Gala’s Kissing Boot-Camp

“Now, I was wondering, if, in the near future (or whenever future) you could help out some girls in the kissing department. I’m extremely inexperienced at kissing (going to a Catholic Girls Prep does that to you). Also, I’ve been plagued by recent nightmares of being told by my guy that I kiss like a fish. Please, help me Gala with your wisdom!”

Anyone who says something like that to you isn’t worth your time, honeypie! Give him the boot & then use my tips on your next boyfriend! ;D

The best thing about kissing is that it’s a lot of fun, & you will get better with practice. First of all, you need Kissable Lips — click that for information on scrubs, lip balms, glosses & lipsticks, as well as product recommendations & tricks! Anyway, it is my firm belief that the best kisses are a combination of things: soft lips, small amounts of tongue, good reactions & very little saliva!

For me, it is mostly about the lips. Some people have hard little mouths, you know, from years of anger or grimacing, & it’s totally unappealing. If you can learn to relax your mouth, you will go far. If this is difficult for you, just imagine that a bee has stung the hell out of your mouth & let it slacken that way.

It drives me crazy (& not in a good way!) when someone comes in to kiss you with their tongue straight away. I think you have to work up to that, unless it’s already an insanely passionate moment. Too much tongue is a major moodkiller for me. Also, keep your tongue supple & soft. It’s tricky, because there is a fine line between having a stiff, pointy tongue (ew! It’s like a medical examination!) & having one that lies flat in the other person’s mouth, like a omelette that failed. Ewwwwww. Keep it soft & pliable.

It is hard to explain exactly how to kiss someone, since because it’s an activity that requires a partner, what you do will depend on what the other person is doing. Basically, you want to respond in a way that coordinates with what they’re doing. This doesn’t mean do the same thing, or even the opposite, but just try to work with them as much as possible. If, say, they’re nibbling your bottom lip, don’t try & chew on their bottom lip at the same time, it won’t work! Maybe try licking their upper lip while they do this, for example.

How much is too much? If you have to ask, you’re probably using too much. No one wants to feel like they’re on Splash Mountain when they’re kissing you! On the flipside, a dry mouth is very unappealing. Wetting your lips quickly with your tongue is best to start with.

Places & positions
I’m quite small so I like to crawl into people’s laps & sit opposite them. This way they are TRAPPED & can’t escape until my lips are satisfied! I am sneaky like that. My first kiss was in a very weird position, I was lying on my back with my head in my boyfriend’s lap & he leaned over & kissed me, so we were kind of… upside down. It was strange! I like to pass the time by kissing in elevators. I also think it’s pretty great to kiss in a weird place, like on a fire escape, in a playground, in the back seat of a car or up a tree, but everyone is different!

“When I kiss ya, ya stay kissed!”

You will do best, in my opinion, if you think like a woman while kissing — soft, delicate & sexy. You can prove your manliness all over the place but not when you’re kissing someone! Additionally, if you think you might be getting some action, please shave your face! Stubble hurts, you know.

Additional tips:
Mouths aren’t the only places you can kiss someone. Try kissing their earlobes (but hold back on the heavy breathing!), their neck or shoulders. (I like rubbing noses sometimes, it’s very intimate & a good precursor to kissing.)
Try (gently) licking the corners of your lover’s mouth. Super-hot.
Kissing is a sloooow activity. It is not a race or a chore! Take your time, enjoy it, be gentle with one another.
You’re in control! If you start to feel uncomfortable or you want to stop, just do it. You are under no obligation to go any further than you already have.
Remember to breathe. Fainting is kind of sexy in the movies, but in real life, not so much.
Move your arms! You can stroke their hair, the sides of their face, their back, their arms or even their booty! Moving your arms will show that you’re really interested & into it. If you don’t move them, the kiss will be more awkward.
Try not to bump teeth. If it happens, just forget about it & move on. The more kissing you do, the more aware of your mouth you will become & soon that problem will be one of the past.
Close your eyes. Or don’t. It is all personal preference… I get freaked out if someone is looking at me while I’m kissing them, but that’s just me.
Move your tongue gently, stroke it against theirs & run it along their lips. Try not to swirl it like a washing machine, or jab it in & out.
Be proactive! Be involved & interested & an active participant.

Questions & Answers
Q: I have a big nose. I don’t want to stab my girlfriend in the eye by mistake. Whatever shall I do?
A: Tilt your head! She will probably tilt hers too, in the opposite direction, & it will all work out brilliantly.

Q: I have a really short tongue & I don’t think it will reach into someone else’s mouth!
A: Hey, me too! What a coincidence. It’s not the end of the world. You might just have to work it a little differently to other people. Practice, baby!

Q: What are the rules on eating garlic/onions/curry/haggis before a smoochfest?
A: Generally avoid it, unless your beloved has partaken of the smelly foods too. Two people with garlic-breath probably won’t even notice it in the other person. (Plus, it’s good protection against vampires.)

Extra For Experts:
“How To Kiss Someone Passionately”
Girls kissing
Emo boys kissing (It’s a fan video or something, so weird)
This looks like an alien life-form but I guess it’s informative, kind of?!
How To Kiss A Woman with lots of fear-inducing anecdotes!
Insanely cute sex writer Violet Blue has this to say on more intimate types of kissing… NSFW!