“I have issues with my boyfriend’s history. He has had sex with nine other girls and hooked up with countless others… and while he has so far been faithful to me, I’m afraid that his past behavior will eventually take over. Is that legitimate? He says it hurts him when I say that, but I can’t help stop thinking about his tendencies and his flirtatious personality.”

I know what’s it like to be preoccupied with a fear about your partner’s fidelity. It’s awful. It makes you feel ill. I’m sorry that this stuff is on your mind at the moment.

Some thoughts which might appease your fears: Recognise that to a lot of people, nine sexual partners is but a drop in the ocean — hell, to some, it’s chaste. Remember that your boyfriend is with you for a reason. Consider the possibility that he was only behaving that way once upon a time because he was unhappy, or looking for something he couldn’t find — which maybe he feels he has with you.

But that stuff isn’t the real issue.

Here’s a little thing I’ve learned in my time on the planet: We get what we focus on. It doesn’t matter whether that thing is a subconscious or irrational fear (“What if I get attacked by a rabid dog?!”) or something we plug in on purpose (“I want a life like Carrie Bradshaw’s”). It’s just what happens. We move towards the thing we put the most energy into.

Have you ever noticed that the people who get cheated on the most are the ones who are constantly fearful of it happening? Or that really optimistic, positive people seem to always have amazing things happening to them? This is NOT coincidence!

You need to remove these fears from your mind. (The most effective way to do this is with EFT.) Otherwise, you will go crazy. Make the conscious decision to trust your boyfriend & to enjoy your time with him. If he cheats on you, he cheats on you. There is nothing you can do about it. You can either live your life in fear of what might happen, or let it go & get on with it! Nine lovers doth not a cheater make!

Trust your instincts. If you think he’s being shady or seeing girls behind your back, talk to him about it. But ultimately, if you don’t believe him or trust him, the best thing you can do is to get out of the relationship. Jealousy & insecurity is the number one relationship killer. Don’t let your worrying tendencies mess up something amazing!

I would also be inclined to say that your insecurity probably stems from a lack of self-esteem… Working on this issue is in your best interests!

Good luck, kitten!