Morals, Ethics & Integrity -- Where Do You Draw The Line?
[ 15 April 2008 ]
“I recently got a 9-5 job on the phones at an insurance company. It’s never where I thought I’d be but I’m loving it. The people, the work and the attitude and values of the company I can really relate to. I also do some volunteer work for a soup kitchen where everyone there are vegan anarchists… some of them squat in abandoned warehouses, most vegan, they dumpster dive for food (as a political & ethical statement), most have a very idealistic and strong ethic about the way they live their life. So they have made little jibes to me about selling out… and the part of me that is a part of that world can’t help wondering if I am? I realise I have to pay the bills so it shouldn’t really matter but I’m just not sure what my own code of ethics really is and what is going against my system of values and what isn’t. In regards to the work you do I can imagine perhaps it comes up in being sponsored, money and potential jobs you get from iCiNG. Also with fashion, I tend to try not buy leather and definitely not fur but would be interested on your take on this. Also, buying fair trade and environmentally friendly. At what point do you draw the line? And how do you guide yourself ethically and morally?”
After your health, it’s said that the most important thing you have is your integrity, because once it’s gone — it’s gone. Along with the awful feeling of not wanting to look at yourself in the mirror, word spreads, & you might find yourself very unpopular all of a sudden.
So, what is integrity? Really, it’s about behaving in a way that you are proud of. It means that your morals are intact & that you don’t bend them on a whim. People who don’t act with integrity might do things they abhor for cash, say one thing & do another, or lie to their friends for a quick buck. The core of it really comes from people acting selfishly, as well as only thinking about the present & not considering the future repercussions.
Our beliefs — what we can call a “moral compass” — come from a combination of places. A lot of what we perceive to be right or wrong comes from what we’ve seen our parents or family do. After all, our family is our first example of what the world is like. Some conclusions we come to on our own, & we are also influenced by the society we live in as to what we think is okay & what isn’t. It’s all very subjective, which is why people on the other side of the planet sometimes seem to behave in a way that seems offensive or just plain bizarre. There is no definitive answer. What is right & what is wrong? Only you can answer that for yourself. (...Though if you really want to get into it, the Morality page on Wikipedia is a great place to start!)
So, having said this, & knowing how different people’s morals can be, I can understand that your friends might be finding it difficult to cope with what they might perceive as a sudden major shift in your personality & lifestyle. It’s said that the people around us impact us so much that our life becomes an average of the lives of the five people closest to us, & if all your friends are vegan, dumpster-diving anarchists, it makes sense that they would be surprised by your new direction.
You didn’t really write anything about your own beliefs, other than you feel like what you’re doing at your job gels with you, ethically, & that you do some volunteer work, so I’m assuming that your political stand-point isn’t something you’ve given heaps of thought to in the past. You probably have an innate sense of what’s okay & what isn’t, & you’ve followed that. But you know what? The amount of brain-power you’ve put into thinking about this doesn’t make you a better or worse person than your fellow volunteers — just different. I mean, honestly, I don’t give politics a lot of thought, because it has never really interested me. You might be the same way, & of course, that’s totally fine. I do think, though, that when it comes to morals & ethics & integrity, we all need to work out where we stand.
“If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.” — Malcolm X
It’s all too easy to get swept away in a tidal wave of excitement & then realise, ‘I shouldn’t have done that’. It happens to people all the time. For some, it happens after a few drinks, while for others, as soon as they see a beautiful woman, anything they might have said in the past (& that ring on their finger) is all but forgotten. Those are but two examples. I don’t think anyone reading this could claim they’ve never done anything that compromised their integrity. & of course, afterwards, you have to pick up the pieces, which can be horrific for everyone involved.
When it comes to iCiNG, it can be a hard line to walk. I often feel that I’m blazing my own path, & as such, every day is a new adventure. It’s exciting, but it can be tricky! For example, I sell advertising, but I’m very picky about who I accept ads from. (You wouldn’t believe what people want to put on my site!) Often, people want to pay me or give me merchandise, thinking that I will mention their product or service & they’ll get a rush of sales. That happens on other sites, sure — some blogs these days look more like advertorial than anything else — but not here, & I think iCiNG is a better place for it. I won’t write about anything that I wouldn’t be happy to spend money on myself… & I’m a discerning customer!
The world is rife with opportunity for us to sell out, compromise our values & buy into someone else’s shady agenda. That’s why it helps to think about the big picture. So if someone offers you something, don’t just say yes because it flatters your ego — think about the likely chain of events afterwards. Sometimes the best thing to do is just not get involved, which can be hard. It’s important to learn how to say no.
