Category Archives: radical self love

Loving Yourself Is A Revolutionary Act: The Radical Self Love Commandments

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Make no mistake: radical self love is vitally important. It has a very real effect on your life, and the lives of everyone around you. In today’s world, for example, being unable to see your worth can result in voting for a hateful misogynist. You do not exist in a bubble. If you don’t believe that you deserve basic human rights, you will pass that poisonous ideology onto the rest of us.

I have been saying for the longest time that LOVING YOURSELF IS A REVOLUTIONARY ACT. Now that’s even more obvious, and even more pressing.

Radical self love is not — and has never been — about taking a bubble bath.

So, where do we begin? Yes, learning to loving yourself and starting to treat yourself with respect are big jobs. Here are ten principles that can guide you when you feel lost.

TREAT YOURSELF LIKE YOUR OWN LOVER

Cast your mind back to those heady days when you’re first falling in love. You’re fascinated by the other person, endlessly curious about what makes them tick, and making the effort to present as your best self. You get dressed up, you go on adventures together, and in doing so, you see the world through fresh eyes.

It’s a beautiful thing: assuming the best about someone else, appreciating them for their little quirks, and being so happy to spend time in their company.

So what if we could treat ourselves this way too? What if we could be excited about our idiosyncrasies, instead of berating ourselves?  What if we could be curious about what makes us tick, rather than being disappointed that we don’t have all the answers yet? What if we made the effort to dress up and take ourselves out on radical self love dates? What if we really showed up for life?

Imagine how different things would be.

RISKS CREATE MAGIC

I believe that we get out of life what we put into it. When we make the effort to create magic in our own lives, to love other people the way they want to be loved, and to do what is difficult, we will always be rewarded.

I’ve discovered that when I take risks and go outside of my comfort zone the most AMAZING things happen. But that doesn’t occur when I stay safe and small. The juiciness is always on the other side of something scary.

Avoid people who are professionally negative, professionally nervous, professionally insecure. It’s hard not to pick up their attitudes.

In order to create the world we want to live in, WE HAVE TO TAKE ACTION. We don’t have the luxury of staying in our beds and pretending things are going in another direction. We have all been complacent for too long. Now it is time for us to get off our asses, and experience the terrifying thrill of REALLY DOING SOMETHING.

You are SO magical. You are so bold. You have so much power inside you. Don’t waste your time with anyone who can’t see that.

NOT EVERY DAY CAN BE THE BEST DAY

Our energy is always oscillating. Some days we feel like a fountain of rainbow sprinkles shooting into a cotton-candy sky, and other days, even peeping our head out above the blankets can feel like a struggle.

Let’s stop expecting that we will be able to “crush it!” every single day. It’s not realistic and it sets us up for failure and disappointment. When you’re riding shotgun with the muse, by all means, get your life, honey! But it’s okay to have days that feel a little underwhelming, too.

Our best recourse in these moments is to have massive amounts of patience and self-compassion. When you feel low ebb, take it as a sign that you need to fill up your emotional tank. Devote more time to doing something that makes you happy.

Even though every day cannot be the best day, we do have the power to dictate what we do with the circumstances life throws at us. So make choices that strengthen you, and take care of yourself no matter what.

STOP SEARCHING FOR YOUR “PURPOSE”

There is no such thing. Our purpose is whatever we say it is. The meaning of life is whatever we bring to it. It’s that simple.

So many people are waiting to find out their purpose. That is just fear, dressed as  perfectionism, manifesting as procrastination. None of us have one true reason for being on the planet.

Whatever brings you joy, whatever perpetuates that spark inside you, whatever gets you out of bed in the morning? That’s the meaning of your life. It’s up to you to find that, and then pursue it with all your energy!

And if you don’t know what to do with your life, or which direction to go in, the answer is actually very simple. Pick one thing, and give it everything you’ve got. Reassess three months later. You’ll know whether to keep on the same track, or whether to try something new.

ALLOW YOUR JUDGEMENT MUSCLE TO ATROPHY

We use judgement of other people as a way of deflecting how bad we feel about ourselves. In that moment where we’re talking about how someone else is dressed or how they did this or that, we find temporary relief from our own inner torment.

It works for a short time, but it’s a temporary buzz. And the problem with exercising that judgment muscle is that it only gets stronger. Which means that it’s even more vicious and accurate when it — inevitably — turns and works its nasty magic on you.

