How To Be The Best House Guest Ever (& Always Get Invited Back)
[ 16 March 2009 ]
Here is my disclaimer: This is NOT me saying that I am the ultimate house-guest, because I’m certainly not. In fact, someone I stayed with once called me an “impossible diva” (who, moi?!!) & tossed me out unceremoniously on the street! What this is really meant to be is a reminder, maybe an idealistic manifesto of how Mother Theresa might behave were she to hunker down on someone’s sofa-bed for a week…
Be respectful
I think this is always, always, always the most important thing, & we all have the ability to show this in different ways, so it’s up to you as to how you do that.
However, if you’re kind of stumped as to what that means, one really obvious way in which you can do this is by leaving things the way they were. This seems like a small thing but I think about it all the time. People — & by this I’m talking specifically about whoever is hosting you — like their lives the way they like them. They have systems, ways of doing things. The very best way, in my opinion, to make staying with them palatable for everyone involved, is to integrate yourself into their life as seamlessly as possible. In practical application, I mean maintaining the routines they already have going. Do they leave their shoes at the door? Do they keep their toilet seat up or down? Do they automatically wash every dish they use or do they let them soak? Do they replace the caps on their bottles of shampoo? Where do they hang their towels?
I know that when I have people stay with me, I always really appreciate it if they take notice of the way I behave & then do as much as they can to behave in a similar way. I don’t leave open containers of food lying around, I always put the toilet seat down (good feng shui!), I try to keep things tidy & I make my bed every day. These little things just make my life easier. This is how I behave. So if someone comes over & they leave food around, or the seat up, every time I see that, it’s a little reminder that I am not by myself, that there is someone else here, & that if I want my life to continue as normal, I am probably going to have to pick up their slack. Even the world’s most patient person begins to get frustrated by this after a while, because after all, our homes are our sanctuaries.
Other ways to be respectful of someone’s space include taking your loud, hour-long, high-pitched phonecalls outside, not putting your shoes on the furniture, cleaning up any messes you make & not spending half the day in the bathroom. Obviously though, we tend to take cues from whoever we’re staying with, so if their nightly ritual involves jumping on their bed in muddy gumboots, you might as well join in! (Yay, bed-jumping!)
Establish some ground-rules
To avoid doing something that is unintentionally offensive or troublesome, you might like to ask who you’re staying with if they have any house rules. Believe me when I say that this will make your life a lot easier. Some people have bizarre rules, too, that you might never guess. So ask them what they expect from you, & then hold up your end of the bargain!
Also, do what you say you’ll do. If you say you’re leaving on Tuesday, leave on Tuesday! I don’t think I need to explain why this is important!
Try to contain your sprawl
Okay, this can be hard, but it’s worth persevering with.
The first day you get in, you put your suitcases in a relatively out-of-the-way place, sit down for a cup of tea & collapse into wherever you’re sleeping — bed (lucky!), sofa-bed, air-bed, couch, floor or cozy closet. The next day you wake up & you have to find an outfit. If you’re a guy you probably have an advantage in that you change your t-shirt, socks & underwear & you’re pretty much good to go. Girls, on the other hand, typically want to wear something completely different every day, which presents its own unique challenges.
So you drag your suitcase from where it was, mostly disguised behind the couch or wherever, & the madness begins. At first you lift things up to try & find what it is you’re looking for, but when that doesn’t seem to work, you start ripping things out at full speed, throwing them over your shoulder & making a fabulous mess. Of course, nothing really goes back the way it should, so once you’ve dressed yourself, your suitcase bulges, half-open, tulle petticoats & lingerie spilling out like pretty, elaborate vomit, & a selection of other, smaller bags scattered around it (handbag, cosmetics bag, random tote bag…). & so it continues in this manner, getting gradually worse & worse, until you finally leave (but not before sitting on your suitcase so it will finally zip up) & your hosts breathe a sigh of relief.
You know, you can save yourself an awesome amount of pain if whoever you’re staying with can just provide somewhere for you to hang your things. At least, your most-worn things: your oversized cardigan, your leather jacket, your scarf, whatever. Ditto on having somewhere to put your shoes, though that tends to be considerably easier to arrange. But sometimes there really is nowhere for you to put your stuff.
I think you know what I’m going to say: just try not to take over the entire living room with your belongings. Zip your suitcase at least half-way. Try to stack things in an orderly fashion. Line up your shoes. Do what you can to reduce the visual clutter. Just make a bit of an effort, because it will make a big difference.
If the person you’re staying with has to do side-turns & strange shuffles to get past your collection of tea-kettles, or WHATEVER it is you have in that enormous bag, they are going to get miffed. Quickly. So it’s really in your best interests to keep your eye on your own personal sprawl. I set fire to someone’s shoes once. I’m just saying!
Strike a balance
There’s nothing worse than someone who constantly asks you for permission to do this or that, but at the same time, opening your door to some kind of hurricane-person who leaves their toenail clippings all over your bedspread is pretty bad too.
Do your thing, but be considerate. We all have different ideas of what is acceptable or “normal”, but I think you understand what I mean. Allow who you’re staying with to live their life as simply as possible, but don’t be afraid to ask them if you can’t find something or you’re not sure about how the shower works. (Showers, man. Every single one is different. I wish the people who make showers would just get it together!)
