What Should I Wear?
[ 18 November 2008 ]
People often email me saying,
“I’m (insert age) & (insert size), what should I wear?”
There is no real answer to this. No one “should” wear anything, except for something that makes them happy. Just because you think you’re too young, old, skinny or big, that doesn’t have anything to do with what you wear.
Curvy girls don’t have to dress to de-emphasise their shape, just like girls with little boobs don’t have to dust bronzer on their chest in an elaborate pattern so they can create the illusion of big breastisses. The whole concept is ridiculous. What is beautiful to me is not necessarily beautiful to you, & vice versa. Different things appeal to different people, & that’s wonderful! Who wants a homogenised society?
What you wear is entirely up to you! You are not obligated to wear something to please your mother, father, husband, wife, sister, brother, manager or local clergyman. You can, if you want to, but it isn’t usually a recipe for sartorial joy.
When you look at well-dressed people, the #1 thing you start to notice that they ALL have in common — regardless of their personal style, shape or budget — is that they look confident & happy with what they’re wearing! If you feel confident, you can get away with pretty much anything, & when it comes to that, I can’t tell you what will make you feel that way! Some of us like tutus, some of us like tuxedo pants, others like lederhosen. It’s a beautiful personal mystery, & one that only you can find the answers to.
If you want to know how to “minimise your problem areas”, buy a Trinny & Susannah book & be done with it, but honestly, that’s not the way to make yourself happy. You do not have to dress like a suburban mother just because you have a bangin’ booty, or luscious thighs, or a little belly!
Know this: There is no such thing as the perfect body. We all have different views of what is hot or sexy or crush-worthy, & that’s amazing, & to be embraced! You are gorgeous just as you are. Don’t hide yourself away because you don’t have Marilyn Monroe’s curves or Kate Moss’ frame.
For more information on decoding your own personal style, check out Top 5 Ways To Define Your Own Personal Style, What Does Your Clothing Say About You? & The Definition Of Real Style (Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying & Love The iCiNG). I’m going to be writing more on personal style really soon, probably on my flight to New Zealand today, in fact, so sit tight!
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Bravo! I have a friend who doesn’t have the stereotypical perfect body, but her attitude is her best accessory. Sometimes when I’m feeling a little uncomfortable about slipping something on-I’ll think of her.
great advice. i couldn’t have said it better myself!
personally i ignore all those ‘rules’ about what i should wear. i’m in my 30’s short and curvy and i’ve never once gave a thought to minimising or maximising anything, nor have i ruled out any colors (the colors dont’ matter so much as the underlying tints, tones and shades) i’d like to think i’m age appropriate… but i don’t think thats ever been the case.
Fantastic article, it’s great that finally women are being encouraged to dress how THEY want, not how other people say they should. I think that if a girl (or anyone, really!) looks happy and confident in what they’re wearing then they look amazing!
One of the most beautiful people I know is much larger than the ‘typically’ attractive female. Because she doesnt care, no one else does and she positively screams sex appeal!
Confidence is most deffinantly the key, I wish more people would realise that! We’d all be much happier if we could accept our flaws :)
I always admire people who have obviously put effort into how they look. No matter what their shape, age, aesthetic etc I appreciate their style.
Definitely something to live by!
Excellent article! I probably have more body flaws than most, but I still get compliments when I feel confident in an outfit. For me it’s less about minimising the flaws and more about emphasising the bits I am confident about, for example I love my legs and my hair, so if I’m wearing a short skirt and I have freshly-dyed roots, I feel great!
Oh, swoon… Gala, you’re such my girl crush because you’re so very pink and emanating with all sorts of unique awesomeness. This article is an example of the latter. You simply rock. :)
Wow, what a great post! If you were speaking live I’d give you a standing ovation :-)
I completely agree with you – and I wish more people thought that way. If they did, there wouldn’t be so many women with eating disorders…
I’m full-figured and I have to admit that I get very self-conscious sometimes, because when you are out and about in NYC you find yourself surrounded by model-type girls all the time. I appreciate this post even more because it gives me a confidence boost! So thank you :-)
I completely agree with what you said Gala, confidence is a key ingredient for life. Even on days when you might not feel attractive or secure, I find faking it works almost just as well. ;)
Yay! I like to tink of my dance teacher, Michelle L’Amour. She’s a burlesque dancer who’s this tiny white girl with a biiggg behind. Most other girls would try and diminsh that but instead she’s made it her tagline “The Ass That Goes Pow!” I like to think of her and Dirty Martini, a big, beautiful burlesque lady, when I get dressed in the morning.
