I Can't Stop Shopping. Help Me!
[ 29 October 2008 ]
Gala Darling – I Can’t Stop Shopping. Help Me! (mp3)
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“I used to laugh off the fact that I was always in debt and a bit of a shopaholic. Now I realise I actually have a very serious problem.
I go to uni in a city and so every day I go past shops which draw me in and I end up spending anything around £50 a day on stuff I could do without. But I literally can’t stop. I don’t know what to do.
I feel like I don’t want to stop as I get such a buzz but feel so sick with guilt and worry over my debts.
My debts from shopping are around £2000. I know this may not seem much but I am a student with rent to pay and I only get a £4000 loan a year. I feel like I need to go to rehab or something!
I feel so bad because my boyfriend is so helpful and lends me money to pay off my overdraft but once I am in the black I just go straight back out and spend it again. I can’t, literally can’t save money. Please help.”
Ah, the rollercoaster ride that is shopping-when-you-have-no-money. Of course, it’s fun, it’s a little dangerous, you know it’s kind of stupid but hey! That bank gave me that credit card, right?! They wouldn’t have given it to me if they didn’t trust me with it… I know what I’m doing… I can pay it back easily…
& so you go out & you spend, & you walk home high on the scent of receipt paper & bulging shopping bags, & you throw open the front door & set everything down in the living room. An hour or two later, you walk back into the living room & regard what you’ve done. What is this thing? Why did you buy that? This isn’t even going to go with anything else! You can’t wear that, you’ll look like Beyonce on an off day. Oh, god. Why did I do that?
You start to feel guilty about what you’ve bought. I shouldn’t have spent all that money. What was I thinking?! You don’t sleep very well that night. & your feelings of inertia & fear fuel you to go out & do it all again the next day. & the day after that. & the day after that.
We all have moments where we go shopping for a pick-me-up, to make ourselves feel better or to distract ourselves from whatever is going on in our lives. But there’s a very definite line between being an occasional emotional shopper & spending so much that it actually scares you — & most of us know which side of that line we’re on.
Let me explain something. Banks are not your friend. I know, they’re all smiley & big teeth & “Here, have a Visa with a $5000 limit!”, & “You’re a trusted customer, how would you like to push that limit to $10,000?”, & “Sign up for this card & spend your way to oblivion with no interest for 24 months!” — but they are not doing this for your benefit. They are doing it for THEIRS. They don’t like you! They like their profit margins! They COUNT on people like you to spend way, way, way beyond their means, so they can jack up the fees & make an absolute killing off your chosen form of therapy/self-destruction. The system is set up so that THEY WIN. Never forget that.
Another thing. Your boyfriend needs to stop bailing you out. I don’t mean to get all Dr Phil on you, but honestly, even though he thinks he is being helpful, kind & sweet, what he’s actually doing is enabling your behaviour. You continue to spend carte blanche because you know, in the back of your mind, that he is always going to be there to look after you. It’s a nice thought. Comforting. I don’t blame you, to be honest.
But what would happen if you broke up? The credit card company might decide they want the full balance of your credit card back. Immediately. As in, now. If you can’t pay it, they could sue you to get the money, or give your details to a debt collection company who will hound you day & night, at work & at home, or re-possess your stuff. Not to mention having a bad credit record makes it almost impossible to do anything like open accounts with cellphone companies, etc.
The temporary thrill you get from shopping is not worth the fiscal hell you are heading towards. Honestly. & I say this as someone who understands — very well! — the bliss of a new purchase.
Even if you never break up — even if you’re together forever & ever — do you really want to be beholden to him like that? Do you want him to always take responsibility for you? It might sound appealing at first, but it plays hell on your self esteem. How can you feel good about yourself when you’re not really holding the reins?
Really though, as with most problems people have, this whole thing stems from your emotions. If I were you, I’d look a little more closely at my life to try & understand why you have this compulsive need to shop. I’d agree that you have a problem, because your behaviour is starting to negatively affect your life, & yet you still continue to do it. So, ask yourself some questions. What are you so unhappy about that you’re so desperate to distract yourself from? What’s the void you’re trying to fill with stuff, & where did it come from?
