I Have A Crush On A Guy I’ve Never Met!


“I saw an interview with a man (not a celeb, just a random guy) in a magazine and I find him sooo attractive (I’m a love-at-first-sight kinda girl). The interview says he lives in the city very close to my village & is single. I googled, of course, and somewhere on the internet I found his email address but apart from that nothing important I think. I don’t think I can use it, it might be weird, no? But if I find his address, are there things I can do without looking like a stalker? Maybe drop a little note in his mailbox or something? Or should I just let it pass? I don’t know, I don’t have a lot of confidence when it comes to guys and he is 25 while I’m 19 so I don’t want look like a little girl…”

That’s so cute & awesome, & I think you should definitely approach him. After all, what is life without courage? But having said that, there are some definite tips to keep you from crossing over into scary stalker territory.

My first piece of advice would be to make contact via email. The reason for this is that it’s much less threatening. If he thinks you might have been lurking outside his house, well, that’s enough to make even the bolshiest brute feel a bit uncomfortable! Email, on the other hand, is much less intrusive, & at this point, you don’t really want to encroach on his personal space.

The other thing I’d say is that you should play it cool. Even though you may feel like you’re head over heels for him, take a moment to chill out. To make sure you don’t say the wrong thing, play a game of role reversal & then adjust your behaviour accordingly. Imagine receiving an email from someone who has seen you in a magazine & thinks you’re the cutest girl on the planet. You might be okay with him saying that, but if he started to get all, “I believe in love at first sight” & “So, I did some searching online & I noticed your house has a blue roof”, you might freak out a bit! Odds are good that you wouldn’t reply to him, & that his email would make good lunch-time gossip fodder for you & your girlfriends. He might even get a nickname, like, “The Email Freak”.

As someone who gets a lot of email all the time, some of which manages to successfully communicate a message & some which just doesn’t, I can tell you this much. The best emails are complimentary but not obnoxiously so, assume an easygoing rapport, & extend an offer of some sort. Here’s an example of an email that has all those elements, tailored to your situation.

Hi Karl, [1]

How’s it going? [2]

I’m writing to you because [3] I recently saw an interview with you in Slug magazine & something about you really appealed to me! Probably because of your clever answers! Oh — let’s just say it. The fact that you are devilishly handsome didn’t hurt, either! [4]

My name is Coco & I live in Taihape. [5] So, hello! I’m currently studying architecture at Moonman University, which I love. [6] I’m an occasional yoga instructor & eternal book-worm. (I just read a great book on nutrition by Marion Nestle, [7] it was so interesting, all about genetically modified food & the psychology of supermarkets. Sounds dull but it was actually amazing!) [8]

Anyway, I hope this email hasn’t weirded you out too much, I just thought you seemed cool & wanted to say hi. [9] It’d be great to get you know you better, so if you have a moment, drop me a line! [10]

Hope the rest of your week is fantastic! [11]

Coco. [12]

Email Decoder!

1. Say hello casually. “My sweet hunk of man-meat, Karl” would be a bit much.

2. Assume rapport — i.e., act as if you already know him.

3. Explain why you’re writing to him. Otherwise he might be all, “Who’s this crazy nut?” & rush through what you’ve written to try & find out why he’s got an email from you.

4. Use humour & be honest.

5. Introduce yourself but don’t be too stuffy about it.

6. Give some information about who you are — not too much, just enough to prove you’re not a serial killer.

7. Back up what you’ve told him with a bit of additional info. Make it something broad — for example, everyone has an opinion on food since everyone eats, so it’d be really easy for him to grab that topic & run with it.

8. If you think that the example you’ve used might sound a bit boring, you can always say you know it sounds boring but isn’t. It’s kind of a good fall-back position.

9. Nice & casual. It shows that you realise you’re doing an odd thing, but that you’re obviously not nuts.

10. Again, really casual. You’re not desperate for a reply, you obviously have a life, but if he’s keen, you’ve extended an invitation.

11. End on a positive note. People usually only remember the last thing they heard, so be sure to end well.

12. Don’t sign it “Love & smooches on your perfectly toned stomach”, tempting though it may be! Be cool!

Be yourself, & write it as if he’s already a friend of yours. This will help cancel out a lot of the awkwardness. Don’t be afraid to let your personality shine through either, but as this is someone you’ve never met before, it’s probably better to play it a little bit more conservative than you normally would.

Best of luck! We all have our fingers crossed for you!