O Magazine & Ellen Barkin
[ 15 August 2007 ]
I recently bought a copy of O magazine‘s July issue, because my girl Violet Blue had written a piece about porn for women & I was delighted for her!
While normally it’s not a magazine I would even flick through, I was pleasantly surprised by the content within. It was juicy, it had substance. It didn’t talk down to its readership & I felt like my $10.95 AU had been well-spent.
Well, I felt that way until I turned to page 206 & started reading a piece on Ellen Barkin, an actress who recently appeared in Ocean’s Thirteen. The article starts with an explanation of how she dislikes looking at herself in the mirror while she refers to herself as an “old lady”. We then hear about her beauty routine & how she’d like to gain seven pounds.
Finally, we reach this.

To say I was disappointed by this list is the understatement of the century. Some of this is a little hard to swallow.
“Don’t wear hats, except to keep the sun off your face. A hat makes you look as if you’re trying to get noticed.”
What exactly is she trying to say here? That women over 50 should cover up & shuffle down the street as if invisible? That once you hit your 50th birthday, your time in the spotlight is over? Time to eat at the early-bird special, grab your Zimmer frame & don orthopaedic shoes?
There are plenty of super-sexy, strong, wonderful role models who are over the age of 50. Like, for example, Helen Mirren, Catherine Deneuve, Sophia Loren, Susan Sarandon, Diane Keaton, Meryl Streep & Goldie Hawn... & hell, even Madonna (my new role model) will be 50 in a year’s time! Plenty of them have hair longer than their collarbone, wear red lipstick & (heaven forbid!) show off their knees!
I know that writing is easier when it’s prescriptive, & I know that a lot of people just want to be told what to do, but it doesn’t make for very positive, inclusive reading, nor does it empower anyone particularly.
I expected something a little more age positive from O magazine. Here’s my take on the assignment.
Gala’s 10 Rules For Everyone
1. Accept yourself. Now. As you are. In all your wonderful imperfection, with all your delicious flaws, regardless of past failure or pain. Stop delaying approval of yourself. You will not be a better (or worse) person when you’ve made your first million, or when you have legions of screaming fans, or when you have a baby. Love yourself now. Forgive yourself now.
2. Take care of yourself — whatever that means to you. From buying a pet to going for long walks with your best friends; from getting a weekly manicure to leaving your abusive partner. You deserve it — & you deserve to feel good.
3. Assert your sexuality. You don’t just choose an orientation & that’s the end of it. Things change! Go with your whims! Buy toys, read manuals, learn tantra, do whatever you want to do. It will keep you youthful, as well as making life more fun.
4. Put the same effort into developing your personal style as most other people put into following trends. In a few years time, when you have a wardrobe full of incredible coats, beautiful shoes & mind-boggling jewellery — & everyone else only has “basics” & recent trends to work from — you will thank me!
5. Develop a strong enough sense of self that you are truly living your own life. Have faith in yourself, believe in yourself, even when your spouse/parents/friends are telling you to go in the opposite direction. At the same time, stay fluid, stay open, or you’ll stagnate. Keep pushing, keep questioning. We stop growing as people when we stop asking questions.
6. Be good to people. Take the moral high-ground. Resist the urge to “get revenge”. Avoid gossip. “Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, & you help them to become what they are capable of becoming.” (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.)
7. Take risks. Change your hairstyle, date someone younger, buy a fabulous sports car, move to Paris, open a bakery, make new friends! Take responsibility for your life, your circumstances, your choices. It is not anyone else’s fault.
8. Shirk that boring obligation to wear ‘appropriate’ clothing. Everyone looks better when they feel good in what they have on their back. Wear a ballgown to the supermarket & a suit to the baseball if it makes you happy!
9. Learn from the best. Take makeup lessons, see a personal stylist, ask your hairdresser the best way to blowdry your hair & watch your manicurist carefully. Even if you don’t do these things professionally, there is no reason why you shouldn’t benefit from their experience.