I think a good guiding principle, though, is the No Assholes Rule. Crude, I know, but bear with me. What this means is that you make a decision — now — never to deal with or get involved with anyone who is an asshole. (I’m using the term “asshole” as a blanket term to mean anyone who is rude, callous, unprofessional, unethical, vile, disrespectful, etc. You can mix & match terms as you like!) Basically, the less assholes you deal with, the less chance there is that you’ll be tempted to compromise your ethics. Sometimes it can be hard to tell whether someone is cool or not, but trust me when I say that the more you listen to your intuition (your “gut”), the better your asshole radar will become. If your intuition is singing out “No, no, no!”, listen! & then act! A lot of mistakes & potential ugliness can be avoided by engaging this principle.
Coming back to morals & ethics, there are so many different battles going on in the world today, & it’s impossible to fight every one. You’d just end up bitter & exhausted. So it’s important to pick the causes that are important to you, & then do your best. For example, I don’t buy anything that has been tested on animals, & I do my best to support companies doing things that I agree with (Lush, for example, is really committed to buying fair trade). I prefer to buy from small designers rather than chain stores that mass-produce things — they often have questionable labour practices & of course, shops on the high street tend to contribute to that whole “fast fashion” thing, & produce enormous amounts of waste. I barely touch meat or dairy (& I won’t be anywhere near it as of Monday!), I don’t drive a car or commute, I don’t buy tabloids because I believe they are destructive & I also believe in a celebrity’s right to privacy (really!), etc. Those are all things that are important to me.
But then there are grey areas. Some people say we shouldn’t buy from big sports shoe manufacturers, because the labour conditions are horrible. & of course, any slightly compassionate person will agree. Then someone else comes along & says that if insert-shoe-company-here wasn’t employing these people, they’d be worse off than they are. Who should we believe? How should we behave? Only you can answer that for yourself.
So, how do we work out where we draw the line? I think a good rule of thumb, though a little terrifying to think about at first, is never do anything you wouldn’t want on the front page of the newspaper. It’s a pretty good way of gauging things, because it’s such a huge idea. ‘How would I feel if everyone on the planet knew this about me?’ But again, we’re all different. Some people would be okay with publication of a photo of them doing a line, while others would be mortified if their colleagues knew they jay-walked occasionally.
I think that, for the girl who wrote to me, there are a few questions she needs to answer.
Does she really agree with what her place of employment is doing? Has she done a bit of research & looked into it further than just how friendly her team-mates are? Insurance companies are notorious for acting in an extremely unethical way — is hers different, & if so, how?
Finally, do her friend’s opinions matter more than her own? In this case, they think she’s a sell-out, blah blah — but does it actually matter? No, it doesn’t. They have their lives, & she has hers, & she can only live for herself. It’s nice to hear what your friends have to say, but their opinion is no more valuable than the milkman’s. People are always going to say inaccurate, misguided or just plain screwed up things, because we all run things through our own filters. Our personal filters are affected by all kinds of things — upbringing, past experiences, feelings about the future — & so it helps to take what people say with a grain of salt.
Ultimately, all that matters is that you think about what you’re doing, on a grand scale, & you feel good about it.
(Where do you draw the line? What causes do you support? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.)
Hyper-love & bunny kisses,
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Huh? Wait, so are the vegan anarchists jibing her for working at an insurance company? :P I think I’m seeing things a little muddily.
wow, I think it’s called synchronicity, and whatever it is, it’s amazing. This is exactly the thing that I’ve been working over in my mind today. I’ve compromised my integrity and concentrated too much on the present without thinking of the future repercussions on other people. I really like the newspaper idea, I tend to stick with -would my grandparents be ashamed of me, and if they wouldn’t, would my parents -just in case. For me, it screws with my head to think about morality too much, as I read so many opinions in my studies and then at home in my free time. I think it’s important that your primary consideration is yourself though and as you said, your integrity.
sora — Yup, that’s the impression I get…
I was once vegan and when I went back to eating eggs and dairy, I felt terribly guilty. I felt as though I was selling out and giving up. A friend of mine suggested that I think of my eating choices as a giving to a charity. It would be silly of me to give all my money to a charity because then I wouldn’t be able to survive. It is similar with food: if I gave up all the things I needed (or thought I needed), I wouldn’t be able to survive.
That said, the moral of the story is: give as much as you can, but don’t sacrifice yourself totally.
Once again, Gala, great answer to a sticky situation!
I believe in death, destruction, filth and GREED! Lol, just kidding. I think I share the same morals with you Gala. Celebrities deserve their privacy. Living healthy and naturally is the best way to live etc. I’m friends with some vegan punks, and I accept what they do and they accept what I do, although they try hard to change my thoughts lol
Ooooh, thanks for clarifying!
