Loving A New City: Alone

[ 19 June 2008 ]

Alone in the big city
Image by láy.

I recently received two emails on very similar topics. Voilà!

“Since you’ve just made a temporary move, I was just wondering, how did you immediately feel so comfortable? It’s been over a month now and I still get so nervous adventuring by myself. Before the move to the city I had all these fantastic plans to take writing classes & yoga… and now that I’m here, it’s like, my body & mind won’t respond to my plans. I just want to know, when will I start feeling at home & how can I?”
“I was reading your blog last night and thinking how fabulous it was that you haven’t been in New York very long and you are by yourself, yet you aren’t letting that stop you from getting out and about and enjoying it. I once found myself in London by myself and was miserable and depressed because I didn’t know how to get out there and enjoy myself whilst being on my lonesome. Now I once again find myself in a new city all alone and am facing the same problem. How do you make friends and enjoy the culture and life of a city when you are all alone?”

I hear you! I know what it’s like to be in a city alone. It can suck. It’s fun for about a week, because everything is fresh & new — you can distract yourself by shopping, seeing the sights & getting lost, but by your second Monday, the gloss is starting to fade & you can find yourself at a bit of a loss.

A few years ago I went to Europe with my ex-boyfriend. We had a great time, but after a couple of weeks, he had to go back home for his job. I had quit my job to go overseas, so I wasn’t in any rush to go back to New Zealand, & my aunt who had an apartment in the middle of London said I could stay with her as long as I wanted to. So I stayed on while he went home, & after a few days of exploring Camden, going wild at Topshop & Miss Selfridge & eating ice-cream every day, it started to wear a bit thin. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I missed my boyfriend, I missed having my own space (I was camped out in the living room), I didn’t know anyone in town & I was just… bored. Idle. Adrift! I watched a lot of MTV, spent a bunch of time on the computer, & eventually decided to go home. It was the right thing to do, given how I felt, but I couldn’t help feeling as if, somehow, that wasn’t how it was meant to be.

Maybe it’s just London?! (Just kidding!)

I have changed a lot since then, & these days I would be much more inclined to push through the homesickness, difficult though it may be, & stay for as long as I wanted. I am also now more able to see opportunities for what they are, & my mindset is completely different. Rather than thinking, ‘Oh no, I’m having a terrible time here, maybe I should just go home’, these days I would probably think, ‘Eeesh, I’m having a rough day but it will be better tomorrow’.

I have been exceptionally fortunate on this trip to NYC, because as soon as I announced I was coming over, I started getting invitations to have lunch, go to dinner, have a shopping spree, camp on my friend’s girlfriend’s couch in Minnesota, etc.! A lot of this I attribute to the people I have met through this website. It’s quite common to strike up an online friendship with someone who you’ve linked to, or who emails you out of the blue.

Now, of course you don’t have to start a full-time blog to meet people, but most people who have been active in online communities for any length of time find that they strike up real friendships with the people they talk to. Then, if you travel, you can reach out to this bunch of people you already know, & see if they want to have coffee, or show you around their favourite museum, or go dancing. So perhaps the key is to get involved somewhere. Find a forum, start a Livejournal, sign up for Twitter, start publishing pictures of your life on Flickr. After all, it’s hard for people to be interested in you if they don’t know that you exist!

I really do think that when it comes to feeling alone in one place or another, it ultimately comes down to how much energy you’re putting out. Do you slink around feeling shy, hoping no one will talk to you, buried under a pair of headphones? Or do you strike up conversations with shop people, chat to women at the bus stop & flirt with the barista across the street from your hotel? While it can feel good to be a bit withdrawn & solitary in a new city — there’s almost nothing better than good music on your MP3 player when you’re walking exciting, unfamiliar streets — if that’s the way you behave all the time, it’s not unreasonable to assume that you’ll remain that way.

There is a girl called Sanna who runs The Vagabond Set. She is a photographer & the site revolves around her, living the party life, taking photos of good times. She travels to foreign cities, lives there for a few months, documents it & then flies somewhere else. It’s pretty interesting to watch. I was shocked while recently reading her blog where she said something like, “I didn’t go out tonight… for the first time in 7 years.” Incredible! Anyway, she did an interview a while ago where someone asked her how she knew so many people. I mean, how does a girl move to Japan & have an instant social circle? She said that the key was to strike up at least 5 conversations a week.

I have found, since being in NYC, that as soon as people hear my accent, they ask me whether I’m living here or on holiday. I am not really sure what to say, so I tend to say “A bit of both”, but here’s the thing. Most people want you to enjoy their city. They want you to like it, to have a good time, & many of them are happy to be a bit of an ambassador. So maybe something to try, next time you’re in a shop talking to a cool sales assistant, is to say that you’re new in town, & ask them what they’d recommend you do. Often they will tell you about a great bar, or invite you to a party, or say, “Well, my friend’s having this thing on Friday…” Then all that’s left to do is accept the invitation & actually go along!

Another thing to remember is that even though the first person you meet might not totally push your buttons, their best friend might turn out to be the most fascinating person you’ve met in years. Or their father’s friend might be able to offer you the job of a lifetime. Or you might just meet someone through them who also harbours a secret obsession for Buffy/My Little Pony fanfic. Do your best not to write people off straight away — give them a chance, allow them to surprise you!

