…In which I take lessons learned from many hours spent watching The Millionaire Matchmaker & attempt to apply them to real life!

Here’s the deal: I know a lot of exceptional people. Some of them happen to be single. Girls (all girls, ever!) are always complaining about how they never meet rad boys, whereas I know a whole bunch of them! I also know how amazing everyone who reads this is — I say all the time that I have the best readers in the known gala-xy! It would be selfish of me to keep everyone apart & to myself, & so, we’re trying something new! This little feature is called DATE MY FRIEND & the idea is to fix up like-minded awesome people! Sound good?!

Today, for your consideration, are two of my closest male friends: Jake (in Minneapolis) & Sam (in London). (International playgirls, I got you!) I love them both so much, they make me laugh like crazy & I am always wishing we lived closer so we could spend more time together.

These are men I can personally vouch for. They are 100% excellent: smart, hilarious & best of all, will treat you reeeeeeally well. They are loyal, hard-working & honest. They also both have great music taste (very important). I find it difficult to emphasise just how much I adore these boys! I think you will too.

Read their answers to the remarkably silly questions I sent them, & then get in touch! Their emails are right there! They will be nice to you, I promise. (I am not friends with stinkers!) Don’t be shy! Fortune favours the bold so hop to it sister! Honestly, what are you waiting for?

Oh, also, I have included photos of us in the same vicinity so you know I am not just trying to fob off a couple of serial killers! I have no pictures of the three of us at once, but that will be remedied in May! Yessss!

Name: Sam Hesketh. I have a double-barrelled surname but that shit never gets used.
Age: 28.
Location: South London [whatttt]

Give us a summary of yourself.
I’m a South Londoner, born and bred with some France thrown in along the way. I get really enthusiastic about things that I love and hate equally – either something is amazing or it’s total shit. To that end, I absolutely love hip hop, fried chicken, comic books and the football team I support, Crystal Palace. I work for a music PR company in London and get to share with people the amazing work of the Rhymesayers label amongst others, which is loads of fun for the most part. I’m pretty political but I don’t like forcing it on other people because that only ends up being detrimental to the cause I support. I go through bursts of being creative, writing about music for various sites. I guess that’s it. Other than I’ve had my beard for about six years and I can’t see myself ever shaving it off.

What are you really, really excited about?
Right now I’m really excited about the Soundset Festival that’s coming up in Minnesota [as I’m sure Jake is]. I went last year on one of my twice-yearly trips to Minneapolis and had the best fun. Not only was it a full day of awesome rappers and DJs that I love, but it was sunny, cheap, fun and I got to hang out with loads of my mates over there. That I get to do it all over again this year is the most exciting thing for a while.

Similarly, my best friends and I are going to hang out at my parents’ place in the South of France this summer. It’ll be the first time we’ve all gone on holiday as a group and it’ll be the first time I’ve visited for two years. Getting to show my friends why I love where I spent loads of my childhood will be brilliant. Plus, y’know, sunshine. Not so big on that in London.

You’re really good at…
I’m really good at sensing when there is trouble near me. Also I’m awesome at climbing walls and swinging around town on webbing. No shit, wait, that’s Spider-Man. Actually, I think I’m really good at my job, which is publicising bands/artists’ music in magazines, papers and online in the UK. I guess that means I’m pretty personable and I reckon I’m good at filling any awkward silences. Whether this means I talk too much though, I don’t know.

What do people usually notice first about you?
Gah, I don’t know. That I have exquisite taste in kicks? A couple people said I have nice eyes, so let’s just go with that.

What are your favourite qualities in a girl? (Don’t say boobs… or that other thing.)
I like girls that give me shit back. I’m super sarcastic and I like bouncing jibes off a girl. If a girl can take my shit and give it back, she’s awesome. I like girls with nice smiles and pretty eyes. Cute girls are awesome. More awesome than super hot girls. And girls that can hold a serious discussion and then switch into silliness make me smile. And girls that make me smile and look at my feet get a double thumbs up. Not literally, that’s a bit weird. And girls that high-five. High-fives are the best.