Be charming!
Perhaps this should go without saying, but if you’re a pleasure to be around, it’s more likely than not that your host will be sad to see you go. We’ve spoken about charm before, but remember that this extends beyond just smiling & saying please & thank you. It also means taking an interest in your host’s life as well as making conversation with any of their friends who you happen to meet. If you can’t do those things, maybe you should stay with someone you like better!
Pitch in
This can take a number of forms, from helping put the groceries away, to clearing dirty dishes, to buying your host dinner or introducing them to someone you think they’d adore. People don’t like to feel as if they’re being taken advantage of, & I don’t mean to sound like your mother or anything, but you’re not staying in a hotel — so don’t treat it like one. You’re in someone else’s space, & a great way to show your gratitude for that fact is by being useful or helpful. You get it, you understand, I know you do!
The way in which you help out doesn’t have to be generic, either — I have bought strange-looking exotic plants, placed Band Aids on bleeding thumbs & re-organised bedrooms in the last 3 weeks, all as a way of saying “thanks so much” for letting me stay.
Leave something when you go, by which I do not mean a radical case of avian flu or an incredible collection of lipstick-stained cigarette butts. Something nice! Or at least useful.
How about flowers or a plant which doesn’t require a lot of work? (A moth orchid is always a good call.) You can also chip in grocery or fuel vouchers, buy chocolates, write a long love letter outlining all of your host’s exceptionally positive qualities, or replenish things you noticed they were running low on. Pretty much everyone appreciates these sorts of gestures, & if they don’t… that’s their problem, innit?
What are your favourite, time-tested, tried-&-true ways of ensuring your time in someone else’s house goes well? Who is the worst house-guest you’ve ever had? How about the best? What did they do that made them so much more fun to have around than anyone else? Let us know in the comments!
Love letters & feather headdresses,
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This is such a great article, especially what you said about taking notice of how your host behaves and doing the same.. This always seemed like common sense to me, but unfortunately, I’ve learned otherwise! I have had friends who come over and don’t bother to take their shoes off, throw their jackets on the floor (!!) and put their feet on my coffee table. Is there a smelly cluttered planet out there somewhere where this is acceptable??
I know what you mean about the sprawl and the house rules. When I was in London I had to abode to a number of weird (to me) house rules like: No shoes on the upper floor of the house, no opening the kitchen door which however had to be opened in order to cook for the smoke to go away. In Spain, I had to pick up all the hair that fell down in the shower (with the change of water condition, it was A LOT!), warm my milk in the microwave oven before putting chocolate in it…
The sprawl… well it was a nightmare to keep everything in the suitcase, however my hosts were kind enough to give us a mini closet to keep all our thing hanged and I used the space under my bed to line all my shoes.
The day before I left, my friend and I organized all our suitcases, cleaned up our space completely, cleaned our sheets, cleaned the bathroom, got rid of all our trash and bought a nice bottle of wine for our guests. It was the least we could do since they had to put up with our homesickness and crazy ways.
Very timely, as I am about to embark on a couchsurfing mission around NYC!
I found doing small chores like the washing up and recycling for my friends went down really well when I stayed with them. Likewise restocking anything (food, bathroom stuff) that I’d used.
Gifts & thank you notes might be appreciated (my mother would have insisted), though going over the top can look sycophantic
Showing up drunk in the wee hours after losing your host’s only spare set of impossible-to-duplicate housekeys on a nightbus is definitely NOT recommended.
Good article gala!
it’s so true, sometimes even when you keep your stuff neat and you’re being polite a little thing will get on your hosts nerves.
i like to get “practical” things for my hosts.
one time i bought a very large package of toilet paper just before they ran out. perhaps my true moment of greatness.
other things that have been appreciated: string cheese, cream cheese and mini bagels, freeze pops (you get 100 for like dollar! deal!), food is always appreciated.
PS. A good guest folds up the blankets they use!!
Amen! And I would heed Gala’s advice, as she stayed with me for a couple weeks and I really miss having her here! I don’t know if I’ve ever spent more than a week straight with anyone and even still LIKED them in the end – so go Gala! (I kid.)
But really, Gala made my home ever-pleasant and even used her Virgo powers to help me feng-shui my room!
Gala Darling = Best Houseguest Ever. True facts.
Perfect, PERFECT timing! In a few short weeks, I’ll be off for a 6-day stay with a blog friend I’ve never met … nervous much? This guide will help me keep my cool when I show up, bags in hand.
Haha, I loved the part about making a fabulous mess, making a mess is so much fun!
The worst guest I had was a party of my boyfriend friends. They all hated me because my boy happened to love me more than them so set about messing up my house. We had onion bowling, coleslaw flinging, pouring beer on to the floor and skidding, making blowtorches from hairspray. They were bastards!
Other than that, my real friends appreciate my welcoming abode. I usually receive some kind of alcoholic gift, even a half drunk bottle of Jagermeister is good to me!