Of course, the most important thing about feeling like you belong in a place is to do your very best to remain open to new experiences. Fabulous things happen to people who are open, alert & alive. If you receive a random invitation, don’t just say no because you’re socially anxious or unsure of yourself. It could be the beginning of an incredible fairytale.

Other than the social aspect of being in a new city, it can really, really help if you have a project of some description that you enjoy working on. It will keep you busy, give you a sense of purpose & help you feel like you’re not just wasting your time in some foreign city. I think that most of us, when we’re not occupied with work, our friends or loved ones, feel a bit aimless. We don’t really know what to do with ourselves, & a holiday alone really amplifies this. People like to be doing something, so find something to do!

For me at the moment, for example, whenever I’m not out in the city, I’m usually sitting cross-legged on my bed, writing articles or responding to emails. iCiNG keeps me very busy, regardless of where I am or what I’m doing — & of course, other than writing articles & emails, there is a lot of stuff that happens “behind the scenes” that you never hear about. So if you have something you love to do, like writing, drawing, programming or finding solutions to complex mathematical problems while you balance on your head, make sure you take the things you need to keep doing that!

Another thing that’s fabulous about being in a new city is the opportunity to find out who you really are. Being alone in an unfamiliar place is always a challenge, & spending so much time by yourself can really cause you to re-evaluate your life as it is. You start thinking about things. Why are you there? Would you like to live there? How could you make that happen? Are you satisfied with your job? How about your relationships? Do you dislike spending time alone, & if so, why? What could you do to resolve that?

Don’t shy away from these questions. Spending a bit of time thinking, writing, & thinking some more can be incredibly beneficial for you. It will help you sort things out in your head, give you a fresh sense of purpose & direction, as well as making you feel better about your lot in general.

Sometimes, if you’re feeling pressured, scared or nervous, it can help to view your life as a piece of art. Sometimes messy, sometimes awkward, & often unusual — but full of magic & genius all the same.


Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala <3


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Comment

  1. this made me smile… thanks.
    that’s all i really wanted to say

    : )

    <3 chaaazzz · Jun 19, 04:43 AM · #

  2. This comes at a good time for me. I moved to Montana last October and I still haven’t made any friends. It doesn’t help that I work from home, don’t go to school, and don’t go to bars, as that’s the places most people make friends. And since this town isn’t a big city with lots of great clubs (Missoula is supposed to have a huge population of writers, yet there are no writing gettogethers. What’s that about?) and happenings, I can’t figure out how to meet people.

    Rawr!

    Any advice would be awesome.

    <3 Trisha · Jun 19, 04:55 AM · #

  3. Gala,

    Being open to interacting with people is definitely key. A open smile and having something cool or cute on helps too.

    I used to travel a lot for work, several times a month. I was a super boring traveler and would sit in my room, read a bood and eat room service! How lame is that?

    On one trip I vowed to do better. I was at a trade show and decided to talk to the folks in the booths around me. About 4 companies decided to go out as a group to Bourbon Street (we were in New Orleans) and have dinner. Well, the guy I ended up spending the most time with and chatting with all night… well I married him. Yesterday was 12 years since the day we met.

    So, yep! Get out there, experience things and meet people. And bring a book. Worst case, you can read.

    Luv
    Poochie

    <3 Poochie · Jun 19, 04:55 AM · #

  4. What are the odds of you writing a piece on moving countries whilst asking AND answering every question that has been running around my head like a revolving door!?
    Merci.

    <3 M · Jun 19, 05:00 AM · #

  5. Trisha — I was talking to a girl yesterday who doesn’t drink, so also doesn’t do the bar thing, but one of the ways she meets people is by going to blogger meets all the time. I don’t know how many of those happen in Montana, but maybe if you browse meetup.com, you’ll find some events that appeal to you!

    Poochie — Oh my god, best story ever. I love it! That’s fantastic! If ever anyone needed inspiration to step outside their comfort zone, that’s totally it! Thank you so much for sharing!

    M — Aww… so happy to help, honeypuff!

    <3 Gala · Jun 19, 05:04 AM · #

  6. This is helpful. I’ll probably move to a new city sometime in my life, and I’ll keep this article close to my heart. It applies to a lot of things, don’t you think? For example, I’m going to a music festival for a week, starting friday. The last time I was there, I was not really talking to people I didn’t know, much less was I interested in a new friendship! I kept in my safe circle of friends, my comfort zone. This year, I’ll make an effort, and I know it will be SO worth it! Thank you, Gala!

    <3 Sofia · Jun 19, 05:11 AM · #

  7. ah great tips! moving to a new city IS hard….i recently moved to new city in a new country where i don’t speak the language… ikks!

    i know from experience (i’ve also lived in london and new york) that meeting new people is very difficult in big cities. mostly, it’s about patience and learning to not doubt myself. real friendships take time to develop.

    also, there are so many ways to meet new people (i’ve done them all, except #7… which i’m sad about)

    1. taking a class
    2. volunteer work
    3.try a goofy team sport like bowling (where no one is good at) or adult kickball… that’s super fun.
    4. a book club (where the members often become great friends)
    5. getting to know your co-workers better
    6. get to know your neighbors (my old building was so friendly)
    7. stitch’n‘bitch… i heard they even teach you how to knit

    <3 lady coveted · Jun 19, 05:20 AM · #

  8. Thanks Gala, I needed something to give me a push into exploring the city I’ve just moved to!

    <3 Bridey · Jun 19, 05:21 AM · #

  9. Wonderful advice, at just the right time too! I’m moving to Japan in just over a month. It’ll be hard work having five conversations a week, or even making nice chitchat with the neighbors (as I speak no Japanese. Yeek!) but I feel inspired to try hard and communicate in other ways, and to make fast friends with my co-workers.