We are all in this together, really and truly. The idea that it is “us” versus “them” is toxic, dangerous, and perpetuates so much hatred.

Stop talking shit about other people. Refuse to buy tabloids or look at gossip websites. And watch your life expand.

REFRAME YOUR VIEW OF FITNESS

A lot of us see fitness as some form of ancient torture, or — more accurately — punishment for not looking the way we want to. But really, working out is one of the best ways you can show your body how much you love it.

Exercise is also one of the most fast-acting examples of the immense power of our thoughts.

When you’re halfway through a set of ten push-ups, you might get to number seven and feel exhausted. In this moment you have two choices. You can think to yourself, ‘Oh God, this hurts too much. I can’t do this.’ And if you think that, you’ll probably quit. But if you instead tell yourself, ‘This hurts but I can do three more! This is easy. I am so much stronger than I think’, you will be able to finish the set.

Getting to our fullest potential depends entirely on the thoughts we think. We can select thoughts that weaken us and make us doubt our capabilities, or we can pick thoughts that literally strengthen us.

Once you experience this phenomenon, the power of the mind cannot be doubted. And you have yet another tool in your arsenal that can deploy at will.

CELEBRATE EVERY SINGLE DAY

You never know how long you have. This could be your last hour on the planet. So stop delaying pleasure and waiting for “special occasions” to live the life that you could be living every single day.

Wear your favourite dress. Use that fabulous bedding (and stop worrying about whether it might get a stain on it). Spray yourself with incredible perfume. Pull a tarot card every morning if it pleases you. Make time to see your friends.

We have the luxury of designing our lives in a way that suits us, so why not live a life that brings you joy? Don’t squander this one, delicious opportunity to be potently, vivaciously alive.

ASK YOURSELF HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL

“How do I want to feel?” is one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves. Because when you know how you want to feel — say, for example, you want to feel FREE — that provides clues as to what you should be doing with your time, energy, attention, and money.

It also shows you where your life isn’t in alignment.

For example, if you want to feel free, but you also want to take on a huge debt, or tether yourself to a physical location, that’s going to create conflict in your life.

If you want to feel joyful, but you’re married to a cynic, that’s not going to go well either!

The plan? Structure your life so that your goals are in sync with the way you want to feel. The result? Pure bliss.

(Full credit to my girl Danielle LaPorte and her book The Desire Map for this idea.)

RECOGNISE THAT CHANGE IS PAINFUL AND UGLY

When I look around, I see a lot of people who are trying to transcend their pain. They’re desperately trying to meditate/yoga/green juice/gratitude it all away.

Now, all of those tools are great, but their purpose is not to eradicate pain completely. Pain is here no matter what we do. And in fact, pain helps us. Pain is a teacher. it’s here to show us what we need to know and how we need to change.

Spiritual bypasses never work.

We also have to recognise that change is seldom a pretty process. We all want to be living as the highest expression of ourselves, but getting there is never easy. It usually contains painful realisations, confusion, flailing, and tears. It is a continual striving towards a new and unfamiliar way of being.

If you’re signed on as a radical self love revolutionary, and if you’re committed to living your life like it’s golden (as Jill Scott would say), then you have to be prepared for the messiness.

The pain you’re feeling is an essential part of growth. If you try to avoid it, you won’t grow. You don’t get to dance around it. You have to go through it. It is the only way to transform.

CHOOSE GRATITUDE

Learning to practice gratitude on a regular basis has been one of the most revolutionary practices of my life. When I make an effort to focus on what is going well, my whole perspective on the world flips.

Gratitude is not about Pollyanna-ing your life away. It is not about burying your head in the sand or ignoring the very real problems that exist in our world. It is about recognising that there is always sweet with the sour.

2016 was an incredibly hard year for so many of us, capped off with an election that seemed to validate hatred, prejudice, and ignorance. Racism, police brutality, and blatant disrespect for women is rampant, and that’s not even the tip of the iceberg. It’s heartbreaking, it’s disappointing, and it makes us want to take a big nap. But if that’s all we focus on, we’re going to get dragged down with it.

Gratitude is essential because it helps us realise that, no matter what it may look like on the outside, the world is FULL of incredible things, amazing people, beautiful ideas. And when we’re reminded of that, it gives us the power to keep going. It gives us the strength to keep fighting for what we believe is right. It gives us the courage to continue creating the world we want to live in.