Safe travels today Gala!
Great post! It brings to mind a blog post I read awhile back at “A Dress A Day” which really stuck with me.
www.dressaday.com/2006/10/you
“You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’.”
I tend to advise people to show off something they like about their body rather than try to hide something they don’t like. Just the negative-to-positive change of view can work wonders on a person :-)
Thanks for posting this common sense advice! So right on. You put on a tutu and I’ll put on the lederhosen! Have a safe trip today, I’ll be thinking about you!
Wow at the picture you used. It strikes a chord with me because I think/thought all of those things about me at some point.
You’re amazing, Gala love.
Katie (hey! same name!): That’s a great quote.
It’s all about the confidence, and feeling comfortable in your own body. Let’s see- I’m still in PJs, but I have a meeting in half an hour. I’m planning on getting dressed today with my audition for The Vagina Monologues this evening in mind, meaning clothing that makes me feel hot and confident about myself.
Which in the end, will mean I’m breaking out the purple wedges. Because there’s nothing like purple suede wedges to boost your confidence! I’ll probably pair them with straight leg jeans and a white button down, and purple dangly earrings. Mostly classic outfit, besides the purple shoes, but if it fits amazingly and makes me feel good, it’s perfect.
This should be posted in every single fashion magazine. I hate the stereotypical nonsense when people dress. I hate that now skinny jeans are so popular every girl is asking “Can I really wear those?” I think curvier girls look better in ‘em anyways. Everyone should be confident in their skin and love how they look. It’s a shame the media has washed that away from most people.
Way to go with another hit Gala! :)
I try to dress a little bit more like a steampunk heroine everyday. I’m comfortable, a little kitsch and I don’t care.
a lil inspiration for when i do my winter shopping, thanks gala :D
I was thinking about this very topic just today.
www.alreadypretty.com/2008/11/...
Looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts on personal style, Gala.
Awesome. Well done, Ms G-Darl!
I was reading the latest FQ yesterday and rolling my eyes in despair at the innumerable times they used the phrase ‘channel-your-inner-blahdiblah’, and the prescriptive finger-wagging tone of the advice: Cover those bingo wings! Disguise your tummy! You must wear stilettos to lengthen your legs! &c. Makes me want to bellow: “This is what a woman’s body looks like!” Grrr.
I agree that confidence is crucial, and I love Bridey’s point about effort – absolutely right. (Plus I love that Katie reads A Dress A Day – I am a huge Erin fan.)
Thanks so much for this post!!!! I recently dreaded my hair and was a bit unsure (especially since I will be a mom in about 4 months give or take) plus I have been having a bit of anxiety about the “new” body with bigger boobs, and a bigger belly. Plus the maternity fashions are just HIDEOUS AND FUGLY no matter where you go it seems. I agree that being confident is very much key to how you “pull” off whatever it is you are wearing. Sometimes it is hard to be confident especially while pregnant but, I do appreciate the post. Thanks again I really needed it!
What a great reminder! Thanks for this!
I bought a cardigan on sale at 21 and showed it to an aquaintence. I was rather confident that it was a good buy till she bursts out with, “how 90’s!” Now if anyone doesnt remember the 90s, I know I was wearing purple lipstick, sweatshirts that were way too long, and shorts that were way to short. (barf!)
After that I was pissed i couldnt return the darn thing, and even though my hubby said that the girl was totally stupid and the cardigan was really cute, my confidence was shot.
I am going to keep it for now…. but really, who says that.
Excellent article, Gala!
I think I am going to print it out and label it in silver marker with the words “HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE MY FABULOUS SELF”.