I’ve just started reading your blog, and I adore! Such lovely bits and bobs :D I especially like this entry, I’ve been in a gypsy state for much of the past year and could have used such gentle prodding at the start >.>
While still terrible at containing the sprawl, I did find one extremely helpful solution. My friends and I tend to be shopaholics, at least when brought together, invading vintage stores and clearance racks as if there is no tomorrow nor end to our wallets. This can create EPIC sprawl once you return to the abode, trying to cram new things into cases, tags, plastic wrappings and other such things, not to MENTION the impromptu fashion shows for the friends/roommates/mothers who WEREN’T on the excursion, causing even more suitcase rummaging because omg, wouldn’t these newly-bought vintage jeans look AH-MAY-ZING with the little heels buried at the very bottom of the suitcase?!
I have, however, trained myself to take aside the biggest shopping bag as soon as I get back, and keep it for all the junk as we tally the spoils. No papers or stickers on the floor, nothing, I don’t allow it! When we’re done, bag goes in the bin, host doesn’t have to vacuum up tiny plastic tags when I leave.
Plus, if we’re out and my host she sees something she reeeally wants but reeeeally shouldn’t spend the money, I try to buy, if it’s within my power :D I may be awful at leaving the towels in the right place, but I will make up for it in gifts, teeheehee.
I generally tend to do all of these things when staying in other people’s houses, but a few weeks ago I had 2 of my boyfriends friends staying with us (we live in a 2 bedroom flat) and they made so much mess, they tried to help out a little with putting their cups etc by the sink, but didn’t actually wash them up. We all went out on a night out and not one of them thought to buy us a drink by way of saying thanks! I hate it when people don’t have common courtesy skills, and are amazingly selfish! I love this post and might email it as a helpful reminder to whoever I have staying with me next!!
Sunshine & Sparkles!
xxxx
Well done! This is really good, although I totally want more details on 1) The impossible diva and 2) the shoe burnings! I feel another round of iCiNG stories coming on!
I would also add Be nice to their pets! I recently had a new friend round for the first time who tried to insist I lock my cat and dog outside. Not cool. I mean, I might have if she had some fear of them or something like that, but she just said she didn’t like how they smelled! Not cool!
;)
Word on the showers thing. I stayed with a friend of mine in London back in January and her family had the most bizarre electric heating shower – I don’t even know what the hell it was, it just had a stupid amount of buttons and A MOTOR! WTF? I had to ask for a lot of help on that one.
I always bring a gift to give to them right away when I get there to thank them for letting me stay – typically chocolate (who doesn’t like that?) and then I always leave a thank you note when I leave. I try to keep my suitcase chaos to a minimum and offer to help out whenever the opportunity arises.
When I was staying in London, my friend’s family had an adorable little English Sunday supper while I was there and I offered to help with that – 100% admitting that I can’t cook – but even still, I can at least cut stuff up or set the table.
I’ve always felt terribly awkward about staying in other people’s homes but I’ve gotten much better about being a very grateful guest over the years.
Gala, this is SO funny! Muddy gumboots! Elaborate vomit! Tea-kettles! Love it. (It’s also very sensible.)
I always like to come with a gift, usually something from where I am from and pay for dinner/a meal at least once.
But following rules is key. We have don’t have many but the rules we do have in our house are for the safety of our pets and pretty key. That is the biggest stresser of having people over.
That said, being a good host is key too. Maybe I’ll write a piece on that becuase I hate coming to someone’s house to stay (like in-laws!) and there is no closet space and you have to cram everything in between all the crap they should have gotten rid of a million years ago!
Luv
Poochie
Gosh I wish this applied to flatmates as well! As I would show this article to some of mine and tell them to get their act together!
This is a great article though, I’ve suffered through my fair share of bad houseguests (courtesy of aforementioned flatmates) so I kow how awful it can be when someone staying with you is very disruptive.
I think the best houseguests I’ve ever had came to stay when I wasn’t even there to enjoy it! I went home for Christmas and loaned my bedroom out to my (trustworthy) flatmate so her sisters could come and stay for the holidays. After a month of them living in my room, I was bit terrified of coming back and finding what state they’d left it in, but all I found was my room, just as I’d left it and a cute little thank you note from the youngest girl telling me she enjoyed my Studio Ghibli DVDs and a little drawing of her enjoying my room!
I like to come and leave bearing gifts. Even when I go back to stay with my parents for the weekend I like to arrive bearing flowers and cook some meals to make up for the intrusion!
It’s nice to cook for people, especially busy people. If you’re staying with someone who works all day, it’s nice to welcome them home with a meal.
This is all timeless info. We seem to talk about this every time we hang out….it’s so important to do things for your hosts, even if it’s just leaving a nice card with a hand-written note and a gift certificate for their favorite restaurant! But…we have a pretty easy time together I think because we always manage to shack up in a hotel room where it’s okay to let suitcase contents sprawl (and to jump on the bed)! You’re hands-down the most considerate houseguest I’ve ever seen, though….
Love you!
Nubs
This is information that everyone should read. I’d love to pass this onto my mother-in-law who will be here in about three weeks to stay with us for a week.