Since 2005, New York therapist April Lane Benson, author of the book “I Shop, Therefore I Am,” has had participants in her group psychotherapy sessions keep journals and shopping lists that track their moods, their impulses and their household needs. When contemplating a purchase, Benson’s patients are asked to record their answers to questions such as “Why am I here?,” “How do I feel?,” “Do I need this?,” “What if I wait?,” “How will I pay for it?” and “Where will I put it?” (Buying Trouble: When Shopping Becomes A Compulsion)
There are a lot of practical tips I can give you, like cut up your credit cards; get a part-time job & start paying the damn thing off; freeze your credit card in a glass of water so you can’t use it; set it on fire & dance around it naked; only allow yourself to pay for things in cash; give yourself an allowance of £10 a day (& if you can’t be trusted with it, have your boyfriend physically hand it to you every morning); when you feel out of control & like you want to shop, exercise instead; start seeing a counsellor; tell someone about your problem & call them when you feel the need to buy a huge ugly poncho, etc. But none of that is going to help you as long as you’re driven by this huge emotional vacuum.
Don’t underestimate the power of how you feel. As long as you still feel empty or lost or confused or whatever it is that makes you want to shopshopshop, that urge to spend will always have you in its stranglehold.
Your unhappiness could come from all sorts of places. Having a sucky job is a likely candidate, as is feeling bored or disinterested at university, dissatisfaction with a major relationship, feeling lonely or like you don’t really know where you’re heading in life. Take a good, hard look at what’s really going on. Don’t play it off or pretend like it doesn’t really matter or ignore your pain. Face facts, make a list, & then start thinking up solutions. If you’re really stumped, you can ask your friends if they have any ideas, too. There is a way to fix every problem, you might just have to think differently.
Then, like with anything else that has the potential to improve your life, you have to take action. You have to decide that yes, you’re good enough, & important enough, & fabulous enough that your life should be great, & happier than it is now. You are worth taking a scary risk for. You are worth the effort. & if you don’t take those first, terrifying, stumbling steps, no one else is going to do it for you.
So take action.
Extra For Experts:
How Can I Manage Compulsive Shopping & Spending Addiction?
Shop ‘Til You Drop: Battling Compulsive Shopping
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oh gosh, thank you for this. while i am nowhere near as bad as the original poster (and whoever that is, i hope you sort things out soon
rawr, gala, your comments have eaten half of my comment D:
oh gosh, thank you for this. while i am nowhere near as bad as the original poster (and whoever that is, i hope you sort things out soon <3) but i am terrible for buying things to make me feel better, and i live in central london…it’s very easy to think “oh, i’ll just pop to oxford circus and have a mooch round…i’ll only spend a tenner on a pair of tights in topshop…” and then i see the american apparel store and bang, i’ve spent the next month’s food money. it’s such a difficult thing to get under control!
Great article! I think consumer debt is a HUGE issue for our generation.
One of the best blogs for personal finance that I’ve found is:
www.getrichslowly.org/blog is a personal finance blog written by J.D. Roth. It focuses a lot on paying down debt and living within your means/saving.
www.spenders.org/ It’s like Alcoholics Anonymous, but for spenders!
I know it’s not amazingly related but just seeing your Consume! picture made me think of it – did you know that about 50 years ago (I forget the exact date but they tell you) the markets actually planned for us to become a consumer society? Wow!
Here it is if you want to take a gander!
www.storyofstuff.com/
Enjoy!
Vixxie.
p.s good luck with kicking the habit! ;)
This place is awesome for people worrying about money:
www.moneysavingexpert.com
It’s based in the UK too so there are loads of tips and deals the girl in question can use to cut back. (The site looks a bit chaotic but it’s full of great advice) The people on the forum are super super helpful too.
Also, your uni should have some kind of counselling service where you can discuss the emotional side of the problem. It doesn’t have to be an education based problem for you to be able to use them, at least it doesn’t at my uni.
