The Playgirl's Guide To Radical Self-Love
[ 1 February 2010 ]
Valentine’s Day is in two weeks. (Eeeeep!) Alternately loathed & lauded (usually depending on which side of the relationship fence you’re on!), for many of us, it’s a day that doesn’t fit quite right.
Yes, you can curse everyone you’ve ever crushed on. You can threaten to burn down Hallmark’s hallowed halls. You can have an anti-Valentine’s Day party with your best friends & stuff yourself with heart-shaped chocolates, but I don’t think any of these options really deals with how we feel! It just keeps us from defenestration or drinking a bottle of red wine before passing out in the front of the television. For one night, anyway!
Distractions have their place but when they are never-ending, eventually they stop working…
As fun as it can be to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, go shopping or wear false eyelashes, life won’t really start to bloom until we’re comfortable with who we are. This is true every day, but becomes even poignant on Valentine’s Day, typically a celebration of someone else being in love with us.
So many of us are looking for someone else to fill a space, love & approve of us or take away our loneliness.
But whose love & approval is most important? Someone else’s? Or your own?
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love & affection than you are yourself, & that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.”
(Buddha)
It’s easy to forget. We get so caught up chasing boys or deliberately not responding to them (à la The Rules), working long hours & Tweeting frantically that we neglect ourselves. We spend so much money on cosmetics that we forget that our inside is what’s most important. We try so hard to snare the perfect lover when we should focus on simply being love.
We think that loving ourselves will just come later, naturally — & it may. But what if it doesn’t come along until you’re 50? Or 80? What if it never does? We think, “I’ll love myself when I have a baby”, or, “I’ll love myself when I get a better job”. But what about the meantime? Should you just suffer in silence until that mythical moment? What if having a baby or getting a promotion doesn’t make you love yourself?
That’s why I have decided to declare February the month of…
I say, it’s time to romance yourself. It’s time for the greatest love affair you will ever know. It’s time for a personal revolution. I say, you deserve to be your own darling! Get enchanted! Bewitch yourself! I say, if not now, when?
Let’s get busy adoring ourselves.
Once upon a time, I ran this thing called the iCiNG Transformation Challenge. The idea was to pick something you wanted to change, & then every day I sent out motivating tips, quotes & pictures via email. It was a huge success. I always remember one nonpareil writing to tell me that she used the power of the iTC to get off drugs. The reason these things work is because we are all in it together. We decide to jump in & support one another. We commit to moving forward positively, & we start walking in the same direction.
This time the task is more focused. Self-love is so important, & our lives really are vastly improved if we can just manage to love ourselves more.
It’s something we’re told to do all the time — love yourself, love yourself, love yourself — but how? Where are you supposed to begin? What tools do you need, if any? & how do you know if you’re on the right track?
I’m delighted to announce that from now until the 28th of the month, in addition to your regular content, I’ll be dishing out tips on how to really truly madly deeply fall in love with yourself! Topics will range far & wide. Girl love, body image, masturbation, jealousy, honoring & respecting yourself, positive self-talk, being assertive, manifesting your own dream girl persona & self-marriage are all up for grabs! Homework will be assigned (though it is totally optional, of course!), & I’ll be asking you to participate by sending in photos, stories & spreading the word!
I have a ton of goodies lined up already, but to make it totally useful & tailored to you, I want to know what you’d really love to hear about! What have you battled with most in your quest for radical self-love? Do you have trouble with your body image? Don’t know how to develop more confidence? Find it tricky to speak your mind? Whatever it is, let us know, & I’ll do my very best to create content around it!
If you want to take part, you can steal this HTML code & post it on your blog, Facebook page, etc.! It would be a good thing to post if you take any of the homework & do it on your own site! Plus it will help encourage your friends to take part!
It would be fantastic if you used #radicalselflove as a tag when you’re talking about the challenge on Twitter, too! That way we can all find each other…
You can find all the posts on this subject by clicking The Playgirl’s Guide To Radical Self-Love!
God, I’m so excited! I think this is going to be so amazing & I can’t wait to hear where you’re at & follow your progress throughout the month! Are you ready?! I am!
Love & love & love,
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the playgirls guide to radical self love Follow me on Twitter! Listen to my latest podcast! Love & Sequins 9: Manifesting & magic-making!
I can’t wait for this. I’d really love to hear your thoughts about body image as that is always my biggest struggle with myself. I’ve lost over 50 lbs & am at a healthy, beautiful shape…but I still torment myself with self image issues. It’s really my last great struggle to be totally complete and happy. Help, Gala!
Oh my gosh! When you mentioned you were posting something exciting soon on twitter I thought you were referring to the free coffee days link (which, while exciting, doesn’t do me a lick of good)!! ahaha…
This is amazing. Count me in & I’m putting the badge up on my blog now : )
Fabulous as always!
oh gala, i do love you! i’ve spent the past two days obsessing over a boy and berating myself for how bloody ridiculous i was being – this is the perfect way to snap myself out of it!
as for what i’d like to hear more on, something about not blaming yourself after something bad happens, and how to move on from things in the past would be amazing!
sniffles so amazing to post. So in.
P.S. Is there any way I can re-size the last banner? They are all wayy too big to fit in my side bar : (
WOO! Thanks for your ideas Alzy & Miss sophie~!
emily — Yes, of course! Just resize it & upload it to your server. Mwah mwah!
Oh, fantastic! I’ve been needing tips on self-love that aren’t tailored to housewives.
I’d love to hear what you have to say about the little, daily regrets that build up and gnaw you down to a state of self-hatred. It’s hard to be gentle with oneself, even when you know you should.
oh I am SO looking forward to this! exactly what I (and I believe many others) need with the northern hemisphere’s wintery gloom right now!
Gorgeous images :O Loving this kind of twist of iTC, this shall be amazing! I’d love to read stuff about friends and being friendlier, perhaps?
Woohoo! This is a wonderful & exciting idea, bijoux! I’m excited to see the content you’ll be writing, especially since many of the topics you’ll be covering I’ve got drafts of… it’ll be a great way to expound on those and link back to other fabulous ladies sharing their thoughts around the web!
Wow, im totally in!
This will be great, especially now… I’m again lost in a foreign country (this time a snowy one :P), which is something i love and totally live for, but the first weeks are always a bit harsh… I think something about how to live far away from home, beating homesickness, being “your own home inside yourself” or something like this would be great…but i dont know if it’s really in line with what you mean to write (well, it is in my own head, but i dont really know how to express it ;))
HugsUndKisses to everyone!!
Gala, I think this is a great idea, & I am excited to hear about it, but… this sentence “Yes, you can curse every member of the opposite sex.” surprised me, because usually you are more queer-inclusive than that. What about the girls out there obsessively lusting after other girls? Over gender queers? They need radical self love too.
This sounds fabulous, I’m totally up for it. Everything you’ve listed sounds exactly like what I need to hear. Can’t wait! xx
wow gala, this sounds amazing! i’m really excited to participate :)
i’ve always found it really hard to distinguish between what i’m really interested in/want to do – be it what music to listen to, or what career path to follow – and what i feel i ‘ought’ to be interested in/want to do. how do you shut out the outside world and truly listen to yourself? i would love love love if you did anything relating to this!
xxx
This could not have come at a better time!
Personally i’ve always struggled with keeping friends and boyfriends because i’ve been unable to love myself. I often feel too…‘ugly’ to go out, too undeserving of relationships with people. I push everyone away, keeping them at arms length so they don’t have to really look at me. I’ve been told people don’t become friends with other people because they are beautiful but i think often times in my life people haven’t invited me out because they don’t want to be seen with me and that is why i am like this
It’s shit like this that makes me love the internet!
Gala, my mum gave me some advice that is relevant here. She said that, apart from being able to set limits and boundaries for yourself, you have to be able to set limits for what you’ll take from others. I’m still working on this, and I’m guessing that there are a lot of people out there who could benefit from knowing – upfront – how much BS they’re willing to take!
Wonderful idea, Gala, I’m really excited about it, too! Like Iris said, there are us girl-lovers as well, but I suppose the same rules apply to girls as well.
My problem with self-love is mostly that I keep thinking “I’m not what anyone would want”. Mostly that’s physical, but some of it is just about the way I am in general.
AMEN! Love the post…..
Iris — I did mention “As fun as it can be to have a boyfriend or girlfriend” two paragraphs below! Queers have more fun ;D
Great ideas laydeeeeez, keep ‘em coming!
yes yes YES. thank you for a fantastic alternative to the gloomiest little month of the year. i can’t wait.
I think this is a great idea. For the better part of my 30-year long life I have been a very optimistic person, but for some weird reason (okay, I may know some of them) I have been down and becoming more and more negative for the last year. Some of my friends have even used the word depressed. I personally am not too keen on taking drugs to alter one’s chemical balance (hence antidepressants are pretty much out of the question), but I would really like to change this situation. I have tried. I am a very logical person, but when emotions run amock, thinking has not helped me out. I seem to not even know what I want, what I like and I doubt almost every decision I have made in the past. So, an overall self-love thing would be very helpful. Sort of regaining my natural true self, knowing what part of a gut feeling to trust or when to go with my rational thinking instead of instincts etc. Also, how to fall in love again, would be useful. First with myself then with the special person in my life. Right now I am really no good to anyone…
So, that’s my request/recommendation for subjects. Thank you for this challenge and I will be participating. I was actually browsing therapists in my area today to perhaps give myself a sort of “birthday gift of regaining love for myself”, but I think I will try this approach first. I am supposed to know myself best, right? And be able to help myself, right?
Best of luck and I will be looking forward to the content.
Gosh, this is awesome Gala! As a girl with a definite shyness problem, I’d love to read more about overcoming that and building lots of fiery self-confidence.
I agree! Help with shyness, confidence in social situations etc! xxx
Yes, you can curse every member of the opposite sex.