Last time she came she dropped a sleeping pill and almost killed my dog, she spilt red wine on my new sofa, she broke the blinds in my living room and the guest room, and left a window open that my cat jumped out of (from second story) and we had to go outside in freezing temps and find the poor thing.
Needless to say, I’m hiding all the breakables this time.
http://lifeissweet2.blogspot.com/
how fabulous! it’s too true, though – nobody knows any manners these days! stuff like this totally goes into the pile of “stuff my mother never taught me.” i swear to god, everyone under the age 30 missed out on all sorts of important tidbits!!
i always find that baked goods, wine, or other yummy treat is especially well recieved. i mean, who doesn’t love warm brownies?
I love having friends to stay, which is lucky as I owe lots of people house guest status after spending a lot of time couch surfing in the last few months :)
Little presents, thank you notes and helping out with food are always good. I’m also careful about having shorter showers (not natural for me when I’m at home) and giving people a bit of space (spending time visiting someone else etc)
Excellent advice. I have a lot of house guests here from the darling to the devilish. And of course being another Virgo, that doesn’t always work out well. I wonder if you could offer some advice for hosts to remain gracious in the face of bad house guests? (Mother in law issues anyone?) :)
You’re absolutely right about slotting yourself into your host’s routine. I stayed with my best friend when she was far away at uni a few times and whilst I feel frustrated and like I’m wasting the day if I sleep in any later than 9-10am, she was fully immersed in the student lifestyle of getting to bed around 4am and waking up at midday at the earliest. We drove one another CRAZY.
Oh! I always bring something delicious and snacky and elegant, preferably an interesting variety of muffin, and try to stay out of other people’s kitchens . . . it feels so rude even though my intentions are always kind!
My best guests are the ones who come by every week; it makes me feel like I’m back in college rocking with some roomies! The worst are the ones that want to hang out with everyone but me. I mean, I don’t need to be the center of attention, but I get slightly insulted when there’s no time set aside for the hostess, y’know? But I might be alone in that, I would imagine that many people prefer low-maintenance guests. To each his/her own, I suppose!
I’m not sure if anyone else has mentioned this, but bringing ones own toiletries when a house guest is always a good idea. Often, your host will see that you packed shampoo and insist instead that you use the fancy salon stuff they bought special for you. However, not everyone has the means to share resources like that. I am a college student and my sister is staying with me for a week. I barely have time for a job and get paid just enough to afford all the necessities. As much as I would love to, I can’t afford to share my body wash. The sister unit has been very well-prepared and packed things for showering. She’s also extremely kind in preparing for more than her own monetary needs. I plan on inviting her back.
I absolutely hate cleaning with a vengeance. I don’t even clean my own house.
I will however keep my stuff within the boundaries of the space I’ve been allocated, I will put my dishes in the kitchen, if I’m only staying a couple of days I’ll only use one towel so there isn’t lots of washing, I will insist on buying groceries and helping to cook, and I will ask where you want the sheets, duvets and pillow cases as we are packing up to leave.
*Guests who bring hostess gifts get 5 stars in my book.
*My worst house guest ever kept me up past 2 am chatting. And while i really don’t mind chatting, I just wanted to whack her with my pillow at some point.
*If you have foodie needs, like you only eat veggies or juice, be prepared to bring your own sustenance if your host is unaware of your dietary preferences…eek! and try not to be too picky & whiny about the meals they serve.
I’ve pretty much been a perma guest for the last 3 years. I do a lot of house/pet sitting and I’ve also moved around a lot/been between homes so I’m kind of a pro at slinking in and out of people’s lives without causing any hassle. Back in the day when I actually lived somewhere permanent I lived in a huge shared house where there were generally 1-2 guests at any given time. The ones we loved the most were the washer uppers and the great cooks, I guess that’s pretty obvious but there is nothing better than a grateful guest being your food slave. There was one girl who made the most mind blowing vegan food, I swear I used to shed a little tear every time she left. Least favored were the ones who bought back guests late at night without asking, big fat no.
I’m traveling round the USA this summer, three months of being a guest. Something tells me this article will be a helpful reminder!!
Great advice as always Gala, thanks for the reminders.
A strange experience but perhaps not the worst…
Relatives came to stay for three days, to make room for the guest matresses on the floor, an armchair was turned upside down and on the sofa. The mattresses took up the whole floor.
The next day I made them breakfast at about 9am and they lay in bed until after 11am. My place is small and there was no where really for me to go. I had to eat my breakfast standing in the kitchen.
When they finally got up, they didnt fold up the beds and so out of curiousity I didnt either to see how long they would leave it that way. I could not believe it so I left it like that all day. It stayed like that for 3 days! They perched on the edge of the sofa as there was no room to on the sofa to sit properly.
I guess it was silly of me not to say anything or fix it but it really showed me what kind of thoughtless people they were. I was really upset, this was a mum and a grown up daughter so they should know their manners.
To say thanks, they bought me a cup of coffee.
Yeah – thanks alot. Please dont stay again.
This would make a fabulous podcast!
You could not have written this at a better time, Gala. I leave next week for the States and will be staying with a friend for 4 weeks! This is going to help me a lot and I will definitely think back to this and giggle to myself when I see myself making a fabulous mess.