    Have you ever had bad culture shock, Gala? Even in an English-speaking country, I imagine it might happen.

    <3 Emily · Jun 19, 05:27 AM · #

  10. Hi Gala,
    You joke that maybe it’s just London, but I really think it is! I grew up near London and lived there for three years (& will be moving back there after traveling) and I think it is generally hard to meet people there (I’m fortunate most of my friends live there!)
    I’ve only been to New York once for two weeks but the people struck me as much friendlier than Londoners, and conversations with strangers happened really naturally. I think English people are a bit more inclined to keep themselves to themselves and my experience is that people are a bit suspicious if you strike up a conversation with them out of the blue.

    Maybe I’m being cynical, and like I said I don’t have much experience of America or other places, but those are my experiences!

    Ooh, but I think you’re totally right about being open to experiences though, definitely if you approach everything with positivity and openness you get it back x100!

    Sorry that was a bit long, love you x x x

    <3 Jo · Jun 19, 05:31 AM · #

  11. Ahh..yes…moving. I moved when I was 26 years old to Los Angeles. The best things for me…my job at New Times LA (I was the web designer at this newspaper)...and going out on Friday nights to gallery openings!

    I saw lots of amazing artwork, had some free wine (yay!) and met interesting people who were “mingling” and not just in the bar scene. Of course, after a while you see the same people doing similar things and friendships bloom!

    A little over a year ago I moved again to Boston. What a different city! After ten years of making friends in LA, I’m starting over again. I must say that this time is also different because I’m more self-confident, mellow and satisfied with being “alone” when I’m out in the world. I’ve met some great people just by frequenting some regular places and through my freelance design work.

    So…for those of you out there who love Gala and Icing…will you comment about it on my blog? mdesignboutique.typepad.com/me…
    I’m compiling a list of “Best of the Web” in my comments and I’m going to write up a review of the results with quotes and links. Gala will surely deserve some kudos, no?

    <3 Melissa -- M Design Boutique · Jun 19, 06:21 AM · #

  12. Hey, this advice should be considered wherever you are; whether it be in a foreign country or just at home! It works both ways. I commend you for that, Gala *tips hat

    <3 Ivy · Jun 19, 06:35 AM · #

  13. Aww, Poochie! I love that my home city united you with your love!

    Gala, lovely post! These thoughts have been going through my mind, as I graduate grad school, and think about the rest of my life.

    <3 Ashe Mischief · Jun 19, 06:35 AM · #

  14. thank you gala!i’d needed to read what you’ve just write…i moved some months ago from italy to austria and i have to say it’s not easy at all(different language, behavings, culture).I’ll keep in my mind this article for the upcoming times… ;.)
    Danke Schatzi*

    <3 sariti · Jun 19, 07:27 AM · #

  15. hi gala!

    i am so pleased you did this article.

    i moved 4 years ago to england from scotland and i must admit i found it terribly hard making the transition. i was very depressed; i had graduated from university and struggled to find a job and made very few friends. However, I managed to find a graphic design job and began to socialise with a fantastic bunch of people and started to see things in a more positive light. the experience has made me stronger as a person and has boosted my relationship with my man. i totally recommend being out of ones comfort zone! Good things can happen in stressful situations!

    since reading your blog, you’ve actually given me the inspiration to try new things and do things that i want for myself, not anyone else. i have lived my life trying to please others, now i have decided to put myself first!

    my partner and i are now planning for 2009, with the intent of travelling, moving abroad, and having adventures! this life really is for living and i intend to live it!

    thank you for being my inspiration! it made me think if gala can do it, i should be able to too!!

    oh and please lend me those fabulous shoes! :) x

    <3 kaz · Jun 19, 07:29 AM · #

  16. Gala,

    Thank you so much – this article is perfect!
    It really helped me to make sense of a lot of things in my life.

    You want to know what I did yesterday?!
    I went to Central Park (ALONE – gasp!) and I had a wonderful time. I took lots of pictures, had a few good conversations and fed some llamas in the Children’s Zoo.
    But more importantly – I FINALLY got out there and ENJOYED myself.

    And, in other good news, tonight I am going to an interview for my first job in New York City – a dog walker – how cool is that?! And in just a few days, my brother is coming out to visit New York City for the first time! :-)

    It really helps a lot just knowing that all these other women (even you!) have gone through what I’m experiencing now, and that I’m not so alone … but that’s about to change – and even if I’m alone once in a while, parading around this fine city, I’m going to enjoy it.

    Thanks, Gala. You rock my socks.

    Love,
    Cassaundra

    <3 Cassaundra · Jun 19, 07:46 AM · #

  17. Oh Gala, you are answering all of my travel questions and fears. I’m not going to be alone but I feel like I am sometimes. My friend is making all these plans that she’s not telling me about and I feel left out.

    Well, now I’m just open to whatever happens while I’m there and I know that if I want to make it a good trip,then it will be a good trip.

    Kisses.