Or, the same sex if you’re gay! Or both, if you’re bisexual! Don’t forget us queers! :)
What a great project! Gonna retweet it as soon as i finish this comment, cuz…
What i would love for you to cover is ‘giving yourself permission’ No matter what i tried in the past, giving myself permission to do or not do something never feels completely ok as it does when someone else tells me to i.e. get some rest, watch SATC all night long etc…
I think it’s similar with advise. I am good at giving advise to others, but not at all in living up my own advise.
I wonder why it seems much more easier to stand behind someone else and their words than behind yourself and your own words. And i would love to tackle this issue.
im ready!
i need this, a lot.
Wow, this is definitely what I needed. Between working all the time and my inner battle to try and have more confidence in my work, I’m stuck. Thank you, I’m really looking forward to these articles.
This is awesome! I will totally be participating! I have always been painfully shy. I was practically invisible in High school and never could work up the nerve to speak my thoughts on any subject unless it was with my close friends. I would love to know/learn how to be super confident, get over shyness and negative thoughts on the way I view myself and my body.
You are absolutely amazing!
Ciel Bleu- oh i am in simillar situation, i moved to study in england and even if i feel pretty good here i’m still thinking of lots of things i miss, or friends i miss, or that some things here aren’t that good as at home etc. and even if i really like being here i constantly find myself sulking about being homesick and all bad stuff. that started to drive me crazy, because i stopped concentrating on all the good things here.
that is why thanks to You Gala- i officialy call february a month of thinking about all things i love in my new situation and doing all those things, that i couldn’t do back home and thinking how fortunate i am to be here!
yay! self love power!
I LOVE this idea. I am not sure if this would count, but I have trouble trusting others…and when they have done something to breech that trust, I have a hard time letting them back into my life…I keep many friends at arms length as protection…I would like to be more forgiving and trusting, but my Irish temper often doesn’t allow for it (and I always blame it on my Irish temper)...
Gala, this month sounds like it’s going to be amazing! I can’t wait to hear what you have to say. My problem that gets in the way of loving myself is mostly confidence, and allowing myself to dream and pursue those dreams! I have found that throughout my life, whenever I had a dream of becoming something different (say, an artist or a poet), there were plenty of nay-sayers around to tell me that it wasn’t practical! I am now 23, and in a huge rut. I’m afraid to be who I truly am, and take risky chances because, let’s be frank, I’ve started to think of myself as someone who should take a more “practical route”, and that’s just not me!
I am currently recovering from an eating disorder, so this couldn’t have come at a better time fur mich! I would appreciate any advice you have on building up self esteem while in recovery (I know you mentioned you have been through this yourself).
You are a godsend, Gala!
Gala, you are a woman of much wisdom and inspiration. I’m all about it #radicalselflove
twitter.com/love_evol
Oh, may I be in please?
Plus I think it would be nice to see advice about: how to stop blaming yourself, or feeling guilty, for those few times you actually succeeded in standing for yourself. (Like: I’ve said or done that, I shouldn’t, it’s like showing off, it’s not good, and so on…)
Does it make sense?
Thank you Gala!
This is an amazing idea, and just what I need! I’m just a month into the first good relationship I’ve had and I find myself unable to accept that I can be liked for who I am, deserving of love and friendship, and unable to relax into myself, which is also what I guess I’d need advice on…
Oh, thank you so much for this, Gala. It’s exactly what I need right now. I am a paranoid, depressed and nervous wreck, and I want to get better.
So excited to start a month of self love!
Gala, this is brilliant as always. I’m all in!
Suggestions? I’m definitely with what Sophie mentioned above, since I’m still dealing with my chaos last year. I’m not fool enough to think it won’t haunt me forever in some way (losing a child isn’t something you just get over, right?) but I do know I need to stop blaming myself and stop dwelling! It does no good for anyone plus I have a new one on the way! And because of that, body image help would be nice, haha. It’s totally acceptable to start gaining weight and looking like a house, however, again, past problems with eating disorders isn’t a great help. Maybe you could touch on body dysmorphia (sp?) as well? We don’t need more Heidi Montags wandering the world promoting plastic surgery as the way to fix everything.
Also, for the sake of almost randomness, why not throw in some awesome hair tips, styles, all that fun stuff. I know with some girls (like myself on some days) will sit around and be all “OMG I am hideous” and sometimes just getting an awesome new cut or color changes their entire perspective (it has saved me on many occasions!). It’s so entirely superficial, but it does work wonders sometimes, right?
Hehe I love myself! My boyfriend is jealous though…
how can I get him to stop calling me selfish?
I am SO grateful that you exist, haha!
My personal issue is probably my overall lack of confidence, socially. I almost always feel alienated from people… even from my own friends! I’ve made different lifestyle choices (such as being straight edge), which I value but those differences makes me feel INFERIOR. I ask myself, “Am I funny enough? Do they really like me, or do they just pity me? Am I a huge bore? Do they think I’m a freak?”
I feel good about myself in other areas of life, but I am terribly caught up in what other people think of me, and so the self love you’re talking about isn’t there. It’s hard for me to make friends, for fear of rejection. What’s worse is that inside I’m glimmering, and have to suppress it because I don’t want people thinking I’m weird. I’m an eccentric, but I can’t produce the pride for being one!
How about talking about how one can feel “worth it?” I’ve always struggled with thinking that people don’t really want to be talking to me, they don’t really want me to hang out with them, they just feel sorry for me and feel that they HAVE to include me in their activities. Why can’t I believe that they genuinely like me and WANT to spend time with me?
This would be great!
I think this is an awesome idea for the month of February!
this is AMAZING!!!
Personally, I have struggled with anorexia for about five years. Finally ready to abandon my eating disorder, body image distress runs rampant in my life. I know logically that I AM MORE THAN A NUMBER!!! (in sizes, on the scale, etc.) but it is so so hard to love the way I look when all of my favourite mags have stick thin models walking the runway, and commercials are all about calorie-reduced foods :(
I am so much looking forward to February now!!!
much love, always!
Woo! How exciting :-) I think one of the hardest things with self love is overcoming envy. It’s very difficult not to compare yourself to others when others are constantly judging you and sizing you up! Whether its looks, jobs, relationships… you can’t help but feel small next to the girl who has it all or your colleague that keeps getting promoted! And even when you’re flipping through a magazine on your downtime, all you see are skinny models in tiny clothes with big price tags! And to top it off guys are always drooling over the hot blondie with a big rack, dragging a wagon! What’s a girl to do?
I definitely look forward to your month of February, self-love scheme! Good luck love!
Perfect timing.
I just broke up with the first guy I’ve ever been in love with at the end of December. New Years day was spent discussing whether we were really done and then of course January was spent dealing with it. Yesterday we decided it was best not to see each other again at least for the next while. Maybe in a year we could be friends but just now there was way too much baggage and we wouldn’t be able to get over it properly and be friends.
I was totally anaware of the date while doing this but today I remembered it was the 1st of Feb and it felt like a fresh new start.
It seems like the perfect time to start something like this! =)
Also I’d been feeling a bit worried about feeling gutted out on Valentines day because I’d been looking forwards to spedning it with someone I love who loves me. Now I still will be by spending it with myself. =P
I’m so excited to start this, fantastic idea because though you’ve writen about it before and talked about it in the first Love&Sequins it’s still something I for one feel I need a little more encouragement and tips to help me along the way.
Good luck everyone!
I’m all over this too :D I was hoping there’d be something similar to the iTC this year. Here’s to a fabulous February!
Gala, I swear that you’re psychic. I come in here thinking about how happy I’ve been in the past two weeks, and you post this? Pure fabulosity! So crimson! I can’t for it to begin!
I think this is a fantastic idea. I’m having some issues with self love right now.
The other day I weighed myself and found that within the past few months I have gained 20 pounds. I felt like crying when I saw the number since I am already a “big girl” and have been trying to lose weight.
Also, I moved somewhere new almost a year ago and still haven’t been able to make any good friends here. I’m kind of shy when it comes to meeting new people.
I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m trying to throw myself a little pity party on here. I just have been hating myself a lot of lately and could use some self love.
I am SO excited! I have had low self esteem for a long time now & I’m not sure why. I even struggle with accepting compliments! But bringit on! Homework & everything! I’m on board!
This is so exciting! You always have the best ideas and I’m ready to accept this challenge. I’m about to get a boyfriend and, long story short, we’ve dated before and sometimes I lose myself in the relationship. So this is perfect for me to participate in. Plus I’ve needed some more self love as of late.
I’m really looking forward to the Dream Girl part because I have my vision of who I want to be, I just have to get there!
Thank you so much for this and I’m really looking forward to it!
Maybe advice on how to stop distracting yourself from what you want? I think seeking out distractions (like, uh, excessive internet usage? excessive drug use? general procrastination?) can become such a terrible subconscious habit and a hard hole to get out of. Being reality-challenged can be enjoyable/interesting, but I’m discovering that it is not so useful for meeting people, achieving greatness, etc.
A couple others have mentioned how to take (positive) risks…I think that would be good, too.
Gala, this truly couldn’t have come at a better time. My boyfriend of three wonderful years just broke up with me last night and I’ve found myself in the biggest rut of my life. I’m so lost and have no idea where to go from here. A series of unfortunate events have lead me to this gaping hole inside me. I need to figure out who I am and love myself before I can heal and be happy again. Thank you for always looking out for everyone.
Ohh! This should be fun! I was just thinking about the iTC the other day! haha
Besides body issues, I have a lot of trouble talking about something when it’s important. I was just seeing a guy for about 4 months and I needed to talk to him over and over about things between us, but even when I told him I needed to talk to him, and it came down to it, I couldn’t form the words I wanted to say and make myself say them. I had to eventually type it all out on IM. I’m REALLY trying to be able to talk about things, but I physically find it difficult to form the words and make them exit my mouth. or if I manage that. I start getting teary. Which is just silly and needless.
it would be fantastic if I could overcome that this year.
I second Ashley Renee. I am really shy, and have a problem believing anyone would want to be friends with me/find me interesting, even my boyfriend! I just need to learn that there are reasons to love me.
This series sounds great! I can’t wait!
