When I saw this video of Dyana Valentine speaking at TEDxOjai Women, I was elated. I felt psyched. In her presentation, Dyana spoke about the word “no”, & how we use it.

If you don’t have time to watch her presentation, essentially what it boils down to is that we’ve built up this culture of “saying sorry” when really, we mean something else. Mostly, when we say “sorry”, we mean, “no”. It’s a way of covering your ass: I don’t want to say no, because you’re going to think I’m mean, so I’ll just say sorry.

I think it goes further than that. Saying sorry is a way of diminishing ourselves, our wants & our desires. WE ARE APOLOGISING FOR OUR LIVES. It’s about not taking up space, like how girls are slowly killing themselves to be a size 0. Literally, they are wishing to be nothing.

You exist & you are fantastic! Anyone who has a problem with that — & I mean ANYONE! — will have to answer to me, my pink boxing gloves, & my army of radical self love warriors!

Drop the apologies. Don’t apologise for simply EXISTING. That is ridiculous! Let’s make a pact that we will only say sorry when we really, truly mean it; not in place of “excuse me”, or “no”, or anything else.

YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE. Never be ashamed of that. Own it! Love it! You only have one life.

If reading about this fires you up, GOOD! Let’s take that energy & do something fantastic with it.

1. Start to make a list of things you are NOT GOING TO APOLOGISE FOR anymore.

Ideas: I am not going to apologise for being different. I am not going to apologise for speaking my mind. I am not going to apologise for offending the political correctness brigade. I am not going to apologise for being gay. I am not going to apologise for wearing what I want to wear. I am not going to apologise for taking photos of myself! I am not going to apologise for not being what everyone else wants me to be. I am not going to apologise for being uncategorisable. I am not going to be apologise for my age. I am not going to apologise for spelling “apologise” with an s & not a z!

2. Follow up this list with I AM statements.

Ideas: I am gorgeous. I am brilliant. I am unconventional. I am brave. I am loud. I am quiet. I am bizarre. I am loving. I am loved. I am smart. I am complicated. I am compassionate. I am ridiculous. I am funny. I am unusual. I am always trying to be the best version of myself. I am fucking awesome.

Put all of this stuff into your radical self love bible. You can start a new “I’M NOT SORRY/I AM” list whenever you feel the need!

I’m not sorry for loving you! BOOM!