    <3 Juls · Jun 19, 07:54 AM · #

  18. Ah! This is a great article! I have been flirting with the idea of visiting NY to see some broadway and off broadway for awhile and I think this may have convinced me to try it!!!
    and there are some really great comments on here too! Married a man you met on a bussiness trip after you decided to break out of your shell!- inspiring!
    people trying new things! totally fab:)
    ah geez I love this site- and of course it’s author!
    hugs and hearts…and happy humpday;)

    <3 joanna · Jun 19, 07:57 AM · #

  19. hey Gala! how are you?

    Well I am very happy to read this post as someone who bounces around a lot. I am in Boston for the summer. About two weeks ago I came back from Spain after six months there and being here has been different than any other time. Not sure what to do so I read a lot, write a lot, and I am on the internet a lot with connections from other places but, that is basically about it.

    I was unclear what to do with myself for just two months here because I go to Uni in San Francisco and my life is basically based there. So today I actually called in to Catholic Charities to volunteer my time until I leave again in August. I am trying to meet up with people as well as get a gym membership.

    I think being outgoing will help me a lot as well as being interested in things and willing to pursue them.

    “Fabulous things happen to people who are open, alert & alive.”- Amen. I agree with this completely. Keeping an open mind brings about many great things. Anything is possible!!! I also agree that being in a new city helps you to find out who you are. There is one article you have about no matter where you are…there you are. hehe I hope to always remember this!

    <3 Yetunde · Jun 19, 08:27 AM · #

  20. What a VERY good post! It is so, so interesting how travelling alone forces you to confront yourself—and I agree with you, Gala, that this can be an important thing to do!

    A few years ago, I decided to go off to Milan for a weeklong trip by myself. I love fashion, it’s the fashion capital of Italy, et voila. I was really astounded to realize how very, very alone I was (especially with my tiny smidge of Italian), and how very introspective—and dark and upsetting—my thoughts became when there was no one to chat with and distract myself with. I have to say that my week wasn’t exactly FUN, but it actually made me really work through some issues I was having with myself, my relationships, blah blah blah. Now I know that trips alone run the risk of occasional major somber-tude, but that they can also be a great time to bond with yourself. That sounds so new-age…but seriously, it’s not something I tend to do otherwise. But I do wish I’d read this and gone off to Milan a bit more preparedly! Though it wasn’t all frowny faces…I did still make sure to eat LOTS of gelato!

    <3 Material Girl · Jun 19, 08:57 AM · #

  21. On the topic of finding friends in a new city: I am still fairly new to London and would love to meet up with any iCiNG readers who are in or around me. I’d love to go for a coffee (or a cocktail), go to a gig, walk around the city, check out a gallery, catch a movie or something. I have some mates and family over here and so I’m not sure I’ve noticed the famous British reserve as much.

    If you’re interested, you can leave a message on my livejournal.

    Hope to meet you soon!

    <3 bec · Jun 19, 09:10 AM · #

  22. D’you know what, I think this might be my favourite of all your articles! It certainly hits closest to home: I’ve been living in Berlin for 9 months, and although I’ve made a few friends I’ve been very passive about the whole process – I’m so ridiculously shy and reserved that friendships almost have to happen “to” me rather than me playing an active role in pursuing and maintaining them. But what a waste – surely one of the best things about getting to live in new and varied places is that one comes into contact with new and varied people? I feel a weekly resolution coming on…

    <3 Heather · Jun 19, 09:45 AM · #

  23. lady coveted — Great tips! I love it. How are you finding your newest locale? Hope it is going well for you!

    Emily — I think I probably have had culture shock but nothing I can remember off the top of my head. If you’re going to Japan, you might like to read www.julieinjapan.com (a girl who moved to Japan from Canada) & sushizume.blogspot.com (my friend Deanne, an Australian who married a Japanese cutie & moved to Tokyo!). They are both fabulous people & have lots of info about moving to Japan on their websites! Good luck!

    Jo — Ooh, you better watch out, the UK nonpareils will be after you for that comment! ;D I really haven’t spent a lot of time in England, maybe about two months in total, so I don’t have a very well-informed opinion on the place. I don’t think I could live there, though… it doesn’t speak to me. Unfortunate, since I have a British passport, haha!

    kaz — Moving can be so hard. I found it pretty difficult to move to Melbourne because I didn’t know anyone there & was working from home & really didn’t want to make the effort to get to know new people. That kind of decision can really cripple you emotionally, I have since learned! It sounds like you’re going to have an incredible time in 2009, you must be so excited! Congratulations!

    Cassaundra — Aw yay, I’m so happy to help! & congratulations on going to the park alone! It’s such a lovely place, & I’m glad you decided to take the plunge & just get out there! Best best best of luck for your dog walker interview (I’d so love to do that!), & I hope you have a magnificent time with your brother. I think you’ll find it gives you a newfound appreciation for the city & your place in it. Big kisses!

    Juls — Don’t let your friend get you down; just take the trip as it comes & remain committed to having fun!

    joanna — DO IT! New York is the best place on earth (I think, anyway). Every day is a total thrill, especially for those of us who are new to it ;D

    Yetunde — That’s such a great idea! Good on you for volunteering & putting yourself out there! I think you’ll find that you reap fabulous rewards for putting in that kind of effort!

    Material Girl — Yeah, when you’re travelling alone there is definitely potential to get introspective & feel a bit down. I have found that being in NYC is a bit of a rollercoaster, I have had ecstatic highs & very rough lows, which is pretty interesting. Especially considering I am usually so even-keeled when I’m at home! But it has definitely been a learning experience, & I feel like I am going through a mega growth spurt, which I appreciate, even though it can be hard at the time!

