Wherever You Go, There You Are
[ 18 October 2007 ]
It’s a cheesy old adage, but it’s true. Wherever you go, there you are. What does it mean?
It means that if you don’t like yourself, or you haven’t made peace with yourself for things you’ve done in the past, you will be dealing with that baggage forever. So many people say they hate the city they live in, that they can’t wait to move to (fill-in-the-gap), & then a few months later… It’s the same old story. They don’t like (fill-in-the-gap) any more. They want to go somewhere else.
As we move from city to city, place to place, the one constant is us. Once the newness & excitement of moving has worn off, we often find that we are depressed again. We still dislike people. We still hate work. Our relationship still drains our energy & happiness. We still binge eat or drink too much or fritter our money away. If we don’t change anything about ourselves, we just take whatever is inside us wherever we go.
You might think Oakland sucks, but shifting your physical location is not going to change who you are. It will change your life in trivial ways, but not you. You are a crucial part of the equation. You dictate how you feel & why. Wherever you go, there you are.
Learn to love yourself & the place you are in. No city is perfect — they’re much like people in that way. People & cities have both brilliance & flaws. The trick is in accepting them for what they are, working around the challenges, finding out a way to use the flaws to your advantage & learning to generate your own happiness.
Happiness is an inside job, & one that only you alone can work on.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to move to another place, that is part of progression & evolution & the thrill of starting fresh. But if you can learn to appreciate where you live now, & all the small, seemingly insignificant but wholly beautiful things which make up your life, your days will be filled with joy & beauty.
Super-love & cupcakes,
Gala 
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oh gala this is exactly the answer to what i always wonder. why do i hate wherever i go? why do i think the next place will bring me happiness? your eloquently-written words have brought me a lot to think about, thank you [:
yep, so true.
If we can accept this, then travels (temporary or permanent) will be so much more enjoyable because they aren’t bearing the weight of unrealistic expectations (and the odd bit of self-loathing).
Didn’t Crowded House sing “everywhere you go you always take the weather with you”?
Hey, I love NZ music – kiwis rock!
C’EST LA VIE huh! :)
i love the french they have a beatiful phrase for everything!
i guess sometimes people are not sure they’re worthy of being happy, it feels like a selfish thing. But it’s really not, being happy brings so much to all the people you surround yourself with, it makes them happier for having had been in your presence.
lovely entry gala :)
So odd how you post this when I’ve been having a terrible (read; sobbing screaming door slamming) time in New York.
although I will admit I need a lot of self-work, and have been on a path of improvement, I find that part of my problem is that I had already lived in a place that I loved…a city that I rarely had complaints about, or at least knew that my compalints were small potatoes compared to other places I’ve lived. (The city in question is Savannah, Georgia.)
So I guess I’ll have to try and find more ways to generate happiness amidst the dirt and crowds. :\
I really love how you said specifically moving cities. I’m in the process of moving out of an abusive household, and I’m only sixteen. I will be living on my own, but I was afraid that it was just me, that I was the reason I was leaving. But its not the same as moving cities, even though I would love to do that.
I love this article, and I will print it out and stick it in my suitcase as promptly as possible!
I don’t know if your interested Gala but I thought this exhibition at the National Gallery of Victoria might be something you’d like to check out!
:)
http://www.ngv.vic.gov.au/katiepye/
so so true!
i’ve only recently made peace with where i live, while before i talked of nothing but leaving, now i’ve decided to stay an extra year. your timing is uncanny!
changing cities was how i found my happiness/
who i was didn/t make sense because it was who i was pretending to be/
and now i/m where i want to be and i/m happier than i/ve ever been//
Great post, Gala. This one really resonates with me. I’ve lived in some truly beautiful locales in the wild north of Scotland, but because of my frame of mind, I never really appreciated it. All I could see was the rain, and all I could feel was the gale force wind. Instead I missed out on the white sandy beaches, the amazing sky and the beautiful hills. Now when I go back there, I think it is by far and away one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, and it’s hard to think that I never even saw it for the two whole years I lived amongst it. Since I made that discovery, I promised myself that I would never do that again, and I would try and find the best in wherever I was living. I find that carrying a camera every where I go, really makes sure that I pay attention to everything, and always look for the beauty in things. Great post!
awesome, relevant article as always gala, you do so well for yourself! still keeping an eye out for your new zealand article re. cool places to see in the north island and where to visit etc! when will that be up?
thanks gala,
you are wonderful.
Oakland? Sure you don’t mean Auckland ;)
I kid, and I agree with this post. Often it’s easier to sort everything/yourself out in familiar surroundings where you can go work on autopilot for the mundane everyday things.
