There are two things will absolutely hold you back on your path to being a bad bitch: inconsistency, and anxiety about the future. And we simply do not have time for that, because the world needs bad bitches more than ever! Today, I’m answering two questions that came in via Instagram about these very topics. Let’s go!

Q. I know not every day will be perfect, but how do you keep the self-love alive on the days you feel the worst about yourself?

The name of the game here is consistency, and this is where your routines and rituals come in. Trying to turn it all around when you feel like crap is like using your thumb to plug a hole in the bottom of a boat. It is almost too late. Instead of this last-ditch scramble style of self-love (!), try creating systems in your life which allow you to build on your positive self-image on a daily basis. That way, when you have a bad day, the impact of your mood is less, and you already have a selection of practices that soothe you.

Your systems might include meditation, jumping on a rebounder, taking yourself on radical self love dates once a week, making your friendships a priority, cutting out complaining, or making your bed. The list is endless, but you need to have a practice that works for you!

Yes, radical self love is about living the most fabulous life possible… Of course! But strolling around your apartment in a pink marabou robe — while it might look good on Instagram — won’t make a difference if your internal world is in shambles.

Showing yourself love and compassion is not something you do once a week or a month, as a treat or when you’ve “earned it.” It is an essential daily practice. These acts become part of your day, like showering or brushing your teeth… And we all know by now that our emotional health is just as important as our physical health.

If you have trouble maintaining your self-love momentum, check out Love Bomb, which is my monthly membership designed specifically to solve this problem! Give some serious consideration to your Happiness Recipe, too.

 

Q. I’m struggling a bit with just sitting in the waiting and the unknowing and not feeling like I have to “know” what’s happening. How can I make the “unknowing” a fun and fabulous space?

First things first: making friends with uncertainty can be a lifetime task. Don’t expect to be able to solve this one based on some bullet-pointed list you read online! What you’re grappling with is our innate need to predict and know the future. Our brain rewards certainty, which is why we tend to steer towards it. Not knowing is so uncomfortable! In fact, we will do all kinds of things to try to figure out what will happen next. (You can read all about it in Psychology Today.)

Life is uncertain. But that’s not the piece of this that I want to address. You may feel like you’re just sitting and waiting, being a passive bystander, but I think that if you look at the situation differently, you’ll realise that there’s more going on than meets the eye.

Listen up, workaholics and overachievers! Many of us feel a sense of guilt if we’re not constantly creating, making change, demolishing all our demons and forging ahead. But in the same way that we cannot always be happy, we cannot always be creating. Life consists of cycles!

My cycle looks like this.

Gather inspiration. I research and feed my imagination. In this phase, I’m reading a lot, listening to podcasts, taking courses, going to therapy, and investigating all the things that interest me.
Ideas percolate. This stage overlaps with the information-gathering phase from before, but there’s a definite shift as I move more towards creating new ideas, where I stop “collecting” and spend more time simply thinking.
Creation! This is my favourite part of the cycle. I write plans, break my ideas down into steps, and spend hours at coffee shops and co-working spaces, guzzling coffee and making something I’m excited about.
Promotion. This is that time where I start telling people about what I’m making, and it often overlaps with the creation phase. This piece of the puzzle can last a few months, so I can ensure that it reaches the right people.
Rest. By now, I am thrilled, but I am also exhausted. I need to retreat and chill as much as I can. Remember how you take savasana at the end of a yoga class? It’s so you can integrate! The same applies to your everyday life.
…And back to gathering inspiration again.

Take a moment to look at the phases of this cycle, and see where you are right now.

This cycle is not just about creativity. You can adapt it a little bit and apply it to everything in your life, from relationships to domestic situations to achieving any kind of goal.

As it applies to creativity, right now I’m slowly moving out of gathering mode, on the cusp of my ideas forming and coagulating. All those random thoughts floating around my brain are starting to make sense, to get organised. This is one of the most exciting times for me: my brain starts spitting out different concepts, and I get to choose which ones I want to pursue.

You may feel like you’re in an “unknowing” space… But maybe you’re actually researching and gathering information, or perhaps you’re in rest mode. No matter where you’re at in the cycle, I want to encourage you to take your time there. Honor where you’re at. This might sound a bit woo-woo, but if you rush through the stages because you’re feeling pressured to create something, it will never be as fabulous as it could have been if you’d taken a moment to let your thoughts percolate. Give yourself the gift of allowing your imagination all the time and space it needs.

Love and mascara,

Illustrations by Robin Eisenberg.