I always leave notes on the mirror when I leave places right before I get in the car. Usually I have to have someone drive me to the airport, that way it’s a surprise and they can read it when get back home after dropping me off.
Oh, and I always bring something small with me from where I live as a thank you for letting me stay and I give that to them the very day I arrive. Just to let them know I appreciate them opening their home to me.
Thank you Gala,
That is all great advice – I will show it to my gorgeous teenagers in hope they will put at least some of into practice when staying with friends !!
Now any good advice on young teenagers/adults still living at home ….. cleaning own room – helping out etc. would be much appriciated (age old problem I know)
Lots of love Donna x
I love it when people visit and they’re independent and respectful. I just LOVE having guests.
However, last November, a dude I met at a festival wanted to move into our city from Belgium and I said he could stay with us for a couple of days. I prepared well for him, trying to sort him out with interviews for national insurance etc but when he got here, he was SO lazy he didn’t even turn up to them and just slept in past mid-day every day or bothered answering calls for to his future landlords. On top of that he came onto my cousin who was visiting for a couple of days (who has aspergers and wasn’t able to weigh up the situation) thinking her sleeping in the spare room (where he was sleeping previously but was expected to be gone from by this point) meant she wanted him in there too..
and he keeps interfering with our cooking “why whon’t you let me do it! MY dad is a chef I know a thing or two about cooking!” heh, well I want to do it! Then making it clear he hates washing dishes. He also had a habit of playin ghis music loud or just walking into my room and sleeping at the foot of my bed for some reason. I ended up telling him to leave by the end of it all, which was two weeks! Oh Gala, he almost broke every convention you had up there and I still have a grudge on him :/ especially concering my cousin! We didn’t even get a thank you!
The main thing I appreciate when someone is here is when they make the effort to make their stay pleasant and we can work together and have an awesome time, not when we have to look after them like we’re their parents.
When I stay at someone’s house I was taught to bring a hostess gift, such as flowers or wine, keep all my things tidy, offer to help with making meals, help with cleaning up after meals, and even offer to make a meal if possible.
When leaving, if I have slept on a bed, I take the sheets off and fold the comforter/quilt (or other blankets). I then put the sheets in the wash so that my host will not have to do so.
After I have left, I send a thank you note and possibly a little gift if I can.
That’s just what my mom has done all my life, every time my family has stayed somewhere. So, I do the same.
I think the best thing you can do as a guest is be agreeable and appreciate everything the host does for you and not have any sense of entitlement. And also have a good time!
Whenever I stay over at someone’s house I make sure I help cleanup. I keep all my stuff in my suitcase. I also always remember to send a thank-you card afterwards. So far this has worked out well.
xox
Staar
If you don’t have a house key, make sure you work out a schedule with your host!! And if you do, I think it’s still considerate to let them know what your plans are, especially if they involve being out late. Even if you know you have someone staying over, being woken late at night by the front door opening, however quietly, is never a fun experience… And please, don’t bring anyone back that your hosts aren’t expecting to see you come back with at the end of the day!
Thank you for posting this! I had some rather rude house guests awhile back and was wondering if people still knew what manners were.
We once had a mother and her two kids stay with us, in our guest bedroom. The kids were soo shy, they basically locked themselves away in there the whole time – I wasn’t home alot, but one of the girls was really into books, so I invited her to choose anything she liked from my bookshelf, she read a couple and would write thankyou notes and slip them inside them when she returned them. I still keep the letters in there because they’re really cute!
This is a great article I wish I would have been able to show one of my boyfriend’s friends when he was staying with us for a few months. He was the WORST guest EVER! He even brought his male in-fixed cat, who sprayed everywhere and terrorized my female kitten. This cat didn’t know how to use a litter box and this guy would literally cover cat droppings that were on the floor with tissue and I would find when I’d get home from work. Also while my boyfriend and I were at work he would eat tonnea of our food and leave dishes everywhere, resulting in a lot of mugs getting broken. He’d use three rolls of toilet paper a day and leave garbage EVERWHERE! It was awful, I did however learn never to take advantage of other peopes spaces and to always be respectful to other people.
Best House Guest Ever –
Well personally my sister is always the stellar house guest, she cooks, she cleans (despite the fact that I TRY to get my place up to code).
I don’t usually stay with anyone unless we are good friends or it is an unexpected overnight. But I treat people to food, and if I’m staying more than a night, pitch in on groceries, pitch in on housework and help out wherever I can. The only thing I really feel I need to work on is CHARM.
I lack that despite best intentions :(
My best houseguest ever was my buddy Justin, who basically lived with my bf and I for 10 days in Santa Barbara (basically, my entire spring break that year).
He was conscientious and tidy: every morning, the airbed would be deflated and folded, all the bedding stowed before I even came downstairs. Also, he wasn’t just crashing at our place; he was there to spend time with me/us. So we developed a whole schedule together. We went for a run/long beach walk/bike ride together every morning after my bf drove to work – or if he biked to work, we all went together and got coffee downtown.