I absolutely loved Love & Sequins #1, so I think this will be fabulous. Definitely looking forward to more of your tips!
Yes yes yes!!!!
Can not wait till this starts!
Let’s all realise we’re awesome & let’s do it together!
I love this!
I’d like to learn about purging jealousy.
Oh I am a scary beast in that department.
It is my main goal for 2010, less jealousy, more girl love!
this resonates so much with me right now.
i keep thinking i’ll be ‘who i want to be’.. ‘WHEN i have a job i like’ ‘WHEN i achieve x,y z’
i would love you to cover loving yourself as you are NOW, perceived flaws and all. taking each day as it comes, not allowing too much introspection or over-analysis, being positive and attracting luck through self-love. my mum always says positive people are lucky people.
I will definitely be taking part! I would love some tips about self-confidence and the art of mingleing!
My boyfriend is a photographer and is always taking me to parties and out scouting for clients and I always just stand there like a lemon feeling awkward about what I look like and how I come across. I think some much needed body-confidence and style tips are in order, as well as the long forgotten art of conversation!
Actually, yeah – “Do you have trouble with your body image? Don’t know how to develop more confidence? Find it tricky to speak your mind?” — all of these are huge problems I need help with!!
I love this.
I’m reading a book called “Two Or Three Things I Know For Sure” by Dorothy Allison, which deals with the struggle to find self love.
I’ll share one quote with you:
“When I make love I take my whole life in my hands, the damage and the pride, the bad memories and the good, all that I am or might be, and I do indeed love myself, can indeed do any damn thing I please. I know the place where courage and desire come together, where pride and joy push lust through the bloodstream, right to the heart”
I’m looking forward to February!
Oh Gala, I love you so! I need this so badly right now. I’m stuck in such a rut in every way. I’d love to hear about body acceptance and romancing yourself!
This sounds fantastic!
I guess my main thing would be that I have a lot of self esteem but my self confidence is sometimes lacking.
Also I tend to project a rather stand offish and cold vibe without meaning to, and if you have any tips for how to change that I would LOVE LOVE LOVE if you’d share.
:D
Being stuck in a rut when you know what you SHOULD be doing to get out of it, but not summoning up the will or energy to do those things… Also is a form not not loving yourself enough I am guessing.
Reallly looking forward to some posts that can get a nonpareil out of a down slide- health-wise, motivation-wise, meditation-wise…All the habits that one was doing and seeing the benefits of, and have fallen by the wayside.
Woohoo! you ray of sunshine! I’m ALL in!
Gala,
This sounds fantastic. You have the BEST ideas. I would like to read about how to not just know I’m okay by myself, but BE okay by myself. Does that make sense? Like, really doing something I know I should be doing.
Much love!
One thing I hope to be better at: being less critical – of myself and others.
I absolutely adore this! I would love to hear what you have to say about making time for yourself; having to balance school, jobs, etc…
I am super excited for this month! :)
I can’t wait for all the juicy advice you have for us! I’d love to hear more about conquering self-esteem issues. I never feel good enough when I’m in a relationship. It’s like I’m afraid that my guy thinks other women are better looking or just better in general. I’m not sure why I haven’t been able to get past these issues, but I’d love to hear your take on this.
Much love!
Something I’m struggling with is how to focus on myself and my job more while I’m at work…I feel uncomfortable around my coworkers sometimes because the majority of them are very conservative religious right-wing types and I’m the exact opposite. I feel like I’m being judged all the time. I like my job, I just wish I felt more comfortable around my coworkers because I like myself and I know I’m not the heathen they make me out to be. Excited for this month!
I remember the episode of Sex in the City where Carrie was worried about how Aidan “reviewed” her to new people in his life. I have that problem. Does my ex give me bad reviews, is someone critiquing something I’ve done unfairly. I say enough already. I know who I am and my intentions and thats all that should matter…but the tape still plays. I need to learn not to care so much.
YES! Perfect! I’d be really interested in hearing some tips on how to forgive one’s self. I’m really hard on myself & often find myself beating me up over some forgotten detail or procrastinated to-do list item.
That said, I’m totally stoked on this!
Such a fantastic idea, i’ve just been made single and am finding it hard to think positively especially around Valentines day.
So this has come at the perfect time and the fact others will be doing it with and i’ll be roping friends in will make it that much easier. x
This couldn’t have been a better time for you to do this, Gala! I swear you must be psychic, it’s like your posts are always saying exactly what I need when I need it. Right now, the depression I’ve been fighting for years has come to a head and if I don’t beat it in the next few months, it’s going to get me kicked out of uni :( So any and all self-love advice you put it, I’ll take it!
As for specific things I struggle with, I think it boils down to:
Motivation because I want to make changes to my life, but I find it hard to actually do anything. I need motivation to face my fear of the unknown, to take risks and to get out of my rut (and my bed which is my sanctuary).
Feeling inferior: whenever I see a girl with a great outfit/good hair/natural confidence, I feel intimidated by her. I should be thinking “good for her” but instead I just think about how my outfit is blah/hair is messy etc and I revert to an awkward teenager. Not good.
So basically, count me in! Looking forward to the next part of this. Love!
xXx
This has come at a fantastic time for me! I have a boyfriend who I love and who I feel loves me – but it doesn’t make me love myself. I feel down and like a failure most of the time (being unemployed sucks) so I think this is something I need to work on. And will work on! This is going to be great motivation for me :)
my main torment is body image! and i seriously need to get some confidence and just about turn my whole persona around and become someone i actually love!
FABULOUS! gala you have no idea the smile this brought to my face…i have been feeling ass-kickingly blue lately about being single and all my friends matching&hatching…
i am so excited for this. SO excited.
thankyou! xxx
Gala, your timing is, as always, completely perfect. My first relationship has just ended and it was regrettably short, and not unmarked by errors and selfishness on my part. I really want to learn how to be less selfish, less depressed, and overall a LOT more content and at peace with the world.
I’m so excited for this! Go Gala go!
I am so ready for this! This is absolutely perfect timing! I’m going to start off today by doing things I’ve been putting off for awhile (organizing my room, packing to move back to college, organizing my notes for my senior thesis, collaging, writing letters to friends).
I want to: start accepting my body and get fit — healthier this time, make time for creative projects, stay organized, write more, work & save money for travel and student loans, and stay on top of my school work.
I’m going to start by working out while watching Clueless!
I’m so excited about this!
As a couple people have mentioned before, your timing is impeccable. Although my boyfriend and I have been going out for quite a while now and everything is fine, it’s at that stage where I’m beginning to forget how to enjoy my own company and keep in check my own dreams and goals.
I can’t wait to figure out how to romance myself all over again. Thank you so much for this.
say whaaa? This is going to be awesome! I hope you tap into the topic of catty people. Because I know that nothing can throw someone off more that a person acting cruel to them. Posted this on my blog! It fits well since its about Beauty Lifestyle.
Hurray!!!!
I am so, so frickin’ excited for this! It seems like just last week that I embarked on my very first iTC, and I can scarcely believe its already been a year! So, different year, same issues: Like Astra, I would love to get some advice on how not to feel inferior, as well as advice on self-esteem and body issues. I’ve also been dealing with the whole single and unemployed situation not so well, especially in light of so many of my friends hitching up and having children. I’ve read (and enjoyed)your past articles on these topics, and it would be wonderful to keep the conversation going!
I love this idea, perfect!
I would love to read articles on reinventing ourselves, journaling, changing our thoughts, healing broken hearts, and just being the best we can be.
YES! just what I needed. I think I love myself but I’ve got some pretty serious winter blues so this would be helpful in just cheering me up in general and what I have been going through lately.
hi Gala :) This sounds like a really great idea.
like a couple others said, i would LOVE if you would talk about shyness, social awkwardness, confidence etc. this is, I think, one of the last (& most difficult) obstacles to self love I must face. I’ve been shy all my life and always feel like i am not cool enough or funny enough or outgoing enough for people to want to be around me (as juvenile as that may sound). i feel extremely anxious around people i don’t know well. & i constantly question myself and my decisions… i would love to be less self-conscious!
Ahhh this is going to be fantastic! I’m very excited, and like everyone else said, your timing is PERFECT.
I guess I have body image problems, but it goes deeper than that, actually. Not just body image, its more like self-image. The heart of the problem is that I’m constantly comparing myself to other people who are prettier, smarter, more fashionable, funnier, etc. I know I shouldnt do it but I cant help it. My value system is externally rooted and when I try to measure my self worth I always come up wanting.
tl;dr my self-esteem is lousy
Love you Galaaaaa!
I’m absolutely ecstatic for this, came at the perfect time, like said by just about everyone; so thank you Gala. The main thing for me is just seriously learning to love myself for who I am, and thank god for this ‘project’. I have such a hard time with my confidence and body image even though I’m told I’m perfect, funny, skinny, beautiful, and have a great personality, I myself just have such a hard time believing it and seeing what everyone else sees.
Perfect perfect perfect. I love the spirit of this. I’ve been on a personal journey of my own in the last year, over-coming self-love issues. I’ll be borrowing the links to spread around.
Oh beauteous Gala~ This is EXACTLY what I need! Do you think you could give some advice about loving yourself after making lose-lose decisions? Because I recently made some really hard decisions that affect my future and none of my options were as good as I would have liked, and regardless of what my choice was I would have to break some serious promises to myself. It’s very hard to keep on loving myself when I’ve had to compromise one belief/promise for another!
Yes! Oh Gala I need this so much!
I’ve struggled with self-love all my life. It’s like I can’t find an anchor to hold on to, like I can’t be my own lifesaver.
I’ve always struggled with weight, I’m 1.72m tall and weight 47 kg, and I’ve been like that since I was like 12 and I am now 21. Can you imagine what kind of image I have of myself? I don’t feel like a woman! This year my MAJOR goal is to EAT and EXERCISE. I promised myself this is the year I reach my dream weight, (or at least get really really close), and start wearing the clothes i love (mini shorts, mini skirts, mini dresses, mini everything!) in public without feeling/looking like a toothpick.