Every morning, make a list of things you’re thankful for in your head, or in your phone, or with your lover, or in text messages with your friends. Be specific. Force yourself to dig deep and think about things that really light up your heart and elevate your spirit. Close your eyes and visualise each one as you contemplate it. It will completely transform your mood, and the way you interact with your environment.

I promise you, this universe is a beautiful place.

There is so much to be grateful for.

And your place amongst it is just as beautiful.

Love always,

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Send Radical Self Love Stickers To Your Best Friends!

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We could all use a little more kindness. A little more sweetness. A little more hope, a little more colour. If anything, the events of this recent week have reminded me how much we need to BE A RAINBOW, provide love, provide support, both to our closest friends and family, and to any stranger who needs it. (For more on this, you can read about my experiences at a protest this weekend right here.)

I love text messages as a way of communicating a delicious little something to our favourite people. That’s why I was so excited when iOS 10 released stickers — fun, small images that you could use to pepper your text messages with love and light.

And that’s why we created Radical Self Love Stickers!

I teamed up with one of my favourite illustrators, Emily Faulstich, to make 68 adorable radical self love-themed stickers that you can send to all your best friends!

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As much as I love words… It’s so much more fun to add colour to your messages! Stickers are rad because you can drag and drop the stickers anywhere, double, triple, or quadruple ’em up, and go really WILD!

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One of my favourite stickers says “Things I Love…” I like to use it to kick off a mini gratitude fest with my friends. It’s the best way to pull us both out of a slump simultaneously!

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In addition to little drawings, there are lots of phrases I came up with that you can send through when your best babe needs a little encouragement, a push to take a risk, or just to be reminded that Liberace is everything.

There are so many fun ways to use them. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think this is exactly the sort of boost we could all use right now.

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Radical Self Love Stickers are only 99 cents and they’re available in the App Store right now. I am crazy about them and I hope that you enjoy sending them to all your favourite people!

Love and stickers,

P.S. We only have ten spaces left for the second Radical Self Love Temple in Marrakech in March. If you want to join us, please make sure you email Audrey about it today!

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It’s My Birthday… And All My Classes Are $33!

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Happy birthday to me! Today I am 33 years old. I’m not totally sure how that happened but one thing’s for sure: it’s good to be alive. Last night, G and I went to see Louis C.K. at Madison Square Garden, and he was incredible. I’ve never seen better stand-up, and that includes all his past specials. (Bonus: Louis turned 49 yesterday, so it was an extra-special treat to see him on his birthday.)

This morning I woke up to six dozen roses — I don’t even have enough vases to hold them! — and I’m going to spend the rest of my day hanging out with friends. Life isn’t perfect, but I feel happy, and confident, and capable of mastering what this next year is going to throw my way.

Anyway, to celebrate my BIRTHDAY, I’m running a 24 hour sale on all my online classes! Everything is $33! WHAT?!

HOW DO YOU WANT TO FEEL?

CREATIVE?
RADICAL SELF LOVE BIBLE SCHOOL
$97 $33

Radical Self Love Bible School is a super-fun of uncovering your true self. Grab a blank sketchbook and some art supplies and get ready to change the way you see yourself! Over the course of 12 lessons, you’ll learn to dismantle the tyranny of perfection (and embrace your messy genius), unlock the creative side of yourself that has been hidden or squashed, discover how to carve out time for yourself, and fall in love with how incredibly awesome you are. You can learn more about Bible School here.

CONFIDENT?
DARE/DREAM/DO
$47 $33

DARE/DREAM/DO is your no excuses guide to kicking ass and taking names. If you have big dreams but you’re not sure how to bring them to fruition, this is the class for you. Every day for 30 days you’ll receive very direct instructions on how to manage your fear, expand your vision, and take concrete action that really works. (Seriously, it does. Read the testimonials!)

REBELLIOUS?
RADICAL SELF LOVE BOOTCAMP
$197 $33

Radical Self Love Bootcamp is my biggest class. If you’re truly ready to take responsibility for your life and become the supernova you know you can be, this is the one for you! Featuring six interviews, essays, transcripts and worksheets, you’ll tackle those thoughts that suffocate your self-esteem, learn how to TRULY love your body, discover how to stop feeling stuck, tango past your fears, find out how gratitude can change your life, and look closely at what it means to manifest miracles. You can read more about Bootcamp here.

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REBOOTED?
TAP THAT
$145 $33

Tapping is an incredible healing tool that you can do on your own, with no equipment, at any time you like. I used it to completely get rid of the asthma I’d had since I was a child, as well as depression and an eating disorder. I have never discovered a more incredible or effective way of changing things. You can read more about Tap That here.