This is such an insightful article – I’m impressed by the way you’ve highlighted the emotional situation at the core of the problem. I think it’s helpful to find something that you can invest in both emotionally and financially – that way, when confronted by gorgeous $350 boots, you can weigh up the decision: That’s $350 that your house deposit/holiday savings/trip home for Xmas/mortgage/family will never see again. Find a financial goal that matters more than the thrill of spending.
I’d ask myself: what is it that shopping gives me ? What void in my life does it fill ? (EFT might help here).
In my case it was control over my life that I wanted, shopping made me feel like I was in charge of my choices.
Anyway, I think the girl needs to find an alternative passion in life. How about some kind of charitable work ? (to realise the value of money for some people) Or a new hobby ? Or traveling ? If you add some exciting fun into your life, shopping will seem like the most boring thing in comparison.
I was going to recommend Get Rich Slowly too. It’s a great resource with a lot of different ways to save. I might also suggest that the questioner get rid of her credit cards. I know she probably cannot while she has debt on them, but whatever she can do, leave them at home, locked in a safe that she doesn’t have access to if necessary, so that she only spends what’s in her checking account or in cash, will hep curb her purchases.
This was a very brave question and I wish her all the best.
I’m wondering if anyone has tips for people (myself) who are not necessarily in debt, i definitely live within my means but still shop excessively making it hard to save money? I pay for everything in cash or same as and have a credit card which I truly do reserve for emergencies (or the occasional iced coffee when I don’t have cash on me) and always pay off within days of use but I still spend way way more than I need to.
A banker friend once told me that poeple use the credit from banks, feeling like they are spending “some one else’s” money, like they are getting it for free. He tried to explain to them that with the interest rates, after 10 years they end up paying back double the amount to the bank… but most of them wouldn’t listen to him !
So, credit is not your friend.
You’re doing a GREAT service here Gala! What I would have given to have this information about 5 years ago, lol.
I went back and read ALL your archives last week. I just love your site. I think I must have bookmarked 20 different articles!
Hugs!
I used to be a big fan of retail therapy. $15000 and 5 years later, I’m still paying for it. I literally spent the money I’m earning today, 5 years ago. I have 3 years left before I’m debt free, and I actually pay more in credit card bills than I do in rent.
I have some advice for people in this situation. Firstly, establish a budget. I use an excel spreadsheet that functions like a check register. All I have to do is put in my deducations and deposits, and the spreadsheet does the math. I have this spreadsheet budgeted through the end of 2009, already figuring in my rent, groceries, gas, car insurance, health insurance, car payment, and even christmas presents. Anything I can predict is figured in asap. This has helped me to get a picture of my finances in the long term, rather than just knowing what my balance is RIGHT NOW. It also helps me see when I’m spending money on useless crap.
For people who have a hard time sticking to a budget, I suggest you utilize cash. Do not carry credit cards, debit cards, or a checkbook. Only carry cash, and when you’ve spent your weekly allowance, that’s it, you’re out.
I also found that getting into a debt consolidation program really helped. I no longer use my credit cards, I only pay off their balance. This debt consolidation program helped me lower my interest rates dramatically, and as a result, my minimum payments are about $200 less each month. That being said, it’s also VERY important to pay more than the minimum payment.
I’ve passed my spreadsheet on to quite a few other people looking to get ahold of their finances. If anyone wants it, email me and I’ll send it to you. All you need is Microsoft Excel.
you have written this superbly gala! I really hope the girl in question sorts things out and has a happier time ahead of her! I definitely believe being proactive is the best thing to do.
A wee tip I use when shopping – before I purchase something I say to mayself ‘do i need this?’ ‘can i afford this?’ It works really well for me, as it puts me back on track. My man is always disgusted at my willpower!
Wow, Gala, you really do seem to have an excellent understanding of how people work :) Excellent post! Although I’ve managed to curb my own spending, I had a similar problem to the OP and used many of the tips you gave in this article to overcome it.