I also want to be assertive and confident; I feel like a mat, I can’t seem to be myself around people, and I’m faaaar from being my dream girl persona.
I want to love myself. I want to love everything about me, admire myself, and be my own support.
I want to be hot, assertive, smart, disciplined, sexy and be able to find and keep friends.
This all is a great idea.
And I love you Gala!
kisses
Shy girls! A great article here: www.listener.co.nz/issue/3632/... (includes a bunch of book recommendations, too)
Oh my god, this is so good. SO. GOOD. I love you, Gala. And I can’t wait for the first post! This is like a continuation of the lovely Charade Style M.Y.L.A. series. And I loved them. Thank you so much
i love this idea, cheers gala :)
thanks miss darling, this is just what i need right now!
xoxo
I have been thinking lately how great it would be if there were some bigger sized bloggers out there who, like all the fabulous smaller women’s blogs i follow, took pictures of themselves looking fabulous all the time. (i’m sure there out there but I can’t find them!) If you could find/share some such girls for some of us to relate to, that would be AWESOME. I’m 22 but just had my first baby and I can’t seem to get rid of this extra 50lbs (since I have a baby to take care of and I can’t do things that might make my milk supply drop (dieting, excersizing too much) and I’m trying to to surround myself with images that are familiar instead of ones that make me pine for what I don’t have right now.. i think that would do worlds for my self-image!
i would love to read a review on sex toys :) i know you did one a while ago (2 years ago already?!), but i can’t seem to find it…
Wonderful idea, and such an enthusiastic response already! I think one thing that would be great to talk about is comparison. For example, I can be in a fit of joy and be creating a new song or piece of art…and then I do this horrible thing where I compare myself to others and get discouraged. “I’ll never be as good as them…” etc. etc. Finding your own uniqueness and accepting your validity no matter what “level” of creativity you are on…that would be wonderful to discuss. Anyway, thanks for being a ray of sunshine and determinedly positive!!
I can’t wait – I swear you’re psychic, Miss Gala!
I feel like I need more self-love than ever – I just left my boyfriend and everything’s feeling generally rubbish, so I look forward to reading. :)
I also totally love the idea of how to “manifest your own dream girl persona”. That would be amazing.
This is a great idea, I wish I had this last year. I almost settled for a very awful boy! Thankfully I was patient and now I am a million times more happy – but radical self love can never go amiss.
such a great idea, gala! I think I need more confidence in the things I do. I’m very curious about your advices:)
This might very well be the loveliest thing you have ever come up with sweetness!
Self love brings about such an amazing change in ones entire life and for you to encourage and help others achieve that for themselves truly shows how much love you have for each and everyone of us!
Personally I also very much appreciate the timing, yesterday I noticed that the dreaded Valentine day was coming up and I noticed it brought about sad thoughts and self doubt in me.
I do love myself, most of the time, but I would love to expand that into every fiber of my being. My main struggle is probably that I doubt my own intelligence and talent, despite that I have gone to a very advanced university and worked my dream job for a few years. Deep down I still feel like there is nothing I am good at, that my own abilities and skills just do not measure up.
As always, blazing love from my heart to you Gala!
I remember I discovered your blog right after the iCiNG Transformation Challenge and I was actually pretty bummed to have missed out. Right now I am embarking on a journey of self love so this just feels like perfect timing. Thank you so much! xo
Yeah! Count me in!
Self loving sounds always like a good idea!
Im so in! Woowooo what a fab idea!
Ooh, Gala, you can’t imagine how much I adore you! <3 This is the best idea anybody has had in a long, long time.
As I’d been suffering from depression a few years ago (but now anymore :) ), I know how it is to really hate yourself. :( In the last years, I’ve been learning how to accept myself more and more, so I’m really, really looking forward to this. Ooh, I’m so excited! __
I think I’ll start a blog about my progress and all that and then I’ll post the link on here.
This is gonna be so awesome.:> We can do this, girls! <3
count me in! =] im going thru a down point in my life i think this sounds amazing. the one thing i wish i had that i dont is confidence. so if you could talk about that i would be very thankful.
cant wait Gala, I am just recently trying to get my ass in gear again and work hard towards what i want, this is the kick in the behind i need. Bring on a whole yummy month of self-love.
This is why I love you Gala. This is exactly what I need right now. For the past couple of years I’ve been in pretty bad relationships, but have stuck with them because I felt like I needed to be loved, or to love someone else. I very often put the other person in the relationship before myself until I decided that I’d finally had enough. For the past six months I’ve been single and I’ve slowly adapted to this, which is something sadly enough I thought I’d never be able to do. I’ve grown in confidence both with my body apperance and also with my abilities to developed my dreams and ambitions. I felt like I had really pulled myself back together. However, a month ago I met a boy who seemed interesting. So I went on a couple of dates with him, but it just seems like I’m starting to slip back into my old ways. I’m beginning to obsess over the what ifs and whys. Like why has he not texted me, does he not really like me, but what if he does but he’s just shy but but but. I really need to completely focus on myself and let anthing relationship-wise just fall into place by itself. Sooo anything that deals with those sorts of issues would be fabulous, like how to maintain daily self love. Very excited to see what you come up with ;D xx
This is fantastic! I’m right in the middle of the self-love learning process with my psych so this is just going to be a big boost all together ^^
Body image is something every girl struggles with at some point in her life, I think. No matter how I look I always think I’m fat and for some reason it’s never wrong to be a big girl unless it concerns me. It’s weird, I’m bi and I hardly ever fall for girls who aren’t curvy (Katherine Moennig being an exception for example ;) and you, Gala, are very sexy as well) and yet I give myself a hard time for it. confusing!
excited to see what’s going to be up!
Quite looking forward to this. Would definitely like to see shyness, social awkwardness, confidence addressed too. These issues I have struggled with for years, and they hold me back from participating in so many things in life, effect many relationships, and prevent many potential new ones.
Right on, Gala! No one writes better than you do on self-love, the reason I suspect many of us found and adored you in the first place! :D
This might be a little too philosophical, but I’ve been struggling lately with how to balance taking care of my inner world and embracing everything around me. As a self-aware introvert,I usually try to put myself out there in leadership roles and interact with people, but I always feel fiercely drained afterwards and need copious amounts of me-time (which doesn’t always happen) to feel sane again. Any advice you have on balance in general would be appreciated, as it is my goal for 2010!
Other topics I’d love to hear about:
-How to surround yourself with more optimisitic, energetic, and inspiring people
-Not letting the little things get to you
-Tips on organizing your private space (for us non-Virgos!)
Love you, Gala! Thanks for caring so much and being fabulous :)
My stupid LJ won’t take the pic as a link, but I’m a lover and a follower!
Eeep! I am so excited for February now! =D This is a fantastic idea, Gala…although I am not surprised because EVERYTHING on this blog is fantastic! =)
Some days I really do love myself, and then other days something goes wrong and all I can think of is that one thing I’m unhappy about, and then I start thinking of everything that is wrong with me (or that I think is wrong with me). It just builds up and it takes me a while to tell myself, “Hey, everything is going to be okay. You’re awesome.”
Body image, for sure. Everyone struggles with that, and not just with weight.
as much as I believe in the power of self love, after watching ‘Fucking Amal’ I realised that sometimes falling in love can help you discover your true self. You shouldn’t always try to do it alone. however I am super excited about this, Gala! Lovely as always. Xoxo
This is a great idea and I’m definitely in!
I want to focus on myself more and my goals more (going to the gym, eating healthy, my job, planning my wedding, grad school) and less on the negative/distractions (tv, draining people, stress, junk food).
This is a wonderful idea. I’m on a purposeful break from relationships in an attempt to ‘figure myself out’ at the moment, hopefully you can help Gala :)
I’d like to hear stuff about believing in yourself and staying motivated. I’m starting uni this year after struggling with depression in high school (and not finishing year 12), and am a bit worried about being able to keep on top of things and not slip in to old bad habits.
Maybe something about accepting/believing compliments? I know so many people (myself included) who have such low self esteem, and can never believe when people try to tell them they’re better than they think they are.
That’s my 2 cents!
Sounds fabulous! I’d love to hear more tips about being more confident/assertive. I know you’ve written about these topics before, but they are the things I struggle with the most.
Oh Gala, you’ve done it again! Wonderful idea, I can’t wait to get started!
My problem areas would probably fall under the general umbrella of “low self-esteem”. I have body issues and relationship problems because I have a hard time believing that I’m good enough. And even when I think I’m happy, I know those problems haven’t just gone away. There’s always that voice in the back of my mind, you know? Anyway, I’d love to hear what you have to say about raising your self-esteem, learning to trust yourself and your decisions, and learning to speak your mind with confidence and clarity.
Thank you for yet another dose of inspiration and joy!!
Hell yeah, girl!
I would like to hear about focusing on whats important like school, work and preparing for my career. Also accepting compliments, and how to be the kind of girl that guys are begging to date. that would be good. Also, have you heard of the Vagina Monologues? please feature that on your blog this month, it’s all about loving and supporting womankind.
sounds amazing! I’m in :)
Personally, I’m in love with sabotaging myself. I completely believe that if I truly go after I want (this is most applicable to school – I’m currently in grade 12) I’ll just prove how much I suck by failing. On a theoretical level I know I’m awesome and that failing at something doesn’t mean my self-worth is at risk but instinctively I don’t buy it.
I love this, so excited! But what do I want to improve on myself?? So much thought to put into this…
Nice one lady.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve recently been the dumpee of what I (as much as I don’t dont want to) admit was a negative romantic relationship. If that isn’t enough I am also starting to realize that I’ve been depressed for a year or so. Self image and confidence has always been a major challenge for me, so I love seeing a whole community of people who are going for the same thing.
Here’s to recovery and self love.
YAY! lets do it :D
My problems with self-love come under a lack of self worth.