I think vegan anarchy can be admirable, but it seems to lie on the extreme side of things. And like many ethical issues, a great many people live in the grey area. And like you said, Gala, your first priority is your health, then integrity. In the case of dumpster divers…well, integrity might take place over health. If this is something she really feels strongly about, then by all means, quit the job and go for it. But if she knows that wouldn’t make her ‘morally satisfied’ – if she goes in because of guilt, for example, then she really shouldn’t. If you are doing something to make a statement like that, it really should be done whole-heartedly; otherwise, it benefits no one.
But I think what I’m saying is pretty much paraphrasing everything you already said. Oops!
I choose to ‘draw my line’ along the same guidelines as above. As long as I’m not a hypocrite, I feel like I’m faring all right. But it’s important to remember that it is very normal to be in a grey area (no pun intended), and not to be pressured to side with something you’re not sure about. Your life is yours!
I have very definite ideas about what I believe. But It took me a long time to be able to stand up and say “I believe this and if you don’t like it to bad”
Ramming up against friends opinions that don’t match your own is difficult thing. These are people you WANT to like you and you WANT them to respect your opinions so when they don’t you can end up feeling lost.
I would say if the lovely girl who wrote in is happy with her life and her choices (and she accepts that other people make other choices) then she will learn to live with the fact that sometimes her friends aren’t going to agree with her! It will take time and it might hurt to realize this but in the end being your own person and knowing what you believe is worth it (well that’s my opinion anyways)
I like the ‘would my grandparents be ashamed of me’ idea. Thats generally what goes through my mind when I’m thinking about things. My mother is very judgemental and doesn’t take ANYTHING lightly, so it’s difficult for me to take what she thinks out of the equation and consider what I really think is the best option.
I think, concerning the situtation the girl above is in, she shouldn’t listen to her friends. If she likes working at the insurance company and she likes the people there it doesn’t mean she’s selling out. The world is a very corrupt place and sometimes it’s better to just be naive and just ignore whats going on around you. There’s not many insurance companies that are all for the victim. But there’s not many workplaces that are thoroughly genuine either. I work at Subway and people are still getting ripped off!
I can imagine the Vegan Anarchists are happy with what they’re doing, obviously they think thats the best way to live their life but what happened to being open minded? They can be anarchists and be happy but they don’t have to pick on someone else for not living the way that they do.
If she didn’t have a job and money to pay her bills, would she be happy?
Sounds to me like those vegan anarchists are so threatened by insurance-company-person, they could just puke! People being nasty to you always says more about them than about you, I find.
If people say to me regarding some dilemma, “I don’t know what to do!”, I always say, “you DO know!”. Or even, (yoga-teacher voice) “your conscience will guide you”. (Sometimes people know my views and just want to hear them again to test their own viewpoint.)
My morals are based on love and respect for myself and my family, and then for everyone else. I live in a small town (and I LOVE it), so I place a high value on confidentiality, discretion and trust. I have a reasonably high-profile job, so I make sure I behave myself in public. I come from a close (extended) family jammed with teachers, nurses etc who believe in helping others. I figure that my ancestors all got me this far, so I owe it to them to do the best I can for my children.
One of my moral quirks is I always make dinner from scratch – I have to! I don’t really enjoy it, but I believe it’s the right thing to do . . . ! But, y’know, I love me a good weekend away (by car! or plane!), and my wardrobe is 99% mass-produced chainstore stuff. None of us is perfect; we all have different priorities.
This is really tricky, and I’ve thought about it a lot. I especially get into a morality muddle when it comes to clothes – I have major lust for some clothing, but I feel conflicted about buying it because I don’t know about the conditions in which it was manufactured. I’ve been trying to buy only secondhand or handmade, and that’s working alright…but damn do I want some nice shoes. Fancy-ass shoes that are for certain fairly made/sold (or secondhand and in my size) are hard to come by :(
For the most part I agree with you, I think. You just do the best you can do, within your limits. Not being ultra-vegan-dumpster-diving-impact-free-superhero doesn’t make me a bad person. I’m the best person that I can happily be, drinking milk and occasionally riding in a car and yes, I will admit it, buying shoes.
Nadine, you’re the coolest. Mega-love.
I’ve always despised the term ‘sell-out’ because (to me) it’s one of those empty buzz words that implies so much but means absolutely nothing.
I think you’re pretty darn spot on when you said that the opinion of your friends is no more important than that of the milkman’s. I really think people do need to practice being more open minded and tolerant of others.
Very generic I’m afraid but that’s what I strongly believe in, as tolerance and open-mindedness don’t seem to be very common today :(
I disagree with Amelia – I think choosing to be naive and ignorant to the world and just accept that it’s a corrupt place and there’s nothing you can do is a terribly sad idea. Why let that kind of system suck you in, when you can choose not to?
There ARE ethical insurance companies out there (and not just greenwashing either) and there ARE plenty of jobs out there where you can work to pay your bills and not have to sell your ethics. For example, I work at Trade Aid which is a Fair Trade gift store in NZ and I absolute love and am proud of my work. It also keeps me fed and clothed (although I also go dumpster diving occasionally).