10. Smile. Be grateful for what you have. Appreciate your life.
Extra For Experts:
What’s Sexy About Women Over 50? from match.com
Why Women Over 50 Love Their Age from WebMD
Over 50 and single? Rediscover your sexy side from msnbc
Porn’s New Focus: Over-50 Crowd from the San Diego Tribune
Fashion Over 50 from about.com
Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala ![]()
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I read that issue of O Magazine, too…Ellen Barkin is gorgeous and she seems nice, but if every woman over 50 listened to her advice, they’d all look the same! Long hair on an older woman looks beautiful, red lipstick is timeless, and if a 65-year-old woman has great legs no one should tell her to cover them up! I hope Oprah sees your list! :)
But Galaaaaaaa, your rules are so hard to follow! It’s so much easier to expect happiness from spending $5 on a magazine and reading it than to actually work on it! It’s scary to depend on yourself!
(I know you’re right, and it’s all up to us to make our own rules, but it
isscary, and hard. Especially that first rule.)Oh, and don’t forget Jane Seymour. Halfway through her 50s and still a hot mama.
What a great article! So clever – I really like the way you pointed out what you didn’t like AND THEN re-wrote your own list. Well done! [And although the ‘rules’ are ludicrously depressing, the picture of Ellen is gorgeous – I love the way L’Wren Scott uses that deep red, which is pretty much my signature colour clothing-wise.]
Thank you. I wish there was a magazine all written by you!
I’m so glad you reacted this way to such a piece of crap article. This is one of the reasons I really dislike popular magazines. But anyway, my mother is such a snappy dresser. She has been wearing men’s fedoras for years now, colorful scarves around her neck since the 60s, and now that she has money, only wears Italian designer clothing. She’s fabulous and her signature is bright red lipstick. And she’s 64! She is always complaining to me about how people utterly ignore her because of her age, for example on the subway. She has been pushed and practically run over by men and women alike who do not seem to see anyone over than 40. I’ve seen it happen myself! So O magazine will have older women fall into that crap of disappearing? crazy. I love your list and will send it to my mother.
You are always an inspiration, Gala!
Valerie — Exactly, there’s no one-size-fits-all… for which I am thankful.
Batopus — Hmm, it’s not as simple as that… The rest of the magazine is actually really awesome. It has articles on increasing your confidence, a piece on porn (yay!), an interview with one of my favourite sex writers (Paul Joannides), how to be comfortable naked, etc. Seriously, I am so impressed with the whole thing. But just that one piece… it’s like it’s from another magazine, it’s so discordant. & the first rule is only hard if you think it is. I’ve done it. That means anyone can! (I have faith in you!)
Nadine — Thanks dolly. I didn’t want it to be a big whinge session, since that’s so counter-productive. Anyone can complain or tear the seat out of a piece of writing! I love the colour of her outfit too.
Jenny — You’re looking at it! ;D
Anna — Good on your momma! It’s crazy, there is so much stigma about ageing in our society, especially if you’re a woman, where it used to be that older women were the most prized among entire tribes. I don’t know what happened… the cult of youth moved in for the kill, I guess!
No hats?! Has Ms Barkin never seen the Queen rock a hat? Very silly list indeed.
Yours, on the other hand, is much cooler. And I daresay, more relevant to most women over and under-50! Love it – am going to forward it on to my fave 50+ woman, my mom, who puts me to shame with her optimism and confidence :)
Oh Gala, you just PWNED O Magazine!!
And is it just me, or does that picture (and those pants?) make it look like poor Ellen has some serious granny-panty issues going on?
No hats?? What about the Red Hat Society?
I’m so glad I found your blog just when I needed it. This type of articles, advices, appeal me so much because I think it just what I need to hear and to listen carefuly too, in this times when I’m sad and bored of everything =/ I really want to thank you, Gala; reading this tips fill me with energy, fill me with the desire to change and be happy! :)
I know I sound cheesy and all, but it’s true xD I guess reading stuff from such an awesome, pink-haired girl with a strange air of authority makes sense…and you explain things better than my bf or my mom xD thanks again :D
I much prefer your list Gala. Ellen B’s is soo….harsh…I mean, my grandma is like 70 for gods sake and she rocks a hat every day!
Well, your list is definitely easier to follow than Ellens. Great job on it! I’m already starting to re-think a few things.
Anyways, i’ve been reading your blog for a little over two days now. I spent the majority of yesterday ploughing through it excitedly. I absolutely adore your writing, and your outlook on life has brightened up my day more than once. Not to mention, you’re slowly climbing up my list of fashion idols. Amazing work!
LOVE this. thank you!