Who is your #1 celebrity crush & why?
Natalie Portman. She might be a bit of an obvious one but she’s pretty freaking awesome. She looks baller with short hair, she’s a dope actress AND she raps. I don’t care about her in Star Wars or Leon [I have to say that legally right?] but her SNL rap was basically ridiculous and makes me have those little birds twirl round my head chirping and big hearts replacing my irises like in the cartoons. I’m sure she’s pro-animal rights and all that jazz, but I like her because she’s hot and she raps.

Shannyn Sossamon runs her a close second. Remember that GAP advert she did with Rob Swift and DJ Shortkut cutting? Yeesh.

What does your bedroom look like?
My bedroom is pretty big and quite sparse. I’m a bit of a clean freak so I don’t wanna have to much stuff in there cluttering shit up. I have a couple tall CD shelves, a bookcase for books about local history and whatnot [I’m super proud of where I come from] and vinyl, a chest of drawers for my hundreds of t-shirts, a desk which is more or less obsolete other than providing a temporary home for the rest of my vinyl. All about those built in wardrobes too. Tidy!

I need to get more art up on the walls though. At the moment I have two framed collages of photobooth photos from when I was in Minneapolis a couple years back. I believe one of the sets, with me and JakeMoney is a little further down on this page actually. I’ve got a massive Spider-man picture that my amazing artist friend Richt did for me – it’s amazing and pretty huge so I need to decide where that’s going.

If you could only listen to three bands for the rest of your life, what would they be?
99% of my time is spent listening to hip hop and beats. But if I could only listen to three artists for the rest of my life, I feel like I’d need some variety in there for the 1% of time that rap just doesn’t cut it. That being said, the first band I’m picking is Atmosphere. When I first got into them around 1999/2000 it was the freshest shit I’d ever heard. I was into rappers like Biggie and Wu Tang and whilst I still love them, Atmosphere gave me something different and every album they’ve released since has been incredible to me. I’m likely to get super evangelistic if I carry on, but suffice to say they are my favourite group and have such a huge library of work that it’s doubtful I’d ever get bored of them.

Blur are the next group – I was really lucky when I was younger that a dude that lived with us had awesome taste in music and introduced me to Blur in 1993, when I was just 11. I got into them quite a bit and then they dropped “Parklife” which was HUGE in the UK. The fact they could’ve rinsed that sound for the next 10 years [yeah Oasis, I’m looking at you] but decided to go way leftfield and push themselves into all sorts of new avenues is one of the main reasons I love them. They’re diverse, but can still write one hell of a pop song.

And then finally Every Time I Die. There are times when you just need someone shouting at you. Maybe not, like, an actual person, but definitely someone in your headphones and for those times, ETID do the job. They’re not just a yowling noise though [ha, I’m starting to sound like a grumpy old man], they’ve got swagger and, retarded as this might sound, I can bounce to their shit. Love ‘em.

Can you speak any languages other than English?
I speak French fluently, which is pretty awesome. When I was a kid, all the time I wasn’t at school, I was in France, so I learnt to speak the language at the same time I learnt English. I don’t really use it that much, but it’s nice to be able to not look like a total dickhead when you’re in France waving your arms around and putting “Le” or “La” in front of word in the hope the poor French grandma knows what the fuck you’re talking about. “Le Pet…rol…Stay…shun” doesn’t really work, sorry guys.

I used to be able to speak German pretty well, but that died after I left school. I can ask the way to the station still, which could be helpful. I can also tell you where the station is, so long as it’s straight ahead and on the second road on the left.

I’d love to say I can speak some Spanish too, but in reality I only know a few words. So, unless I can talk about an orange donkey which will be a football player tomorrow, I’m pretty much useless.

What did you dress up as for your first Halloween?
Halloween isn’t really that big a deal in the UK. It never really was for me anyway, I just liked eating chocolate. So, I guess I went as a little chocolate blob for my first Halloween. I tell you what I didn’t like about it though – the little shits from the estate next door to my old house that used to egg my door. Fuck you kids, those eggs could’ve whipped you up a tasty omelette, much more healthy for you. Maybe I’ll try to get that in as the new Halloween thing. I could dress up as a whisk.

