How To Give The Best Compliment Ever
[ 1 July 2008 ]
“I keep finding myself in positions where I’d really like to compliment someone but am afraid of coming across as creepy, sycophantic, patronising, and/or a thousand other awful things, and it’s annoying me. What do you think are the rules, if any, of giving compliments? What sort of things do you love to hear from others, and what sort make you cringe? (Advice on how to graciously receive compliments would be very much appreciated as well.)”
First of all, kudos for your urge to praise others! I think that says very good things about you.
Let’s face it, everyone loves a compliment. Even if we are shy, insecure or suspicious of someone’s motives, it still works. It makes us smile. We feel good about ourselves. It’s a lovely thing.
Giving a compliment is simple in theory: you just open your mouth & say something positive! But sometimes we second-guess ourselves, worry about what other people will think, doubt our own authenticity & get into a panic. It’s no fun to get into a flap over something which is so charming, harmless & sweet!
Here are a few tips to get you on your way!
Be sincere
The number one thing that will trip up your attempts at giving a compliment is lack of sincerity! But really, think about it. Why would you say something unless you meant it, anyway? Sincerity is a fine thing, & people will respect you for it.
I used to go to school with a girl who would flash you a big smile & then as soon as your back was turned, she would flick her smile off. It was all for show. It made me dislike & distrust her. It’s all about being sincere. Giving faux-compliments, like the fake smile, is a social fumble of the highest order. People will know! Don’t think they won’t! If you want to be seen as a genuine person — & most of us do — you need to be real!
What does this really mean? It means don’t lie. It means don’t just say something because you think your friend wants to hear it. & don’t give a compliment if underneath it all you have an ulterior motive! Telling every girl in the room that she’s “hot” just because you don’t want to go home alone isn’t kosher.
Your compliment will go over best if people feel like you’re just saying it because it’s true, & that it’s coming from a place of honesty, truth & love. It’s always better to give fewer, more sincere compliments than to spread them thick like peanut butter & without integrity.
Think about what you’re saying
When it comes to giving a compliment, think back on the compliments you have received which actually meant something to you. Often, as women, these comments come from the opposite sex (for whatever reason). So cast your mind back. What has more of an impact — “You’re hot” or “You have beautiful eyes”? How about “You look nice” versus “You have legs for miles”?
Of course, any kind of compliment is wonderful to receive. But if you really want someone to remember it (& you) fondly, it’s best to put a little bit of thought into it. In the above examples, my vote goes to the two latter compliments. Why? Well, because whoever said it actually thought about it. It’s not just a platitude — they gave it some consideration before they said it.
But this cuts both ways. Let’s say you’ve just met this cute girl whose best feature — in your opinion — is her adorable nose. What would you say to her? While your first impulse might just be to blurt out, “Nice schnozz!”, curb your enthusiasm! A seemingly random compliment with little to no context can be confusing & sometimes unintentionally offensive. What if said cute girl has a complex about her nose? She might think you’re being sarcastic or making fun of her, & that is not going to go over well at all! However, if you take a second, think about it, breathe, & then say, “Your nose is utterly kissable”, you’ll find her response is probably a lot more positive!
Make it mostly about them, but a little bit about you
What the hell does that mean? Does that mean giving a compliment quickly as an excuse to prattle on about yourself for an hour? No! It means talk about them, but give a bit of yourself away too. Make yourself vulnerable. Invite them in to your life.
An example? “You’re a good writer” is a standard compliment. It’s flattering, but not ground-shaking. “Your writing has changed my life” is totally different. The recipient of the comment will be shocked, thrilled, delighted — & they will want to know more. You can start having a real conversation where you both reveal things about yourselves, & isn’t that the ultimate goal? To allow the relationship to blossom & unfurl in a more deeply meaningful way?
Don’t be too obvious
If you met them, you might be tempted to compliment Pamela Anderson on her enhanced mammaries, praise Robin Williams for being so hilarious, or congratulate Donald Trump for his success. These things are obvious, so of course they would be the first things to pop into your head. But if you give it a moment, you’ll realise that these people have heard all that before. Pamela knows she is the bouncing babe from Baywatch. Robin is aware that he’s funny. & Donald is very cognizant that he is a wealthy man.
If you want to stand out or make any kind of impact on them, you need to say something else. Something different. Make it easy for them — what can they realistically say when you tell them something about themselves that they already know?
So do a bit of research. Give it some thought. A trivial amount of searching reveals the fact that Pamela Anderson is a tireless crusader for animal rights, while Robin Williams is obsessed (obsessed!) with video games & cycling. & you may not know it, but Donald Trump is strongly opposed to the war (&, uh, Rosie O’Donnell!). If you can engage someone in conversation on one of their passionate — but less obvious — causes, you have got it made.