Because I have strong yet still-forming opinions about a lot of social/political stuff, I want a large portion of my identity and lifestyle to be about creating as little environmental and social destruction as possible, and advocating these things to the people around me. If some people can’t agree with my opinions or ethics, that’s fine, but I admit I can get VERY persistent when people refuse to recycle…
We don’t ALL have to be vegan punk anarchists eating out of rubbish bins to be ethical in our lives, but we can all do something to remind ourselves that we all have a part to play in helping each other and the world. :)
I’ve personally found that when I’m hounded for something I love, like tossing money at fashion, etc, the people who heckle me the most only do it because a) they don’t understand it, b) they’re envious and wish that they were strong enough to do something they love that isn’t totally “economically/morally rebellious”, or c) they don’t like my exact hobby so it’s mocked, but they have their own things (like anarchist pro-vegan lifestylists who wear… Doc Marten leather boots) that don’t make perfect sense, either.
xoxo.
nikki ~ are you at the trade aid store in takapuna?
Annaloren ~ Nope, I’m at the Central Auckland store on High St, which happens to be the same street Gala used to live on! ;)
This is an awesome and thoughtful post, Gala.
I certainly wouldn’t apologize or feel bad for having a job that I love. It is so, so important to find what you enjoy doing, and if your job is it, then keep it. You may change your mind in time, but let that be about the job itself, not because you’re worried about “selling out”.
I know that it’s difficult to make choices about which companies to support — this one is made overseas, this one rips off designers, this one’s CEO supports political beliefs I don’t, that one’s offensive to women… But we do the best we can. The important thing is to be aware of it going in, and to make the best decisions we can for ourselves (and inform — not lecture! — others about it so they can come to their own conclusions). Part of the reason why the fashion industry is changing is because people are making more careful decisions with what they buy. Change does happen! We are seeing it right now!
I also believe that probably one of the best ways of going about changing the world is to join in and come at the old-guard with new-guard ideas — be a punk in sheep’s clothing, and change the system from the inside out.
Insurance companies help people. They help protect people and families from being devastated financially by random things beyond their control or influence. They’re really important.
I don’t know, I kind of pick and choose what i feel strongly about, and try not to guilt myself about the ethical repercussions of matters about which i am perhaps not so stringent … we’re not perfect. i think not being militant about these things is important, because when we are, it sucks a lot of pleasure out of life.
personally, i am a very strict vegetarian. i try to buy local, organic where i can. i try to reduce my waste – i don’t buy mass-produced stuff either. 99 percent of my wardrobe is secondhand or vintage/antique, mostly vintage. i buy bulk grains, vegetables from markets – i avoid food with a lot of packaging and i grow some food on my balcony. i paint on recycled materials and wood, and use grey water on my plants. on the other hand, i do drive, though my car is fuel efficient. i own two cars, actually, though one is a vintage car and isn’t driven much. i travel – flights being an enormous indulgence, ethically. i support some causes, but with time, not money. and i try not to feel guilty about these decisions, because at least i’m trying, and it sounds like this girl is really trying to live consciously in the world as well.
“be a punk in sheep’s clothing” – jeanne, that’s awesome!
a very thought-provoking post, kitten :D
Totally unhelpful, but – does anyone else find the thought of vegan dumpster-divers hilarious? I mean, it’s tough to be a vegan in the first place – being a vegan and dumpster-diving for food has to suck! Maybe the jibes are because they’re hungry ;-)
I agree with Hiroine. What does “Selling out” mean anyway? And who says it?
Who are you selling yourself to? Capitalism? Commerce?
Having an income to pay the bills?
People, sometimes, just can’t see beyond their noses.
They’re inside a circle, and everyhting outiside is just wrong.
I mean, we all have our ideas our points of view, and yes, we usually tend to think that we are right, because that’s the way WE see it, and we might be. But the thing is not to be closed to listening to other opninions and ways of seeing the world. You may not share them, but hey, you just learned something new!
If you don’t think you can do that, well then don’t. Just don’t go jibing at others.
I believe in Tolerance and respect, so at least for me, it’s just as simple as that.
“Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again”
Say – John Mayer
Have a little chat with yourself and pay attention to what you have to say, and ask yourself, does this feel right to me?
Infinite x’s & o’s…
Wow this is very interesting reading. I think that everyone has their own set of morals and no-one should be forcing their morals on others.
My morals include treating people with respect and being polite; I will never work for a finance company or doing lending in a bank because of personal beliefs; I only eat free range meat and eggs and buy as much organic food as possible and like Gala, i’m not into tabloid magazines due to the unethical behaviors of the reporter & paparazzi who work for them.