What?

What are you allergic to?
Idiots. When I’m walking around Central London and people congregate in big clumps in the middle of the pavement instead of off to one side, I break out in a rash. For real, I don’t like pavement cloggers, they’re like people who stand on the left hand side of the escalator. Big wagging finger, no, no, no.

Other than that, I don’t think I’m allergic to anything, hooray!

What are seven things you could never do without?
Seven? Jeeeeeeeeez. I’m a simple guy, I don’t know if I can think of seven. Ok, so – music. I have to have music around me otherwise mundane stuff seems just that, mundane. If I have some music on whilst I’m washing the dishes, then it’s a party. Football [it’s a family thing]. Comics books [it’s a nerd thing]. My parents. My close circle of friends [they’re both a love thing, awww]. My glasses [it’s a not seeing very well thing]. Right, number seven then. I gotta make it good, gotta make it count. Ok, Bobby Brown. He’s my seventh. In fact, I’m discounting the Pyramids of Egypt and putting in Bobby Brown as the seventh wonder of the world.

On a typical Friday night, you are…
One of two things – I’m either at a club with my best friend dancing like robots sent back from the future to show people how to throw down or else I’m lying on my sofa, eating pasta, watching shitty TV and sending people texts telling them that I’m lying on my sofa, eating pasta, watching shitty TV.

What is your favourite thing about living in London?
There is never, ever a day where there isn’t something to do. There are loads of awesome cities around the world, but London just has something about it that I love so much. I’ve lived here all my life and I’ve never ever been close to wanting to leave. Whatever music you’re into, there’s someone playing in London. If you dig gallery art, we’ve got tons and loads are free. If you did street art, we’ve got that on every other wall you walk past. It’s super cosmopolitan and honestly I discover new stuff all the time living here. Whilst I love visiting other places, London is where my heart is. I just think it’s the most vibrant city out there.

Is it true you are a Frenchie?
It is. All my Mum’s family is French and, like I said before, I was there every holiday, which equated to half the year I guess, when I was younger. So, whilst I’m the most proud Londoner around, I definitely consider myself a French Londoner. Like some kind of awesome hybrid. I don’t like garlic though, I don’t know if that makes me a traitor. And I don’t drink, so I don’t like wine. But I can talk English with a French accent which is pretty awesome n’est pas?

Do you really watch America’s Next Top Model? Who is your favourite judge & why?
Wow, haha. I used to watch it a few years ago, I haven’t watched it in a good while, but yeah, it was pretty entertaining. Tyra was my favourite because she has a bobble head. And also, no matter what happens at any given time to any of the contestants, Tyra has been through it and worked it, girlfriend. Mostly it’s her bobble head though, it’s awesome. Good thing 3-D TV wasn’t as prevalent back then, I’d have spent every episode touching my TV trying to get the head to bobble. That’s a pretty good idea actually… reckon I could make some money out of that.

Name: Jacob Ernest Schaefer aka Jake Money
Age: 28
Location: Minneapolis, MN

Give us a summary of yourself.
So I answered the rest all of the questions before I wrote this thinking it might give me a little direction but I think I’m just going to end up rambling anyway so I guess I’ll cover some things about myself that the questions didn’t cover. I’m kind of a workaholic so I like to find things that relax me. I like cooking and baking. I’ll try any food at least three times before I decide I don’t care for it but there’s not a lot I eat that I don’t enjoy. I grew up in a really small town (316 people small) but was fortunate enough to be able to travel a lot when I was growing up and had great parents who taught me a lot about the world so I was pretty fortunate for that. I love art and music but I’m not very creative. And a little know fact about me is I’m incredibly shy though you’d never know it. I’ve spent my whole life “trying to get over it” but I never have. I’ve just come to terms with the fact that you’ve got to be all in, it’s all or nothing.