The more you do it, the easier it becomes
As with anything, the more you do it, the less terrifying it becomes. Imagine one day being able to graciously compliment people on the fly! It could be you!
The thing is, it’s really not that difficult. It’s trivial to smile at someone & tell them you like their shoes, praise them for their choice of headwear or compliment them on how well-mannered their dog is. They will smile, you will feel good about yourself, & who knows? It could be the beginning of a marvellous relationship.
One of my most invigorating experiences in NYC so far was when I was sitting down in a raw food restaurant, eating. A girl sat near me & told me she loved my tattoos. We got talking, & it turns out she is a stylist & fashion editor for the likes of Vogue Russia & Harpers Bazaar. Since meeting in that restaurant, we have been to art parties in Brooklyn, cruised highways while talking about shoes & blown bubbles at passers-by in Times Square. It all started with a compliment, so don’t be afraid! It can take you to amazing places!
Realistically, most people, if complimented, will respond positively to you. The only reason why they wouldn’t would probably be if they were insecure, suspicious, bitter or had decided they didn’t like you! (What a pity for them!) If someone doesn’t accept a compliment from you, don’t sweat it. It’s their stuff — not yours!
Now, onto the much less complicated business of…
How to accept a compliment Take this quick & easy quiz to test your compliment-receiving skills!
Your friend says, “You have a lovely complexion.”
You reply…
A. “Oh, no I don’t, I hate my freckles…”
B. “Thank you!”
Your secret crush whispers, “You are a treasure in the shape of a girl.”
You respond…
A. “Haha, whatever! You must be blind.”
B. “Thanks!”
A fine-lookin’ stranger smiles before saying, “You are the most fabulously dressed person I have seen all week.”
You exclaim…
A. “Um… when’s the bus coming, again?”
B. “Thank you!”
You guessed it. Your answer should always be B. Even if you don’t believe them. Even if you don’t feel that it’s true. Even if you think they are delusional, mental, crazy! Just say THANK YOU. Who knows? One day, you might realise how amazing you really are…
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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Great post Gala — I always want to go up to cool-looking guys and gals in the street and say “your hair/dress/bag/whatever is AMAZING!”, but I never have the guts because I’m afraid of sounding like a moron. I’ve always felt a zillion dollars whenever anyone’s taken the time to say such things to me (it happens quite often, I have pillar-box-red hair a lot of the time which gets a lot of comments), however clumsy the delivery, so I really ought to just DO it!
I had one fantabulous compliment once, from a rather gorgeous bloke in the street. We ended up in one of those awkward, nearly-walking-into-each-other scenarios where you both try to move out of the way and end up walking into each other AGAIN... you know the kind of thing. Anyway, I was on my way to work in the rain, rushing, blushing like mad, and yet he suddenly said “this may sound weird, but can I just say, you’re stunning?!” I wanted to hug him to death! I said “thank you, you’ve made my day,” (even though part of me was going “what?! Have you just escaped from somewhere?!”) and my reaction made the situation even more glowing and lovely. Compliments rule — and so does Miz Gala!
Great advice! I would add that people should be careful when complimenting someone’s genetics, I would go as far as to say that it’s best to avoid complimenting people for things they didn’t choose.
For example, please don’t compliment people for being slim. It is the most awkward thing in the world to be told I am skinny, or slim, or any other variation on that theme. There is actually nothing I can say in response that could possibly be right!
I do not want to thank the person, because then I’m promoting the idea that skinny=good. I do not want to damage the self-esteem of anyone who is close enough to hear me being told I’m skinny and has weight issues.
I hate feeling obliged to make some self-deprecating remark about the way I look and then compliment the other person so that I do not reinforce stereotypes about skinny women being bitches.
It is usually followed by questions about my eating habits, and occasionally my mental health. All things I do not want to discuss with strangers.
I love being complimented on my clothes and my make-up and my hairstyle, I chose those things. But my body shape? No! That’s genetics! I had nothing to do with it! And I don’t think my genes are any better than anyone else’s, I don’t buy into the idea that being tall and/or skinny makes you a better person, so I just can’t accept compliments on my body shape.
Thank you so much for writing this article! I have a feeling it’s going to be very useful indeed. :D
What a great topic. I really like your take on this. I know the compliments that really have meant the most to me were more specific or unusual. But, even the most simple have the capacity to change your day/mood etc.
I also love the fact that your reader even asked this question at all. How wonderful to be seeking advice on how to give something or do something for someone else rather than the typical self serving type (although there is absolutely nothing wrong with that either. ;)
I am now totally inspired to give out compliments this week and share the love and spread the happiness they create!
i love giving out compliments, it’s such a simple thing and you can see that it makes people happy.
i’m terrible at accepting them gracefully, but nowadays i can mostly bite down the urge to go “HAHA YOU MUST BE JOKING” and just smile and blush and say thanks! xxx
I used to be horrible at accepting compliments. I even went as far as to think the cute guy in the hot custom car was making fun of me, being sarcastic.
