How To Have A Summer Romance (With Yourself)
[ 24 July 2008 ]
Ah, summer. Big blue skies, singing birds, parties on the beach & tiny outfits. Is it any wonder that so many people are in the mood for lurve?
The problem, of course, is that we can’t always find someone worthy of our affections. Maybe they already have a girlfriend, maybe they’re always busy working, or maybe you run laps around them intellectually. All of these things put a damper on the idea of a summer romance! Even then, sometimes people are disappointing, or not as romantic as you’d hope, or they don’t share your fervour for eating cheese in treehouses. & I mean, honestly, a summer romance isn’t a summer romance without cheese in a treehouse. So I propose that you use all your loved-up energy on someone much more deserving.
You!
You knew that was coming, huh? Regardless, here are my suggestions to have a rollicking good time summer romance with yourself!
Court yourself
The first days of fresh love are delightful & tender. You get to see the absolute best parts of whoever it is you’re seeing — such a lovely thing! Maybe it’s time to start awakening to your most fabulous features, too, & to start being gentle with yourself, regardless of the situation. Think of yourself as a new lover. Think about how supportive & sweet you would be if your new squeeze was going through a hard time, & then make an effort to extend that kind of love & grace to yourself.
Come on, now. Be good to you. If you won’t, who will?
Listen to yourself
Relationships often involve a lot of listening, especially as you’re getting to know the object of your affections. I know you’re thinking, ‘This is all well & good, but if it’s just me, what do I have to listen to?!’
The answer is that you need to start listening to yourself. Your actual, true, authentic, genuine, uncensored self. That voice which tells you whether you should do this or that. Not the rational, logical voice which takes over when we’re trying to convince ourselves of something, but the voice that speaks from a place of instinct & intuition.
It’s amazing, you know. We each have all the answers we need inside us at all times. We may think we need to ask other people, or read a book, or ask Google, but really, when it comes to what we should do about a given situation, we already know. Sometimes I like to remind myself of this by visualising my belly as a little all-encompassing galaxy, swirling with stars & question marks & answers & big, blinking exclamation points.
So make an effort to listen to your intuition. When it flashes at you — & it does, several times a day! — start paying attention. Do what it tells you, & see if it improves your life. (It will!)
Learn to compromise
This goes hand-in-hand with the point I made under ‘Court yourself’, which is about being good to yourself. That means that if you have a massive work-load but you’re exhausted & sick, you need to learn to put yourself (& your health) first. Similarly, if you’re feeling depressed & withdrawn but your friends have invited you to go out, you should probably accept their invitation. It’s all about doing what will make you feel better in the long-run.
Take sweet pictures
Yes! Romantic relics! A good photobooth strip is worth a lot. While normally you would pile into a photobooth with your beloved, have a smooch & wait for the photos to come out the other side, this time you have to go it alone. But don’t be afraid! Taking photos alone is funnnn! Dress up, blow kisses into the camera, dance around, pull silly faces, & when you’re done, put the pictures somewhere prominent so you can remind yourself how gorgeous you are on a regular basis!
Go out on dates
The best thing about romancing yourself is that you can go on dates that no one else could ever possibly understand. Want to check out the train museum, spend hours in the bakery supply store, stare at skateboards or attend a seminar on podiatry? You can, & you don’t have to convince anyone else to go along with you! Get dressed up, take yourself out & have a damn good time.
Buy yourself flowers, too. They’re an important part of the process.
Write yourself love letters
Love letters, or loved-up communique in general, is one of the best parts of being involved in a romance. It gives you something real, like a record of what’s happened, to hold, clutch to your chest, pore over obsessively (don’t tell me you haven’t done it!), & whatnot. Passionate letters are like the souvenirs of love.
If you’re having a summer romance with yourself, you might feel like this is just an arena of the lurve game you’re going to miss out on. But it doesn’t have to be that way! You can write yourself love letters — & they will probably ultimately have more meaning to you than anything someone else could write.
What kind of thing am I talking about? Well, they could range from a series of amorous haiku to something snappier, like, Hey Gala, I noticed your ass is looking mighty shapely these days. Kudos!
They don’t have to be enormous, long-winded, flowery pieces of prose — you can keep them short & sweet & have them be just as effective. Even a couple of sentences is better than nothing. Make it part of your regular routine, a daily ritual if you can. Write one on a Post It during your lunch break, scrawl some endearing words in your journal before bed, rearrange the letter magnets on the fridge… Do it however you like, just make sure it happens!