What are you really, really excited about?
There are a few things I’m very excited about actually. Short term I’m excited for the music festival we’re throwing this year called Soundset. It’s an independent hip hop festival which has an incredible line up. I’m really excited to see Method Man & Redman perform. They’re out supporting their new Blackout 2! record. The first Blackout! record has been a favorite of mine since it was released when I was in high school so the opportunity to see the two of them perform together is pretty amazing. More importantly I’m really excited to see all the people who are coming out this year. I’ve got a lot of friends coming into town over that weekend so it should be a pretty amazing experience overall.

I’m also really really excited to be working with a number of my friends on their DJ careers. There’s a crew of DJs I work with called Wants Vs Needs. We throw a free monthly party which has a theme each month. We print up a limited amount of shirts and give them out for free which have that months design on them. It’s been a huge success and it’s given me an opportunity to work with my incredibly talented friends.

Along side of that I’ve also begun managing three DJ’s (So Gold, Booka B, Espada) in Minneapolis which has been a rewarding experience. It’s exciting to be involved in all aspects of an artists career. It’s a very hands on, demanding job but is something I’ve always enjoyed so it’s been good getting back into that. I did some management work a number of years ago before I started working at Rhymesayers so it’s been exciting being involved with again.

HAHA. Other than that you know, life generally excites me.

You’re really good at…
Things I’m REALLY good at? I’m really good at learning something and doing it. I’m really good at making people laugh though generally people don’t think I’m funny the first time they meet me. I’m really good at networking. I enjoy meeting people and learning about what they do. Taking a genuine interest in people is a very important aspect in any relationship whether it be professional or personal.

What do people usually notice first about you?
My eyes, my laugh and that I like to talk a lot.

What are your favorite qualities in a girl? (Don’t say boobs… or that other thing.)
Her boobs… Kidding.

A sense of humor is huge for me because I like cracking jokes but a level of seriousness is important as well. Someone who is kind and caring but honest. Being able to carry on a good conversation. Intelligence and someone who won’t be jealous of my love affair with my Blackberry.

Who is your #1 celebrity crush & why?
I generally don’t get too attached to celebrities like a lot of people do but if I had to pick one I’d probably say Rachel Bilson.

A few years ago I was living with a friend who made me watch the entirety of the that tv show the O.C. I don’t know much about her beyond her role in that show and I guess that it was more of the character she played that I was crushing on than anything. Aside from her physical appearance I didn’t really know anything about her. She was just really cute and sweet and for the lack of a better term, she was a firecracker which was kind of sexy.

What does your bedroom look like?
My bedroom is painted a pale sage color with hardwood floors. I have a desk with barely anything on it because I never work at it. I’m usually at the dinning room table working. I’ve dubbed it the “conference room”. A bookshelf with a ton of random books on it. Some political science books from college, some music business books, a bunch of historical fiction and a collection of books that have influenced me throughout the years. Most of the time my bed is made and my room is generally pretty clean. You can usually tell how busy I am by the state of my bedroom though because if my room is a mess it’s because I’m too tired to pick it up. It’s one of the few places I really get to relax so I like to keep it clean. Messes stress me out.

If you could only listen to three bands for the rest of your life what would they be?
I’d like to preface this answer with this is the worst question in the world because it’s really impossible for me to choose only three. I can give you one that’s ALWAYS on my list though. I am never without Mogwai. I love instrumental music. I think that people tend to get too hung up on lyricism in music and forget that instruments can say more than words could ever hope to.

Next I’d say Modest Mouse. My first introduction to them was their album “The Moon & Antarctica” which is a mouthful. If you don’t believe me say it out loud. That record alone makes picking Modest Mouse worth it.

Choosing this last one is killing me but I guess to mix it up a little bit. I guess Wu-Tang Clan so I had something to party to every once and while.

Can you speak any languages other than English?
Honestly I can’t anymore. I took Spanish for several years and German for several years but without practice that stuff kind of goes out the window and needless to say I haven’t had much practice. I can understand both fairly well if I need to read them or I overhear conversation but speaking is an entirely different thing.

What did you dress up as for your first Halloween?
I honestly don’t remember. I think the first Halloween I do remember was the year I dressed up as a pirate. We had a huge blizzard that year and got about 3 feet of snow and it was wicked cold so I remember having to wear my winter coat and snow pants under my costume to keep me warm so I guess you could say I went as a very fat pirate. There really is nothing quite as funny as a small, seemingly fat child with painted on facial hair and an eye patch waddling around the neighborhood asking for candy though.