I was younger and less confident then. Confidence alone is the best beauty treatment and fashion statement you will ever need.
Thanks for the tips and quiz. Where were you 10 years ago?
I find that if you open yoursel up to complimenting and finding the best in others, you will inevitably start to find the best in yourself.
So I guess it’s a gra habit to get into!
:D
Lovely, lovely post. I especially love the compliments in the graphics. Beautiful. Thanks for the smile.
Apparently I’m good at giving compliments. I’m good at accepting them too, however I go to a very ‘chavvy’ high school. All the girls there are..well tarts frankly, and all the boys there are complete jerks, and it is VERY rare to get a real compliment.
For example, a couple of a weeks ago I was wearing my rubiks cube necklace, and I was walking to first lesson and someone said, in a clearly sarcastic voice, “nice necklace” then all their friends burst out laughing, and it really shakes me when that happens. And it happens ALL the time if I wear something that is a bit different…so I just don’t any more. I took the necklace off after that because I didn’t want any more sarcastic comments and laughter.
At my school the only time you’re going to get a compliment is off friends and off the nicer teachers, and how do you respond in the very common situation of the sarcasm and laughter? I just ignore it and keep walking but it always upsets me a lot.
Awesome post, though (sorry about the mini essay!)
Claire A — Your mysterious complimenter sounds like the coolest man ever!
Lady Julianne le Fay — Your comment reminds me of a quote from Angelina Jolie…
“I don’t see myself as beautiful, because I can see a lot of flaws. People have really odd opinions. They tell me I’m skinny, as if that’s supposed to make me happy.”
kim — Isn’t it cool?! I try to compliment at least one person a day. In person, I mean — I think I do it a lot online. Of course I don’t force it or anything, I just give myself absolute unrestrained permission to tell people when I see something about them that delights me!
sophie~ — It’s good that you’re better at accepting them these days! I swear, NYC is like compliment central. If you (I mean anyone) don’t have the ability to suck it up & say thank you I think you’d be pretty uncomfortable here!
Sandra — Ha! Ten years ago I was 14 & full to the brim with self-loathing! I wouldn’t have been much use to you then ;D
Kaity — Doll-face, you need to get in control of your own life. Don’t let those people change you! It doesn’t matter what people say, who cares what they think?! They’re just insecure. Not your problem. Why are you allowing their opinion to mean more than your own? I bet they wouldn’t know style if it bit them on the toosh… Read this galadarling.com/article/how-to-be-confident & then write this on your mirror:
“The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself.” — Rita Mae Brown
The how to be confident article was written on my birthday!
Thank you Gala, you’re darn awesome. I’ve read that article a couple of times recently, but it’s so hard to actually follow it! I find that I read it and am just sorta going ‘yeh that makes sense!’ and then just sorta…forget about it once something happens to me >:. I’m certainly going to write that comment on my mirror, or somewhere like that at any rate, since ‘what people think’ often deters me from doing, wearing or listening to something because others might find it strange. I really need to get out of that.
Kaity — There are a lot of people who let others determine the course of their life. I think a fine goal is not to be one of those people! & it’s good to break the habit early. The thing is, school is hard regardless of your situation or social standing. It kind of sucks for everyone. You’ll get through it & you’ll be stronger for it. Just do your best to be true to you! xx
Recently-ish I’ve been working on my self-esteem & confidence, & I’m glad to say that it’s growing in leaps & bounds (thanks to iCiNG, in large part!). The funny thing is, now that I feel good about who I am, I’ve been getting more & more compliments. I’ve heard (& you’ve written) that people are more attracted to confident people… but I never thought I’d really notice it. I’m really grateful though, because even one little positive comment about my new glasses or something silly I say manages to stick with me through the day, and I become really eager to give someone else the same bit of pleasure. So thanks for writing this, & hopefully making it easier for me to do so.
I like how you put kind of hazy subjects into a simple, coherent package, I’ve always kind of struggled with the compliment thing, as have many of us I think. It’s so helpful to do these things gracefully… I have another public relations question – a distant relative who is about my age (ie. a college kid) is going to be sharing a flat with me for two weeks. While custom dictates cordiality if not friendship, it turns out I can’t stand this person. I am usually quite good at tolerating people different from me, but to me this person is annoying, awkward, and a know-it-all. I tend to snap at these sort of people, breaking my usually bubbly and pleasant demeanor, so I was wondering if you had any advice for cohabitation.