Don’t forget, this sale is only in effect for 24 hours… So don’t dilly-dally!

I love you!

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These Are A Few Of My Favourite Things: September 2016

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Happy Monday! Welcome to a (long overdue) Favourite Things post. Usually these posts are a little bit more materialistic, and if that’s what you’re looking for, check out the older ones! But, as I have been alluding to, this is a really big time of transformation for me. I’ve been thinking a lot about the mind, reality, radical self love, creativity, and how many of us are trying to escape our pain. It has led me to some pretty interesting places in conversation with others, in my thought process, and on the internet.

Here are a few of the most thought-provoking things I’ve stumbled upon in the past week. I hope you enjoy them!

RUPAUL’S DRAG U
I’m such a massive fan of RuPaul, so I have no idea why I had never watched an episode of Drag U before. How did I miss this?! Drag U is a show where — essentially using the power of radical self love — three drag queens transform the lives of three women who have low self-esteem. It is AMAZING! I am obsessed. It’s useful, it’s uplifting, and it almost always brings tears to my eyes. The show streams on Amazon, so queue up a few episodes and get ready to have your perspective on life changed.

WHAT’S THE TEE?
RuPaul’s podcast with Michelle Visage is one of my new favourite things ever. I really love the podcasts where it’s just the two of them and they’re just having an average conversation, because they vacillate between fun pop culture chat and really deep existential shit. That having been said, my favourite episodes so far are when they interview Bianca Del Rio (so funny, and especially good if you’re a fan of Drag Race) and Henry Rollins (indispensable listening for anyone creative).

ELIZABETH GILBERT’S MAGIC LESSONS
Elizabeth Gilbert is a wonderful person. Did you hear the recent news about how she fell in love with her best friend? It made me adore her even more. She is such a stellar example of someone who is not just living her truth, but also experiencing the width of life. Her podcast, Magic Lessons, is a series of interviews with creative people, and it’s essential listening for writers. Two of my favourite episodes are with Neil Gaiman and Brene Brown. Get into it.

SUPERSOUL SUNDAY WITH GLENNON DOYLE MELTON
My incredible friend Louise Androlia, who is also going through a time of massive change, put me on to Glennon Doyle Melton. Her new book, Love Warrior, just came out, and so she was featured on Oprah’s SuperSoul Sunday. In this interview, they discuss being “perfect”, eating disorders and numbing out, infidelity, and how we can use pain as a tool for growth and transformation. It is excellent.

10% HAPPIER WITH DAN GILBERT
I found this interview by Googling “RuPaul podcast meditation” — just wondering if he had gone into the subject in some depth — and ding ding ding! This episode surfaced. I love hearing RuPaul talk about his meditation practice, observing his thoughts, the dark night of the soul, how life is not to be taken seriously, and the mystery of identity. It’s awesome.

 

Love and the longest hug ever,

Illustration from Ban.do.

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It’s Time To Throw Away Your Vision Board

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Babe, if you were with me on Facebook last night, you know that I am going through it. I am having a spiritual awakening, and it’s not some fluffy, namby-pamby nonsense. I feel like I am finally seeing without illusion for the first time in years.

A few days ago I woke up with an entirely new perspective on the world and how it works. How some “new age” concepts can be damaging. How we make excuses for ourselves constantly. How we are all desperately trying to escape our pain, and the ways we attempt to do that, and the way we dress it up as an “enlightened” process. How we place our power outside of ourselves, and how the only way to make real progress and change in our lives is to TAKE RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY and quite frankly, stop bullshitting ourselves.

That’s what I jumped onto Facebook Live to talk about last night. And girl… It got heated. I was ON. And I loved every minute of it. (Fair warning: I also swore a lot, so, be aware!)

Like I said… A lot of things have shifted for me in the year since my book got published, and I want to share them with you, because I believe that when we get really clear on what works and what doesn’t, nothing can hold us back. We can change our lives, transform our behaviour, and create the world we want because we know that the power is within us. And we don’t need anyone or anything else to “give” it to us. It’s inside us and it’s inherent and it’s dying to be unleashed.

I’d love it if you joined me for the Radical Self-Love Online Class. We get started on September 14th (the day after my birthday!), and it is going to blow your head off.

Yes baby.

Love to you,

Photo by Made U Look.

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