Is Your Lover Good For You?

A friend of mine recently went to Burning Man, & when she returned home to the internet, she said she had broken up with her boyfriend, was really upset & needed some support. I emailed her about it & asked for her phone number, & if she wanted to talk.

I called her as soon as I had her number & we talked about the situation. She explained what had happened.

She went to Burning Man pretty much by herself, leaving her boyfriend at home. She says he is a reclusive, stay-at-home type. He gets very anxious about things like supermarkets, & there was no way he was going to go to a festival in the desert, so she went alone. While she was there she met some incredible people — including people running some of the biggest online companies — & was amazed at the energy they all had. She felt like she had wasted the last few years of her life with her boyfriend; she felt like she had been locked in a room with stale air. Being among people with motivation & drive & ambition & positive energy really lit her fire; she realised she could do anything! The only limits we have are those we impose upon ourselves!

This is an idea I’ve been thinking about a lot recently. If you think about yourself as an individual — even as an individual with grand plans & lots of enthusiasm — it can be hard to get things done, & to achieve what we want to. When we’re surrounded by positive, uplifting people who encourage us, it makes life so much easier. When we have a bad day (or week), we have friends & supporters to bolster us, to convince us to keep going, to give us strength. But when the person we are intimately involved with is a negative influence, it only makes life harder. Just going about your daily life can become a chore, a hard slog. Their attitude rubs off on us, whether we mean it to or not.

Of course, deciding to untangle ourselves from someone we love, but who we know is ultimately not good for us, is a very hard choice to make. I have done it myself, & it is heart-wrenching. But, eventually, we have to realise our own worth. We have to put ourselves first. It is only by doing this that we can foster real love & respect & acceptance of ourselves.

My friend said, “I can see myself growing old with him, but I can’t see myself being young with him. I’m going to do my best to be young for a while.” I think this is a brilliant & insightful comment, & I couldn’t be happier for her — even though I know she might have a few stumbling blocks before she is really up & going for it. I feel she has made the right decision, & she has my utmost support & love. Bravo, ma’am!

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@galadarling on Instagram

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