Gala, the Rita Mae Brown quote is one of the best lines I have ever heard. Thank you.
i was having an awful day, feeling very self conscious & for whatever reason, reading this made me perk up quite a bit &forget about myself for awhile. sometimes the best way to feel better about you is to just, well, stop focusing on you &focus on making someone else feel better. thank you =)
kaity – i went to a horribly chavvy high school too and got mocked pretty much every day for five years. DON’T LET IT GET TO YOU. i left school three years ago and i have great style, a wonderful life and amazing prospects. most of the people who used to insult me are either pregnant, in jail or working at mcdonalds. tell the idiots to get fucked (or just blank them completely!) and be proud that you have the confidence and intelligence to be different.
people have probably told you this a million times so i’m sorry if it makes you want to hit me, but i swear, it DOES get better after high school
Your writing has changed my life.
x
:D i love to give compliments too much
i feel kind of creepy sometimes. because someone will come into my store and i’ll be like oh i really like your dress, and your glasses, and your purse, and you just look really fabulous all together.
lol
i feel like i’m embarrassing myself.
on the flip side i do need to work on receiving compliments. I know that i should just say thank you but sometimes i don’t realize i’m getting a compliment and i blow the person off. the other day i had to stop myself and say “i’m sorry, i’m not going to argue if you think my hair looks nice, thank you.”
WONDERFUL! Every single one of us needs to remember to dole out the love, and then learn how to take it all back in. Because we truly do reap what we sow, and I’ve found that the more compliments I give, the more I get. Love that.
My all-time favorite came from my dental hygenist. She was busily cleaning my teeth about a year ago, paused, and asked, “Are you wearing any makeup? Any at all?” And I said, “no,” because I never do. And she said, “I hope I can say this without sounding weird, but you are really beautiful!”
That one was easy. I’m working now on BELIEVING the compliments I get from friends and loved ones. Even when I feel they’re being sincere (Gala tip #1), those compliments are somehow harder to accept than ones from strangers – who seem more impartial. Work in progress is good work, too.
Great advice, Gala. I really need to work on giving compliments, especially to strangers. Just because you actually have to approach a stranger and there’s always that fear of coming off as creepy or weird.
What an amazing post, do you know I had never even thought that some people might find it hard to give and receive compliments, this has been a real eye opener! I dish them out without thinking all the time, whenever I see something I like I just come out with it, I had never even thought that I might offend someone! Maybe it’s because it’s always done with sincerity as you said that it’s never been taken the wrong way? (I am not known for being tactful!). Confidence definitely helps loads, I don’t really ever think about what other people think of me which is probably why I had never agonised over giving a compliment before. I will take a minute to think next time. Gala you rule! And the Rita Mae Brown quote is going up on my mirror and in my diary!! Glad you mentioned Angelina Jolie she is my favourite :) XXX
My friend caught me by surprise when she suddenly touched my face and said “Wow! Your face is so soft!” and my response? “Well you should feel my ass!”
We were in a fit of giggles over it for a long time :)
(note: No ass-feeling took place)
(Also! Been reading for a long time but this is my first comment. Hi :D )
Some dude: You’re a very beautiful girl.
Me: Thank you! That’s a kind thing to say.
Some dude: I bet you hear it a lot, don’t you?
Me: No, but I think it a lot so it’s nice to be validated!
lol…
GREAT post—spread the love!
Compliments are easy to give, hard to recieve. I’m one of those people who get all embarrassed, shuffle their shoes, and go “Oh my, would you look at that beetle go?”
A guy called me beautiful in Japanese once. I will always treasure that.
It is especially lovely when people compliment me on a piece of writing or a painting…because it is something I put my heart into, it is nice to see it speaks to others as well.
xo
p.s. lol@ Nadia.k :)
p.p.s. btw, there’s an online compliment generator on the BBC website—i got “firemen dream about you”...funniest thing ever!
Clare — I’m so thrilled for you! & it’s true… the happier you are, the more love you attract. Sometimes I think that self-confidence & being positive makes your personal energy field way bigger, which people pick up on. They’re not aware of it but they feel like they can approach you without _re_proach, & so they do… !
Alix d’Laire — Well, the good news is that two weeks isn’t long! Keep a secret countdown & do a little dance for every day which goes past… Just breathe, pace yourself, get as much time alone as you can. & it’s your place, right? Lay out some ground rules if you have to. You’ll be okay!
Jasmine — I concur!
Erica — I keep quoting things at people but I found a quote from the other day which applies here! “To be happy, make other people happy.” — W Clement Stone
Wednesday’s Child — Awwwwww! You flatterer! Thank you, honeybunch. That is an amazing thing to say.
Amelia — Hee, I think your overabundance of compliments sounds MAD CUTE! & yup, maybe it’s time to start learning to accept them!