Those are my ideas. How will you romance yourself this season?
Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala
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Ohh, yes, I’ll be a right flirt this summer :D
Great ideas Gala, wish I’d read this when I was single :)
But having said that, I think it’s a great idea to do a couple of these things for yourself anyway, regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or not. So often we forget about ourselves when we’re part of a couple.
Thank you for reminding me that self love is just as important as anything else.
Hope you’re still having a ball in NYC! xx
Ohh, yes, I’ll be a right flirt this summer :D I will paint my nails white and stick tiny pink hearts to them, I will wink to my reflection in store windows and throw myself little teaparties! JOY!
I am definitely gonna indulge my inner geek with every film, gig, stitch and bitch, poetry night and writer’s forum I’ve ever been afraid to go alone to. Buy myself some wine and pastry and be my cutest, loveliest, bestest date ever!
xx
Dearest Gala,
This piece is absolutely wonderful!!! I’m going to print it out and keep it in a scrapbook I have of positive images/ideas/things that make me smile. August is my birthday month, and I plan on making it a very big kick-off to my transformation. With lots of new ideas, information, and a whole bunch of my own internal knowledge, I’m gonna give myself one heck of a start to truly living as the girl I always have wanted to be…and loving myself unconditionally! So much of the information that I have found and collected (to be scrapbooked) has come from your amazing and inspiring site as well. You are such a wondrefully creative, kind, and beautiful soul, Gala dear!!!Thank you for everything you do and for everything you are!
So very much love for you-Always,
Kendra Jacklyn
p.s.-does anyone know why my posts suddenly go all small and squished together? I’m not using any kind of codes or fancy stuff…yikes!
love to you all!
Lovely! Good ideas. I’ve been down about this one guy lately but now I think I’ll just dress up & prance about the house & town by myself. Perhaps a RomCom movie marathon is in order. =)
When I am in a relationship, I love cooking, but when I’m single, I never pick up those pans or spices. I think cooking a whole meal and pigging out on your awesome culinary skills is a fabulous way to self-romance! What should I cook tonight?!
I’m writing myself a post it right now.
You inspire me.
Ohhhh boy. SO true. I just got out a very long-term relationship and I forgot how nice it is to do whatever nerdy/crafty/hippie/intellectual thing my stick-up-his-butt SO thought was weird or “a waste of time”...here’s to me and my lovely self!!! :)
FABULOUS ideas and suggestions. What a great reminder to be tender and kind to our poor, oft-neglected selves. And, of course, actions like these create a cycle of positivity that will make us more attractive to others. Not the goal, but a nice little bonus!
Gala, this post is fantastic! Although, now I wish I still had a tree house so I could eat cheese in it…My parents had to tear down the one I had as a child because it was no longer safe…
Even though I’m in an awesome relationship, I think I might take myself on some dates. Sounds like fun!
I loved this post, Gala! So much that I re-tweeted it on Twitter.
So glad I discovered your blog!
Gala!
Our minds must have been in sync. I blogged about lavishing oneself with attention just today. Good times!
Things I will do:
Be nosed up in a book to feed my mind and goal of learning new words
Take myself to the movies – first date: MamaMia!
Bubble baths
Making a daily list of things I am grateful for.
Smooches!
I love this, it came at the right time too….I have been thinking about this for awhile.
OH this is such a sweet idea! I spend a lot of time on my own so it would be a great thing to do as well…
YAY!
Another good idea from Gala, well done, 10/10.
Mademoiselle Robot x
Oooh, I think this is such a good post! Really romancing yourself rather than just doing maintenance work is a bright idea that I want to pursue. Also, it is so true that you need to listen to your inner voice,rarely will it fail you.
I recently wrote a post that could be a lot of fun for a solo date! It involves fruit and kisses!...
agentofchance.blogspot.com/200…
Photobooth strips and fridge magnet haikus are definitely my idea of self-romancing!
My favourite thing to do on a self-date is go for coffee, people watch and read/write, and then go to the cinema at an odd time when it’s quiet and you have the whole cinema (or just about!) to yourself.
This is perfect, Gala! Not only by the fact that it’s a great article, but by the timing.
My parents have left me alone for one of the first times, for a grand total of three weeks. It’s very fun, but at times seems a little daunting, especially as a single girl.