However I love fashion magazines, spending my hard earned pay on material things, driving my car and eating animal products. And I will not feel bad because I don’t meet someone elses morals!
nikki ~ i should totally come & visit you sometime & check out the stuff at trade aid, i’m constantly on high street! :D
Just yesterday in my Philosophy class at school we were having a major discussion about right & wrong. It really got me thinking. & Now, because of your lovely article Gala, my brains working overtime! I can’t wait for Philosophy class on Friday to really talk threw some of the things I’ve been shifting around in my head.
You know what? I wish for the rest of my life I could go to some kind of Philosophy class, just once in a while, to keep my beliefs etc in check. Are there groups like that out there? I hope so :)
I believe in treating others as you would treat yourself, that politeness and kindness are virtues, that it’s wrong to stand in the way of other peoples’ progress, and that we are free to make our own choices, regardless of other peoples’ opinions.
I usually give money to charities on the street when I pass by, mostly if it’s something like the cancer research or children’s hospital. But I don’t often buy things for charities, such as the daffodils, or the Starlight stuff, I prefer to know I’ve given something without expecting anything in return.
As for moral issues – anything that threatens my integrity, or tries to confuse my sense of right and wrong is a no-no. As is anything that uses me as pawn against other people (unfortunately my family are very guilty of this last part).
“Integrity is the connection between humility and courage, to truly be humble and be open to learn and to know that you’re not always right, to have the courage to try things, to try to change. Integrity is knowing what those values are and behaving in that way” ~ Louis Posen…
B
xo
Gala’s right — the most important thing is that you think about things, at more than a surface level. It takes a lifetime to really think hard about everything, so moving towards a more ethical life can take a long time! I started by reading one non-fiction book for every fiction book I read, and it really opened my eyes to a lot of stuff.
The more you find out about the true environmental / social costs of the things you consume — to use just one example, ethics in relationships or politics or business are others — the easier it is to come to your own conclusions about how you want to behave.
A good way of looking at it is, ‘What if everyone in the world did this?’ A lot of things that seem maybe just a bit selfish when you do them, seem a whole lot worse if you imagine six billion people living like that. That’s basically why I’m vegetarian, because if everyone in the world did that, the world would be a better place, environmentally speaking. Whereas if six billion people ate a meaty diet, or specifically factory-farmed meat, then shit would be whole lot worse.
I also think it’s really important to think about politics. You don’t have to go all political, but I really believe it’s important to vote — and to make a well-researched vote! That’s especially true for Americans actually. The Prime Minister of NZ doesn’t make a hell of a lot of difference on a global scale, but the President of the US can either fuck up or fix the world. There are at least five billion people counting on all of you to go and vote, cos the reast of us can’t!
This comment has taken an unexpected turn! I’d better stop. Hugs! xxx
I think about what my opinions are now, and how much they differ to my ten year old-self. I knew exactly what my morals were then, and was extremely sure of them. These days I have to take a step back and consider things a bit more carefully, but rarely do… I’m trying to more though – it’s just the difference between what I really want to do, what I should do and where exactly the balance lies.
Really liked this article Gala :) loves!
With regard to the No Assholes Rule – what about when said assholes are close family members (as in the case of those who live with their nuclear families)?
Also – what do you all have to say about religion with relation to morals? I live according to a very detailed code of conduct. It even includes rules for things like charity – there is a limit to how much you are allowed to give, so you don’t become needy yourself. (much as Leanna’s friend said.) How about when there isn’t even a rational reason, just (obligating) tradition?
A lot of people mentioned being vegan – those of you who advocate it: what would you say to some one like me whose religion includes meals of which meat is an important part?
Going raw is out of the question, with bread an integral part of meals and the main food that defines a meal as such.
Sorry for the length, it’s just that Gala and her nonpareils give such good advice!
Im really glad someone wrote in asking you this gala. When i first found your site i was totally stoked, it inspired me to dress up for my totally soul draining cleaning job. and i mean dress up!
But then id read things like your a vegan, but you buy leather?
Don’t get me wrong i love Icing, however, I know this is lame but it disappoints – upsets- me when people say they dont care about politics…I mean you don’t have to agree with my politics but to claim you don’t want an opinion on the world is just mind blowing to me.
And EVERYTHING is political, even if you don’t want it to be, every choice you make in life will effect something. Like the clothes you wear, what you eat…
So you might as well know what your doing.
I am like, overly passionate about this! I’m 19 but when i was doing my A levels, i did Sociology, Politics, English and History – and the history was political history of revolutions and stuff :D
So i just think when people say they dont care, it’s just that they dont know…
Yes the paper pushing Governement side of it can be boring as fuck, but Ideology is AMASING.