Sal — That’s a fabulous compliment. Especially from someone so close to your face, hee!
eighteeneleven — The best thing is not to overthink it too much! Just go up to them, smile, say “excuse me”, & then launch into the compliment. It’s a very rare occasion that someone will make you feel uncomfortable for having done it… & if they do, it’s totally their stuff, not yours.
swampstress — Giving compliments has never been a problem for me either, it is just something that comes naturally to me. I like to spread the happiness!
Nadia.K — Best response ever! Oh my god! ...Do you exfoliate? ;D
Annie Spandex — AHAHAHA! I love it! I can only imagine the kind of face he made… You are my hero!
Amazing post =]
My friends love to laugh at me and my random need to tell them that they look adorable and hugable. I mean I can’t help if I have friends that are filled with rainbows and sunshine can I? =]
This is my first comment, but I have been reading since April. You have really inspired me to take control of my life and take risks. I am currently in the process of changing my wardrobe to more than Jeans and Tees, and learning to dress how I want to, not how I perceive people want me to dress. So really Thank you so much.
The art of the compliment is wonderfully complex in my mind.
The verbal compliment sometimes stifles me but a lot of verbal stuff stiffles me. Until the flood gates open I don’t like to talk. I can gush however in e-mails easily but have learned to hold back in them because people can’t hear your tone. And so sincerity is really hard to differentiate from creepy.
There are afew blessed souls that I can exchange words of true admiration with. People I know that won’t find it freaky because they do the same with me.
I think for people you revere that you might not have a close relationship cards are good. On a special ocasion, a congratulations on … or a happy – birthday-anniversary… or a Thankyou card. To ease into complimenting.
I also think that listing compliments , like thankfullness in a journal is a good excercise. To help you verbalize your thoughts and feelings even if your still warming up to the thought of actually sharing them with the person that you feel them about…
Of course that requires me to actually remember to write down things in my journal which I am attrocious about doing! But at least I’ve been carrying it around in my purse lately, that’s progress! :)
Thanks for this post. It’s so simple. I am so guilty of answering ‘A’ to those sorts of compliments – OK all compliments. I think we all need to be so much more confident and realise that we are all wonderful and are worthy of the nice gestures! Bring world compliment day back around again!
“You are a treasure in the shape of a girl.”
Oh man, I love that! I would melt if some awesome guy said that to me. Yikes! Awesome!
And also, this post comes at a good time. I’m still trying to find friends, and a lot of people say that a good way to make friends is to compliment someone. It gets the ball rolling, apparently. So, thanks!
Thanks Gala, this made me grin.
Especially the end bit about taking compliments. I used to be all, “You’re kidding right?” or “O it’s just this cheap little thing from a crappy little store”.
I’m slowly learning to be more gracious and accept a compliment politely.
So cuuuute! Compliments make the world go round, I tell ya! I compliment my friends&whanau all the time no sweat, but sometimes if I’m in Westgate following a girl with the most gorgeous dark hair in sausage-ringlets, it’s hard to get up the nerve to say anything before she vanishes into Starbucks (and then what do I do? Go INTO Starbucks and say ‘I love your hair?’). Imagine all the nice thoughts people have had about us, but didn’t speak them aloud. Go on, imagine . .
With high-profile people, I find the best thing is to say “Love your work”. It’s true, and it’s reasonable, and it’s better than “ohmigod I LOVE you!”, or giggling uncontrollably, or going “Wow, you’re hot”. I saw Grant Bowler (Wolf in Outrageous Fortune/Captain Gault in Lost) at Christchurch airport the other day, went up to him, said ‘Excuse me, Grant, love your work’ and everyone was delighted and it only took a few seconds.
AND accepting compliments graciously is so important. If I say something nice and then the person goes ‘oh shut up, don’t be stupid’, then I feel like a right wally. Even if you don’t agree, thank them for saying something nice: ‘Thank you, that’s very nice of you’. Disagreeing is not modest or humble, just unhelpful.
Ooooh, Gala, you inspire me so much! I generally feel free to compliment people on appearance, but I’m more reserved about looking into people’s personalities and finding the beauty there. And that latter strain of compliments is the best of all! I’m going to write fabulous letters to my friends telling them what I love about them (at risk of sounding cloying when I inevitably lapse into poetic style). And I’ll try not to be so shy about telling strangers when they brighten my day!
Sorry for the double post but I just read all the comments and have to say the Rita Mae quote is amazing. I immediately pulled out a bright pink post it and wrote it down and stuck it on my disgusting coloured wall divider at work :]
O and Annie Spandex…fantastic!
I got a compliment on my earrings last night, and I was so tempted to blurt out the fact that I found them at a garage sale for 50c, but I managed to restrain myself and respond with a simple “Thanks” and a smile.