How will I romance myself this summer…? – Going to the the Yves Saint Laurent exhibit in my most artistically daring outfit. Then, meet a friend for a yummy coffee and cupcake soiree.
- Having a day of productive lounging. Finally getting to things I like doing & need to do, like pasting all my favorite images and articles in my notebook or watching favorite episodes of television shows I normally don’t have time to watch.
- Making an elaborate meal at home for myself. This includes courses, drinks, and candles. :D
-Window-shopping when the stores are closed, while looking very incognito. Then, sitting down and writing all my outfit inspirations in a nice cafe! (You can never have enough good coffee!)
-Finally, watching a movie in a theatre alone. If you want to see a movie, but no one else wants to, take yourself out! Include gummy candy, or simply your favorite treats. One of the best parts? You don’t have to worry about finding a row of seats for yourself AND all your friends too!
I’d love to hear what everyone else wrote!
I would add something along the lines of pampering oneself – it is as important to look one’s best for a solo-date than for a date-for-two.
i will certainly romance myself this summer. Those tips will be quite handy especially since i’m single Thanks for bringing up the idea gala.
I’m losing my comment virginity to say that I think this post is fabulous, and for me? Timely ♥. I’m in the midst of some marital awkwardness right now, and feeling a bit lonely, but not necessarily up for lots of company… I think I’ll take myself out on a date next week :). It’s winter, but that just makes it the perfect time for films, coffee-and-cake-and-books, art galleries, and windy walks along the waterfront in a big warm coat and scarf, possibly whilst sipping on a big hot drink. Plus, it’ll help remind me that my happiness is dependent on me, not my partner.
I love this! And you don’t have to be single to do it either… I have a wonderful boyfriend but I cherish my Sophia-time! Sometimes I feel a little selfish about not sharing that with him but I need to have a good relationship with myself, too. You’re a role-model for that, Gala!
Just lovely. :D
My boyfriend broke up with me not too long ago and this is just what I need ! I decided today to stop moping around and to just try doing things that make me happy, so I think this will help a lot. In fact, once it’s sunnier out, and it stops raining so much, I think I will take myself out on a date. =)
This rocks, as everything you do does. I went out and got second piercing in my ears last night, and bought a few face things from Lush based on your recommendations. Starting a new life is so exciting!
this article is fantastic (as everyone’s already said!). ways i will be romancing myself this summer:
*reading f. scott fitzgerald under a tree in the park *spending hours in wifi cafes playing online chess *shopping for adorable underwear to parade around the flat *watching battlestar galactica reruns *eating delicious georgain food
thanks again gala!
Gala, that was my favorite of all your posts!
Absolutely made my day!
I’m going to surprise myself with a box of really good turkish delight next week.
Perfect. I’ve been doing this naturally this year. I just wrote a huge list the other day of things I wanted to do this summer, after years and years of wasting summertime. I must admit it is not only because I want to romance myself, but I need to keep my mind occupied as well as I am currently in a long distance situation (not permanently) and it helps to focus on myself.
Also this year has been one of massive change for me, and I refuse to waste anymore time. It’s nice to see so many young girls on here be inspired by you to go out and live their lives for themselves.
I haven’t commented in a long while, so I thought I would leave one just to say I adore you and posts like this make me swell up with happiness :)
Aw, this is a wonderful article. Sometimes we all need to be reminded to pay some attention to that wonderful person – ourselves! Thanks. :]
This is such a beautiful article Gala. The ‘learn to compromise’ point is something that I always have trouble with. Both your examples about workload and friends are things that I’m often guilty of. Thanks for the gentle reminder to look after myself!
You are such a good girl Gala. I love you. We all love you (I guess).
kissez.
Hi Gala,
I really liked this article, and your comment on ‘Listening to yourself’ reminded me of a question I’ve been asking myself lately…
How do you recognise your instinct? your intuition?
I find I often have so many opposing thoughts, all very rational, running through my head at once, that I find it hard to know what my instinct is saying.
Any tips?
Thanks heaps! :)
As always, a well-timed and positive post.
You know very well how romantic and liberating the Village is; I spend every day there, and since I don’t know anyone in the city, the whole summer feels like a solo date!