    Heather — Woohoo! Good for you! I wish you every success in making new friends… it just takes a little effort!

    <3 Gala · Jun 19, 09:50 AM · #

  24. This is great! I want to move to Melbourne from Perth, as it is far more aligned with what I want from life than Perth is.

    Thanks:) x

    <3 kitten` · Jun 19, 10:28 AM · #

  25. My tip: stay in backpacker hostels rather than hotels. There are some really nice hostels around where you can get your own room for when you want privacy, but you still have the option of venturing out into the common areas and meeting people.
    Hostels with kitchens are my favourites because it’s really easy to strike up conversations with people while you’re cooking dinner. “I’ve cooked far more than I’m going to eat. Would you like some?” is a great start to a friendship.

    <3 witnit · Jun 19, 10:51 AM · #

  26. I’m moving to London in a few months for school. I’m elated and terrified at the same time, but I’m hoping that being at university will make it easier to meet people. This article could not have come at a better time. Gala rocks!

    <3 La Luna · Jun 19, 10:55 AM · #

  27. i’ve moved twice to countries far away from home (singapore), so i definitely know how big a deal it is. i first moved to tokyo when i was 20, and could not speak the language at all. i was there for 3.5 years and in that time, i made so many good friends i know we’ll be in touch for life. this, coming from someone who could barely order her own meal at a restaurant when she first got there!! i had a fabulous time in tokyo and explored the city with my friends. i think it is important to keep an open mind. if you’re going to be depressed about leaving home, (although sometimes do miss home), then you’re not going to be able to make new friends wherever you are.

    i left tokyo and now live in new york. i’m following my dreams and getting to exactly where i want to be. it has been tough but i’m actually really proud of myself. i’ve made great friends here too, in the few months that i’ve been here. and i still keep in touch with my japanese friends. tokyo will always be my 2nd home, and new york will be my 3rd. who knows where life will take me next! i want to move to paris, then belgium, and then go back to tokyo. 2 more new languages to learn and i’m all up for the challenge! :)

    <3 gilda · Jun 19, 11:14 AM · #

  28. Amazing advice as per usual Gala. Great job, thanks!

    Hopefully I will be able to apply some of your coping strategies into my trip.

    7 sleeps 2 go :D

    <3 Brooke · Jun 19, 11:52 AM · #

  29. Thank you so much for this, Gala! It was much in need and I didn’t even know I needed it! I’ve lived in Brisbane for nearly five years now – I moved here alone from a small country town to start my life over and to get away from negative influences and people that were crowding my life. And while I have made a couple of the best friends I’ve ever had, I still feel a bit lost and alone most of the time because I don’t really have anyone other than them. I’ve also realised that I don’t know Brisbane very well – I love living here and I don’t regret moving here for a second, but like one of the girls who emailed you said, when I got here I had all these grand plans for my life and things I’d do…and five years later I haven’t really done any of them.
    This article of yours has come at just the right time; I’m going through a few major life changes at the moment and I need this gem of inspiration :) So thank you thank you thank you!!!
    Oh, and completely off topic, I had a dream last night that I met you in real life and you were just so cool

    <3 shells · Jun 19, 11:53 AM · #

  30. Sariti
    Hi i am thinking of moving to Italy soon from Australia and was wondering if you could give me some advice and things to do when im over there.
    I’ll possibly be in Rome.

    Do you have a Facebook or Myspace?
    my website is italiafashionnita.blogspot.com

    would be great if you could give me some feedback

    xxxxx

    <3 rozzypozzy · Jun 19, 11:55 AM · #

  31. This comes at a great time – I’m hopefully going to be living in Africa next year all by my lonesome, so I’ll save this and whip it out if I’m feeling apprehensive.

    I guess being in another city alone is like any major change – it can suck majorly, but if you take a deep breath and dive right in, it can be the best experience of your life. :)

    <3 orinoco · Jun 19, 12:03 PM · #

  32. Ok, well, that’ll learn me for not checking the preview properly! It didn’t post all of my message – but no matter, all that got cut off was me saying take care of your beautiful self

    <3 shells · Jun 19, 12:03 PM · #

  33. excellent advice, gala! :)

    <3 piana · Jun 19, 12:58 PM · #

  34. You can use your British passport to see Patrick Wolf sing all the time. And dance. And generally be there in person. All very good things about a British passport! :>

    I think meeting people on your own in a strange place is so much better than meeting them as a big pre-fab group, because the one-on-one thing tends to have a deeper connection – like they actually like you for you, and not just because you look like you’re in a cool happy-looking bunch, you know? It’s also very good encouragement, for another conversation, and another, and another, and soon you won’t feel so alone and you’ll be loving it up like never before! That said, it helps to drag along someone who you met offhandedly, too, because then you know that they are also good at meeting people and having lots of spontaneous fun. My friend and I are going to the Mermaid Parade on Saturday to take pictures and soak up some Coney Island summerness and chat with some pretty mermaids :D