I love getting compliments from strangers. I’m not always the best at receiving them graciously, because I’m genuinely surprised whenever it happens, but it always makes me feel good.
I work in a very grey workplace, and one day I decided to wear a very colourful dress, which I knew would draw some negative attention, but I loved it. ANyways, I received no less than 3 compliments on it on my way to work – even the guy at the service station liked it! – which totally made it easier to shrug off the funny looks and backhanded compliments (“You’re looking very…colourful today”) I got at work.
The verdict = Compliments are soooooo good.
However…I have a good friend who is an overcomplimenter, so his compliments have lost all credibililty for me.
Totally agree about fewer genuine compliments being much better than many less genuine ones. Being genuine also makes the compliment come off more sincere. I’m not one to easily give out such things, but when I do… I completely and utterly believe it.
Of course, everyone has something positive about them so perhaps I should work on looking deeper to find these things more frequently!
I used to be so terrible at taking compliments. I’d say ‘Whatever’ and totally shut the person down. Now a days even if I’m feeling shitty I’ll graciously accept that someone likes something about me, even if I can’t see it at that particular moment!
Good article sweet cakes!
Was just discussing this, I love compliments and always say um ‘I know’
You are so smart. ‘I know!’.
I’ve always had terrible trouble accepting compliments. I had all sorts of multicoloured hair over the last few years and I’ve always attracted comments (99% of which are positive) but never knew what to say other than “Errr, thanks” and go a bit red. But I just spent a month with natural brown hair and Oh My God I missed the compliments! It’s purple again now and I’m dealing with the positive comments so much better because I truly appreciate them!
Also, there’s a sweet guy I work with who has made no secret of the fact that he likes me. We’re both in relationships so nothing would ever happen but it’s so nice to be greeted with “Morning, beautiful” or “Alright, gorgeous?!” before work :)
This helps a lot!
When I get complimented I usually feel akward and say thanks.
I think that it’s best to smile and say thanks instead of blushing and akwardly accepting compliments.
Also, I never just compliment someone just because they complimented me, unless it sincere.
what perfect timing as always gala!
I have come into work this morning to find the girl sitting opposite me has put up a large sheet of paper with “YOUR FAT AND UGLY” written in large red letters! I am so shocked! shes like “its motivation to lose weight” im like no its not honey..Im just a bit flabbergasted she is such a lovely, gorgeous girl. I really just want to tear the horrible thing down! but she told me she would be very angry at me if anything happened to the sign coz she knows it would be me!
..
so ive decided to write compliments on heart post-it notes all over her desk! will have to brainstorm to think of the best, most positive& motivational ones…would appreciate any ideas icing lovelies??
xxoo
Gala, this is perfect.
I think, too, the best way to give a compliment is to mean it from the very bottom of your heart.
And I notice that when I compliment people, I also feel good about myself. Weird, but true. When I say something nice about someone else, it makes me feel good, because I did something to make a person more happy.
Oddly one of the best compliments I’ve had is about my own compliments – ‘off-the-wall but really flattering’...apparently.
I think compliments say something about the commenter as well as the reciever – for example my best friend is a face-painter/body-artist and her compliments often centre around the quality of people’s complexions or the shapely features of their face which ALWAYS make it sound more flattering because she sees THOUSANDS of faces and bodies.
Kaity I admire your bravery and I sympathise with your situation. I went to a small-town school and was pretty much the only gothish-punkish kid there. I used to be taunted terribly, the boys would call me a piece of shit (pardon my swearing, Gala!) just because I wore black nail polish.
Even now in Brisbane I still have 30 year old men screaming insults at me from cars – men that should know better!
But their nastiness only incites me to remain true to myself. I feel as though taking any of their ‘advice’ would simply give those no’er-do-wells the illusion that they are right in their actions! HAH! So keep being your gorgeous self – that rubiks cube necklace sounds rad! Do you have a picture of it?
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Okay! Gala’s article!
I find it very hard to compliment strangers in the street. It’s the scariest thing for me! I’ve been complimented by strangers before (The funniest one I got was from an older woman who said “I’m not a lesbian, but I think you’re really pretty” HAhah) but I have always used compliments as a way to get to know somebody at work. I like to look for something unique about them and compliment them on it, or even if it’s just a cute outfit that they are wearing that day I try to let them know.
It does leave a very warming feeling inside when I compliment someone – just as nice as recieving one, actually!
Thanks for writing this! I always worry that I’m going to sound insincere or crazy giving people random compliments, but I know I should stop worrying about it and just DO it. It’s a very cool feeling to make someone’s day by giving them a compliment – I know I always feel a lot happier & brighter if someone tells me they like my bag/shoes/smile etc.