Shifra — Well, when your family appear to be a major obstacle in your path to happiness, I pretty much recommend cutting your losses & moving forward without them. Of course, this is easier said than done & I’m sure a lot of people would see it as callous, but I really think life is too short to waste energy on people who just want to drag you down. I mean, really, how are you benefiting?
In terms of religion — phew. That’s a biggie & I have no idea how to answer it. I’m not religious & I don’t know a lot about it. I guess I figure that your religion is your choice, but regardless of what your leaders or texts might say, I think you should always do what you feel is right. Ask questions, make up your own mind. We are only responsible for ourselves, so you know, listen to your gut :>
B — I eat raw but I don’t go in for meat or dairy. Calling myself vegan is an easy way of labelling my eating habits, but only extends to what I eat. When I first stopped eating meat & dairy (years ago) it was for health reasons & the fact that meat gave me the creeps. I will always buy leather shoes, regardless!
Thanks Gala!
What a swift reply!
I think you are right about moving forward without a family that keeps you back, but it’s a little hard to do when you are 15 and dependent on them.
About the religion- I admire you for admitting you don’t have an answer.
I know you have readers from all over the world. some of them may be religious, too, and in any case I’d love to hear what they have to say!
Miss Cee – I’d be a bit worried if they were dumpster-diving for food that wasn’t vegan! Surely vegan food is the safest to eat after its sell-by date
Jill is right – insurance companies are really important. The person who asked the question should ignore the vegan anarchists – you’re helping the world in your own way, and as long as you don’t stop caring about it and trying to improve the way things are, you’ll be doing fine.
Finally, I agree with B, everything is political. Even saying you don’t care about politics is a political statement itself!
i also hate the term “sell-out”. it just doesn’t take in to account the circumstances surrounding the act of “selling out”. for instance, my mum is a card-carrying marxist with a degree in social sciences – but she works as a teacher, for a man she hates, enforcing rules she doesn’t necessarily believe in. could this be construed as “selling out”? of course it could. however, she’s a single parent working a job that she hates in order to support her daughter (er, me :3) and so that she can send me to the university i want to go to.
nothing is ever black and white.
xxx
I agree that you should do what you feel is right, at the end of the day your the only person you should have to face up to, your the only one who has to live with yourself.
Recently I came across some problems with my own evolving morals.I had a bit of an argument with a friend over my personal morals because I didn’t agree with her stealing from a store and refused to hang around her while she was doing so. I am glad now at 20, I can stand up to these beliefs where as when I was I younger I would have given in and just watched her do it.
Now thinking back on it I wish that somebody had of inforced into me that its okay to stand up for what you believe in. Its one thing to know what your morals are, it takes confidence to enforce them.I think that is a big issue for young girls.
I think there’s a world of difference between morals and moralizing. To your own self be true – it’s as simple as that. People will always draw their own conclusions about other people’s choices and view/measure them from their own standpoint and there’s little to be done about it. At the end of the day if you’re content with your decision /moral position on whatever then just chill :)
After months… delurking to tell you that this was such an eloquent post! Gala, your site is a beautiful accompaniment to my own concurrent personal transformation. I can’t describe how much I enjoy it! And I truly identify with this. I’ve worked for the many years at an e-commerce retailer that has recently begun to employ factories in China. It hurts my soul to continue on knowing that I sell goods possibly made by children. Sadly, a position with a company that sells sustainable goods is hard to come by, even in the socially conscious San Francisco area. I feel that one cannot allow oneself to become too consumed with living by strict morals. Life is not so black and white. To the letter writer: The business of insurance is inherently unscrupulous in many ways, but perhaps your company is better than others and that is a valuable thing to the many people you serve. Also, vegan anarchists and the like can often be incredibly pompous about their own choices. Being that you are mindful and trying to keep this in perspective while not passing too much judgment on yourself shows that you are kind and contemplative, and that kindness and reflection will guide you to a healthy balance so that you avoid resorting to either moralism or cognitive dissonance. Best of luck in life and may you find peace with whatever decision you make!
I’ve always thought the only people who used the words “Selling out” were those who didn’t have to support themselves or other people. I heard it a lot at art school and now I’m working a corporate job (which I don’t really like) but which is getting me experience and health insurance and money, to be able to do what I want more autonomously someday. As long as I keep my goals in mind, I don’t think there’s a better way to “screw the man” than by taking what he gives and subverting it into indie businesses and art.
first of all, i believe in empathy. & second, i believe in the power of nature. it can love you & treat you right if you love & treat her/him right.
but i think that when you get to the point of making statements of “simple living” etc. it’s just not simple anymore!
so to me the term “vegan anarchists” sounds so wrong – there are no such rules in life…
my mom taught me to close the lights when we dont need them.
i don’t shower every day (i broke up with my boyfriend because he showered 2 times a day).
i dont get people who want to hang around in their apartment with t-shirts & boxers etc. when its freezing outside (its winter, its supposed to be cold you know?) & use the heater full-on.
i prefer to walk or use public transportation while i wonder why everyone still insists on using their car (its the same trouble everyday, we have an enormous traffic problem in our city).
these are all the ‘normal’ kind of ways.
but still most people do the opposite.
i don’t believe in such comfort.