Your 10 rules are wonderful, Gala. I could only wish I will look as glamorous as Sharon Stone and Madonna when I turn 50, but that’s like 27 years from now. I don’t believe that Ellen’s 10 rules should apply to everybody. I would certainly like to keep my hair long and show my knees when I’m 50, and with proper diet, exercise and today’s technology, anyone could look even more fabulous at 50. I hope you don’t mind, I would like to link this post of yours to my blog because I truly believe in your 10 rules. :) More power!
yes yes yes your list is brilliant. Number 2 is so true. We need to be kind to ourselves because so much media is telling us we are not good enough the way we are and we need this product or that item. Well done. I wish you could go into high schools and talk to those 14 year old girls who are so easily swayed to not believe in themselves.
I thought one of the best upsides of getting older was getting to wear hats because you’d feel less self conscious about it! I have a small head, so I still feel ridiculous wearing hats. I figure by the time I’m old I’ll get over it.
And, like everyone said, your rules…well, they rule.
what a wonderful take on that article! if only all women’s magazines would have a more positive outlook on individuality…
that said, what’s up with violet blue insisting that anyone who’s not into porn is ‘anti-sex’, or that feminists against porn (as it is) are intrinsically anti-sex? trrrr. :p
I share the same feelings with that article. Yikes, she is very biased in her rules; they are only to fit a specific demographic of women out there. Personally, I love to see funky 60-something year olds who don’t fit into the typical cookie cutter of what this lady is portraying. My mother is over 50, and she does what she wants! And may I say her knees look amazing!
Your 10 rules are what I have been looking for. They are what every female on this earth needs to live life their way, successfully and with style. I have been going through some tough problems for about 3 years now, and I have been holding onto these issues that I am sick to death of, and yet I can’t let go. I can’t seem to change. I’m 17 years old, and I don’t need to feel this way about myself. Your rules give me something to stick to, something tangible that gives me the means to CHANGE. Thank you for the inspiration, you are truly amazing.
This list is definitely going to be stuck to my wall.
Big hugs,
Ammu — Aw, yay! I hope your mom likes it!
Alycia — Well, that wasn’t my intention… I just hope any women who read the original list & felt bad about themselves see this one & it gives them a bit of a boost…
Anodien — Gosh, that’s WAY too cute. Heeeee! Kisses :>
jessabee — That’s awesome!
Annabel — Hooray! Thank you, I’m very flattered!
Caroline — I think the key is to implement these things now, & then by the time you’re 50, it’ll be routine. & please feel free to link my post, I’d love you to!
Miss Dot — I hope to do exactly that someday!
Chesney — It tends to be easier to overcome fears/worries when you’re younger. I suggest dealing with it now! I have a small head too & I don’t care! Start NOW!
graham — Merci beaucoup! & I think that’s a debate you’ll have to pitch to Ms. Blue, since the feminism/porn argument isn’t one I’m equipped to deal with… or particularly interested in! ;D
Kathryn — Absolutely. Why do women over 50 need to be prescribed to? I’m 23 & I don’t need that, so why should someone older & wiser & more experienced than me need it?! It’s silly. I’m so glad you like my ‘rules’ & I hope they give you a useful guideline! Smooches.
I have been reading your blog for a while and I haven’t had the courage to comment on any of your pieces.
You are an inspiration and I believe your 10 rules is what women really need to hear, and it is real.That is why I always enjoy reading your blog because it is not only about awesome style tips, but about encouraging other women to create their own style and giving women the drive to finally be happy with themselves.
I Love how you are able to write about personal issues in a fun way. I must say it is empowering.
:D
Well, to be fair to Ellen, I suspect she’s trying to discourage the mutton dressed as lamb look. When I’m 50, I want to enjoy being 50, not strive to look 20. There’s a continuum between being a 50+ ‘girl gone wild’ and being a cardie & practical shoe wearing nana and I don’t want to be at either end. But there’s lots of room to play in between!
Also, I’ve just realised I’m discussing what I’m going to be like when I’m 50. I think I’m looking forward to it. Thanks Gala…
Well said… older women today have earned the right to break all the rules. And heck, some have awesome knees – and legs. I definitely disagree with Ellen’s comment about hats. The right hat can be a fabulous accessory at any age and I hope that I can still say “Look at me!” when I’m far over the hill – even if I embarrass my future grandkids ;)
Ellen’s list proves that being a great actor/rock star/model doesn’t of itself make you an authority on anything else.
Her advice is very safe, and understandable from the perspective of an image-conscious someone followed by paparazzi. It says a lot about her, actually.