What are you allergic to?
Bees. Which is completely unfortunate because I’m totally obsessed with them & possibly bananas (see bananas question below).

What are seven things you could never do without?
Music, delicious food, friends & family, the internet, my Blackberry, books & traveling.

On a typical Friday night, you are…
Out either at a restaurant, club or bar with my friends. My life revolves around music and my friends so those environments are pretty conducive to my lifestyle.

Why do you find bananas so distressing?
Well first of all I’ve never been able to stomach them so I don’t know if I find them distressing but the thought of them kind of disgusts me. The smell and taste literally makes me nauseated. I’ve tried to “like” them over the years but the results have always been the same. They’re returned as quickly as they’re eaten. There’s a very good possibility that I’m allergic but I’ve never been tested so it’s hard to say for sure.

What is your favorite thing about living in Minneapolis?
I’d have to say the art community. We’ve got a strong music and art scene here and there’s tons of support from the community at large as well as from other people who work and play in those fields. It’s a wonderful gift being able to be a part of that here.

What is it about Bill Murray that thrills you?
I think it has to do with the fact that he reminds me so much of my father. Especially in his later years. My dad has always been a joker but really genuinely cares and loves people and there’s a certain side of Bill Murray that I don’t think people often see. He did this film called the Razors Edge around the time that he did Ghostbusters which was a very serious dramatic role and people didn’t really respond to it because they expect Caddy Shack out of him consistently. I don’t think it’s been until recently that people have been able to take him in more serious roles like Lost in Translation and Broken Flowers. He’s still really funny in those roles but I think there’s a certain truth in what he’s doing now that I really appreciate. Outside of his acting career dude just loves to be out and chop it up. He was everywhere this year at SXSW which is really unfortunate because it’s the first year I’ve missed in a long time. I would have loved to have met him. Maybe he would have been a better answer for my celebrity crush?

Jake on Sam:

I met Sam a number of years ago through some mutual friends. He came to visit Minneapolis from London for about a week. I’d heard everyone who he’d met prior to his trip to Minneapolis talking about how great he was for a few weeks leading up to his visit so I made a point to be around and meet him. It was definitely one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. We pretty much instantly hit it off. He spent a good part of the week teaching me “proper English” and I taught him how to “pretend to drink” beer in a photo booth. While he always cracks on me about how people think he’s a “plum” (I just found out what that meant yesterday), he’s definitely one of the most funny, generous & friendly people I know and it’s been an honor to call him a friend these last few years. He actually also does publicity work for Rhymesayers in the UK so now we even work together. I still owe him a trip to London soon but I’m definitely excited to be seeing him here in May for Soundset. Go Palace!

Sam on Jake:

I met Jake after having been told by a bunch of my Minneapolis friends that I’d get on really well with him. We hung out a bunch and became good mates immediately. Jake has some of the driest humour I’ve ever come across, he can deadpan it like no-one I know.

As if that wasn’t enough, he cooks like a machine. A machine that cooks amazing food. Honestly, I don’t even care about food that much but yo. Boy.

Jake’s super charismatic, always there with a funny story, well read and plenty of perspective on life. It’s refreshing to meet someone who knows what they believe without pushing themselves on you but also open to new ideas and viewpoints.

Basically, Jake is dope. Simple innit.

Damn, how cute is that?

Here’s the deal: if you think Jake & Sam sound rad, you should email them. Now! Ask them if they want to go & get lunch or something! They really are awesome boys. They’re both great company & way too much fun to hang out with.

…Then report back to me on how it goes & we can totally have our very own Millionaire Matchmaker moment! Just call me Gala “Cupid” Darling!

Man, how exciting is this?! Very. Let me know how you like this feature! I know oodles of fantastic single people (girls, boys, straight, gay, the whole nine yards) in various cities around the world, so if this is popular I will be profiling other people as time goes on! Holler at a girl!