To the original poster: Gala’s advice is amazing, and totally accurate. It may be hard to get there but trust me, it feels fantastic to be in control of your spending, and it’s possibly more satisfying now, coming home from a shopping trip and realising that the sweater I had to talk myself out of buying really wouldn’t have suited me, and knowing how far I’ve come, than it would have been to have bought it.
Thank you for posting this Gala! It will be very, very helpful and conveniently timed.
Another suggestion for helping the original querent get out of debt: first of all, if she does buy stuff, then wonder a few hours later why she bought it, she can always take it back the next day.
Past that, there are always auction sites where she can sell some of these items to make back the money she spent and apply it to her bill. (Does anyone remember “Save Karyn” from about five years ago? She took donations, which drew a lot of criticism, but she also sold a lot of her belongings on eBay, and she made her efforts to pay off her debt public and transparent.)
That said, auction sites are dangerous for shop-a-holics with credit cards, because the tendency to turn around and spend what you make is pretty tempting; also, paying off debt by selling the things you bought always involves diminishing returns, since you’ll never make as much for the item as you spent, and on top of that, you now owe interest on that amount.
I would definitely advocate that she freeze her credit cards in a container of water (or an old clean ice cream container, or a big ziploc bag, or etc), making sure they’re not auto-entered on any website, and that she doesn’t have the numbers written down anywhere.
I never spent as much as she did, but I’ve been there! It’s easy to get carried away and it takes forever to pay back the debt — it would be particularly unpleasant to have to pay back student loan debt on top of the credit card debt. Most people I know are struggling just to pay their student loans.
... also, in response to Candace’s debt consolidation program suggestion: research first. In the US, the only totally reputable one is Consumer Credit Counseling Services; others have reputations that vary wildly. For example, I’ve heard from some people who were helped a lot by Genus, and from others who say their payments were made late by that program and others, or that the debt consolidation company they chose wound up costing them more.
This is a useful post. I think modern society is a lot to blame. I am SO easily swayed by magazines and advertising campaigns that say stuff like ‘just one more pair of shoes’ or ‘you look gorgeous in this…’ or ‘even though you can’t afford it you’ll buy it anyway’. Magazines are full of all this, as well as expensive adverts for clothes. I am an intelligent woman but it is so easy to listen to these messages because I want an excuse to spend. It is hard to keep track of, I hope that this girl manages to get some help.
Retail regret is a horrible place to be – but always remember to look at your receipt – increasingly these days most places have a 28 day no quibble refund provided the goods are returned ‘as new’.
Joanne mentioned moneysavingexpert aka Martin’s Money Tips – there is a LOT of useful info on how you can get out of debt on there too –
www.moneysavingexpert.com/loan…
www.moneysavingexpert.com/bank…
www.moneysavingexpert.com/prot…
Good luck to you – and hopefully you feel less alone now – some great tips here.
E
SO timely, Gala. I started a shopping ban a few weeks ago (http://www.alreadypretty.com/2008/10/admitting-that-i-have-problem.html) because I was experiencing something similar … though on a much smaller scale. Even though I have given myself allowances, I still struggle – daily – to keep myself from spending.
But I’m learning about why I feel this way, and when, and what I can do to curb my impulses. Thanks for providing some additional resources – I will pore over them eagerly. Believe me.
I agree M.E., research does need to be done when looking to consolidate debt, as there are lots of companies out there looking to just rip you off even more than the credit card companies have. I’m using Care One Credit, (I’m in the US) and they have been wonderful. No late payments, lowered my interest rates by 10% to 15%, and customer service is easily accessable and quite helpful. Just thought I’d add that :-)
Wow, this was a very powerful message. Thank you!
This couldn’t have come at a better time! I just yesterday went and spent pretty much all of my money that I need to last me until next Thursday, on pretty much nothing. I always feel so great for a little while, but then the sheen wears off and I’m left with a whole lot of junk that is overflowing in my room. Luckily I know that I would be terrible with a credit card, so I’ve never allowed myself one. But I am definitely going to try and get out of this cycle before it gets out of control!
well… i have to say, it’s not easy… i shopped myself into a hole very quickly, it’s easy to get out of control.
in the end, i didn’t need any of that stuff. and in retrospect, i feel silly for spending my money and credit so foolishly.
fashion isn’t shopping. having great style isn’t having the latest 7inch heels. honestly, i have more fun playing with the clothes i already have, and now my shopping sprees, amount to 10euros at the flea market, once a month… you’d be surprised what i get!