But for the rest of us, we can exhale, kick our internal judge in the pants, and wear whatever makes us feel like goddesses.
Ummm … I’m 50 this year and I stopped doing ‘rules’ when I left school. As for that repulsive ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ phrase – I’ll wear what pleases/amuses me (never failed me yet) and not to please someone else’s judgement. One of the benefits of ageing is self-confidence :)
Hear hear Elaine! That’s awesome.
Gala, I feel like a bit of a stalker writing this but I wanted to say that I really LOVE your blog, your writing and your take on the world. You have a way of being able to write down what everyone else already knows but in a way that we can actually connect with it.
I am so happy that you’ve got something (writing/blogging) that you enjoy and that you are fantastic at and you are able to make a living out of it. Now I just need to find out what my dream is…..
I adore your blog and this post was great. Your list is way better :D!
Thank you! Thank you! I love your list and it reminded me of this poem which I love: http://www.aztriad.com/pathmark/purple_poem.html
way to go, darlin’.
also i give you MAJOR points for the Goethe quote. i can honestly say that that lesson is the most important one i’ve ever learned in my short life.
Not to be the utterly negative one, but I think it is very ironic that she has these rules. I watched Ocean Thirteen and she looked horrible in this movie. Like you mentioned there are plenty of sexy beautiful women in their 50 and even older, but honestly I don’t think she’s on of them. She looks like a wax doll to me.
Now to the more positive and beautiful side, I loved your rules. I think they work great for EVERYONE because the most important thing is to be happy and find what’s right for you!
Thanks! muah!
=)
FYI, looks like Barkin’s article annoyed a bunch of O’s other readers, too. I just checked out the next issue and a letter to the editor said something along the lines of what you did.
thank you so much for this article! I’ve always detested the article that tells you what to wear and what your style should be. . . which means I absolutely adore your rules for everyone!
Gala, in my opinion this is your best article. I absolutely love all your advice. I sent it to my mom (who is awesome and independent and beautiful) (and reads O magazine all the time, haha) and I’m sure she’ll send it to her sister in law and her real sister, too. Great new rules. I love “Take care of yourself — whatever that means to you.” It’s fantastic.
Gala, seriously. I will be in Tokyo for one and maybe two years. Take advantage (in a good way) of me, Tokyomade, and your other Japanese friends. Visit for free. You’d love it here, honestly. Pay for the plane ticket and you’ll have fun every day, I promise. You are amazing!! Thanks for featuring my site so often!
xox
Julie
Gala, I’ve been reading for a while – I tend to lurk – but this blog made my day, and I wanted to tell you so. I think you are absolutely a delicious person, and I thank you for sharing your sweetness.
-L
This comment is coming from a 50-year-old who thinks she’s fabulous. I read an interview with Ellen Barkin in Vogue magazine a while back and remember thinking that this woman is an idiot. If we all listened to Barkin’s advice we would look like a bunch of short-haired old biddies. Yes, Barkin pulls off her look well, but it doesn’t work for everyone. I love my rockin’ jeans and t-shirts and I have no intention of cutting my shoulder length hair to my collar bone (a suggestion Barkin made to her friend, Julianne Moore). The only rules I’ll be following are the ones I make.
okay, so you can’t show your knees, but you can wear a bikini? they realize that a bikini shows your knees, right? haha
great rules Gala. those are ones to live by!
Whew… that is a very nasty and restrictive list Ms. Barkin lives by. :-P But living in LA, I kinda understand where it comes from. I see a surprising number of 50 year old Malibu types that are trying SOOOOO desperately to hang on to what they were in their 20s and it’s sad.
As you move from decade to decade you do have to adapt your style to who you are now. You are not static, fashion is not static, you have to dress and live who you really are right now… and never by anyone else’s standard.
Oh and Gala… you said “Why do women over 50 need to be prescribed to? I’m 23 & I don’t need that, so why should someone older & wiser & more experienced than me need it?!” And I can answer that… because the media/society no longer treats women in their 40’s and 50’s as grand and wonderful ladies with the wisdom and experience to think for themselves!
thank you for that list! you never fall short of being an amazing person.
Oh that’s terrible. I think I might rather drop down dead at 49 than follow those rules for life after 50! Hats and red lipstick for LIFE.
Your rules, however, are awesome :)
I like how all her “rules” are Dont’s. Apparently, Life after 50 = Don’t.