Sounds like a plan! I think this is just great Gala and I am super excited. I like the general idea of self-love, what does it really mean and how do you not turn into a show pony? (You know, other people seem to get annoyed when you say you’re happy with yourself) Also, any tips on fun things to do while single (or in a relationship) because sometimes I do feel like I am in a bit of a rut.xx
Dear Gala,
You are great. I’m in.
Loooove,
Kori
great idea, Gala!! perfect for the love month of Feb :)
hugs
I just completed a very similar project on my blog for the whole of last month, with ‘homework’ and such. I emailed you about it, but I guess you were too busy coming up with this genious and original concept to reply.
Alas, we live and learn! Best of luck.
hi Gala, i’d love to hear about how to be okay being by yourself and in your own company. i hate spending time alone, when i do i usually fill up the time with mindless things like watching tv or aimlessly surfing the internet just so i don’t have to think about anything else.
This is going to be great!
Something I’d love to now your ideas on is placing so much of your self worth on other’s opinions – and namely – trying to please others. I always like to make others happy and when they are, I love it! But when they aren’t, or come across ungrateful, I take it way too personally. How do you think people can do nice things for others without projecting expectations on them?
Thanks!! :D xx
Just this past weekend, I decided to write myself a love letter on a full moon. And I recently made a valentine’s themed mini-book for myself too. I decided this year I will love myself first before anyone else & I partially have you to thank for!
I’d like to know how to build more confidence & how to speak my mind. Again, thank you! `=O)
Gala, this couldn’t have come @ a more perfect time in my life. I’m so excited!! Def count me in. :)
I’d always thought that showering yourself with gifts is a way to love yourself. In a way, this is true…but once you start running out of $$$ & the hype over all the materialistic things you’ve bought fades away, you crave for something more. I don’t know what topic this would be: maybe how NOT to focus on materialistic things to make you happy?
I’d really love to hear/get your opinion on this.
Thanks Gala!!
Oh, I am so in!! I just had a massive fight with the boyfriend (over something very silly) and am all rugged up and red eyed on the couch while he has reign of our bed. I know if I make more of an effort to be my own best friend I wont rely on him so much to make me happy, and if I don’t rely on him as much then our relationship will be under a lot less pressure. And that means less fights over silly things! Win win win! It doesn’t make it easy though, being 18800 km from home and he is the only person I know here… OK, so it may mean a bit of hard work, but I am very very excited. Bring it OOOON!
I’m so excited!
February is going to be a phenomenally crazy-life-altering month for me. I have to finally decide on my area of study for university&apply, and participate in this radical self-lovin’!
It’ll be a feel-good celebration of trials and tribulations! :D
Hello Ms. Gala,
I am new to your website and I must say I quite like it. :) I would like to hear about loving yourself through rejection. Not just love rejection, but friendship and college and things like that as well. I would really like to see some of that. Thanks!
Your timing is, as always, perfect. I’ve been together for about a year now with my boyfriend and I’m really happy with him. However lately I’ve not been so happy with myself.
I realized my own identity is pretty much gone. I used to read a lot of books, write a lot, hang out with friends etcetera, and I’m not doing that anymore because I spend so much time with/on him. He on the other hand still has a great social life and when he goes out at night, I feel really lonely. I shouldn’t be! I have a lot of friends who are just 10 minutes away, but I can’t seem to get myself to call them cause I feel guilty: I only call them when my boyfriend can’t be with me. Basically, I’ve become the person I always warned my ‘friends in relationships’ for ;)
So, what I would love to learn: how to get back in touch with my own pleasures in life; how not to feel lonely; how to get over insecurities in a relationship.. and how to become the independent, self assured ME again!
I’m really looking forward to the series!
this is mothereffing awesome, gala!
will you be doing this via email, or just on the website?
The biggest thing for me with the whole self love thing is I feel like I have to achieve to succeed, and success=happiness.
This correlation isn’t necessarily there, but it is in my mind and it taunts me.
Jealousy is a HUGE problem. But so is being apathetic. I’m either overemotional or too cool.
I want to find a BALANCE.
And right when I think I love myself…it’s like it’s an illusion. And I go right back to bulimia, or just mentally torturing myself when it’s really unnecessary.
My boyfriend says I’m hot and my family of course think I’m beautiful…but it’s just so hard for me to see it. :(
People don’t realize I have so many personal issues because I’m pretty nice, friendly, and talkative. I don’t have a problem getting along with others.
I just don’t have confidence…:/
My birthday is on Valentine’s Day and I’m turning 18, but I’m really nervous. With college, my first real relationship, just so much happening in the next few months and I’m afraid I’m going to change for the worst.
I don’t understand how so many people can have confidence in me and my abilities when I have no faith in myself.
Thank you for doing this Gala. ♥
This sounds wonderful. I am always struggling with this, thinking the next promotion or next big project will give me more fulfillment. Also, I am getting a divorce. I am trying to discover what makes me happy and what I like. I need some awesome girl guidance!
Very, very good idea Gala! I will be stalking your blog all February.
I would like to know how you can get in tune enough with yourself to know what you really want. Kind of like some self-discovery, if that makes any since. I want to be knowledgeble enough about me, Luinae, so that I can say I want to do this, or talk to that person. But I don’t know myself well enough yet. How do you get to know yourself better?
so freakin’ excited …I’ll definitely be participating…. I think a great thing to write about would be making our physical “flaws” work for us. I want to stop beating myself up about my appearance and just be able to say this is the way I look and I look amazing.hugs and kisses
staar
Hey pretty ladies (and boys) of the Galaverse!
I was wondering about (maybe) some tips on being more comfortable sexually? Just a suggestion,
Love to all x
This is a wonderful idea. Really wonderful. I often feel that the media pushes love in the form of a relationship other as the only type of love worth working for, and that self-love is as simple as eating a whole tub of Haagen Daas while watching a cheesy rom-com about someone equally hapless as your disgustingly single self – which, while being a pleasurable way of lifting your mood while you’re in a oh-god-I’m-going-to-die-old-and-alone-and-get-eaten-by-alsations slump, doesn’t really help in the long term, when you wake up the next morning feeling no more love for yourself than you did before, with the guilt of gluttonously devouring all that ice-cream making things even worse. I’m so glad for your sensible, practical and magical advice on all and any subjects, but particularly so for this one – it is such an important thing to talk about and I can’t think of anyone better suited for the job than yourself :]
On a personal note, I find complete self-love difficult to achieve because I spend so much time worrying about what other people might think about me. It’s ridiculous and slightly paranoid – they probably aren’t thinking about me at all, never mind spending all their time dwelling on how much they loathe and despise me, haha – but I can’t help it, and it really cripples my capacity for self-love. I find myself shrinking into corners and not speaking up when I want to or when I should, because I’m worried that if I draw too much attention to myself then people will notice me and instantly begin to judge me (which sounds unbelievably narcissistic, I know, I’m sorry). I can barely speak to any boy my age without blushing a violent red and making any excuse to get away from the conversation and hide, so I don’t feel so embarrassed about what an idiot they must think I am, which makes me even more embarrassed because by blatently trying to escape the embarrassing situation I just made it very obvious how embarrassed I felt, thus embarrassing myself more … oh, you know how it goes. So ANY advice at all on how to get over shyness and paranoia about other peoples’ opinions would go down an absolute treat! I apologise for this essay of a comment and am really looking forward to everything you have in store for us!
You have no idea how well timed this is. This morning, literally, I was diagnosed with depression after weeks of trying to ignore and deny it. It has caused problems with my boyfriend and friends, and I know it all stems from my insecurities and lack of love in myself.
The fact this article turned up today, this month, is a real comfort. :)
What I’d like to know is how to stop feeling insecure in relationships, how to love myself more than I love them, how to stop worrying about people’s feelings changing towards me.
But thank you for this – this is an amazing thing you are doing, and the perfect timing just makes me feel like there’s some universal force at working assuring me it will be all right! :P
This sounds really interesting. I can’t wait.
wow this soudns really cool, can’t wait to get started!
Just when I thought Icing couldnt possibly get any more wonderful. It has.. Thank you so much Gala. Perfect timing as usual. Combined with EFT I will be better in no time!!!
Love, love, love!!!
Oh, yes.
I’ve been in a relationship for six months and contrary to all my previous thoughts that everything will magically fall into place once I get someone who adores me, it didn’t. Sure, it’s nice, but the best I’ve felt in my life is when I fill that place myself.
Now I’m in a semi-happy long distance relationship, with friends that are sortof drifting away, about to embark on a new big big adventure, totally overwhelmed at how much I have to do by myself this year. And I think if I had overflowing self-love I think that would surely put me on the right foot, no?
Thanks for this, Gala. :)
Oh, and with regards to suggestions, I would love your thoughts on the following: – setting aside time to love on yourself when you’re superbusy (everyone is, right?!) – being assertive (I am a chronic conflict-avoider and it gets me in trouble) – self love in the physical sense – as I said, long distance relationship! – how to help your galpals to start loving themselves too. :)
Great idea, Gala!
You may want to also check out the Quirky Alone movement: quirkyalone.net/
It shares many of the same ideas you discussed in your Radical Self Love entry.
Such a good topic! Glad you went with it, as per your ustreamtv brainstorming ;)
As for what to discuss… I would really appreciate some advice on ditching negative friends. Sure it may seem unrelated or simple to kick them off the curb, but I’m in a mess.
I snooped. I know, it’s bad. But I did. And I found that two girls I thought were a couple of my best friends were as false as can be and loved nothing more than to dish (in a negative way) about me behind my back, hating on me, my family, and my true best friend. Of course, without proclaiming I invaded privacy, there is no way to condemn them. They are sweet as pie to my face, and are mutual friends with my best guy friend, who thinks they are the greatest.
It is so draining to have to masquerade to keep them pleased: shower them with compliments (as they do each other), watch my words, and spend 24/7 with them only to keep them satiated and at bay from attacking me when I’m not there (and, yes, I know this keeps the mean words away, it has been checked).