I love:
-sitting with my laptop in coffeehouses, allowing the soul of the city to imbue my writing
-striking up conversations with strangers in the subway, parks, or in queues
-treating myself to a bowl of chocolate-dipped fruit
-giving myself pedicures and lounging around the house
-wearing fabulous outfits while picking up the post, going grocery shopping, and going to class
-having picnics in the park
This post is a well-timed discovery! I came home today and had a sudden urge to create a love themed mix cd all for me :)
P.S. Love the site!!! Who knew looking for different ways on wearing a scarf would lead me to a jewel. Thank you Gala.
Gala, I haven’t visited your site in a while and I just spent the most fun hour, catching up and reading all your suggested articles. I feel cheered up and invigorated – thank you so much.
At first when I read your post I was thinking, I would feel miserable thinking that someone else could be doing this instead, instead of me. But as I progressed through the post the idea got more and more exciting. I think it’s about time I romance myself! I’ve never written love letters or bought flowers for myself.. the idea sounds odd, sad.. yet exciting.. because I’ve never done it before!
Hmm, another nice date is to make yourself a scrumptious dinner. Your favourite meal, favourite drink and dessert, under candlelight and out on your favourite cd!
What a lovely article!! I’m not a frequent comment maker… but in this case, I just couldn’t resist.
I’m a big believer in loving yourself and treating yourself with kindness, but you have put it in such a delicious way.
Well done.
xo
wonderful timing for this article. I just went through a very tough break up from a 2 1/2 year relationship to whom I thought was “the one”.
since the breakup I wanted to change for the better (not that the relationship ended because I needed to change), Ive just decided to grow as a person and try new things.
this article is so inspiring and its something i definitely want to do. thank you so much for the inspiration. after reading this I feel like I have a spring in my step again!
I try to buy myself flowers on a regular basis already,haha.I surround myself with pretty things & tell myself how awesome I am*
bubble baths and shopping sprees always make me feel great! Or taking myself out to dinner and trying a fancy new drink. It’s awesome!
I don’t mean to pry, but how is your relationship now that you are thousands of miles away? If it is too personal, I do not wish to bother you! But you two seemed so wonderful together and I was just wondering if he was going to move out there with you :).
Gosh, you look so cute with the pink hair in those pictures. It’s like you’re a real life sized doll in a very pink doll house!
Just wanted to include a fabulous quote i read today ..
“One’s real life is so often the life that one does not lead.”
– oscar wildeit seems to me ur inspirations are combating these exact words. And i hope, not only I, but all those sitting on their couches day after day, can read these words as well as yours and be inspired to get up. Do. Be. Have. And realize they can take.. as well as give. because both give u the feeling of greatness.
adoring,
danni.
RE: to Ritalin…
_“How do you recognise your instinct? your intuition?
I find I often have so many opposing thoughts, all very rational, running through my head at once, that I find it hard to know what my instinct is saying.”_
I feel this way sometimes too :) When you have a bazilliontrilion conflicting thoughts on what to do, i think the best way to find out what your truest feelings are is to allocate the thoughts to numbers on dice, or like “heads and tails” of a coin…and then flip the coin or roll the dice and see which option comes up. If you are happy with what comes up, go for it :D AND here is the main part: if you are unhappy with which option comes up – eliminate it! and then roll again…
your instinct about what you DONT want will lead you to recognise what you do want.
hope that makes some sense/is helpful ;D
Hi Lani,
Thank you for your helpful suggestion!! I think you’re right, and that it can be pretty easy to let our instinct guide us when faced with something we don’t want. :)
Thanks for your reply.
xox
I don’t even know you but I love ya already!
Stay groovy you sexy thing!
i am newly single after a long term relationship and found this the best release from everything. Doing things, that you would normally do with somebody else, alone is somehow empowering. In fact i took myself out for coffee this morning, i think i’ll definetly see me again. Thankyou!!!! xxxx
thank you for your inspiration. god i can’t wait to hang with my cool self!
it was my birthday yesterday and i didn’t get to do much cause i was travelling all day and exhausted. i will certainly be making up for it this weekend.
enjoying a glass of top notch pinot in something gorgeous and singing and playing guitar…
doodling, cooking delicious treats, writing down words of wisdom…
relaxing creative things i love that constantly get pushed to the side.
i will set aside time each week. a date with myself. perfect! i am worth it and i wanna be with me! (^3^)
last night I put on heels and lipstick and went on a date with myself. I had a fantastic time! xx
I saw the sex and the city movie by myself, because none of my girlfriends were around….and my boyfriend definately was not interested!
I had the best time ever. You feel so magnificantly independent!