    <3 ansi · Jun 19, 01:05 PM · #

  35. You’re such an inspiration, gorgeous! You’ve done the New City thang so well, it looks like your social life is splendid.
    I have sorted so much out in my own head since being alone in a new city. After 3 weeks in Sydney, all my relationships with people back home suddenly made sense and things I’d wondered about over the last couple of years seemed to resolve themselves. As soon as I stopped thinking about things, the answers danced around in front of me! Twas weird.
    Sydney is my new playground, where I can go on adventures alone free in the knowledge that no one knows where I am and that’s okay..in fact it’s wonderful! Hence several hours spent frolicking in the Manly beach shoreline with my iPod and rum raisin ice cream with copious amounts of caramel sauce for dinner (don’t worry, I had raw veges and tofu the next day to balance it out).
    Before coming here my mind was full of these fantasies of how much fun it would be, a glorious social life, and Finding My Feet. But there’s that saying “Where ever you go, there you are”. Despite what I’d envisioned, I haven’t clicked with the city. It’s fun, but it’s not me. It’s commercial, overrun with bad coffee and processed food, and the homeless drunks are doing my head in…but that’s what you get for living in the CBD I suppose, it would be a very different lifestyle out at Bondi. So I’m making plans to move on, and looking at job opportunities in Melbourne. Thats okay too, for it rationally not to be working for me here. I’m seeking a lifestyle that’s more me, my best lifestyle, full of culture and cuisine, in a city where I already have a few beautiful creative friends. You and I totally ought to have a tea party if I end up in Melbourne, too!

    <3 Jazial · Jun 19, 01:23 PM · #

  36. I went to London on my own for six months and it was by for the BEST thing I have ever done. I loved the feeling of wandering around and not knowing a soul. It felt like the universe was hugging me every time I walked down Oxford street! I had a lot of downs, but WHEE there were some serious ups, too!

    Some of the ups include: – flirting with an armed soldier from the fourth battalion of the Welsh Guard – drinking mohitos in a faux jamaican bar – chatting with a german who looked like charlie brown – going to the red carpet at the BAFTAs – getting lost in Harrods and finding Christian Loubouttin shoes half price (I didn’t buy them. That’s what we call a down).

    I wrote magazine column style emails home every week, talking about my experiences and my thoughts and feelings. I was groped, shoved, hugged, kissed, tickled, yelled at. It’s all part of travelling. It’s made me a stronger person and I can’t wait to go back!

    xx

    <3 MJ · Jun 19, 01:47 PM · #

  37. Ohh I love the idea about striking up five conversations per week with strangers. It’s such good advice. Must try to do the same myself!

    x

    <3 amy bee · Jun 19, 01:56 PM · #

  38. there’s some good advice in this article, because they can be applied by everybody, not just people who’ve moved to a new city. i love the five conversations per week idea. i used to be EXTREMELY shy and quiet, and although i’ve trained myself out of it a fair bit, i still struggle to feel confortable conversing with people. but i shall attempt to strike up conversations with strangers starting from this very day!

    <3 Avarine · Jun 19, 02:27 PM · #

  39. kitten` – i am also from perth and planning to move to melbourne!
    thank you so much for this article gala, i can be quite shy around people i don’t know and this was the inspiration i needed to put myself out there! thank you lovely!

    <3 tara · Jun 19, 02:28 PM · #

  40. This was such a sweet entry, I really admire the person you are. My blog is all about places that I know of in Manhattan and Brooklyn that not everyone else might know. You might like it yourself actually since you’re new to the city. They’re all fun things to do I promise. Bubble Battle in Times Square this Saturday actually! You should go! Once again, thanks for being such an inspiration and great person inside and out. You keep me coming back.

    Love Love,
    DH
    bridge-tunnel.blogspot.com

    <3 DH · Jun 19, 02:31 PM · #

  41. This entry REALLY gives me an urge to travel somewhere exciting by myself, alas I have a serious lack of funds for it. Someday though!

    <3 Sara · Jun 19, 03:30 PM · #

  42. I’ll have fun and upload the pictures to prove it Gala, I promise.

    <3 Juls · Jun 19, 03:53 PM · #

  43. hi gala! this is an interesting post!

    in reply to Jo in an earlier comment you said “I really haven’t spent a lot of time in England”, but in your FAQ you said you are a frequent visitor to the UK. I’m a little confused?

    <3 joy · Jun 19, 04:22 PM · #

  44. witnit — Awesome ideas. My friend, when he was moving to Melbourne to live, stayed in a backpackers while he looked for a job & an apartment. It wasn’t glamorous but it was so, so much more economical than a hotel!

    shells — Yay! Good luck to you. Sometimes we just need a little push, haha.

    orinoco — Oh my god, wow! That sound amazing. You are so brave! I hope you have an incredible time :>

    ansi — Such good points! & also — YES, mermaid parade! Maybe I’ll see you there!

    Jazial — Awww! I am really sorry to hear that Sydney isn’t working out for you. I admire your commitment to finding somewhere else that makes you happy, though. That’s really fantastic. & yes! Totally get in touch when you arrive in Melbourne!

    MJ — It sounds like you had an AMAZING time. Good for you! Sounds like London is for you what NYC is for me!

    DH — Thanks for the head’s up on your site! It looks awesome. I am so keen for the bubble battle, too! Maybe I will swing by after the mermaid parade?! I’ve added your site to my RSS feed, love it!

    Sara — Start a savings account & put a bit of money in there whenever you can! You’ll get there!

    joy — I haven’t lived there, but have visited plenty & will continue to!