I cannot think of any easy or informal way to discard of them from my life. I see them 5 days a week at school, if I even ignore them for a day, they hound me asking what’s wrong until I come back, and if I just told them I hated being around their energies and can’t stand their superficiality, well, that would make for an awkward graduating year, and daggers thrown at my back, as well as my reputation tarnished in the eyes of my best guy friend.
I can’t love myself while I’m letting myself get hurt and beat daily by people I cannot get rid of.
Maybe it’s more simple than I think, but for the last year I couldn’t come up with a solution.
So please, Gala, anyone. Give me sage advice! I’m obviously too incapacitated to help myself.
Sorry for the horribly long entry, and best of luck to everyone participating! I have faith in you all
Suggestion:
I think it’s important to address how to keep loving yourself, even if you are the subject of constant ridicule, even if EVERYONE on the planet hated you. Because even if you can muster up some love for yourself, it’s very hard to maintain that love when other people are treating you like crap all the time. It’s probably one of the hardest things for a person to learn how to do.
A long time ago, Gala, you posted a link to a Brother Ali song— I think it was called “Forest Whitaker.” I think if you reposted the link/video, it would inspire and potentially help a lot of people, because the song touches on the same issue I described above— loving yourself despite others finding you repulsive or otherwise undesirable.
Anyway, these are just some ideas.
Wow! There’s the universe at work again! I decided this morning that it was time for a little self love & ran myself a giant bath, dropped in my favourite Lush bathbomb & lay back to contemplate my ideal self!
I thought & pondered & was lulled into that half sleepy/trancey state that a warm delicious smelling bath can create & I was able to notice some self doubt about ideas I have. Really great to notice this b/c it had been lurking in the background for a long time. I did a little work on this & my day has been super since!
So! I am super excited to commence this new Icing adventure :) Thanks Gala!
dealing with difficult parents/family.
how do u do tht?
Gala, I’m so excited for this & it couldn’t of come at a better time, seeing as I spent my Saturday night hysterically crying by myself in my apartment about my “direction” in life. Granted, I let myself get carried away, there are a great deal of fabulous things in my life but still…..
Some of the things I struggle with is the sense of being “judged” or watched? If that makes sense…like being TOO self-aware
Being more charming & at ease with strangers/when meeting new people
Letting go of inhibitions & also not feeling guilty about enjoying my sexuality….sometimes I feel like this is negatively affecting my relationship with my boyfriend bc I can’t kick feelings of guilt about past bad judgement calls/mistakes I made with 2 other guys in my past (prior to this current relationship.)
Phewph! Here’s hoping February will be magical & amazing….
I think this will be great :)
Would love some articles to help me work on self love! My issues that I need to deal with the most are my constant need for companionship in a boyfriend, even if the relationship makes me unhappy I feel like it’s better than being single I’m not sure why.
Also I guess this is an issue with self love- I want to find a reason to respect my body and stay away from binge drinking and drugs. I know I’m reckless but I don’t see any reason to stop despite the fact I am educated in the risks…
Maybe also something on getting over feelings of incompitance and not being appreciated? I’ve heard pleanty of advice in this area but advice and action are different I can’t seem to apply it. Practical tips?
Cheers Gala!
Kaycee,
Couldn’t help reading your comment. First of all, I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. I’ve been there, and I know it’s a constant strain and you never feel like anything you do is enough to please them. Having been through something like this, I’ve got some advice for you. My advice is (in the following order):
1. Stop trying to please them. Just stop. You don’t have to do this and they honestly aren’t worth the effort. You probably already know that trying to please them most likely won’t make them feel differently about you. I don’t know why they’ve decided they don’t like you (you seem like a lovely person)- sounds like they’re just bitches who enjoy hating on people. In general, there will always be someone in the world who doesn’t like you, no matter how nice you are to them. Yes, it’s stupid. Yes, it’s illogical. But it happens. You may as well be yourself and be true to yourself while the person is disliking you, because then at least you’ll be living your life the way YOU want to, on YOUR terms.
(p.s. the truth can ultimately be a good thing. If your instinct tells you to be honest with them and/or your best guy friend about what you found out, I think you should follow it.)
2. Dump them. You’re right, it isn’t easy to do it. But it’s not going to get any easier, no matter what angle you approach the situation from, or what you try. It could get ugly. It might get messy. But you have to do it anyway. It sounds like every part of you is screaming for you to do it, the hardest part is just the actual physical doing-it part. They sound horrid from everything you’ve just described— hardly worth staying friends with, even if you’re doing it so they won’t make your life harder for the remainder of your time in that school. And if your best guy friend is the type who would get easily influenced to dislike you because of people like that, he’s not worth staying friends with either. Seriously, dear, you deserve better treatment than this. Get rid of them. There are better people out there.
3. Find new, non-asshole friends. They exist. Surely not everyone in your school is a douchewad. Surely there are even three to five people roaming the halls, who are decent human beings. If you can’t find any in your school, I suggest looking in other schools or through extracurricular activities. I hope you’ll find good, kind people you can truly trust, who will love and accept you without you having to walk on hot coals to win this love and acceptance from them.
Good luck, dear. I hope things will work out in your favor. And please remember- no matter how badly they might treat you, you won’t have to deal with them forever. In ten years they’ll be serving you lunch!
wow!!! this could not have come at a better time in my life. this is exactly what i think i neeed right now. i need to learn to love myself. thank you so much!!!
the only relationship i had, i love him more than i did, even my friends notice, i thought i loved myself enough, but i don’‘t know how, i need my friends telling me how great i am, and how anyone would want to be my bf, but i notice men are sometimes just after my looks, so i hate being pretty and stuff :(
or intelligent sometimes, people get frustated when you know about a lot of stuff that they don’t
thank you gala! i really mean it, i want to love myself, but i don’t know how, and i need to, thank you so much for this, thank you thank you
Fabulous idea Gala! I can’t wait to read what you come up with. Lately esp I’ve had trouble making & keeping new friends b/c I’ve had trouble accepting some of my recent self destructive behavior so yeah, I def look foward to seeing your tips for self loving.
Amazing post. I been trying to stop my shyness. Also my body type, I want to lose weight. I keep telling myself, when i overcome those, then i will love myself! but i really get your post! I love it thanks!
this might seem a little counterintuitive but how about something on consistency….relaxing into self? sometimes i feel like i’m on a carousel of enlightenment – it flashes into view and i’m so there with the self-love and then…. around again – sometimes i wish i had a grasp on ‘enough’. if i could get there i wouldn’t need yet another course on radical self-love…over and over, ya know?
thanks for digging in to this stuff for the benefit of the rest of us!
i really like this idea.
i feel like, in life, there is this huge focus on whether or not you are “fulfilled” romantically. as if that is the be all, end all of life. personally i think of relationships as an added bonus to an already perfect, happy life, not a necessity. but i second guess myself a lot, i think about being alone in ten years and it feels pretty horrible. mostly it’s because i’m not truly happy with myself, i don’t feel fulfilled by myself yet, so the desperation for relationships is there in order to fill the hole inside me, when i should be filling it myself.
body image of course is a big one. i also struggle with the line between assertiveness and being a pushover – i let people bring me down, say rude things, be generally unreliable. i wish i was more capable of respecting myself enough in order to firmly but not rudely show people how i feel about them when they’re awful to me, and stop them from doing it again by setting those boundaries once and for all.
YOU ARE FRIGGIN’ AWESOME.
I can’t belive how un-alone I feel now, I thought it was only me going through all this stuff but after reading everyone’s comments I sighed with relief!
I second the ideas of help with setting boundaries for how one will accept being treated (and what to say/do when someone treats you bad); making our physical “flaws” work for us; and I dunno if this is along the same lines but – accepting your emotions & keeping logical when you’re an overemotional person (like myself.)
& also what does one do when one is verbally attacked eg: by strangers?!!!!!!!!
A while ago (in a v. small town) I was sitting in my car when some girls started saying ‘you must be (my brother)‘s sister as you’re just as ugly as him… ‘ – it really make me freak out inside my head & I just said to them “I really don’t care what you think!” and they just kept on mocking me.
& my brother is not ugly! He’s only 18 & just gets himself in trouble with the wrong crowds, which in turn affects the whole family… I mean, I was only on holiday there & I got THAT treatment!
God it hurt, even as much as I tried to stay positive & hide it. Reminded me of old high-school bullying… Stupid!
oh, and i was reading something about how ‘daily rituals’ you do not compromise on really help with your self esteem. whether its loving yourself enough to exercise, eat well, dress your best everyday, brush your teeth, never eat sugar, take photos, whatever. kind of to define, this is me and this is what i do, and i won’t stop for anyone.
I am so beyond excited about this!
Can’t wait!
GALA YOU ALWAYS COME AT THE RIGHT TIME! ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVELOVELOVEELVOEVLOVELOVELOVE!!
yay something to get excited about! Ka Pai!
You are truly remarkable and I am so excited to say that I’ll be taking part in this! I too thought that as I got older, got married and had a child that the self love would magically appear and now, at 34, even with those blessings, I’m grateful but don’t want to wait anymore! I want to love myself with the same intensity that I love my family and I can’t wait for this Gala. At the risk of sounding like an uber-cornball, you are an angel that may have come to my life for this reason :) Thank you!!
Eves
If this idea was a Facebook post, I would “like” it! :)
I was pretty good at self-lovin’ this time last year, but went a bit off the rails during 2009 (after giving all my love up for a certain young man who couldn’t give me his in return – he doesn’t have much love for himself either, which is part of the problem). I was dreading Valentines Day (for the first year ever!) until I saw this post, but now I’m feeling a lot braver. I’m really excited and looking forward to all your updates! You’re a legend, Gala. :)
Can’t wait to start this challenge. I’ve been trying to work on my self love for so long and i really don’t know where to start. Self-esteem is based on self love so it’s really important to me. I’ll try my best to do my “homework” since my job is so busy. Looking forward for the first task.