:)
I went to school in NYC and had this exact problem… all of my shops were on my way home from class! I seriously spent so much money on clothes and shoes, and although I didn’t work myself into debt, I did draw out SERIOUS amounts from my savings account. I am now in process of opening a small business and would give anything to return some of those items to H&M or screaming mimis or vintage stores in brooklyn and have that cash to pay for business expenses, but alas, it is gone. However, since I have moved to Austin I shop once every two months or so. I am basically wearing “uniforms” every day – my clothes aren’t as varied – but hey, I’m happy!
I know, however, the moment I set foot to shop in nyc again, I will be spending like there’s no tomorrow. Just one of those things, I guess.
Amazing article :)
One thing that has really helped me is to set a specific limit for each month that I can spend on myself. If you go cold turkey, and try not to spend any extra at all, you may do great for a few months, but then you will probably “binge” and once you do, it can be hard to get back on track. (Isn’t it scary how great we are at talking ourselves out of our good resolutions and justifying said deviations from our well meant plans?)
And then, to make that money last, thrift! Plan your next purchase in advance! Like Gala said, an impulse buy rarely turns out to be a valuable addition to your wardrobe!
I am the original poster and I would like to say thank you all for your kind wishes and extra advice on top of the wonderful article Gala wrote in response to my problem.
I am on my way to sorting myself out, I was telling Gala earlier that I actually talked myself out of buying something today which is a first!
Well, I wish all those in my position the best of luck- stay strong and thank you again.
x
Good luck sweety!
;)
I can attest to the fact that banks don’t care about anybody… I got a credit card earlier this year (which I only use for buying petrol for the car, I swear) and as soon as I was approved, my bank also sent me an e-mail saying that they had “pre-approved” me for a $1000 overdraft on my savings account. Um, how about no! Bank, you just want me to spend all your money and then charge interest when I can’t pay it back. Such transparent behaviour.
Luckily I have the presence of mind to figure out this trickery. I really feel sorry for the people who get caught up in it.
Budget tracking software is also useful- there are some out there that will make pie charts for you, so you can see what percentage of your money you are spending on what and where!
thank you so much for this! i just graduated from college and moved to new york and i cannot stop shopping. for the first time in my life in am in debt, but i cant stop.
Very timely!
I have another comment: If you buy something and regret hours or days later…RETURN IT! Almost all stores have a 30- or 60-day return policy. Yes, it might be embarrassing to return $200 worth of clothes, but it’s worth it! Also it might help you next time you’re tempted to shop again if you know that once you’re in your “right mind” you’ll have to sulk back into the store and return it all.
My other comment is this: shop at thrift stores! That way even if you do walk out with two gigantic bags the chance is that you spent much less and the damage to your pocket book isn’t nearly as bad.
The best thing one can do here is to get rid of one’s credit cards completely, pay of all debt, and stop carrying more that 20 $/pounds on one’s person at all times. Thus, no money to spend.
Also, stop going to shopping districts!
It’s amazing that no one has commented about your voice (or have they? Did I accidentally skip a comment while skimming?) to me. I read the article while hearing you read it and it helped me get through all of it; I’m normally very ADD when reading articles. That helped a lot, and your voice and accent are fantastic, have you ever done radio?
Noticed that the question was from a brit, I definitely advise them to visit www.moneysavingexpert.com, as a few other commenters have. It’s a really REALLY useful website for money matters!
GALA!
I am so glad you posted this. Thank you!
I lovelovelove fashion, just like you. But my rational side just can’t stomach something that so often has such a distinct downside—the fact that loving fashion often means people make unconstructive financial decisions.