I had a to-do list for the week; he helped me do all of it, from swapping rooms in the apt, hauling furniture, to getting plants and reorganizing the garden. Afternoons were hot and we were tired. I’d make us a pot of tea and a snack and we’d watch cartoons and laugh and relax – every day!
I was also working on a painting that I wanted to finish. Not only was he completely respectful of the importance of that work, frequently he came up to my workspace and hung out. He’d read comic books and stay out of the way, introduce me to music he thought I’d like, and offered really smart, incisive criticism of the work I was doing – what was working, what wasn’t.
In the evenings, my bf got home from work and he and Justin would play games or something and I’d make all of us dinner. We’d watch DVDs or go for a beach walk, play a board game, stay up late talking, and then do it all again the next day.
I have some NIGHTMARE stories about living with the woman I was staying with in London while I was Au Pair-ing … Nannie Diaries eat your heart out, seriously. But my new thing that I have been doing for pretty much everyone I meet, let alone people whose houses I stay at, is baking them enormously elaborate cupcakes … sigh I think I’m taking iCiNG way too much on board Gala. Haha.
I once took my friends dogs for a walk while I was staying with her while she was sick, and bizarely, she was highly offended. She took it to mean that I thought her dogs were being mistreated because they never got any excersise. Huh?
Whenever I stay with my cousin I always mate up all the socks that she’s collected in a basket as she detests doing the task. And of course I help take care of her little girls cause I adore them to pieces.
My auntie always says house guests (well, I think she mainly meant family house guests) have the shelf life of a prawn: they start to go off after a few days.
I think having an end-time is often a good call – ie. “I will be staying 2 days/weeks/months” so you both know what you’re in for. Then stick to it.
I’ve both imposed and been imposed upon and my favourite times are when (like right about tonight) a lovely fellow human comes to stay and you gasp for air trying to catch up on the events and emotions that have past since you last saw one another.
Then, like the old saying; you take only memories and leave nothing but footprints (or a nice bottle of wine).
When going to spend a week with my best friend, we always spend it at her parents’ place. Her mother is such an adorable person, and it’s so nice to spend a week in a day with ONLY vegetarian food. They have an enormous sofa to slouch away in (her mother watches films with us!) & it’s so cute to see her mother respond to the little gifts we buy her when we’re they’re. She’s an adorable host, really.
And oh, did I mention that we get to sleep in a giant box spring bed? Oh yes. God yes.
I like to think I am a relatively accomodating host, if someone stays for a LONG time though it’s good advice for them to be able to be independent & think on their own. We once had a guest who just couldn’t go anywhere by herself, spent hours reading and waiting for us to come home from work so we would take her out to where she needed to go (not even fun places!) and expected us to buy all her gourmet food (she wasn’t happy with what we had) from the grocery store… I was like “bugger that!” and then she got upset & threw a tanty. What
Also, remember things like if your Hosts are recyclers or water-wastage-haters, PLEASE PLEASE respect that!!! Recycle! and take the FULL rubbish bag out to the trash bin & replace it .. simple things like that, that you would (or might not?) do at your own abode.
This is a god guide to being a guest. I’m currently travelling around the world which obviously means staying in different peoples houses a lot. My difficulty is the amount of time, I generally end up staying a couple of weeks, and it’s easy to have a falling-out or just get sick of living with someone different for weeks, when it’s not usual.
My only extra advice would be to not read into things too much. So if the host is having a bad day, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are being a bitch, they may be dreading work – make sure you can both TALK to eachother about problems should they arise, so no hurt feelings and miscommunications occur, that’s my problem. I feel unwanted, when really the host has their own life, which doesn’t really involve you, so be respectful.
Oh, and don’t finish their things without at least offering to pay for more, or buying more. If there’s not much milk, and you know your host NEEDS milk with their tea, have your tea black. Simple sacrifices like that are easy to make. Or buy MORE. Simple.
Etiquette is important, yes?
Great post! My best houseguests were my friends Markus and Lisa, who stayed with me when I lived in a crazy 2 story house in central Mexico. All the rooms faced an outdoor central atrium so you had to walk outside even to go to the toilet! Anyway, they arrived and were perfect! Markus cooked dinner almost each night, they took us out for coffee and dessert as well. They went off and did their own thing and didn’t pressure us to take them around our town. They bought groceries and brought amazing things from the US like rice milk and maple syrup!!!
My best houseguest behavior was when I stayed with my friend Erica in her little apartment outside Boston. The place was a wreck – the kitchen was piled with dishes, the bathroom hadn’t been cleaned since she moved in, etc. She had a new boyfriend and I knew the pigsty was no good. While she was at work, I cleaned every room for her, reorganized her living space and redecorated a little bit. When she came home, she got all teary eyed and said she never knew her house could look like that…:)
Aw, I love this!
Your adjectives make your entries so entertaining, lol. :D
I’m always the house guest to bring the booze or little trinkets to place around the house.
I also like to bring extra clothes for my girlfriends to sift through. Nothing like passing a great T shirt with our favorite band on to someone else or a necklace they’ve been admiring since you arrived.