I haven’t been coming to Icing all that much lately, but I saw this retweeted on my twitter feed and think this is an awesome thing to get behind
As part of my quest for radical self love I broke up with an abusive boyfriend, resigned myself to the fact that i am silly and weird and I may as well embrace it, got a tattoo to remind myself I need to be more loving toward myself (it is text and reads: love is the movement) and then met and fell in love with someone totally amazing :)
Yes! As a longgg time reader (and fan!!) I’ve only ever lurked around here, but as a first step in this oncoming transformation I shall make a post!!
For the longest time I’ve been feeling stuck…just stuck. And I can’t seem to pinpoint why. I think this whole thing will really help! I’d personally like to see info on ‘putting myself out there’ friends-wise. Also the speaking my mind thing…I try too hard to be a people-pleaser sometimes.
Gala, you taught me self love after my horrible break up in January last year and as a result 2009 was truely divine! Last week I broke up with the new boyfriend (in a very happy/casual/easy way) because I just felt that I would get more out of my life right now by loving myself rather than trying to love him. This past week I have been so pumped (no tears shed) for my new year of self love and then you come up with this, too amazing. We are truely cruising the same vibes :) I
Ah! I was just reading an essay for one of my classes that centered around self-respect. I was so excited to see this right after snapping my notebook shut tonight! Definitely going to participate.
i’d like to hear something about how you can stop yourself dwelling on the past. even though i am in a new relationship & i love my boyfriend more than i have ever loved, i can’t help thinking about how it used to be and feeling sad. just the fact that i CAN’T go back to how it was, even though i don’t particularly want to, makes me depressed.
I love this idea Gala! I’ve added the HTML icon to my site and I’m so excited to get started. I would love to hear your thoughts about self motivation. I work early hours so I’m usually home by 4pm. Once my butt hits that couch I loose all motivation to get into the things I had been dreaming about doing all day at work. I just get so lazy, have a glass of wine (or 2 or 3), watch some bad TV and the next thing I know it’s time to go to bed. How can I snap myself into gear instead of letting the rest of the day slip away?
Thanks for all you do!
XOXO
One of your most fantastic endeavors. Kudos and thank you for this!!!! xxo
I’m actually really, really excited for this because self-love, better confidence, and improving my body image are my main goals this year. So I am really excited to see what you have in store :-)
Muahs & Hugs!
XOXO
Laura
GALA! i’m so glad you’re doing this again! i found it so rewarding last year. can’t wait.
i would love ideas about making the most of your city and your free time. i’m in the process of moving to an awesome new area and i want to really take advantage of it, not just be lazy and ‘it’ll still be there tomorrow’ about things, the way i was when i lived in london. i want to really get involved, i know i’ll love it when i do! the other thing i’d love to explore goes hand in hand with this really – making new friends in a new city/job (or just in general!), learning to be more confident when speaking to groups of people… and a lot of the things people mention above too!
thank you for this lady! x
I would really love to read some how to’s on standing up for yourself and promoting yourself (and blowing your own trumpet) without sounding arrogant. I’m currently launching my freelance photography career and I am worried at the prospect of self promotion.
You should be really proud of yourself and this website, I think it’s done a lot of good for a lot of people, you’ve helped me change in so many ways.
How to increase confidence
How to make platonic guy friends
How to tell a guy you like that you want to be in a relationship with him
How to manage the things you want to do and enjoy doing with the things you have to do (like go to class and do school work)
I really, really enjoy this idea. Of course, the cynical non-self-loving aspect of me was like, “awesome, that makes sense: taking advice on how to love yourself from someone else” but I’m happy to report that I told that part of me to sh-sh-shove it. This is exactly what I need right now in my life.
Also: I’d love an in-depth article on how to stop using past failures/“failures” as means to TORTURE YOURSELF. That’s a big problem for me. Self-torture because something didn’t turn out right. Why do I do that? Why, if a boy breaks up with me, there’s something wrong with me and not him? If he’s not ready for a relationship because of a break-up (after a six year relationship) why do I blame myself and hurt for months afterward? It’s not healthy.
GALAAAAA this is wonderful and exactly what i need right now.
i guess my biggest problem right know is i’m depressed and pessimistic about love and my heart is crushed. so what i really need is time to heal, and time to love myself.
i’m so excited, though. ahhhh. love.
I like this point of view which it is very true. Best way to love others is to love oneself. It is the hardest part sometimes. And if you don´t love your self. It is hard to love others.It is a fact.
xoxo
B* a la Moda
I put one of your banners/links on my latest blog post : ). This should be good! Group therapy, hehe.
This sounds like an amazing idea! Self-love has been something I have been working on for the past 2 years and it’s something that definitely needs constant attention and I know I’m not quite there yet!
I’m sure some of these recommendations have been said in the comments as I caught sight of them as I skimmed: – Building more self-confidence – Making small talk, like when you first meet someone. How to keep the convo going. I tend to get very shy and I think I come across as stand off-ish or even boring! – How to get back into the game of loving another without being scared of getting hurt. – Self-image
This looks like a lot of fun! I’m gonna jump the bandwagon.
definitely participate. I am very new to blogging and reading blogs, I am not even sure how to keep up with the update? I suppose i just check your site regularly? monica from NZ
I didn’t get to read through all the comments (stupid cell phone internet!) so this may be a repeat, but: I would be very interested to hear your opinion on how to figure out what you want to do in life. I go from wanting to be a nurse to a hairdresser to a stay at home mom all in one day :) I have no idea what I want out of the future other than what society wants me to do and it makes me afraid of making decisions. I guess what I’m trying to say is, how to figure out what would make me happiest in life.
I will FOR REAL take part in this. I am SO excited. This is really what I need to kick start my new life as a single lady ready to take OVER!!
//listens to beyonce songs//
Holy cow, Gala! This couldn’t have come up on my screen at a better time! Thank you! I am SO in! I’m in a long term relationship (We recently got engaged), but somehow, I feel like I got lost, so this is just what I need to remember why he (and I) fell in love with me in the first place. Can’t wait to get going! x
self love for me would be how to get over a boy who described me (indirectly) as a “step down the ladder”...
I am anxious all the time because I am paranoid of everyone’s thoughts about me! Am I too loud sometimes? Is my laugh annoying?
How do I love myself despite my anxiety?
if that all… makes sense.
How do I love myself when I keep falling for what my friends call “the Wrong Guy”?
Yikes!
Gala,
Like so many of the other ladies mentioned, you have perfect timing with this. Your blog already inspires me, so I can’t even imagine how nice this series will be. Reading the other comments on this post made me tear up; know that you bring joy to others with your seemingly boundless positivity.
I am nearly 23; my birthday next month will mark 10 years of mental illness. I have spent those 10 years unsure about what part of me is me and what part of me is the illness; I have lost myself in periods of treatment, resigned myself to periods of untreated misery, I have given up, I have tried again, I have stayed in my home for days at a time because I can’t handle the outside world, I have given much thought to ending it all, but somehow I know that the world is still beautiful, and there are many reasons to stay. I don’t want the next 10 years to be as corrupted as the last. I want to find out who I am underneath the veil of illness and figure out how to love that person.
I am so excited to see what you have in store. I know that it will inspire me as I work on something very difficult at home.
XO
Ellie
Hi Gala,
Wow, your idea has me inspired! And everyone has so many great ideas!
I’m not sure if this has already been mentioned but as a psychologist I think it would also be really important to include some information about when the issues people are mentioning become serious enough to warrant professional help.
I look forward to reading more!
at first I thought this was an article on getting sexy with yourself. Which I would not have been abject to. I’m so excited for this. I have major anxiety, stress and depression. Lately I just gave up and let what happens, happens. I know that I need to start actively fighting it, and I don’t wanna let it be an excuse for ANYTHING.
I would love to see a focus maybe on EFT and how one could encorporate that into self-lovin’.
I know there are already pieces on health and exercise and I loved the article on not comparing yourself to other girls. Perhaps you could collate and recap those ones?
Oooh, and also maybe you could cover getting to know yourself and spirituality?
Fanks, Gala :)
I think this is a fantastic idea, Gala. I probably have all the issues described above, as hard as it is to confess. I don´t love myself pretty much. Mine´s is physically, mentally, social skills and, very specially, not feeling worthy of anything good.I don´t spend the days depressed at home, I try to fight those feelings daily, and I have a good amount of friends and family who love me and support me, and I´m not physically out of what society likes(I´m in my weight, normal height, people say I´m cute, etc). But the feelings are still there every single minute of the day, and fighting them is exhausting.
I´d love to read how not to feel this is what it´s meant to be for me(I really feel cursed sometimes), to truly believe I deserve more(and not just saying it), to trust others when they say good things about me(and not instantly repliying “yeah, sure”). Not to hate what I see in the mirror everyday(and feeling guilty for not trying to “fix it” harder).Not to feel unworthy of love and approval(even from my mom and sisters!!!!).
I will totally follow this, sometimes feeling you are not the only one, you are not alone, helps half of the way.
Thank you so much
I think this is an awesome idea. Since the year started, I’ve added, “...and besides, you’re a total hottie” to my affirmations! I especially like the idea of just embodying love. So rad.
Gala, I swear you just read my mind sometimes! This is exactly what I need right now.
I just came out of a 2 year relationship, about two weeks ago. It ended horribly – namely with him completely dumping me out of the blue over the phone :(. Since then I’ve found that I have no confidence. I feel insecure. I feel like I’ve come out of this relationship as a complete doormat. I miss the happy, confident person I used to be.
Could you please give some tips on how to be more independent? On how to regain your confidence after you let someone else crush it on you?
Thank you chick, much love to you xx.
As I’m sure you’ve heard, this couldn’t have come at a better time. You’re so good at speaking to the masses and hitting the nail right on the head, as one might say. Can’t wait!
Thank you for this article, it’s wonderful, and Oh so true!
I hope you don’t mind that I mentioned it and you in my Live Space.
Here’s the link, if you want me to take anything out, please tell me: wyrdsisterskitchen.spaces.live…
This sounds great! I’m ready!