Heh, as an aside there is now a liquor store on Queen St called Oakland Liquor. Poor confused people!
Oh Galaa…that’s so sweet!
I’ve been hopping from places to places since I left my hometown (a beautiful island surrounded by beaches and mountains!!!) in Indonesia due to people unrest in 1999. I studied for a number of year in Japan and now am in Sydney.
Altho it’s FU-HUN to meet lotsa new people and cool places, I know that deep in my heart…a half part of me remains in the island. I always pray I could go back there but not as a visitor (as Im used to now). I need my home Gala, I feel so lost and unbalanced without it.
I think many of u are lucky to be living peacefully in a place called “home”, so please please appreciate it!!!! Something bad could happen in a blink and steal ur normal life (house where u grew up, families, friends, places u used to hangout etc) for good. That sounds awful but it really happened to me. Life is so damn unpredictable innit?! But im celebrating it each and every day _
luvv to all,
G
I love moving to new places…
I don’t get tired of the old ones though, I just feel it’s time to move on and experience all new things.
To date, I’ve lived in Australia (and I’m back now), out of a suitcase around Europe (for 3 weeks, eek!), in the beautiful English countryside (with my boyfriend, every year for 3 weeks), Thailand (3 years and I loved every second), and Kenya (amazing animals but a scary place to live).
I’d like to try the States next, I think, or China, Ireland or New Zealand, the motherlands =)
for the life of me i can’t remember where this quote is from, but they used to play it on the local independent radio station a lot:
“If we were lost, we wouldn’t know where we were, and we know we’re here, so, we can’t be lost!”
you’re always inspiring, missus.
I always planned on never leaving my home, but then my parents moved me to Australia. (I’m English) And now I have itchy feet. After about two years, I can’t wait to get out of a place, but its not so much to do with myself, as to do with the fact that I’ve lost my country to a certain degree, and I know I will never be that person again. Heaps of ex-pats agree with me: Immigrate and you lose your nationality… Sad, but whatever. I’ll probably be better off in the long run, instead of spending my whole life in Yorkshire (lovely though it is…) Now I HAVE to see the world, or I’ll go insane…
Ugh, why did you have to remind me of this? ;)
That is so true. People around here always complain that there isnt nightlife (there isn’t) and that they are bored.
But all you need is imagination and a drive to make things happen then you’ll realise things that are set up for you are just a distraction from more rewarding things you could have put your heart into and made yourself.
it’s like this was written for me. i’ve moved upwards of 20 times in my life (some when i was young and had no choice, many because i just wasn’t happy).
getting up and “running away” as always appealed to me. i still make jokes that i’m going to disappear (even though i’ve just bought a house). i’m terrified to stay in once place for “TOO” long, since i don’t know what it’s like to sit still.
to quote myself from a recent LJ entry:
(http://pictureyellow.livejournal.com/192845.html)
“i do not seek comfort, i seek difficulty. it seems that the only time when i’m satisfied with my life is when i’m struggling. drama keeps me going, and that needs to halt…or i’ll never be able to put down roots.”
no matter where you are, what you do, who your friends are…there is always one CONSTANT, and that is YOU! if you’re not ok with who you are, then you’ll never be satisfied with the situation you’re in.
(too bad i’m good at recognizing the issue, but not so good at coming up with a solution)
thank you! I needed this right about now..
I needed this too. I had been planning on leaving the city I’m in now for NYC but if I haven’t let go of some issues before I do this it’s going to be the same old story just a different city.
I’m moving away from home for the first time in May from a town of 28000 to Portland Or. There’s nothing I can wait for more than moving. Not to find happiness, but to find out what it’s like to live in a place that has more than just a Target (and that Target’s less than three years old!)
Good article, but we’ll have to see how it relates to me!
:D
I can totally relate to this. Four months ago I moved from Mexico to Sweden, to live with my boyfriend. And girl, I’m telling you, is hard hard hard!
But is also great great great! Of course I miss my family, and of course I miss the food, and of course I miss my friends, but this is such a new life experience.
I’m expecting for the snow so badly, i’ve never seen it in my entire life, and I´m so excited! And also is so cool to be learning a new language, and all this new stuff. I was happy in Mexico, I’m happy in Sweden, and I’m pretty sure I can be happy in Japan or Timbuktu!
Everything is in the inside, I have to accept myself… Hey at least I’m not eating so many tacos anymore!!!! haha, but I’m baking more cupcakes…
Thank you, as always great!!!!!
I’ve been in not-great mental health for years, but I’m making plans to go to university next autumn, and somehow my fantasies of being at university never include fighting depression and anxiety. It’s easy for me to think that all will be fine once I get on the right course at the right uni, but I know that’s not true. This post is a timely reminder, and I’m really grateful for it.
