How To Find A Boyfriend

My first boyfriend & I
My first boyfriend & I!(Note the dog collar. Very chic!)

“Well, my problem is that I’m still very young. I’m only fifteen, but there is only one thing on my mind — getting a boyfriend. It seems silly when I write it out, but everybody around me has so much experience in the boy department but I feel left out. I’ve never had a “real” boyfriend, only one or two little flings in middle school. I really just want somebody with whom I can share good times, and I’m just seeking some male attention. I don’t know what seems to be wrong me with me, but I can never get a guy! Do you have any suggestions?”

I wish I could tell you that liberal applications of a certain brand of lip gloss would instantly net you a man, but that’s just not how it works! The best thing I can say to you — which is so boring because you’ve probably heard it a million times — is “be yourself”.

I know how it is, though. I went to a private girls’ school, so my interactions with men were incredibly limited. When I was about 13, some of my friends knew a bunch of boys & we would all hang out & smoke cigarettes & listen to Smashing Pumpkins & Weezer & think we were awesome. I had a crush on one of the boys but it never turned into anything, & then that group of girls decided I wasn’t “cool” enough so they ditched me. You know how it goes!

A couple of years later, I had an entirely new social circle — one which had nothing to do with school at all. All my friends were at university or working, & there was this cafe called The Treehouse where I would spend almost all my time. It was really good for me to spend time with people like that — all of my friends were a bit “weird”, but very intelligent & good people in general. My first boyfriend was from that group of people. We started going out when I was 15. He was 20. It seemed a bit scandalous at the time but we were together for a year & a half, & I am so glad that he was my first boyfriend, rather than some little bastard my age who had no clue!

I guess what I’m saying is, don’t have any expectations. Your first boyfriend might be much older than you, or he might be your neighbour. I think that living your life, being open to people & pursuing happiness are all very conducive to finding a boyfriend. It’s always the way — just when you’re really happy & don’t feel the need for anyone, boom! Someone will come along.

Another piece of advice I would give is that you should think of boys as friends, rather than as potential love interests. They’re just people, like you & I! I have always been friends first with the people I end up getting involved with, & it is really the best way to suss someone out. You’ll know how they treat other people, how nice they are to their parents, whether they’re spoilt or sullen or prone to anger. That way, you’ll have a much better idea of whether there is any romantic potential!

Being fifteen is pretty difficult. Your parents are always on your case, you have a lot of incredibly boring schoolwork, peer pressure is at an all-time high & your body is constantly mutating, the likes of which you’ve never seen before! It’s a wonder we survive at all! I think the best thing I can tell ANY teenager is that it is ALWAYS best to be yourself. Changing to fit in to someone else’s idea of what is “cool” isn’t what is best for you. (Not to mention, why is someone else’s idea of what is “cool” more important than your own?) I was pretty much a total weirdo in school, & I think it served me well. It also guarantees that people like you for being you, rather than because you’re “cool” or whatever.

Stay sweet, & good luck!