The problem is, though, that the people who make clothing think that people of a certain size should dress a certain way. I’m running into this while shopping for swimming togs. I want a sexy one-piece, but can I find one in my size? Hell no! Apparently sexy is for the size 8 and all the rest of us should be hiding our bodies in things with lots of ruching, little skirt bits and huge cups to support our pendulous breasts (what the hell am I supposed to put in there?). I am oh so glad I can sew.
(I should point out, for any US people who might read my comment, that I’m talking about a size 8 NZ/UK – size 8 US is pretty much my size)
Witnit, I can sympathise with your plight. I too am looking for a cute one-piece – and I can’t sew! If you come up with a winner you could probably sell a truckload to girls like me :)
Anyway, great article gala! I find my mother to be one of the worst candidates for the ‘that doesn’t suit you’ debate. Once I bought fantastic purple lace tights, and she told me it looked like I had a ‘terrible varicose vein problem’!! haha at least I can laugh. But sometimes I do feel a little inferior when I turn up wearing what I think is fabulous and everyone else is wearing something more ‘of the moment’. I guess that’s where the confidence part needs to kick in!
Anyway enough of this novel – enjoy NZ! Hope there’s better weather than Brisbane!! xo
The answer should obviously always be this: a6.vox.com/6a00c225240649549d0…
Yep!
Another great Gala article, wise beyond her years..
I think it is really important to wear clothes that fit properly. My friend who is bigger, always looks fabulous because she wears her true size and does not try to squeeze into anything. So no muffin tops, no back fat lines, no double boobs (from incorrectly fitted bras) etc.
This rule applies to all sizes of all people.
You dont have to be rich or thin to have your clothes fitting properly but if you do
you will look a millon dollars and slimmer!
I prefer Gok Wan’s style advice to S and T.
You are a breath of fresh air!!!
Oh, my gosh! You have no idea how strange the title of your article is for me, gala.
On the mornings I can’t figure out what to wear, I click around my favorite blogs looking for inspiration- maybe I’ll decide to wear a certain color, or a dress instead of jeans just based on pictures I see.
So you can only imagine my surprise when I opened your website + saw the exact phrase that was running through my head printed on the screen!
I wound up wearing my warmest sweater (it’s a bit chilly in NW New York today) + my christmas leggings!
I like how it’s a silhouette of a skinny girl.
hahaha.
Snaps for Gala!!! I’m printing a copy of this and putting it on my school’s bulletin board, because I think everyone should read this.
Thank you :]
Ohhhh Gala. You have this remarkable ability to write articles at the exact moment that I need them, & cheer me up brilliantly every time. A thousand sugar-dripping diamond-encrusted positively luscious kisses to you, dear.
Thank you so much! That’s exactly what I needed to read! I just printed it (in purple!) and I’ll pin it on my board!
YES! I noticed something similar the other day, that a lot of the commonly touted fashion rules/tips are engineered to make people look thinner (don’t wear horizontal stripes or skinny jeans if you’re over a size six, etc. which yes, I have seen people say 100% seriously). What if I don’t WANT to look skinnier?! And why is skinnier automatically considered more attractive, anyways? I like the way I look! So as usual, AWESOME post Gala!
An ex once had the gall to tell me that needed to dress differently, because I “dressed like a fat girl, even though [I’m] not.” I found that the most infuriating, ridiculous statement that anyone had ever made about me. First of all, who defines what ‘fat girl’ means, and why it’s unpleasant to be that way. Second of all, I don’t see anything wrong with the way I dress, except for the fact that it probably has a lot to do with the fact that I’m almost net 0 on the ‘self esteem’ thing…
But you’re right as usual, Gala. There’s no point in dressing in ways that make you unhappy. I need to start working from stuff like this article— I find myself buying beautiful things that I know are fantastic and then not wearing them because I’m not a size 0 (As if that should matter). I default to oversized 80s sweaters and black leggings or pants, maybe a skirt when I’m teaching, because I find so little about myself worthy of showing off.
I’d love to say that’ll change tomorrow, but I’m not entirely sure it will. Self-confidence is the root of stylishness, I think, but if that’s the truth, I’ve got a ways to go.
I really love your blogs, you’re a great writer and know just what to say. This post is so good, so thank-you! you are inspiringgg!