I agree with you, even if you live in a small town in the middle of the jungle you can feel as good as if you’re living in New York if you are happy with yourself.
Like aurea said, everything is in the inside.
I’ve just named Icing as one of the blogs that make me smile. You can check it out if you click on my link. I know you don’t participate in memes, Gala, but I really just wanted to lead others to your wonderful blog, so that they can enjoy your writing as much as I do.
hm….interesting take.
but i always thought about it literally, as in….you end up where you go…..did that make sense? xD i confused myself.
I hate to disagree with you here. say you live in the ghetto—in the middle of all the crime and on the verge of poverty… of course you will want to move away to live in a better environment. Also, some people move from place to place not because they are unsatisfying with what they have, but because they wish to travel the world,learn about other cultures…
sometimes tho u miss the places that youve been. like I’m living in the city now, but there are parts of my small town life I miss. Like the grass and the trees and nature and stuff, though I know that there are things about auckland that i also love (yes, I said it! so many people diss aux) and that I miss when I leave.
I think because I have two homes and I move back and forth now and then I can appreciate the good things, because I see the good things from afar – like I miss them when they are gone and have learnt to appreciate the present moment. i love yr entry. so so true. i think at first I just hated Auckland fullstop – because I missed home, but then you grow to appreciate things as you come to know them more and you see that every place (and hopefully everything) has its beauty.
and this reminds me of that movie line in breckfast at tiffany’s.
So very true! I love to travel, and i love the idea of moving to another location and you can change who you are or become someone different. But you will always be you. Thankyou for another inspirational message!
this really hit close to home. I moved from state to state to state thinking it was the location that was making me miserable. This really made me realize the problem was within myself.
wow, i just found this sit and i’m so impressed. i live in a city i do not immensely enjoy and i’m getting fairly tired of it. however, i’m not the only one in the equation and moving is not an option today. i definitely appreciate this post; makes me reset my thinking a little bit.
i think i was meant to read this, right now i’m considering moving back to auckland..
What you wrote has a certain meaning, but it still is a sort of method to be happy, it is your method. Sounds a little preachy to me. If you feel this way about living, stay where you are, and if I feel different, I will move. No truth to rut in, just movement and wonder and endless learning with no mental accumulation.
Let me just ask this. Is happiness an inside job? I think it is too, but the reality is that no one is 100% happy out there. People are not happy at all and the proof of that is shown in the endless wars that go on, wars that you and I pay taxes for. The writer of the article, you mean well, but you lack the integrity to truly be one with your article’s topic. We TALK a lot about happiness, but we are not happy. We are bored, indoctrinated creatures looking for the next amusement. That simple fact puts us in our place. When we are honest about ourselves, we’ll say, “this city sucks!” When we become aware of our own mind games, we’ll say, “I suck, but yet I still want to move out of this sucky city”. And where does one go when they reach that wall within themselves? They’ll simply have to let go and let things be the way they will be. Freedom is risk, and that’s great. So, I say, if you want to move away, do it, take a friggin’ chance, and if you’re like Gandi or some unrealistic saint, stay where you are, but don’t suppress or discipline your true honest desire to get the hell out of Dodge, especially a town or city that doesn’t welcome gays or other singled out minorities. So, in true answer to Gala. Just like weight loss remedies, it won’t work for everyone. Sometimes, getting out is better than biting bullets. J Ana
first: great article, interesting inspirational thoughts, as usual. but.
i totally disagree. i mean, yeah, it’ll work for some people—but i know people who are absolutely AWESOME the way they are, but “blossom” in a certain environment. and for that kind of person, getting up & going is the only way to pursue inner happiness.
i move like, every other year, or even more frequently—and this doesn’t include all the random gallivanting across the globe for pure fun that we do. it’s not in my control—because it’s my dad’s job, it’s my dad’s decisions that force us to barely unpack—
i’ve noticed that sure, i can appreciate the goodness of life anywhere, on the go, settled in a small town, whatever, but
{maybe as a result of always travelling since kiddie-hood; maybe i’ve gotten used to it}
i notice that i feel BEST when i am on the go. i’m satisfied with settling down, but always a kind of restlessness takes over,
{is it genetic? nomad genes?}
and travel makes me happy happy, happier than anything else. i feel at home when i’m on the go.
kinda like an ibn-e-battuta complex.
i like myself. it’s not about trying to get away from it all. it’s about experiencing all the STUFF in this wonderful diverse exotic world whenever possible.
it’s about knowing yourself through the world..if that makes sense to anyone. (it probably doesn’t.)