For me, it’s really hard to use credit cards responsibly, so I cut up all but one of them for emergencies. Also, I noticed that a lot of my social events revolved around shopping—so I had to figure out ways to be with friends that didn’t involve spending so much. Those were the two big things for me.
I really really liked this article. I have been thinking for a few days about the idea of limits- especially when it comes to our possessions. How much exactly is too much?
Where do we draw the line? I guess when your impulses take over your life it’s time to ask for help.
With fashion I think, even the whole culture of fast fashion, which makes it easy to use-and-throw, because it’s so cheap, makes it even tougher to tell yourself that there’s no need to buy something just because it is cheap.
Thanks, Gala!
Gala, I love you, and this is fabulous advice, but … that pic is yikes! And I’m not even Christian. I’m trying to think how I’d feel if it was Buddha or Kali or Kwan Yin. Well I certainly don’t want to be like some kind of censor, just thought I’d put in my 2 cents. Big kiss to you even if we disagree!
to the commenter who wanted to know how to save even though she wasn’t in debt:
Make it automatic. if you have direct deposit, automatically deposit some percentage of your paycheck into a savings account that is difficult to get to, then its like you never have that money to spend. you’ll find yourself living off less, which means you are saving money, without realizing it. For example (and this is hypothetical) if i were to make 500 bucks a week,a nd put 100 of that directly into my savings, then i live off 400 a week. i pretend that 100 was never there at all, thus im saving about 400 a month, without really missing anything (except the impulse buys, and who misses those?)
today i had a not-so-nice day at work & I just came back from tesco with a bag full of useless little thingies like a packet of picture-hangers, a pocket sewing set (with threads in ridiculously absurd colours)& an ugly pair of beaded earrings! totalling 10euros, ok, but still it’s creepy how sometimes we buy just to buy. Your article is golden, as always:)
Banks are evil.
I have a friend with literally no money, she gets one shift every 2 weeks (because she works at a football stadium and the games are only played this often).
She applied for a credit card (why she thought she could afford it was beyond me at the time), and they approved her for a $700 limit!
So now she juts buys buys buys until her heart’s content BECAUSE she knows her mother will pay it off for her come the end of the month. Argh!
www.smartcookies.com
my co-worker read their book and she said it really helped her (plus it’s divided into categories: relationship spenders, shopping spenders, a widower who had to pay up debts and take care of finances for the first time in her life after her husband passed, etc). it’s group of women who all had financial difficulties and got together to found solutions to any problem. they have Excel spreadsheets available to download (for free!) to jot down where your money goes, where it should go, etc.
give it a try, i’m on my way to do so because i’m in the same situation as most of you.
i’m seriously thinking of freezing my credit card in the freezer!
I’m Baack! It’s me who thought the pic was iffy.
I have been thinking about it all day, and in yoga class lying in savasana I realized that picture is amazing – it got me to think about it all day, and to realize that it IS shocking how our society tries to both minimize human sufferring and reality by consumerism and materialism, and obstructs us from our own inner divinity by focusing our mind on frivolous things. Now I love me some clothes and sparkly stuff as much as the next girl, but our society really makes it into a god for us.
So to the young woman struggling with the original question, you go honey – good for you for realizing the problem at your tender age and trying to find an alternative reality. We ALL struggle with this I believe in the western world to some extent, but most of us don’t realize it.
And I’m gonna check out the artist who did the pic Gala. It’s actually pretty powerful, potent and pithy.
Great article and really relevant in these times of economic freaking out!
Also, as somebody currently working for a bank as a credit card debt collector (I know!) I’d also like to offer a bit of advice for anyone who has a credit card:
Do NOT avoid the bank if you are late on payments! The worst thing you can do for yourself is AVOID the calls from the bank. Certainly some people might be rude but the problem isn’t going to go away and it’s going to make you look a lot better in the long run if it shows on your account history that you’ve done your best and stayed in touch with the bank.
Hell, the bank I work for has assistance programs for people who are struggling and even has financial counseling services. There ARE options, explore them!
That being said, I think credit cards are extremely dangerous things. Avoid them if you possibly can and if you absolutely need to get one, take the time to read the fine print before you sign up to a LEGAL contract, decide on a MANAGABLE credit limit and do NOT go any higher than that.