I like what Che said about wearing clothes that FIT. I’m a faithful follower of that! Who CARES what size it is as long as you feel good in it, and ACTUAL good, not just ‘oh, I look good but ye gods, breathing is not an option’ good. That kind of good fails.
How timely!
I’m usually quite confident in my appearance- but for whatever reason, the old insecurities had begun to prod me a bit from whatever corner of my mind I had shun them to- and this article helped me bat them back to where they belong. you have a way of saying the right things at the right time that is quite endearing, Miss Darling.
I absolutely agree that you should wear precisely what you want…but sometimes, it’s important to make sure that the clothes you “want” are aligned with the future you “want.”
Example: I recently watched an episode of What Not to Wear (a show that I normally despise, because I think it’s cruel to make the contestants throw out their ENTIRE wardrobe and begin from scratch!) but the two hosts made a very good observation about one of their contestants, “Sunny.”
Sunny was a gorgeous young lady with tremendous energy and grace who loved wearing frumpy, ill-fitting dresses with shocking patterns and fairy wings and lots of glitter make-up. That’s all well and good…except her dream was to be an actress in Hollywood. The hosts of WNTW pointed out that her “costume-y” attire, fun as it may’ve been, was probably pigeon-holing as the “wacky best friend” whenever she went to auditions. So in a sense, her choice of clothing was holding her back from her dreams.
Anyway, they did the whole makeover bit, and Sunny emerged looking chic and glamorous, but still sparkly and unique. She seemed to feel more confident, too. Huzzah!
My point has been made. Ta! :)
This couldn’t have come at a better time; thanks Gala! It’s been my recent mission to tame my wardrobe and it feels great to be out with the old. But as I shop for new things I keep wondering in the back of my mind if I’m buying the “right” things (for my body, over all style etc.) Thanks for the reminder to lighten up and just play with personal style :)
How wonderfully inspirational.
Well said!!
xx
Thanks Gala! Inspirational again!
In fact…I took your advice and (it might sound weird…) but I bought the most insane, ridiculous jumbo scarf ever made. I saw it a couple of weeks ago and its been in my head ever since. I know it sounds weird, its just a scarf right? But its great cos it’s utterly un-ignorable, over-the-top and attention grabbing! (Seriously, its like six foot long and made of woolly dreadlocks!)
But more importantly I managed to reject that little voice in me that said I couldn’t pull it off or people would think I’m a freak. So what! It’s the piece of clothing that’s crazy, not me! When I see other girls wearing adventurous things I’m envious of their bravery and individualism, and now I feel I’ve made a very small, very fluffy step towards that!
Great article. Very true.
I needed a clothing confidence boost today so I went and bought loads of fab new underwear, that makes me feel really sexy and confident and happy when I look in the mirror.
Good times :)
Great Site, really nice page…
I’d agree with everything you’ve written here. Frankly I find Trinny and Susannah downright scary. I just want to look like me, no-one else. Though that’s not to say that there aren’t celebs who I might adapt something from them to suit me. It’s more likely to be a piece of jewellery, or a scarf or something.
I’ve had people who have taken issue with the fact I wear Converse Trainers or Doc Martens a lot of the time; apparently at almost 40, it’s time I wore ‘sensible’ shoes. I say sod that for a lark.
I’m tall and kind of curvy, but that’s fine. I felt like celebrating that, so I bought myself a session with a photographer, hair and make up lady, and had some glamour shots done. Purely for me, nothing else. And you know what? I felt so damn good about myself afterwards. It was kind of a scary thing to do, but I’m proud that I had the guts to do it. Beauty isn’t about being of supermodel proportions. It’s about loving the skin you’re in and being at ease with that. Just wish I’d learned that when I was in my early twenties. It would have saved me a lot of heartache.
Great post!
And to the bathing suit folks — check out the Esther Williams suits here:
www.esther
My friend got the classic sheath in zebra last summer and it is fracking HOT and not expensive considering that it’s made just for you. Many recommendations!
i usually never comment because i have a bad habit of reading something you post a couple days after you do and I always think I’ll feel kinda like an ass for saying “so true!”, so late. but this was an excellent article and very spot on for me at the present moment. love your blog, can’t wait until your next post!
there are too many rules in magazines when instead, girls should be listening to their own voices. thanks for the great post! so true