... maybe by saying so i sound like im imposing on other people – ahh, it never stops huh? perhaps there is no line…
& about other people; who cares?
I have one disposable life & it’s ME who lives it.
when i feel ‘problematic’ about my morals I always end up with thinking “hey, we are all alone on this planet actually” – not even your closestest can feel, do or think for your place.
what i mean is that no matter what, you are always single – you only have one body & you walk the path of life ALONE...(duh!)
sure there are always people around you, some of them are friends, family, mommy & daddy… but at the end whatever you do, you do it alone.
okay, i wrote way too much, i know. im gonna shut up now :> it was so nice to think about these things again, thank you iCiNG!
Awesome article. I’ve been challenged recently in my ethics and morals (I actually wrote a blog post about it as part of my weekly resolutions, here) and your advice came at a great time. Thanks for your perspective, Gala.
HI!!! I read Icing all the time and just am too lazy to coment BUT as an ex-vegan dumpster diver and hippie I have to say that changig my mind always felt like a crime. If I so much as wanted my hair traight my reasoning would be questioned…and you know what I just got sick of the guilt. One of the few morals that I have officially outlined is that I believe in freedom…period. Eat an egg, curl your hair, take a bath in chocolate…whatever, its your life,(up to a certain extent) screw everyone else. Love and Blessings….
this is funny to me, because I am in a similar situation. I AM a vegan and I relate to social anarchism (even though I do not identify) and I am very hesitant to take a job that sacrifices my morals. I will not work at a job where I have to gratuitously handle meet, nor will I work for a large chain. But these are my beliefs, and it seems like the girl who wrote to you has different ones. she seems like an honest, caring person, someone we need in insurance which can be so corrupt, good for you, if you stay there and continue to help people both through that and with volunteer work.
It’s funny that you mention this today of all days. I dated this guy exactlly one year ago who was an anarchist…I, on the other hand, am not. I thought we could make our relationship work and I found myself adapting his views on many situations. It wasn’t until the tragedy at the college of Virginia Tech (in the U.S.) did I realize that we weren’t going to work. I was heartbroken when I found out about the school shooting and I called him to vent, I had friends there and I wanted a shoulder to cry on. He, on the other hand, couldn’t give me the support I wanted. He told me that he couldn’t “support” me because he didn’t believe what happened was “wrong”. He told me that sometimes it takes a bullet to get people’s attention and that is when it went to shit. I was angry, and hurt, and a little while after that we broke up. That was where I drew the line. There are some things I do agree with, I’m not an “ignorant” American when it comes to the corruption of our society, but I couldn’t sit back and date someone who joked about a school shooting and didn’t see it as a devestating tragedy. Anarchy is one thing…but that type of viewpoint I just can’t tolerate. Good luck on your mental tug of war, I think everything will be ok for you, if you are content and happy then I think you got a better grasp on things than most people. Fuck everybody else :)
I guess when you ask yourself the question “where do I stand” then you are already exploring yourself and making moral evaluations, and that’s pretty laudable isn’t it? It shows that you are a conscious and conscientious person and that you have integrity. Defining those boundaries, e.g. “I don’t eat meat” or “but driving is the easiest way to get to work, so I’ll carpool so as not to pollute so much, and ask everyone to pay 5 dollars so we can plant trees together”, shapes you as a moral being.
I often feel really bewildered and even anxious about what people will think. Earlier, I was a very strict vegetarian, I dumpstered my food (I ate like a queen, so never underestimate vegan trash-bin discoveries!), made my clothes myself or bought them at the Salvation Army, and now I have a very vain hobby, work as a minion at a technology factory, and in many ways worry about compromising my ethics. I have a really hard time justifying colouring my hair (ruins the waters and creates waste), using contact lenses (animal testing), buying clothes from abroad (I can’t know for sure how htey have been manufactured, and the air freight creates huge amounts of pollution) or eating cheesecake at a café (usually my friends are very embarrassed when I start asking about gelatin and stuff).
It’s a jungle out there, as clichéd as it sounds. The worst thing would be to just choose ignorance and convenience without thinking about it. I admire people with strong morals and a firm platform of ethics to stand on. I also hope that already by contemplating on these issues and acting according to what you know to be right is, so to say, “good enough for yourself”. So I hope we wouldn’t just think about whether our parents or grandparents would be prooud when readig about our escapades in the newspaper (because sometimes you might have the family who doesn’t care, or you yourself just cannot in a certain situation compromise yourself to what they say), but whether you yourself are proud of yourself and your choices.