Hell yeah, dude! This is my first Valentines Day where I’ve actually felt 100% recovered from an epic break up that actually occurred on Valentines Day two years ago. -and by recovered I mean not bitter, not sad, and actually ready and excited to meet people without feeling like I am looking FOR something – you know?
& I love that you used pictures of Fafinettes. I love Fafi’s artwork because something about her girls captures the feeling of being playful and looking sexy for your own enjoyment, not to catch a guy. ;)
Self love? Confidence? Yes! Yes! Yes!!!! You can write about anything and everything on this topic!!!
Can’t wait !!!!!! You help me get from my bed in the morning…..Thank you!!!
I’m excited to take part in this!!!
what an awesome idea! i can’t wait to see what you have in store for us :D
& i would especially love to hear about things like overcoming shyness & changing negative thoughts.
This is SUCH a fantastic idea, and i’ve been flagging the last week, despite starting 2010 on a huge high.
I’m really keen to learn more motivation and much needed self-romance and shut that damn wee voice in my head that say’s i’m not good enough or capable to pursue my dreams.
This is great, Gala. It really is. Self-love is so important. More people need to do it. Thanks for providing this for us.
This is the best idea i’ve heard all week :)
i would like to see self-forgiveness covered. i think it’s a topic most people struggle with as we have all done things in our lives that we regret.
just a thought.
My relationship of 3 years has just ended. Whilst in the past I would have gone to pieces it was a decent relationship and although I didn’t end it I have come out of it feeling good about myself. So, your article is very timely for me as I’m trying to focus on keeping feeling good. What has helped me a lot and is something you could maybe write about is talking to women older than me who have really made me see that I couldn’t have done anything more and that by their example I have many more good times to look forward to.
Ooo…such loveliness! I rarely leave you comments because I know that you receive tons of comments from other readers and I feel the tiniest bit insignificant in comparison. But I just want to let you know that I love this idea! It makes me heart super happy and I cannot wait for what you have in store for us!
What an awesome idea! I haven’t read through all the comments but I know this is something I struggle with. During my younger teens I went through a really rough period. Not knowing how to deal with it I turned to self injury, and used it as an outlet for about 3 years. Though it’s been years now since I’ve self harmed I have some very serious scars that will stay with me for life. It’s difficult knowing that emotionally I’ve moved forward but I will always be judged by this very obvious physical reminder. I’d love to hear your thoughts – maybe not specifically on this topic – but perhaps on how to change the way you view and present to others your flaws. Regardless of whether you make mention of a topic like this, thank you Gala! You’re always an inspiration.
I´m from the Czech republic and the defenestration is kinda our thign :D whenever we had problems with our leaders we went and threw them out of the window… ehm… but we are peaceful nation, really :D Anyway I love your lovely idea! It´s superb! There are so many people out there who need to love themselves. Including me. I´m totally participating ;)
yay! this is just what I needed.. thank you so much! i’m so excited !
I LOVE MYSELF
I dont mean in sum nasty, scenester narcissism – i love me and being alive and everything thats rubbish….
As a kid, I never knew how to stand by myself. I lived with my cousins who made fun of me all the time. When I was about 8, I went to live with my parents and brother, but the relationship was not there. I kind of grew up alone. I am very insecure of myself. Is there any way to get out of the lack of self steam?
Awesome! Now I wish I had twitter so I could post that tag and spread the word… I will definitely be participating by thinking about the best ways to LOVE ME!!! What a universally positive spin on the Valentine’s Day season. Thanks for the great idea, and the Buddha quote.
It is such a wonderful thing to do, to help us out with your kind words :) I think we could some of us could really use some more selflove. Me too.. You know, I am very often afraid to fail, because I think that what I will do won’t be good enough, or that people won’t like me enough. People who love me tell me that I’m worth it, and I know I am worth it, but still I think I will fail.. And I hate valentines day coming, with all those happy people in love.. I mean, I am happy for them being happy with each other, but.. as long as I don’t dare telling the boy I love that I love him, I will hate valentines day. (and I think I will still hate it if he wasn’t in my life, because then I still would be alone, on valentines day.) Ohh.. I really need some more selflove!
I’m really excited about your articles to come, you know, you help a lot girls out with all your lovely articles! Gala, what goes around comes around, I wish you all the luck&love in the world
I’d love some on self-sabotage. I know the things I should be doing, but can’t summon up the will or the energy.
I’m at home by myself during the week, and I have reached a point where it feels that what I do (or don’t do, more importantly) doesn’t matter, because there is no-one here to notice or care. I’m weary and frustrated with myself. Anything on how to get myself out of the rut of thinking “What’s the point?” and into actively becoming my ideal self would be most gratefully received!
Oh my God, do I need this right now. Thanks, Gala!!!
Some suggestions:
*The body image thing, as others have suggested, but more specifically, how to free ourselves from all the associations we attach to being a certain size (stereotypes about large people, etc.). This has been a problem for me, as my eating disorder and desire to stay physically small has been a parallel to my desire to whittle down a personality that is “too much” (too emotional, too outspoken, etc.). So it’d be really helpful to see something about this, or about being okay with how much emotional space you take up as well.
*How to respect your own limits with others without being rude or cold toward them. I am an empath and very often the one my friends turn to when they need advice or to confide or vent, and sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed by it that I can’t even bear to hear anyone talk about their problems anymore, even if the people who are doing it aren’t repeat offenders. I’d like to be able to be there for them when they need me to be, but not at the expense of my own sanity.
Thanks!!!
Oh, Gala!
I can’t honestly thank you enough for all the amazing work you do! You definitely make my life more beautiful.
I have stepped up to the Radical Self-Love Challenge, and even thought it’s only the 4th, it’s going WELL.
I’ve started a section on my FB page to keep track of the progress and hopefully get all the other luscious ladies I know on board.
Shine on, crazy diamond, shine on!!!
just like everyone else, i’m excited about this :) i really needed some guidance in the self-love thingie, since it’s one of my new year resolutions and i always keep confusing “self-love” with allowing myself to do things which provide instant gratification but are bad to me in the long run… like, wasting my life staying in bed all day, and chocolate. that delicious but fattening bastard.
also, i’m probably late for the suggestions, but i’m gonna write one anyway. i feel i have commited so many mistakes in the past that i reached the point of self hatred where i just don’t know WHY should i love me anymore… i’m always feeling the need to mentally punish myself for being so goddamn stupid!
i know, that will get me nowhere. that’s why i want to make peace with myself. but i keep forgetting to change! i don’t have, like, a powerful reason to keep my resolution.
so, that’s it. i would ask a for a good reason to why should we love ourselves… maybe it’s obvious, but for me, it isn’t anymore.
What a great idea. I look forward to the articles and “homework” bring it on sister! I’m a plus size that normally feels good about my curves but can always use a little pick me up…we all have our days.
I love the neon light button and tossed it up on my blog. Bring on the #radicalselflove
I struggle with accepting love and the fact that people like me. I just don’t see what they see. After a year and three months I am still suprised I have a boyfriend who hasnt chosen someone else. how do you accept love?
I am so so excited to do this! And I am so pleased to see many people I recognize doing this as well! I too, like eLLa struggle with liking, especially loving myself, but I am determined to change that and live my life for myself…only then can I fully love those around me and breathe easier every day. Thank you, Gala! I love Radical Self Love!!!!
I am so in :)
I even have my notebook ready and everything!
I know I tweeted my photo & blog for ‘radical self love’ but I figued I’d add it to this post as well for possible inspiration?
Hope everyone has an incredible weekend making their bibles & totem! `=O)
Oppz forgot the link: veebhu.wordpress.com/2010/02/0…
radicalselflovefollower.blogsp…
I’m in :]
Hey Gala. One of my main issues is that I get completely miserable if someone criticises something about me (like how I look) or if they clearly don’t like me. I know I shouldn’t care and I wish I didn’t but unfortunately I do. Could you please include something that would help with this sort of thing? Thank you! xx
Gala Gorgeous, Thank you for showing your genius (yet again). I had started on a mission last year in school before I decided to take off to better myself and love myself in as many ways as I could possibly comprehend and in turn hopefully share in my love I found with others.
Some prompts potentially for these wonderful homework assignments to come: – Maybe some interesting hobbies that people have that people could try out for a week or a day – new things that people can try out to test their limits or push their fears away so that a stronger person can extrude from all of the caked on facades. – Maybe find some sites that offer samples of creams other fun and organic things to let natural beauty shine through instead of synthetics – I know you already mentioned you were going to do an entry on masturbation, but it would be really cool if you could get an interview with Betty Dodson…I’m sure a ton of people would go nuts. – Maybe a day where people paint themselves nude, paint in the nude, or even paint with their naked parts. ...ok, I feel like most of these are absolutely ridiculous after typing them, but I am learning to accept that crazy things come from me and that they might allow someone else to go into a beautiful place.ooh no is it too late to start? _
this idea rocks me
“i’ve always found it really hard to distinguish between what i’m really interested in/want to do – be it what music to listen to, or what career path to follow – and what i feel i ‘ought’ to be interested in/want to do. how do you shut out the outside world and truly listen to yourself? i would love love love if you did anything relating to this!”
i absolutely agree with that. and i could really use some advice on how to live your life without comparing yourself to others. i’m 25, have a bachelor’s degree, have traveled & lived in lots of countries around the world, but i always feel “less than” my friends & everyone else around me. a lot of times when i read blogs like yours which i file under “inspirational”, they just make me feel worse about myself because i feel like i’ll never be as happy or satisfied or “together” as you are. any advice that you could give on how NOT to feel that way would be great.
Im going to participate (:
I have it on my blog
htpp://shortiemcgee.blogspot.com
I have started to keep a blog for radical self love month too, and not just for these updates but other awesome things too http://inspurrachan.blogspot.com/
9 days late
but i started it
(sort of)
tarwe.wordpress.com/
Yay! Self-Esteem!
Yay! Masturbation!
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I’m confused how I go about participating in this? I’d love to receive the emails (i know, i’m totally late!), but I don’t see a place where I can sign up. help s’il vous plait.