Keeping Your Relationship Fresh
[ 16 July 2007 ]
There are no two ways about it, sometimes relationships are tough. Sometimes, even those of us in the most blissful domestic situations view the single life with a mixture of envy & wistfulness. Sometimes, you just want to be alone, or start new, or even commit bloody murder. If, however, you’re actually reasonably happy with your loved one, it’s usually easier to try & revive things than break up with your lover! Here are some ways to go about it.
Tell your girlfriend to block off a few hours one day this week, then take her on a secret picnic.
Bake together & then pull what we in the business call “a Violet Blue” — meaning your lover feeds you & you’re not allowed to use your hands.
Write lists of reasons why you think your boyfriend is hot/a genius/the best ever, & leave them in secret places.
Communicate!
Go camping at the beach & tell each other ghost stories.
Resist the urge to ‘win’ every argument. (There is no such thing.)
Be vocal about your adoration.
Hold hands when you’re sleeping.
Make up ridiculous names for one another.
Do new things together. Go to the orchestra, the opera, the ballet, little dive bars in Chinatown, the casino, the state fair, art galleries, libraries, vintage clothing stores. Dress up & do it properly, make it an occasion.
Sit in cafes, drink coffee or hot chocolate, & talk. No cellphones, no newspapers, no paperbacks. Just the two of you.
Let him know what you’re passionate about, & vice versa. If you love couture, give him some history & show him pictures. If he’s crazy about arcade games, try to share his enthusiasm as much as possible!
Cook a big meal together once a week.
Spend time underneath blankets.
Make sandcastles at the beach.
Make little films of things you’d like to remember.
Keep polaroids of the two of you in your wallet.
Kiss.
Surprise your lover with weird, small, spontaneous gifts — far more interesting than ye olde “here are some flowers because it’s Valentine’s Day” schtick.
Put some money aside, secretly, then donate it to whatever makes your partner most happy. A massage? A yoga class? A session of indoor rock-climbing?
Send cute/hot/erotic text messages.
Get all your friends together & go out for a meal & dancing.
Draw hearts on your girlfriend’s feet.
Bathe together & then stumble into bed, wrapped in hot towels.
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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Gala this is great, really sweet !!!
As I sit here in Auckland and the rain is hammering down , how romantic !
Oh and I thought of you yesterday while making my way through a cherry blossom cupcake !!!
Hee, thanks. Every relationship could use a little help! YUM, cherry blossom cupcake! Did you make it yourself? God, that sounds so good.
I love your list, Gala! Especially the “kiss” one. You never seem to realize how you kiss less and less, the longer the relationship goes on.
Also, Frenchie, I’d love to see that recipe. What, exactly makes a cupcake a cherry blossom cupcake? Flavoring or decoration?
my most favourite thing to do is have a cupcake delivered to my boyfriend, from the chocolate cake company, just because.
awwww, makes me want a girlfriend again :(
i’m trying out the ‘single’ look. which, hopefully, i pull off. this was sweet though, i’m going to draw hearts on my friends feet, since i love ‘em!
xx
great advice! been in a relationship for almost 7 years and it seems like the thing is to not start taking each other for granted!
thank you gala! :)
i’m gonna test out three of these this week to start a ripple of appreciativeness.
What a sweet list! Do you have any advice for people who want to move back into the dating world and need some help doing so?
sarah — That makes me want to be your boyfriend. What a GREAT idea! You’re amazing!
nico — Being single is good for you. You always learn a lot about yourself… besides which, serial monogamists are scary & out of touch with themselves!
Jeannine — Absolutely! Sometimes that’s the hardest thing. Even admitting to yourself that you might take your partner for granted is difficult!
michelle — Good idea for an article, thank you! Coming soon to a browser near you… ;>
Kristen — Another good idea for an article! You guys are great!
All these relationship articles lately have just been lovely. After you wrote your piece on long-distance love I told my boyfriend I was going to make a conscious effort to be nicer and make it easier on us to be apart- and so far, it has been amazing! Instead of getting upset about dumb things, I realize that in a few hours I won’t care about whatever we’re fighting about, so I say something nice instead. It’s been great!
I love that you included kissing in your list. Lately I’ve noticed that since The Boy and I have been together so long, we hardly ever kiss. I’ve told him we are no longer just going to skip straight to the hanky panky! I want to make out like a 13 year old. :p
Wonderful tips! I’ve been married for 12 years (but with him for 18 years), and we do a lot of these things. We kiss all day and constantly say we love each other. Even when we’re mad, we will say something like, “You’ve really upset me. I still love you, but it’s going to take me a bit to get over this.” And we’re always holding hands.
I’m going to start making the list of why he’s amazing as soon as I get off the computer. I love that idea.
One other thing we do that I love is every morning before getting out of bed, we have a bit of snuggle time. It reinforces our feelings for each other and it allows us to wake up slowly.
teehee! while im thinking about it i might order him one now!
i adore this list. =]
i’m definitely going to show it to my man.
and make a list of reasons to give him!!
Oh I wish I made the cupcake myself , I may just give it ago…
The cupcake was from Eve’s Pantry and had a pastry base whipped cherry centre , cupcake top an yummy smooth pink icing !!!
Very lightly flavoured and delicous !!!
Andrea — Aw, that’s so lovely! I’m really happy for you. I have recently learned the art of sucking it up & just being nice & apologising to my boyfriend, even if he is driving me NUTS! It’s not worth the stress of walking around all day being huffy. I’m a pretty strong believer in long-term repressed anger leading to sickness/death. I’d rather live until I am totally wizened & wrinkled & pruney than be “right” all the time!
tee tee — You’re way too cute! I love hearing about people who are still in love after years & years. It’s very touching. I hope he enjoys his list! I have one my boyfriend wrote me months ago sitting on top of a typewriter. I don’t see it very often but when I do, I am instantly blissed-out!
Frenchie — Man, that sounds so good. I’m fiending for sugar right now! (Love your name by the way, is it Grease inspired or is it your actual name?)
Aww this is all gooey and great!
My boy and I have really funny names for each other and they have all kinds of kooky words in them.
We also always act like complete sillies while at home – for example:
Who can make the loudest silliest noise?
Who can add the word ‘bum’ to as many parts of a song as possible? – it has to rhyme and be ridiculously funny.
And every time he comes home from work, as soon as he walks into the room he puts his arms out and gives me the biggest hug in the whole world! So corny I know…
I loves it!
gala (:
cute cute cute.
i wish a guy would do this for me.
i feel out of place :(
xo
I know this post is kindda old, but I had to comment; I’m currently in some kind of “crisis” like the one you describe in the first part of the post…I really like and love my boyfriend, but I guess that the rutine is making things hard (In november we’ll celebrate our first year together…my longest relationship ever!); lately we have been, let’s say, touchy, impatient..I don’t know :(. I’m struggling between breaking up or try to fix things…he makes me happy, I don’t want to be with another guy, but omg, how confused I am right now D:
Relationships are SO COMPLICATED!! I just didn’t imagine how hard it is!