous of him spending time with me and not them and would constantly abuse him about it. One day, after two weeks of my ex turning into a horrible guy i got dumped because he “felt nothing for me and hadnt for months”. It’s been 3 months now and he just admitted to still being in love with me, but when he told me he freaked out saying he didn’t want a gf ever again, and we havn’t talked since. Is he scared of what his friends will think or is he just not that into me anymore?
Please help :’(
This article has helped me out twice now too…with the same guy. He got a visa and moved back and lived with me just because it was the only option…we were only together for 3 months but being around each other every day it was just so intense.
The same thing as you, Meg..he said he just didn’t feel anything for me and doesn’t know if he ever did.
We were just such good friends before we got together so the idea of not being friends with him now just doesn’t seem like an option.
To make matters worse he told me he’s liked this girl who works up the road from our house for a couple of weeks now. He’s all, ‘Theres just something about her, i dont know what it is, and bla bla bla.’ It was the most horrible, gut-wrenching thing I’ve ever had to hear.
Plus he’s still living here cos he has nowhere else to go. He said that our friendship is more important than some girl so he won’t see her if i don’t want him to. But I’m like..you can’t just keep liking someone and not see them, its like he’s testing me, and i dont want him to end up blaming me for not getting to see her. Oh god, I don’t even know.
I am becoming vengeful even after 5 months of not seeing or speaking to him. Why am I still so obsessed???
Bless you for having a search tool bar on your site, I was crossing my fingers you’d have a post like this out there somewhere!
Thank you times a billion, that was exactly what I needed to hear. I’ve just broken up with my boyfriend for the second time (after getting back together and realising, like you said, that nothing had really changed) and I’m feeling pretty awful at the moment. What I’m finding most difficult right now is getting up in the morning and keeping myself busy during the day; it’s so so tempting to stay curled up in bed until it gets dark again!
I’ll print this out and pin it to my wall, hopefully it’ll give me a kick up the bum if things start spiralling.
Lots of love x x