I’m sorry this became so lenghty, I wanted to make an effort since this post sparked so much discussion and introspection!
I love all these comments, they’re so interesting. Keep ‘em coming!
Gala, I’m confused as to why you have called yourself vegan if you buy leather?
tonia — See my comment above.
“I eat raw but I don’t go in for meat or dairy. Calling myself vegan is an easy way of labelling my eating habits, but only extends to what I eat. When I first stopped eating meat & dairy (years ago) it was for health reasons & the fact that meat gave me the creeps. I will always buy leather shoes, regardless!”
Here’s another good test to see if you’re an ethical person – the toilet roll test!
If you’re in the toilet and use up the last of the roll, do you bother changing it with a new one?
Or do you simply flush and walk away, because it’s not your job to do that and not your problem anymore? (And besides, nobody will know it was you!)
Your attitude towards the toilet roll may apply to your general attitude towards other moral issues…or so the theory goes.
I am always amazed and grateful to read your posts, you seem to have a knack of choosing topics that I think about (and agonize over) a lot. I try to have strong and specific values but lately, I feel like I’m being made a prisoner to my beliefs, paralysed by my fear of being a hypocrite. I have to agree with Elaine and Arielle’s posts. Your morals should be beliefs you truly care about and want to uphold, not ones you are forced to. And while you should keep consequences in mind, if you don’t have your freedom, you don’t have anything. Restricing yourself from indulgance and spontaneous decisions keeps you from truly living.
To whoever wrote in: I don’t think you should take these people seriously. I mean, the whole freegan thing is pretty ridiculous. On the one hand, they are so picky about what types of food they eat, but on the other they will eat out of a trash can? Give me a break. I bet they consider their spare-changing on the sidewalk to be a rebellious political statement as well.
It really bugs me when people play the “eco- friendlier than thou” game. Tell these “friends” that they are still a part of our capitalist society, whether thay want to be or not. Just because it’s second- hand doesn’t negate the damage of all the pesticides and fossil fuels that were used to grow and transport that food.
It’s hypocritical and insulting of them to criticize you, when you (a memer of society) pay for their existence. What I mean is that even those who live on the fringes of society still reap its benefit. If they claim to hate capitalism so much, why do they live off of it? Go live on a farm and grow your own food!
FYI: I work for a corporate resort, and we donate TONS of food to the local soup kitchen, we recycle everything, and compost all our organic wastes. We are one of the greenest companies in a green town. We are also very involved in the community, and do volunteer work all the time! I’m proud to work for a corporation like this one.
This is such a great post!
I was thinking about this the other day, and thinking “i’m such a sell out” cos when I was little I swore I would never work in an office. But now I do.
But, looking back, I never worked for a company I didn’t believe in… not for long anyway:
-I work for a Renewable, Australian owned & operated electricity company at the moment…
-I used to work for a public transport initiative
-I worked for Mt Ruapehu in NZ, which is a ski field with great morals & really looks after the sacred mountain
Other than those, I have worked for local, small businesses as much as possible and before that I had a job with the Government (squeal!) but I was helping students to get money off taxpayers! YAY!
I’ve talked about this before, but I got soooo much bull from everyone when I decided to stop being a vegetarian. I would love to still be one but I get too sick & lost so much weight, the way my body works I just NEED iron.
I got shi* from people when I was vege for not being vegan, but half of them ate fish!? I was like “well, honey, fish ain’t no vegetables of the sea!!!”
Some people have messed up morals, but it’s just life. I mean in this world where you can get a $150 fine for not wearing a helmet riding you bike down to the corner store, but a company can ‘legitimately’ lock you into a contract with a huge termination fee verbally instead of you signing a piece of paper?! It’s whack!
I think the best thing is to stay informed, evaluate your morals & ethics periodically (this happens naturally thru life anyway …for most people…) and as long as you’re not hurting anyone live your life the way you feel you want to. Stay true to yourself!
You won’t regret anything if you stay true. x
I really like this article and it made me think about myself and my job. I have been working for the same company for 5 years (started when I was 17 now 22) – I will bump into people at times who will be like ‘oh wow you’re STILL there’ and I’m like yeah? I like it….? and I don’t really give them a reason, but I only just realised why; mostly cos they’re previous naff staff member and I don’t give a f… but more so 1=I don’t feel I need to. 2=I’m never sure what to say anyway-their tone of voice always seems so negative -what would convince them otherwise?
BUT...now I know why! You helped me (ta!!) And that is I believe in the company I am working for, I believe in everything they stand for, there marketing gimmicks to clients, the way we treat our clients and what we offer them. MORALS yaaaay thank you!!!
And why would I want to leave a job thats given me payrises aplenty, two promotions, great bosses, great staff? and an opportunity to grow my personal development as much as I want?