    <3 Gala · Jun 19, 04:35 PM · #

  45. Yay!
    Gala this is awesome advice!
    I can’t wait till I leave school and can travel overseas! Will be AWESOME. I spend a lot of time daydreaming about where I’d like to go =P
    This sort of writing from you makes me even more excited about it!
    xx

    <3 Maddison · Jun 19, 06:25 PM · #

  46. speaking of your accent, I implore you to do a podcast! I love listening to you speak, Gala.

    <3 Cassidy · Jun 19, 08:05 PM · #

  47. Agreed whole-heartingly about the online bit!

    I starting talking to two of the greatest people I’ve ever met on a forum 3 years ago and at the end of the year I’m visiting them both on my own (one in Ireland and the other Canada! its a big trip! haha but so exciting).

    <3 Cassie · Jun 19, 08:16 PM · #

  48. Hi Bec (and any other London-based non-pareils),
    I have been living in London for the past year and I think it would be totally fun to organise a meet-up – anyone else up for it?

    <3 Ammu · Jun 19, 08:53 PM · #

  49. Gala Darling, you’ve done it again! You read my mind like a novel. I have just recently moved to Melbourne, and although I am in love with this city, I often find myself feeling alone and a little (ok, alot!) isolated. Your advice has cheered me up no end, and I’m now looking forward to tomorrow- no matter the cold or the rain- to get myself out there.
    Soooo super great also, to find other people feel the way I do! Thanks everyone for the inspiring comments, anyone in melbs wanna meet up? I’d love a tour guide or just someone fun to explore this fab town with!
    Big smiles and warm hugs :)

    <3 Georgia · Jun 19, 09:22 PM · #

  50. Seriously, if you come to the UK anytime, let the ‘iCing Fans UK’ group on Facebook know and we’ll whip you up a tea party the likes of which you’ve never seen!!!

    www.facebook.com/group.php?gid…

    <3 Joanne · Jun 19, 09:38 PM · #

  51. “Rather than thinking, ‘Oh no, I’m having a terrible time here, maybe I should just go home’, these days I would probably think, ‘Eeesh, I’m having a rough day but it will be better tomorrow’”

    Amen to that. While I haven’t made any moves at all, the last year has been a big change for me in terms of what I do. I’ve gone from student with huge stretches of free time and long summer holidays to grad student, with barely any free time and no summer holidays! I think change of any kind can throw you off your habits and all the routines you built up and loved, but lately I made a conscious decision about being more positive, not giving up on making plans just because lately it’s been hard to put them into motion.

    I also think it’s important to feel your emotions even if they are negative. I’ve known people who move to new cities or start a new school or job or project thinking it will change their lives and still end up with the same feelings of unhappiness. Sometimes I think it’s important to start thinking about whether you are just changing the scenery on the same stage.

    <3 A · Jun 19, 09:48 PM · #

  52. Maddison — I did the same thing when I was at school. I would make lists of places I wanted to go or live & paste pictures of the cities into my book :>

    Cassidy — Ah yes, podcasts! I always forget about them. I’ll do my best!

    Cassie — That’s awesome! I had a friend from Canada who I had known since about 1997 (!) & we finally met in maybe 2002 — I actually introduced her to a guy in an irc channel (#punk!) & she moved from Canada to NZ to be with him! She was so cool in real life, & it was amazing to finally meet her!

    Georgia — So glad to be able to make you feel better about it! Good luck cutie!

    A — I agree with everything you’ve said. The risk of thinking your life will be transformed because you move somewhere is huge. But I think people do that with all kinds of things — they think marriage, a baby, a new job or a haircut will be “the solution” to all their problems. Totally not the case. I hope you’re doing okay dealing with the change you’re going through!

    <3 Gala · Jun 20, 12:06 AM · #

  53. talk about timing! I just moved to London from Melbourne, for an indefinite period, and here I was sitting at my new desk feeling lost, and this article appears on one of my fav websites! Thanks heaps Gala! Have been a long time lurker, this is my first comment!

    Despite the London hayfever, I resolve to get out and enjoy the sunshine more in this amazing city :)

    <3 bey · Jun 20, 12:47 AM · #

  54. I am so incredibly in awe of your life Gala. I have always wanted to live an adventurous life, but because of self defeating thoughts tied to health issues, I always shied away from going out there and grabbing life by the horns.

    Now I am 33 and have a few regrets — the worst thing that can happen to a youngish woman. I’m married and have a very comfy job that I dislike most days.

    For now I live vicariously through you, but I am starting to cease the day, little by little, in my own way.

    I could totally imagine myself in a city like NYC. I love meeting interesting people and I have always gravitated towards creatives. I would be such an eccentric right now!

    <3 Sandra Mendoza-Daly · Jun 20, 02:13 AM · #

  55. When I was new and friendless in Baltimore, I found MEETin (http://www.meetin.org), which is similar to MeetUp, but more generalized. Like, rather than going out to a group that focuses on a specific interest, people just post events like a happy hour, festival, museum, movie, etc, and anyone can just go. MEETin is in a lot of cities, and anyone can start one in their own city, if it doesn’t already have one. I honestly would have no friends if it wasn’t for MEETin. It takes a little courage to go out the first few times, but it’s totally worth it.

    <3 Tracie · Jun 20, 02:27 AM · #

  56. Aw thanks Gala! I’m doing pretty good, for the moment anyways!! But that’s life right? Try to make every day happy and just move on from the others.