I read that article too and thought her beauty regimen was exhaustively expensive, painful and absurd really. It sounds like she spends her entire life, from sun up to sun down, trying to get her face to look 25. I did not find that story empowering either.
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I’m really going to have to start printing off your lists and pretty much wallpapering my house with them. It would have such a positive impact on my days :)
I totally wish i was over 50 now.
Thats a total lie.
I loved the list. espessually the smile part.
Marvelous.
I’m sending this to MUM right now!
11. Rules are meant to be broken. Ignore any of the above to your own liking :) yr only old if you feel that old!
Great post!
But someday I’ll follow these…
accepting yourself is the best!! i’ve accepted myself, and it feels good. no critic could ever let you down!! you feel confident!!
You’re amazing! Thank you, as always, for brightening up my day! I got my exam results today, and I got into the University of my choice! Despite everyone being very happy with me and congratulating me I just felt like a fraud! Like I didn’t deserve it, but I do! I worked hard and I’ve achieved what I was trying to achieve!! You’re wonderful because you can find good in almost everything and everyone! x x x x
Your rules are MUCH better than hers. I wonder is she (or more likely, a magazine staffer) would have the nerve to tell Renata Adler to get a haircut!
http://www.themorningnews.org/archives/personalities/birnbaum_v_renata_adler.php
LOVE this entry. so great. might steal the idea but not your words. thanks for talking about aging as it is—not awful, not life-ending, but a shift. (i did a beauty column on this actually) that we all go through and that we all experience. if we love ourselves and have strong older role models, we wont’ see it as a scary, bad experience. love your rules. great rules. also, the rule i’d give her: don’t have plastic surgery to the point where you look like you belong in a wax museum. ther’es nothing beautiful about that.
I LOVE this. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Especially the bit about sexuality. Oh perfect!
i love this. you are awesome.
I’ve always thought it was ridiculous to automatically cut your hair at “a certain age”. Who coined that term anyway? Yeesh. If I cut my hair short I’ll look like a weeble. And is Tina Turner supposed to cover her knees? I don’t THINK so!
Thanks for showing all of us how great it is to be outspoken and not fade into obscurity, no matter how many birthdays we’ve had!
Goodness, what a silly list. Yours is much better. I was trying to think of fabulous women over 50 I knew, and it honestly took me about 15 minutes to realize my mother is 60 next month! So much for defining yourself by a number – I borrow her clothes all the time, and I’m 24.
That Goethe quote is marvelous.
hi=) im kinda new here, first of all: Gala I LOVE your blog, so cool. I mean you sure know what you’re talking about:D
and about the article of O magazine, WHY does it only says what NOT to do? I mean, isn’t it better to see things in a positive, optimistic way? My mom always tells me to se everything on the bright side, it may be silly, but it works:D For example, instead of saying: I don’t want to be fat. You should say: I want to have better body. (I’m not saying that you should be thin or something, just an example^^) So this way, your brain & soul is like, happier:)
well that’s what I think, but it works to me =)
LOVE you list, and disdain most of Miss Barkin’s. Hope it’s OK that I’m putting it on my blog Hatastic! It’s truly a list to live by at ANY AGE.
Don’t wear hats after 50… PUHLEASE, woman!!!
i utterly disagree with Ellen Barkin’s rules.
Ms. Barkin is full of it…she’s been out HUNDREDS of times in strapless dresses. Her skirts, believe me, are frequently above her knees (She lives in downtown NY); Show off her body? Please! Did you see the skin tight red dress she wore to an opening last month? Not that she doesn’t have a good body, but it definitely doesn’t fit her rule. Fewer accessories?? Anyone seen her jewelry…please, she is so insincere…
Fabulous article!
right on sister.. i totally hear you. i can’t believe she said “don’t wear jeans to dinner”
what!!? i love mature ladies in hot jeans at dinner.. they look gorgeous.
Hey gorgeous..gala i love you your website is awesome i just discovered it today definately top of my favourites list..Love your new list you created and totally agree with every last word..espec #1 my early 20s were bit up and down..it was only last year that i came into my own and loved me for me..but we can’t change the past only our future..this is us now so instead of always planing/thinking ‘il be happy once i’ve lost a few pounds/got a better job/got a bf etc’ be happy now enjoy this moment make the most..once you love yourself fully anything is possible and only good can come..love your work..icing day is a wicked idea..xo