My birthday is coming up! On the 13th of September (a date I share with the inimitable Roald Dahl, Fiona Apple & Miss Manners [!]), I will be 24. I’m almost midway through my twenties! Scream! To lighten the blow, I have been fossicking around online, finding things which would make me very happy…

A year-long subscription to a florist where you tell them what kind of flowers you like & they deliver you a fresh bouquet every week (I don’t even know if this exists); Flowerbomb (Viktor & Rolf) eau de parfum; Sex by Madonna; YSL Touche Éclat; Borba skincare gummi bears; Tarte inside-out vitamin lip gloss in Apple-A-Day!; Tarina Tarantino crystal & lucite heart necklace in violet (& matching earrings!); carousel mini-shorts from Peter Alexander; Moroccan tea glasses; a plane ticket to New York (with a stop-off in Tokyo & no return flight!); Hello Kitty “shoulder massager” set of 6; Chanel round half-tinted sunglasses; & a super-cute dachshund (following in the fine footsteps of Ms. Dorothy Parker as well as Pablo Picasso & Joan Crawford)!

Additionally: anything from my Amazon wishlist; a girl in a cake (preferably Manko); a personal assistant (tasks would include answering my phone, collecting the mail, bringing me delicious beverages & massaging my back); pink glittery cupcakes; a vintago kimono (for lounging after bathing); magazine subscriptions (French Vogue, Elle UK, i-D, Nylon, Lula, Paper, W, the list goes on…); a membership to the Soho House; kisses & dancing.

Now it is time to be totally shameless. If anyone would like to send me a birthday card (I would be REALLY excited if you did!), my address is: Gala Darling, [redacted].

Tell me about the best birthday you’ve ever had! I need the encouragement! I don’t want to have a party, I am a bit weird about the whole thing right now! Ack!