Also, when my boyfriend and I frequent a friend of ours every so often, in the morning when we wake up, we clear off the coffee table (cigarettes, beer bottles, snacks) from the night before, fold all the sheets and blankets, deflate the air mattress and load up the dishwasher. Hosts like their house to look the same or better than it looked before you arrived. Plus it saves them from a morning hungover cleaning. And nobody likes that very much! :D
I love how you pointed out that there are many ways to be useful without just going into a cleaning frenzy. You should certainly clean everything you use, and offer to do the dishes if a friend has made you a fabulous meal, but I have had people come to my house and just go nuts. It made me feel as if they were judging me.
Great article, Gala! I always make sure to keep these tips in mind whenever I stay with anyone because I’d hate to be a burden to my host. :) However, flailing clothes about everywhere when rushing around to get ready to go out somewhere is a crime I commit often in my own home, luckily not someone else’s, lest they’d have my head on a platter! Oops, I should be more mindful of my flatmates in this matter… I think I’m often let off easily for this because my flatmates are very chilled out. ;)
I’ve never had a truly bad houseguest, but there have been two instances where they were both equally bad:
1) When one of my sister’s friends came over to stay, he brought over his best friend too, but she had this really bad habit of soaking the whole bathroom whenever she had a shower. I mean literally, EVERYTHING in the bathroom got wet, from the mirror to the bathroom mats, whenever she took a shower. She didn’t even make an effort to clean up her wet mess at all either. :( Plus it didn’t help that our apartment had bad ventilation either…
2) My boyfriend’s best friend from the country came over on Friday straight after work to stay for the weekend. We arranged for him to crash on my bedroom floor where at the time I was sharing with my sister (this was also before my boyfriend officially moved in). At the time, he worked as a farmhand picking vegetables. Of course doing such hard labour, one sweats, right? That’s natural, it’s also natural to have body odour… unfortunately, this friend of his has this unnaturally pungent smell about him. So as he played cards with my boyf further and further into the night, it got stronger and stronger.
I thought at first he was too shy to ask to use the shower, so I asked him politely (and subtlely hinted) if he would like a towel to wash up. He replied, “No, it’s ok, I’m about to go to bed.” I was horrified. He was going to sleep in MY room in MY clean bedclothes dirty and smelly…
I thought never mind, it’s not THAT strong… but the moment I entered my room after he had gone to sleep a few hours later, the accumulated scent came rushing at me and I felt sick. :( I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to sleep that night, haha! I tried to let it go as I got into bed, thinking he would have a shower in the morning.
He didn’t.
In fact, he didn’t shower for the duration of his whole trip!! Oh my god, thank goodness he only stayed for the weekend… I wouldn’t have minded so much if it was just me and the boyf sharing the bedroom, but I felt so bad for my sister having to smell this strange guy’s BO for 3 days and 2 nights, hahahaha…
I’m sorry that was horrendously long. D: Apart from those 2 incidents, I’ve had some great houseguests who kindly bought me dinner and snacks for allowing me to stay over. :D
* Sorry, I mean for allowing them to stay over… :P
Long hours of procrastination before exams and essays are due have made me a bit of a whizz in the kitchen, so I find making my host nice meals or tasty treats always goes down well {provided you tidy as you go}!
It also a good idea to give your host some space – I once had a guy stay with me who never went anywhere on his own and stuck to me like glue – maybe this wouldn’t have been so bad if he spoke to my friends but he just sat like a wet blanket wherever we went. Not so good! It can be quite claustrophobic – guests! I urge you! Take yourself off for a walk around the city or town you’re in, go to a museum or something, anything just to let your host have a wind down for a bit :)
Ooo I’ve just discovered your blog I think your fabulous :) this site leaves me feeling motivated and positive! I especially liked the charm tips!
Thanks xx
Last Spring my mom, sister and I stayed in California with my mom’s best friend of 25 years. They are practically like sisters, which is why I was so impressed with what a good guest my mom was and insisted that my sister and I were. In thanks for letting us stay and eat their food for a week, she treated their family to a free Disneyland visit (no small fee!). It clearly meant a lot to my mom’s friend, and her two small children had a blast with my sister and I. Favors go a long way!
Very true.
I currently – and have been doing so for over a year or so – am living with my boyfriend’s family. Though I’m here all the time, it’s still not my home so need to abide by these rules. Especially because they feed me and don’t charge me rent! I always try to clean up the kitchen after I use it, or buy some food that I know his parents like (she loves yogurt) and I clean up the hair that falls off of my head when I shower. Nothing’s worse than having his dad have to unblock the shower drain and the reason behind it is this huge hair ball monster.
Being tidy is harder for me then other people, but the most mess I make is in my boyfriend’s room. I have my designated area where I can make my messes (aka huge clothes heap). In the rest of the house I try to keep my things out of the way.
I agree with all above.
I have to try and not make a mess..
and always say thanks for letting you stay there _
Some great bad house guest stories here!
Rose, Zoe and Che, your experiences are terrible!!! But very entertaining to read about :-)
My worst house guest was a guy who stayed with us for about 4 days.
I hid a key to the front door outside for him, so he could come and go as he liked. But even though he knew where the key was, he would knock on the door to be let in. Once at 3 AM!!!