    <3 A · Jun 20, 03:30 AM · #

  57. I moved to London for 10 months last year, I moved into a flat with a girl I had never met before and started at a job with people that were curious about me. For the first 6 months, it was the best time of my life, though for the last 4 I became really withdrawn, during the working week I would mostly stay at home and eat fish and chips and go on the internet and during my days off I’d travel to other foreign cities, part of the reason for this is that I felt like the people around me didn’t actually care about me, I couldn’t turn to them when I needed help even though I’d supported others whenever I could…so next time that will be my thing to overcome…though you cant make people care…

    I found New York a tonne easier even though I was only there for three weeks, not only do I have a long term friend there that loves me no matter what, I found that people there were so much more friendlier and loved to stop and chatter away. One of the awesome things about staying in a hostel is that there are lots of, often, young people in the same situation, so I tended to strike up conversations with them and organised to see things together.

    One of my little tools for meeting new people, even in my existing town, is using my Vampire Freaks account and joining cults, a lot of states have cults that are just for people who live in that state and I know that I am likely to have something in common with them, even if it is a few bands.

    Oh and to Georgia above! Remember the thread that was on here with peoples myspaces/facebooks/live journals…you could add people off that and start chatting away because I think alot of people here are from Melbourne and because we’re all reading this we’ve obviously got something already in common!

    Sorry for the long winded comment, I thought I’d share my experiences x

    <3 ruby · Jun 20, 05:01 AM · #

  58. Thanks Gala! I might see you at both the mermaid parade and the bubble battle! I planned on doing both this saturday, I have so much planned I don’t know how I’m going to fit it into one day but I hope to see you I will be armed with a bubble bazooka gun haha!

    Love Love,
    DH
    www.bridge

    <3 DH · Jun 20, 12:33 PM · #

  59. Hi Gala,
    I’ve been a fan of your site for a while now, but never commented…The timing of this post though was so right I decided to write! I moved to Tokyo 6 months ago and these past few weeks have been SO hard, I don’t know many people, I work in a tiny office as a translator which makes it difficult to meet people…and this city is full of so many awesome things to do it’s kinda lonely to see it alone (if I’m making any sense!) Anyway, just wanted to say this was a great article that has really inspired me!! Thank you!!

    <3 Kate · Jun 20, 02:55 PM · #

  60. ah! i love it here… am learning german (slowly), and making new friends, as the people are lovely here. i’m also enjoying time on my own too… like running in the forest and reading are becoming my favorite things to do…

    also, as for the not drinking thing… i don’t drink either, and it’s only inhibited me being friends with people i don’t have much in common with anyway. ;)

    <3 lady coveted · Jun 20, 11:43 PM · #

  61. I was reading through this post and thinking “wow, I can’t wait until next year” (I’m planning on following my best friend over to live in melbourne for a while. he’s been there a year and is lonely) Because I’m sure I’ll be able to strike up conversations with people and really get out there.

    Then I thought “Why don’t I just do that now? with where I’m living?”

    I mean, it’s a small town, but it’s only an hour away from the capital city – surely i could do everything I planned in melbourne in Perth?

    So yes, if you are in a new place follow Gala’s fabulous advice. But if you are in your hometown, the place you were born like I am, there is no reason you can’t follow it anyway!

    <3 Song · Jun 21, 12:27 AM · #

  62. You’re really amazing, Gala. I admit, I don’t have the guts to travel alone like you do. The first time I ever even flew alone was last March when Sara and I went to SxSW. Despite the fact that I may come off as a bit of an introvert at times (or at least, I used to), I really hate feeling alone.

    And by the way, my mom is even more amazed by your solo traveling. She’s mentioned it pretty much every time your name has come up.

    I do hope your travels take you back our way sometime, but maybe (hopefully) I’ll make it up to NYC while you’re there.

    <3 Meg · Jun 22, 10:05 AM · #

  63. Song — Aw, that’s so lovely of you to move for your friend! A friend of mine moved to Auckland once because I managed to convince him to do it, & it was really good for both of us I think. & I love the lesson. Yes, definitely, we can always be more outgoing! & yes, definitely we can always put our plans in action NOW rather than waiting for this or that or feeling like things are conditional. Amen!

    Meg — I really think it’s one of those things where the more you do it, the easier it becomes. I am an only child so I’m really good at being alone, I actually think I thrive on it. When I was a kid I used to fly down to Dunedin during the school holidays, alone, to spend time with my grandma. If you ever see me refer to being a “solo voyager”, that’s because when I did those plane trips they would put a big badge on me that said that ;D & I think I learned some interesting lessons from that alone — for example, I believe that the universe is always taking care of me, regardless of what happens. & maybe that feeling started from something as small as always having the air hostesses look after me & make me feel happy. Or maybe it started there. Know what I mean? Okay, I think I am digressing majorly here, sorry, 2am.
    Anyway… my point is, the more travelling you do, the easier it will get. & you might even learn to enjoy your own company — which is a fabulous thing. & of course, if you come to NYC while I’m here I’d be happy to show you my perspective of the city!

    <3 Gala · Jun 22, 06:16 PM · #

  64. Hey Gala

    I love this article! I don’t live in a new city, but i related what you said to living in my home city Melbourne. I am as you said socially anxious and a tad bit unsure of myself, but your article gave me inspiration to go out and enjoy myself and meet new people even if its in my home city!

    xxoo

    <3 Kylie · Jul 4, 04:47 PM · #
 

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