You are amazing! x
Awesome post! I remember the first time someone I thought was really cool complimented me, I was really rude, I just kinda grunted and looked away. I obviously didn’t mean to be, but I was so embarrassed and touched and freaked out. Apparently we get most of our compliments in life before age three, so no wonder if becomes awkward when presented with one.
I’m much better now, thankfully. :) And I love returning the favour too.
I always say, ‘if you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all, but if you do have something nice to say, SPILL IT!’
You can make a lot of cool friends through the power of compliments!
this is such a cute post! my best friend and i met on the first day of college via compliments. she was walking by with a group of people and i shouted “i like your skirt” because the skirt was awesome (and i got to borrow it tons of times after that) and she stopped and said “oh, thanks! i like your shoes!” we’ve actually discussed several times how genuine compliments are the sign of a cool, nice girl.
This article is fabulous! I have never really understood why you would rebuff a compliment from someone – if I give a compliment and someone replies ‘No I’m not don’t be stupid’ or something similar, I feel a bit put out.
My mum was instrumental in my accepting and giving of compliments, I was ashamed of my height (I am 6 foot) when I was around 13 or 14 and would always slouch around and she would make me stand up straight when she was around and people would always say how beautiful my height was – I would never take the compliment and my mum took me aside and told me how much i hurt her to hear me say that as I was a product of her basically and she wanted me to realise I was beautiful so I started listening to people and realised if it was only me who though my height was hideous and all these other thought it was great who was I to doubt?
I love giving people compliments, it is nice to put a smile on someones face simply by saying something true.
I fell for my boyfriend because just after we met he told me how beautiful I smelt, how mice my complexion was and how unique my eyes were.
I wasn’t wearing any makeup, perfume and I have a lazy eye that is a different colour to my other one.
This article has so much truth to it.
Compliments I have recieved which I didn’t really appreciate:
-“You’ve got sweet tits” (charming, no? no!)
-[After I lost 12kg] “You look so good. You’re like anorexic now”
-“You would look so good in that skirt! I would buy it but it’s too gothic for me”
-[On my skin tone] “You’re SO white. I couldn’t stand being that white!”
VS
Compliments which I DID appreciate
-“You’ve got such a cute little figure”
-“Your eyes are so beautiful and the way you wear your makeup just enhances their beauty” (I get lots of compliments on my eyes but this was both understanding & genuine
-“You hold yourself really well. Really confidently”
-“You’ve got beautiful pale skin”
&
-“Your blonde looks really natural” (I appreciated this because i’m quite obsessive about my hair, hehe).
I suppose it’s a fine line, sometimes. I was with a boy who was always pointing out to his friends that I had really good breasts, and they’d all agree. It was nice but weird and uncomfortable at the same time. It’s all about how and when you say it, I think…
xx
I just wanted to chip in and say that when I met Adam Levine of Maroon 5 after one of their concerts, I told him that his shoes were really cool. I felt a bit like a goober when I told my friends that’s what I said, but I really did mean it! And then, what do you know, in their next video he was wearing those same sneakers! :-D I like to think that he remembered my comment and chose to wear the shoes based on that.
Another beautiful post Gala!
And Claire A. – I was intrigued to see the colour of your hair after reading your comment, so I went to your deviantart and I have to say, you and your hair are gorgeous!
x
Great article, thanks :)
Such a good question and an answer I totally agree with :)
I know a person who makes a big scene when someone enters the room, she runs to you with this huge toothy grin and screams out your name for the whole world to hear and then when you have you back turned her smile disappears. I find it very irritating and everytime she runs to hug me I feel very uncomfortable. Whereas they are people I know who never say compliments but when they do, people really appreciate it. Some people can babble on and on with no substance, whereas some people say little, but everytime they do it’s worth listening to. Sometimes less is more.
Haha, I was watching an interview with Donald Trump the other night and he definitely hates Rosie O’Donnell, he definitely had many names for her.
I used to be the person who accepted compliments with the A option, but now I say “Thank-you.” :)
I work at a supermarket, which is dead boring, and the other day the cutest little girl [maybe 5 years old] walked up with her mother was buying groceries and said to me with absolute sincerity:
“I just wanted to tell you that you look absolutely lovely today.”
I nearly died from the cuteness.
A nice compliment like that can leave me smiling for the rest of my shift!
I’ve found that accepting compliments graciously/giving out compliments is a great way to start a conversation too. Whenever someone complements me on something like my shoes, or my handbag I always make an effort to say something like “Thanks, I got it from _____, it was on special for $_. I love your ______, where did you get them?”
I work in a bookshop and it’s great because there is a range of people that come in. unfortunately I’m a ‘blurter’ when it comes to compliments – i will just all of a sudden say (usually in the middle of serving someone) “Omigod, I LOVE your handbag, it’s so lovely” and I know I quite often make people uncomfortable.