And he would always want to use my laptop to check his email. (And I do hate letting other people use my computer if I’m completely honest). One morning when my boyfriend and I were still asleep, he opened the door to our room, woke me up and asked to use my laptop, which I had to get and hand to him. While I was still in my pyjamas! I was too astonished to say anything, but really should have indicated that it was inappropriate to open people’s bedroom doors without knocking. Especially when they’re still asleep!
He never bought us dinner or helped out with groceries or anything. And after he left (my boyfriend gave him a ride to the airport, about 30 minutes drive away) I went into the guest room and there was rubbish left behind, as well as the foulest pair of smelly, sweaty socks in a plastic bag! Who would leave that behind for their host to deal with?!?? Gross…
Ah, this is so helpful and succinct. I wish you had written it a year ago. I got a shiny new asshole torn for me Sunday night, by some people who apparently hated housing me last summer. I apparently broke a lot of rules and hurt their feelings. They are to blame, too, because they didn’t say anything to me while I was there and just exploded on me after a year, but still. They’ve said I can come again if I am on better behavior, so next time I’ll try to follow your rules. Especially the ‘ask about houserules’ one, that’s the most important one, I think.
I don’t have any houseguest stories of my own to share but have to say I have loved reading the comments on this article (and the actual article which was awesome!). These are so entertaining! I can’t believe how ignorant some house guests can be :)
This is an amazing post. I just wish I could get friends to read it without making it too obvious… I think this extends to when people come over casually for dinner, also. (You know the type of thing where good friends don’t necessarily respond to an invitation but everyone ends up at your house for food). It would be amazing if, after cooking for everyone, they pitched in somehow, and didn’t abuse your home/belongings (taking books out of shelves and leaving them everywhere, using your glasses as ashtrays, etc). I wish people had more manners. I sound like my grandmother but it’s true.
I want to thank you so much, because I am leaving this summer to visit-help-be a nanny- for a cousin of mine, for three months! omg, it’s gonna be a very long stay for me to survive without your article as a hint & reminder.
Referring to the independent guests: Im gonna be at Houston, so I don’t think Im gonna be going out much, since Ive never been there before.
Also, my cousin is sending me plane tickets+ paying me, to nanny at her house. So it’s more like she’s getting me over more than me crashing.
Im thinking I have a lot of questions to ask referring to house rules, kid permissions, how much am I getting payed, days off, responsabilities etc… omg… and I really dont know how to ask about what I “have” to do, and money issues
The fact that so many people have posted about how hard it is to have people over testifiys to the fact other people can be a pain. Even so there is so much positiveity about having house guests as well, I love to hear that although sometimes people can be awfel they can be great too!
I will keep these tips in mind when I visit friends in April and really hope that I get invited back.
Very timely article, I have a houseguest who has been staying with me for 4 weeks whilst she’s working a temporary contract nearby, and is here for another 2 (at least!).
She’s a lovely girl, but it’s the little things that she does and doesn’t do that really wind me up, it takes two seconds to cover sandwich meat in the fridge and dust crumbs off the chopping board into the bin! As for taking the rubbish out, well, it doesn’t do it itself, you know!
She also scowls when I come back late (she likes to be in bed for 10) or make late night phonecalls downstairs, somehow forgetting that it’s my house!
And she was thinking she could stay indefinately whilst her contract is extended… =S
Nice to know there are considerate guests out there, though I think it’ll be a while before I invite anyone else to stay long term. =P
You are invited to stay at my place whenever you want to Miss Darling!
I guess my worst house guest was friend who needed to stay with me for 2 weeks, but after two weeks she was not moving and after 3 weeks I had to politely ask her to leave, to which I got totally quilt tripped for…apparently I was not a good friend for wanting my space back.
insane!
As a rule, I keep my stuff organized and out of the way when I’m staying away from home—which comes pretty naturally, anyway. I also buy groceries and do the dishes for whomever I’m staying with. I consider myself a good house guest and have always been invited back after staying with someone.
This past weekend, my boyfriend and I stayed at a friend’s apartment that we had stayed at dozens of times before. This time, however, my boyfriend drank waaaay too much and ended up falling backward and knocking their porcelain toilet tank into a wall, shattering it. This was especially awful considering they were scheduled to have an inspection on Monday and had been hoping to get their safety deposit back. Needless to say, we spent Sunday replacing their toilet. We’re still invited back to this friend’s house, but I don’t know if we’ll go for a while. It was especially awkward leaving that night.
It’s funny that you suggested flowers as a parting gift, though, because I bought our hostess some orchids as a thank you and an apology. I wish my boyfriend would have read this entry before we went away :(
Whenever I stay at someone else’s house, it’s usually not a problem, because I’m a naturally neat and compact person when I travel (it’s a borderline OCD thing, I can’t stand not having my things under my control). So I don’t really have the “sprawl” problem so much. But one thing I ALWAYS do if I’m staying at someone’s house for more than two or three nights is cook them dinner. I purchase the groceries, cook, and clean up afterwards. I’m quite a good chef, so it’s a really nice way to say thank-you, and it’s something I enjoy doing. Realistically, it’s also a nice way to make MYSELF feel at home (eating something home-cooked always does that)!!!