Now I’m tired!
We live in a culture where people are spending money they do not have. Think of money as time – is that new t-shirt, couch or even house really worth the hours, weeks, months or years of your time it will take to make the money to pay it off?
I’m so glad that you’ve addressed this issue. It’s definitely made me re-evaluate the way I shop and how it affects me.
I’ve made a resolution to only buy the things that I absolutely love and can’t make myself. I would suggest checking a stores return policy and returning the clothes that aren’t worn within 3 days or a week.
This isn’t directly associated with shopoholism but it’s somewhat related:
bitsandbobbins.com/2007/07/03/...
bitsandbobbins.com/2007/07/04/...
bitsandbobbins.com/2007/07/05/...
Everyone has had marvelous points, but I just wanted to say one more thing to Frost —
Don’t HATE yourself for having a problem! Remember that you are being very brave and smart to identify this issue and work on addressing it. You are not a bad person for struggling, and you will be able to succeed eventually in getting your problem under control. I know in my own experience it can be so easy to just chastise yourself endlessly for fucking up, when really that just beats you down and doesn’t help start you off on the right foot to further progress.
Take baby steps, don’t expect to be transformed right away, and respect yourself for making progress even if there are slip-ups sometimes. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and resisting the shops will take some time too! I guess I’m just saying to remember to be kind to yourself, mentally, even as you are honest about your weaknesses.
xo MG
i would like to add to the advices and say that if your’e feeling guilty about something you’ve bought, and it’s too late to return it, sell it on ebay! to keep all those things around may only increase the angst.
i also suggest something i do, not because i have this problem but because i’m terribly poor at the moment, is to every time you think you need something you go through what you already have. maybe you don’t really need a new pair of tights or tea cups, or you might be able to work around it somehow. my goal for this winter is to survive only by buying 4 pair of tights, not new skirts and jeans as i first thought i needed badly.
i hope you’ll get out of this situation soon dear!
i recently started going to therapy and my therapist has helped me realize that i’m using my compulsive shopping to deal with my problems.
I have recently changed my over-spending ways. My husband keeps hold of all my cards and I have an allowance of £10 a week (about $20), which I know is very small but it is purely for treats and things I want rather than need. I’ve fallen off the wagon a few times (paypal is my current weakness…and shoes) but though I’ve found it hard, I am a lot more decerning about what I buy and because of that enjoy each purchase that much more. Plus I have saved almost £500 in about 3 months.
I miss the splurging and thrill of spending in excess but it really is worth it. No more sleepless nights for me!
I obsessively shop but never buy anything. I make lists of websites I like, or links to things I want to get myself. I even have a folder for bookmarks of “gifts” online for when I feel like I could buy something… it’s weird, but at least I save money I guess.
OK, obviously this isn’t to do with the very apt post above, but no Things I Love Thursday this week Gala? I’ve done a makeshift one on my blog, but it’s not the same!
This post doesn’t really apply to me, because I am a super-saver. I just wanted to express my love for the use of that Christ with shopping bags image. It’s beautiful sacrilege =D. x
I can understand why this girl wrote to about this even if you too seem to be a big shopper. I fond your response really helpful with convinent timing. Constant buying is not a healthy obsession…Although the media will tell you differently. I found I shopped a lot when I had lower self esteem and felt I wasn’t contributing to the world or was lacking purpose. I find theres pressure put one you (especially if you live in a city) if your not contributing to capitolism and big business.
www.storyofstuff.com
maybe its the fact that everything, and anything we consume lately is a product trying to sell us more products. maybe the blame isnt with the individual but with the way of the world. turning us into little consumers. but i think it is important people have ways of coping with this, and this is an excellent article.
Cheating sucks and the opposite happened to me. Recently, my fiance cheated on me days before I was going to walk down the aisle and marry him.
So after we broke up, I decided to sell the diamond engagement ring he gave me to www.idonowidont.com for some closure. That was my first step to heal. Why men are all cheaters!