I’ve told people that they are pretty before and had them look at me like they thought I was a raging lesbian and was going to jump the counter and run after them (not that there is anything wrong with that).
But then there are nice people who just smile and say thanks and it’s good to know I’ve made them smile.
I always make a point to compliment new mothers though, even if they look terrible I will say something like “Wow, you must have it really together to have made it to shopping today” and I will always compliment on new babies because I remember when I had just had my son and I was always paranoid that I looked horrible and tired and stuff and no one ever told me different!
Cookie – I think compliment post its are definitely required. What a sad story. Maybe you should put a link to iCing on a post it for her. I’d completely cover the sign she put up with nice messages and smiley stickers and then offer to go for a walk or something with her in your lunch break, sounds like she needs a friend to tell her how beautiful she is!
Cookie Wow, that poor girl sounds like she has really low self-esteem. Maybe go to thinkexist.com and find the most fabulously inspiring quotes on beauty both internal and external. I just hope positive motivation is something she can accept and learn to appreciate… To put up a sign like that in your workplace, in view of your coworkers and probably boss, suggests this is a realllly big issue for her. I mean, most people have issues with their body but we don’t bring them in bold red letters to the office, ya know? I don’t wish to be negative, just realistic, and realistically she may not respond as well as you’d like to the positive comments, so be prepared for that. But I do think she needs your help and friendship definately and you are very sweet to care so much about a coworker!
I love, love, love making compliments so this article hit the spot completely for me. I’ve always thought that if you like something about someone you should def tell them. A compliment always makes my days better so not do the same for someone else?
I also agree so much with the Accepting Compliments part. As a kid I grew up in an environment where people would never just accept a compliment. Most answers I would here were always like “This old dress? It’s actually crap” or ‘Yeah right, you should see me in a bathing suit, I’m actually too fat’ or “My hair is nice? You are delusional”. I was even told off from time to time for being proud of my positive traits and told to downplay them so people won’t think I’m too egocentric.
So I ended up being the kind of girl who would bring herself down when getting any sort of compliment. That’s until I met my best friend and she helped me get over so many of my issues and then I got into college and I think I did a 360 with the confidence thing.
Now I’m like “ THANK YOU” when I get a compliment and I always tell my friends to do the same because have you ever noticed how scared people are about hearing good things about themselves?
Eek, sorry for the long rambly comment but I really really enjoyed this post as you can see ;D
This is such a practical, timeless article! I’m still working on being gracious at accepting complements; I find myself being self-depreciating or sarcastic instead of just saying ‘thank you’ and it’s a hard habit to break.
Jacki — Thank you, honey! I appreciate that a lot :>
Iphigenia — That’s a fabulous idea. Do it, do it!
cookie — Ouch! Your workmate sounds like she has some deep-seated stuff going on. I think you should put up a sign facing hers (so she sees it) with every positive quote you can think of. I’d also hang a little mirror & draw hearts all around the outside of it in permanent marker… To find good quotes I recommend brainyquotes.com — search on ‘beauty’ or ‘confidence’ or ‘self-esteem’!
diana — Aw, it’s so cute that compliments brought you & your best friend together! So perfect.
ally — I love both of those stories! Your mother & your boyfriend both sound totally awesome.
Kirby — Couldn’t agree more. Sometimes a compliment that would be fabulous if you were alone becomes very awkward if you’re in a group!
Claire — I am really not into children but that is an adorable story :>
for the longest time i would dismiss compliments… but i had a friend that would get on my case, he would say… “jennine… what do you say?”
i would grudgingly sing back, “thank you bill”
it took a while…, but now i can say thank you to other people.
;)
Thank you for taking the time and writing this!
I know this will benefeit so many people!
Myself pesonally, i am sincere about giving compliments, but if i like something i usually just blurt it out.
For example: If i see a dress i like on someone i just say “Oh my god! I love your dress! it’s amazing!”
Usually most people are taken aback at that but are suprised that someone has said anything :)
I like complimenting elderly ladies the best.
They have the most awesome vintage clothes.
They are so shocked that someone “young”
Takes the time out to chat to them,
I have had the best conversations with the elderly.
They have so much to say
and we have so much to learn.
ALso, recieving compliments are the best!!
My partner compliments me everyday,
Even something as small as “you’re hot babe”
Brightens up my day :)
My advice is to start beliveing all those compliments.
Knowing that you are beautiful, or that your hair looks nice, or your shoes are Fabulous give you the most AMAZING confidence!!
Usually if you compliment someone, They find the courage to compliment you back!!
It’s truly fab!
so get out there and get Complimenting!!!!!!!!!
xx